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#12 - Valante
45 Plays1 month ago
We are joined by the one and only Valante, a successful music producer AND teacher AND a fan of the podcast since DAY 1 (insane) to talk about how his life, including all the struggles, has molded and inspired his art. We learn a lot about the creative process, life in Sweden, and the joy of existence.
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Transcript
Humorous Retainer Chat
00:00:24
Speaker
Welcome to PBR. Are you ready?
00:00:45
Speaker
welcome to pbr
00:00:50
Speaker
you ready ah Yes, let me put my retainer in.
Grills and Practicality
00:00:54
Speaker
Got to put them grills in, boy. Yes, sir. Oh, my God. I saw the randomest video of like a chemist making grills for themselves because they were just like, I don't have any jewelry, but for some reason I want grills.
00:01:07
Speaker
So they just like literally using chemicals, extracted gold and like molded them into grills. And that made me start thinking if I want grills. Why do you want, what are you going to do with grills?
00:01:21
Speaker
Wear them like jewelry. Don't you have to take them off before eating? Grills? Can you eat with them? I mean, i feel like you have to take them off, right?
00:01:32
Speaker
i like, also, do you want like food and shit getting all over your gold grills? Maybe you don't have to like brush as often. don't know. Anyways, it's fine.
00:01:44
Speaker
to I don't want to get into this. Post in the comments if you know whether you can eat with grills. All
Introducing the Guest: A Fan and Music Producer
00:01:50
Speaker
right. Welcome back, guys. Today... okay Thank you, Ayer. Anything else?
00:01:56
Speaker
Anytime. ah one ah Today's guest is just so insanely special. like He's been a fan of the show since day one, literally and giving us like encouragement and feedback. and and To be very, very honest, like I feel like I've become an even bigger fan of his after, you know, finding out who he was. And he's a professor.
00:02:17
Speaker
He's a producer of some of the most like calming, relaxing, joyful music that I've ever heard. i mean, each I feel like each song is different, but I've been looking forward to this episode for a long, long time. I'm pumped that it's finally happening.
00:02:32
Speaker
So, yeah, welcome to the show. Thank you so much. can i i just I just want to like set the record straight. i'm not ah I'm not a professor, I'm a teacher. But, you know, and just a professor sounds so damn fancy. Maybe maybe someday in the future, but i'm ah I'm a teacher at a junior high school. I'm a like language teacher.
00:02:54
Speaker
Not to like disappoint anyone, but, you know. You know, I have a
Podcast's Emotional Impact
00:02:59
Speaker
history of getting our guest's profession wrong somehow. Yeah. No worries, no worries. And yeah, just a quick backstory. I have been a fan since day one.
00:03:11
Speaker
um two days ah Two years ago, almost ah to the week now, I left my then-fiancé. of We'd been together for six years and I was just lost and broken and hurt.
00:03:24
Speaker
And I was just looking for... representation ah just needed to feel like I wasn't alone in the in the pain of it all.
00:03:35
Speaker
And I found your first episode and it became sustenance then and there, I'd say. And yeah, I'm um really grateful for that episode.
00:03:49
Speaker
So thank you. I'm a fan as well. You guys. Yeah, i mean, You have no idea what that means. I feel like that's literally why we did this. But yeah.
00:04:01
Speaker
Yeah. And it was it was so cool because, I mean, the podcast was super new. And I remember I was looking for ah people going through similar things. And you obviously have these like super, super big podcasts who invites these like gurus talking about relationships and everything. But I wanted more like a subjective take on what I was going through, but from someone else.
00:04:24
Speaker
And yeah. Just to paint a picture to anyone listening, I was sitting in my car. It was raining. I was on the side of the road. I listened to you guys and I cried. And
Authenticity in Podcasting
00:04:35
Speaker
ah yeah, it was beautiful.
00:04:38
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, that's incredible to hear. And I mean, yeah, it always just makes me so happy to hear like how our podcast has helped other people. Yeah. but Hopefully it's like a start of, you know, way i've been I've been having this conversation with a lot of people. think the main thing that they like is like how it's not like bringing on a guru and, you know, talking about like, oh, this is these are the things you should do and how you should live life.
00:05:04
Speaker
yeah um But yeah, it's it's good. Good. ah
The Guest's Music Journey
00:05:08
Speaker
So how do we get started? Anywhere, man. fifty So let's let let's start with you, right? so So your um stage name, i don't want to say your stage name, your musical musical name is Volante. Can you explain that a little bit? Like, what does that mean?
00:05:25
Speaker
Where does it come from? I have no idea what it means. Okay. I used to produce music under different names and then um parallel to me starting my studies to become a language teacher i more or less found like a job application through a small knit music producer group on Facebook.
00:05:54
Speaker
I posted a few of my songs and I asked them basically, does anybody know if there's any way at all to make some money doing this? Because yeah, um I don't want to sell hot dogs on the street to fatten up the money bag, you know?
00:06:13
Speaker
And one one guy he really enjoyed
International Reach of the Podcast
00:06:18
Speaker
what I posted and he sent me a link and I applied just like you apply any job.
00:06:24
Speaker
And they got back to me, listened to a few more of my songs. And when it became clear that they wanted to work with me, they sent me like a list of like, I don't know, 200 people.
00:06:37
Speaker
different names and honestly I just thought that Valante was the least sucky one. so i even even yeah I even told him that I didn't like it so I got two names actually and yeah was the one I chose.
00:06:59
Speaker
I guess it's you know what they say ah about art it can be interpreted in so many ways. I have reflected on that it sounds sort of Italian maybe, or i don't know if anyone would be from Sweden.
00:07:13
Speaker
I actually looked this up but before the show. ah and Searching for answers. butla Volante is, you're right, it sounds Italian and Portuguese, so but in Portuguese it means brave and proud. Oh, wow, really?
