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WTF News: It's Britney Bish!!
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We changed it up a little and our good friend and wild card Britney joins Glick to crack her head open and take a look inside of her world and y'all better buckle cause it was one wild ride
NETWORK Links: https://bio.link/nonsensicalnetwork
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Transcript
Introduction to 'What the Fuck Wednesday'
00:00:05
Speaker
by may I
00:00:47
Speaker
I've been out here on a mission, just give me ammunition, call
00:01:12
Speaker
Oh, God.
00:02:20
Speaker
Thank you.
00:03:43
Speaker
Breaking down, giving up. Gonna take my air.
00:04:44
Speaker
Make the buttons work! What's going on, everybody? Welcome!
Social Media Engagement
00:04:50
Speaker
This is not What the Fuck News. We're just going call it What the Fuck Wednesday because I do whatever I want around here because I'm the boss.
00:04:58
Speaker
So, ah speaking of which, this is technically Wednesday, so welcome to What the Fuck News right here on the Nonsensible Network. Follow us everywhere. Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok. Show's live Monday through Sunday ah YouTube, Facebook, Twitch,
00:05:11
Speaker
And you can listen anytime, anyplace. All at the Nonsensical Network. Or simply go to bio.link slash nonsensicalnetwork. Thank you, buddy. And all them links are there. So you know the drill.
00:05:22
Speaker
You know the routine.
00:05:26
Speaker
As our boy Blaze said, hit that like or unlike. We don't judge. Smash that subscribe. Flick my bell. Flick clicks bell. And kindly, share us out.
00:05:37
Speaker
Tell your granny about us. Anyways. This is not your normal what the fuck news tonight. Because like I said, I am the boss and I can do whatever the fuck I want around here. and Nobody can tell me anything different. And even even if they do tell me, I won't listen.
00:05:51
Speaker
We were horsing around on Saturday night and I do what I normally do and open mouth, insert foot. So
Introduction of 'Booger' Brittany
00:06:00
Speaker
tonight we have our friend Brittany, bitches, AKA Booger.
00:06:07
Speaker
It's Brittany, baby. What was it? Snorting cocks? Is that what they were calling you on Jedi? Oh, my gosh. I forgot about that. but Yes, snorting cocks.
00:06:21
Speaker
Oh, yeah yes. There you go. Brittany's going to hang out with me tonight. It's Brittany's world tonight, bitches. And and but because I do listen when you i do i do I do listen when you talk, buddy.
00:06:37
Speaker
I kept the curse words out of the title. That way we don't get dinged on the oh yeah sorry to YouTube out. No, just out of the title. um Hashtag the motherfucking boss.
00:06:50
Speaker
you I keep my balls washed. No dog in the building. What's going on with you, brother?
00:07:01
Speaker
Goddamn right we're degenerates, but you're here, you're a degenerate, too. Exactly. Why are you out of glasses? No, where are my other ones? I think down there in that bottom drawer.
00:07:15
Speaker
That's where they've all been. Hit up the chatterbox real quick. Now that we got all the shit talking out of the way. Hey, Big Big Daddy! Shut up, Cameron.
00:07:28
Speaker
There was a kid way back when, when When Cameron and I first started playing Call of Duty, my daughter's looking back at me going, you fucking weirdo. He had a really high voice, and every time he'd come in, he'd go,
00:07:44
Speaker
yeah love that. fact but know cameron loves I think they saw it. Yeah, i think he meant. Johnny Bums in the building. What's going on with you, brother? Johnny Bums!
00:07:58
Speaker
The Booger Bandit.
00:08:01
Speaker
I guess. It's Brittany. right neighbor
00:08:09
Speaker
I'm glad you spelled it right. Thank you. I appreciate that so much. but So read my name and and still spell it wrong. So I'm not going lie to you. I had to go to the group chat because i was like, I've heard her bitch enough about spelling her name right that I am not going to fall victim to fucking it up and having her come in here.
00:08:31
Speaker
Good. I am not a Britanny bitch. Out in my car, there's a micro... There is a green microfiber cross somewhere. Maybe behind the TV.
00:08:45
Speaker
Maybe in the kitchen. But there is one in my car. Fortnights, so we're going to Know like you want the link Jedi
00:09:02
Speaker
um So no idea me maybe I'm a smartass and and yeah, it's very observant very very I Wanted to be nice but I wasn't able to because of health issues. Like, just look at me. but Stop smoking meth.
00:09:23
Speaker
I can't help it, dude. It's like my favorite thing to do. I'm telling you you, got to come up here on Tuesday or Thursday and hang out, man. I make steaks and I sprinkle meth on and we throw punch hookers. It's a hell of a time.
00:09:37
Speaker
Sounds like fun night. I'm in whole time. Yeah. Brittany came up Saturday night like everybody does and hangs out and she was just telling some crazy ass fucking stories and I'm like, and don't have a co-host and I don't know what I'm doing Wednesdays right now.
00:09:55
Speaker
So fuck it. Let's this is let's just crack Brittany's head open and and dive into this hot mess. I'm into it. I'm into it.
00:10:06
Speaker
recommend into it um into it yeah i only meant it I do have a lot of wild stories. I'm not going to lie. I do you have a lot of wild stories.
00:10:17
Speaker
And then Blaze, who never remembers anything, remembers that. And he's like, Monday, yeah what time is this show? And I'm like, and I thought he was talking about last night's show. And I'm like, 8 o'clock Tuesday, like it always is.
00:10:30
Speaker
He's like, Brittany's coming up on Tuesday? I'm like, why are you talking about Brittany's coming up? Because I'm like, what? What? That's my stoner homie, man. That's why. Yes, he is. he right When aren't you high on camera?
00:10:47
Speaker
I don't know. The camera our camera adds six inches. That's why the camera is my friend. Oh, yeah. I have eight and a half.
00:10:59
Speaker
I have long legs, man. I have long limbs in general. You're built like an orangutan. Yeah, i't sure I'm sure. It's okay. I'm built like a silverback.
00:11:10
Speaker
I'm built like a silverback. I'm all torso. I'm all upper body. I lost a lot of weight. Unfortunately, depression and shit. But we're getting back there.
00:11:22
Speaker
We're getting there. Depression is a real thing, girl. Trust me. yeah Trust me. i've been It's been kicking my ass lately. It has been kicking my ass lately. But I'll tell you what I did.
00:11:33
Speaker
Oh, for sure. I believe it. I'll tell you what I did. stopped drinking because that was my go-to. Still not sleeping for shit, but that's just normal life for me. But I started going back to the gym this week, and oh my God.
00:11:48
Speaker
And I'm not allowing myself to take naps throughout the day because I can't sleep at night, but my eyes can sleep all fucking day.
00:11:57
Speaker
I stopped myself from taking a nap today. So I get that for sure. But I am still going to lie. Well, i mean, um I fully, I mean, I'm not just. Not like I was. like Like last Tuesday, last Tuesday, i did the show and I'm like, I'm fucking drinking. Look, fucking, ain't got to do anything tomorrow.
00:12:20
Speaker
I'm just going to keep drinking. And then the next thing I know, I was like, why is the sun out? I look at my phone and it was 10 o'clock. right And I'm like. Exactly. It's the next day. didn't even realize Yeah, Blaze and I had hung out for a couple hours after last Tuesday's show.
00:12:37
Speaker
And it was just like, he got done, and I'm just lollyfucking around here and talking to some friends. And the next thing I know, I'm like, that's weird. Yeah, I woke up from a nap at 8 o'clock, and I thought it was the next morning, but it was still the same night.
00:12:54
Speaker
It was like, oh, my God. I hate when that happened. i did I did that last night. I fell asleep. I was laying down here. What's the problem, Miss Child?
00:13:07
Speaker
can't see it. Hi, Kyle. Are they yours or are they your sister's? um these one won script
00:13:18
Speaker
I don't know. Like I said, are you sure you got yours? Because you and your sister had glasses that looked like it. Are you sure one of hers aren't yours? She got both pair that I bought her?
00:13:30
Speaker
Sure. Did you try them? Yes,
Brittany's Family Dynamics
00:13:33
Speaker
she's wearing the ones that look like these right now. Hey, okay you bitches, go into YouTube and like it. yeah Go like the fucking video, you bitch.
00:13:44
Speaker
Olive oil. Jedi called you olive oil. If you know, you know. It's on YouTube. MoDog apparently found all the... yeah yeah Sorry, I was just talking to my homies and my brothers.
00:14:00
Speaker
MoDog apparently found all the weight you lost, and he says you can gladly have it back. Dude, I have looked it up. You cannot inject fat from another person into another person unless they're, um like, twins, like twin twins.
00:14:19
Speaker
All right. yeah we must yeah We just might as well... start this shit show now you know i've been i've been trying for the last couple days because i don't do impersonations and i don't do voices but i've been trying the last couple days to to nail a dr phil no i feel like you can do it i feel like you could do it you have like that tone yeah no i i've tried and it just and i've even recorded myself and i'm like what a douche so anywho Why were you looking up on the internet? Can you inject fat into another person? Oh, well, I have hyperthyroidism. he
00:14:56
Speaker
um My mother is like basically the same size as me, but whatever. yeah So I get this from her. So I will never be and
00:15:13
Speaker
which i guess school but whatever
00:15:19
Speaker
But yeah, no. I'm skinny because of my mother. Well, it sounds ah like you're skinny because you have a thyroid issue, not because of your mom. Well, well it's her fault.
00:15:30
Speaker
I get it from her, though, dude. I'm not a doctor. i don't study genetics. I'm just throwing this out there. Is the thyroid thing, is that genetic?
00:15:42
Speaker
Or is that... um It's either hyper or hypo. Hypo is when you gain weight. Hyper is when you lose weight. But is that a genetic trait that you can pass down to your kids?
00:15:55
Speaker
Yes. I'm big dummy. I don't know things. I learned it because I was like, what the fuck is happening to me? had to learn to. um had to learn to I had to yeah please clear No.
00:16:11
Speaker
I got a lot of her hand-me-downs. You know, that can go a lot of ways. Hand-me-downs. You got to share them in.
00:16:26
Speaker
but what's more on um no okay so who she's married to right now shared a same jail cell with my father
00:16:40
Speaker
And he got out of jail earlier than my dad did. And my grandparents gave him a place to say, stay. Well, and then my mom cheated on my dad with him and they're still married.
00:16:56
Speaker
He blew up. he also, he was married before my mom. And he blew up. He was in the Marines, too.
00:17:07
Speaker
He blew up his old house with all of his shit in it and his ex-wife's shit in it. With bombs. Is this your mom's career husband? Your stepdad? Yes.
00:17:19
Speaker
He's not my stepdad. Don't even. wow Well, the husband. But yes. She's still to with She's still with him. There's a lot of that going on here.
00:17:33
Speaker
Your mom's husband was in a jail cell with your dad. Yeah. And he got out earlier yeah it And she was sleeping with him while my dad was still in jail for like a couple months.
00:17:46
Speaker
And they're still married till this day He's cheated on her too.
00:17:56
Speaker
he he used to race motorcycles too. That was fun. There's a lot going on in this whole scenario. I know, right? I have a lot in my life, dude. Hey, Brian, why don't you go to hell, you racist piece of shit. I'm not a Wookiee. I'm a Sasquatch.
00:18:13
Speaker
I will fight. You know what? i discovered apparently Apparently, you can buy a bag of dicks, and I am buying, both you and Brian, a bag of dicks.
Tattoos and Free-Spirited Lifestyle
00:18:28
Speaker
There were gummies. Yeah. and buy you and Brian both a bag, and I hope you both choke on
00:18:45
Speaker
There's a lot to undress in that situation or that story. Can I ask why your dad was in jail? because Because I feel like your dad did something way worse compared to the guy who blew his fucking house up and got out early.
00:18:57
Speaker
And you don't have to tell me, but I'm... I don't know what it was that time because thatlin ralf cheese live yeah they're not baseball cards felonies are my baseball cards. And then when I got my DUI eight years ago, they pulled up all my dad's stuff. My dad was pissed.
