Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Prepping Your Family For Your Family
0 Plays2 seconds ago
In this special episode of Raising Autistic Disciples, we’re joined by author JJ Levan, a passionate advocate and parent of an autistic son. Together, we explore the unique challenges and blessings of preparing your family—siblings, grandparents, and even close friends—to embrace and celebrate your autistic child’s God-given design.
JJ shares heartfelt stories from her own journey, practical wisdom, and biblical encouragement for fostering understanding and unity within your family. From navigating tricky conversations to creating a home where every member feels seen and loved, this episode is packed with insights to equip your family to reflect Christ’s love.
Join us for a conversation full of grace, hope, and actionable steps to prepare your family to thrive together!
JJ's book: He Meant You to Be You
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CHPT7YN6
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Christmas Preparation
00:00:02
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Raising Autistic Disciples. My name is Lara Robertson. It's my joy to chat with my friend JJ LaVann about all things Christmas and the title of this podcast is prepping your family for your family and I am very just Just excited to talk about this with her. I think it's something that friends of mine on Instagram and other areas and circles in my life are just kind of, um well, JJ, we're a little bit stressed and anxiety about prepping our family for our family. So I'm excited that you're here. Thank you so much for being on the podcast.
00:00:40
Speaker
Thank you for having me. I'm happy to be here. yeah Take a long time and just hang out. september and visit That's it.
JJ's Work and Motivation
00:00:50
Speaker
Okay. So tell us a little bit more about who you are. Cause I want, I want people at the end, you can tell them where to find you, but what do you do? Who are you? Tell us a little bit about your family and things like that. Um, I am, uh,
00:01:03
Speaker
an independent provider, actually, um for the state of Ohio, but namely for my son, who is 30. He was diagnosed autistic in 1998, and technically it was PDD-NOS, and they don't use that anymore. It's on the autism spectrum. um And then we together have a blended family of five adult children now.
00:01:29
Speaker
And um they have all gone out. Blake is still home with us. And so I found myself in a season where I was able to start doing some writing. And so that's where I've kind of connected with a lot of people and been able to make some new friends. So that's what's going on with us.
00:01:50
Speaker
Awesome. Go ahead and plug your book here. I would love to hear more about it. Look here. ah He meant You To Be You is the name of my children's picture book. um I wrote it because this was the book that I was looking for when Blake was little. I wish I had a book like this to share with him just to remind him that he in his own uniquely and wonderfully made way. God loves him. He sees him. He's with him and through every step of his day. And um sometimes I think that we can really get caught up in the snag of the therapies and the running and the family and your marriage and all of it. And we forget to say, honey, you are a blessing to my life. And I want to remind you, you are amazing and wonderful.
00:02:42
Speaker
And I found some books that he enjoyed, but it didn't look like him and those pages. And I really wanted to have a book for our cats, like them. So. Yeah, absolutely. and And one mom to another, one that's a few, so I'm a few steps ahead, a few steps ahead. You're a few steps ahead, just in our journey. I'm a few steps behind. I can't wait for my little guy, Graham, to open your book. So then, you know, we do the whole,
00:03:11
Speaker
one thing you want, one thing you can need, one thing you where one thing you can read. yeah So his one thing you can read is is is your sweet book and so I'm i'm really excited. So thank you. no's hey da helping labor of love for us, for us parents. So, okay.
Stress of Family Gatherings
00:03:30
Speaker
Well, um at the time of this recording, both you and I, as we previously chatted before we pressed record, have already experienced our family gathering. So this is going to be interesting to talk about together.
00:03:43
Speaker
um But I will tell you, I'm just gonna be honest, and I have not been honest on our podcast, so I think this won't be a shock to listeners. Like, it just is always something, right? Like, I don't know if I prayed and asked the Lord, hey, can it be just an uneventful Christmas this year? Like, can you give us that? I don't know if I used those exact words, but I was like, man, if things could just go smoothly this year because years past, it just seems like it's been at the dumpster fire.
