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E. 14 From Gang Leader to Voice of the Voiceless: José Vargas Zapata’s Journey of Redemption and Purpose
20 Plays4 months ago
In this powerful episode of Oh, There You Are, I’m joined by the incredible José Vargas Zapata, a former gang leader turned mentor, life coach, and advocate for change. José’s story is one of resilience, redemption, and finding purpose in the most unlikely places.
Growing up in Milwaukee and navigating the challenges of street life, José became a leader of the Insane Spanish Cobras. His choices led him to incarceration, where he endured the darkest moments of his life. But through faith and self-reflection, José found his calling to inspire and uplift others, especially those impacted by gang violence, incarceration, and mental health struggles.
Now a public speaker and Recovery Specialist, José uses his journey to connect with youth, advocate for mental health, and empower individuals to unlock their potential. His raw authenticity and unwavering determination to be “the voice of the voiceless” will leave you inspired to overcome your own challenges and step into your purpose.
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- José’s upbringing and the choices that shaped his early life
- His time as a gang leader and the lessons he learned about leadership and accountability
- How solitary confinement and faith ignited his journey of transformation
- The importance of mental health advocacy and connecting with those in need
- Stories of resilience, redemption, and inspiring others to believe in their own capacity for change
If you’re looking for a story of hope, transformation, and empowerment, this episode is for you.
Connect with José Vargas Zapata:
Instagram: joeypodcasttv
UTube Channel
Find His new Book: The Power of Resilience
Connect with Danielle
- Instagram @itsdanielle.thats.me
- Subscribe to Oh There You Are for weekly episodes that help you unlock your potential and live with pur pose.
- Get Your Free 7 Day Journal. Thank you for supporting my podcast! It means so much to have you as part of this community. Remember, you are seen, you are valued, and you are right on time.
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast and Danielle's Journey
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey friend, I'm so glad you're here. Welcome to oh There You Are. This is the podcast for anyone who's ready to step out of the shadows of self-doubt and into the life they've always dreamed of.
00:00:13
Speaker
I'm your host, Danielle, a wife, mom, and registered nurse who spent way too long believing my voice didn't matter. But guess what? It does, and does yours.
00:00:25
Speaker
If you've been holding back, waiting for the perfect moment, or telling yourself you're not enough, this is your reminder you are more than enough. You've always been enough.
00:00:36
Speaker
Everything you need is already inside you. In this space, we're going to push past fear, stop hitting snooze on life, and start going after what we really want. Each week, I'll bring you solo episodes and interviews with people who had the courage to go first so that you can go next.
00:00:55
Speaker
So grab your favorite drink, settle in, and let's go. And hey, don't forget to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode because we're just getting started. And remember, you're not late, you're right on time.
00:01:09
Speaker
And I can't wait to see where this journey takes us.
Introduction to Joey and His Transformative Journey
00:01:16
Speaker
Hey friend, welcome back to oh There You Are. Today we have an extraordinary guest joining us, Jose Vargas Zapata. Joey is a former gang leader turned public speaker life coach, and mentor who is dedicated to empowering others through his remarkable journey of transformation and redemption.
00:01:37
Speaker
Growing up in the challenges of street life in Milwaukee, Joey became a deeply and deeply entrenched in gang culture. His path led him to incarceration, where he faced the darkest moments of his life, including depression, suicide thoughts, and violence.
00:01:53
Speaker
But it was these moments of solitude that he found his faith and uncovered his true purpose. Now, Joey is a passionate advocate for youth impacted by gang violence, incarceration, and mental health struggles.
00:02:07
Speaker
As the voice of the voiceless, he speaks of those navigating depression, anxiety, and trauma, inspiring hope, resilience, and personal growth. Whether through public speaking, coaching, or his role as a recovery specialist,
00:02:23
Speaker
Joey's authenticity and powerful storytelling leave a lasting impact on everyone he meets. Join us as we share as he shares his incredible journey of breaking free from the chains of his past, finding redemption, and helping others unlock their potential.
Joey's Childhood and Family Struggles
00:02:41
Speaker
Joey, I'm really excited that you're here. for having me. Yay! Well, I want to start by sharing a quote that i found. I was looking through all of the social media things and that you had sent to me.
00:02:55
Speaker
And one of the quotes that stuck out stuck out to me said, every day is a new chance to change your life. Embrace it. And I just think that is so, so true that every day is a new opportunity to be amazing.
00:03:09
Speaker
um And I just want to honor your story today and allow you just start where you want to start and pull us in and take us back. to you know whatever part that you want to share that has led up to the moment that has allowed you then to be the voice of the voiceless.
00:03:25
Speaker
So it's all yours. oh My name is Jose Vargas Zapata. I was born in Jaze, Puerto Rico. And as you know, when I was one and two years old, my family relocated from Puerto Rico to Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
00:03:43
Speaker
We grew up, you know, my life, I grew up in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. And ah my father and my mother always tried to teach us Biblical teachings.
00:03:54
Speaker
um We go to church, play the instruments. was really involved in church. um Growing up in Milwaukee, you know, there's lot of gang violence, drug violence, like anywhere else. You got the good parts and and you got you got the bad part. So we we were living in on the east side of Milwaukee.
00:04:12
Speaker
From the east side, we went to the north side, from the north side to the south. So we've been everywhere. So growing up, my father, um like we all go through a lot of life struggles and hardships. And I'm guessing, you know, at a young age, I was watching how my father was transitioning.
00:04:29
Speaker
He stopped going to church. He started changing. guess he was battling with his own demons and and thoughts and and whatever face he was going through at that time. And he started consuming drugs and changing and consuming alcohol.
