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My Birth Story ~ A Magical & Positive Experience
9.8k Plays2 years ago
I’m back! With a very special episode. While this episode is the story of my pregnancy and birth, I have tried to make it relatable to everyone. I share what I learned and practised through manifestation, visualisation, meditation, hypnobirthing and breathwork to make my dream birth my reality! Birth was both the most challenging, yet magical experience of my life. I have never been so spiritually heightened in my life and I have been so excited to share this with my Pass Around the Smile community.
This is a positive birth story and it has felt empowering to share how I felt through this transformative time. Surrendering and trusting the process have been instrumental during this time, and I know they’re topics that my community all love! Thank you for all your love and support while I stepped back and honoured where I was at. As all Mothers do, I have experienced the biggest shift in my life and I’m adjusting to my new normal everyday. Tired, but extremely grateful. This is my birth story.
Listen to my pregnancy episode here.
View my website here! (My very own oracle cards, journals, meditations + more magical stuff available!)
Join my Facebook community group here!
Find me on Instagram here! @passaroundthesmile @cleomassey
Find Nicola Laye, Queen of breathwork here and Nicola's Instagram here.
Find Shari Lyon from Belly2Birth here and her meditation for naturally inducing labour here.) And her Instagram here.
The Pass Around the Smile podcast is recorded on Bundjalung Country, in South East Queensland, Australia. We acknowledge the Yugambeh people of the Bundjalung Nation, the traditional owners of this land. We pay our respects to Elders past, present and emerging.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Pass Around the Smile'
00:00:00
Speaker
Pass Around the Smile is like your go-to friend, the one that lifts you up and backs you to the end. She's there to guide and inspire, challenge and teach, and remind you that your best self isn't out of reach. Self-development, manifestation, self-love and more, it's time to trust the process more than ever before. Welcome to Pass Around the Smile, the podcast. I'm your host, Cleo Massey, and I am so glad you're here. Let the magic begin.
00:00:30
Speaker
Just really quickly before we get into this podcast, I wanted to let you guys know that my positive guidance cards for kids, which is very relevant for this episode since I'm talking about having a baby, I cannot wait to do my own positive guidance cards for kids with Indigo one day. And also my positive guidance journals, which are for adults in the blue and the gold are finally back. They've been out of stock for so long. And then second thing I did want to say is yes, this podcast is about
00:00:58
Speaker
you know pregnancy and birth but I really have tried to make it relevant and interesting to everyone there are lots of little lessons there that you can kind of reflect and use for where you are in your life it doesn't have to be you know just related to pregnancy and birth so I really hope this episode is an interesting one and a helpful one for everyone let's get into it
00:01:20
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to the podcast.
Return to Podcasting and Embracing Imperfection
00:01:24
Speaker
I already don't know what I'm doing. Oh, gosh. No, I do know what I'm doing. But okay, guys, let me explain. Hi, I am back and I know it has been a while. It's been a while for you guys because there have been no podcasts over the last kind of like a month or two. I don't even know now. But for me, it's been even longer having not been in the studio because I had pre
00:01:50
Speaker
planned and pre-recorded a lot of podcasts to kind of get me through the last few weeks of pregnancy and the first few weeks of having a baby so I have been out of the studio for so long and now I'm back I feel a little bit out of practice but I think the main reason that I'm all over the place is because
00:02:07
Speaker
I am just in such a new phase of life. I have so much I want to tell you. I have so much I want to share. If you listen to my little episode just before this about like not being ready to share, you will kind of get the gist of where I'm coming from and where I'm at.
00:02:23
Speaker
I still don't know if I'm ready to share to be honest but I don't think I will ever be ready. I'm definitely more ready than I was last week and I think the issue with when I tried to record this podcast last week was it might have even been the week before now gosh time for me at the moment is just flying by. I think the issue was
00:02:45
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that I was trying to make this episode so perfect and this episode is not going to be perfect. None of my episodes are ever perfect but I kind of always have a plan and I know what I'm doing and
00:02:59
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some episodes are more vulnerable than others. This is probably going to be my most vulnerable episode that I'll ever share. Or although maybe episode two was, I don't know, we'll see. But I'm never going to be ready. And I have embraced the fact that this episode is going to be so imperfect. And I hope that
00:03:18
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It just makes it more relatable that way. I'm going to say, um, I'm going to say, ah, I might cry more. My hormones are all over the place. I'm probably going to start out on words because I, you know, I'm just a bit all over the place. That's okay. This is where I'm at. And I always want the Pass Around the Smile podcast to be relatable. And I want you to feel like you are
00:03:40
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along coming along on this journey with me as I know so many of my Pass Around the Smile community do feel that way and I want to thank you for your patience I also want to thank you for your beautiful words of support over this time I've gotten so many messages the ones that really get me
00:03:57
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from some of you are saying things like, Cleo, we're still going to be here. Go and take your time. Be with your family. We're still going to be here. I got a few messages saying that and it honestly just made me want to cry because that was just what I needed to hear. So thank you guys. I love you guys. And because I love you guys, this is why I want to share this episode. And this is why I want to tell you absolutely everything that I went through and
00:04:21
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everything that I've been feeling because I feel like it has been absolutely so instrumental to my spiritual journey, my self-development journey.
Spiritual Growth and Community Support
00:04:29
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I have never been through something this spiritually heightened before. And I'm going to share it all with you, but it's going to be like here, there and everywhere. I might forget things, so I might go back. I just hope that you can follow on and just treat this like we're sitting down together. We have a cup of tea or maybe a wine. Let's go with a wine. We have a wine.