00:04:13
Speaker
Um, and that'd be a but that's what it kind of feels like when you're in the moment, you know, like, um, something's always going to get broken, you know, something's destroyed or the car ride's going to be crazy or anything. And it did. I mean, the car lot ride this year did kind of, um, you know, with him asking every five minutes, are we there yet? That, that will, it was, it was sanctification for sure. And so do you, I mean, do you ever have like that those moments during like crazy seasons like this of like,
00:04:41
Speaker
it could either go either be eventful or uneventful and we're just gonna roll with it like our our ears perfect no no um i i tend you know so so blake is now 30 and so we've tried experimenting with
Adaptability During Unexpected Events
00:05:00
Speaker
trying to make Christmas magical and perfect for a lot of years. And I tell you what, it's it's just something every year. And I'm going to apologize right now because we have a people upstairs um talk about Christmas excitement. um He's working in our house and I'm like, you know what, I'm going to record here because that is exactly what's real. They're real real um no um but you know, we usually do some social stories trying to prepare ahead of the time and um I had ah the opportunity to talk to my sister-in-law about um You know getting together at their house and she volunteered she said, you know, we have a
00:05:51
Speaker
a place for Blake to go if he needs a break. And that's then that is not uncommon because a few years ago, he didn't even want to go to our large family Christmas. So this is the one we had just a few days ago. um He didn't even want to go. And I didn't make him, but he just felt like he couldn't handle it. And I think that our kids, um you know, with the schedule changes and the excitement of the holidays and then they're probably feeding from our stress also. you know and And that year I felt really sad because he didn't want to go, but I completely understood. And so the fact that he wanted to try this year and he wanted to to try to go and that my sister-in-law had that space for him, um because we have discovered that giving him a more private
00:06:46
Speaker
place during the Christmas time or these Christmas gatherings or a quiet space to regroup is just immeasurable for him. So, but yes, um when you say, ah you know, it's always something, you know, we had prepared Blake to go and he was doing fantastic. And so we all piled in the car and we were on our way to my brother's house.
00:07:16
Speaker
It's usually at my family farm and this year of course is the big change because we're doing it at my brother's house this year for the first time. So we are heading over and having Christmas ah at my brother's and we have this giant roaster full of whipped mashed potatoes and we are on our way and we are one mile from my brother's house and the car breaks down. no My car breaks down.
00:07:47
Speaker
Alongside of the road, and I had been so determined because it was knocking and and bumping and I'm like, we are going to do this. We can make it. My husband's like, we need to pull over. And I'm like, no, we can make it. It's one more mile. And the car was just like, no, I'm done. And I'm like, this is not helping. Oh, you know, I'm just like, I was thinking Blake's going to lose his mind yeah because he knows how close we are to my brother's house. He knows.
00:08:16
Speaker
And I'm just like, my chest, my chest. I just felt so sick, sick. We ended up getting there. My daughter and her husband came down to get us. Our nephew was passing by. We threw the potatoes in the truck, go on without us. And we know we plowed into the rest of the day. and It was, it turned out much better than, honestly, much better than expected. um But, and you know, there's always something. Oh my, oh my. But the mashed potatoes got there.
00:08:57
Speaker
The sacred mashed potatoes, 28 pounds. I peeled 28 pounds. This is a of mashed potatoes. The potatoes got there before we did. I made sure of that. That's awesome. I have to go and tell you ahead of time in case we ever, and it would be a dream to be able to have you know dinner or something like that with you. um I would have to beg for your forgiveness because mashed potatoes are my absolutely favorite food too. I know it's sad. It's so sad for so many people when I tell them that. I had no sorry a little bit of a traumatic experience when I was little with mashed potatoes.
00:09:41
Speaker
no its so i am so twenty months I do like sweet potatoes. Oh man, I love sweet potatoes too. I love that. Well, carbs. I love that. Oh yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And, and carbs do help after days like that when you
Creating a Supportive Environment for Blake
00:10:01
Speaker
experience.
