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EP 142 : Happy Moms Care Less?
1.1k Plays1 day ago
This week’s episode is a little bit of everything… but also very much about that feeling you don’t really say out loud as a mom of two.
We’re talking about the weird push and pull of life with a second child. The “I care so much” mixed with “why do I… kind of not care?” energy. The guilt, the acceptance, the reality that everything just looks different the second time around. Less urgency, less stress… but also less time, space, and attention. It’s complicated.
Whitney recaps her beach vacation and the very real vacation blues that hit when you get home. Candace shares about her due date trip to NYC, what it brought up emotionally, and the anxiety leading up to it.
And then we take a hard left into a memory from college… living through the devastating tornado in Tuscaloosa in April 2012 and what that experience was like in real time.
A little reflective, a little chaotic, a little “how did we get here?” — just like always.
In this episode:
- The emotional weirdness of having a second baby
- Why everything feels more relaxed… and why that can feel bad
- “Dragging your feet” and mom guilt
- Whitney’s post-vacation slump
- Candace’s NYC trip + pre-trip anxiety
- Living through the 2012 Tuscaloosa tornado
Keep up with the Moms and join the conversation on our socials:
📸 Instagram: @momgroupchat
🎵 TikTok: @momgroupchat
Questions/comments/need to vent? Email us at momgroupchat@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introductions and Return from Vacation
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it.
00:00:12
Speaker
Oh, we're going to get into it. What up, moms? My name is Candice, and I'm here with my best friend, Whitney, and this is the Mom Group Chat Podcast. Hey, guys. Hello. I'm back from vacation, and I have the blues.
00:00:29
Speaker
Oh, I was about to ask if you have the Sunday scaries, but it is not Sunday. Yeah, I feel like it's more like... I've been out of the game for a little bit. It's actually like, okay, this is like a a take that I've discovered. um It's when you take a shorter amount of time away from work, it's actually harder than the week long vacation because, know, You're kind of like, ah, someone figured it out while I was gone.
00:00:54
Speaker
You know, someone else figured it out and they've they're not waiting for me to reply. And so now I'm just like catching up. I'm like, oh, that got done. That's great. Oh, this is done over here. And so now I'm just like my emails are like, bing, bing, bing, dropping. I'm like, OK, now let's like dig into what really needs to be done.
Vacation Reflections and Hot Takes
00:01:12
Speaker
So on it has it's like a a nice take, like take the longer vacay.
00:01:18
Speaker
Yeah, that is a good hot take because it's so true. Like, I feel like if your team or like, you know, the people that you work with are like, oh, she'll be back on Monday. Like if it's a long weekend and you're just out Friday, they'll be like, oh, we'll just she'll figure it out when she gets back. But if the whole team knows you're gone for a week, they're like, oh, damn, she's gone like We have to figure this out.
00:01:46
Speaker
if you if it's a short term they're still like oh she's still an option to help or fix or whatever Exactly. So yeah, that part has been nice. Like, yes, I have some things I need to like catch up on, but otherwise I'm feeling easy, bruisey, beautiful cover girl. yeah I love it. I love it so much.
00:02:06
Speaker
I miss you. i I know. I feel like I've just been with people so much. I haven't had a chance to like, talk to you and my mom the two people I talked to yeah yeah I'm like oh I feel removed from normal life but it was so fun ah so fun yeah feel like I had mad jealousy about your trip it just looked so beautiful and um
00:02:38
Speaker
like stunning. The group looked fun. I loved like all the pictures of like all the kids together. i feel like that's like a vision board thing for me. Like I just want all of our friends to like travel together and like have all of our kids play and know each other so well. And like, so it's just so sweet. Like it just warmed my heart and I was jealous for sure.
00:03:02
Speaker
It's so funny. My mom always like jokes. She's like, so you're going on vacation with the people you hang out with like every weekend. And i'm like, yep, that's who I'm going with. It's the same old crew. um But they are also tight and they play so well together, which is nice. ah Yeah.
00:03:21
Speaker
and i just feel like i've okay everyone loves 30a which is like the panhandle florida it's like a little strip of the road 30a highway um and everyone loves it and i it's always just been like okay to me it's always felt like really crowded but i think we found like the perfect time to go like after spring yeah break which we only have before or some we only have one more before we're in the school system and then we have to do spring break but This was a good time to go. i i think we found the hack of where we stayed was really clutch. I've always had to drive into Seaside, which is kind of like the cute little hub where all the shops and restaurants and you can drink and take it and walk around. And we found the hack of like staying so close
00:04:06
Speaker
that you could walk. And I was like, Oh, that changed things because it was take like, even if you stay two miles away, it was taking 30 minutes to get there. So that was so nice. um and the place we stayed had like beach club access. So we had the access to the pools with, there's a, ah camp watercolor, which had a kids camp that had water slides and lazy river. It was crazy. Like super, super family.
Family Vacations: Challenges and Joys
00:04:36
Speaker
friendly. I was like, holy shit, this is like where to go because it's so beautiful. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Good to know. we i feel like we never venture up to that part of Florida, you know, just because, yeah, but I will say, I don't think there's a lot. I mean, maybe I just haven't looked, but I feel like there's more family friendly,
00:04:59
Speaker
like big places like that where like there's like beach club and like, I mean, there are hotels. You have Disney. Yeah. Like, come on. know. Why would you go up there when you could go right there?
