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#11 - SOLOOOO
82 Plays2 months ago
My (Devam's) debut solo episode. Listen at your own discretion. I go through some of the questions y'all asked me like:
- What's it like being single?
- What is the biggest thing I'm working on?
- What is my chipotle order?
- What is the biggest societal change I wish to see in our lifetimes?
AND PLENTY MORE
hope you enjoy my rambling
PEAAACE
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Audience Engagement
00:00:06
Speaker
to
00:00:09
Speaker
to to tu to to
00:00:19
Speaker
Well, I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe you're here. I don't know what I'm signing up for. and And you definitely have no idea what you're signing up for.
00:00:31
Speaker
But I guess you're here. So thank you for coming. for believing that my incoherent neurotic rambling is worth your time.
00:00:42
Speaker
A lot of you were gracious enough to send me questions so that this episode is actually not a complete train wreck. So thank you so, so much. if i don't get to your question for some reason i will for sure address it in a future episode as i said i kind of have no idea what i'm doing so we'll just see how this goes oh also if you have thoughts or comments or you want to make fun of me or whatever, like do it in the Spotify comments so that other people can see that and hopefully that'll help me drive some engagement.
00:01:23
Speaker
So I'll start with the big question on everyone's minds.
Curiosity About an Incident
00:01:27
Speaker
This is the question that you lie awake thinking about at night, the question you randomly remember while you're taking shit, when you're, you know, about to hit a PR at the gym or while you're on a walk.
00:01:39
Speaker
in the woods and the sun is setting and the squirrels are going to their dens and the air is crisp and everything's beautiful and and then it just hits you like a truck.
Soccer Injury Experience
00:01:49
Speaker
What happened to the woman's leg?
00:01:51
Speaker
Okay, so on June 1st, was playing soccer in Brooklyn with a group of very chill, friendly, competitive, funny people. It was a great time. was just like one of those things that really just take you out of any bullshit that's going on in your head and your life and just puts you right there on the field and playing and laughing and You know, that's the dream. That's the dream.
00:02:12
Speaker
I'm totally going to be like a Sunday league uncle one day. So anyway, we're having such a great time. And i even scored a goal from like halfway out. But towards the end of the night, while I was like kicking the ball with my right foot and trying to like pass the ball up the field to my teammate. And so my left foot was planted.
00:02:30
Speaker
And then I don't know what happened exactly. It's kind of blurry. Like maybe someone ran into me or I don't know. But my left knee twisted. And I remember going down in pain and like not
Navigating Medical Challenges
00:02:42
Speaker
being able to move. So then had to get like help, like getting off the field and going home and stuff. And basically I couldn't like put any pressure on the foot at all.
00:02:51
Speaker
So then I go to urgent care the next day. By the way, this is ass because I live in a walk up and like four flights of stairs up and we have stairs in our apartment too, to like get from the living room to the, to my bedroom and like the bathrooms downstairs. Anyways, it's a mess. So I go to the urgent care in the morning.
00:03:12
Speaker
They look at my foot. They take an x-ray. They're like, okay, nothing looks broken, but your knee is definitely out of place a little bit. It just looks off, and it's like insanely swollen. So they give me crutches, and then they give me a referral for the ortho.
00:03:28
Speaker
So then the next day, thankfully, I get an appointment with the ortho... I don't want to say orthodontist. It's an orthopedic, the orthopedic. And Ro looks at my knee and goes, yeah, i think you probably need an and MRI. It's like, yeah, bro, no shit. Like, yes, of course I need an MRI.
00:03:48
Speaker
Then he refers me to the radiologist. So he ordered an MRI and said i had to call ah the radiologist. So I called him and I found out that the earliest I could get is in like a week.
00:04:00
Speaker
and the radiologist was like, I could have gotten it earlier if I had an auth code for my insurance. So I called the insurance and they're like, we don't see a request. Please tell your doctor submit one. So I called my doctor and i was like, please submit a request so I can get an auth code for an earlier appointment.
00:04:14
Speaker
They're like, okay, bat. And then they were like, okay, so insurance denied the order. So we sent an appeal. You'll hear back in 24 to 48 hours. So called the insurance and they were like, i don't know, we don't see anything in our system. The system probably denied it, but you know the appeal should go through. This whole process is just so insane to me because it's like, I was so lost. And i feel like if you don't know the right things and and really like push the right people to like make something happen, then it's not going to happen. And the system can really like take you for a ride.
00:04:46
Speaker
Anyways, I eventually figure the whole situation out. So I'm able to get the MRI. I fly home because it was just like too inconvenient for
Diagnosis and Relief
00:04:54
Speaker
me to be in New York. So I fly home in California.
00:04:57
Speaker
You know, I don't have to like climb any stairs or anything. So I get here. My report comes back. It said horizontal tear in lateral meniscus. and And they gave me a CD with my...
00:05:09
Speaker
images on it, which which is insane to me that that's how it's done. But now I have to find an ortho here. So I try to find an ortho. have to call like 15 different places before I find somewhere with an appointment the next day.