00:10:03
Speaker
I could have made some potatoes at that time. That's right. Or a big size cat or ah you know something to to help. No. um and so phil Tell us, I'm interested to know, just because you said, um idea in in terms of prepping your family for your family, um let's before we go into that type of practical encouragement for us,
00:10:26
Speaker
um You said your sister-in-law made space for Blake, which is fantastic, but I would seem to guess that that didn't happen overnight as far as the realization and the to take us back to the beginning. Before we go into, hey, how do you prep your family and and your family for for Christmas, how did that journey with helping your family understand you know kind of how our world as special needs families go. like How did you help ah year after year that develop? Oh, how did I help year after year? and Ever since Blake was little, even just getting
00:11:11
Speaker
food on his plate. you know Because you this year we had over 60 at my brother's house. That was insane. So even when he was little, there was still a large gathering of people. um ah But he would the screaming, he would just be screaming. Because we are loud, and we are a boy-stressed, and we laugh and sing out of nowhere.
00:11:35
Speaker
You know, I mean, people and cracking jokes and yelling and we're just obnoxious. And so for him, you know, he's like, this is my family. So, um, but no, he, uh, he would just melt. He would just melt the large family gatherings. The stuff at home is challenging enough, but he has his space that he can escape to. When your house is packed with family, like,
00:12:00
Speaker
at when we would go out to my mom and dad's at the farmhouse, I mean, there's just people in every corner of the house. There's no escaping it. And when we would visit my mom and dad, just my family, you know, he would be able to maybe get a little break up in one of the bedrooms and have some quiet space, but he would try to do that, you know, and try to escape um with our large large family gathering, but there would be people in there and there was just no,
00:12:29
Speaker
you know, no way to escape. So we we started bringing the iPads, but we, he really would melt just about every time, you know, we all got together. And, you know, ah the family has just continued to grow and make more noisy people and you just grow and grow and pack the house more of a noisemaker. So, um, but he has, uh, he,
00:13:00
Speaker
tries to get away. When we ah eat, he loves to eat. my I have a ah ah kid who loves to eat. He's not one of those food aversion people. He is not. He loves He doesn't like waiting in that line, but he loves to dine with everybody. And he is not going to miss that part. fat that He got that from me. But when it comes down to um
00:13:32
Speaker
like we do the gift exchange, like the gift bag, you know, you bring your 10, $15 gift and then you draw a number and then you steal the gifts and then we laugh and tease and there's horrible presence in there. And he, that is when everybody realized, um where's Blake? He's messing. And I said, he he does, he can't.
00:13:54
Speaker
He's done. He does not want to do this anymore. um It's a little bit loud and rowdy. The paper, ah you know, there's going to be the wrapping paper fade in there somewhere. He's not having it. So he would he would come up missing. He would be upstairs tucked away while everyone else in the house is down and enjoying the chaos. And that worked for him. And everybody realized Blake's not going to miss the food, but he's going to miss this rowdy portion um of the gift exchange, which he does. He has stayed for the Christmas story before because we usually have like a devotional time with all of us ah before the gift exchange. And he has stuck around for that before this year. He did not. He couldn't
00:14:43
Speaker
take it and it was probably because he's like, man, the car broke down. Mom's the worst. The car broke down. you know I've had enough of people with dinner and this is a new Christmas space. and you know He tapped out a little early, but honestly, he got up when we got up to the top of the stairs, before even lunch started,
00:15:07
Speaker
um My sister-in-law took us upstairs and she said, Blake, I want to make sure you know you are more than welcome to come up here to my bedroom. And so we got to the top of the stairs and she had written and pen and paper and put it on her door. It said, Blake's quiet space. Wow. And I'm just like,
00:15:27
Speaker
ah I just wanted, I, she doesn't know. I mean, he, and he even loves when you write out the words, you know, ah she wrote that out for him. And I just wanted him to cry. And I'm like, oh Lord, look how far you've brought us.
00:15:46
Speaker
and that she was tooth I mean, you know, and I'm not very good about spelling it out for people. I think you and I have talked about this before that you can be very specific and very verbal about things. And I can be very withdrawn and be very like, I can handle this. I will just take him aside and we'll be fine. We'll come back when we, you know.
