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Suffering & God's Purpose for Autism.
526 Plays1 year ago
Larah is joined by Pastor Connor Bales, who serves as the Prestonwood Baptist Church North Campus Pastor. Connor is the author of “Counted Worthy: A Father’s Perspective on the Theology of Suffering.” He is married to Mary and has five sweet kiddos. Pastor Connor has a heart for special needs ministry and is committed to serving and sharing the Gospel with families affected by disabilities.
Counted Worthy available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
Connect with Connor:
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Instagram: https://instagram.com/raisingautisticdisciples
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Transcript
Theology of Suffering and Special Needs Ministry
00:00:02
Speaker
And today I have the joy and privilege of talking with pastor and author Connor Bales. Pastor Connor is husband to Mary and has five sweet kiddos. He is the author of the book Counted Worthy, a father's perspective on the theology of suffering, as well as co-author of the book Gospel in the Home. Pastor Connor has a heart for special needs ministry and is committed to serving and sharing the gospel with families affected by disabilities.
00:00:29
Speaker
You'll find in the show notes links to both his book, Counted Worthy, and the sermon that I referenced later in the episode. Friends, this episode is a rich one. I know for me this understanding of why suffering, and even more closer to home, why autism?
00:00:48
Speaker
Pastor Connor helps walk us through how to better grasp this by looking through the lens of God's purpose for our lives and what the Bible says about being counted worthy for the task. I hope it encourages your heart like it did mine. Let's jump in.
Family Life and Special Needs
00:01:04
Speaker
Pastor Connor, thank you for being on Raising Autistic Disciples podcast today. We're so glad to have you. I'm honored to get to be with you, Lara, and looking forward to our chat. Absolutely. Tell us a little bit about your family.
00:01:17
Speaker
Yeah, so my wife Mary and I will celebrate 23 years of marriage this summer, and we have five amazing kiddos. I have a daughter who is a sophomore at Dallas Baptist University. I have a son who is finishing his sophomore year at our school, Prestonwood Christian Academy North. And then I have two girls in the middle, Libby and Hannah. They are 14 and 11 years of age. They're in the active learning classroom.
00:01:40
Speaker
our local school district. And then the great surprise of my life is finishing third grade. She's nine years old. Her name is Campbell. I have one of those two. Yeah. So we are very busy, very blessed. Sure. Absolutely. Pastor Connor, this season of raising autistic disciples, we're aiming to set a foundation for those parents and caregivers who are just beginning to walk in this autism journey.
00:02:05
Speaker
Last episode, we talked about the image of God and how we are created to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. That right there lays the foundation. So we exist to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. And we touched on a little bit of the why behind life's suffering and trials, and that foundational belief statement that we exist to glorify God and enjoy Him forever does indeed answer the question of why suffering. But I want to go a little bit deeper.
00:02:34
Speaker
And that's why I'm thrilled to be able to talk with you because you wrote a book on that very thing.
Understanding Suffering through Faith
00:02:40
Speaker
You are the author of the book Counted Worthy, a father's perspective on the theology of suffering. And I came across your book after a friend sent me the link to a sermon you preached at her church with the same title, Counted Worthy. I listened to it multiple times, sent it to so many friends, and each time I listened, I gleaned something new. Then I read your book.
00:03:04
Speaker
And what a rich resource it is for those with disability, caregivers, and the church. So I want to tell you, here's what your book, your family story, that sermon, here's what it did for me. It helped ground my theology of suffering.
00:03:23
Speaker
And that word theology just means study of or thinking about God. So what I mean is two months ago, I thought what my position and understanding of suffering was, but now I understand it so much richer and deeper because of how you walk readers through what God has done, not only in your life and your family's life, but also what He has done throughout Scripture to help us understand what suffering, why suffering takes place in our lives.
00:03:50
Speaker
So thank you, brother, for your obedience to the Lord for putting your story out there for us. So bring us back to putting pen to paper. Why did you write this book?
