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Breakups || Part 1
198 Plays2 years ago
Breakups are difficult, and while the emotions in heartbreak are prevalent in pop culture, those experiencing it often do so in isolation. In our first episode, we deep dive into Devam's journey through a breakup as we discuss why they are so difficult, what they entail and what helps.
Links:
Breakup playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3E5LedWUv2jjYe9efj0BgK?si=bb25b84edd064f71
Songs of the week
Devam's Pick
Crawl Outta Love: https://open.spotify.com/track/0q7oMII7kWTj1ZSX6GT6LU?si=58e788a15a374317
Crawl Outta Love x Time: https://youtu.be/E1vbmsz4WlA
Ahir's Pick
God's Country: https://open.spotify.com/track/04WxWo7XeVyx22xEsrWRUb?si=a28b14b0e02b4915
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Pineapple Point Rotation
00:00:02
Speaker
Hey everyone, welcome to Pineapple Point Rotation. I'm Devan. I'm here. And we're just a couple of 23 year olds trying to figure out life and start conversations. We want to bring to light different issues that people face and talk about them and our own experiences about them. And not necessarily giving answers because we're not mental health experts, but giving perspectives and
00:00:29
Speaker
encouraging people to start asking questions in a conversation.
Meet the Hosts
00:00:33
Speaker
Yeah. Before we get into all of that though, probably good to give a brief rundown of each of us since y'all don't know who we are. Um, yeah, like I said, I'm a here. Um, I'm 23. Like my, um, like David already says, um, yeah, I graduated from college in UC Berkeley in 2021. Yeah.
00:00:58
Speaker
I'm a software engineer, like a lot of people in Seattle. And yeah, other than that, in terms of interests, I'd say I'm very into stuff like art, philosophy, pretentious intellectual shit like that. Yeah, those are the big ones that come to mind. And then... Yeah, so again, I'm David. I am also 23. I also work in tech, software engineer,
00:01:28
Speaker
up here in Seattle. I graduated from UCLA in 2021. Interests, I like reading, I like cooking, I like music. I'm trying to get into music production. All kinds of creative stuff. I also really like sports. Which one specifically? Which sports? Top three. Top three sports.
00:01:57
Speaker
Soccer. Soccer is definitely, I should say, football. But, you know, soccer is an angry war in our family. Basketball. And let's say... What's my favorite? Right now, I'm gonna say pickleball. Pickleball. I've been playing and I really enjoy it. I think it's a lot of fun. And if you ever see, like, old people playing in the
00:02:26
Speaker
in the park like don't like you can go play with them because they'll probably kick your ass like they're really good at um speaking from experience yep speaking from experience so how do we know each other right here um it all goes back to chemistry chemistry right that's when we first met each other right 10th grade 10th high school 11th grade 11th grade junior junior high school
00:02:55
Speaker
That's right. And then we were supposed to room together at UCLA and, um, last minute we decided to switch to Berkeley. That is the most generous way of winning. Not, oh, um, I went to UCLA and they told me if I fell in class, they would resent me. So kind of left without options, but it worked out in the end. We met back up in Seattle and now we're living together here.
Breakups and Emotional Impact
00:03:37
Speaker
Yeah, so like we said earlier, we're really just trying to dive into different experiences, specifically in relation to mental health. And I think one that's very ubiquitous culturally, something that I guess we touch on and we see a lot, but not necessarily that we dive into is breakups and the sort of emotional impact that breakups can have on you. So yeah, I think breakups are
00:04:07
Speaker
There's so much, breakups are such a powerful experience that people go through. And there's so much art that comes out of it. Like there's so many books, there's so many songs, movies that are built on that feeling and kind of are made to evoke that feeling and make us emotional. But surprisingly,
00:04:37
Speaker
not that much like there isn't that much they're not talked about a lot um in general yeah culture yeah i mean not a very easy conversation to start with yeah like to open up i guess on both sides
00:05:03
Speaker
All right. So since you just went through a breakup, why don't you start off by telling us a bit about what happened. Yeah. Um, I went through a breakup recently, a couple of months ago. It, uh, we had met in college and had four really amazing years together. And, um, you know, we went through so much that we went through a pandemic, major life moments, like we graduated, started work.
00:05:34
Speaker
We both had been dating for quite a while, like even before our relationship and hadn't really had time to be single. And I think the relationship we had was really amazing. It, I mean, to me, it definitely feels like a right person, wrong time situation. It's funny, like I would always hear this phrase that is used in like
00:05:56
Speaker
but ultimately.
00:06:04
Speaker
movies and shows and books and stuff there's like sometimes like to love means to let go yeah and um yeah and so that's what kind of happened in this situation got you yeah so what like what was like when that happened i mean like like you said like you guys were together for four years like something like that like must have definitely been like a shock like how was what was your initial reaction in the moment
00:06:35
Speaker
Um, it, it did. I mean, we've, we had some conversations leading up to it that had maybe pointed in that direction. Um, but it, I guess it doesn't really matter because if it did still hit me like a train wreck. I think when it happened, I, my immediate response was to.
00:07:00
Speaker
start journaling like a bad man. Like just trying to make sense of everything and, you know, like writing down, okay, like, okay, I got this. Like, what am I going to do? How am I, I need this. Like I definitely, I was definitely in a, I am definitely in a point in my life where I need to be kind of single as well and grow as a person. Just like kind of unattached to anything.
00:07:30
Speaker
And just to have fun, I guess. But yeah, so I, that's what I did. I started journaling. I started making plans. It kind of went into hyperdrive, just kind of get ahead of my feelings. Yeah. Because I knew what was coming. Yeah. So is this, um, when you say you knew what was coming, do you mean in terms of like,
00:07:55
Speaker
sort of like where your feelings would go or are you talking more like, was this before like the breakup, I guess was like done. No, I'm talking about where my feelings would go. Like I knew like this was going to be a very, very, it's going to, it was going to be a tough situation. I'm pretty bad at something I've learned through the breakup and, um, I took a personality test or sorry, what was it?
00:08:25
Speaker
an attachment test. Like different attachment types. Yeah, different attachment types. And like I knew, I knew this beforehand too, but so my attachment type came out as, okay, first of all, I don't really like labels like that too much. Like I feel like there's a spectrum and people tend to overuse labels and kind of justify things for it.
00:08:50
Speaker
My attachment style came out as anxious, preoccupied, which I think it makes sense like after reading all the descriptions and stuff, but essentially, I'm not going to go into that, but essentially like what I realized. Let's do a whole lecture on attachment theory. What I realized is like when I'm in a relationship with someone that I'm committed to,
00:09:19
Speaker
Especially a relationship like my last one, I felt very like secure in it. And it kind of, it gave me purpose. It gave me like the stability to.