00:05:10
Speaker
Yeah. ah the And it's funny. Literally yesterday we went to a hotel in Orlando to celebrate our little best friend's birthday. They were just staying for the weekend and they invited us to come and like do the pool and stuff. And it was kind of, it was the Marriott world center, which is like the,
00:05:28
Speaker
It's gigantic. I mean, and it has like... a world center. It's like, that's literally what it's called. It's right outside Disney. It's like the big Marriott. It's attached to a convention center. So it's like huge.
00:05:42
Speaker
And anyways, that place was kind of like that. Like it had everything and there was like the kids pool and a kids play area and they had kids activities. And we spent the day there and I was like, damn, it is so nice to spend somewhere that like, or to go somewhere that is so family friendly where like, yeah it does take pressure off of you as a parent, you know?
00:06:03
Speaker
So I'm so glad y'all had the best time. yeah it was so lovely. And I mean, there was nine kids. So, wow you know, there there were days or like not even days. It was like little moments of like chaos. where they all would be like, ah, at one time. And you're like, oh, my god are we ever And then, boom, you go outside to the pool, remove the walls, and everything's fine. They're jumping in, loving life. will say the kids by the end of the week were getting, like, raw in between their legs from the beach. Like, you know how you get sand? And so they were walking around like like corn cobs up their butt. It was so...
00:06:43
Speaker
funny and I felt so bad. Margo was not having it. She was crying. That last day at beach. Poor thing. I was like, we're going to the pool. I was like so overwhelmed at that point. Like it was just the very end. I'm like, I can't take the crying anymore. um Yeah.
00:07:02
Speaker
Not that she did it the whole time. No, I know. The beach with little ones is tough. I am this stage of my life, like don't me wrong, I love going with them, but it's also like I'm sorry, but the pool is so much easier.
00:07:15
Speaker
well And when you ask them, what was your favorite part? They say the pool. And I said, cool. We'll never leave our house again. Just kidding. They loved it. And they are already asked to go um so it was just like so lovely we had like shopping times like where the girls will all go out and like get drinks and like shop which there's so much shopping oh my god you get anything good oh yeah i mean i'm going palm beach in june so have like six weeks until then i was like there's so many beachy fun colors down there i was like i'll wear this in palm beach i'll wear this in palm beach
00:07:57
Speaker
So i was like shopping. i could not contain myself, Candice. I could not. That's so nice. And it was just great. The the girls flew with the kids. And so, well, I only had Margo and Chris took Graydon. So, man, it was so easy on the plane. um We raw dogged it. We just played with a busy board because it was like an hour flight. And she did great. yeah And on the way down, she napped. And I got to hold like a little bit.
00:08:26
Speaker
baby, you know, like she napped on me. i was like, this is so sweet. Um, but yeah, 10 out of 10 loved it.
Weather and Travel in Florida
00:08:35
Speaker
Got the blues now and the weather was great. me Yeah. Oh my God. You came at a good, I mean, I don't know why it's so far from us. Like we're in Florida, but we're just like seven hours from there. So, um, but yeah,
00:08:48
Speaker
The weather last week was so beautiful. It like wasn't super, super hot. It's not hot all. yeah so lovely. It was lovely. It was like in the high 70s. Yeah. So nice. i have actually saw the weather this morning and it was like, get ready for our first heat wave. And I did. I opened up the more or i opened up the door this morning and it was so hot and humid. I was like, oh, hello, summertime. I forgot that you were coming for me.
Reflecting on the Tuscaloosa Tornado Experience
00:09:17
Speaker
Oh, man. I'm Iris was like, ah tornado threats tonight and tomorrow. i was like, okay.
00:09:24
Speaker
I keep seeing that. A bunch of girls in my do-day group that live in like Kansas City and like it's already started. i mean, yeah. Last April was like... when we had that crazy, crazy tornado threats every hour on the hour. And we were like, do we get the kids out of bed this time and and take them back to the basement? And that that was like the worst night ever last year. was so tired. I go to the office.
00:09:48
Speaker
What? I just looked at the date and it's April 27th, which is um the anniversary of the Tuscaloosa tornado we lived through. i always, every time I- Have talked about that on here?
00:10:00
Speaker
I don't know. But Whitney and I lived through one of like the most devastating tornadoes in history. It was 15 years ago. mean, it's literally all over my Facebook right now.
00:10:13
Speaker
But it was so freaking scary. Yeah. Yeah, it was the scariest night of my life, probably. like ah Like, it was apocalyptic. Like, the next day, none of the phones were working.
00:10:27
Speaker
Power was out everywhere. Like, shit was, you couldn't even drive. Like, Chris and i decided to drive up to the Cracker Barrel. You know where you had to get go up like a few exits and where we finally got like power again because we had to sleep with the windows open. Like air conditioning wasn't working. and do just i don't think I slept at all that night. my God. Sirens were just going off all night. I bet up we went to bed at 2 and we woke up at 4 and we were like, we got to get out of here. And we...
