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The Pop Culture Audit: Season 2, Episode 5 - "Jamaican Us Materialistic"
62 Plays1 year ago
Siiiiimooooonnnnnnn'ssssss coming!!!! We finally get our eyes on our German lighting rod and it. is. worth. the. wait.
Join us as we go through more Vineyard chaos, follow Jasmine on her slow journey into a trial separation, and TAKE ANOTHER VOTE ON SOMETHING (this is a house of DEMOCRACY).
Also, more sex noises.
You won't want to miss this!!!!
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Transcript
Introduction and Overview
00:00:09
Speaker
Hi, readers. Welcome to the Pop Culture Audit, where we review reality TV and talk about all things pop culture through a contemporary and critical lens. What exactly is a pop culture audit? Easy. We take a deep dive of pop culture source material, in this case, Summerhouse, Martha's Vineyard, and comb through it, highlighting some cringy and historic moments in pop culture discourse. If you're into that, you found the right place. I'm Kia. I'm Jasmine. I'm back. We're back.
00:00:39
Speaker
I'm back!
Challenges in Show Accessibility
00:00:45
Speaker
This is Brynn and we're going to dive right into Summerhouse Martha's Vineyard. I always want to say Summerhouse Santa Monica because that's a restaurant here in Chicago. Season one, episode five, title of the episode is Jamaican Me Crazy. I hate that phrase, y'all. That's one of my notes. You're getting that one. It's so pointy. I hate that phrase.
00:01:10
Speaker
Also, I do want to say as we get into this that for me, for whatever reason, I haven't set this up to record yet. So I just search it every time I watch an episode. And you cannot find the show unless you voice search it specifically. Like if you search for summer house only on at least my DVR, you get all the white people's summer house. Oh, that's not good. Oh, that's not good. I know. I'm worried that it's got very low viewership. I wonder how the ratings. Exactly.
00:01:40
Speaker
It's such a good show. We need to use our tools and find out. We need to use our leverage, our platform. We need to use our tools. Yeah. Come on audience. Watch this program. Yes. All 52 of you. Yeah.
Bria and Silas Conflict
00:01:56
Speaker
OK, we're going to dive into this recap and then we're going to audit the shit out of it. Ready? Let's go. All right. We kick into this episode. We're right back into Bria and Silas fighting. Remember everyone that they are wearing togas still. And she's calling him controlling. He is continuing to mispronounce manipulative. Preston shouts. Y'all are dumb as fuck if we're being honest. And that is correct. He says point to. Oh, my God. He was the best. He says the camera. They're both right. Silas.
00:02:24
Speaker
is controlling and Bria is manipulative. And this is why we love Preston, the forever hero. Yeah. Jasmine runs up the stairs and she's yelling, stay in your room. And Bria said, I'm not playing with the disrespect. And we are all yelling. But we're like yelling like we're in an action movie, right? Like they are yelling like men of action.
00:02:46
Speaker
And I'll have to say, okay, so I took a couple of pauses here because it feels like something, a couple of times in this episode, it feels like something was cut because Summer is telling Brie to stay in her room, which is like Summer just got here. So why is she in the middle of this? But then Nick and Amir are bringing her ginger ale and food while the rest of the group is debriefing at the pool table. So what I think happened, here's what I started to piece together.
00:03:12
Speaker
is that they said that they would talk about it as a group. And Bria was like, well, when are you going to talk about it? You haven't talked about it. And he gets here tomorrow.
Group Tensions Emerge
00:03:20
Speaker
And they said, we're going to go talk about the Simon situation now and take a vote. You stay in your room. And so we've had a chance to sort it out.
00:03:28
Speaker
That's what I feel like. She was just sitting up there. Yeah, she was like just fine with being up there. I'm like, no, they had a there was a whole conversation that unfolded where like everyone was still mad, but also had made some sort of peace with this deal. And they cut it out completely. I figured because I was like, why don't you all just go vote on it right now? Like Brianna could come down. Oh, survivor. Why are they voting on everything? I mean, the voting is weird, but also fine.
00:03:55
Speaker
So they're going down to vote on whether, so in the, in the, in the previews also, they really wanted us to think, at least I think they wanted us to think that they were voting Bria out of the house. Um, but they're just voting about how long Simon can stay.
00:04:11
Speaker
So they're down there doing that Bria FaceTime Simon while she eats fries in bed. She is fired up and she's ranting about how she doesn't tolerate disrespect that word again that I'm like, I don't know.
00:04:27
Speaker
She calls herself a Tasmanian devil and then takes the largest bite of mac and cheese. That is in my notes. She takes the largest bite of the driest mac and cheese I've ever seen in life. It is a baseball size. Yes, so big.
00:04:44
Speaker
She is rage eating right now. It is hilarious. It's also very adorable. She's adorable, I have to say. She is. I think she's a monster, but it is adorable. OK. She rants some more about the fact that she can't fuck her dog, but she can hear Jasmine getting her back blown out every night. And she needs to drop this point. Phil dropped the slavery analogy. It's so ridiculous. Corn Milo. Stop talking about fucking Milo. Stop.
00:05:13
Speaker
Down at the pool table, they're having this other house meeting this time. I mean, all in togas, people. Everyone's wearing a toga.
House Rules and Dynamics
00:05:22
Speaker
Preston is so mad that they aren't drinking and they are instead having another house meeting. They vote on a rule that would limit guest stays to three days. I want to remind everyone they have eight days left and they're voting. Also, who has guest coming? I'm like, why? Maybe, Matt?
00:05:41
Speaker
You don't have anybody coming. I mean, all those in favor. I went back a couple of times to make sure I was counting the hands. Jasmine, Silas, Nick, Jason, and then eventually Preston said, sure. Three day limit. All those against summer and maybe Alex, like we didn't see Alex, but summer doesn't care.
