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E. 17 Breaking Free From People-Pleasing: Embracing Your Worth and Setting Boundaries
17 Plays3 months ago
In this raw and vulnerable episode of Oh, There You Are, we dive deep into the struggles of people-pleasing and the journey to reclaiming your personal power. I share my own story of how seeking validation and love led me down a path of constantly overextending myself in relationships, friendships, and even at work, just to feel enough.
I unpack the childhood experiences that shaped my people-pleasing tendencies and share the liberating moment when I realized: My worth is not up for negotiation. This episode is for anyone who feels stuck in the cycle of people-pleasing and is ready to embrace self-validation, set healthy boundaries, and show up for themselves unapologetically.
If you’re tired of chasing approval and are ready to reclaim your life, listen in and discover:
✨ How people-pleasing starts and how to recognize it
✨ Why your worth is not dependent on doing more for others
✨ The importance of setting boundaries without guilt
✨ How to practice self-validation and affirm your own worth
✨ How to surround yourself with people who truly see you
✨ The transformative power of doing inner work and healing old wounds
Final Thoughts:
People-pleasing is not sustainable. It keeps us in a cycle of burnout, resentment, and a never-ending search for validation from others. But the truth is: Your worth is already inherent. It’s time to stop waiting for permission to take up space and start embracing your true self.
You are enough as you are, and I hope this episode inspires you to step into your full power and start living your life on your own terms.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'There You Are' Podcast
00:00:38
Speaker
Hey friend, I'm so glad you're here. Welcome to all There You Are. This is the podcast for anyone who's ready to step out of the shadows of self-doubt and into the life they've always dreamed of.
00:00:50
Speaker
I'm your host, Danielle, a wife, mom, and registered nurse who spent way too long believing my voice didn't matter. But guess what? It does.
00:01:01
Speaker
And does yours. If you've been holding back, waiting for the perfect moment or telling yourself you're not enough, this is your reminder You are more than enough.
00:01:12
Speaker
You've always been enough. Everything you need is already inside you. In this space, we're going to push past fear, stop hitting snooze on life, and start going after what we really want.
00:01:24
Speaker
Each week, I'll bring you solo episodes and interviews with people who had the courage to go first so that you can go next. So grab your favorite drink, settle in, and let's go.
00:01:37
Speaker
And hey, don't forget to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode because we're just getting started. And remember, you're not late, you're right on time. And I can't wait to see where this journey takes us.
Personal Story: Seeking Love and Validation
00:01:53
Speaker
Hey friend, welcome back to hole There You Were. Today want to share something deeply personable. Something that has shaped so much of who I am and why I'm out here doing what I'm doing.
00:02:07
Speaker
I talk a lot about wanting others to see how much they have to offer the world. And recently I asked myself, what why is it so important to me?
00:02:18
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Then I was like, well, what would my eight-year-old self want to share? And when I thought about it, it really hit me. I was looking for love. You see, when I was five, ah my parents divorced.
00:02:32
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My dad got custody of us and my mom had visitation rights every other weekend. But here's the thing. She didn't often show up. I would sit by the window waiting, watching, hoping.
00:02:46
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And every time when the call finally came, it was late at night, you know, too late. There was always a reason, an excuse. She would be like, my car's in the shop or i have to work.
00:03:01
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But What I am realizing, what I was hearing was, you're not important enough. You're not worth fighting for.
00:03:11
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That feeling, that longing to be chosen, it stayed with me for all these years,
Impact of People-Pleasing Behaviors
00:03:16
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right? And if I'm honest, it really has been what has led me down the path to people-pleasing.
00:03:23
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Can anybody else relate to what I'm sharing right now? Have you ever found yourself bending over backwards just to feel accepted? Saying yes when you wanted to say no.
00:03:35
Speaker
Overextending yourself in relationships, friendships, even at work, just to feel enough. Maybe you've convinced yourself that if you just do more, give more, be more, then you'll finally be worthy.
00:03:50
Speaker
But let me tell you something. I wish that I would have known this so much sooner. Your worth is not up for negotiation. It does not hinge on how much you do for others or how well you meet their expectations.
00:04:07
Speaker
As Breen Brown says, no matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. Or as Galen Doyle puts it, every time you pretend to be less than you are, you steal permission from other women to fully exist.
00:04:26
Speaker
I'm going to say that again because I messed it up. Every time you pretend to be less than you are, you steal permission from other women to exist fully.
00:04:37
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Okay, okay. I wasn't that far off, but you know, I just wanted to make sure I got his quote right. So let me ask you, what would you change in your life if you truly believed those words?
00:04:49
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You know, that you are enough and that the world does need you to show up as you. right? In order for us to be who we are.
00:05:01
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So what would change in your life if you truly believe that? If you stopped chasing validation and started embracing yourself just as you are, you don't have to earn your place in the world.
00:05:14
Speaker
You already belong. So i'm going to pause right here and just say, yes, I know my mom is probably listening to this episode and that's okay.
00:05:26
Speaker
I've already worked through this. We've chatted and I forgave her. Now it wasn't easy. It took me nearly a year to work through all the feelings. And after I finally had the realization where all of these like deep seated feelings and thoughts were coming from.
00:05:45
Speaker
um You see, she had um an aneurysm. She was diagnosed with an aneurysm last April. And this brain as aneurysm was the size of a golf ball. She survived.
00:05:56
Speaker
And so we were on our um car ride over to a neighboring town and for her six month follow up. And I think we were only like five minutes outside of the hospital. And i was like, mom, I got to talk to you.
