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Do I Tell People My Kid Is Autistic?
278 Plays17 days ago
Welcome back to Raising Autistic Disciples! After a full year away from the mic, Larah and Colin Roberts are back with a “year in review” catch-up, a few honest laughs (yes… including the legendary Pooper Bowl anniversary), and a question Larah gets from other Christian parents all the time:
“I struggle to tell people my son has autism. I want him treated like every other child. How did you handle this?”
In this episode, Larah and Colin talk through the tension so many parents feel: wanting to protect your child from being defined by a diagnosis, while also realizing that hiding it can create more exhaustion, confusion, and isolation. They share practical ways they’ve learned to talk about autism in trusted circles, what to do when people respond with ignorant or hurtful comments, and why the gospel gives us freedom to be honest without shame.
They also preview what’s coming this season, including conversations with autism moms, church leaders, and friends with different perspectives—because we can disagree and still be kind… and still worship together.
In this episode, we talk about:
- The one-year anniversary of potty training success (and why you should absolutely celebrate the wins)
- Graham’s first airplane ride… and the “Great job, everybody. We did it!” moment
- A scary summer eye injury, and how it revealed something important about strong connections to people, places, and experiences
- Why not talking about autism can build emotional walls and make relationships harder
- The difference between identity in Christ and the reality of a diagnosis as a helpful “map”
- How to tell your trusted people before you feel like you have it all figured out
- What to do when family or church folks say the wrong thing (“He’s not autistic… he just needs more discipline…”)
- Why hiding a diagnosis can actually be unkind long-term
- The role of the church and community: we need running partners, reminders, and perspective
Key takeaway:
Your autistic child is not something to be hidden. They are an image bearer. And the goal isn’t to make autism their identity—it’s to live in the freedom of truth, so others can understand, support, and walk with you.
Recommended
Transcript
Misconceptions about Autism
00:00:00
Speaker
They say something that's just off-putting. Right. Or, no, he's not autistic. No, he can't be. you And then they bring up disciplined conversations like, it just doesn't he hasn't been spanked enough or he hasn't been, you know, whatever.
00:00:12
Speaker
When somebody says something that just out of lack of knowledge, they don't. Right. Then what but happens internally is that you start just to build the wall.
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:25
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to the Raising Autistic Disciples podcast. My name is Lara Roberts and with me I have the one, the only Colin B. Roberts. Has anybody ever called you that?
00:00:39
Speaker
um Very rarely. I've always wanted to like be one of those old school writers that had like their first two initials. CB? CB Roberts. Never thought of you like that. E-B-L-E Roberts.
00:00:52
Speaker
Well, I mean, I haven't been called Lurr. or That is true. That is your initials. But you, CB, I can, it could work. Yeah. It feels like I'm more like an air traffic controller than a book writer.
00:01:05
Speaker
CB Roberts or like maybe an ice road
Challenges with Consistency
00:01:07
Speaker
drugger. over should we do a copy yeah that's cool all right well hey no it doesn't happen very often it doesn't happen very often um hey do you remember when the last time that we like the last time we had a a podcast episode ah don't it was january 2025 Come on, a full year. your full year. So... We've had plenty of podcastable moments. We have, which we're going to discuss, but like this whole word of like consistency has not been on our since agenda.
00:01:40
Speaker
We've been consistent in other things. We have definitely been consistent in other things. Pray the Lord, but
Plans for New Season
00:01:44
Speaker
not this one. Not been consistent in the whole podcast. So, hey, accept our apology, you faithful listeners. But we're back on it because i I know this because I have calendared a lot of interviews for this particular season of the podcast. So get excited. We'll talk about that in a second. But, okay, so if a year's gone by...
00:02:04
Speaker
Let's catch some people up on... A
Year in Review
00:02:06
Speaker
year in review. A year in review. What's happened in 2025? C.V. Roberts? You have to jog my memory. It's been a lot. I will jog your memory. At the time of this recording, it is ah early February. So this weekend is what? This weekend, those what what is this Sunday?
00:02:25
Speaker
Sunday is February 8th. Thank you. Okay. What what had happened on the Sunday night? Oh, the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl. So this time last year, what were we doing?
Family Milestones
00:02:38
Speaker
Ooh. but What were we doing? We were celebrating a monumental event, and it was not the Super Bowl.
00:02:47
Speaker
This is how bad the... This is how much us, especially these parents, we had such, we can't even remember yesterday, much less year a year ago. Unumental event. Yeah. Remember like piñata and everything?
00:02:58
Speaker
Oh, the poop party. Yes. The pooper bowl. The pooper bowl. There it is. We are, this weekend we will celebrate one year anniversary of our sweet bowl our sweet grand boy being potty trained and all God's people said. Amen.