00:19:22
Speaker
He was so mad. But anyway,
00:19:29
Speaker
I think it was because... Dude, I don't remember. i don't remember. It's something I have to do... guess he's been to jail like a few times.
00:19:41
Speaker
but feel like that's a understatement. I wonder why i am the way I am I'm not really anymore. um is This is my mission tonight is and and for everybody listening.
00:20:00
Speaker
We're all going to never have to ask this question ever again. Why is Brittany the way Brittany is? Well, we're going to solve that mystery tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Well, he quit drinking and doing everything before I was born.
00:20:15
Speaker
um What's going on, Arliss? My older brother, he still messed around, but... yeah this is why i am malaria my grandfather was a pastor too the church was like three houses up at snorty cocks dude screw you man just a sexual ah she just a s sexualual forsee
00:20:49
Speaker
It was like a baby spit my beer out there. yeah That's awesome. I love that.
00:20:57
Speaker
I need to remember that one, please. um Y'all are something else. Oh, yeah. that's That's definitely going to be passed around and in the ah chat a lot.
00:21:10
Speaker
Thanks to Blaze. Blaze is the king of...
00:21:18
Speaker
Smoke brisket, mac and cheese. and oh Yes, please. Give it to me. God damn. want it. i get it keep but I can't keep up with her. I can't keep up with you guys.
00:21:33
Speaker
I don't know what's happening. This is what Wednesdays are going to be now. Yep, we're going rebrand Wednesday. This is going to be the Glick and Brittany show. We're just going to hang out on Wednesday nights. Let's go.
00:21:45
Speaker
Whatever happens. Let's go. ah
00:21:52
Speaker
Man, can you wonder why I'm the way i am? No, I don't.
00:22:00
Speaker
I just love that your mom was like, I'm sleeping with both of you. The one who gets out first is the one I'm going to marry. then she had two other kids. She ran away to Arizona. Yeah.
00:22:12
Speaker
she she ran away to arizona yeah When I was 10 months old, she came by for my first birthday and then dipped out for real.
00:22:26
Speaker
I met her when I was six. You met your mom when you were six? In Arizona. Were you hanging out with your grandparents or you were just chilling? No, she was with the blow up house dude.
00:22:41
Speaker
Her husband.
00:22:44
Speaker
She ran away with him. I've been with some women with red flags in my life, but never have any of them ever blown up a house. Literally blew up the house with bombs.
00:22:55
Speaker
Straight up.
00:22:59
Speaker
I didn't have a food gas. I'm straight up. Yeah, I'm with you, Arliss. I feel like I should have started to drink tonight, but man, I gotta get up in the morning. too. Fine.
00:23:12
Speaker
What's going on, Benji? I'm remodeling house. Helping my dad remodel a house. Nice. So, I mean, at the end of the day, i just feel like if we just throw you in a crate and mail you out to Texas for about a week and you can hang out with Brian, all that weight you lost, you'll gain right back.
00:23:30
Speaker
I'm down. I have a cachet from Texas.
00:23:35
Speaker
That's my Texas tattoo. When I went to visit... Well, she was my best friend, but now she's a cop. It looks like a desert from Arizona. Yeah, I told him, but like, just do some Texas shit. So you did an Arizona desert on your arm?
00:23:57
Speaker
Not very good at geography, Brittany. Whatever, same thing. I don't know much about Texas outside of you know We were in Dallas.
00:24:12
Speaker
and't Are there deserts out there? I'm assuming there's deserts out there in Texas, I would think. i don't know I don't know. Look, I don't If I go to Texas, I'm going to go to one place. I was like, just do some Texas shit.
00:24:25
Speaker
I just want to go to one place if I ever go to Texas. And there's probably not any deserts. I want to go to Galveston, down by the Gulf of Nonsensical Nonsense. Oh, all right.
00:24:37
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, i want to go down to the goal. That would be cool. We should all meet up. I did that with a few of my old gamer buddies that I used to stream with. What?
00:24:54
Speaker
jumping... That's so fucked.
00:24:58
Speaker
oh eagle goes some said illegals jumping wire for offen would be more not so far
00:25:09
Speaker
um I have Yellow Card. and don't know if you know that band. I got that with my best friend from Texas.
00:25:20
Speaker
I drew that. She has the other half. We put it together to Mandela. and Butterfly for my grandma. This was a Guinness World Record.
00:25:31
Speaker
Most tattoos done in a day. and
00:25:37
Speaker
okay, bitch, I'm talking about like multiple people. Like there was a line of people. It was in Philly. It was in Philadelphia. yeah And it was like, it was February and I had layers on. So I was like, dude, just do it right here. Fuck it.
00:25:57
Speaker
Um, and it, it did win the Guinness world record, but it has already been beaten now. So it's like of on my arm. Um, I got this one. i designed this one.
00:26:13
Speaker
i have a wood burning because I do wood burning. But my design has like an outline of it. And then I have oh no struggle, no progress.
00:26:25
Speaker
This shitty ass tattoo. What hell is that? A ghost or a Klansman? It's a ghost. Yeah, i've been trying to fix it. It's from that Texas bitch. um And then I have Britney.
00:26:40
Speaker
but but What? I have a tattoo that says Brit above my knee.
00:26:47
Speaker
I do not have a tramp stamp. Oh, and then my friend did that like years ago. But yeah, Britney, that's my favorite one.
00:26:58
Speaker
Britney. This place is stupid.
00:27:04
Speaker
And then i want to get slapper underneath my other one. Me slapper. I really need to reevaluate my friend circle.
00:27:16
Speaker
And yes, I have legs for days. I, yes, it's the problem. It's hard to find genes.
00:27:26
Speaker
I, I, I have the opposite problem. Oh, Oh, and then I have, I forget about my tattoos. Oh, and then I have my toes done too. I did. Myself. Finger.
00:27:38
Speaker
I don't know. I have a lot. but You were doing one the other night and it kept rubbing off. I was like, I don't think you're doing it right. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That one.
00:27:49
Speaker
I forgot. Oh, and then I went to the Baltimore and Tattoo Convention by myself. Nobody else wanted to go, and I got this one I randomly chose.
00:28:01
Speaker
was like, here, let's do that one. They gave me mushrooms and bought me a beer, got me a hot dog. I'm like, man, this is fun. That's the tattoo parlor want to go to, where everybody's doing mushrooms.
00:28:13
Speaker
That was awesome, man. Have you ever been to a tattoo convention? No, I haven't. I would like to. ah Actually, there's a... Well, they have like huge hundreds of booths. There's a huge music festival up here in Ohio, up in Mansfield, the old reformatory.
00:28:33
Speaker
um And I can never say it. Incarceration. incarceration But it's tattoo and music fest. So they have tattoo artists, like um some of the some of the most popular tattoo artists from around the world, and they have, like, local people, and and there's just booths all over the place.
Rebellious Youth and Church Camp
00:28:54
Speaker
Yeah, and it's ah it's ah four is a four-day music festival, three-day music festival. um But it's pretty big deal. I'll just send me the link to that. I want to go to that. That sounds dope.
00:29:05
Speaker
I would love to go. But, no, I've never been to a – I've just got my arms done right now, so. Eventually. going to find me a sugar mama. That'll, that'll, uh, that's what I need to do. What up ladies? Where's all you rich sugar mamas at?
00:29:24
Speaker
I've been finding some girlfriends lately. Maybe I'll hook you up, man, but they all have kids. That's the problem. I love me a single mom. They're great.
00:29:38
Speaker
i'll be i I'll hook you up, baby. I just want a sugar mama that's going to pay for all my tattoos. and i'm I'm working out in the gym, so I could be ah i could be a i could be a trophy husband or something. my gosh.
00:29:49
Speaker
I'm good with my hands. I can fix things and do things around the house. yeah well, I don't need that, so that's not me.
00:30:01
Speaker
But I'll try to find you something. I have no shame. It is what it is. got a lot of tattoos I want to get done, and they're not cheap. So I got to... I mean, i can design them for you.
00:30:15
Speaker
I still want to see. I have not... So Brittany very multi-talented. She can't... She doesn't know how to do tattoos, obviously, because they kept wiping off. That was just the one because my shorts rubs up against it. Shut up.
00:30:34
Speaker
Bitch. Bitch. I would think, I'll come with you, man. I would imagine like toes and fingers would hurt. Oh, when it goes closer to like the toenail, that's when it fucking hurts, man.
00:30:48
Speaker
But other than that, it's not too bad.
00:30:53
Speaker
It's just the closer to the toenail. That's when it hurts. And then I did the semicolon right there. Closer to your fingernails hurt too. Yeah.
00:31:05
Speaker
I just did a dot right there. And that picture hurt. Why? I don't
00:31:13
Speaker
know. I felt like it Oh, and I have Tourette's. I have Tourette's. So when I was getting this tattoo done, I had a ah tick where my arm like flew.
00:31:27
Speaker
So I have this tattoo there because it ran into the dude's tattoo again.
00:31:35
Speaker
So I got a free tattoo right there. have Like, full on for real, Terrence? It's TBC. It's a lower. It's not like severe.
00:31:48
Speaker
If you get like anxious or worked up or something. Yeah, like there's like some... Me just saying ass right there was... Now that we're bringing it up, it's like fuck ass.
00:32:01
Speaker
um I know what I'm doing next saturday the next Saturday. Brittany comes up. I am triggering the Tourette's. I should have never brought it up. I should have never brought it up.
00:32:12
Speaker
It's usually it's mostly just like movements. Like vocal. Yeah, I have to say it's usually it's it's marly it's um mostly just like ah movement i not ticks like vo yes absolutely
00:32:32
Speaker
this point. but yeah As I've gotten older
00:32:38
Speaker
older, I'll put it right across my belly button like Tupac can't thud my phone. Do it! You won't. No, I won't. Hashtag punctuation tats.
00:32:48
Speaker
Hashtag Tourette's triggers. Thank you. but ahhtagg punctuation tats hashtag tourette's triggers but but thank you
00:33:04
Speaker
that I don't care but yeah, now I got a free tattoo Look at you go
00:33:12
Speaker
no say I have to go back to the doctor To see if it is actually Tourette's Or if it's TBC What's TBC? it's sobercu lucu ah It's... It's like you have small tics. It's like Tourette's, but it's like a lower version.
00:33:35
Speaker
TBC, this bitch crazy. You're not wrong. That's on Tourette's, the new game show. What will they say next? you're not wrong but's on tourette's the new game show and what will they say but Welcome to Wednesday night, our new show, Bets on Tourette's. Thank you, Lazy.
00:33:55
Speaker
Bets on Tourette's? Oh, Booger? It's just what it just it is. It is what it is. She's booger eater. Yeah, no, no.
00:34:10
Speaker
Huh? Did you use that bag of cheese? Yeah, there's another bag in there somewhere. just wanted to see if you used it. Yeah, yeah, I used it. There's another bag in there
00:34:26
Speaker
in there. I started saying booger instead of like bitch or like curse words when I was babysitting. So booger just kind of happened.
00:34:38
Speaker
don't know. So basic basically you turned into a like TBS edit. You ever seen that when you watch like movies on like TBS or TNT or something like that?
00:34:50
Speaker
And they'll be like, mother fudger. Yes. the Son of a sundae. Son of a biscuit eater. Yeah.
00:35:02
Speaker
um Also, like so my family is very religious. And it was a bag of cheese. Like watching my mouth. Dick, your son. Wait, what? You said, Dick, your son just asked for bag of cheese. She's dying.
00:35:17
Speaker
She's dying. i did see it see it see yeah yeah I say that a lot to women. Do you see it? you see it? It's right there. no Do you feel it?
00:35:31
Speaker
Let me get my binoculars. Yeah. oh well Little foofer. Little foofer. Yeah. Little fart. Little foofer.
00:35:43
Speaker
It's just a little foofer. it just a little food It's just a little foof. I don't like really want to hit up those kids that I used to babysit that used to say foofer and just kick their brain.