00:06:02
Speaker
Jason's talking, y'all, I told you this, I love Jason so much. And he says, and I cannot stress how wonderful his voice is with his like, draw accent. He says, I felt like we were on fucking survivor with these votes. I said, we're supposed to be on vacation. What's with all the votes? Exactly. Yeah, he's the cutest.
00:06:27
Speaker
Upstairs, Simon is talking Bria down. I'm gonna sidebar and say, it's not my favorite to hear someone with a very thick German accent say, who cares about other people? The way you gave for inventing Anna right there. It is really his accent. I like my face is just funny, like panicking. Every time he talks, my face is panicking.
00:06:57
Speaker
Who cares about other people? Breathe decides she isn't gonna leave. Now she has to hang all of her stuff up. The voters all go to the hot tub. Alex falls asleep on the couch in the hot tub. They asked Summer who she is interested in. She says a mirror out of the hot tub. Jasmine and Silas are going at it again. You can hear it everywhere in the house. So I know I say this every week. I mean, maybe no one's heard me because of our time.
00:07:32
Speaker
I am over them. I am so embarrassed every single time I hear her fake moaning. It is awful. And now I listen to other reviews and everyone's convinced she's faking. Everybody.
00:07:49
Speaker
I have to say that. It's absolutely loud. It's so disrespectfully so loud, my God. Okay, you can be loud and it could be a real thing, but she... I'm trying to think of how to tell y'all this without telling my business. She's faking, guys. I know that she's faking, okay? Okay, the tick to everyone is saying that she's faking. My beef is... Say lovey with the moaning.
00:08:14
Speaker
Everybody is being disrupted by it. Like, Preston looks at a mirror, is built into a different room. He's flexing a couch. I know, that was so messed up. All this hullabaloo about being a host. And the host and the hostess are so damn loud. They need to be voted out. Every night? Then y'all take the outhouse, or whatever that little damn house is.
00:08:36
Speaker
You know what? That would have been more appropriate for them. You're the host, and you need different space. Like, if you had that house by yourself, the back room, it wouldn't be an issue. But you're waking everybody up. Everyone can hear you. Yeah. I'm surprised no one's gone to knock on their door.
Personal Revelations and Impact
00:08:51
Speaker
I'm surprised they haven't confronted. Well, nobody wants smoke is also my theory.
00:08:56
Speaker
We're voting now. This is stress sex after the vote, okay? It's restorative. It's restorative. Vote sex. It's very pointy. As a woman who has had sex with men,
00:09:13
Speaker
But I tell you, from my lived experience, that Jackrabbit shits is not the thing that gets you bluffing. It's not it. It's not what gives you those noises. Everything about this is fake, phony, porny sex. Oh, that's awful. That's her man. It's really embarrassing. Nothing. Marital sex. That's her person. Disgusting. All right, all right, all right. It's day eight, y'all. It's the next day. Only day eight.
00:09:47
Speaker
We learned that Jason is a dad. He is a three-month-old daughter with a woman he is not romantic with any longer, just so we know. Wait, can I pause right here to say something? Okay, please. Three months is so small. I know. That baby's mother is not yet leaving the house. I was okay. I just want to say that she's there. Mom is home. You aren't home. And I get that you're not together.
00:10:06
Speaker
Oh, God, I feel like I've been doing this for years.
00:10:13
Speaker
But I did like- For six weeks. I squinted a little bit, because I was like- I did too. I didn't like that. This? And then he goes on to say, like, my life has changed. I'm not about messing with women. I'm sorry, Bryn. Continue. Continue. No, I hear that. But I'm like, six weeks, a baby? Yeah. You're not even there no more. It must have broken up when she was pregnant. That's what I have considered. But still, that means that for however many weeks that you're here, you're not- With your child. There. Yeah. That that person has.
00:10:42
Speaker
Oh my god. He's not home. Oh, this poor woman. Jesus fell for those blue eyes. She fell for that. Oh, that voice. All right. Nick, Nick goes up to braids rooms, tell her the votes. She says it's unfortunate, because they don't even know the big surprise dinner that Simon is planning. She's very irritated by the three night rule, but she like rolls with it. So again, I feel like they actually like dealt with this off camera somehow.
00:11:09
Speaker
Side note, why are there so many roses in every single way? Okay, so I was thinking that we know why Bria has roses in her room. We saw Bria in the whole thing, but why does Jordan have roses in her room as well? I'm telling you, it was a product placement from that flower place. Well, remember when the flowers came? It was three boxes. It was Bria's flowers and there were other boxes, so maybe
00:11:30
Speaker
They're all just still wrapped in cellophane. Wait a minute. So like, you're trying to say that Simon sent all the women flowers? No. No, no, no, no. I'm just, they needed a place to put them is what I'm trying to say. Like it was a lot of flowers. I think people are like, here's a bonus. And then they just have a bunch of flowers and they don't know where to put them. Cause they're on the count, the kitchen island, but they use that for everything. They're in Jordan's room. They're everywhere. They're everywhere.
00:11:59
Speaker
They're everywhere. Yeah. I think that that flower place just sent them to the house. Yeah. They were like, here's a promo. Here's a promo. All right. Anyway, there's roses everywhere. They didn't even like snip the rubber band around that sense though. They're like bunched up. Yeah, the girls don't care about them. They're awfully shit. Oh my God. Jasmine goes into Jordan's room to celebrate her one year of celibacy.
00:12:23
Speaker
Jordan wants to go to brunch and she is going to invite Brea. Summer announces that tonight is going to be Jamaican night. She is Jamaican. Summer is Jamaican. She doesn't know her white father at all. Culturally, she strongly identifies with blackness and Jamaicanness. Putting it on the record.
00:12:42
Speaker
They are all getting dressed for brunch and they all look fucking great. Rhea brings her daughter. They look so beautiful. I say that at least seven times through this recap. How did they look? They're so good looking.
00:12:55
Speaker
At brunch, they're talking about Jordan's situationship, which prompted her to not sleep with anyone for a while. She isn't sure if she wants to be in a committed relationship though. And of course, Jasmine interjects that she really wants her to invest in herself, be open to something good, very awkward and weird. Back at the house, Summer goes to peek in on Alex. He says he's finally realizing that he's a poet.