00:16:07
Speaker
um But as far as spelling it out for everyone, how they need to do it, that's not my spiritual gift, honestly. But just to get it to the top of that ah that staircase and to see that, and then the look on Blake's face, like, oh.
00:16:25
Speaker
this is my space. And she went in and it was already set up for his beloved YouTube. you And it was it was it was so quiet up there. And a I just don't know that she realizes what a beautiful thing that was. yeah i my heart yeah i wish she That was such a little like, kind of like, well, that, that wasn't much. Oh my.
00:16:54
Speaker
that is that that I would, yeah, I'd been the same friend. Like I would have, just the little things of like, I don't think people are families to understand like um going that extra mile so that either they're able to continue joining us for a few more minutes longer or that they do have that space. Like that's just, what a blessing. now And I gotta, I have to tell you something. I have i have another little something to tell you. So um a few years ago, my great nephew,
00:17:27
Speaker
was diagnosed autistic
Balancing Family Events and Autism Needs
00:17:30
Speaker
and um he's just he feels the overwhelm as well with you know the crazy noisy people and so when it was time for the gift exchange He started humming, humming, and um his mom took him out because he was just feeling restless. I think he was just like, I want out of this. So his mom had taken him out. And I lost track because I knew Blake was in his safe space. So we were in, ah you know, altogether doing the gift exchange and I was able to talk to
00:18:09
Speaker
um Caitlin after. And she said, yeah, he he just needed to get out of there. And so she's like, you know, we went into the kitchen and and withdrew from there and kind of watching from afar. And she said she he can sometimes have a tendency to come up missing. He's one of those little Oh, did he go outside? you know And I said, I thought you went outside, actually, because I yeah i knew that they had gone out. And I thought, if it was me, I probably would take him outside. But she lost him there for a little bit. And so she went upstairs looking for him. And she found him in Blake's quiet space, sharing space with Blake. And they were just sitting there.
00:19:00
Speaker
enjoying the quiet and but it was on one side and Blake was on the other and they were just happy people and I was just like oh I love that and i I had no idea of course Blake wouldn't be telling me that but I was just like I am so thankful. I'm so thankful that Beau had a space, and Blake had a space. And that Beau would know, I'm going. And I'm just like, I love that. I love that. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. You know, our, like, Graham is not a, he's a, what do you call it, seeker?
00:19:47
Speaker
sensory sensor yeah Yeah, yeah, so he's not there's not many things he's avoidant um um Kind of thing I mean we're he he likes to keep his distance between pets That's really the only thing that we've seen like he's very like and I'm not sure what that's from. We're still discovering that but like ah ours is ours is um We can tell now after you know years, but this is friends houses, too This is not just our family like that you know, they want to love us well, so they just put up everything breakable before we get there because
00:20:19
Speaker
because that's our, you know, that's his, you know, his escaping is, you know, hey, let me break something. Not in a, he you know, he's not trying to be malicious or anything like that. He just, you know, anything. So that's a strange way for me to say, our people show us love not having breakables out. So so that we don't have to feel bad, you know, if they are,
00:20:43
Speaker
broken. you know So that's that's kind of how our thing goes. Okay, so tell me how you, you so it's kind of a two-part title, right? Prepping your family, which your family unit, your your people that live in your house, prepping your family for your family, which extended family, so two-part. how How do you, this would be beneficial for me to know just in years to come. Colin and I have something that we say, I mean, when you're, where when your family's like ours, you have to be really good at the pivot. We call it the pivot. Yeah. So like, like, you've got to be really good at changing
00:21:21
Speaker
Changing whatever really quickly and coming up with a different scenario going a different way You know kind of thing we we this happens a lot for us like when we take certain roads And he knows the trampoline park is on one road well We got to take another road so that we don't go past it yada yada yada I am finding that during this holiday madness of Thanksgiving Christmas And then you go into a new year or you go into this expanded time where there's not school or whatever That the pivot comes in really but like I don't know if we've mastered it yet, so when we talk about Prepping your family the first part, which is your family unit mine would be my three kids and Colin How do you how do you act as a team? Do you have any like just like teach me? some something to help prepping my family for Going either to a family gathering whatever kind of thing. Yeah um crapping my So The one thing that we generally would do and have done is