00:04:45
Speaker
Once he started doing this, as I was getting older, as I asked me, my siblings, I'm the oldest from six siblings. So as we were getting older, my father kept consuming, getting deep in drugs and alcohol.
00:04:59
Speaker
So it got to, you know, verbal abuse, physical abuse. Every time he was under the influence, drinking or doing drugs.
00:05:10
Speaker
He became a whole different person. this It was like somebody else took control of his mind, body, and soul. So our home where, you know, felt like a safe place ended up being a broken home.
00:05:23
Speaker
So I was i used to go to school, try to concentrate in school, but it was hard because being so young and going to school, trying to do good and get good grades and concentrate on education,
00:05:37
Speaker
It's hard to focus when you thinking about ah everything is going on at home. All the abuse, the the situation my father drinking and consuming drugs. So it's like I'm in school thinking about what's going to happen when I get home.
00:05:55
Speaker
You know, a lot of teens, a lot of the youth nowadays are going through so much in their homes and There's a lot of broken homes and a lot of them go to school just to get something to eat. Or they go to school to try to forget everything that's going on at home. that that That's where was at.
00:06:10
Speaker
That's where I found myself. I felt that school was a safe place because home wasn't a safe place anymore. So I started getting bad grades. I started kicking around with with students who was involved in gangs and involved in the streets. And as I was getting older, me and my father was having a broken relationship and it kept getting worse. I used to come home from school, go in my room and lock the door.
00:06:36
Speaker
I used to sit down and write poetry and and and sketch and read books it just to try to cope and try to analyze and think, what am I going to do? And I always ask God,
00:06:47
Speaker
God, why am I going through this? Why do i have to come home and feel like I'm not safe? Because I have to deal with my father while he's under the influence. I have to protect my mother. I have to protect my siblings. Me being the oldest in my family, I felt like I had to be the protector. I had to protect my siblings when they can't run into me saying, listen, I need your help.
00:07:11
Speaker
Dad is over there doing this. Or he's downstairs going crazy. Or he's breaking all the dishes. He's throwing everything around. He's breaking all the glass. I mean, he was going insane. And, you know, at that time, I didn't understand that it wasn't him.
00:07:25
Speaker
It was drugs. It was the alcohol who took over his mind, his mindset, the way that that he talked, did the the way he carried himself. He was a whole different person.
00:07:37
Speaker
So me and my father started fighting and got to the point that we was throwing hands. We was fighting like enemies because I was protecting my siblings and I was protecting my mother.
00:07:48
Speaker
So he looked at it as disrespect. Like, you know, I wasn't supposed to raise my hand against my father, but it was because I wanted to the fight with him. It was because I'll have to protect my family. Yeah.
00:08:02
Speaker
had toys, me being the oldest and still young. had to balance but education school because balance is what we was going on at home. So it was causing a lot of depression, lot of anxiety, a lot of suicidal thoughts.
00:08:17
Speaker
You know, me seeing my mother cry and suffer every time my my my father did the drugs or was under the influence. It was destroying my my my family. See, me, I look at it as the enemy was using my father to try to break our family
Gang Involvement and Family Interventions
00:08:33
Speaker
apart.
00:08:33
Speaker
I don't want to sound religious, but, you know, me being a believer ah of Jesus Christ, me believer of God, I always, you know, ask for God for help. and And since we was raised in church and and that's what we was taught.
00:08:47
Speaker
I kept asking myself and asking God, why? If you so good, why are you letting me and my family go through this hell? Why do I have wake up every day scared or nervous thinking about what's going to happen next?
00:09:02
Speaker
Are we going to get hurt?
00:09:05
Speaker
Is he going to grab a knife or or anything in the house and and do something we're not going to expect because he was under the influence? See, at that time, I didn't understand that.
00:09:18
Speaker
My father my my father was was a good person. he still is He still is a good person. He provided for us. He worked 9 to 5. So did my mother. You know, I had a great parents.
00:09:32
Speaker
He wasn't a bad person, but when once you let drugs and ok alcohol take over your life, it's not you anymore. So I was dealing with a person that i don't want to be a I didn't want to be around at that time.
00:09:50
Speaker
So that was the main thing that led me to go to the streets, the neighborhoods, guys on on the corner selling drugs. got the prostitutes walking around, and you young looking at the prostitutes, the drug addicts, ah the gangbangers,
00:10:06
Speaker
You got people selling drugs right in front of you. And this is your your environment. Even though my parents taught us great family family values and and how we're supposed to carry ourselves and believe in God.
00:10:21
Speaker
But once you walk out that door, this is a cruel world out there. It's a cold world out there. You can raise your kids to be so be great.
00:10:36
Speaker
But at the same time, it's like you cannot stop what's going to happen when they walk through room doors. You can raise them with family values, as they grow up, they're the decision to and make. you know you want You want to live your life however you want to live it.
00:10:50
Speaker
But it's all that negativity that's in this world. They'll clog your mindset, the way you think and look in life. And that's what was going on at that time. And it got worse to the point where I still have flashbacks until today. And my siblings, who I speak to, we went through a lot of childhood trauma that we still face and deal with today. Yeah. about to be 40. And I can tell you that I wake up with cold sweats.
00:11:22
Speaker
I wake up. you know, the flashbacks like it was yesterday, that's because when you go through a certain trauma, it sticks with, it stays with you, and it sticks with you to the rest of your life.
00:11:35
Speaker
And it's a process. It's a process that you have to battle with. It's process that you have to go through. But that's what motivates me, what pushes me to move forward and help those who are going through the same thing that I went through.
