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EP 145: We're on the Same Team
3 Plays45 seconds ago
This week on Mom Group Chat, we’re catching up on all things summer mindset shifts, marriage, and making it through the hard seasons together. ☀️We start with a little life catch-up:
- how we’re both trying to “lock in” heading into summer and get our minds/bodies feeling better
- our upcoming long weekend plans
- the small habits and resets helping us feel more like ourselves again
Then we get into the heart of the episode: marriage.
We talk honestly about:
- how normal it is for marriage to have ups and downs
- the reality of feeling disconnected or stuck in the trenches of parenting/life
- how getting outside of your normal routine (like a girls trip, solo time, or simply stepping away for perspective) can help you see your relationship differently
- the pressure to feel “good” in your marriage all the time
- reminding yourself that the sum of your marriage is bigger than one hard season
- how important it is to remember you’re on the same team, even when life feels heavy
If you’ve been in a season where you’re questioning everything, feeling distant from your partner, or wondering when things will feel easier again… this episode is for you. 💛
Keep up with the Moms and join the conversation on our socials:
📸 Instagram: @momgroupchat
🎵 TikTok: @momgroupchat
Questions/comments/need to vent? Email us at momgroupchat@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction and Planning Challenges
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it.
00:00:12
Speaker
Oh, we're going to get into it. What up, moms? I'm Whitney Williams, and I'm here with my best friend, Candice, and this is the Mom Group Chat Podcast. Hello. We were just chatting about um how we're so silly goofy. We talk about doing things, and then we don't do them.
00:00:31
Speaker
Yeah. If you listen to the last episode, i talked about how I'm going to be locking in And that was probably two weeks ago. It's May 18th.
00:00:43
Speaker
No locking in has happened. Okay. Nothing. There's I have been unlocked, unlocked. the The treasures open. Um, yeah I've been like dipping in and out. i I feel like I've been kind of locked in. And then I went to Charleston. And then, you know, there's delish foods. There's drinks being had. And I kind of just was like, whatever.
Charleston Trip and Relaxation
00:01:08
Speaker
I don't come here often. Lean in. yeah And ever since then, I've leaned the fuck in to everything.
00:01:15
Speaker
So once again, I'm in and out. In and out. Yeah. I have been out. No in has happened. I have been out even like with, I love where I work out. Like I love going to burn and I have barely gone in the month of May, which honestly like ah is it makes my heart hurt for my wallet. Cause it is not cheap. It is not a cheap gym subscription. So I'm like, I got to fucking start going. But, um,
00:01:47
Speaker
Yeah, it's fine. Today is the day. I really, really got my shit together this weekend. Like I prepped. Oh, fun.
Weekly Prep and Consistency Struggles
00:01:53
Speaker
bought Yeah, like I spent yesterday prepping. Like I was like, I'm eating healthy. My house is clean. Like I did all of our laundry is done and put away. do you know when you like go into a new week and you're like – I'm in like i'm I'm feeling prepared and ready. And that's how I'm entering this week. And it is time. It's time. We leave for Lake Tahoe in almost exactly one month.
00:02:21
Speaker
And if I lock in for one month, I will feel so much better. And I know, i know what you're thinking. If you're an avid listener to the show, you're like, this is the exact conversation you had last episode. I am aware.
00:02:33
Speaker
i am aware. oh my God. It's so true. But this is the life of a girl. Sorry. It is so true, especially as moms like I'm sorry, but life is always lifing and getting in the way. And that's what happened over the past two
Life's Impact on Fitness and Skincare
00:02:50
Speaker
weeks. Like life is lifing. Yeah.
00:02:56
Speaker
And that's it. ah That's it. That's it. I don't have anything to say. I have nothing. I have nothing to to like defend myself.
00:03:07
Speaker
Life is life. I've been lazy. i haven't made it a priority. and But isn't it funny, like, whenever you start going to the gym and then when you have to miss, you feel yucky. You're like, wow, like, I had gotten into such a good routine and and I was feeling so good. I feel the same way about, like, skin care. i know you probably don't, maybe you don't resonate because you're so good at doing it all the time. But, like, if I skip a day, I'm just like, whoa, my skin feels terrible. And, like, it's, like, needs...
00:03:38
Speaker
Okay. Well, you know that if in my newsletter i I put out yesterday about my great lock-in, one of the things on there is I've been so lazy about my skincare. Wow. like Which is, you know, like I am skincare girl, but I don't know what is wrong with me. like I have been lazy AF. In the mornings, I just am like, I can't. I can't be bothered. I always...
