Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
F.A.X. FAQ
55 Plays2 years ago
In this very special episode Fax returns to the podcast to reveal why he was away on his summer sabatical.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction & Jimmy's Health Battle
00:00:34
Speaker
Hey everybody. Welcome to another episode of predetermined a pro wrestling hangout. I'm your host Garrett calendar. And with me as always, Chris Miggs and returning from his summer sabbatical, Jimmy facts. Whoo. Damn, it's good to see a brother. Uh, let's see what, I mean, how, how have you been? I mean, if you, if you've been, if you've just been working, if you've been traveling, did you get to watch any wrestling? What the fuck's going on?
00:01:02
Speaker
Garrett, we text every day, you know I had cancer, right? Like I might still- That was real? Yeah, colon cancer. I was diagnosed with that like a few weeks ago. Told you I wasn't going to apologize for a bit. Man, I was... I don't... I wasn't watching wrestling and I might have missed that.
00:01:27
Speaker
In fact, Derek, Garrett, you've really gotta believe your friends a little bit more. They're not playing bits on you. I'll admit that we do talk about penis hole torture a lot in our text threads. So maybe you thought I was talking about a Jimmy Lloyd promo or something, but no, no, that was me talking about the actual catheter in my penis when I was recovering from surgery, when they, you know,
00:01:57
Speaker
cut me open, got six scars. But yeah, folks, I had, might still have colon cancer. Well, I don't have colon cancer anymore. Let's be clear about that. But I might have to do some chemotherapy or stuff, but the prognosis is quite good.
Wrestling and Friendship Dynamics
00:02:13
Speaker
That's why I'm back. Wanted to talk to you guys a little bit about my experience. Wanted to let you guys, some of my best friends, ask any questions you have. And maybe we'll talk about this show coming up.
00:02:24
Speaker
this weekend with the Japanese guys. Sound good? I mean, if we get to it. Yeah, it did strike me one of the thoughts I had facts when we were talking about it, because, you know, I think it was actually the week, the first week you were out, we were a little bit depressed about not going the forbidden door because of what they've announced for it. And it did hit me as like, well, I couldn't have gone with facts anyway. You probably would have been busy.
00:02:52
Speaker
Yeah, I don't think I'm technically cleared for podcasting. I'm definitely not cleared for international travel. It was appropriate for professional wrestling, right? Look, you saw a guy, he gave you a white pill and a blue pill, and you're cleared as cleared as you need to be as for Vince McMahon to send you out to wrestle. That's how cleared you are to podcast right now. At least. At least.
Medical Humor & Recovery Challenges
00:03:18
Speaker
Facts, come on, I mean, like Matt Tremont gets cut open, he still makes the town. He still makes the next town. Come on, you got this. So let's talk about my penis hole a little bit here so you guys can get into it, right? Yeah, no, that was my first question. So now normally when you get surgery, right, I don't know if you guys have ever had surgery of any kind, but like they put a catheter on you anytime you put under. But normally it's in for like a couple of hours, right? Like by an hour after surgery it's out.
00:03:46
Speaker
Um, in my case, it was a day after surgery. Um, they took it out and then I wasn't able to empty my bladder, which is something that people, you know, my age normally not an issue. So they had to put it back in, which by the way, again, you're fully conscious when they remove it and they put it back in. And then of course they have to remove it again. So it ended up being in for about four days. And
00:04:12
Speaker
Is it worse? Is it worse the going in or the being? Oh, it is much. It's worse the being there just because it's persistent. It does hurt a lot going in. It actually surprisingly doesn't hurt that much coming out. It it's like.
00:04:33
Speaker
It hurts a lot going in, but it's really just the fact that it's in there and you're literally attached to a P-tank. So I literally have a P-tank in my left hand and an IV in my right hand. You basically look like you're set up to go to Kid Rock's big ass honky tonk. Exactly. Yeah, I feel like I'm like Dr. Octopus at a nursing home.
00:04:55
Speaker
Like I don't, I don't know how else to put it. It's like, and then when, when it finally comes all the way out, like, did you guys see like the third Thor, Thor Ragnarok, where like the Hulk has been the Hulk for like years. And then he finally turns back to Bruce Banner and like, he doesn't know how to be a human anymore. That was basically my penis.
00:05:16
Speaker
When the catheter finally came out, it was just like, what the fuck is going on? How do you treat me like this? It's every time it looks at you, it whimpers. Like, it's just like, what did you do to me? Yeah. And when you have a catheter and your bladder is full the entire time, because basically they put a literal balloon in there. So you constantly feel like you have to pee, but you can't actually force pee. And if you try to push, it just feels like
00:05:45
Speaker
like pushing out air but your lips are sealed shut. It is awful. And then the way your dick looks, by the way, let's get into that. Was it incredible colored? No, but it was definitely somewhat discolored. It definitely got a little like purple grayish, definitely was a new shade for my junk at least. So the eggplant emoji was like,
00:06:10
Speaker
Pretty close. It was pretty on point. Actually, you know what? The Incredible Hulk sometimes is gray. So maybe it was kind of like a gray Hulk with the purple pants. Your dick looks like noir. Yeah. And like, but it didn't look noir because it didn't look cool. Because that's the other thing is once it's in there,
00:06:31
Speaker
Like your dick looks so sad and defeated because it is, right? It's like literally like, it's like, I got one job and you're not letting me do it. You know, and you're causing me pain. So it just looks like basically like mankind at the end of King of the Ring 98. There's just a mess of hair shooting out, contraptions going in that like the mask kind of looks like these wires.
00:06:54
Speaker
It's it's a head hanging out of your penis hole by the time you were leaving. Yeah, exactly. It's just it's just very distressed. And by the way, I don't know if you guys know this, but nurses are often attractive young women. So I also have these like 27 year old blonde nurse, they're all blonde.
00:07:16
Speaker
nurses are the ones that are just like, let me look up and take a look at how the penis hole is doing. And I'm like, well, this is not my best look. Like I'm trying like my wife's in the room and I'm like, come on, just take the catheter out. I'll show you like, let me, this isn't a sexual thing. Like I just want you to see.
00:07:35
Speaker
how it is. Also, by the way, when you have a catheter in, even if you're a pain medication, not in the beginning when you're on a pain medication 24 seven, but eventually like when you're not on as much pain medication, you still get erections. So then sometimes you'll have a fully erect dick with a catheter in it, which is also like, talk about the Incredible Hulk. When the catheter finally came out, um,
00:08:02
Speaker
the level of erection I was getting, it was like my dick, like the Grinch's heart grew two sizes that day. It was, and I don't know whether it was just because it was in such rough shape and I thought, I was just like, hey buddy, we've had a good run. I guess I'm glad we froze some sperm before this because I don't know that you're gonna be able to perform baby making just from the physical and psychological, not my brain, his brain,
Hospital Life & Medication Effects
00:08:28
Speaker
right? My dick's brain. Your dick has seen some stuff now.
00:08:42
Speaker
I need the listeners to know that Chris and I's faces throughout this has just been like a human centipede two level of cringe. Like both of us are wincing at a level that needs to be described. We hurt so much for you facts now. I mean, we hurt for you before, we cared for you, but the pain level we're feeling for you is high.