Writing 'Counted Worthy' and its Impact
00:04:01
Speaker
Yeah, so for you and Colin, I wrote this book for others, parents and families and caregivers and those that have been affected in seasons of suffering. And that's the way I understand suffering to work. I say this in the sermon teasing, but I wish that
00:04:19
Speaker
suffering were like a merit badge that you just earned it, you checked the box, and then you got to move on. But suffering is really like waves when you're at the ocean. And, you know, about the time you feel like you're getting your head above water, then the next one feels like it's rolling in. And so for the Christian, it's really a matter of suffering well, suffering with integrity, suffering with a steadfast faith. And the thing that I discovered when God blessed us with our third, my daughter Libby, who has significant disabilities and special needs,
00:04:49
Speaker
is that my understanding of suffering, at least my theology around it was anemic. It just was missing. It was absent of any substance. And what I couldn't reconcile was how can I as a Christian believe God is always good if I'm gonna be honest about this diagnosis or this day or this art at school or this most recent appointment with this therapist is really bad. If I'm gonna be honest that this is sometimes really bad,
00:05:19
Speaker
then do I have to forsake the truth that God is always good? And I think what we have to understand is the Bible makes that abundantly clear. That's a tension we manage on this side of eternity. It's not a problem to be solved until God restores and makes all things new. And so God never asked you to forsake the suffering and to act like it isn't a big deal or to minimize it or blow over it.
00:05:44
Speaker
But what he promises is to be with you in the middle of it. And that's right. So that's that was what changed for me. And it's been a journey. And and we have both of these girls that have significant disabilities that I get to share about in the book. And and when we got Hannah's diagnosis, you know, that's when the script flipped. And God told me I've counted you worthy to do this. So right. Tell us about Libby and Hannah.
Parenting Challenges and Divine Revelations
00:06:09
Speaker
So again, 14 and 11.
00:06:12
Speaker
But cognitively, they're nine months development. So both require full-time, around-the-clock personal care. They have a litany of emotion and ways that they express themselves, but they have no vocabulary. They don't walk or talk.
00:06:29
Speaker
And again, they have significant medical complications as well. So they're on a large regimen of medications to help manage things like seizures. And so the girls are, they are a lot to take care of, but they are also, I would say at this point, they've been the primary instrument that God has used to form and to fashion me into who I am today, which is not who I hope to be, but it's also no longer who I was.
00:06:59
Speaker
And they forever changed our family. As I know, Graham has changed yours. And they are amazing, amazing kids and they're thriving. You know, the doctors told us at Libby's diagnosis, she wouldn't outlive her infancy and needed to go home and make her comfortable. Well, she's, my girls are heading into junior high school next week. I believe it. Yeah.
00:07:20
Speaker
So we are living in unchartered waters and you know, but the Psalm, Psalm 90 says that the Lord is the one who numbers the days. And so, you know, he's got this figured out and we're just enjoying every minute that he's entrusted them to our care. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I wanted to, I want to dive a little bit deeper into that counted worthy. Pastor, if I'm honest, I had to ponder on that thought for quite a while. That one statement, those two words.
00:07:50
Speaker
for the realization of it to completely wash over me. Because Pastor Conner, this autism journey is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. And if I'm being more honest, it's hard for me to reach a point to even comprehend that I'm counted worthy for this task of raising an autistic son. In your book and in the sermon, when you get to John chapter nine,
00:08:16
Speaker
It reminded me of the moment two years ago when I was reading that passion during my devotional time and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Now, that's a familiar passage for some of us. Jesus heals the man born blind.
00:08:27
Speaker
but it wasn't until I had a child with autism, a child with a disability who was different, that that passage that I read it in a whole different light. It made sense, but let me just read it. So Jesus and His disciples are walking together, and this is John chapter 9 verse 1, and it says,
00:08:48
Speaker
As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth, and his disciples asked him, Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that this man was born blind? Jesus answered, it was not that this man sinned or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him. Wow.
00:09:16
Speaker
Can you tell us about how God used this passage in your life? Yeah. So we had Libby in 2008 and our world was turned upside down. I had two older kiddos, perfectly healthy, traditionally typical. I always put the word typical in air quotes, by the way, because there's no such thing, right? But they had a no significant health or a developmental complications. So we were living what I describe as a charmed life that Libby,
00:09:43
Speaker
And our world was turned upside down because she was born immediately with complications. We were given a diagnosis just a few months after birth as she was recovering from a pretty significant heart surgery. And then given the prognosis that she would now live her infancy. And so it just changed our world. It rocked our world. And so when we got home after that devastating doctor's appointment,
00:10:06
Speaker
Uh, we determined pretty quickly, we were going to go all in. So as long as God was going to entrust her to us, we were going to give her every opportunity we could afford. So we went headfirst with therapies and doctors appointments and seeing specialists. And after a couple of years, got our sea legs underneath us and adapted to our new normal. Now it isn't normal.