00:07:30
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, that's what Google is saying, so... yeah Then it must be so long. You can just say that. Wow, that's that's cool. Thank you for telling me. It sounds like Valiant, so makes sense.
00:07:41
Speaker
yeah yeah Yeah. So you're in you're in Sweden right now, which yeah by the way, it's like 8.30 PM for you. So it's pretty late. Thank you for coming on so late. i or We're literally in like three different time zones across like, how many hours are here? you're You're like seven, eight hours behind?
00:08:00
Speaker
Nine hours behind. Nine hours. Yeah. Oh my God. Wow. All right. Truly an international podcast now. Crazy that this is happening. For all the listeners out there are here before he came on to the the podcast just now. He saved like an old baby from dying on the street.
00:08:18
Speaker
So yeah. here Tell us a story.
Personal Updates and New Routines
00:08:22
Speaker
So I was heading out to grab some breakfast before the episode recorded, and I live right across the street from the Space Needle. So I was going to cross the street, and it's a hella busy intersection because the Space Needle is right there.
00:08:33
Speaker
And I was waiting for a couple of minutes for the light to change. It finally changes, and literally at that moment, some random old lady comes up to me and is like, I'm lost. do you know where the DMV is?
00:08:45
Speaker
And like first of all, she started explaining to me what a DMV is, which is like... I know what a DMV is, bro. Like, why are you asking me otherwise? But then, yeah, I had to sort of help her around. And then the light changed again and I had to wait again.
00:08:59
Speaker
Hell yeah, dude. and Getting some good karma. Your karma before breakfast. That's great. Your biggest weakness is your empathy towards others, right? Heart.
00:09:10
Speaker
Bleeding heart liberal. Yeah, i just I just went to the dentist today before this. So, man. Like I'm like a little numb in one of my teeth. but Yeah, it's so always so annoying like doing an x-ray photo shoot for the next two years. Is that like a universal thing where they make you bite this?
00:09:32
Speaker
like yeah Yes. Oh my crystallized hard. It feels when you have to bite down on that, it feels like, oh, this is the hardest material on earth.
00:09:45
Speaker
Yeah. It always hurts. I don't like that at all. It's so annoying. We've come so far. like we We should have the technology to not do this anymore.
00:09:56
Speaker
Yeah. How have you guys been otherwise? like It's been, I've been great.
Work-Life Balance Challenges
00:10:01
Speaker
I just started working today actually. I just ended like eight weeks or something like that, summer break.
00:10:09
Speaker
Oh nice. ah with it's ah It's a paid leave over the summer so it's pretty nice. That's why you become a teacher, you know what saying? Yeah, did you travel somewhere?
00:10:23
Speaker
um I didn't travel, i mean, i I guess technically I traveled ah abroad because I went to Denmark, but that's, it it's literally just a bridge from Malmö.
00:10:36
Speaker
So, but I mean, yeah, sure. And then I just, ah you know, spent time with family, went on a bunch of dates with a wonderful, wonderful, beautiful woman.
00:10:50
Speaker
And yeah, it was was a good time. That sounds amazing. i Literally, I'm taking two weeks off right now and I'm i'm not traveling at all. I'm just like, i think this is the first time I've taken a time off and just existed in my current place.
00:11:08
Speaker
And it's it's very different. it's It's really nice. It's wonderful. Yeah. Oh man. I hear. So there's a lot going on with me right now. i just left my job a couple of weeks ago.
00:11:21
Speaker
So that's, that's been amazing. Like I've just been enjoying my life right now. um I was in the same boat earlier where I went on leave for work last year. And that was really the first time that I had ever like slowed down and just like existed and chilled.
00:11:37
Speaker
So it's really amazing. Like going back to that. I feel like, every time like work starts up again, like I always get so demotivated and like I stop, I lose all my passion and like my hobbies and stuff.
00:11:49
Speaker
And I always wonder like, am I the problem? Like, am I just not like motivated and like excited in these things anymore? And then as soon as I'm out of my job, I'm like, Oh, no, wait, I'm totally fine.
00:12:00
Speaker
Like I have so much energy and just so much life. So I've just been enjoying like getting back into things, like getting back to a good routine ah doing photography again, stuff, writing a lot, stuff like that.
00:12:12
Speaker
So living my best life right now. Well, that sounds good. And also, speaking of Valente and Brave and all that, I think it's really brave to decide to leave your job.
00:12:26
Speaker
Throwing he yourself into the unknown, that's that's brave. The good thing is like I got a pretty nice severance deal
Gratitude and Privilege
00:12:33
Speaker
when I left. So I have like a couple of months of savings, like six to eight months. So it's not ah too scary right now.
00:12:40
Speaker
um I think things worked out really nice. right Yeah, it's always a little terrifying to just throw yourself into the unknown regardless. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I'm following Ahear's footsteps. ah sir Quitting jobs, rescuing old ladies. Yeah, literally all of it. The whole shebang.
00:13:00
Speaker
Yeah, by the time this episode comes out, I will be unemployed as well. Probably. All right, man. Your manager is going to see this episode and fire you.
00:13:11
Speaker
No, that would be nice. then i would No, I will. Yeah. Is there like, ah I mean, regardless of what kind of work you do, because you're both
Making a Difference
00:13:21
Speaker
in the States, right?
00:13:22
Speaker
Yeah. Is there some sort of law which guarantees you a certain amount of weeks of vacation every year and then you have to sort of like plan it with your boss or do they? Actually, there is not.
00:13:36
Speaker
It depends on the company. so a lot of companies, they give you like a set amount of PTO days. And so actually, like if you quit and you haven't hit your like PTO days, then they'll pay that out to you.
