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WTF News: All the news and then some
10 Plays5 days ago
You're weekly dose of new that'll make ya go WTF!?!?
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Transcript
Quirky Intro and Midweek Humor
00:00:33
Speaker
Bye.
00:01:08
Speaker
What the fuck news?
00:01:15
Speaker
What the fuck news?
00:02:13
Speaker
Got them talking wild. Glick with the details. Jeff with the smile. Weird news wave. Come ride the confusion. Reality's glitch beyond delusion.
00:03:13
Speaker
We'll be right back.
00:03:55
Speaker
day
00:04:01
Speaker
click how you doing buddy not the fuck wednesday i know wednesday fuck what the fuck wednesday and do so far
00:04:16
Speaker
been a day yeah You know what? Hey, man. Let's wrap it up, folks. Click says it's a day. We're here. It's day. Fuck this. I'm going home.
00:04:28
Speaker
Hey, guys, I'm going home.
00:04:33
Speaker
I'm going home. I'm over this bullshit already. um Fuck this week. I declare today Friday and tomorrow Friday and Friday Friday. That's easy to say when you're all working. for each other I'm just saying.
00:04:50
Speaker
It's easy, but all you do is shoot people all day. I'm just saying. Look, Jeff, somebody's got to save the but world from the zombie apocalypse. hey And or the invading patients that have a problem, that have beefs.
00:05:07
Speaker
Well, there are a lot of them, as we know. And I'm over here. I came to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubble gum. Hey, I get it, Roddy Roddy Piper.
00:05:21
Speaker
One terror cell at a time, buddy. One terror cell at a time. I'm just one man. I'm a mere mortal doing superhuman things. You the mortal part right. Yeah.
00:05:35
Speaker
You can all sleep a little better at night knowing that Chris on job. Deep down inside, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.
Fast Reading Apps and Network Promo
00:05:47
Speaker
Calm down, richard Jack. Just saying. Anywho, so we got a couple of stories here. You didn't send me yours, but that's okay.
00:05:58
Speaker
I sent you mine. Not big deal. I like to be surprised. That's fine. I don't care. I barely... had time to listen because I use my new app, a new extension I have on my Chrome, and it reads the stories to me.
00:06:13
Speaker
but So in between, it's actually great. I love it because I can do it at 10 times speed. So like I read like a third grader anyways, so um might as well just copy and paste and let it read to me, which is nice because I got through all what all six of my stories in matter of minutes as opposed to hours.
00:06:33
Speaker
So yeah, Yeah, i was I was out about most of the day today. So i I got home and was only home for... I basically was home long enough to eat and had to turn around and head right back out the door again. It must be rough, saving the world.
00:06:50
Speaker
Well, you know. and like um I'm like the real-life Reacher.
00:06:57
Speaker
You are so not Reacher. If anything, you're Tad. You don't know that. I mean, yeah I'm combinations. no I'm rad.
00:07:09
Speaker
yeah I'm rad. I'm the love child of Reacher and Ted. Good looking kid, but dumb as a box of stones. I'm just thinking. Can you imagine what sex would be like between those two?
00:07:25
Speaker
Same guy. It'd be rough. It'd be rough. I'm just saying. It's not going to be gentle. Not at all. yeah yeah i did I did see an update. that that Yeah, they are going through the show. It's going to be it's goingnna be a continuation.
00:07:39
Speaker
Yeah. And andm I'm very disappointed. Did you get your high wheels, please? Anyways, speaking of weird, crazy shit like Breacher having sex with himself.
00:07:52
Speaker
wish I knew where they could find us at. Yeah, well, that's what I was going to do. If you listen... Speaking of listen wait a minute no no no strange news, let me get into my first story. That's what she did last week.
00:08:05
Speaker
Really? you see his cover photo? Nice. I'm not mad at it. I did think it was something else for a second.
00:08:16
Speaker
Then I saw the Lucky Charms box. so yeah and i do like Lucky Charms. I'm just saying. So, yes, everybody, bio.link slash Nonsensical Network. You can check out all the shows we do.
00:08:27
Speaker
And don't forget, you'll see in that bio link, Beauty and the Beard Creative Corner. Nikki will make you some shirts and hats and I'm sure a few other things once she gets around to learning more. i have to give her the money and she's ordering my sticker for my belt.
00:08:44
Speaker
Nice. So I'll have Glickshops and Music Announcement. What's the sticker cost? Not very much. She's got to get like vinyls. I don't know what kind of sticker it is. it's ah They have a special thing for like hard surfaces, so like your cups and okay ah and and different things. you know they got different She was watching a whole bunch of videos. She's educating herself, so she was watching a whole bunch of like DIY stuff that you get these stickers for little kitchen decorations like the wooden yeah turnabouts and stuff like that. Oh, dude, i love watching that shit.
00:09:17
Speaker
it's It's like ASMR crap. yeah This is specific for where she buys her transfers from. so i just got give You better turn that off. People will get pissy. I know.
00:09:32
Speaker
ah And then I'll throw it on here and this will be the Glicks House of Music. Then I'll have the Nonsensical Nonsense. And then at the end of the year, right in between them will be the Angel of Death Belt and then like I'm just going to start collecting. i mean It's cold, hard facts.
00:09:47
Speaker
I know Pope's still alive. He's doing pretty good. Yeah, I literally checked it because you were in the background doing your thing and I was like, what is the Pope doing now? Motherfucker's doing fine. God damn it! 2025, Jimmy Carter Award goes. 2025, Jimmy Carter Award goes. If I have to go all the way to fucking Pope's house and knock on his door and just...
00:10:11
Speaker
Does just live in a house in suburbia? No, he lives in the Vatican. There's like armed guards and they have Jesus protected by Jesus. We all saw Euro trip. These fucking eye ties. as as as What's his name? Chaka. Nice man cave, by the way, buddy.
00:10:30
Speaker
You know, the old school protected by Viper. They're protected by Jesus. That's our alarm system. Protected by Jeebus. Instead of instead of a clicker, he pushes the cross on his chest.
00:10:43
Speaker
Boop, boop. Boop. They all just... ah You are too close to the car. You are too close to the pope. Please back up Don't make me smite you.
00:10:58
Speaker
What the fuck? go ahead try it in your clothes designed by Leonardo da Vinci calm down yeah well it is about that time again and what I mean by about that time again the Florida Man games So this is the second year of the Florida man games.
00:11:23
Speaker
And so last year was such a big hit. They actually moved it. It's been moved to where I just saw a second ago over to Pensacola from Fort Myers. Last year was in Fort Myers. The reason why they moved to Pensacola comes down to there's more space.
00:11:42
Speaker
And buddy, next year, I'm going to enter you because you get a chance to win another belt. Snakeskin. The winners get snakeskin belts. I'm just saying. Why? Nobody wants news of your weird gay friends.
00:11:59
Speaker
Wait,
Florida Man Games Antics
00:12:02
Speaker
what? Why? why Every time one pops up, he's like, I got news and it's something weird about one of his gay friends. It's not gay. So, not only do does the the ah games this year have dropp it things like midget wrestling and gator boxing,
00:12:22
Speaker
Gator tossing? Gator tossing. um mean It's gator wrestling. And you can ride a mechanical gator. You had at gator and tossing. I'm going to throw an alligator.
00:12:35
Speaker
I got the game for you, buddy. And I'm going to show this because it's just a photo. I got the game for you. You cannot spill your beer while I'm trying to knock down your opponent.
00:12:48
Speaker
Not kick that motherfucker right in the dick. That's what I said. Well, she's doing a pretty good job, barely, but she's doing it. But, yeah, they got they got a couple different games. um It's being hosted by a couple of Florida comedians, go figure.
00:13:03
Speaker
None of them we've heard of. But they have grown. So here's ah here's a list of some of the new events. who Who's hosting it? I might have heard of them. John Wicks Robinson and Kevin Flynn. Actually, I have heard of both of them. there you go.
00:13:17
Speaker
I am. So here's some of the new events this year. They got Hurricane Party Prep, Grocery Isle Ball,
00:13:29
Speaker
but tell it why and they got Human Beer Pong. Now, I don't want to what Human Beer Pong is, but it sounds like an awesome. I'm assuming that's when you throw your short friend into a bucket of beer.
00:13:42
Speaker
So I'm in. don't know. I will be your ping pong ball. But, you know, they have Beer Belly Sumo and Evade Arrest Obstacle Course.
00:13:57
Speaker
Hell yeah.
00:14:00
Speaker
oh yeah True to Florida Man. basically the whole thing started, you know, we talked about this last year when when it first came up, but the whole thing started because of on, well, then Twitter, now X, somebody put in True Florida Man, the the worst superhero ever.
00:14:22
Speaker
And it was, you know, you would get the weird stories where it was like, what is it? Uh,
00:14:31
Speaker
I just saw it, damn it. Oh, yeah. ah Florida man bites dog to establish dominance. We talked about that one. And Florida man tries to pay for McDonald's with weed. I'm pretty sure that was blaze.
00:14:43
Speaker
but But yeah, so the whole thing was inspired by that Twitter account, and or now account. And they've turned it into a, it's going to be a year-round sport because, you know, we all heard of the Olympics.
00:14:56
Speaker
And as much as we would all love to be Olympians, we can't because we suck. They have a couple of the team Hanky Spanky from St. Augustine, Florida.
00:15:09
Speaker
They're returning champs and they're bringing they're coming to defend their snakeskin championship belt. That's where I knew you'd be in on this.
00:15:21
Speaker
ah This year, what there's a new team competing this year. It's an all-female team called the Ball Busters.
00:15:31
Speaker
I'm just saying, we need we need ESPN, the Ocho, to cover this. I'm just saying. Because this sounds like a lot of fun. But apparently they had to move it because there are so many people wanting to watch and the stupidity that they ran out of room last year.
00:15:50
Speaker
So they moved it to a bigger place. Because people tailgate and watch and, of course, drink way too much. Which I'm sure we'll we'll get stories about that in the future.
00:16:03
Speaker
I'm totally fucking in, dude. Because I don't know what gator tossing is, but I'm curious to find out. And of course, um
00:16:17
Speaker
there's a weaponized pool noodle competition. So I assume you get... Yeah, so no, the pool noodle that you take into the pool, you get to beat each other with it.
00:16:29
Speaker
So, you know, Bring your multicolored bull noodle and beat the shit out of somebody, buddy. And ah every dollar raised during it, you know, because you can buy drinks and food there while you're watching the games.
00:16:44
Speaker
ah It's going to be hosted. Sorry, it's hosted, co-hosted, Lawn Mower Racing. That's going to be hosted by Jeffrey Earnhardt.
00:16:55
Speaker
I'm assuming that's Dale's, one of Dale's kids.
00:17:00
Speaker
There's a bunch of fucking iron hearts. I have no idea. Could be juniors. Could be seniors. Could be Kelly's. The sisters. But long bone racing, I'm down. I just want to throw an alligator.