00:04:50
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There's some cheese. There's some soft cheese on the plate and we're just having a chat. So this is my birth story. I will touch a little bit on my, the end of my pregnancy as well. And the fourth trimester, which I'm still going through.
00:05:06
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and I did not realize was such a huge part of pregnancy which I've now learned but I do want to say before I start this is my journey I'm just kind of going through my feelings and my thoughts and I really do believe that there is never anything wrong with how someone feels how an individual feels there's nothing wrong with that we all have different feelings
00:05:31
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We're all going through different things and this is just my story. I am so incredibly grateful that I have a healthy baby. Always with this topic I try to be as sensitive as possible. I know there are so many people out there who wish to just have a healthy baby or a healthy pregnancy and
00:05:49
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I am so aware and so grateful that I had that. But this story, when I'm going through my kind of low points or my hard points, it's just my story. I'm not saying that my story is any better or any worse.
00:06:05
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than anyone else and I'm not saying that my birth of course as well is right or wrong or anything like that. So I know I don't have to always give disclaimers to you guys because you understand where I'm coming from but this is a sensitive talk. I'm gonna leave it in. I'm gonna leave that in because
00:06:26
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This episode is imperfect. But yes, I did just want to say that my love and my thoughts go out to anyone who is struggling with getting pregnant, with having a healthy baby, postnatal depression, postnatal anxiety, or like hyperamesis in pregnancy. God, I've been there and it is awful. And he is like, yeah, probably one of the hardest things I've ever been through. But again, that's me. That's my story. I'm not saying it's any worse or any better.
00:06:56
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but you get the picture. Let's get into my birth story. Oh my gosh, guys, I have so much to fill you in on. Hopefully this episode doesn't go for like three hours, but we've got wine and cheese, remember? We're here with wine and cheese. Okay, so I wanna start with a couple of months before I gave birth. I was driving in my car and I just had this feeling, just the strongest feeling that I would have the baby on the 20th, the 21st, or the 22nd.
00:07:24
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This was over a week before my due date. My due date was the 28th of March. I wasn't sure if this was just wishful thinking because my sickness did come back in trimester 3, not to the extent of the first half of my pregnancy, but I was pretty nauseous. I was very uncomfortable.
00:07:47
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very swollen, my feet were so swollen, I know this is so normal in pregnancy but yeah it was very much a struggle to walk, food still tasted quite awful, my intergestion like I was gagging and like you know spew was coming up in my throat almost always so it was really really uncomfortable so I didn't know if this feeling was wishful thinking that I was going to go a week early or if it was you know a sign from the universe, a deep gut feeling that I kind of
00:08:14
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just had and felt. But I trusted that it was a feeling that I just hadn't felt and that those
00:08:20
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dates were special and that something was gonna happen around those dates. I chatted to you guys about this a little bit, but in December, my card for 2023 that I pulled was connection. And it could not have been a more perfect card for me because it was the month where I finally became connected to myself again and my baby again after a really rough few months of sickness. So from December onwards, so December, January, February, up until I gave birth in March,
00:08:48
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I started to prep my body and my mind mentally, physically and spiritually. I was starting to do everything I could to get back to myself because I really did lose myself completely in pregnancy. The sickness kind of stripped me of who I was and I didn't realize actually how much until now that I am healthy again. But anyway, if you want to hear more about that, I go
00:09:14
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into that in the pregnancy episode it's called I'm pregnant and I didn't expect it to be like this if you want to listen to that I'll put the link in the show notes but I really just wanted to get in touch again I was like craving spiritual connection I just felt so disconnected but in December that came and I thought I'm actually going to put in the work
00:09:31
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so that I can have my dream birth. So the prep that I was doing personally was lots of meditating, lots of spending time by myself just doing nothing really, like kind of just being, just trying to be really present. I found that time was going really fast and because I was so sick in the pregnancy I was kind of wishing it away but I really did know that, I did understand that at the same time
00:09:56
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being pregnant was so special that I didn't want to wish it away. So I tried to just be present. I tried to slow down. I tried to honor myself, pull back from work, do things for me. I think I said I was meditating. I was journaling. I was pulling cards. I was really just coming home to myself, connecting with myself and my baby and gosh, it felt good.
Preparation for Birth: Mind, Body, Spirit
00:10:16
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I was also talking about all things birth. So I would have lots of conversations with my close friend, Laura, who was my doula.
00:10:24
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She is so amazing. We would have beautiful phone conversations or little coffee catch-ups and we would talk about all things birth and how I wanted it to go and how I would feel empowered and we just just a lot of conversations and a lot of being and a lot of connecting and it really really Helped I think now looking back
00:10:46
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The other things that I was doing was Luke and I did a hypnobirthing course. We did Journey to Birth with Shari Lyon. She is incredible. I was also doing her meditations. She also has an incredible meditation for inducing labor naturally where, you know, you can kind of let go and surrender. And that was really important to me. I personally didn't want to be inducted.
00:11:11
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So I really wanted to go into labor spontaneously so meditating for me and allowing my body to kind of speak to my baby felt really important to me and it felt like it was working and I now like absolutely think it did work. So her course was absolutely amazing.
00:11:29
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not only in the birth itself, but in the lead up to birth and in fourth trimester now as well. Everything that I learnt from Shari is still kind of washing over me and having an effect on me. I also worked with Nicola Lay. You've probably heard of Nicola Lay, especially if you're from the Gold Coast. She's like the queen of breathwork.
00:11:49
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she's incredible at what she does she's so passionate i had some one-on-one sessions with her one individually which was really nice to talk through fears this was another thing that i did i didn't fear like away from my fears i faced them and it was uncomfortable it absolutely was in those last couple of
00:12:09
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weeks and month even in pregnancy, I was like writing down and speaking about every single thing that I was scared of or that made me feel uncomfortable about birth, about becoming a mum, about losing myself, about the sickness, about the pregnancy, about everything. Nicola really helped me with that.