00:22:19
Speaker
as we have, um sometimes we have an early exit strategy in place that everybody knows. So my husband and I, especially, we're on the same page. um And then we're telling the kids we're on the same page with that. So um if it's if it's, you know, you're going off to a large party, you've got a plan who's who can stay, who can go, or are we all gonna need to go? And that's gonna just have to be okay. you know And um just putting a little plan in place so we we're not blindsiding everybody if our autistic child ah and and there sanity their their peace, if that all goes south, here's the plan. Because with the holidays, it feels like
00:23:16
Speaker
It's going to happen. At what point is it going to happen? And if it happens early, we have this strategy in place. um So for example, a few years ago, and my son absolutely loves music. And this is going to sound really strange. and I'm sure somebody's going to be upset with this. But Christmas music, he loves We went to Trans-Siberian Orchestra, but it has a lot of lights and noise and crazy, but he he loves the music. like So this was part of his Christmas gift that we went ah we gave him ah was this experience to go to a Christmas concert. And I did invite the kids to come um um come along. His sister chose to come along and I said, before you commit,
00:24:09
Speaker
You need to know this is, this is Blake's gift and we want to bring you. If this goes poorly, we will pack up and leave early. Do you still want to come? Cause we're still going to get food. we're stuck We're still getting food. We're still gonna go. But if for some reason it goes south, you know, I just need you to know, are you, are you still wanting to go? And she's like, yeah. And I'm like,
00:24:35
Speaker
Okay, and he started um without any extra help or extra support. He gradually added his headphones during the concert, and then he added his sunglasses during the concert. And then about, probably about 15 to 20 minutes before the end of the concert, he turned to me and said, headache. And I said, are you done? And he said, yes.
00:25:01
Speaker
So we probably missed like one, maybe two songs at the very end. And then by the time we got to the parking garage and got out to the car, we beat all the traffic out. And my daughter was like, this actually worked out really well.
00:25:15
Speaker
yeah Sometimes an exit strategy is for our favor. That's right. Right. yeah right but ah But yeah, I think that exit strategy um has been helpful. It hasn't been helpful like as you do it more like both in a rhythm but both in your heart like I can now see how we've had exec strategies and like not knowing but we have and at the beginning it just like I got angry that we had to leave.
00:25:51
Speaker
It does hurt. I mean, it does. it just It kind of cuts right in there. I mean, it's Christmas. And you we cannot stop ourselves from wanting to make magic and Pinterest perfect Christmases. And I think that we had talked before about sometimes we need to reduce our lofty expectations. Oh, there's that word. Right? So the thief of joy, lofty expectations are the thief of joy.
00:26:21
Speaker
um And when we build up the magic that we want to create for everyone, which I'm completely guilty of. I do this every year. You would think I would get really good at this by now, but it's like, oh, I want this just to be, can we all just be in the same room and enjoy this entire time?
00:26:44
Speaker
together. No, that's not gonna, nope. But we almost made it this year. We almost made it through. It's stuff like that. But it's like, um you know, just, yeah, it kind of hurts. But it's just like, at the same time, i I do think I've come to more of an acceptance where it's like, you know what, it's probably just better. this is It's probably better for everyone. i I don't love this. This is not you know, my picture perfect Christmas, but you know, for for everyone, we're going to make this work and we're going to move forward. But yeah, I mean, it's hard because you still kind of have that whole perfect.
00:27:27
Speaker
Christmas image or idea in their head. For me, there's probably a little bit of selfishness in that too. I mean, I think I think i remember three years ago um because we have our small group Christmas party coming up. Three years ago, i didn't we didn't even make it 15 minutes at our small group Christmas party. I mean, it it's like one of the funnest you know, night of the year yeah with with all of our friends. And you get to celebrate what God has done, but you also get to play like the crazy games too. And you're laughing empirically. And we all know our families need laughter kind of thing. And so, um, I remember it now that I think about it, it was three or four years ago and now it's about four years ago now that that was one of the pivotal moments in our journey of understanding him.
