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EP 118: Feeling Lonely in Motherhood
1.1k Plays1 day ago
This week on Mom Group Chat, we’re getting real about one of the most common — yet least talked about — parts of motherhood: loneliness. Motherhood has a way of filling your heart while emptying your social cup, and sometimes the contrast between being never alone yet feeling deeply lonely is… a lot.
In this episode, we open up about:
- The first moments we realized motherhood can feel isolating
- Why losing spontaneity (and free time) can shrink your world before you even notice
- The shift from “I’m fine” to actually admitting we need connection
- How we’re filling our cups again — friendships, hobbies, community, and asking for help
- The hard truth that if we want a “village,” we also have to be a villager
- What genuine support looks like in the season of young kids
- Ways to reconnect with YOURSELF (because that counts as connection too)
If you’ve ever felt disconnected from the world you used to be part of — or from pieces of yourself — this one will make you feel seen, understood, and a little less alone. Come sit with us, laugh with us, and exhale with us. We’re rebuilding the village together.
Keep up with the Moms and join the conversation on our socials:
📸 Instagram: @momgroupchat
🎵 TikTok: @momgroupchat
Questions/comments/need to vent? Email us at momgroupchatpodacst@gmail.com
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Transcript
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it.
00:00:12
Speaker
Oh, we're going to get into it. What up moms?
Introduction and Weather Chit-Chat
00:00:15
Speaker
I'm Whitney Williams and I'm here with my best friend, Candice, and we're the Mom Group Chat Podcast. What up? Get into it.
00:00:23
Speaker
Get into it. I am in a sweater and it is 90 degrees out, but there's a cold front coming. You guys, I heard from the weatherman that a cold front is on the horizon. Wouldn't you like to know weather
Fashion and Personal Preferences
00:00:41
Speaker
boy? it is 64 here. Oh,
00:00:45
Speaker
So I'm in nice my ah professional yapper sweater that Candice got me. Did you ever get one? No, I never did. It's my favorite. I mean, how many times do I say my favorite crew neck?
00:00:58
Speaker
fine But I love the color. You picked the perfect color for me. And I think it's funny. I know you. I know you so well. This blue is everything. And I feel like I'm like giving fall, but also, hey, I'm bright.
00:01:14
Speaker
I'm sunny. I'm sunny. You sure are. um i am in a room right now.
Football Game Plans and College Memories
00:01:20
Speaker
I'm in my office like I normally am, but it smells like spray paint in here. i am in a room.
00:01:27
Speaker
Well, I was going to say I'm in a room that reeks of spray paint right now because I spray painted some frames yesterday and i needed them to be away from the girlies because they kept trying to fricking touch them.
00:01:39
Speaker
And God forbid you do it on your new grass. No, no, no, no. i yeah I did it on a, I spread out a giant card cardboard box in the patio and did it there.
00:01:51
Speaker
But um now I put them in this room to dry ah because it started to rain. And then now this room smells like spray paint, but honestly, I kind of like it. like the smell a lot. It's like that gas. I'm kind of into those smells.
00:02:08
Speaker
I don't feel that way about gasoline, but I do love the smell of spray paint for sure. Yeah, me too. It's so good. Agreed. How are you? I feel like.
00:02:19
Speaker
Oh, well, can I tell you? I don't think I've told you this yet. What? I'm going to an Alabama football game. When? I'm going to the UT Alabama football game next week.
00:02:33
Speaker
Is it in Tuscaloosa? Yeah. Yeah.
00:02:37
Speaker
feel like I'm offended that you haven't told me this. Like, I feel sad. What? How did that come to be? And who are you going with? And where are you staying? um Yeah. Yeah.
00:02:50
Speaker
It's kind of like been in the works. We've been wanting to go for a really long time. We wanted to go two years ago. That's when i think Margot... I don't know. It was one of the years like since Jenny has been at school there that we've been dying to go back.
00:03:04
Speaker
Right. The first time we tried to go back is when Green got hand, foot, and mouth, so we couldn't go. And then i guess we got pregnant with Margo and just like didn't take the leap, and so now this is our last opportunity to go because Jenny's a senior.
00:03:20
Speaker
And we were just like, let's fricking do it. We're staying at her house, like full on college experience, sleeping on an air mattress. Cause hotel rooms were $1,000 for like a night.
00:03:32
Speaker
that's And I was like, you know what? I don't care where I sleep. The game's at 7 30 PM. Pray for me. I was going to say, how are you doing that? i I am a little worried. I'm like, I can't start tailgating until like two.
00:03:45
Speaker
There's no fricking way. Yeah, you're going to need to hydrate and, like, take an Adderall. There's no, yeah, there's no way. Like, but yeah, we're going down Friday, just going to go out to dinner.
