Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
EP 138: The Values Bridge
1.2k Plays3 days ago
This week on Mom Group Chat, we’re diving deeper into the Values Bridge Test by Suzy Welch and actually putting it to the test ourselves. After talking about it in last week’s episode, we each took the assessment and…wow. Let’s just say it gave us a lot to think about.
We’re breaking down our results, where we overlap, where we’re totally different, and how it reflects in our lives as moms, partners, and business owners. It sparked some really honest conversations and helped us understand ourselves (and each other) on a whole new level.
If you’ve been feeling a little off, unsure, or just craving more alignment in your life, this episode will hit.
On this episode:
- What the Values Bridge Test actually is and why it’s so eye-opening
- Whitney’s results vs. Candace’s results
- The biggest surprises we had about ourselves
- How our values show up in motherhood and everyday decisions
- Why understanding your values can make life feel a whole lot clearer
We highly recommend taking the test for yourself. It’s one of those things that just clicks.
Follow Suzy Welch HERE
Take The Values Bridge Test: Use code MomGroupChat20 for 20% off
Keep up with the Moms and join the conversation on our socials:
📸 Instagram: @momgroupchat
🎵 TikTok: @momgroupchat
Questions/comments/need to vent? Email us at momgroupchat@gmail.com
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Listening Habits
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it.
00:00:12
Speaker
Oh, we're going to get into it. What up, moms? My name's Whitney Williams, and I'm here with my best friend, Candice, and this is the Mom Group Chat Podcast. Hello. Good morning.
00:00:23
Speaker
Afternoon. Whenever you listen to your podcast, maybe it's nighttime. Maybe we're we're on someone's pillow with them. I don't know. Hi. Wow. I've never really thought about it. That's interesting. When do y'all listen to these on a walk? I listen at night to podcasts on a walk, potentially. I know. Every time I spend a night with you, I see your ah like nighttime routine of Whitney sleeps on her pillow.
00:00:53
Speaker
I'm going to have like a tumor for sure. Yeah. And puts her phone on her cheek right here and plays a podcast until she falls asleep or an audio book. And then it like ends up under my pillow. I feel like I'm the princess and the pea. Like it just slips under my pillow at some point and I put a timer on it. But lately I've been listening to... um Well, always listen to two. and But one of them is this is important. And the other one now is like um art history podcast because they're kind of like boring. So it's making me sleepy.
00:01:27
Speaker
Interesting. I always think about the people who are like so afraid of like whatever those weight like waves are. like e i don't even fucking know what they're called. I'm not one of the ones who is...
00:01:40
Speaker
afraid of the waves but i'm like anyone who would watch your habit of you literally sleeping with it on your cheek is they're gonna think that you and watch you'll be the healthiest of us all chris warns me he's like you probably should stop doing that and i'm like what do you want me to do you won't let me play it out loud i like to fall asleep to it what do you want i don't want headphones in my ear You need a Tony.
00:02:06
Speaker
need like an adult Tony. I'd be happy to like play it beside my pillow. But then Chris would be like me. It's loud. Yeah. Go away, baby.
00:02:17
Speaker
go away, little baby. go Go away, little baby. Baby? Baby. um Vinny's the one who plays loud stuff and I get annoyed. I'm like... And he did it in the middle of the night last night. He'll just wake up at 2 a.m. and just watch Instagram videos. I would never do it on full. I would turn off the volume for sure. He's so... in This is like one of the most recurring fights and it's just that...
00:02:41
Speaker
I feel as though he is an in inconsiderate sleeper and he is such a deep sleeper that like I could literally throw a fucking disco party in our room and he would not wake up when he's asleep. But I am not a deep sleeper and I wake up pretty Like anything, the dogs move.
Introducing Susie Welsh and Value Bridges
00:03:03
Speaker
I'm, I'm rolling over. yeah Like i I can go back to sleep relatively easily depending on what time it is in the night. But Vinny will just like wake up at 2am and like watch an Instagram video on full blast.
00:03:18
Speaker
That is so rude. Yeah. You shouldn't. Don't even, don't even get me started on his throat clearing in the morning. His like hacking and throat clearing. He's a rage yeah the rage that I feel when we're when it's 4 a.m. and he's clearing his throat like, oh my God.