00:09:38
Speaker
take chances and grow for myself where it's like okay I know like I just felt very secure and very confident and very like ready to face the world and grow and yeah um confident in your sense of self sense of self you can do all these different things and this is something I'm dealing with right now I
Post-Breakup Struggles
00:10:01
Speaker
I feel a lack of purpose. I feel like I'm floating. I don't know what I'm doing, why I'm doing what I'm doing. Work feels like a chore. I mean, work is a chore, but it's just extra, extra. I can't bring myself to do it. It's taken the fun out of everything.
00:10:32
Speaker
Yeah, it's to the point where I'll be at a concert or something. And I just won't feel the excitement or joy that I'm supposed to feel at a concert. When you're surrounded with all this energy and all these people. There's so much love in the air. All your friends are there. There's booze and drugs. And it's great, right? But just mentally, I'm just somewhere else in my own world. I got you.
00:11:02
Speaker
Yeah. So it sucks because, I mean, it sucks for me obviously, but it sucks. I feel, I feel like it sucks for people around me too, because I feel like it, it's an, it feels like a negative vibe on their experience. You know, where it's like, I'm, I feel like a burden. I feel like something that's a detracting. Yeah. Um, and so.
00:11:32
Speaker
Yeah. No, that makes a lot of sense. I mean, like, I mean, I'm sure you know this already, but since, uh, like we've been spending a lot of time together after your breakup, just letting you know that you don't have to feel like a burden. Like, you know, it's now we're like, Oh, we have to drag this guy along cause he's down. Like, nah, nah, you're good. But I understand exactly how you feel. Like I, yeah. Yeah. Like, especially, uh,
00:12:00
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I think there are different aspects to it, like the depression of the breakup, and then like you're saying, when you don't have that strong sense of self, it's hard, even if you're, it can feel like going through the motions, because it's like you almost lose your ability. The things which were meaningful in your life no longer really make sense in the same way you were having.
00:12:24
Speaker
the same weight or meaning. But I mean, like, yeah, you're the one going through the breakup, you should be probably talking about this more than I am. No, yeah, you're exactly right. Yeah, that's exactly what's happening. Yeah. And I guess that's what the that's what the healing process is for. That's why the months and however long it takes after the breakup is to kind of regain that sense of
00:12:51
Speaker
purpose, find it in other things outside of the relationship. I mean, the last thing I want to do or anyone should do in the situation like this is to go into another relationship, right? Yeah. It's like, you're just carrying forward all your problems to the other relationship and not really giving yourself time to heal. Yeah.
00:13:16
Speaker
just a very like aggressive form of what you're saying where it's like taking on something else to distract yourself. Pretty much. Yeah. I mean, I, I have been dating since I was like 13 or 14 and, um,
00:13:32
Speaker
Even before this, before this relationship, I was in another relationship that, I mean, I shouldn't have been in, in the first place. I was not in the right head space for that. But after it ended, I didn't really take the time to.
00:13:49
Speaker
heal and be my own person. And I kind of, I met this person that I was with and it was just, it was just magic. It was amazing. It was like for the both of us. It just felt like everything we had been looking for.
00:14:06
Speaker
It was, and in that moment it was tough to be like, no, we need to be single and kind of give that up. I don't regret it necessarily. No, I mean, I don't regret it at all. I think we had a great time, but, um, and I don't know, like who knows what will happen in the future. You know what I mean? Um, so we'll see.
00:14:36
Speaker
yeah um i guess like sort of like what do you i guess i guess there are like two aspects where what you're saying about how afterwards like you just found um this person and then like like obviously like you didn't want to take a break or like give yourself that kind of like time because like it just seemed like everything was falling into place like i guess they're like
00:15:03
Speaker
two parts to what I wanted to ask, which is that the first thing is like, what do you feel like you should have? Yeah, I guess we can start this. What do you feel like you should have or I guess like in retrospect, like think that you should have like thought through and like engaged with that you kind of avoided by just throwing yourself into a relationship.
00:15:27
Speaker
Well, you know, I feel like I feel like it's easy to look back and be like, oh, I should have done this. Yeah, definitely. I think I think we both acted in the best way we could in that situation. And it's unfortunate that we ended up in this position here. Yeah. But I don't think we could have done anything differently. Oh, yeah.
00:15:57
Speaker
Um, but in this case, like I'm definitely now
Insights and Self-Care
00:16:02
Speaker
that I'm in, um, now that I'm here, I can confidently say like, yes, I do need to spend time to be single and be free. You know, I think, I think a big thing for me specifically has been I've been stressed my entire.
00:16:22
Speaker
teen, late teen adult life, um, if not for, um, not stressed, but like just occupied with something, you know, where it's like just all the time I'm thinking about something, I'm building something, planning something. Um, if it wasn't for, if it wasn't grades in school, it was internships in college and you know,
00:16:49
Speaker
feeling this feeling of being behind like going to going to a college and being surrounded by a bunch of geniuses. Yeah. You know, man, feeling insecure about it. And so just dealing with that and and then now like the last few months, I work at a startup and since January, I think it was
00:17:17
Speaker
It has been really rough. I've been dealing with burnout and then even while dealing with all of that mess of a work situation where there's high pressure and I'm working 12, 14, 16 hours a day sometimes, sometimes on weekends.
00:17:41
Speaker
taking care of that, also taking care of a relationship, a long distance relationship, continuously traveling, flying down to see her, to go on vacations, taking care of my like, working out, like, oh, yeah. So just having so much on your mind, just stressing you out all the time. Yeah. Um, I know that I need to
00:18:11
Speaker
let go of a lot of that and just focus on myself and really just ask myself, hey, like, what do I want to do? And just focus on that. Yeah. Yeah. And not worry about anything or anyone else.
00:18:27
Speaker
Got you. No, that makes sense. Yeah. I think a lot of people do that. Like just so like, I mean, I do it myself. Like you get so preoccupied with all the things that you feel like you want to, or you need to do in your life that like you end up like sacrificing like your own like self to a certain extent. And like you lose the ability to like take that time to like gain perspective on like, okay, like why am I doing these things? Like, like,
00:18:56
Speaker
What do I, what am I really like moving towards? Like what am I trying to accomplish? Um, any, I guess, like now that you had some time, like, do you feel like you've made, had any insights about yourself? Like things that you were neglecting? Things that I was neglecting. Um, well, I think maybe neglecting is the wrong word, but.
