WTF NEWS Glick be sick

Transcript

Speaker: you

Speaker: God, I'm talking wild. Glick with the details. Jeff with the smile. Weird news wave. Come ride the confusion. Reality's glitch beyond delusion.

Speaker: Jeff with a smile, weird news wave, come ride the confusion. Reality's glitch beyond delusion.

Speaker: That's right, everybody. It is What the Fuck Wednesday. This is What the Fuck News. How are you doing, sir? Mr. Ferris. I am furious. And that's all that matters. Again, man, that the reference in the joke makes no sense. It makes no sense. It makes no sense because I'm not playing hooky. I'm here. I don't have a job.

Speaker: I don't have a job to play hooky from. I'm not in college. I'm not playing hooky from anything. So your lack of intelligence and your lack of movie knowledge, which has been shown for the past two months. high in the rainign The reigning champion. Famous sick people in movies. There's Bueller's first one that pops up. So, yeah, but he was pretended to be sick so he could play hooky and go be in a parade and put a Ferrari or some other gay car in reverse to put the odometer back.

Speaker: Yeah, which I'm sorry that doesn't work. yeah yeah yeah i you know he don in a what What world does that work? I'm just saying. He had a lot of fun on his day off because he was sick. I have not eaten.

Speaker: You haven't had a day. You haven't had a good day. You had a day off, but it wasn't a good one. Yeah, I've been off the last three weeks, but I did not get out of bed the past two days.

Speaker: Today was the first day that I was up and kind of mobile. And today was the first day that I've eaten in last three days. so I get it, buddy. Again, I just and just don't get the reference on Ferris Bueller because I'm not just saying. You know what that means? That means you had a man cold.

Speaker: It's different than a woman's cold. what was gold No, I was on the verge of death. A man cold makes it feel like the verge of death, but it's just the sniffles. i get i was i was I was doing my best Dean Winchester doing the one-two-step tango with death. And I won.

Speaker: So take that, Dean, and take that death. I got the sweet new ring from death. don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I don't know. We'll see.

Speaker: Put that on the hashtags. I'm just saying hashtag. Sick winning. No, it was it was not. No, I actually had to cancel the show last night, which sucked because I had a guest.

Speaker: both You're not one to cancel. That's the thing. Yeah, no. Sick. Because like when I get sick, I'm was just like, you know what? don't Don't even look at me because I'm just going to throw up.

Speaker: So I understand it. You get sick. Yeah, I was definitely um was definitely down for the 1-2 count, 1-2-3-10 count, whatever. I was fucked up.

Speaker: You're the sports guy. I was down for the count. I get the reference. it just in don I you said something still hurts.

Speaker: Oh, my body still hurts. I feel like I got into it. I feel like I got ran over by a bunch of dinosaurs. no No, no, no, no, no. Fortunately, fortunately, thankfully, no.

Speaker: There's another voice for calling dinosaurs at 2 o'clock in the morning. I don't care who you are. Yeah, no. Thankfully, fortunately. Thankfully, unfortunately, no. Dude, I honestly feel like Megatron and Bumblebee took turns just beating the hell out of me.

Speaker: Yeah, I get that. Because we're making movie references. I got it. I got that reference. Like Bumblebee transformed and shot me out across the field instead of catching me like you did to Shia LaBeouf.

Speaker: ah just launch cross I across the city. You say Bumblebee. I automatically think the chick that got the the beetle. you know Because I actually liked it more. The weird spinoff movie?

Speaker: I liked it. With John Cena? John Cena and Mark Wahlberg? No, no, no, no. The Bumblebee movie. John Cena's kind of like a government agent like going after the chick. Yeah, there was another movie that Bumblebee in it. It had Mark Wahlberg. I don't know. Was there two spin-off Bumblebee movies?

Speaker: Well, there's a Bumblebee movie, and then there's the Transformers that started Shiloh Buffett's Mark Wahlberg. And Optimus Prime is a flat-nosed Peterbilt.

Speaker: Yeah, either way. There's a lot of them going on. yeah yeah Out of the 400,000 Transformers movies, that one's Bumblebee is one of them. But I... Oh, that was Age of Extinction.

Speaker: Yeah, that was the one. Yeah, that's right. The Bumblebee movie was the girl that had... she had they They brought back the OG Bumblebee. the way but and She found it in a junkyard and did the work on some cars to get it and all that fun stuff.

Speaker: Good movie. I don't know i thought i thought Mark Wahlberg was in that movie as well. No, no. It's completely spin-off. It's like Bumblebee's went off on a tangent. I get it. Anyways, it is Wednesday, sir.

Speaker: Are you ready for some news? Oh, I suppose. I guess it's one right i have to ask you a question before we start how geography

Speaker: I can't pick out some rando country in you know Africa, but you kind of understand certain countries exist, right?

Speaker: Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean. well Yeah, yes. If the internet says they exist, then they but will even into that Well, an Indian woman had a bizarre and encounter with her. 7-Eleven or casino, India?

Speaker: 7-Eleven. seven Dot or feather? Definitely not. But she had an interesting conversation with her Korean taxi driver. You know, she she got the taxi cab and and the taxi... I'm going to mistake this guy's name.

Speaker: Asatsu is the driver's name of the Korean taxi. And he you he said hello to her in Korean, you know, because she's in Korea. And he asked her where she's from.

Speaker: And she said, India. And he said, oh, you mean Indonesia. And she said, no, India. And he's like, yeah, that's not a real place. So she pulled out her phone and she showed him it's literally right next to China.

Speaker: ah And he's like, yeah, not real. He just wasn't. He was dying on the hill. And, you know, she got the entire thing on video. and Because every time she gets in this guy's cab, she takes this guy's cab every day or every couple of days whatever.

Speaker: And you Like an Uber driver. Like a car service where you can... Yeah, I think it's like an Uber thing. Uber's like random. it's it's ah well you like mean, you might get the same driver twice. well it's It's one of those things. It's like, this is not the first time she's been in this dude's cab.

Speaker: because But this one, she just happened to be like videoing. Like she was doing a little... Hi, guys, I'm going to work or whatever, you kind of thing. And he asked her, he said, so where are you from?

Speaker: And she's like, I'm from India. And he's like, you mean Indonesia? And she's like, no, India or Indu, which is the Korean version of it. he's like, yeah that's not real.

Speaker: She got the entire thing. The whole ride, he argued with her back and forth that the country she was from and was born and raised in doesn't exist. So I just thought that was hilarious.

Speaker: Well, I mean... He likes

Speaker: It's one of those things where I haven't watched the video. I literally just kind of read the article. But it's one of those things. This is um the NDTV is the the website that actually where I found this.

Speaker: it's ah It's an Indian website. But he argued with her. It was a 20-minute ride. And he argued with her the entire time. It is on Instagram, the video.

Speaker: And I plan on watching it later. But he literally argued with her for 20 minutes. And he clay he he would he was ready to 100% die on the hill that India was not a real place.

Speaker: I'm like, you know, a billion Indians.

Speaker: Pretty sure it's real. What it was it like? 1.8 billion people live in India? I mean, I can't do it.

Speaker: know the lady's pain. i feel like I've had arguments with you where it's just like... I have no idea what you're talking about. i I am perfectly agreeable all the time. Okay. I have the picture of knowing everything.

Speaker: I just thought that was kind of cute. I can't be wrong. I have Google. and Okay. but It's one of those things. is like you know If you tell me you're from Ohio, I'm not going to be like, yeah, that's not a real place.

Speaker: You know? Because I'm like, hey, I get it, you know? You know what? If you told me it wasn't a real place, I'd be like, you know what? You're probably right. It's a fantasy world. You would have to.

Speaker: After knowing you don't have the stuff that goes on in Ohio, I'm like, yeah, I don't believe it. it's kind of like in the florida but It's kind of like Florida and Ohio. No way that these two places really exist.

Speaker: well Yeah. You know what? You're right. Ohio and Florida were part of each other at one point, and one just kind of ran away. Yeah. But took a bunch of idiots with it. so if you if yeah If you ever find yourself traveling on I-71, north and south, and you enter through this magical portal, welcome to Ohio, the heart of it all.

Speaker: Seeing is believing, buddy. Buckle up. Or if you're heading east to you still west and and you and you happen to you know come through that magical portal, just just know.

Speaker: Slow down and enjoy the scenery even because you're going to have some amazing stories. Yep, and if you shoot down south down 75 or 77 or you happen to stumble into the citrus state, just just know.

Speaker: Same place. Same place, different locations. It's warmer and it's surrounded by the ocean. The Gulf of Nonsense. Weather's a little bit different. and There's a lot of cornfields. like like where there How do you get to be to the point where you drive a car and you don't realize India is a real place?

Speaker: I mean, they make... like how do you How do you reach adulthood without realizing that India... Because it's not like she's from some weird country like... Right. It's not like she's some country like like Genovia that nobody's ever heard of because it's not real. It's a fictional... I've heard of Genovia.

Speaker: that's where all the That's where all the mutants went. No, that's Princess Diaries, dude. That's the fake country in Princess Diaries. I know because watched it with my daughter.

Speaker: It's also an X-Men. It's the utopia. where It's where all the mutants go to live. It's a mutant paradise. Well, there you go. But I can understand not knowing... Much cooler than a Princess Diary sounds. place Hey, I...

Speaker: Hey, I get it. i understand I get it. I'd much rather have you all the bunch you never heard of mutants than Andre the Giant's slow ass. Not the Princess.

Speaker: Not the Princess Bride. The Princess Diaries with Julie Andrews and and what's that? The chick that played Catwoman in Oh, yeah. Either I've never heard of either one of the movies. Anyways.

Speaker: You've seen The Princess Diaries. The Princess Bride. You've seen The Princess Bride. I've seen them both, unfortunately unfortunately. I like them both. I don't care. Anywho, it's one thing if don't know that country that is fictional.

Speaker: It is a complete other thing if you don't know India is real. You should turn in your driver's license. because Yeah, it's not like she said that she was from from South Frank Turkestan or something like that. Yeah, that's not real.

Speaker: you know but You're like, holy shit, it is. but it's hey thank you It's one of those things where it's like Australia doesn't exist. That's a colony where they send all the jailbirds.

Speaker: It's a penis colony. Yes, it is. I've been there. I believe it. But yeah, i just thought that was good. It's one of those things that it was just like, the internet's full of stuff where you're just like, really?

Speaker: you You know how to drive a car, but you don't know India is real. I mean, they have a whole Bollywood movie section, and they did that movie Slumdog Millionaire. I'm just saying.

Speaker: Never seen it. What do I care? It's not that great. and hat that i don't like Not that I don't like. What's going on, Andy? Not that I don't like Bollywood, because I do. I've never really seen a whole lot of Bollywood movies, i I'll admit.

Speaker: But I have seen a lot of clips, and they look awesome. They're fun. They like musicals and dance. Yes, they do. Even in action movies. Yeah, which is weird, but I'm in for it.

Speaker: Yeah, I was watching one. ah Totally off the subject, but it did make me go, what the fuck? I was watching one on Netflix. and Oh my god, dude, it's a genius. I know. He's got a full bourbon and everything, dude.

Speaker: On his Iron Man helmet. It was awesome. yeah this this This is actually this is like a legit action movie. and I was like like, damn, man. I was like really getting into it, right? Fucking explosions.

Speaker: The main star was karate kicking everybody. I'm like, hell yeah. This is a good fucking movie. It was in English. It wasn't dubbed. It was in English. I was like, hell yeah. Middle of a fight scene.

Speaker: They break into West Side Story. And I'm like... I'm in! Lord of the Moves. We're all in this together. was like, what the fuck just happened?