00:03:42
Speaker
Like I'm hot just thinking about it. She's she's done. i feel like I'm the throat clearer, which you know that. So I can't say anything there. not No, yours is so light and delicate compared to Vinny. Yours is like, m like that's it. Vinny's, I can't even do an impression of it because it would be offensive to everyone's ears that are listening. But it is bad.
00:04:09
Speaker
It's bad. I feel like Chris learned to tiptoe out, which doesn't matter. i could wake up and buy a feather falling on my face. Like it it doesn't matter. I'm the lightest sleeper ever. But um yeah he's pretty quiet because he leaves relatively early or he'll work out really early. And sometimes I'll hear him when he comes back from working out and it'll be like 6 a.m. I'm like, oh, good timing. Yeah. So not so bad. Well, I am so excited about today's episode.
00:04:40
Speaker
It is a little bit of a follow-up to our conversation with the amazing Susie Welsh. I'm excited too. It was really fun. We discussed at the end of the podcast that we wanted to take her Value Bridges course because who doesn't love to like dive in and learn a little bit more about yourself? Like the test was giving like your Enneagram number. It's giving like Zodiac. I don't know. It's just like...
00:05:06
Speaker
all about the values that you are like aiming toward like your goals in life. So it was really fun to do. And i liked it because then you got to compare with friends. So like Candace and I took the test. um And I feel like, do you feel like when you take these, cause I've done a few, some with work, some like for pleasure, but I feel like I always get like the same ish results. Yeah.
00:05:31
Speaker
Yeah, I do feel like this one had a little more insight than others. Like, I feel like... I don't know. Like, I feel like other tests really speak to like your actions or maybe like your motivations, I guess. And I guess this is that too, but there was just like more depth to this one. I felt like I didn't realize how much I like valued these things until I took this test and read about
Exploring Core Values
00:06:00
Speaker
it. And I was like, Oh wait, I do. So funny.
00:06:04
Speaker
Yeah, i don't know. i thought I thought this one was like more in-depth than other like personality tests I've taken. Yeah, I guess this has, i guess the ones that I've taken mostly like are geared toward work because we do it as like a team and then you do team building that way. And so this was like very personal too. Like it had a lot to do with like your own self, like how you tie yourself to others or like I don't know. It's just interesting. um And I always love learning about these things because you're like, wow. Yeah. And they and she said in the last um episode that these are already established when you're like 15 years old, like when you're in high school, these are already your values that are set. So it's kind of weird that this has been it since like we were little. Yeah.
00:06:52
Speaker
Yeah, it's it was very insightful. I can't wait to dive into it. I feel like we should start by discussing maybe our like core values, going through them.
00:07:03
Speaker
Yeah. um ah Can we, will you also like describe what the core value is and like, because there's 16 different ones, like your DNA profile, but then they're your top core values basically. Core values in the values bridge framework are the small handful of principles that define who you are at your core and guide your most important decisions. So they aren't like goals or trendy words. They're the standards that make you feel aligned and proud and like yourself whenever you honor these values. And then they can make you feel restless or resentful when you do something that like does not align with
00:07:47
Speaker
these values. So these values show up in what you prioritize, what you're willing to sacrifice for, and what feels off when something in your life isn't working. So in short, your core values are the foundation that your choices, career, relationship, and lifestyle lifestyle are meant to be built on.
00:08:09
Speaker
Love it. Okay. I feel like we have we have a couple similar ones and then a a couple different ones. So these, I feel like these values um have kind of strange names sometimes. So I feel like we should just go through, like we'll start with you, Whit, and you can read us your core values and maybe like obviously give us the name and then like what that means and what it stands for.
00:08:36
Speaker
Yeah. um Do we want to go like one through five? Because I had five. is that what it is? yeah. just like the top three or something. No, I i say let' let's read all five.
