Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
10 Things I Now Know at 30
3k Plays2 years ago
Today is a special episode to celebrate my 30th birthday! I pulled 3 cards in my yearly spread for this month, (3 for 30) and I got Wealth, Miracles and Self Reflection which I am just so excited about!
Today I talk you through 10 things that I now know at 30… see below!
- Not All Thoughts Are Truth
- You Won’t Be Everyone’s Cup of Tea
- It’s Okay to Desire Money
- Not Every Problem is Yours to Fix
- Taking a Break, Propels You Forward
- What Is Meant for You, Won’t Miss You
- Good Things Always Come from Failure.
- Saying No and Setting Boundaries Isn’t Mean, it’s Healthy
- Small Things REALLY Don’t Matter
- Communication and Acknowledgment is Key for Healthy Relationships and Friendships
A big thank you to today’s sponsor, The Natural Bedding Company
Find their website here
Find their instagram here
Visit their stores on the Gold Coast and in Sydney!
Use code: PASSAROUNDTHESMILE10 for 10% off!
View my website here! (My very own oracle cards, journals, meditations + more magical stuff available!)
Find me on Instagram here!
@passaroundthesmile
@cleomassey
Join my Facebook community group here!
The Pass Around the Smile podcast is recorded on Bundjalung Country, in South East Queensland, Australia. We acknowledge the Yugambeh people of the Bundjalung Nation, the traditional owners of this land. We pay our respects to Elders past, present and emerging.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction & Special Announcement
00:00:03
Speaker
Pass Around the Smile is like your go-to friend, the one that lifts you up and backs you to the end. She's there to guide and inspire, challenge and teach, and remind you that your best self isn't out of reach. Self-development, manifestation, self-love and more, it's time to trust the process more than ever before. Welcome to Pass Around the Smile, the podcast. I'm your host, Cleo Massey, and I am so glad you're here. Let the magic begin.
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to the Pass Around the Smile podcast. This is a birthday special episode where I go through 10 things that I now know at 30. So this episode will be coming out on Saturday the 18th and the next day the 19th is my 30th birthday.
00:00:51
Speaker
And it's so weird. I think I always knew in my gut when I would be celebrating my 30th birthday, I would be pregnant. It was just like a feeling I've always had. And here I am pregnant at 30, about to celebrate my 30th birthday.
Episode Sponsorship
00:01:08
Speaker
So I thought, why not do a fun little episode for you about 10 things that I have learned. I do want to announce today's sponsor, which is an incredible business, The Natural Bedding Company.
00:01:20
Speaker
It's a family owned business which started off with Shani's dad making futons in his lounge room. Shani is now taking over her dad's business and has relocated to the Gold Coast where she set off a store. They also have a flagship store in Sydney. The Natural Bedding Company are leaders in the sleep space. Every product is handcrafted using only the finest of organic and natural materials. They have everything to make your dreams sweet from mattresses, pillows, sheets, quilts, and bed frames.
00:01:49
Speaker
What I've noticed is it's become pretty normal to spend quite a bit of money on things like outfits for special occasions or maybe even Christmas decorations that are used once a year.
00:02:00
Speaker
But what I'm slowly learning as I'm approaching 30 is that I'm ready to spend money on the more important things. Like the bed and bedding I'm sleeping on every single night. Especially through a business where the materials are all sourced ethically and sustainably with no nasties. It is an absolute yes from me. Go lie on one of their dream beds and try their pillows for yourself if you're around the Gold Coast or Sydney.
00:02:25
Speaker
I've popped the natural betting company's details in the show notes and they have been kind enough to share a 10% discount code for the pass around the smile family, which is pass around the smile 10 in capital letters.
Understanding Thoughts and Intuition
00:02:36
Speaker
All right, let's get into this very exciting episode. So number one out of the 10 things that I now know at 30 is that not all thoughts are truth. I have definitely lived a lot of my life thinking that everything that I think
00:02:53
Speaker
must mean it's a fact, must mean it's true. And this has caused me so much stress, so much anxiety and worry, and it has also made small things that could very likely just disappear.