00:13:21
Speaker
They start vibing about meditation and different frequencies and all kinds of weird. The edit was so funny. It was so funny. It was so funny. It was really funny.
House Dynamics and Subplots
00:13:36
Speaker
I mean, in a great way. We didn't need that. We were already thinking it, and they just really leaned in. Oh, I was definitely thinking it. Yeah. Marianne Williamson, twins. I will say here, Alex and Summer, they have a great connection.
00:13:52
Speaker
Summer is everything that Shanice is not. Now, Jasmine. Had to say it. It's so early. Yeah. I just had to say it. Everyone can hear me. I'm excited.
00:14:09
Speaker
I have to say things. I've been locked up by bad technology. I want to say everything this week. And you're a resilient woman in STEM. Shanice is like in New York sending emails right now. Like she, okay. She's ordering pizzas to people's houses. Jasmine. Just saying.
00:14:28
Speaker
All right, listen, y'all, it's nighttime at the vineyard. Chef Dion is here to cook Jamaican food. Everyone looks fucking great. I can't stop saying it. They look so good. The green, oh, yeah. The food is spicy. They start saying- The food looks amazing. It looks great. It looks so good. Wait, I have one side thing to say about the food. Why is there broccoli present at every meal?
00:14:50
Speaker
You have to have a green vegetable. You know how fit these people are, Jay? I hate broccoli. Why would they go like greens or kale or spinach? They're body people. There's going to be a vegetable. Oh, I hate broccoli. It's everywhere. Really? I hate broccoli. Hate it. Okay. Okay. They start playing truth, dare, or truth.
00:15:15
Speaker
They dare Nick to jump in the pool with his clothes on. He says, no, this is Ralph Lauren, head to toe. You don't know how much my shoes cost. Never hated Nick more. Never hated him more. It's purple. Also like Ralph Lauren, like sir.
00:15:31
Speaker
Like, that's not the highest of fashion. We're being honest. He believes it is. He is a prepster in style. He can all afford Ralph Lauren. He told me everything about how Nick is dressing himself and his clients based off that sentence alone. I was like, OK. Yeah. Like, they sell out a thing. His clients? What does he do again? He's a stylist, bro. He's a stylist, girl. Oh, all right. Is that real? I didn't even know that. Yes. Yeah, I didn't know that. Oh, my God. Nick is a stylist. Oh. He shouldn't be. He's too matchy-matchy. Mm-hmm.
00:16:02
Speaker
All right. Then summer gives a laugh dance to Nick. I'm sure we'll talk about that at some point. I thought she did a good job. I did too. Then Nick decides he needs to make good on his dare to jump in the pool. And he is so impressed with himself. And everyone is so excited. Like he did something fucking amazing. The party started now. Meanwhile, he can't swim. He's like risking his life.
00:16:28
Speaker
Meanwhile, you dared him and he punked out. And now he's doing it because somebody else was like bold enough to actually do it. You punked out. This is not you're not a hero. You suck about this, but it will come on it. Okay, I have a feeling
00:16:43
Speaker
All right. Okay. We'll come back to it. Milo starts humping Jason's arm. I have to, I have to talk about that. Love him. I hate when dogs hump. I mean, like, I hate it. That didn't come out right. I hate it. I'm not a pro hot dog hump, but dogs are animals are going to be animals. And I hate when they'll make it weird when dogs hump things. Like what, what is going on? That's bad for Milo. I don't like it. He deserved that. He did not get angry. You know, that's my forever hero.
00:17:17
Speaker
They dare, oh man, this episode will be 47 hours long. They dare Amir to give Jordan a strip tease. It keeps getting more juvenile, then there's more kissing. Then the last dare is reenact the sex sounds that y'all was making last night and everyone loses their mind because somebody finally called them out. They all go to bed. So game's over, they go to bed. Oh God, this is so terrible.
00:17:35
Speaker
I changed it this week. Everyone calm down.
00:17:44
Speaker
Silas and Jasmine are ready to fuck again, but now they know they have to be quiet because they were just called out and Silas cannot handle it. He's like getting so worked up because Jasmine's like being quiet and he says, I can't fucking silence. They stop having sex or at least the edit makes it look like they stopped having sex. And he says to her, me having sex with you and you not making any sound, instant turn off. Okay. Pause before this happens so much.
00:18:13
Speaker
Okay, before all of that kicked off, he says, Oh, I can't I don't like the idea of other men hearing my wife moan. Yeah, this down. That's your only grievance. That then what? What about when he tells her, Okay, take your panties off first. That would have been the end of it all right there.
00:18:34
Speaker
Wait, now that you remind me, that is a huge, like just that, something about that whole such, was just an egg for me. I was like, oh. All of it's picky, ew, ew. And she's like, are you delusional? And that's exactly, I'm glad she asked him that. Cause I'm trying to figure that out too.
00:18:52
Speaker
That was fun. So in that moment, the fact that he won't watch that back and be like, oh shit, my wife is totally faking these noises because I demand that she does. Demand it. She's performing for her husband. That is. And he knows it and is fine. He's like, yes, perform. That's what they do. Wow. It's a man. They're on a fast track to help. That's very business. Yeah. Yikes.
00:19:19
Speaker
All right, next morning, it's Simon Day, you guys.
Personality and Social Commentary
00:19:22
Speaker
A group of people are going shopping. Okay, for whatever reason, this next part, like really made me laugh really hard. I watched it twice. They meet in the corridor and Stupid Nick is wearing a blazer with a cardigan tied around his shoulders. And Jordan says in a British accent, do you need both a cardigan and a blazer? And I found it so funny.
00:19:45
Speaker
Because what's stupid? That's what I know. He's a stylist, too. That's the it was the. Now. Yeah. Now it's even worse. Wait, I liked it. I think that's been like in with the sweater over. So over him. I'll give Nick. I'm not it. Whatever Nick. I hate the laser. It looks like Fonsworth Bentley. That. Oh, my God. That's exactly who also get back to the summary. I'm sorry.