00:11:48
Speaker
Especially, focus on the youth. The youth of today, are going to be the leaders of tomorrow. Yes. So my focus is, let me help these kids just out here that want to kill themselves because they're thinking about the sort of side of thought.
00:12:05
Speaker
I speak to a lot of kids. And you can't imagine the conversations that I had with these kids.
00:12:13
Speaker
Talking about, I think about killing myself because I feel alone.
00:12:20
Speaker
I go home and I lock myself in the room. And I play Xbox all day because I try not to focus on the negativity. Because if I stop playing Xbox or or or playing PS5 or playing whatever the case may be, my mind starts running.
00:12:36
Speaker
And I have to fight with these demons. I have to fight with these suicidal thoughts. These are 13, 14, 15-year-olds that's telling me this.
00:12:45
Speaker
So that pushes me to, you know what? I'm going to help you. You need a mentor. I got you. I'm not perfect. I go through things in life.
00:12:56
Speaker
Best believe my life experiences I'm going to use to push you to be somebody, to be successful. We ain't perfect.
00:13:07
Speaker
You make mistakes. But important the point the the importance of it is learn from your mistakes. Try not to make the same mistakes.
00:13:18
Speaker
You did it. It's over with. Keep moving. Keep moving. Life doesn't stop. Life is short. Tomorrow isn't promised. But stay focused.
00:13:31
Speaker
Don't focus on on your mistakes. Keep moving forward. Stay positive. Because if you're still breathing, you still have a chance to change your life. You still have a chance to make a difference.
00:13:46
Speaker
You still have a chance to walk the right path. and be whatever you want to be as you get older. So I try to mentor and do a little bit everything with with be with these kids because of my experiences. But everything pushed me to the streets when I started getting into it with my father.
00:14:11
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, it's definitely a lot to go through. And I hear i kept hearing out of it just needing a safe place and So, you know, school then became not so safe. It sounded like that's when you were having your opportunities to act out.
00:14:25
Speaker
um And maybe sometimes that happens because you do feel safe there. Like you start to become comfortable with something that isn't hurting you. Right. So then you're able to express your trauma and your frustration and your anger.
00:14:36
Speaker
Did you then find safeness then with, you know, your, you know, the brothers out on the street as well then because of acceptance? Do you feel like. Because when when when you go.
00:14:48
Speaker
to a place where you thought it was a safe place and ends up being a broken home, it changes your perspective on life.
00:15:03
Speaker
It changes you drastically because you're seeing all this negativity and everything that your father is doing and what you and your siblings are going through and watching your siblings cry and scream and act out because my father just wilding out, just going crazy.
00:15:22
Speaker
Right? For example, there were times where we had to drive over a bridge to get from the north side of Milwaukee to the south side to go to our family gatherings or whatnot.
00:15:37
Speaker
In numerous occasions, my dad was driving.
00:15:43
Speaker
And as he was driving, he had ah ah Big bottle of Bacardi. So he used to drive and drink this bottle straight.
00:15:57
Speaker
And so many times, I don't know how we didn't go over that bridge. Yeah. We were supposed to go over that bridge.
00:16:10
Speaker
I mean, watching, play, once you get these flashbacks like a move in your head. Of how I ask God every day.
00:16:20
Speaker
You saved us from not going over that bridge. You got a person that's drinking straight book to party rum. Driving. While my mother on the passenger side screaming telling him to stop.
00:16:36
Speaker
And I'm sitting all the way in the back. ah Playing, you know, in this like a movie. Got my brother and sister are just screaming, going crazy. And I'm just quiet. Thinking, talking to God.
00:16:49
Speaker
Okay. but it What am I supposed to do now? Yeah. So close my eyes. Start praying to God. God, cover us.
00:17:02
Speaker
Protect us.
00:17:05
Speaker
Touch my father. We can't go over this bridge.
00:17:11
Speaker
We have whole life ahead of us. My siblings. Because I wasn't ever focused on me.
Prison and the Path to Redemption
00:17:21
Speaker
I was always focused on my mother, how she felt, and my siblings.
00:17:26
Speaker
I always put myself to the side just to make sure they were good. I felt like I was responsible. It was my responsibility to make sure they was good even though if i wasn't.
00:17:41
Speaker
So it got to the point where
00:17:45
Speaker
Me and my father kept going at it, kept fighting. He kicked me out the house. Once he kicked me out the house, I was already in contact with people from the street, school.
00:17:58
Speaker
So I started hanging around with the guys on the south side, gang members, and spending time and things like that. So I felt good because I wasn't dealing with all that extra baggage at home.
00:18:14
Speaker
So, you know, so comfortable. I'm out here, spending time with the guys. We're out here playing basketball. we We go to the park. We're shooting. But at the same time, they there was involved in gang activity. So I seen the selling drugs, the ah gang colors, the ah meetings. And it got to the point where ah got my violation.
00:18:37
Speaker
I got jumped in the gang. They came and I got jumped in gang. And from day on, I was rebellious because everything that was going through with my father, it kept building up inside.
00:18:52
Speaker
It was making me worse. I didn't care about nobody. I didn't care about nothing. didn't care about my life. Just because I was pissing my father, I was rebellious. My mindset was clogged.
00:19:05
Speaker
My vision was clogged. I didn't really know what I was doing at the time.
00:19:11
Speaker
So as I was getting started, as I was starting selling drugs and involved more in gang activities and gang shootings and we shooting at people that we shooting at us back and everything that that i'm that I'm talking about, I did time for in the state and the feds because of my involvement in this industry.
00:19:33
Speaker
So I went back to my father and In my head, I'm thinking, even though he kicked me out, that's still my father.