00:17:15
Speaker
Yeah, I got to find out what gator tossing is because it doesn't really give a description. It says gator tossing. And riding a mechanical alligator sounds like fun.
00:17:26
Speaker
It's probably the exact same thing as riding a mechanical bull. I agree.
00:17:35
Speaker
Your girlfriend by your, by your meaning your boyfriend. can't get it. You need help, little man. its
00:17:56
Speaker
you need help little man
00:18:01
Speaker
i You know what, Wyatt? I'm just as confused. I have no idea what's going on either, bud. but I'm just saying. but I think we should send you next year down to Florida to compete. maybe not don' hang anymore I don't need a team.
00:18:15
Speaker
I am a team. That's what I was thinking. You consider yourself a champ. Let's give you a chance to really prove it. I am a true champ.
00:18:25
Speaker
I don't have to prove my dominance over a bunch of special needs. I do that every week right here on the Nonsensical Network. I prove my dominance over the special needy people. The Evade Arrest event.
00:18:37
Speaker
I find that hilarious. I wonder,
Grocery Brawl and Hat Controversies
00:18:40
Speaker
yeah, like I'm curious to know how that event works out because Well, it's an obstacle. why they're going to be Yeah, I mean, oh yeah, but are there going to be people involved? Are they gonna be trying to tase you? are they're gonna be trying to Well, see, that's what I don't know. They don't they don't go into detail I'm kind of mad about that.
00:18:57
Speaker
i want i want to I want the real deal. I don't want to run through fucking... I want to evade police officers. Yeah, try to tase me, try to mace me, try to take me down. you know like Come on, shoot for distraction. Yeah. come on and the the The grocery aisle brawl is basically just boxing in a grocery aisle.
00:19:21
Speaker
Mm-mm-mm. I need you to Google Stone Cold Steve Austin attacks Booker T in a grocery store. You will laugh your ass off.
00:19:32
Speaker
It is one of the funniest wrestling segments ever. Stone Cold attacks Booker T in a grocery store. He's whooping his ass with milk, pouring milk on him, throws him up on the register belt and scans him. He grabs himself or the phone. He's like, I need a price check on a jackass in aisle three. He's like,
00:19:51
Speaker
That's what this should be. I'm just saying. It'd be hilarious. yeah I'm just saying. I think this would be something that A would be it's fun for the whole family.
00:20:04
Speaker
And you can compete.
00:20:08
Speaker
i'm sick I'm so in. This is my favorite story. Good luck with whatever's going on, buddy. yeah Fuck them bitches. Ain't nothing but hoes. Hoes and tricks anyways.
00:20:23
Speaker
But yeah, that's my first story. I saw that and I was like, it's back. You know, much like when we do our, you know we take give our picks for, uh, rock roll hall of fame. Apparently the Florida games is going to be a thing every year, much like the Olympics.
00:20:41
Speaker
That reminds me, we got to do that soon. Yep. Cause the inductees, the inductees are announced here for all. Uh, just a ah real quick, uh, Fly-by story.
00:20:53
Speaker
um New Era released their new baseball caps for the new 2025 season. New Era? What's that? You said New Era? New Era. They're a hat company.
00:21:05
Speaker
Okay. They make hats. so like New Era and 5930, whatever. know what you're talking about. But New Era released their MLB hats for the new season, and they're called Overlap Hats.
00:21:20
Speaker
So they have like like the like the name of the team in the back um or or you know like like like the Cincinnati Reds. It'll say Cincinnati across the hat, and then it's got the logo on the front.
00:21:34
Speaker
Okay. A couple teams had to pull their hats. Really? have The Houston Astros because – ah When they put the a behind Houston, it looked like assholes.
00:21:48
Speaker
but It was like, a matters it was ash hose. So it wasn't assholes, even but it was like a slang.
00:21:59
Speaker
um But the big one that but got into a lot of trouble was Texas, the Texas Rangers. So they had Texas across the back of the hat and the Texas logo is T. Well, when they put the T over Texas, it was a Spanish slang for breasticles.
00:22:20
Speaker
Titas. Yes, titas. Yeah, but we don't use that. We say titas. Yeah, well, it's a slang. It's a quote-unquote Walgert T-toss.
00:22:31
Speaker
ah So, needless to say, they had to pull these hats. However, these hats are already up on eBay. the people who i was going to say, I bet you, I mean i would i would want one. They're going for about $1,000. don't it. So, everybody's rushing out to, like, lids and stuff like that and trying to order the hats or buy the hats.
00:22:48
Speaker
ah You can't order them online anymore because, you know, they've been they've been completely pulled. obviously people were like, oh, my God, shut up, man. she Shut the fuck up.
00:22:59
Speaker
but the day we Back in the day, you could walk into Lids. nobody knows And get the search that hat that said Cox. Yeah, nobody knew who South Carolina Gamecocks were, but there was 700 hats that said Cox on it.
00:23:14
Speaker
And now you can't have, oh, no, lot of Texas Rangers have that accidentally looks like it says T-Taz. Because we all like T-Taz. New Era is one of the best tech companies. I agree.
00:23:28
Speaker
I like, I also like, I can't, 5930 or 3950 or whatever hell it is. I know which one you're talking about. I'm also a fan of that one.
00:23:40
Speaker
I don't worry about brands. I just buy a half a fit. I do worry about brands to a certain degree because, um,
00:23:51
Speaker
want mine made with child labor. Just saying. I do worry about mine because I you know i got a little bit bigger head and I need a hat to fit.
00:24:03
Speaker
Right. I have the exact problem and the exact opposite. my Like, finding a hat to fit me, they all look like they're too big. Yeah.
00:24:17
Speaker
Like, you have the adjustable hat, right? Yeah, well, all my trucker hats are adjustable. If I put one of those adjustable hats on, I'm on the two buttons on the very front, not the last two like you.
00:24:33
Speaker
So mine are the exact opposite as yours. Last two? Yeah, the first two.
00:24:41
Speaker
like So I have a whole bunch of extra hanging off. You just cut it. Yeah, i do I usually do. But then they wear out and break, and I'm like, fuck God. No, no, no. I've seen Gorham burst. But anywho, actual news. That was more of like stupid Texas.
00:25:00
Speaker
Stupid, stupid, stupid Texas. Stupid Major League Baseball. Stupid fucking Texas. Notice both teams have got in trouble both teams that got in trouble were out of Texas. So fuck you, Texas.
00:25:11
Speaker
yeah Yeah. You're lucky so many bands coming out of Texas have been giving me a lot of love on Glick's House of Music. Otherwise, you'd be back on the list, Texas. You'll fight Texas again. Jesus Christ. Save that energy for Canada, buddy. I'm just saying. it Okay, is I've got
Shocking Child Abuse Story
00:25:30
Speaker
another energy for Canada. Canada's going to get got, too.
00:25:32
Speaker
keep Keep booing our national anthem, you sons of bitches. I bet.
00:25:38
Speaker
Trump's going to roll into that bitch with tanks. The Trudeau's going shit himself. Believe this, motherfucker. You know what's funny is fight back with your with your fleet of Mooses and geeses. Ooh, we're terrified. One tank can take out 40 of those bitches. What's up, Wally?
00:25:59
Speaker
What up, Wally? didn't know his name for a second. Well, anyways, and it and you know i'll be let's make you guys go, what the fuck is wrong with people?
00:26:12
Speaker
Because that's what I do. I got time for these cute bullshit stories. This is what the fuck news. I bring the news. It makes you go, what the fuck? This is will make you angry. A 10-year-old boy was crushed to death after his 340-pound foster mom sat on him for five minutes for acting up.
00:26:32
Speaker
That bitch needs hung. I mean, if you can find a tractor to lift her fat ass. was going to say, don't know. It's going to take I'm sure we can find a forklift, buddy. Jennifer Wilson told police that Dakota Stevens ran away from her home earlier that same morning and was misbehaving. Maybe because her fat ass was sitting him. After being retrieved from a neighbor's house, which included the 91-pound child throwing himself on the front lawn outside of her home, at which point She sat on him while calling his caseworker.
00:27:05
Speaker
The child was reported to be screaming before he eventually stopped moving, according to the court documents. Why would you sit? Yeah. Why would you sit on him?
00:27:19
Speaker
And ah why would you put all your weight on him? I mean, you've got plenty. You just put your leg on him and be fine. Yeah, you hit him with a Hulk Hogan leg drop. Yeah, he's all today.
00:27:29
Speaker
um Um, wasn't claimed that she thought the child was faking being hurt. He's less than a hundred pounds. You're a 350 pound fucking beached whale, you big bitch.
00:27:42
Speaker
Yeah. If you sit on me and I'm a grown ass man, you're I'm going to stop moving. Yeah. If I don't shoot you first, watch the gravy roll out. yeah Uh, blazes. Yep. I'm pissed tonight.
00:27:58
Speaker
Um, Yeah, she thought he was fake being hurt until she saw his eyelids go pale. When she rolled over, ah rolled him over, was described as being visibly described.
00:28:11
Speaker
Yeah. I know that's wrong, but you said rolled over. i was like, what, did she roll off him? Yeah, basically that's what she did. The boy was airlifted to a hospital after doctors were unable to save his life. Dakota was taken off life support.
00:28:25
Speaker
Two days later, just one month after being placed into Wilson's custody. I don't understand how people get licensed to be foster parents. I don't either because most of these people are worse than their original parent.
00:28:37
Speaker
Yeah, you hear all these ah terrible horror stories about foster parents and foster homes and it's just like and then And then sometimes you see the insides, and I'm like, as a foster parent, i wouldn't let it know with wouldn't you think that you would be held to some sort of standard where you'd be routinely house inspection, you know, and and and not even not even not even not even scheduled, just pop up house inspections. yeah You never know when it's going happen.
00:29:09
Speaker
ah Agreed. Like these kids are already got enough shit going on with their, with their lives. Cause they're in the fucking system. And then i got some fat bitch sitting on them. However, the rate ah ring camera footage unearthed by authorities show Wilson sitting on Dakota's head and neck as he desperately screamed before going silent. Wilson then realized what she had done and frantically told another one of her children to call 911 while repeatedly yelling the boy's name after had stopped breathing.
00:29:35
Speaker
In the 20-second footage, Wilson, who fostering three other kids at the time, faces only six years in prison. I know. If she's convicted. Ran over by a tank or shot from one.
00:29:48
Speaker
dragged by one. I mean, she's already a big bitch. I was going to say she should suffer the same fate as this little boy did. Park your tank on top of the bitch. Yeah, it's going to take a lot to find somebody bitch. I mean, well, not really because they're, i mean, just get the cast of My 1,000 Pound Life and have a just gang pile on her ass, dog pile. Dog pile that shit.
00:30:10
Speaker
and Fuck that bitch. And I would do it until she passed out and then revive her and do it again. And then revive her and do again yeah how it again. How old was the boy? 10 years old? I'd do it 10 times until she died on the 11th time.