00:05:22
Speaker
So I go and the doctor looks at my images and then looks at my knee and he's like, there's no tear. I don't know what the hair they were talking about. You just dislocated your patella. Not even a dislocation. It's just like it came out of place a little bit and then it slid back.
00:05:38
Speaker
And so you just have to do a bunch of physical therapy and it was a kind of a relief.
Life Reflections Post-Injury
00:05:44
Speaker
So long story short, I dislocated my kneecap and and now I am rehabbing in California and I'm still on crutches.
00:05:55
Speaker
And, you know, it's going well. it's it's not It's not the worst. Like, ah I still have crutches, but I'm maybe, like, a few days from being able to, like, limp around by myself.
00:06:05
Speaker
And honestly, like, I feel like it's a life experience. You know, I'd never broken anything before in my life. I mean, I've sprained my ankle here and there, but nothing more dramatic than that, so... It was, I guess it was like do in a way, you know, I'm just kind of taking it as one of those like character defining moments, character, not character defining, one those like character development arcs.
00:06:29
Speaker
You know, it's a plot point in the, in the grand scheme of things and it adds to the lore in a way. So, yeah, yeah. But again, like it's it's just so crazy to me that you have jump through so many hoops to get the right people and the right diagnosis. And this process can take like two or three or four times as long if you're not like out there making those calls and begging everyone to get their shit together. You know, like if I didn't have such a flexible job or like zero responsibilities outside of myself, like this would have been insane.
00:07:04
Speaker
So kind of makes you think about, know, what happens when someone who does have those kinds of responsibilities and doesn't have like a super flexible job, like maybe they have to go into work. Like that's a really hard thing to do.
00:07:15
Speaker
I mean, this by itself is really hard, but like not being able to move around.
Recuperation and Media Consumption
00:07:19
Speaker
But like if you're like dependent on that for your job, that's just that's insane. But yeah, I mean, I've been confined to my quarters, especially at the beginning.
00:07:29
Speaker
i was watching a lot of movies. i watched like the first five Mission Impossible movies. and don't know. they They are pretty iconic. They're like, i feel like it's a very genre defining series.
00:07:41
Speaker
And I can see the influence that it's had on other movies. Like, I will say there is, like, a motorcycle sequence in MI5, which is, like, straight out of Doom. So I guess it goes both ways.
00:07:53
Speaker
Also, the thing I didn't like about the series was that the female leads never go across movies. And it's kind of sad because, like, I'm interested in their backstories and I want to see them again. and But
Insights on Life and Relationships
00:08:04
Speaker
nope, there's, like, a new, fresh, hot, mysterious new woman to ah feast your eyes on. I mean...
00:08:11
Speaker
It's not like, I'm not like complaining that hard, but like, I don't want to sound performative, but I guess it is what it is. Honestly, like I've had a good time so far, you know, keeping myself occupied with a lot of things and slowing down is nice.
00:08:25
Speaker
But also I feel like, I don't know what it is for me. I feel like I'm still running out of time. Like, even though I can't really go anywhere, have so many things that I like on my list to do every single day. Like I'm reading, I'm like, You know, obviously I have my physical therapy exercises and PT and going to PT.
00:08:42
Speaker
i have a full-time job, work on my podcast, um watch movies, meditate, sleep, get get all your sleep in um chill, spend time with family.
00:08:57
Speaker
i don't know. it's It's a lot. Somehow, like, I'm still running out of time is what I'm trying to say. And that's, like, insane to me. So I to, like, sound like working out, figuring that out. Alright, let me go through some of your questions. This one's a classic, I guess, but... What's it like being single?
00:09:17
Speaker
I'm fun, honestly. it's ah It's a good time. Once you get kind of comfortable with being by yourself, it's like, damn, I kind of don't have space for anyone else in my life right now. There's just so much going on.
00:09:28
Speaker
If you don't feel like that, maybe you need hobbies that you're passionate about or ah social life or honestly, like just other single friends. I think the environment matters a lot.
00:09:39
Speaker
Go to the city, pay rent. Gaara said this back when we did the breakups episode. Gaara said this one line that kind of stuck with me. She said, the way you live your life every day is how you end up living your life. Like it's such a simple statement, but you know, when you kind of sit with that, it really makes you care about your everyday a little bit more.
00:10:00
Speaker
you're not taking anything to the grave, you know, like you're not taking any money, any achievements to the grave, like join a class, enjoy your life. Like I've been focusing on just doing things that I feel like doing in the moment, kind of following the feeling. Join random classes, you know, I joined a, it's yet to start, but I joined a music theory class.
00:10:19
Speaker
I mean, I've been traveling a lot. I went and lived in Hawaii for ah month and a half and I made some, met some amazing amazing people um made some friends who i will be traveling with again i made a friend off reddit in the city which is kind of crazy honestly i feel like the energy matters a lot my focus is to just be a good person to everyone don't force it you'll find the right people i used to Well, I still do, but you know sometimes you get you try to initiate friendships because you think you might gel well with someone, some group of people, and
Dynamics of Friendships and Dating
00:10:54
Speaker
maybe nothing comes out of it. you know It happens sometimes.