00:09:01
Speaker
What does mouth look like now? Does stuff just fall out of you or has it gone black down?
00:09:07
Speaker
And I'm happy that you started here because the second you said, catheter, I forgot you had cancer and I just wanted to know about the penis trauma. Yeah. I mean, the penis trauma is the worst part, honestly. Like, um, you know, I, I got like five pounds of my colon cut out and removed from my body. So, uh,
00:09:29
Speaker
Yeah, that sucks. But the penis torture was definitely the worst part. By an order of magnitude, you can only imagine with what I'm describing how good these nurses, by the way, must be at compartmentalizing. Otherwise, they will never be able to have children after this either.
00:09:44
Speaker
You got to think they see this all the time because you're thinking like I feel embarrassed. I'm 40 right now. I'm 40 on the news. So I probably like this isn't bragging. This is just math. I probably have one of the better penises they see. Right. This is their this is like the dominant. Yeah.
00:10:05
Speaker
I mean, before this, a reasonably healthy penis. It's not huge, but it's pretty handsome. I think I have a pretty handsome penis. And they're generally seeing 75, 80, maybe even 90-year-old penises, right? So you've got to be... Exactly. I get you. You're like, you're not giving an exact percentile. You're just saying you've got to be in the top somewhere in the upper group.
00:10:31
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. And none of my condition actually relates directly to the penis, right? So they also see penises that are cut open, guys going through like, you know, bladder cancer or prostate cancer, you know? So, but let's go back to my bladder, right? So apparently when you can't pee like this,
00:10:58
Speaker
Um, in a man, it's usually because you've something of an inflamed prostate or something like that. So the prostate is basically reacting to all the surgery. Has no fucking idea what's going on, right? Cause your body is like, it's like a dog in a lightning storm where it's just like, has no fucking idea what's going on, but it doesn't like it. Um, and it, I guess basically balloons up and actually blocks the way to get the pee out.
00:11:25
Speaker
So in those extra days that I'm on the catheter, they're also giving me this medication called Flomax, which basically shrinks the prostate back to the normal size. And then when they take that out, if you can pee again, then that was it. And if you can't, then you probably have a big major issue that you might need to have surgery on your dick, which I did not have to do. So for me, the Flomax did work. As soon as they did take the catheter out, I was able to pee back to normal.
00:11:52
Speaker
Now, here's a fun thing. We're going to bring some of these stories together. So now you can imagine by the time the catheter is out, we're talking about five days after surgery, you know, five of the worst days of someone's life possible, basically, right? Horrible pain. You're on painkillers. Really, really bad. So now it's like the IV came out the day before, by the way. So now the IV is I have no tentacles anymore.
00:12:21
Speaker
IVs out. Now I'm still in a hospital bed. I'm still in a hospital doing these things. But now I also have this turbo charge direction that just keeps coming back. And then my wife wears this kind of low cut shirt when she's visiting me. I'm getting these erections. The nurses are in and out. You guys can see where this is going.
00:12:41
Speaker
So, you know, visiting hours end at like eight. And again, I was in the hospital for a full week after surgery, so I'm not gonna be one of those people to be like, my wife should sleep on the floor of my hospital room for a fucking week straight. So, visiting hours end at eight, she leaves at eight. And then usually, like the nurses, after dinner and stuff like that, they kinda ask like, how do you wanna do this? Do you want us to wake you up for your medication? Are you okay with us getting, like, hitting you with the medication while you sleep? Blah, blah, blah. And I've been giving, at this point, I'm basically okay where I'm like, you know what?
00:13:10
Speaker
Give me till five a.m., right? Like, give me basically do everything you need to do up until 10 p.m. And then between 10 and five, just let me sleep. And so I do that. And it's just after 10, the nurse left for the final thing. And, you know, I got some Wi-Fi in there. So I I fire up the old Pornhub machine. I've got this monstrous erection. I don't know what to do with giant Gonzales like.
00:13:36
Speaker
So I start going to town on myself, right? Just absolutely cranking it. And again, I haven't been able to do anything with my penis in about a week. And even if I could, it had a fucking catheter in it most of the time. So this was one of the most just heavenly delicious masturbatory sessions you could ever have. And I'm walking and I'm kind of going and I'm really taking my time. I'm really helping myself to myself.
00:14:04
Speaker
Well, so hopefully being gentle, your penis has gone through so much. Oh, it's, we're getting romantic. Like in my dick, actually, even with the little joker lips, it had a little rose in its lips and it was kind of handing it to me. I sniffed it. I gave it back. He's like, you want to know how I got a smile on my face? So then finally, So finally, I, um,
00:14:29
Speaker
I'm like, okay, let's get to the main event. Let's get to our finishing sequence here. It had been like kind of Kenny Okada, two out of three falls where it's been really, really good hour long, but we, you know, we got to get to the finish. The fans got to go home and go to bed. And so I just, you know, go and I climax like, Oh my God. Like the fucking like, like they do it like when a version loses their virginity in a movie. Like that's how like the clouds parted.
00:14:58
Speaker
But I love it. There was no way to hide all that semen that you just got all over yourself in the ceiling. But the question there, Garrett, is what semen? Nothing came out. It was like a cough of dust? Like what? Nothing? There was nothing. So I'm just going, oh. And I was like, that didn't feel like anything came out. And then I opened my eyes. I'm like, nothing came out. And it turns out this stuff that shrinks your prostate
00:15:28
Speaker
So at first, I'm like, that was great. I want to orgasm like this all the time. Cleanup's easy. This seems like a feature. Then, of course, I get cripplingly worried of like, oh, wait, this is super abnormal. Do I maybe have penis cancer, too, or something like that?
00:15:45
Speaker
But then I find out it's the flow max. Like this is a thing I did yesterday, by the way, which was a few days later, I had my first wet orgasm again, and it was voluminous. It was voluminous. But yeah, dry climax is a fun postscript to the penis torture. Cancer's not so bad. You get to cum like a ghost a couple of times.
00:16:13
Speaker
And apparently I was reading about it. So you actually do come, but again, because of the stuff, it doesn't get through the urethra. So it actually, you come into your own bladder inside your body. So then they mentioned that when you piss afterwards, your piss is a little cloudy with your own semen.
00:16:32
Speaker
So when you had to give samples afterwards, they knew, they knew. Oh, yeah. Well, I bet there's some fetishists right now that are listening to this podcast. They don't care about wrestling. They don't care about us. And they just had a friend that's like, oh, you got to hear this guy describe the dry climax. Oh, that bladder come. Oh, God, that does it for me. Who on the hub do we need to send a thank you card to?
00:16:58
Speaker
I actually don't remember. You do, but it's OK if you don't say. I don't. So by the way, we just skipped right by that. I said I froze some sperm. Have either of you guys gone through this process? Have you been through like a fertility clinic and kind of had your boys looked at or frozen or anything like that? So I've never had them frozen, but they've been they've been checked. And but you went to the clinic and you did the deed there.