00:08:49
Speaker
Okay. I had a tie for one and two. um Belovedness being one and it's called like eudaimonia as number two. um Belovedness is I'm very tied to my partner. um so i it basically says like I anchor all my decisions around like my husband and our choice together that we make as a family. And then for eudaimonia, I think that's like how I seek like pleasure in the world. So like yeah maybe a little more selfishness on my side, but like I put having fun and being happy as like a core front of my values. So those two had a tie, which yeah resonates pretty hard for me. um Three was called beholderism, um which this one I felt like I resonated with the most, especially like as a new mom. it's like
00:09:44
Speaker
how I want things to look and how I want people to perceive how they look. So like if my house is a mess, I really feel ah like it literally says like you have anxiety when your house is like out of control. And I'm like, wow, that has really shown up so much as a mother.
00:10:01
Speaker
um And then my last two are very similar. um They're belonging and well, not similar belonging, which is that's always at the forefront of these tests for me is like peacekeeper, like wanting to be friends with everyone. Like it's always been like high up there for me. um And then um affluence is my last one, which is like financial security and. Yeah.
00:10:30
Speaker
money. Amazing. Yeah. Um, we have some similar ones here. ah but I'll, I'll just start from the beginning for mine. I had a tie for my like top two and my first, uh, is called luminance. And it's basically my desire to be known. And like, it can be known as like the fame, it's like the fame value, which to be honest, I feel a little bit like,
00:11:06
Speaker
weird about but also not like that's so me like I have if anyone knows me they know like from literally my the age of three or four like I've wanted to be a pop star so like no one's shocked here okay and like pop star isn't in the cards for me anymore but basically it's like just
Impact of Core Values on Life and Decisions
00:11:27
Speaker
wanting it's like visibility and like wanting to be known and um yeah That's basically it. So Candice, like 100%. So me.
00:11:37
Speaker
Yeah. um And then my second one that, again, it was like a tie is agency, which agency is all about, um like, having control over your time and, like, Basically not having anyone like make decisions for you. It's like having holding agency over your life. um So let's see what it says here. It says for people with agency as a core value, self-determination isn't just a preference. It's essential. You are driven to create a life where you are in control. Your decisions are your own. and no one dictates your path, which I could not be more accurate. I mean, it's the reason I work for myself. Like I do not like people telling me what to do.
00:12:25
Speaker
yeah And I have a very strong sense of like autonomy basically. um And then my third value is voice, um which is, i actually haven't read about this one that much. um It's like basically i value like a sense of individuality and like having an opinion, having a voice. um Yeah. It says with voice as a core value, self-expression isn't just important. It's essential. So you yearn for a life where your true self is reflected in everything you do from your work and relationships to your personal style and creative pursuits. In your ideal life, your individuality isn't muted or hidden. It's seen, heard, and felt, which I feel like is very accurate for me too.
00:13:12
Speaker
Like, and then my fourth is belonging, which, uh, Whitney and I share. It's I, one of the things I loved that it said here about belonging is that it's often called the friendship value. So it is like us valuing like close personal relationships and, um,
00:13:35
Speaker
Like that community and like feeling. gotten that worker before on yeah things. So that makes sense. Yeah. It says you thrive in friend groups, communities, clubs, teams, movements, companies, associations, anywhere that fosters. Yeah.
00:13:54
Speaker
yeah And then my last one is eudaimonia, which whit Whitney talked about, like seeking joy. i believe that one is also called the like self-care value. It can be like read that way, I guess, like that you like seek enjoyment and like taking care of yourself. Yeah.
00:14:13
Speaker
Um, Susie said that that was a very Gen X answer. So I would like to say that I'm youthful. I am young. I am a child. z Gen Z, not Gen X. See, I don't even know. I am. I'm not a Gen Nevermind.
00:14:29
Speaker
Yeah. Apparently like eudaimonia is the most Gen Z like core value. So we are so young, you guys. I am so young. nice Except I'm 100% sure that that is them taking care of their skin and all that. And mine is like probably the polar opposite. Like I'm probably just like trying to go have fun doing things. Well, yeah, but I think for you, it's like it shows up as like seek always seeking a good time and just like wanting to have fun, you know? Yeah, yeah.