00:19:45
Speaker
So I'm like, I'm going to start selling drugs to my own father. You know, that's that's that was my ignorance. My ignorance was taking over my my way of thinking.
00:19:58
Speaker
I was like, well, you don't have to go to these neighborhoods where these gangs and these drug spots that you get jumped, killed, stabbed, robbed. If he owes money or something happens, get killed.
00:20:12
Speaker
um I'm thinking if he get it from me, I'll make sure nothing happens to him. I'll make sure he stays at home, does his does his business, and stays at home.
00:20:23
Speaker
He don't have to go out there and never know could happen.
00:20:28
Speaker
So, yeah you know, i I sold drugs to my own father, and and and I can tell you that feeling is this is unbearable. It's unexplainable, you know, that feeling, selling drugs to your father and watching your father get high in front of your eyes.
00:20:46
Speaker
And, you know, it was kind of normal because the environment that I was involved in, yeah and ah I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong.
00:20:57
Speaker
I thought actually I like i was helping him when I was actually destroying him and was I was killing myself softly. So that pushed me to the streets and when you're in the gangs and in the streets, there's levels.
00:21:13
Speaker
but You want to level up and in get recognition and get known. I got family members who was involved in the gang for years and family and friends that I got involved with them. and i mean i was out here I was out here reckless.
00:21:27
Speaker
I was out here young, 17, 18, just wilding out. and My family was like, you know what? They had a meeting behind my back, which I didn't know. They came to me and said, you going to Puerto Rico?
00:21:41
Speaker
I said, what? Mind you, I was born in Puerto Rico, but I wasn't raised there. It was like, you going to Puerto Rico? I said, when? It was like in two days something like that.
00:21:53
Speaker
So I had to prepare myself to go somewhere that I don't know about, even though i' was from there. Culture, the way of living. I always spoke more English than the the Spanish, even though English my second language.
00:22:08
Speaker
oh So we we bought you. we We got together. We had a meeting. We bought you plane ticket. You out of here. So they think a lot. We're going send him Puerto Rico. See, hopefully he come back. He changes.
00:22:19
Speaker
Yeah. I went to Puerto Rico. I was there for... almost a year, but like forever. I was there. I got to know my, my, my Puerto Rican culture, how they live, uh, festivals, the gatherings, the food.
00:22:40
Speaker
So after months, after months passed, I'm like, gotta to go back. no I, you know, I gotta go back home. Once I came back, everybody thought that i was going to be back to normal.
00:22:52
Speaker
Oh, ah went back to this i but I went back to the neighborhood. I went back to the friends, back to the gang members. okay Same thing.
00:23:03
Speaker
Selling drugs. um Involved in robberies in the streets and and shootings and and people getting jumped. Gangs come to our neighborhood, shoot us. We go to their neighborhood, we shoot them.
00:23:18
Speaker
It was a It was a constant battle. in and And for us, it felt normal again because this was where we was surrounded by our environment. So this is what were seeing every day. So it made it seem normal, but it wasn't.
00:23:32
Speaker
And started getting locked up in out and out, in and out. Yeah. So, but then it came to a point, right, that you're just like, okay, enough is enough. Do you remember that day and that moment where you're like, you know what, I've had enough with this of of this and I am ready to change?
00:23:50
Speaker
But i always I always felt like that. But I
00:23:57
Speaker
always try to deny myself that I was feeling Like that because my rebellious. So. I just kept. I kept doing me.
00:24:09
Speaker
I kept doing me. And. Even though I was tired. Physically. Spiritually. And. and Emotionally. I just put that away. And. Had a mask on.
00:24:20
Speaker
And kept doing what I was doing. Even though feel like I was dying inside. Because it's easier. Right. Because it's easier to hide from the truth. It's hard. It's hard to step back and to see.
00:24:31
Speaker
you know, to step out of the uncomfortable zone. And even though you were uncomfortable inside of that, you know, of that zone and you want it out, you couldn't because it's, it's familiar. And it's harder to step away from that then.
00:24:45
Speaker
Right. And anything in life.
00:24:49
Speaker
Yeah. So, you know, so you then turn things around and decide, in you know what, I want to help other people. And I love the title or the catchphrase that you use, the voice for the voiceless.
00:25:03
Speaker
um Because why don't you, I'll let you, because I don't want to put my own feelings behind that. Can you share of how you decided to choose those words to impact your mission here? Well, I chose those words because when I went to prison, I caught two cases back to back.
00:25:26
Speaker
So I was involved in a shooting case. Nobody was hurt. um I went to prison. you know I was fighting of my cases. I went to prison.
00:25:38
Speaker
um And I caught a state and a Fed case. And um they got ran concurrent, which means I got charged in the state. The Feds came, they charged me, and they ran it together. So I had six years in the state, and then I had nine years in the Feds.
00:25:56
Speaker
So was three in, three out. in the state, and it was five and four in the feds, so they just ran it together, so if I did whatever time I did in the state, it kind of with the feds too, but when i once I got incarcerated, same thing, prison politics, which it was even worse, um gang activities,
00:26:19
Speaker
still sell drugs in prison. So it was basically the same thing, but you was stuck in the four walls. You were surrounded by the walls and bars. and So there was this guy who had it for for our gang and in prison.
00:26:37
Speaker
He was getting released. So he had a cellmate. He had a cellie, another inmate did that they was sharing a cell. He got released and he gave his spot.
00:26:49
Speaker
you know, as a prison leader, he gave his spot to his cellmate, the other inmate. And the one who but took over started to put hits on people. e He liked the drama.