00:17:27
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Well, actually a little both ways, actually. I did once because the IVF and IY process had happened a couple of times. So the the a couple of times I did it at the clinic, which was very, very strange because they're like, they're like, OK, here's this room. And you're like, oh, it looks clean. And they're like, you want to watch some porn? And you're like, yeah, I'm not touching
Wrestling Banter & Personal Stories
00:17:53
Speaker
the keyboard that's required to like
00:17:56
Speaker
Someone, mine didn't have a keyboard. Yeah, it was a touchscreen, but I'll also take a couple of... Here's you just had to shout the things you wanted to see at it. Siri, show me! I have a mind, Garrett, okay? And I have a beautiful imagination. Siri, busty co-eds. The one I went to also had a magazine rack.
00:18:20
Speaker
but there were no magazines on the, but there were no magazines on the rack. Clearly there'd been no magazine, but you could see that there was still the little, you remember the little like subscription cards that magazines used to have? There was a couple of those still just caught that had clearly just fallen out in like 2006 and they've just never taken it out. But mine, it just had a mouse. What's the rate for a subscription to cherry?
00:18:46
Speaker
Well, again, it would have been the 2006 rate, I'm sure. Oh, it's probably, it's probably gone down. Honestly. Well, the thing that I found though, is that when you shook the mouse, now they don't, they have it set up so that you can only use their premium porn network. Like they pay, right? You can't just go to whatever website you want. So that's cool. Obviously I do investigate that. But the other thing is you just go in, you shake the mouse and it's just whatever the last person was watching.
00:19:09
Speaker
It's like they don't clear the history or anything. So obviously then my first thing is like, oh, well, I'm gonna have to leave the weirdest thing I can find on this. So that the next person is like, wow, I didn't know they made a trans Batman porn. They definitely do. Oh no, I can confirm they do now.
00:19:36
Speaker
All right. Well, you know, again, there's I'm surprised there's not weirder. Like I'm like, that's pretty weird. But also, yeah, of course. The world is a many splendid place. Yeah.
00:19:52
Speaker
Yeah, and you know, and back to my penis hole, although I guess we haven't really left, the majority of this podcast is always been about penis holes, really. It's really the heart of it. Yeah. Is that- Is there anyone listening to the first time? This is, you will still hear about penis holes. Also, no, Chris and I were very worried about facts during this. No matter how much we're making jokes right now, still are worried. Yeah, and again, I'm serious that the penis hole stuff was the worst stuff. Like, it's bad.
00:20:21
Speaker
Um, also, by the way, uh, I'm on, you know, you, I think you guys both know this. I'm in therapy. Uh, I take, uh, medication for anxiety. Um, they didn't let me have my anxiety medicine in the hospital for the most anxious week of my life. Yeah. There's nothing anxious about, uh, you know, having your colon removed.
00:20:48
Speaker
Yeah. How did they? How did they like? Did they give you anything like to know that? Nope. Chill out, bro. Painkillers and which admittedly for the first couple of days, I didn't even notice. I'm like, yeah, because you're barely awake, right? But I don't know. I'm back on them now. I don't know. I don't know how they make these decisions because they let me take most of my other stuff.
00:21:12
Speaker
But, and obviously now like, you know, no alcohol, there's certain foods I can't eat, although not that limited, but like no alcohol, none of the, you know, however, you know, cause, cause they, they basically cut out a big chunk of my colon, most of my large intestine, and then they basically connect the other end to, they just basically bypass it. So apparently this is what we learned about modern science. Like it started with like the appendix, we're like, ah, you don't really need it, just cut rid of it.
00:21:39
Speaker
And then Angelina Jolie just cut her tits off. She was like, I'm not going to get breast cancer. And apparently, this is how we just deal with everything. Wait, what? The Angelina Jolie thing, is that what you're asking about? Yeah, I didn't know that. Oh yeah, she got a voluntary double mastectomy a decade ago. She's two fake tits.
00:22:03
Speaker
And yeah, apparently like you just don't need most of your organs. Cause they were just like, I remember talking to the doctor about it before the surgery. He's like, Oh yeah, we're going to need to cut out a good amount. And I'm like, in, in what, like, is there a transplant? You put like a, a tube in there, like a plastic. He's like, nah, we just kind of stitch the end to the other end and your body just figures it out. And I'm like, Oh, is this like, it's going to be like long-term. And he's like, no.
00:22:28
Speaker
You'll be fine. Your body needs about a month to learn how to read digest. And, you know, there's certain rules on what you can eat and take into your body. But other than that, it'll be it's like, wait, should we just start removing all of our organs at birth? We should start testing, I think it seems like we can. It sounds like we can do a lot of stink. That's amazing. Yeah, I thought you were going to be like, yeah, I don't have a colon anymore. It's going to get weird. You're like, no. Yeah, they're like.
00:22:52
Speaker
I was like, Oh, am I going to need like a colostomy bag? I have like a nightmares about that. He's like, Nope, you're fine. I just can't eat more than three tacos in a sitting now. Uh, yeah, I, I, I don't know. What is the diet now? Do you have to completely change the weight? No, no, no. It's honestly, it's very simple. It's just no, like low fiber.
00:23:10
Speaker
Honestly, because you just need things like vegetables that are high in fiber, whole grains are more work for your body to digest. So it's just a month of that. Basically everything. And they say to keep kind of a no like heavy fats, but like even that's pretty liberal. Like I can eat meat, right? I just can't eat like ground sausage, right? So like,
00:23:33
Speaker
I think a big thing for us, I don't know if either of us voiced it out loud, but both of us definitely thought it. Let's say the three of us find ourselves in the parking lot of a Buffalo Wild Wings. Sure. We're not eating salads in solidarity. Can you have the- No, salads are the one, didn't you just hear me? Salads are the one thing I can eat. My doctor would insist upon Buffalo Wings.
00:24:01
Speaker
I, okay, I heard that you couldn't have vegetables, but I don't believe that the doctor said no vegetables forever.
00:24:10
Speaker
No, just for a month. But seriously, my very first dinner, which was still in the hospital, but so like, you know, I didn't eat also for several days after this. So my first, this is my second meal, my first dinner that I was given real food again. I literally, they gave me chicken fingers and mac and cheese. So,
00:24:34
Speaker
You know, yeah, it's not. I'll be fine for the be dubs. You actually talked to the doctor and you're like, what should I eat? Can I sleep Buffalo Wild Wings? By the way, you guys keep saying the doctor like it's Dr. Beastman. I've explained this in his full get up with the stethoscope grounded. It's Dr. Beast said he knows all about the Buffalo Wild Wings.
00:24:59
Speaker
That's why you've been told you can eat Buffalo Wild Wings. Dr. Beastman is he's just, he's like, yeah, of course. It's actually- It's not like Dr. Beastman where he's just like, the one thing is no goddamn vegetables. None of those shits ever again, ever again. If it's not on a bone, you can't eat it. But I'm just imagining you going like, hey, can I, can I travel a little bit? Like, well, I mean, if you're gonna, specifically what I want you to do
00:25:28
Speaker
You're wild and wonderful. Right. Specifically, I need you to go eat buffalo wings in West Virginia. And what's most important here, what's really most important
00:25:44
Speaker
is that you entertain yourself while you're eating those wings with something that gives you sort of vigorous excitement, maybe, I don't know, professional wrestling. Like it'd be optimal if you could eat your wild wings and potentially watch that, watch, maybe in the parking lot, I don't know, I'm just hypotheticals.