00:12:29
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And then we also had a session with Luke with her as well, which was really beautiful to do with Luke. So that was amazing. I was also diving into birth podcasts and birth vlogs and surrounding myself with positive stories. I think there are a lot. It's so important to share every kind of birth story because of course, sometimes we don't have any control over our birth. Like I don't want to come in and just say, you know, I meditated and had the most beautiful birth.
00:12:57
Speaker
It's different for everyone. And if something unfortunately is going to go wrong, that's not your fault. And that's not anything that you did or didn't do. It might be just your body or your baby or just how it happened. So birth in that respect as well is about surrendering and letting go and not knowing how.
00:13:15
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it is going to eventuate and accepting that, you know, you can try your best to be connected and to visualize the birth that you want. It's like with anything, we try our best to get what we want, but if we don't, it's okay. And we have to surrender and let these things go. Um, and I found that with birth, but I really did surround myself with a lot of positive stories. Like that was important for me. I wanted to see how well birth could go and how,
00:13:45
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magical birth could be. I had heard this beautiful, beautiful thing. And actually it was Laura, again, my friend who was my doula.
00:13:54
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that said it to me first and then I heard so many people speak about it after probably because I was aware of it but she said to me that women when they're transitioning in birth so transitioning if you don't know is that like kind of final stage of labor where women just go off you know into this other world but you're actually going up to the stars to collect your baby your little spirit baby and I just fully believed that and I remember when Laura told me that I got shivers
00:14:20
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everywhere and I just I so deeply knew that I was going to do that and that soon that would be me going up to the stars to get my baby and if you've listened to the Spirit Baby podcast I did with Kylie
00:14:33
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that's kind of exactly what she
Manifestation through Music and Visualization
00:14:35
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said. So I guess what I'm trying to say is I tried to become really aware and really open to the magic that labor and birth could bring me and it really excited me and what that did was made the month lead up to birth probably one of the most magical months of my life despite
00:14:54
Speaker
the fact that I was sick and uncomfortable and really, really impatient as well to have this baby. Looking back, I miss that period so, so much. I'm so nostalgic about it. I get upset thinking that it's over. I get upset thinking that even with future babies, it will never be the same because it was just me. It was me and my baby within my belly, so connected to me.
00:15:21
Speaker
I've never felt more spiritual before but in a way that I had never imagined. It's so hard to explain and I'm actually having a really hard time letting that time go. The further I get away from it, the sadder I become that I'm getting further away from it, if that makes sense. And if anyone has gone through this, please reach out. Let's talk about it because it's
00:15:46
Speaker
I just feel so nostalgic. I've actually been like searching for meditations on nostalgia and like reflecting because I don't want to forget the feelings. And this of course moves into birth as well. So some other things that I was doing was I had my playlists ready for birth and I would play these playlists, not just in the last month of my pregnancy. I played them all throughout my pregnancy, similar to what I did when I manifested my dream wedding, which is another episode you can listen to.
00:16:13
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But I feel like music is such a huge, huge, huge part of manifesting. It really helps with visualisation. So I would play the songs over and over and I would see myself in the room with the fairy lights. I saw myself in the water because I wanted a water birth. I would see myself breathing kind of
00:16:34
Speaker
taking what I learnt from Shari and from Nicola and, you know, putting it into practice. I would see myself with, you know, Luke and my doula and feel the support. Like I would really feel the feelings while the music was playing. It would lift my vibration and it would kind of just create this incredible energy. That's the thing. When we're manifesting, when we're visualising, we need to like raise that vibration and feel it. Music will help you do this. Music is so powerful. So find the songs that make you feel powerful.
00:17:03
Speaker
find the songs that make you feel relaxed, whatever it is that you are manifesting, you will be able to find so many songs and create a playlist on Spotify that raises your vibration to that exact match. So for example, I had four playlists for my birth. I had, the first one I had was called Baby Good Vibes, and this was full of Beyonce, of course. There was, you know, Ballpark Music, John Mayer, Vance Joy, Harry Styles, The Weeknd.
00:17:31
Speaker
Songs like Kiss Me, I'm Every Woman, You Sexy Thing, that I Believe in Miracles song, Bit of Michael Buble, just really feel good songs. The next playlist I had was called Boss Girl Birth. This was for when I was needing to feel into my real, you know, that feminine energy. I'm pushing a baby out, I'm a boss woman.
00:17:51
Speaker
And this was all Beyonce and it was all of her songs where she was like angry or like, I'm amazing kind of vibes. So like Diva, Boss, Formation, Ape Shit, you know, songs like that, Black Parade, Hold Up, Sorry, Don't Hurt Yourself. You probably don't, some of you might not know what these songs are, but if you need a playlist that makes you feel empowered and kind of a little bit angry, like aggressive.
00:18:16
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Look up those songs because that's like at times I wanted to feel that like that power And then the next playlist that I had which played for the majority of my birth Especially the active labor part where I was really like wow intense wanting to kind of give up and
00:18:34
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was the Baby Calm playlist filled with all of my meditation music and the last playlist was called Baby Time which was filled with my really special songs which I wanted Laura to put on when I was pushing and when I was about to give birth which she did and
00:18:49
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It's so, so special because looking back at the videos of me giving birth, by the way, like I can't recommend just getting someone to film little clips of your birth enough. I have watched back these videos so many times. It's really helped me process things and it's really helped me see kind of what happened as well. But what I realized in the video that I didn't realize at the time, but it would have really helped my energy at the time and the vibe at the time.