00:36:02
Speaker
Their parents are so strict. I couldn't couldn't imagine you as a babysitter, especially if the parents are strict. like How strict do they be if they're like,
00:36:18
Speaker
Very sick. Okay, I wasn't always like this, okay?
00:36:25
Speaker
I wasn't always like this. Did you start going to therapy? No, I need to go to therapy. It's overrated. No, just hid it very well.
00:36:38
Speaker
um
00:36:41
Speaker
And then I just gave up and I was like, fuck it. I'm just going to...
00:36:46
Speaker
This is me, dude.
00:36:50
Speaker
Love me I don't fucking care. Yeah. This is me.
00:36:57
Speaker
My older brother, he was very good at hiding his stuff. And i was just like, fuck it. I don't care. I when I was 17, was like, nah, I'm good. Like,
00:37:15
Speaker
Did you leave or did you have to like go through the whole, uh, emancipation process? No, no, no. I graduated. I graduated and i moved down to ocean city, Maryland where my cousins live.
00:37:31
Speaker
And I worked on the beach doing like the umbrellas and the chairs on the beach and shit. Um, and went to church camp in North Carolina.
00:37:44
Speaker
rich crest north carolina just cannot see you going to church oh every year dude i was a youth leader man smoking weed in the again i'm really surprised how many people left you in charge of their children like if they were like crackhead and so they're just like these kids and so they're just like fuck these kids But you're like, yeah, their normal parents are strictly gone. in charge. Oh, yeah, man. I have my girls mud butt, booger butt.
00:38:19
Speaker
ah Yeah. I have them on my butt.
00:38:25
Speaker
I hope these were children and not like adult friends. They were younger. none than they were they were younger i was like seventeen eighteen years old at the time um apart
00:38:43
Speaker
She taught us how to pack a bowl properly. No, I didn't. I didn't do that with them. Only my cousin, Lydia, she locked the door and like kept an eye out because i have stomach issues. So she'd be like, yeah, do it real quick. And I do it out the window. Newsflash.
00:39:01
Speaker
When you blow smoke out the window, everybody still knows what you're doing. I know. I know. I know. Whatever, man. And i was I was the youngest youth leader out of all of the ones from all, because they came from all over all states to North Carolina. um Like, the whole town itself is the campground.
00:39:29
Speaker
And, like, you can go backpacking, laser tag in the woods. Like, it's fucking, like, so many cool shit that you can do in there. It was awesome. But yeah, I was a youth leader.
00:39:45
Speaker
And um all of those girls have kids now.
00:39:51
Speaker
Shocking. but
00:39:55
Speaker
Learned a lot, but you didn't learn about birth control or condoms.
00:40:00
Speaker
Literally all of them. literally all of them I have multiple kids. Except for one of them.
00:40:12
Speaker
Same dads? Different dads? No, no, no. No. Ladies and gentlemen, this is why Brittany should not be left in charge of your children.
00:40:24
Speaker
This was years ago. an adult now. the Kind of. ah Are you sure?
00:40:36
Speaker
Yeah, don't leave. No, I still babysit. I raised my freaking cousins good.
Chaotic Childhood Stories
00:40:42
Speaker
They're all right. Badass bitches. Badass bitches.
00:40:47
Speaker
They can handle their own, yeah. Riley is 12, I think. And Macy is 11. I just... twelve i think and macy is lovingvin
00:41:04
Speaker
just
00:41:07
Speaker
You can make do this all you want.
00:41:13
Speaker
I beat the shit out of their mom, too. Anyways.
00:41:21
Speaker
Okay. She stole my shit. She hopped on me. She started the fight. I finished it. Straight up. Her daughter on my lap. Crying.
00:41:33
Speaker
you oh yeah. I forgot about that one. Oh, I did have inside of my lips tatted, but it rubbed off.
00:41:43
Speaker
I want to get it done again.
00:41:47
Speaker
i I might regret My friend Erica has cunt tattooed her lips. Fucking called it, MoDawg. You fucking called that shit. Mine said bitch.
00:42:03
Speaker
Okay. That's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. It's pretty bitch.
00:42:08
Speaker
Is it though? but
00:42:12
Speaker
I mean, I spell it like her, so... My mom wanted to name me Chanel.
00:42:21
Speaker
That just... Did you change the spelling of your name, or is that how your mom spelled it when you were born? C-R-I-T-N-E-Y? Yeah, no, that's exactly how she spelled it. Like Britney Spears, yeah.
00:42:33
Speaker
Um... She wanted to name me either Fallon or Chanel. So I would either be Fallon Cox or Channel Cox.
00:42:47
Speaker
Basically. Right? I would have gone Fallon all day long. Yeah. Fallon Cox.
00:42:57
Speaker
a Well.
00:43:01
Speaker
Is there anything normal about your life? No, not really. Her mom spelled it B-O-O-G-E-R. Brittany briney just can't read.
00:43:17
Speaker
didn't What is words? What are letters? Words are hard. should play We should play Cards Against Humanity on here sometime.
00:43:30
Speaker
I'd be down to do that, like on a Saturday night or something. yeah Saturday, yeah. We do it on Wednesday night. We can play and have a couple people come up. We've got a bunch of Cards Against Humanity boxes around here.
00:43:44
Speaker
That's such a fun game. and you know you going but you brand it so fun you know what You know what bothers me about playing Cards Against Humanity? but When you play with people that aren't degenerates.
00:43:59
Speaker
Yeah, true. And they're like, i just I just wanted it to make sense. And I'm like, well, you're fucking late. No, that's not the point. Yeah. It's going to be the the most foul fucking disturbing thing that you have in your hand that you have to play. Like, stop being a fucking... Okay, so do you pull a bunch of cards and then you choose which one?
00:44:22
Speaker
Because I forget how to play. We just, like, would choose... You choose a white card and then you choose a black card. Yeah, you have the answer or the question card, which I think is the, I think that the question card is the black card. And then you have like, I think 10 white cards in your hand that you can choose from.
00:44:44
Speaker
Oh, okay. Well, play wrong then. Yeah, then after you play, you're supposed to pick a card up or something. I don't know. I don't think we play right either. We just keep going until we're run out of cards or until.
00:44:55
Speaker
Either way, it's funny. Bored with it. Yeah. and Courtney's son kept wanting to play and he's 11 and we're like dude no this is an adult game sorry you can't play and go back to your switch
00:45:20
Speaker
go back go away go on no no no that's uh I'll tell you what that's an awkward game to play with your kid well my oldest daughter well the thing is she's 20 Yeah, she's 20 now.
00:45:33
Speaker
Well, she should be able to play now. Yeah, it still doesn't i mean it still doesn't make it any less awkward just because she's an adult. Yeah, that is, I guess, kind of weird. but you yeah Yeah, no, no, no. Is there really MoDog?
00:45:50
Speaker
There's an online version of the there's Almost identical to Power Tens Community that everybody on your panel can play along with. We should do that.
00:46:02
Speaker
Someday.
00:46:04
Speaker
You'll have to let me yeah know what that is. with that Yeah, send a link. Put a link in there. that's That's all I spit. It's facts and fire. That's what I do, Jedi.
00:46:15
Speaker
Shut the fuck up. Straight back, straight fire. Because I'm gangsta like that. Whatever, dude. You're never going to have a fact.
00:46:28
Speaker
i you you i You are well on. Sunday? Why Sunday, Blaze? why Yeah, why Sunday? I'm down. I think I'm free on Sunday.
00:46:39
Speaker
The other day Blaze was late. The other day Blaze was late for life, so he might not know what day. He might mean Saturday. I'd be down for Saturday. yeah, he was like, oh, yeah, it is Tuesday. who yeah
00:46:54
Speaker
Friggin' turd. Somebody was talking about another chat yesterday. Yeah, man, that'd be awesome. I'll have to do some little research myself and see if I can if i can find it.
00:47:07
Speaker
That'd be pretty cool if we could figure out how to do that. Either way, I mean, the thing about Fires Against Humanity is, you know, we can we used to play Uno on another platform.
00:47:19
Speaker
Uno! Yeah, we would we would play Uno on there, and we would have a lot of fun doing it. um My family is serious about Uno. We have like 70 people. Have you played the Uno No Mercy?
00:47:33
Speaker
No, i don't think so. Oh my God, it'll ruin relationships because there's like draw 20s you can da so like or something else driving Yeah, so if somebody puts a draw two down and it's your turn and and you're supposed to draw two, if you have a draw two or higher in your hand, you can put it on top of that and it goes to the next person. So if you put another two, then it's four.
00:47:58
Speaker
oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, Uno, No Mercy is... The rules are crazy. Uno, No Mercy, what? My family is serious about it.
00:48:12
Speaker
Eastern Shore, Ocean City, Maryland... We're serious about some fucking in and out, dude. You know she's serious because she had to throw out the whole ass township, county, and name of the town. yeah And state.
00:48:27
Speaker
She's like strip Uno with ex-girlfriend. and Come and find us, bitches.
00:48:34
Speaker
Nobody's coming to Maryland anytime soon. Trust us. There's not much Maryland that's a vacation destination at the end of the day. I have to take you drive on the beach and that cells make you on fire.
00:48:50
Speaker
That sounds like some kind of STD.
00:48:55
Speaker
Your mom sounds like an STD. Sorry. Thanks. My mom's dead. Thanks. Feel good about yourself? why um you fun of it oh making fun of your kids My mom I was months old. Whatever. Fuck you.
00:49:08
Speaker
but she i don't mean like She ran away with the losing my mom's dad did yeah ah ran away with a guy who blew his house up. Yeah.
00:49:20
Speaker
With all of his own shit in the house still too. like yeah I get to see my mom. Actually, I was fighting with my mom today. it's she kept coming underneath this She kept falling out, sliding out from underneath the seat.
00:49:35
Speaker
Dang, shoddy.
00:49:40
Speaker
I don't know if want to know about this. You know what I was? I got my mom's ashes in a Tupperware container under my driver's said seat. all Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.
00:49:50
Speaker
like I thought you were there for that. Yes, I was. I was there for that. But, oh, my gosh. Today, my housemate, Courtney, her son, he's 11. lost his ashes, dad's ashes today. wow no.
00:50:08
Speaker
We were at the school looking for him
00:50:14
Speaker
him. I'm assuming no luck on on finding him. When I asked one of my buddies, he kind of looks like you. He has a beard, massive beard like you do.
00:50:27
Speaker
Not all guys with beards look like the same. That's racist. Yeah, you're right. yeah right that's what that is You're right. You know Rick. You know Rick. We were doing the show. Was it last, not last, the Sunday before.
00:50:42
Speaker
And he was like, oh my God. you he hollered at Peyton, his daughter. was like, come here and tell Glick what you told me yesterday. I guess they were at the store. And she was like, hey dad, that guy looks just like Glick. I was like, seriously? He was like,
00:50:56
Speaker
first and foremost, he was short, fat, and bald. And he was like, he looked nothing like you, bro. She just seen his beard. And I was like, so yeah it's a good thing you're pretty, Peyton.
00:51:12
Speaker
No, I'll send you a picture. He kind of looks like you. No, he doesn't. Let's be real. It's the beard. like me i mean, give us He's going to give us a metal detector, and we're going to go back later. Well, if you lost it at the school, I'd check at Lost and Bound if you haven't already.
00:51:34
Speaker
Well, yeah, that's what I think. A kid probably picked it up or something. I'll check tomorrow.
00:51:41
Speaker
Better never get drunk in the steak, Bob. No, that's not to happen. Blaze did want to my mom, and I was like, okay. and i was like oh Keep your weed ashes.
00:51:52
Speaker
Oh my gosh. No. I'm not going to do that. That's fucked up, man.
00:51:58
Speaker
oh guys no do that that's fuck out man Yeah, blaers Blaze was like the last time he was here. was It was a great weekend, by the way, Blaze. Thanks for coming out.
