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I'm the Problem, It's Me ~ Taking Accountability
3.7k Plays2 years ago
In light of Taylor Swift's line, 'it's me, hi, I'm the problem it's me,' I bring you this episode!
Today I share a very personal story which taught me the importance of forgiveness, empathy and taking accountability. This episode sure was uncomfortable for me to record, but if I’m asking my community to get uncomfortable, I have to do the same myself! The thing is, self development and self reflection is often uncomfortable, but this is where we make the changes that really matter.
Taking accountability for our own words and actions is powerful, and by doing this ourselves, we inspire others to do the same. Living a life where we are holding on to anger and resentment is exhausting and doesn’t allow us to manifest the beautiful things that the universe has waiting for us.
In this episode I discuss an article I read, ‘6 Toxic Behaviours That Push People Away and How to Recognize Them in Yourself.’ There are some really powerful lessons in here and I have linked the article by Kathy Caprino below.
Read the article here.
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@cleomassey
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The Pass Around the Smile podcast is recorded on Bundjalung Country, in South East Queensland, Australia. We acknowledge the Yugambeh people of the Bundjalung Nation, the traditional owners of this land. We pay our respects to Elders past, present and emerging.
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Transcript
Introduction to Self-Development
00:00:01
Speaker
Pass Around the Smile is like your go-to friend, the one that lifts you up and backs you to the end. She's there to guide and inspire, challenge and teach, and remind you that your best self isn't out of reach. Self-development, manifestation, self-love and more, it's time to trust the process more than ever before. Welcome to Pass Around the Smile, the podcast. I'm your host, Cleo Massey, and I am so glad you're here. Let the magic begin.
00:00:29
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to the Pass Around the Smile podcast.
Accountability in Self-Development
00:00:33
Speaker
I am very excited for another episode as I always am to be honest. This episode as you can see from the title is all about taking accountability for our own
00:00:44
Speaker
actions and it's a really really juicy topic because it is one that can be very uncomfortable and you might be thinking that's not my idea of juicy you know being uncomfortable but the reason I call it a juicy topic is because this is when we get everything flowing and everything moving and this is when exciting changes do happen
00:01:06
Speaker
when we are delving into self-development exercises like taking accountability for our own words and actions, how they make other people feel. This is the type of self-reflection that actually allows us to make changes and move forward and to have those our heart moments.
Identifying Personal Problems
00:01:27
Speaker
As you can see from the title, Tee Swizzle's lyrics came into this podcast for me. Hi, it's, does she say hi at the start?
00:01:36
Speaker
It's me. Hi, I'm the problem. It's me. I think it's just, it's me not too highs, but anyway, it's all about actually identifying when we are the problem and how okay it is to be the problem. Because if we are the problem, which I am 100% sure myself and everyone who is listening right now has been the problem.
00:02:01
Speaker
in some instance in the past, whether it's one time or many times, I'm sure it's been many times for all of us, it's the taking accountability that matters. It's not a problem that you were the problem, or maybe you are currently a problem in someone else's life or in a situation.
00:02:17
Speaker
That is okay too. We're human. We make mistakes. We say things we regret. We go through different moods, different seasons, especially for us women. Sometimes we actually cannot help how we feel depending on where we are in our cycle with our hormones. But the thing that really matters is being able to acknowledge it, take accountability and actually understand when and how we may be hurting those around us or making others around us uncomfortable.
00:02:46
Speaker
And yes, as I mentioned in turn, this kind of topic might make you feel uncomfortable, but I promise you the real work is done, the deep work is done when you are uncomfortable. If we stayed comfortable, we would stay the same. If you wanna make positive changes in your life, you have to let your walls of resistance down, you have to let your guard down, and you have to be willing to get a little bit uncomfortable.
Learning Forgiveness and Empathy
00:03:11
Speaker
So let's just jump straight into it.
00:03:14
Speaker
OK, I'm going to start with my own personal story here because I've asked you guys to get uncomfortable, so I should be getting uncomfortable myself, of course.
00:03:24
Speaker
So here we go. Back, I had just finished school and I was working a casual job with my friends that I absolutely loved. We just, you know, mucked around and had so much fun at work. And then we were all very comfortable and had this really tight knit group of friends. And then this new girl kind of came into work. And after a few weeks or so, I found out that she was making these really, really horrible lies up about me.