00:03:11
Speaker
One year of potty training success. Con. I mean. what What a year it's been. i mean. That's huge. It was huge. And it has been huge this year. Honestly, i can't think. I mean, it it was so like, once he got it, he just got it. He got it. He was ready.
00:03:25
Speaker
And, um yeah, crazy. So, yeah. So, we did the whole poop pinata. I ordered a poop pinata off of it. Amazon and we filled that thing with candy and then we um we so we let him smack it and we celebrate it. Because you know what? That's a big accomplishment. i will Anybody listen to this. if Once your kid is able to potty train, you celebrate. Absolutely. Celebrate, celebrate. Okay, so that happened. um Between that and and May, I really am... um I had a loss. I had a loss. I can't really remember anything, but we ah we celebrated 17 years of marriage. we did, absolutely. That was that was big deal. 17 years of marriage in May. Yeah. that' Put up with me for 17 years. Well, I guess technically 20 counting. With dating.
00:04:11
Speaker
With dating and whatnot. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's been a, man. It's been a journey. It goes by fast, but also it's, looking back, it's God's faithfulness after one thing after another. Anyway, so 17 years of marriage. um Graham's, we
Graham's Travel Adventures
00:04:26
Speaker
move into June. june Graham's first airplane.
00:04:29
Speaker
Yes. Oh, yeah. That you did with him solo because I was already there. Yeah, man. What if what an event. Are we going to talk about that whole event? I mean, probably in a later podcast, and but I just want you to tell him just as we're recapping what he did at at the end of the flight. what the Obviously, at the beginning of the flight, I mean, ah the whole trip was wonderful.
00:04:51
Speaker
um At the beginning of the flight, I think he, all with all the delays and stuff, and we had to ready to go back and forth from the terminal, and it got delayed four or five times. We had to take a nap in the terminal and whatnot.
00:05:04
Speaker
um then we finally on the airplane, he was so worked up and ready. as soon as we're on takeoff, and he just vomits in the bag. Luckily, we caught it all. Okay. Okay. and and Those little baggies do come in handy. They do come in handy.
00:05:18
Speaker
And then when we get till we get to we get to Baton Rouge. You're like in the front of the airplane. In the front of the airplane. We're where everybody can see us. And he he loved it. and He was having a blast.
00:05:30
Speaker
We get on the ground. We get to the terminal. And as soon as they park the airplane, he turns around and gets on his knees where he can just scan the whole back the old fuselage. is Everybody in the... lodge And he just says, great job, everybody. We did it.
00:05:47
Speaker
Raises his hands. Great job, everybody. her Cheer and applause by everyone. it was It was sweet. It was fun. Great job, everybody. That's so wild. Gosh. And then the rest of that trip just. Yeah. and Oh, yeah. Well, we're going to explain on another episode. Let's see. How would we title that episode when we do explain it? Don't Stop in Mississippi. Don't Stop in Mississippi. What does a ah police chase, tornado, and and a gas station have in common? That's what we're going to talk about. So get and get ready. when we When Colin Roberts is back on the podcast, you will hear the story of the police chase, the tornado, and the gas station. If there was ever a there's no place like home moment. that was That was a long trip off. Jesus have mercy.
00:06:32
Speaker
All right, moving on so then so we move out of June, we get to July, our summer.
Lessons from Injuries
00:06:38
Speaker
Man, ah so something always happens during our summer. um Graham had an eye injury. Yes, he did.
00:06:45
Speaker
That was pretty big. that was But also redeemed to some degree. but We did. um it was it So long story short, you know, you pray and you you you desire that when you have siblings when you have, you know, other kids, your autistic kid, you know, actually gets along with them. Well, all three of our kids get along fantastic as brother and sister. And so ah they're playing and, you know, a a finger hit an eye and it peeled.
00:07:15
Speaker
gra Yeah, cornea. Pilled grams cornea. A cornea abrasion. And we learned that, just FYI, if anybody's taking notes, that a peeled cornea is better than a scratched cornea? Well, a peeled cornea is obviously better because it didn't cut deep. Right. But it just takes a long time to heal. To heal. But the scratch would have been... If the scratch would have been surface level, it would a heal quicker, but it's more potential to be more damaging. Right. Right.
00:07:43
Speaker
But man, that's the impulse for for most of us to be able to hold our eyes open and understand that eye drops are helpful. all Right.
00:07:55
Speaker
The sensation of them being cold or warm doesn't really technically matter. But man, we tried to do all the things, but he walked around for five days with his eyes closed. But that broke heart, I'm not going to lie. Yeah, yeah. Like, the whole... When it happened, got scared. You took him to the doctor.