00:03:06
Speaker
so much bigger because I assume and I spiral and you know we naturally have a negativity bias in our minds which does make it easy as humans to grab something, focus on it, assume the worst, create stories in our mind and this comes from how we were brought up or the stories that we were told or the limiting beliefs that we have
00:03:27
Speaker
held in our subconscious mind. So it's all natural and it's all normal, but the thing is that not all of your thoughts are truth. And we know, well, if you listen to the Pass Around the Smile podcast, you'll know that we have 50 to 60,000 thoughts a day. I think I changed that a bit. I actually think it might be 50 to 70. Anyway, we have so many thousands of thoughts a day. Of course, not all of those thoughts are truth. Think of all the thoughts that you have ever had in your whole entire life.
00:03:58
Speaker
Not all of those thoughts came true. Not all of those thoughts were facts. So I hope that that can reassure you that on the days where you are, you know, grabbing onto these thoughts and thinking that your mind is telling you a hard truth that actually it
00:04:14
Speaker
It's very likely that it's not true at all. I used to think, because I am quite an intuitive person, that every thought I had was a fact or was the truth because I was intuitive, I thought I was almost like seeing the future or feeling things that were, you know, right or wrong or I would think someone was talking about me or I would foresee a bad thing happening with work.
00:04:39
Speaker
And I would think that it was the truth because I am a spiritual kind of intuitive person. But time and time again, I have been proved to myself that this is not true. And it brings me so much reassurance and makes me feel a lot more relaxed when I do remind myself that not every thought that filters through my mind
00:04:58
Speaker
is a fact. Very often too our thoughts can stem and then spiral from other people's behavior. Depending on what mood we're in or what limiting beliefs we're holding on to that day we can take what they say or the look that they give us or what they don't say and we can make a story up in our mind.
00:05:19
Speaker
act as if it is the truth and then our mind and our body and our soul, our vibration reacts as if it is the truth and obviously that is going to block.
00:05:29
Speaker
ourselves from living a positive, free-flowing life. So that is the first lesson.
Acceptance & Self-Worth
00:05:34
Speaker
Moving on to the second lesson that I've learned is that you won't be everybody's cup of tea and that is absolutely okay. I'll never forget, back when YouTube had the dislike button, they don't have the dislike button anymore or they do, but they don't count it, which I think is so great.
00:05:51
Speaker
But it was back in that day and I was watching a Beyonce film clip, probably, I think, I don't know, one of her great songs. I mean, they're all great. I was watching one of them and the dislikes, there was like a million dislikes on it. There was like probably 30 million likes, but there was a million dislikes. And I remember looking at that and just thinking, this woman and this music video and this song and the dance moves and everything,
00:06:16
Speaker
to me, in my opinion, is so perfect and so amazing. How could anyone not like this? Like how could anyone fault something so incredible? And it was such an amazing realization for me that I have kept forever that if one million people, and that's just one million people that saw that, there would have been millions and millions of other people in the world who also didn't like this film clip or the song or the costumes or whatever it was that upset them.
00:06:44
Speaker
It really did teach me that we are not going to be everybody's cups of tea, even if you are Beyonce, who in my mind is like the most incredible woman ever.
00:06:54
Speaker
And it kind of took the pressure off me to want to be everyone's cups of tea because even if I became Beyonce, I wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea. So why was I constantly putting this pressure on myself to be everybody's cup of tea? Now I, you know, I growing up was on a TV show. I've mentioned to you guys before H2O just had water and I was subject to a lot of online bullying. So I
00:07:21
Speaker
knew I wasn't everybody's cup of tea. I got some awful hateful comments back in the day it was on YouTube a lot and it was awful reading these things about myself not just about my character Kim but about me personally. So from a young age I knew that I was disliked by so many people which was a really yucky feeling and especially at that age where you're kind of just finding yourself you're not very confident in who you are yet
00:07:48
Speaker
you're trying to fit in and I will admit that I think from this I became a little bit of a people pleaser. I wanted everybody to like me. I didn't want to hear or read anything negative about me. I mean who does? And what I began to do then was compromise who I was as a person. I started to compromise my values and beliefs to fit in or to be liked.