00:15:03
Speaker
Okay, so before we move on from our core values, like, was there anything in here that, like, shocked you? ah Absolutely not. um I was kind of surprised, like, that affluence was so high up because, like,
00:15:20
Speaker
I don't know. I don't feel like i I, don't know, care, talk about, care about money so much, but. Yeah. I think that there's like a different level to it though. Once you have kids and are like in our phase of life, it's just about like wanting security and not want, like affluence was my sixth one, like literally the first one right under my core values. So.
00:15:46
Speaker
it, it's right there for me too. And I think it's just like wanting to have like a nice, comfortable life. You know, it's not even about like you and me are definitely not like, I'm not like clawing for Birkenberg. Okay. It's just not who I am. And I don't think you're that way either, but we do want like,
00:16:05
Speaker
I enjoy a nice thing from here, you know? i enjoy a nice house. Like, i i feel like that's not... We shouldn't be ashamed of that being a value of ours, you know?
00:16:17
Speaker
Anything on yours that you feel? um I mean, the fame one, like, does not shock me necessarily, but I definitely felt, like, some weird feelings about that. That it it made me, like...
00:16:32
Speaker
Yeah, it made me, like, question why i feel that way or, like, why – and, of course, like, I went into a deep dive in my brain of, like, why i why this feels so important to me. I wonder if it's because I'm a middle child and – like didn't always like, it's funny because I am the only girl in my family.
00:17:00
Speaker
And so it's not like I was, you know, forgotten about or anything like that. I always say like, I didn't, I feel like I didn't have a true like middle child experience because you were the only girl. Yeah. But I do think, and not to get like so deep here and like therapy talk, but Um, my mom has always said, like, I'm the child that she never had to worry about. Like, I always just I'm I am so independent and like I figure things out on my own. I never had problem making friends like my mom was just like, you just did it all. And I do feel like sometimes I wish I had like.
00:17:39
Speaker
some help or attention in that realm. i I feel like there was a sense of my childhood that we're like, I didn't get that attention because it needed to be elsewhere.
00:17:50
Speaker
you know? So I don't know. I'm getting real deep here. But with your other cores, like I know. But like maybe just because like you have so much autonomy that if people did ask to help you, you're probably like, no, I got it because that's just who you are as a person. it was probably like you're like, I want help, but like don't ask.
00:18:12
Speaker
Like just do it, you know? Yeah. Which is so true to this day. You're like, i I want help, but like I don't want to have to ask you for help because that's not who I am as a person. You just have to help me. Yeah, yeah. And I think I definitely like that's a struggle of mine in motherhood is that i shouldn take yeah like I just take agency over everything. And I'm just like, oh, I'll figure it out. And then I am drowning.
00:18:37
Speaker
And then I'm like, what happened here? Like, how did I get here? And then I'm like, oh, wait, I never let anyone help
Balancing Personal and Family Values
00:18:43
Speaker
me. You know, um i also circle. I know Right. And then I also thought just back to that agency core value,
00:18:54
Speaker
like I think that's another reason I struggled with the transition into motherhood. Like it wasn't as smooth as I thought it would be. And I think it's because I like having control over my decisions and my time and like yeah all of that. And then I don't have it anymore having kids and like, I love them so much. Like, but I'm like, wait, but this agency is such a core of who I am. And now I don't, they, they control my time and my decisions. Yeah.
00:19:25
Speaker
So that's hard. That's what I feel like. That's what makes sense with my belovedness. Like me and Chris have always been the core and then bringing in a third arm, a fourth arm. And it's like kind of which family is on here as a DNA profile value.
00:19:41
Speaker
It's like in my middle one, but which is like, LOL. Okay. but um Mine's in my last. Okay. Which I love my family. Like, what does this Yeah.
00:19:54
Speaker
Okay, let's get into like our moderate and peripheral ones. I don't know we want to like, if we want to like read all of them or maybe just talk about the ones that shocked us where they landed. Because there's a few for me that I'm just like, oh, I feel bad. I really didn't read the middle ones because I felt like the most important ones were like your top and the ones that like...
00:20:17
Speaker
you really like don't care about at all. But I feel like a lot of my middle ones were some of your top ones. Like it was family, like work, luminance, um agency, scope. Like those were all my middle ones. And then, yeah um so kind of similar to what you had at the top.