00:04:07
Speaker
Like I'm a nighttime shower. Like I shower before bed every single night. And so i obviously wash my face. But even when I get out and I'm like, you know, I'm standing there in my mirror. I could very easily do a full nighttime skin routine. I've just been so lazy. I just slap so slap on some nighttime moisturizer and go to sleep. At least you know.
00:04:29
Speaker
It's fine. Yeah, I'm doing that. But I've been so lazy. So one of the things on my lock-in rules I created for myself is daytime and nighttime skincare. And I did it this morning. I got up. I washed my face. I did a full morning skincare routine.
High School Memories and Exhaustion
00:04:48
Speaker
You're having a high school lock-in. Love it. I'm having, I'm literally having a high school lock-in. Who am I going to make out with at this lock-in? I just remember leaving a high school lock-in feeling the worst I've ever felt in my life. yeah Like, oh my God.
00:05:02
Speaker
I will never, i may have told this story on this podcast. So I feel like we didn't have any like lock-ins necessarily. It was that cool freshman year. That was the only time we went, I think. Yeah. Yeah, I will say the very last day of senior year of high school, there is a senior sleepover, which is like tradition.
00:05:23
Speaker
Someone's family like hosts us all. And like we it's an all girl school, too. So it's like not, you know. It's all girls, but we have a senior sleepover and we prepare to decorate the school. So every senior class chooses a theme. And then for the last day of school, you go in and you wreak havoc, you decorate and like.
00:05:43
Speaker
You had senior classes within your class? Huh? You said each senior class. Oh, just, I thought you meant like. over Like year over year. statue i didn't know if you had like even like separate pods. Okay. Oh, no, no, no, no. But each senior class like year over year chooses a theme and ours was Candyland, which. Cute.
00:06:05
Speaker
basically my theme like themed after me. for you um And so we literally turned the school into Candyland. Like we wrapped all of the trees with like tool to make them look like lollipops. Like I should go back and look at pictures of that. It is so cute. But anyways, we have a big senior sleepover and we stayed up all night prepping to like decorate the school, like prepping decorations, spray painting things. And so we stayed up all night.
00:06:36
Speaker
And then we go to school. i am struggling to get through the day. Okay. And then the, at the last period of this last day of school, we all run through the halls. We start on the fourth floor and the seniors run through the whole school, the halls. We go up the bridge. There's a bridge over the street. So you up the bridge down the bridge and then we jump in the pool. That's like tradition.
00:07:00
Speaker
The way i was struggling to run because I was so exhausted. And then on my drive home that day, did you know that I ended up pulling over on the side of the road And I not on the side of the road. It was like a mall or something. I pulled over and I called my mom crying like a baby. and I was like, I can't drive. I'm so tired.
Parenting: Balancing Fun and Routine
00:07:24
Speaker
And I was like unwell. And my mom and dad had to come rescue me from the mall and drive me home because I couldn't do it.
00:07:33
Speaker
Which is so crazy now that I'm like an adult. You're like, what is wrong with me? Like i couldn't, what, what was I think? I just, I don't know. I was being such a baby looking back at it. I'm like, I was dramatic. Well, that's like I remember specifically my brother picking me up from my lock-in.
00:07:54
Speaker
And he had this like huge ass green Yukon, which and you know, he probably like got big wheels. And you remember like in cars back then you could take like your dash out and put a cool radio like system in. And then I get in this car the fucking video pops out, shoots up, playing music. And I was like, I'm going to die. Like he was like, he was just like listening to music. And I was like, please, for the love of God, get me home. Like, help.
00:08:29
Speaker
But I just remember being like, fuck me. This is awful. I'm so tired. Okay. Now that we're thinking about this, do you think this is how our toddlers feel today? when they have been without nap or lacking sleep, do they like, I understand, like I threw a tantrum in my car and made my mom come and get me. Like, I feel like that was this 18 year old version of whatever my toddlers are feeling when they haven't napped.
00:08:55
Speaker
Probably. you can relate. You're like, Oh, get i get it Next time Alice has a full blown men TB, which literally happened last night. Cause we skipped nap yesterday.