00:20:12
Speaker
I'm sorry. Before you move on, LLL and Bria brushing her teeth with sunglasses on, oversized earrings, a headscarf, like a queen. I was just laughing as soon as I started brushing her teeth. Like look at her. A star. Yeah, she can.
00:20:29
Speaker
Okay, they all go out for a rainy day on the town. The producers hands are very heavy in this like town segment because they force these awkward conversations to happen. Yeah. In the souvenir store, Jasmine corners Jordan. She's like, it's about my friend having what I know she wants. And Jordan correctly says, What do I want?
00:20:50
Speaker
And it ultimately comes out that it's just about what Jasmine wants, which is for everyone to be married and miserable. So she doesn't have to be married and miserable alone. They wrap up their day, they head back to the house to get ready for Simon's arrival. Alex cut Samir's hair in the living room, which I thought was very sweet.
00:21:11
Speaker
Um, that was cute. I wrote that down. It was so cute. Tender. I love doing tender things and he did a good job. Um, everyone gets dressed up for this dinner and they're so great looking except, except Jasmine's hat, the hat, the Mary Poppins, the barber shop. Yeah. You know what? That had made me feel like.
00:21:42
Speaker
I feel like I've seen it in a movie before or something when she was dressed like a character from a movie. Like Burt from Mary Poppins. It's Mary Poppins. A barbershop quartet at Disney. Yeah, it doesn't go with the dress. Well, I thought it was. No. And then she left the house with the hat. Of course.
00:22:01
Speaker
I do have to say, when they came in from lunch, they came right in, looked at their phones and said, oh, we got to get dressed for the dinner thing. And I just took a note, said, they eat so much. Like, aren't they tired of eating?
00:22:19
Speaker
No, it's one meal to the next. Yeah, it's just a meal to a meal to a shower to a meal. I took a nap though. Right. The edit for this particular episode felt pretty heavy. Like the producers were like, OK, we need to scoot it along. There was no they were in that souvenir shop for hours while the other group was eating a two hour lunch. Yeah, that's true. No. All right, guys.
00:22:41
Speaker
Tailwind.
Materialism and Social Shifts
00:22:42
Speaker
Simon arrives in a red Lamborghini. Is that a Lamborghini? No idea what the car is. No idea. It's a sports car. He seems to be wearing a black jacket. My first thought, and I later will correct this, my first thought was it looks like a martial arts jacket. Leave me alone. I don't think it is. I am here to tell you this
00:23:04
Speaker
dude is weird. This dude is weird. His hair is weird. You guys shirt is unbuttoned. His hair is slicked back. There's a peacock and there's like peacock feather. That's what's on his on his jacket. It's a sequin jacket like enough and
00:23:26
Speaker
The peacock feathers are like on the cuffs of his jacket and he brought some sort of fancy bottle of liquor. What was that? Because that was. I think it looked like he knew he knows what to do. Simon knew what he was up again.
00:23:41
Speaker
It instantly made everyone so it's like he had handed them. I don't even know what to say because it didn't even just make them like, Oh, that's nice grateful. Like they were like, Oh, it was like a bottle on behalf of the home. We thank you and appreciate
00:24:02
Speaker
Yeah, like he had come in and like the house. Yes. Like, Simon was a masculine Bria. Like they thought he was going to be just like Bria. And I was like, what sense does that? Oh, yeah. Jasmine. Okay. We got to wait. Okay.
00:24:21
Speaker
All right. Brea is wearing a yellow dress made of feathers. It's all feathers. Everything is great. Did you like it? It looks great. It was a lot of changes into a velvet tux and the two of them together are like an 11 out of 10. It's just a lot. They're doing a lot.
00:24:39
Speaker
Gatsby thing. Nick hated it. They go to the back, they go to the back room of a restaurant that the second time I watched this, this, this restaurant seems very fine. It seems very basic to me and they're all so impressed.
00:24:58
Speaker
They've had private chefs coming. They go in the back of this like Ruby Tuesday. But y'all every time they go out, they're eating on like a deck.
00:25:11
Speaker
They have not gone through. This is like a cafe, and they're in this little back room. There's TV screens up in the corner. Yes, yes. It's a bowl of rehearsal dinner. It's giving. She's a accessory. Yes. Okay. They were real proud of themselves to be in this back room of a restaurant. Simon says, I want to present a special gift for each of you.
00:25:37
Speaker
And then Bria says she wants to give Jasmine and Silas their belated wedding gifts. And then everybody gets like a gift bag from Target. So like, yeah, with like tissue paper in it. Inside these Target gift bags, inside these Target gift bags are $800 watches for everyone. Except for Silas and Jasmine who get $1,200 for Sachi watches.
00:26:09
Speaker
Okay, so there's seven people here who get $800 watches and the married couple get a collective $2,400 of watches. And they're all like, Oh, so nice. This is great. What the fuck is happening? We'll talk about it. We'll talk about it. We didn't buy these watches. So I also wrote here.
00:26:31
Speaker
Simon bought these. I didn't buy these. What is go on? I literally I have a look behind the scenes to on that. Okay. I cannot wait to get to this because then I'm like, they are all these watches might be haunted because they are all bewitched, bewitched by the watches. They are completely 180. This man, this white German man is the king of the house now.
00:26:59
Speaker
Like, this is exactly what Simon was afraid of. He could put all the dog toys in their beds and they would, they would let Simon kick out everyone and bring Phil back based on his watches alone. Like they are so like hypnotized by these. Jason says he's a good man. He's a good man. So funny. We appreciate you. For the watch king?
00:27:26
Speaker
with this watch, which is like, okay, it's a nice watch. Like it's better than Ralph Lauren head to toe, but like, I mean, still it's a watch. Yo. Also, I just want to pick up my own watch. I don't want somebody to pick up my watch for me, but whatever.