00:19:24
Speaker
like putting off, I guess. That you had de-prioritized. Yeah, that I de-prioritized. Yeah, I mean, things that I've been starting to work on now, now that I have more, I guess, time, for lack of a better word, and energy. But yeah, I've been really wanting to get into music production. I've always kind of had this
00:19:50
Speaker
vision of myself as a it's gonna sound really corny but as a DJ just like performing for people yeah whether it's like my music or remixes or just yeah yeah just picking good songs and you know i'm something of a DJ myself yeah exactly every house party right i got you yeah no i think
00:20:17
Speaker
So I've had this vision and I feel like that's the only thing that...
00:20:22
Speaker
I thought of this like, oh, hey, like that's something that I would actually like to do and enjoy doing. Something you're passionate about. And yeah. And so I'm taking a stab at music production and I'm going to see where it goes. Yeah, that's great. It may not go in that direction. It probably won't, but at least I'm taking the chance to learn now.
00:20:49
Speaker
Yeah. Another thing that I've been doing is getting back into reading a little bit. So I picked up a few books. I read Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman.
00:21:02
Speaker
And that was a nice book because the protagonist in the book is this person who kind of has his whole life bended from him. And he has to start fresh and create a new identity in a place that he doesn't belong. Metaphors. Yeah, metaphors. So that was a fun book. It was kind of fitting. Yeah.
00:21:32
Speaker
is recommended by strangers on Reddit. It's like books to read after breakups. Another book that I've been reading is Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Classic. Classic. And I've also picked up Circe. I'm reading, getting into, I've never been that much into Greek mythology.
00:21:57
Speaker
I think honestly, I don't think I've read anything after like Percy Jackson. They don't really have like books for Greek mythology. It's just like stories that have spin-ups.
00:22:10
Speaker
I know you were more into that. Oh yeah, like the you mean like the oh yeah, the honest shit like that. Yeah, I mean, I only got into it because of dollars. Like I took like a classic class out of the like just as a G. But yeah, I enjoyed it a lot a lot more than I was expecting, because I'm also like kind of like, especially once you get the stuff like
00:22:29
Speaker
that where it's like the like even like a way of writing in a certain sense makes it like so distant and like sort of makes you approach it as like research and not like reading in a traditional sense like I was surprised with how like powerful I found it and like how much like like there is a lot of like emotional depth and like a lot to relate to even after like 2000 years it's just insane and yeah I mean those new books are just keeping up the same tradition right yeah Homer was probably
00:22:55
Speaker
heard some cool ass myths and he's like, damn, I'm gonna write fan fiction about this shit. We're also starting to write books about Hindu mythology the same way there have been of Greek mythology, like Sarsi. There are books like that. I read something called Forest of Enchantments recently. And that was just like a feminist retelling of the Ramayana, which is really cool.
00:23:23
Speaker
And there are a lot, I know there's like, there's more like fantasy kind of books like The Jasmine Throne and stuff like that. That's like a whole new genre that's coming up. That does meet pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah. It's just curious, like, how do you feel about like, like, fiction versus nonfiction in some sense, because you've been reading a lot of fiction, but then you also read like meditations, right?
00:23:47
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I enjoy the nonfiction a bit more, I would say. Yeah. Even though it's nice to like escape into the action. Sometimes I last year I read a lot of bell hooks. My favorite one was the will to change. And it just it just it just brought to light a lot of things that maybe you know, like maybe deep down, you know, but like,
00:24:16
Speaker
It really brought it out and made you understand things about the world a little bit more. Why things are the way they are. And yeah, I got a lot out of them. So that's why I'd say non-fiction, I tend to get more out of and grow more from.
00:24:38
Speaker
No, those are my favorite books. It's almost like I feel like I'm carrying with them where it's like they just change the way that the world looks to you. And it's just like, yeah, they change the way you look at yourself. So why do you feel like you're reading a lot of fiction now then? Is it just like chance or? I think it's nice to like get involved in something like a different world. Yeah, escapism. Escapism? Yeah.
00:25:09
Speaker
exposure to different personalities, different situations, stuff like that is cool. It's new, right? Especially in a time where you're like, okay, I need to seek out something different now. So it's nice to be able to be exposed to those kind of things. But yeah, so no, reading has been fun.
00:25:39
Speaker
I also am in therapy.
The Role of Therapy
00:25:43
Speaker
Therapy has been big. I think I was in therapy for a bit last year too. But no, it's really nice. I think everyone on some level would benefit from therapy no matter how successful you are or how
00:26:04
Speaker
You know, I feel like there's always things that are kind of tangled up in small things that may be affecting you in ways that you don't even realize. And so that's been nice for me because it's helped me. I think for me, especially like places where I get stuck in a loop, it like helps me. First of all, talking about it helps, right? Like being able to vent, but also like.
00:26:32
Speaker
realizing things as you're saying it, trying to explain your situation to someone. That helps. And also just like when you're stuck, it's like they'll be able to point out things or like ask you questions that go behind. What's the reason why you're stuck? Yeah. Yeah. And kind of force you to think about that instead of being caught up in those. Yeah. And that helps. That helps. And not just for breakups. I think it helped me last year when I was
00:27:02
Speaker
I don't know, like I was more in my head about like work, work life balance, kind of undoing some of my like need to always be on kind of thing. And so that it helped a lot.
00:27:17
Speaker
Um, yeah, that's great. Yeah. No, I always say, right? Like it's like, we don't just go to the doctor. Like when we're feeling really unhealthy, right? Like we go every year for checkups. Like why wouldn't it be the same for mental health? Right? Like you want to, you want to catch these, like, like you're saying, like they're little problems, but they can always like metastasize. They can always like, just like
00:27:36
Speaker
Essentially like infect and like start to like poison like other parts of your life. So yeah No, I definitely agree and like for me to it's like honestly like been life-changing Kind of like just going through therapy and like making that sort of progress Yeah, yeah, you feel lighter, right? Yeah, you feel lighter like and at the end of the day like don't you want to be a
00:27:59
Speaker
the best person you can be. Yeah, exactly. Not just for yourself, but for people around you. You have an impact on everyone around you. So when you do things that may not sit well with others or impact others in a negative way, you want to undo them because you want to be good for everyone. Yeah, definitely.
00:28:29
Speaker
yeah anyways no but doing things like this podcast i think this was the most important to me i've been i've been writing um mainly journal or other types of writing too uh like like pro i don't want to say poetry but like prose maybe it's it's funny like i the reason i say i don't want to say poetry is because like
00:28:59
Speaker
I feel like I don't know what the definition of a poem is because I feel like anything that just sounds good and is short is a poem. Yeah. Doesn't even need to be short, bro. Anything that's poetic. Yeah.