00:10:26
Speaker
but it's our normal. And so we just adapted to that. And Mary and I had always wanted a large family. We felt like our family wasn't done. And so we got all of the prenatal genetic counseling and, and I tried for a fourth and God gave us our daughter, Hannah. And, um, despite the mathematical impossibilities of having another child with this particular genetic abnormality, trisomy 16 P, um,
00:10:50
Speaker
When Hannah was born, Mary and I just didn't feel like even though she clinically didn't present the same way as her older sister, we just didn't feel like things were exactly right. And we had justification to have her tested. So when Hannah was 10 weeks old, it was December the 2nd of 2011, our pediatrician called us and my mom came over and kept the kids and Mary and I went to the pediatrician's office with Hannah and the pediatrician said the director of the laboratory had called personally.
00:11:17
Speaker
to speak to our pediatrician and that they had run the lab results twice thinking they had made a mistake and had somehow confused Hannah's results with her older sister Libby's. And despite the mathematical impossibilities, Hannah is a genetic twin of her older sister and they have the exact same chromosomal abnormality.
00:11:39
Speaker
and we were devastated all over again. Our pediatrician was crying as he told us the news, Mary and I were crying as we heard it. And it took us a long time to try to process and digest that information. And I always credit my wife because she's good to say this reminder is that our devastation was not for us. Because our love for Libby was so great that if somebody had said, I'm gonna give you another one like her, we would be overjoyed. Just like if God said, I'm gonna give you another one like Graham, you'd be overjoyed because of your love and compassion for your son.
00:12:09
Speaker
our heartache, our heartbreak was for Hannah because we knew how much she was going to be poked and prodded and how much she was going to have to overcome just to live. And so we were devastated and it took us a long time to collect ourselves before we could leave the pediatrician's office without scaring all the parents who were there for a well check, you know. And so we finally got
00:12:34
Speaker
ourselves together and left and headed to the car. And Mary got in the seat and I buckled Hannah and her little baby carrier buckled it into the base. And then before I turned the ignition over in the car, I felt God's spirit speak to me as clearly, Larry, as I'm speaking to you and said, I have counted you worthy to get to do this twice. And very clearly I looked over and said to Mary, I said, you're not gonna believe what God just said. And I shared it with her. She said, I heard it too.
00:13:05
Speaker
suffering is to be stewarded, that God never wastes our pain. And he has entrusted these incredibly rare girls and these incredibly unique kids. And he doesn't ask us to minimize the difficulty that comes with them. He just simply says, I am entrusting them to you. And because God has counted us worthy, then he is doing something supernatural. I'm sure that the parents of that man who was born blind,
00:13:24
Speaker
What I believe is that
00:13:35
Speaker
And I'm sure if you ask that man himself, would you have loved for God to have sent you to a weekend conference and you could have learned exactly what you needed to know about the person and work of Jesus? I'm sure they would say yes and avoid a lifetime of blindness and all that goes with that, especially in the first century. Sure. But if they were going to have missed
00:14:00
Speaker
what they got to see about the person and work of Jesus, unless it had been for the blindness, that I believe they would have seen themselves as having been counted worthy of it. And I am not who I would be if it wasn't for Trisomy 16P and these amazing girls. And I think God has counted me worthy of it. And I think the misnomer in the church is that we have to somehow act like then it's easy.
00:14:27
Speaker
And I'm never gonna lie about that. It's not easy. I was just telling you before we went and hit record that.