00:10:54
Speaker
Yeah. Drove up to crack. I was like, pack your bags. Get up here now. Yeah. That's how my mom, my mom did not know that I was alive. Like that's how she was freaking out. Like, and I remember the next morning, I don't think I slept at all that night. And we went back to the woodlands, obviously our apartment and we didn't have power or anything. And I remember just being like, I'm just going to pack my stuff and start driving to Tampa. I was like, I don't know what else to do. And I think they had sent out an email or something that was like, just go home if you can. Get out of Tuscaloosa if can. The best email ever was like, you can take your grade as is. Exams are canceled. Yeah. Yeah. Like they just were like, everyone get the fuck. Cause they, the, the damage was so bad that it was like gonna, I mean, we even the next year we came back and it was still crate. Like, so it was not, you know, normal anyways.
00:11:52
Speaker
And I remember the night before the tornado, dealt or da-di-da as we used to call it had a like philanthropy event. Oh, did they? And yes. Were you with Kirby?
00:12:05
Speaker
Yes. Okay. And one of our friends like was head of philanthropy or something. And I'll never forget being outside of our apartment and like packing up stuff in my car. I didn't know when I would be back or like what I was doing. My parents didn't know I was alive. I didn't have a phone. There was no...
00:12:24
Speaker
Like they couldn't have, they didn't have power to take credit cards, you know? So I remember he had a, a envelope of cash from the philanthropy event, like obviously that they had, and he was just passing cash out to people because people had to have cash to get gas.
00:12:40
Speaker
And he was like, just take it. Like, ah this is money that was given for philanthropy and, like, our people need it right now. And I remember he like handed lots yeah i remember he like, handed me $100. He was, like, handing out $100 bills in the parking lot. And he was like, just get gas and go home. Like, get out of here. – I remember I went to the gas station. I put gas in my car with the cash and I started driving and i had to drive two hours till I found a Walmart and they had power. And I went inside and I bought a phone charger and I sat at the Walmart and charged my phone up enough to call my mom. And I called my mom and I was like, She's sobbing. She was like, I thought you were dead. She was like, I was calling police stations. And she was like, no one would talk to me. I'm like, yeah, like that city is destroyed. Like no one's.
00:13:33
Speaker
Yeah. Anyways. um And I was like, I'm on my way home. I'll be home in like seven hours. And I drove home. It was like the crate. And then we just didn't go back until.
00:13:46
Speaker
I don't even remember. I don't even remember going back. I think did summer school between junior and senior year. I came back. I think I did too.
00:13:59
Speaker
So did I because I had to work. Like I worked at the Woodlands, I remember. so i think i But I don't think I came back until like the beginning of June or something. yeah but Like I was gone. up Mm-hmm.
00:14:11
Speaker
we went to Knoxville. My mom was in Knoxville. And when she was just like, drive up here, I'll pay for, I'll pay for you and Chris all weekend. And so we just drove up to Knoxville and I remember rolling up and they were at a bar, like almost like a Buffalo wild wing situation. And we told the waitress that we lost our IDs in the storm.
00:14:32
Speaker
And so they gave us drinks. Yeah. Wait, that's brilliant. Honestly, we were 20. Oh, gosh. We were so naughty.
00:14:43
Speaker
um But, yeah, that was so crazy. I mean, we lived um at the Woodlands, like she said, and literally the devastation happened a mile from our home. Like, if it had hit our apartments, it would have been matchsticks, like, on the ground. Yeah. Yeah. But we lived like a mile from Target. So we drove up to the Target, like the secret back roads to Target and you could look down and everything was flattened.
00:15:10
Speaker
Like, yeah, it was crazy. So crazy. Yeah. who Man, crazy times. I always think about that day and like how i feel like I don't know. Maybe I've just lived through so much other shit in my life since. But like looking back, like that really was like a crazy traumatic like thing that we got It was just over 200 people died. And I mean, to this day, like I dream of like tornadoes. Like it was just like one of those like natural disasters that I mean, you've had to do that. And now you're flood like you've gone through too.
00:15:51
Speaker
Yeah, it's crazy. And tornadoes will always be present because I live in Tornado Alley now. mean, hurricanes will always be part of my life, sadly. Like Vinny and I have already said like, okay, we're entering summertime. Like last year, we nothing happened and I'm like,
00:16:12
Speaker
I'm like, we got to prepare for this year just in case. Like, I just like never feel I'm like ah so a big scaredy cat. Like I have a whole like bunker downstairs, like prepped for tornadoes and stuff. But don't know.
00:16:28
Speaker
You almost need to like build a storm shelter, like build your house around like an underground yeah store shelter. It's so scary. Yeah.
00:16:37
Speaker
Uh, well, anyways, that took a turn of what I wasn't planning to talk about that, but that's just like, I looked at the date and like this date will always stick in my head, you know? For sure. Um, well, how did we even get here? How did we even start talking about tornadoes? can't even remember. don't know.