00:27:41
Speaker
That's good to know. Thank you. You're going to get me an $800 return the watch Jasmine. I want mine to be gold though. Okay. Um, I want that Versace watch honestly.
00:28:00
Speaker
Okay. Okay. Then Silas says, what's your plan for Bria? What's your vision? And Simon says, I love her. I want to be with her. But on the other hand, I'm contemplating her involving her in a way in which she involves me.
Relationship Struggles and Isolation
00:28:15
Speaker
And Preston says, I love that. And Bria says, I'm going to cry. And Bryn says, what the fuck are you talking about? What does that mean? I don't understand. Why is Preston translated?
00:28:29
Speaker
I don't think they must have edited the shit out of this. But his hands are together like he's praying and he's like mouthing. I love that. I'm like, what is going on? I love her. I want to be with her. But on the other hand, I'm contemplating involving her in a way in which she involves me. What? If you told me that, I would be like, oh, that's like Willa and Connor from Succession. This is a business arrangement.
00:28:58
Speaker
that they're talking about. I would be 10. Are you okay underneath the table? Like, what does that mean? Bria says, I'm going to cry. What are we talking about? Me too, girl. He also says this in this German accent, and it's not okay. This accent is not okay. He's for Johnny. It doesn't matter. Not okay.
00:29:21
Speaker
Okay, but this inspires I swear I feel like they all like I feel like they got in this room and Simon is a villain and he there's like laughing definitely dressed like one. Yeah, and they're all like doped up now and they don't make any sense and the watches got them like it feels like we're watching a Batman episode.
00:29:42
Speaker
So Silas gives a speech about partnership and what it is to be a union. And then Jasmine interjects and says, but it can also be isolating in a group. He finds it as a strength, but I'm struggling. And then she starts crying. She looks drunk. They've been drinking all day. I mean, she started having mimosas. Jasmine. Jasmine's eyes looked glazed over. Oh, yeah, that's probably true. They're nonstop wasted. He brought this bottle of whatever this is.
00:30:12
Speaker
mermaid juice. So they've been drinking that like, because they do all these shots to remember these people. Oh, I forgot about the shot. There were some lights at the house. You're right. You're right. Anyway, so then she starts crying. Everyone looks so fucking awkward in the back room of this Ruby Tuesdays with their watches. And it's the end of the episode. What an episode. What a memory. Welcome back Jasmine.
00:30:36
Speaker
Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks everyone for being patient with the technical difficulties over the past couple of weeks, but I am back. Shall I begin? I have to do all that. The mic works, girl. The mic works. Testing, testing, testing. All right. Out of point number one, let's go back to Jasmine pushing Jordan to
00:31:03
Speaker
you know, get what she allegedly wants that Jasmine knows that she wants. Jasmine doesn't know what she wants, much less what Jordan wants. I wrote down the quote here when she says, I'm rooting for you to be excited about someone when Jordan was talking at the table about her celibacy and how she thought that she would want to have a boyfriend. And then she decided, you know what, that may take a while. So maybe I'll just give it up when I see fit. And she says that. And I also felt like
00:31:32
Speaker
Everyone like Jordan and Summer were being very vulnerable and open about situations that they'd been through and how they're coming out on the other side. And everyone's ultimately saying they're choosing themselves. And then you look up in jazz and it's just kind of like, yeah, and the confessional just judging the whole time. And it made me think about like this idea that single people are just naturally unhappy.
00:32:02
Speaker
And I didn't like that. I didn't like it at all.
00:32:08
Speaker
I felt like it was weird, her reaction to keep pushing, like, I want you to be happy. It just didn't feel connected to. We're celebrating. First, I think it's funny. It's like fun to have a one year celebratory brunch. That's right. And then for her, like for Jordan, who has not really opened up this entire time for summer to be new and open up and share like vulnerable things that have happened to them recently. And then for Jasmine, just be like, OK, well,
00:32:38
Speaker
I just want you all to be happy. That's not what any of this was about. It just felt so, again, back to a point from a couple of weeks ago, are you really friends? Is Jordan really a friend? Cause you were not treating her like a friend who you know for years and care about. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. It's not, I don't know. It doesn't seem like any of these people really like each other very much.
00:33:05
Speaker
I do like each other. I do like how Jordan like handles herself through the whole like she is just very poised and clear without you know, like, yeah, she doesn't over reacts to those like triggers I feel like but she she sort of puts Jasmine back in her place pretty handily. She really does. Yeah.
00:33:29
Speaker
Good riddance. Absolutely. I love that Tucker is a fourth. He only barks as much when we're recording. I guess he agrees with what we're saying. I love that. We love Ben standing in solidarity. He's locked in the room. Locked in the room. Goodness. Yes, I just thought that was interesting. Jasmine looks really pathetic. She even started choking up at the
00:33:56
Speaker
at the hole when they were out shopping and she's like, what is, you know, Jordan's like, what is the problem? I don't know. It's just, it's just reading real pathetic. The faking at night.
00:34:07
Speaker
Later on, we find out it's so hard for her and her relationship and all these things that Silas is saying she doesn't necessarily agree with. She admits that she's feeling isolated. And so you're projecting, like Jordan said. Yeah, that was correct. She said, I don't feel judged. You're projecting.
00:34:28
Speaker
That was funny and very clear. It bothered me that Jasmine started up the crocodile tears in this doggone store, this little trinket store. There's no way y'all organically in here for two hours, but also you're going to get emotional over your friend expressing a healthy boundary.
00:34:50
Speaker
It was definitely misplaced. It was way more firm. Yeah, of like, I don't want to talk about this with you anymore. But Jasmine felt so inclined to be like, I just, I really hurt for you. Nobody's hurt here.
00:35:02
Speaker
Yeah, and I also feel just on Jordan in general, I feel like people just won't leave her alone. Like even when the guys went to lunch and Alex is like telling Amir, she's just not returning the feelings the way I'd like her to for you. It's like, what? What are you talking about? You know what I mean? Everyone just leave her alone. And so she just can't catch a break, which is probably why she's retreating a lot. I mean, she probably wants to go home. This is not a vacation anymore. She's getting dogged all the time.