00:14:34
Speaker
You know, we're about to start summer traveling and that is a thing for us. Like we get, it takes two cars and we have to map out road stops and, and how to do diaper changes on teenage girls and in the back of a vehicle, you know, while others are holding up a blanket to try to provide some measure of dignity while the diapers are being changed. It's just a thing, man. And I'm never going to minimize that. That stinks. It's hard. It's exhausting. And, uh,
00:15:02
Speaker
And yet I believe, I really do believe God has counted me worthy of it. Right. Right. I say all the time with, as we've learned autism, that there are so many things. It's sanctification daily because I, I mean, I knew I probably need help with patients. I didn't know how much I needed help with patients. And, but that
00:15:25
Speaker
along this journey and when we say sanctification is just becoming more like Jesus every day and and I mean I didn't know what I needed but he gave me a literal you know a human that I'm raising in my house to be able to show me Christlike love every single day I mean like so the point of how I as far as get counted worthy is man God saw fit yeah I counted Colin and I worthy
00:15:53
Speaker
to raise a child with autism. It's overwhelming at times. Yeah. And again, because we believe as followers of Jesus, that God is in control of all things all the time. Right. Right. He saw you and said, I'm going to give you this kid. And this kid is going to challenge you and shape you and mold you and be difficult for you, but for your good. And he counted you worthy. And
00:16:21
Speaker
I think about that. I think he could have entrusted these girls. He could have entrusted your son to anybody, but he chose us. What a privilege. Now it's painful for sure, but it is also a privilege. And I think the secret is not denying the hard simply because you're going to continue to believe that God is good. Absolutely. Along with that,
00:16:48
Speaker
And Neller, maybe people, I'm sure there's grandparents listening too. How can I help my kiddos, my grown kids that are parenting special needs kids? Can you equip us, and you already have in the past few moments, but can you equip us and teach me and our listeners how to begin to have a theology of disability and suffering through the trials and the pathways of it? Yeah. So first of all, I think it begins with the belief that all
00:17:17
Speaker
human life has an intrinsic value and dignity and worth because every person everywhere, regardless of ability or disability, carries the image and bears the likeness of God.
Value of Life and Honest Prayer
00:17:29
Speaker
And unlike anything else in all of the created order, Genesis 1, 26 and 27 tells us that humanity alone bears God's image. And because of that, we don't believe that people are valuable based on what they do or don't do.
00:17:45
Speaker
we believe they are valuable because of whose image they bear. And so I believe then when you see that and recognize that, it causes you to want to contend for others who cannot contend for themselves. And I think that's not just the privilege of parents, but I think this is the opportunity for those who come alongside of them, whether that's parents,
00:18:07
Speaker
grandparents, whether that's guardians, whether that's educators, and I believe completely this is the privilege of the church. And we get to contend for those who can't contend for themselves, and we get to see an intrinsic value in them. And, you know, so I think that one of the ways I always try to encourage family members to serve
00:18:29
Speaker
families that have an individual with a disability or some type of special need is to acknowledge that you see them. Just acknowledge, hey, I see you and I know that this is hard and I know you've got an ARD coming up this week. I know you're working on your IEP for your kiddo for next year. I know that you're really hoping that this next doctor's appointment with this new neurologist is going to lend itself toward a really good outcome or some new medicine to try.
00:18:56
Speaker
I just want you to know I see you, I hear you, I'm praying for you. And so because so often we feel unseen. We feel because we're a fraction of the population as a whole, right? So we feel marginalized, we see unseen and
00:19:11
Speaker
Then to complicate that, the times when we are seen is usually not for good things. Right. Yes. Because we're the family who's having to apologize when we go into the restaurant. Yes. You know, because we're having to move for our family with two wheelchairs, we're rearranging the furniture. But for other families, in particular families with autistic children, they may be making noises or having behavioral issues.
00:19:34
Speaker
And so you're apologizing for a different reason. So usually the times when we are seen, it doesn't have a positive connotation. So when others acknowledge, hey, I see you, I'm praying for you, I wanna partner with you, let me know if there's something we can do. Man, that just speaks volumes because this life is hard, this road is rough.
00:19:57
Speaker
For me, there is a point, and there has been many points in this autism journey where emotions and thoughts consume me. And I know there's others out there that can say the same. And I have found that if I get close to that line, if I let my heart believe those thoughts, like for example, we're never going to get to sit in a restaurant again. Or because I'm in many IEP meetings at the end of the school year, this one's been on my mind a lot.