00:16:55
Speaker
Shoot. I mean, don't know. but The weather. We were talking about spring and summer. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. We're back. We're back. Yeah. we Um, you know, it's this, this show should just be called like tangents. Period. Side tangents.
00:17:13
Speaker
Side tangents. Literally. yeah.
New York City Adventures
00:17:18
Speaker
Yeah. Well, i went on my little due date trip to New York City. Yes. So inspired. i want to hear it all.
00:17:27
Speaker
It was so fun. it was so, yeah. Whitney knows I had a lot of anxiety before I went. I like, I just had so much anxiety. I think it was just back to back travel. You know, we had just gotten home from San Diego and then I was like literally home for three days and then I left for New York again. So it was just a lot back to back.
00:17:46
Speaker
I will say I'm so grateful for like a couple weeks slash over a month of like true no travel plans. We leave for Lake Tahoe on June 20th.
00:17:59
Speaker
I will be traveling again in June, but I'm excited for some time at home. And the trip was so fun and so needed. i love my due date group so much.
00:18:12
Speaker
Those bitches are my girls. Okay. um And we had so much fun. I also will say like 48 hours in new York City is chef's kiss. It is. You can eat and drink and see.
00:18:26
Speaker
And then you're coming home right as you're starting to hit that point of like tired and exhausted. So you're not like, I feel like most of the time when I go to New York City, I always want to like stay for four or five days. And every time I come back, I'm like literally a shell of a human. I'm so tired. And like, it's just too much. So 48 hours, man.
00:18:51
Speaker
It's good. So good. It's so good. I ate so much pizza. We had so many good, like so much good food and restaurants. We went out to the club. When I think of New York, I'm like, I want to eat somewhere cute. Yeah.
00:19:06
Speaker
Okay. Next time you go, you need to go to this place called jeans. Like J E A N S. It's like a celeb place. Our shout out to Caitlin.
00:19:17
Speaker
Her cousin is a, is a server there. So she got us in It was like the like facey delish. Some of the best food I have ever had for real. And you're saying facey.
00:19:31
Speaker
Well, it's just like a place that's like hard to get into. And the and then you go to the the downstairs is a club. And like. could you Is that where you went to the club? Yeah. So we literally had dinner upstairs.
00:19:44
Speaker
Oh, we danced. Nothing more that I love than Candice in a club. Just Candice dancing. it is the most entertaining thing you will ever see. I hope someone, at some of y'all get to witness it one day. It's the best.
00:20:02
Speaker
Okay, hold on. Well, when you saying that makes it sound like I'm bad. are you saying it like I'm bad or I'm good or I'm just... You're good. i feel like you have an alter ego. yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I think I just get in the music. Candice confident and it's so fun to watch. like And you're just a good dancer. Like, you have the best rhythm. Like, it's you're just fun to be around in that environment. Thank you I do thrive in a club. I love to dance. And it was so fun. The only thing I will say, which this is such like a grandma thing to say, which is kind of odd for a club, but it was fucking freezing down there. oh They had the air on full blast. Maybe they were like just prepping for it to be like filled with bodies. And we were, i do feel like we were kind of there on the early side. Like we got there around like 10, 30, 11 ish probably probably.
00:20:56
Speaker
we We left at like almost 2 a.m. So we were there for a while. yeah And it did get warmer. But when we first got there, we all were like, so cool like grandma needs a sweater. Okay. Um, it was freezing, but, uh, the place was so cool and such good food. And it's just so nice to connect with these women that like, I most of the time talk to online, you know, and like through a chat. So it's just nice to like connect in person. And, um,
00:21:29
Speaker
Yeah, it's just fun. Love those ladies so much. I'm glad you had fun. I'm excited to go on mine. Like we've only gone on one date group trip and I've seen like some of them sprinkled in here and there. Like if they come to Nashville or I happen to be somewhere where they live. So this is the first time I'm seeing them since October, 2024.
00:21:49
Speaker
four It was the last time our our group was together. So I'm excited. Of course, I've seen Brittany here and there because she lives so close to you. And now you hang out with Brittany more than me. But yeah, she's coming. Yeah. I thought about her on.
00:22:05
Speaker
i just should have invite like she should have came with me to that page event. It would have been nice to have a friend. Yeah. Yeah. ah probably a lot I know i went to the opening of the new page denim store here in Tampa. They invited me, which was so nice and fun. And, um,
00:22:26
Speaker
And that dress you got, I can't stop thinking about it on you. Okay. It's funny. look so fab. Thank you so much. I have a we have Vinny's sister's engagement party on, um, and it's like Olivia's hosting it. So it's at her sister's house. It'll be like upscale house party is kind of like what I'm thinking. And so I texted her yesterday and I was like, can I wear this denim dress to the engagement party? And she was like, yes. Okay. And I was like, perfect. um Because I'm so excited to like style it a little more. but yeah that dress was so, it it was one of those dresses, you know, when you like find a dress and you zip it up and it was like, this was made for my body. That's how that felt.
00:23:06
Speaker
It looks good. It's really cute. Thanks. ah But yeah, that was fun. yeah. It and then I went to anthro. I just had myself a little like solo evening on Friday because I went to that event and Vinny had the girls and I kind of just like took my time. I went to anthro and like shopped around and he like fed them dinner and like they went outside and I it was
Transitioning Back to Normal Life
00:23:32
Speaker
just nice. I got home and I was like, oh, what a beautiful evening.