00:20:37
Speaker
Yeah. So the thing that shocked was Well, okay. A lot of my peripheral ones, the which is the last column, like the the the the bottom of the barrel. The that don't matter pretty much to you. Yeah.
00:20:52
Speaker
The ones that don't matter to me, those are the ones that shock me the most because it made me feel... kind of shitty. I'm not going lie. But my in my middle tier is like affluence and that beholderism that you have and then achievement and work centrism, which like yeah very much me. i'm I'm an achiever and I like to work. um And then I have non-cibi, which is helping people.
00:21:19
Speaker
That's like uh, it's like, I like helping people, I guess, but again, it's like in my moderate, it's number 10, so it's not that high. And then radius. I didn't really read that much about this.
00:21:32
Speaker
That's like proximity. Oh, yeah. radius is Radius is all about the magnitude of the systemic change you seek to create in your life. It reflects the intensity of your desire to make an impact.
00:21:45
Speaker
Okay. Well, that's 11 out of 16. But that's where lot of one for me. Yeah. Where I was really shocked is my peripheral values, which is 12 through 16. And number 12 is family centrism.
00:22:01
Speaker
All the way this bottom line. ah And i am not going to lie. Like i felt like shit kind of seeing that at the bottom. I was like, am i a terrible mother? Like, am i do I not care about my family? And I still to this day, like don't really know why this is so far down.
00:22:25
Speaker
i I would like to know what Susie's is because I bet hers know probably fell in the same. like she and it I don't think any of these were to say that you don't feel this way. It just isn't like a it's a top priority, but in a different way than the the core values are, I guess. Yeah. Yeah.
00:22:48
Speaker
Okay. So I loved, one of the things I loved about like the results of this test is um it tells you about that specific value in the sense of like where it lies in your chart. So for me, it says family centrism as a peripheral value. It says having family centrism as a peripheral value means that you desire a life where family is not a central factor in your decisions, actions, or plans. This doesn't mean that you don't love or care about your family. You may value those relationships very deeply, but rather that your decisions are guided by other priorities and values. For many with family centrism as a peripheral value, self-determination is key. You value the freedom to think, act, and build your life on your own terms without feeling the need to seek approval or accommodate family input. And like that is true for me.
00:23:39
Speaker
to be honest. i mean, yeah. If you're thinking of like, if, if you're like a breadwinner in your family, like you're going to do what you have to do to get your family family there. Like maybe it's not the forefront thought, like family, like, Oh, we got to make this decision together. Like, no, I'm making this decision for us. Like you just have the autonomy to do it. Yeah.
00:23:59
Speaker
So I don't know. This was like a little bit, I don't want to say it. like shocking because once I read about it, I'm like, oh, I get it And it is like it kind of goes back to like what you guys have heard me talk about on this podcast of like how I don't really feel that bad, like leaving my kids. I feel like this is like kind of aligned with that. It doesn't mean I don't love them. But it just means that I value the experience of like travel and like having independent moments. Like I just value that stuff more. Whereas like there are other moms – and this is, again, not good or bad by any means. It's just like it is, you know? Yeah. It just is what it is. And there are other people who like are going to center their decisions like around their family, their kids, and their child's needs. And like my values just lie differently and like that's fine. Yeah.
00:24:51
Speaker
i I feel like I talked myself off the ledge of like feeling bad about it. I was like, I can't feel bad about it. It just is what it is. And it is true. Like, you know? yeah Mine were all like kind of made sense. Like my ones down here are like radius, like what you had just explained, place where I'm like not really tied to one place. Same. That's my number 15. can move around. I'm non-sibby like,
00:25:19
Speaker
i I don't care about helping people, i guess. yeah I'm not like into volunteering. And then voice was low on mine. Which, once again, coincides with Peacemaker. And I literally thought about it this morning. we I was at the gym this morning. We had like overflow in my little pod. And usually you have three in a group and there was four of us.
00:25:41
Speaker
And I was the one that just was like, oh, else I'll step out. like i just was like I didn't want there to be like everyone like, what should I do? like I was like, I'll step out. Y'all go ahead. like I just immediately was like, I'll take the...