00:20:26
Speaker
He's not ever going to get a high school diploma. Yeah, or
00:20:32
Speaker
he can't tell me when he's hurting. And I can list a hundred more, but if I let those consume me, I'm paralyzed with fear. Fear in the present and fear for the future. Yet pastor, I believe wholeheartedly that Jesus lives in me and therefore I have hope for tomorrow. Yet today's fears and the fears of the future, they grip me. Can you teach us how do you get to a point
00:21:02
Speaker
where those are relinquished to the Lord. I mean, how can we even pray as parents of kids with disabilities? So I think it begins with honesty. Okay. There is a God and Connor Bales is not him. Wow. Yeah. And neither is Lara. Neither is Colin. Neither is Mary Bales. Neither is any of your listening parents and caregivers and friends. There is a God. And so I have to honestly come to the understanding that
00:21:32
Speaker
You may be doing something here and I have no idea what that is, but I'm going to be honest with you, God, and say, I'm confused. I'm angry. I'm disappointed. I'm discouraged. And I believe because he's God, he can handle it. He is the author of our emotion. And so I believe there isn't a single one we have that God can't handle. We'll simply be honest with him. And so I choose to pray honestly with God and say things like,
00:22:01
Speaker
I am so frustrated with this particular doctor or this particular day or this particular event. I trust you God, but I don't understand this and I am confused by it and I am exhausted. And so I think it begins with honesty because we have to trust as followers of Jesus, we have to trust that God is never wasting our pain. If you believe, you know, one of the most often quoted
00:22:30
Speaker
Scriptures is Romans eight twenty eight. God's working all things together for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose. Well, there have been times that people say that to me and I just want to karate chop them in the throat because I'm like, this doesn't feel good. You know what I mean? Right. But I do believe that verse is true.
00:22:49
Speaker
I just believe you have to acknowledge that you may not know the good, but that God is doing good. You just may not be aware of it. And you may never be aware of it, or you just may not be aware of it right now. That's right. That's right. So I think it begins with honesty.
00:23:06
Speaker
It does. It absolutely does. I think it's good. And people have told me just in advice to write things down and I'm not yet mastered it, but write things down. So, and in my journaling, I think if I were to go back, I could kind of put together a pattern, but specifically write down the triumphs that Graham has had.
00:23:26
Speaker
Oh man. So that you can see God working and moving because He is at work.
Sharing the Gospel through Personal Experiences
00:23:32
Speaker
It's just hard in the moment. And I will tell you, as we're talking about this, there are many points in the sermon and in the book where I had tears flowing down my face, but I completely lost it. When you said in your sermon and you wrote the words in your book that two of the greatest evangelists are your girls, Libby and Hannah? Yeah.
00:23:56
Speaker
I lost it because it's my story too. There have been so many times where if God had not saw fit to put Graham in our family, if we didn't have Graham or he didn't have autism, that I would have completely missed the doors of open gospel conversation. I'm talking, I can remember one vividly at the splash pad two summers ago where he just went around and gave everybody a hug.
00:24:23
Speaker
And I went behind him. I'm so sorry. He, I know personal spaces, you know, but that one hug to that one lady opened up a chance for me to invite her to women's Bible study. I would have never got that ever. Can you tell us a story of just how you've seen that really on display? Yeah. I mean, I've, we've had a college age caregivers that help us out with our girls. And we've seen some that have had no faith that have come to faith and God used our girls.
00:24:52
Speaker
and the opportunity for our family to meet and know them as the means by which he drew them into a relationship.
00:25:00
Speaker
I've had conversations with so many nurses and doctors and X-ray technicians. And my girls are the ones who afford us that through all of the hospitalizations. I've prayed with EMTs as they're loading the girls into a helicopter, flying them from East Texas to Dallas and in an ambulance more times than I can count. And then when you're riding in the front seat, as they're speeding down the interstate to try to get your girl to Dallas in time,
00:25:30
Speaker
it lends itself toward gospel conversations. And so my girls have been the means that have given us the opportunities to share that we have hope and our hope is not contingent upon whether or not they pull out of this crisis or their particular diagnosis. Our hope is built on the person of Jesus. And in fact, I don't even know how you endure difficulty after that.
00:26:00
Speaker
You might have some listeners that are just trying to navigate some tools and resources and instruments for navigating their autistic friends and kiddos. But I would say, you know, Jesus is the primary means by which you're going to be able to endure well. Anybody can probably figure out how to endure, but to endure well, to endure with hope, to endure with a belief in something better,
00:26:28
Speaker
that's gonna only be the result of faith that comes from God through Jesus, his son. And so my girls have afforded that more times than I can count. I really believe that when we push the girls through the lobby of the church and people look and they're smiling and being sweet and kind and little kids especially are staring and my girls are peculiar and I understand all that. But they're heralding the hope of one day on this day. They herald the hope that
00:26:58
Speaker
One day he makes all things new. My girls will sing and they will dance and they will shout. And that will be a day. It's just not today. But on this day, we get to look forward to the God of that day. Absolutely. And again, if I haven't said it, thank you for just the rich resource in this book and your story.
