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E. 11 Samantha Kaye: Owning Your Voice in Male-Dominated Spaces
27 Plays4 months ago
Welcome to Episode 11 of Oh, There You Are! This week, we’re joined by Samantha Kaye, a certified life coach with over two decades of experience leading in male-dominated industries. Samantha shares her powerful story of breaking barriers, navigating challenges, and helping women find their confidence and voice in environments where they’re often overlooked.
In this episode, we talk about:
- The challenges and triumphs of thriving in male-dominated spaces
- How women can become their own allies in the workplace
- Strategies for navigating microaggressions and reclaiming power
- Practical tips for shutting down mansplaining with confidence
- The emotional toll of shrinking yourself—and how to show up authentically instead
Whether you’re navigating a corporate boardroom or a blue-collar environment, Samantha’s insights will leave you feeling empowered to step into your full potential and claim the success you deserve.
Resources & Mentions:
- Connect with Samantha Kaye: https://www.samanthakayeharris.com/
- Take a Quiz Towards your success
- To Book a Conference call with her as well. Be sure to check out her page.
Connect with Danielle
- Instagram @itsdanielle.thats.me
- Subscribe to Oh There You Are for weekly episodes that help you unlock your potential and live with purpose.
- Get Your Free 7 Day Journal. Thank you for supporting my podcast! It means so much to have you as part of this community. Remember, you are seen, you are valued, and you are right on time.
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Overview
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey friend, I'm so glad you're here. Welcome to, oh there you are. This is the podcast for anyone who's ready to step out of the shadows of self-doubt and into the life they've always dreamed up. I'm your host, Danielle, a wife, mom, and registered nurse who spent way too long believing my voice didn't matter. But guess what? It does, and so does yours. If you've been holding back, waiting for the perfect moment, or telling yourself you're not enough, this is your reminder. You are more than enough.
00:00:35
Speaker
You've always been enough. Everything you need is already inside you. In this space, we're going to push past fear, stop hitting snooze on life, and start going after what we really want. Each week, I'll bring you solo episodes and interviews with people who had the courage to go first so that you can go next. So grab your favorite drink, settle in, and let's go.
00:00:59
Speaker
And hey, don't forget to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode because we're just getting started. And remember, you're not late, you're right on time. And I can't wait to see where this journey takes us.
Meet Samantha Kay, a Trailblazer in Male-Dominated Fields
00:01:18
Speaker
Hey, friend. Welcome back to another empowering episode of All There You Are. Today's guest is somebody who embodies strength, resilience, and the power of owning your voice. Samantha Kay is a certified life coach with over 20 years of experience thriving in male-dominated industries from leading teams at JFK International Airport to operating heavy machinery, Samantha has carved out space and helped countless women do the same. In this episode, Samantha shares her journey of challenging societal norms, navigating microaggressions, and building unshakable confidence in environments where women are often overlooked.
00:01:58
Speaker
Whether you're in a male-dominated workplace or simply looking for ways to stop shrinking yourself to fit into someone else's narrative, Samantha's story and insights will leave you feeling inspired to step into power and claim the success that you deserve.
Samantha's Journey: Overcoming Skepticism and Leading at JFK
00:02:14
Speaker
Let's dive in. Welcome, Samantha. Hey, Danielle. Thank you for having me. You are so welcome. I just love talking about the topic of finding your voice. And just whenever I was in our little Facebook group and looking for people who wants to be on here and share their story, your face just was like, talk to me. So let's talk to you. Well, thank you. Well, thank you so much. I'm glad it was inviting because I'm glad I'm here. And I'm ready to talk about all the things about empowerment and confidence and using this voice that we've been given.
00:02:50
Speaker
It's so great. Well, let's jump in then. Your journey is remarkable. You lead a team of over 60 men, operate heavy machinery in an industry where women are often the minority. What are some of the toughest challenges you faced and how did you find the strengths to overcome them? Okay. Well, I operated heavy machinery. I had to fight my way when I first became in, excuse me, when I first got into structural maintenance.
00:03:19
Speaker
I, there's something women usually don't do. So, you know, they'd give me a broom. They give me all those small tasks to do because they didn't think I was qualified. Um, but I kept going. I kept, no, I want to do it. No, I want to do it. So I kind of pushed my way through to be seen and heard like, no, you're not going to give me the small jobs because you don't think I'm qualified. You don't think that I'm capable of doing these things. So.
