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The Kindness Illusion: When You Think You're Being Kind to Yourself, but Aren’t.
599 Plays2 months ago
In this episode, I open up about how, in January, I found myself being quite unkind to myself, often in ways I didn’t even notice at first. This realisation sparked an idea for this episode. Hehe, something good did come out of it!
We all know that when we’re in a negative rut, we can self-sabotage in obvious ways. But what about the subtle, everyday ways we’re unkind to ourselves...the thoughts, habits, and small self-criticisms that feel so natural, we don’t even question them? Because they’re hard to identify, we rarely make an effort to change them. They almost feel like a part of us.
I hope this episode helps you cultivate more kindness and compassion for yourself. We often fail to give ourselves patience and grace...whether we’re struggling with something personal, feeling unmotivated at work, or dealing with hormones. Some of what I share comes from my own experience, and some from research, but what I’ve learned is that we all do this in one way or another.
These “small” moments of self-neglect aren’t so small after all. They build up over time, affecting our self-esteem, happiness, and even our physical well-being leading to stress headaches, anxiety in the chest, or that uncomfortable feeling in the tummy Yet, we rarely pause to work on these things because we assume they’re just a normal part of life. The good news is, they don’t have to be. I hope that thought is refreshing to hear for you!
Below are 10 ways we can be unkind to ourselves and this is what I unpack in this episode.
1. Overcommitting & People-Pleasing –
2. Ignoring Our Intuition
3. Forcing Productivity
4. Minimising Our Feelings
5. Delaying Joy
6. Not Allowing Ourselves to Receive
7. Comparing Ourselves
8. Carrying Old Guilt
9. Dismissing Our Wins
10. Living in ‘Should’ Energy
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The Pass Around the Smile podcast is recorded on Bundjalung Country, in South East Queensland, Australia. We acknowledge the Yugambeh people of the Bundjalung Nation, the traditional owners of this land. We pay our respects to Elders past, present and emerging.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Pass Around the Smile'
00:00:00
Speaker
Pass Around the Smile is like your go-to friend, the one that lifts you up and backs you to the end. She's there to guide and inspire, challenge and teach, and remind you that your best self isn't out of reach. Self-development, manifestation, self-love and more, it's time to trust the process more your host, Cleo Massey, and I am so glad you're here. Let the magic begin.
00:00:29
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to the Pass Around the Smile podcast. I am so happy you guys are loving the video. I have had a few messages from my community. And when I say you guys are loving the video, what I mean, if you don't know what I mean is I am now video recording my podcast as well as audio recording. So you can watch the video on YouTube, on Spotify, even on Apple podcasts. I actually didn't realize that the video went on Apple podcasts as well.
00:00:57
Speaker
but it does. Some of you I have learned in the last week are visual learners love watching me and listening Um, but of course, if you would rather just listen while you're driving or walking, that option is always there. Nothing has changed. But guys, welcome back.
The Theme of 'The Kindness Illusion'
00:01:13
Speaker
We are into the second episode of 2025. Well, it's actually the third episode, but I'm kind of like not counting the horoscope episode as the first episode, the kind of a refresh and the revamp of the podcast started with the last episode. And now we're into episode two, which you will have seen from the title is called the kindness illusion.
00:01:35
Speaker
I'm really excited about this episode because it's something that I experienced in January. So I'm kind of using my own experiences. I mean, when don't I? I feel like everything that happens to me in my life, I'm like, oh, I'm going to share that on the Pass Around the Smile podcast or everything that happens, like good or bad. I almost feel like the universe is just giving it to me or that experience or that opportunity or on the other side, the negativity so that I can share it.
00:02:03
Speaker
and like help you guys and grow myself and learn myself. Isn't it funny? Like... Anyway, thank you in advance. How are we all?
Slowing Down in February
00:02:14
Speaker
How are we going now that we're like mid February? I feel like this is a time where, you know, we're really back into the flow of routines and work. Are we flowing? Are we feeling inflow essentially, abundant? Are we feeling strict with our routines? Are we flexible with our routines? Have we fallen off the bandwagon with our routines?
00:02:37
Speaker
Where are we at? I mean, me personally, I was quite slow to start the year, so I feel like. I'm only just getting into routine now. And that might be the same as some of you, but February for me is all about slowing down. I'm still listening to my January card, which was patience. I'm trying to be really patient with myself, really kind to myself. I'm doing things in life that are a little more mindful and a little more slow because in January, I was really, really unkind to myself.