00:52:10
Speaker
but ah He was like, but can I have some of your mom's ashes? i'm like, why? He's like, cause I want to smoke them. I was like, I don't care, doo-doo. Here you go. you Sprinkle a little bit on there.
00:52:24
Speaker
I mean, that would probably make mom happy at the end of the day. She loved her weed. She was always smoking. She'd probably be happy about it, though, yeah. I hope I win the change. What's going on, James?
00:52:37
Speaker
Shut up, Twaddlewa. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh, snap. Oh, some kid in school probably confused it for cocaine. Maybe that's a good one.
00:52:50
Speaker
Maybe. That's good stuff right there.
00:52:55
Speaker
I was never really into it. I did it when I cleaned houses. But, nah.
00:53:04
Speaker
I smoke weed, bro. Smoke weed every day. weed every Yes, I do. We know.
00:53:16
Speaker
We know. Yesterday, you and Blaze did not make weed sound fun at all. I was so exhausted. I was smoking weed. I was so tired. Blaze and I were like, we were gone.
00:53:33
Speaker
Yeah. public I'm like, this does not sound enjoyable at all. This sounds like a lot of really hard work.
00:53:43
Speaker
It's legal in Maryland. It's legal in Ohio. Yeah, every time Blaze comes up here, he's like, first stop dispensary.
00:53:53
Speaker
scos and mean I have a friend that lives up there. I should go visit him and then I'll stop by. Yeah. Yeah, let us know. Maybe we can get Blaze up here.
00:54:07
Speaker
Yeah, let me have him up. I'm not doing anything. Blaze will show me all his goodies, and then I start asking questions because I don't know anything about it. I'm like, is that good?
00:54:18
Speaker
Bad? Is that strong? Is it weak? All of it's good. What's the prices compared from buying it from the weed man down the road? He's... and Yeah, see, that was a ah big change. Like, when it became legal,
00:54:36
Speaker
but like, my best friend, his mom is actually really my best friend now. My best friend is 52 years old or whatever.
00:54:49
Speaker
She used to be my dealer. Actually, I half expected you to tell me. I half expected to hear that your best friend was some homeless crack guy. around the corner just because your stories just never cease to I'm just like it can't get any better I did not want one okay where's Brittany where is Brittany from and why am I guessing Alabama says Moe Dog that was my first time that's funny my grandfather is from Alabama Alabama Alabama
00:55:28
Speaker
So that's funny that you say that.
Unapologetic Tales
00:55:30
Speaker
But no, I'm from Maryland. Shut the fuck up. Sorry, this is your thing. You're the guest.
00:55:39
Speaker
You're fine. You're fine. Homeboy last night was hot as fuck. this is here saying you're the guest i'm data you're fine yeah fine exactly and couple boy first time of to but
00:55:56
Speaker
here's go say that he's good looking He's a good looking cat. yeah He's a good looking cat. He's a good dude. We had a lot of fun, man. ah I think that's going to open the door for a lot of things for the network, ah potentially for Blaze. Blaze, you yeah I don't know if you heard it last night or if you caught it, but he's got another movie that he just finished. And once he finds out all the details on it, he said he'd love to do the watch party again with us.
00:56:23
Speaker
And this movie sounds like it's going to be really good, too. I've always been into acting as well, so I kind of wanted to like hit him up, sort of, about like maybe dipping my toes and into that type of thing.
00:56:38
Speaker
I'm going to be in the sequel of Daylight to Dark. Are you? yeah um That's That's the joke we're having. I say that. I say it's a joke, but i I say a lot of things as a joke, and then it actually happens, and then I'm like, you know, like, Arla. Like, here we are right now.
00:56:55
Speaker
Well, yeah, like Arliss and the Southern Outlaws, I'd make a joke one night, hey, if you guys need an emcee, guess who's getting a phone call two weeks later? And then a month later, standing on stage looking like an asshole because I'm emceeing a show.
00:57:07
Speaker
And then it's little Saturday. That would be so cool. Not when you have fear of public speaking. Not when you have a fear of public speaking. I had a lot of fun, though. I can't remember my fear. You have a fear of public speaking, but you have ah podcast.
00:57:21
Speaker
Yeah. You make that sound. It's, it's, yeah, no, it makes perfect sense. It's so much different because I know people are watching, but I can't see them looking back at me. You know what I mean? True. I mean, I guess I get that.
00:57:33
Speaker
But no, I did it. I got over, I got over my fear and I got up there and I emceed the fuck out of that show and, uh, had a lot of fun. And then, you know, I, I, I made a joke and now it's happening. And, uh,
00:57:47
Speaker
you know we We were joking a couple weeks ago about them making a sequel to Daylight to Dark, and I said, hell yeah, and I want to come back because I've got to avenge my girl because you son of a bitch did her wrong. So it's about how we opened the show last night. My arch nemesis, Jonah ah Van Helsing, over here. And joked about it last night, too, we because cause we said the final fight scene was going to be a pillow fight. Yeah.
00:58:15
Speaker
Oh my gosh, that would be awesome. Actually, had church camp when I had a pillow fight. this This one time at church camp? This one time at church camp.
00:58:28
Speaker
Yeah, like it was like the girls' cabins and the guys' cabins. And like we would play pranks on each other. And like I set up a whole like pillow fight thing at the basketball court one night.
00:58:45
Speaker
I've seen this movie. I know how this ends.
00:58:50
Speaker
I lost my
00:58:58
Speaker
I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. You know, there's a part of me that knows you're joking, but there's also a part of me that would not be surprised in any way, shape, or form. but Yeah, no. I wish it was true.
00:59:09
Speaker
Kind of.
00:59:13
Speaker
No, no, no. I was very prude until I was 16. Happened one time. Smoked mad blunts. so We smoked mad blunts.
00:59:26
Speaker
I was going to say we had something in common. was going to say we had something in common because lost my virginity at church camp too. Pastor Bob was a generous lover. I wasn't at church camp. No, no. wasn't church camp.
00:59:40
Speaker
My dad, you who rides motorcycl he his motorcycle. You should never start the story of how you lost your virginity with my dad.
00:59:51
Speaker
Just throw that out there but future ah for Okay, well, no. So he was a single father, right, of me and my older brother.
01:00:02
Speaker
And he would randomly leave on his motorcycle, just go on random trips to like Outer Banks. wherever the fuck he wanted to leave us $200 each on the table underneath the TV and be like, I'll be back.
01:00:18
Speaker
How old were you guys?
01:00:22
Speaker
ah Uh, which time?
01:00:29
Speaker
which weird i thought I was probably like 15 and then he was like 18. Okay, so's so that's not terrible. Yeah, were good. you guys You guys could take care of yourselves and you were self-sufficient.
01:00:44
Speaker
Yeah, it's not like you were like six and eight. He was like, deuces, fuckers. There's some money on the counter. Well, he did do that before, too. but um and He did do that before.
01:00:57
Speaker
Moe Dogg ma'am, that's called abandonment. a Whatever. My mom did it first. Whatever. So yeah know so he invited his girlfriend over and I invited my boyfriend over.
01:01:16
Speaker
and we had like a key word. If we were doing anything, it would be smoke two joints. like if we were yeah you You and your dad?
01:01:26
Speaker
Or you and your brother? no my brother my brother. This is such a weird story. I don't know who's having such a weird thing. His girlfriend was on her period, though, so he didn't get lucky.
01:01:38
Speaker
Shark Week 4, get out of here. Yeah. There ain't nothing wrong. And then some chick told me, my brother sucks in bed. I'm like, I don't want to fucking know that.
01:01:50
Speaker
I know.
01:01:52
Speaker
Ew, shut up! That's how you're not responding, I'm just saying. hello I was like, can you not talk about this? but Like, I don't want to know. There's but nothing wrong with a little jelly in the donut.
01:02:11
Speaker
You can still get get your freak off. right north But then I didn't have sex until I was 18 after that.
01:02:20
Speaker
So I was a little bit prude, but not really prude. You wasn't a full-on whore, but... I wasn't a full-on wow But you were... You were a little loose with the rules.
01:02:35
Speaker
I mean, it's a tourist town, so... You know... One of them that is just died from ah like ah like elect... Like, he got struck by lightning.
01:02:51
Speaker
One of them that I slept with at church camp. He got struck by lightning. He's dead now. yeah That's God. That's God punishing. That's what you get. You hear that? Don't have sex with Brittany. You'll get struck lightning. Any of you guys out there listening that had any thoughts, just know you'll get struck by lightning if you have sex Brittany. It's exhilarating.
01:03:17
Speaker
You'll be cast us down with great vengeance. jo
01:03:25
Speaker
and she had her horse ways sometimes but it was a tourist town so it doesn't really count exactly what he said smited he was smited okay r.i.p
01:03:38
Speaker
mighty he was smited she was right
01:03:45
Speaker
but guy our ip Wow. a me He had a nice member.
01:03:59
Speaker
and It's funny, though, because my dad went to church camp with his dad also back in the day. This doesn't sound like um ah church camp at all. This just sounds like...
01:04:11
Speaker
like like one of them weird hedonistic sex colonies. I went to two different ones.
01:04:21
Speaker
The first one I went to, yes. Sounds like that. Sounds like that, yes. But the one in North Carolina was actually fucking dope.
01:04:35
Speaker
Wow. I gotta pee.
01:04:41
Speaker
gotta pee. I gotta piddle. I'll be right back, yeah? She's got she's got a fiddle and she's got a foof.
01:04:49
Speaker
Piddle foof time. I'll be right back. Smite light. Everything will be all alright.
01:04:58
Speaker
the
01:05:06
Speaker
Guys, I can't make this shit up. this This is the the adventures of Brittany, man.
01:05:16
Speaker
Wow. You're welcome, people. You are welcome. I am a mad scientist over here. I'm a mad genius.
01:05:29
Speaker
I don't even know what to say. Because around every corner is a new adventure. And I'm not mad at it. She's awesome.
01:05:40
Speaker
Let me fix my chair. Wee!
01:05:48
Speaker
I'm pressing charge. For what?
01:05:53
Speaker
Nobody's forcing you to be here. This needs to be a weekly. I'm thinking, i'm thinking yeah, weekly stories with Brittany. Oh, my God. And I ain't even mad at her not give a fuck attitude. She's just like, yeah.
01:06:10
Speaker
It is, but it is.
01:06:15
Speaker
like
01:06:19
Speaker
Yeah, let's go, bitches. good Let's go, bitches. It's really rich. yeah Outside of all the crazy-ass stories, you're actually you're actually pretty pretty talented. You do, like, art and all that kind of shit.
01:06:38
Speaker
Oh, yeah, I'm damn good. ask you that's that's That's like me calling myself the champ. You know that, right? No, it's not. has just because it's...
01:06:52
Speaker
You're from Baltimore, Maryland. You're not better than me. I'm not from Baltimore. I'm from Frederick, Maryland. Fredneck, Maryland. Get it right. You're from Maryland. You're not better than me. I don't care.
01:07:05
Speaker
That's your flaps. and That speaks volumes because I'm in i'm in North Florida. and so Oh. Ew. Well, that's what we call Ohio.
01:07:16
Speaker
It's either North Florida or Southern in Ohio. Whatever you want to call it. no you are talented i love you glick do what i can time for britney's hoedown oh i can do a hoedown let's go hold on and click down what uh i don't know what that means but britney i don't how ability
01:07:45
Speaker
i am not I am not getting struck down by lightning. I will not be smitten or smited or smitened or however you want to say it. No, you're not going to hurt my feelings.
01:07:56
Speaker
I don't want to get struck by lightning. It's nothing personal. just don't want to get struck by lightning. Oh, yeah, he's dead.
01:08:05
Speaker
ah yeah he's dead Yeah, and like I like living. I like breathing. I like not being electrocuted. You know? Yeah, when I found that out, it was like, oh, yeah, this was crazy.
01:08:20
Speaker
I slept with a dead dude. Well, I guess he wasn't dead at the moment, but... but we've really gotta We've really got to work on your storytelling abilities. I mean... Yeah, you're right.