00:08:14
Speaker
When we compromise who we are by doing this, we're pushing our values and beliefs to the side. Because instead of honouring our values and beliefs, we would rather be liked and be given that kind of approval and validation from those around us. That may seem easier at the time than
00:08:36
Speaker
stating your opinion or setting a boundary which might upset or disappoint the people around you. It might give them an excuse to talk about you or to make up stories about you, whatever you were thinking in your head, again, dependent on your mood if you're feeling anxious at the time. Setting a boundary or, you know, stating your opinion, sticking up for yourself or another friend, that's too much. You can't
00:08:59
Speaker
you're clouded. Like, you're clouded by your anxieties, so sticking to your values and beliefs and being really strong and confident in that moment usually isn't possible.
00:09:09
Speaker
But I mean, say you are not anxious and you would still just rather be liked and fit in than, you know, challenge other people or disappoint other people, make other people feel uncomfortable because instead it is way more comfortable for you to just fit in, be polite, be loved, be liked, be praised, which again is normal human behavior. I did that for far too long and I now know that
00:09:39
Speaker
I am not going to be everyone's cup of tea and that's absolutely okay.
Money & Positivity
00:09:42
Speaker
And what other people think about us is absolutely none of our business.
00:09:48
Speaker
I think the thing is, if you do everything through love, all of your actions and your words come from your heart and a place of love and empathy, then you have done nothing wrong. And if in that case you are, you know, being talked about or judged or disliked by anyone around you, well then you stuck true to who you are, your values, your beliefs, your truth, you're stepping into your power.
00:10:15
Speaker
and it's not up to you to impress everyone. It's absolutely impossible and it's exhausting to think that you could impress everyone.
00:10:23
Speaker
And it's exhausting to think that everyone could like you. Everyone is always going to have differing opinions. Look at politics. There's always two sides. Well, there's way more sides than just two. But, you know, when people are voting, people get so strong in their opinions. So just getting comfortable in the fact that you don't have to be liked and accepted by everyone. But as long as you are moving through life, through the lens and the feeling and the vibration of love, then you are doing all you can and
00:10:52
Speaker
It can be hard sometimes, especially if a situation has got particularly yucky, for example, and maybe you hear some people talking about you in a really yucky, negative way. Yeah, that can be a really hard pill to swallow. But you need to remind yourself of who you are. You would rather stick to your values and beliefs be true to who you are.
00:11:13
Speaker
impress and inspire those around you that you love and remind yourself that the people that you love know exactly who you are. So if they hear these, you know, so-called rumours or read these comments or whatever it is that's going on, you know who your people are. You know how you've been treating people. So, yeah.
00:11:33
Speaker
Yeah I think that's that's kind of enough for that lesson. Number three is it's okay to desire money. I've talked about this in the podcast before but I think there are lots of statements around money that are negative that are actually glorified like I'm so broke I don't have enough money I'm living paycheck to paycheck. It's almost like
00:11:55
Speaker
not celebrated but like used in a humorous kind of way and in a self-deprecating kind of way but it is doing so much more damage than you think of course we think that we are protecting ourselves by saying these things because we're kind of
00:12:10
Speaker
announcing to the people around us that like oh I can't pay that much of the bill or just letting you know like I won't be able to go on that holiday because of x y and z like I don't have enough or whatever. So we think that we're protecting ourselves but we're literally announcing to the universe that we don't have enough. And for a very long time I didn't actively manifest money because I thought it was materialistic and I wanted to manifest things that
00:12:37
Speaker
had heart and integrity and felt really like purposeful. But the thing is, money can be purposeful. You can use money to do really good things. Not only will money make you feel incredible, but you can use your money to make other people feel incredible as well.
00:12:55
Speaker
I won't go too far into the manifesting sense of money because we've talked about that a lot, but having a reason behind the money you are manifesting is so important. Not just manifesting money for money's sake. Why do you want the money? How is it going to make you feel? What are you going to do that is going to make other people feel really incredible with the money that you are manifesting? I think that we need to be a little bit more unapologetic about wanting and desiring money.
00:13:22
Speaker
it is kind of looked down upon when people say statements like I have been saving so much lately or you know I bought this expensive handbag or oh my gosh we bought our fifth house or whatever it is it can
00:13:38
Speaker
Of course, sometimes, depending on the situation, be looked at as like, oh, that's gonna put someone else down or you're, you know, up yourself or you're gloating. Yeah, in some situations, it can seem like that and it can be like that depending on where you are coming from. But I think we need to get a little bit more comfortable with the fact it's okay to desire money and you deserve to have a lot of money. There is more than enough money to go around for everyone.