00:03:13
Speaker
and i was unkind to myself in really obvious ways which first kind of sparked up the idea for this podcast episode. But what continued the spark for this podcast episode was now that we are in February and I am being kinder to myself, I've realized that when we think we are being kind to o ourselves, sometimes we actually aren't. And I think that is where the real issues begin and then continue because every single day,
00:03:44
Speaker
We are doing these little things, whether we are saying little things to ourselves, whether we are allowing ourselves to experience things ourselves, ah whether it's in our reactions, whether it's in our everyday conversations, our everyday thoughts. We are allowing these little things to continue and to build up and they really contribute to our overall mood, to our overall energy, to our overall feelings, which of course then attract our overall occurrences, opportunities, circumstances. So what I want to talk about today is not just the obvious ways that we are so unkind
Impact of Negative Self-Talk
00:04:25
Speaker
to ourselves. So, for example, in January, and if you listen to my last episode, you will know that it was a bit of a doozy for me for many different reasons, and I haven't even shared all of it on the podcast. But basically, I got stuck in such a negative
00:04:43
Speaker
rut and a downward spiral that I was talking so meanly to myself. I was saying really nasty things to myself. I was super down on myself. I felt like a failure of a mother, of a wife,
00:05:00
Speaker
of a daughter, of a sister, of a friend, of everything. I was catastrophizing. I was making things bigger than they were. And I was saying things to myself, like, you're so stupid. Like, you're, you know, you can't do this or, oh God, of course I look awful today because I feel awful. I was just so negative. And since having indigo, I, like I'm a mother of a daughter now. I have never taken this topic of being kind to myself more seriously than I have now because I am a role model for her. And while in January I would never say or experience these feelings when I was around her, I wouldn't let myself. I would go into another room or I would do it when I was at work, like I would self-hate at work and then I'd go home and I'd be all sunshine and rainbows to her.
00:05:53
Speaker
which like I am proud of, but on the other hand I'm not because of course she she's a smart girl, she's a human, she's energy. So of course she's still going to feel off of my energy. I probably wasn't tricking her at all. So January was a real wake up call for me where I was like, okay, yeah, enough is enough.
00:06:13
Speaker
Enough of the obvious ways where I'm unkind to myself. Like I would never ever ever treat somebody I know or don't know. I would never treat anyone the way that I was treating myself in January. And I was treating myself this way because I was making like silly mistakes. I was really like clumsy. It was kind of like everything I would touch would essentially turn to shit.
00:06:36
Speaker
um again dramatic but that's how I felt you know how you feel when you're on those downward spirals but at the end of the day those things were just what I said just mistakes wow can you guys hear that galah in the background as you guys know I'm now recording in my pass around the smile office so you might hear some bird noises every now and then but hey Oh well. So yeah, I was really criticizing myself for making mistakes, but mistakes are just that mistakes. So why are we so hard on ourselves for making a mistake? That's
Shifting Perspective on Mistakes
00:07:11
Speaker
what life is about. We all make mistakes. We fix them, we move on, or maybe we don't fix them for a while and that's fine as well because every mistake is different. Every mistake has layers and different depths to it. But in my circumstance in January, I was making these silly little mistakes that really in the scheme of things did not matter.
00:07:28
Speaker
But in my head, they mattered deeply. They were terrible. They were big. They were bad. They were going to really like make our lives harder. But again, that was my confirmation bias coming in where I was only showing myself evidence.
00:07:45
Speaker
that would support that. Not the evidence that went against that of actually, Cleo, this is a small thing. Your family is safe and healthy. That's all that matters. You have the money to fix this. yeah There are plumbers in the world or there, you know, I don't need to go into it because you guys would have like listened to that last episode. And if you haven't, it's just the one before this.
00:08:05
Speaker
But yeah, so that was kind of my
Self-Care Practices for Recovery
00:08:08
Speaker
January. Moving into February now, what am I doing to acknowledge and forgive myself moving out of January?
00:08:18
Speaker
i Am trying to take life a little slower. I am very fortunate to work for myself So I can take days off here and there but what I did realize was when I was pushing and pushing myself in January and I was feeling You know guilty for not being at work and then I was feeling feeling guilty for not being with indie and it was just all a big whoa My mind was like it's no wonder why I had a quite a few big meltdowns was that If I had a full-time job, I would be able to take a mental health day here and there. I would probably get audios here and there. I know only some people get audios in their jobs, but, or, you know, if I was a teacher, I would get school holidays and whatnot. Again, I'm very lucky to work for myself, but I have built this life. I have worked hard to build this life for myself. So I had to really be like, Cleo, take a mental health day. You are allowed to. You're your own boss. Like my boss is pretty lenient. She's pretty lenient.