00:03:59
Speaker
And then Saturday is game day. We're going with two friends. so jealous. How fun. I
Football Logistics and Nostalgia
00:04:08
Speaker
know. It's like I haven't been in so long. So we're just going to go. We got tickets.
00:04:14
Speaker
They were expensive. i I bought some game day buttons. like I'm ready. Oh, my God. I'm so jealous. I'm excited. Okay. I really, really want to plan a weekend with, like, a group of friends where we all go. And, like, i've I think that's my trouble with – people ask me all the time, like, have you been back for a game?
00:04:36
Speaker
And the truth is I'm just like, I don't know anyone there. i don't, like – i I feel like I would only enjoy – I mean, I would – let's be real. I'd enjoy myself regardless. But, like, it'd be – the only way I want to go is to, like, go with a group of girls and, like, our husbands and, like, do you know, do a weekend there.
00:04:56
Speaker
I know. This – I mean, we hadn't been in so long because we didn't know anyone. And with Ginny there – It's like, oh, this is our last chance. And we, the kids were way too little when she was like a freshman and sophomore. Oh, wait, are you going with the kids?
00:05:10
Speaker
No, they're staying here. Oh, okay. was like, wait. Hold on. The kids in an air mattress? They might at some point, but... Yeah. And it's so far for you. Like it's not that far for me. Yeah.
00:05:23
Speaker
That's the other thing is like not only would we'd have to fly into Birmingham and then rent a car and then get a hotel. It would be $5,000. Probably.
00:05:33
Speaker
but port probably But super pumped. I am really excited to go back. I hadn't gone to a game maybe since you were there still.
00:05:47
Speaker
Remember we stayed with you with um yeah and Ashley came and yep Caroline and Steven. my God. anyway my favorite um oh my god such a fun game chris and i were literally talking about how did she like alina always secure freaking tent for ticket to tailgate dude she always had one i have no idea i still to this day do not know how did she do that i i feel like norm i i don't know her dad always like had it on lock
00:06:23
Speaker
But it's crazy because they're from Sarasota, Florida. It's not like he's there. but she like, Daddy, i want to tailgate? Probably. I don't know. I think she listened. So, Lena, let us know. Maybe she can give you some pointers.
00:06:39
Speaker
And you were like, Daddy, give me that tailgate. And we loved it. God, it was so fun. She had the Chick-fil-A chicken minis every tailgate. so good so oh wait hold on i'm having a memory didn't they have like a guy that would like like the guy set it up every like norm had a guy yeah like set it up and like what yeah i don't know i don't know because i asked chris i'm like how are we getting a tailgate and he's like i don't know i'm like how do you do that i wonder if she's like i don't even know do you go to the frats
00:07:14
Speaker
I hope not. I don't want to believe that. I'd rather go to a bar. Like, take me to Innisfree. um want to trap some bears. Is that still there? yeah
Game Day Fashion and Documentation Request
00:07:25
Speaker
I think.
00:07:27
Speaker
Wow, I really need to do this with you. i like i feel I feel like a deep guttural sense of like jealousy and FOMO that like i feel like I haven't felt in a while. Because it just feels, it just feels,
00:07:44
Speaker
I feel betrayed. I know. I'm so sorry. no no, no, no. I really don't. But I, I just, it just like those memories are like so intertwined with you. You know what I mean? That it's like, it feels wrong for you to be doing it without me.
00:08:01
Speaker
ah So sorry. no, no. didn't know mean for it to. You don't need to be sorry. i promise. But I just am like, we have to do this together at some point in the next two or three years.
00:08:12
Speaker
And I am looking forward to it. I can't wait to report back on like what the girls are like and what they're wearing, what the sorority girls are like.
00:08:24
Speaker
I feel like everyone's naked now, which like y'all, if you would have seen what we wore to the game, Once again, business casual. Literally prim and proper, like not a titty to be seen. Okay.
00:08:40
Speaker
I guess not. It's crazy. Yeah. it was like, anything red goes, anything houndstooth goes. I'm just, I'm so excited to go down there and like have a little weekend with Chris and some friends and then should be good.
00:08:58
Speaker
Should be good. So fun. Wow. I'm so jealous. How fun. i cannot wait. i need you to fully vlog the experience or something and hopeful that I can feel like I'm there.
00:09:10
Speaker
Because, you know, UT's gotten pretty good. And it's kind of scary. The last game that Chris and I went to was three years ago. And we went to Knoxville. And that's when, like, UT stormed the field. They tore down the goal post and took it into, like, whatever, the river. And then my yeah brother-in-law got punched on the boat.
00:09:30
Speaker
That was so crazy. that was a crazy. That's crazy. He's a UT fan and got punched by a UT fan. Like, well, I've said so mean.