00:30:25
Speaker
Yep, I agree. she might yeah but all i That's when they need to bring back waterboarding.
00:30:33
Speaker
Waterboarding, stoning, firing squad. They should starve that bitch to that. Slow and painful. o It's going to take two or three years. Well, I don't think it's going to take that long. You just don't beat her or give her water at all from conviction point. No, you just keep her just alive. you know Give her a piece of bread every once in okay a while. I did some stir fry for dinner. Leftovers. Nikki made stir fry last night.
00:31:07
Speaker
Six years under a prison would be better. agree. Agreed. Park the prisoner on top of the bitch. See if she can breathe. Or get one of those like presses. You know, like one of the metal presses and lower it down on her so it starts to crush her.
00:31:22
Speaker
No, you know what? The car crushes her. Yeah, that's saying. You just lower it down on her until she can't breathe. Wait until she passes out. resuscitate her. Bring it up, resuscitate her, do that three times. and then And then on the 11th time, just slowly, just let it keep going down slowly until it completely crushes her.
00:31:41
Speaker
She comes out like a box, like Christine. A big bitch would probably pop. That'd be a mess. Hilarious. i Put it on yeah and the SBM, the Ocho, baby.
00:31:52
Speaker
<unk> You know, it'll explode in the summer heat after it's been beached. Yeah. fucking, man. Fucking people, man. I don't understand. like I really do hope that something happens to her where she's made to suffer. I hope like i hope she... that i bar so with can't believe I can't believe it's only six years for murdering i mean cause let's call us spade a spade that's murder oh yeah in should You didn't accidentally do that.
00:32:20
Speaker
What other child abuse was going on in that house? The little boy wasn't just clearly not just throwing a pit. He did not want to go back. or dear you know Something else was going on in that house. Maybe she shouldn't have multiple kids or any for that matter.
00:32:37
Speaker
I mean, I'm a grown-ass man. My kids act up, and of course, I don't sit on them. I'm not as 400 fucking pounds like this fat bitch, but I knowt i just, like, you know what? I'm taking away the phone and TV.
00:32:50
Speaker
You guys going to sit and think about you've done or after I beat you. You know? but I'm going to sit on you. I'm hitting mine with a steel chair, putting them through a table. style. I was trying to be I okay.
00:33:07
Speaker
This is why I'm the champ and you're not. You'll never be the champ like me. Because I don't beat my kids with a chair. wow that's what i yeah That's why I scream at my kids.
00:33:18
Speaker
I'm on a couch,
Japanese Company Perks Debate
00:33:20
Speaker
elbow drop through a table. You'll never be the champ and then just walk off.
00:33:27
Speaker
<unk> pay their like yeah and i just walk off like Well, it's about that time. We're going to listen to James Luker with New Age Outlaw.
00:33:39
Speaker
And we'll be right back.
00:33:51
Speaker
angel. Oh, in a rodeo. Oh, it's South Texas. When I start to pop
00:34:36
Speaker
Black label sour knees of mama trying hard
00:36:45
Speaker
Yeah, little James Luker for a year hole. I like that. That's the first time i heard that one. I like that. That's New Age Outlaw by James Luker. We are back. This is, of course, WhatTheFuckNewsBio.link slash NonsensicalNetwork where you can find all the stuff we do.
00:37:02
Speaker
um And don't forget, Creative Corner. Beauty and the Beard Creative Corner where you can find all our merch and have your own merch made. So go ahead and check that out.
00:37:14
Speaker
So, Glick, you've had exes. I've had exes. Have you ever had an ex attack your vehicle? Like that chick that, like, in the video music video, she destroys a guy's truck.
00:37:30
Speaker
Carrie Underwood? Yeah, sure. Yeah, no, I can't say that I have. I have not either. But a Florida woman... who's 18, which tells you where her thoughts were, was arrested and facing charges after being caught vandalizing car of her ex-boyfriend's neighbor.
00:37:51
Speaker
She told police that she meant to spray paint her boyfriend's car. Apparently, neighbor's got the same car. So what you're saying is the bitch is retarded. Apparently. but This is the car in question.
00:38:07
Speaker
She fucked it up. That's just right there. I get it. Yeah, I want to see the boyfriend's car. Was it the same car? Was it different cars? Well, doesn't say. Actually fucking retarded.
00:38:19
Speaker
And she was like, I got you good, fucker. And he was like, what are you doing to neighbor's car? Yeah, like, what are you doing my neighbor's car? that yeah Yeah.
00:38:31
Speaker
Well, yeah, unfortunately, it's one of those quick, short stories. Yeah, he he says in the video, he done spray painted the wrong damn car.
00:38:41
Speaker
I'd play the video, but I don't want to get us in trouble. so But yeah, she he granted, his car was parked next to him hers. It is the same car. I'm seeing it now. ah it's her His is dark blue, and the one she's painted is black.
00:38:56
Speaker
So obviously it was at night, so she couldn't tell the difference. But it has the same rims, same everything. It looks exactly the same, except for the fact it's a different color, and the license plates are different.
00:39:08
Speaker
Now, I get it most times when you don't pay attention to license plate, so it's understandable. But, mean, make sure it's your right the right car.
00:39:21
Speaker
ah Yeah. Or, I don't know, maybe just be like, yo okay, it didn't work out. Deuces. I'm out. yeah like Get the fuck over it. You're 18. I never...
00:39:34
Speaker
i never ah Maybe stop being a whore and cheat on them. Yeah, like i never once wanted to... Did that just catch you? I made a smart-ass comment today. i ah talking to Nikki. She was at work. She was like, I already finished my coffee. She was she's like, this is going to be such a long day. I was like, would you like me to bring you some coffee from Dunkey?
00:40:04
Speaker
She was like, would you? I said, yeah, I want to get a nice tea anyways. so I took it in i was like well I figured this is one safe bet not to lose another fiance because I already lost one to some loser bringing in her coffee and she spread her legs. She was like, what?
00:40:18
Speaker
Ooh, shots fired. She was like, what? I was like, what do you mean? story. It all takes us cup of coffee for that bitch to spread her legs. I wish that. It would have saved me a lot of time and effort and energy.
00:40:37
Speaker
And money. You tell me, really? 50 cents? Oh, goddamn. Yeah, but no yeah i know but I don't understand the whole concept of wanting to throw a fit and damage an ex's personal property or fucking, all right, we didn't work out. Cool. You're a whore.
00:40:58
Speaker
I'm an asshole. whatever yeah it's all However, i run the mentality of like, there's two things you don't do. You don't fuck with a man's ride. You don't fuck with his family. So she fucked with his ride. She'd have been dead.
00:41:11
Speaker
I agree. And it's Florida. think Florida has a castle doctor, so he could have her. would have shot her right in the face. like Why'd you shoot her? You see what she did my car?
00:41:22
Speaker
so i I don't even know this bitch, but she was sprayed with my car, so I shot her. Stand your ground. She fucked around and she found out. yeah My life was in danger. but i get it. It's just faint, but fuck, man.
00:41:36
Speaker
That's like a $10,000 pay job. Yeah, I don't understand that mentality, however. don't know if she rots underneath the jail with that fat bitch. However, i am also down to be just as petty as the next.
00:41:52
Speaker
Oh, no, I'm down for petty. But if I'm going to do something, I'm going to spray paint you. I'll just walk up to you and spray paint you like it's Mace. yeah I'm not going to fuck with your ride. I might steal your ride.
00:42:07
Speaker
park it somewhere don't take it out on an innocent innocent vehicle that's just wrong that's cruel and unusual punishment that poor bastard that walks out is like what the fuck i just got this car last week my neighbor had one i thought it was cool i wouldn't go on it black this is dark blue mine's black you see oh this is in your car you're stupid Yeah, thanks sure yeah i't know how i but I don't I don't understand people.
00:42:38
Speaker
They're stupid. It should be tripping. Well, Jeff, I think I found the answer to my unemployment problem. Oh, really? Yeah, however, I'd have to move to japanese Japan and i have to learn Japanese.
00:42:51
Speaker
Not a problem. Duolingo, three months, be golden, bro. I just figure if I learn Kung Fu, that'll be the equivalent of learning Chinese or Japanese. Sure, why not? Or some kind of martial arts. Like a sphere? i get that.
00:43:02
Speaker
Yeah. You're like, ping pong, ching qing ching ching, wang, wang. Here's what you do. You just speak normal and wait for the subtitles to pop up. There we go.
00:43:14
Speaker
Well, anyways, a Japanese company... Oh my God! Click!
00:43:22
Speaker
ah Let's just hold my belt up. They know what's up. A Japanese company is offering free drinks and hangover leave to attract new talent.
00:43:34
Speaker
I'm on. nice mean What do they do normally, though? Unable to offer attractive wages, a Japanese tech company has been trying to attack attract new talent By offering the ingenious benefits such as free alcoholic drinks at work.
00:43:51
Speaker
So I get to get hammered on the clock. And then the next day when I'm hungover, I'll just be like, i love I'll see you guys tomorrow. I'm not coming. yeah And then free alcoholic drinks at work and hangover leave. Since since the burst of the Japanese economic bubble in the early 90s, the Japanese economy has been stagnant stagnating. Stagnating?
00:44:15
Speaker
ah along with employee salaries, even though some corporations have announced plans to increase starting wages in hopes of attracting talent. However, small and medium-sized companies simply don't have that option because their budgets don't allow it.
00:44:32
Speaker
In order to compete with the big players, they have to think outside the box and offer appealing and sometimes unorthodox benefits to potential employees.
00:44:43
Speaker
One small technology company in Osaka recently went viral in the land of the rising sun by offering its staff alcoholic drinks during work hours and hangover leaves to clear their heads.
00:44:57
Speaker
I think this is gonna this is a bad idea. I'm 100% for it, but ah moving to japan somebody's going to get griped. Doucest, I'm moving to Japan. See you later. Jimmy Bob in accounting is going to hit on Susie at the front desk and be like, hey, yeah, baby.
00:45:13
Speaker
I don't think anybody in Japan is named Susie and or Jimmy Bob. I'm making up names. I couldn't think of any Japanese names off the top my head without being insulting. Sasuke and Chang.
00:45:26
Speaker
Chang. There you go. Chang and Susie. She's going to be calling HR. like She's going to have them on speed dial because all the dudes in the office will like, yeah, I'm i'm like 15 drinks in. How you doing?
00:45:39
Speaker
I'm calling it now. Well, you know what? Sometimes. However, it would be hilarious to walk in the office and see everybody passed out. Drunk. Because that would be me.
00:45:51
Speaker
I'm just saying. I am moving to Japan. I found the answer to my unemployment sta situation. Yeah, and when you don't get your work done, you just say, well, I was drunk. What did you expect? I'm on hangar relief.
00:46:02
Speaker
Yeah, I was drunk. Duh. It's not that hard. Bob. Bob. but Don't worry, I got to, Mr. Roboto.