00:26:05
Speaker
Also, do you guys realize now that any time we go to Hogan's karaoke, we got we have a pass to meet him every time it worked for Jimmy Lloyd and it will work. And I have actual scars that it's very easy to prove. My story is legitimate. You've got your clothes up and he's like, brother, you don't got to show me. I believe you. My stomach looks like if Abdul of the Butcher was on the receiving end of a snuff film.
Support & Medical Anecdotes
00:26:34
Speaker
Ooh, Jesus. Too dark? Too dark? No, we can get dark. That's fine. Can we see? I just didn't know we didn't know. Do you want to see? I'm happy to show you. Please. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. No, like I mean, I'm not embarrassed. I'm OK with it, but it's it's not pretty. So well, we got to tell the listeners what's going on here. OK.
00:27:04
Speaker
Oh, and actually on camera, it doesn't come off so bad. But you can see there's like a series of scars, the one main one. I see around like, yeah, like your tummy looks a little bit like Zack Sabre Jr. as he rolled around in the thumbtacks against Nick Gage this weekend. Yeah, it definitely looked a lot worse. But yeah, it'd be a lot of scarring.
00:27:30
Speaker
So by the way, so we talked about food, and so I think Buffalo Wild Wings, I will also say, I have it on good authority, this didn't come from Dr. Beastman or any other medical professional, but I have it on pretty good authority that your GI track, which is where my issues are, are not impacted when you do the cocaine through your penis hole. Because it goes the reverse way.
00:27:56
Speaker
So I think I'm still good there. I can be the designated driver cause I can't have any alcohol, but I will be doing plenty of penis hole cocaine. Well, that's interesting that if you, if you combine the penis hole, cocaine and flow max, what do we, what is the Oregon? Is it, do we know? Is it like, do you come glitter? Like what, what happens? You, you just,
00:28:23
Speaker
Your hair just immediately goes ghostly white and you just start becoming a nature boy. You literally transform into a nature boy. That's how it happens. Your alcohol tolerance immediately has increased by a thousand percent. But you're immortal. You're functionally immortal. You can try and die in Nashville, but it ain't happening, bud.
00:28:49
Speaker
Right, exactly. It's the only explanation for what Rick Flair does. Yeah. Why he's still with us. So yeah, I mean, I have some other notes here about like the cancer farts and diarrhea and how my wife wouldn't like me joking about my cancer farts, which is also another thing that you guys can imagine. A wife who can't make comments about the stench of my farts and shit ever again.
00:29:18
Speaker
That she's, oh, I've caught her a couple of times where she's about to say something and she has to bite her tongue. Oh yeah, I got you right where I want you. What changes it? Well, I think the cancer. Okay, yeah. I think it's because it just interrupts your digestion, right? So you're like, literally like the food isn't getting all the way through. It's like hitting a roadblock.
00:29:42
Speaker
So, and then after the surgery, they literally, cause when they do my surgery was laparoscopic surgery, right? So that's like computer aided surgery. That's why I have so many smaller incisions. So what they basically do is they make these small cuts and then they literally blast air into you to just puff you up like a balloon. So they have room to get the tools in. So there's also all of this old hospital air that's caught in you.
00:30:10
Speaker
for like a week and a half afterwards. So you're still farting out this air. I'm probably done now, but it would have been very recently. And by the way, it's also incredibly painful because you get these gas pains, including like the worst physical pain I've ever had, like feels like joint or muscular pain, but it's actually in my shoulder, in my left shoulder, a little bit in my right shoulder. And they would explain that,
00:30:36
Speaker
Literally, there's just this layer of air that's just under your skin. And it's like the weight, you know, your skin covers your whole body. It's not just in like the belly area, it gets ever and somehow I guess because the way you lay in hospital beds, it always gets to the shoulders. And it's just literally like this big pocket of air trying to get out and it's just stabbing horrible blinding pain.
00:30:57
Speaker
And it was literally the only thing that would just making me like, you know, you're on the morphine button the first few days. But once that was gone, that was the only thing is when those like, I feel that coming on, that would be like nurse nurse oxy oxy. And then I would obviously make her grind it up and put it in the catheter, put it in the catheter exactly.
00:31:24
Speaker
And I would just take out a 20 and I would put it down the nurse's top. Thanks, toots. You're just living Kevin Nash's life from 1997.
00:31:45
Speaker
Speaking of 97 and other things, my siblings got me a cameo from Mick Foley. And that was, I actually kind of brought a little bit of dust to my eyes when I watched it. So I did want to tell you, and I told them this, but if any of them ever listen to this podcast, it's like, I really did appreciate that.
00:32:05
Speaker
My dad almost spoiled it because I called him the morning of the first time I talked to anyone on the phone was Father's Day morning. I called my dad. He was obviously surprised to hear me. He's like, Oh, how'd you like that thing? Your, your brother's got you and your sister. And I'm like, what are you talking about?
00:32:22
Speaker
And then like when my wife showed up at the hospital, cause I called him at like six in the morning. Cause I'm also, I'm up early. I'm like, who's up early? Oh, Papa facts. He's always awake. Um, and Courtney literally was hours away from visiting hours. You've been starting. So, uh, when she got in, she showed me it. So I didn't get spoiled. It was really cool. Um, you know, he seemed like he would give really good, encouraging words. What did, uh,
00:32:48
Speaker
Yeah, he clearly, he clearly, I don't think knew what I had, I was recovering from surgery for, um, just that I was recovering from surgery. So he does do a whole face, a Foley bit where like he starts his mankind, puts the camera down, comes back as dude love puts the camera. So like he does that whole thing. And then that's like the first minute he does like 30 seconds as mankind, 30 seconds as dude love.
00:33:13
Speaker
doesn't do cactus jack cuz I think we're all realizing now, like the cactus jack character was half just the real Mick Foley and half what became mankind. Um,
00:33:23
Speaker
So, and then he's just, and he's just like, Oh, we're two Long Island boys. And he just talked about Long Island a bit and, um, wrestling. And he, he, he told some story about the king of the ring, which he did plug on a cameo to a single person in a hospital bed. He made sure to plug the upcoming 20th anniversary. Was it 30th anniversary release of some 25th 25th. There you go. 25th anniversary release of the king of the ring. 98.
00:33:52
Speaker
which I guess is, yeah, like this week, right? Cause it was like late June. So, yeah, but it was good stuff. And he did get his son Dewey on and he just is having an open conversation just the way you might like, if like your wife is FaceTiming with her parents and she's just like, hey, hey, come on, join it. Like that kind of casual thing, that's what he did with Dewey.