00:03:49
Speaker
And these lies were actually resulting in like consequences for me. And it was really, really frustrating because they weren't true. And I found myself getting, you know, just so upset, like extremely angry, anxious.
00:04:07
Speaker
irritable it was spilling over into all different parts of my life you know i wasn't a fun person to be around at home because i was letting this girl just like take over and i was just feeling so angry at what she was doing and of course i was going to work most days and she was there so it wasn't feeling really good at all
00:04:24
Speaker
And it kind of time went on and it really was still affecting me. And my mum said to me, Cleo, you need to forgive her. And I was like, what do you, what do you mean forgive her? Like A, she hasn't said, sorry. B, she's not sorry at all. And C, like, why would I forgive her when I'm the one
00:04:46
Speaker
that has been wronged here. I haven't done anything wrong myself. I'm just the victim. I was in a wah, wah, wah mentality. I say I should have called the whambulance because I was wah, wah, wharing about. And this section of the story, by the way, is more about forgiveness and empathy. And I wasn't gonna tell this part, but I think I have to to make sense of the accountability part of the story.
00:05:12
Speaker
So anyway, first of all, I think I was pretty angry with my mum because I was like, oh my gosh, like, why would I forgive her? And what I realized was that the only person that I was hurting by holding on to this resentment and this anger was me because not only was I feeling
Self-Reflection and Forgiveness
00:05:27
Speaker
absolutely awful in the process, I wasn't being my best self to those around me. And then of course, what I was manifesting, what I was working toward at the time,
00:05:36
Speaker
that wasn't benefiting either because I was feeling in such a low vibration at that point. So I decided that I really did need to forgive her, but first I needed to do some self-reflection and I needed to get myself to a point where I could actually genuinely forgive her. So it actually felt good for me. Like I'm not just going to say in my head, oh, I forgive you and move on. That's just a band-aid. If I don't really genuinely feel it, I'm going to continue to feel
00:06:04
Speaker
those awful feelings that I was feeling. So what I did, it was a very long time ago now but I think I must have got out my journal or put some slow music on and just kind of really self-reflected. I wanted to get myself to a point like I said to actually forgive and now in this instance
00:06:23
Speaker
it wasn't necessary that I forgave her in person. We weren't friends. We barely knew each other. And at this time we actually didn't work together anymore anyway. And that was just, that was for a different reason completely. That was nothing to do with what happened. But in other instances, yeah, sometimes like, you know,
00:06:42
Speaker
deep and honest chat or some forgiveness in person or through a letter or a text or whatever is right for your situation is needed. But this situation, it was actually just for me. I needed to do it in my head for me through a meditation. And that was kind of all there was to it. But to get to this point, I started self-reflecting. And what I realized when I actually let my walls of anger down and my like this blaming that I had going on, like I was just blaming her
00:07:12
Speaker
for everything, for everything that she had done. She was wrong. She was nasty. I was the victim. Again, get in that bloody ambulance, Cleo. And what I realized was as soon as I started to soften and look at it from her perspective, everything changed. So what I realized was how
00:07:37
Speaker
would she feel coming into a job where these girls are already so tight, they have such a tight friendship and whether we meant to or not,
00:07:48
Speaker
I'm sure she would have felt excluded because we had our own personal jokes. We'd worked together for like a year at this point. We all, you know, hung out after work and I'm sure that she would have probably felt a bit left out because she wasn't included in that. So I started to think, oh no, like, oh my gosh, how this girl must have felt coming in. She must have felt so insecure. She must have felt
00:08:13
Speaker
you know, so yucky and she wanted to be needed and she wanted to be loved. And all of a sudden, as soon as I started to soften and look at it from her point of view, even though I was so hurt, that hurt slowly started to get a little less.
Personal Growth Through Kindness and Accountability
00:08:28
Speaker
It started to diminish. And I was, I remember thinking being like, what's, what's happening here? Like I, you know, I remember feeling so hateful toward, toward this person, like, and I, I don't have confrontations with people. I don't,
00:08:42
Speaker
I've had the same friends forever. We don't have falling outs like me and my friends. So this was really, really new to me and felt so incredibly yucky, which I guess is why I was spending all of my time stewing over it.