00:09:43
Speaker
I've said ah multiple times. UT is the meanest fans that I've ever encountered. Oh, my God. They were so mean. i was like, I live here. Calm down.
00:09:55
Speaker
in the In Knoxville with you. Remember? Like, I was bringing drinks. We were at a bar. i was bringing drinks back from the bar to the table. And I walked past this UT fan. And literally, this man was like, you fat bitch. Like, out of nowhere.
00:10:11
Speaker
And yeah, were we in Hannah's? Is that where like Ashley was on the ground in the bathroom?
00:10:20
Speaker
I don't I remember this place was like indoor outdoor. That's all I remember. Yeah, that place is fun. ah But I remember them being so mean. And I was like, not fat. OK, I was not fat back then. So thought fast they were so mean. I was like, oh, when I was there, people were like putting their middle finger like in my nose, like in my face and be like, fuck you.
00:10:45
Speaker
Screaming like as we were walking in the stadium, like we
Social Energy and Personal Downtime
00:10:48
Speaker
were like packed like sardines and people were like screaming. And so then I just started saying it back. I was like, let's go, 18-year-old little boy.
00:11:00
Speaker
oh man. so we'll see we encounter. Well, I can't wait to hear about that. So fun. ah can't believe I'm going.
00:11:12
Speaker
So fun. i i really am like so jealous. Candice, all I can think about is getting that like potato salad from Phil's. I don't know why I want that. I feel like it's not on the menu anymore. I feel like I actually looked that up recently and that potato casserole, I do not think they sell that anymore. Okay.
00:11:30
Speaker
I'll let that go then. Wait, I went somewhere recently where they had, to oh, it was in Anna Maria. We went to this breakfast place and they had like a, like a, yeah, it was so similar.
00:11:41
Speaker
And, oh my God, it was so delish. The only other place that has something similar is in Clarksville at Miss Lucille's where I got married. Oh my God, it's so good. i like, I daydream about it. Truly.
00:11:56
Speaker
so so yeah. God, I'm hungry right now. Honestly, we always say that we're hungry. We're always like, I'm hungry now that we've talked about food. I know. Well, I was feeling, and this will segue us into like the topic for today, but so yesterday I sat, you know, I have those three in my kitchen. We have three like dry erase calendars and I always have like the next three months, you know, on there.
00:12:22
Speaker
And Our ours needed to be updated. So on Monday, i like sat down and like updated for October, November, December, which by the way, it was so wild to see like how close we are to the end of the year. That's the first thing I'm going to say.
00:12:38
Speaker
And then we filled out everything, you know, we have going on and I was feeling so overwhelmed I'm looking.
00:12:49
Speaker
I don't know. I guess we're just in the age of birthday parties are always happening. I swear to God, Whitney, we have a birthday party once, if not twice a weekend for the next month.
00:13:05
Speaker
Do you like having that or do you not? To be honest, I feel like I've never had that much going on, and so I don't know. But when I look at it right now, like looking forward to the next month or so, i'm i'm I'm feeling already like my social battery can't handle it. and And I feel nervous about how I'm going to feel come middle of November.
00:13:30
Speaker
I feel like I forgot that ah you're you're just like so interesting because you're so social outgoing, but I forget that you need your time. Like I remember thinking that when we lived in the sorority house, like, oh, we're going to thrive here. And you like not loving because you need your time. so it's like.
00:13:50
Speaker
i love when other people like plan my things like that. And I'm like, yeah, yay yes, my weekend's filled. I don't have to think I don't have to do anything. I just get to go and be there and enjoy. And you're like, whoa, this is feeling like a lot like I didn't get a a hand in this.
00:14:09
Speaker
yeah, funny. I don't know. I am – I guess I am kind of like a juxtaposition in that way. Like I really love being social and i love I'm super outgoing. But I feel like when it comes to like social battery, like I feel like I need time to recharge. And if I if i am looking at the weekends ahead and I don't have any of that, like I feel panicky.
00:14:31
Speaker
Yeah. um So i love that's why i feel like I love like one event a weekend because I'm like – Okay, this is my – I can go into that party and shine. You know what i mean?
00:14:44
Speaker
And then – but if I have like two – like there's one day where we have three events that day and we are going to try to do all of them because we love all of those people. Yeah. I think also this is the other thing I was going to say but is that it matters of like who the person is and the people that are going to be there. Like, for
Motherhood: Fulfillment and Loneliness
00:15:06
Speaker
example, we have a birthday party for one of our good friends, kids who like we we will know everyone there. It's all the Jesuit guys like hold on.
00:15:17
Speaker
So sorry. It's like all the judge all my husband's really close friends. But then we have all these birthday parties for kids analysis class that like I don't even know what the parents look like.