00:46:13
Speaker
There, I speak Japanese. Who the fuck hired this goddamn racist ass watch? I'm not racist, asshole. I just don't actually speak Japanese.
00:46:25
Speaker
Just don't speak your bullshit made-up language. I speak one language, zeros and ones. It's called binary. a Yeah, I just don't see this going going well. i Because they're going to attract idiots like you and me. They'll literally show up to work just to drink. i think it'll go great. mean, I'll never be late. I think this is a hell of an idea, and and I would like to say congratulations to this Japanese tech company. They're leading the way for alcoholism worldwide. I'm in America.
00:47:03
Speaker
Wake up. Get your ears on. No. follow follow suit Technically, I could drink at work if I drank. I mean, I'm just saying, I would not be mad if I went for a job interview and they're like, oh, by the way, just so you know. The bar's over there. we have no bar policy.
00:47:23
Speaker
Let me finish this drink and then we can do this interview. No, they don't. That's gorilla that they shoot on sight.
00:47:34
Speaker
Sure. I will. Oh, my God. Sasquatch to get a pick. I am a friend to the Japanese... I am a protector. you so You're also easily picked out in a crowd.
00:47:50
Speaker
It's the giant white dude. Got it. Well, as... as He sat on me. yeah as As has been mentioned several times in our Boy Smokes broadcast, you know, the travel sphere over there, they like to go to these, um you know different countries and all over the world, and as it's been pointed out, they don't necessarily stand out like I would, because Smoke says, Click is a giant Sasquatch mountain of a man with a big beard, and he's white. What are you like? and And all the other guys are like, oh my
00:48:26
Speaker
I'm 6'3 on a good day. Whatever. To me, you're 14 feet, so it doesn't fucking matter. but But in some of these countries, when the average height is five foot four Exactly. I'd blend in like a motherfucker. You, not so much.
00:48:41
Speaker
Yeah, if I go to Japan, i I'm going to walking amongst a crowd of people. You just see the tops of heads. Look, that guy's bald. Somebody hear me drink.
00:48:55
Speaker
I will be a defender of the Japanese. I will become their new hero. If Gorilla attacks... How tall is she?
00:49:06
Speaker
I have a curiosity now. Yeah, I just... Dude. don't I don't see this as a good thing. I don't see this as a good policy. I'm just saying, American companies, listen up.
00:49:18
Speaker
Yeah, we're talking to you, Amazon, with all your drivers. Well, I'm not necessarily talking like... Obviously, don't break the law. I mean, yeah, but I'm just saying, if I happen to go for an interview and they're like, oh, hey by the way,
00:49:34
Speaker
One of the perks of being here, we got an open bar over there. And if you get a little too drunk, you don't say anything. Just get up. but As you were saying.
00:49:47
Speaker
Don't mind if I help myself, right? yeah yeah like If you get a little too drunk, we'll get you home. And if you're too hungry over the next day, you just take the day off and we'll pay you for it. So all Mondays.
00:49:58
Speaker
Wednesdays, Fridays. see you guys every Monday. yeah Actually, I'll be drunk from the weekend, so I just won't show up unless I need to get drunk. I mean, I don't need to take hangover leave if I'm only drunk. I'm not hungover. I won't. Well, you know, and also, the one good thing about the hangover leave is don't have to lie about it. What's going on, M.K.?
00:50:21
Speaker
but what's going on okay the The one good thing about having that hangover leave is you don't have to call in and lie. Oh, I'm sick. ah Motherfucker, we saw you drinking at the bar last night.
00:50:33
Speaker
Look, asshole, ah it was your idea to provide yeah look it was your idea to provide free beer at work. You know what's going on I'll talk to you maybe tomorrow. I might feel better tomorrow, but I might start drinking again at noon. I don't know.
00:50:46
Speaker
I should show up at work that day at 5 o'clock when everybody's leaving. Hey, man. What are you doing here, Glick? We're done for the day. I'm starting late. I got third shift. I got third shift. You guys can go home. got this. I got second and third shift.
00:51:00
Speaker
ah got third chip got this second answer shit
00:51:09
Speaker
what Glick, you know, it's after five. You can go home. Nope, I still got half a beer. so The next morning, there's a drunk Sasquatch in his boxers in the lobby house. Why doesn't he ever leave? Because we have beer.
00:51:22
Speaker
Duh. Beer. Somebody keeps putting snacks in the kitchen, so he's happy. Well, speaking of snacks, a, uh, I hate to say it, but in another Florida man uh,
Jewelry Thief's Digestive Ordeal
00:51:40
Speaker
Well, he's he pretended to be representative of a professional athlete to gain access to expensive jewelry at a jewelry store. This store just happened to be Tiffany's.
00:51:51
Speaker
And when he was arrested, did an x-ray found $70,000 worth of jewelry in stomach. sorry. misspoke. $700,000. $700,000.
00:52:04
Speaker
som sorry no i misspoke seven hundred thousand dollars
00:52:12
Speaker
$700,000 And it was literally Four earrings Four earrings? Four, total Well, the other things he had Was in his hand Because he was trying to swallow those two When they caught him But yeah, $700,000. And the video, I watched the video on this. This this is actually from Sky News.
00:52:36
Speaker
um it It literally just shows video is just him sitting at the counter and he starts grabbing things and then walks out the door. And then obviously when they tried to catch him, he was like, hu I don't have nothing.
00:52:51
Speaker
And then they they they show a picture of his x-ray. And do I have the picture of the x-ray? I do not. It literally just shows like diamond rings in his stomach because x-ray shows metal.
00:53:06
Speaker
but I say give him a cat stand and rip him out. right the police The police are actually waiting for him to pass them. So he's in jail until he passes them.
00:53:19
Speaker
wonder who and get mu for kaska I I'll put him on sale. Lower the price. Yeah, i could use a discount. you ready cookies on Don't worry about where they what they smell like.
00:53:32
Speaker
You know they're going to still try to sell. ah see what $700,000. That's what you get for selling overly overpriced stupid shit.
00:53:45
Speaker
Well, I mean... Dude, if I spent $700,000 on earrings, I'd give you permission to shoot them for being stupid.
00:54:00
Speaker
There's no reason to spend that much money on jewelry. I mean, people do it on necklace. Rappers do it on one necklace. I get it, but you're not a rapper.
00:54:11
Speaker
So you do not have my permission to do so. I'm also not buying $700,000 worth of jewelry. That's what I'm saying. It's one thing if you're 50 cent or 2 Chainz something like that.
00:54:24
Speaker
They have every right because it's part of the persona. I get that. But if you're just a regular cat, Yeah, was he an actual thief? or Because there is a dis there is an eating disorder.
00:54:35
Speaker
which No, like said, the video shows him looking at the jewelry, grabbing it, running out the door.
00:54:43
Speaker
So he he wasn't just like, hu um'm ra because I've seen those videos where it's like ah this girl's in a jewelry store and she just starts eating the jewelry. and they're like, what the fuck you doing? I have a disorder.
00:54:57
Speaker
hey I'll give it back when I pass it. No, you can keep it. But, yeah, this dude, you he pretended to be like a representative of like a famous basketball player. or Well, it's his professional athlete.
00:55:11
Speaker
He's like, I work for Jordan, and I need, you know, he wants new earrings. I'm going to look at them. And they're like, okay. Yeah, here you Which would have been what I would have said. Why not, man?
00:55:23
Speaker
You don't know. You're not even wearing his jersey. yeah had it time this Oh, my God, I swallowed it. Oh, no. Bye. Let me try another one.
00:55:34
Speaker
That was good. Can I have another? They're not chicken wings, dude. I'm hungry. sir May I have some milk? You just swallowed like 200 grand worth jewelry, dude. No. yeah but look Hey, Oliver, why don't you calm the fuck down? Yeah.
00:55:49
Speaker
Yeah, I think this guy, you know, I get it. He's trying to get away with it, but
00:55:58
Speaker
not the way to go. You have pockets. Stash them somewhere. Toss them in the dumpster so you can go raid the dumpster. Shut them in your prison purse. There you go.
00:56:09
Speaker
Well, yeah, I'm going to X-ray and still find them. Because they X-rayed the cat. Well, you can't put them in your pocket because they're going to patch you down and go. I understand. That's why i said yes you're stashing them. Are you excited to see me?
00:56:23
Speaker
I'm just excited to see you, Daddy. That's for me to know and you to find me. Is that a baton in your pocket are you happy to see me? don't know.
00:56:34
Speaker
Oh, my God, it's a baton. Stop it.
00:56:38
Speaker
I was wrong. It's like that sexy cop song from The Rookie. Yes, I love that show. I do watch it, but I love that song.
00:56:50
Speaker
that The show is actually really good. It's actually funny, but it's kind of serious. I think you can enjoy it. yeah yeah Nathan Fillion is gold.
00:56:59
Speaker
do that. Added all you can eat. luffet Sorry is the disorder. Continue eating without pain. but Well, they did that. The the one guy in in in England did that.
00:57:11
Speaker
And as he was getting arrested, he was like, are you touching my penis? Can't I have a succulent meal? A succulent Chinese meal? Remember that video? Have you seen that video? It was like 300 pounds. Yeah.
00:57:24
Speaker
So, i mean, it's been done before. Be original. Eat jewelry.
00:57:32
Speaker
I mean, whatever. Whatever floats your boat, I guess. Kink unlocked. Whatever floats your boat and finds your lost remote at the end of the day.
00:57:46
Speaker
They found it. In that dude's stomach. i I really think you should start eating jewelry. And any other metal object that you find. Any other metal object. I think you should.
00:57:57
Speaker
Preferably shards. Yeah, right here on the show. yes Every time we're live, just eat metal. I'll just take my ring off. and Dude, I don't... My biggest fear about swallowing anything like metal, like if I was going to steal jewelry, is I would end up fucking choking on it. That would be my luck. I'd choke and die.
00:58:22
Speaker
Great content for the show. Instant viral success. Oh, 100%. And... and I finally get rid of that fucking hemorrhoid that's been bothering me for the last 30 years. No, dude, because I'll haunt you after death.
00:58:38
Speaker
I've watched enough Supernatural and Ghostbusters and paranormal shows. I know how to get rid of you. and Yeah, those are TV. I will get your proton pack out.
00:58:52
Speaker
What?
00:58:54
Speaker
Oh. Oh. ah I'll you a hunter's death and salt and burn you so you can't come back and haunt me. Yeah, I'm immune. e I guess. as yeah and then I'll find out. ah lock you in a I'll put your ashes in one of those spirit boxes that you can't get out. yeah you Speaking of this, and this is not 100% off topic, but it kind of goes along with the supernatural, I think you find this interesting.
00:59:24
Speaker
You know the original animal Annabelle doll? It's actually like a rat rehandle. They moved it to repair the case and apparently she broke the new case.
00:59:38
Speaker
And like the dude that moved her is now like on his deathbed. I'd have let her rot in that fucking old case. Fuck that bitch. Oh yeah, I could. Brian and I were talking about the paranormal today. Brian's a believer like me.