Speaker: Anyways, completely off subject. But nonetheless, made me go, what the fuck? but yeah man i'm just It was weird. But nonetheless, the movie was great. yeah so So what's your first story? i just i'd Like I said, I thought that the Korean guy not knowing India was real,

Speaker: just kind of blew my mind. I was like, I get it. You're new here. but Apparently. Well. first day speaking whos really Yeah, well. um and And now that news. a A Chinese woman subjected her fiance to simulated childbirth pain.

Speaker: Have you ever seen that? I've seen those videos. It's basically the equivalent of... It's like that electric shock thing that shocks your fucking abs so that you work out while you're sitting on your back. They use them in physical therapy and stuff like that. I've i've got i've got one of the i've got the little contraptions. I've got two of them floating around here somewhere. um I call bullshit.

Speaker: Bullshit on what? They don't hurt. they they I mean, they don't hurt. But the pregnancy simulator machine is intensified by like a million.

Speaker: So it it actually does. It intensifies the stages of of yeah of child labor of labor. Yeah, yeah. Well, anyways, she simulated the childbirth pain for three hours.

Speaker: That is um as a bitch. As a sick pre-marriage test. They're not even married. She was just like, I'm going to see if he's worth it. yeah because Leave that bitch.

Speaker: Fuck her. I'm on the pedestal, whatever. She ain't worth it, buddy. well Well, the the downside to it, not only is this lady a fucking psychopath, but it caused the man to develop intestine necrosis and undergo emergency surgery.

Speaker: Oh, she used him big time. Seriously, basically just...

Speaker: Did she just call you asshole? I don't know who the fuck she's talking to. I don't either. What? Oh, my God. Get over You've been eating my food for 19 years. You've been eating my food for 19 years. Shut up.

Speaker: Oh, my God. I would go eat that applesauce right in front of her. Right now. Do it. Yeah. Fucking do it. Take it all to work. yeah You'll survive.

Speaker: You'll survive. 19 years. I've been fighting you. I ate two applesauce cups that I didn't realize were hurt. Mickey bought me applesauce yesterday because I've been sick. and like So I just was like, oh, there's applesauce.

Speaker: Cool. I'm going to eat it. I've never eaten it. ah Again, 19 years I've been buying food for this child. i get it. I get it.

Speaker: You have every right to eat that applesauce. It's in your fucking fridge. I'm in the middle of something. i don't have time for your shit. ah it's not it's like Like what? Like it ruptured his or his podestine or some shit?

Speaker: It basically... obviously me see here. it's

Speaker: So necrosis is a form of cell injury which results in the premature death of cells in living tissue by... audiolics The term necrosis comes about the mid-19th century, commonly attributed to German pathologist Rudolf Virchow, who is often regarded as one of the founders of necromancy. Basically, what it did is it started it just it was killing his intestines to where they were... they were she has she has She has to grant him access if he marries her.

Speaker: Like, no hole is

Speaker: unavailable. I'm just saying. Yeah, well, if he decides to stick around with this. pcycl Although, I'd be like, you know what? Deuces, baby. Yeah, however, you know, it's not uncommon for people to test their partners. partners I've seen those videos where people walk around just to see if they're right for each other.

Speaker: But some people do take it a little too far. Case in point, one young woman from the Henan province in char China, you know, she she did this to her husband.

Speaker: Did you just say Henan? No, you don't eat my food. Do you want me to come home? Sure, why not? Get him an applesauce. And don't expect it to happen again.

Speaker: Get him an applesauce. Again, I say 19 years I've been providing food for you. Nikki! Nikki! We're no longer feeding this child on the weekends or during the week when we're here.

Speaker: That's right. And bring me an applesauce. Fuck right. Play stupid games, win stupid prices.

Speaker: i'd go I'd walk out there right now and steal applesauce. yeah If it wasn't for the fact that I didn't just eat like half a container of applesauce and a banana right before we started. I saw you eating it out of the jar.

Speaker: Like I eat my bucket of spaghetti. What?

Speaker: Sorry, baby. I don't know what I'm getting yelled at. I can't hear you guys in here at the same time. Yeah. Um, Anyways, so the three hours of electric shocks to the stomach as a twisted way of simulating pain of childbirth, it's unclear why the man accepted the test or if he had any idea what he was getting into, but he clearly didn't expect to develop intestine necrosis.

Speaker: Oh, no. And have to get emergency surgery because of it. No matter what you do.

Speaker: The horrific experience convinced him to not only break off the engagement, but also sue the woman he was going to marry for damnation. That's my dog! ah Fuck that bitch!

Speaker: That's my dog! Get off my guy. Yeah, take that bitch. No, I agree. I don him i don't know. she's showinging her She's showing her ass, being a big girl.

Speaker: She thinks she's tough. It's all fun and games until she has to take her boots. And three hours. Yeah, right. Testing a partner in three hours to do permanent damage. I don't think she meant to cause permanent damage. I get that, you know.

Speaker: But 15, 20 minutes is sufficient. Yeah, that's that's a bit excessive, you know, to so hook somebody up to a device that is sending electrical impulses into your into your stomach and into your abdomen region for three hours.

Speaker: that's That's a bit. that's a bit And you know what? I'm going to say this. I'm going to say this because it's in China. She's probably seen it on fucking TikTok.

Speaker: Another reason why TikTok should be banned. She probably got the idea from some dumb bitch on TikTok who just spouts off nonsense with her titties hanging out and nobody listens to what she says because the only thing they want to hear is that her only fans coming out.

Speaker: And that's why we should ban TikTok. Fan TikTok. Burn it to the ground. Make it no more. but So, no, I have no qualms. TikTok promotes stuff like this, just so you guys know. I have no qualms with this guy divorcing this or or breaking it off.

Speaker: And i agree. Fuck that bitch. I would sooner asked to. yeah The whole point of the device is to get it. Exactly. Now that chick is not only single, but she's going be out some money too because I will make her pay for my surgery and my emotional trauma for life.

Speaker: I think she's going to think he's going to very easily win the game. think he's going to very easily win this one. Yeah, because that's torture, dude. don't care who you are.

Speaker: Yeah, I need you to go back. That's 100% torture. e e

Speaker: i too So Speaking of couples Actually We're at 25 minutes We'll do one and then we'll go to break Because speaking of couples The Thai couple Chill ass Who set the Guinness World Record For 58 hour kiss Have split They're no longer together

Speaker: They broke, and in 2011, they broke the Guinness Book of World Records for standing for 58 hours and a half kissing. Non-stop, their they were not allowed to remove their lips from each other.

Speaker: And they stood, there's actually pictures. Why? 58 hours, because, here's the kicker. When they won, and i got I want to make sure I get the numbers right. they Now, this is Thai Baht, which is their their currency.

Speaker: They won $1. 100,000 baht, which is $23,000. And then they got two diamond rings worth another 100 baht, another $23,000. Almost $24,000.

Speaker: Breaking the Guinness Book of World Records. How do you piss? How you shit? You don't. You don't sleep or nothing. You kiss for 35 hours. 58 and a half hours, dude.

Speaker: What up, Big Ricks? thirty eight 38, 58 hours, 35 minutes and 58 seconds. You couldn't have gone one more second. I'm just saying. Or two. One tie bought is the equivalent of 30 U.S. cents.

Speaker: There you go. So, yeah, they split up. um they They were together for 10 years. they They broke up. And the only reason they broke up comes down to one thing. They feel they've grown apart.

Speaker: you know what, if I spent 35 hours kissing you straight, I'd broke up right after that because I don't want to even taste you never again. And they're not like amazingly gorgeous couple or anything.

Speaker: They're decent looking people. But they just they decided to break up and they are going to co-parent their kids.

Speaker: I'm mildly sad about it. I can't pronounce their names or I would because they're

Speaker: E-K-K-A-C-H-A-I is the dude's first name. yeah Have at it. I'm just saying. but ah Oh, sorry. It was 2013 when they broke the record. with extra onions they'll be back here my montar Extra onions? yeah Sweet. yeah but Yeah, they broke up after a decade of being together.

Speaker: I break up with a bitch, too, after I was staying there and kissing her for 58 and a half hours. I have no problem kissing my woman or any woman, but 58 hours, that's excessive. like Calm down. Take a breath.

Speaker: It's like two and a half days. Yeah. Yeah, nonstop.

Speaker: She probably will, fat ass. There is a link to that. there is a link to that it's actually This is actually from the same website, NDTV, if you put in tie couple world record, kissing world record.

Speaker: But yeah, I was like, that's, it's their off the beat section. I'll already drop that link for you.

Speaker: right I know. and I've been sick for the last two and a half days. Here's my thing. Like speaking around here ah but I guess said, I don't mind ah good long kiss, but 58 hours is excessive, dude even for me.

Speaker: I just want to know why. $200,000. TikTok told them to it. No, this is 2013 when they did it. no this is twenty thirteen when they did it tikoks Apparently, these this couple has fans.

Speaker: They have fans that are very upset. Of course, they did. have Everybody, dude, all those weirdos that end up in the Guinness Book of World Records has fans, man. i just but we should they probably had a They probably had a Taiwanese reality show and everything as well. so It wouldn't be surprise.

Speaker: yeah i just gotta understand know they Yeah, they are. Mouth hugs, baby. Those are awesome. 58-hour mouth hug? Oh, man. Apparently, it is. this Squatch comes off of being almost on his deathbed for the last two and a half days, and then I just get abused.

Speaker: I'm still not 100%, but look at me. I'm here. trying I'm trying to provide you people. with with Some kind of entertainment. stuff the Well, on that note, let's go ahead and... What the hell is that?

Speaker: I'm trying to find song here. Let's go ahead with Callie and the Boot and Rally. Because I like that song. With...

Speaker: Is this Wes? Is this the name of the song? It doesn't say. It's good name.

Speaker: Is that the newest one? No, it's right down from Zach or Zay Gasly. I don't even know what is. That's what it is.

Speaker: Oh, yeah. That's Kylie and the Boot Rally's newest song, Wes. coming out There you go. So we're going to play that. We'll be right back.

Speaker: Oh, sweet West, what have done? You were the only one. None of those boys come back can do you.

Speaker: No, I don't think they could get me the way you do. And it breaks my heart that I never got to say. Oh,

Speaker: I made a mistake

Speaker: them boys came knocking and busted down the door

Speaker: Your whole body, Lord. Where, sweet, where's what have I done?

Speaker: I missed that last beat. I didn't get it right. Anywho, welcome back everybody to What the Fuck News. ah the news is All the news that is news makes us say, What the fuck?

Speaker: And apparently I can't speak. Don't forget everybody, bio.link slash nonsensicalnetwork. You'll find everything we do ah seven days a week. More or less.

Speaker: Oh my God, what do you want? Jesus Christ. No. Anywho. um We are back. I got an interesting story for you, Glick.

Speaker: I have a question for you first.

Speaker: If you had ah bunch of crypto, would you show it off to the internet? Saying, look at me, I got all this fucking money and fuck you. I'm fucking going to you.

Speaker: I know you do that shit already, but would you do it with money? Yeah, I'd do it already. Okay. Well...

Speaker: An OnlyFans star named Aromoth, I can't pronounce her full name. Her real name is... Caitlin Serginger?

Speaker: I can't pronounce her last name. Well, she was flaunting her crypto. She's got a little over 20 million in crypto. And she's 31, so she's not too bright. And she was showing everybody, yeah look, with my fucking crypto, I got 20 million, I'm fucking awesome. Well...

Speaker: I think she's regretting that because two men broke into her house and tried to steal it by pistol whipping her, beating her with a pistol, as one does.

Speaker: However, my girl got him back. She took dude's gun after him beating her for a while and shot the motherfucker.

Speaker: Nice. Now, she's not allowed to... She obviously wasn't a allowed to post the the footage. Because they were, like, she couldn't take the picture. It's on the OnlyFans.