00:09:08
Speaker
I'm going to look at her and be like, I get it, dude. i so I stayed up all night before our senior last day of school. I get it. That's so funny. Did y'all do anything fun this weekend? Why'd you skip the old nappy? We just had a very like busy day yesterday. Not ah even anything. and It was just like a fun, busy day. And we decided to prioritize fun over Yeah. You know, we woke up in the morning and went to the car wash, did groceries. Like I said, did all the like prepping things to go into the week strong. And then we had brunch with family, ah family we don't see very often. And then ah our, you know, really close friends, they invited us over for like pool day grill out like early dinner. And we were like, ah let's skip nap. Because if the problem is, if my girls nap, like we won't get over there until like 334. And you know how Florida
Event Planning and Health Goals
00:10:04
Speaker
is. It rains every day at four o'clock. We've already started that. So we decided to go over there and skip nap. And then that way we just leave early and do like an earlier bedtime. It was so fun. The pool is so nice. And i love a hot I love a hot dog.
00:10:22
Speaker
You can't go wrong. got in pool yesterday too, even though it was chilly. are Really? It's like 79 degrees right now. it's It's a little cold, but it was so hot yesterday. it was It was kind of nice. Like we all played in it because we worked in the fucking yard all day. I was tired. i was like, put me in the pool. I'm sweaty. I'm tired.
00:10:44
Speaker
We didn't grill out. We ordered sushi. It was good. ah I'm excited. We're going to... Speaking of lock-in and me eating healthy, this week is a, this is a, this is a test about my lock-in because this week is Vinny's birthday week.
00:11:00
Speaker
He, his birthday's on Thursday and we just have like, we have, we have events planned. Um, and Tuesday him and I are going to like just him and I date night for his birthday. We got invited to sound so like,
00:11:19
Speaker
We were invited, but we got invited to a family and friends like opening of a brand new sushi restaurant here. So the it's like comps like they just want to like test the menu. And we have a friend who works. Actually, she's she may be even but even be a listener, Erin. ah She invited us. She works for the hospitality group that's like opening the restaurant. So shout out to Erin. Love you so much. And, um, so we're going to a sushi dinner, which I know cocktails will be involved. And like, and then Thursday we're going out to dinner with his family at this like amazing restaurant.
00:11:57
Speaker
yeah So anyways, there's a lot of meals out this week, so I'm a little nervous about my lock-in, but I'm going to try my best to like eat smart every other time. i don't want I don't want the next month to be completely like not like without any fun or eating out or anything that's just unrealistic. I'm just trying to make smarter decisions on the day-to-day basis, you know?
00:12:21
Speaker
Yeah. And that's kind of where I am. I'm like kind of like how I was with Charleston. I was so good. And then, you know, it's just like whatever. If I have sushi, sushi is not that bad for you anyway. No, I was going to say the sushi one I'm actually not worried about, but the, we're going to this place called Alelo and St. Pete on Thursday and like Alelo. And I'm pretty sure it's like pasta.
Memorial Day and Travel Plans
00:12:47
Speaker
And I'm like, whatever.
00:12:49
Speaker
Whatever. um That sounds really good, by you'll be fine. Yeah. You'll be good. um That sounds great. It's my mom's birthday week as well. Oh, yeah. And we're going to go to the lake for memorial, so I'll see them this weekend. We've got a long weekend. My kids are out of school on Friday and Monday.
00:13:11
Speaker
oh Well, I'm kind of the same way. alice um I'm giving my mom Friday off too. So like I will have the kids on Friday. i wish we were together do a little play date. I know. oh But you're probably going to the lake. i ah Of course yeah I am. The lake. so that I'm excited. I haven't seen it with like all the renovations done um that they've been working on all year. So I am pumped. But the forecast is looking rainy, my guy. I'm like, dang. Dang. It's been so nice here, too. I'm like, oh, of course it's going to rain. It's supposed to rain like Tuesday to Tuesday.
00:13:47
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So, but whatever. Oh, well, that sounds so fun. I'll meet you there. Yeah, I wish. I love the lake so much. You know, love, I'm so jealous. Um, that'll be so fun. We don't have, um, we were invited to drive, make the drive down to Boca Grande. His fam, Vinny's family is going to be in Boca Grande for Memorial Day weekend. And they invited us to come down like for the day if we wanted, but it's a far of a drive.
00:14:19
Speaker
like two and a half. I don't know if that's worth it for day. It's like yeah rather spend the night. I know, which we, then we looked, Boca Grande's like a tiny, small, little island, you know? yeah And the hotel rooms are like,
00:14:35
Speaker
six, $7,000 a night and six, 700 to $1,000 a night. And we're like, that's not in the budge right now, but we're going to keep our eyes peeled and see if we can find a cute little Airbnb, even for like a night, like maybe we'll stay, yeah,
00:14:54
Speaker
I don't know. We're trying to decide if that's in the cards for us or not. That sounds fun. But yeah, it would only be worth it to me if I could spend the night, I think. Yeah. Same. I feel the same way. So that's why we've kind of just like tabled it. And then if we, i don't know, we'll see. We also like, you know, we have the yacht club here. i told Vinny, I was like, I'd rather go to the yacht club for the day. I had so much fun there on the 4th of July, like that big water slide. And it was just so fun. i like that. It's so fun. like the yacht club.