00:10:57
Speaker
Just don't take it personally. You put your energy in. It's time to move on to something else. And when it comes to like friendships, dating, just I think the biggest thing is to not treat it like a game. You know, you'll make you'll make meaningful connections.
00:11:10
Speaker
That's the point of this all. Like and then along the way maybe find someone that you gel with and maybe you want to, you know, take it further. But that's that's a separate separate thing. Right. That shouldn't be the goal with which you're living your life, at least from where I'm sitting at, you know, my age. And you may be in a different phase of life. and I can't really comment on that, but that's how I see it, at least.
00:11:31
Speaker
But yeah, I mean, it's nice. It's fun. You know, I get a lot of time to myself to do things like, you know, this podcast and I don't have to like weigh that over, you know, talking to someone at night or, you know, hanging out with a partner or um being worried about someone else. You know, I can travel. I can like focus on routine. I think I've really appreciated that, the space to like figure out what is working for me, what kinds of things
Social Interactions and Observations
00:11:56
Speaker
I like.
00:11:57
Speaker
That was very, I mean, Maybe it's just a me thing, but I was very neurotic about the way that I lived my life where I just wanted to do everything but felt like I wasn't making progress on anything. So as a result, I was always just stressed out.
00:12:10
Speaker
ah So kind of undoing a lot of that has been really, really helpful. So that's why I kind of appreciate the time. It's funny, like I'm like training myself to be off my phone more.
00:12:23
Speaker
You know, the feeling where you just keep like reaching for your phone, checking for messages, like especially if you're like at home on a Friday night or something, where you just kind of, I found myself kind of like reaching for my phone, seeing what's there. Like, I think there's a term for it. think it's called a ghost message syndrome or something, or just like kind of mindlessly scrolling on Instagram. So you feel, you know, maybe a little bit anxious or,
00:12:46
Speaker
FOMO or whatever it is. i've been I've been training myself to just be like, nobody's messaging you. Just leave that shit. Like nobody, nobody, there's no and And it's funny because a lot of times I say that and there are people in my life who you know message me and I'm very, very thankful for them.
00:13:04
Speaker
But it's been it's been cool to kind of try to be away from my phone as as much as possible and kind of be lost in wherever I'm at. But yeah, you also like, I've met a lot of interesting people since I've been single.
00:13:18
Speaker
um i don't know if you guys can relate, but I feel like there's always one person
Reflections on Loneliness and Growth
00:13:22
Speaker
at every party will like show up, dap you up, say sup man, and then that's it, nothing. Like radio silence, like what's going on?
00:13:31
Speaker
ah You know, working shit, like... it It's so funny. Like, you'll walk around dapping up people and then 30 minutes later you'll look around and he's gone. Yeah, you meet some funny people. I met ah i met a girl once who watches TikToks during movies because she gets too bored of them.
00:13:47
Speaker
And I just, I lost it. I couldn't i couldn't see that person again. i met people who, like, can't stay off their phone because word keeps calling. You know, classic, like, IB stuff. Yeah, kind of mentioned i met someone off Reddit.
00:13:59
Speaker
um Just very randomly, like, someone who was, like, into electronic shows and stuff. I also met this one-year-old who'd go to clubs with her number written down on little pieces of paper and then just hand them out to whoever came and talked to her. Like, it's insane.
00:14:14
Speaker
She actually got thrown out once because of that. Yeah, I mean, you meet people who lie, who ghost, who make you feel, you know, bad about yourself. Like, it's, who want to, you know, play the game. They want the chase.
00:14:26
Speaker
All that stuff. They want the full princess treatment, etc et cetera, et cetera. Yeah, that's New York. All that being said, there's also a lot of, you know, mostly when you're around your friends who who have been together for a long time or getting married or engaged or whatever. But, you know, there's this kind of feeling that this kind of ache where it's like you want someone to kind of bear witness to your life.
00:14:49
Speaker
I feel like that's what it kind of boils down to. And, you know, that person, obviously not just any person, just has to be something, have to be special enough to be the one to bear witness to your life, you know? I don't know.
00:15:00
Speaker
That's how I feel, at least. And honestly, like, I feel like I'm generally happy with where I'm at, but it did take me a while to get to this point, you know? I had to like work through a lot of lot of different feelings, a lot of trauma, a lot of, you know, solving that puzzle.
00:15:15
Speaker
The kind of, you know, what happened, and kind of just going back and analyzing every little thing, like what happened, how did it happen, why did it happen? I've had to work through like making excuses for other people for treating you poorly.
00:15:30
Speaker
Eventually, you kind of realize that you know you're flawed like everyone else. That doesn't mean someone can treat you like shit. Someone treating you like shit comes from the fact that they're flawed. And eventually, you just have to let that stuff hurt you. You can't really rationalize why someone hurt you. It doesn't really work.
00:15:46
Speaker
It doesn't matter how you know good of a person they are People aren't. good or bad they're just flawed in different ways to different degrees and broken and sometimes you get stung by those broken pieces and they hurt and so and just had to come to terms with that but uh yeah you know what gets me sometimes is the loneliness you know the the feeling that nobody really gets it and it's just can drive you crazy it's You know, you can have parents who love you very much and they're flawed in their own ways, obviously, but they would literally take a bullet for you, right? And so many other people that care in their own ways.