01:08:35
Speaker
yeah you're right yeah
01:08:39
Speaker
lost my virginity so my dad wait what hold on a second hold on a damn minute i've seen this movie too i'm not good at telling stories i'm sorry adhd i'm like ad i'm like hoping that When the pussy smites you, it might be time for a little restraint.
01:09:04
Speaker
What is that? Celibate? I think it's high time to go celibate. No, ma'am. Keep that thing away from me. I've heard stories.
01:09:18
Speaker
I don't want to say too much because I don't know who's listening right now. Well... but well
01:09:26
Speaker
I think I've already said a lot. but I was going to say, at this at this point in time, there's there's no turning back. <unk>ve already We've already entered they entered this.
01:09:39
Speaker
you know I'm trying to think of a word that's not going to sound dirty. and Yes. Make it dirty.
01:09:47
Speaker
Well, what's going on with you, homie? What's up, man? What's going on, V?
01:09:53
Speaker
Too late. Yeah, right? The power of the cunt compels you.
01:10:01
Speaker
Yeah, boy. I'm all right with that. So do you have any of your or any of your art running your pictures that, if you want to show, ah you said you're going design tattoos for me. I got to see what I'm working with here. yeah Yeah. I swear to God, if she pulls up a notebook with stick figures in it, I'm ending the show.
01:10:23
Speaker
And I'm going to go throw myself off a roof with something. No, I don't have any my stuff with me right now. I'm still living in here. Alright, we'll get that another time. Let me just put up a ah portrait that I've done on my Instagram.
01:10:42
Speaker
portrait? Yeah, because I do mostly like realistic art.
01:10:51
Speaker
No, you probably can't see it. Alright, I'm going to send it to you.
01:10:57
Speaker
you i can I can draw you and make it look exactly like you or better. and I showed you that picture that that one of my one of my friends did for me. Yeah, that was... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:11:09
Speaker
That one was good. Saturday night.
01:11:14
Speaker
Entered... Yeah, entered this room. don't know, Sorry. I'm just a bitch. <unk> sorry i'm just a bitch Britney up the reverse cowgirl with the elusive crucifix crunch. Jesus Christ.
01:11:30
Speaker
Britney up the reverse cowgirl with the elusive crucifix crunch. Amen. Amen. Hallelujah. That's fucked up. I'm going to hell, man. Don't worry. I'm driving the bus. It'll be fun. Cool. know yeah
01:11:46
Speaker
oh that's fuck that i'm going to hell man well so or i'm driving the bus it'll be fun thank cool
01:11:57
Speaker
Gosh, how do I share it? I just can't. It sucks with the guy at church camp. Then he got struck by lightning. Oh, and then there's other dudes. Maybe that should have been us.
01:12:11
Speaker
I was like... What? Yeah, there was a student that asked me to suck his dick at church camp, and my other friend took her milkshake and recorded on her phone.
01:12:21
Speaker
I mean, I would have told him to go talk to the other guy who I just batting. I mean, well, if he was still alive, you could talk to him, but... I don't know. That guy, that was a different church camp.
01:12:33
Speaker
There's a lot. there's i look yeah I'm trying to keep up. I christened my aunt's car with him. We fucked in my aunt's car and my ass was like hitting the horn.
01:12:50
Speaker
um
01:12:58
Speaker
In the middle of the night we woke everyone up.
01:13:04
Speaker
No shame. You have no shame in your lady. None. don't give fuck, dude.
01:13:12
Speaker
No. I don't care. That was years ago.
01:13:20
Speaker
Yeah, i'm I'm better now. No. No.
01:13:27
Speaker
anybody i I was engaged for like three and a half years. So so ah parents out there, any of you having any crazy ideas of leaving your children with, uh, with this one?
01:13:42
Speaker
Somebody might want to have, uh, CPS. Somebody come get her. She's dancing like a stripper. You just got to give her another minute. Give her another minute. She's going to come up with another doozy.
01:13:59
Speaker
That's just me, man. I'm not that easy. I'm not saying that you're easy. i don't think anybody's saying you're easy. I know I'm not easy.
01:14:10
Speaker
And I'm not judging you. More power to you, man. but's your That's your sexual freedom. That's your body, your choice.
01:14:19
Speaker
I take care of my coder.
01:14:24
Speaker
That's good to, like, you know what? I've never had a UCI or any sex things. She's been clean.
01:14:38
Speaker
all right, shut up, Brittany. That's right. no your Your town sounds like a sexually transmitted disease. Astaduck? What was it called? little sad Astaduck or something?
01:14:53
Speaker
No. Sounds like some weird sexual physician. Astaduck? Oh, are you talking about Assateague? Oh, yeah, Assateague. That's the beach that we would go to.
01:15:05
Speaker
Is that the tourist town? I take care of my cooter. I do take care of my cooter. Brittany, I take care of my cooter booger. That's going to be her headline when she comes up on Saturday.
01:15:18
Speaker
I take care of my cooter. I take care of my cooter. I do. I didn't have a mom, but I figured it out because of Google.
01:15:31
Speaker
What? Google taught me how to take care of my cooter.
01:15:38
Speaker
Brittany, how old are you, if you don't mind me asking? I'm 31. Oh, Jesus Christ, you're just a fucking baby.
01:15:48
Speaker
A baby? I'm old as fuck. Thanks. i'm um almost five four yeah like I'm almost almost 44. You're like, I'm old as fuck. Oh, my ex-fiance is about to be 44.
01:16:02
Speaker
What in the actual fuck? You should... what but how did how do you what do you What are you putting into Google? but you How do you take care of your cooter?
01:16:13
Speaker
but Hey Siri, how do I take care of my cooter? I never had Apple, so no. I don't want my cooter to be funky. I don't know, but I've been clean my whole life. I've taken care of my shit.
01:16:28
Speaker
So, who needs a mom? God damn! Careful, my dog. She likes them old. You both can shut the fuck up. Just
01:16:41
Speaker
turned 60. Dang, dude. You don't look a day you over 35, young man. Yeah. Nice. Dude, we used to do that all the time at the early stages of nonsensical nonsense.
01:16:55
Speaker
Jeff and I figured out that we could set off Alexas and Siri. What? so
01:17:05
Speaker
We got yelled at one time during the live show because I was like, hey, Alexa, order box of 12-foot dildos. And they're like, yo, my Alexa's going on.
01:17:18
Speaker
You didn't order it for me, rude. I mean, do you want a box of 12-foot dildos? Maybe just one. I mean, the whole thing won't.
01:17:31
Speaker
when's your When's your birthday? I will gladly order you a... Tomorrow.
01:17:37
Speaker
I will see what I can do. I can get a rush to put it in. No, kidding. My dad found my... Why am I talking about this?
01:17:48
Speaker
but um You should have a dragon tail. No, I had like a little like vibrator thing that was like this big. and It had like a remote thing that somebody could like turn it on and off.
01:18:00
Speaker
have Date night. Yeah, I did a bowling one night well with my ex. It's fun. It's a good time.
01:18:11
Speaker
But my dad found it, I think, and he threw it away.
01:18:16
Speaker
Oh my gosh, you used it one time, Mitch!
01:18:21
Speaker
You don't have to be shy about though about sex toys. My ex-wife used to self-hear romance. I'm not shy about shit. so There's actually, unfortunately, there's pictures floating around on the internet from when I used to do Periscope because there was like totes of dildos behind me and somebody asked me one time they're like i'm live streaming like what aren't all those totes up there like and i was like fucking dildos They didn't believe me. They're like, no that no, it's not. Seriously, what's in there?
01:18:49
Speaker
I'm like, it's fucking dildos. So I've got these. show I'm live streaming on Periscope one night, and I've got dildos flopping around. Just flying everywhere. I've got them stuck on my pool table.
01:19:03
Speaker
I forgot. I did have, I had a a golden vibrator because I'm golden. Because you take care your cooter. ah Yeah.
01:19:14
Speaker
The golden cooter. It wasn't, it wasn't, really nice i didn't like it um but my cousin stole it that's weird yeah gross gross
01:19:30
Speaker
ah like yeah i only used it once but still that's fucking weird blaze took my anyways i believe that it all about but but life He asked if they were used. I was like, yeah. He's like, do you mind if I take them? He's kidding.
01:19:53
Speaker
Yes, let's Golden cooter. Does she have a plaque pla black on her wall like i should go on I should get one.
01:20:08
Speaker
I should get one. I can have you a belt made. It says... That would be so fucking cool. Second sex toys. Ew. Second hand sex toys.
01:20:21
Speaker
Ew, gross. but I mean, yeah ah they can be They sold pocket pussy from my other cousin, too. You got to be family members.
01:20:34
Speaker
Yeah, I have an adopted cousin from Mexico. Did they know what they were? yes Dalton and Luis. They're younger than me. They're probably like... How old am I?
01:20:47
Speaker
31. They're probably like 28. Dalton does not sound like he's from Mexico. No, no, no. Dalton's a white boy, butch and blue-eyed, blonde-haired boy, fuckhead.
01:21:02
Speaker
Yeah. He's a fuckboy. Oh, yeah. He's a fuckboy. But fuck you, Dalton. But no.
01:21:12
Speaker
um know like don't record that I only know one Dalton in my life and that was for fucking Roadhouse, man. He was cool. Yeah, no, don't get me wrong. He's my cousin. I love him, but he used to be a fuck boy. He's been staying with this chick for the past like couple years though and taking care of her kids. So whatever. He's come a long way stealing my dildo. So
01:21:41
Speaker
so Okay, that du just makes it even weirder that it was a male cousin who stole your dildo. Yeah, right? well
01:21:56
Speaker
He also got caught with a pocket pussy that he sold for my other cousin in the shower.
01:22:05
Speaker
Male sex toys are so weird to me.
01:22:09
Speaker
my hand over research cross We lived across the street from Red Light District.
01:22:17
Speaker
You lived across the street from the Red Light District. You don't have to get toys. I mean, there's people out there that you can go buy. Yes, you do. It's the Red Light District. You can go buy people. There's people that you can buy?
01:22:28
Speaker
Red Light District? Yeah. That's like where all the hookers and stuff are. Yeah, you're you're purchasing their cervixes. Or their cervixes. Cervixes.
01:22:40
Speaker
You could have out there and taught some of them how to take care of their cooters. what Probably, but I told you, I keep my shit clean, so no thank you.
01:22:51
Speaker
but but Yeah, you know she would wear that on town. The golden cooter championship. Oh, if it was like a strap on? Maybe. I mean, we can get that attachment on the belt for you if you'd like.
01:23:04
Speaker
You're going to pay me? Pay you what? if there's money involved If there's money involved, I'll do it straight up. please Play the woman.
01:23:17
Speaker
I'm scared. Dalton was was a hard up young man. He was a... He was... Dill, no. Dill, no, he didn't. That's a good one.
01:23:34
Speaker
um that's a good But yeah, no, if y'all pay me, I will walk around and whatever.
01:23:45
Speaker
um lady. Thanks, Karen. I need you to, there's a little thing between your brain and your mouth and it's called a filter.
Candid Humor and Resilience
01:23:53
Speaker
And I'm going to need you to to put that in the repair shop and get it fixed because you're going to start writing checks that your butt can't carry.
01:24:05
Speaker
I don't know. Okay. said she Yeah, maybe. make heard though Yeah, Brittany took it all. I was going to get her in. WWE style championship. I'll walk around with a strap on. I don't care.
01:24:18
Speaker
Let's do it. Golden cooter champion. And then she's like, can throw a strap on. I'll ask anybody around. I'll be like, who's next?
01:24:34
Speaker
Brittany, that makes you a such sexual predator. You're going end up on a list. It is what it is, man. Who wants this big dick?
01:24:45
Speaker
you yeah They can say no. but They can say no. bringing a free freak thanks together ah yeah yeah you're like I feel like when we get done tonight, I'm going to have to go take a shower and go to church.
01:25:07
Speaker
um well I don't want to go to your church. I don't want to go to your church. Oh, I'll get in. There's a big old sex party. It depends on which church we go to.