00:27:18
Speaker
After this episode, we're going to air some other ones, just a very basic foundation for those who are just entering this autistic journey. So we're going to outline what I call the stages of just the autism journey kind of thing from diagnosis to denial to acceptance and grief and and so on. But
00:27:41
Speaker
After the season, after that foundation is kind of laid, we specifically want to dive into discipleship, believing that the gospel is for all, and if the gospel is for all, it is for our autistic kiddos as well, although that may look different.
00:27:56
Speaker
They're not going to sit at carpet time and listen to a Bible story, but they will in their own means like we've talked about it. They are created in the image of God, so they can in their own way. We just don't know what that looks like. How can you explain just what disability discipleship, what does that look like just for you guys?
00:28:17
Speaker
Well, so yeah, I so appreciate this. And by the way, I love the title of the podcast just because I think it reaches to such a unique place that so many of us are starving to discover. What I believe is I never presume upon who it is that God is able to reach. Absolutely. And I believe that individuals like my girls, right, that have the cognitive and developmental understanding of a nine month old child have a preserved innocence.
00:28:46
Speaker
And in that preserved innocence, I believe God makes provision for them. And even though they may not have a cognitive awareness of their need for salvation, I believe they have a very real provision of it in the person of Jesus Christ. And I think there's biblical case for that. I could show you places in the Old Testament where David loses a child and then has a confident belief that they're going to see one another again. I think there's place evidence for that in the New Testament when Paul talks about
00:29:13
Speaker
that in the absence of the law, there is no understanding of the transgression of sin. And so I think I can make a clear biblical case for that contingent. But there are others who have a disability or a special need that they may have just a delayed understanding. It may be a different understanding, but it doesn't mean that there is an absence of understanding. And so I tell parents that have kids with
00:29:39
Speaker
special needs or cognitive disabilities is to surrender your expectations for how you believe this is going to go, but never surrender your hope that it isn't going to go somewhere. Because your child may not ever articulate the gospel in the exact same way an older sibling did or that you did. So you just surrender the expectation that it has to look like this particular
00:30:05
Speaker
formula. But don't surrender the hope that they make themselves. Well, I think one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced is a nonverbal child with cognitive disabilities who signed in the baptistry. Wow. She signed her profession of faith in Jesus. And then we got to baptize her before the church. I mean, I was a mess and I wasn't the one in the water. Her grandfather got to baptize her. But so she didn't have a means to be able to articulate
00:30:35
Speaker
verbally, and she certainly had cognitive disability, but she was able to come to her measure of understanding of the goodness of God, his love and his son, and the need that she had to believe in that. And again,
00:30:50
Speaker
so much of our journey, Lara, yours and mine and all of us who have been entrusted and counted worthy of these incredible kids, is the surrender of expectation without the loss of hope. Right. Because that's just the reality is my girls miss every single milestone. They just surrender every milestone. And
00:31:12
Speaker
We had an ARD meeting at school just a few weeks ago and one of our therapists just said, you know, I had these goals for Libby and we didn't get there. And so I'm wondering if we need to scale back as we think about what her plan needs to be for next. And I just was so bummed. I didn't want to surrender that because I had hoped that
00:31:34
Speaker
that we might be able to achieve. And again, it's a very simple goal. It's something that I would make for granted. It's sitting in a chair independently. But we surrender. We have to come to an understanding that our journey is different. It's not linear, right? It's very much dynamic. It's up and down.
00:31:59
Speaker
And so as long as we understand that we can, we can surrender that expectation that it has to look a particular way. We never surrender hope because our kids are made in the image after the likeness of God. So he has a greater love and affection for them. According to Psalm 139, he fearfully and wonderfully made each one of them. And we have to believe that he's going to use whatever ability or disability they have in order to reveal himself and show himself hate.
00:32:24
Speaker
And so that can look any way you choose. For our family, our girls wouldn't understand necessarily if we tried to teach a Bible story like we have done with our older kids and even our nine-year-old now. So every morning when we're getting the girls dressed for school on the television in their bedroom, which normally during the day plays Disney movies, it's worship. Every single morning it's praise and worship. And Mary and I are changing diapers and getting girls dressed.