00:27:07
Speaker
And he thought that by him starting drama with other people, he'll get more recognition, um sending people to go do certain things to other inmates. And it got to the point where It made everybody hot.
00:27:21
Speaker
What mean hot was that they started investigating the the gang because what he was doing. So they they we was in our in our cells. They came in. They grabbed everybody under investigation. They put everybody in the hole, which is solitary confinement.
00:27:38
Speaker
They put us in the hole, solitary confinement. You're stuck in this little room by your cell 23 hours a day. You get an hour to go to a different area.
00:27:49
Speaker
We're still surrounded by walls, and they call wreck. You get to walk around, look at the walls for an hour, go back in for 23 hours. 23 hours every day stuck in this little room.
00:28:05
Speaker
Concrete walls.
00:28:09
Speaker
Cold.
00:28:11
Speaker
Little sheet. You're laying down on concrete.
00:28:17
Speaker
You ain't got no choice to try to get comfortable. Even though you weren't comfortable, you you met it you made a seem in your mind that you was comfortable because you have to get yourself ready for the environment.
00:28:33
Speaker
But what was under the investigation, but what they kept doing, which you're not supposed to, extending it they kept study the investigation longer and longer. So mind you, being in the whole solitary confinement for months,
00:28:49
Speaker
Being there for 30 days, you you go insane. You go crazy. There's nothing to do. You're walking around this little cell that was the day for 30 or 60 days.
00:29:04
Speaker
Talking to yourself. You don't see nobody. So it's like I see people going there and do crazy stuff. Going insane. Cutting themselves.
00:29:16
Speaker
I mean...
00:29:19
Speaker
one the The craziest thing I haven't seen my life in prison.
00:29:24
Speaker
Prison and solitary confinement is really a dark place that a lot of people don't know about and don't understand. Now, honest I know that everybody go to prison because they committed a crime. that We all know that.
00:29:40
Speaker
But what goes on in prison is inhumane. I don't
00:29:49
Speaker
There's really no words to put it because you suffer. You go through depression, anxiety. People commit suicidal thoughts. They have suicidal thoughts and commit suicide in prison because they feel like they can't do the time.
00:30:06
Speaker
So being there constantly for months and months, in and out, I got released to the part that population. I go back for gang investigation. I get released, go back for gang rest investigation.
00:30:18
Speaker
A lot of times, you know, they did that did did this on purpose. They tried to break us. That's how they did it. Yeah. So being being in solitary confinement with a Bible, I was reading the Bible.
00:30:34
Speaker
I was praying a lot, asking God for strength, asking God for wisdom to help me deal with this situation. Like, God, I know I made mistakes.
00:30:47
Speaker
ah know I know I'm here for a reason, for a purpose. I know that you took me out the streets because i was always told that I have a purpose, I have a mission, that I have to preach the gospel and go to the kids and focus on the kids and bring them to God and help those out there that need help.
00:31:06
Speaker
So that's where everything started when I saw I'm the voice of the voiceless because there was a lot of teenagers in prison as well. So I was watching and observing how everybody reacted and how they dealt with solitary confinement and it wasn't good.
00:31:26
Speaker
So from the state, I got done with that. I went to the feds.
00:31:31
Speaker
I was walking around in the feds thinking, okay, the feds is sweet just like the state.
00:31:38
Speaker
In the feds, when you're involved in gangs, you cannot walk by yourself in prison. You have to walk around in twos.
00:31:49
Speaker
Something happens, you got got somebody else's witch is to have your back. Now in feds, they have a lot of shanks. They get stabbed. All kinds of things happen in the feds, the federal penitentiary.
00:32:01
Speaker
So, the federal prison. So, I walked, I was walking by myself. And it was like, hey, you know, you go somewhere, just let us know. I was hard-headed. I went somewhere by myself and I got jumped by a different opposition gang.
00:32:20
Speaker
And they jumped me. They did what they had to do. They took us all. They put us all in solitary confinement, even i got jumped. Nobody talked. Nobody spoke. Nobody, like how they say, snitching.
00:32:33
Speaker
nobodyni Nobody snitched. Nobody said this happened. This, I did this. So since nobody talked, all them guys, because they had cameras. They seen everything in the cameras. But since I didn't point fingers, they couldn't charge nobody. So what they did was, and I didn't have a lot of time in the feds. I had about probably a year, a year left of my sentence.
00:32:55
Speaker
I did everything in the state. So ah warden the and the white church came to the door was like, listen, since you didn't want to cooperate, you're going to do your rest of your time in solitary confinement.
00:33:09
Speaker
Wow. I did nine months. I did nine months.
00:33:13
Speaker
Went crazy in there. The rest of the guys that was involved, at they jumped me. They all got scattered. and moved they They moved into a different prison.
00:33:24
Speaker
And prison broke me. Solitary confinement broke me. I mean, and but I also had experiences with that with God when I was in solitary confinement.
00:33:38
Speaker
And that's when I said I have to be the voice of the voiceless. There was an 18, 19-year-old kid. He was native, Indian. he when He went into solitary confinement.
00:33:50
Speaker
I don't know
Life After Prison and Mentorship Role
00:33:51
Speaker
for what. It was his case, his background. But he started yelling and screaming. I can't do this. guess he got charged and got a lot of years. guy He got like more than 20 years or something like that.
00:34:03
Speaker
Young. I can't do this. He started yelling and crying and screaming. You know, a lot of the guys went through the door and started yelling, trying to, you know, give them positive messages or whatever.
00:34:17
Speaker
and That night passed.
00:34:21
Speaker
Now in the morning, You hear the keys from the guards. The guards got on their way. They got a whole bunch of keys. You can hear the keys. The sounds of the keys. The guards are running. They started to code the code and they said whatever code number it was.