00:08:14
Speaker
um i mean, tried to trying to communicate to... This was not like meltdown. This was like he was... He was fearful and scared like we've never yeah seen him before. because He doesn't really get scared over anything. And so to be able to calm him down because his eye not only hurt, but it was his eye. yeah yeah And so for him not to be able to see and for him for us to be able to even see what happened in his eye, it was that was heart wrenching. And then the next day when he would, you know, with his hands, trying to touch walls to make sure to navigate, oh, my mama hurt. But long story short,
00:08:51
Speaker
And there's Dr. Stevens. And then there's the wonderful Dr. Stevens in our community. And Graham loves the doctor now. Man. but Because, again, it it it showed us that autistic individuals place strong connections to people, places, and things. that's right. Yeah. and then And Dr. Stevens' office is where he feels better. and And he knew that the magic drops were at doctor. And that's a whole long story of why we couldn't get the magic drops because we went to pharmacy after pharmacy, couldn't find them. But it worked out that we went to six times. We went to the doctor's office within 48 hours. Absolutely. Because he needed the drops twice a day. And so we got to know those people. And then Graham got to have a relationship with the doctor's office, not being a scary place, but an actual place that he equated with um feeling better. And so, and you know, that taught us
00:09:40
Speaker
How does he feel about our home? How does he feel about church? How does he feel about other, but like what strong connections is he making toward this? And it just, it it further solidifies in our mind how to raise an autistic disciple. Absolutely.
00:09:52
Speaker
Yeah. So, long story short, it healed within 12 days. Yeah, it was pretty close. Yeah. Yeah. And so, but that first 24 to 48 hours of keeping him in a dark room, that was... Previous year was a gash on my leg. Yeah, you... This year was a gash on his eye. Every summer, man. Who's up next? Not... Hey, don't... Please, Lord, don't... We got four months to get ready for it. Oh, gosh.
00:10:15
Speaker
um So, yeah. So, I am Julie. That brings us out of the summer. and and Breeze down the summer and between the summer and now, it kind of is also a blur a little bit. Yeah. um But at the time of this recording, we were just coming out of 10 days of spending wonderful quality family time inside from 10 inches of snow yes that we don't usually normally get and we don't really know what to do with. Absolutely.
00:10:44
Speaker
Nor will we properly equip equipment wise to... we We cannot survive in this stuff. So those of you who are from the north or, and you know, other places where you navigate snow, it just, it rocked our world. Man, we did get them sluds. But here here's one thing I didn't tell you.
00:11:00
Speaker
While you were gone to work that day when they were off of school playing in the snow, he loved it. Mm-hmm. And we already know about our, our Graham, our kid, that his pain tolerance is through the roof. yeah He can, do I mean, the eye injury was one thing, but like he, you I mean, you just don't know if he's hurting. Yes. so Unless it's real. That's what that's how we knew with the eye injury something's wrong is because he usually doesn't. Yeah. Well, anyway. Yeah. So three days ago when it's snow and they're out of school, you're at work, I let him go play outside and he stayed out there for a good 45 minutes. Now it's, it's cold. Oh yeah. Like we're talking about like 12 degrees, 12, between 12 and 20 kind of thing. And so he finally comes in and I go check on him. i If you watch my Instagram stories, you saw that, but I go check him every once a while. And then when he came in, because the back door, I was near it and he took off his shoes. He had no socks on.
00:11:58
Speaker
And just looked down I'm mother of the year. Yeah. to like And he, no frostbite, all toes are accounted for. Yeah. but But he likes he likes them the sensory of it. but He loves the snow. He loves the cold. Frozen toes? Yeah, i mean, it doesn't bother him. Yeah.
00:12:15
Speaker
Like falling in the snow, pushing Levi in the snow, all the feeling all the feelings. All the things. once' All the feels. Jeez. So snow. Yep.
Autism and Faith
00:12:24
Speaker
And Colin, who would have thought? i um I mean, let me preface this next one with um if my high school friends or my high school teachers, I think I should send a book. Anyway, if they could see me now and be like, Lara McKay, maiden name, wrote a book, they would probably laugh. Oh, I bet they wouldn't.
00:12:45
Speaker
But, Letters to Lindsay, seeing your child's autism diagnosis through a gospel lens, volume one, theology and autism has been out in the world for about four months now. Yeah, come on. Praise God in his kindness, the feedback and the encouragement, I hope, all from him. Absolutely. So that's been out in the world. that's how That happened last year. um But let me let me go ahead and tell you something.
00:13:06
Speaker
What's that? along about Along with the Letters to Lindsay, because I tell a certain story in that book. But people have expressed through DM and emails and whatnot their disdain.
00:13:19
Speaker
Disdain? Disdain? Sure. Let's go with that. and this I don't know what we're going for, but. Of your philosophy. Okay. Do you know where i'm going? Oh, without a doubt.
00:13:31
Speaker
they they they do not They do not share your theory of a multitasking. multitasking It rubs a lot of people the wrong way. So if you have not read Letter to Lindsay, I tell a story in there of where, listen.