00:32:53
Speaker
and we're singing praise songs over them. And I just believe that the God whom we are worshiping knows them. And there may be a measure that he wants to infuse in them. And if he uses that moments of praise and a great way to start their day and
00:33:08
Speaker
And so that's a regular, our girls are active in our church. Our church is fortunate to have a vibrant disability ministry. And so our girls are active participants and our disability ministry is not childcare, it's ministry. And so our girls are sung to and read over and there's no participation in that. They smile and they shake their head, but they're not cutting out a craft.
00:33:33
Speaker
But some of our other higher functioning kids, they are. And so all of that is just discipleship. And I think it's true regardless of whether you're discipling an autistic child or a neurotypical kid.
Cherishing Moments and Embracing the Gospel
00:33:46
Speaker
uh, quality moments happen in the midst of quantity time. Yes. And so I think the more you do, uh, the more little moments will show up, uh, friend and children's ministry. She used to speak about the lighthouse moments and, and discipling kids is like a lighthouse mode. You know, you just wait and there'll be a moment when the light flashes. Oh my goodness. I'm going to write my children's manual and then it moves on and, and sees those moments when the light passes by.
00:34:14
Speaker
and recognize that that's what discipleship looks like. That's right. Right. One step at a time. Yeah. I think that's what we can get overwhelmed with so much as Collin and I just want him to, would you just memorize this long passage that our four-year-old is memorizing? That's not grim, but he can say, I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
00:34:39
Speaker
He can do those little chunks, and so not overwhelming ourselves with throwing at Him, like you said, expectations, but also simplify it. If you have to spend a month on three words that, God loves me, then spend a month on it.
00:34:57
Speaker
Yeah, and again, that is truth that he will never outgrow. That's right. That's right. Absolutely. He'll never outgrow that. Right. And just to kind of wrap up our time. We prayed together before it began and I just am understanding more and more that there are people out there searching
00:35:18
Speaker
for just resources for raising autistic kids. But maybe if you're listening to this and you are really confused by some of the words that we've used on this podcast like sanctification and theology and disciple and the gospel and even Jesus, maybe you're listening to that, maybe you just stumbled upon it. Pastor Connor, would you spend the last few moments just laying out what this gospel is, this good news that we talk about? Because
00:35:45
Speaker
I believe not only, like we've discussed, our autistic kids can experience, and the gospel is for all, but there may be caregivers and parents that have no idea the hope that we have, that we can have a solid foundation of looking at suffering, but the gospel is the reason why. Can you lay that out for our listeners?
00:36:07
Speaker
Sure. Yeah. Thank you for asking. So I believe the great commonality among every person everywhere is that we're sinners. Sin is a little word in the Bible, but it has great big implication. It just means all of the things we've said, thought, and done that are in contradiction to what God had intended for us to think, say, and do. And we've all done that.
00:36:27
Speaker
We've all made mistakes in our words and with our actions and even with our thoughts. And so every person everywhere is a sinner. And our sin, according to the Bible, is what separates us from God. The language of the Bible is that it causes us to fall short of the expectation that he has for us. And yet God's love is so significant for
00:36:49
Speaker
is created for you and I that bear his image is in that he sent his son Jesus to meet all of the expectations that we have failed to fulfill all of the requirements where we have missed. Jesus was the perfect person to do all of the things that we, you and I have done so wrong. And so there has to be some measure of consequence for our failure. And the Bible says that the consequence or the language that it uses is the wage that is earned
00:37:19
Speaker
for our sin. It says the wages that we've earned is death. So it's a separation, but it's also a separation with an expiration that we are separated from God and we are destined for death.
00:37:31
Speaker
But again, that love of God in that Jesus did everything we couldn't. And then this is the great miracle of the gospel is that even though he lived perfectly, he died sacrificially. He substituted himself for us. And he took upon himself the actual punishment, the consequence that was due to you and to me.
00:37:54
Speaker
And Martin Luther, one of the great fathers of the church from years past, used to say, this is the great exchange. He traded places with us and he gave us his goodness. So all the ways that we failed, Jesus gave us what is right. And he took from us our badness.