00:15:28
Speaker
Like, you know what I mean? Like I don't even know their names. That feels like – It's a whole nother level of like battery drainage because I'm like.
00:15:38
Speaker
So I like gain energy from that situation. And I feel like you're so good at it though. But maybe it's just like you feel like you have to be so on that you're like I'm dying.
00:15:49
Speaker
Yeah. I feel really drained after it. Because Chris, I think I, maybe I talked about this when I went to a party where I didn't know anyone and Chris was like, are you nervous? And I was like, no, this is where I shine. Like, we'll see. Okay. But see, that's, what's interesting. I do not feel nervous at all. i I, I definitely am not nervous for those situations. Like I know I can go in and get along with everyone. I think it's just that after it, like after the situations, like I don't really want to,
00:16:19
Speaker
Like, we get back in the car, and I love to, like, debrief with Vinny, but then once we're home, like, need a second. You're like, leave alone. Well, yeah. Yeah. I'm like, nap time, bye-bye, or... Yeah. Maybe it's almost bedtime, depending on the time of the day of the party, but... Right. I mean, I agree.
00:16:37
Speaker
Ugh. With that, the segue being, we were kind of talking about, and we've discussed this before, but how motherhood can feel lonely just because you're busy in your everyday life, you're planning, you're scheduling, you're the one with the mental load, but like how motherhood can feel a little lonely. Like, does anyone else feel this way? Like we're having, we'd also talked about this, how we're having these like surface level conversations with, with these people, but we're never really getting as deep as we want to, to make real connections with other people and yeah um have other people understand the way that we're feeling. So we were like,
00:17:19
Speaker
This could be like a good or an interesting topic on hu on how motherhood has or can feel lonely at times when you're carrying it all.
00:17:31
Speaker
Yeah. And it's so weird because we're all going through it. h I mean, i can definitely speak for myself in saying that I feel lonelier sometimes. now in motherhood than I did before I had kids.
00:17:46
Speaker
And it's such a weird feeling because i ah i also feel so much more like full, like I feel full of love and full of like pride and joy. And my heart is so full, but there are definitely moments where I'm like, did I, like, i like and I think, I don't know, there there are moments where I just feel like I haven't been able to connect with people the way that I wish I could.
00:18:16
Speaker
And i mean, it goes back to even talking about these birthday parties. Like most of the time I'm there, I'm trying to like keep my head on a swivel to look at Alice and look at Evie and also like make sure Vinny's like not being a weirdo or like whatever.
00:18:29
Speaker
And no, he's, he's great at a party. I shouldn't say that. But, uh, but ah I feel like I never get to like really connect with any of these parents.
00:18:43
Speaker
And so I leave there being like, i i don't I guess I've never thought about it, but now I'm like – I think sometimes I leave these parties feeling more insecure than I did going into them because I'm like – That's such good point.
00:18:57
Speaker
Like did I even connect enough? Was I chatty enough? Did I share enough about me? And then i did I ask enough questions about them? Like did I respond – like if they asked me a question, did I ask it back?
00:19:09
Speaker
Like I start to – think about these interactions. And I think it's just the constant overstimulation and distraction from having to like, again, have my head on a swivel at these things where I just leave there not feeling fulfilled with the social interaction.
00:19:29
Speaker
I 1000% agree. And I kind of brought up to you outside of this, that that conversation was kind of brought to my attention at a Christmas party last year on how like, I felt, I feel like I am such a good person to connect with. Like personally i do.
00:19:46
Speaker
And when my group of friends were like, yeah, like we haven't really felt that much from you. And I was just shocked because I was like, it's probably just because I'm constantly overstimulated. We're constantly with our friends. Like,
00:19:58
Speaker
If we were one-on-one or like just had a girls' dinner, like you would probably get so much more out of me. But I'm also like very much the listener in the group most of the time, and I will chime in more so one-on-one. But...
00:20:13
Speaker
I don't know. It just like brought to my attention like, wow, i thought I was providing more in these situations and I'm really not showing up as like a friend as much as I thought I was. So I thought that that was like interesting and like once again, definitely made me feel insecure that I was showing up that way.
00:20:32
Speaker
Yeah. And I don't know about you, but if I have friends that don't have kids yet or even the friends who have a new baby, like maybe they just have one and they're like still in the newborn phase.
00:20:44
Speaker
Like if we're at events with them, like I feel envious of like them being able to connect better and like have deeper conversations. Because I think i actually I am someone that really values like going deep with people and like having deeper conversations. And it's probably why like doing girls trips and like having girls dinners and stuff like that is so cup filling for me because yeah it like –
00:21:14
Speaker
like fills the cup that the birthday parties drain. You know what I mean? Or those
Social Media's Impact on Connection
00:21:18
Speaker
like those surface level, those surface level interactions. Like sometimes I feel like make me feeling like my cup is empty and the dinners, the girls dinner is the one-on-one friend interactions, like fill that cup back up, you know?