00:09:14
Speaker
um But my boss wasn't being nice to me. My boss was not being nice to me at all. And that is, of course, who I'm talking about is myself. I was not being nice to myself as an employee, as a human, as a person, at all. And I was like, oh my God, I'm lucky enough to be my own boss. How would I treat an employee if I had a full-time employee? I would be like, girlfriend, go, go, go away and go bloody take yourself to Fiji.
00:09:42
Speaker
Wish I did that, didn't, but all I needed to do was the Friday where everything was kind of blowing up. Luke said to me, you need to just take tomorrow off. Let's just have a family day. So I had so much work to do, but.
00:09:55
Speaker
Who was putting that pressure on me to get that work done? Me. Only me. Literally no one else was putting this pressure on myself except for me. So I realized that we took a family day. Other things that I was doing just so you can relate this back to your life was nothing huge. So obviously I took the day off work.
00:10:15
Speaker
My happy place, the beach. We went to the beach. I sat by the water. I put my phone away. I breathed. I took it in. When I got home, I allowed myself to do things like watch TV. I know that sounds like the opposite of a mindful thing to do, but what I actually, in my scenario, needed to do was just to let my mind rest. And no, I would not let myself scroll on my phone while I was watching TV. The point of this was just to let my mind float away.
00:10:43
Speaker
I was doing things like taking longer showers, moisturizing my body every night, giving myself little facials at home. Now this is just over the Friday, Saturday, Sunday, but I feel like all I needed was three days to reset. I wasn't over committing to social plans. I was filling my body with healthy foods and of course a little treatie every now and then, but I was just doing little things that I knew would make my body, my mind, my soul,
00:11:10
Speaker
feel better and feel
Accumulation of Unkind Behaviors
00:11:12
Speaker
refreshed. And come Monday, we're now at Thursday of that week, I am a new person. I also allowed myself to nap, to sleep, to rest. I needed this so bad.
00:11:24
Speaker
purely to be kind to myself and to acknowledge and almost forgive myself for the way that I treated myself in January. So that's what this three day reset kind of was for me. And what I realized was the anxiety in my chest, you know, that tight feeling.
00:11:43
Speaker
melted away the stress headaches I was getting melted away the pain in my neck melted away all the physical symptoms I was feeling sick in my stomach in January it melted away when I stopped being unkind to myself it all seemed to just melt away. And this got me thinking deeper about the topic because it is easy, right? When we are having a negative day, week, month, even year, we can get stuck in these ruts for so, so long.
00:12:14
Speaker
But we know, right? We know when we're stuck in these negative ruts because they're obvious. Again, January was obvious for me. I was really unkind to myself. I was saying nasty things to myself. I was thinking nasty things to myself. So I was then able to acknowledge it because it was very obvious, release it, have that three day reset and move on. But then come into this week. Yes, I'm feeling better. Yes, I'm feeling more optimistic and positive. Yet I'm still doing little things.
00:12:41
Speaker
where I am actually being unkind to myself, but they are not so obvious. But these little things are going to add up to that overall feeling of overwhelm, of sadness, of jealousy, of whatever it is that is coming up for you. All of these little things that you do are going to add up. You're not tricking yourself. You're not tricking the universe. You're not tricking your energy or those around you.
00:13:06
Speaker
by being unkind to yourself in less obvious ways. Just because you're not saying, oh, I suck at this or I'm so stupid or I'm not good enough, doesn't mean that you are necessarily being a really kind, beautiful, gentle person to yourself.
00:13:22
Speaker
So let's go through, I have 10 ways that you may be being unkind to yourself without actually realising because often we go through life right and we might be feeling anxious or upset or jealous or competitive or down and we're like, why? I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Safe to say that maybe you're doing one of these 10 things or maybe you're doing five of these 10 things because they present as small. And I think why these go unnoticed is because we think that it's just a part of life.
00:13:59
Speaker
It's just life to do these things. It's just life to feel this way. No, it's not. You're not attached to doing these things. You're not attached to treating yourself in this way.
00:14:11
Speaker
You can identify it, it might be hard to identify it, but I'm gonna help you do that in this episode. And then you can start to release it. And the big changes that will come on the other side of acknowledging and releasing it is huge. It could be that change that you are waiting for, that shift to make everything fall into place. The little puzzle piece that's missing, that's missing maybe it's in these less obvious ways that you are actually being unkind to yourself.
00:14:38
Speaker
Okay, so let's get into it.