00:14:06
Speaker
It's just energy. Literally, money is just energy. And the more that you attract, the more you will inspire those around you to attract money. So something that I am now getting more comfortable in in my 30s is attracting money, desiring money, talking about money in a positive way.
00:14:23
Speaker
Wanting money does not make you greedy or materialistic. And if others are viewing you in that way, again, it's a reflection on their limiting beliefs and their struggles rather than yours. Of course, again, we don't want to gloat. We don't want to make people feel bad, but being comfortable and having a positive relationship with money is so powerful, so important, and you absolutely deserve to feel that. Lesson number four is not every problem is yours to fix.
Boundaries and Empathy
00:14:52
Speaker
I am 100% guilty when my family or my friends are going through something bad or have a problem. Whether they come to me or not, I feel this responsibility to fix it for them. Very often when a friend or a family member comes to you for advice or help, they actually don't want you to fix the thing. They just want an ear and maybe some validation.
00:15:17
Speaker
for how they're feeling. Yeah, of course, in some circumstances they do want you to fix the thing. But that is another lesson within this lesson, is that not every problem is yours to fix. So you really have to be able to set those healthy boundaries where are you going to let their problem become your problem?
00:15:36
Speaker
Sometimes if it's your child or, you know, a really close friend or whatever, it does a little bit. We've got to be a little bit realistic here. But what we want to focus on doing is seeing through the eyes of empathy, not sympathy.
00:15:52
Speaker
So we don't want to feel their energy so much that let's say a friend comes to us and they're heartbroken and they leave the catch up and you inside after are just feeling sick and absolutely heartbroken for them. Again a normal human reaction and it does just mean that you
00:16:11
Speaker
you know, probably are a beautiful person who cares about this friend so much, but you are seeing through sympathy, not empathy. You want to be able to separate yourself from that so that you can continue moving forward in a positive way for you, but also so that you have the capacity to come up with the advice and the help and the energy
00:16:32
Speaker
that they need from you because if you sink down to their vibration you'll be just sitting in that low upset heartbroken vibration with them and while misery loves company you don't want to do that to yourself and you also don't want to do it to them even though it might feel good in the moment for them that you know oh my friend is really going through this with me
00:16:54
Speaker
it's not going to help them in the long run. So next time someone that you love needs help, or maybe it's not someone that you love, maybe it's a colleague at work that's like, you know, oh my gosh, I'm so snowed under, I really need help with this presentation, I've got, you know, the kids are sick and you start feeling really sorry for them and then all of a sudden you think I'm going to have to do their whole presentation for them.
00:17:16
Speaker
Find boundaries that feel right for you. It is lovely to be a helpful person that does things for others through love and of course that will come back to you in many ways but you also need to respect yourself enough not to give all of your energy away. Is it your problem to fix? Or could you support in another way?
00:17:39
Speaker
Growing up being a little bit of a people pleaser, as I mentioned before, kind of stemmed into this category a little bit, where I really would want to go so out of my way to help others, but it wasn't for the right reason. It wasn't necessarily to... Of course it was to help them, but it was also because I was so unsure of who I was and my place,
00:18:02
Speaker
that I so badly wanted to be like thanked and get that validation and approval and feel needed by that person and that's like you know pretty vulnerable thing to admit but I am so glad that I have kind of grown out of that and realized that I don't need to do that to fit in or to be loved
00:18:20
Speaker
to feel that like approval from other people and if you are feeling this now it is so normal but I want you to know that you being you is more than enough and it is okay to say no, you are still an amazing person. So yeah, I really hope that lesson resonates with some of you.
The Power of Rest
00:18:37
Speaker
Number five is something else that I've talked about on this podcast quite a bit. It's taking a break propels you forward.
00:18:44
Speaker
I absolutely love this. And I have a card in my positive guidance deck that says something like stop, rest and reassess the most positive or helpful or something thing that you can do right now is to stop before moving forward. I got that wrong, but you kind of get the gist.
00:18:59
Speaker
It's normal to get caught up in the hustle, hustle, hustle, go, go, go, be productive every day, girl-boss mentality that comes across on social media, from other people, from, you know, from everywhere really. So easy to get caught up in that. And it's easy also to get caught up in it because being productive and moving forward and gaining that momentum feels really, really good.