00:21:33
Speaker
No, I agree. And, and they were also, there's some part of this and with social media and like with your due date groups where, You do end up breaking down that wall in the due date groups. Like if you have like a smaller chat where like it becomes less surface level, less about like, oh, did your baby sleep through the night? What did you do? What did I do? And then you really get to start talking about your family and stuff. But I don't know, a lot of social media is surface level. and And we've talked about this endlessly of how you compare your family to others. And like I'm already seeing...
00:22:09
Speaker
people's like fall pictures coming out and I'm like I'm already behind i didn't i bla blah blah like I haven't done fall pictures i actually haven't done family pictures since Margo was a newborn like what am I doing? And you know, it just, everything's, you can't help but compare ah little bit.
00:22:26
Speaker
Yeah. No, for sure. It's so true. And I mean, we've definitely talked about this like contrast before, but like how social media can make you feel connected, but it can also make you feel disconnected and being like conscious of that time on your phone.
00:22:46
Speaker
i know for me, it's like a big, like something I have to be conscious of. Cause I, I can definitely fall into like the comparison, the, I don't even want to say jealousy. That seems too intense, but like, you know what i mean? Of being like, oh, they're doing this. Like I should be doing this. I feel jealous that they're doing this or like,
00:23:06
Speaker
you know? um and it's that, that like can spiral you into lonely, lonely territory, you know? I feel like
Screen Time and Relationship Dynamics
00:23:15
Speaker
even just like doom scrolling is not helping even at night. Like I feel like Chris and I definitely need to do a better job. Like once the kids go to bed, we're both like, we're tired.
00:23:25
Speaker
We don't want to talk. We just get on our phones and like lay next to each other and play on our phones and i'm like we just need to freaking talk but okay wait have you seen those ads for those like card decks where it like gives you questions um like i get ads for them all the time and i think i might buy them honestly i feel like sometimes vinny and i look at each other like dead inside and we're like how are you no my how are you my favorite tiktoks is when like um
00:23:56
Speaker
a couple goes on vacation by themselves together and they're like, dang, I don't hate you. We got a lot in common. I still like you. It's like, all right, we're on the same team here.
00:24:07
Speaker
We got this. Yeah. I don't know. Especially that this week. We've been feelings. I mean, well, we've been sick, so that definitely is part of it. But like, I feel like last night we, the girls went to bed and Vinny and I sat there on our phones for an hour doing God knows what, honestly.
00:24:26
Speaker
I feel like I've always been bad about being on my phone, but all of a sudden I feel like Chris has jumped in on being bad about his phone. Like I never thought he was like really on it that much before. Now I feel like he really is. And I'm like, wow, am I on it as much as he is?
00:24:42
Speaker
ah definitely am. If I looked at like how much time spent, you know, cause it gives you a report every week, but I'm like, wow, we're both on our phones a lot. Yeah.
00:24:53
Speaker
Yeah, Vinny would fight me on this. He would say that we're on our phones the same amount, but I feel pretty strongly that he is 100% on his phone more than I am. Predicting.
00:25:06
Speaker
I think for me too, like we, ah the girls just want my attention more. Like I don't have the opportunity or like I don't have the luxury of just like ignore, like they're going to ask me before they ask dad for sure.
00:25:22
Speaker
So it's like, I'm the one who's forced to put down my phone. If I am on my phone, I'm like, I'm, and I, I know I've talked about this before too. Like the way that he can just tune them out and not, I was about to say the same thing.
00:25:36
Speaker
Like the way that Alice could be like, daddy, daddy, she would have to say it seven or eight times before he like is like, what? I'm like, i can't ignore it. Like I,
00:25:48
Speaker
I don't I like when he repeat back, I'm like, Chris, she's asking you to da-da-da-da-da. Like, hello. Like, he does that. He's, that's what he would do when he was, like, studying, when he was in grad school. Like, he can, like, tune out. I'm like, oh, my God. ah i We did talk about this.
00:26:06
Speaker
was like, I must have ADHD because I get distracted so easily. Yeah. I'm like, okay. It's like, yeah. it Okay, so I really like this question. Okay.
00:26:18
Speaker
that came up and it was, when was the last time you felt truly seen by somebody?
00:26:26
Speaker
That is a crazy question. I know. i know exactly. Cause it happened last Friday. So we are in the private school application,
00:26:38
Speaker
ah era. Um, you know, Vinny and I went to private school. I definitely would love to do a full episode on this once we like get deep. We're just still in the preliminary, like touring applications.