00:59:54
Speaker
We were talking about getting some gear and going, ghost hunt. Starting the nonsensical ghost hunters.
01:00:02
Speaker
like Like Nick Frost.
01:00:06
Speaker
I missed that show. I was so mad at it only did one season. We'll have a new show here on the network, the nonsensical ghost hunters. It's just you two idiots out in the woods in Texas.
01:00:19
Speaker
Texas. We haven't found anything yet, but we found these really cool fucking hats. We found these
01:00:26
Speaker
One says asshole on it. One says asshole, the other says T-Taz. It says asshole. Mine says T-Taz. These are awesome. Totally fucking worth it. Hashtag worth it. Me and Brian with video cameras wandering around abandoned buildings. And every few minutes he just turns, look, I found Sasquatch.
01:00:47
Speaker
That's me, asshole. Still me. Yeah. that' Sorry, he just checking. Two can play this game. Look, an illegal Mexican. I'm tied.
01:00:59
Speaker
I'm tied, Glenn. tied, damn it. Whatever. Whatever, you look Mexican, and you're in Texas. so i mean One plus one equals two, Brian. That math adds up. I'm just saying. You call me a Sasquatch, you're a Mexican.
01:01:10
Speaker
that math adds up i'm just you call me a sacot you're a mexican that Math is racist.
01:01:24
Speaker
but yeah i' just i don't I don't think swallowing jewelry is the way to go. Nah. um I mean, you can feel free to try it. Again, like I said, great content for the show if you swallow your ring and choke to death while we're live.
01:01:38
Speaker
That would be my luck. like fucking like like a rule I could do it 400 times by myself. Not a problem. As soon as I do it live the air, I just die. Like some fat bitch sitting on me.
01:01:52
Speaker
Instant viral thing. Yes. let I'm the new hot Tua girl. You get the whole Tua out. Do the death row. Do the death row. Go ahead.
01:02:02
Speaker
Do it. that you know year over soon just should teacher deaths rat do the death row good do it Do it. Deuces.
01:02:17
Speaker
Deuces. Peep out and tell down.
01:02:22
Speaker
i do beat power a ta down That's what I'm do when I die. um you one last joke be out Hey, Tom, Tom. fuck is that? so I will have that clip so fast and have it over to Blaze. All sudden, Glick learns how to edit.
01:02:44
Speaker
Look at that. He's figuring something out. Blaze, stretch this up. We got to get it up ASAP. We'll have remixes of it.
01:02:55
Speaker
We'll turn it be a new AI song. It's a new intro. That way I'm still part of the network. after Yeah.
01:03:05
Speaker
Tonight in What the Fuck News, Jeff died. Shocker. What the fuck? No, it wasn't the cigarettes and 14 burgers he eats every time. It happened to be his ring.
01:03:19
Speaker
Dumbass tried to eat a ring. Fucking moron. Fucking moron. The only thing I swallow is food, man. i can't I can't even swallow pills.
01:03:31
Speaker
Lots and lots of man juice. That's just a Wednesday. Calm down. KQ, calm down, Richard Greer.
01:03:41
Speaker
Oh, wait, that was a gerbil. You calm down, Rod Stewart. Ooh. What was it? Apparently, yeah what's the dude that played the Godfather? Marlon Brando?
01:03:53
Speaker
Yeah, huge, huge home
01:03:57
Speaker
homo. Look, man, I'm at speak i'm not speak ill of the... Are you afraid he's going to come after you? No, but I mean... it your Get your salt out and your proton pack. You'll be alright. That is an allegation that I'm just not going to continue.
01:04:14
Speaker
You may want to, and that's fine. That was Superman's dad, bro. Put some respect on his dad. That is. That's Now, Rod Stewart, on the other hand, there was a story about him having to get his stomach pumped because he sucked so much dick. Yeah, you know what?
01:04:28
Speaker
Back in the 80s and 90s, we heard all those stories about the Backstreet Boys and and fucking new eight New Kids on the Block. All did that. Allegedly.
01:04:39
Speaker
Of course, according to the Playgrounds. I would tread very lightly and if you're going to talk about the Backstreet Boys and stuff considering they were like babies in the eighty s I didn't even know if they were born in the 80s.
01:04:50
Speaker
I met new kids, but you know what I meant. Old Donnie Wahlberg. The only Wahlberg I'm actually scared of. Dude is such guy. Mark and Mark? No, no, no. Donnie.
01:05:02
Speaker
Have you ever seen him in Blue Bloods? new ah New Kids on the Block? Yeah. Watch him in Blue Bloods. You'll think different. He's kind of a badass, man. Mark Wahlberg's a badass.
01:05:14
Speaker
Donnie can whoop him. I guarantee it. Donnie's scrappy. Donnie's scrappy. was I got my money on Donnie. I got my money on their retarded brother.
01:05:27
Speaker
Hey, guys. My name's Frankie Wahlberg. I don't know what his name is, but I think he might be mildly retarded. I was just going to ask you what's his name because I don't know. I don't think I've been that much attention. He runs the burger joints, the Wahlburgers.
01:05:41
Speaker
I don't know what his name is, but he's definitely a few french fries short of a happy meal. eight That's why he works for the fries. Mark and Donnie got all the good genes. Let's just put it that way.
01:05:54
Speaker
I wouldn't mind being Donnie Wahlberg. I don't want to be Mark. I'll be Donnie. I'm okay with it.
01:06:02
Speaker
Dude can sing, dude can dance, and dude can act like a motherfucker. Well, Mark can do all those things, too. Yeah, but Donnie does it so much better.
01:06:13
Speaker
I wouldn't mind having either one of their bank accounts. Amen to that. Which one's married to Jenny McCarthy? think it's Donnie. That bitch. That might be the retarded one. i don't know.
01:06:30
Speaker
No, Mark or Donnie, one of the two are married to Jenny McCarthy. on They've been together for forever.
01:06:39
Speaker
and
01:06:42
Speaker
She is married to... She's married to Donnie. God damn, she's 52 years old? yeah the fuck out of here. 40 years worth of plastic.
01:06:57
Speaker
Anywho, what's your next story? I don't think she's had a lot of work done, to be honest with you, man. Like in the early days, maybe, but I don't think... She's not a bad-looking broad, but she's coming of she's a nut. I'll give her that.
01:07:14
Speaker
Move the fuck over, or J-Lo. There's a new Jenny in town.
01:07:21
Speaker
Get the fuck out of here. I didn't know she was hired to die. Yeah, Mark. Yeah, Donnie. Yeah, they've been together for since ah they've been married since 14. Wow. Oh, 2014. I was like, 14.
01:07:36
Speaker
Like, good Lord. They started. Well, they fucking Macaulay conking. yeah Getting married before you're 18. Marcus.
01:07:48
Speaker
Mark's married. Mark's up there, too. They're both up there in age. He's 53. see They got Donnie, Mark, Paul, Scott, Jim, Debbie.
01:08:01
Speaker
John and Ringo.
01:08:05
Speaker
the be Arthur, Buddy. Jesus, goddamn, were their parents fucking Mormon? They had like 27 fucking kids. They didn't own a TV. that' why Yeah, Paul's the short bus.
Patriotic Music Warfare
01:08:21
Speaker
Where's Paul? Paul Wahlberg. Paul Wahlberg. Wahlbergers. Sell Chevys. What's your next thing? They do have a car. They do have a Wahlberg Chevrolet.
01:08:37
Speaker
It's in Ohio. Yeah, it's ah it's it's in C-Bus. Well,
01:08:47
Speaker
Jeff, we all have bad neighbors. I am the bad neighbor. i don't know you're about. You are the bad neighbor. Sometimes I'm considered the bad. Well, I used to be considered the bad neighbor when I first moved in here. But I forced them bitches to move out.
01:09:00
Speaker
Because they didn't want to smoke. That still makes you the bad neighbor, buddy. I'm sorry. That's okay. right Nobody else has complained. Yet. ah no No. You'll get emails tomorrow. but You know, it helps that I patrol the neighborhood with You know, belts on either shoulder and a wide variety of weapons to let everybody know that um I run this. macars community yeah No, that's what i I go and collect the beer tax for protection in the neighborhood.
01:09:29
Speaker
um know the door You know what time it is. Dude, that's a business. never had five years. Hey, you're only two beers for this week. Break your finger up.
01:09:41
Speaker
Hashtag worth it. Free beer for life. Pay the tax, asshole. yeah And if you don't, I throw a beer can at you like I'm all cold. See what I did there?
01:09:52
Speaker
We'll call back. We'll reach her out. Don't sue me! We'll reach her out. That's why I'm stealing it. We've all had bad neighbors, or we're the bad neighbor, either way, but...
01:10:06
Speaker
This guy, this guy's awesome. I like this guy. A Russian man. i like the Russians. I'm digging the Russians. A Russian man allegedly been trying to force his neighbors into selling their share of a communal apartment by playing the national anthem and other patriotic songs from early in the morning until late at night.
01:10:27
Speaker
Several tenants and apartment owners in an apartment building and Volgograd, Russia, have been complaining of insufferable loud music on repeat in a communal apartment there, but so far no one has been able to do anything about it.
01:10:44
Speaker
It all started back on February 5th when Maxim, the owner of a room in a communal apartment building, number 2A, Volgaard, whatever, he installed a pair of powerful speakers and started playing the Russian national anthem.
01:11:02
Speaker
Other Patriot songs like I Am Russian and so and the sound of dogs barking. The entire building has been subjected to the music torture, musical torture every day since. And despite contacting the police, no one has been able to stop it. You know what stops that? An AK-47. No, but you know what? Here's the thing.
01:11:22
Speaker
if If you were to do this to get your neighbors to move out you played American, you know, patriotic songs and they complain, they get you get to say, well, you're fucking un-American. You're not American, you commie. That's why the police are like, yeah, what are you going to It's Russian National Anthem. what are you fucking... What are you, commie?
01:11:38
Speaker
I mean, we're communists, but whatever. You communistic bastard.
01:11:45
Speaker
but i think I think this yeah this this brand deserves serves that apartment complex. You don't like it? I think an example needs to be made for...
01:12:00
Speaker
all the other neighbors or anybody else who thinks they're going to move in and gets a crazy harebrained idea that they're going to do that. and And, well, ah your dear dear Russia, there at your communal apartment complex, if you need a hero... We're sending you a 350-pound woman to sit on there. yeah if ah if you if If you need a hero, I'm only a phone call away.
01:12:23
Speaker
And a long plane line. It's a little like an 18-hour plane line. My... List of demands are beer and potatoes. Beer, steak, potatoes.
01:12:37
Speaker
I also would like a so nice payment.
01:12:43
Speaker
We'll say $150,000 American dollars. And I demand to have a Russian bear to be my sidekick.
01:12:53
Speaker
You ain't eaten by bear. No, we're going to best friends. He's going to be my Robin by Batman. When I show up in Australia with a Russian grizzly bear to kick some kangaroo ass, you know it's on.