00:23:35
Speaker
Mm hmm. Lovely Friday, it sounds like. Yeah. We got back on Friday and I was like, I need a break. Even though I was still like that in vacay mode, Chris was like, I'm not drinking tonight. And I was like, you're a quitter. But then I didn't. And it made me feel better.
00:23:52
Speaker
That is so funny. um Vacay mode is hard to switch out of sometimes. You're like, I know if I, if I know if I quit, then I'm going to feel done. Yeah. Yeah.
00:24:04
Speaker
Yeah. Well, remember we'd always come back from spring break and we're like Jonesing. We're like, we can't stop. You know, that was probably alcoholism, honestly. But like it was college, you know? Yeah.
00:24:19
Speaker
We're back. It's fine. No. It's fine. It's it's fine. i I actually drank every, I drank on Friday. i drank on Saturday and I drank on Sunday this weekend. So i need to get my shit together, but it's fine.
00:24:32
Speaker
It is. We're bad. Yeah. ah Okay. Well, one thing I wanted to talk about today is some like I don't even know. I saw this video about mom guilt recently that kind of has been ringing in my brain about like guilt is a choice. And like, I just feel like you don't. I saw that video, I think.
00:24:52
Speaker
Yeah. Is it of JC? i don't know. It was like advice someone got and it was like saying that guilt was a choice. No, maybe it was if something else where. Maybe I was just talking to that lady. Susie. She was like, yeah, you just have to choose. Yeah. So I've been trying to embody that. Yeah. Like I've been trying to embody like not feeling guilt about things, but that being said, i have just maybe not even guilt is the right word. I'm just feeling like behind or like bad, just generally bad that I've been dragging my feet with some things in regards to
00:25:32
Speaker
Evie and I've been dragging my feet with some things with Evie in the sense of like transitions that need to be made, ah just implementing some changes, I guess, like the biggest one being the pacifier. And I feel like I've talked about giving it up so many times on this podcast and I still have not done it. And I just had this moment over the weekend that was like, why the fuck can't I bring myself to make this change? Like, and it's the same thing with potty training. Like, and I'm beating myself up a little bit about it. Thinking about Evie's going to summer camp like Alice did when she was two. She'll start in June.
00:26:12
Speaker
And I'm just kind of like... yeah Alice was almost fully potty trained when she went to summer camp in when she was two. And like, I have not even started and we're a month out ish from that. And I'm just like, i don't know. I'm beating myself up about it and I'm feeling bad that I keep dragging my feet about it. But then also on the flip side, I'm kind of like, ah I just don't have the energy to care. Yeah.
00:26:42
Speaker
I feel like that's where i am. When Candice brought this up, I was like, this is such good timing. And I can't tell if it's because I have now like realized like I was just putting the pressure on myself before.
00:26:56
Speaker
um or Or I don't know. I'm just like so much more relaxed and letting it happen versus like pushing it, I guess. Yeah. Um, I did push the pacifier thing because I let it drag on until he was three, almost three. Um, and then with potty training school did that. But like I said, i don't know. I just feel like i I'm just so much more relaxed with the things I'm doing with her. And I think it's like kind of showing up in a positive way.
00:27:30
Speaker
Or maybe it just seems that way because I'm not putting the pressure on myself this time. Yeah. Yeah. I do feel like the way I thought about this the other day, i feel like the way to be the happiest mom possible is to give less fucks.
00:27:47
Speaker
honestly, like, and I feel, but I still have these moments. Like I had this weekend of like feeling like I'm behind or like, I haven't done enough or i feel bad that things are so like dragging out, but I'm also like, am I just making myself unhappy by focusing on that rather than like, Oh, like she can count to 15 and like all these other positive things. Like I'm just focusing on the wrong milestones, I guess, or like focusing on the negative things, the things that are dragging rather than the things that are thriving, you know? Yeah.
00:28:25
Speaker
I don't know. I felt like I felt this way specifically about potty training. So I thought it was funny you brought this up yesterday. um and I was like, Oh, when Graydon switched to that class transition to the class, the potty training class, like he kind of took to it and yeah I mean it took him a while like I'd say a month but like he was very into it Margo is like a crier she doesn't like the toilet like she's like has an aversion so she's like really not into it she wants her diaper all of the fucking sudden yesterday
00:29:00
Speaker
I'm going to pee in the potty. Did it all day. All day. All day. I would ask her. She'd say yes. This morning, I'm like, she woke up. I said, do you need to pee pee? She said yes. So I took her to potty. I'm like, okay.
00:29:14
Speaker
who Okay. Okay. Okay. That's giving me some life. I literally did not push it. I didn't read books about it.
00:29:25
Speaker
They just kind of have introduced it at school and she's been in that new class for three weeks. Hence, we missed all last week. Sunday, boom. She's just like, I think I said, she's like, yeah, I think I want to go on the potty. And I said, oh, I'll take you. She just fucking did it.