01:25:20
Speaker
language her be good here I don't know. I have a ah few different churches. I haven't been to church in a This is where I go to get God in my life. This is where I go to get... This is where I go to smoke a bowl. Brittany's book. Brittany's book, Hoism's 101.
01:25:37
Speaker
Yeah. Fuck you, dude. I don't know. bri's book hellism's one always one hour words but yeah ah one but fuck you
01:25:53
Speaker
But you're not wrong. why i Walk out of church, Brittany standing on the sidewalk with a championship belt and a giant delto strapped to it going, who wants it? Who's going to take this dick? Flopping it all around.
01:26:05
Speaker
Hell yeah. Maryland's a strange place, my people, my friends.
01:26:15
Speaker
I'm okay with it. I don't care. I own it. i yeah I like to think of myself as a degenerate, maybe a little bit of a heathen. Yeah, he then, I feel like, is better than Degenerate, in my opinion.
01:26:30
Speaker
For me or you? um Me. I'm sure we could come with some words. I'm sure we could come up with some words for you. not not ah Not in a mean way. Just all out of love. Just to have fun.
01:26:44
Speaker
but My feelings don't get hurt, so you're good, dude. but Trust me, we know. you roll you you That's why we love you. we all we We all love you and because you roll just right along with everything. and you just If we fuck with you you, you fuck with us right back.
01:26:59
Speaker
No hesitation. Amen. Back camp. So anyway, this other time at church camp. Hallelujah.
01:27:12
Speaker
He was trying to meet me at the prayer garden. He was giving him blowjob. I'm like, now I'm good. I mean, I'm not saying you were giving out blowjobs in the prayer garden, but... Somebody else said you took my place.
01:27:26
Speaker
I was going to say blowjobs in the prayer garden does not seem that far-fetched. This is horrendous. Not very good Christian folk.
01:27:35
Speaker
There was a place in the Bible called Sodom and Gomorrah that was completely destroyed for there their ways. What? I'm not judging. Y'all want to get your freak flag and let it fly.
01:27:46
Speaker
I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I mean, you got a guy smited. yeah oh man. Oh, by a man. amen. Prayers got answered that day.
01:28:02
Speaker
No, they didn't.
01:28:04
Speaker
or and prayers got no they do I am not judging the... didn't do anything. am not judging the sex all. Oh, but there was another guy.
01:28:18
Speaker
shit. Oh, Lord have mercy. What up, why?
Near-Miss Incident at Camp
01:28:23
Speaker
way ah went backpacking. ah We hiked up the mountain 3.5 miles and camped out on the top of the mountain.
01:28:37
Speaker
There was a guy that I kind of fooled around with it, but not too serious. And then he fell off the mountain. yeah Well, no, one ah one of the youth leaders was like, you guys need to not be next to each other.
01:28:58
Speaker
yeah he was trying to put cock block. Yeah, for real, twat block. Yeah, twat block and cock block and uncalled for, flag on play, 15-yard penalty.
01:29:09
Speaker
flag on the play That guy should have got thrown off the mountain. Yeah, for sure. Should like taken off his glasses and stomped on him. yeah That unsoddy. He wouldn't be able to see anything.
01:29:27
Speaker
Throw him off the mountain. No, actually, I'm kind of glad that nothing happened that guy. He was from Alabama. Oh, yeah, nothing was going happen with that guy. You weren't his sister.
01:29:41
Speaker
but Seriously. Real time. Real time. Real time. My grandpa's from Alabama. Oh, well.
Grandfather's Success Story
01:29:54
Speaker
He stepped out of the family. It sounds like he was cast out for some reason. What's the matter with you, boy? You don't want to have sex with your sister?
01:30:06
Speaker
She ain't pretty enough? Get out here, you son of bitch. on now, get it. Go up north them Yankees. It wasn't like that. They were just poor. They all lived in like a dirt floor house, one room place.
01:30:22
Speaker
And then my grandpa became insurance person. president of something and became rich we because of it. Excuse me. President of something.
01:30:34
Speaker
President of the sex church. Some insurance. but No, he never took any that or my medicine money from the church. He never took any of the money from the church. He always donated it old homes, old people homes or shit like that. He never took any money from the church.
01:30:55
Speaker
and brity his Which I respect him for that. Brittany gets old and ends up in an old folks home. It's going to be orgies all the time. Actually, they're already like that. Dude, old people are fucking like crazy.
Surprising Retirement Home Stories
01:31:06
Speaker
They do. you in and and And retirement homes. and They are spread more through old folks homes. All them sons of bitches got some bunch of dirty old freaks.
01:31:17
Speaker
Oh my gosh. So my friend worked at Pizza Hut, right? And their friend was like an EMC, like an ambulance person, whatever. Yeah.
01:31:32
Speaker
This lady had had and a heart attack or something like that. And so, you know, like when they go in to check on the people, when they get called, they like have to cut off their clothes.
01:31:47
Speaker
Mm-hmm. they cut off her clothes and there were like hundreds of crabs just like jumping off her pubes, bro. And she's like 80 something years old.
01:32:02
Speaker
Gross. course Spray it with beef. Yeah. so Yeah, that's what they did. Not bleach, but they started spraying her down with shit.
01:32:16
Speaker
Stuff crust always wins. But they could literally see the crabs jumping off of it. That's foul. But I mean, they're old and ain't got nothing else going on in their lives. Fuck it. What?
01:32:29
Speaker
How can they deal with that?
The Villages in Florida
01:32:32
Speaker
There's a place down in and in Florida. It's called The Villages. And it's retirement community. And they drive around with their little golf carts and shit.
01:32:40
Speaker
And they have cool needles. Different colors mean different things. Like blue means... grannies into like DP and shit like that or you know green means double penetration yeah i don't know if that's what blue means but it's stuff like that each color of the political represents what that person or that couple is into so yeah and it's it's ah it's not important it's called the villages it's a it's a retirement community but they're just if there's any place ah where that would be it's Florida hmm
01:33:16
Speaker
but first I'm retiring. Fuck you, dude. i you Golden scooter and go to Florida.
01:33:27
Speaker
No. My best friend that's like 52 or whatever, she's about to move back up here to Maryland. So, nah. Fuck Florida. That's and terrible. Whole new meaning go into the case.
01:33:43
Speaker
Oh, my God. boom Oh my gosh. Can't wait to see Granny. Her crabs are delicious.
01:33:55
Speaker
I'm not a fan.
01:33:59
Speaker
I'm not a fan. Hey, don't knock it until you try it.
01:34:06
Speaker
um not a fan
01:34:10
Speaker
oh hey don't knock it into you
01:34:16
Speaker
ah I need to smoke some more.
01:34:22
Speaker
I should have drank for this. like i just I didn't know what to expect from tonight. Next time I'll be prepared. And I'm going to like, yep, going to break fucking keg and tap an IV right into my arm through the keg. It's Brittany Booch. Yeah.
01:34:38
Speaker
but as bernieny bits yeah yeah ah So Wednesdays are going to be Brittany nights? Man, that's what the people want. That's what the people get.
01:34:52
Speaker
That's what the people want. i'm I'm a generous god. I like to give. I've been known to dabble. Oh, my lanta. No, it's been fun.
01:35:06
Speaker
um been known to dabble fifty
01:35:10
Speaker
oh my lata no it's been fun what I, I, that's why I texted you or messaged you earlier. was like, what the fuck are we even going to talk about? Like, I had no idea.
01:35:24
Speaker
I had, I had absolutely no idea whatsoever.
Family Antics and Misadventures
01:35:30
Speaker
I was just like, fuck it. We're just find that picture of my grandpa's old airplane that my uncle used to fly around when he was drinking.
01:35:42
Speaker
Yeah. Is this that, yeah. You were telling us about that Saturday. Like, flying go get drunk i want to get a yeah I want to get a tattoo of the Polaroid on me.
01:35:54
Speaker
Of his airplane. Playing upside down. Playing in the field. Sure, why not?
01:36:00
Speaker
With a beer can in the background. yeah yeah charlie there almost Uncle Charlie is flying the plane. Uncle Brian.
01:36:13
Speaker
Anthony Brian Cox. He was lying, Brian, flying, Brian. Flying, Brian, drunk again. He's out there flying the plane. You know how to tell when Uncle b Brian's drunk. He's flying the plane.
01:36:26
Speaker
Yeah. Y'all really do sound like some backwoods My Uncle Brian convinced my dad to climb up a tree with a bicycle and an umbrella.
01:36:42
Speaker
And he was like, oh, yeah, you'll just float down. it was before church. and And broke his leg. because hold i Hold on a damn second. Hold on just one second.
01:36:56
Speaker
but dogs Have a great night. I had i gotta get it. I got i gotta digest this. Hold on a second. Have a good night, brother.
01:37:07
Speaker
ah Wait a minute. So Brian convinced... Yeah, my uncle Brian convinced my dad to take a bicycle and an umbrella up in a tree.
01:37:20
Speaker
and he said he would float down. Before church. Who in their right fucking mind going to climb a tree with their with a bicycle in their hand?
01:37:35
Speaker
And how awkward was that? i I mean, he was young.
01:37:42
Speaker
What bright man your dad was he?
01:37:45
Speaker
Nah.
01:37:49
Speaker
I mean, he's kind of smart. But no, he wasn't. Climb a tree with a bicycle and an umbrella. Yeah.
01:38:01
Speaker
And he's like, oh yeah, I'm going to float down just fine. How was he?
01:38:07
Speaker
I think like 12, 11, 12. twelve eleven know better. Yeah, so i he was very young. But old enough to know better. Yeah. Actually, I don't know what age, to be honest.
01:38:20
Speaker
shit I never met uncle because he passed away before i was even born. e Do you know what I am thinking? No.
01:38:34
Speaker
Actually, Surprisingly. Surprisingly. I can do tricks in this aeroplane. Watch this. here little ah Yeah, he was landing the airplane one time and the wheel hit the roof of the house and broke it and broke the wheel. house or the ah the wheel Both.
01:38:55
Speaker
The wheel and the house.
01:38:59
Speaker
And my grandpa saw like the six pack of beer in the airplane was like, yeah whatever. don't think anything of it like yeah
01:39:11
Speaker
first and foremost if i had a plane and my drunk ass son was out flying it and clipped the house i'm gonna say a lot more than he had two airplanes but yeah that doesn't that doesn't make it any better another one it's fine and jun yeah right a Flying Brian. Flying Brian.
01:39:38
Speaker
and He was a really good guitar player. uncle was? Yeah. I have his old guitar and his old case has Flying Brian on it.
01:39:54
Speaker
I feel like him and I would have been like so close if he didn't die.
01:40:02
Speaker
some of the stories I heard tonight, I feel like that would just be another weird story. that It probably wouldn't. It probably wouldn't been a good mix. But, yeah, here's the black sheep. I'm the black sheep.
01:40:16
Speaker
So. oh Old drunk Brian and Booger flying the plane again. this Let's go. Flying Brian and Snorting Cox.
01:40:29
Speaker
Shut the fuck up. Who came up with the Sorni Cox thing again? ah It happened in a Jedi stream. I thought. I don't know. I wasn't there that night. I don't remember who started it. I'm like, are you serious?
01:40:43
Speaker
I'm like, Brittany came up on a Jedi stream? Jedi and Shaman stream? Oh, yeah. I was going to the Jedi. Yeah, yeah. I just can't remember who came up with it.
01:40:56
Speaker
I don't have so many other stories, but we have to save some for other
Artistic Interests and Future Promises
01:41:00
Speaker
Wednesdays. Yeah, we got to save some. And I wanted to talk about your art, and wanted to talk about your stand-up comedy, and I wanted wanted to talk about, that you said you wanted to dabble in the acting world. and Yeah. um yeah
01:41:20
Speaker
Once I get my stuff moved in here, I'll show you some of my artwork. Yeah. And then I don't have any videos of my stand-up, I don't think.