00:29:16
Speaker
Yeah, so it doesn't follow any rules, like it doesn't rhyme. Just call it free verse. Free verse. That's why I say pros. It just sounds good. Yeah, I got you, I got you. So yeah, I'm doing that kind of stuff. Yeah, I have some stuff on Wattpad, actually. Dang. You won't find it. It's under an alias, so I'm meant to keep it that way. Don't challenge me like that.
00:29:42
Speaker
The next podcast episode is just going to be us reviewing your Wattpen. No, please. This reminds me of a back in middle school weave. I edited and revised someone else's Wattpen story for them, which is somehow even worse than writing your own.
00:29:59
Speaker
that's yeah that's like wow you're taking it way too soon yeah yeah exactly it's literally just a Wattpad bro even the Wattpad writers are like what's wrong with you i don't know i don't know i don't want to hate on Wattpads oh yeah because
00:30:15
Speaker
All jokes. All jokes, yeah. I mean, it does do a good thing, right? It gives them a platform. People who aren't pros. I wonder if some of them actually become published authors. This isn't a good example of a published author, but you know the Fifty Shades of Grey author? That started as Twilight fan fiction.
00:30:39
Speaker
Oh, really? Yeah. That's... It was literally Twilight fanfiction and then she changed the name so she wouldn't get sued when she published it. That's crazy. And it also makes a lot of sense. Yeah. I've heard a lot of wet pad content is overly sexual. Yes. You've heard... I've heard. Definitely, definitely. I've heard the language. I do not read erotic records. I heard a friend. Yeah. Anyways.
00:31:10
Speaker
Thanks. I'd been traveling. So after the break, I mean, I was traveling before the breakup too, but I'd been to like Europe already and stuff.
Travel as a Coping Mechanism
00:31:25
Speaker
But after the breakup, I actually went to
00:31:30
Speaker
I went down to Tulum with a buddy of mine. He was very lucky that he wanted to go, actually, because I was in no position to go alone. So we went down to Tulum for a week, and that was really fun, actually. Tulum is a very interesting vibe, man. It's a lot of influencers. I want to say wannabe influencers. I don't know. Maybe I have to look them up, I guess. Where's the line between influencer and wannabe?
00:32:01
Speaker
I honestly, I don't know. Yeah. I mean, maybe it's just a number of followers. Yeah. I mean, I more meant that rhetorically wasn't expecting you to give me a line. Well, but it's fun. I think there's at the same time, there's a lot of culture as well. And yeah, a lot of parties, the techno scene goes hard and I'll tell you that they've got this like hippie vibe going on. It's an interesting hippie vibe. It's like,
00:32:30
Speaker
It's fun. I saw Ganesh idols on the streets and in the clubs and you randomly just see barber theater show outside and it's like, okay, cool. I guess I could dig this. I'm not too sure. But like it, at the same time, it's cool. There's a lot of my symbols and statues and stuff like that as well.
00:32:55
Speaker
So yeah, that was a great experience. Although, again, going back to being present, that was definitely tough.
00:33:06
Speaker
Yeah, it did more good than harm. Yeah. So success in my book, I guess. Yeah. So I also went to Yellowstone for a bit with my family. That was, that was interesting. That was like, going to Yellowstone, I mean, amazing, amazing nature and scenery and it's really beautiful. Unreal, almost. But
00:33:37
Speaker
It's having family there is nice because they're really supportive in a time like that, especially. But it's also kind of a pain because it's like they don't just let you be sad. Yeah. It's like they don't give you that space. Yeah. It's like they're like trying to cheer you up. It's like, man, I just don't want to be. I just want to be sad. Yeah. I just want to sit in my room and just sulk. Yeah. But.
00:34:06
Speaker
You know, we got through it. Again, it probably did more good than harm. Yeah. And if I had just been sitting in a room all day for two weeks, three weeks, then right after the breakup, then yeah, not the answer. You probably would not have been in a good place. So it was going to be shitty. It was one of those things. It was going to be shitty no matter where I was. Yeah.
00:34:33
Speaker
So whatever I did just felt like yes. And I think like, like, in my experience, a lot of times when I want to be sad is the times when I should least be like, like I should at least allow myself to do that when it's like not necessarily helpful, you know? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So are you, um, like, have you been like pretty open with your family about like the breakup and everything? Yeah, I think we have a, I mean,
00:35:03
Speaker
Not everything, everything, of course, but like, um, yeah, we have a, we have a good relationship. So, um, they've been very supportive. Yeah, that's great. And, uh, yeah, my family has been really supportive. My friends have been, my close friends have been really supportive as well. Um, and very, very thankful for them. I think they're the ones keeping me up. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:35:34
Speaker
Gotcha. OK, cool. So then, I guess, getting back more into the breakup itself. So in terms of those things that you've been doing, how much of those have been helping in terms of helping process and move through the breakup?
00:36:05
Speaker
Um, I, it's very difficult to, I guess, like quantify like answering your question like that, but I'm just curious if like anything stood out to you. Yeah. Um, I think what I've noticed, especially this, I noticed with the music production, I started, one of the first things I did was try to start getting into it. And the thing is.
00:36:31
Speaker
There's a learning curve in music production before you can even think of producing something that's... Listenable. Yeah, even remotely listenable, right? Or just being able to translate what's in your head onto a computer or a DAW. That has a lot of learning curve. And so when I was going through that, it kind of just felt like a job.
00:36:57
Speaker
And one thing I realized is in a situation like this, where you're going through something and you want to kind of divert that energy and occupy yourself and get something else. The thing that helps is to get into something that you can just
00:37:22
Speaker
you can just, the emotions can just flow and you can create right off the bat. Because the music production thing, it was like, it started to feel like a job. Like it was just, yeah, like work. And so what I ended up doing was I started writing. And I think that helped quite a bit. And honestly, just,
00:37:48
Speaker
doing things that I wouldn't have done before. It's kind of crazy, but I started watching anime. And this is something that if you know me, I would have never watched. I've watched Avatar. I love Avatar. I love Pokemon. You just offended so many people by calling this anime.
00:38:13
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. And that's why I said I don't watch anime. I never claimed to be in anime. But I was like, you know, I might as well give this a shot. It started with Vinland Saga. Great show. It's probably one of the best shows I've seen. Very well put together. Like across the board, not just anime.
00:38:37
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I don't know if I would say top five shows of all time, but it was a very well-produced show. And I thoroughly enjoyed it.