00:29:41
Speaker
I'm like, okay, so that it just is like, It's true. It's off. I'm not pushing it. She just did it. I'm like, oh my God. Yeah. I got a notification from school. Yay. Peed on the potty.
00:29:58
Speaker
Beautiful. Done. Okay. That's making me feel better. Because I think that's something else I'm like wrestling with about the potty thing is I remember Alice feeling so ready and like asking for it. And I don't know that Evie's there. I don't know if Evie's it Margo's like a little over two and a half. And she's just now shown interest. And I'm just not pushing it. I feel like, I don't know. It's just...
00:30:24
Speaker
happen yeah and i don't know I feel like I used to when you say like behind on stuff I'm like I felt like I used to work really hard with Graydon on like um I don't know like months and numbers and ABCs and ever since Mario's been born born I'm just like they'll figure it out at school And so I kind of feel guilty. I don't like sit down and like do that kind of stuff. Like the only time that they're really focused with me is in the car.
00:30:54
Speaker
And that is like a little piece of time that I have to like talk to them. So we really talk about feelings and we talk about like sometimes we'll talk about animals and things like that. But I don't know. I i do feel guilty that I'm behind on some of that. Yeah.
00:31:11
Speaker
I think part of this like feeling of behind, at least for me, for sure, is like just the lack of time I have with the second child. Like I feel like with Alice, I had so much time like to concentrate on just. Yes.
00:31:26
Speaker
Like I had so I had all of this space to like research and think about it and plan and. order the things I need. Like the, the way that ordering a new potty has been on my list for over two months yet. Why haven't I ordered it? Because I just want to like weigh all my options. Our bathroom here is much smaller than our bathroom at our old house. So the potty sitting on the floor is like not going to work. So I need to like figure out a toilet attachment option, I think. And we um so it's just,
00:32:00
Speaker
I feel like this is something Vinny also doesn't understand is like the research and like mental load that goes into these sorts
Parenting Dynamics and Challenges
00:32:09
Speaker
of transitions. For him, he's like, let's start potty training Evie.
00:32:12
Speaker
Like for him, it's like, he'll just say that. And I'm like, okay, sure. But also like, there's all of this like stuff, like we need a potty seat. I would like there to be like a structure. Like I feel, you know,
00:32:26
Speaker
And maybe I'm overthinking it. Maybe I am. But I just feel like that's the difference, the big difference between first child and second child is like with Alice, I had all of this space to like think and research and and like weigh options and talk to friends about. And like I just feel like my window of time with Evie is so much smaller yeah that I just feel bad about that. And then I think about, okay, we're going maybe have a third baby. And then I'm like – The fuck happens then? like That's why the middle child gets lost in the sauce every time. It's like, how does that work?
00:33:06
Speaker
No telling. I don't know. They're just going to be in a diaper until they're six, I guess. I will say the family that was with us on vacation, they had three kids and they made it look, I don't know how they like actually felt.
00:33:19
Speaker
They made it look so lovely and cute. Amazing. and the The baby was everyone's baby. Like everyone's obsessed with baby Lola.
00:33:30
Speaker
And, um, shut the fuck up. I, you guys, and you know, I love that name. Lola was on our short list, but Vinny wasn't sold. Lola's so cute. I'm obsessed. and And don't know. They just like are killing it. And I'm like, wow, so cool of them to come on a trip when they have an eight month old or yeah. Yeah. she's eight months And it's just like, wow. Like if I was a first time mom, I don't know if I would have done it. Like I would have been, i don't want all the kids in my, in the baby's face. Like I can't put her down. Cause they were all over her. Like yeah literally. yeah.
00:34:05
Speaker
It was just really endearing to see. Yeah. Well, I also feel like there's a common thread through things we hear from third-time moms, and it's just that you really don't care anymore. You got to do it. And it's go with the flow, and you really have no choice but to be that way. So I do feel like that does make me feel better. I feel like these, like, like I obviously, like I said, feel like I care less than I did with Alice, like with the second baby. It's like, it's like I'm shedding layers of caring. And I feel like if I were to have a third, the layers, the last layers would be shed. And you're just kind of like, whatever happens, happens. And you figure it out. And like, the baby's going to be fine.
00:34:50
Speaker
Everyone is fine. yeah. Yeah, the last born has less strings. Like I think of like my family and I'm like, oh my God, they had Ashley on such a tight leash and she rebelled so much. And I was on such a loose, like different life, I guess. I like i feel like we kind of grew up differently and I don't know, it's just less rules. Like you kind of like the parents know what the kids are going to get into or like how they sneak out of the house or how they get in trouble. So I don't know. It's just like very different how you raise them. And I like i think these second kids are, yeah, they're wild, but they're like going to be easygoing.
00:35:33
Speaker
Yeah. because We're just ease like, and don't know more easygoing parents this round. Yeah. True. You hold things so much more loose, you know? here but so anyways the the difference between Graydon and Margo is like we gave we rewarded Margo for peeing on the potty the biggest difference I I'm like I don't know if it's because of like how we raised Graydon versus Margo but like we gave her the gift it was done like she never asked for another gift after every other potty it was just it that was it she was happy she got her gift if it was Graydon he would like
00:36:10
Speaker
wants something every single time oh that's Alice yeah and he would have thrown a fit like honestly and be like well yeah what about and he would have been like very i just like is it because we coddled him and like gave him whatever he wanted because he was the first born Margot was just like I'm good Great. Thanks.
