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Summer Series: Intentional Parenting & Summer Adventures
36 Plays20 days ago
This episode dives deep into the meaning of "on-the-ground parenting," emphasizing the importance of being intentional in our interactions with children. Kelly shares insights on building relationships versus being "right". We move outdoors, offering practical tips for encouraging independence in children by involving them in planning and letting them experience natural consequences.
In This Episode:
[01:30] The Evolution of On the Ground Parenting & Intentionality
[02:45] Intentional Choices: Relationship vs. Being Right
[03:38] Reflecting on How We Were Parented & Embracing New Skills
[06:01] Grace for Ourselves & Parenting as Leadership
[07:46] "Love is an Action Word," "Parenting is a Verb"
[09:27] Outdoor Exploration & Teaching Life Skills
[10:53] Natural Consequences & Learning from Experience
[13:22] Humorous Outdoor Adventures
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Transcript
Introduction to On the Ground Parenting Podcast
00:00:26
Speaker
Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of On the Ground Parenting. I'm Sandy Inkster and I'm joined by my fellow parenting educators. I'm Sam Ennest-Wallis . And I'm Kelly.
00:00:38
Speaker
So this podcast that we're launching, it's the next step really in the evolution of Muskoka Family Focus. It's exciting for us to recognize that Muskoka Family Focus has been around for over 37 years in Muskoka, offering a range of services to support families with children from birth really through to when they become a parent themselves.
00:01:03
Speaker
And we've actually seen that cycling through those of us who've been around long enough to see it. and so Throughout this history, we've um had that opportunity where we've launched social media.
00:01:17
Speaker
We have been involved in well our newsletter.
Purpose of the Podcast: Engaging Families
00:01:21
Speaker
You can find it on our website, muskokafamilyfocus.ca. If you want to reach out to us through Parent Ed, it's parented at muskokafamilyfocus.ca.
00:01:30
Speaker
But realistically, with this podcast, that next step, this evolution, it was about what is it that we want to do? We want to engage in conversation, communication with families.
00:01:42
Speaker
And so this on-the-ground parenting, what comes to mind for you, Sam, Kelly?
Intentional Parenting: Building Relationships
00:01:48
Speaker
When we were talking about it, we thought about being way out there. And then we realized, let's be on the ground, on the ground parenting.
00:01:57
Speaker
We want you to know that we are actively engaged in a place of interest of parenting, the importance of being intentional. And I think that really focuses it for me because I think it's super important as parents that we are intentional or and anyone in a parenting role, whether you're a parent or not,
00:02:15
Speaker
that you're being intentional with how you're you're doing things with your children, how you're interacting with the children in your care, um and just ensuring that, you know, you're trying to do the best you can in the moments that come. Yeah, I love that, Sam. The other thing I think a lot about is, for me, it's helped me frame my choices. If I choose to react or respond to my kids in one way, or if I choose to respond them into another way, what's my intention with that? What's my purpose of that?
00:02:45
Speaker
I can choose to build a relationship or i can choose to be right. A good friend of mine says, um do you want to be effective or do you want to be right? And sometimes when I'm choosing to be right as a parent, there's a short-term ah element to it.
00:03:00
Speaker
And perhaps I have chosen that. um But my long-term goal is to to be effective, to have kids that I want to spend time with when they graduated my house as adults. I want them to appreciate the relationship I have with them and for us to still be in a relationship with not only do I love them, but I like them. And sometimes I think people love their kids, but don't really like the adults they become.
00:03:25
Speaker
And that's our goal is to be like, how can you have both love and like your kids?
Influences and Personal Growth in Parenting
00:03:30
Speaker
Yeah, i think what comes to mind for me too is, um you know, what's shared in some of the parenting programs that we have.
00:03:38
Speaker
And we have that opportunity to reflect on how we were parented and without judging it as a criticism, just noting that our parents did the best that they could at that time with what they had available to them.
00:03:56
Speaker
And so as we've evolved, we're noticing that there may be greater understandings of how to build that relationship, how to support our children in their growth, that maybe those struggles of relationships,
00:04:11
Speaker
with emotions, with relating, and how do we want to support them so that, as you mentioned, Kelly, we will love and have opportunity to like as well throughout that journey.
00:04:23
Speaker
And we get to choose the the skills that we want to bring forward in our own journey. Maybe what our parents have gifted us, maybe we're going to embrace something from somewhere else. And I always would say that I'm always influenced as a parent and it comes inside me and I shake it all up with who I am And then I'll take what works with who I am and how I am.
00:04:47
Speaker
I don't know if Sam remembers, but her and I taught a parenting course about ah a couple of years ago. And just as you were saying that, it reminded me of this parent who really learned some new skills. It was the bounce back and thrive course, the 10 week course on raising resilience in our own self that we can share with our kids.
00:05:05
Speaker
And she was so thrilled that she could apply some of these new skills, totally shift her own relationship with her own kiddos, and then just felt like life got better because she had more skills to put into the mix.