00:13:50
Speaker
right But there's a catch here that a lot of companies are now doing unlimited PTO, which sounds fantastic, but then, know, you know Two things. A lot of people don't take time off because there's no set amount of days to take off. And so it just becomes like very team dependent, culture dependent.
00:14:08
Speaker
And the second thing is when you quit or when you get fired, they don't have to pay you out for PTO days that you haven't used because it's unlimited. Yeah. I see.
00:14:19
Speaker
yeah American corporations. It's just a get you in the door kind of thing. Yeah. Basically. but American corporations are always innovating on new ways is to exploit you.
00:14:31
Speaker
I've been doing well otherwise. you know PT's been going well. I'm doing a bunch of lateral movement. ah Nice. Would like to get back to playing soccer soon, maybe another month or so.
00:14:43
Speaker
but Yeah, it's been that. a lot of big changes coming, coming back to New York. It's been busy, busy. and you know, I spend the rest of my time trying to convince Aheer to move to New York. So that's been going on as well.
00:14:55
Speaker
The eternal struggle for me, whether or not to just pull the trigger. I think you should just do it, man. even Even though I basically know nothing about you guys, just do it. Sounds like, yeah, why not?
00:15:12
Speaker
Yeah, I asked myself the same question. You know, on the subject of helping people and stuff, like i I made a post on... Reddit, just asking like, hey, like I'm about to take a ah break from my corporate job. Like I want to like, you know, volunteer in the community, like take classes, that kind of stuff. Like what are some ideas?
00:15:36
Speaker
And so people gave me a lot of cool ideas, actually, um and links and stuff. But there was one guy who was like, maybe you should volunteer your money to people who aren't getting a job.
00:15:47
Speaker
Because right now, like, you know, a lot of people don't have jobs. And it's like hard um to get one, especially and especially in tech and some other industries. So it just like makes you think, like obviously like,
00:16:02
Speaker
obviously i privilege to be in this position. i did work for it. I made smart decisions throughout my life, but it's also like just luck. Right. Um, yeah and just like, how do you, you know, navigate that? I mean, you just ignore things like that? Like, obviously like I can't give up and my, you know, whatever I've made like that, you know, to just give it out to people. Cause obviously like I have plans for myself and my future and the people I care about. And so no I'm also like playing with the cards that I've been dealt with. It's just,
00:16:32
Speaker
Just how do you like bring yourself to peace when there's so much yeah suffering around you in the world? like It just feels selfish as well. so it just I don't know. It's just something i haven't quite figured out how to think about.
00:16:45
Speaker
yeah I think if you open that box, it's hard to close it again. Because where where does that end? yeah When there's total... peace and total equality and no ah so no no famine, nothing.
00:16:59
Speaker
You can always find a reason to beat yourself up about your own privilege. You can't heal the world. yeah and Yeah. It's it's difficult. Of course it is. I always say there's such a fine line between like survivor's guilt and a savior complex where it's like on the one hand, I feel so blessed to like have this privilege and to have all of these great things in my life.
00:17:23
Speaker
But at the same time, it's almost like, kind of conceded to see it all as like waiting on you where it's like i can't solve the world's problems right i can give up all of my wealth and all of the good things in my life and that's not going to push the boulder of all the world's problems an inch right i sort of feel like when michael jackson sang if you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make a change yeah and that's one that's one hell of a line man And I think if you do that and you love the people close to you and you, i mean, like a superhero i here over here, saving babies when they need and you you're kind to people that you meet and you're generous with your resources, not to say you have to sacrifice yourself doing it, but...
00:18:11
Speaker
I mean, if you if you walk through life like that, then I truly believe that you're making a huge difference. Yeah. I mean, just the fact that you guys, I don't know how many conversations were had before you actually decided to record a podcast. And then you made an episode about heartbreak. And i mean, and you changed a dude across the world, you know, and here we are.
00:18:36
Speaker
you can that's you can you can really change the world in in small ways, i
Communal Upbringing and Creativity
00:18:41
Speaker
believe Just because you're not giving up all of your possessions doesn't mean you're not helping and being kind. Yeah.
00:18:47
Speaker
And that's it, you ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. that's it for today's episode. Yeah, that's all we needed to say. Like you've had a really interesting life, like ever since the beginning, just growing up.
00:19:02
Speaker
Why don't you tell us a bit about it? Sure. um I guess you could say I was born into um a commune. Sort of like a hippie hybrid, everybody knows each other, but live in their own apartments still kind of deal.
00:19:18
Speaker
And that gave me ah very nuanced perspective on culture and people, humans, relationships, friendship, sharing, caring.
00:19:33
Speaker
all of that. So I always felt a little bit different from like the kids in my school and sometimes I was even teased for it, you know, because I came from the weird house sort of. But it was great.
00:19:50
Speaker
I have a lot of fond childhood memories from that time. ah remember, for example, as a kid after breakfast, I could just leave my apartment and go to my neighbors and tell them that I hadn't had breakfast yet.
00:20:05
Speaker
So I just went on like a breakfast tour and had breakfast so at different neighbors. And you know, some people were Swedish, some people were from Chile, some people were Iranian, some people were from like ah Bosnia or ah so it was just really was a fun time. And I think it gave me a lot of sense of goodness. Like people are people are good, you know, in the world.
00:20:33
Speaker
It's very similar to like how a lot of like extended families are. you know Really big families that live together in India. you know you're yeah carrie Your dad and your dad's brother and your dad's brother's wife and cousin and just they all live together and you can just go around on a food tour as a kid and get your bellies full every multiple times a day um that's interesting I feel like we don't see that at all in the states it's very nuclear yeah ie very it's very nuclear family in Sweden as well
00:21:05
Speaker
Oh yeah. So this this is the exception there. It's not the rule. Do you feel like growing up in that environment changed your relationship to your parents at all? Because like, arguably living in a, growing up in a commune is like much more natural. like In early like human civilizations, like everyone was raised communally, right?