00:38:12
Speaker
So in all the punishment that we deserve, Jesus Christ took it upon himself. But again, because he's God, he was buried even though he was dead, but he raised to life. So Jesus was resurrected from the grave. He didn't stay dead, but he raised to life. And so when we choose to transfer our faith from ourselves or from our circumstances, and then we give that over to God by believing in Jesus Christ,
00:38:39
Speaker
The Bible says we're united with Him. So where our sin separated us from God, Jesus unites us with God, and then we get life everlasting with Him. And so that gives us hope beyond this life and the difficulty that we endure here and now. And the cool thing is that that word in Romans 3 that says all of us have sinned and fallen short, the only word that trumps that is
00:39:03
Speaker
found in Romans 10, 13, when it says, everyone who calls on Jesus will be saved. So what word beats all is the word everyone. So this is a free gift available to everyone who would choose to exercise faith and believe in him. And here's the ironic thing about the good news of the gospel, especially for your podcast listeners is we're all fellow sufferers. The commonality for those of us that are tuning in is that we suffer through the ministry of disability.
00:39:33
Speaker
But it was through the greatest act of human suffering that God brings about the greatest good. It was through the life and the death and the burial of Jesus. That suffering, the innocent for the guilty, that God then brings about the greatest good, which is forgiveness of our sin and life everlasting with Him for those of us who believe.
00:40:00
Speaker
And so I believe it gives us a transcendent hope so much greater than the difficulty of the circumstances that we endure now. I've told my church many times, if you are in Christ Jesus, because of your faith, you believe in God and have a right relationship through Jesus Christ, this is the closest to hell you're ever gonna be.
00:40:24
Speaker
You know, this is as close to hell as you're ever going to be. And that is so comforting to know. But the tragedy is if you're not in Christ Jesus, this is the closest to heaven you're ever going to be. And so we need to be a people who have a hope that is so much greater than, listen, the hell that we endure some days here on earth. Because there are some days when that's just how I would describe it. It's really difficult. And this meeting and this appointment and this
00:40:51
Speaker
newfound information, this diagnosis, this discovery, it's just really, really difficult. And so I praise God that I'm not defined by it nor bound to it because my favorite has me in a right relationship with God and I am assured a life everlasting with Him. Amen. And as followers of Christ, because He rose from death to life, the resurrection changes
00:41:15
Speaker
everything for us. So Scripture says that we are now made alive in Christ. That is our hope for today and for tomorrow. And I want to repeat what you said earlier. You said it just briefly, but it's a line from your book that I want us to end with. Actually, let me preface it a little bit. You're explaining in one of the last chapters in your book that
00:41:36
Speaker
you outline, just like we have in this episode, many challenges that come with suffering and disability, and you say, I don't know the answers to these challenges, but here's what you confess. Here's what Pastor Connor says in his book, Counted Worthy, I confess, however, what I do know
00:41:57
Speaker
i know god is good i know that jesus is enough i know that the bible is true and has proven its reliability in my life over and over and here's what you remind us readers and this is what you said earlier in the episode i know that on this day there will be a that day and on that day
00:42:20
Speaker
God will redeem and renew and restore all that sin and Satan have stolen and destroyed. That is a promise for us, not only today, but look forward to that day when he does come again and restore all things. Thank you, Pastor Connor. Is there anything else you'd like to say to parents and caregivers raising autistic disciples? I think the last thing I would just say is as you're raising these incredible kids,
00:42:50
Speaker
these autistic, amazing kids. Just keep your chin up, right? You can do this. And I would want you, Lara, and Colin to know that you can do this. God is not wasting this. He is with you. I was reminded with the church just this weekend that when Jesus performs that crazy miracle of walking on the water and meets the disciples in the middle of their storm, the first thing he does is he identifies himself, hey, it's me.
00:43:20
Speaker
And then he says, because it's me, you don't have to be afraid. But my favorite part is then he gets in the boat and the promise of God for all of your listeners is not the absence of problems, but it's the guarantee of presence. He gets in your boat and he will ride this storm out. And the moment that Jesus is in your boat, then you have assurance you'll make it to the other side. Amen. So you can do this, man. We're in it together.
00:43:49
Speaker
And let's be honest about the hard and let's be encouraging about the hope. Amen. Thank you for listening to episode three of Raising Autistic Disciples. Friends, it's not the absence of problems, it's the guarantee of presence. Jesus is with you and he is with us on this journey of raising autistic disciples. Grace and peace to you, dear friend.