00:36:32
Speaker
Yeah. Like this, they couldn't be more different. I pray Evie is like that because Alice is like, Mrs. Like if I give her, if I reward her for one thing, like even now we've, you know, we've been using that star jar, which has been really great for us and has worked well, but she is now like, she'll do random things. Like we have this thing where we want to make sure all the doors in the house in the rooms in the house are closed before we leave. That's just for the dogs. So the dogs don't wander into rooms and do anything with the toys or pee or whatever. So that's like a it's like a family thing. Like we make sure all the doors are shut before we leave the house. And now Alice will be like, do I get a star for closing my door? I'm like, no, that is just like a thing that we do. And like, you don't get a reward for doing that, but that's how she is. She like wants a reward for everything. And I'm like, how did we, like we enabled this for sure.
00:37:32
Speaker
i know that's just how it is but I don't know I I also see myself being hesitant on pushing a lot of these things because of how hard some of the transitions were with Graydon and I'm like oh am I prepared enough to do this again because you just know I mean it's a big lifestyle change and you know Margo started this new class and she's been crying at drop off um every day and i think it's just because this is probably the hardest class at that daycare and they're forcing her to kind of do things that are hard and it's like a it's a big it's from it goes from like a baby to like your true toddler like you're gonna learn to pee you're gonna learn to sit in your seat you're gonna wait your turn like you learn so much I think she knows like I'm in for some
00:38:20
Speaker
learning in this class dropping her off has been a little difficult but I know it'll change like once these things click she'll be like I'm not scared anymore yeah I know that now i don't know so same thing with Patsy you almost just gotta like rip the band-aid I was going to say, got to just do it. I keep like waiting for these times. Perfect moment. Yeah. And like, the truth is it's going to be hard. She is way more attached to the Patsy than Alice ever was. Plus we gave it up at 18 months with Alice. Like she was so quick to move on.
00:38:55
Speaker
Evie's definitely, you know, she's over two. She's just more aware and like, can like, the amount of times of the day she asked for a Pasi and she's so funny. She like will latch onto one specific color and she's like pink Pasi, pink Pasi or purple Pasi. And she'll just scream it. If she, if we're in the car and she doesn't have one, she'll be like pink Pasi, pink Pasi. And I'm like, God, this is what we're going to have to deal with. So I just keep putting it off in hopes like I, and which I know it's not, it's not serving me. I just need to rip the bandaid off and do it.
00:39:33
Speaker
but God, I'm scared, y'all. So many people say the same thing and like it's still been quick. So here's to like hoping the same thing happens for you. I'm sure it will. like Yeah.
00:39:46
Speaker
I need to just do what I with Alice. I literally was like, we're doing it on this day. I like put it on our calendar. Vinny was like aware and in, and we did it. And it was like, so fine. I need to just pick a date right now.
00:39:58
Speaker
I'm going to do it. right You know, what's funny is, um, all my friends, kids that are Margo's age, they're all in like big beds already. And Margo's the only one still in the crib, but he didnt e in that car as long as possible. granted like one of them had to move into their sister's room because they're having another baby and then kathleen and them moved into a new house so she just bought a bed and i'm like man i feel like grayden switched i guess when he was three ish so i mean it's coming up she'll be three in august so i'm like i need to start looking for beds oh i'm not ready for her to get out though i know the more and more i think about
00:40:41
Speaker
switching Evie to a bed, the more and more I just want her and Alice to share a room, to be honest. Like, I just feel like it would be so much easier if they. So after witnessing being at the beach, like we had the kids sleep in the room with us and like they do this like cute little banter back and forth, but then they fall asleep. So i was like,
00:40:59
Speaker
could the kids share a room? And then my friend that I said, they moved their kids into the same room. She said like the first two nights, they were like, Oh my God, what did we do? Like, this is hard. And then it was just like, yeah boop, they got it. And they felt like it actually helped the two and a half year old transition to the bed better because of it.
00:41:21
Speaker
Yeah. I think that if we were to have a third baby, like putting them in the same room would like help with that transition. Honestly, they would like, they're just such in such a cute phase right now. The two of them, they're obsessed with each other. They love to play. I am just like so obsessed with this age and how sweet they are. I will say I'm definitely getting some like teenage moments from Alice, but that's neither here nor there. But them playing together is like elite. And I, they just love spending time together. And I can really feel that like Alice is so proud to like be a big sister, which is so cute to see.
00:42:03
Speaker
um It's really sweet. So its I don't know. i think. Sorry, at the beach, like, I feel like Graydon Margot got along so well and he was, like, big brother protective.
00:42:13
Speaker
The second we get Mortal Kombat, they're fighting again. What is happening? but be nice to her. But she's also not like. I But the the truth is it's it's so, like, it's so great that he's, like, that out in the world, you know? he feels. Oh, my gosh, yeah. Yeah.