Avoiding Overcommitment and People Pleasing
00:14:41
Speaker
Okay, so number one is over-committing and people pleasing. A big one for me, I have been working on people pleasing, well not people pleasing for many, many years now. I'm getting better every year and it is honestly so empowering and so freeing. So on this point of over-committing and people pleasing, what you are doing is you are putting your wellbeing at the expense of making other people happy.
00:15:07
Speaker
and you are here to live your life this is your life you get to live it how you want you are not here to impress other people to give other people what they need to feel comfortable happy loved supported yes when you have the capacity to help other people feel loved and supported and cared for. By all means do it. I love giving love. I love helping people. I love listening. I love being that caring friend or daughter or sister or whatever it is. But at the end of the day, if you feel as though you are overcommitting and it's bringing stress, or if it's making you feel um restricted, then you are overcommitting and you are people pleasing and you are
00:15:47
Speaker
putting your happiness on hold to impress other people. So I want you to look at your life. Where are you over committing? Are you over committing to social plans? Are you over committing just in your own mind, like putting the pressure on yourself to have your house clean all the time? Are you over committing at work, staying late constantly?
00:16:06
Speaker
Are you people pleasing with a group of new friends because you really desperately wanna be in their friendship group? Where are you doing this? It is hurting yourself more than you realize. Not only is it hurting yourself in the moment because you are being really unkind to yourself and that energy, we all know what the energy does. When we are unkind to ourselves, our energy reflects that energy of unkindness. Is unkindness even a word? I don't know, we'll go with it.
00:16:35
Speaker
But I have said, I have gone over the experiment, the self-love experiment many times on this podcast. I won't today. I might go into it in a few episodes time as a reminder, but basically science backs talking kindly to ourselves. When we are putting pressure on ourselves to meet other people's expectations, when we are putting everything aside to please someone else,
00:16:59
Speaker
We're not necessarily talking down or unkindly to ourselves, but we are telling ourselves that our time is not, is not worth it. That our time is not precious or important. That this person's time and making this person happy is more important than prioritizing my own happiness. And that's probably the most unkind thing that you can do to your beautiful self and your energy will respond to that energy.
00:17:28
Speaker
with an energy of like neediness, of wanting more, of needing more, but you're not allowing that for yourself. And if you're not allowing that for yourself, you are saying to the universe or whoever you believe in, well, this is what I deserve and what you put out, you get back.
00:17:43
Speaker
Number two is a really good
Trusting Intuition and Valuing Self
00:17:45
Speaker
one. It is ignoring our intuition. We are all intuitive beings. We are all intuitive. Like, I hope you know how intuitive you actually are. All you need to do is tap into it. You may think that you don't have the answers right now that you are confused about your life path, about who you are, about what you want to do, about, you know, how to, you know, articulate what is in your heart or your mind or your soul.
00:18:11
Speaker
And you might look externally for those answers, but you have the answers. You just need to quiet your mind and listen because they are there. But what we do when we are not trusting our intuition is often we are worried about what other people think because our intuition is saying one thing, right? And we might want to do it, but it might go against society's norms.
00:18:35
Speaker
So then we might feel the need to justify our decisions, but really no justification is needed. If your intuition is saying something is not right, or if your intuition is saying like so strongly, I want to do this, this path is for me, then absolutely do it. Or if your intuition, like I said before, is saying something is not right,
00:18:55
Speaker
you arere feeling uncomfortable then it is not for you and no justification is needed. You need to honor yourself as an intuitive being and honor the feelings that you are getting. The physical feelings even if you you know see a situation and it's all automatically making you feel uncomfortable I mean we do want to understand the difference of like feeling uncomfortable because it might be say confrontation is going on versus feeling uncomfortable because this person is so not meant to be in this part of your life or you know there there's a difference there but that's a whole other episode in itself but really what I'm wanting to say is
00:19:33
Speaker
When you dismiss those gut feelings or nudges, it's because you're not trusting yourself. And when you're not trusting yourself and your intuition, you are not honoring who you are. And if you are constantly pushing your intuitive feelings aside, then you're not allowing yourself to live a life in flow. The universe, your angels, your higher self is trying to guide you and tell you the way. So listen,
00:19:57
Speaker
and go with it and who bloody cares what other people think and who cares also if it's not logical. That's the other thing when we are trying to trust our intuition and go with the flow.
00:20:12
Speaker
sometimes it can seem not logical. And that is maybe why that urge to justify to your family or to your partner or friends comes up because it's not logical. So you're trying to justify why you are doing it. But if your intuition is saying, do it, then do it.