00:15:27
Speaker
They also have seriously upgraded their men. I mean, their food was always good, but they're like summer menu. They have out. I had a poke bowl there on We went there Saturday night for dinner and.
00:15:40
Speaker
oh my God, it it was so good. And Vinny and Vinny's been on a lobster roll kick. Their lobster roll is so good. When I tell you I ate all the seafood in Charleston, like that first night I had scallops and then I had crab cakes. Then I had shrimp and then I had a lobster roll. What else did I have? Ceviche. I was like, i miss this so much. It was so good.
00:16:06
Speaker
God, I used eat a lobster roll. I swear to God every week, if not every other week in Rhode Island, like I hate them so much. yeah Yeah, a coastal vacation is in my future future. I was telling Vinny this. I was like, not even, obviously we live coastal. Like we live on the beach or like not really, but you know what i mean? Like we're hop, skipping a jump from the beach. I'm talking like,
00:16:31
Speaker
rhode island coastal like yeah i'm due for that i was like i want to go to maine i want to go to rhode island i want to go yeah this time i literally and me i voice noted i say this to you already i voice noted jane and i was like oh i'm feeling and the tingles i got like i'm feeling the pool to come out there just because i know it's so nice up there right now i'm like uh-oh I got to go up there. With or without my children. i'm know. I'm happy to bring them.
00:16:59
Speaker
They thrive up there, but also it'd be fun to go for like a quick little weekend. I don't give a shit. I just want to go. Yeah. You just, I need a hit. I need a hit. Give me hit. Of my Rhode Island.
00:17:14
Speaker
Yeah.
Year's End Reflections and Adult Field Day
00:17:15
Speaker
Bad. Bad.
00:17:17
Speaker
Oh, well, I'm excited for summertime and I cannot like, I don't know if you feel this way, but like this year has flown. It's always like that. January, 2000 years.
00:17:30
Speaker
The rest of it, bloop.
00:17:34
Speaker
I cannot believe we're the middle of almost end of May. This is Alice's very last week of school. It ends Friday. okay And okay This is the last thing. And then we can transition into like what we're actually going to talk about. But this is like, have you heard the term Maycember?
00:17:53
Speaker
Yeah. where it's like the end of the year is like December time where it's like bus club, another club, another club, dress up day at school, water day, foam day, pizza party. And you have to donate a bajillion dollars every day via Venmo and also show up to all of these things and make sure you pack extra shit. And I'm just like,
00:18:15
Speaker
Huh? Yeah, I am. It's a lot. It's a lot. um And so I'm like, honestly, sayonara to school. I'm feeling a little like burnt out with everything that's going on with school stuff. And I'm just ready for the summertime, honestly.
00:18:35
Speaker
I am. It's so funny because I'm on the other side where like mine's not ending, but I'm so jealous seeing like field day and watercolor day. Like i love that shit.
00:18:47
Speaker
I want to do it. I want to go. i want to participate actually. Like I want to win a blue ribbon. Like I want to do it. Oh my God. I did love field day. Oh my God. How fun fun. I'm like, let's race. Okay. Okay. I know that I'm not a part of y'all. You're like Nashville friend group, but y'all have like theme parties. You do a yeah adult field day would be so fun. You're so right.
00:19:12
Speaker
And you split up into teams like green, yellow, red, blue. whoa But like make it pool theme, like where you have to jump in and catch a football. And yeah, you could do it so many different ways. Like that would be so fun. That would be really fun. And obviously drinking is involved at the same time. Obviously.
00:19:36
Speaker
Yeah. Would this be adults only? i don't know. That could be really fun though. um Yeah. Adults. I mean, you could definitely have the kids involved too. And you could maybe – even create some activities that are like the kids and the adults work together.
00:19:55
Speaker
That'd be But in my opinion, should do it. You should do it like to where the teams are mixed in the sense of like, the parents are not always together or like
Marriage Dynamics and Communication
00:20:09
Speaker
the parents are on different teams no you can't be with your significant other sounds so fun i want to come well you'd have to you planned it you're my co-chair okay perfect but i'll be there vinnie will be ready he'll be he'll be trained and ready for his swimming my god that's a mile swim so great great oh yeah oh my god yeah you have to do 20 laps and then you like everyone dies except chris and vinnie yeah that's been training Oh my God. We'd have to get like water slides to dueling water slide into the pool. Or have you ever seen that slip and slide thing where you do the slip and slide and then you get up and you have to flip, do flip cup. We used to do that in Chattanooga all the time. sounds so fun.