00:21:23
Speaker
Yeah, it takes a village to to raise a child. Yeah, that would affect... like My relationship to my parents would be completely different if I grew up like in an environment like that. so I'm just curious.
00:21:34
Speaker
I mean, sure, every child is dependent on their their parents, but I always felt very safe and taken care of by all older people around me.
00:21:46
Speaker
And I don't mean just grown-ups. It could be like... Say I was maybe five and, you know, the teenagers of the the place could play with me or watch me if my parents had to do something where I couldn't attend or you name it, you know.
00:22:01
Speaker
But then ah guess like a a side note, I also had cancer as a very young child. So that might have or may have affected the way people...
00:22:13
Speaker
like treated me you know so I might have ah come across as more fragile than the other kids so maybe I got a little more love I don't know So, you know, growing up in a commune, having some of these like childhood struggles, is that something that you pull from when you make music, like when you're when you're creating art?
00:22:36
Speaker
Sometimes the commune was just booming with creativit creativity from a lot of different people. You had people
Childhood Cancer and Worldview
00:22:44
Speaker
who played music and people made pottery and people were painters or bakers. And there was just always a lot of creating going on.
00:22:55
Speaker
So I think that for sure is a part of my creative process. maybe not It might not be like in the forefront of the process, not something I consciously think about, but I ah definitely believe that it's shaped me in ways where it's it's with me for sure.
00:23:13
Speaker
I guess doubling back to something you mentioned, though, like having cancer as a child, i know that's absolutely crazy. I must imagine, like I mean, I'm so glad you're still with us. And I have to imagine like that must have really impacted your perspective on things as a child, right? Like going through something like that.
00:23:32
Speaker
Yeah, this is something that I've i sort of come back to again and again as an adult. I see how it still lingers in who I am today and the things I find difficult today.
00:23:46
Speaker
And that for sure affected me as a child as well. I believe that I had ah very different framework than other kids. I think if you don't go through anything like that as a young child, I mean, i mean it's ah it's a sort of trauma, right?
00:24:01
Speaker
Life in itself is just beautiful and very innocent as a child and the world is just a big oyster and you're just very curious and everything's magical and everything's new, everything's fresh, everything's you know happening for the first time. And... ah Yeah, spending hours upon hours and days upon days and weeks upon weeks and in hospitals in and out and having to take a lot of medications and your hair falls out and you have to, um i don't know what that's called in English, but you sort of, you go through an operation and then you have like a little, application is probably the wrong word here.
00:24:43
Speaker
But basically I had to take so many different medications that they didn't want to give me like shot after shot after shot. So I just had a tube directly into my throat, like the the main artery here on my right side.
00:25:00
Speaker
So they could just like shoot me up with meds without having to penetrate me with a needle. Yeah. an ivy
Philosophical Questions on Life and Death
00:25:11
Speaker
yeah something like that yeah yeah that's crazy yeah and i mean then then you when when you actually do meet other children they're just very happy and carefree and you know you're just like wait you're not suffering like what the hell you know
00:25:33
Speaker
But I also think i was I was young enough to not realize what was actually happening. But then again, when you're that young, you're just very susceptible to everything in your surroundings, right? So if you're surrounded by, let's say, a lot of doctors and worried people and stuff like that, not to sound too woo-woo, but all all of that energy in the room, you pick you pick up on that. You don't have the tools to...
00:26:03
Speaker
cognitively put it into words to other people or to yourself or stuff like that but your yeah your body remembers for sure so hard times yeah mean like literally here like if you're in a toxic work environment for a few months like like your whole life shambles so like i can imagine this is way way worse than that um just a smidge Yeah, literally.
00:26:29
Speaker
But how do you, I guess, how do you, how do you feel about all that now? Is it something that you think about and it feels, fills you with, you know, grief or I don't know, just how do you, obviously it's a part of who you are at this point.
00:26:41
Speaker
how How do you think about it? Even before that, before how you think about it now, like how did, how did it feel back then? Like, I'm, I must imagine you must've felt like very different or like very alienated from like other kids around you. Right.
00:26:53
Speaker
Did they look at you any different or, I was always very open about the fact that I had cancer. You can't see that on the webcam here, but on my right side, on my neck here, I have a scar from the IV or whatever.
00:27:10
Speaker
It's called CVK in Swedish, so that would be CVK. I don't know, maybe that's universal universal, I don't know. And when you got to the age where kids started to realize that you could kiss other people,
00:27:22
Speaker
from or make uh it's no i don't think i don't think suction mark is the right way but like if you if you yeah yeah yeah thank yeah oh so everyone always thought that i had a hickey you know oh so so could get you know they they they stared at me and they they They laughed or they were just pointing and stuff like that.
00:27:48
Speaker
And some of them point blank asked me what it was. And I just straight up told them that, well, I had cancer and this and that and this and that. And ah in that sense, I think they probably perceived me as different than them.
00:28:06
Speaker
I've always been very, very introspective. I think I would have been, even if I didn't go through the cancer. But from a very young age, when I started to realize what almost happened, you know, that I almost didn't make it,
00:28:23
Speaker
I started to think a lot about death yeah and dying. And when you think about dying and death, you have to think about existing and living as well.
00:28:35
Speaker
And that sort of
Exploring Personal Relationships
00:28:36
Speaker
puts this very young kid in a position where he, at a very young age, starts to think about the questions that nobody seemingly through the history of mankind has ever actually found an answer to.
00:28:51
Speaker
And that was very, very overwhelming at times. Yeah, that question is like, that's like, a I don't know, i feel like I struggle that a little bit in my own way over the years. In my way.