00:34:35
Speaker
They covered all the windows. They covered all the windows um from that that from that ah that side of the solitary confinement. we everyone't So we weren't we wasn't able to see what was going on.
00:34:50
Speaker
wo Well, you can hear everything. They opened the door. They heard it was opening this door. They started cussing and talking crazy. And they was like, oh. ah He said, oh, he killed himself. He killed himself.
00:35:04
Speaker
But the kid that was yelling the night before, got almost more than 20 years. He hung himself.
00:35:16
Speaker
Man, imagine you just being across two doors down across from From that kid and and not knowing that he was going to take his own life.
00:35:29
Speaker
So they're talking crazy and they're laughing. But this is the crazy part. A lot of prisons are corrupted. I'm not saying that every guard, every prison worker is corrupted.
00:35:41
Speaker
But a big percentage is corrupted in prison. They don't care. You're you're you're nothing but a number in prison.
00:35:49
Speaker
We listen to this. He did. Ah, you idiot. Ah, they're laughing. They're laughing, talking about this kid. And you can hear when they dragging him out ah the cell.
00:36:00
Speaker
So they dragging him out the cell. And they're just laughing. Ah, these guys are idiots, stupid. Ah, don't do the crime. Maybe you can't do the time. And while they dragging him down, they dragged this kid down the hallway.
00:36:16
Speaker
It's so heartbreaking. And I was like, so things like that, it helped. Once I got released, that whole solitary confinement during months changed my life, my perspective.
00:36:34
Speaker
Well, I'm very, you know, sorry for the experiences and things you had to go through. But as you say, you know, it does shape you. um And it allows you to sit back and reflect. And we all, you know, through those times of things, you say, why me? Why me?
00:36:49
Speaker
And then now you get to be, okay, I'm going to help the next to go through this. And just to... just not to allow them to feel alone. And that's what I hear from you, that you just don't want people to have to do that alone because you spent all of those months by yourself.
00:37:05
Speaker
And if you can just help one person, you know, a day to help them not have to get to that point, I think that's so brave to be able to come, keep sharing your story over again, because I can only imagine the pain. And, you know, like you said, with the flashbacks, you already have and having to retell this story, you know, as many times and as deep and Why did you want to take it? That's why I wanted to respect because I think, you know, it's hard. We shouldn't have to come and try to pull things out. I wanted you to be able to offer what you want, you know, to shape this.
00:37:36
Speaker
And um then it makes it a unique situation for each of the people that you get to touch. And I just think that's so great that how you open your heart then, you know, to be, have this mentorship that you have for these younger boys.
00:37:50
Speaker
How do you get in touch with other folks that you can, like, do you have like a formal relationship Mentorship group or I did see you have like Bible studies online and how do you get connected with other people that you help?
00:38:01
Speaker
Yeah, so I'm trying to start there's a I've spoken to a lot of people and and you know and I'm a chaplain So I got my chaplaincy not not too long ago. So I try to focus in and be a spiritual mentor and you know, be there for those who are going through emotionally, you know, and and spiritual hardships, relationships, broken relationships with their family, suicidal thoughts.
00:38:30
Speaker
So whatever they're going through, I try to help in any, any, every way possible, ah mentoring, life coaching. So I'm starting this Bible study and I,
00:38:43
Speaker
they'll mentor um a lot of kids, you know, ah especially on phone calls. We have meetings, phone calls, put them on speaker. um A lot of parents, what they do is if they're underage, what they do is ah like, they'll be on speaker.
00:38:59
Speaker
Their parents will go, they'll walk away, be like, okay, you know, they give us time to talk and they'll talk and then they'll come back and, and, you know okay A lot of times these kids, um they're not able to express themselves if they're front of their parents.
00:39:13
Speaker
Unfortunately, that's how it is. lot of kids don't don't like to speak to their parents about what's going on. They probably think, well, dad or mom probably get pissed off if I tell them that this was going on while I'm doing this. so they'll They'll go quicker to to a stranger and talk to them about their whole life story. and then they'll They'll feel like they're in a safe place by doing that.
00:39:36
Speaker
you know, trying to work with the kids and and ah lot of community outreach, but since I moved to Boston today, What I'm doing now, being in Boston, going to be like probably like six six months now. I'm a recovery specialist at a men groups home here in Roxbury.
00:39:52
Speaker
And I'm trying to get connected with people who do a lot of outreach and work with the youth. So I'm connecting myself with those that are involved with outreach in the community.
00:40:04
Speaker
So that's what I'm on right now. I try to... to put myself out there on social media. I speak to all kinds of people from all walks of life. And, you know, I tell them, I'm not here to judge.
00:40:16
Speaker
I'm here to to push you. I'm here to motivate you. I'm here to empower you. I'm here to make sure you don't make the wrong mistakes over and over again. Because with my life experiences, why sit down and and just waste the And not doing nothing with it.
00:40:33
Speaker
You know, like me my wife talk about, you know, we talk about this all the time. We say, ah you know, why not go out there and spread your story? A lot of people out here can get impacted, especially the kids out here going crazy and following social media.
00:40:53
Speaker
Social media has taken over the lives of a lot of these kids. I mean, in a negative way. Yeah, yeah. i mean you you I mean, you watch the news and and every time I watch the news or I'm looking on my phone and and things pop up, the school shooting of a girl that shot and in a Christian school, that shot teachers, killed teachers and students because, and the whole reason, the whole reason she did that was because to get back to to get back at her father. That was that was the reason.