00:20:56
Speaker
It was a riot. And like there was this rock in the ground and someone busted their leg open. crazy. I'll never forget it. We'll will hardcore check the lawn for rocks.
00:21:11
Speaker
I'll never forget it. Wow. Wow. That's crazy. That was is fun. Okay. Anywho. thought we would. It's.
00:21:22
Speaker
I don't know. It's been a while since we've. Been a while. Yeah. It's been a while since we've talked about marriage and just like the journey that is marriage with kids and the ups and downs. And I don't know. I feel like it's such an interesting thing to step back and like talk about and observe almost like, yeah, I don't know. I had a moment this weekend, which is like,
00:21:52
Speaker
what I messaged you about this morning is Vinny and I have definitely had some like ups and downs recently. He's like going through some stuff and that does not involve me at all. It's more about like work and like just his mental space.
00:22:12
Speaker
I don't know. I think that it's so easy to get caught up in the like thinking that like things are bad or they need to be better or but I had a moment this weekend when we were like hanging out with friends and you see like other people observe your marriage and your relationship that you can just start to have a different like perspective on, i don't know. so Sometimes it takes being out about in the world and hanging out with other people to like breathe some life back into like your marriage and like yeah being grateful for your marriage. Does that make sense? Yeah.
00:22:53
Speaker
Yeah. Um, I don't know. I, So I just had this moment yesterday which where I thought to myself, like, it's not so bad. Like, the sum of our marriage and as a whole, like, things really are so good. And we are better than I think we are in this moment. It's just I've been so hyper-focused on the small moments of bad that i haven't, like, been grateful for the for the full picture.
00:23:26
Speaker
i feel like... You're so right, but it's just different. I don't know, like, cause Chris and I were married for seven years before we had kids. And I just like would describe our marriage as easy. Like we're just both easygoing people and then bringing kids into the picture rocked the boat a little. And i just feel like you're, for me, postpartum marriage was the hardest part. i literally talked about it on the podcast last week. or whatever, how that was the hardest part for me. And then it's like, with everything with motherhood, like I realized now, like that phase isn't forever. And it took like little steps to get to where we are, like back to what I'd say we are again, like being on the same team. And i don't know, it took a while. But for there a minute there, I was like, damn, this is so hard. It's never been hard before.
00:24:26
Speaker
Why is it hard now? And I don't know. It's just, yeah we're like finally good. Not that we were ever bad. It just was different, yeah I guess. Well, no, even that statement right there is so good. Like, or such a good call out when you're like, oh, we're finally good now. I have that thought all the time. It's like, we're finally good. But then I'm like, I'm also have that same thought of like, not that we were ever bad. Like we were never bad. It's just like things get tough and tensions,
00:24:57
Speaker
are high and reactions are quick and it makes things feel like, and the kids being involved, like being a layer make everything feel so intense. Yeah.
00:25:10
Speaker
I don't know. I also think it's totally normal if anyone is feeling this, like it's also totally normal to like question things sometimes. Like I've definitely had moments of questioning when it comes to marriage, not in a sense of like ah questioning if he's cheating on me or something like that. I'm just talking of like – is it supposed to be this hard? Is it supposed to feel so draining to like keep this conversation or like whatever it is?
00:25:40
Speaker
And I just want to say like, after talking to other moms and even like being on my due date trip and us like talking on, ah talking about our marriages and husbands, like it's so fricking normal, you guys, like it's so normal To have all of these hard moments and questions and to feel like something's never going to end or to feel like things are stale.
00:26:04
Speaker
And it's like normal to have like a resurgence of. like spiciness or like, I don't know. It's just like all the ebbs and flows of marriage are so normal.