00:03:48
Speaker
I just kept pushing until they were tired of me trying to push my way through and allowed me to do it. So I hate to even use the word allowed, but technically it is because they could have kept pushing against me, but I pushed hard enough to be seen and to be heard that I learned how I learned how to operate machinery.
Women Empowerment: Self-Allyship and Leadership Strategies
00:04:10
Speaker
And I love doing it. Um, I became a supervisor after that.
00:04:16
Speaker
I was an environmental unit and environmental. It was so many men, again, it was populated by men. And they used to question my authority. They used to question my that if I was qualified to do the job, that I have the knowledge. And for me, I was like, yes, I do. And instead of me pushing back against them, I gave directives. I used my voice. I elevated it when necessary.
00:04:45
Speaker
And I gave directions. I think we've been socialized to get along, to go along, and especially when we're in a man-woman dynamic, that sometimes we kind of fall back to allow things to happen. But my position would not allow me to do that. I just couldn't. I hear that you show up with authority, right? I show up. And you're just a level of respect.
00:05:14
Speaker
level of respect and respect that they didn't give me. But I took it and I stood flat footed in it. I earned it. I worked towards it and I achieved that goal and I stood in it. And from there I grew as a supervisor and so now I'm Um, the second I run the emergency response at JFK, at JFK airport, where my immediate team that I supervise has 60 plus men, plus five, supervisor that a male, and then during these emergency conditions, I know where 102 pieces of equipment is in 102 pieces of equipment on our not open side and on the other side.
00:05:58
Speaker
I keep up the 12 pieces of equipment. So yes, I use my voice to give directive, to be direct and to earn my position at all times. Yeah. I mean, let alone in that place that knowing where all those things are, I would just lose myself. That place is so large. It is. I mean, it's like anything once you learn it, you know, it's just, it's small, but I look at it, too, being a woman in that space, being um kind of unseen and wanting to be seen, wanting to be heard, knowing that I brought so much value to the job. I want it to be just as large as people think JFK is, as many acres as it is. That's what I wanted, and that's what I thrived for, and that's what I'm doing.
00:06:51
Speaker
That's so good. That's so good. Are there any other women who work in your department or that, you know, operate the machinery as well and showing an interest? It's funny. Well, I no longer operate because I'm a boss now. Yes, you're a boss. Love it. Yes. We do have more, we've had an increase of more women coming into the field.
00:07:14
Speaker
But unfortunately, we're still not at a level that would be to say, oh my goodness, it's women here doing big things. So as far as in the supervisory standpoint,
00:07:27
Speaker
standpoint there is another woman now. She came from a different department. But as far as women that came from the field of structural maintenance, like myself, there is no other. Yeah.
00:07:41
Speaker
Well, I know you you speak about the importance of women being their own allies in the workplace. For those listening who might feel unsure of what that really looks like, can you break it down and share why this is an important game changer?
00:07:53
Speaker
Okay. so Well, let me talk about what a self ally is. Self ally is being your own ally and not depending on someone else to have your back. That means you standing up for you, you embracing you, you loving on you, you showing up for you, you keeping small promises to yourself.
00:08:11
Speaker
so that you know that you can be depend on you. That's what self-hallying is. And a lot of times society tells us, especially women, that we need someone else to stand for us. We need someone else to speak for us. We need someone else to depend on besides ourselves.
00:08:27
Speaker
So it's so important in these male dominated industries that you stand for yourself, that you're not looking around for someone to speak up because you diminish yourself in your own self-worth and you stop believing in yourself. So it's so important for you to figure out what you want in an ally and be that for yourself so that you can speak up and stand up for you. No, that's really good. Learning to start the day, right? To take that time.
00:08:55
Speaker
figure out, you know, how do I want to start the day with gratitude? And what do I want to see and speak it into existence and put those shoulders up and hold the head high and go in there, right? Yes, I do a lot of I am statements. I am worthy. I am
Navigating Microaggressions and Building Confidence
00:09:10
Speaker
amazing. I am special. I am wonderful. I am capable. And knowing these things allows you to step into a different mindset when working towards your goals and becoming the human that you want to be. Absolutely. but You have mentioned you know in our in your bio about microaggressions and um undermining behaviors that can take an emotional toll you know on us as women and how do you coach women?