00:34:26
Speaker
Yeah, he was actually on Long Island during it too and he fully explained why and
00:34:33
Speaker
That's cool. It wasn't overly long or anything. I make it sound. It was quite enjoyable. I have no idea what my siblings paid for this, but it was worth every penny. And I'm sure they will make me pay for it. I'm sure a bill is in the mail. No, I kid, I kid, I love my siblings, most of them anyway. I love all of them now, now that I've gotten the Foley thing. A week ago,
00:35:03
Speaker
Yeah, and then, so I hadn't watched any wrestling. So the first live, the first wrestling that I watched a full show in like a month, I was still in the hospital, but this is now like, I think it was the day my catheter had come out. So it's kind of like the first day that a little sunshine was coming through my blinds was the premiere up suit of a collision.
00:35:29
Speaker
And my my internet really wasn't strong enough. It was strong enough for kind of low res Pornhub, but I couldn't really stream.
00:35:38
Speaker
much and things that didn't have download options. I can't download from the TNT app. I can't download dynamite. Fight Plus, unfortunately, does not have a download option, which I think they should enable at least for cancer patients. However, you have cable in your hospital bed, so I have TNT. I watched that episode and it was great and it was really good. I think about how
00:36:02
Speaker
just before this diagnosis i was on such a downswing i think i even talked in this very podcast how i was seriously thinking about calling it quits with aw and just going full time just i'll browse aw i'll stay aware of what they're doing but i'm just i already had removed rampage from my dvr it's very close to removing dynamite i thought collision was gonna make it worse because now they have even more hours of shit i don't want to see
00:36:25
Speaker
But and I don't think it's just I think it's all these guys being back CM Punk being back the entire leads back everybody's fucking healthy guys like Miro why hasn't he been around the whole time none of us know never will be explained but he's back like Eddie Kingston's back it's just all of a sudden it's just like there's so much going on and there's so many different like they had that big schmaz on last week's dynamite to end it and I'm like every combination of these guys I want to see fight like every one of them plus throw Ozzy open in there I know they weren't actually in the ring but
00:36:56
Speaker
Throw them into like, it's just, I'm so excited about this again. And it's kind of like, we talk about how like the ongoing thing with AEW is like, is it worth it, right? Is it worth the pain of how far they brought down a lot of the Indies by taking away so much of the great talent? Is it worth it? And for the first like two years, it was so worth it. It was everything I wanted it to be. And I feel like for the last year, it's been kind of,
00:37:22
Speaker
idling, and it does feel like now things are really picking up, which couldn't happen at a better time, right? With the new collision show. And not only did I add collision to my DVR and not route dynamite, I added a rampage back. Fuck it. Sometimes it's good. You never know. You can always fast forward through stuff. So I think that that's going to be my new thing is I'll have five hours of AEW a week on my DVR, and I'm just going to fast forward through shit.
00:37:50
Speaker
Um, and I'm going to find probably the three hours ish, three and a half that I want to see skip the other hour and a half. Yeah. I think that's a little bit like last week about how the, one of the potential upsides to collision is that, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. You guys have been doing a fucking wrestling podcast while I was in the hospital with cancer.
00:38:16
Speaker
Facts. Facts. I'm more offended that you didn't listen because we're like, we got to do this for facts. He likes this show. This is going to get him through it. And you're like, it's not a lot of time. All right. You didn't have to watch along of thunder with us. Yeah, I would have made it worse. And Garrett, you still haven't figured out what made me come. That dry orgasm.
00:38:42
Speaker
I'm the pretty girl that I owe a thank you to. Your voice, your dulcet tones. My voice being like, I'm so fucking sick of hearing Vampiro talk right now.
00:38:54
Speaker
This is perfect timing, not just because it's great that you've overcome this, but we really did the worst episode of the show in the history of the show last week. So this is really, we couldn't have, we hit our deer and now we've bounced all the way back to a triumphant return from cancer. Like we can't, like we just, it's literally, again, like AEW hitting bottom and then bam, everyone comes back. The show is echoing that.
00:39:21
Speaker
Yeah. That the facts summer sabbatical isn't necessarily over. So listeners, you're probably going to want to check the notes before you download future episodes, just to make sure that your local listings check your local listings and make sure if these guys start doing, you know, Sunday night heat watch alongs, um, just, just skip that week. And maybe I'll be back the following week. If it doesn't say facts and it mentions anything about thunder, just skip it. Just understand that we've made a mistake.
00:39:49
Speaker
We really jumped the shark with the show last week, but luckily for sweeps week, you came back from an illness and it's a very special. This is our first very special episode. Now it's like every quarter we're going to have to have something that it's like. So one of you two is getting an intervention in about three months. I don't know for what and I don't know why, but we're going to be having an on air intervention in three months. The fans just stick around. The band's going to be on here with us.
00:40:21
Speaker
Gary, you have to stop stalking me. I thought you got the hint when I blocked you on Instagram. I had to take down my I left my my shoot job post because you two were fucking talking about it made everybody feel weird. Jimmy Lloyd's on like, I have to intervene guys. I hear I hear you haven't been doing any drugs, Chris.
00:40:47
Speaker
And I don't like it. Oh, God. I just wonder now if I've left enough hints on this podcast of where I live and they know it's that not far from Putin that like I'm going to have just Jimmy Lloyd showing at my front door because he knows I have pain pills in the house.
00:41:07
Speaker
You woke up at the hospital and he was next to you putting his own catheter in. Like, is that how you get these? He knows I have pain pills and I know how to find transgender Batman porn. He's like, hey, buddy, I turned your bed into a bunk bed. I take top. I also wet the bed. Sorry.
00:41:37
Speaker
And then Mike, my wife just comes out of the, like the bathroom, like brushing your teeth, like what the fuck? And he just goes, oh, cooties and throws a towel at her. He peeks over the bottom and he's like, are you coming? Dust too. Oh, this is hurt. This is actually causing you pain. Incisions.
Post-Surgery Adjustments
00:42:01
Speaker
Oh, worth it. Worth it. By the way, I have bought a handsome number of velour sweatpants. So as you guys know, I do work from home full time. Still, it's not a pandemic thing. It's for everything. But I very much, I still wear normal work clothes. I wear a collar every day. Obviously, I haven't been working lately. But when I do work, people would even make fun of me that I would always wear a collar.
00:42:30
Speaker
Um, but I gotta say that this is now getting new experience where it's, it's pretty much going to be sweat pants and joggers, um, and shorts like, but like mesh shorts, like Adidas shorts. Uh, I do wonder if that when, you know, hopefully I do return to work in, in, in maybe a few weeks, maybe a little bit longer. Um, if, if that might just change forever, that even if I'm wearing like a polo shirt, if I might just go business on the top party at the bottom, because I think I'm going to get really into these velour track pants.
00:43:02
Speaker
Yeah, it's tricky sometimes. I wear shorts a lot when I work. But I do have some wrestling ones that I could wear because no one's going to see them. But it is weird to take a work call when your shorts say, I'm an ass man. Yeah. And look like Billy Gunn's Trunks from 1999.
00:43:24
Speaker
The confidence you'd have in that meeting, knowing that you're wearing those ass, man, Mr. Ass. I really do like this new sweat pant. Like the track pants are like the swishy pants. Are they very soft? They're very soft. So I'm going with more of a, um, master P in 2006 vibe.