00:42:34
Speaker
yeah like it's sweet that they're like I don't know that he feels that way like out in public and like I mean he obviously we want our kids to be nice to the siblings all the time and like but at home it's like I feel like are you putting on a show in front of everyone yeah but like if he was sitting in like a small chair and she was he'd be like Margo you want to come sit with me i was like Oh, you're being cute, I see. Yeah. Hmm.
00:43:02
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. That's sweet.
Coping with Loss and Honest Children
00:43:05
Speaker
Okay, wait, before we wrap up, I have to tell a funny story about something that happened this morning. Okay. I forgot to tell it in the beginning of the episode. But um so we went to the school fair on Saturday.
00:43:18
Speaker
but ah It was so fun. A little bit, actually a lot of bit sensory overload, but that's neither here nor there. We went to the carnival and Alice wanted to play the game with the fishies and we won two goldfish. Okay.
00:43:35
Speaker
Oh yeah. I saw that. So we came home from the carnival with two more things that I have to have to Take care of and keep alive. And unfortunately we had our first casualty this morning. No way.
00:43:49
Speaker
And poor Alice was so sweet and innocent. It was her fish. So they each got one and they got to like name them on their own. Alice named hers silver sparkle.
00:44:00
Speaker
And, uh, Evie's is ladybug or she's so cutely says, Yadie bug. And, um, So Alice wakes up this morning and she's like, I'm so excited. going to go look at my fish. And she comes, I'm peeing on the toilet. I had just woken up and she runs to me and she's like, mom, come look at my fish. He's so cute. He's laying on his side.
00:44:26
Speaker
And I go, oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. go and look look at it, and he is laying on his side on the bottom of the tank. And I'm just like, oh, no. And so I'm like, oh, no, sweetie. And she's like, what? and I'm like...
00:44:44
Speaker
Baby, I think unfortunately he's passed away. He's, I don't think he's alive anymore. And she instant tears, like breaks, starts sobbing. We have a little conversation about it. These fish are not meant to last very long. they have, it's a hard transition from like being at the carnival to being at home, but it makes it even harder because like Evie's fish is alive and well and like swimming around like You know, and she's like, well, Evie's fish is fine.
00:45:13
Speaker
What's wrong? And I had to like tell her that he went to heaven and like, you know, blah, blah. blah She, you know, it was, I gave her 20 minutes and she was fine. But still the whole morning, like Vinny called me just to say hi. And he was like instantly, she's like, my fish is dead. And then we walk into school. Anyone that even looked at her, she would say, my fish died.
00:45:36
Speaker
He's dead. and I'm like, okay. And then we got into school and another girl at school also went to the carnival and also won a fish and her fish also died this morning. So yeah, it, she, she found a partner in grief.
00:45:51
Speaker
Yep. And she was like, cause Annabelle was like, Oh, my fish died. and Alice's was like mine too. And then they the teacher explained that the the fish don't live very long and like that's normal and blah, blah, blah. And so it was fine. But it was like my first dealing with.
00:46:09
Speaker
Oh, no, that would totally have the grains would die and Mario's would be fine. Like and he'd be pissed. Yeah, she was not happy. I told her that she can still take turns feeding Evie's fish. But honestly, I got to be real with y'all. When I saw that fish laying on his side, I was relieved. I was like, yeah, I'm sure. Okay.
00:46:27
Speaker
One down, one to go. Kids are so funny. Like, so I got a sinus infection from this trip because the kids' noses were all green, all green. We infected the home. So I came home and I i took a ah my medicine this morning without eating.
00:46:43
Speaker
oh my god am I a fucking noob like I felt horrible horrible and I'm in the car like mommy yeah mommy my stomach was like cramping and Graydon's all like was like Graydon we're gonna have to be really fast in here like I don't feel good like I need to get you in and out and then we're walking in and he's like hey my mom doesn't feel good hey my mom's sick my mom and I'm just like please please I will your lips kid like I will throw up on this floor if we do not hurry up I had to come home and like shovel food because I was feeling yeah so awful it's like what ah the worst that's the worst truly just like great in she's like she was literally it was just so funny it's so funny to watch them like
00:47:36
Speaker
tell just spill the beans of anything you gotta like we are really at that age where I gotta to be careful I gotta be careful of what I'm saying or I've got a little I've got a parrot that goes around and just yaps Oh, yeah.
00:47:50
Speaker
They're smart. I know. Well, this was cute. um And we'll get through it.
Concluding Thoughts and Sign-off
00:47:56
Speaker
Transition's always hard. That's put the probably the hardest part of motherhood. But it's going to be okay. I'm going to feel better. And I think even just getting past the PASI, I think the PASI is like what's...
00:48:10
Speaker
But I need to just rip the Band-Aid and do it. Honestly, this weekend may be the right call for me. So I'm going to set the date. I'm going to do it. And I'll let you guys know. Maybe I'll document it on Instagram and let you guys know how it's going. Yeah. That'd be good.
00:48:26
Speaker
Yeah. okay All right. Well, love you guys so much. Love ya. Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday. And don't forget, the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right, gotta go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.