00:28:14
Speaker
And it was because we were over at our host home, House Right, and um same age, little boys kind of thing, and um um our host home, which is some of my best friends. like who it you know She is my best friend.
00:28:28
Speaker
And um her little boy had, you know, cars, which Graham absolutely loves. Well, he had all of but one and he could not find the other matching one. Well, that sent him into orbit, right? And just meltdown after meltdown. And so, I mean, we're literally dragging him out. Well, Colin's the leader of our growth group. So he stayed, I brought him home and it was two hours of meltdown before I could calm him.
00:28:53
Speaker
And it's almost like, and i don't I'm not there yet, JJ, but that's why I was kind of asking you the question, does it ever get a little bit better? Because not only was I battling anger and selfishness in my own heart of me wanting to stay, but since then the Lord has done a a good work in in me to see it as this is how you serve Graham.
00:29:15
Speaker
because that two-hour meltdown was not good for anybody, including him, because he couldn't communicate. That was when he was still very small and little. um And so it's almost like if we could, this goes into the second part of the question, you know prepping your extended family, somehow articulate verbally with words what the aftermath is for us.
00:29:37
Speaker
Like, like that that's how I want to get better at. And it's not that we're trying to play a card of feel bad for me. It's just that, man, if you could see, and this is what I'm trying to tell church leaders too. Like, if you could see what happens after, if a volunteer doesn't show up 10 minutes, you know, if they show up 10 minutes late, and then that 10 minutes, it could be, you're
Communicating Autism Needs to Family
00:30:00
Speaker
recovering from the rhythm being thrown off. Or, you know, what what happens when we get in the van when when whatever Anyway, all I'm trying to say is like, like does does it get better? Is there a way to articulate moving into the next part of the question, your extended family, of what life is like if the few accommodations we're asking for could just get met? It would be extremely a blessing. Does that make sense? Yeah.
00:30:26
Speaker
um
00:30:29
Speaker
The aftermath, it's just the exhaustion the emotional exhaustion is just, like you said, you're leaving the party. You have this child who is in crisis. You probably had some expectations and some hopes to enjoy the laughter and all that party. And it's and you know i I guess some people are are still calling this grief.
00:30:58
Speaker
And I do think that there is um there is a little bit ah of progress in my heart, but it still stinks. I mean, it does. It still stinks, but I can come home and I'd be like, okay.
00:31:15
Speaker
Let's just, if we get home and get and into our controlled environment. Yeah. There's your safe place for your, I mean, yeah really is the kid that you're seeing out in these, in these parties, that's not really the same kid that is, you know, in his safe place. That's not the, it's not the same kid. We get him back home. He gets back into his grooves. Maybe he takes a shower, puts on some comfy pants and calls it a day. And,
00:31:44
Speaker
We just kind of take a break. Everybody kind of just takes a break. um Yeah. But I mean, it is still challenging. It is still challenging. But again, the acceptance, um accepting. And like you had said, you you've got friends with peers. ah Your son's got peers in the same age at those parties. And you know watching him grow.
00:32:12
Speaker
um and watching the gaps between them sometimes grow, the milestones that these children are are accomplishing maybe, and that maybe Graham's not quite there yet. And that that actually kind of starts getting wider sometimes. And that can be a that can be a challenge and just be like, ah if you can just um acknowledge, you know what, this is this is our autism journey.
00:32:41
Speaker
yeah and I can accept Graham right this second and that is a gap. you know can't But can i can I accept it truly in my heart? Because I think that as we um As our kids age, we are constantly accepting um where they are at as they are growing and the pace that they're growing at. We kind of have to accept that as we go, it's not I don't feel like autism acceptance is a done deal, like a one time thing because our kids are growing and blossoming and changing all the time. And then the um the school that they're at, the peers that they're with,
00:33:22
Speaker
um And then if if they're able to make some friends, if they're able to enjoy some social groups outside or um like Awana programs or like their youth group programs, and we're just constantly growing and constantly accepting um where they're at.