00:43:44
Speaker
Okay, I was thinking more like Bernie Mac on the Kings of Comedy tour, you know, something along those lines. Oh, I have those too. Again, the main thing is nothing that would ever require a belt under any circumstances. It's got to be elastic band. It's got to be real comfortable. It's got to work as both a pajama and something that theoretically, like if you do have to just walk out and get the mail, like it's fine. You're not going to you're not going to get a
00:44:14
Speaker
you know, parents calling the pedophile brigade on you. You're not gonna hang too much dong. If you hang any dong out of it, it'll be like a tasteful amount. Well, and maybe none until my penis is back to being as handsome as it once was. How far are we from that? I need to put, by the way, a little Phantom of the Opera mask on my penis. Like Cody Rhodes had.
00:44:38
Speaker
until I think it's beautiful enough for the world. I won't even show my wife it until I feel like it's back to, and I will say it's rebounded nicely. I would say my penis is like, the Joker marks are gone. Again, it's a resilient organ. I'd say we're pretty close.
00:44:56
Speaker
You're going to return triumphantly like Cody at the Royal Rumble, no longer purple and beating up Germans. Oh, I totally, by the way, had some deep purple Cody bruises from the surgery. Um, that was fun. You think Cody was coming dry? I mean, they definitely put him under for the, he had the catheter, right?
00:45:17
Speaker
Yeah, but again, if the catheter for the just the surgery and like the one day, this isn't going to happen. It's the when you need it for multiple days that you need the flow max. It's not the catheter causes. It's the flow max that causes it. His his cum was still a bit white, but it was also red and blue. He just he started coming a flag and. This is what we call a dusty finish. Can you can you?
00:45:45
Speaker
Can you reach out because you're you're the one that like all of our stuff is like officially registered to write is you can you reach out to the zen caster people, you know, our employees and see if they can get on a sponsorship with flow max. I feel like we're really selling this the best climax I've ever had with no cleanup. I mean, I feel 100 percent it saved me on tissues. Right. Like these blue shoe commercials you always hear on other podcasts. They got nothing on come and dry.
00:46:16
Speaker
And you know what? You could probably make money because then you pee afterwards. You had a little bit of that cloudiness from the semen in your bladder. You sell that shit to some of these horny freaks. You take the Flomax and you wrap it in a blue chew like you're giving a dog a pill. Pop that into your mouth and you're just getting everything all at once is great. That's how Logan Paul got started, by the way, was through all this.
00:46:46
Speaker
By the way, just side plug, side plug on Netflix. Have you guys heard of the Golden, something like the Golden Touch, the Golden Rules? It's like a show on Netflix. It's a reality show about a guy with like a sports memorabilia auction. I don't know. I did not. When you just started describing this, I did not think that's what this was going to be about. Same.
00:47:10
Speaker
Well, Rick Flair's on one episode and Logan Paul is on the last episode, not with anything tied to his own sports career, mind you. He's opening Pokemon cards, half a million dollars worth of Pokemon cards with this guy. I think I want to say his name is Henry Golden.
00:47:30
Speaker
Um, cause didn't he, he came to the ring at one of those WWE shows with like a million dollar card around his neck or something. Yeah. He just noticed and he just wears it. So the name of the show is the golden touch, but golden is spelled D I M.
00:47:46
Speaker
because that's the guy's last name. And it's a reality show, but it's only like six episodes. But I think wrestling fans, Mike Tyson's on it. I already mentioned Ric Flair, who clearly is in and out of that auction house quite a lot, as you might expect.
00:48:02
Speaker
Um, depending on where he is with his fortunes. Um, and based on his appearance on the show, my guess is he was buying back some of his old robes. So we'll probably be up for another, let's try to kill Rick flair match in a year or two at this rate. Um, I think there's a couple other wrestling, um, things in there as well. But yeah, Logan Paul, I actually seemed like kind of an interesting guy. Like I, I, I left that going like, I could hang out with Logan Paul.
00:48:30
Speaker
People were sympathetic towards you up until that moment, when you said that. I bet he's got an endless supply of Prime. He's got so much Prime, so much Pokemon. I did have two Primes this week. I had Blue Raspberry, which I thought was not great, but I did find the red, white, and what is it called? Ice Pop? The Ice Pop? I found Ice Pop, and I was able to find it cold, so they only had red and blue the first time I went to the CVS. Last night,
00:49:00
Speaker
Late, late show. Went to get some chips and a prime to have a snack after going to a four hour concert. And I gotta say the ice pop I thought was good. Ice pop was better than blue.
00:49:13
Speaker
it leaves a pleasant taste in your mouth afterwards. Like you think it's gonna be gross. And it's, I mean, especially like if you'd been standing and sweaty, I feel like that'd be a pretty refreshing drink. Exactly. It's also, it's surprisingly sweet for something that's only 20 calories. Like it doesn't even taste like diet, like a diet coke or a diet, like really tastes like you're getting a real hit of sugar, but it's only 20 calories, which is very impressive.
00:49:41
Speaker
This show brought to you by Prime and Flomax medication. When you've exhausted yourself after a dry cum, Prime to bring you back. It replenishes you. It replenishes you.
00:50:03
Speaker
Um, so just not to like, I mean, it is fun talking about wrestling, but I do want to say like, I don't think we, where are we? Where are we? Are you doing okay now? Like where, what is the road ahead for facts? Like I know you said, yeah, you might be popping in and out, but like what? Um, yeah, I don't know. Honestly, I don't know. So I think, um, the worst is over. Like if I was going to be getting worse news than you have cancer, um, I would have gotten it by now.
00:50:32
Speaker
So it's really a matter of what I got to go through and how long it's gonna take not a matter of like if I'm gonna get through it Because it was found pretty early And I would say like I want to use this time to tell people like how did this happen because people that's how did you know? Well, it was just a normal blood test showed I had anemia a man my age men should never have anemia Based the 97% of people that have anemia are women that have heavy menstrual flows right so
00:51:01
Speaker
That is the reason 97% of anemia happens. If it's not that, it's probably something weird.
00:51:09
Speaker
Um, so I followed up aggressively. My doctor originally was just like, uh, we'll just check it out next time. Uh, you're probably just sick. And I'm like, no, I'm definitely not sick. Let alone sick enough to have anemia. And I followed up and then I saw a blood doctor and the blood doctors like, well, we'll check you for leukemia and stuff like that. Um, but probably not like, you know, most times when a man has anemia, it's cause they're bleeding somewhere in their GI tract. So you got to get a colonoscopy endoscopy and they will almost definitely show where you're bleeding.
00:51:39
Speaker
And it did. And it ended up being a big-ass tumor in the middle of my large intestine. So I do want to say this. Get yourself checked out, everybody.
Health Reflections & Wrestling Enthusiasm
00:51:49
Speaker
When something is wrong, don't stop till you know what's wrong.