00:26:51
Speaker
But once we like get through to next year, i would love to do a whole episode on this whole process. Cause I think it would be insightful for people. But, um, anyways, we had a tour of a private school last Friday and then me and My friends, Morgan and Sean, they' we I've known Morgan since I was 13, 14 years old.
00:27:15
Speaker
Our husbands went to Jesuit together, but I also knew Morgan in high school. She went to the public high school here. in um But she always like ran in the same group. you know yeah and um Anyways, we went out to lunch after and just discussed things and then like just had the best conversations about our parents' life.
00:27:36
Speaker
life
Holiday Pressures and Community Support
00:27:38
Speaker
Travel. I mean, we just talked about so much and i walked away from that conversation being like, I'm so grateful that I'm friends with them and I'm ah feel like they understood things that I am feeling and they, it's so nice to like be going through this like private school application products like process with other people who like feel similar as me.
00:28:05
Speaker
So yeah, that's my answer is last Friday. And again, it was like a one-on-one lunch situation where I didn't have the kids yeah and it was just me and them. Vinny had to go back to work sadly or else he would be there, but.
00:28:18
Speaker
Yeah. That's what I'm kind of like thinking. i mean, we're our, we have such good friends here with all the little, little kiddos and everything. And I like the the parents individually. So, but we're going on this trip next weekend with two of the parents and I'm just so excited to like have a couple weekend because we haven't done that alone in a really long time.
00:28:40
Speaker
Or if, it Like really, really long time. We've always brought the kids if we're on vacation with somebody. So I'm excited to do that. But I'm like, I don't know. The last time like I was acknowledged for doing something was maybe just it was Chris talking about how we've been.
00:28:59
Speaker
doing stuff on the weekends with the kids. And he like randomly texted me this week and was just like, I just want to say like, I'm so proud of us for expanding our, on our weekends and like doing more. Like it feels so good to be like doing that. And he's like, I just want to give ourselves a pat on the back, which I was like, I agree. Like it was nice to feel like ah acknowledged on that end, but I'm like seen individually. yeah.
00:29:26
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know. I don't know about you, but that coming from your husband means so much more than from anyone else. Like yeah if Vinny says that says things, which by the way, that's due soon. Like Vincent, if you're listening, I'm due for some, some words of affirmation, um, for everything that I'm handling.
00:29:50
Speaker
But, um, like to hear that from your husband means so much. And ah especially as we go into this holiday season where so much pressure is put on us as moms to create magic and to keep plans like in or like organizing to have gifts to like, there's so much on extra on our mental load during the holidays that like,
00:30:19
Speaker
To be honest, like my sanity relies on those words of affirmation. Like I need to be recognized for all that I'm doing or mama's going to blow. Like that's how I feel.
00:30:35
Speaker
I mean, truly the mental load of the holidays coming up is, it's like, so you know, you're trying to create what you had when you were a child and it's like almost a little daunting. Like, you want them to have all these gifts. You want them to have that same feeling you had when you were little. And really, it's all about like being together, creating your own memories and and all that. But I totally agree. Like, I think y'all are are like already doing the right thing by putting everything on the calendar. That's so helpful, like to visualize, um, especially with your husband. But with that, like, i feel like with the holiday magic, like you said, ah big part of this, which is like
00:31:20
Speaker
Another thing you brought up earlier was like the community that you're creating to help with all of this. Yeah. Which is few and far between. Like families don't help the way they used to.
00:31:33
Speaker
i mean, you're- yeah your mom does like all the time but i was gonna say like my mom shout out to karen my mom does too and chris's family will if like we ask them to like they're gonna come up for this next weekend but it's just like it's not like what it used to be like i used to pop over to my grandparents all the time but i also so lived in the same city as them like it's a little harder to get my family up here chris's family up here so like the village isn't quite The village isn't villaging, okay? Yeah, it's not quite what it used to be, maybe.
00:32:07
Speaker
Maybe you're the exception, I guess, but I don't know. I feel like creating like your your friend community helps so much. like When I lived in my other neighborhood, like having the cul-de-sac neighbors like was such a game changer for me and like helped with my mental health just to have like adults to talk to.
00:32:28
Speaker
um And
Parenting Logistics and Emotional Reflections
00:32:29
Speaker
then with my little daycare group, I'm like so thankful for them or else I don't know what I would do every weekend. In that same vein about like the village and all of that, I feel like something I...
00:32:43
Speaker
I have gotten so much better at is what like, for example, looking at that calendar but and there's also a couple of weekends where Vinny is out of town or he's unavailable to help. And I know going to those like birthday parties by myself with both of them is like a lot.
00:32:59
Speaker
Yeah. Like I've gotten better at just saying no or Not even saying no. It's like knowing that I don't have to do it all in the sense of like, okay, I know that that's Alice's friend. I would love to connect with some of the parents there.