00:26:18
Speaker
So normal. And it's, it's kind of like what you said is, is the whole better than the little moments. Like are the good days outweighing the bad? And if the bad are outweighing the good, like that's when you need to like reevaluate and like figure out a form of communication. and yeah,
00:26:37
Speaker
Chatting, like I felt like even this morning, like we worked on the yard this weekend. I like literally pressure washed the deck. He worked doing mulch and like the flowers. And I thought to myself, I'm going to send Chris a text saying i loved opening. I said, i I loved opening the windows this morning and seeing all the beautiful flowers. Thank you so much for like doing all that this weekend. And he was like, that was so nice of you to say thank you. And thanks for doing it. And I was just like,
00:27:06
Speaker
Just that little compliment was so easy to do. And hopefully like that made him feel good for doing that. And, and I, if it was true, i was like, wow, these flowers look so good. Like that made me happy to see that this morning. so I was just like, it's like little things that probably like maybe seem stupid, but yeah like, I would have loved that compliment this morning. 100%. You're so right. You're actually like Vinny did so much this weekend with laundry, which I've definitely talked about on here before is my least favorite task. I feel like he was the king of laundry this weekend and did so much there that I, you're inspiring me. I'm going to send him a text and be like, my morning was so great because I didn't have to take care of it.
00:27:49
Speaker
Yeah. And it's so true. I'm like, Hmm, that was that that's an easy thing to be like, let's make your day a little bit, which I wasn't trying to do. I just genuinely meant it, but I don't know. Um,
00:28:02
Speaker
I just feel like we we are like, I'm such a fall person, but like spring and summer bring out really like the best in us where we're like outside a lot. We kind of vibe off The weather, i don't know. So I just feel like we're in a good spot. And, you know, I've talked about on here before where when we were having a hard time, like really communication was what brought us back together. And also like taking those trips by ourselves really helped a lot.
Self-Care and Relationship Health
00:28:35
Speaker
um You kind of have to like...
00:28:38
Speaker
figure out what to do again. Now that your kids aren't around, you're like, what do we even talk about? What do we do? We have so much time on our hands. And then you kind of get to reconnect a little bit and you're like, wow, we're on the same team. I forgot. i Yeah, it's so true. It is such a good reminder to each other to just even just say, I've said this before, like Vinny and I will literally look at each other and be like, we're on the same team. And he'll be like, same team, same team.
00:29:04
Speaker
We have to. It's like the most important reminder is for, I think for us is like to remind each other, like we want the same things. Like we are on the same team. Like yeah we are headed towards the same end goal. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Yeah.
00:29:22
Speaker
It's like, look let's not. Well, you know, it's not a vacation unless you and your husband get into it right before you leave. Like, it's not a vacation. But then you got to go lock in. It's activated. Vacation is not activated until you fight with your husband. Yeah, it's like a key fob. The gate opens and you're in. It's funny. happens every time, but It does.
00:29:49
Speaker
I don't know. like Once again, i feel like we are on this like topic. We keep bringing to this topic. like We're on the other side of our kids or toddlers. Mine's almost going to be five. like And I'm just seeing this riass resurgence of life on the other side. And...
00:30:10
Speaker
Um, I don't know. I think it all boils down to like us having time for ourselves, us having time together by ourselves, us having family time. Like you just get a little piece of you back. And that I think has changed everything for me.
00:30:26
Speaker
And that's why I feel like we're in a good spot because I feel in a good spot. Yeah. Yeah. I was the problem. It's...
00:30:37
Speaker
yeah Oh my god, I just choked. I thought you were going sing. Oh, i I thought about it. No, you're it's so right. And it's like...
00:30:48
Speaker
it It does start with you. It's sad. But like the the change that you're hoping for if you are someone who is in the trenches, like it does start with putting some time away for you and like making a change with you – it's i hate to say it but it's true it really is true and it's so funny like i remember when you first have the baby you feel this like burst of love for your husband you're like oh my god i created life with like my best friend in the world and you're just in this like love bubble and then it's like something shift maybe it was just my postpartum anxiety
00:31:27
Speaker
But, um, I just shifted and I was like resentful and this and that. And then it flipped when I started taking care of myself again. Yeah, it does. Like I just let it all go, baby.
00:31:41
Speaker
And we had a chat and I felt like Chris was really there for me during that as hard as it was. Like, he's like, I think it's time you need help type thing. um But man, that was hard, hard times.
00:31:59
Speaker
Yeah. Like kind of part of why I didn't want to have another. i was like, I can't feel like that again. Yeah. Yeah.
Family Size Decisions and Nostalgia
00:32:07
Speaker
I've heard a lot of women say that. like Which feels selfish. But I am happy like, I'm very happy. I'm very happy with my two. And I love seeing my friends have three plus. But it just wasn't for me. I'm very content. Yeah.
00:32:24
Speaker
You don't need to explain that. Like you are allowed to not want another. Like it's not, that is so valid. Like you went through a really hard time after Margo was born. Like we both did. I mean, with Shannon passing, like it was just like, wow, we were not well.
00:32:48
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It was layer that hit like a ton of bricks. So. I have been getting so many like Facebook.