00:13:45
Speaker
a We've talked about this enough on other media. Can I? ah True. So can I? I'm going to give my brief synopsis. Give it. Go ahead and give it. It's very brief and it's not alienating to anybody. Yeah. Okay. mind, I'm going to give my brief synopsis.
00:13:58
Speaker
In Colin's mind. Now there are there are some studies, but i don't I don't really, that's not the point of my conversation. When you talk about the word multitasking, okay, what most people think they're talking about you simultaneously be doing be able to do independent new tasks that involve no muscle memory at um almost the exact same time. Our body obviously does multiple processes at the same time. It's just part of being our body.
00:14:27
Speaker
But the Lord has inherently designed us to be able to be singularly focused on one task at a time. he He multi-tasks. He's omnipotent. He's omnipresent.
00:14:38
Speaker
So for me, it's a theological conversation. And millions of times of talking about this, you never made it spiritual. So to bring hit to bring the Lord into it. No, no, no. Yeah. but But if if He is that...
00:14:51
Speaker
We aren't that. Okay. Okay. So what I'm saying is now, but let me, let me, hold but let me bring this, let me bring this to the, to the world we live in. So that's, that's the beginning basis, the theological understanding, the secondary understanding, the metaphysical, like man and woman, it is no doubt in my mind that for, for most women, most the ones I've ever been around, y'all are much better at what I would call task switching.
00:15:20
Speaker
So your ability your ability to keep multiple tasks in queue, recall them, do them, recall them, do them, put them back in the queue, shift them around, and bar none.
00:15:33
Speaker
And you're wired, like those was wired you guys to be little bit more adept at that. Like for me personally, I get so narrowly focused on a task, I can lose track of all the other things, right?
00:15:45
Speaker
So I am not denying that for most for most women, and especially I'm sure the ones that are... Rolling their eyes. Have a have a a level of vitriol over what I'm saying. Vitriol. Yeah, vitriol. Just anger, irritation. okay I'm not denying the fact that you switched tasks really fast you are you are master task switchers. You just don't think multitasking is a thing. I don't think it's physiologically a thing and I don't think it's spiritually a thing.
00:16:13
Speaker
I don't have to be right, though. That's just my, the Lord is omni. We aren't. I don't know if you read my final manuscript because you read a lot of my, you know, but but like if you look in the in the book, I do put a footnote at the bottom. Yeah.
00:16:27
Speaker
That says there is research that does affirm. Yeah. multitaking it's just say It's one. It's one. It's Harvard. did it that's not the and That's not really my point. But i do it I do at least give you a footnote that I do know it's semi-whatever. But for us women who can rock a baby, yeah plan the next meal, cook the next meal at the same time, be on the phone talking to a friend.
00:16:53
Speaker
Yeah, all the things. All the things. well and And obviously my my point being the task switching. Like we're talking nanoseconds here. We're splitting hairs.
00:17:05
Speaker
But independently, like when you talk when you look in scripture, we don't have a divided mind. but right He didn't give us one of those. he he is the perfection. He is the omni.
00:17:16
Speaker
He is the all the things. But specific specific to ah the moms in the in the that are listening, there is no doubt in my mind y'all have a, most for the most part, have a predisposition to task switching much quicker than the opposite gender.
00:17:38
Speaker
you've You've made a compelling argument. Yeah. And so so we've weve we've teased that so many times on other things. Like I you have i do need to at least. You've explained yourself well. There go and even it And I will gladly be wrong when we're all worshiping together. You're right.
00:17:54
Speaker
But until that time, I'm yeah pretty firm in it. You want to know what other story that we're not going to talk about on this podcast? what not Hot water heater. We're not talking about it. man Let's move on. We'll talk about that on ah another, but I do tell that story in the day too.
00:18:07
Speaker
I do tell that story. That one, but that one in in general, I'm just the one sentence. That one's just right or wrong. True. That's why we're not about it. All right. So, ah Hey, so for the rest of this season, I'm pretty excited
Upcoming Guests
00:18:20
Speaker
about it. And I don't want to give it all away, but I have recorded a few that are you're going to hear ah coming out in the next few weeks. But I'm really excited to frame some of these conversations with some amazing people, both um autism parents, church leaders, and some that aren't.
00:18:38
Speaker
um Because I think we can learn from all types of people. um My friend Abby with... um um um blanking on Abby's Instagram. Dagummit, hold on second.
00:18:51
Speaker
I tell you, this the snow days have really gotten to us. The snow days have literally made our... Because we, I mean, literally made our brains like we're like, okay, one of this...