00:35:33
Speaker
I'm moving to the cool house and calling it right back. Period. Period. Okay, what else do we have? What's your next point, Jay? I will say, what else do I have
Critique of Genuine Connections
00:35:51
Speaker
here? I have Justin's Wild. That's just a general note. I think this is a good place to just go ahead and launch into this watch thing.
00:36:04
Speaker
like the entrancing moment of the watch. And we could go ahead and launch into this. But before we do, I just want to set it up how Jasmine says that she didn't even know she was going to speak to Simon. And when he walked in the door, she goes, hi, I'm Jasmine. I'm a hugger. You are? What are you talking about?
00:36:29
Speaker
And then your husband's like, on behalf of the house, like, for this bottle, on behalf of the house. We appreciate you. We thank you. And then Silas says, you know, Simon comes in with the great peace offering. I'm like, what did he do that's requiring a peace offering? Period. Period. But we could talk about the watches.
00:36:52
Speaker
I mean, it goes into the watches is that Jasmine and cyclists talk a big game again. I think they thought Bria, but a man was going to come in the house, which makes absolutely no sense based on what we know about Simon. Bria will call Simon worked up and he's laughed at her or told her it's not a big deal. Yes.
00:37:14
Speaker
So first of all, I never thought Silas Simon was gonna come in here and act up, but the way he showed up with a gift and the way they wanted to just, I think it was a couple things, the gift and they have to posture themselves as the host. They have to stand up and be the hostess. They can take a day off, everyone's grown, they don't need it.
00:37:34
Speaker
It was just a lot. Like even at the dinner, when Silas was like, Oh, what's your intention with Bria? You have never had that conversation with her. Now all of a sudden you want to grill her like you have this relationship. Y'all were beefed up last night. Yeah. Yeah. And then what about her hugging? Like we're family. Are you? Are you? Are you? You told her.
00:37:59
Speaker
They're positioning themselves like we've got parents. I don't understand why no one's calling them out. Me, Jasmine, and Silas would be beefed up the whole trip because you don't question my grown man sitting next to me who walked in the door being a better host than you ever will about his intentions for me. We're good over here. Take your watch. Congratulations. There's just no way they irked me those two.
00:38:28
Speaker
The way Bria knew it and was just playing in their face because when she, before the watch came out and she goes, Silas and Jasmine, I never got you a wedding gift. They've been married for a while now. So that's two doggone wedding to me that she didn't get the gift for the whole wedding. Gifts in these two watches, and I think it's so important to know that they were his and hers watches. Everyone else got the same watch, to my knowledge, except for Jasmine and Silas.
00:38:53
Speaker
And that is when they were on the moon, honey. It was over the top. Thank you so much. You're just such a good man. What? It was actually, they should be in bed. They should be in bed. Phil needs to come back. Mariah needs to come back. I'm gonna say Phil should come back. No, this is- But they should get their watches. They should come in their watches. Shout out to Mariah. I always say this.
00:39:22
Speaker
But like, the reason why I say everyone should come back is because you folded way too fast. Like you have all these principles and you're voting and you're this and all it took was a bottle of tequila and a watch. Like, stop. So yeah, I just, they should be embarrassed. And I hope that there is a reunion show where they can be confronted by how quickly they folded in this house of lies, as far as I'm concerned, AKA haunted house.
00:39:52
Speaker
AKA survivor. Okay. That's, and that's all I have to say about that this week. Okay. This watch thing really, the watch thing really blew my mind. Like I might, I almost texted you guys, you know, I hate that, but I was like, what did I just walk like this, the materialism, the like utter capitalism of it all, like the like,
00:40:20
Speaker
to watch people who are certainly petty and like juvenile. I'm not saying they're stand up people, but they were brought to their knees by these watches.
00:40:33
Speaker
That's all. And I also wonder when was the plan hatched, right? You're saying it's like a master plan. When did they come up with this? Was this always the plan? So there's part of me that is like, is Simon like, does he work in jewelry or something? He does. Okay. So here we go. So I was watching.
00:40:54
Speaker
He is. Okay, so I was watching Watch What Happens Live and even Andy was like, what does he do for a living? Like, and did you bring me a watch? And, and Bria was like, yeah, he works in like fine jewelry and he sells like, you know, jewelry or whatever. And he's
00:41:13
Speaker
like a watch dealer or something. And then Andy was like, Oh, so it's like he was giving out swag. Like it wasn't like a big deal. Like he got merchandise. Yeah. So he was like, Oh, he was like advertising for his business. And he went on and on and on. And Brea was like, that was a really nice gift. That doesn't take away the fact that these were nice gifts that I was giving my friend. And he said,
00:41:40
Speaker
Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah. It's different. It does change things. If I work, if I'm a like big shot at Apple and I give everyone MacBooks, like it changes it versus it's still like, it's still like, we're talking about wholesale price now.
00:42:09
Speaker
I just didn't think this man was ever going to come in and act like this, but I think that the cast wanted a luxury experience and the house is not a luxury experience. They are cooking and cleaning.
00:42:22
Speaker
Usually, I don't feel like we see this a lot behind in edits of shows, but we have seen every day a mere sweeping. Jordan and somebody loading the dishwasher. We got a clip of how they talked about how Bria loaded the dishwasher wrong. The house is dirty. It's lived in. I told you the house was dirty.
00:42:39
Speaker
Exactly. And I just think it's interesting. It feels like everyone on the show was wanting a luxury experience. They didn't get that. And then the watches came out and it made it clear to me that they, I think they thought they were getting a more plush time.
00:42:57
Speaker
OK. That is my working theory. I mean, that's not fair. Right. It's less about Simon, but more of like, OK, this tells me what maybe y'all thought was going to happen that is not happening. Wait, maybe the plan was hatched a long time ago, because remember they cut to the scene before Simon came into the house where Brio is packing up all of the gifts? Yes. So maybe she had those gifts all along. I think it was planned.