00:38:50
Speaker
I watched Death Note, but I only watched half of it because it got really weird after Episode 17. Yeah, and the current one I'm watching now is Attack on Titan. Yeah. Yeah, that's been a good show so far. It has a lot of potential and I heard good things, so I'm going to see it through.
00:39:16
Speaker
But yeah, other than other than anime I've been I've been I've been going to the gym more Trying to go at least twice a day Not at least at least once a day Trying to go twice a day or just like one big really long session obviously like
00:39:37
Speaker
Obviously, a lot of it is filled by insecurities at this stage. But getting in shape is something that I've been wanting to do. And so I guess I'm just riding the wave and using the fuel.
00:39:52
Speaker
That's always something that I have like travel like I guess hashing out is like when like you're doing something like good or constructive, but then you'd like it's for the wrong reasons. Like you're being driven by insecurity. It's like, should you give into that feeling? Should you not? Yeah, you know, it's a valid question. I don't have the energy mentally to dive into that, dealing with everything else going on.
00:40:21
Speaker
Um, no, I think for you, I'm just going to ride the wave. Yeah. Yeah. I've been getting into kickboxing that has been, that has been fun. It's, it's always, I feel like it's really fun to punch something and get that kind of release of energy and punching and kicking and doing all those sweaty combos. But yeah, no, I mean, just doing things that.
00:40:50
Speaker
you may not have done before. Yeah. Maybe on your mind, some things that weren't even worked on your mind, just taking a chance. I've been wanting to get a motorcycle license, so I might do that. Yeah. I might go skydiving. Honestly, I think my list is maybe too big. I might get laser surgery, get rid of my glasses. I don't know. We'll see. Yeah, yeah.
00:41:21
Speaker
Yeah. So I guess then like taking a step back from like, um, all the things you're doing to heal, I guess, like, I just wanted to ask you what the healing process has looked like so far and what exactly healing means to you when you talk about healing after a breakup. Well, how does the healing process look like? Um, it's, it's been, I've learned a lot. I think after the whole phase of journaling, like a madman,
00:41:51
Speaker
I've been dealing with a lot of denial first, because it's very easy to hold on to the things that give you the most comfort in the moment. Because regardless of what may or may not happen in the future, the reality is that you have to move on. And at the heart of it, it's really a
00:42:21
Speaker
and ability to be, feel whole by yourself, you know? And so that's what I have to work on. For the most part, until now has just been, for me, just been about feeling my feelings. Because the moment I tried to distract myself from them,
00:42:42
Speaker
in whatever ways. That's when I stopped making progress because I still had a lot to process and feel out and just understand. And I think two really big things that helped me recently, one was a
00:43:04
Speaker
was when I took shrooms two weeks ago and just became very acutely aware of how lonely I was. It was a very intense experience. I didn't see visuals or anything. I was listening to music and just sitting in the park. I was just really feeling my emotions to the fullest extent. And I understood why
00:43:35
Speaker
I was feeling so shitty. It's just like, Hey, like, like this is depression. Like I was like, I was reading up on it and stuff. And just being able to put a name on it and be like, Oh, that makes sense. Yeah.
00:43:59
Speaker
It took the gilt out of it. Yeah. It took some weight off of it. And so it feels a little bit lighter. Yeah, yeah. That makes sense. And...
00:44:17
Speaker
So that's where I think it's more than that, it's tough for me to answer that question because I don't know what healing is entirely because I'm not there yet.
00:44:31
Speaker
I think it means to get to a place where you kind of just feel whole by yourself and are not, you know, thinking all day about someone or something or not feeling terrible. Not feeling terrible. To me, that's what it means right now. That makes sense. What I realize is like most people go through this at some point and
00:45:03
Speaker
It is, it is something that will help me grow. And so it's okay. Yeah. Yeah. When you were talking about, I guess, um, like trying to find reasons for what you were feeling sad and sort of, uh, I guess like feeling guilty, um, like, do you feel like,
00:45:30
Speaker
Like, do you feel like you were almost blaming yourself for feeling bad about the breakup? It kind of, it goes back to like what we might probably start talking about earlier, but being, first of all, a burden to yourself, right? A burden to your current self. Yeah. And also a burden to people around you. Yeah, yeah.
00:45:56
Speaker
version of myself. But now that I don't have that, it feels like I have no base. Because prioritizing yourself and growth and all that stuff, it's like growing on top of the base. So yeah, I need to build a stronger foundation within myself. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Yeah, it's always so hard.
00:46:26
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like sometimes, like, at least for me, it's like I almost take things for granted. Like I take for granted that like certain things will always be there. And then it's like, when those things are gone, and when I'm like, when it's like coming to terms with like, like, it almost feels like, like it feels like it's almost like hard for me to believe that like, it is
00:46:55
Speaker
Like it will be possible for me to be okay without those things. And like, just like coming to terms with that and like getting yourself to really believe that can be so hard. Yeah. I mean, it goes back to like, Hey, it doesn't feel real. Yeah. You know, like it doesn't, like it feels like something is wrong. Like, yeah, like, uh, yeah. Yeah. Like an alternate.
00:47:18
Speaker
random alternate world that you're putting in. It's like, what? This doesn't make any sense. How did I get here? How did I get here? You look down and you see the building has no foundation. Yeah. Asking for help is the hardest thing to do a lot of the time. Like, especially when you are that down, it's like, you're already like, like, we don't normally have to ask those people for support. And it's like,
00:47:46
Speaker
Like when you're already feeling so shitty, it's like putting in that extra effort. Like it's so easy to like convince yourself or like to sort of like make excuses and not reach out, but yeah, yeah, you definitely need to. And it's honestly like shocking every time, like how willing people are to like give a hand, like when you're struggling. Yeah. Give them the chance to surprise you if you're cynical. Yeah. Yeah.
00:48:19
Speaker
Definitely agree. Speaking from experience, the big cynic right here. Big cynic, huh? This too shall pass. This too shall pass, yeah. Yeah. This too shall pass. I saw a video of Tom Hanks saying it once. That kind of hit the spot. Yeah.
00:48:39
Speaker
Yeah, no, definitely. Like sometimes, yeah, you just need to remind yourself that when it feels like it won't be okay. When like you're saying like there's that part in your brain that's just screaming like, this is wrong, like I shouldn't be here. Like being able to just tell yourself that like, it won't, you won't always feel like that. Yeah, I mean, another thought that comes to mind, right? And I'm sure it comes to everyone's mind when they're feeling shitty is like,
00:49:09
Speaker
Oh, there are people out there with way bigger problems. Yeah. Like people are dealing with all kinds of grief, all kinds of problems, poverty, homelessness, deaths. And so that's another reason people, I know I have, it's like,
00:49:36
Speaker
put yourself down and not kind of, kind of invalidate how you're feeling. But the thing is like, I think what I've seen is like, it's good to give yourself perspective, but feelings are really, are real. If you push them down like that, they're going to come out in bad ways. So you need to feel them.