00:16:23
Speaker
If you kind of break an arm or fall sick, you literally have, you know, grandparents or friends and people who call you to see if you're okay and if you need anything. You know, if you, this is a very morbid thought, but, you know, if you died, there would be so many people.
00:16:38
Speaker
who would mourn your absence. And yet, like what, you feel lonely? Nobody understands you, nobody quite gets it. It's just, it's different. Maybe it's the fact that, you know, the world you grew up in is so different from the world that, you know, maybe your parents did. And you're trying to bridge that gap between their world, which is also your home world, and the world you're growing up in, which is the one that you have to live in, succeed in, and where your social structures are.
00:17:07
Speaker
Maybe you have friends that, you know, love you, but nobody do you really gets Yeah. So that feeling of, and don't know where it comes from, it's just so debilitating sometimes.
00:17:17
Speaker
And I don't really have a point to this rant.
00:17:21
Speaker
That feeling is obviously, I mean, not obviously, that feeling I feel like has better, gone better over the years. As I've, you know, loved and lost and grown and gone to therapy and connected with different parts of myself and different people in different capacities and...
00:17:37
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, let me rephrase. like it's It's not about it getting better. um I've just... I just learned to see it and feel it and acknowledge that, you know, we're all separate and unique, but we're also all connected and shared.
00:17:54
Speaker
And loneliness and melancholy are beautiful feelings. Sometimes it just points to some need of yours that isn't being met. Are you able to feel joy by yourself?
00:18:05
Speaker
Do you have fun in your own company? You know, like, can you go, are you able to go out and have a meal all by yourself and enjoy that meal? Are you stuck, you know?
00:18:16
Speaker
Are you scared of something? Do you crave connection? feel like a big problem is when you feel really fully connected to one person and then you lose that person. You kind of shut off. A lot of people, a lot of especially guys, fall into that trap.
00:18:31
Speaker
I've done it. Maybe, you know what, let me explain a little bit more. think one of you asked me what my what the hardest thing, biggest life change was. Here it is.
00:18:42
Speaker
Let's say you meet someone that truly sees you, you know, like just sees you. They look at you in the eyes and through your soul and say, i understand your pain.
Coping with Loss and Finding Meaning
00:18:52
Speaker
and you understand their brain and you know things happen and people change and grow and need different things but when you lose something like that it just completely it can completely break you it's like losing the validation to your existence like what am i enduring all the suffering in my world for you know am i too much if the person that knew me best needs something different and i say need something different because that's what it is but what it feels like is
00:19:20
Speaker
This person is choosing to not be with me anymore. You know, it's a rejection. What does that mean? Obviously, there's two ways that this manifests, that this like really uncomfortable feeling manifests, especially if you don't understand it. We're able to see how people grow and which is a valid one because it's the moment it is just so intense.
00:19:38
Speaker
yeah to put all that blame somewhere. So one way is to blame the other person. You know, they did this, they did that. How dare they? ah They're a demon, et cetera, et cetera. And the other way is blaming yourself for everything. You know, I must be ugly inside. I have problems. It's my fault.
00:19:52
Speaker
This was my one chance at happiness and I blew it. And I think, you know, to a big extent, I chose that path initially. Truly, truly seeing the depths of my despair. You know, like that falling feeling.
00:20:05
Speaker
I feel like I fell all the way to the bottom.
Healing through Mindfulness
00:20:07
Speaker
slowly you take time to just feel that stuff and invest in yourself and your other relationships you seek out new people and different kinds of people and and share different parts of yourself and bits and pieces and you start to get validation from your own existence from yourself you learn that you have to live life because it's worth living and guess what like it's only going to be worth living if you set it up so that you're not miserable every day you know got to I think you to give yourself... I keep going back between yourself and i I'm just going to say yourself. You got to give yourself like small acts of happiness. cup of cocoa in the morning, if that helps you start your day.
00:20:43
Speaker
feels nice in your throat. Maybe yoga couple times a week. You know, ice cream on Fridays. Maybe on Monday if you're feeling crazy. You know, like... Be authentic. This is who I am. I'm figuring it out, obviously, but these are some of my values.
00:20:55
Speaker
Be compassionate. Be interested in other people's lives. Start looking at your parents as people, you know, as friends. You'll start noticing how... i started noticing how people's journeys mirrored each other and yours in interesting ways.
00:21:11
Speaker
It just takes time. It may not be the most efficient way, but I think when you start seeing and feeling all that is when you start feeling a little bit less lonely. And, you know, figuring out where I got stuck. I think that's the greatest skill ever.
00:21:26
Speaker
The skill to get yourself unstuck. Self-help, you know? Sigh. Obviously, like now that I'm saying it, I'm worried that maybe I'm not thinking enough about other people's experiences. You know, like depression is not a choice, right?