00:43:27
Speaker
I think I thought it was nice, whether whether he, you know, has him laying around the house or not. I thought it was nice. The only problem I had was with how they behaved for the watches. It was too much for me. Yeah. The like transactive nature of the whole thing. Like we don't want you to come.
00:43:54
Speaker
or we would literally bribe you. And they're like, okay, it's right. It's fine. It's fine. You should stay more. I'll say this. I can't wait to see what like day two with Simon is like, that's all. I know Simon and more concerned about the return of Shanice. It's almost like she doesn't fit in this house. Like yes, they have like established like this, like,
00:44:22
Speaker
Distinguished suit jacket. You know, we're going to this quote unquote fancy dinner at TGI Fridays and getting watches. She didn't get, we're drinking tequila. You didn't get to taste. I mean, you come back and you're on some like- A full member of the house. You're not a full member of the house. And you're coming back on some like party house, like sorority sister kind of vibe. And when she's not there, they're not on that. That's what I'm-
00:44:51
Speaker
I'm curious to see how this plays out. Yeah. Yeah, me too. The honorable mentions random note. I thought a mere striptease was nice. Oh. Oh. We both said no. We just had to say that. We both said no in two different octaves. OK. I know. Yeah, sharp, sharp left. No, just keep moving. It's fine. Sounds good. Sorry. I had to say it before I forgot.
00:45:19
Speaker
forever villain. But and then and then I thought that Preston willing to take a dip back in the lady pool was also like, whoa, that was so chaotic. No, Jamaican night was fun.
00:45:37
Speaker
It was just fine. They're just messy. Yeah. Truth or dare is a messy. I feel like it always escalates to this messy. I hate, I hate truth or dare. I was going to say, this is what I want to talk about. I hate truth or dare. I would rather just do the truth or take a drink because it was truth, dare or drink. I rather just drink like I'm drunk because I'm not taking anything. I'm not doing anything for this, especially on. How does Alex weasel himself out of everything in these situations?
00:46:03
Speaker
OK, speaking of weasel, he weaseled his way out of the scene, but right before because his body was headed up wherever he was going, he goes. That's when he tells Jasmine, I can hear y'all. I dare you to mimic whatever. It was like he did a little hit and run like he wanted to place it there and then leave the room. Somebody had to call him out. Somebody had to do it. Somebody needed to. I'm surprised it was Alex, but OK. He I'm not a fan of him. Really? No, I'm not a fan. I see he has an air about him.
00:46:33
Speaker
A lot of men have an air bubble. May I transition this into an audience? Please. Bring it in. Okay. This is going back to truth or the truth dare drink. My audit point goes to Summer's twerk session. I have no notes on the twerk session. What I do want to talk about is two things. Nick getting into the pool and Summer made a little joke that Nick got so excited that he jumped right in the pool after to cool himself down.
00:47:03
Speaker
Which I think, honestly, scientifically, makes a lot of sense. The second and most important thing is, where is your girlfriend?
Subplots of Mystery and Intrigue
00:47:11
Speaker
Where is your girlfriend?
00:47:12
Speaker
I am so not worried about his girlfriend and he's not worried about his girlfriend. I feel like we are the most concerned people about the girlfriend and we aren't in the house. Like when he was giving Bria the mac and cheese and he was like, oh, would be sad if you left. And then he kind of was like, well, you know, my girlfriend could come and the Bria is like, really? And he's like, oh, I don't know about that. Or maybe not. Maybe not. Maybe not. Maybe not. Maybe not.
00:47:41
Speaker
gets up out the room. What? Or when, when Summer's dancing on him and Bria says into the confession, Oh, okay, Nick, I see you. That's how you act with a girlfriend. And she was right. So what? I'm honestly surprised that Silas and Jasmine, the officers of marital relations, did not get more upset about this because what is going on?
00:48:06
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know. I think he doesn't even have a girlfriend. You know, that's my theory. What is it called? What is the word? The fancy word for cheating? Extra marital? There's another word. Affairs? I'll think of it later. But it's a word for cheating.
00:48:37
Speaker
The next thing I had was still screaming about how Bria did not get Silas and Jasmine a wedding gift.
00:48:46
Speaker
And had the audacity to bring it up months later. I feel like there's so many rules about wedding etiquette. But for you to go to the wedding, have the wedding end, go and then see these people again in the beach house and then still not have a gift and then bring it up at this dinner is too motherfucking funny to me. Well, especially when you're saying, Bria didn't get them these watches. This gift is not from Bria. Bria's still not getting them a gift.
00:49:13
Speaker
These are cool sale watches. Oh, that's so funny. These are merchandise. I get that they still cost someone money, but I'm telling you, he took them from his inventory. It is not that nice. It is not that nice. And now Bria's like, here's my wedding gift to you that my German boyfriend brought from his store.
00:49:42
Speaker
what if i just owned a store and i was like i don't know maybe kilo will like this thing from my store like i'd still take it i'm not saying you shouldn't take it i'm just saying the grandiosity of all of it when it's like no you still didn't get them a gift i think bria is broke as fuck and like
00:50:01
Speaker
Interesting. This is her train. She's on the Simon train. Just the same way that Jasmine's on the Silas train. That was inferred on Watch What Happens Live and Bria was like, I had money before I even met Simon. That's not true. Well, I did see on something that she said she's from Calabasas. I did see that as well. I could see her dad having money.
00:50:27
Speaker
I think she grew up with money. And then like how many people with money do they find someone with money? I didn't realize that Simon was like, boo-coo rich. Like after the episode, I was like, wait a minute. I will tell you recently an unfortunate event happened with her. She got arrested, her and her sister in Cannes.