00:06:09
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So I finally told her. I said those words and I said, i forgive you. I gave her for not. I forgave her for not fighting for me, for choosing a different life.
00:06:23
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And let me tell you, it was hard. It wasn't easy, but I knew it needed to be done. And it was releasing, you know, of whatever this junk was just sitting inside. And she thanked me.
00:06:36
Speaker
She said, thank you. I've thought about this a lot through life. And I told her, it isn't going to change our relationship. Our relationship's fine. But it was something that I had to do for myself to kind of release this extra pressure and to give myself permission to heal and move forward.
00:06:53
Speaker
right? So that's where the freeing came from. It allowed me to see the connection between my past and my present and to understand why I've just spent so much time of my life seeking validation and acceptance from others.
00:07:09
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But here's something I've learned. People pleasing is not sustainable. It keeps us in a cycle of burnout, resentment, and never truly seeing or truly, you know, feeling seen are valued for who we are.
00:07:25
Speaker
So what are we going to do about it? How are we going to break free from
Action Steps to Overcome People-Pleasing
00:07:29
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it? Well, I have a few action steps that I want to give to you that can help you work through this if this is something that you're personally dealing with.
00:07:38
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So our first one is acknowledging where it started. People pleasing often stems from our childhood wounds, right? Maybe you like me, you were looking for love and validation and security.
00:07:51
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Maybe you were taught that your worth was tied to making others happy. Okay, so recognizing it. That is part of the first step. Number two you're going to redefine your worth.
00:08:04
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You're going to work on understanding that your value does not come from what you can do for others. It comes from who you are.
00:08:18
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You are worthy simply because you exist. I know it's so hard to hear those things, but you need to let it sink in. You are worthy simply because you exist.
00:08:30
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You're going want to set some boundaries without having any guilt, right? Saying no does not make you a bad person. It makes you a person who respects their own needs.
00:08:41
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You start small. You say no to something minor, right? And you want to notice how does that make you feel? Boundaries are about not pushing people away, but they're about protecting your space.
00:08:55
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I know I'm currently working through that, um you know, even with another family member right now. And we've been on the rocks. and you know, and she was like, Hey, can we work on this? I miss you. And I had to take some time to really think about it. And I actually expressed, you know, I'm working on boundaries. It's something that I've learned over the last year. And she totally respected that. She's like, I understand.
00:09:18
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And we're going to take it slow and see where things go. Right. But just don't be afraid to acknowledge that the boundaries are even there and don't feel guilty about it again, because you need to protect your peace.
00:09:33
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You want to practice self-validation. Instead of seeking approval from others, you want to practice affirming yourself. And when you make a decision, ask yourself, does this feel right for me?
00:09:45
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And if the answer is yes, you all the validation you need. All right. Okay, good. Number five, surround yourself with people who see you. Like when you stop people pleasing, some relationships, they may shift and that's okay, right?
00:10:03
Speaker
Relationships come and go. And because the right people though, they will love you for who you are and not for what you do for them. And then number six, you want to continue doing that inner work, journaling, you know, seeing a therapist, self-reflection, whatever it takes to heal your wounds. There is no right answer, right or wrong answer.
00:10:25
Speaker
You have to do what works for you. You might test something and you're like, and don't like it. And then you move on. And that's okay. We're all here to support each other, encourage each other, and help. There's so many tools out there, so many people who can share what's worked for them. And all you can do to really see if it works for you is to actually try it, right? Because when you heal, then you're able to free yourself from the need to constantly prove your worth.
00:10:55
Speaker
I found another quote. There was like a guy, Steve Marbole, M-A-R-A-B-O-L-E. He shared the most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.
00:11:13
Speaker
I mean, and we really want to get get to like ourselves, right? Again, that's why we're out here and on a mission just to understand the worth and the value that we truly do bring to each other out here.
00:11:25
Speaker
Because having that relationship with ourselves, it's a really long time, guys. Just think about it. So I'm going to leave you
Embracing Self-Worth and Self-Approval
00:11:35
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a few final thoughts. If you spent, you know, years trying to please everyone around you, I want you to know you don't have to live like that, right? Give yourself permission, set that aside and to understand that your worth is not up for debate. debate You are not here to make everyone happy at the expense of your own peace.
00:11:54
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It's time to choose you. Just stop waiting for permission, right? Just for taking up space. You need to break free from the cycle of seeking approval and instead approve of yourself.
00:12:10
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Thank you guys for being here and settling in and then taking some time out of your day to remember that you're not late. You're right on time. All right.
00:12:20
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So until next time, take care and take up all the space that you need, friends.
00:12:27
Speaker
Thanks so much for hanging out with me today on Oh, There You Are. Remember, everything you need to step into your power is already inside of you. So keep going, friend. You've got this.
00:12:38
Speaker
If today's episode inspired you, don't forget to subscribe so you never miss a new one. And I'd love to connect with you over on Instagram. Find me at it's danielle.thats.me.
00:12:50
Speaker
Drop by say hi let me know what resonated with you or just share your journey. And before you go, I've got something special for you. I'm offering a free seven day journal to help you start tapping into your potential and build that mindset shift.
00:13:06
Speaker
It's designed to guide you through the steps of unlocking your power. You can grab it in the show notes below. Let's take this journey together. All right, friend, go make it happen.
00:13:16
Speaker
And remember, you're not late. You're right on time.