00:29:02
Speaker
question of death, like I... I mean, growing up, my when I was young, my mom had cancer. And so it just made me, like, I don't know, think about it a lot. And it would make me pretty, obviously, very different than your experience. But it would make me question death, meaning of it, meaning of life. like just i know just I think that's mostly more than anything. i just Like you said, like I didn't really have the tools to go about digging around and dissecting it at all.
00:29:28
Speaker
So it would just, like, fill me with fear. yeah what What age are we talking to? Like like eight, nine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. And so since then, it's just been kind of like that. And I don't think that really changed.
00:29:42
Speaker
And it just made me an anxious person and and just really trying to optimize every single moment in my life. Looking control. Looking for, yes, control. Yeah.
00:29:53
Speaker
and so But I don't think it really changed until a couple years ago when I started listening to, learning a little bit more about like spiritual stuff, like how we approach death itself. Because I think I think in general, in the Western world, like we're really poor about the way that we approach it. like just the way we very various it's it's something It's a subject that you don't go near.
00:30:15
Speaker
yeah it's just like well are People all are very uncomfortable talking about the fact that we're all dying at the end of this. yeah yeah yeah I read this one book actually called Being Mortal.
00:30:28
Speaker
yeah And it was describing the way we approach like end of life care and how like just terrible it is and how much suffering it leads to. and it just really, really opened my eyes about like where we're going wrong. And I think, I think since then, I think I've,
00:30:43
Speaker
come to terms with it a lot better. Do you still feel like you, maybe in relationships or ah in in your work environment or ah in friendships, do you still feel like you're looking for a sense of control? Because I do.
00:31:02
Speaker
Help me. like I mean, at least for me, I definitely still feel that way. I had a pretty similar experience, um not with cancer, but I had a kind of like a rough childhood.
00:31:13
Speaker
So I definitely spent a lot of time thinking about death. Like I remember in elementary school, like being afraid of like falling asleep because I was afraid I wouldn't wake up in the morning.
00:31:24
Speaker
Wow. I would just try to like stay up because I was so terrified like death. And i definitely still struggle with that a lot. I would not say it's become that much easier for me. Like I am very terrified of dying and like trying to make the most of the time that I still have. Like i care a lot about my health and stuff because i want as much time as I can.
00:31:44
Speaker
I've gotten slightly better at least at accepting like that I can't control everything. Like, yeah. I'm just going to lose out on my time even more if I try to resist things instead of just letting things be what they are and sort of just going along with it and making what I can out of it.
00:32:03
Speaker
But it is definitely hard to like give up sometimes when it's like everything feels so important because this time feels so limited and finite. Yeah. I was just going to ask the both of you and maybe myself, would you actually want total control?
00:32:21
Speaker
would Would anything be of value if you had total control? Not really. No, i think I think there's so many factors out there. Like there's no way to actually control everything.
00:32:33
Speaker
And you're just going to get more and more neurotic about the way you go about things. And and more and more miserable. Like there's a flow of things and you just have to like flow with it. Like you control what you can.
00:32:45
Speaker
And i don't know like you said, like i definitely think i was... you know, in that headspace where like I wanted to control, i wanted to control the outcome of my last relationship, but for a variety of reasons, like that had to break and like that completely broke me.
00:33:01
Speaker
and since then, like, I feel like I'm a lot better about letting go yeah being okay with whatever happens and, then um more content. Yeah. I'm practicing that right now with the ah wonderful human being that I'm dating.
00:33:18
Speaker
um She is good to me in a way that I haven't really experienced before. And that can also make me very afraid to lose it, you know.
00:33:36
Speaker
Yeah. And i I catch myself from time to time spiraling in my thoughts and becoming afraid, even though she's really doing everything she can to make me feel safe and secure, you know.
00:33:53
Speaker
And it's it's normal to not always be on the same page or miscommunications can happen, you know, and all that stuff. I'm trying to approach the thing as an opportunity for me to practice letting go of control and loving another human being the way she is, not the way, you know, because it's it's difficult to not project like your Yeah.
00:34:21
Speaker
your idea yeah of like you meet you meet you meet someone, you fall in love, and then you have like this, you know, ah i wouldn't say perfect, but you have an idea of what you want or who you're who you would want your person to be.
00:34:42
Speaker
And you sort of forget that you met a human being yeah and we're all flawed. And then you carry this like neuroticism on your inside for various reasons and you just try to control everything.
00:34:58
Speaker
And it just... Yeah, like I said before, do you even want total control? It's hard, man. It's difficult. Yeah. It's brave. Valiant.
00:35:08
Speaker
Yeah. And it's so like... It's always so crazy to me in retrospect because it's like... Obviously, like if someone's not... Like if someone doesn't fit who you need in your life, like it's obviously better for the both of you. Like if you go your separate ways and you find that person like who does fit better together with you. But I feel like there's so much...
00:35:27
Speaker
It just feels so significant losing that person because it's almost like, I mean, there is this like interplay between like who you want them to be and also like the reality of who they are and all of these like beautiful things they bring into your life. And it's hard sometimes to accept that those two things are not always reconcilable and you can't have everything.
00:35:47
Speaker
And sometimes you have to be okay with letting go. And there are those two things are also changing all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. yeah and And then on top of everything, you know, once you open that door to your algorithm, there's just like dating and relationship advice everywhere.
00:36:07
Speaker
And it's just, you know, you can become, at the end of the day, it's it's hard to navigate through like, what's what's your emotions? What actually stems from something you heard someone say? Yeah.
00:36:22
Speaker
ah You feel like there's a lot of shoulds out there or But then you you forget to be present in the meeting with this other person that's actually taking place, that you're actually experiencing in the now.
00:36:37
Speaker
I'm really trying to to be with her and not be with the version of her that spooks me in my mind. so But yeah, and I know she's going to listen to this, so I just want to say...