00:20:29
Speaker
Number three is forcing
Productivity vs Self-Worth
00:20:31
Speaker
productivity. I say on this podcast all the time, you can't force productivity. You can't force creativity. And if you do, you will be operating at like 20 percent rather than just stopping, resting and reassessing before coming back at 80 percent, 90 percent, 100 percent. You are going to be far better off by honoring yourself, taking the nap, taking a couple of hours off work, whatever it is that you need to do rather than forcing yourself to be productive.
00:20:58
Speaker
I think the real issue with this point and something that we are probably all guilty of doing here and there is tying our productivity levels to our worth. So if at the end of the day, you you know you wanted to be productive, let's say this day you had a plan and you know to do all of these things, work-wise, cleaning-wise, life admin-wise, and you get to the end of the day and you just you hardly got anything done.
00:21:25
Speaker
Often we can tie that to our worth or to how we feel about our day. Our worth is not tied to how much we achieve in our day. Our worth is not tied to how much we achieve in a week or a month or a year. However, we allow ourselves to feel guilt when we are not productive. We all know, if you're a pass around the smile listener, that Guilt is one of the lowest vibrations that you can feel. So if you are allowing yourself to feel guilt because you haven't had a productive day, you are literally allowing yourself to vibrate at the lowest frequency that you can vibrate at. Therefore, attracting the things, the people, the opportunities, the circumstances, vibrating on that same low level.
00:22:07
Speaker
So that's all for
Validating All Emotions
00:22:08
Speaker
number three. Number four is minimizing our feelings. So saying something like oh you know it's not that big of a deal or this happened but at least I've got this. If it's a big deal to you it is a big deal.
00:22:25
Speaker
And if you find yourself quietening down or suppressing your feelings because you are afraid of how other people will perceive your reactions, then there is something wrong in that scenario for you and you need to look at it more deeply. Because if you are hurt, if you are sad, if you are feeling jealous, if you are feeling angry, it is okay and you need to move through it.
00:22:49
Speaker
If you just suppress it, if you pretend like it's not there, not only are you not honoring yourself in that moment, you are literally creating these small things that are adding up contributing to the overall feeling of anxiety or of resentment or of jealousy or of whatever you are allowing to boil up. And when we are not honoring ourselves, as I said before, you are not honoring yourself as a human. You're not saying to the universe, this is what I deserve.
00:23:17
Speaker
I deserve to feel peace and fulfillment and happiness. No, you don't. If you are minimizing your feelings and not talking about them and not letting them out because you believe or others have it so much worse. Everything is relative. There is always going to be someone worse off than you. And it is a lovely trait to be able to recognize that. Yes. And feel grateful that maybe your problems aren't as big as other people's problems. However,
00:23:44
Speaker
you still get to acknowledge and feel your feelings. Your feelings are still relative. I've really felt this with becoming a mom, like say in my pregnancy, for example, I was really, really, really sick. And there were times where I was feeling really ungrateful because I was feeling so awful when I was pregnant. I was like, I can't, I felt, I guess I felt really guilty for not completely loving my pregnancy because I felt so sick. Because I know that there are other women in the world and there were friends at the time who couldn't get pregnant or who had had miscarriages and my heart hurt for them so much. And then I felt so bad about not being completely grateful and in my flow and being so happy every day for growing a healthy baby.
00:24:36
Speaker
However, what I learned was that my feelings were still valid. My feelings were still relative because I was sick and I was allowed to be angry about that and upset about that. Yes, it was important for me to also acknowledge people, other people in the process, but I was still allowed to have those feelings and I should never have felt like I had to quiet those feelings or dim those feelings down.
00:25:07
Speaker
because society says it could be worse. So really look at your life right now. Is there anywhere that you're minimizing your feelings where you actually need to feel them and need to let them out? So number five is delaying
Enjoying the Present Moment
00:25:21
Speaker
joy. I touched on this a little bit in my last episode, but I want to go further now because I think this is a really important one.
00:25:28
Speaker
So in step five of delaying joy, what we do is we think that we have to achieve something to allow ourselves to feel the joy, to feel happiness, to feel successful, to indulge in self care. Like we have to put our happiness and our freedom and our peace and exciting things on hold until we achieve something first.
00:25:52
Speaker
It kind of comes into that, I'll be happy when. I'll feel content when. I will feel relaxed when. Why not allow yourself to feel that right now? Change your perception. Do not delay joy because you do not know what is in store for you. So you may as well feel the joy now and you don't have to wait to achieve something first or to feel like you've earned something to go and get the facial.