00:33:44
Speaker
And that's just growth. We just have to grow along with them and accepting them you know as we go. And I i don't know. i I guess getting back to the Christmas thing, i I really, again, I think I mentioned this before, but I was just like, Lord, look how far you've brought us. yeah Look what you've done.
00:34:07
Speaker
um and and went in spite of me and my my poor communication to others, and it's amazing just to see the growth. And you don't see it you don't see it day to day, week to week.
00:34:27
Speaker
You know, sometimes we gotta stop and reflect and see. There's been progress. It doesn't always it doesn't always look and like progress, but over time, give it some time. You're gonna see progress.
00:34:45
Speaker
So JJ, I'm thinking of that mom or dad who's listening and is like, I am so glad that both of your families are accommodating and they have grown to accept things. But mine, you know, because I have some friends like this that are navigating this. My family is so Christmas traditiony. I don't even know if that's a word. yeah like so deep in dear loved traditions. And we all know when we have such, I was teaching women's Bible study the night and and teaching on James, we must we must detach our earthly affections and attach them to eternity. But that's really hard to do for some people in some families when those traditions are so deeply rooted that all the family has to get together. Everybody's got to stay seated at the Thanksgiving table, ah et cetera, et cetera. What would you say to that mom and dad listening and is like,
00:35:34
Speaker
You know, we're on year four or five in my family because also this kind of season lends to hurtful comments when emotions are attached to earthly things, right? What would you say to that parent? That's like my family is still not understanding where we're at in our journey with autism and what he or she is capable of. And it's not a discipline issue. Like, how do you explain to that type of family extended family?
00:36:05
Speaker
Is there any way to kind of help us as parents articulate that conversation?
00:36:15
Speaker
i would I would just definitely, if we're talking about Grandma or Aunt Betty, or I would definitely connect with them before. um Maybe visit.
00:36:28
Speaker
If you can, I mean, like, if it's like, you know, what you guys went to, what, Louisiana, you had to go. yeah Yeah. You're not going to be able to visit there beforehand, but you know, connect or just touch base and just really reach out and just tell them, you know, maybe we're going to be bringing our own food.
00:36:50
Speaker
we We are he he might need his own food. wi So everybody knows that. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, bring in the food. He may need to take a break. He may be on his iPad. He may need a quiet space. We communicating with them early, instead of again, blindsiding them on the day of It gives them time to process, but you know, everybody's energy is high on on party day on the the most sacred Christmas season.
00:37:25
Speaker
um Everybody's energy is so high. And so to not have touched base really and connected and maybe given them some kind of a heads up or asked, you know, where is your quiet space? Because we're going to need it. And it might come out of nowhere. Just to give them that notice beforehand so they can process that so that they won't feel like you're ruining everything. Well,
00:37:55
Speaker
We'll call them a week ahead of time and ruin it then. trust And just sort of you know be ready for it. So ah they'll be up they'll be all right. They'll be all right. And I will tell you, it's it's not all hearts and flowers. It's not all rainbows. um We had a family member that we had a family get together.
Handling Insensitivity with Grace
00:38:21
Speaker
um I forget if it was a Thanksgiving or a Christmas. It doesn't matter. But um we were at a restaurant and Blake came unglued in the restaurant. And this particular person um but turned to the waitress as she approached and he said, oh, I don't know. He's autistic. And I'm like,
00:38:51
Speaker
out of, it's just sort of out of, no, he was, he was so overwhelmed. My son was overwhelmed. And then I was just, I was frustrated. I was hurt. I was, you know, we've, and you want to talk to the mom and dad, we've been there. We've, we've all been there. you And yes, this is sometimes, this is just part of this journey. And you know It like repeats over in my mind when those type of things happen, grace has been ah extended to you. Grace has been extended to you, Lara. through the Through Jesus and his death on the cross resurrection and you know how his forgiveness of sins that i I've received, grace has been extended to you. You extend grace like he does. and
00:39:45
Speaker
That's not easy when you're talking about somebody saying something like that toward your child. But again, it's still true. Grace upon grace. Yeah. um We had a situation. I felt really um hurt by a situation, and it's been it's been years. And I really felt the Lord press into to my spirit. you know They might forget about you, but I have not forgotten you. I see you.