00:50:02
Speaker
I mean, you can always find someone who's worse off than you. Right. But it's like, that doesn't mean that like your problems aren't legitimate any less than like your happiness is legitimate because obviously they're going to be people who are happier. Right. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, uh, it's hard. Like.
00:50:23
Speaker
Being able to balance all of that, balancing on one hand, gaining the perspective by realizing that you still have a lot of good in your life while at the same time not letting your brain jump on that as a reason to diminish your own feelings. It's always a struggle. Yeah. You know what's really helped though? I have a playlist on spot. Desolation. Yeah, I made a playlist called Desolation.
00:50:53
Speaker
It's funny if you know me because it's all inside EDM songs because I listen to those anyways. Those are my go-tos, but no, I made a playlist and that's...
00:51:05
Speaker
That's what I've been having on repeat. I think recently I heard Utopia, so I'm trying to listen to other music now. But yeah, it's mostly been the... And I mean, there's some...
00:51:24
Speaker
Kills Strokes and Arctic Monkeys and SZA in there. And Lincoln Park. Oh God, so much Lincoln Park. There's too much Lincoln Park in there. In the end. In the end. Oh yeah, Crawling. Yeah. The amount of times I've blasted these songs and EDM songs with a lot of millennium. Yeah. They helped me. They helped me.
00:51:53
Speaker
feel what I'm feeling. It's like validating. It's weird. It's validating, you know? Yeah, yeah. I don't know if that makes sense. No, no, no, I understand. Yeah. Yeah. It's nice to like, like, don't feel like someone else has like gone through what you're feeling. Yeah, it's, I feel like 95% of music is either about love,
00:52:20
Speaker
or breakups or situation chips. Yeah. There's a lot of music situation. Yeah. Yeah. Literally just relationships, like every type. No, definitely. I mean, it's like one of like, in terms of human experiences, like, like one of the strongest things, right? Yeah. So I guess like, apart from like,
00:52:51
Speaker
I guess apart from the things that you struggled with, was there anything that you expected to help but didn't? And when did you realize that? I thought the travel would help a little bit. But then at some point I realized like,
00:53:11
Speaker
traveling was nice as an initial like way to recover from the initial shock. Yeah. But after that, it was kind of preventing me from getting into like a new routine.
Finding Happiness Alone
00:53:31
Speaker
Yeah, because traveling is, it's like, yeah, it's nice to meet people and stuff like that. But it doesn't
00:53:40
Speaker
It doesn't allow you to like dive into a new something, you know, like create an identity in that way. Yeah. Um, it's a break from life, not a move step forward. Exactly. So I needed to kind of go back and create some kind of routine. Yeah. And so that's what I did. Makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Other than that, I mean,
00:54:09
Speaker
I guess like it's one of those things like, like taking it one day at a time. Yeah, it's like, it doesn't, it doesn't work like, oh, you take it a day at a time for a couple days, and then it's like good, you know, yeah, you have to keep doing it, you have to keep
00:54:30
Speaker
almost pretending that like, not pretending, but like gaslighting yourself. Yeah. Okay. It's okay. Like we're just going to do this today and we'll take it one day at a time. And so it's kind of misleading in the sense that like it's a, it's continuous effort. Yeah. Another thing is,
00:54:58
Speaker
dating apps? I mean, I, I downloaded at some point in the last month, I downloaded, you know, Tinder and Bumble and, and I mean, it was purely, purely out of insecurity. Like it was just like something that I did to combat the feeling of like, Oh,
00:55:32
Speaker
just trying to combat that. So yeah, but clear. I mean, I was not ready for any. I literally, I downloaded the app and I just kept it there for like four days. I didn't even do it. And then four days later, I like created a login. And then I didn't do any that didn't make a profile or anything. And then a couple of days after that, I made a profile. I was like, okay, this is so weird. I did not think I'd be here. But, um,
00:55:52
Speaker
But if, you know, whatever it may be.
00:56:02
Speaker
Yeah. So I, I kept it for like, I think a week. I realized it was not doing me any good. Like I had matches and stuff, but it was just like.
00:56:19
Speaker
It was, the reason I kept going on it was, I mean, I kept opening it every time I felt really sad or lonely, which was a lot, right? But it was just a way for me to escape those feelings and not deal with them. And not replacing them with anything constructive. Yeah. No, that makes sense. Yeah. So it was not doing me any good. So I deleted them. But I mean,
00:56:50
Speaker
Yeah, so that didn't help. But like, I guess it helped in the way that like, to know that I was able to get on the app. Yeah. Getting matches, I guess. Yeah. That was good enough. Yeah. Bit of a confidence boost. Not confidence, I would say.
00:57:19
Speaker
I would say it's more like a security. It's like, I can do this too.
00:57:34
Speaker
No, that makes sense. Honestly, I think that's a big thing too, is being able to, sort of what we've been talking about, feeling your feelings and all that, is being able to differentiate when you actually want to do something and when it's just an insecurity driving you. Having that sort of mindfulness and that awareness of, okay,
00:57:57
Speaker
this sort of being able to understand where that feeling is coming from and being able to differentiate between when are you just throwing yourself into something kind of irrationally or mindlessly versus when are you actually delving towards something.
00:58:18
Speaker
Yeah, no, that's fair. I mean, and this is one of those situations where it's like, it's just purely out of inspiration. Not any need. And so it made the decision to get rid of it. Delete Facebook hit the gym. Yeah, I mean, I'm off. I'm off all social media. Like I have read it. I even deleted Reddit for a while. By the way, like Reddit was
00:58:48
Speaker
It was both helpful and it was also
00:58:53
Speaker
not like it just depends how you use it. Yeah. But yeah, like there are some subreddits that really helped me in the beginning. Like there's a subreddit called X no contact. Yeah. And it's just when you're dealing with some situation like this where you're feeling lonely and want to talk to your ex because it's the natural thing to do. It's like anything, anything happens like I'm talking to. Yeah.
00:59:23
Speaker
my act, you know, happy, sad, whatever. And in a time of such emotional distress, like that's the person you're going to turn to naturally, right? Yeah.