00:08:58
Speaker
So then some other things started to come up. I started to think, what must she be going through? Like maybe she's going through something at home that I don't know. You know, it goes back to that saying, you never, I don't even know what the saying is, but like, you never know what someone is going through. Like don't judge a book by its cover.
00:09:14
Speaker
And again, I started to soften more. And then I started to think about my actions, how I could have invited her to hang out with us after work. You know what? I could have probably chatted to her more during my shifts. I could have probably made an effort to let her in on the little personal jokes we all had. Now, I wasn't doing any of this on purpose when she started working there.
00:09:38
Speaker
but it was just the way that we kind of were. And as soon as I started to realize all of this stuff, while I don't excuse the lies she made up, I started to understand why she may have felt the need to do that. And then all of a sudden, my forgiveness toward her was so easy. I was really easily able to forgive her through meditation and the weight that I felt lifted off my shoulders for two reasons.
00:10:08
Speaker
was huge. The first reason being that I had held onto this for far too long and it was really affecting me, as I mentioned. And the second reason was that I had a new perspective of me as a person. I now realize that I had to be kinder and more open. And I had to really think about my words and my actions and my mood, everything toward other people.
00:10:35
Speaker
because that can be powerful. And whether we mean it or not, our actions and our energy that we are putting out can really affect other people. And again, depending on what they are going through, it can affect them in a small way or it can affect them in a big way.
00:10:52
Speaker
While I still, like I mentioned, I think what happened was like wrong and yucky, but you know what, whatever. At the end of the day, it's a small thing. And I was holding onto it like it was this huge thing. So while we have never, I'm not sure where this girl is, I mean, I'm sure she doesn't listen to this podcast, but if she does, oh my gosh.
00:11:12
Speaker
Reach out. This feels like, oh, so weird. But yeah, like, I feel bad for what happened and I'm sure she does as well. And it was just, yeah, a big thing that it really, it opened my eyes and I learnt so, so, so much for it.
00:11:31
Speaker
from it and I was really able to take accountability in the end for my mistakes on my end even though I was so blind to my mistakes at the start. So there is a little personal story from me to kind of ease us ease us I don't think that was easy well that wasn't easy for me but
00:11:50
Speaker
to kind of get us into this episode and just to get us more comfortable in being the problem because sometimes we are a part of the problem. Sometimes we're the whole problem. Sometimes we are not the problem at all. And it's also important to, you know, at times be like, you know what? No, this was no fault of my own.
00:12:08
Speaker
And I really need to stand strong in that and I need to take accountability for the fact that I am absolutely in the right here. Sometimes that is absolutely the case. The thing is, people connect over vulnerability and imperfection. And looking back, if I were to sit down with her and have a chat about how I felt and how she felt, I'm sure we could have avoided this whole situation.
00:12:35
Speaker
as a whole, but of course we were young and I wasn't really into all this self-development stuff back then, so I was blind to it. But now as an adult, I really make sure that when a problem arises, whether I know it was kind of me who maybe instigated it, whether I was a part of the problem or whether I wasn't a part of the problem at all, but it has started to affect conversations or relationships or whatever, I will always, as uncomfortable as it is, communicate.
Communication and Conflict Resolution
00:13:03
Speaker
is so hard. Communication is uncomfortable. The amount of times I feel tight kind of in my throat and blocked and as soon as I open up that throat chakra and talk and communicate my feelings, everything
00:13:18
Speaker
is better and if it is not received on their end give that person time they might just need some time. So much understanding comes from having these conversations with people and it doesn't have to be all deep and uncomfortable and serious you can have the chat in a light-hearted way as well depending on what you might be going through.
00:13:37
Speaker
So I really urge you, if there is a situation that maybe even happened ages ago, right, if something happened ages ago but it still bothers you, you still bring it up in your head, you're still having these imaginary conversations trying to prove your point, please first of all self-reflect. Were you a part of this? Can you look at it from the other person's point of view? And do you need to have a conversation about it? If so, then
00:14:02
Speaker
be brave and do it because brave people do have these conversations and only the brave self-reflect. So if you were listening to this episode, I feel like you were definitely open to self-reflecting, which is so incredible and so huge. Some people don't have the ability to ever self-reflect, but.