00:26:15
Speaker
or to go and spend time with your friends, or to allow yourself to watch the show that you're really wanting to binge. Again, I know, pass around the smile, I'm all about being... relatable and also realistic. I'm not going to say like, I i think what I'm trying to say is like, ah we all binge shows here and there and you're allowed to do that. We all eat indulgent foods here and there. I'm not here to say like you need to reach for positivity and health and mindful practices a hundred percent of the time because that is unachievable.
00:26:49
Speaker
Yes, a lot of the time we want to be filling our cup with mindfulness practices, with things that make our body, our mind, our soul feel good. But if binging a show every now and then feels good and relaxing for you and that is joy for you, don't delay it. Allow yourself to do it. Again, I'm not saying do it every day because that will take away from your probably, I'm guessing, your values and beliefs, which may be around you know, family time or, you know, yeah getting that really successful, beautiful career for yourself or whatever it is. But I think you get where I'm going with that tangent.
Openness to Abundance
00:27:24
Speaker
Number six is not allowing ourselves to receive. Now, I know my Pass Around the Smile community are going to love this one because it kind of comes in, yes, with the self-development,
00:27:34
Speaker
kind of standpoint from a self-development standpoint, I should say, but also from a manifestation standpoint as well. By the way, when I said pass around the Smile community, I had someone, I can't remember who it was, reach out if it was you, and they wrote in the group,
00:27:51
Speaker
the like high smileys. And I was like, oh, that's kind of cute. Like should I start calling you guys the smileys instead of the pass around the smile is because that's a bit. The smileys is kind of cute. Let me know. Comment on Spotify or on Apple or whatever or Apple. You can only leave reviews, but you can comment on Spotify or like in the Facebook community. Do you guys want to be called the smileys? Because that's kind of cute. And if it was you who posted that in the Facebook community group to start with. Thank you. Cause I think it's really cute. Okay. So back to it. Number six, it, yes so yeah. So it's all about actually allowing ourselves to receive. What do you do when you receive a compliment? Are you receiving it or are you straight away feeling so uncomfortable and deflecting it?
00:28:36
Speaker
I do that. I am trying so hard to accept compliments because what you are doing by accepting a compliment is not only are you grateful, but you are also allowing good energy to enter into your energy force. And you are also saying to the universe, like, yeah, I am deserving of this compliment. And yes, I would like more. And I like that people see this good trait or see that my hair looks good today or whatever it is, whatever the compliment is that you are getting. So other ways that you might not be allowing yourself to receive is do you accept help or do you even ask for help? Because I know I used to never ask for help and I used to push myself and push myself until I broke. But I would rather just make it hard for myself because I thought I was a burden to other people. And I know we all feel elements of this.
00:29:26
Speaker
When I got pregnant and sick, I had to ask for help. Now I'm a mom, I have to ask for help. At the start, it was really quite, I don't know the word for it, it was hard. It felt really vulnerable, asking for help. It can be vulnerable asking for help, but flip it. When someone asks you for help, how do you feel?
00:29:45
Speaker
probably more than happy to help and also quite honored that they asked you. And also we've got to remember if it's just help with like feelings, if you are just wanting to have a little vent or have a chat about a situation that happened at work or get, you know, your friend's advice on a boy that you're seeing or whatever it is, that can be such a beautiful way to connect. You're not burdening the other person. Like maybe if you are going to someone literally just to dump all of your negativity on them. That is different. But ask for help. Ask for guidance. Ask for reassurance when you need it. Why? Because you deserve to receive. How this works in with the law of attraction is of course to receive our desire. We must be open to receiving. So if you are not accepting compliments, if you are not accepting help, then you are not going to be open to receiving the things that you want. Why?
00:30:40
Speaker
because you are not going to feel worthy and deserving of the things that you want. Even though you tell yourself, no, I really, really want that new car and I really, really deserve it. If in everyday life you are not open to receiving other things, you're not going to receive that car because it's all just energy attracting energy. You never have to handle everything on your own. That can be a really lonely feeling and you might not feel that you have the support to reach out for advice or guidance or help, but there are organizations that you can reach out to. There are groups that you can join on Facebook. You can join my Facebook community and, you know, write in there and get beautiful responses. So there are ways that you can do it. Okay. Let's move on to number seven, which is comparing ourselves.
Avoiding Joy-Stealing Comparisons
00:31:27
Speaker
I'm not going to go too deep into this one because I talk about comparison a lot on the podcast. And do you guys know what comparison is? You know if you do it, you know when you do it, and you will know this if you have listened to my episodes because it is a really important part of life to identify when exactly you are comparing, why you are comparing, and how does that comparison make you feel?