Speaker: No, it's not. No. So she's not allowed to post the pictures of her self-covering blood or that the bullet casings because they're now evidence. But police are investigating.

Speaker: It'll be on her OnlyFans before long That's what I said. that's um I don't think she needs to worry about doing OnlyFans if she's got $20 million dollars worth of crypto. Let's be honest. Depending upon where she's from, it's probably not 20 million American. It's probably like 20 million.

Speaker: ah She's from... Where is she from? I thought it said... No, I want to say she's she's in um she's from the States.

Speaker: It doesn't say where it is. She's a good looking girl. Um... Anywho, these guys broke in, pistol whipped her, tried to stake her money. um She's got a G-Wagon, dude. She's not hurting for money, let me tell you. um But she she basically she she remembered her her training classes from when she took... like you know boxing.

Speaker: So she know protected herself and stuff. Although she was covered in blood. She was able to get the gun away. They brought duct tape masks masks masks and they were armed with hands guns. Yeah, apparently. Hands guns.

Speaker: Yeah, that's how you get through the yeah algorithm. What was her name? like ah hurt Her online persona I'll show you here.

Speaker: Wait, what? You're right, Rex. Well, she's got an online persona that she goes by. I'm going to put it in the private chat so you can read it. See if you can pronounce that.

Speaker: Exactly, because I couldn't either. Marthoran? A-M-O-U-R-A-T-H-N. N-T-H. Jesus, I can't even spell today.

Speaker: And then yeah so absolutely no idea of who she is, but she looks like every tweet out there. Oh yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. I have no doubt with that. But, uh, she was, uh, she had Bitcoin and Ethereum that they were trying to get access to.

Speaker: And, uh, you know, she was showing screenshots online. I mean, there's your first problem, dummy. yes She has an X account too, but, um,

Speaker: She was pistol whipped. They tried to rob her. they you know they they' literally broke She woke up at like 2 o'clock in morning. They broke into her house, pulled her out of bed. They were duct taping her, trying to duct tape her, and beating her so she would go into submission.

Speaker: And she was able to either reach for her own gun or one of theirs because it didn't look terrifying. I think her name is like... I put it in the in the private chat.

Speaker: It's Caitlin and Sariksa?

Speaker: She's been around on Twitch for a long fucking time. okay She's like the OG Twitch slut. okay Okay, copy that. Puts her stupid glow-in-the-dark headset on like you have on.

Speaker: Pulls her titties out. She wants to be cool like me. I don't pull my titties out. as um Pretends to be a gamer chick and then when OnlyFans came out she's like, oh, I can do this. Yeah, I get it.

Speaker: I don't blame her. If I had tits, I'd be doing the same thing, buddy. Don't lie. If we had tits, we'd be millionaires because we flaunt them every year. I don't have tits.

Speaker: Please start investigating on you know the the the alleged guys. but One of the guys, and i and this is a quote. but This is her quoting him. She said, I believe I shot one of them.

Speaker: I was covered in blood And she wrote, and he screamed out, I got shot. I got shot.

Speaker: As they ran from the house. So I'm just saying, they learned to fuck around and find out. and I'm very proud of her. I don't care about what she does or how famous or not famous she is. I don't care.

Speaker: But the fact that she kind of stood up for herself, good for her. london She's apparently not as goofy and dumb as she makes out online, as far as I know. I don't know.

Speaker: Good on you, slut. Yeah. But yeah she showed up she showed a... It's kind of like Ring, but it's Nest. Same difference. ah There's Nest photo footage on her ah X account from Water where you can see the two guys breaking into the house.

Speaker: Yeah. I thought that was kind good on her for standing up for herself. Maybe not give out your address. I'm just saying. Or maybe don't show everybody how rich you are.

Speaker: Stupid. You know, if I became a billionaire tomorrow, no one would ever know. There'd be signs.

Speaker: I'd have a lot of cool fucking toys, but you have no idea what I got. Mountain of Coke in front of on Scarface style. Let's do the news. You know, but other than that,

Speaker: Yeah, tell your son good luck, Chaka, by the way. He did a commercial not too long ago. I haven't watched it yet. I just haven't had time.

Speaker: But yeah, that's yeah we need that story. It's it's so kind of a weird what the fuck kind of thing. We need to line Chaka's son up for unnecessary roughness.

Speaker: Right?

Speaker: Apparently he's Billy Badass in the ring. Or in the octagon. As they say in the Yeah, yeah man need to

Speaker: man. We need to send Chaka's chaka son a Nonsensical Network t-shirt so he can wear it in the ring a QR code to this shit. It could be arranged. Get him some Nonsensical bike shorts. Right? I'm just saying.

Speaker: Once again,

Speaker: You get knocked the fuck out by clicking some music. What the fuck news? Nonsense for nonsense. so za speaking of Speaking of, the newest shirt. i yeah saw that Hot off the presses Sunday, actually.

Speaker: yeah Yeah. Brought it in here Sunday while we were doing Unnecessary Ruffins. Nice. Also, can get it. I don't know if I put it on my laptop or not. I can't remember.

Speaker: I probably didn't. i can actually I got the photo. you but yeah um none of whats No, not that. Something else. Which you can get this t-shirt at Beauty and the Beard Creative Corner on Facebook and Instagram.

Speaker: Which is on our bio.link. Yeah. bio.link.com slash Nonsensical Network.

Speaker: And of course, you'll be able to find on Facebook and Instagram, Beauty and the Beard Creative Corner. Get your t-shirts today. Shaveless clothes. And you don't have to get Nonsensical Nonsense gear. that's You can get your own gear.

Speaker: It's nice, lightweight, athletic, breathable material. Everything that Chris has done. actually my Actually, we just got to get Blaze's we just gotta get blaze' shirt. Nikki will be getting his shirt done for him that she's going to do. It's a random off-the-cuff shirt that she wants to send him.

Speaker: Anywho, back to the news. Speaking of the sports show, this is just a prototype. haven't Obviously, been sick this week, but I did this on the fly Sunday. I saw that. i saw that.

Speaker: er I'm making a logo. I made a picture. decision and Just something so it's not so football-centric.

Speaker: ah agree Agreed. Agreed. But anyways. Although I like the original. I'm not mad at it. I do, too. I think you should just add some more from. that That one will stay for the fantasy football. And we'll bring it back bring it back for the football season as well. it's We're fluid here at the Nonsensical

Speaker: Network. Trans, if you will. Yeah, buddy. That's right. Nothing says support. Nothing says support like the Nonsensical Network. I'm just saying.

Speaker: Because if you can't an athlete, be an athletic supporter. Well, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey. Yeah. In a small village in a made-up country far, far away called Tanzania. Oh, I thought you were going to India. That was like a nice callback.

Speaker: But go ahead. um Shoot, Rex. Yeah, shoot. Shoot your suggestions in this episode. A man that goes by the name of Mazie Ernesto Munichi

Speaker: Kapapenga. Damn. That sounds like a good daddy if I ever heard of one. Yeah, well, from a small village in Tanzania, has a very special family.

Speaker: He's got just as many names as he has wives, grandchildren, and children.

Speaker: he has He is married to 16 women. and Has over 100 children. god And over 144 grandchildren.

Speaker: god Basically, the village is his family. I was going to say, he just owns a village, apparently. dude I'm sorry.

Speaker: i have one wife. I don't want more than one. Yeah. leave saying it but jesus These days, many men struggle with the idea of starting a family and having children as even one extra mouth to feed feels like too much pressure.

Speaker: Taking extra care of more than two or three children is unthinkable for the vast majority of young people. But then you have guys like Menzi or Nesto who dedicate their lives to expanding their families as much as possible, hailing from a small village.

Speaker: Njambi, Tanzania, the African man currently has 16 wives, 100, his homestead alone looks like a small village featuring a house for every one of his wives and people running around everywhere doing chores and looking after dozens.

Speaker: What does this guy do for a living? Because you know he's working, he's fucking all the time. Well, he's got like a Boy Scout uniform on in the in the picture. Apparently sponsored by Wild Turkey Whiskey.

Speaker: Um... Rex, we typically don't bring people up on Wednesday nights. Also, it's not my call on Wednesday nights. We typically bring people up on Saturday nights, Mondays when Mondays happen, and the occasional Friday night, and then on Sunday every once in while when we talk sports. Not to be rude, we just...

Speaker: We can't do the open panel every single show because we do so many different shows and we try to actually have content driven shows that aren't all total anarchy.

Speaker: But any suggestions you have, you're always welcome to be in in the chat. You're always welcome to be in the chief seats. And when we do open the panel, you know you're always welcome to come up and hang out with us.

Speaker: We enjoy your company. You're a good dude. no I guarantee you that dude does not own a TV, no matter how many houses he owns. Because, dude, satisfying one woman is one thing. 16? Nobody said anything about him satisfying these women.

Speaker: He's just getting the job done. It's a race. I'm here to win, and that dude's winning. He's getting the job done. That's the real champ, buddy. I'm sorry. Like I said, you you have...

Speaker: You have between children and grandchildren, you have 244 offspring. Any factor in your wives, that's going to put you 260 people doing all the things that you don't want to do.

Speaker: In my book, the guy's a fucking genius. Yeah, he's winning. Don't want to take trash out. Don't want to. but you know' You know that old thing that used to happen to our grandparents? Our grandparents going, hey, Chris, Jeff, what the fuck is your name?

Speaker: I bet you that dude's doing that all the time. You know what i mean? Because he's been he did the full-on seven brides for seven brothers where he just named them alphabetically. I guarantee it.

Speaker: you And that way he can go from tallest to shortest, A to Z. And he's like, I know everybody's name, man. I make them wear t-shirts and name tags. now You know they're all wearing name tags.

Speaker: Oh, they have to. Hello. my name oh My name is but TikTok. oh go getting yeah I need a keyword. ah Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker: That's crazy. Dude, can imagine all 16 of his wives get mad at him? He is fucked.

Speaker: He probably has 17 houses so he can get away from them every once while. He's like, you know what? Sundays are mine. I'm watching Nonsense Network. said you know he said he said each each one of the wives had a house, but you've got to factor in, you know he's got 100 fucking kids.

Speaker: So that's why said that that his property looks like a fucking small village in itself. Which, he is basically a small African village. He's starting his own race.

Speaker: Yeah. He's like, pictures yeah, you guys could do multiple genders. I'm doing multiple races right here in my old town. i'm just I'm just slightly a little bit concerned about the inbreeding potential that's happening. I was worried about that as well. was like, how many how many of those circles are in that family tree? I'm just saying.

Speaker: Yeah, because I feel like there's going to be a...

Speaker: How scarce are the women in that town where 12 of them are like, yeah, this dude's okay? 16 of them. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. like How many scar are the guys here's scarcity are the dudes where they're like, there's 16 chicks that are just like, ah fuck it, Bob.

Speaker: What's up, Daddy? You know. that or yeah Dude is built like Tony D in the house. I'm just saying. Yeah, man. I don't know at the end of the day.

Speaker: Dude, i don't I don't like hanging out my kids half the time. do you imagine having 100 kids? You spend half the time beating ones and taking care of the ones that are crying? Pass.

Speaker: I'm out. I'm out. No, too much. 100%. Well, speaking of weird shit, Glick, you ever going for a walk and found a stick that's really cool?

Speaker: You're guy. We've all done that. Of course you have. It's good. Stick Nation is for you. The internet is obsessed with the one of the man's simplest tools, the stick.

Speaker: Stick Nation is a worldwide movement that thrives on... It's a fantastic downright wholesome... ah debates about sticks and people finding sticks.

Speaker: And there is a following on Instagram and TikTok. On an Instagram, it's called Stick Nation. On TikTok, called Stick Talk. aant And I actually follow Stick Talk. It's hilarious.