00:33:00
Speaker
I took a screenshot of it, but on Friday I got a notification that like popped up on my screen and it was like, see what you and Shannon McCarthy Finn are up to. And I was like, what why you gotta do me like that? Facebook, chill. It's like shot to the heart, literally. i feel like every day Facebook is like, but it's just because we were always like, you know, yeah doing something. tagging each other and things it's always like every it's almost like every day is something new on there yeah um but god i miss her so much i know now things are popping out it's like 15 years ago you and candace were and then we were like at theta eating breakfast and i was like 15 years but i gotta to go gotta go i can't ah that's sick
00:33:50
Speaker
um Okay, wait, not to like totally tangent here, but this goes into like the us being old and 15 years ago, but I do finally got, I finally got Botox for the first time in like literally nine or 10 months last Tuesday. And it's like, so it's settling in.
00:34:09
Speaker
And wow, i I'm a new woman. I was literally, that was a thought I had earlier. And i was like, I'll bring, I'll bring that up to Candace. And wow, you just reminded me that I feel so good right now because my Botox is looking so good. i was like, going to say something about that. And I, you just reminded me, like we went into the tangent of, um, skincare, but I was like, but my Botox is working overtime over here.
00:34:36
Speaker
Well, it's funny. It's like part of my glow up slash lock in. I'm having like Botox was like another onset of that. It was like, I'm booking this appointment. I don't care if it's in the budget or not. I have to do it. It will make me feel better. And it will like, you know, what's the word like snowball into me doing other things. Which that's honestly like so how I am. Like I have to just do take action and then it will like, yeah you know, do a bunch of like I'll do a bunch of other stuff. But oh my God, it's it's still it's still I got it done last Tuesday. So it's been less than a week. i can't even raise my.
00:35:14
Speaker
You're locked and loaded. I'm good. I'm good.
Travel Excitement and Personal Growth
00:35:18
Speaker
i don't know. Something this round, like, it just looks so good. i am feeling myself. And I'm getting a little tan just from being outside. And i was like, I am looking so good. Hell yeah. Love that.
00:35:34
Speaker
love I am. I feel like I have so many fun things coming up. Yeah, now now I'm side tangenting. i'm going I'm going on a due date group trip in like three weeks to Palm Beach. And I'm so excited to see my gals. It's so weird because you talk to them every day and then we go...
00:35:55
Speaker
years without seeing each other um but I'm pumped about that like pumped about that'll be so fun like that next step I know I've never been there and I'm like this place is definitely meant for me I'm I was gonna say that it's got you written all over it and I'm getting all this like ads down maybe not ads just like things I would like down there and I'm just so pumped. I can't wait. Yeah, it'll so fun. They can ship furniture to me. There's so many antique stores down there. I don't know if my friends would want to go do that, which I don't have to, but...
00:36:35
Speaker
kind of want You should just purposely book a late flight back the day you're leaving so you can shop that day. That's what i do. Well, we're getting there pretty early and poor Chris. I'm like on this like travel kick with work and then that trip is mixed in there and I'm like, oopsie.
00:36:53
Speaker
You're like, sorry. I'm going to like New Orleans the next week and then. I don't know. I'm just all over the place. So it's Vinny's sister, the one that's getting married in December. You know, she's having her bachelorette party in Fort Lauderdale. So that's at the end of July. And, you know, I just went to New York and like in April and I've had some like girls trips already. And Vinny was like holding out that like Marin's fiance, Sam, he's like, okay, well, he'll have a bachelor party. Like we'll go somewhere. I'm sure. And then we saw them and I'm pretty sure Sam is just like staying here in Tampa and like doing something small. And Vinny was like, damn it oh like he's like, I got to book a boys trip. I was like, go for it. You're allowed. If like, I want that for you the same way I would hope you want that for me. So yeah. chris Text your friends, book something.
00:37:48
Speaker
he um he's kind of he's He went to Charleston with his buddies like in February, and I think they might try and go to Chicago at some point this year. And I'm like, good for you, because normally like he didn't go off and do the shit. So I'm like...
00:38:03
Speaker
go do it. And he's been going out to eat with them. I'm like, y'all are so cute. Having a little boy time until it is day of. And then I'm like, I regret. now i'm Yeah. You're like, ah yeah to do that and know. I'm like, but it's Friday and I wanted to hang out, but yeah.
00:38:21
Speaker
Everyone deserves it, you know, and that's another part of it. And that's a hard part, a pill to swallow sometimes is like, sometimes you have to do things separate to recharge. And I'm like, Chris and I've always really hung out a lot together.