00:09:38
Speaker
to maintain their confidence and their wellbeing, why they navigate through these challenges. Oh my goodness. Well, what I do first is to have four pillars that I work with. women It is first of all, professional, personal.
00:09:54
Speaker
emotional and self-allyship. So within those earth and within those pillars, I'm teaching women to speak up for themselves, not to deal with when men over-talk you in a meeting, to stop them at that moment. We're no longer going to allow that. We're no one longer going to have intimidating behavior where they sit up at a table to try to make you look smaller. They try to stand over you.
00:10:20
Speaker
or they interrupt you during a conversation. The first thing I do is to stop them. Teach the women to be courageous enough to stop them. Stop them dead in their tracks. We're no longer going to allow them to speak over us. We're putting a boundary in a place that's only to allow people to understand that this is what I expect and I deserve. That's why self-allyship is so important.
00:10:47
Speaker
So I work with them building that trust of themselves. I work with them to believe in that they can do it, that they can now build on their confidence within themselves. That's a great place to start. I mean, that's needed in any and any adventure, any you know job that you want to tackle in life.
00:11:07
Speaker
And when you will learn to listen to our inner voice or inner intuition and really trust ourselves, then that is when new doors of opportunity open and that is truly where confidence definitely is established. So thank you for sharing that. You're welcome. um I love, I could talk about confidence and using your voice all day, especially for women. And because society has put all of these so-called norms of how we're supposed to show up and we get to redefine it. But I think though, ah just for, you know, I feel a society starting to do a good job with that as more of us do take on, you know, getting a coach or understanding just that the power is within us and everything that we want to obtain in life is in us. And there's more of us seeking it. So, and maybe my perception of saying that I think society is doing better is because I'm looking for it.
00:12:05
Speaker
But there are a lot of people who though still sit and keep themselves small. So we need encouragement and guidance from people like you who have lived it and be like, listen, I want to help show you a better way.
00:12:18
Speaker
Yes, you know, of course, anything in this world that we look for is seeking us. So that's one thing I do know for sure. Do I think that societal norms, ancestral norms, all of those things compile, keep women held back, keep them from showing up, keep them from allowing themselves in this day and age, even if we do the work on ourselves.
00:12:40
Speaker
and we we programmed how we show up is little things that seep in that sometimes have us revert back to who we were. So it's about awareness. Do I think we're changing more so than in the earlier your years? Yes, I do. But I do believe it's still a lot of work to get an understanding because culturally depends on what culture you're in.
00:13:05
Speaker
And like I said, especially for these women in male-dominated jobs where they see, oh, it's men here and they're supposed to perform a certain way because this is what they've been taught in their homes, in their cultures, what society says is a good or a bad woman. And we all want to be accepted and we all want to be loved because that's what we was taught. So it's so important for us to continue to use our voices, continue to allow ourselves to be seen and heard as women ah authority expertise in this area so that we can continue to change the world. Yeah, absolutely. Well, so you've worked with women in both white collar and blue collar industries. What unique challenges do you see in each and what universal lesson then can women take away about overcoming fear and reclaiming their power? Okay. so
00:13:56
Speaker
Our earlier I spoke about say sitting at the table and in a board room or sitting in a meeting and you're the only woman and not speaking up because you're afraid that they're going to talk over you or they're going to speak over you or you're given jobs that don't generate as much money. When you're working in blue collar jobs the men either say don't worry about it pretty to make you feel small.
00:14:20
Speaker
or, oh, can I help you lift that? They don't feel you're qualified to learn to operate machinery because that's not what women do. So with little subtle differences on both sides of the house. And again, I don't say it's easy, and I don't want anyone listening to think that I think that it's easy to do this, to just be confident all of a sudden when you've never been taught that. It takes more, small steps.
00:14:49
Speaker
But the first thing is to give yourself grace and understanding and love so that you can decide to show up for yourself. Try the small steps first by keeping those small promises to yourself, by showing up for you, journaling, asking yourselves and understanding why you aren't showing up. Because I do believe we can change the way we think about things, but first we have to come up with our core belief and understanding why we believe.