00:19:15
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was that I Can't Help Falling in Love with You was playing and the lyric so take my hand take my whole life too and it's where the song really slows down the song slowed down and then I pushed Indigo out and that lyric played and oh my god
00:19:34
Speaker
Getting emotional. All right, moving on. Another thing I did in that kind of magical month that was the lead up to my birth was we had got a new aircon, thank God, because I was heavily pregnant in summer on the Gold Coast and I felt the heat. So we got an aircon put in and it was one of those new ones that has like the digital numbers that light up and it kind of lights up the room a little bit just in this nice blue light. And I would always put it on 22. I don't know why.
00:20:03
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But I just did and I would stare at the number while I had my birth relaxation playlist on and I would just sit in my bed with the blue 22 light and my salt lamp and rub my belly and just feel so at peace and
00:20:17
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I would talk to my baby and I would talk to my higher self and something about that number I just felt so connected to. I didn't realize what I was doing at the time, but I think I was actually manifesting the date. Like I just put it on because 2-2 is an angel number. It's a beautiful number. But of course in the car, the few months prior, I had that feeling that the baby would come on the 20th, 21st or 22nd. So.
Manifesting a Natural Labor and Birth
00:20:42
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let's get right into the story that was kind of all the prep I did and I wanted to go over that because whether you are in the lead up to your own birth or something completely different again you don't have to be you know pregnant or wanting to get pregnant or anything like that to benefit from this episode
00:20:58
Speaker
Becoming spiritually in tune with yourself is so important in so many areas of your life no matter where you are, what you're doing, what you're manifesting. So it was about two weeks before my due date and I was growing really really impatient. While I still was enjoying this magical time the impatience kind of started to take over a little bit so I really had to remind myself to
00:21:21
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Surrender that the baby was gonna come when it's ready and as I think I mentioned before I really didn't want to get induced I wanted to go into labor naturally So I really had to surrender and what I loved about Shari's course the journey to birth as well It wasn't all
00:21:37
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like what I did learn was a lot about the physiological side of things which was so important for me and ended up being a huge huge part of my birth like knowing all that but Shari is also quite spiritual so through her I learnt the art of
00:21:55
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Like I know you guys know I talk about surrendering and letting go all of the time, but I learned the art of surrendering and letting go and riding the wave within birth. Now it was funny, Shari used the words, ride the wave all the time. My card for March within my year spread.
00:22:12
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was ride the wave. Like could I not have picked every time I do these yearly spreads. I am just so like I'm not surprised anymore. I'm just amazed at how accurate they can be. Like it literally says ride the wave and that is exactly what I needed to do in that last
00:22:32
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weeks and during my birth and it's exactly what I did to have the birth of my dreams. What's even crazier is my card for April was heal and my gosh did I need to heal in April of course physically because I'd just given birth but I have never had to heal mentally and
00:22:52
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and spiritually so much in my life. Like the last two months for me have been the most instrumental I think in my whole life, of course, because I have had my first baby, yes, but more so in this way of like I've just never had to process so much in my life.
00:23:13
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spiritually and emotionally and I just wasn't expecting that. I think in the lead up I was obviously so sick and I was focusing on getting through pregnancy and then I was focusing on having a healthy baby and a good birth. I didn't think beyond that but I think this has all happened for a reason so I can share what I've learned and what I've gone through with you guys as openly and as honestly as I possibly can even though at times that's going to be really hard but
00:23:40
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It's been really big, like the enormity of it all, I think that's what I'm struggling with, is the enormity of it all. The enormity of the feelings I'm feeling, the hormones, like everything kind of coming up all at once.
00:23:54
Speaker
And these huge shifts, but at the same time, it's so beautiful and it's so amazing. Women are freaking amazing. So it was the 19th of March. I was sitting on my bed and I was craving guidance. And you guys know what I do when I'm craving guidance. I go to my card deck. So I went to my card deck and when I'm doing a reading where I'm like really desperate for an answer, I make sure that I kind of do the whole process. So I did a meditation first. I did some journaling. I try to get really connected to Nanny Waters.
00:24:23
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Cause I knew that Nanny Waters had my baby and I asked the cards and I asked Nanny Waters, I said, please just give me an answer. Am I going to have this baby in the next three days? It was the 19th and I was shuffling and out popped two cards. The first card was journaling, which I knew was just such a huge part. Like I got through the sickness of my pregnancy because of journaling.
00:24:51
Speaker
And in this last couple of months as well, I think I've journaled more than I have in a whole year. Like journaling has just been so huge for me. The next card was the yes card. And you know, when you're doing a card reading and you just, like every part of you just knows that that is the answer, that you were meant to receive this. I burst into tears because I knew that in the next three days I would go into labor naturally and my baby would come.
00:25:20
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And I felt so connected to Nanny Waters in that moment as well. Like I get so emotional even thinking about it now because I just felt so connected. It was just crazy. You know that saying you never know what you have until it's gone. I did try and be really present and aware of what was happening during my pregnancy, but it still wasn't enough. I still
00:25:41
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look back and I'm like wow that was so special those moments that time so please let this be a reminder where you are now no matter where you are in your life what you're doing be present look around take it in be thankful I know you might be going through absolute hell right now and you're like Cleo I can't just be thankful right now but at least take it in
00:26:06
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and just be and reflect and because you just don't know because now which I'll go into this a bit more later the first half of my pregnancy was some of the lowest times in my whole life I now miss it I cannot believe I am saying that I cannot believe I feel that
00:26:27
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But that's just how I feel. Again, this is just a podcast on how I feel. I'm not saying it's right. I'm not saying it's wrong, better, worse, anything like that. But I really hope some of you can relate. So just a reminder to take in where you are because that moment is going to be gone and then you are likely going to miss elements of it. Because even when we're going through hard times, there's elements that are good, like people reaching out to you, people helping you, feeling loved, feeling cared for,
00:26:54
Speaker
if that's what it is. Okay, so it was the 19th, I did that. And I started doing everything to bring on labor naturally. So I was drinking the red raspberry leaf tea, I was bouncing on my balls, I was burning clary sage oil, I was eating the dates, I was doing all the things. And you might be thinking, Cleo, that's not surrendering, like you are manic manifesting there, you're forcing it, but it really wasn't in a way that felt forced. So when you're manifesting, always just look at how you feel. It didn't feel forced for me.