00:59:34
Speaker
By the way, for these servers, you just look at the pinned posts. Like you don't have to, because they have good information on like, oh, like why is it that you want to do this? And like why you shouldn't do this? And just like motivation and trying to help you get through it. And it's also nice.
00:59:54
Speaker
in a limited way to see other people struggling with the same thing relating to your struggles. And you see that and it's in the beginning, it's nice. But then there comes a certain point where it just keeps you in that zone. So you also have to know when to get rid of it.
01:00:23
Speaker
being cognizant of like, okay, I've gotten what I need from this. Yeah. I can let this go. Yeah. Same thing with R slash breakups. R slash breakups. Okay. R slash breakups is really only for the first week after you break up with someone. Because outside of that, it just, it becomes, it's a place to go and send
01:00:48
Speaker
really hard on extreme levels. And after that, it just becomes sad. It's kind of a problem. Yeah. So use it with caution.
01:01:08
Speaker
That's almost like, like the whole thing about the internet in a nutshell, right? What makes it so complicated is like on one hand, like there's so much like community and so many resources that you can get from other people who are like struggling from the same things. But on the other side, it's like, it's so easy to just fall into this negative feedback loop of like, Oh, all these people are like bitter about their exes and like so fixated on that, that like you can also just hold you back.
01:01:33
Speaker
All right. Let's like make a bit of a topic shift for over from like healing coping, talking about like how you've been like moving through the breakup itself and then shift over more onto like your experience now that you're single.
Reconciling Expectations vs. Reality
01:01:46
Speaker
So less, I guess, on like the emotional toll of like the breakup itself and more like now that you no longer have that person in your life, like moving forward without them.
01:01:56
Speaker
Um, but yeah, so I guess like, um, now, um, now that you're single, like, what do you feel like the hardest part of that is? I think it's, it's just being happy with yourself and this by yourself, because I look back over the last four years and the happiest moment that I've had where with my ex, like, it just,
01:02:26
Speaker
having those same experiences, those amazing experiences and not having someone to share that with is heart wrenching. It feels very empty.
01:02:43
Speaker
be that like concerts or Sundays, you know, just like lazying at home, going to movies, just any, anything, right? And because you can, you can surround yourself with friends and stuff, but they're not going to fill the void that the partner has, right? A partner is with you constantly every moment. Even if you're long distance, it's like,
01:03:14
Speaker
if you're both free, like you're just hanging out, you're talking, you're having a date night, Netflix party. And so just learning how to spend those moments with yourself is difficult. That's something that I'm both not looking forward to and also
01:03:44
Speaker
feel like I have to tackle. Figuring out how to feel whole in those situations is going to be tough. Especially for my situation specifically, I didn't have much time for myself outside of work. Most of my free time and energy was spent
01:04:12
Speaker
trying to figure out like, you know, how to spend time, spend time with my acts, like fly down, whatever it may be. Um, or planning, planning to whatever. I'm a big planner. So it's like, that's my love language too. It's like, my love language is acts of service and planning things. And, um, yeah, that's how I showed that. And so.
01:04:39
Speaker
not having someone to do that for is really hard. Yeah. Yeah. Almost like not being able to express like that sort of like compassion and love. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, another thing is just being around couples kind of sucks. Like there's a lot of couples everywhere. Um, most of our friends, most of them, most of our friends, literally me right now, literally you right now. Yeah. It's, I mean,
01:05:11
Speaker
It's just like... I wish everyone the best. No, no, I understand. It's funny, I'm in a place right now where it's like, yeah, love isn't real, it's stupid, it doesn't make sense. Oh, I got you. Yeah, it's all a sham, you know? Marriage is a sham, relationships are a sham, everyone's gonna die alone.
01:05:39
Speaker
But I'm also aware of how biased that might be. No, no, no. I'd be perfectly fair, right? Like, considering where you're at enough. Like, I think that's honestly, like, something people don't talk about enough, which is just like, man, there are lots of times, like, I have, like, resentful feelings like that. It's like, it's not like you were, you actually, like, hate any of us or anything. It's like, like, you can't, like, avoid the fact that you're going to feel like, like,
01:06:08
Speaker
that way and like obviously like that's gonna like like yeah we all have those feelings sometimes and like it's perfectly understandable yeah no i mean if you have those feelings it's just like be respectful be respectful of people around you and of course
01:06:31
Speaker
And if you see someone who's going through a breakup and has noticed them acting weird around your partner, like when you guys are around couples and stuff, don't take it personally. Choose to excuse themselves because they're probably having a really shitty time. Yeah. No, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. A feeling can never be wrong. Just how you express it. Absolutely.
01:07:02
Speaker
I was really looking forward to the summer because it was finally in this place where it's like, oh, um, I was able to change out of this job and get a job to where I felt like my mental health would be better.
01:07:19
Speaker
have more time. It's the summer, everyone's out and happy and partying. It's supposed to be the best time of the year and I was really looking forward to it after being so down for most of the year. Have you seen that meme where it's like, oh, the meme former was like, oh, what if I said,
01:07:45
Speaker
I'm ready to have a great time and have good mental health. But then God said, wait a second, not so fast. Back down the hole you go. That's what it felt like. That's what it feels like. There's a great land from a rap song I've heard recently, which is that anytime you're having a good time, never forget God's a hater.
01:08:09
Speaker
God's a hater, man. I got a solid week of a good time. It's all good. It'll come when it needs to. Everything happens for a reason, right? It's definitely hard though. Especially when it's like...
01:08:31
Speaker
Like when you have that image in your mind, like you're trying to like, you're probably telling yourself like they're out, like the time before that, right? Those rough months you were having, like you had that like vision in your head of like the good times to come. I'm going through dealing with processing it and also the grief of losing a person. Yeah. So close to you. So I don't know. I don't know how long that's going to take.
01:09:01
Speaker
We'll see. Yeah. Makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely not something I feel like you can force, you know? No. It's a feeling. Yeah. It's. Yeah. No, that's very fair. Yeah. Cause I think like.