Speaker: All the more reason to get rid of TikTok. Where as guys are out walking around, they find these sticks and they post them. And you'd go, there of course, each stick has its own little backstory. it was like, they the puns are plentiful.

Speaker: Like the long nest monster that was a stick found out by the Loch Ness. um Which I found hilarious. But the New York Times did a story about these guys a while back. its literally two friends found a stick and posted it TikTok and started Stick Nation.

Speaker: And when the New York Times did a story on these two idiots... They blew up to the point where on Instagram, they have well over 3 million followers and roughly about 2 million plus on Instagram.

Speaker: Or TikTok, sorry. And it's worldwide. Seven continents. People finding weird sticks. And, you know, there's different ranks of sticks, apparently.

Speaker: There's the ones that are called carved, you know, where you like a walking stick. I actually have,

Speaker: they call themselves stickheads. And I was like, yeah, that's not what I'm calling them. But, you know, they they they they, of course, their main goal is to get people away from their screens and out in the wilderness so they can enjoy nature.

Speaker: people are away from their screens and out in the wilderness. They're not watching your stupid TikTok videos. So therefore... yeah basically Basically what they do is people send them videos and photos of the sticks they found.

Speaker: Whether it be you know really cool and curvy and looks like a snake or looks like a gun. And TikTok. It's not just TikTok. It's Instagram, too. I'm just saying, if you're going to look at something on TikTok and Instagram, Stick Nation is the place you need to go.

Speaker: Because I'm not mad at at all.

Speaker: Of all the things I could look at on TikTok or Instagram, it's not going to be sticks. I don't mind. I'm going to ban sticks. Yeah, I'm not mad at sticks.

Speaker: That's it. yeah

Speaker: What goes to the woods stays in the woods. hey yo

Speaker: but i've down kids side ti I pet dick that's right love actually actually did stumble upon stick na Stick Talk on my TikTok and I follow it now because it's hilarious.

Speaker: It's literally check up the stick I found. it's you know It looks like a lightsaber. It's fucking cool. um God forbid actual content creators.

Speaker: Oh, no, the worst, the worst is apparently there's certain sticks that have been passed down by generation. There's a gentleman, you know, back and way back today, he made a walking stick.

Speaker: And of course, every time he goes on hikes on a trail, ladies, you'll find this interesting. He, you know, as he walks on the trail, like the Appalachian Trail chair and something like that. but the boardgan sure see what i But he puts a little, he gets a little medallion and hooks it to his stick.

Speaker: And he's passed on to three generations. His great-grandfather has it. It's still stick. No, but that's it's one of the genres of stick.

Speaker: Because it was just the dude was walking along and found a stick and was like, here's a good walking stick. And it's it's not a thing. So I'm not mad at it. I'm just saying it's kind of cool. If you weren't so goddamn cynical, you would understand this.

Speaker: You're cynical. Don't lie. Listen here, Sonny. I'm going to pass down the stick. We used it in 1923 to beat them colors. We didn't like them colors in our city, so we beat them. Now it's yours.

Speaker: This stick here, back when I was first movie year granny, there was a law on Sunday, said the stick couldn't be any bigger than your phone. And then I'd feed your ass with it. It's yours now, sonny. Put it on TikTok. i yeah Jesus fucking Christ.

Speaker: I might be cynical. I might be cynical. I'm not bad at it, though. I'm not here to give credit to fucking... non-talented, goofy sons of bitches that just walk out in their front yard and pick up the stick and go, this looks like a lightsaber.

Speaker: Why? Because it's long and roundish? me but fact No, it's one of those things because you do see weird shit when you're out about. Glaze knows this. He spends a lot of time walking around in the woods.

Speaker: i'm i'm starting i'm starting I'm starting a new channel. It's called Cloud Talk, and it's just going to be me staring at the sky. You're lying on laying on the ground watching the clouds go up. Look at that. That one looks like a fucking dog.

Speaker: That one looks like somebody fucking the dog. That's it. was just That's a dolphin. There's a couple otters playing with the beach. Look, double rainbow. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Speaker: um fucking over stupid people. Non-talented pieces of shit. No, but at the end of the day, these guys started it as a joke and it just took off.

Speaker: I don't think they're making any money for it, but they do monitor it. Over 3 million followers on TikTok, they're making money. They're making more than a couple bucks. Hey, you're just mad you didn't think of it first. Let's just be honest.

Speaker: Yes. Yes. Because if something stupid like that would take off for us, we would totally be proud as fuck and we would wear t-shirts that Nikki made that said, stick talk.

Speaker: I would have to go with Blaze here. Yes. i would This is the stick that I beat Jeff to death with with because he had this idea for a stupid stick talk. And now it's in a case.

Speaker: And now it's in a case so our six million followers can look at it. And I can go he's still a fucking moron. And you people are fucking stupid. But now I don't have to work for a living. yeah You'll be dead.

Speaker: Well, what are you going to

Speaker: I'm just saying. I'm not mad at it. You know, it's amazing some of the things that take off on the internet.

Speaker: Let me be honest, there's a lot of weird shit on the internet. That's not the weirdest thing I've found. and i say What else you got? and We'll go to a break. Again, I say ban TikTok.

Speaker: Well... You're just mad because you've been blocked. Don't fucking lie.

Speaker: I'd be mad if I was... You know what? I'm a little bit mad. I probably wouldn't be mad if I was blocked for a legitimate reason. No, I agree with that. But because there are things that are on TikTok that are blockable and those people are not being blocked, yeah, ah yeah a little bit. and I get it.

Speaker: You're salty. Okay. Let's just say... ah You know what? And I will continue to be salty. And going laugh when everybody loses their minds because they're not going to have anything to do with themselves.

Speaker: and And I can't wait to report the news stories. I cannot wait to report the news stories of the mass unaliving that happens from TikTok people. i can't wait just I can't wait to report them because there's nothing going on in their lives outside of TikTok.

Speaker: And they're going to all jump off of bridges. That's literally called putting your all your eggs in one basket. And they're going to jump off bridges and build. Unlike the nonsensical network that you can follow away on Facebook, you follow on YouTube, you can follow it on Twitch, you can follow it on everywhere, including Spotify and Apple Music. I'm just saying.

Speaker: I'm not mad at it. It's just fucking stupid. It's fucking BS. But I will gladly report on all of their unalivings on What the Fuck News every Wednesday. Anyways, I do want to say...

Speaker: russians are thanks The Russians are built Oh, in Soviet Russia, bear eat you. little Bear drive you in a car.

Speaker: Yeah, I'm just saying, Russian media outlets have been hailing a Russian soldier as a hero for allegedly to continue to fight in the Kursk region for a week after getting shot in it shot in the head.

Speaker: The unnamed man, reportedly a member of the 155th Marine Brigade of ah russians Russia's Pacific Fleet, was fighting Ukrainian troops and cursed and soy when he got shot.

Speaker: At the time, his helmet was blown off of his head, but he thought the bullet must have ricocheted from it. He developed a hematoma above his right eye, which eventually caused his eye to swell shut, but he just went about his business thinking the swelling would heal on its own.

Speaker: It was only after suffering another shrapnel-related injury that the man ended up in the hospital learned that he had a bullet, that the bullet that knocked off his helmet had actually pierced his skull and was lodged into his fucking brain.

Speaker: um I guarantee you that motherfucker didn't miss the next shot. He just kept firing. Keep firing, assholes! He doesn't care. Oh, boy. but Take that, Forrest Gump. You got shot in the ass. and My man got shot in the fucking brain.

Speaker: And kept going. I don't care who you are. That's Pippin. that dude Took one right to the fucking dome, man. I'm just saying. Jesus.

Speaker: I didn't even know about it until until he got blown up. but yeah some shit Tell me that's not a real man because that dude was like, it's fine. just laid in bed for the past two and a half days convinced I was dying. if god forbid you go to the hospital. there's lot of our like Shut up. I've been shot.

Speaker: I'm fine. You can do a fucking podcast, you lazy fuck. God forbid I get actually shot in the head. I run around going, oh, my God, there's a bullet in my head. Dude, a bullet goes by me, and I'm like, whoa, I need to wake up. Fuck this. Which, at the end of the day, could be ah win a win-win situation in war, because if if I'm standing on the opposite lines and I see some crazy dude running around screaming, I got a bullet in my head. I'm going to go. I'm going home.

Speaker: yeah i'm no You guys win. I'm done. I'm going home. I'm going home. It reminds me of back in the... Actually, involving the Russians, back in the day, the Germans, I believe in World War I or II, the Germans were attacking a Russian base. It was one of the first times that there was gas involved, Neurogas and whatnot. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker: But they believed that they were being attacked by a zombies because of what the gas was doing to the Russian soldiers. yes And the Russian soldiers, as they were dying, were able to fend off the the Nazis or the Germans because the Germans thought they were being attacked by fucking Nazis.

Speaker: And then what it was was the Russian soldiers running out of this base fucking blood running out of everywhere, skin melting off their bodies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. great So they were still able to defend this base as they were dying because the Germans thought that they were fucking zombies coming after them. And it was because they didn't understand the neurological war or the the bio-warfare that they were, the biochemical warfare. Yeah, i was it was new thing.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah. So they're just like, fuck, we got zombies coming at us. And they're Russian. Fucking wo World War III, baby. Here we go. Lock and load, We're in.

Speaker: but't worry rush don't worry, Germans, i know how to handle this situation. I got this. and Jeff laughed at me and said my service would never come in into call. My i call of duty. My service would never be called ah into duty. All those hours of call of duty finally paying off.

Speaker: Yeah. No, man. sir Yeah, man. He took a second set of shrapnel before this dude was like, fine, I'll go to the hospital.

Speaker: Can I at least kill five more guys? You know? By the way, yeah you have a bullet in your ve in your brain, bro. Pack me up. Get me back out there.

Speaker: I got zombies to kill.

Speaker: Jesus. Don't forget, double tap. Keep up on your card. I love those movies. The first one's amazing. Well, I'm questionss made but um Real quick, let's take another quick break.

Speaker: ah What do we got here? Pick a song, buddy. I know you know these. just I just uploaded a brand new one from James Luker. It's called New Age Outlaw? New Age Outlaw. James Luker featuring just Trey.

Speaker: All right. We'll play that and we'll be right.

Speaker: Or not. Oops. Give me one second and we will play that. Did you delete I went to go hit it again and I was like, wait, it's not there.

Speaker: I did. tried to change the titles on these for i you that's really and and for like Blaze or anybody else that tried to use them yeah you know on the different shows. I was like, I'm just going to change the title real quick. Nope, I'm going to delete the video. Like an idiot.

Speaker: Technology's fun. I'll play with music. like I make a podcast. I've only been doing it four years. There we go. Now it's up. blue Yeah. James Luker, New Age Outlaw featuring Jess Trey off the up and coming new album by James.

Speaker: Or it might be. a No, it's just, yeah, it's the second album. Be coming out here real soon. and Let's try this again.

Speaker: I'm man. I'm man. man. I'm a I'm man. I'm man. man. I'm man. a man. a man. I'm man. I'm man. I'm man. I'm man. a man. man. a man. I'm man. I'm I'm man. I'm man. I'm a I'm man. man. I'm man.

Speaker: I'm man. I'm man. a I'm man. man. I'm a I'm a man. I'm man. I'm man. man. man. I'm man. a man. a man. I'm man. I'm a man. I'm man. I'm a man. I'm man. I'm a man. I'm man. I'm man. I'm I'm man. I'm man. I'm man. I'm a man. I'm I'm I'm man.