00:19:23
Speaker
However, if you keep pushing and pushing and pushing when you are getting sick or when you are burning out or when you just have creative fatigue, you aren't doing yourself, your ideas, your manifestations, any favors. And while it can be so hard to stop because you think that stopping is going to stop the momentum, you think that you may be judged for lying on the couch or for not going to work, whatever it is, there's many, many reasons that come into this.
00:19:50
Speaker
stopping will absolutely propel you forward. You would rather move forward at 100% well rested than moving forward at 30, 40, 50% feeling, you know, not great about anything that you're doing. It can be so hard to stop and slow down. I know, but once you get comfortable in trusting that the universe and that your previous hard work is going to spill over into that time where you are having a break, stopping actually feels really, really good.
00:20:19
Speaker
it leans into Gabby Bernstein's quote which is doing less and attracting more. I really want to step into this as I'm turning 30 and of course next year I'm having a baby. I want to be able to do less and attract more while I take time off from work and you know I want to be the most present mum I can with my baby. I want to
00:20:41
Speaker
really step into that faith and that trust that the universe and my angels, they're taking care of things for me. They're more than capable of bringing me miracles and continuing the momentum that I have previously worked so hard to gain. What happens is when we step back we actually allow the universe to work with us, to co-create as we move forward. Remember that while you're resting you can still do things like visualization, meditating,
00:21:07
Speaker
Whatever it is for you, it could just be positive mantras every now and then that lift your spirits and make you feel good. You don't have to be absolutely in it, in the hustle, in the grind, to be making progress. In fact, I have already said in my pregnancy episode that when I had to take about three months off because I was so sick, my business has never gone better.
00:21:29
Speaker
However, that didn't happen until about two weeks in because the first two weeks I was thinking pass around the smile was doomed. I was like, it's over, my business is over, it's gonna crash, it's gonna burn because I'm not at work. But then when I remembered that I had a choice to believe that it would crash and burn or I had a choice to believe that it would continue and gain momentum with the good energy that just surrounds it, it absolutely did and I had like the best couple of months in my business.
00:21:58
Speaker
So that was number five.
Destiny and Opportunities
00:22:01
Speaker
Number six is a lesson that brings me a lot of reassurance and it's what is meant for you won't miss you. Now I know that if you are going through a hard time right now you might find this one hard to believe because if I had heard this when I was going through you know my acting stuff and I was auditioning and getting declined and rejected over and over again
00:22:24
Speaker
I would disagree. I'd be like, no, because this acting gig is meant for me. I have worked so hard. I am actively manifesting it. I know I would enjoy it. I know it fits into my future perfectly and it has missed me. So that doesn't make sense. But now as time has gone on and I finally listened to my gut and to my guides, I was proven wrong.
00:22:49
Speaker
I didn't need that at all. It was meant to miss me. And it can be a hard truth that some of the things that we do want aren't meant for us, but trusting that so much good is meant for us that we can't yet see, I think is really exciting. And what it means is when something does miss us, when something does seem to be going wrong, or you seem to be failing, or whatever it is that you are perceiving it to be,
00:23:16
Speaker
It's just reassuring to know that as much as this sucks, maybe it was meant to miss me. And if that was meant to miss me, something else is meant to get me. And it can also provide reassurance when you are working hard for something and that thing doesn't seem to be coming to you, that if it is really meant for you, it will eventually come. It won't miss you.
00:23:40
Speaker
Again, you get to choose to believe that this is true or not. And I think sitting in the belief that what is meant for you won't miss you is really nice. It's a really comforting feeling. I also think here you want to trust that what is kind of bought to you, put on your heart, put on your soul. It's put there for a reason. That's the universe trying to have a say in your life and be like, listen, we're sending you hints, even if they seem small, unexciting and off path at the time, just like pass around the smile did for me at the start.
00:24:09
Speaker
It was a small, unexciting idea that was totally not on path for me. But I finally learnt to let go, trust the process and listen, and that's when everything began to flow. Pass Around the Smile was never going to miss me, because it was so meant for me. However, for so many years, I was blocking it because I
00:24:30
Speaker
wasn't open to possibilities. I thought that I knew everything that was right for me in my future, but actually know the universe had far better plans. So the universe could be trying to plant seeds for you and trying to talk to you right now, but you might be blocking what is meant for you. But just, I don't want you to freak out and be like, oh my God, I'm blocking it now. I've ruined it and it's never going to happen. No, no, no. Remember the quote.