00:14:18
Speaker
It is so important. And again, like it really does help us as people and it helps our manifestations and our goals because then once we are clear of this yucky energy, we are able to move forward in a way that's clear and positive. And we know we are surrounded by love and supportive energy. And then
00:14:36
Speaker
What if you don't want to have a conversation with this person? If that's not necessary, then yes, meditate, journal it out. Do whatever you need to do to release this energy because holding onto it, you are only hurting yourself and those around you. There is nothing wrong with saying how you feel. And I love the quote that it goes something like,
00:14:57
Speaker
If it's a, oh no, what is it? It's like, I'm allowed to make, oh yes, I'm allowed to make a big deal out of things that are a big deal to me. So if something has hurt you, you are allowed to make a big deal of it. And I don't mean to kick and scream and
00:15:14
Speaker
make a big deal in that way. Or I definitely don't mean to play the victim and also and hold back and retreat and like, you know, try to make a point of not talking to someone or sharing a quote on Instagram that you hope this person will see or, you know, sending a cryptic text message, none of that. I don't believe in that. We've got to have the open conversations. We've got to go straight to the source, be open, vulnerable, communicative, communicative. Whoa, is that a word?
00:15:42
Speaker
We're gonna go with it. And that is when the other person can actually understand how you feel because there is nothing wrong with how you feel. If you are coming from the place of when you said this, it made me feel, there is nothing wrong with that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. And as long as you're saying it and then allowing them to say what they feel back to you and listening to that person,
00:16:12
Speaker
How did you make them feel and actually thinking, oh, okay, yeah, I can see how that happened instead of, you know, building up that wall of no, no, no, you shouldn't have felt that way. Again, like you want to treat people how you want to be treated. And it is so powerful and so huge and so amazing to take accountability for your actions.
00:16:33
Speaker
There are also so many things that we say and do without thinking and often these things that we say or do can kind of come across as say positive for example but they might emit pressure from someone else that you're saying it to or something might come across as just happy and carefree but that might you know make someone really sad even though what you were saying didn't you know
00:16:57
Speaker
you didn't mean it in that way or what you were saying was just flippant and you weren't thinking. In those instances as well it can be really hard to identify how we have hurt others or what we have done and I'm absolutely trying to work on that and really understand you know that the things I say might affect other people in different ways but it can be so hard because we also don't know how other people are feeling especially if they're like colleagues for example if we don't know them
00:17:24
Speaker
on a deep level like we do with our partner or with our close friends then how are you supposed to know that your flippant comment might make them feel a certain way and of course that probably isn't valid for like some huge apology and for you to feel really bad
00:17:40
Speaker
But if that is brought up to you that, oh, you know, when you said that, I felt this way, it's just important to have a sense of understanding. Understanding I think comes like, I'll go more into this in like a forgiveness episode, but we don't always have to forgive and be so sorry for everything, sorry for this, sorry for that, oh, I'm in the wrong. We also don't wanna be a pushover in that way. But just having that air of, oh my gosh, I can completely understand how that,
00:18:08
Speaker
would have hurt you or would have made you feel insecure or would have made you feel you know this or that way. Having that level of understanding and then making a note for next time is absolutely huge and being aware that we all say things that we don't mean and we all make flippant comments that may accidentally hurt someone else and not being so hard on yourself, not thinking of yourself like a monster. I don't want this episode to bring up
00:18:33
Speaker
really yucky things for you where you think oh my gosh I have to be so careful with what I say and do that's not what I'm saying at all but I'm saying the big things so like take a look at areas in your life where you feel uncomfortable where you do feel resentment or where you have a situation that again may have happened ages ago or maybe something that happened just recently and it makes you feel a bit sick in the tummy like reliving that conversation or that confrontation or that
00:19:00
Speaker
Thing that happened makes you feel like oh my gosh, I could throw up. I don't even want to think about that Well, that is a sign that maybe you do need to think about it and maybe some Kind of digging up is needed there and of course if it is something really huge and big I definitely recommend doing this with a psychologist But if it is something that's kind of you know a little more surface level Then you can do it yourself and you can bring this up through journaling through meditation and actually thinking what did I say and
00:19:30
Speaker
Okay, I said this if I was the other person and I had been through x y and z how would I feel? Oh, I probably could have said it this way I could have done it that way and yes that person hurt me But like look how we're both contributing to this big ugly situation big ugly feelings it is so comforting to