00:15:18
Speaker
and what we want to or have intentions to do and work towards that. But we must first understand that belief that we have in shifting into a different thought. And we know that we can progress and that's trusting our own, trusting our own thoughts, trusting our own heart. That's right. And knowing that it doesn't have to be perfect. It goes along with your grace that, you know, we're not going to jump out of the gate and know how to do things perfectly. And the grace in learning how to fail forward,
00:15:48
Speaker
is what I keep learning and hearing over these last several years and experiencing that if you fall forward, you can only learn from what happened and then you're able to rise up and he again, continue to have that confidence to keep moving forward. Yes, that is so true because I remember thinking things as a failure or good or bad. Now I think of things as lessons. Yeah. Everything is about learning and about growing and trusting the process together. Yeah.
00:16:17
Speaker
I mean, and I think a lot of times, i too, you know, I've heard that phrase so many times in life, trust the process, you're like, what does it even mean? Until, like you said, you're actively seeking on how to better ourselves. And then like a little light bulb goes off, oh, the process, it's everything, it's all around this, whatever you're currently in, in the moment, allowing it to happen. But it all starts with learning how to trust yourself. So Yes. See, full circle, full circle. Yes, definitely. Yes. So you are passionate about helping women show up authentically without shrinking themselves. For anyone listening who feels like they're stuck in a cycle of people pleasing or self-doubt, what are some first steps they can take to start embracing their true selves? Well, I remember the days of not trusting myself and looking
00:17:09
Speaker
It was funny, I was in a meeting one time in my, who I considered my friend, my album. I was telling him the answers to the questions that was being asked and he was speaking them. I was like, well, say this and say that. Not trusting that I was going to be heard, not trusting that they were going to allow me to speak up. So he would, and he would take the credit for what I was saying. He wouldn't even give me credit.
00:17:41
Speaker
which I thought was insane. So, which made me kind of all bad as if I wasn't even involved anymore. And it made me high. It made me want to ostracize myself. So what I want to offer women is trust yourself. Trust that your answers are right. Trust that your value and your knowledge is enough
00:18:11
Speaker
believe that if it's what they want to hear or not at the time, it's worth being heard. And you can acknowledge
Handling Mansplaining: Samantha's Framework
00:18:20
Speaker
it. So those are the first things that I will say to any anyone. Trust yourself. Believe in the value that you bring. And stand in that. Because we each do bring a unique perspective and a, you know, a unique just outstanding looking on the outside and looking in at stuff because we've all been through different experiences and sometimes we go through things we're like well what did I have to go through that for to understand that and then later you're sitting at a table sitting around you know with these gentlemen and you're like wait I know the answer to this I live this you know and trust that you you know how to bring it and you
00:19:00
Speaker
have so much value and I just love that so much because we do we all have value and I think we need to hear it over and over and over again because we just sit so quietly like who the heck wants to hear from me but no but that's where that self-doubt comes from and that's what happens in the when you're not trusting that what you have is enough, and you are more than enough, and everything happens for us, not to us, and knowing that that is the facts, that is nothing greater than that, and believing that your lessons are going to take you further and further in your life than you'll ever know. That's right. And it comes back to those I am statements and just learning to start your day and looking yourself in the eye and saying, you are worth it. no Yes. Yes.
00:19:47
Speaker
Well, you had shared that you do a workshop. Is that right? That yeah helps navigate folks through mansplaining. And you said um it's an issue that many women encounter. And what strategies or scripts that you could provide for women to use in the moment um to address confidently and professionally? OK. So I have a framework that I teach women when working with me, it is
00:20:25
Speaker
woof Sometimes I get a little, there's so many frameworks. Yes. We're going to pause the conversation. We're going to stop it. We're going to redirect the conversation where we redirect the conversation back to what we're saying. We're not going to allow them to talk over us or redirect it to them. We're going to redirect it. If you say, excuse me, as I was saying, it is okay.
00:20:47
Speaker
and be confident enough in what you're saying that you believe that it needs to be set. So we're going to pause. We're going to redirect. We're going to affirm what we are saying. And then we're going to follow up. That's what we're going to do. If necessary, we're going to follow up with what we said via the email, a conversation circling back to what we said at a later date.