00:19:01
Speaker
um Emma's for Mama. She's the least. There you go. Yeah. So my friend Abby, Emma's for Mama, is going to be on. I mean, she's not an autistic ah mom or parent, but we're going to talk about motherhood um because I learned a lot from her. um And so she's going to the podcast. My friend Courtney from Acts of Sourdough is going to be on. And ah next week, my mentor, Barb Stanley, is going to be on talking all things kind of giving the framework to, i'm not going to give it away of what this whole season is going to be about. ah ah Ryan Wolf from Ability and Ministry is going to be on talking about um something that I'm really looking forward to all um that I'm wrestling with, the whole age of accountability thing. Yeah. So I'm going to talk to him and so many more people, Kim Botto, Kerry Baker. um Yes. some All the all-stars. All the all-stars, but just, but also my friend, you know,
00:19:58
Speaker
ah Tiffany and Angie and ah ah Mallory, just autism moms who are living life. So let me ask you a question. This just popped in my head. So...
00:20:11
Speaker
For all the people that you just mentioned, how long have you known? No, I mean, literally, may talk to two people. Now, when did you come to know or meet any of these people? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. This season, I may talk to two people that I've known longer for two years.
00:20:29
Speaker
So like my extent on Instagram covers the people that I'm going to be talking to. i mean, just how the Lord orchestrates relationships. He redeems it. I mean, there' is there's an aspect of the internet that's evil and frustrating, but yeah but he does the connecting part is really beautiful. Yes. Yes. So anyway, I'm just really excited. Here's here's the point, Con.
00:20:48
Speaker
Why all those conversations? Is because what Instagram has taught me, what what the world of just online media taught me is, is there, we do have all lived different perspectives. Mm-hmm.
00:21:01
Speaker
We all have a different lens on by which we see things. Now, if the gospel is the lens of our art what we're unified under, we can talk about any conversation, even if we disagree. And there's going to be times when some of these people are going to disagree where I stand and I'm going to disagree with it. Like, it's just part of it. um ah My friend Nicole is going to be on and the wealth of just the she oozes like just love for Jesus. And so we're going to talk about advocacy and how it gets real hard. It does. so You know, but different, that like, like just how we see autism, you know, through the gospel lens, but how there's some aspects of it that are just very,
00:21:42
Speaker
ah weird to navigate. oh yeah so we're gonna lay things out the open with, and and you've helped me with this, like, and you've even said this, and I hope nobody disagrees with it It's just really hard to have a conversation with people these days when you when you disagree. Like, we can disagree and still be kind. oh yeah're And we're still gonna worship together. Yeah. For now and in an eternity. Right.
00:22:05
Speaker
And so that's what we're going to do I want to know other people's perspective on things. I want to talk through some things that I'm wrestling with. And yes, I'm super excited about it. That's excellent. It's going to be fun, consistent.
00:22:17
Speaker
It is. We going to be consistent. Look at there. What a goal. What a day. Putting it putting it on, not putting it on well paper too, but like you've you've got it here in the recording. That's it. Okay. So as we wrap up,
00:22:28
Speaker
I got a message today and I'm going to just kind of spring it on you.
Balancing Autism Diagnosis
00:22:31
Speaker
Well, I'll give you. what what do you think of as first. So this sweet sister, honestly, I don't think we've ever gone, we've ever answered this or i don't think I wrote about it either. um She says, hey, Lyra, as a fellow follower of Jesus, I've been struggling with something and I would love to hear how you handled this in your journey. I struggle to tell people that my son has autism.
00:22:54
Speaker
I want so badly for him to be treated like every other child and not defined by his diagnosis, even though I know it could be evident to people i selectively tell.
00:23:08
Speaker
How did you and your husband go about this? Thank you.
00:23:13
Speaker
and Yeah, that's, we've talked about this enough together in other digital contexts that I'm pretty sure the the ones that were that have been in our village, that are in our circle, we probably know how we'd answer it.
00:23:29
Speaker
But my particular way of kind of living out this journey that the Lord has given us is slightly different than yours. Yeah. Well, it was at first it was because I was in denial. Yeah. yeah Well, and but even even to that even to that point, don't have a propensity to be embarrassed.
00:23:48
Speaker
Right. Right. which Which means sometimes I put our son in situations that probably over-accentuate certain things because i I want the world to see him.
00:24:00
Speaker
So I'm not as protective. Mm-hmm. But then even on you on the embarrassment side, you can go too far to the embarrassment thing, but also you're you're naturally protective right of of him.
00:24:13
Speaker
And so when it comes to situations that his it is autism specifically is pretty evident, right? And and it's... I don't...
00:24:27
Speaker
I know this is hopefully this is not something that would ever get me in trouble. I'm sure we can edit it out if we need to, but, the like the Lord has given us a gift in our son.
00:24:40
Speaker
So like our other son is a football player. He tells everybody football player, right? He's proud of football player. and Our older, our daughter, she loves Jesus. She loves to cheer. She loves her friends. Right.