00:36:48
Speaker
You're incredible. For legal reasons. You
Creative Process and Inspiration
00:36:52
Speaker
have to include that. I love him. And like exactly like you're saying, it's like just seeing that person for who they are. Sometimes you can get so wrapped up in your idea of someone that you even miss out on so many things that are beautiful about them or that are great about them because they aren't something you're looking for.
00:37:10
Speaker
And if you let yourself see them, then you'll finally see those things clearly. And I think like going back to what you were asking about, like, would you really want control over everything?
00:37:22
Speaker
That's really why I wouldn't, because I feel like there's so many things that have fallen into my life that are like beautiful and valuable that I never would have considered if I had control over everything. That element of like spontaneity and just like letting things fall into your life and seeing them for what they are.
00:37:40
Speaker
You know, ah speaking of spontaneity, maybe you should move to New York. oh the pressure you know uh face the non-control and stuff at all i swear to god if we start getting comments on every episode why are you moving to new york too much pressure you should start hitching have you ever have you ever hitched a ride from someone just like on the road just like you know with the thumbs up like i feel like that's such a crazy experience is that even something people do anymore
00:38:11
Speaker
I mean, speaking of having to let go of control, right? I mean, that that person could be anybody. Yeah. Yeah, you could end up kidnapped.
00:38:23
Speaker
I tried to do it once after a music festival, school but it didn't work. So I have no experience. And now ah the old the older I get and the more I know, the less I want to hitchhike with strange people.
00:38:39
Speaker
What about you guys? Have you ever done that? No. no I think, yeah, that would be too much. Honestly, i feel like a festival would be one of the best times to do that.
00:38:51
Speaker
I feel like that I would be the most trusting of that crowd. and also Although I don't know, dude, I did. it doesnt so In Thailand on that island, like i don't trust any of those people.
00:39:03
Speaker
fair very fair yeah so then So then, okay, so then we talked we talked a lot about your childhood and stuff. I wanted to talk about your music that you create a little bit more. You know, I asked about, okay, if you pull inspiration from your childhood struggles and living a commune,
00:39:20
Speaker
and stuff and you said, you know, maybe, maybe a little bit, it's not at the forefront. So what, what do you pull? what Where does your inspiration come from? It could be anything, I guess.
00:39:32
Speaker
I would say that life needs to happen. for a while in order for me to have something to express. I work with music in a professional sense and I know that, let's say there's a deadline in two months, right?
00:39:50
Speaker
And I have to make, let's say, four songs or four tracks. And one or two tracks, you know, it just sort of flies by. i end up in a state of flow where I forget myself and I'm just just a tangent here.
00:40:06
Speaker
I used to think
Balancing Productivity and Creativity
00:40:07
Speaker
that artists or creative people who said stuff like, Oh, I don't know where it comes from. i guess I'm just channeling from the universe.
00:40:18
Speaker
I used to cringe so hard at those people, but I am one of those people now. like but That's exactly what that feels like.
00:40:30
Speaker
Yeah, which is very hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it themselves. But life needs to happen for a while. Stuff needs to happen. Emotions need to to come and go. And then when it's time to get into the creative process, i usually end up making just a lot of different chord progressions or melodies.
00:40:52
Speaker
And then one of these chord progressions or one of these melodies will just sort of snap me into a trance and it just happens. It's like a flow state. Yeah, yeah. yeah I'm really looking to to get into the flow state. And in order to do that, I always need a trigger of some kind. And it can be it can be just hearing the background music of like if I'm doom scrolling, it can be a clip where I hear... a certain bass line or piano chord progression and then it just it doesn't really end the way i hear it in my head and then it sort of just you know spins out there or it could be listening to new music or old music or just i guess i could say something cringier like the sound of the washing machine you know yeah i mean yeah it could honestly come from anywhere i guess you could say I'm just trying to be receptive to the signals of the universe. i guess I guess I have two things, right? like One is like your music has got this very... It feels very ethereal, very full, very mature, very calming.
00:41:58
Speaker
and like It kind of reminds me of this like arc that a lot of people go through. um You know, as a kid, you you grow up thinking, okay, like nothing matters, but unless you grow up with like very anxious parents and then, because then you're like, oh shit, everything matters. And then you're just like crazy about it.
00:42:15
Speaker
And at some point people, kids become like a very like... broody and depressed you know like in your teenage years oh yeah like it's a very dark sobering like oh yeah it's me i'm kids i'm kids as well and then and then eventually that turns into like a oh shit like a very peaceful like oh nothing matters um and i feel like your music gives me the why vibe of someone who's like gone through that whole process and like you've made it past that argument He has, yeah.
00:42:45
Speaker
That's very impressively accurate. I mean, if you had to summarize my subjective experience of becoming a human being, then that's a pretty good take on it. yeah the Well, i feel like I feel like that might also be true because that's true for a lot of people.
00:43:01
Speaker
yeah And honestly honestly, I think i think it's it's probably the most common thing. yeah But we live in a society where that's just not a box you open because you you want to fit in.
00:43:15
Speaker
It has gotten a lot better, ah like I'd say, the last maybe five to ten years. But I remember for a while when social media was new. Yes, listeners, I'm that old.
00:43:27
Speaker
so I'm 34. Were you on MySpace? I do, yeah. Oh my god. Yeah, had MySpace. MySpace was the pretty cool. True, Eddie. was just going to say that at the beginning when everything was that new and new social medias were just, you know, were popping up basically every other week. It was all about connecting people and talking about mental health and wellness and mindfulness and all that. That just came way later.
00:43:57
Speaker
Way later. And I mean, i I think people have been suffering regardless for even way, way before my time. I think that's just a part of being human, finding peace and suffering. And I think, you know, I think a lot about my my students that I teach and I try to give them a sense of peace if I can. But I also think that they're too young to really take it aboard. I think, you know, I i plant seeds that will make sense in like 10 years for them.