00:33:17
Speaker
And I can't do that if I bring Evie. So like I'm going see if I can, if my in-laws can watch Evie during this birthday party so that I can feel more connected and Alice can feel like more.
00:33:30
Speaker
One-on-one-ish. One-on-one. Yeah. And and it's like asking for help in that way that I feel like before I would just be like, all right, I'm going to tough it out. It's going to be tough. And like, I feel like I've gotten better at knowing like, okay, this is going to make me feel really overwhelmed and shitty and like less connected.
00:33:48
Speaker
So I'm going to do what I can to like remedy the situation before, you know, before I even go. um my God. We always split them up. Like Graydon went to a party on Sunday and I was like,
00:34:02
Speaker
Margo and I are staying home. I mean, Graydon was the only one invited, but I was just like, no.
00:34:08
Speaker
But it was like over nap. So i was just like, you know, I'm not willing to budge on some of that stuff. But um that is such a good example, though. Like, if you don't have to do it all and maybe split them up, like, I'm telling you, having one kid feels like nothing now that I have to do. Like my mom for like the first time ever took Graydon home on Friday.
00:34:35
Speaker
cause he wanted to spend time with my mom and my dad. So he asked. And so they took him and we only had Margo on Friday and Chris and I were like, well,
00:34:46
Speaker
One kid is easy. Like, let's go to Arrington. So we went Arrington Vineyards and like listened to jazz music and had a flight of wine. And it just was like, this is the easiest thing ever. We're just sitting here like, wow.
00:35:02
Speaker
But then she like did start running towards the road and like thought it was funny. So, I mean, we got a good like hour-ish in. Before she realized that she had wide open spaces. That this was fun to do with dad and he'll will chase me and scream like, Morrow!
00:35:17
Speaker
and so then she, yeah. yeah um So the last 15 minutes we're like, all right, we're we' done. All these older people are watching us thinking, like, these are the good old days. And i'm like, yeah. I just sat there. I let Chris run after i was like, I'm enjoying my time.
00:35:32
Speaker
But, uh, yeah, no, those, i do feel like we should, we need to do more like one-on-one things with the girls. I feel like we haven't done that in a while, which is why, like, I think these like birthday party times are great, a great opportunity for us to split them up.
00:35:54
Speaker
And like Vinny can have one-on-one time with Evie and I can have one-on-one time with Alice and, um, I don't know. I feel like the one thing that – I don't know if anyone else feels this way, like talking about all of this. I'm like, God, the logistics that go into every part of motherhood are so draining.
00:36:16
Speaker
Like even just talking about that, of like, you take her. I take this. Let's blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, oh my God. Like my life was so free and easy before. Yeah. Don't get me wrong. Like, of course, I really do love, like, I love it so much. I just sometimes like, ah you know, it's like lot. I think about that with work a lot too. Like a lot of my counterparts um don't have kids.
00:36:43
Speaker
And I think, man, they just get to roll up to work in the morning. Like just get ready and go. Man, they get to go home. And if something pops up, they can just work on it and like free up that anxiety space in their head of, oh, I, I,
00:36:57
Speaker
I need to get that done instead of like, well, i have to do bath and then I have to do dinner and then I have to put them to bed and then I can finally work on it. And I'm like, I'm kind of jealous of like that feeling sometimes.
00:37:09
Speaker
Oh, 100% am. one hundred percent But I don't know. And then, so there was another question I thought that was interesting. um And it's how can we better support other moms when we're already stretched than ourselves? I think this all the time of how like so many of our friends are going through different things in their life. And i want to be there for them and like, listen to what they're feeling. And then I'm like, am I doing enough? Like, am I showing up enough for them too? Even though like I'm so busy and so wrapped up in my own little world.
00:37:45
Speaker
I'm like, how can I just be there more? Yeah. I think it's being intentional about one-on-one time and like kid-less time.
00:38:00
Speaker
and then the other thing I think about is like, again, looking ahead at all of these birthday parties we have coming up. And like, again, something else that's on my list is like gifts.
00:38:10
Speaker
Like, oh my gosh, I need to have a gift for each of these parties. And like, but bla blah, blah, blah. I think something I want to be intentional about going forward is, and as I have, again, like I'm going to have birthday parties for my girls. Right.
00:38:26
Speaker
And I know our families are going to bring gifts. Right. But I feel like I want to be intentional about taking that weight off of like my friends, ma like my mom friends that are in the same phase with us right now that like have two young kids. I know that they're running around like a chicken with their head cut off too.
00:38:47
Speaker
Like, I really want to be intentional to be like, listen, you do not need to bring a gift to this. Like, please do not. I promise you do not bring a gift or just like, if we're having friends over for a get together to watch football, like I feel like that's ah a support thing for me of being like, don't feel like you need to bring anything. I know that that's like the, uh, what's, what's it called? Like the manners thing is like, Oh, bringing something like, what can I bring?