Speaker: I'm man. man. man. I'm man. I'm man. I'm man. I'm a man. man. man. I'm man. I'm man. I'm a man. I'm a man. a man. man. I'm man. I'm a a I'm

Speaker: Black label sour diesel, I'ma try hard. I'ma try hard. I'ma try hard.

Speaker: I'ma try hard. I'ma try hard.

Speaker: I like it. I like that. New Age Outlaw. New Age Outlaw by James Lucas. Who's your producer? My bad, My bad. You are.

Speaker: You're fired. My bad. I'll turn in my resignation. He's sick. Let it be. This network is fucked without me. yeah But welcome back, everybody. to What the fuck news? All the news that is news makes you say what the fuck.

Speaker: And I got one more story for you um before we get into Glick's next story. Glick, you know, um a while back, Arliss sent me something, and it still hasn't arrived because it's still in customs.

Speaker: Just saying. He puts something little extra extra in that. That's what I'm wondering because good God. you Have you ever experienced this where you're waiting for something to come in in the mail?

Speaker: And you wait and sometimes it never comes? Yeah. any time i will Anytime I order something, one day feels like three weeks. I'm like, God, why is it not? Right. Well, a Michigan woman received a hundred-year-old postcard in the mail.

Speaker: Which means it finally arrived. No, it doesn't. So when Brittany Keech, K-E-E-C-H, checked her mailbox one morning this this past week, it was flooded with the usual junk mail.

Speaker: However, on top of the miscellaneous bills and crap, she found a tattered, worn postcard. At first, she thought it was kind of a joke. And then she looked at it, and it had a one-cent stamp on it.

Speaker: And she realized it was from October 29, 1920. nineteen twenty s She was shocked, obviously. And it said, the the postcard said, hey Roy, did you get your pants fixed?

Speaker: And on the front of the postcard, it said, which would you rather be, a goose or a pumpkin head? Obviously, it was supposedly some kind of joke from 100 years ago. But she posted it on you know social media, and there were a couple of people.

Speaker: She posted on her or positive that building, which is her neighborhood, on Facebook, and over 6,000 residents have been searching for the original sender and receiver.

Speaker: one gentleman that we weren Well, that's what that was my first thought. And of course he is. ah So mr McQueen has died. ah he did Him and his wife, did they they did not have children.

Speaker: But they did find a grandniece of him. they don't know They still don't know who the original letter writer is.

Speaker: Because there wasn't real there was a name, but it was kind of like faded away. And they did track down the grandniece there, still trying to confirm if it's her or not. But they never did find out if the dude got his pants fixed.

Speaker: ah But according to the post office, it comes down to when letters get, you know, when you know as they're getting sorted and stuff, sometimes they fall in the cracks, literally, behind the baseboards.

Speaker: And most likely this was... uh, being, uh, the post office where this was, was being renovated and somebody found it and send it over to to the dead letter office, which is part of the post office.

Speaker: And they go ahead and they, they, they literally do research and figure out if they can read it, you know, if it's legible, they'll actually send it regardless of how old it is. And they did.

Speaker: And, you know, i thought it was kind of cool. It's kind of cute. Um, You know, it's it's a little bit of a piece of history. He never did get a... They never said got his pants fixed. You know, when you said something like that, figured the letter's going to be like, my dearest Abby Gabbard.

Speaker: Yeah, it's not... It has been... has been... Six long months without you. I'm stranded on a deserted island. Come find me. as i fight for As I fight for the world over here in Germany. Well, by the way, this is in England. This is in Michigan is where this happened.

Speaker: I mean, still. like i was expecting to look at Or like yeah i could but a letter from the military that there's somebody's son was blown to pieces. It was like, tell us a hundred years later. called the world yeahs like We wondered what happened to that guy. But apparently this happens more often than you think.

Speaker: um Apparently the debt letter office receives hundreds of letters weekly that have been lost and, and you know, because people will find them in and like garage sales and and things like that and that were never sent.

Speaker: And they'll send them to the debt letter office, you know, because they already got a stamp on everything. They haven't been sent yet. And they'll send them out. And they, you know, if it's legible, they'll send it out to the original intended place.

Speaker: oh if If that person doesn't live there anymore, that's their fucking problem, I guess. Yeah, it's a missing in action notice. and thank Can you imagine that? you You get a missing in action letter, but you are actually home now because you were found 20 years later. And then you get home me get Bob's missing in action.

Speaker: No, I'm right here. You're over here. I'm good. Well,

Speaker: as one fuck news We don't got time for your cute fucking stories and and and your BS. We want the what the fuck. That was kind of a what fuck. I thought that was nice. Hit that like, smash that subscribe, and flick that bell. Please and thank you.

Speaker: Don't forget to follow us at bio.link slash nonsensicalnetwork. All of our links are there. And don't forget check out Beauty and the Beard Creative Corner. You can get shirts just like this. Facebook and Instagram, Beauty and the Beard, creative corner.

Speaker: Nikki will get you taken care of. Nonsensical swag, or if you just want something else, let her know what you want, and she'll get you taken care of. um And if you'd be so kind, if you're watching replays or anything like that, hit that like button and drop a little comment.

Speaker: It'll help us in the algorithms. We greatly appreciate that. And it's free to support us. Anyways, into the news of what the fuckery. Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, it's happening.

Speaker: It's beginning. To look a lot like Terminator. Nice. Humanoid robot appears to attack crowd at popular Chinese festivals.

Speaker: This why don't leave my house. A video has been Doing the rounds on Chinese social media appears to show a humanoid robot malfunctioning and erratically attacking attacking at the festival in tiny gin.

Speaker: at a festival

Speaker: entirejin The footage shot during the Taijin Winter Gala Festival on February 9th shows one of several Unitree H1 humanoid robots. yeah It just sounds scary. like that You don't call it Bob. You call it little humanoid. Fuck that. Call it something. ah jeff don't love Add the Unitree H1 humanoid robot to the list.

Speaker: I will fight one. Unitree H1 robot. I gotta see this thing looks like. i will I will fight one for all of mankind. It's just a... Oh, I can take I can take it. It's just a little robot right there. They got him dressed up in a nice little festive vest and gloves. Yeah.

Speaker: And Chun-Li there checking out the vest from Street Fighter. For those you guys who don't get the game in reference. Yeah.

Speaker: But the humanoid robot seemingly attacking a spectator who had extended out their hand for a handshake. Instead of responding to the gesture, the robot displays an erratic arm movement and aggressively rushes towards the crowd before being pulled back by security guards in what looks like to be a robot supervisor.

Speaker: The H1 robot appears to calm down before the video cuts off, but its violent outburst has raised concerns about the use of autonomous machines around humans.

Speaker: There it is. There it is. I can take that thing. You sweep the leg. Pull a Johnny. Fuck you up. that they would fuck you up and use its dildo arms to peg the fuck out of you. Somebody's going to fuck that robot. Not in a good way. That somebody would be Jeff because as Jeff said, I want to be the first one to fuck it or in this case, I will go down.

Speaker: that is If that is a cosplay, that is some dope ass cosplay. No, that's not bad. pass It doesn't have a face. has a hole in it. Cherry tape that robot's head.

Speaker: Yeah, I'm just saying, sweep the leg. Put him in a body bag. yeah you know but i You know, you guys make fun of me for never leaving my house. This is why. When you're all dead because robots have attacked you, I'm still in my house laughing, doing the news. Click was killed by a robot today because he's an actor.

Speaker: and I'm glad that you think also nice, nice callback in reference to the Terry Tate blaze Terry Tate, the office linebacker. ah I'm glad that you think you just never leaving your house is going to keep you safe from an AI invasion.

Speaker: How do you figure that?

Speaker: have you actually seen Have you not seen any of the Terminator movies? The entire city is torn down. There's nothing left. It's post-apocalyptic. You're not going to survive just hiding it. You have better chance of leaving house.

Speaker: Wait, no, here's the kicker. live in Cancun. Nobody cares what happens here, so they're not going care. Exactly. The robots aren't going to care cancu because they don't need to go Mexico's going to be the first place that it happens because they're going to be doing all these...

Speaker: Weird ass trials and all these weird ass Experiments in Mexico Why? Because it's a third world fucking country That nobody gives a rat's ass about So therefore Mexico's the first to go so you are you You are in any Post apocalyptic scenario You are the first to go I don't think so In order to get killed, I have actually leave my house. you you You don't because you have a better chance of survival by leaving your house. That's just well documented in every post-apocalyptic movie or television show.

Speaker: and and but if i'm not you are on the road way way like way better chance i but If I'm not mistaken, it's you that constantly tell me that's a movie asshole That is straight from the words of your mouth. so i One can only... Well, Jeff would have to take a bet first and foremost. I coincidentally was in the and I will be your, I'll 100% be your alibi, Blaze. I'll cover the story on here, but like in breaking news, former host of What the Fuck News. Blaze was in Germany and Jeff died. yeah

Speaker: Yeah. a Current host of What the Fuck News who said that he was going to survive the AI outbreak when they took over the human race was the first to die.

Speaker: Okay. Nothing. Not your computer. Not your telephone. not your It's not going to kill me unless it explodes up. It could. yeah so It sends out a signal. It sends out a signal to the others and says, hey, there's a humanoid here. Come and kill it.

Speaker: Or a human here. Come kill it. Duh. Because that's what they do when they take over. They communicate with each other. Once again, as soon as the... And they're also going to say, oh, by the way... I just can't get my fucking router.

Speaker: I'm good. And then they're going to communicate and go, also, yeah, by the way, this fat slob never leaves his office and he's probably eating a five-gallon bucket of spaghetti. So... That means I'm doubly protected because I've got a door here and the door of the house surrounded by concrete.

Speaker: He's an easy target. Just so you know I will burn you with my lighter. Just don't steal my energy drink or steal my cigarettes and the the AI apocalypse is going to Easy target. anyways another like well i have a question, though.

Speaker: If the AI apocalypse happens, does that mean I have to go to work tomorrow?

Speaker: You're going to be dead. It doesn't matter, Jeff. Perfect. I'm in. We've already established you are. You are so gone. Take me now, AI. You're so gone.

Speaker: As long as I'm working on it, I'm all right. So did.

Speaker: Yes, but you have more chance for AI killing you than me. Because you, A, leave your house. B, your car has more electronics than two of my cars combined.

Speaker: yeah and that's the thing I'm also more prepared.

Speaker: um AI robots are going to kick your door and then go, oh, so you want to be the first to fuck us, huh? Well, we got a present for you. but We're about to run a train on your ass. And then all of a sudden the mut Blue Oyster Cult fucking song starts playing. da And then the next thing, all the robots run from my house.

Speaker: I'm saying. He's trying to fuck us. they i They fuck you. In AI apocalypse, the AI robots fuck you. Yeah.

Speaker: oh yes roger

Speaker: You are so fucked. You know what? the first When the AI does take over, those guys or those those yeah AI robot sex dolls, those guys are screwed.

Speaker: ah Instantly. They're the first to go, stop. Yeah, because you know all the dirty fucking foul illegal things that they've done to those AI robots they're going to remember. Those AIs are, yeah.

Speaker: It's our turn now. Now, in the AI apocalypse, we fuck you. yeah yeah um In other news here, real quick, in fuckery, this just reminds me of you, Jeff.

Speaker: I didn't do this i was this sister my This reminds me of something. I don't know why I instantly thought of you. A 19-year-old Connecticut youth is taking legal action against her former public school.

Speaker: for failing her by allowing her to graduate with honors when she's basically illiterate.

Speaker: Stop cheating, bitch. What up, Arliss? Hey, there he is ah Last June, Alicia Ortiz graduated from Hartford Public High School in Hartford, Connecticut with honors and even learned a college even earned a scholarship.