00:31:50
Speaker
I've said it before, but I can have a really incredible day at work. I can feel so good about my productivity, about what I put out into the world, so proud, so fulfilled. I come home, I'll tell Luke, and then I can open social media and all of those great feelings can be ripped away from me the moment I look at something that triggers me on social media.
00:32:12
Speaker
Whether it's another business another entrepreneur where they're doing something incredible and instead of going like wow That's amazing. I feel inspired. I let those feelings go away and I allow myself to think I haven't done enough today because it's not as good as that Which is really awful. It's really sad that I allow myself that and I allow those feelings to be ripped away from me, but I I'm all about being honest on this podcast and vulnerable because vulnerability creates connection and it helps us. I wanna help you guys feel better about yourself because we all compare. We all get trapped in comparison and it is the thief of joy. So what I've done done is I've gone and muted all accounts on Instagram that make me feel not enough. um And I'll also really check in with how I'm feeling. It's hard for me because I do have to be on social media a lot for my business.
00:33:08
Speaker
It's hard, like I have to have to go on a lot. But if I'm feeling really like a certain way, I will have to say, you know what, I just do not have the capacity to open social media right now because I know it's just going to rip me to shreds because of how I'm feeling. So really checking in with how you are feeling, but we should never measure our progress against.
00:33:28
Speaker
someone else's and allow ourselves to feel behind because we are all on our own journey. We all move at our own pace. And if you are getting stuck in comparison, you are slowing yourself down. You are not speeding yourself up. Trust me. It is slowing yourself down far more than it would if you would just stay in your own lane. Imagine yourself driving. If you keep looking left, right, well thats left, right, right, checking,
00:33:53
Speaker
in other lanes, you're going to slow down, right? Because you're trying to change. You're trying to merge. You're not staying focused on your desire and your dreams. You're not driving your own path. You're trying to drive other people's paths. You're trying to get in the way of other cars, block other people's dreams. But this is about you. Let them do what they want to do and you focus on what it is that you want to do. Okay, next point. Number eight is carrying old guilt.
00:34:20
Speaker
are you carrying guilt that is attached to anything that's happened to you in the past that no longer serves you is no longer relevant yet you are still holding on to that guilt or maybe not so much guilt it might be just like embarrassment or you know you were humiliated by that and every time you think of it it comes up and you cringe. So not just guilt like carrying old negativity that does not matter anymore. It can really take us out of the present moment when we focus on past mistakes, things that made us feel crap, things that we wish we did and we didn't. It takes us right back into the past. Can you manifest new exciting refreshing opportunities for you if you are stuck in the past? Absolutely not. And
00:35:06
Speaker
Will you manifest new and exciting opportunities if you are focused on mistakes that you've made? No, because you are just alert and aware to all the things that you did wrong and all the things that those mistakes made you feel, which was probably like shame and anger and embarrassment. If you are feeling into that, your body and your mind doesn't know that it's not happening right now. Remember, there are studies which have been done which prove that What we think about our mind can't tell if it's happening right now in real life or if it's just happening in our mind So if we are stuck in the past imagining something that happened way back when that made us feel embarrassed or angry or shameful Our body our body our mind our soul thinks that it's happening right now. It's triggering the same Responses and then that energy is attracting that same energy back
00:36:00
Speaker
So even when we forgiven ourselves too, that's a big one, like forgiveness and resentment. We may have forgiven ourselves for something ages ago, yet then it comes up and we like reopen that wound. Does it need to be reopened? Or have you dealt with that and actually let it go? I'm all for feeling your feelings and processing everything, but I'm guilty of processing something and then bringing it up again and thinking I need to reprocess it when it's definitely not necessary to do that. It's actually quite a waste of energy. So really checking in there, you're obviously gonna have different situations which are different like severities. But yeah, we'll move on. Number nine.
00:36:38
Speaker
dismissing our
Celebrating All Achievements
00:36:40
Speaker
wins. This is a really big one and something I'm really passionate about. So dismissing our wins, do you ever like overlook your progress or kind of brush off your achievements because you think that it's not quite enough? Maybe you are stuck in comparison.
00:36:58
Speaker
So you kind of like downplay what you've done because like, yeah, it actually is really exciting for you, but compared to that person, it's nothing. So I might just not talk about it and just pretend that like it hasn't happened or just think of it as a small win and not celebrate it.
00:37:14
Speaker
Every win is a huge win and you should celebrate every shift as a huge win because what you're doing there is when you are celebrating and acknowledging the wins that you perceive as small you are telling the universe this is so exciting and I want more of it and I am allowing more of it into my life.