00:27:25
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It felt enjoyable and it felt like this is all really helping me bring labor on and bring my baby into this world.
00:27:33
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We'll go to the 21st now. So it's the 21st. And of course there were parts of me that, you know, were thinking, oh my gosh, no, I'm going to go overdue. I'm going to have to get induced. Like the cards weren't right. And then what made me more sad about that thought was the cards not being right because that upsets me the most in the world. But of course they were right. Who am I kidding? So I'm bouncing on my ball and I'm watching that series, Palm Royale with
00:28:02
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Kristen Wiig. Luke's gone to the footy club and I'm just feeling completely normal but I'm also feeling really relaxed and happy and excited.
00:28:12
Speaker
Something that I had learned was the power of oxytocin and how oxytocin really is the hormone that puts you into labor. So I was making sure I did things that made myself feel really happy and relaxed, hence all the meditation and the journaling. But I was watching this show, I'd had a yummy dinner, and then all of a sudden I got all of this energy. And I should have known. They say that just before you go into labor that you get this energy and you shouldn't use it because that energy is for labor.
00:28:40
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But I used it I got up and I was like I need to clean the kitchen like I need a clean I feel like we're gonna be leaving this house or something like My I think I knew but I was also in denial because I didn't want to get myself excited And it's so crazy what happens like even thinking about this night. I just oh I get shivers it's hard for me to even watch that TV show now the palm Royale and
00:29:04
Speaker
because it just takes me back and I just want to be back there. So I fully set the scene. It's 8 p.m. at night by this time. I mentioned we had a yummy dinner. It was a very spicy green curry because I'd heard that spicy curries can bring on labor.
Emotional Realization and Facing Challenges
00:29:18
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Luke had said to me from the beginning of our pregnancy that he really believed that I and my body would just know and would be able to kind of put myself into labor. And I really loved that he had the faith in me that I
00:29:33
Speaker
had the power to do that. So that helped me believe it even more. But Murphy's law, he was spending lots of time at home, like coming home straight after work, because I had told him that I have a feeling we're gonna go on the 20th, 21st or 22nd, spending a lot of time at home. But this night in particular, there was a presentation night on, he's like, should I just go to the footy club? And I'm like, just go, it's five minutes around the corner. I like to spend time on my own at night anyway, just to like, you know, get in the zone. So that's kind of what was happening.
00:30:02
Speaker
Next, I can't really explain the feeling I got. It wasn't something I expected. It wasn't something I actually felt physically. It was just this feeling that I needed to go upstairs. And then I went up to the bathroom and I noticed a little bit of blood and I thought, oh, my gosh, this is the bloody show. I've been taught that this means that, you know, a little bit of blood is normal. You're in labor. I was in labor.
00:30:27
Speaker
It was like my pregnancy life just flashed before my eyes. Not only in that moment was I so excited, not only was I so relieved, but I was so emotional because that first half of pregnancy, I never thought it would end. I, there was so many times where I couldn't see the light and all of a sudden I was there and it was happening and I was in labor and it was all about to be over.
00:30:53
Speaker
And I was about to birth my baby and it was so surreal. I wish I could experience that moment again because I've never felt so much emotion in the one moment, if that makes sense. It was like I was all of a sudden mourning the pregnancy. I was excited about having the baby. I was terrified. I was
00:31:15
Speaker
In shock, I was relieved because a part of me was so scared I would go over due. Anyway, so, and it was in, it was the 21st, which was one of the dates. So I was about to call Luke and then I started bleeding like crazy.
00:31:32
Speaker
It was really, really scary. There was a lot, a lot, a lot of blood and it wouldn't stop. So I started freaking out as you would. I called Luke, he didn't answer. There's actually a funny story on his end, but I won't tell that now. He didn't answer.
00:31:48
Speaker
I text him saying get home now, but I couldn't text because I was shaking so much and there was blood all over my hands and He then was home within like five minutes. He said he'd never driven so fast in his life I managed to call the hospital. They said you need to come in right now that amount of blood is not normal and That freaked me out even more of course so
00:32:11
Speaker
We managed to get out of the house. I was pretty sad in this moment because a part of my visualizations and a part of my birth prep and birth plan was that we would stay home as long as possible. We would have my diffusers going, my salt lamp, my music, my cards, everything. We'd be in our own home, our own environment. I'd have crumpet there. Crumpet would be with me through contractions. And then when we felt ready, we would calmly pack our bags and we would go to the hospital.
00:32:43
Speaker
No, we left obviously in the biggest rush. I was like bleeding so much. So we had to like hurry out of the house. So we did have my hospital bag packed, but there was a lot of like last minute things that needed to go in there. We jumped in the car. I didn't get to say a proper goodbye to Crumpet, which made me super, super emotional.