00:05:20
Speaker
And that's, I think, the power of parenting on purpose. We all have an idea, but sometimes we don't have enough of those skills to get there. And that's what we're hoping will support, will continue to support me and support all the other parents out there.
00:05:36
Speaker
I love that you threw that in, Kelly, because I think that it's important for us to acknowledge that as much as we are, you know, sharing our knowledge and facilitating conversations, a lot of the times we're getting a lot out of it as well.
00:05:47
Speaker
Every day when dealing with my children who are not little, like my youngest is 14. I'm dealing with young adults in my house now, but the skills are still so important. So thank you for putting that in there because we do get a lot out of it.
00:06:01
Speaker
I think it's that grace as well for our, like grace for ourselves as we're in this learning and growing process of being a parent, because we aren't perfect.
00:06:12
Speaker
ah No one is perfect. And, but we're, you know, I always said that i if I, if there's something that i realized in my thirties or forties, that maybe I wasn't so proud of as a skill that I wanted to embrace a new skill.
00:06:27
Speaker
If it took me 30 or 40 years to get there, I needed to give myself a good chunk of time to shift and to embrace that new skill. So give myself the grace as I'm growing.
Parenting and Leadership Skills
00:06:38
Speaker
No, I love that growth mindset. And the piece I was just going to add is it's the spiraling that even though here we're talking about parenting, how we're building our own skillset, how we're hoping to inspire folks to build their skillset,
00:06:51
Speaker
The other piece I love to chat with parents about is parenting and leadership and lots of places in your career world. These are the same skills. One of my favorite um authors that I enjoy listening to is Simon Sinek, and he does quite a bit of work on ah leadership and finding your why.
00:07:10
Speaker
And one of his favorite recommendations for a leadership book for big, big wig leaders is how to talk so kids will listen. And listen so kids will talk. Yes.
00:07:20
Speaker
Yes. That's Adele Faber and Elaine Maislisch's book. And I will say, so the 37 years for Muskoka Family Focus, that was one of the first parenting programs that we delivered.
00:07:34
Speaker
And I still reference it just like you mentioned it there, Kelly. It is an amazing program. Yeah. I also like how one of our parenting programs, this is Make the Connection.
00:07:46
Speaker
The quote from that program is that ah love is an action word. So when I'm saying that I love my children, what is it that I'm doing to model that, to demonstrate that, to be in relationship with them?
00:08:01
Speaker
What is it that I'm doing? Love is an action word. And I think as we were talking about this podcast, where I was also offering that, you know, parent isn't necessarily a noun.
00:08:13
Speaker
Parenting can be a verb. So everybody's welcome here. If you're parenting people that you didn't birth, that you're you don't have an actual parent relationship with, but you might be an aunt working in a school system or a grandparent or the neighbor, this podcast and this space is for you because parenting is a
Outdoor Activities and Independence
00:08:34
Speaker
verb.
00:08:34
Speaker
Love is an action word. Parenting is a verb. I'm super excited to be here. And here we go. Okay, so we've been talking about summertime and we've already been discussing what to do with kids, where to go how to be with them. We've been planning snacks and food. and But what about other things about being outside? Yeah.
00:08:57
Speaker
I think that that's the real key part that we're wanting to emphasize right now is that the weather is um more amenable to being outside for longer periods of time.
00:09:09
Speaker
We will talk about what to do when it's too hot or how to keep cool when it's warmer. But just generally, what are some things that come to mind for you when you are outside? What is it that we want to engage with our children about the outdoors?
00:09:27
Speaker
So I love having the time to explore the outdoors and just talk about what we see and what we find. um Even today, although my children are older, we happened to discover a whole bunch of mushrooms growing. So that was a great conversation about mushrooms and how we don't eat them and all of these other things, but mostly just to enjoy the fact that they just sprang up. So I think that's really part of it for me is just the exploration, but also and I'd never tell my children this. It gives me a great opportunity to help them plan the skills that they need to be able to plan outings on their own when they get older.
00:10:04
Speaker
Okay, we're going to the beach. What do we need to take with us? Can you go? and Then somebody will say, we need sunscreen. Okay, you know where it is. Can you go grab it and throw it in your bag? um and Those are just some of the things that really help them start to be able to do that planning themselves.
00:10:19
Speaker
You're chuckling, Kelly. Dive in. I am, I am. We just celebrated my son's 21st birthday. um And we had a friend over who had to tell a story about Rowan being maybe a five-year-old little boy. We were up at their cottage for the weekend at an annual kind of event that we have.
00:10:39
Speaker
And he had soaking wet running shoes. And my good friend, who is old enough to be his grandma, wanted to lend him a pair of dry rubber boots. And she was horrified because I wouldn't let her.
00:10:53
Speaker
And so as the story unfolds, as we're chatting about it this weekend, um she said, you know, I learned something from you. For me, the outdoors is an opportunity for kids to have a sense of the consequences of their actions.
00:11:08
Speaker
And as this person tells the story, I had reminded Rowan multiple times that perhaps he needed dry boots rain boots. He owned them. He just needed to pack them.