01:41:31
Speaker
I'll ask some people. Some videos. Yeah. And then, like, the acting thing when you were with Homeboy last night.
01:41:43
Speaker
Jake? i've ah Yeah, I've always been interested in acting, and I've dabbled in that as well. So that would be cool to, like, reach out to him. um But and it is what it is.
01:41:55
Speaker
But no, I'm an artist through and through. Yeah. I may i may have some more actors and people coming through. i don't know if I'm going to I don't want to disrupt too much of Glick's House of Music by doing that, but I might maybe create ah create a new show. don't know.
01:42:19
Speaker
Who knows what I'm going to do? Do what you do, boo. Maybe I'll just say, fuck all this podcasting shit. I gotta to go be a whore.
01:42:34
Speaker
No, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. don't want to have a life. It's like, what are you going to do? Yeah. I'm going to sit on my fat ass and play video games all day long.
01:42:46
Speaker
No, I'm going to sit on my fat ass and play podcasting. doing that yeah Yeah.
01:42:52
Speaker
Wait, you don't play Call of Duty,
Gaming Preferences
01:42:55
Speaker
do you? Yes, I do. I play like every day. With Rick? Do you play with Rick at all? Not very often, but I mainly, I mean, unless I got somebody to hang out with and play with, I mainly just get on there and do my dailies, and I'm slow grinding camos.
01:43:19
Speaker
on the guns. I used to care about all the camo shit and whatnot, but I'm just there to shoot some people in the fucking face.
01:43:30
Speaker
Yeah, i i don't I don't care and enough. That's why i say I'm i'm slow driving on the camos because every once's while I get a wild bird in my ass and I'm like, time to make this gun, Diamond. yeah Let's go. yeah Sometimes I care, but most of the time I don't.
01:43:46
Speaker
Yeah, but for the most part, I'm like, I just want a gun with a lot of ammo that I can just pull the trigger back and just murder everything that comes within my path.
01:43:58
Speaker
Suck it. Yeah, what she said.
Church Camp Misadventures
01:44:01
Speaker
That's what that guy said at church camp. He did too. but Just suck it. It's not going to suck itself.
01:44:10
Speaker
It's not going to suck itself.
01:44:15
Speaker
so
01:44:18
Speaker
No, my friend that I made, she like had a milkshake and she just poured it all over his head because he he, like wrote me a little letter. Like, do you do oral? don't know. Like, Oh, that's cute. That's fucking adorable.
01:44:33
Speaker
yeah Do you do oral check? Yes or no. that's right yes That's exactly how it was. That's adorable. Poor guy.
01:44:44
Speaker
poor guy He was all sweet and and and and romantical about it. No. No. now And he had a girlfriend at the time, too, so it was even more fucked up.
01:44:55
Speaker
i mean, he could walked up but like, hey, bitch, you all suck this dick? He was sitting right next to me. He was sitting right next to me. Yeah, he was trying to be all romantical. Like, that's cute. Pass you a note.
01:45:06
Speaker
Yeah, and then she poured a friggin' smoothie on his head. I'm on this guy's side now. See, now You guys... He's the victim in this situation.
01:45:19
Speaker
Nah. Why? Because his dick didn't get sucked? No! I'm sure his dick eventually got sucked some way, somehow. but Maybe somebody else, but not for me. i gotta I kind of want to try that move now. I'll do it.
01:45:38
Speaker
It's just like write down a note. Like, yes or no. Check the box. but Do it. my gosh. Do it. ah Go to a bar and be like, hey, here you go. so So if I gotten that like today at my age right now, depending on who the person is,
01:46:04
Speaker
I would answer.
01:46:07
Speaker
Yeah, I just... I mean, I've... It depends on who the person is. i have I have worked in the bars and clubs in the past, and I've seen um a lot of pickup lines attempted pickup lines.
01:46:25
Speaker
Oh, yeah, me too. I've never heard of somebody passing an oop. Hey, do you do oral? Yeah. Checkbox, yes, or checkbox, no. So, I mean he wasn't even technically asking for He just was curious if you did do it or... Well, no, I think he was asking me for it. I don't remember exactly because this was a long time ago. was like 17, 18 years ago. so um I think he was asking me, like straight up.
01:46:57
Speaker
Nice, please.
01:47:01
Speaker
We are being out of Texas then. Oh, my God. Yes, that is ah that is the new era. We are in the texting era No more notes. or just Let me get your number real quick.
01:47:17
Speaker
Hey, I just met you at the bar. I don't know. I like being a note. I'm old school like that. um like being note. I think it's cute. Clearly you don't because your friend dumps a milkshake on the guy's head. Dude.
01:47:29
Speaker
This was like forever ago. it happened now though, I'd be like, all right. Yeah, and uncalled for and unjustified.
01:47:41
Speaker
What's your dick look like? Sorry.
01:47:47
Speaker
I'm sorry. sorry but this is what and This is the problem having a and lo saying, I guess. Have you heard some of our conversations?
01:48:00
Speaker
And now you think you're the problem? but Alright, cool. Yeah, trust me. We good then. Oh, I'm almost on a bucket.
01:48:16
Speaker
is our This is our alcoholic, drug addict, addict sex addict, friend, Booker.
01:48:29
Speaker
Drink a bottle of vodka. We're not judging you. don't care. Just me all you want. We think you're awesome. It's only a pint.
01:48:44
Speaker
That I've had since yesterday. ah yeah Okay. You didn't drink it all in No.
01:48:51
Speaker
I'm chilling. I'm not weak all day. I will say that. we ah We would not expect any less from you.
01:49:01
Speaker
You or Blaze, for that matter. do Yeah, that's my boy. super You are the it dynamic i'm clean stoner yeah for sure yeah thats my My dad's all like, are still smoking pot? Do you do pot?
01:49:26
Speaker
Do you do the pot? Yeah, dad, I do the pot. yeah I think that would be a weird dad. You laugh like Seth Rogen somewhat.
01:49:39
Speaker
I've been told that so many times. That last, like, yeah, you sounded like Seth Rogen. No, I've been told that lot. yeah no it would be It would be a weird day if Blaze ever messaged me he was like, I haven't smoked weed at all today.
01:49:54
Speaker
I would probably drive to Kentucky and check on him and make sure he was okay. Are you okay, dude? I'm on my way. I need to make sure in person you're you're okay. like What's wrong, buddy?
01:50:08
Speaker
yeah mean His name is Blaze for a reason. so yeah yeah like I got i gotta to check on my buddy. I got make sure he's good.
01:50:20
Speaker
Blazing Blasphemer. The dope Pope, man. Blazing Booger. Blazing Booger.
01:50:29
Speaker
The dynamic stoned duo. Fuck yeah.
01:50:36
Speaker
Man, fuck Blutman and Chronic. We got Blazing Booger. I'm done with it. I'm digging it.
01:50:46
Speaker
and with i was saying that You gonna pay me? No, I'm just paying. Take it up with my Pope Dope.
01:50:59
Speaker
Pope Dope, please. Pope Dope. Take it up with the... It's the dopest Pope of all the Popes.
01:51:09
Speaker
Speaking of, I want to smoke more. I guess I'll take you with me.
Humorous Smoking Stories
01:51:13
Speaker
It's gonna get dark. I can't smoke inside. Well, that sucks.
01:51:22
Speaker
It's children.
01:51:26
Speaker
Yeah, they'll be fine. I'm going to go stand right outside the door so all the smoke comes inside the house. Yep. Remember the whole window thing we were talking about earlier?
01:51:40
Speaker
is Kind of. yeah the Same thing. Whatever, man.
01:51:50
Speaker
As long as I don't drop my laptop, we're good. It was kind of like when everybody was here a few weeks back and ah got the windows open, the doors wide open, and Blaze and Mike are just chilling on the patio. And I'm like, I don't care.
01:52:07
Speaker
Like, don't get me wrong. I don't care at all. It was just like, it was really not effective in any way, shape, or form for them to go outside.
01:52:17
Speaker
But my neighbor smokes. My neighbor, he smokes. And Blaze, and I was telling Blaze, I'm like, oh, and Mr. Bill starts really going at it over there. Dude, you'd think we smoked weed.
01:52:29
Speaker
And weed went out and came back. And Mr. Bill was home apparently smoking because Blaze walked in the house and he was like, yo, is that from me? I'm like, no, dude, it's Mr. Bill next door. He was like, god damn. Oh,
01:52:46
Speaker
Because it was strong. I yelled at my oldest daughter one time because I came home from work and her and a couple of friends were here. and And as soon as I walked in the door, it hit me. And I'm like, no what are you guys doing? and they're like, nothing.
01:52:58
Speaker
I'm like, seriously, what are you doing? And they're like, nothing. I'm like, are you smoking in the house? And like, no. And I could look at them and tell they weren't stoned at all. And I'm like, what the fuck? And then I got to talking to Mr. Bill.
01:53:12
Speaker
My neighbor, he's an older and I was talking to him. I'm like, do you smoke weed by chance? He's like, yeah. And I was like, that explains a lot. Now I know why my house smells like weed.
01:53:23
Speaker
Okay, yeah. Now I know why my house smells like weed. Dad of the kid that's next to me is a sheriff.
01:53:36
Speaker
And in Pennsylvania, it's not legal. Yeah. um It's legal medically, but not recreationally. But we're cool. We're good. that's right So I just have to like watch out for when the kids are outside and everything, because there's a playground right here that they all come and play on.
01:53:58
Speaker
Yeah. places like um oh Blaze to sit right here on this patio glick and smoke all this weed. Why? Because I can. i'm like, fuck it, have at it, bro. like I do sleep here sometimes.
01:54:14
Speaker
It's 100% legal here, so I'm like, fuck it, have at it. In Ohio? Oh,
01:54:24
Speaker
yeah. What's going on with you, brother? I've never smoked weed, but I've stolen my dad's cigar before. Ew, cigars are gross. and I don't mind one every once in a great while.
01:54:40
Speaker
but Different strokes for different folks, man.
01:54:45
Speaker
You like what you like. Some people puff on Peters. ah Other people smoke cigars. Me. said me.
01:54:56
Speaker
I want to. yeah joking Joking is the best part. Jesus Christ. I want to smoke on a Peter. No, my my first ex-fiance was named Peter, so never mind.
01:55:13
Speaker
in there like I've never been able to take a guy named Peter seriously in my life.
Living with Peter and Fishing Trips
01:55:19
Speaker
And then I lived with ah my old roommate who was named Peter. We went fishing all the time. we fucked too but shocking wait you fucked your ex-fiance's roommate no no no a lot of layers to this onion no no no this is some dude that i went to school with um my second high school
01:55:54
Speaker
He had an extra room that I rented out and we used to go fishing all the time and sleep together. these your own We weren't together or anything. It was just like, you know, good times.
01:56:12
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I'm not here to judge. I'm just here to listen. And i feel like I feel like after tonight, we barely even got the tip of the iceberg that is Brittany, bitches.
01:56:26
Speaker
For okay
01:56:30
Speaker
Are we ending this? Yeah, we got to get ready and we're wrap it up. i Blaze, I'm going to write down. I seen your question earlier.
01:56:43
Speaker
and I'm going to write it down for next time so i can ask Brittany. No, ask me now. We got to save some stuff for next time.
01:56:54
Speaker
We got to leave them wanting more. We got to leave them wanting more. britney It's called a tease. oh Okay. but As a podcast professional like myself, I know what I'm doing. larry Stick with me, kid. I'll make you famous.
01:57:14
Speaker
I'll make you famous. We'll make you to the front. Yeah, Brittany's going to become my golden ticket into the podcasting world. please We're about to get you. We're about to get out here, bud. you later, bud.
01:57:25
Speaker
Be careful. Later, dude. Who's that? My daughter's boyfriend. My oldest daughter's boyfriend. See you, bro. Brittany said peace. said peace.
01:57:42
Speaker
Brittany!
01:57:46
Speaker
It's such a stupid tattoo, isn't it? I love it. If it makes you happy, that's all that matters. It does. they i should get bitch tattooed under it, but i don't want bitch tattooed on me. You know i mean? Britney, bitch. man It'd be really confusing.