00:19:51
Speaker
I think like in my situation for example when I held on to all this anger this anger of me was it was so righteous like I was sat in this seat of I am better than you and I'm admitting I'm admitting that now that I felt that way I felt I am better than you and you have hurt me you are in the wrong I am in the right because I'm higher than you right now
00:20:12
Speaker
That is like this air that I was breathing. This is what I was leaning into. But when I finally softened, I realized that, oh my gosh, not only are we equals, but we both contributed to this factor. Of course I did have to as well, and I'm not doing this to like validate me in this situation. I'm just doing this so it can kind of maybe bring up some things for you guys as well. I did have to soften myself a little bit because like I
00:20:40
Speaker
had never made up lies or did anything really nasty to this girl it was more things that i didn't realize i was doing so i did have to soften a little bit and be like clio you don't have to take all the weight because i did definitely i have done that in the past with other situations where i've been like you know what
00:20:57
Speaker
It was my fault. It was actually completely my fault. And I'm gonna take all the weight of this and I just feel so bad and I feel so awful. And then you step into that seat of feeling guilty. And we know that feeling guilt is number 21 out of 22 on the emotional guidance scale by Abraham Hicks. So when we're feeling guilty, our vibration is so low. And that is in turn attracting other things that are vibrating on that low frequency. But we don't deserve that. That guilt isn't valid then.
00:21:27
Speaker
Sometimes guilt is valid, but when you figure out why the guilt has come up and you make changes accordingly, you've got to be free to let that guilt go. Free yourself to move forward. So I came across this article and I thought I would chat about it. It's really well written by a lady called Kathy Caprino.
00:21:46
Speaker
And it is called six toxic behaviors that push people away, how to recognize them in yourself and change them. And again, uncomfortable to read, but really, really mind opening, mind opening, opening, mind blowing. It opens your mind. I don't know. I don't know. Okay. So the first one is taking everything personally.
00:22:12
Speaker
I might actually just read her words because they're really powerful and I think, yeah, I think they're great. So taking everything personally, people are toxic to be around when they believe that everything that happens in life is a direct assault on them or is in some way all about them. The reality is that what people say and do to you is much more about them than you.
00:22:34
Speaker
People's reactions to you are about their filters and their perspectives, wounds, and experiences. Whether people think you are amazing or believe you are the worst, again, it's more about them. I'm not saying we should be narcissists and ignore all feedback. I am saying that so much hurt, disappointment, and sadness in our lives comes from taking, comes from our taking things, comes
00:22:59
Speaker
from our taking things personally when it is far more productive and healthy to let go of others good or bad opinions of you and to operate with your own heart, intuition and wisdom as your guide. So yes, don't take anything personally.
00:23:14
Speaker
I really love that and I must admit I at times 100% take things personally when I shouldn't and I think that has come from me being in the film and television industry kind of being in the public eye I guess and I did have comments that were directly related to me like I was told
00:23:30
Speaker
I was a terrible actress. I was fat. I was ugly. Why would you take a role like Kim? You should kill yourself. Awful, awful cyber bullying I dealt with. So I think a lot of me, you know, taking things personally have come from that. But again, I'm learning that not everything is directed at me and what other people think of me is none of my business. So I really like how she wrote about that. Her next one is obsessing about negative thoughts.
00:23:58
Speaker
It is very hard to be around people who can't or won't let go of negativity when they dwell on and speak incessantly about the terrible things that could happen and have happened.
00:24:09
Speaker
the slights they've suffered and the unfairness of life. These people stubbornly refuse to see the positive side of life and the positive lessons from what's transpiring. Peasimism is one thing, but remaining perpetually locked in negative thoughts is another. Only seeing the negative and operating from a view that everything is negative and against you is a skewed way of thinking and living and you can change that.
00:24:33
Speaker
I love the ending, you can change that. Because when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.
Avoiding the Victim Mentality
00:24:40
Speaker
And it is absolutely true when we are obsessing over these negative thoughts. The negative thought has come up, yes, and it is normal and natural to then get stuck on it and to make it bigger. But when we obsess, obsess, obsess and can't let go, that affects every area in our life. Of course, there are different levels of negativity that people go through. So this is really relative
00:25:03
Speaker
depending on what negativity you are holding onto. I understand that, but I think this kind of paragraph speaks for the more surface level negativity that we can choose to let go of.