00:25:55
Speaker
brunt, even though I wasn't the late one to class. Like, I just was like, I'm going to let's make this easy for everybody. All right. i'm Yeah. yeah No. So just like all rolls up to that.
00:26:06
Speaker
Yeah. And I thought about that as being of the third child, which is so funny to me. Like, it's very much like my brother and sister were fighting all the time. So I was the one that was like, I'll sit in the back. Like, I'm not going to fight over the front seat. Like, I've always been in the back seat. Like, I just always...
00:26:23
Speaker
followed along in the pack. Well, I listened to another podcast that Susie was on before we interviewed her just to like, you know, learn even more about her and whatever. And she described like the making of these values. So interesting. She was like, you, she was like, I always tell people to envision like a big witch's brew pot. Okay. pot When you are born is like, it's starting, it's brewing. And as you get older, things are thrown in the pot and it's not, it's like your birth order, your gender, where you grew up. It's people, it's like TV shows you loved on TV and like people you idolize celebrities. You love all of that stuff is like thrown into your pot. And like, that's how your values are brewed. It's like relationships with
00:27:13
Speaker
friends, like the school you went to. It's like so many different things. um And I just thought that was so interesting. And she used an example of like she she was like, this is going to sound silly, but like, if you think about, if you loved the movie Legally Blonde growing up, or like growing up and like you idolized Elle Woods and how bold she was and like, you know, and like literally stuff like that gets thrown into your pot and you're like, I want to live my life like Elle Woods, you know? And I i resonated with that so much because it's like, that doesn't seem that deep, but like, I feel like there
00:27:52
Speaker
aspects of my life and like growing up that are like that that's just like random you what mean I'm literally thinking of the movies I was obsessed with in high school which was like Moulin Rouge and um Phantom of the Opera and it was all about being desired by a partner there you go there you I think because I was like Not to go once again deep. I was kind of like a ugly duckling when I was little. And then when I started like about to get my period, I like had a glow up and all a sudden boys started noticing me and I was like, oh, is this what attention feels like? Yeah. Because I grew up with another little girl that was my best friend and she was just like a very cute little girl. And so she always got compliments when I was around her and I never got the compliments because I was very tall I was going to say, you looked like a baby giant. I was just like a big kid. So was like she was so cute and like she was very outgoing and I was very quiet. So I felt like all a sudden I came into my own and I felt that desire finally.
Personal Reflection on Lesser Values
00:28:54
Speaker
And I was like, oh, this is nice. Like I'm getting attention.
00:28:58
Speaker
So it's very telling, guess. Yeah. It's just so interesting how it all like shakes out. The other peripheral values down here for me were scope, which to honest, I did not read that much about. didn't read that one either. Scope is all about the scale, breadth, depth, and complexity of life that you want to lead. It reflects your appetite for variety, adventure, risk, newness, relationships, learning.
00:29:25
Speaker
Blah, blah, blah. ah I mean, I'm okay with the, yeah. And then this is another one kind of like family centrism that I felt really bad about. And it's belovedness, which is like the partner one. It's number 14 of 16 for me.
00:29:42
Speaker
And I feel kind of shitty about that. I'm like, I guess I don't need no man. I don't know. i just feel like i'm all about me, baby. It's just so nice. I, I, yeah, I think it's just, it goes back to that agency thing. Like, I don't really want to check in with anyone about like what I want to do And I, that go even goes for my husband. and And I'm not saying I'm doing anything bad or anything. I'm just like, if I'm, if I want to take a girl's trip, like I'm going to book it and I'll tell Vinny about it afterwards. It's like, I, I don't know. i just, it is what it is, but I felt kind of bad reading that. I was like, damn, do I not value him? I do value him. Oh my God. I don't think it's like that at all.
00:30:24
Speaker
It's kind of just like what you said. Like it's all about the agency of of it. yeah Okay. And then I thought what is really interesting about this, like these results are seeing the harmonies and the conflicts, which is like basically where your values lie in your like grid. I'll give an example.