00:21:18
Speaker
This is what I teach women, and this teaches them to have the confidence in their voice. They're no longer sitting back, allowing someone else like I did at one point to speak for me, who was a friend, an ally. I became my own ally, and I learned to pause. Hmm, don't do that. I got it. And for me, I have a tendency to say, hey, don't do that. I don't need you to explain it for me.
00:21:44
Speaker
depending on the environment that you work in, depending on who your audience is, it is okay to raise your voice, your tone, to be more direct. Because we were told not to do that. You know, a lot of things have been instilled in us over history, over time. These are things we were taught. And we don't break traditions, really, at all.
00:22:12
Speaker
as women, we continuously do the same thing over and over, but you get to change that because this is what our mothers did. This is what our grandmothers did. And this is all we know and see. But until we peel back the layers and understand that we can use my framework and knowing that it's okay. And that you're standing strong in it, you won't trust yourself. And that's what I teach women to know. Trust yourself. Trust your own voice.
00:22:42
Speaker
You know, so many things have happened and changed in this world. And that's my concern because we become who the world tells us to be so often unconsciously. Even when I look at things and the term intersectionality point by Kimberly Fincher that they use it for certain things about us as far as our race, our sex.
00:23:11
Speaker
They use our height, our weight, our education. And we unconsciously understand that. So that's like 10 folds of things on top of us where we're already concerned about all of these things that they're using to separate us from the rest of the world. And then when you're in this world where there are men and you're separated then by gender,
00:23:39
Speaker
It's harder to show up. That's why it's so important to do this work. And I think I lost the question. I got to talking so much. No, you're fine. You were good. It just was basically, you you know, like I said, like in your workshop, how do you kind of bring people back around and give them scripts or things that they can use tools, you know, that they can understand when I'm coming into this workplace, I came here for a reason. I came here to get the job done. they might be getting pushed around a little bit and they want to be
Overcoming People Pleasing and Claiming Your Voice
00:24:10
Speaker
able to come back to themselves and be like, you know what? Samantha Kay told me, I need to trust myself. And just whatever you would want them to like frame back, be going, you know what? I listened to that podcast and I learned it's okay to use my voice here at work today. So mister, please sit down and let's talk about where I can see the direction of this project heading.
00:24:32
Speaker
That's exactly what it is, sweetheart. I'm not the one nor the two, step back two paces. I got this, bottom of line. Yes, yes. Well, I love it. And I am just so excited that we're getting to, you know, have this conversation today because I like even I don't work in a male dominated world. I'm a nurse. So I just know I can still relate to this. There's still times that no matter where we're at in life,
00:24:59
Speaker
our voices get taken from us. We can choose to kind of shrink ourselves down because we don't feel we're important or we're not given the opportunity to share maybe a reason why something happened, right? So then your voice gets taken and you're like, okay, fine. I'm not fighting this anymore. But if it really truly means something to you and you're like, you know what? That's not how it was. I need you to understand. We have to not be afraid to not be, I mean, yes, you have to ask for the permission. Hey, can I share this? But no, stand in your ground and stand up for what is important to you. I think that's the key. Feeling safe yeah because fear does not allow us to show up. If you don't pray that
00:25:43
Speaker
Someone's going to shut you down before you open your mouth. Sometimes you won't because you don't want to be embarrassed. But we're already telling ourselves that we don't have a voice by listening to a thought that's telling us that we don't need to be heard because someone else might not like it. It's not about everyone else. And again, that's that mindset of people believing.
00:26:05
Speaker
You don't have to be liked. You don't have to be loved. You're not everybody's responsibility. They're responsible for you and they're responsible for themselves. So you get to speak up and have a voice. And it may not be liked by everyone. But I'm gonna, who cares? Really, at the end of the day, when there's something that needs to be said, do I think that we get to be rude and disrespectful to each other as human beings? No, I don't. But I do know for a fact that we should be heard and we should have these conversations. And if you need to, again, we're going to pause. We're going to use that framework. Because no matter where you are, I know sometimes it's more difficult in an environment with men. But even for you working in a hospital and you have superiors that are supposed to be the experts, these are your supervisors are supposed to have you still
00:27:04
Speaker
Thank you for, and that's another way of causing it. Thank you for saying that. But before we move forward, I would like to, because you do have the right to, as long as you're not rude, nasty, cursing, yelling, you have a voice to be heard. And that's even in all jobs and policies and procedures. This is part of your recognizing that, you know? And recognizing that no one has the right to shame you, embarrass you, or hurt you.