00:21:41
Speaker
It's that stuff is excruciating. When you're in a hole like that so often, what does helping yourself even mean? Pretending. You know, that's a whole jar of worms I don't even want to get into. The point is like, it's just stupid when you feel lonely, even if you have so many cool people in your life.
00:22:00
Speaker
But there's ways to help yourself. Set up your life so that you're able to be a good host when all that stuff comes up so you're not bouncing off the walls when it's there.
00:22:12
Speaker
When you feel it, you just feel it and that sucks. Keeping perspective. You know, I mean, talked about this in previous episodes, but a lot of mindfulness helped me. A lot of, you know, telling myself that I'm the sky, I'm not the storm.
00:22:26
Speaker
I'm the ocean, not the waves. That perspective, that that muscle helps a lot. breath work, calming my nervous system down. I think that's what it was. My nervous system was flared up for so
Spiritual Insights from Rumi
00:22:41
Speaker
long. It was just on fire all the time.
00:22:44
Speaker
And so, and that stuff stays with you. You know, I've been reading this book called The Body Keeps the Score. And it's just, it's scary how much what internalized trauma can do to your body and how it just kind of stays there and rewires you.
00:23:00
Speaker
And so recognizing that is really important. There's an excerpt from Rumi that I keep coming back to. I want to i want to read it to you guys. Rumi, for those of you don't know, is a Persian poet, I think from the 1400s or so.
00:23:16
Speaker
But here's the the poem. It's titled a Community of Spirit. It goes, There's a community of the spirit. Join it and feel the delight of walking in the noisy street and being the noise.
00:23:29
Speaker
Drink all your passion and be a disgrace. Close both eyes to see with the other eye.
00:23:38
Speaker
Open your hands if you want to be held.
00:23:43
Speaker
Sit down in the circle. Quit acting like a wolf and feel the shepherd's love filling you.
00:23:51
Speaker
At night, your beloved wanders. Don't accept consolations. Close your mouth against food. Taste the lover's mouth in yours.
00:24:02
Speaker
You moan. She left me. He left me. Twenty more will come. Be empty of worry. Think of who created thought.
00:24:14
Speaker
Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? Move outside the tangle of fear thinking. Live in silence. Flow down and down in always widening rings of being.
Relationship Self-Reliance
00:24:30
Speaker
That's the thing, isn't it? It's... You're crying inside, screaming at the top of your lungs. Nobody understands you. The hurt. You're waiting for someone to come and save you. Nobody's coming.
00:24:41
Speaker
Heck, you don't want anyone to come. Because at the end of it all, they're just going to change their mind and leave anyways. The problem here, obviously, is that, and okay, like I'm very much thinking through a lot of this, like with you guys. So it's not like I have this, I'm not preaching. This is, these are just my thoughts, my rant. The problem I feel like is in fact the lead.
00:25:06
Speaker
It's holding the fear that it will end. The problem is rooted kind of in the fact that maybe you don't have a strong enough bearing on the ground. What does your life look like if it's just you? are you b Are you able to be okay by yourself?
00:25:21
Speaker
You know, are you going to be okay if if there is no one else to bear witness to your life? Will you still live your life? Every relationship ends. Either someone grows out of it, someone changes their mind, someone cheats, someone dies, whatever. It will end.
00:25:34
Speaker
Maybe if you're lucky, you'll be the first to go. But that's more than that. It's just, it's going to end and you're going have to deal with Are you at peace with that? You know, relationships end, but the ability to love and be loved doesn't.
00:25:48
Speaker
You just may not be able to feel it for a bit. You know, I think the biggest change I've been trying to bring is, am I okay with loving without expectation? Are you able to love knowing that grief is the natural compliment to it?
00:26:02
Speaker
I feel like if if your heart is closed, then let it be closed. Recognize that it's closed. and listen to how it's suffering and sit with it and make friends with it and all that, all this but Buddha stuff.
00:26:17
Speaker
And cry, you know, cry. Be kind to it and to others and as much as you can. And naturally it'll open up one day. Then once you're ready to be held again, you have to open your arms.
00:26:30
Speaker
That's the thing from the the Rumi's poem that I keep coming back to. it That might be my favorite line, which is, open your arms if you want to be held. What's the worst that could happen?
00:26:41
Speaker
Doesn't work out. You still have yourself. But yeah, it's something I keep telling myself. So that's your long-winded answer of what was my biggest change in life.
Balancing Blame and Acceptance
00:26:54
Speaker
And Kaiza goes into this other question that's, what is the biggest thing I'm working on right now? Acceptance. Like accepting multiple truths at the same time. It's easy to blame other people, and it's easy to blame yourself.
00:27:06
Speaker
But I've realized that both of these are about controlling the narrative. You know, like creating a story that fits the data points. So what I'm working on, what I've been working on for a long time is how to balance both of that. You know, I'm flawed and they're flawed and I was wrong in some things and they were wrong in some things, but I still have a right to feel hurt.
00:27:25
Speaker
I've been through like a long period of not allowing myself to feel how i was feeling and it made me all, you know, messed up and second guessing every like internal feeling I had. I think it's kind of typical for an older sibling.