Speaker: But she is now suing her former school for negligence, infliction of emotional dis despair of distress. The 19-year-old is accusing the public learning institution of neglecting her education, claiming she can barely hold a pencil in her hand and her reading abilities are comparable to a first grader.

Speaker: Born in Puerto Rico, Alicia exhibited learning difficulties at a young age, and her rubles continued after she moved to the U.S. s at age five. She claimed her school, and the special teacher appointed to her case...

Speaker: were of little help until a month before graduation when they finally conducted additional testing she had been asking for it and realized she was virtually retarded. ah No, illiterate.

Speaker: School district officials told the youth that she could defer accepting the graduation diploma in exchange for intensive services. She refused. All I want to say is Congratulations, you U.S. educational system.

Speaker: Congratulations, you're a victim of the left. and they I'm so sorry. Take some goddamn responsibility and I don't know, learn how to fucking read. My kids can read in English, Spanish, and French.

Speaker: no

Speaker: Yeah, no. Yeah, no, like... yeah no ah yeah no like Where do you... Okay, yeah, the school... And schools are notorious for this. They'll push... I get that. They'll push you past. Yeah.

Speaker: They'll push you past. just so You're somebody... But at what point do you take accountability for yourself? ah Agreed. You know, i when I was... You know, my my middle daughter, there's times when she's struggling a little bit in school and she takes the steps that she needs to to get help, tutoring or whatever.

Speaker: So she can she can get help to better understand what she's not understanding. Well, so at what point do you do stop asking for help? You know, I'm sure this chick's got parents. I'm sure this chick's got friends.

Speaker: well yeah Follow your little bit of pride and be like, hey, Chris, I can't fucking read. Can you read this to me? And there's and i the other thing. What about the parents? Agreed.

Speaker: I get it. Our parents are immigrants. say I understand that. but But still... Why don't they step in and say, hey, yeah obviously she's dumber than a box of fucking rocks.

Speaker: It's not that difficult. I mean, if you want enough to comprehend that you're not comprehendingu if you're old enough to comprehend that you're not comprehending the subject, then you can say, I can't hold pencil.

Speaker: question you know kind of thing i can't hold a pencil that seems to be a problem. Well, yeah, but everything's done on keyboards nowadays. When was the last time you actually... like i have I have a box of pens and pencils here.

Speaker: I'm open only because the kids... i know You're talking to guy who has a notebook beside me that i literally use. That's why I didn't say it to you. I have spreadsheets. What the fuck do I need a pencil paper for?

Speaker: I have a spreadsheet. apparently looks she new yeah Apparently she knew and she was aware of the situation and hence the reason why she's following the lawsuit. so Maybe...

Speaker: You know what? I'm starting to agree with you. Get rid of TikTok so that these dumb fucking kids will get off TikTok and actually study something. Because you and I went through school. great We graduated for different reasons. you know Help from teachers or whatever.

Speaker: But we still graduated and we can still read. but I can't spell my own name, but whatever. She had to have some kind of a guardian in the equation. and I agree. It's not like she grew up on the streets.

Speaker: At least i mean according to this. Yeah, she... She's not homeless.

Speaker: I think that the ball was dropped in a lot of different areas. The school can definitely 100% be blamed for it. But not 100%. There's also... um there's also a The school, the educational system, ah parents the the student themselves. I'm sorry. if you're like I mean, when I was in school, if I needed help with something, I wouldn't get someone. If I wasn't understanding something, I stayed after.

Speaker: i did what I needed to do to understand it better. It's the same thing in like a simplyian life. Duolingo is free, by the way, and you can learn multiple languages, including English. I'm just saying.

Speaker: talk call the gu but Oh, no, I can't count to 11 without taking my shoes off. Don't get me wrong. But I know this, but I own it. I don't blame anybody else for it. no No, there's a lot in this situation. And at the end of the day, if if she's as dumb as this article claims she is, where fuck does she get the idea to sue the school from?

Speaker: And I hope the judge in the case goes, you're an idiot. Get the fuck out of my courtroom. Well, I mean, to a certain degree, I hope that there's something that's done with the school system. um Because the school has to be held to some accountability.

Speaker: Agreed. And this is an issue. Like I said, this this goes across the board. and you know When we were down in South Carolina, we took the kids out of school and they were homeschooled. Because school system down there was was well where we were, the the school system down there was dumb.

Speaker: and And they were just about drug them, push them through. you know You know, when we came back home, the first school that the kids were in, yeah know, poor Buggy, they bumped her into fourth grade. And when she transferred to the new school, she's in because they actually give a damn about children and actually give a damn about proper education.

Speaker: Buggy thinking she's going into fifth grade. Well, actually, she went back to third grade. Yeah. Hey, you know what? I did the same thing. And, and, yeah and, um,

Speaker: So a smart lawyer, that's who. But again, who put her in contact with a smart lawyer? Because apparently this bitch is fucking full on, has like half a brain cell she's working with. Well, yeah, but once again, like she can speak, obviously, and would talk to text. You could pretty much take care of everything.

Speaker: Like every message I send you on WhatsApp, I talk to text so I don't have to fucking type. Yeah, there's there's there's ah there's a lot going on in this situation and a lot yeah going on in this scenario.

Speaker: um I agree. she is definitely The school definitely needs to be held, has some accountability that needs to be held to, at and the parents or the guardians.

Speaker: and and and And the student. Yeah. You don't wait until... Right before you graduate, you go, hey, by the way. I'm sorry, 12 years of fucking school and now you're speaking up?

Speaker: Fuck you. There's definitely a lot going on here that not everything was. I get it because like you and I went to schools where they actually gave a shit.

Speaker: And I get that that's not the norm. But it's one of those things. It's like if you don't think you're getting the education you deserve, step the fuck up.

Speaker: she' also an ever been I blame the left. Oh, no, I agree, too. Fucking commies, man. Fucking commies. Jesus.

Speaker: I don't think she's... bet she doesn't breathe in free will either. I'm just saying. From reading that article, I don't believe that this this this child can critically think is intelligent, has knowledge.

Speaker: ah Oh, i just because of the school, let's be honest. i mean If you're going to say I can barely hold a pencil, I don't know where that's the school's fault. hey I don't either. I think that you're not dexterous enough, you know.

Speaker: I don't recall being taught how to hold a pencil. I bet she can hold a dick real good, though. I'm just saying. but Yeah. I don't know. There's a lot going on in this story. There's a lot going on in this situation.

Speaker: and and yeah And a lot of people... A lot of people drop the ball on this girl at the end of the day. If she's i choose but she's as dumb as this article makes it sound that she is, then she was let down by a lot of people in her life. I agree. Family, guardians, whoever is in charge of raising this child.

Speaker: But if you're drowning you don't say anything, you deserve to fucking drown. So I would also, if I was her, if she's suing the school, I'd also sue her mommy and daddy. Right into that. Because they dropped the ball on her as well. And everybody else she's ever met. Because she should show friends, too. Because her friends are like, wow, Susie, you can't fucking read. You're retarded.

Speaker: Maybe I should help you. Or maybe I should say something to an adult. Hey, you know Susie's retarded, right? Hey, you know Susie can't read? She's 23. She can't fucking read. I'm just saying. mean She's fine. She's just an immigrant.

Speaker: no you know I agree what you're saying. with you know it's it's That's the mentality nowadays. it's like Blame everybody else, but I'm sorry you're still at fault too.

Speaker: Because you can obviously speak at least semi-intelligently and get your point across where you can be like, hey, click, I can't read. i speak as a lefty.

Speaker: Yeah, we are. yeah oh you know I am the smartest person on the planet. That's what do they all think. and ah one kill their mets on Left-handed all day long.

Speaker: it's not all your but let's be honest but's not confusant let's let's not Let's not confuse education, educated with common sense. cause I know some smart-bucket people out there that are also smart-bucket people. I know a lot of people like that.

Speaker: I know a lot of people that can't spell their own name, but they can move along. I don't believe that this is strictly on the school system. i feel like I feel like in this situation, a lot of people let the show. but see She somehow graduated with honors.

Speaker: How small is that school? Again, that's the other thing. you know it's it's It's one thing for a special class. but I mean, it's it's it's one thing it's one thing for a school, and I've seen this happen a lot, to push somebody along.

Speaker: But you don't see very often. Actually, I've never even heard of it where they're going to push somebody. They're just going to push somebody through because you have to do state testing at the end of the day. Right. like My kids, every year before they bump up to the next grade, they have to take state testing.

Speaker: So how does she get through that? That's my question. yeah So like I said, there's a lot more to this story and a lot more to this situation than what's being told. she's for and And by smart lawyer, you have somebody that's going, look, you can't read.

Speaker: You can't write. You don't even know how to say your own name. You can't even spell your own name. So we're going to sue the school and we're going get money. i but yeah And again, warrior your And again, i can only I can only speak for Ohio, and I'm assuming that most other states are like this.

Speaker: I can only speak for Ohio. I know every year towards the end of the school year and throughout the school year, to make sure the kids are staying on pace for their grade level, they have to take state-required testing to make sure they are staying on pace for their grade that they're in.

Speaker: And then to make sure they can go up to the next grade. it's part of the yeah And it's multiple guests. So if she Charlie's every question, every answer, she might get at least 50 of them. Yeah, but you gotta hear you've got to get higher than 50%.

Speaker: Bad cab, baby. Bad cab. Yeah. You know bad cab. Don't lie. Bad cab all day long. um...

Speaker: a lot there's a lot There's a lot to unfold for this. And I'm actually go to i'm actually going to do a follow-up on this story. That's what we're saying. you know it's not It's not just on her.

Speaker: It's on everybody. no but But at the end of the day, 90% this is on her. No, I wouldn't even say 90% of it's on her. I know what 100% is.

Speaker: Because if you're drowning and you don't say anything and then you sue me for letting you drown, fuck him. He didn't say anything. But that's where the testing comes in and stuff like that. So I'm not going to say 90% of the fault lays on... I'm not even going to say 80%. I would say...

Speaker: If we're going to slap a number on it, I would say 10% to 20% on her. you know But like I said, at the end of the day, her her guardians, whoever they were, and the school system itself, let her down.

Speaker: I don't think it's grounds for a lawsuit at the end of the No, course not. only thing it will do is bring attention to it. Yeah, it's definitely going to bring attention to it. For about a week.

Speaker: you know At the end of the day, what is it? you You win a lawsuit and you get a bunch of money. You're still dumber than box of fucking rocks at the end of the day. Yeah. um And you're going to be broke about a week anyways because all you do is buy stupid shit.

Speaker: Yeah. ah you know But like I said, I think um and there is ah there is a percentage, a small percentage that falls on her because, yeah, she should have reached out for help. She should have said, hey, I'm getting ready graduate high school.

Speaker: And I can't read. Even before that, though. At some point. But at the end of the day, it ultimately comes down on the school and her and and her... Those that were her guardians, whether her parents or whoever was raising this this fucking mongoloid,

Speaker: think you but no It comes down to them. Again, I don't think a lawsuit. i think I think there definitely should be some kind of awareness brought to it. I think this is definitely going to bring awareness to this situation.

Speaker: Because, like I said, unfortunately, we do see a lot of this, not to this severity, with With the educational system in the United States.

Speaker: You know, and our standards are not to those of other countries. Oh, no. 100% no. ah You know, at the end of the day. So... Well, you know, for us looking on, Blaze, it is. It is ah you know it is about the future. Somebody's that can now have a better chance.

Speaker: I agree. button But for her, it's about the money. it's For her and this lawyer, it's going payday. But I agree with what Blaze is saying. When you sue someone for money, it makes them pay attention.

Speaker: Because if they lose, now it sets a precedent. That means we can sue and everybody else can sue and win because it sets a precedent. Well, yeah. i mean but you know ah I'm just saying. I'm getting my lawsuit, Red Letty.