01:13:06
Speaker
When me and my Russian grizzly invade Canada, yeah, you want to boo the American national anthem? Is it more in a Russian accent? Russian accent. bra russian but In Russia.
01:13:21
Speaker
In Russia, we have one re request.
01:13:31
Speaker
i you I'm just saying you need one neighbor who just doesn't give and just goes up there, knocks on his fucking door. As soon as he opens the door, turns the music off.
01:13:45
Speaker
and then and then you play and then you play And then you can play Hulk Hogan's theme song for it, and he can throw beers. Or two people, I mean.
01:13:55
Speaker
I am a Russian hero. You know, i it's very simple. It's easy. It's very easy to fix this problem. There's a breaker downstairs. You trip the breaker, no more music.
01:14:09
Speaker
I have another way to do it. There's a brick probably somewhere at this facility. Sure. Sure. You crack him in the skull with a brick. into that No, I have no problem with like... You know would set an example for anybody else who gets any wild harebrained ideas.
01:14:25
Speaker
You string this bastard up by his fucking ankles in a courtyard and you just leave him hanging there. So all the blood rushes to his head and his head pops like a water balloon and then you just still leave his body hanging there. Yeah, as a warning.
01:14:42
Speaker
I can't buy as the Caribbean all assholes be warned I have a violent I apparently have a violent street I just want to murder people and make examples of them but you know and and we'll also have that 350 pound woman sit on i learned i learned from Vlad the Impaler
01:15:08
Speaker
holy shit I seen a thing the other day oh my god His body count that he had impaled was something insane, like 200 and some odd thousand bodies or victims or some shit. It was insane. somebody somebody did Somebody did the research or something like that.
01:15:26
Speaker
i was like, what the fuck? This dude's insane. I like him. Yeah.
01:15:35
Speaker
that's That's a lot. Like he did personally or or ordered them done? Real life being Vlad the Impaler killed ah
01:15:48
Speaker
and of a little bit estimated to have killed between, sorry, my numbers were a little askew, but nonetheless still insane. It's like quarter of that. 12. ah it's like around a hundred thousand Somewhere people during his reign but a significant with a significant portion of those deaths attributed to impalement.
01:16:15
Speaker
That's a lot. During his campaign against the Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, Vlad is said to have impaled almost 24,000 Ottomans.
01:16:27
Speaker
Man, what are you going to put your fucking feet on? Yeah. So my question is, did he personally impale them or did he just order it done?
01:16:39
Speaker
Because I can order about 40 people to do it. Yeah, no. I think we can beat that. Let's start with that Russian and that fat bitch. Yeah.
01:16:51
Speaker
I'm trying to see here. Either way, 24,000 like that were impaled and and close people that during his rap and during his reign man that's a lot that's That guy is... I want to be like that guy. That's how you fucking set an example. People will fuck around and find out. People will fuck around find out once.
01:17:16
Speaker
yeah They only fuck around and find out once, and you don't have to do it no more. This is true. If I put 10 or 15 bodies in front of like and front of my condo here, the word's going to get out. Don't fuck with that guy.
01:17:29
Speaker
Yeah, until the cops show up. What's easier? i don't know. but's People just drop them off here. I don't know what's going on, officer. I'm just fucking playing Call of Duty, man. All of a sudden, my body shows up it. Maybe they they're coming from the game. I don't know. Vlad impaled each one himself. but All 24,000. You never know.
01:17:52
Speaker
It was weird times. william He's a king. He could literally order you to bring him to him. and he just There you go. Next. All day long. He was too busy.
01:18:04
Speaker
Taking over countries and kicking ass and taking names. Your new hero. I get it. Dracula. The real life Dracula.
01:18:14
Speaker
Yeah. i why I don't know why. they i't know why he's I don't know how you get from impaling people. No, the real life Dracula was a guy named Dracula. He was a count. One of his nicknames was Dracula. He was like the real life Dracula.
01:18:29
Speaker
I always thought it was difficult. Well, Aguilar was a book character, Jeff. I understand that. And a movie character. Well, speaking of Europeans.
01:18:42
Speaker
Vlad was all out of bubble gum. Yeah, he was. And he was pissed about it. Where's my fucking bubble gum? He just starts some daily people.
01:18:54
Speaker
Well, from Russia, we go to Britain. and a you I
Elderly Hero's Pants Defense
01:19:00
Speaker
value. I am value. 84-year-old man ah armed only with a pair of trousers beats back a mugger half his age who tried to rob him at a London store in North England.
01:19:14
Speaker
You say he beat off a mugger? ah mugger? Yeah. He beat him off. Yeah, he's just saying, come here. So apparently this mugger, this is... You run for me, I'll jerk you off.
01:19:26
Speaker
but Ron k Croker was drying his clothes last week when a mugger thug, a masked thug, accosted him and um and basically wanted to steal his wallet.
01:19:40
Speaker
The old man said, not today, sonny. The old man shoved him back and pushed him outside the building and said, come back and I'll kill you. Adding an explicit as in, he said, come back and I'll fucking kill you.
01:19:54
Speaker
Look at here, Sean. Put your dokes up, see? Put your dokes up. Yeah, I'm Christopher Walker, see? I'll fuck you up, see? So the munger comes back inside and this old man takes these pant legs, pit pants, and starts beating dude with the pants.
01:20:11
Speaker
And dude ran he soap or anything in him? No. Just bare jeans. sixty ah six girl assault but the but The South Yorkshire police said they called deuts about muing me they caught the 42 year old and charged him with attempted robbery.
01:20:30
Speaker
ah And he's currently being held in custody. What is it you say, Jeff? I get less time for great than murder. That's right. I get less time for sexual assault charges than I do murder.
01:20:41
Speaker
I'm just saying.
01:20:44
Speaker
But yeah, this dude literally went after this kid with a pair of pants. When I say kid, he's 42. But went after him with a pair of pants. Alexa, code Wild Bill.
01:20:56
Speaker
Wild Bill should start playing.
01:21:01
Speaker
good bad it hot Now I'm going to mail you with my feet. Bob's got another mugger. but Yeah, this dude, like they they and they got video footage. I want to see if I can see it. um he went to an and Anyways, yeah, he just kind of beat the shit out this kid with a kid.
01:21:26
Speaker
He's 42. With a pair of pants.
01:21:32
Speaker
Well, you know the old saying. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Yeah, but like you can't you can't go back to your house and like, I can't go out tomorrow. I got beaten by pair pants.
01:21:47
Speaker
Yeah, I don't think that. I don't think criminals are going back to their mom's house and going, hey mom, I tried to rob a guy. in old man twenty twenty five but It's 2025, it's 2025.
01:21:59
Speaker
It happens more often than you think. I'm sure one of his idiot friends were filming it for TikTok. No, they actually got the their security footage.
01:22:10
Speaker
I want to see if the security footage is here. Nice. Nice, Chris. Well, they have a photo. You got to see this photo. This old man is walloping.
01:22:22
Speaker
My dude with a pair of pants. Molly walloping.
01:22:27
Speaker
ah they were in They were in the laundry. Yeah, was on the laundromat. Dude was folding his clothes. yeah And 42-year-old was like, give me your money, old man. He's like, whack.
01:22:40
Speaker
No. Hit him with that button on your jeans. And he just thinks again. same Not today. I'm impressed. Not all heroes wear cape, buddy.
01:22:53
Speaker
Hey, man.
01:22:55
Speaker
Get after it. Yeah. Well, we're going to take a real quick break. mother fluffer You didn't put the name on this indigo song.
01:23:08
Speaker
Just as where you got it from. This is indigo by A.C.Y.L. Any color you like. Indigo. Any color you like. Correct.
01:23:19
Speaker
We'll be right back. Yeah, I mean, you can play any song you want. I didn't upload any new music. Okay, well, you know what? I i want to hear a song that I can't stop listening to. I'm going to listen to James Luthor.
01:23:32
Speaker
Sorry, Derek Wayne Douglas. And I just saw the section go. ah I'm going to listen Chevy Silverado, and we'll be right back. Bye.
01:24:30
Speaker
You can feel that now, just chillin' with the window down. You can hear that sound, crickets in the background. You can feel that now, I'm in my Chevy Silver Rock.
01:25:17
Speaker
Oh, world follow. I'm living every moment I borrow in my Chevy. I'm in my Chevy Silverado. Peeling the label off a long name bottle.
01:25:29
Speaker
Ain't thinking about tomorrow. Oh, world follow. I'm just living every moment I borrow in my Chevy. Just chilling with the window down.
01:25:40
Speaker
You can hear that sound. Crickets in the background. You can feel that now.
01:26:03
Speaker
Yeah, a little Derek Wayne Douglas with Sarah. I like that song. don't care what anybody says to you. It's good song. excellent you know he has other songs.
01:26:15
Speaker
I know, but I like that one. So, that's what you get. Put me in charge. I know, but I really like that
What the Fuck News and Embarrassing Moments
01:26:25
Speaker
one. Anywho, welcome back everybody to What the Fuck News. All the news that is news makes sense. What the fuck?
01:26:32
Speaker
Yeah, see? It works every time. ah Don't forget Beauty of the Beard Creative Corner where you can find all our merch and, of course, get your own merch of your own things.
01:26:46
Speaker
And, of course, this Friday, actually tomorrow, Wally's got a show tomorrow. Does he have a guest tomorrow or do you have it on Monday? I don't think he has a guest tomorrow. his guest Monday rescheduled.
01:27:01
Speaker
I see. For those of you who don't know, if you go to our Facebook page, it's up there. there was a Well, you know what? This is What the Fuck News, and this is definitely a What the Fuck News Yeah, this is a real What the Fuck News story. so um Give the exclusives.
01:27:16
Speaker
If you go to our Facebook page, our our good friend Wally, who hosts Speedway stories and Cold-Blooded Conversations, two different shows, had a little bit of an incident it's on Friday night, Saturday night, I think, saturday Friday night.
01:27:32
Speaker
Yes. um His boneheaded stepson was doing something with a gun, and with a pew-pew, and it went off and shot his mom in the foot.
01:27:45
Speaker
Wally's wife was shot in the foot. Obviously, has to have some reconstructive surgery. Fortunately, she's okay. Fortunately, it was just a foot. However, they do have a... She's got another one. She'll right.
01:27:59
Speaker
yeah it is on our It is on our Facebook page. I need to pin it up to the top. They do have um ah go fund me a meal train, which is kind of like a GoFundMe.
01:28:11
Speaker
but you cannot you can You can donate if you'd like to help out, or if you're in the area and you guys know Wally, I guess you could sign up to do like dinners and stuff and bring dinners over.
01:28:22
Speaker
Because obviously she can't get up and move around too easily. Well, we don't want Wally to starve to death.