00:27:35
Speaker
very true. People pleasing it was the word that kept popping in my head, you know, when I was listening to earlier and didn't choose to use it, and you said it, I was like, yes, you were right on the same channel. Because you know, us as women as well, I mean, that's where we're caregivers, right? And we want to make sure everybody's taken care of. And sometimes it's hard to turn that off. um Like, you know, stepping into the workplace and stuff and realizing, you know, we're all here to do the same job. and to get it done to work as a team. So we don't need to be pleasing each other, but it comes back to feeling safe and presenting things with respect as you said, so. Yeah. Yes. And so I have, go ahead. No, I was going to say because it increases your anxiety. Yeah. You know, when you don't feel safe. So because you want to stay calm and because you want to be in a place where you're at peace, we allow these things to happen.
00:28:31
Speaker
But we have to what relearn yeah that, is that peace really peace? Or is it momentary? Because if you're going to be upset later on, you're not going to be able to show it for yourself, even at home and more frustrated. Is it peace? Is it discomfort you're standing up and speaking up in the moment? Or not feeling all these feelings of anxiety, anxiousness, same thing, but all of those feelings, anger, resentment. So sometimes we have to figure out what we're willing to do to get where we want to be and if that means standing up and speaking up, not and have that moment of anxiety because you're unsure what may happen or if you want it long term and even learning how to calm the nervous system down, the nervous system.
00:29:30
Speaker
by learning how to do breathing techniques or tapping or the five points, learning that you can look at different things just to know that you're safe and that you're okay. Your nervous system affects your brain and you're a nurse and you know all the things. So being able to understand that all of those plays a part in how we show up and why we're not giving you some of those things. Yes. Wow. That is great. Kind of pulls right in then. If you could give,
00:29:59
Speaker
or share one piece of advice with everyone listening who might feel overlooked, underestimated, or outnumbered in their careers. What would it be? It's okay. It is okay. Take a breath. I would tell them that it's okay because to put pressure on themselves, to make themselves more stressed out because they aren't doing these things.
00:30:32
Speaker
does yourself a disservice. So it's okay right now. And it's okay for you to seek the help that you need. That's great. This is really good. I just hopefully I hope that everybody feels empowered to be able to use their voice and to understand how needed their voices really are. So that is kind of the whole key of us coming out here and sharing your stories so that You know, you go first, so somebody else can go next. And we all have a time and a place of when we're to show up and you're never late. Never. Everything is right on time. You know, we're all positioned in the right place. And someone walked ahead of me. And now I walk ahead of someone else. I've stood on someone's shoulders. So now they stand on my shoulders. That's right. And that's what makes the world keep evolving, keep growing.
00:31:31
Speaker
and understand that we can trust this process. Absolutely. We're all a needed, important piece of the puzzle, so. Yes, yes. Well, again, I'm really thankful that you came here to be with us today and just to give us your insight and, again, allow the world to meet Samantha Kay. So thank you so much. Well, thank you for having me. You're welcome. Thank you for being, allowing me to share one of your platforms.
00:31:56
Speaker
I appreciate that. Absolutely. It's been a lot of fun, so. Yes. Yes. Okay. Well, until next time then. Yes. Until next time. You too. Bye. Bye-bye. Thanks so much for hanging out with me today on Oh, There You Are. Remember, everything you need to step into your power is already inside of you. So keep going, friend. You've got this. If today's episode inspired you, don't forget to subscribe so you never miss a new one.
00:32:25
Speaker
and I'd love to connect with you over on Instagram, find me at, it's Danielle dot that's dot me, drop by, say hi, let me know what resonated with you or just share your journey. And before you go, I've got something special for you. I'm offering a free seven day journal to help you start tapping into your potential and feel that mindset shift. It's designed to guide you through the steps of unlocking your power. You can grab it in the show notes below. Let's take this journey together.
00:32:55
Speaker
All right, friend, go make it happen. And remember, you're not late. You're right on time.