00:24:55
Speaker
what is meant for you won't miss you.
Lessons from Failure
00:24:57
Speaker
Number seven is good things always come from failure. I don't really like to use the word failure because I don't think we could ever really fail but just for this let's use the word failure just because it makes sense so we all know how we can feel when we feel like we're failing. Failing shows you what didn't work.
00:25:18
Speaker
and then in turn, it takes you closer to what will work. We all know that when we fail, we learn lessons like patience and strength and we get, you know, propelled closer to our life purpose. Yes, and that's all well and good, but when we are in the crux of feeling like a failure, we don't want to hear that.
00:25:37
Speaker
We don't want to learn another lesson. I know last week I had this week that was just, it was like obstacle after obstacle. I was exhausted. I just felt like the world was a little bit against me and I was like, universe, I'm done learning lessons. Like I don't want to learn any more lessons.
00:25:54
Speaker
But of course now, and it's only like a few days later, looking back, I'm like, oh, I actually, yeah, I learnt that, I learnt this, I did this, I did that because of that happening and because of this happening, and that's only a few days later. I really do think that one of the most amazing things that comes from failure is building your strength of character. It really does build who you are from your core outwards.
00:26:19
Speaker
and that's something that's hard to do on your own and I really do think that failure actually helps us do this. I hope this conversation can help you not fear failure as much because when we fear failure that's when we don't create the business, that's when we don't go on the date, that's when we don't apply for the unicourse that maybe we're not quite qualified for.
00:26:44
Speaker
And then in turn, we're not chasing our dreams at all and we're not trying at all. So how will we ever know? But when we remove that fear of failure, because we can trust that, you know what, failure might hurt and it might be humiliating at the time and it might feel really yucky, but I do know that I'm going to learn X, Y and Z. And I do know that at the end of the day, I tried.
00:27:07
Speaker
Because you can either try and fail and learn all of these cool things and be more directed to your life purpose or you can try and it works. So you definitely want to try. You just never know. I also do find that failure always brings answers.
00:27:23
Speaker
it tells you what isn't working and it shows you what could work. Personally, every time that I have perceived myself as failing again, I don't really like the word, but like I have felt like a failure so many times in my life. That is when I attract the signs and the coincidences and the help from the universe that I was desiring in the first place. It's kind of like the universe is like, I'm not going to help you until you help yourself. And then you go and you try the thing.
00:27:53
Speaker
and then maybe it doesn't work, for example, and then they help you along because you've now narrowed it down. So yeah, try things and don't worry about failing because we all fail and failing isn't really failing and failing brings so much good anyway. And you might not fail at all. It might go really well.
Assertive Boundaries
00:28:11
Speaker
Number eight is saying no and setting boundaries isn't mean it's healthy.
00:28:17
Speaker
Oof, I love this. Now I have been trying to say this one quote in quite a few of my episodes and I always stuff it up. I finally just found the quote to read because it's one of my favorite quotes ever and it was actually on my vision board for last year and I'm really proud of myself because I feel like I've honored it. So the quote is
00:28:36
Speaker
calm yet assertive, gentle yet bold, kind yet strong. Because we don't want to be pushovers, we don't want to be people pleasers. While yeah, it might make other people feel good, does it make you feel good? You can still be a good friend, a good listener, a helpful colleague, a beautiful mum,
00:28:57
Speaker
A giving friend. You can still be all of those things, yet you can still be assertive. You can still create your boundaries. You can still put people in their place when it's needed. You can still be strong. Because we don't want to crumble and compromise our values and beliefs as I mentioned before.
00:29:15
Speaker
We can do this all at once and I think that that is so exciting and for me it makes me feel really empowered. Now 100% when I was slowly making these changes I have been met with resistance and I have felt also really awkward and uncomfortable when maybe I did set a boundary or I did say no or I did just not justify why I wasn't doing something or why I said something. I have 100% felt uncomfortable.
00:29:45
Speaker
But the thing is, self-work and moving forward in a self-development kind of way, it is uncomfortable. But that is how we grow and change and inspire those around us. So next time you want to say no, or you want to set a boundary, please do everything in your power to not allow yourself to feel guilty and to not allow yourself to feel pressure.