00:40:15
Speaker
Praise God. you And I feel like the Lord is so good when the rest of the world has no idea how, you know, to help us or to understand our situation right now, when we're trying to learn, you know,
00:40:37
Speaker
ah Was it you I feel like it was you that said when you find out how to help When do you find out? How you can help my child in this situation. Can you tell me cuz I'm learning right alongside you. I think it was you said that i'm like oh this so Oh True yeah but the Lord the Lord is Here He is with you. He sees you. He loves you. And you are amazingly and wonderfully made too. And He just loves you so much. Don't don't go plummeting off into the depths. The Lord can sustain you. He will sustain you.
00:41:25
Speaker
And really, he's the one that has gotten us to this place when I'm standing at the top of that stair looking at that sign. I'm like, Lord. Oh, you were so good. You were so good. You have brought us so far. But yeah. Well, yeah you answered my last question. Just with that right there, how do you keep your focus as a mom, as a parent,
00:41:51
Speaker
in our in our season, you know, right now, how do you keep your focus on the Lord? And you just nailed it. You know, he sees. Well, and i um the verse that, um Lord, you will keep me in perfect peace when my mind is stayed on you. And I i know
00:42:17
Speaker
keeping my mind on the Lord. Just this morning, frankly, Mira, I dropped Blake off for work this morning. And I was like, I need to stay focused in this season. And so I was keeping my, even the even the little things like my radio, I'm like, I need i need Jesus is my reason for this season. I need Jesus on my radio right now. I need to stay focused. I want to focus this day.
00:42:45
Speaker
And so I made sure my station was all... It was Christmas-y and Jesus-y and it was perfect. So we were um or I was on my way home and I hit a patch of black ice and I started spinning. Not spinning, I shouldn't say. but Just the back and forth, the weaving, and this car in front of me was turning onto a side road and I just applied my brakes and it was all black ice and I was all over the place on the road.
00:43:16
Speaker
I mean, it just kind of came out of nowhere. Just unbelievable.
Faith and Trust During Holidays
00:43:21
Speaker
And I told my husband, I just got my car back from the potato incident last week. Let me tell you, I thought I was going to wreck this car. I tell you what anyways. Um, but let me tell you, I was diligently trying to keep my, my focus on the Lord and this kind of came out of nowhere. And I tell you what?
00:43:46
Speaker
We got to fight for it every day to keep our focus, to keep our focus on the Lord yeah and just to trust in Him and to lean on Him. And I tell you what, He is he is so good.
00:44:00
Speaker
He is so good. Wow. Yeah, you're right, sister. um and And with the new year coming up, you know we don't know what tomorrow holds, right? We don't know what next year holds. We don't know we don't know what progression is ahead of us. We don't know what setback is is coming for us. But if we are not in the word and we are not communing with him, like you said, and and and things when those things do come out of nowhere,
00:44:25
Speaker
Not that we're prepared for them, but we're anchored, right? And so like, that's that's my prayer, but um so in all things, right? In all things, ah like you said. So, friend, thank you for this. What a joy. Oh, well, thank you for having me. You're just a riot. You really are. Well, you know, we need each other. So, we do ah but ah tell us how people can connect with you.
00:44:55
Speaker
Oh, well, absolutely. We can be found ah at JJLavann.com. ah You can find my blog, Travels with My Rain Man on there. And then you can find links for the book. I'm on Instagram, um probably more than um probably more than Facebook, but you can find me on Facebook as well. But JJ Levine Rider on Instagram and ah JJ Levine actually author ah on Facebook if you want to connect there.
00:45:31
Speaker
But yeah, awesome. Well, like I said, friends listening, go find JJ's book. It's it's um what Graham is getting for Christmas. I'm so excited as well as connect with her. But thank you for listening to this episode of Raising Autistic Disciples. Merry Christmas and May. May we all do what we have just talked about and just abiding in the Lord, submitting to His will no matter what comes our way, especially during