00:37:34
Speaker
One other thing that we can do when we do something that we're really proud of, let's say, you know, I don't know, we get a promotion at work or we finally crack the code of something that we've been trying to crack for ages or we beat our personal best at the gym. But we are worried that if we talk about it, we'll look up ourselves or we'll make other people feel jealous or uncomfortable. So you decide, I won't talk about it.
00:38:04
Speaker
That's not honoring yourself and what you have just achieved. So are you downplaying your achievements in life, big or small? Work, social things, personal development things. You might meet a milestone in your personal development journey where you have finally overcome this limiting belief that has ruled your subconscious mind for 10 years.
00:38:24
Speaker
That is a reason to celebrate and share this with the people around you, not only because you are so proud of yourself and you deserve to share it and actually get that loving energy back of like, well done and congratulations, you deserve that, but also because you will inspire people.
00:38:42
Speaker
to do the same. Remember, your light shines. Let your light shine. Don't let anyone dim your sparkle. If anyone is affected or triggered by your wins, then that says more about them than you. One more thing is do you kind of push your achievements down and away and aside because you think they're irrelevant or not important? Because let me tell you they are.
00:39:08
Speaker
Back to the feelings side of things, if it is a big deal to you, it is a big deal. Your feelings are important. The things that you do are important. Your small wins are important, so talk about them and celebrate them.
00:39:24
Speaker
Okay, the last one is number 10 and that is living in assured energy. So assured energy means that you are living life doing things that you think you should rather than what you really want or need.
00:39:39
Speaker
so really checking in with yourself are you moving through life doing things because society tells you you should be doing them or because your parents expect it or because you know your friends did it and it seemed to make them happy so maybe you'll try it because it might make you happy as well. We are all so different, we're all on such different paths but the biggest thing that I see that blocks people from manifesting their desires is actually asking the universe or putting goals out there, creating their vision boards with things that they think will make them happy because it makes other people happy or because society says that you should have you know a marriage at 30 and kids by this age or
00:40:19
Speaker
you know, a retirement fund saved by this age, blah, blah, blah. There are no rules. You get to choose to follow the rules or not. You make your own rules. You're the only one putting pressure on yourself. So are you living your
Living Authentically and Conclusion
00:40:32
Speaker
life in? I should do this.
00:40:34
Speaker
And that goes for things too, like more of like a perception side, like, sorry, going on to the perception side of things, where if you're like, I should go to the gym. I should go to the gym because I should be healthy. I should go to the psychologist because I should look after my mental health. In those moments, I would actually change your perception. I get to go to the psychologist because I got a mental health plan from our amazing healthcare system here in Australia.
00:41:01
Speaker
I get to go to the gym and move my body. My body works and allows me to do yoga and stretch. So changing your perception can come into this, but also really looking at what do you genuinely want and desire? Quietening the outside noise. Nothing else matters. Yeah. Yeah.
00:41:24
Speaker
I think we'll finish the episode there. I think that's enough. Be kind to ourselves, guys. February for me, I'm being kind to myself. I'm slowing down. I'm creating more mindful moments in my life.
00:41:35
Speaker
And I am trying my best to feel unapologetic about putting me first at times when I can, of course, my mother. So sometimes that's difficult. But you guys are amazing. My smileys, again, let me know what you think, because I'm like, does it seem to baby smileys or is it cute?
00:41:54
Speaker
Please let me know. Maybe I should do a poll. I'll do a poll on social media or in the group. um That's so crazy. I've just seen an order come through on my website. And it's so funny, guys. I can go so quiet when I'm misaligned and when I'm not feeling positive. The minute I am like,
00:42:13
Speaker
doing a podcast or getting really excited about work or and just like ah essentially surrendering doing what I enjoy orders will come through and that we've just got to remember that that go through life not focusing on your desires like of course my desires are to bring in orders on my website yeah but when I forget about it and when I go and do other things that fill me up and that light me up the universe my angels they're all working behind the scenes they're doing the work for me and my previous work is also spilling over to bring these opportunities these orders these exciting things in so that is just a little reminder to finish this episode to go and do things that you enjoy
00:42:53
Speaker
Whether it is switching off or whether it is work wise or hanging out with friends Lift yourself up raise your vibrations and allow everything to unfold around you. Yes. Take inspired action Obviously, I'm taking inspired action right now within my business. I'm doing a podcast I'm creating this episode with so much love and intention to share the world the word of positivity out And I feel like in that energy in return is coming through ways like orders coming through. So yeah, just a little add on. I love you guys. You are amazing. Thank you so much for being such an incredible community. And I will see you for the next episode. Don't forget to follow, like, subscribe, rate, do all the things because it really helps me continue to do this.
00:43:51
Speaker
go