00:41:27
Speaker
Yeah. You know, they said she was going through, she was going through some things with her father. They don't say what, what exactly, the specifics. But she was going through something with her father and she and she, I guess, wrote to her friend or boyfriend or they were they were saying she wrote, she let somebody know what was going on.
00:41:45
Speaker
And they found out afterwards that she was like, basically, I'm not just going to take my own life and make it easy on my father. I'm going i want to take people with me so he can remember.
00:41:57
Speaker
Like, come on, these are 14, 15, 16 year olds thinking like this. That's not normal. No, but like you said, when you don't have the safe place at home and you have all of these emotions and you're not raised to understand how to express them and that, and catch them on the early, right? Because like, yeah, like it, cause things escalate, like you said, build higher, higher and higher. And if you don't have that solid foundation to build,
00:42:26
Speaker
upon and from and see that good example, then they just don't know how to express. They see what other people are doing and very impulsive. And I just feel like I just want to say, because I know a lot of times, like when kids do bad things, we're like, you're such a bad person. And I remember stepping back, like when I used to yell at my kids when they were little,
00:42:46
Speaker
And I would try to change that because our words are very impactful and it's not that you're a bad person. You chose to make a bad choice, right?
00:42:57
Speaker
And because like you said, our pasts don't define us. So if you chose to do something wrong in the past, again, you weren't a bad person. You're a good person and you have that chance to move forward and not carry that heaviness from that, right?
00:43:11
Speaker
And I think it's people, where it's very important to understand that and to understand how powerful our minds really are because we keep repeating, I'm i'm such a bad person, I'm such a bad person. Will you continue to make those choices?
00:43:22
Speaker
Because that's what our brain and that's our body and our habits and everything, you know, think that we are. So it's just if we can try to change how we say things, you know, that they were choices, you have a choice.
00:43:33
Speaker
And you had a choice to step away when you said yes to God again. And said, yes, God, I'm ready to be used. Things don't become perfect instantly. There are still backslides. Things still happen, right?
00:43:44
Speaker
But you don't go back as far. And you can pick up and propel even further the next time. Yeah. Yeah, I mean... it's like the Life is hard.
00:43:56
Speaker
Life is extremely hard and and you know it might be harder for others. We all go through hardships differently. We go through, I call it, we go through phases in life and we ask ourselves, why me?
00:44:13
Speaker
Why do I have to go through with my son or my daughter? or or why do i have Why do I feel like this? Why do I feel depressed? Why... Every time I reach out to my son, he ignores me or he starts cursing starts yelling at me. or he start Things happen for reason. And a lot of times I feel that God let us feel that way or let us go through, I call it a process to mold us.
00:44:40
Speaker
Because for me to be a certain way, i need to I need to learn to get molded first. For me to be able to go out to the streets or work with the outreach or with the youth, I have to had to go through a process.
00:44:53
Speaker
I couldn't just jump from being a gang member to to take being a public speaker. It doesn't work like that. It's a process. You have to go through the fire. You have to get molded. You have to learn from your own life experiences.
00:45:08
Speaker
And life is is the greatest teacher. you know Your life experiences will mold you, will teach you. What to do what not to do. And that's my focus. My focus is is to ah speak and be that voice for all these teens and and and little kids who get abused on a daily.
00:45:30
Speaker
And they can scream or ask for help. know what I mean? I'm the voice for all of these people who are incarcerated and being abused and and being treated inhumane and they don't know who to go to.
00:45:51
Speaker
So I'm that bridge for those who wants to cross over and change their lives. And we're just doing this one day at a time, trying to impact and make a difference in the lives ah of teens, the youth for today.
00:46:06
Speaker
That's right. Yeah. So helping them, you know, cross that bridge. um I had a question of what does redemption mean to you? And then how do you inspire others to believe in their own capacity to change?
00:46:22
Speaker
I've been through so much in my life that it's like I believe that struggles hardships hurdles are there to make you stronger build you up mentally physically emotionally so that you can at the end be resilient
00:46:53
Speaker
I cannot be resilient if I don't go through no hardship, if I don't go through the struggles, if I don't go through the the late late nine crying by myself feeling in the dark or or or having these suicidal thoughts or or at times try to commit suicide because I feel that that's the easiest way to go out.
00:47:15
Speaker
The process.
00:47:18
Speaker
is It's made for you to get stronger and get molded to the person that you're meant to be. And this is how I go and speak to the youth or to the parents or teachers or whoever I'm going through a time that they feel as they don't know how to conversate.
00:47:44
Speaker
Or reach out to to the kids of today. Because. There's so many kids out here who are. Rebellious. Who are just mad. Mad at the world.
00:47:55
Speaker
Why? Because. what they're dealing with when at home. You know, everybody judges. Everybody go to, you know, you got people that that work in schools. Like I said, not all of them, but you got people that work in schools that sit here and speak to to were a kid or or were youth and be like, oh, why you this? Why you that? Why you, you know, why you acting out and you don't listen? You were never going to become no nobody. You ain't going to It's like, oh, there's negativity, but you you can't ask.
00:48:24
Speaker
Are you okay? What's going on at home? this this This starts at home. Yeah. This begins at home. If you got a child in a school acting out, he's probably trying to get your attention.
00:48:38
Speaker
Yeah. Why? Investigate. Find out what's going on at home. Because whatever started that, it started at home.
00:48:52
Speaker
That's what happened with me. Everything started at home. And my siblings, and a lot of them still to this day deal with trauma and PTSD, anxiety, depression. And so, you know, there's a lot of people out there who's going through this, but you just got to stay focused, stay strong.