00:51:55
Speaker
Um, don't take the path of least resistance with your own health. It's not worth it. Even when it's unpleasant in the short term, it's worth it in the long term. And this is somebody who's literally hugging pillows right now. He's just recording because of the pain I'm in. This pain is going to be so worth it. It's already so worth it just because I get to talk to these guys. Um, and
00:52:15
Speaker
If you are over 45, get a colonoscopy. If you haven't gotten it, fucking do it. And even if you're under 45, talk to your doctor if you're in a high risk population. Under 45, as I am, is actually becoming increasingly popular and they don't really know why.
00:52:33
Speaker
But it is on a huge upswing. So if you are in a high-risk population, which I was, and by the way, there are some huge categories of what's considered a high-risk population. And I think most wrestling fans fit into a couple of them, if you know what I'm saying. God damn it. I'm not saying get a colonoscopy under 45. I'm just saying talk to your doctor about it. It might be a good idea.
00:52:55
Speaker
You could also get some tests. You're scaring the shit out of me. I probably haven't seen an actual doctor in over a decade. I have not had like any sort of checkup and I am certainly overweight. I am visibly a wrestling fan. Yet I'm the most diligent person with my health. I've lost I lost 20 pounds before this happened. Obviously, I've lost quite a bit more weight since then, but that doesn't really count. And I'm the one that got cancer.
00:53:27
Speaker
So if I disappear from the show next and Chris is on here, do like Bill Burr in it by himself. Um, I don't know. It's true. You gotta keep getting checked in.
00:53:40
Speaker
you never know, and at all, again, as painful as the sounds facts, again, we much, as I'm sure it was not pleasant, but also much more pleasant is continuing to keep doing this stuff and be with our friends and be together. Continuing to exist, yeah. Right. I agree. Living is pretty cool. Yeah. No matter what kind of climax you have, no matter what degree of wet to dry or somewhere in between,
00:54:09
Speaker
All climaxes are at least kind of good. You get to keep doing it, you know? Yeah, and we, the three of us, we will eat some chicken wings together at some point. Don't know if it'll be the original timeline that we had talked about. And hey, maybe it will be somewhere different than we had originally envisioned, but with the three of us,
00:54:33
Speaker
We'll have some face-to-face chicken wings, and then we will do a bunch of cocaine into our penis holes. Yes. That's what the presidential suite is for, of wherever we end up. That's right.
00:54:47
Speaker
Well, I'm happy to see you buddy. Like it is, it was, I know very, very stressful for you. We definitely, we were worried. We were worried. We love you. We care. And it is, it makes me so happy to see your face.
00:55:04
Speaker
Yeah, and I'm just, I appreciate that. And I will say that there has been some silver linings, right? I'm obviously on medical leave from work. And I have a lot of doctor's appointments, stuff like that, but I have a lot of free time. So again, I'm catching up on a lot of stuff, not just wrestling, but other things I want to do. And also Garrett, it gives me opportunity. Hopefully, I don't have to go through chemotherapy, which would remove this option. But it gives me that opportunity to go to the 11am weekday matinee at the movie theater.
00:55:30
Speaker
And how great is that? I did see Fast 10. There were two children. I guess their school was already out, even though most Jersey kids are still in school as of two weeks ago. This was before the surgery. Or they cut school.
00:55:48
Speaker
to go see that. No, I mean, these were too young to get a real education. They were too young to have had the capability of been able to cut school, get to a movie theater, get to like they they must have been something where like their parent worked at the movie theater or something or the parent was watching something weird and dirty in another one of the auditoriums. They were like, yeah, I just fucking see the Jason Momoa is fine. It's totally fine. Sanctuary.
00:56:17
Speaker
There is an erotic thriller out right now. So yeah, they definitely were at that, sent them next door.
00:56:24
Speaker
I'm trying to remember what the name of that movie was, where Michael Fassbender is a sex addict. Shame. Shame. Okay, so I got to tell the story. So I went to see that with my friend, Megan, who, and hey, Megan, if you're listening, hey, how you doing? And I would say this, Megan's one of my great all time friends. And she's an attractive young woman.
00:56:53
Speaker
we would go to see movies a lot together. And we went to see shame at 11 a.m. or 10 a.m., I think.
00:57:02
Speaker
at the 42nd Street AMC in Manhattan. Now, some people might go, oh, that's Times Square, right? That's like the, yeah, people, tourists don't go to the movie theater in Times Square. Times Square's movie theater is just hardcore degenerate movie, people with addiction to movie problems, which is why I went there all the time. So when we went to go see Shame opening weekend at 10 a.m.,
00:57:30
Speaker
NC 17. NC 17. It was, and we walked in like during the trailers. So we were the last ones to sit. So I know when we walked through, they go and they see me, the 17, 48 year old single white Jewish men that hadn't seen daylight in weeks, all see me and they're like, oh yeah, another one of them. And then they see her and it was like,
00:57:58
Speaker
It was like in Jurassic Park. And then they're watching this movie about like a sex addict where you know there's gonna be a lot of sex scenes and nudity. And you came ready for it at 10 in the morning opening weekend.
00:58:11
Speaker
And it was the most uncomfortable thing that I could feel their eyes on her. And then I remember, and her thing, Megan has it, presumably still does, very small bladder. So we're like 30, 40 minutes into the movie. And even though she had peed on the way in, she's like, I gotta go pee. And I'm like, oh my God, I think I might need to escort you to and from the bathroom. But I'm not gonna do that, because I'm a nice guy, but I'm here to see a movie. I would put the catheter in.
00:58:39
Speaker
to make sure I wouldn't believe hearing the movie. Chris, shame has one of the all-time great movie posters, if you don't know it. It is a woman's back, and then the word shame is written in semen. Dear. Yeah, it wasn't like a swerve. Like this movie, anyone that's seeing Shame Opening Weekend is well aware of what it is and what it's about.
00:59:05
Speaker
and is there for it. You know, it's funny, though, because that is not the first poster that comes up when you Google it. It's a band movie poster. Like, it came out and quickly left the theaters. Gotcha. Good movie, by the way. I highly recommend it. You know? Also, facts, I don't know if you know this. Since you went away, Chris and I both started separate podcasts. And mine is exclusively about sexy movies. So...
00:59:35
Speaker
Mine is about the band Counting Crows, so it's a lot less sexy. Unless older men with dreadlocks. It's still sexy, just less. Yeah. Really gets you going. So what we're telling you, Fax, is you've got to start a second podcast now. Sponsored by Flowmax, of course. Maybe I'll start a wrestling podcast, since this one's exclusively about penis holes.
01:00:05
Speaker
Yeah. We're going to talk because that's the other thing is I mentioned to you guys is the, cause I, again, I didn't have access to any of my streaming wrestling. So I did watch collision, but I also watched a fair amount of WWE because it was on in the hospital. So yeah, me and maybe me and Derek will do WWE podcast. I'll be talking about it from an investor standpoint. He'll be talking about it from a booking perspective.
01:00:31
Speaker
I admittedly aggressively drugged does sound like how I would wanna watch WWE at this point. Like if I'm watching more than one match at a time, you're like, look, I got this pain in my shoulder from this air bubble, I need some oxy.