00:30:08
Speaker
to change if you are met with resistance from other people and not to allow yourself to feel like a mean person because you can still be kind and assertive, you can be gentle yet bold, you can be kind yet strong all at once.
00:30:22
Speaker
Number nine is small things really don't matter.
Focus on What Matters
00:30:27
Speaker
Again, I've talked about this before, but let's get specific. So last week I put my phone on Luke's Ute tray, which had the lid on it, and he drove to work, which is half an hour away. And the phone came off on a road 15 minutes away from our house, which was a really super busy road.
00:30:49
Speaker
I was able to find my phone on Find My iPhone and then 15 minutes later there was a pregnant lady on a busy road running around trying to find her phone. Now, a few things here. I was actually so proud of myself this day.
00:31:05
Speaker
While I was driving to get my phone from the middle of the road, knowing it was probably smashed to pieces, knowing that everything to do with my phone, my pregnancy photos, my, you know, special texts from my family, just everything, like my life is on my phone, really.
00:31:25
Speaker
I was driving to find this phone and I was singing along to the radio, I was laughing at how stupid this situation was because I like who leaves a phone on a ute tray and then you know it was just a stupid situation and I reflected and I thought man I have changed.
00:31:44
Speaker
Five years ago, ten years ago, if I had lost my phone, I would be in an absolute fit of anxiety and stress, and I would think the world's against me, and I would be mad and angry, and I was honestly the opposite. Of course, I had feelings come in that were like, this is going to cost me a lot of money, like I really don't want to spend this money right now.
00:32:06
Speaker
that phone was fine like what a waste and I also had the dreaded feeling that I would lose all of my special memories that was what hurt the most like I was like if I can't like I didn't really know if I was backed up on iCloud so losing all of that did give me a really awful feeling in my stomach but what I kept reminding myself is this is a small thing
00:32:28
Speaker
Look, this will be different for everyone, but identify your things that are big to you and important to you. For example, for me, it is that my family and my friends and myself are healthy and safe. That's it.
00:32:43
Speaker
Everything else in this world is small and that really helps me gain perspective when things do happen. Yes, losing my phone was in somewhat a big annoying thing. It ended up costing me like another two grand and it was
00:33:00
Speaker
You know, it ruined my day because I had all of this stuff on, but at the end of the day, that's a small thing, right? Am I healthy? Am I safe? Yes. Am I loved ones? Yes. Okay, cool. Now I do want to say that I know depending on the day or what you were going through, your tolerance is going to be different on what you can kind of deal with or not. So on this day particular, I obviously had built up a bit of a tolerance and I was strong enough to kind of look at this in a humorous way.
00:33:26
Speaker
If I was anxious, I probably wouldn't be able to do that and that's okay too. But really just identifying what's small and what's big for you will really allow yourself to kind of move forward a bit more freely and
00:33:43
Speaker
Yeah, just gain a better perspective, which will make you feel more relaxed. I really do feel like I was rewarded as well for the way I kind of handled it, because then everything was backed up on iCloud. I managed to get a new phone that day. Yes, it cost me an arm and a leg, but like,
00:33:59
Speaker
money's just energy, whatever, tried to remind myself of that. But I also did reflect in when I was doing my journaling, I had had quite a hard week that week. So I was really proud of myself that, yeah, okay, my tolerance was okay that day to deal with that. But I had had some other
00:34:17
Speaker
Crappy things happened that had just made me feel really overwhelmed and I was able to still kind of laugh at this I mean I was probably just on the verge of like an absolute breakdown So I was like a manically laughing and singing in the car instead But hey, that's better than you know being angry at the world and thinking well was me so
00:34:37
Speaker
Small things really don't matter. What small things do you stress over and make bigger that you really need in 2024 to let go of?