00:27:38
Speaker
especially like first gen older siblings, you're figuring so much out for yourself and for other people in your life. And that's the book that I was talking about, The the Body Keeps the Score.
00:27:48
Speaker
So I've been kind of validating my own experiences and learning that you can't take the responsibility for someone else's happiness, no matter how like hard that might be to do. You can like only do so much.
00:28:00
Speaker
There's some things you can't fix with hard work and sincerity. Some things have to break. And I've learned that there is a natural flow of things sometimes and healthy to try to contort it to make what you want happen.
00:28:14
Speaker
And that's enough. am so tired of this, all this talk. I'd love to talk about something different now, you know?
Personal Preferences and Personality
00:28:21
Speaker
Not the same depressing shit.
00:28:25
Speaker
All right, what's next? Four people, four different people asked me, by the way, all these questions are coming from our Instagram page. So I put up a story one day saying, hey, send me some questions for my solo episode.
00:28:40
Speaker
And so that's where all these questions are from. And if you don't follow the Instagram page, you should. Just Pineapple Plant Rotation. So that's kind of the place we try to communicate and share ideas and stuff.
00:28:55
Speaker
So anyways, four of you asked me what my Chipotle order was. um So here it is Well, the classic, my classic Chipotle order is a bowl.
00:29:06
Speaker
with either, if they have like a special kind of chicken, then I do that. Like a hot honey chicken works really well in the, sometimes they have an al pastor chicken, which is also pretty good.
00:29:19
Speaker
But if they don't, then I go half chicken, half sofritas. Brown rice, always always brown rice. I don't know, it just, for some reason it tastes, I think it tastes better, but, or maybe it's just because I feel slightly healthier, um but you know, whatever.
00:29:36
Speaker
black beans, fajitas, pico verde, corn, cheese, guac, and lettuce. um But it's funny, like the day that I posted the ah the question story, I used a picture of me eating a chipotle burrito on the lake. And so obviously I had a burrito that day because I was like, you know what? I should live a little sometimes. Fuck it. I want a burrito.
00:30:02
Speaker
And that may not seem like much, depending on who you are as a person, but to me, it's kind of like a healing thing because it's it's ah it's hard. It's hard to let go of the, you know, get a bowl and a tortilla so you get more.
00:30:15
Speaker
Get guac on the side so you get more. You know, like all that kind of stuff. I completely understand that this is a very, maybe a tech bro kind of thing to do, but very typical tech bro kind of thing to do. But it is what it is.
00:30:29
Speaker
Ambika asked me, what is my favorite podcast? So podcast that I've liked over the last few years, not so much as recently, the Duncan Trussell Family Hour.
00:30:40
Speaker
This is actually like, if you haven't seen the Midnight Gospel on Netflix, go watch it. Amazing, amazing show. um Very short. It's like maybe six or seven episodes and they're each like...
00:30:53
Speaker
not more than 15-20 minutes. So for that show, they've pulled audio from this podcast, the Duncan Trussell Family Hour, and kind of overlaid a bunch of cool animation towards it and and on it and gave it a little bit of a storyline. But very, very cool stuff.
00:31:07
Speaker
So this guy has a lot of content out, but, and honestly, I found some of the more recent ones to get a little weird and controversial, but I like, I like his older stuff, it's specifically the episodes he records with different kind of spiritual people that talk about know, some names being like Krishnadas and Jack Kornfield and Trudy Goodman. I feel like I learned a lot about my own neurotic tendencies because Duncan is so neurotic and different ways of approaching life. And you know what I feel like the battle really is sometimes?
00:31:40
Speaker
It's just like us humans, like the way we perceive things and are able to think about things things in our lives and stuff, it just seems so unnatural. Like, I know dolphins and stuff are decently smart, but if you look at, like, most life was meant to just survive and reproduce.
00:31:57
Speaker
What is the motivation for this survival? have no idea. Like, if you take one singular cell, and we know that it will ah try to survive through however the cell splits, forget it's called, like binary fishing or you know, if it's like a more complicated cell than maybe spores or sex or, but like, what is the real motivation, right? Like why survive?
00:32:17
Speaker
I don't know. So like most of life is just instinct-based and we're, and we have, ah we have a whole universe of shit going on in our heads. You know, we got trauma and jealousy and love and situationships and codependence and mental illness and the ability to be super materialistic and be into like crazy, like kinky stuff.
00:32:40
Speaker
um Like we have so much going on that we could be lost in thought about the way some dude yelled at you at the subway for not moving out of the, you know, out of his way or something.
00:32:51
Speaker
Like there's so much complexity in thought and emotion and in things that we, you know, and how we perceive things. But like, why? You know, like, what is what is the point of all that? Really just kind of making trying to make sense of why we all have all these powers.
00:33:07
Speaker
And so it's like putting a baby in charge of a supercomputer. You know like what the hell is it going to do? Also, like why the hell is there supercomputer in the first place? All that to say, like some of this content and he calls it dharma talk is just they're going through concepts of Buddhism, like spirituality, you know, pitfalls of the mind, understanding death, understanding grief, your own neuroticism. Like that's what's helped me kind of learn the controls a little bit to be more at ease, you know, at peace.