00:39:18
Speaker
But like truly take the pressure off yourself. Like I, it's not expected. And yeah, I don't know. I feel like
Support Networks and Parenting Challenges
00:39:25
Speaker
that's like something i I feel so relieved when I get texts like that to be like, hey, do not bring a gift. like Do not feel the need to, blah, blah. blah I'm like, oh thank God. It's something off of my list.
00:39:37
Speaker
Yeah. That's a good thing. Yeah. I know. I just... We're all going through it and it's all, it's like such a little silent noise. I do feel like personally, like it's gotten better as they've gotten older, they are able to entertain themselves a little more. There are still such hard days. I literally had one yesterday and I hadn't had one in a really long time.
00:40:03
Speaker
um where I was just like, man, what's going to give like, I'm having a rough night tonight. Yeah. Um, so there are still really hard days. Um, and I feel like the only people I commiserate with is like you and Chris, like you're my sounding board.
00:40:20
Speaker
I think it's so important to have that person that's going through like the same things you are in life to be able to just like talk about any inconvenience. Like it's so helpful.
00:40:32
Speaker
um It is. It really is. Like, I don't know what I would be doing right now if I didn't have you, like, or my due date group, like no yeah people that are going through the same things. Like I would be a shell of a human, more of a shell than I am now for sure.
00:40:49
Speaker
I swear. I think that's why it was like a little harder for me with my first, because like I didn't have as many like sounding board situations or I didn't know ah what to talk about or like if what I was feeling was okay to feel as a first time mom.
00:41:04
Speaker
And I'm like, oh my gosh, like I'm drowning. Like, is this normal? Like, it's such a crazy feeling when you're a first time parent, but now it's like also normal. And now that I'm like on the other side, I'm just like, whew, it's hard.
00:41:18
Speaker
Yeah, it really is. Like it's
00:41:23
Speaker
And it's so like, you know, again, you're fed this narrative that like motherhood supposed to be the most fulfilling, the most. And it is. it is. But it's also on the flip side, like can be very lonely and draining and hard.
00:41:39
Speaker
So. and I know that I'm going to look back on these times and like love it and want it and well what miss it. Is like you you can look back on pictures now of them when they're little and all you see is like,
00:41:52
Speaker
my baby and you don't think wow that was hard unless you're like crying in a photo that maybe you took no it's so true it's like when your child had hand foot mouth you're not seeing his viral about how many ounces they ate and your boob being clogged and like it's true yeah you're just like oh my god and my baby they're so big now and like all those memories are just like pictures and you're not thinking of the mental load that you had that day so yeah So true. Crazy. Motherhood's crazy.
00:42:25
Speaker
God love them. It They literally like put me through the ringer last night, this morning on the way to school, both in the car. I love you, mommy. Okay. All is forgiven. All is right in the world. Everything's fine.
00:42:37
Speaker
Everything's fine. Oh, I love when Alice says my face. I mean, I love when she says I love you, but she'll sometimes say, mommy, you're my best friend. And I'm like, what? I love you so much.
00:42:49
Speaker
Graydon says, you're my best friend. You can come to my party. That's what he says. I'm like, okay. Perfect. You're like, I threw it. I threw your party, Mr. Man. i planned all of that.
00:43:02
Speaker
That's his like way of being inclusive. You can come to my party. What party? Let's go. yeah Can't wait. Oh my gosh. Well, if you are, I mean, I feel like so many of us that are listening to this are in the trenches, but we see you and I, are you yeah, we are you literally.
00:43:24
Speaker
And
Encouragement and Closing Invitation
00:43:25
Speaker
we encourage you to like, Make sure you're taking time two make connection and like make a deeper connection with people around you.
00:43:37
Speaker
Lean on your village. Be a villager if you see a mom in need that like you can tell. Like that's the other thing I was going to say is I feel like there are other moms that like I can think of one in particular that I like reached out to. I knew that she had just lost a friend and obviously very familiar with that whole situation.
00:44:01
Speaker
So I just, I was like, do you want to get coffee after like drop off one day and just like chat? And so It's like we need that from other moms, but also like we have to remember that in order to keep the like universe of moms like going, that you also have to be the person sometimes that like reaches out and plans the thing. um And if you want a village, you have to be a villager. Like that's such a truth.
00:44:31
Speaker
So. That was really nice of you. Oh, thanks. Hope it happens. I love you guys. And.
00:44:43
Speaker
that And I love you. and I love you. love you. Bye. bye Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday. And don't forget, the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there.
00:44:59
Speaker
All right. Gotta go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.