00:33:04
Speaker
And as we kind of were leaving our street, my mum and dad were driving in because we had called them to come get crumpet. And we just crossed paths at 8pm at night. It's 8pm at night, by the way. Waving to my mum and dad and you could just see the stress in my mum's eyes, but she was like trying to be strong. She was like, you're fine. I love you. You're fine. Anyway, so we got to the hospital in like 20 minutes and we
00:33:34
Speaker
So the car ride there I think was really important. We called Laura Maidula. She talked us through everything, was the calming voice we obviously needed to hear.
00:33:45
Speaker
And then when I got off the phone, I knew that I had a choice. I had a choice to lean into the fears that this bleeding could be something really scary and really bad. I also had the choice to lean into, I am not starting my birth the way I had imagined and that I had visualized and that I have prayed for for so long.
00:34:09
Speaker
I did. I had a choice to like let that take over me. And to be honest, it started to because I was like, how can I have a really good birth now if it has started like this? So I knew that they were two avenues that I could let my mindset kind of go down, that would not help me at all. But it was kind of the easier option to freak out, to cry, to panic.
00:34:30
Speaker
But instead of fearing the worst with the blood and instead of being so frustrated and upset that this wasn't starting in the way that I'd hoped, we went with another option. I put my meditation music on and Luke and I just breathed.
Mindset Shift and Active Labor
00:34:44
Speaker
We breathed in and out the whole car ride. A lot of it we learnt from Nicola.
00:34:50
Speaker
Nicola Lay, I said her name before, Queen of Breathwork, we kind of like tapped into that energy and breathed all the way to the hospital. Her link to her website will be in my show notes as well. She's not just great at pregnancy, she's great at
00:35:06
Speaker
teaching breath work that will help you through everything in your life. Got there. Of course I was still scared. We didn't know what was going on, but I felt worlds better. We went in and we were quickly told that the bleeding was no danger to me or the baby. So we knew that it was just, it was a bleed.
00:35:23
Speaker
It was fine. Like it was, I was still bleeding, but it was okay. So I had to be monitored overnight. I was told in this moment that because of the bleeding, I wouldn't be able to have a water birth though, because they wouldn't be able to monitor my bleeding. And that really broke me, but I had to keep reminding myself to let go and to trust the process and
00:35:46
Speaker
I did that, I let that thought go. Next thing, it was the morning. And so that whole night, of course, we didn't sleep and I was just being monitored and we were so tired. When I got to the hospital at 9 p.m. on the 21st, I was three centimeters dilated. So I had already started, like I was in labor. It was the next morning after that whole morning of being in the hospital and being monitored that nothing had really changed. And my obstetrician said to me,
00:36:17
Speaker
Cleo, you need sleep. Like you're not going to be able to go into labor because you have no energy. You haven't slept. And I was like, yes, she's right. She's like, can you get some rest? And I was like, how am I going to get rest when I'm in labor? And like, I was also contracting at this point and they were like, it was like a really, really, really bad period pain at that point. So I had to kind of like hold onto Luke, but I could talk through them. Like they weren't too bad.
00:36:45
Speaker
So we managed to get some sleep and they, so they gave me a short acting sleeping tablet because I said, I don't want a long acting one because I never take them and I don't want to be groggy for labor. So I took a short acting sleeping tablet. We slept for like an hour, woke up, slept for another hour. And when we came out of the sleep and we kind of stuffed around for a bit, it was like 3 PM in the afternoon.
00:37:14
Speaker
So it's now the 22nd. And of course I'm aware that it's the 22nd. And I just knew that the baby was coming that day, but nothing was changing. And it was 3 p.m. We went out to the midwives and they had moved us into our room by now, by the way. So we had this beautiful double bed. We put our fairy lights up. We, you know, just made it our own. And every now and then things were coming back like,
00:37:43
Speaker
you know we forgot our pillows and I wanted to like smell my pillow so I could like smell home. We forgot my birth board because we left in such a rush which had like nanny waters on it and crumpet on it. There were little things coming up that kind of disappointed me and kind of would start to take me out of the mindset that I wanted to be in and that made me realize that of course I'm not progressing in labor because I had this big scare, my environment, I'm now in a hospital and
00:38:12
Speaker
Of course, like this month lead up, I've been so relaxed and I've been so in tune. I've been meditating. I've been doing this and that and treating my body with all these beautiful feelings. And all of a sudden I've completely just pushed them to the side. What that did was stall labor. So the midwives said, why don't you guys just go home, be in your own space, labor there and progress there. And everything in my gut said no, like absolutely not.
00:38:41
Speaker
And I turned to Luke and I said, I'm going to put myself into active labor. We're having this baby tonight. And he was like, okay. So we went back to the room and I put Luke's noise canceling headphones on and I decided it's time for a mindset shift and I'm going to do this. Like I know that my mind is so powerful and I can make this happen in the way that I want it to.
00:39:05
Speaker
Again, surrendering came into this so, so much, like to let all of the disappointment go.
00:39:14
Speaker
even though it wasn't that disappointing in the moment it felt disappointing and focus on like the excitement and just moving through. So I put the noise cancelling headphones on and I did a meditation. I slowed my breath down and I became connected again. When I came out of the meditation I played Beyonce's song, Cuff It, so loud in my headphones
00:39:38
Speaker
and I started getting my oxytocin back up. Then said to Luke, let's go for a walk. We'll go for like a five minute walk just down to the cafe and come back up.