Communication in Relationships
00:34:46
Speaker
Number 10 is communication and acknowledgement is key for healthy relationships and friendships. I think there's a little bit of a misconception around confrontation. Yes, confrontation sometimes can be a big ugly
00:35:01
Speaker
situation where everyone's yelling and everyone's uncomfortable and upset but it can also be conversations which are filled with subtle digs. Hurt people hurt people and often these people will say things to bring others down to make themselves feel better without even meaning it. I think one of the bravest things that you could do instead of ignoring it and just moving away because it's easier just to bury it and not think about it
00:35:30
Speaker
is to acknowledge when you have done something wrong and not just to yourself, but to the person that you have done this thing or said this thing wrong to. So, or maybe it's something that you didn't say or you didn't do that you should have done. I really think it's the bravest thing that you could do is just to show some acknowledgement. Of course, sometimes an apology is needed depending on the situation, but a lot of the time it's just some acknowledgement that is needed.
00:35:59
Speaker
And I think what far outweighs the feelings of uncomfort, of acknowledging that you are in the wrong or bringing up this ugly situation again that feels yucky is the feeling of respect that you will gain from that other person and the way that it will strengthen your relationship or friendship because you were brave enough to bring it up and deal with it. Instead of letting it simmer and grow bigger,
00:36:26
Speaker
and then all of a sudden you have no idea why you're resenting each other or why you're angry or, you know, all of that jazz. The thing is, is not saying things or not doing things can be just as hurtful as saying something that is, you know, out of place or mean or nasty or judgmental.
00:36:46
Speaker
And having open conversations allows you to learn more about yourself and your behaviors, maybe how your words affect other people. And it allows you to have your say on how other people's words and actions or lack of words and actions may affect you. And it could all be dealt with through an open conversation. But of course, having this open conversation in the first place
00:37:14
Speaker
is scary and you would rather not but I mean personally I have had some situations with friends in the past where I was hurt and I would absolutely rather just forget about it and move on but I knew that I couldn't forget about it realistically and that I would move on but I would never forget that hurt feeling and I wasn't willing to let our friendships suffer
00:37:40
Speaker
because of my feelings after that situation. So what I did was I had an open conversation and it was the most scary uncomfortable thing ever but we both cried and we both realized that
00:37:55
Speaker
you know there was so much involved and there were so many feelings and i realized that like you know she was acting that way because of something so external to me and you know it just allows us to learn more about each other and come out stronger than ever which in my case this friendship absolutely has
00:38:14
Speaker
And I really do believe that if I wasn't brave enough to go, you know what? We are going to talk about this and it's going to be really uncomfortable and yucky. I don't think our friendship would have been the same. So as yucky and as uncomfortable as it may seem at the time, do your future self, your future relationship, your future friendship a favor.
00:38:32
Speaker
by acknowledging and communicating about what is going on, about your feelings, whether you've done something wrong, whether they've done something wrong. I really do try and I've got a long way to go. Like we, we are constantly learning. We're constantly evolving, but I really do try to acknowledge when I do something wrong.
00:38:52
Speaker
It's really hard, though, sometimes to acknowledge when a lot of the things that we do or say are just a part of our everyday life, a part of our routine, a part of our personality. Well, it seems that way. But say the other person might be having a bad day or holding on to a limiting belief, and then we say something that triggers them.
00:39:11
Speaker
That can be really hard to acknowledge because you don't know why what you said may hurt that person. But self-reflection is the most important thing here. So really becoming aware of other people's energy and reactions can help you understand if you are being a good friend or a good partner.
Conclusion & Birthday Reflections
00:39:33
Speaker
Again, I know it's hard, but
00:39:36
Speaker
Self-reflection is just so so powerful here. So that is the 10 lessons. I think I'll end it there. Oh, that was exciting. Oh my god I can't believe I'm nearly 30 the three cards I pulled for 30 for my yearly spread in November. I pulled three cards for 30 was wealth
00:39:55
Speaker
self-reflection, which is so funny that we just talked about that, and miracles. So I'm really excited about that. And I hope you loved this episode. Watch out for a really big and exciting sale on Pass Around the Smile coming soon.
00:40:13
Speaker
You can grab all your Christmas presents at a really, really decent price. So coming soon. And thank you so much for listening to my birthday special episode. A huge thank you to today's sponsor, The Natural Bedding Company. I have put all of her links in the show notes and I hope you all have an incredible day. I hope you're feeling inspired by this podcast. Let me know if you resonated with it. Five stars if you liked it on Spotify or Apple would help me so much. You guys are amazing.
00:40:42
Speaker
Thank you, thank you, thank you. And I'm excited to make 30 my best year yet. Thanks for being on this journey with me.