00:49:14
Speaker
You know, never lose hope. Never, never lose hope. No matter what you're going through, do not lose hope and give up. I love it. You actually went right into my latin you know question I was going to bring to pull back things back around. And I was going to say, with somebody listening who wants to break free from their past and step into their purpose, what would you say to them? But I heard you just say it.
00:49:36
Speaker
Don't lose hope. I always tell them, yeah no I'm having a conversation and I tell them, you're breathing, right? Like, yeah.
00:49:47
Speaker
ah You breathing tells me that you are alive. If you are alive, you still have a chance. You still have opportunities to better yourself, change, focus on education, focus on school.
00:50:06
Speaker
But if you're going through a lot which you can't concentrate or you're going through what what I went through, focus on yourself first. You can't have a kid try to focus on education and on school exams or or ah homework, if they're getting beat up and abused at home, how do you expect a kid to concentrate in school?
00:50:28
Speaker
It's hard. It's very difficult for these kids nowadays that's going through all of that. It's being treated differently at home. You know, like people don't understand that parents could bully their own kids. People don't get that.
00:50:45
Speaker
And there are parents that do bully their own kids and treat them like they will never amount to nothing. So, you know, when I speak to teachers or parents or people that work in the community with with with the youth, I say, before you sit here and complain or bring something negative about this person or this kid or whoever might be at the time, I say,
00:51:15
Speaker
You have to sit down.
Reflections on Redemption and Resilience
00:51:18
Speaker
Don't say nothing. Just listen. And you'll be shocked what you'll hear from these kids only if you listen.
00:51:29
Speaker
Listen. Don't say anything. Once they're done talking to you, you're going to know what to do after. After you two you you listen to the whole story, you're going to know, okay, now I know how to help this person.
00:51:44
Speaker
Now I want know how to help this kid. We have to listen. We can't sit here and judge. Talk to me. What you going through? You suffering? You crying there every night before you go to sleep?
00:51:59
Speaker
You hide in the in the closet or in the bathroom? you You sit on the floor? You start screaming and crying because you feel like your parents don't love you? and and They don't take the time to five minutes. They don't take five minutes to sit down and ask you, how are you doing?
00:52:14
Speaker
Because they work too much. Or because you got parents that are drug addicts, unfortunately. Or parents that never have time for the kids. Oh, no, i don't I don't have time for my kids. cause I'm always working. I'm always busy.
00:52:28
Speaker
But I make sure I give them things for Christmas or Their birthday, I make sure I buy them things. That's not helping. That's not doing anything. You can sit here and buy just the kids the world.
00:52:43
Speaker
And it's not going to do nothing. If you don't take five minutes, spend time with your own children,
00:52:52
Speaker
that's not going to help. You can buy them the whole store.
00:52:58
Speaker
It's not going to change anything. It's materialistic things. Something breaks you. You can go back to the store, bring the receipt. get get a You can't bring your son back.
00:53:13
Speaker
What happened to your daughter? You can't you cant you can't grab a receipt, take it somewhere. Like, listen, I want my daughter back. You can't take a receipt to the funeral and be like, listen, I got a receipt. Let me get my daughter back.
00:53:25
Speaker
Let me get my son back. No, you can't. Life is too short. You have to live every day to the fullest. Like if it was your last day on earth.
00:53:39
Speaker
I'm here today. tell my wife and my kids. Listen. Never give up in life. be the Be the best you can be.
00:53:50
Speaker
Don't ever judge anybody. At all. Be your best and be successful. But you have to remember. We live today.
00:54:01
Speaker
Tomorrow is not promised. try to teach my kids. Behave how you're supposed to behave every day and treat everybody with respect and with love. Because I'm here today.
00:54:15
Speaker
Tomorrow, only God knows where I'm going to be.
00:54:21
Speaker
I love it. I'm really glad, like I said, you've taken the time to speak with us tonight. And um I just, you know, pray that whoever's listening, um you know, somebody this needs to feel like they have a friend or feel like, you know, they don't have anybody to relate to that they're able to kind of sit back and listen and hear your words that there are people out there who care.
00:54:40
Speaker
um and sometimes they don't come to you. Sometimes you do have to go out and look for them, but just having an open heart, it's, And saying even to Jesus, start there. Like you said, start with yourself, start with the Lord.
00:54:53
Speaker
And you just never know who is going to come and the opportunities that are going to present once you open up and saying, okay, I'm ready. So thank you. Because you, like you said, also with judging people, you just never know.
00:55:07
Speaker
um We all are a book. You just sometimes can't get past the front cover, but there's some amazing things on the inside. And we are all needed out here and are all very important and all play a great role on this earth. So it's just amazing the people, how we can come together and connect and be able to share their goodness with everybody else. So this was really good.
00:55:29
Speaker
Yeah. And I wish you well in your future endeavors and, you know, keep being a safe place for those kids. Amen. right Thank you very much. Next time, guys. Thanks so much for hanging out with me today on Oh, There You Are.
00:55:44
Speaker
Remember, everything you need to step into your power is already inside of you. So keep going, friend. You've got this. If today's episode inspired you, don't forget to subscribe so you never miss a new one.
Podcast Conclusion and Call to Action
00:55:57
Speaker
And I'd love to connect with you over on Instagram. Find me at it's Danielle dot that's dot me. Drop say hi let me know what resonated with you or just share your journey.
00:56:08
Speaker
And before you go, I've got something special for you. I'm offering a free seven day journal to help you start tapping into your potential and build that mindset shift.
00:56:19
Speaker
It's designed to guide you through the steps of unlocking your power. You can grab it in the show notes below. Let's take this journey together. All right, friend, go make it happen.
00:56:29
Speaker
And remember, you're not late. You're right on time