01:09:18
Speaker
like if you sort of like try to cross those barriers too quickly it's like it's so easy just to like even if you might like in the moment it feels okay like you feel like you can separate it it's just like falling back into like the same sort of like routines and like behaviors like you you can almost I feel like fall back into like wanting the relationship without even trying to you know
01:09:44
Speaker
yeah or like just certain aspects of it. So I guess like we've touched on this like throughout the conversation obviously but I guess I just wanted to put it in I guess greater relief but what what do you feel like are like the biggest perspective changes in general you have like after the breakup and now that you're no longer in a relationship so I'm thinking they're like like
01:10:08
Speaker
Reflections on the relationship itself like new perspectives on it that you didn't have before on your your own sense of self I mean you sort of touched on that like yeah, yeah, like how it's impacted your own sense of self but on like Yeah, how you view life in general like how you view your friendships? Anything stand out to you. I mean, I think I Think I've realized
01:10:38
Speaker
what that relationship was giving me and kind of being able to see that. What it was giving me, where it was great, where it was amazing, where it was not so great, just being able to see those things, get perspective from that, just learning that
01:11:08
Speaker
and coming to terms with the fact that, hey, my story is unwritten. Or, yeah. And it's very much coming, just coming to terms with the fact that everything's up in the air. And that's it. Like, honestly, I don't have, I don't have anything else to share or any huge realizations other than that.
01:11:38
Speaker
I need to plan less. I'll tell you that. I need to plan a lot less than I do. And just live moment to moment. Just follow the feeling, I guess. Stay grounded. Stay grounded.
01:11:57
Speaker
Do you feel like there are any ways that, and, uh, I mean, you know, like we don't necessarily have to go into this. Cause I think it is something that is like very raw and very hard to talk about kind of relate to like, there isn't many talks about, but are there any like, I guess, negative changes that you haven't liked about your perspective? Negative changes about my perspective. Um.
01:12:24
Speaker
I mean, I don't like that. I don't like couples and just love in general. Yeah. It's just, it's just annoying that I don't have it. Yeah. I had it and it was great. Cause I'm soft in the wound. That's about it. Honestly. So yeah, I can't imagine going on social media on Instagram or anything. I just.
01:12:54
Speaker
I probably won't until it's time to promote this audio, this podcast. Yeah. I thought you were about to say when it's time for you to promote your DJ sets. For my, oh yeah, that'll probably take some time. This'll come first. Yeah. Eventually for that. Yeah. Nah, that's fair. Social media is bad enough normally. Absolutely.
Conclusion and Listener Engagement
01:13:43
Speaker
I think the goal of this was because I do enough of this already but the goal of this was to kind of open it up and start the discussion about like hey breakups are really shitty and yeah if you're going through something please talk about it yeah and hopefully if you have gone through something or if you're going through something remotely similar like hopefully you had something to relate to um yeah and
01:14:14
Speaker
If there's anything you want to talk about, please reach out to your friends, to anything on your mind, anything that's holding you down, wanting you, please reach out to your friends and your family. And loved ones. And loved ones. And yeah, if you have any like comments and thoughts, this helped you in any way.
01:14:44
Speaker
Please reach out and let us know because we're, we're, that's the goal here. We're trying to connect with people and make them realize things about themselves and show that it's okay to talk about it. It's okay to talk about your issues. Even if you have, if you're going through a tough time or depression and anxiety, whatever it is, please talk. Yeah, honestly, like I would love like if we got like, I guess like responses and like,
01:15:14
Speaker
other people's like thoughts on like breakups and stuff like just like next step so like yeah spend some time like going over the best ones absolutely that would be great I mean we like it's always better like the more perspectives there are the better right yeah
01:15:31
Speaker
That's what we're doing this for. Not to make my struggles public. That can help too. Expressing yourself? I guess it's in this part of expression, sure.
01:15:48
Speaker
All right. Sweet. All right. Thanks, everyone. Yeah. Thank you all so much for listening. We'll see you for next time with a different topic. And this time it won't be an interview of me. Remember to like, comment and subscribe. Of course, please. And bro, please donate to our Patreon, of course.
01:16:36
Speaker
We're gonna try something. We'll see if it sticks.
01:16:39
Speaker
But we're going to do like a song of the week, song of the episode kind of thing where we'll just have a pic of a song and just put a link to it. Just based on mood or whatever is hitting right now. So for me this week, I'm going to go with Crawl Out of Love by Elenio.
01:17:04
Speaker
I think the song has been really hitting. The lyrics, the music, just everything. I saw it live.
01:17:14
Speaker
Dude, Illenium has some crazy sets, but I saw it live, it was amazing. I actually saw, he did, there's a remix with Time by Hans Zimmer. And dude, he saw it on YouTube. That shit is so good. It actually put some headphones on, listened to it.
01:17:38
Speaker
If you don't have your head banging, I don't know what to say. It just hits. I can only imagine how hard that goes. That's my song of the week. I'll put a link to both. The YouTube, the time remix, and also the normal song.
01:17:56
Speaker
Most importantly, the ring. Yeah. What about you, man? Um, for me, I mean, I guess I've been listening to utopia a lot since that came out soon. So I guess God's Country was probably my song of the week. Yeah. Since that's like, yeah, that's one of my favorites from the album. What do you think of the album?
01:18:12
Speaker
Um, so since the last time we talked, um, like it's grown on me a lot. Like I do really like it. Um, there is still like that part where it's like, I think that it's a lot less like, I dunno, it's hard for me to tell me my assumptions are coming in, but like, um, like I feel like the songs like,
01:18:32
Speaker
Like if you look at something like Rodeo, right? It's like a song like 902. I know it has such a clear like concept, right? Yeah. Like versus like in Utopia, like I feel like along like I like like the melodies and I like like what he's doing. But like the songs themselves are a lot less than memorable to me. I feel like they.
01:18:52
Speaker
Like you said, 90210, it evokes a specific emotion, it paints a story. I feel like that's missing from a lot of the songs in Utopia. Yeah, from a lot of them. I think there are some highlights, like My Eyes is one of my favorites. That's one song I really like. Yeah, that's one where it's just so out of left field. I would have never expected it. And that one's very, I feel like, that's the one song he mentions, Astro World, everything that happened. There's actually some substance there.
01:19:20
Speaker
Yeah, overall, I agree. Absolutely. Sirens for a banger. Sirens. A gym song, you know? Yeah, exactly. Nice. I always wondered, like, you know, he says, like, Festi, like, set Festivall instead of, like, Festival.
01:19:38
Speaker
Oh, he says that? Yeah, like meet me at the festival. Okay. Yeah, yeah. So instead of festival, he says meet me at the festival. But I wonder if he felt weird about like after Astro World telling people to meet at the festival was like... Damn, man, there's some questionable things, dude. Yeah.
01:19:55
Speaker
I don't know, I don't know. But it's also like, it's kind of like Travis's brand, is there any stuff? Like he kind of has to touch on like partying and stuff. That's true, that's true. Gotta go back to the roots a little bit. Actually the best museum song on the album was Fiend. Fiend is pretty good. Cardioms are the weirdest of words bro.
01:20:22
Speaker
That's it then, right? That's the song of the week. Carl Adler and God's country.