00:24:52
Speaker
our and our But our son can't like, other than movies and other things, like. He can't tell people. He can't tell people. Right? What he enjoys. And so even this this very morning, like we went and got coffee, right?
00:25:08
Speaker
And the one thing that he is pretty much everywhere is just joyful, right? And so when I can sit down and and he sits down at a stool and talks to it a middle-aged gentleman named Scott. No, he's not talking to them. He's scripting.
00:25:24
Speaker
No, no. He asked him questions. Did he really? He said, and how about him he said how are your day? What are you reading? Like asking questions, like, you know, being. Okay. And then got a small tour of the little co-working place and the coffee shop, whatever.
00:25:38
Speaker
it was It was sweet, but like I didn't have to explain to that gentleman because he just knew. right and so But in other in other situations where I need to make it evident right and I need to make it clear,
00:25:54
Speaker
Like, i don't I don't walk around with my with my son like he's got a scarlet letter on that I hope nobody ever finds out. And so so, like, just when it comes to bearing even though it's hard and it's and it's it's hard to ride that line because depending on what circles his sister is in there's a lot of people that like to remind myself.
00:26:19
Speaker
parents of special needs that your, the special needs that your son or daughter, whoever it is, possesses is not their identity. Their identity isn't Christ, right? Sure, yeah. Now, that's a good thing. so i'm I'm trying to marry that with what we were talking about. There's good ways to apply that. Mm-hmm.
00:26:34
Speaker
And then, but when you're around people that just don't want to deal with the autism, they'll say, hey, that's not his identity.
Identity and Autism
00:26:41
Speaker
Quit talking about it. That's not healthy, right? Because i don't think my son's identity is being autistic. He is an image bearer.
00:26:50
Speaker
But in in the specific diagnosis that he has, the way he sees the world understands it, can bring joy in situations. But the world around him also needs know how to to understand him, right?
00:27:05
Speaker
And so we can't do that if it's not open. Right. We can't do that if it's not part of vernacular and understanding. Is it is it wrong for me to say, or selfish, or whatever, maybe we can just talk this out, that i I kind of feel now, looking back, that it would have been more exhausting not explaining it? Yeah.
00:27:23
Speaker
Well, i i don't I don't say what I'm about to say lightly, and obviously i I'm going to be as vague as I can because there's there's there's certain people that I know I've come to know in the in most recent years that they have mid-20s and almost 30-year-old children that never were told that they were autistic.
00:27:45
Speaker
And I think the most unkind thing she could do for an autistic person is try to try to convince them or try to hide any diagnosis and try to convince them that they're neurotypical. Because there's no way their mind's going able to comprehend what's going around them.
00:28:02
Speaker
Mainly because then you just end up in these just, especially as you get older and there's more feelings and emotions coming, as like they don't understand who they are. And so helping your child understand and other people around understand who they are, how they think, isn't leaning into their identity being their diagnosis.
00:28:21
Speaker
It's just like when you love someone, you have to know them, right? And so, yeah, so I think the encouragement would be If the people around you get uncomfortable because you mentioned that your son is autistic and that becomes part of how you start conversation, that's just not your fault. That's not your problem. Right. You're not and you're not to manage other people's emotions or reactions. Yeah. They they don't hold sway over you. yeah You're not responsible for that.
00:28:49
Speaker
And so if you if you take that burden internally, then you're creating the stress in yourself that just doesn't need to exist. Right. How would you answer the whole like defined, like the word defined?
00:29:02
Speaker
Yeah. i don't want I don't want them to define him as, it it goes back to identity, like what you're saying. Yeah. but when And when it comes to like the definition of a person, and then the they' listing off of the characteristics that they possess, we don't we don't we don't like to keep those two sacred things separate.
00:29:25
Speaker
right cause it We just think it's but think it's just a mental gymnastics. When in essence, like we're defined, we're defined by the Lord, whether you believe in him or not, we were made in his image.
00:29:37
Speaker
All creation sings, right? All creation bears this, tells the story. and then But then ah as his children, right the ones that are redeemed and saved, it's almost like we we feel like if we talk about things that are not inherently talked about in Scripture as our identity, then somehow we have this spiritual schizophrenia.
00:29:59
Speaker
We can't talk about this because it's not specifically mentioned. Right. Like when Paul talks about his ministry in the gospel, this is not the same thing as a diagnosis. He diagnoses his ministry with sufferings. Right.
00:30:14
Speaker
And his specific way that he would describe himself as a as ah having a thorn in the flesh. Right. Doesn't didn't de define him, but it did. It did define his circumstances. It did. Right. And it and it.
00:30:27
Speaker
it it laid out a boundary of what he could and couldn't do yeah so that if he would not have told people he had whatever the thorn refers to, yeah then he his ministry would not have been Yeah. Because if you if you feel like that the, we'll go back to the diagnosis part, if you're if you feel like that the diagnosis that your your child has been given or whoever you're caregiving for has been given is's something that you need to hide.