00:44:25
Speaker
Yeah. Something like that. But I cannot imagine growing up in a world, i mean, in the same world that they do, where everything on social media is just about being super successful or super good looking or fit or liked by everyone. or I mean, talk about anxiety, man. Yeah. And if you express that anxiety at that age, it's like social suicide almost. I mean, I i'm no i know I'm generalizing a bit here, but you know.
00:44:58
Speaker
Yeah. I think what we lose out on is like just the chance to just be who you are in that moment yeah without any like expectations, any like judgments, any like ideals of what one should be to be cool. You already get enough of that from school and then social media just like takes it to a crazy level.
00:45:15
Speaker
Definitely something I've been learning to do more is letting myself be who I am instead of trying to force myself to be something that I think I should be. Yeah, that's ah that's good.
00:45:26
Speaker
So creativity-wise, right? like Obviously, like you grew up in a commune and you said there are a lot of creative people there. So I think like in some way... like the creative process is kind of second nature to you.
00:45:39
Speaker
it just kind of happens on its own. Something, i mean, I wouldn't say I grew up in the most creative environment, um And it's something i like being creative. It's something I struggle with where it's like a lot of times it just feels wrong to be creative unless it's like, like even if I have, like, for example, right? Like I'll be, if I'm taking a day off and like i have nothing to do, like I'll keep doing other things throughout the day other than like sit down and do what I want to do, like be creative and, you know, work on some music or or write or write a script or something.
00:46:12
Speaker
Until it's like, until it's like 10pm at night, or 11pm at night. And that's when like, suddenly I'm creative and like, ah all these ideas and this willingness to sit down till 2am, 3am to do things. And it's like, God damn it, why couldn't I just do this in the day?
00:46:27
Speaker
I feel like I struggle with that process a little bit. Do you think that ties into the sense of like the need for control? That things need to be taken care fored Yeah, for sure. 100%. need to set up a million things before I can sit down and be creative. Yeah, yeah that's that's for sure something that I guess comes in the way. If you do sit down before everything is sorted, do you feel guilty?
00:46:52
Speaker
Do I feel guilty? No, I just feel anxious. Yeah, I just feel like... But isn't anxious the symptom of something else? but What's the core of that anxiousness? Guilt. Yeah, maybe it's guilt. Yeah, it's like guilt, a lack of like optimizing my time.
00:47:09
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, yeah, I think really it's about reframing and not seeing that as like a loss of time, but as seeing that as almost something to be optimized, like as like a form of productivity and not something where you're like slacking, right?
00:47:25
Speaker
Because like what's really happening, like why you're getting that creative burst at the end of the day is because mentally, you're finally settled in a place where you think like, okay, I don't have to do anything anymore. I don't have to worry about anything.
00:47:37
Speaker
So your mind finally has the space that it needs to truly be creative and like flow and like explore different ideas. And at least for me, what I find is that I just need to like structure in my time and like just tell myself like, okay, I'm going to spend two hours like today, like just focusing on my creative work.
00:47:57
Speaker
And when I have that time settled, and I know like, there's nothing else I need to do, like, this is what I want to focus on. That's what like, that's when I have like the mental space that I need to be creative.
00:48:09
Speaker
Yeah, that makes sense. You know what? Also, like the other thing is like the outcomes. The outcomes are just so like for a lot of other tasks, right? You know, I need to set up an appointment. I need to go buy this thing. I need to move this.
00:48:22
Speaker
I need to, you know, invest this money somewhere. Like whatever it might be, right? The outcome is very like tangible and like real and like immediate. But with creativity, it's like I could sit there for two hours and work on something and nothing could come out of it at all.
00:48:36
Speaker
And so it just feels like And so I guess, yeah, you're right. I feel guilty doing that because like I know that this might be a complete waste of time. It's not a waste of time, obviously. It feels like it.
00:48:48
Speaker
yeah I mean, you're you're investing in life, aren't you? right Yeah. And I feel like there's so many times where I think I'm wasting my time, but then I realize afterwards, like, okay, those two hours that I gave myself to like,
00:49:02
Speaker
like work on something, maybe I spent that time like processing something emotionally or like I just like my head wandered somewhere else. But it turns out I really still didn't need that time. Like I had to get past that block in order to engage creatively. So I think that's like another thing that I've also been working on is like reframing that as like a loss to like a necessary step in the process.
00:49:28
Speaker
So, yeah, what you said, Devam, about the the outcome being very tangible, like you get the results immediately. Do you ever, because i I know I can struggle with this, do you ever, on this I mean, this question is for the both of you or anyone who's listening.
00:49:44
Speaker
Do you think that maybe subconsciously you're afraid that, let's say you do sit down before everything else is sorted and if nothing comes of it, it's wrong because there was no result?
00:49:56
Speaker
like you said, yeah and and then it feels like a waste of time. Yeah, because because then at the end of that, I will have, maybe I don't have an outcome for that process.
00:50:07
Speaker
and And I still have all those things that I need to do. it's just like complete failure. yeah Yeah, but so if we just like hone in on the fact that you're existing as a human being, all of those outcomes that you sort on a day to day basis, what does that actually what i mean? What does that mean to you? What does that give you?
00:50:28
Speaker
How important? I mean, sure, you have to pay rent and stuff like that. But yeah, just for the sake of philosophy here. Yeah. If you had to compare that to messing around on the piano or the guitar for two hours or whatever, and maybe making the world's greatest song that nobody ever gets to hear, or maybe everyone gets to hear it, or maybe you just learn a new chord progression or maybe, i don't know, maybe nothing happens.
00:50:59
Speaker
Yeah. Compared to taking out the trash, cooking, cleaning, calling that, doing that, booking that? Yeah, I mean, it just feels like, I guess it just comes back to this thing about like optimizing life and like getting as far as you can with all the things you want. I'm going full shrink mode now. No, let's do it. was Was there a lot of time optimizing in your household growing up?