00:33:40
Speaker
The other one I like is Smartless. I don't know if you've heard Smartless, but forget who put me on. Was it? I think it was Vivek. But yeah, Smartless is so funny. And the chemistry between those three guys is just off the charts. It's it's just a great listen sometimes.
00:33:54
Speaker
When you just want to listen to someone talk, some people talk and kind of almost feel part of the conversation. that's ah That's a really good one. And, you know, you learn things about people because they're all like, you know, famous people who have made it in different ways and worked a lot of different jobs and stuff.
Adventurous Travels
00:34:12
Speaker
Sahil Gil asked me, what is my best travel story? This question is really funny because i met Sahil at the full moon party in Thailand on Koh Phangan. And that stuff was perhaps the most insane experience of my life. Like, let me fill you in. So, because I realized I never talked about this. But Koh Phangan is this island.
00:34:33
Speaker
I don't know if you guys, I haven't really watched it, but I know because my roommate watched it, White Lotus, in the last season, they... do a bunch of stuff in Thailand on and they I think they show the full moon party in one episode.
00:34:45
Speaker
So yeah, that thing, I went to that thing on this island in like southern the Gulf side of Thailand. This place is like a is a whole island full of completely degenerate like Russians and Europeans and, you know, British and and I, you know, some of these people are really sweet, but And i so I say degenerate in a half endearing way.
00:35:15
Speaker
But let me give you two kind of stories that will help paint the picture. So the first night I was there, I went to this thing called a jungle rave. This was the night before a full moon party.
00:35:28
Speaker
And it was a great, great setup. Like they had like three different stages. One of our friends who we made at the hostel decided to go walk home by himself from the venue. And it was like 4 a.m., something like that.
00:35:42
Speaker
And so he left and started walking down from the venue. And this Thai man comes up to him with a big gun around his shoulder, like on his stomach. And he goes and he has a bag of Coke in his hand.
00:35:54
Speaker
And he's trying to put it in this guy's bag, my friend's bag. And he says, I'm going to pin this on you. And so so this drunk dude just runs down the hill and goes through. and there's another guy waiting for him, a policeman.
00:36:06
Speaker
So they're kind of in on it and they're probably going extort him or something. And then so he runs into the jungle and then he calls us. He's like, please come help me. He's like hyperventilating. He's like, please come help me. some Come get me. So we go try to find him at like 4.15 a.m., 4.30 a.m.
00:36:25
Speaker
So we bring him back and then we go home. The next day was a full moon party. And this is the most insane event I've ever witnessed in my life. Like it is a whole it's a huge beach full of...
00:36:36
Speaker
maybe like a line of 12 or 16 clubs in a line all blasting some version of electronic music um and so you can hear all of them at the same time from the beach and There's like fireworks going above on top of you and people are playing with fire.
00:36:57
Speaker
They're like pissing in the ocean. They're like they're serving pills at the bar, like pills of like so obviously some mixture of like meth or molly. And it's crazy because you you have no idea if these are safe. Like the only data point you have is that nobody else seems to be dying.
00:37:15
Speaker
Which, I don't know, maybe that's enough. But that was the deal there. And then there were these boats going to this secret exclusive party called Eden on the other side of, like, the cliffs or whatever.
00:37:27
Speaker
And so so people are taking these boats. And they're drunk out of their minds. They're on so many drugs. Like... and these are tiny tiny boats so like they go out into the ocean and and it's dark and it's the ocean so it's like it's like not like calm it's insane like we read on on reddit we saw a post that two days ago two boats going to eden flipped and like a bunch of people that went missing and stuff and so and then it was just like business as usual that day which was insane So yeah, Ko-Ping-Yen, Full Moon.
00:38:01
Speaker
It was also the New Year's edition of Full Moon, which I've heard is the craziest full moon. But in general, I would say like it is an experience, but don't.
00:38:13
Speaker
And oh, oh, yeah. Also, a lot of people drive scooters there when they're completely out of their minds. And so we actually saw someone fly like off the road into the jungle because there was a turn and bro just didn't turn.
00:38:28
Speaker
Yeah. Apparently, like stuff like that happens over there every day. So anyway, yeah, I would say that is my best travel story. But no, I mean, I really enjoyed going to Costa Rica too.
00:38:42
Speaker
i think lots of growth came out of that, taking that leap. It's where I kind of, you know, dove off a cliff and off a, you know, tire swing into the river and I went surfing and stuff like that. And I think those were my baby steps that eventually resulted in me skydiving in Hawaii and going shark diving, cageless shark
Culinary Experimentation and Open-mindedness
00:39:03
Speaker
diving.
00:39:03
Speaker
Both were pretty fun experiences. Next. Sai is asking me, what is my hottest take?
00:39:14
Speaker
I think people need to be more open to things. I think my hot take is that I've noticed that people have too many opinions and rules. Like, just shut up and listen sometimes, you know, be ah be a sponge.
00:39:28
Speaker
There's like many valid trains of thought. I feel like you would just see the other side better if you were more open. Also, ah so people are so obnoxious about food. Like, you tried what with what?