00:30:57
Speaker
then i don't think you truly understand what it means to be counted worthy to carry what you've been given. Right. And so we just have felt like and then people have told us and there are people that probably explain a lot more eloquently than what I'm about to say. But like it is a map.
00:31:12
Speaker
Yeah. Like it's a piece of paper. Yeah, without a doubt. But it it's a map to understanding because our focus is discipleship as Christian parents. Our map is to the diagnosis a map to help me understand how he learns best.
00:31:24
Speaker
like ah And I'm going to use very simple language here because it's it was similar like when as our daughter has grown up. one of the things we talked about, and i um won't be this and i'm I'm not using graphic language here, I'm just going very vague.
00:31:37
Speaker
as As a young woman gets older, she'll experience these things as she changes, her body changes. Developmentally, yeah. And then one of the most significant developmental things for a young woman, ah most all of us would know what that is,
00:31:51
Speaker
As her dad, I don't want to ever make her feel icky. So i don't I don't shy away from that conversation yeah because I don't want her to feel like she's spoiled or icky. So it's the same thing with her son.
00:32:04
Speaker
i'm want he may not understand what the word autism means or and maybe understand right now why he's different. But we don't ever want to make him... i don't want to make him feel icky....feel like he is a project, but yet also that that this is something we're shying away from and not talking about it because we're ashamed of him. That is um not the case. So other people other people take the mental leap of watching special needs parents make their identity and the diagnosis the same.
00:32:32
Speaker
i know we don't do that. Other people like to project that on other people because... I don't really know why I can give a couple of conjectures, but one of the main ones is is if you can try to cast an aspersion, if you want to try to make people feel bad for how they're treating their their child and over-accentuating their diagnosis,
00:32:53
Speaker
then it removes them or from the responsibility of being a part of that community and a part of that building. toward them, yeah. No, we can't do that because they're they're they're those people. that Their son's identity is is autism before they're an image bearer. yeah But people like to make those false dichotomies all the time.
00:33:11
Speaker
there But it removes them from the responsibility of actually moving towards it. Right. So practically speaking, how did we move toward people to actually tell them? I mean, i I remember it like it was yesterday. And if you go back to the almost one of the very first, I think maybe the second or third, fourth, I can't remember episodes, I'd talk about the parking, walking the lines in the parking lot, talking to my friend Lizzie. She says, you know, we're going to name it out loud. You're going to say it because that's the first step.
00:33:37
Speaker
yada ya You can go back and listen to it. um But then I remember like a week later as i was processing that I was in the Walmart parking lot and I just call my mom and I'm like, pretty sure this is what's happening. I was crying, you know, my eyeballs out like this is what happened. And of course, she of course she was so encouraging and, you know,
00:33:54
Speaker
kind of thing. And so that was step number one is just saying it out loud. yeah And then we have a small group that is like our literally like our family, brothers and sisters. And here's what look if I knew then what I know now, here's what I think. And we just finished up the series, how to church that you can find on YouTube. And it and it it kind of helped us have language too. I just wish we, I do wish we would have told people sooner. Yeah, 100%. Well, that that was definitely one. We didn't know that that was a proper step. Right. Correct. So that's why we're wanting to quit. So especially with your church, especially with your small group of friends, like with your trusted people, go ahead and tell them. But this is it. You don't have to feel like you have to know everything. i No, not at all. You literally just say, this is what we think is going on. Would you pray with us?
00:34:40
Speaker
Um, and but the the whole like, this is, okay, time out. This is the other thing too. So I'm gonna kind of like contradict myself just a little bit. I love this question from the sister.
00:34:51
Speaker
But I'm um about to launch an article, too, that says, um because sweet another sweet sister on Autism Moms Bible Study, ah recently kid diagnosed, and she just asked the vulnerable, humble, I mean, question of, can't am I okay not accepting it yet?
00:35:12
Speaker
It is. i want ah she She said, I want to get past it, but I cannot. And so I wrote this long letter of you give yourself grace on the on the phases and stages, because now do I think some are unhealthy to stay in a long time? Yeah, I do. I think you need to step up. I'm not going to tell you when. That's a Holy Spirit thing. of You're still journeying to understand. Right. So, but what how it compares to this is you you you don't need to not not tell anybody what your're what you're
Community Support
00:35:47
Speaker
navigating. yeah So even if you're not, like you're like in that the same
00:35:52
Speaker
thing that she was in, like, I don't know if I can accept to it yet. That's fine. Your group of people still need to know. That's right, yeah. Because if you hide it from them and then things just start piling up and they start wondering something, like, is it this? Like, you just, we they start wondering things. Yeah.