00:39:47
Speaker
So we went down and it felt so good to be in fresh air. It was a nice afternoon. We started walking and I just said to Luke, let's just keep walking and let's talk about all the things that make us happy. So we were talking about crumpet. We were talking about how we were going to tell our family when the baby was born and boom, five minutes apart, my contractions and quite, quite
00:40:09
Speaker
painful like we had to stop on the side of the road and I had to hold on to Luke and breathe to get through the contractions we ended up walking for an hour we did I think two or three laps of the hospital and the hospital is huge I was obviously walking slow because I was huge at that point
00:40:27
Speaker
And my feet were so swollen. It was such a struggle, but it was so worth it. It was everything I needed. And it goes to show a change of environment, a mindset shift and oxytocin really made all the difference. So then we got back to the hospital and there was a group of midwives at the desk and we were like, oh my God, guys, we did it.
00:40:48
Speaker
Cause I had kind of said, give me an hour, like give me an hour. I'm going to go put myself into labor and I'm going to come back. And they were super supportive, but like, they probably thought in their head, they were like, okay, dream on girlfriend. Because I had a lot of different nurses and midwives say things to me like, oh, Cleo, like, you know, this type of early labor can actually continue for like five to seven days sometimes. And you know, first time births, the labors are really long. Like this is not just going to happen.
00:41:17
Speaker
And I just thought like, no, yes, it is. Like, yes, it bloody is. And they were all so beautiful. We had the most amazing experience at the hospital, but they were just doing their job and telling me, but I had learned that, you know, I was trusting my intuition. So we got back to the hospital and they were like celebrating with us because we show them the contraction app and I had had so many contractions five minutes apart.
00:41:44
Speaker
and super painful. So I was in labor. I got checked. I was seven centimetres dilated.
00:41:50
Speaker
like just from that. And then I got in the shower for probably like 45 minutes to an hour. And we just played all of the feel good songs out loud. I was dancing, obviously stopping to contract, but I was feeling really good. Our baby was coming and it was the 22nd. So at this stage, it was probably like 5.30 PM. And I knew that the baby was coming that night. And I knew that the baby was coming before 12 PM too, because I knew it was going to come on the 22nd.
00:42:20
Speaker
and then we got moved into the actual birth room. So this was the room that we were in to get monitored the night before, which was all just really surreal. We brought our fairy lights in, we put the diffusers on, we made the space our own, and I started really getting into my breath then and focusing on myself really and the baby and like kind of meditating through it.
00:42:44
Speaker
Laura arrived at 7.30 and that's when contractions really amped up. So I had the most beautiful people supporting me. I had Luke obviously. He was so incredible. He just, he was just so amazing. Laura was so amazing. The midwives were so amazing. Like I just, the environment, the atmosphere really, really helped me have such a beautiful labor.
00:43:07
Speaker
The only way I could get through my contractions was standing up and kind of stretching my body out. And it's crazy, my body must have known that that was the only way that I was going to get through because my feet swelling, which had been so bad for the past month, maybe even two months, my feet swelled up really quite early.
00:43:28
Speaker
they went down completely during labor, which was the biggest blessing because I could stand and go through my contractions. And then I was told that the bleeding had slowed down enough that I could get in the bath. And I got in the bath and I was like, get me out. I hated it. I think I had like two contractions in the bath and it was just so uncomfortable for me. And again, it was another moment where I was like, I just, it's okay. I just have to shift. Like,
00:43:56
Speaker
Just because I wanted this and I visualized this doesn't mean that it's the only option for me. So I didn't let that bother me. I just got back into the shower and kept focused, kept breathing. So the contractions were really ramping up and there were absolutely so many moments where I was like, I cannot do this. Like there is no way I can keep going. How long do I have left?
00:44:20
Speaker
I just, I kept thinking I was gonna faint and then I was gonna vomit. I actually remember at one stage, the midwives and my doula and everything, they were being so nice, you know, Cleo, you're not gonna faint, you're okay. And I remember at one stage just being like, see ya, like see ya, I am gonna faint, see ya. And I didn't faint.
00:44:37
Speaker
And Luke also said to me the only words that I muttered in those like last kind of few hours was boost on boost off because he was in control of my tens machine which was on my back and things like no no no I can't do it and I did say to him we're never having another baby again. I just kept going back to my breath really breathing through it and
00:45:02
Speaker
I felt so connected to Nanny Waters, but never so much so than in the moment of transition. So I was in the shower and this is where I guess I transitioned into that, like I'm about to be pushing and everything went purple.
00:45:20
Speaker
Like I was in the universe and I was just surrounded by purple light. I don't remember this, but in this moment I had my eyes shut and I was saying Nanny Waters over and over again. I was saying, Nanny Waters, Nanny Waters, Nanny Waters. All I remember is being in a room. Like it's like that place. I don't know if everyone knows, but there's this place on the Gold Coast called Infinity and you go there and it's like all crazy lights. It was like I was in a room like that just with, it was so magical. So much purple light. I was in another world.
00:45:50
Speaker
And of course I didn't really realize what I was doing at the moment, in the moment, but I was going up to collect my baby from the stars.
Transformative Birth and Spiritual Journey
00:45:59
Speaker
And I, actually I'll go back to that. So yeah, so that happened and it was crazy.
00:46:05
Speaker
I then got out of the shower and I moved onto the bed and I was kind of like on my all fours with like the top of the bed up. And I was being coached through pushing very calmly by the beautiful midwives. I had Luke there. I had my doula there as like awful as it was for me in that moment. Like I have obviously never been in that amount of pain before. I wanted to give up.
00:46:32
Speaker
Um, but I was nine and a half centimeters dilated then, um, and I began pushing and at 11, 16 PM, my baby girl came out.