00:30:47
Speaker
And this is goes back to what we were talking about, about like the partner one being on the bottom and then core agency being a like number two for me is that's like a harmony because I like to be independent, which and my partner, the partner one is like on the bottom. So that's like a harmony that typically doesn't like conflict with each other. um i don't know. What a can you you want to read some of your like harmonies you have?
00:31:17
Speaker
um My top harmony was agency and belovedness. that what said? Okay, so same, but yeah. So like same, but flopped probably. Well, yeah. It's the same thing. Yeah, same thing. That was my top harmony. And then my top conflict was the eudaimonia and affluence, basically saying,
00:31:40
Speaker
do I have enough drive to make the life that I want because I'm having so much fun over here and goofing off, which is Wow. Have you ever like heard anything more me?
00:31:53
Speaker
That is so funny. i that is also a conflict of mine. Eudaimonia and affluence. Yep. So. Yep. But my top conflict, it's crazy. Cause it says the conflict score is out of a hundred, but my top conflict is 101. It's like one over the top conflict. Like, how is that possible? Yeah.
00:32:16
Speaker
But it is agency and belonging. The fact that those are both in my core because I like to be independent, but I also really like to be a part of a group, which reminds me of like living in the sorority house. like that's what That's what I was going to bring up earlier.
00:32:32
Speaker
i forgot. Yeah. Yeah. Like i love being a part of like a community and a group. Like I loved being in a sorority and I thrived there, but I also struggled because I'm really independent and I liked to make my own decisions and like do my own thing. So that's my top conflict. Yeah.
00:32:54
Speaker
Yeah. um I could see that easily. And I hope that when y'all are listening to this, because this, and we forgot to mention, Susie said, like, if you want to do it, it's free and it'll show you like your top three core values and um like some of your conflicts. But if you pay a little more, i think it was like 28 bucks or something, you can see like all of this. Um, but I was going to say, if you want to like do this along with us, cause it's like kind of fun to read and, and pick up and stuff.
Friendship and Value Alignment
00:33:22
Speaker
And then, um, my favorite part was that you can compare with friends.
00:33:27
Speaker
Yeah. Let's do that. So you can go in there and see who's done it, which I had some people from work do it. And Candace, I just want you to know you and I have the most harmony out of all my friends.
00:33:38
Speaker
Is that shocking? to No, we, we belong together. Yeah, Candice and I had a lot of harmonies and it was all about affluence, belonging, like we talked about, eunomonia. So um a lot of ours overlapped, which is so nice. And I feel like, honestly, meeting you probably like brought up some of the ones that I typically would have had on the bottom of my list. And like knowing you probably like brought them up a little higher.
00:34:13
Speaker
I love that. I feel like one of the reasons, I mean, there's so many reasons why we're so close and I love you so much, but I feel like we do like complete, like we just work so well. Like it's a puzzle piece. Even like learning all this, it's like you just like being in control of things and I'm happy to be along for the ride. And then yeah like we both bring like a lightness to things though. Like nothing's that serious. So it's nice. yeah It's just like a good puzzle piece.
00:34:43
Speaker
we are We really only had one conflict and it was just that you value your partner and I don't. Which, like, doesn't really relate to us at all. Oh, God. Yeah, not a problem. It's fine. Yeah. and just to be clear, I do value my partner. I'm saying that in a facetious way. I love you, Vinny, if you're listening to this, which he's not. I think but it's actually very interesting because it said it explains the conflict and then it bridges the gap of, like, how you would interpret things like people feel. Like, if I were to ever be like – Yeah, let me talk to Chris about that. And maybe you'd be like, oh, I would never talk to Vinny about that. And but now, like knowing this kind of stuff, you kind of recognize like, oh, that's just like a priority of hers. And yeah.
00:35:31
Speaker
And whereas you would just be like, I'm not i'm like I'm going to go do my own thing. And i'm like, damn, I'm jealous that she can just go do that type of thing. I don't know. so Well, it says, yeah, it was interesting. And I love here in the bridging the gap part, it says if both people can remain genuinely accepting and non-defensive, like a relationship can thrive despite the difference, which I feel like you and I are like, I am genuinely accepting of you and how you do things. And you're the same with me and we love each other. And like, that's fine.