00:36:05
Speaker
Tell your people, but don't feel like you have to have all the answers. Just say, it listen, we just need you to pray. Yeah. And then how i also add a caveat of like, I might be a little bit moody in the next few weeks. I'm saying some stuff. I probably should i don't know this sister's life at all, but I i can.
00:36:23
Speaker
Probably some of her trepidation just comes from she's probably tried and she's experienced some sort of like hurt from it. Sure. So the heart, the hardest thing to do to be open and honest is when you when you're when you're in a room with your with your family and they say something that out of just ignorance, like I said, we don't mean that negatively. No, it means lack a knowledge. Just lack of knowledge.
00:36:46
Speaker
They say something that's just off-putting. right Or, no, he's not autistic. No, he can't be. youre And then they bring up disciplined conversations like it just doesn't he hasn't been spanked enough or he hasn't been, you know, whatever.
00:36:58
Speaker
When somebody says something that just out of lack of knowledge, they don't. Right. Then what but happens internally is that you start just to build the wall. and So whatever can keep you from that pain, that feeling, because you already you already don't feel adequate, and that just makes you feel more inadequate, then it just makes it harder to be i' joyfully submissive to what the Lord gave you and to be open about it.
00:37:22
Speaker
And even in the struggles and in the joy and the triumphs. and But I know for me personally, the it's the, we talked to, I'm going to tie back in the multitasking for a second.
00:37:34
Speaker
But to go back to the, if God is omni, if he is perfect, then when, like, even in this moment we're recording this, whatever Whatever address you're at is not an accident. So when you step out and you're around the people you're around, if you believe the Lord specifically is guiding your placement and the other people that are placed around you and you're an outpost of the gospel, then You would be you would be um derelict on your duty as a Christian to not share it. Right. If you hide it, then you're you're taking you're taking hold of what the Lord has given you. it's
00:38:11
Speaker
That's part of sharing his glory and for your good, and you're hiding it. Right. Because, you know, we are a testimony. Praise God. Our sch small group is a testimony of because we've we've been in this location long enough now that we have seen each other go through some stuff. Yes, absolutely. And had I'm going to hold a second, getting a lump in my throat.
00:38:30
Speaker
Had, you know, our friends not let us in on their journey. Yeah, absolutely. Like to see where God has brought them. And I got to be a part of celebrating and being, you know, walking with her and and linking arms and you, all of us together. And then they've got to see us navigate some really hard stuff while also, you know, i mean, we've had to have some friendship conversations. Yeah, really. And so, but then on the other side of it, you're like, look what God did. Absolutely, yeah. Just by me going, you know what?
00:39:02
Speaker
i don't I don't know if I can accept this yet. I'm actually in denial. I don't know, know, our friend Justin Twito's line in his song, you I don't know what's ahead, but I know his glory is at the end. You need people in your life to remind you, no, we don't know what's ahead, but we do know that his glory is at the end. I was reading that in 2 Peter this morning.
00:39:24
Speaker
Well, wrap us up by that. Yeah. Well, in 2 Peter, like when Peter's at the end of his life, just the same way that Paul was at the end of his life in Philippians, when Peter's writing that second letter the first chapter, he talks about, essentially, until his dying breath, he will not stop trying to remind you of the grace that you've been given.
00:39:46
Speaker
He will find it his goal and his mission to remind you. Don't forget it. And he wrote it down and we have it. We'll have it. And we gave it to you in words. We continued to preach it and prophesy it at that time before there was a written scripture.
00:39:59
Speaker
ah He never stopped and ceased trying to remind his people. And when we shirk the responsibility of of reminding each other and just reminding and keeping track, even like just a year in review kind of thing. Yeah.
00:40:14
Speaker
Like my heart is full. Looking back at what God has done. But not even just circumstantially, but just what the Lord has brought us through. Even the things that we haven't we didn't put on the list. Yeah. Right. We should just never tire reminding each other that even for this sister, that your child who has autism, right? Mm-hmm.
00:40:31
Speaker
is not something to be hidden, right? He is he or she is a iss an image bearer. To be celebrated. so and Celebrated in the sense of not because they're autistic.
00:40:44
Speaker
Right, but because God Because he has made and knitted that person inside the fabric of the society that we live in. Yeah. into your family. to image him. Yeah, and to image him and and be a part of your your family. For his glory and your good. Yeah. and so So, yeah, we should just never cease to remind each other. That's right.
00:41:02
Speaker
Yeah. So wrapping up, great segue back next into next episodes is that, yeah, we do need each other. We need each other's perspectives. we need each other's stories. We need each other's encouragement. We need each other's reminder because we're running this race toward eternity and it's not easy. And we need running partners to pick us up when we fall, to pick us up when we don't want to run no more, when we want to throw in the towel.
00:41:28
Speaker
All that to say, but thank you for listening to this episode of Raising Autistic Disciples podcast. It is for God's glory and our good. See you in the next episode.