01:00:51
Speaker
I have to watch this almost match. And so actually I just need a little bit of extra oxy. Like it looks like he's going to wrestle for 10 minutes. So I really, I really need the hit of oxy here again, my shoulder, but also what's on the television, but really actually mostly what's on the television weirdly somehow that's worse.
01:01:10
Speaker
You just see the lady going by with a card of pills and you're just like, ma'am, ma'am, almost is on TV. What do you got that you can crunch up there and stick directly into my urethra? Or just cause me pain just so that I have at least something to focus on. That's not almost, you know, get S I'm with it. I did see that Logan Paul is in the money in the bank match.
01:01:39
Speaker
I saw that too. That it's like him, Ricochet, Pete Dunne. Because you can't have him lose, right? You can't put him in that match to not win. Right? Right. Garrett's watching definitely at least one Money in the Bank match. Oh. You're watching at least the Money in the Bank match now. Admit it.
01:01:59
Speaker
he's gonna do something amazing off that ladder that's gonna continue making him the greatest wrestler of all time. Oh, and by the way, that Golden Touch show, Logan Paul, I didn't know this. Maybe you guys did. He apparently spends most of his time in his place in Puerto Rico.
01:02:15
Speaker
Did you guys know this? I did. I'll tell you off air why I know this. But him and Bad Bunny, I feel like we could start seeing every other month I'm doing a PPV in Puerto Rico. Him and Bad Bunny is the two champions and just racking up money.
01:02:34
Speaker
I'm just imagining him and bad bunny, like buying the WWC from like Carlos cologne. And they're just like, okay, we, you know, we can't do WWE all the time. So we're going to run our own Puerto Rican promotion. Um, and then like him and bad bunny having Carlos cologne, Abdul, the butcher style matches.
01:02:55
Speaker
where they're just like, the fans are rioting because Logan Paul is punching Bad Bunny too hard. It's like just, yeah, I'd be, again, I think I'd be into it. I think I'd be like, yeah, this is exactly the kind of wrestling we need now.
01:03:12
Speaker
going to head to Puerto Rico, get a little PPC for your PPV. That's penis, PP cocaine for your pay-per-view. I got it. Yeah. I didn't need to explain that to me. I speak. I didn't know if it was a clever joke. And new listeners, you know, I don't know. People got it. Gary wants to make sure people understand, you know.
01:03:29
Speaker
They're like, we get up being as old, just move on. And by the way, in case I feel like they might set it up this weekend, I already did this off the air, but I want to do it on the air. Call on my shot. The main event at Wembley Stadium, uh, labor day, the week before labor day, Brian Danielson versus Will Ospreay. I think they're both going to win the two top matches this weekend at Forbidden Door. And I think they fight each other in Wembley in less.
01:03:57
Speaker
Tony Khan really needs the lucha brothers on that show and therefore can't use anyone from NJPW. But I can't imagine there's anything that would stop Will Ospreay from main eventing that show. Right. And it feels right. And it feels like Daniel Bryan is that that'll blow away Bulldog versus Brett, which was one of my original. I had a soft spot for that match.
01:04:23
Speaker
The only thing I could think is that Osprey beats Kenny this time and they go for three in a stadium and give it a big stipulation or something. Or if someone's going to be playing the Bret Hart role, CM Punk just demands that it's him. Or now I think we're all going to feel like idiots when I say it out loud. Who better to play the Bret Hart role, Teddy Hart?
01:04:53
Speaker
The Jimmy Enville role is played by one of the cats. Oh, man. He's like Osprey. So if we're doing we're doing me and Bulldog, Brett and Bulldog. So you got to do crack now, right? Osprey's like, I'm not going to do crack. He's like, OK, I'll do it.
01:05:14
Speaker
Osprey is really dumb though, I feel like if you asked him, or if you didn't ask him, you're just like, hey, Osprey, you gotta do this crack, he would just do it. That's fair, that does seem like- You gotta do it while you're in a rotation. He would just look to Suzuki, and if Suzuki doesn't not know, he would just do it. So are you guys both watching Forbidden Door this weekend?
01:05:42
Speaker
Oh, for sure. It might be the first AEW pay-per-view. I'll watch live in a while, I think. But I'm planning on watching live. I don't know that I'll be able to stay up for the whole thing. Again, my hours are a little weird, but whatever I don't watch night of, I'll be watching, you know, the next morning. Yeah, I also may not be able to watch live.
01:06:08
Speaker
but I will be jumping right on that and deeply avoiding my phone until I watch live. Yeah, I've got Heater and his wife Kelly coming over and they're going to watch with Leah and I. So I am very much looking forward to this. And I don't know, I assume we're going to be talking about it next week.
01:06:27
Speaker
Yeah, whether I'm here or not, I'm sure somebody, I think I should be here next week. I think next week, I think I should be able to make depending on what day works for you guys. And depending on when that next flow max shipment gets in, because I'm gonna be busy after that.
01:06:47
Speaker
Don't hold out on us, guy. I feel like all of us could just be openly masturbating while we record because if nothing comes out, how would the listener even know? That's the real special episode. We're all out of shape enough that we're probably grunting a little bit during just sitting and talking.
01:07:13
Speaker
The listeners can actually feel the sweat from our brows as they listen to this. You know, and we could do it in the spirit of the sperm bank place where we could all do a round robin of choosing the weirdest porn for the other guy. And you must have that on. You can and you had to look at it. You can in your mind's eye, you can be thinking about that girl. You knew it when you were 17.
01:07:40
Speaker
but that porn's gotta be on and you've gotta try to maintain eye contact with it. Volume on. Honest to God facts, at this point you can get us to do whatever you want us to do. You've got a card here. You have a card for life and fucking play that, man. We're ready to bow down.
01:08:07
Speaker
All right, guys. Well, you know, and again, if there are some new listeners, maybe that are tricking up that aren't used to it, this is about how much we normally talk about wrestling. It's usually kind of a vehicle for some jokes as we talk about other things. And that's the best podcast around. And that's why when you guys actually talk about a real wrestling show, it just, you know, falls to shit apparently. Now I got to listen to this. I got to I got to go back. I have so many episodes, so many podcasts I got to catch up on, but I'm definitely throwing that to the top of the list.
01:08:37
Speaker
I'm not going to lie. There were a couple of good ones while you were gone, but that one, that one sucks. That one sucks. And I, we owe an apology. All right, guys. Thanks so much for listening facts. Thank you for coming in and telling your tale. Uh, it was fucking awesome seeing you man. And, uh, we, uh, we're, we're happy that you're
01:08:59
Speaker
And if anyone, anyone wants to just reach out to the show, if you have any questions, I can answer on the air. I can answer off the air. Um, I love you guys. I love the listeners. Um, and again, I'll, I'll be back. Maybe I'll be back next week. Maybe I'll be, I will be back for a couple of weeks. Maybe you get some updates from these guys. Maybe, uh, maybe this is the first time I'm back and I'm going to be back for a while until, uh, I go on vacation or something. I don't know, but, um, yeah.
01:09:55
Speaker
at Predetermined Podcast on Instagram, at Gartet, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at, at,
01:10:21
Speaker
and hit my goddamn