00:50:48
Speaker
And did y'all hear about this? No, but that sounds terrifying. So she was coming out of Zara and, but this, it made me think about it. Cause she was like, my boyfriend was in Versace. Me and my sister were coming out of Zara and I was like, strike one. Like Zara and Versace can live near each other. Like, what is going on? All right. So the story goes like this.
00:51:14
Speaker
Brea was in Cannes with her boyfriend and her sister. He was in Versace. She was in Zara. She's carrying bags. They're walking down the street and
00:51:26
Speaker
As they're walking out of the store, they hear someone yelling at them. But they didn't stop because they assumed that obviously no one's speaking to us. So they kept walking. They end up getting arrested. Apparently they fit some alleged description of people who were shoplifting. And they didn't speak the language, went into this jail. They were stripped naked twice. What?
00:51:56
Speaker
told a bunch of things in French that they didn't understand, wouldn't let them make any calls, didn't read them rights, just was treated absolutely horrible. It took her boyfriend
00:52:13
Speaker
Simon was out shopping, so they finally got, someone was, allowed them to call Simon, got in touch with Simon, and he came up there, and all he said, Bria said, all he said was, that's my girlfriend and her sister, and with no further explanation, they were released. Wow, wow, racism is cool. So, that was unfortunate, she was crying, yeah, crying, upset, and on social media saying, like,
00:52:42
Speaker
If you have any information, totally it's so messed up. Um, so she's looking for justice, but she was like really upset and really just crying. So it was, it was tough seeing her so upset cause I love Bria so much. Justice for Bria. Justice for Bria. Who would, who would have thought that that would have been a hashtag for this week, but definitely justice for Bria and her sister too. Global racism, global racism.
00:53:10
Speaker
Well, it's a whole other podcast episode.
Character Analysis: Villains and Heroes
00:53:15
Speaker
Anyways, I will say that my hero of this episode was Jordan.
00:53:27
Speaker
Yeah, I will say that my hero is Jordan. My villain is definitely Silas slash Jasmine can't stand them. They might be the forever villains. I know Mira was on his street, but they're so terrible. They've moved to my number one villain spot. So I'll let whoever wants to hop in here, who wants to say their villain and who wants to say their hero. Fred, you want to go first? OK, OK, I'll go.
00:53:57
Speaker
Um, I wrote it down. Okay. You're not going to like it though. Okay. My hero is, uh, my hero is, um, probably Jason or Preston, kind of like a Jason and Preston. I need them. I need them in this house. I need their levity. Uh, I need to, like, now there's two people who are like us, you know, who are like, what is going on here? Why are we voting? Like that's what I needed to feel grounded in this show. So they're my heroes right now.
00:54:28
Speaker
Y'all I put the villain is Bria and Simon. No, I don't trust them. I don't trust them. Okay. That was before I heard the arrest story also. So that's not exactly fair to me, but I don't trust them. I think Simon, I can't, I can't with that accent. I can't with that jacket. I can't with these watches. I can't with that hair. I can't with the shirt on buttons. I can not.
00:54:57
Speaker
And I think Bria is chaos personified and like together I find them delicious. I really do. I hope they deserve their own empire. I do love that. They are villains in this house. And because villains aren't always the most dramatic. They're not sometimes like the way that this
00:55:18
Speaker
white German man has this house full of black people now obsessed with him and like eating out of the palm of his hand because of these fucking watches is a commentary on modern day racism. I feel like an essay is in you about this about capitalism and black leaders. I just feel it's how easy it is for whiteness to buy off like
00:55:40
Speaker
Black approval. Don't tempt us. This is a blog. I think you got something here. All right. Maybe it is. Maybe it's Elisa. I do. I think you have something. I'll make a vine. A vine? Are we doing vines? No, a vine is dead.
00:55:52
Speaker
You go. OK, I don't have a hero this week. I have two villains. The first villain is Amir, as always, mostly because this week I felt it very weird that the conversation was like, what's going on with you and Jordan? Well, she needs to reciprocate. I just felt like that was very weird, like she's not a free entity and she's like something up for grabs. So that was weird. She's just not that into you.
00:56:19
Speaker
Right, of like, okay, he acts like Texas is like a different nation. Like people have not been to the South. So you're still mad about this Texas. Still mad. It hurts me. And then the second villain is Nick because I just, until we hear otherwise, I feel like he is out here embarrassing that woman.
00:56:41
Speaker
He's embarrassing himself. He's embarrassing himself, but he's more importantly embarrassing that woman. I think that woman is a stock photo. I don't know if that's a real woman. She's a paid actor. I want to elevate this woman's voice. I'd love to hear from you and make sure you're okay and that you've done what you need to do for this man. Someone get us in touch with this very private person. Very private as a mystery woman who had all my presents.
00:57:06
Speaker
because this is unacceptable. And that's my closing. That's my closing. I had one more note that I just noticed that I do want to ask if anyone else noticed. Okay. Does Alex have no rhythm? Are they just playing a different song than the song that he's dancing to? Have you noticed that in a couple of clips where you're like, you're doing this to him on purpose?
00:57:30
Speaker
He's so offbeat, but I think the show is playing a different song than whatever he is listening to. I think it's mean. I think these editors might be either the number one heroes or the number one villains. The Bravo editors or something else. Okay, can I theorize that maybe he was just a little high? Like I noticed that and I was like, maybe he's like,
00:57:54
Speaker
in an altered state of mind. Like he was just often his, and maybe it could be a cannabis situation, but it also could be he's meditating on a higher plane than us because I did feel. Yeah, it could be the poetic energy, his chakra alignment, because I just felt like it was strange. He was just in his own place. Yeah.
00:58:18
Speaker
Okay, with that, with that, yeah. All right, everyone. Thank you so much for listening this week. Tune in next week where we see that Jasmine's going to be a little drunk, I guess. We don't know. We'll find out what's going on with Girls Night versus Guys Night. Follow us on Instagram at the pop culture audit.
00:58:41
Speaker
and rate and review us anywhere that you listen to podcasts. We'll chat next week. Bye. Bye. See you soon.