01:58:09
Speaker
Why? i mean right how often how often do you have to explain
01:58:16
Speaker
Well, I just got it last year, so I haven't had to explain it too often. But now it's summertime coming up, so it's probably going to be more now. Yeah, you're going to be right. What is that? But no, like every time every time I do explain it to people, they fucking love it and they die. Yeah.
01:58:40
Speaker
It's win. It's a win. so when It's a win-win, man. I love it. Other people love it. is what it is. And then I want slapper under this one.
01:58:55
Speaker
Or, or, or like a hat tattooed on my kneecap. Kneecap.
01:59:07
Speaker
You're going to get golden tattooed right across your cooter, right above your cooter.
01:59:15
Speaker
That's a good idea. And you can do it in gold letters.
01:59:20
Speaker
Thank you. You're welcome. I'm an idea man. That's what I do. I'm not going to show you, but it's happening. I will believe.
01:59:32
Speaker
See, Noah likes it. Brittany. Yeah, Brittany. Yeah, see? Brittany. brit me decision
01:59:44
Speaker
i will I will take your word for it. If you say that you got it done, I'll be like, judging by conversations that we've had, I have no doubt in my mind that you probably do it to yourself for all I know.
01:59:57
Speaker
I was just about to say that. I might deal with myself. On a Saturday night, just sitting there. What are you doing? Tattooing my cooter. Perfectly normal for a Saturday night. Yeah.
02:00:09
Speaker
Not out of the normal for a Saturday night. Welcome to the shit show, ladies and gentlemen. It's Brittany being Brittany now. yeah All I ask is just... We're going to be in Booger.
02:00:22
Speaker
Just raise your camera up enough so that we don't get ah a content strike on on YouTube. I'll make sure it's blurred or something. You're going to put the blur box on it? Yeah, like Japanese porn.
02:00:37
Speaker
yeah Yeah. Blur box Britney. Britney's blur box.
02:00:44
Speaker
Oh my god, dude. Yeah. He said, i want to say what a creative and hilarious tat.
02:00:57
Speaker
Noah likes it. Thank you.
02:01:01
Speaker
Thanks. Yes. I think we should definitely do this again.
02:01:06
Speaker
I do have more stories. i Like i said i we are we are only at the very tip of the Brittany Burke. but I don't even think we've we've we've dived into one layer of this onion at the end of the day.
02:01:22
Speaker
There's plenty of layers. She's only 31, ladies and gentlemen. ah
02:01:33
Speaker
I am very bland. I'm very... I don't know, man. um i might have to i might have to pull I might have to pull some strings and get Blaze to come up here and conduct one of these. I want Blaze to come in Yeah, we're going to need to get Blaze to come up here one night and conduct one of these Wednesday nights.
02:01:52
Speaker
Stoner on stoner action.
02:01:59
Speaker
Stoner on stoner. I think I've seen that movie, too.
02:02:04
Speaker
Is that a movie? I'm sure it is. Probably. This is the last shot. This is the last shot. This one's for you, Glick.
02:02:19
Speaker
This one's for my dead homie.
02:02:23
Speaker
This is one for my dead uncle. yeah I'm going to fly a plane when i get done, Glick. Cool. Have fun. I'm going to flying.
02:02:36
Speaker
Have fun. be Be safe, I guess. Oh, I should have drank a beer. yeah i'm drinking to beard No surprise that my uncle is dead, though. but just from the Just from the stories I've heard about the drunk flame flying, I'm Completely understandable.
02:03:01
Speaker
Yeah. In all honesty, I would have thought that he died in that damn plane.
02:03:07
Speaker
ah Yeah. Surprise. He didn't. Yeah. He almost did. Like I told you, like the wheel hit the roof of their house and he like barely landed.
02:03:22
Speaker
But no, somebody else was drunk driving and he was a passenger and he died.
Family Tragedy and Reflection
02:03:30
Speaker
That sucks. Yeah.
02:03:33
Speaker
He sounds like he was the professional drunk driver. He should have been driving. mu I know, right? He should have been yeah I could fly a plane drunk. You think I'm getting in a car with your drunk ass? No, I'm driving. Move over, bitch.
02:03:47
Speaker
Right. like And like that guy that was driving lived up until last year. he just passed away. He was walking around like my hometown and like fucked up because of him killing three other people because of the DUI.
02:04:07
Speaker
yeah He killed my uncle and two other people. In the same accident? Yeah. okay that's It doesn't make it better, but it does make it better. because Was it like he had three different accidents where where he killed three different people? It was like one accident, killed my uncle and two other people.
02:04:26
Speaker
ah But he survived. Oh, man. Yeah, that would... well when He ended up being on drugs, hardcore drinking, you know.
02:04:37
Speaker
I
02:04:40
Speaker
wouldn't know how to fucking deal with that. Yeah, I could see where that could fuck somebody's brainwaves up, especially if you had survivor's remorse and all that.
02:04:54
Speaker
totally get that. Well... Ladies and gentlemen, holy shit, what a wild ride. We out of here, boys. going to do this again. Like I said, I'm going to get Blaze to come up here one night and captain this ship.
02:05:11
Speaker
Oh, Lord. I'm scared.
02:05:19
Speaker
Unfiltered. No breaks needed. Just welcome to the Brittany-verse.
02:05:27
Speaker
yeah beishche Buckle up, bitches. It's going to be a wild ride. but
02:05:35
Speaker
and Like I said, you only have to tell the stories that you want to tell. You don't ever have to say anything you don't want to say. I don't give a shit. whatever Whatever makes you guys like interested, i don't care. We're going to like you regardless. You don't have to impress us. We're going to like you regardless.
02:05:56
Speaker
do some wild stories at the end of the day oh my god my face hurts yeah I i knew how i do have some shit and I still have more but I'll say I believe it i believe it not only that but outside of the wild stories believe it or not ladies and gentlemen she's actually very talented and we will get into that at one of these days yeah next time next time I'll get it prepared yeah yeah yeah get all your Get all your stuff. That's your homework.
02:06:28
Speaker
My homework? Let me get my homework done. Yeah. So, Brady, before we jump out of here, is there anything any yeah anything you want to, as the great Jerry Springer would do, ah final thought?
02:06:41
Speaker
Is there anything you want to leave the people with?
02:06:47
Speaker
Can't put me on the spot like that, man. You're a stand-up comedian. yes first Come back next time. I wasn't prepared, man. I'm sorry.
02:06:59
Speaker
Gotta be ready for anything. Guess what? chicken but I don't know. Gotta be prepared and ready for anything. You never know when Glick's gonna throw a curveball at you. Yeah, Glick. You threw a curveball at me and I wasn't prepared. Sorry.
02:07:14
Speaker
Nice. Thank you for everybody. Like, three m you for everybody like you know, coming by and having chats. That was dope.
02:07:26
Speaker
The chatter's box was on fire. You're definitely entertaining as fuck. And the fact that... um so then More of it than say it. Yeah, drop a... drop brit name Drop ah drop a hashtag, we want more Brittany, a hashtag, fuck you Brittany, in the comments.
02:07:46
Speaker
and Either one, whichever. And we'll tally them up, and we'll go, now sorry, Brittany. We're going to have wish you the best in your future. My feelings won't be hurt.
02:07:58
Speaker
See you on Saturday, Brittany. I'll see you on Saturday. You're not welcome on Wednesdays anymore, but we'll see you on Saturdays, kid. Okay. yeah Noah loves you. Noah's a good kid.
02:08:13
Speaker
He said, I love Brittany. I love you Brittany.
02:08:24
Speaker
Brittany. Brittany.
02:08:31
Speaker
All right, guys. Thanks for listening. It's silly. Thanks for listening, to guys. Thanks for hanging out. Make sure you tune in to tomorrow night. I think Wally's back. I don't know what Wally's doing anymore. I think he's doing a show. Friday night, Blaze and Michael will be back. I don't know what they're doing either.
02:08:48
Speaker
It's movie related. I know that much. And then, of course, Saturday, we're back doing Nonsensical Nonsense Open Door Challenge. Everybody's welcome to come in hang out, shoot shit with us. ah Sunday, Unnecessary Roughness.
02:09:02
Speaker
Hopefully, me and the boys will be back. Hopefully, Rick will be back from Vegas. Derek will be on tap and ready to rock and roll, and we'll be doing our thing on Sunday. And then Monday, we kick the week off again Wally, doing all things motorsports. I'll be back this Tuesday night with Memphis Key, country rock band.
02:09:21
Speaker
They'll be hanging out with me. ah Hopefully. I got double check with them. And then we'll be back here Wednesday, maybe hanging out with Brittany again next Wednesday, maybe doing something totally different.
02:09:32
Speaker
Wednesdays is a wild card. It's what the fuck wild card Wednesday. I like that. I dig that. ah You might get what the fuck news. You might get Brittany's world. You and might just get me hanging out with some other random person from the interlifts. I don't know what I'm going to do.
02:09:50
Speaker
It's my show. I do what I want, bitches. I do what I want. Hey, did you check out that band? Not yet. I haven't, but I plan on it. ah sorry I get busy during the week when the kids are here, especially now that I'm going back to the gym. like i was I was telling Blaze earlier, I took the kids to school and went to the gym.
02:10:13
Speaker
got home, was getting ready to get in the shower. ah My oldest one messaged me. She was sick. Needed, picked up from work. Went and picked her up, came home, got my shower finally. Then I had basically get out shower and turn around and run back out the door and go get the kids from school. Then I got home and had to do dinner and then I had to do this. No worries. It's like no rush or anything. I saved them. I saved them in our chat so that I wouldn't lose their name and lose their information.
02:10:42
Speaker
So I'm going to, I definitely, I'm going to check my, hopefully I'll. My brother's friend's band. They're from Baltimore. uh, whatever that's what they're called. But anyways, yeah. Have a good night.
02:10:55
Speaker
Uh, what was there? Where are you at? There you are. But it yeah, they're from Baltimore. Really? Amathia? You talking shit about Amathia. Yeah.
02:11:09
Speaker
You keep talking shit about Baltimore, bitch. ah i will I will have them on and talk shit about Baltimore.
02:11:20
Speaker
We gave it together. we Well, I think he liked the YouTube thing tonight. He was one of the bitches that I told to come and like the YouTube thing.
02:11:40
Speaker
His last name is Munchausen. Munchie is what we call him. Motherfucker.
02:11:48
Speaker
Yeah, Munchie motherfucker. Motherfucking Munchie. Motherfucking Munchie. Yeah. He was supposed to come down there as well.
02:12:02
Speaker
Nice. I don't know. Whatever. I'm getting tired. I've been up since like 5am, dude. What the hell with all that? I got like, oh, three three hours of sleep, I think, last night.
02:12:18
Speaker
I got up yeah this morning. I've been forcing them. I'm like, i'mnna stay awake so I can try to go to another decent hour tonight. so Exactly. I'm trying my sleep schedule back on track.
02:12:30
Speaker
Because this new job that I got, I have to start at six in the morning. So it's like, I need to... ah
02:12:44
Speaker
Boo, morning star. Bye, later, dude. had a good time. This was fun. No, it was a lot of fun. I agree, and we will. We will 100% do this again. It was a lot of fun. You're awesome.
02:12:56
Speaker
You're always awesome when you come up and hang out with us. so but Thank you guys for listening. Thank you guys for hanging out. Make sure you give us follow. Give us a like. Give us a share. Tell your granny about us. Tell your granny about us. What the fuck?
02:13:10
Speaker
we Four out of five grannies recommend us. The fifth one, unfortunately, she's dead.
02:13:17
Speaker
I probably took care of her. Yeah. And as always, later, Noah. Wally, you're going to have to watch this replay back, buddy.
02:13:30
Speaker
Yeah. And as always, remember, remember, be good. was Or be good at it, bitches. Smoke weed every day.
02:13:41
Speaker
hey, hey. Nice. please nice