00:51:26
Speaker
Yes. There was, huh? Yes. So much time. my my This is how my parents grew up, too. that like The moment we come back from a trip, all of our suitcases are immediately unpacked.
00:51:39
Speaker
Everything is put away. All the dishes are done. like Just everything, everything. like There is no chill. without If there's a task to be done, there's no chill that happens.
00:51:50
Speaker
Generational trauma.
Importance of Relaxation
00:51:51
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, could be. So, but it's an interesting example that you just gave us coming back from a trip. So during the trip, was there chill?
00:52:04
Speaker
You know, I think it's changed now, but growing up, man, like it was like, it was like, we have to see like as many places as can in the shortest amount of time possible.
00:52:16
Speaker
So optimizing chill. Yes. Optimizing every single, like literally we would hop, like every day we'd be in a different place because we to see this, we had see that.
00:52:28
Speaker
It's like, bro, we would never go back. on i grew up, this is how I grew up. I've never, like for the first 23 years of my life, I've never watched a TV show twice.
00:52:41
Speaker
I've never watched a movie twice after I was like six or seven years old. i'd so ah So for the first 23 years of your life, you only masturbated one time. You know, he would have to find different videos every time. Optimizing.
00:52:56
Speaker
Something like that. Something like that. Yeah. All right. um It was a way of life, man. I don't know. I mean, yeah, and and subconsciously, what does that teach you? It teaches you that you can't just be, you know, just existing is frowned upon.
00:53:12
Speaker
i mean, yeah, no wonder you feel guilty. Yeah. You figured out my... I hear you go to do him next. I was going to say, I have a very similar thing where like my parents would, it's like we would visit Europe for two weeks and it was like every two days we were going to a new country. Just like no time to actually like soak anything in.
00:53:34
Speaker
I mean, honestly, just ah are you aware of the, it's not a comic, but it's a fictional character, ah bull named Ferdinand. Yes.
00:53:45
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know this actually. He's like the strongest bull of them all, but he doesn't want to fight. He's very peaceful and he'd rather just sit under a tree and smell the flowers. I think that's a very yeah wonderful way of being.
00:54:02
Speaker
you know i'm going Obviously very privileged, but if you can just be, i think that's a very good way to spend your time. yeah I remember growing up when a lot of kids would enjoy you know playing like i mean playing with sticks, it sounds so ah trivial. but you know i mean i don't know I don't know the English words for all these like plays you do as a child, but you can just make it up in your own head, right?
00:54:30
Speaker
I could just, I remember, let's say it's just a sunny day, the wind's blowing, windows open, and i could just lay on the bed and be like, why doesn't everybody just lay on the bed? This is the greatest thing ever.
00:54:44
Speaker
just doing absolutely nothing with my time Yeah, and then you grow up and you have bills to pay. Yeah, I feel like I've just started getting back in touch with that part of myself where it's like there's so much joy and like just lying down like in the grass and just allowing myself to be there and just soaking in all the smells and the feelings. It's the sweetness of just existing, right? Yeah.
00:55:10
Speaker
It's changing. you know It takes time. It takes time to you know fully integrate that into your life, but I feel like... feel like I'm on the right path. it'll Yeah, and it's like you said before, everything is always changing. I think ah think it can also be very dangerous to feel like, oh, I i found this new thing I want to integrate.
00:55:28
Speaker
So and i have now I have to do that all the time. Optimize. Yeah, exactly. Be careful of the optimizing. Classic.
00:55:39
Speaker
yeah Am I lying in bed enough? Should I be spending more time in my day lying in bed? I didn't just exist today. 3 p.m. to 3.45 p.m. Just be.
00:55:50
Speaker
I
Conclusion and Guest Appreciation
00:55:51
Speaker
hear, was there any of like questions that you wanted to go through? Any other? I think the section not...
00:55:58
Speaker
The 20th section is a whole episode. You know, maybe we say that. I'll come back for that one. You know what saying? Oh my God. To the people listening, if you want me to come back and give me and give me some encouragement in the comments, you know?
00:56:14
Speaker
Yes. Show some love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please, we need another interview with this man. It's all down to the feedback here. If there's no feedback, there's no second episode.
00:56:25
Speaker
If we don't get 100 likes on our post, it's all over. But I guess, yeah, I guess in that case, we're ending nearing the end of our time. And thank you so much for coming. Guys, like go go look go look him up. Go look Galante up on Spotify, Apple, wherever. His music is really, really good.
00:56:44
Speaker
And you know you could just, honestly, you could lay you lay out on your balcony on a chair and and with a joint and just play the music. and just exist you know we're talking about existing this is the perfect music to exist to so so go do that that's a pull quote this is perfect music to exist to yeah yeah i'll try uh i'll try to make something short and sweet for this episode beautiful that would be amazing yeah yeah do you have anything you want to plug Yeah, it's it's Valante, Valante, Valante everywhere, I guess, everywhere you can stream if you're curious and yeah, listen, relax, have a good time. Some tracks are more meditative. Other tracks are more soft house or lounge house or deep house.
00:57:31
Speaker
So it's it varies a lot. one One question before before we leave you. How is your how's your music changing? like is it like what What should we expect from you in the future?
00:57:42
Speaker
Oh, wow. um I have no idea. All right. I mean, you can expect music. that's okay yeah You can expect more, sure. But there's no plan.
00:57:55
Speaker
There's no roadmap. Nothing like that. It just depends. Honestly, it's better that way. Just whatever comes. Yeah. It's more surprising. You don't know what you're going to get. It's perfect.
00:58:05
Speaker
All right, people. ah Take the opportunity and tell the people close to you that you love them. Don't wait.