01:28:29
Speaker
he'll be right. If he misses a meal or two, it's much like myself. but but but give me high but Trust me. Well, he's a grown ass man. I don't think he's starving anytime soon. I'm just saying, um, but yeah, if you guys would like to help out, even if you could just share that, share the link out, that'd be, uh, awesome to help them with like medical bills and, and whatever else. Uh,
01:28:56
Speaker
that may come their way because Wally has a dumbass stepson who shot his mom in the foot. And I think if Wally was here, he would agree agree with me that his stepson is a fucking moron.
01:29:11
Speaker
I agree. I'm not stepping out of bounds or ever under the line by stating the obvious that his stepson's a fucking idiot. So yeah, I am actually getting the I was going to share a link to the meal train thing, but it's it's just I am Facebook. dot It's a bunch of words, so it's not something definitive easily to share.
01:29:35
Speaker
But, yes, you can go onto our Nonsensical Network Facebook page and see it there. That way, if you want to help out, you can. um And, of course, you can find the link to that at bio.link slash Nonsensical Network.
01:29:49
Speaker
i don't see what i did then and famous And check out Beauty in the Beard Creative Park, Facebook and Instagram. Give her a call. There it is. Yeah. Well, sir, it's about that time.
01:30:02
Speaker
Well, ladies, gentlemen, adults of cons consenting adult age, gather around. Gather around. Gather around. Gather around your computers, your cell phones, all that all that fun stuff.
01:30:17
Speaker
ah Your weird drunk uncle swim things Yeah, they're all kids. I got a story I got to tell you. No, no, no, they're not kids. I said of age. I say killed i say kids because people of 18 and older yep can consider themselves kids. It's 2025. Yeah, but it is 2025, so you can't say that because somebody's going to go, well, did you hear nonsensical nonsense?
01:30:44
Speaker
They're telling kids penis stories. He is. I'm not. but i't know i I am telling penis, giving the penis report to of age adults that are consenting and would like to hear reports of penises.
01:31:00
Speaker
Yes, and if you don't know already. I know, lame to say that, but I have to say it. Mark, everything we do as adults only. Yes, it's lame to say that, but I have to say Because somebody will go, oh, those guys are Or telling kids penis. And we're not. not We're talking to adults.
01:31:21
Speaker
So gather around adults. Well, I do adults, but yeah. Huh. Copy that. There are people, though. you love Yeah, we love you all.
01:31:34
Speaker
Anyways, you know time it is. It's time for the penis report. So gather around. Open your ear holes.
01:31:42
Speaker
Let me penetrate your ear holes with penis.
01:31:59
Speaker
something to grab when I do that. I'm just shaking my fist like an asshole. Sorry, Peter fucking pe Pecker, Pepper, Fucker, whatever your name is.
01:32:12
Speaker
No vagines stories. That's what the French say. They call them vagines.
01:32:17
Speaker
400,000 Frenchmen just rolled over in their graves. they Two shits and a fuck less. You gave up your country for a fucking bread and a bottle of stale wine.
01:32:29
Speaker
Twice. but Not worried about the French. and only I'm so not worried about it. They're not even going to go go on the list. but You're below the list.
01:32:43
Speaker
You're below that fat bitch. the wow take me that she's That's a low bar. The only good thing to come out of France was French fries. And you know what? We invented those, not you.
01:32:56
Speaker
Break them fries. say five
01:33:02
Speaker
Fucking America, baby. but All right. Tickle my ear holes, sir. I'm ready. I'm going to penetrate your ear holes with stories of penises.
01:33:14
Speaker
Hot two right in here. All right. You know what? We're going to go ahead and we're going to continue on from last week where we did awkward erection stories because we've all been there.
01:33:30
Speaker
i um Some of us are currently right there. Awkward boner. Is it weird I have a boner right now? I'll be right back.
01:33:41
Speaker
we We've all been there, gentlemen, and it always happens at the worst time. like never happenss like this Like this young man, he writes in and says, when I was in high school, I went to this pool party and I got a boner from checking out all the girls in the bikinis.
01:33:58
Speaker
Happens. Normally, this would not be a problem, except on this particular day, ah good friend of mine thought it would be a good opportunity for some chicken fights. yeah The wrong chicken, buddy. And then took it upon himself to hoist me up on top of his shoulders.
01:34:15
Speaker
So there I am sitting on top of my friend's shoulders with a mammoth boner resting on the back of his neck. I like how he he put mammoth. Yeah. This definitely wasn't us.
01:34:27
Speaker
No mammoth going on. Yeah. He then realizes what's going on. What's out loud? What the fuck? ah second Public humiliation and social awkwardness ensue.
01:34:43
Speaker
You got butter on my neck? Shut up. You liked it.
01:34:50
Speaker
It was almost in my ear, bro. so It's a mammoth boner. Hashtag worth it. Give me one more second. I'm almost done, Bob. the humble yeah I'm going to embarrass the fuck out him, but I'm also going to be like, I got your back at the same time.
01:35:03
Speaker
That was the biggest boner I've ever had on my neck. Ladies, check out this little stick. It's the only boner I've ever on my neck, but nonetheless, the biggest boner.
01:35:17
Speaker
Some might call it a mammoth boner. but Yes. that's Absolutely not. It's perfectly normal, my friend.
01:35:30
Speaker
I, too, have that happen. You don't? but so You're weird. jane You don't get a boner in the cemetery? Usually in the morgue. Sup, ladies. Nobody's saying no tonight. A little cold back and I get it.
01:35:49
Speaker
Give it a little hot to it. Heat that up. Warm it up. Warm up my leftovers. Throw it in the microwave, Doc. I got this. yeah well Warmed up leftovers, if you know what i mean. You bastard.
01:36:06
Speaker
nasty but um You mean Jesus. Don't slap me with a good fucking tie, baby. Impala. Impala. Impala.
01:36:20
Speaker
I, too, have impaled thousands of bodies of black. You wonder why you're out of work.
01:36:29
Speaker
Man, I was really liking that job at the Borg. I wonder what happened. oh wonder how I got fired. with What? You didn't say no. I said surprise.
01:36:42
Speaker
We have but but yeah have footage of you screaming, i am the new Vlad the Impaler. I don't know what you're talking about. the There go.
01:36:58
Speaker
Warm it up, baby. a bit Anyways, so, um,
01:37:06
Speaker
I like that there's no names, but this gentleman writes in. It's so... ah couple So, ah my brother was jerking off at the computer. As one does. oh it starts Yeah, as one does. I don't.
01:37:20
Speaker
I'm always afraid people are going to hack into my laptop and Oh, dude, I always make sure my camera's covered just in case. Yeah, I don't know. I always make sure I'm not live. That's the only thing I'm afraid of. What happens if I think that I'm drunk and I'm like, oh, I'm in the show. If I get to shut off Rumble, it keeps recording.
01:37:45
Speaker
say Yeah, exactly. I'm just sitting here front the a computer. just I wait until restart my computer then do it. Yeah, beat this son of a bitch like it owes me money. You know? Anyways, but ah he yeah he heard my mom he heard mom coming down the hallway.
01:38:02
Speaker
This is when our family computer was in the office where we barely ever went. So she would pretty much know what we but he was doing if caught. So anyways, he tucks his boner into his waistband, walks by her, and she goes, oh son, you are getting so skinny.
01:38:20
Speaker
and lifts up his shirt, seeing his boner. He, in return, screams, fuck you, Mom, and runs over. Nobody speaks of it.
01:38:33
Speaker
So but he's like, he's jerking it off, and he just tucks it into his West Police Band. His mom's like, oh, hey you're getting, oh. That's skinny. Oh, wow. well Maybe not that skinny. I was just saying.
01:38:47
Speaker
Go get yourself a purse. I'll see you next month. I'm leaving. I'm going to see you the new man of the house. You're bigger than your father. how Isn't that how those movies go? I've seen it.
01:39:00
Speaker
I've seen that movie. ah Did you get stuck? Oh, no. hu ah Stepmom, what are you doing? Dad will be home soon You're the new daddy in the house.
01:39:11
Speaker
but Okay, whatever. Don't threaten me with a time. Whatever. Somebody curling iron.
01:39:26
Speaker
On to the next one. A gentleman writes in, when I was 12, in boarding school, I was talking to a teacher, a woman. with my friend who was only wearing boxer shorts. Why one would only wear boxer shorts at school, I don't know. So you lived there, like Harry Potter.
01:39:43
Speaker
Yeah, but you go to class. I'm sure she maybe stopped by his room or something. Yeah, she did. Or she was leaving his room. Anyways, he was only wearing boxers and then suddenly got a boner that slipped out of his pants.
01:40:02
Speaker
He didn't notice it, but me and the teacher did. and we just stared at each other as we both went completely red. We just stood there for like two minutes while the boner guy kept talking. So dude's just got a fucking raging Woody hanging out his boxer shorts and he's just talking away. You know, he's like, so in it.
01:40:22
Speaker
Anyways, in American history, I know we're talking about George Washington crossing the Delaware. blah, blah. something to cross your Delaware.
01:40:33
Speaker
Your dicks hang it out. Yeah. is wrong with these people? Anyways. ah
01:40:44
Speaker
with the like it wrong with these people anyway ah Feeling the burn. I wish I had names here, but they don't have names on this sort of on this article. This gentleman says, when I was in seventh grade, I was on the track team.
01:41:00
Speaker
We were doing this stretch where you would lay flat on the ground, stomach, or in my case, bone her up. Nice. This one smoking hot senior girl who I had a crush on came over.
01:41:13
Speaker
My 13-year-old self couldn't handle it, and to my horror, I began to rock some half chub. nice She walks over to me and asks why I'm not doing the stretch. I make up some bullshit excuse.
01:41:26
Speaker
And she says that the entire group will not continue until I have done the stretch. Everybody is looking at me now. She pushes me down, which does not help the boner. And I managed to clamp the boner in between my legs.
01:41:42
Speaker
Oh, okay. So he uses thighs. Yeah. Everyone watches while I hold the stretch for 10 seconds. On five seconds left, my boner pops out from between my legs.
01:41:53
Speaker
The tent was seen by everyone on the team. I go bright red and people start laughing. The senior girl looks really sad for me. I still remember the embarrassment. Was she sad for him because it was a small boner? Yeah, maybe. She's like, really? That's not a very big tent, sir. Yeah.
01:42:10
Speaker
that's not a very big tent sir ah You're not a grower or a shower, are you there? yeah
01:42:23
Speaker
What's going on, Miracle? Miracle in my mess. What's going on with you? Welcome, welcome. ah but but
01:42:34
Speaker
Got a couple more here. Maybe we'll maybe we'll do another. Yeah, baby, we'll see what happens after this list. I got another list for next week. Rigor mortis. I used to do this creative competition called Destination Imagination in middle school that involved a lot of building and crafts. My team did an Egyptian theme, and since I was the biggest one on the team, we used my body as the mold for a life-size sarcophagus.
01:43:02
Speaker
They laid me down in the driveway, wrapped me in saran wrap, and started applying the paste stuff. Lucky you for me, my middle school body decided to go against my brain and have a boner. Unlucky for me, sorry.