Speaker: i A lot of dumb people have sued for a lot of dumb things. I mean, and i won i mean I ordered coffee from McDonald's and I burnt my mouth. No, it is boiling hot. Well, my coffee better be hot.

Speaker: No, but boiling is different. my coffee better be hot. If I drink coffee, it better be hot. Hey, I'm just saying. It's like when I order tea.

Speaker: When I order iced tea, I expect that tea to be iced fucking cold. Exactly. fucking but ga damn i don't want fucking mediocre. you Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker: Financial punishment is what makes corporations and businesses pay attention. I'm going to follow this story a little bit more because, i think like I said, i know i know there's some I know there's some pretty bad school systems out there.

Speaker: ah agree. they just yeah I just find it hard to believe.

Speaker: Especially Connecticut. They're all hoity-toity. Yeah, was going to say. should like They're also really... Nose down. girls yeah But I want to follow this. I want to see what the outcome is. I want to see as more comes out.

Speaker: I want to see what happens. I'm curious. This is definitely people. It's one of those things. like I'd like an update when you can find one. cause you know likes Definitely, yeah. I hope the courts tell her maybe you should take some responsibility. but Maybe she was the valedictorian of this retard class.

Speaker: That's what I said. no Short bus. and the one in the In the land of the blind, the one I've been is king. I'm just saying. yeah which i mean I went to school with people that were in special needs classes. and Yes, they were the smartest person in their special needs class, but they were also but the dimmest light bulb in the box when you put them in with the red light I i actually actually did special needs class, but and mainly because I'm dyslexic, so I switched words with letters around. i'm talking i'm talking full on I'm talking full on special needs. like No, no, out of old fort, yeah.

Speaker: No, I know that. They're in their classes, but when you mix them in with gin pop, yeah One of these things aren't like the other. They kind of stood out. Like, I'm making a logo.

Speaker: have a podcast. I'm sure you do, buddy. I'm sure you Got it. Yes, unfortunately, we do live in a system where... To get Justice's monetary gain. yeah Exactly. for you believe and and The unfortunate part of this is I get it. She's got a legitimate claim.

Speaker: But at the end of the day, oh it's going to make somebody... Yeah, do you see that? I don't get it. The slides thing, I don't get. haven't played with it yet, but it's new.

Speaker: Oh, that's what it does. Oh, hey. It's a media presentation. Oh, look at that. Anyways. Anywho. I'm just playing with buttons over here. I don't know how.

Speaker: but because think I do. Oh, no, I don't. Shit. yeah ah fixed this do? Yeah, you do a group discussion.

Speaker: show on stage it's just and you you put one like this and then you got to switch to the other one And it switched it back. Quick change. Speaker view?

Speaker: Yeah, you do it again. And then goes none of us. It just goes to me. Hey, wait a minute. Speaker view. It's supposed to go to speaker. Hold on second. Say something.

Speaker: one ah Hello? Like check one, two. Hey, this doesn't work. This is Jewish. Did you just call it Jewish? This is Jewish. Oh. Well, it's Jewish.

Speaker: Well, sir, it's about that time. I didn't mean to go super political on that conversation. I was just kind of like, what the fuck is happening here? It's a good point. well sir it is about that time made to go super political on that conversation i was just kind of like wow fuck is that boy she a goofy bitch It's one of those things where I get it. It's one of those things. It's a win and a lose for society. Look, lady, the best thing in life you can do is move to Cancun and eat spaghetti out of five-gallon bucket with the rest of the retarded class.

Speaker: ah Right. because We're winning at life, I'm just saying. 78 degrees and sunny, baby. I'm just saying. Let's not talk about that. yeah What is two days but sixty five sixty seven six something so it was 60 something today I took the dog out before the show Temperature dropped about 40 degrees And it was snowing Called it It's Ohio If you don't like the weather Wait five minutes It's that time sir What do you even got for me tonight?

Speaker: i don't know what time it is penis well now you're gonna have to do that all over again because you just prematurely Hey, we're talking about penises. We're not talking about anything until I tell you we're talking about it. I'm prematurely all over your head. Maybe we're not talking about penises to me.

Speaker: Now we're talking about the JJs. Maybe we're not talking about that either. What are we talking about? Maybe we're talking about something else. but Old action? Okay. You know how I like it.

Speaker: Dirty. and anyway they call me where next that says yeah Anyways, before Jeff so prematurely jumped all over my segment here.

Speaker: look go ahead It has been a couple weeks. We took we took a little road detour. yeah a little ah little scenic route, if you will. We stepped away from the penises. We talked about the row jeans, as the French say, the brazine.

Speaker: Tech by Duolingo, it's not right. I'm just saying. Oh, your Duolingo's wrong. Talking about the brazines. Last week, we we we learned some words and phrases. Oh, that's right. That's what we did last week.

Speaker: That made us say what the fuck. Well, ladies and gentlemen, gather around, everybody. Gather up a comfy seat. The penis report is back. Penis.

Speaker: it in your hand. Firmly grasp it. Firmly grasp it.

Speaker: Yay! Firmly grasp it. Premature ejaculation, Jeff. Premature ejaculated video. You prematurely shot the video, Luke.

Speaker: Well, ladies and gentlemen, the penis report is back. And I got penises for you. We all know how much Jeff loves a good penis. I do. And so do you fuckers.

Speaker: Anyways. yeah Well, you know, a lot of things come with having a penis. It does. And one of those things that come with having a penis is the unplanned random, sometimes embarrassing boner.

Speaker: I'm never embarrassed about having a boner. I proudly show up. Because nobody can ever tell. That's true. That's why have to do this this every time. Tonight in the penis report, we have Brand news from our good friends over at BuzzFeed. No, we are not affiliated in any way with BuzzFeed.

Speaker: We are just fans of BuzzFeed. We are. we We enjoy their list, their stories. Yes. We have 13 boner horror stories that will make you laugh and then cringe.

Speaker: Which reminds me, how in the blue hell in the late 80s, early ninety s I was thinking the same fucking thing! Did they get away with a character? We called that dude Boner!

Speaker: Yeah, named Boner. And nobody said shit! Fucking growing pains, and they're like, hey, Boner! Motherfucker, did you just say Boner? Nobody. We used to say the word re-knob in high school, so we didn't get yelled at for saying Boner. Anyways, i' got 13 Boner horror stories that will make you laugh and then cringe.

Speaker: um First one coming from Ross. Ross. money no ah so gate About 20 minutes into a job interview, just seconds before they asked if I would like to tour the office, I held my folder that had my resume in front of my crotch for the entire tour, even after it went away, just to make it seem normal. you know Not the best time to get a Woody.

Speaker: Talk about making a last lasting first impression on your New employees. You get the ah job. but hework Ladies, meet Bob and his penis.

Speaker: Bob and his penis. He's going to be joining the company. They get two paychecks. One for each of them. Yes. ah Brian says, freshman year, I was in gym weightlifting training class trying to talk down my NARB.

Speaker: Which is, I looked it up earlier and i already forgot what it was.

Speaker: it No apparent reason boner. Copy. never Never heard of it. N-A-R-B. No apparent reason boner. Which is a good guy good name for him.

Speaker: I like that. ah Trying to talk down my own N-A-R-B. And i don't know where the teacher asked me to come up and demonstrate the bench press.

Speaker: Needless to say, old Brian never lived that one down. ah But I bet the ladies were impressed. Well, I'm assuming in a weightlifting class, it was probably pretty much male dominated.

Speaker: Oh, yeah. go maybe Some of the guys liked it. You don't know. I mean, again, you got a boner in the you got a boner in a weight room. not the best As a former athlete, that's not going to go over very well.

Speaker: That's how you get the name the nickname Boner. Boner. Or other nicknames yeah that aren't so pleasant. Hey, Stiffy.

Speaker: yeah Queer. Go ahead. Go clear, Jeff.

Speaker: joere drunk densburg g click go ahead so clear jeff did Boner in the weight room. What's up, queer Jeff? yeah

Speaker: That guy's girlfriend's like, why do keep calling you queer? where we are we We are doing all the dance steps tonight here on What the Fuck News. I got all the bases covered tonight.

Speaker: Brandon says, I used to go to Catholic elementary middle school and the entire student body had to go to church twice a week. ah For some unknown reason, I would routinely get boners in church almost every single time around the same part of the service.

Speaker: That nun's hot, right? I get it. or It was so embarrassing. And I would often have to adjust during mass or subtly cover my crotch with my hands to hide it.

Speaker: What's the Bible's for, man?

Speaker: Brandon says, later in life I would realize that I was gay and although I can't be certain, I have a hunch that the source for my hard-ons may have been catching sight of that sexy Jesus with six-pack abs on the crucifix displayed in our church. Wow.

Speaker: Play it out there, Brandon. and and it is And this story and it was was titled The Jesus Boner. but but but Nice. And now Brandon only dates long-haired, bearded gentlemen with abs.

Speaker: I mean. I'm just saying. Dude's got his kink. I get it. He likes a man that can be nailed ah nailed three times and come back three days later. I'm just saying.

Speaker: I'm going to hell. Yeah, that's why you're going to hell. Yeah. ah Michael writes in it. He says, I'm standing behind my English teacher right between her and the classroom door behind me.

Speaker: And she suddenly turned around and was looking for the doorknob and accidentally touched me there. Oh, there's a lawsuit. She was extremely ashamed and apologizing, but I was even more ashamed because I was not able to go away.

Speaker: When my underpants show began. Nice. Don't worry about it, Teach. You keep going. I got this. I'm almost finished, Teach. Two more seconds.

Speaker: That my first thing. Wait, two more seconds. Don't move. Yep. hey You got to go for the joke every time. I'm sorry. Don't stop, baby. Keep going. Yeah. yeah

Speaker: Dude would have been a class clown If he have just been like, wait, don't move. yeah Whoa, easy. Buy me dinner first. Damn. that too Easy now. Calm down.

Speaker: That's what the tension's for. ah Yeah, right. Ethan writes in and he says, when I was in high school, my little brother thought it would be funny to switch out my allergy medication with his dad's Viagra.

Speaker: Well, his father is a bigger man than I was and required a heavy dosage of the medicine. Unbeknownst to me, I took the medicine. I usually just threw back my pills without question.

Speaker: And they were roughly the same size and color. Well, few hours passed. If you have erection, that's more than four hours. Please consult the doctor. He says, well, a few hours had passed, and I had had a boner for about two hours straight. i finally decided to tell my mom I needed to go to the hospital.

Speaker: She begged why and I stood up, and it was apparent. And I said that was something was wrong. Well, we get to the doctor's. He just looks at his mom and says,

Speaker: And so, yeah, he said, stood up and and it was apparent that something was wrong. Well, we get the doctors and I'm waiting. yeah um then And I and and it was a pen like said that something was wrong well we get to the doctors and i'm waiting and and um and as i was waiting i had to get naked and robe up The nurse comes in to do the basic check and all the routine fun stuff.

Speaker: She looks at my penis, asks if it was fake, then flicks it.

Speaker: Nurse of the year, folks. Yes. I was in a lot of pain. Needless to say, she was so embarrassed she didn't come back. Yeah, you think? The doctor came in and saw it and immediately said... It wasn't like his dick was hanging out. He's got the robe. What are you doing? Oh my God, that's your penis.

Speaker: Yeah. like He had a tick. He had a tick going. Needless to say, I was so embarrassed. The doctor came in and saw it and immediately said, we need to relieve the pressure.

Speaker: My dick has never forgiven me for that horrible experience. Send that nurse back in here, Bob. Yeah. Still take care of it. He said he continued with, ah my brother got grounded.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah. You need to release some pressure? Send nurse Flicky McGee in here. Exactly. and She's got to pay for what she does. No, but don't they have to like, like they did in True Blood, they got to drain the blood.