00:25:16
Speaker
Okay, the next one is treating yourself like a victim. Another toxic behavior is nonstop complaining that fuels your sense of victimization. Believing you are a victim, that you have no power to exert and no influence on the direction of your life is a toxic stance that keeps you stuck and small. In my former work as a marriage and family therapist with people who've suffered terrible trauma in their lives, but found the courage to turn it all around, and now as a career coach,
00:25:46
Speaker
I know that we have access to far more power, authority and influence over our lives than we initially believe. When you stop whining and refuse to see yourself as a helpless victim of fate, chance or discrimination, then you'll find that you are more powerful than you realize, but only if you choose to accept that reality. That last sentence, only if you choose to accept that reality.
00:26:12
Speaker
I don't think I need to talk about that paragraph, but this lady is incredible and I want to say her name again. It's Kathy Caprino. She wrote this blog that I am reading out. These are not my words. Okay. The next one, cruelty, lacking in empathy or putting yourself in others shoes. One of the most toxic and damaging behaviors, cruelty,
00:26:33
Speaker
stems from a total lack of empathy, concern or compassion for others. We see it in everyday online and in the media, people being devastatingly cruel and destructive to others just because they can. She then goes on to tell a story of her own which you can check in this blog. I'll link this blog actually in the show notes.
00:26:52
Speaker
But it really is about digging deep and finding that compassion in your heart to realize that we are all the same and that we are all one. And I guess this can take us back to that law of divine oneness, living in harmony, in compassion with each other. We're all one. We're all energy. We work together. So understanding that when we are, you know, using that cruelty or lack of empathy, that there is something deeper that is going on. And if you hurt others, you in turn hurt yourself.
00:27:22
Speaker
And I'm sure that many, many of my community would never intentionally hurt others. But the thing is, we unintentionally hurt others and it is so powerful to be able to find out when those times are. I'm not going to go too much into this next point. It's excessive reactivity.
00:27:40
Speaker
It's basically just about being really reactive, but I think that is something that is very different to, you know, depending on your hormones or depending on what you're dealing with. And it's something that you can work through with a psychologist, I think as well, but just really understanding when you are reactive and what you need to do to become less reactive as well.
00:28:02
Speaker
The last one is needing constant validation and we talk about this a lot on the podcast.
Internal Growth and Self-Reflection
00:28:09
Speaker
Finally, people who constantly strive for validation and self-esteem by obsessing about achieving outward measures of success are exhausting to be around. Those people who get caught up in the need to prove their worth over and over and constantly want to win over their colleagues or peers. Over attaching to how things have to look and be,
00:28:28
Speaker
and to achieving certain milestones and accomplishments, rather than going with life in a more flexible, easy manner, can wear you out and bring everyone else down around you.
00:28:38
Speaker
There is a bigger picture to your life, and it's not about what you achieve or fail at today. It's about the journey, the process, the path, what you are learning and applying, how you are helping others, and the growing process you allow yourself to engage in. Ooh, there's more, but I just wanna read those bits, like that last bit. It's so powerful. It is just so powerful, and for me, it gets me thinking in a really different way,
00:29:04
Speaker
And doing this work and learning about these topics, I don't know about you, but it makes me feel really proud. It makes me feel like, you know what, this is hard and it is uncomfortable, but I am trying my very best to take accountability in all areas of my life. So I really hope this episode has sparked something different.
00:29:23
Speaker
out of you today I urge you to journal after this episode don't judge yourself if you have found you know through this episode or in your journaling after that you know what maybe that thing I did say was too harsh or maybe this situation was my fault please don't be too hard on yourself this is normal and natural but it is so powerful to recognize these things I am bloody proud of you if you are please reach out with any questions
00:29:51
Speaker
and definitely post in the pass around the smile community group which is linked in the show notes if you've had any realizations or if you have any stories that you wanna share as well. It can be really, oh the word, what's the word I'm looking for? Empowering to share your stories even if it makes you a little nervous and uncomfortable because I think what you will find is a lot of people feel the same way that you have felt or have been through similar things.
00:30:18
Speaker
that you have as well. So thank you so much once again for listening to another episode. I will see you soon and I hope you have the most incredible week. Go easy on yourself.