01:43:16
Speaker
Which is almost impossible to fix when you're on your back facing up and your hands are strapped to your sides. Apparently I have a fetish of being in a baked potato.
01:43:26
Speaker
Apparently. Don't we all?
01:43:32
Speaker
I get turned on by crucified naked Jesus. Wait, what? but but New kink unlocked. Every time I walk past the church, hello.
01:43:49
Speaker
You're not the only one rassing three days later, if you know what I mean. but Hallelujah. He has risen. And so have I. yeah See how that works. Oh,
01:44:10
Speaker
man.
01:44:14
Speaker
Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. And last but not least in this in this in this list.
01:44:24
Speaker
Oh, Halloween. Oh, trick or treat. What a great night. What a fun night. ah Halloween, taking my younger brothers to the neighbor's house, the youngest of whom I was carrying.
01:44:37
Speaker
The neighbor was wearing this very skimpy Spider-Man outfit. Boner caused my mind to wander, and I almost dropped my little brother. He used my boner as a foothold to keep himself up.
01:44:52
Speaker
So much shame. yeah Wait, wait, wait. what wait wait Say that again. he was He was carrying his younger brother. He was taking his younger siblings. And the neighbor was dressed as a slutty Spider-Man.
01:45:05
Speaker
And he said, hello. And he was his mind started wandering, as one does. a He had a JD moment from Scrubs. Yeah, yeah. And he almost dropped his little brother. Well, his little brother, to keep from falling, was like, oh, foot peg.
01:45:21
Speaker
Nice.
01:45:23
Speaker
which That's called giving a helping thing. That's called giving a helping something. um
01:45:37
Speaker
What the fuck is this article?
01:45:47
Speaker
but but
01:45:53
Speaker
I don't know what I've fumbled into, but this is going to... Is my penis normal? this what's What? Is my penis normal?
01:46:04
Speaker
It's other articles from this website. Oh, okay. I was going to say, I don't know, Blake. I've never seen it, so, you know.
01:46:14
Speaker
Yeah, i don't know. It's like a... Oops, can't find that page. I guess that's a good thing. Yeah. Um...
01:46:25
Speaker
And that, yeah, I'll save these for next week. There go. More more embarrassing boner story. That, you know, I don't understand why he was carrying his younger brother.
01:46:40
Speaker
Well, he's probably little, like like little, little. Like he's tired? Yeah, he's been out trick-or-treating. He's probably little, probably like three, four, something like that. You know, two, maybe, I don't know.
01:46:52
Speaker
And they really didn't go into the whole detail of how old the kids were. Yeah. his brothers As he used his brother's junk as a fucking springboard. Or like a bicycle peg.
01:47:06
Speaker
Yeah. You heard correctly. Embarrassing boner stories. that this guy had taken This dude when he was younger taking his two little brothers out trick-or-treating.
01:47:17
Speaker
And he was carrying the younger of the two. And their neighbor was dressed like a slutty Spider-Man or Spider-Woman. And he got a boner and his mind started wandering and he almost dropped his little brother.
01:47:28
Speaker
Well, his little brother used his boner as a springboard so he didn't fall. Yeah. hu Awkward family reunion that next year. I'm just saying.
01:47:42
Speaker
I just hope the kid was old enough to remember so he could be like, as he got older, he realized what happened. He starts realizing what he's doing. He's just traumatized forever. touched my brother's dick.
01:47:56
Speaker
two pin There's one or two teams over there. I just wonder if now the older brother now is turned on by like foot finishes.
01:48:08
Speaker
i Oh, it's a good possibility. you know and I mean, we found out we've had out last week that the you know the one guy found out that he was gay and turned on by dudes that look like Jesus.
01:48:23
Speaker
Yes, this is true. I'm so glad I don't watch Wednesday or listen to Wednesday. In the penis report, last week and this week I did embarrassing boner stories. This guy wrote in and said that when he was go whatever He was in Catholic school and he used to get boners all the time like at mass and stuff like that.
01:48:44
Speaker
Years later he realized that he was gay and turned on by men who looked like Jesus. So apparently Jesus on the cross was an indication. Six pack abs. that was That was the thing is the six pack abs on Jesus.
01:48:59
Speaker
Spikes through his hands and feet and Whatever your kink is, buddy. Before we have sex, need to nail you. I need to nail you to this wooden cross. Nail you before I nail you. Yeah, and I need to put this crown of thorns on your head.
01:49:15
Speaker
and then right as I finish, i'm going to stab you in the side, all right? Don't worry. Trust me, you're going to like it. This is going to be awesome. This going to be great. Come on, it's so hot.
01:49:30
Speaker
Don't kink I'm not the end of this. Don't knock until you try it. I'm just lying. Once again, it's not something you try like a burger. It'll be a big prick followed by a little prick in the side.
01:49:47
Speaker
Big prick in the ass and a little prick in the side. and Unless click doing it, then it's a little prick and a little prick. You might not feel anything. Or because I'm angry, at ah yeah you turn into fucking Stu from fucking Screen.
01:50:08
Speaker
You're a little loser here. You're a little loser, guys. I've lost the one lost. What? just so weirded out. I don't understand. I get the concept of sexy Spider-Man. But wouldn't that be sexy Gwen Stacy?
01:50:22
Speaker
i don't lose enough i get the concept of sexy spiderman
01:50:29
Speaker
but wouldn' that mean sexy quin stacey No, because when the Spider-Man movies first came out, you know the girls that dressed up as slutty Spider-Man, didn't they're not comic book nerds, so they didn't know about Gwinn or anything that. They cut the legs off and they're like, look at that.
01:50:47
Speaker
Yeah, they're like, I could be a whore dressed as Spider-Man. I could be Spider-Whore. Yes, you can. I'm down. Yes, you can. You can be whatever you want, slut. Yes, we can, baby. You can be whatever you want, slut.
01:51:01
Speaker
Yes. Whore? but Yeah, I really do know what tony how Tony Stark feels when Pepper Potts catches him down in the... He's like, this is not the worst thing you see me doing? yeah Well, jerking off the sexy Spider-Man, I get it. yeah yeah every Every time we're doing a show, any show, and Nicky just walks back here and just gets everything out of context. What? She's like... She starts rethinking marrying you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:51:30
Speaker
At least I I'm not going to lose her to some dude bringing her coffee. Facts. No, because you now bring the coffee. I see. God damn. You've remedied by bringing coffee. I get it.
01:51:43
Speaker
Yeah. I get it. Sometimes you need a caffeine kick. I'm just saying. Yeah. I have learned. kink shame, buddy. Don't kink shame. I'm not kink shaming anybody.
01:51:53
Speaker
If you're a whore, you're a whore. That's not a kink shame. That's just a fact. Facts be facts. You are a cheap whore. There you have it. Facts of life, man. You are a cheap slut.
01:52:08
Speaker
You gave it up for a cup of coffee. Whore. i mean At least Irish coffee has some alcohol in it. Then you got an excuse. Who am to slut shame?
01:52:23
Speaker
Yes. I'll tell you who the fuck I am. I am fucking Glick. I'm the champ. I'll slut shame the hell out of you sluts. Fucking whores.
01:52:34
Speaker
Look at all you whores out there. yeah You whores. Fucking whores. Whores. Whores. Whores. Yeah, see? Chris, we're walking here saying don't be a whore, see? you're offended, you're the whore I'm talking about. Okay.
01:52:51
Speaker
but Well, that is the news that makes us that makes us say what the fuck. And don't forget, everybody, bio.link slash Nonsensical Network. Everywhere where you find the things we do, if we find us funny, hit that like, hit that share, hit that subscribe.
01:53:09
Speaker
That way you get to see all the funny all the time. and do And if I ever remember, I'm going to add my OnlyFans to the bio link. So then you get to see the real funny or sad, however you want to look at it.
01:53:21
Speaker
A little bit both. A little bit of both. like you know For a big guy, he's actually kind of small. Just saying. But don't forget also... Wait a minute. not Not my mom. Your mom.
01:53:41
Speaker
I was going to say. Isn't your mom underneath your past year seat? I'm just saying. Don't you worry. My mom do. Yeah. Making concrete. Mother-son bonding.
01:53:55
Speaker
But yeah, you're the creative corner on Facebook and Instagram. And you can see Glick's mom turn into concrete. Who's your mommy? You are. Duh.
01:54:06
Speaker
Duh. Literally. I'm stuck underneath the passenger seat. Help me. Look at me, mom. I'm a big boy now.
01:54:25
Speaker
Lucas, that's a pig. can stand on him. any know i I don't know if I need therapy or if our listeners need therapy. i Probably a little bit of both after a long long enough time. like You know how there's a lot of truck drivers that listen to our shows because long form?
01:54:40
Speaker
I guarantee you those guys when they pull over, after they die from the hernia from laughing so hard, they go, and need to bathe in holy water. but I just pull into churches and start jumping into holy water.
01:54:56
Speaker
Pulls into a Catholic church, goes into cathedral, he's like, I'm not even Catholic. but But I just heard the weirdest shit and I kept laughing. so shoot of this Tell me what to do. Spectacles, testicles, wallet, watch, baby. I'm ready to do this. to this, Father.
01:55:11
Speaker
The guy... Listen to this, Father. the guy listen this father The guy said his mom said he was slightly above average.
01:55:22
Speaker
Then he told his mom he's a big boy now. But his mom's dead and she's under his car seat. The father's like, in a tu i talking over for thehood yeah i don't get enough i don't get painted up for shit. I need a fucking drink and
01:55:37
Speaker
don't forget to sprinkle your bag but Don't be stealing my signature. Thanks for listening. Thanks for everybody watching.
01:55:49
Speaker
Don't forget, tomorrow, Wally is back with Cold Blood Conversations. And Friday, Blaze and I have a guest, and I have to remember his name is Michael... Copenhagen.
01:56:03
Speaker
Yes, thank you. Copenhagen. we Everybody watching his movie. I still have not seen it. Blaze says it's actually really funny. i haven't see I'm not allowed to watch it until we watch it cause so I can get my real reaction.
01:56:15
Speaker
And then Saturday, of course, ah is Cash's Corner this week? Or next week? No, Cash's Corner this week. Next week. well throw Somebody call local and throw a beer can at you.
01:56:29
Speaker
And Saturday night, Go ahead and check us out at Nonsense Gold Nonsense, where we're going doing our long-form show. And I say long because that six-hour mark, sometimes it just takes forever to hit.
01:56:46
Speaker
Thank you. I enjoy it. I do, too. But some some episodes, I'm like, oh, I'm fucking tired. I want to go to bed. That's why you're not the champion. I am. Yeah, sure. Whatever you have to tell yourself.
01:56:58
Speaker
But ah we'll see you all when we see you. Bye. going to be good at it, sluts. There you go. Horse.
01:57:20
Speaker
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Speaker
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Speaker
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01:58:36
Speaker
So... so