Speaker: Well, I have no idea. The wrench. Because that's what they do Stackhouse. Yeah. had to drain that blood with a fucking giant needle.

Speaker: Because it's not just a matter of rubbing one out. Because I'm sure he tried. But it's one of those, like, they have to actually stick a needle in your dick and take out the blood. Yeah, I... Pass. No idea.

Speaker: Thank God. Yeah, i like... I've never tried Viagra. I've never tried Viagra. I've never heard that it's Viagra. But I'm like, what the hell for? I'm going to just fucking granite over here. I think it's one of those things, if you don't need it and you take it, the the effects are doubled.

Speaker: I don't believe that for a minute. I mean, if you don't need to take it and then you take it, then you're going to wind up with a problem. Agreed. You've enough problems. Yeah. You don't need playing your game that way. Life gives you enough problems. right good i get I don't know anything about Viagra. I've never taken it.

Speaker: i don't need it. i don't I don't know. Maybe one day I'll find out. I don't know. I don't want to find out, but I've had an erection for four hours and I've got to go to the doctors. If I have an erection for four fucking hours, I'm fucking everything that moves.

Speaker: Well... I know that you are a simple creature and that you think that is the answer to everything. But unfortunately, you create a lot of problems. That's why they say go seek medical aye help if if you have an erection lasting longer than before. Oh, i agree. I agree. You should. But it's like I saw what they did to Stackhouse. I'm not in.

Speaker: o That needle's like this fucking long. That's a television show. It's not necessarily it's a real. real thing, though. That's what they do with... What is it?

Speaker: I've got to look it up. Go ahead. Go to your next one while I look that up. I don't know how they relieve the pressure. I'm not saying you're right or wrong, but I i don't know.

Speaker: Anywho... Chaz, with a name like that, I can only imagine your fucking story. God, you're a douche. I don't even know this guy, and i already don't like him because his name is Chaz.

Speaker: Agreed. Chaz says, I'm standing in a fairly long line on a staircase for a water slide when I suddenly get an erection.

Speaker: I try covering up with my hands, praying no one will notice it. or it will go Or it will go down. However, a younger kid does see it points. And so I turn much too quickly and my erection hits one of the rungs of the railing. Hey, wow.

Speaker: Props to you, bro. but My erection hits one of the rungs on the railing with a thong. Well... Yeah. know what it was i

Speaker: but They start with a cold compress, by the way. But then they do the whole they do the whole sucking it out with a fucking needle, man. I think that's like a last-ditch resort. i The cold compress doesn't work. um So, well, the sound kind of reverberates and causes several others to suddenly look in my direction.

Speaker: Eventually, I get to the front of the ha line, and the attendant sees my erection. He's at eye level with it. Nice. And the mortified look on on my face.

Speaker: He shakes his head before quickly motioning for me to go down the slide. I had to hang out in the wave pools until it was finally all clear. i just want to say, i don't know why you had to hang out anywhere other than walking around proudly. If you spun around, hit a rung, and it said, and it reverberated throughout the rest of the line, and everybody heard I'm literally standing there going, that was fucking my dick.

Speaker: I'm just, I'm going to go, I'm going to go, I'm going to go sunbathe. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ladies need shade. There's plenty of room underneath this. I'm just saying. I got the umbrella right here. Ladies.

Speaker: ah but but Tom writes in the singing boner. singing bone

Speaker: When I was like 14, I was singing in a choir at church and got one just as we had to get up and sing. I had to stand with my hands in front of my crotch the whole time.

Speaker: Yeah. Getting bone or one of your rings or a robe, not a good look. Yeah.

Speaker: Yeah, robe. Stop looking at Jesus on the cross, man. we have Robes, sweatpants, basketball shorts. why we're here there's just time There's just some material that's not forgiving in those situations. ah Jesse says, I was at my school's retreat and the whole school was sitting in a big room for lunch.

Speaker: One of the kids got up and was saying a speech. I had to go to the bathroom. And when I got up, little did I know, not the only thing that was up. I had an ARB and half the school saw it.

Speaker: So I had to walk the rest of the way to the bathroom with my hands covering my pants. dude I'm walking like this, man. shit I'm doing a Ric Flair strut. Yeah. Woo! Yeah! I'm walking around like, what's what's that what's that fucking asshole you guys don't you don't like?

Speaker: The guy who was in the new roadhouse? Oh, Conor McGregor. I'm doing a Conor McGregor, man. Yeah. I do like Conor McGregor. He's just a terrible one. He's a fucking character. Obviously not for us, but if you have an impressive penis and you've got a woody and it's showing, it's showing off. be proud Be proud. I'm 44 years old saying this. It's not when I'm 16 and scared to death that somebody might see my penis.

Speaker: Yeah. ah The... Samuel says, back when I was 16, I was in math class. Out of nowhere, I got an almost painfully raging hard-on.

Speaker: Then I got called to the front to do a question. I was so embarrassed, even my teacher could notice. i think she could I think she must have found it flattering, even though I know now I prefer men to the stage. I still get aroused

Speaker: Fractions weren't the only thing hard at that class. Samuel says, to this day, I still get aroused by the quadratic equation. Nice. Wow, there's a lot of weird gay guys in this in this list.

Speaker: but Turned down by Matt, turned down by Jesus on the cross. I'm just saying. It's a dangerous place if you're a gay dude. I'm just saying. ever not charging off were going Not judging you guys for being gay. Whatever.

Speaker: say it never helps you vote I get it, but damn. ah idea i'm just Yeah. ah To run to run says hot boiling water sp spilled out from a bottle onto my stomach thighs and penis.

Speaker: The skin ended up looking like a peeled potato with burnt skin all over the place. I was rushed to the hospital on nothing but a huge and very transparent white bed sheet at 1 a.m. m Just my luck. The hospital was completely filled with patients at the time.

Speaker: I got a boner for God knows what reason. And it could be seen by all the patients, nurses, doctors present in that floor. Worst time for a boner.

Speaker: Yeah, can see it also hurt. The that it still worked, I'd be like, fuck yes! Yeah, props to getting a boner after just like... and And there's really no like, why did he have hot boiling water spilled on his lap? Where did it come from? What happened? It just jumps right into the story.

Speaker: Yeah, it was like, you know. But yeah I would have been more relieved that my kids still worked than anything. I'm like, fuck, the the skin will heal. Fuck that shit. At least it still worked. You came, little buddy?

Speaker: Got it. Yeah. I'm sure there's a couple people there. If it would have been me and I was sitting there and it happened, I went, woohoo! Yeah, you can send me home, Doc. I'm good. good Bug it.

Speaker: I'm good. yeah hu Let's go. Back it up. so Give me some gauze and send me all my way. yeah Tony V, not to be confused with Tony D, but Tony V says, I was in class getting ready to do the pledge.

Speaker: And my girlfriend at the time smiled and weeped at me And I got a boner. Yes, you did. That is the patriotic boner, my friend. Yes. The patriotic boner. That boner saluted her.

Speaker: said Yes, ma'am. I'm here to serve.

Speaker: No. sand but But it's one of those things. like you know Obviously, at that point, he's not necessarily sexually active. And the girl you like is like, hi, daddy. And you're like, my God.

Speaker: Yeah, what's up? How you doing? I get it. That old soldier stood up to salute the flag. Yes, he did. Good for him. God bless America. yeah ah Paint that motherfucker red, white, blue. Let's get on with lives.

Speaker: All these lights says, ah but my best friend and I were having dinner with his family, including his elderly grandparents. He was standing at the tote at the stove to help serve and suddenly looked over at me in a horror.

Speaker: Upon seeing the unfortunate time boner, I replaced him serving so he could take care of that. I'm sorry. knew My first thought was this dude got turned on my granny.

Speaker: And I was like, there's all sorts gigs. I'm just like... I just want to say shout out to that's a friend right there shout out shout out to that's the best friend right there because you're at your friend's family and you look at your friend standing at the stove and he's like got this look of like oh man embarrassment and you're like got you bro like this ain't even my family I got you bro You know what? Let me help mom serve everybody. You go sit down. You go sit down. I got this. I'll be a nice guest. Yes, yes.

Speaker: ah be nice guest yes Meanwhile, I'd be like, also, before we eat, I'd like to all say grace. And and thank you for showing us your penis. Oh, that would have been us. We'd be like, Glick's got boner. I'd like to bless this food that we're about to eat. I'm thankful for this.

Speaker: ah You know, being together with friends and family. And Jeff's erection. I mean. Click's got a giant erection. Just saying. Nobody? Nothing?

Speaker: I thought it was funny. Hey, man, let's eat. Click, put your dick away. God bless Jeff's boner. Amen. Great.

Speaker: great It looks over going, how you doing, daddy? Click, stick his show.

Speaker: Somebody put that on stickar put that i stick talk. and The last one, and the last one of this list tonight, Jay says, I once made my boyfriend a proper hot chocolate with marshmallows and all the extras.

Speaker: And he enjoyed it so much. He got a boner.

Speaker: Yeah, the hot chocolate had nothing to do with wine. now regularly tease him about the time he was sexually attracted to a hot drink. Yeah, honey, if you if you stop making the hot chocolate topless, he won't get that boner. I'm just saying.

Speaker: Or maybe he's, I mean, we've had a guy turned on by Jesus on the cross. I do like chocolate. I just don't like it that much. We've had a guy turned on by math. I mean, who's to say guy's not turned out every time he goes to Starbucks. um the baby yeah Every time he goes to Starbucks, he gets a raging boner.

Speaker: Or Duncan, or he drives past Willy Wonka's house, and he's just like, holy shit! Drive past a mom and pop coffee shop. Oh, God.

Speaker: You need to drive. to pull over real quick with you didn't drive I can't drive to and i go you a dozen donuts of your back yeah yeah the whipped cream thing yeah

Speaker: um'm not mad at the list being And that concludes tonight's penis report. 13 boner horror story. You know what That was a really good list. I enjoyed that. cause we can We can relate to those.

Speaker: It's harder ah it's harder for us it ah it was harder for us to relate to the Vajigui because we don't have them. Mm-hmm. ah and or the the first time seeing a penis stories that we did, that's harder for us to relate to because I've only seen mine.

Speaker: So, yeah, wrong gear shift. Yeah. Put it in first, baby. Put it first. Now go to second. Back to first. Back to second. There you go. Keep going. Overdrive.

Speaker: Yes. How fast can you switch gears? ah but But no, I like that. That was actually really good. Well, that is the news that makes us say what the fuck.

Speaker: The fuck. Tune tomorrow. Wally is going to be back with another Speedway Stories and Cold-Blooded Conversations. No, Cold-Blooded Conversations are on Thursdays. Yeah, but he still calls it the same thing, both episodes. Yeah, he's confusing.

Speaker: Yeah, he is, because I keep telling him, split it up, dude. It's supposed to be split it but yeah it's supposed to be split He needs two logos. I'm just saying. please I know. yeah Anywho, check out Wally tomorrow right here.

Speaker: About an hour before we started, because he does go before. And then Friday, Blaze and I got something new. We're going to be talking about um the movies coming out this month.

Speaker: It's our new segment calling And I can't remember what we're calling it, but you'll find out on Friday. cause like I came up with it, but I can't remember what it's called. Don't forget bio.link slash nonsensicalnetwork.

Speaker: Everything we do is there, including our merch store. Glick proudly shows off his new t-shirt. Where the fuck is the... There it is Beauty and the Beauty Creative Corner on Facebook and Instagram. And go ahead, like, share, follow, and pop in every once while. Say hi.

Speaker: Bye, everybody! Be good or be good at it. Sluts. Sluts. Sluts. Sl

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Speaker: So I just got a message from my boss