Authenticity Gap and Personal Growth
00:36:03
Speaker
m um It was probably like probably more so annoying in the beginning because I like anchored myself to Chris so hard, so fast. And it was probably like, wow, that was like a lot ah first. But then it's kind of like it is.
00:36:19
Speaker
Well, it's funny because obviously i like I've been around you and Chris since you guys first started dating. And you were like, y'all were hot and fast. And like you faced a lot of your decisions around Chris like from the get-go.
00:36:36
Speaker
Which is now like... just Yeah, that's so crazy. Just how I ah am in as a person. And it's funny because it's been like 15 years, you know? Yeah.
00:36:49
Speaker
Yeah, that's crazy. Wow. wow And so I guess like even like bringing up that fight, because when I did my episode and like how we were off, like it was bad for me.
00:37:05
Speaker
um my yeah. like I was yeah felt like i was like depressed. I had gained so much weight. Like things were just off. And that I think totally ties into how I was feeling at the time. I was just like, things are not good.
00:37:19
Speaker
could. Yeah. That's crazy. I never like thought about it, but that's so true. Wow. Man, this test is really cool. I think everyone should go check it out because it just, I feel like I learned so much about myself and like, there's so many parts of this where i look back and look back at things that have happened in my life and be like, Oh my God, that makes so much sense. You know?
00:37:46
Speaker
Yeah, it was really fun to do. And like I said, I've already like made everyone and their mom take it because it was pretty quick. um I want Vinny to take it to see where he. I know I do too.
00:37:58
Speaker
He puts belovedness first. yeah It'll be interesting to see where that lies with Vinny. It's funny because I'm like low key. If it's at the bottom, going be offended. But like it's the same way for me, you know.
00:38:13
Speaker
Which is probably why y'all would fit. No, only I'm not allowed to give a fuck, okay? No, I'm just kidding. um The only other thing I wanted to ask you is so they also give you an authenticity gap, which is basically like how close are you to your like ideal life based on your like values? Yeah.
00:38:39
Speaker
Your ideal life based on the about like your values and then what you're currently living, which I thought was like an interesting like marker. m What's your authenticity gap?
00:38:52
Speaker
I am um a thresholder. Oh, you're even higher than me. Amazing. So I'm at 20, which I guess it's out of 100. So it's like...
00:39:04
Speaker
Yeah, um you're in the green. Yeah. um It says, you feel satisfied in your life right now. No surprise. There may be a few things to tweak, but for the most part, like I'm in a happy spot.
00:39:20
Speaker
Amazing. So I am just behind you. I'm in an approacher and I'm at 25.
00:39:30
Speaker
So it says you're getting closer to living in full alignment with your values, but there are still noticeable gaps between where you are and where you want to be. says unlike thresholders who are making final refinements, you may still be navigating key mismatches that create tension in your daily life. And I feel like that's true.
00:39:49
Speaker
Yeah. So I feel like I'm still, I'm a work in progress, guys. I'm a work in progress. No, let's just like make Candace famous and all will be right. Oh, I'm on my way, guys. I'm on my way. She's been on TV in Tampa.
00:40:07
Speaker
Oh, my God. That's funny. That was actually really fun. That's where my luminance came through. I was like, ah, I'm back. You're like way. i'm Way. I'm famous.
00:40:18
Speaker
ah Well, this was fun. I highly recommend It'll be linked. This, the link to this test will be, um, in the show notes of this episode. And we'll also link it on Instagram when this episode comes out. But send us a DM. Tell us your values. and No, I would love to know. And also, i think it's pretty easy to search us as friends. Like, I'd be happy to yeah connect. And then we can see how compatible we are as friends.
00:40:48
Speaker
Like, how cute would that be? um But I think it's all very um interesting. I'd love to hear if y'all have similarities to us. um It was awesome, truly. And like I said, the...
00:41:01
Speaker
first part of it is kind of free so if you did just want to see your top values and whatnot like go for it yep all right well i'm gonna make my luminance shine love ah my agency and my my belovedness all the way at the bottom i'm gonna go euda monia my way through the day I love you.
Conclusion and Listener Engagement
00:41:28
Speaker
Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday. And don't forget, the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right. Got to go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.