00:11:19
Speaker
And Rowan is my most independent thinker and is very committed to his goals and declined my offer for different footwear. Ergo, he spent the weekend in soaking wet shoes.
00:11:32
Speaker
but So that's what I was laughing about. Well, and it I think that that brings into another parenting approach, like from Barbara Coloroso, like it wasn't life threatening for him. Right.
00:11:44
Speaker
And, um, and, and he was just living out the outcome of his own decisions, which was really important for him to experience. And, and, um,
00:11:55
Speaker
And I think that in our parenting programs, we keep coming back and saying that in the safety of a loving home, this is where it's safest for a child to experience the emotion of disappointment or being totally bummed out with the decision that you made because you have wet feet for the weekend.
00:12:15
Speaker
ah or Or too, think sometimes for some kids, it didn't bother him as much as it bothered ah And that's an interesting piece that sometimes I've watched. I felt myself. I've watched other people.
00:12:31
Speaker
you You want to prove you're right. But really, he was also equally determined to follow through with his choices. So he was not for one second going to let us know that he was uncomfortable. So maybe he was, maybe he wasn't. But that's my kiddo.
00:12:44
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm thinking about the other things that might happen outdoors too. So the things that people might feel are traditionally done indoors. So, you know, art, or i even want to perhaps propose that maybe you get kids out of bed to see something like fireflies or the Northern Lights, or maybe you decide that you're going to sleep outside in your backyard.
00:13:11
Speaker
Have you guys had any experiences with those types of activities? Yeah. Meteor showers. So I'm laughing so hard because, um my gosh, so funny.
00:13:22
Speaker
um Meteor showers are super exciting. They're so wonderful. And we went outside to lay on the trampoline. Well, it is very buggy at our house a lot of the time. And it was an exceptionally mosquito-y night.
00:13:34
Speaker
And I can't remember. It was a few years ago now. So we're laying out there. And the worst part was there weren't that many meteors. And so I'm laying there beside both of my kids on the trampoline. And Ryan, my youngest, he said, well, I'm heading back indoors because this is a very lackluster meteor shower to be suffering through all of these mosquito bites.
00:13:55
Speaker
And off he went to go back indoors to do whatever indoor not buggy activity he wanted to do. But it just was hilarious. Just so funny. This lackluster meteor shower.
00:14:09
Speaker
You gave us such a smorgasbord of things to think about. I love the i love the language around lackluster meteor shower. Perhaps I made it into something bigger than it was going to be, but anyway.
00:14:22
Speaker
And I think that lackluster meteor shower is a great way for us to wrap up this session.
Concluding Thoughts on Intentional Parenting
00:14:28
Speaker
But first, before we say farewell, what sprouted up for you today, Sam? I something that really rose out of the ground for me today is how important it is to remember that it is a relationship that we're having with our children and all of the children in our lives.
00:14:43
Speaker
And we want to be able to enjoy that relationship and we want them to enjoy it too. So it's important to remember that as we're going through our day-to-day interactions and just remembering that, you know, what we say matters, right?
00:14:58
Speaker
as much as how we receive what they say. So just keeping that communication open and being willing to validate feelings, but also it's okay to have your own feelings and want to have them validated sometimes too. so And I'm speaking from the position of ah having, you know, young adult children in my house.
00:15:18
Speaker
So there's some expectation of human-like behavior by the time they become young adults. um And I think that I can really see that. And in my day-to-day interactions, I notice that my children are acknowledging my feelings as well, which makes me feel like I've done something right along the road.
00:15:34
Speaker
Thanks, Sam. And Kelly? One of the things that I like to say to parents is when we start to think about who we want our adult kids to be, of course, we will love our kids no matter what and no matter how time goes on. But with some intentional parenting, it's then you will not only love your kids when they graduate from your household, but you will also like them. You'll have a relationship with them.
00:16:01
Speaker
You will look forward to hanging out with them. And I think that makes a huge difference in all of our lives. We know that we all need connection and staying connected with our kids and the rest of our family is so important.
00:16:14
Speaker
Very nice. um For me, what sprouted was in the conversation when we where we were having about knowing that there were certain foods that we had to keep cold, certain foods that we had to keep hot and the preparedness and whether there's sunblock and other things that will help us be safe in the moment on those ah walks, those adventures that we have.
00:16:38
Speaker
it It also reminds me ah of how we can be prepared within our interactions as well, too, so that we're intentional in that preparedness. And also, I'm intentional in how I'm going to be interacting with my kids.
00:16:52
Speaker
So just noting the way I am, as Sam had mentioned, too, so I may be having some feelings arising. And so I have to take care of myself in that moment because in order for me to be able to relate best with my children, I need to be aware of that so that I can be emotionally present for them.
00:17:11
Speaker
Yes, definitely. Well, that's it for this week, everyone. Thanks for joining us. I'm Sandy. I'm Sam. Till next week, I'm Kelly. And to capture anything that you want to follow up on, scroll down, look in the notes, you can find us.
00:17:26
Speaker
See you next time.