00:46:43
Speaker
on the 22nd of March and oh my god like I just... birth is just the most transformative thing I think a woman will ever go through. A close friend of mine the other day, Michelle, sent me this quote and I've I don't think I've ever resonated so much with a quote before in my life. So the quote says there is a phase in labor appropriately called transition
00:47:07
Speaker
where a woman will meet her breaking point. She'll feel as though she can't go on and she is right. The maiden in her is not strong enough for the task at hand. It's during this time the maiden dies so that the woman can be reborn as a mother with her child. A new, more capable version of herself with far more strength than she has ever known. From maiden to mother. When we birth, we birth twice. Once for us and once for our child.
00:47:34
Speaker
I have goosebumps all over my legs and arms just reading that so thank you Cheryl for sharing that with me because it really articulated so much of what I felt and I don't know who that quote is from it says unknown I wish I knew. And if you are a mum and you have birthed a baby no matter how you birthed I really believe this quote applies to absolutely everyone and
00:47:58
Speaker
please I know that there are a lot of people who've had traumatic births or births that didn't go the way that they planned but the reflection on you as a strong woman is everything so please be kind to yourself and take the time to reflect and read this quote knowing that it was written for you and for every woman who has birthed before.
00:48:20
Speaker
Okay, so back to it. She came out and it just felt so mad. Well, I didn't even know she was a girl until five minutes after and I checked the timestamps on the videos and it was five minutes after she was born. We saw that she was a girl.
00:48:32
Speaker
And what I didn't realize, this is what I said I'd like kind of come back to, is because we knew that her name, if she was a girl, it was going to be Indigo Valerie. Valerie is after my other grandma, so not Nanny Waters, my other grandma. And we'd actually had the name picked out. It was so spent like 13 years ago when Luke and I met, our baby was always going to be called Indigo. And that's why when I had the spirit baby psychic session with Kylie,
00:48:54
Speaker
She said to me, this was off air. She said, do you want to tell me the baby's names? And I said, yeah, we're picking out of these four names, like two for boys, two for girls. And she said, your babies are laughing at you because you've already picked the name and you already know what the name is. And I should have known in that moment because the only name that we were certain on was our girl's name. So I should have known it was a girl, but I was pretty convinced it was a boy.
00:49:19
Speaker
Well, for the first probably six, seven months of my pregnancy, I was convinced it was a boy. If you listen to my first pregnancy episode, when I found out I was pregnant, I saw this blue light. I kind of took that as it's blue for a boy, but it was obviously just blue. It's a healthy baby. There's a being inside of you. But one of the most magical things that I was reflecting on and I didn't realize in the moment was that purple light was indigo light.
00:49:45
Speaker
Like what the hell? It was literally indigo light and I was surrounded by it and it was like Nanny Waters was there and was handing my baby indigo over to me and it was just represented in the way of this beautiful magical purple light helping me get through this natural birth. I didn't end up having any drugs, which is something I really, really wanted, but I must say like I wanted them because
00:50:12
Speaker
I hurt so much, but my belief and my strength, I guess, which is like hard for me to say when it's myself, but it was stronger than my fear because I knew that I could do it.
00:50:28
Speaker
but it was just so hard. And I think this is a lesson with anything in life. Your drive, your strength, your desire needs to be stronger than your fear. And if it's stronger than your fear, you can do anything. Now that I have been through that,
00:50:46
Speaker
And even now that I've been through the first half of my pregnancy, I believe that I can do anything now. Even though I feel very vulnerable and quite weak at the moment still, I know that it's bigger than that. I know that it's taught me so, so much. And this is not just me, this is all of you.
00:51:04
Speaker
We are all strong enough to do anything we set our mind to. Our minds are so, so powerful. And you do not have to go through birth to show yourself that. But make sure that your strength and your desire is stronger than your fear. And that's what it was for me. So she came out. It was so magical. We were so respected in the hospital. We were left alone. We did skin to skin for like an hour. And then I gave it a look.
00:51:29
Speaker
And we waited to cut the chord and it was just so special I had my beautiful playlists playing because Laura made sure she put the songs I wanted on when my baby was coming out and that was so special to me like having
00:51:45
Speaker
these songs that I had visualized for months and months and months playing when I was at the height of pain and of like, I cannot do this, having those songs playing just reminded me that absolutely I can, because I've been here, I've visualized this in my mind. And reflecting back, I was really proud of myself that I was able to surrender and let go of my dream water birth. I was like, it's just not meant to be, I don't mind at all, and I moved on. And I'm like, good on you, Cleo, because
00:52:15
Speaker
I feel like a few years ago I wouldn't have been able to do that and I would have really got stuck on the fact that it wasn't what I wanted and I really had to do that at the start of the labor as well. Again, a reminder for everything that sometimes the best
00:52:33
Speaker
is not shown to us. The universe can see the best way. And we think we know the best way. I thought the best way was laboring at home and having a water birth. But the best way for me was to get to the hospital sooner and was to learn all these beautiful lessons that I will now take with me through my whole life.
00:52:50
Speaker
and to have my baby on all fours in the bed after being in the shower for hours. And that was right for my body. I have recovered so well. I'm so lucky. I really am so grateful. I really had the most beautiful birth and I miss it dearly.
00:53:10
Speaker
So I wasn't going to do this, but I might break this podcast up into a part one and part two. So stay tuned for part two. I want to tell you guys more about the immediate days after birth and the really cool magical things I experienced, but also get into the fourth trimester, which I am well and truly still going through right now. And I did not realize how big and how crazy the fourth trimester can be emotionally, physically, all of all of the things.
00:53:39
Speaker
I feel like I've forgotten things. I feel like I've been in and out and here and there. I hope I followed some kind of story. I hope I did my story justice because it really has been the most incredible thing that I've ever been through, but at the same time, the hardest thing. So thank you for listening. Stay tuned for part two. And just a reminder, my positive guidance cards for kids, my positive guidance journals in blue and gold, they are all finally back.