00:39:40
Speaker
Why would you put X on Y? That just sounds stupid. Like, no, it doesn't, bitch. Like, how do you think the food we have today was created? is centuries of just trying shit and seeing what sticks.
Teaching Emotional Intelligence
00:39:54
Speaker
And there's so many combinations and things out there that yet to be discovered or, you know, popularized. So my hot take is that cooking isn't that hard. And people are too scared of not using a recipe and messing things up.
00:40:09
Speaker
Like, ingredients are like colors. You just need to kind of try things together. Complementary flavors and textures. Like, we can invent new dishes. You don't need to be a master chef to do that.
00:40:22
Speaker
You don't need to go to cooking school. Like, ingredients are just Legos. You just need to... You just need to figure out what types of things go together. Don't use recipes. Cooking with a recipe is like... It's like doing a paint by numbers.
00:40:36
Speaker
I sound so pretentious, but if you're here if you're scared about how to cook, take a potato, dice it, take some oil, and use one spice, you know, just one spice, and understand the flavor of that spice.
00:40:51
Speaker
And go you can make so many different kinds of potatoes like this, and then you can try to and you can try using, like, two together and three together. Some of you probably hate me for that, but that that is my hot take.
00:41:06
Speaker
Brenna is asking me, what is the biggest societal change you are hoping for over the rest of our lifetime? Sorry, lifetimes. What is the biggest societal change you are hoping for over the rest of our lifetimes?
00:41:20
Speaker
I think it would have to be something to do with emotional intelligence being taught in school. you know i kind of earlier i talked about the idea of this baby with a supercomputer you know like teaching kids to not to control their emotions but the controls to their emotions the ability to recognize them so that we can be mindful and like raise a more empathetic generation it's like so that we raise kids who are more empathetic towards themselves and towards others
00:41:52
Speaker
You know, because that's really where I feel like we are stuck. What is preventing a lot of us from living fulfilling lives? You know, like, what am I supposed to do when I get angry?
00:42:03
Speaker
How do I deal with that? what What am I supposed to do when I get sad? You know, like, it's the negative emotions that really, really can hurt you if you don't know how to deal with them. And you channel it in all these destructive ways.
Concluding Thoughts on Love and Podcast Aspirations
00:42:16
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So I think that is the biggest one. And also just like how we kind of perceive death. You know, I read somewhere how you live is how you die. So if you want to die at peace, whole and, you know, happy, you have to live that way.
00:42:31
Speaker
And that includes all the hard work and the healthy amount of hard work that people should put in to achieve something. It's not just it's not necessarily just sitting on a beach and, you know, not doing anything with your life.
00:42:42
Speaker
We'll do one more. Kartik is asking. This, dude, this question is, is love a choice? This is a question that I've got from Kartik. Um, hi. Okay, like, first of all, I am no expert on the matter at all.
00:42:57
Speaker
Like, I, I will, I will go as far to say i know nothing about love. Like, I know that it can happen and it can go away. And, you know, the relationship is beautiful and maybe love is a choice because You know, like someone was telling me recently about a conversation they were in with a man who got divorced.
00:43:20
Speaker
And he was like, how can I trust someone again when they say they want one thing but can completely change their mind and undo everything from the last four years in four months? I was like, damn, I mean, I get that whole line of thinking. Like the answer to me seems like you need to build a strong foundation in yourself so that anyone you date or end up marrying or love is an accessory to your life so that if it ends, that you're not like falling down an endless pit.
00:43:48
Speaker
i think I think people should be allowed to grow out of relationships without it being so devastating for anyone. I think that should be a very completely reasonable thing that happens.
00:43:59
Speaker
Obviously, like nothing is going to save the heartbreak if that's what happens. you know you just You just have to go through the grief of it all. like it's not I'm not saying there's a way to avoid that because like if you do, you're just going to hold back too much and then regret it later.
00:44:12
Speaker
But I feel like it is a setup for... for failure if you go into something hoping that it's going to last till your last breath. How can you keep your heart open to feel everything that life has to offer and like love without expectation? i don't know. I mean,
00:44:29
Speaker
Okay, like, obviously there's just no way there's not going to be expectation if you marry someone, which makes like marriage feel like some kind of safety net or a beautiful commitment or handcuffs, depending on how you look at it. But yeah, I'm literally just rambling now, so I'm going to stop.
00:44:47
Speaker
uh the original question is love a choice yes no just happens it's a feeling like any other you just need space for it to enter your life and for it to pass sometimes you know you're you might be in love with someone but your body is trying to tell you something else too and in moments like that you can you just have to listen to your body loving is a choice but it's but you have to pick loving yourself over living someone else for like the really basic things and I'm not talking about like being a nice person to someone I'm talking about like like big life things
00:45:23
Speaker
but yeah holy shit that was a hell of a last hour so I am so I'm really spent I'm going to stop talking and I have no idea how this is going to turn out but I'm super glad that you joined me on your journey. And honestly, would like to figure out a way to make this more interactive next time.
00:45:47
Speaker
So we'll see. We'll see how to do that. But thanks, guys. Peace.