00:38:37
Speaker
and so it's like, well, it's just easier to watch, to have like, have your spouse watch the kids. So sometimes that part's hard. I'm like, but I want to come to, um I want to tag along. i want to be one of the boys. Yeah.
00:38:50
Speaker
But you got to let let the spouse recharge. so Yeah. I think being out and about like makes you appreciate more when you come home so I'm big big proponent of that it's like what you said like you kind of get to like air out some stuff and talk and then you're just like all right I feel lighter like yeah talking about it and it's all just hot air anyway you're just talking shop.
00:39:20
Speaker
Yeah exactly. Oh, well, I'm excited about this long weekend
Memorial Day Weekend and Photography Perks
00:39:29
Speaker
ahead. i need to like make some plans.
00:39:33
Speaker
um I will say ah y'all know me and seeing Candace's photo shoot with all the colors and like they just looked like the all American little cutie cutie fam. I'm like,
00:39:44
Speaker
Oh my God. Just nothing fires me up like that red, white, and blue. Like i want to buy everything. I bought a i meant American quilt this weekend i'm from Etsy.
00:39:55
Speaker
like Why? That's so funny. Um, I meant to text you cause I think you like, did you, you liked my red and white striped shirt? that what you were saying? I liked what Vinny wore as well. Like, Oh yeah. Yeah.
00:40:09
Speaker
Yeah. And when that red and white striped shirt ah is from the men's section in case anyone saw my reel and was curious. They, I don't know. My target was so picked over in the woman's and I was kind of panicking. And then i went over to the men's and I found that red and white shirt and I was like, yep, this is mine. Thank you so much. kind of looked like J.Crew. like y'all were J.Crew fam and y'all just look so cute. cute and fun. I'm so excited to see the photos. She was showing me them, some of them like unedited um yesterday and they look so cute. I'm so excited. and
00:40:49
Speaker
hot tip, make a friend with a photographer. like Honestly, hot tip. That's like, she's like now one of my closest friends and she's a photographer. hot tip for real. Hot, hot, hot.
00:41:02
Speaker
Even like the way she takes photos of us when we're like out and about. I'm like, God bless you. i love you. love the eye, my girl. That's so funny. Does she bring her like real camera out? Not all the time. But, you know, they're going to Lake Tahoe with us. And she's like, I'm bringing my camera to Lake Tahoe. i was like, yes, you are. Get some action shots. I know. ah Which is another reason I got to lock in.
Body Image and Pregnancy Reflections
00:41:27
Speaker
The real camera's coming. We got to lock in. You're like, I'm going to be in a bathing suit on the beach with a real camera. Absolutely not. Oh, please don't. Please. That's my nightmare. Don't do it. Don't do that.
00:41:44
Speaker
oh man. I've always felt that way, though. I'm like, please don't fucking take a picture of me at the beach. Like, it's just not for me. It's so hard. It's so no, no, no.
00:41:57
Speaker
All my friends have like super long legs and maybe that's just like what I hyper fix on. I'm like, I can't, I'll never compare unless I'm a string bean and I'll never be cause I'm an athletic girl. Yeah, I'm the same way. um There are pictures of me pregnant on the beach with Evie back from like September of when I was pregnant with her.
00:42:22
Speaker
whenever I look back them, I actually laugh out loud Like, because I think I wanted like cute memories of me being pregnant and like yeah on the beach. And I look at them and I'm like, these will never see the light of day. Like no one, I think even in my old age, if I look back at those photos, I would be like, absolutely not.
00:42:43
Speaker
ah Like. That's so funny. And so relatable. i'm like, Why wasn't i cute pregnant? all these, yeah, all these girls who were like so cute pregnant. I'm like, it couldn't be me. Shout out to my friend Alyssa on the beach trip. I was like, you are like so gorgeous pregnant. Like you should wear a bikini all summer. Like I cannot fathom. I'm like, you are so cute.
00:43:10
Speaker
Lucky. Couldn't be me. Oh, to be blessed. I was cursed. It's fine. i have a good personality. you know Yeah, same. I'm fine. It's fine.
00:43:22
Speaker
It's fine. oh Well, I love you so much.
Wrap-Up and Listener Appreciation
00:43:29
Speaker
Excited to hear about your weekend recap. same oh my god it's like wow we're almost to june my guy this is fun i know it's crazy crazy crazy well everyone enjoy your md dubs all right love you bye thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat new episodes drop every tuesday and don't forget the group chat is blowing up on our instagram page so make sure you're following along over there all right gotta go my toddler just put something in her mouth