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When Parenting Feels Overwhelming = Slow Down
160 Plays4 days ago
In this episode of Raising Autistic Disciples, Larah sits down with her friend Tiffany Long for a real and encouraging conversation about parenting, autism, and learning to slow down when life feels overwhelming.
Tiffany shares her family’s journey after her sons autism diagnosis and the lessons God has been teaching her in this season of parenting. Together they talk about the importance of creating margin, resisting the pressure to “figure everything out” immediately, and learning to trust that God is still working even when we can’t see the full picture.
They also discuss the early days after diagnosis, the fear and uncertainty parents often feel, and why slowing down can actually help us better understand and support our children.
If you’re an autism parent who feels like you’re constantly trying to keep up, this conversation will encourage you to breathe, take the next step faithfully, and trust that God is at work in both you and your child.
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast and Guest
00:00:02
Speaker
Welcome back to the Raising Autistic Disciples podcast. My name is Lara Roberts, and I am so excited to have this conversation today with my friend, Tiffany Long. Tiffany, welcome to the podcast. Hi, thanks for having me. Absolutely. Hey, okay, sister, let's just start. Let's just start this podcast off just absolutely.
00:00:23
Speaker
you know what? Let's just peek behind the curtain. Let's be truly honest and vulnerable and tell those listening what we were just talking about. Can we do that? Sure. All right. So listen, this is a non-judgment zone.
00:00:35
Speaker
All right. But it's also a space where, you know what? Life is both comical and just reality of of the life that you and I both live, which you'll you'll tell about in a few
Challenges and Language in Parenting Autistic Children
00:00:49
Speaker
minutes. We both have autistic kids. And we were just literally talking before we came on to press record that, you know what?
00:00:55
Speaker
um We're having to be mindful as parents ah that our kids pick up on some things. um And when you throw autism in the mix and they may not know exactly what a particular word means... Uh, they pick on it fast. And so not only do we have a lot of things to navigate, Tiffany, we have, we have to be on the edge of our seat of what teachers may tell us that they said in class or what Sunday school teachers may say. So we were talking and I gave Tiffany the example of about how I'm waiting for the day because as Graham gets older, um, and listen, this is, this is sanctification on Colin and I's part about the words that we use. You know, usually I'm a, I'm just going let this slip. Usually I'm a, like a gosh, dog it.
00:01:37
Speaker
type of or or or or you know dadgummit slips up here and there and and you know some other words you know like you know poop that starts with a sea comes out and so uh tiffany uh graham picked up on that and so now i'm waiting for the day where his teacher tells us you know what he just because okay let me back up he came into our room and what we were talking about for those listening is the two weeks of christmas being home and you know what that that is that that's a long time to be together you know and and we're human and people get on my nerves you know what i'm saying so i'm just being open and honest but graham picked up on a word and he came into our room and we were just trying to retreat for a little bit like this that the like just getting away from our three i love them i'm grateful for them the lord gave me kiddos and i'm so grateful but they were just you know after two after 18 days you know being together And Graham came into her room, Tiffany, and he he just stopped and he put his hands on his on his waist. And he's like, mom and dad, what the crap are y'all doing?
00:02:41
Speaker
it's can just see his attitude coming in oh the attitude was like and so i'm waiting for the day where i'll have to apologize his teacher be like sorry that's all mom and dad we will try to get better at our potty language um it's sanctification we're asking the lord to forgive us we sat him down we're like mommy daddy shouldn't say that word we're so sorry but anyway but i told you that and you were definitely like you're not alone so thank you for making me feel like i'm not failing at parenting by you know our it's not the worst story out there it's not yes So anyway, but that's awesome. Hey, to me tell tell us about you, family, anything you got, what you, to let's do this before you jump into family.
00:03:22
Speaker
What's something that you do that
Finding Joy in Hobbies
00:03:25
Speaker
you just love? Like, is there a hobby or like a, something that you're interested in? Like, what what do you love to do? Uh, there's two things that I love to do. Um,
00:03:35
Speaker
Well, this is not part of those too Well, it's part of the two, but it's not one of the two. Audiobooks. I love audiobooks. i get I love reading and I grew up reading book after book after book. But then with the mental toll that it takes with raising an autistic child,
00:03:51
Speaker
That kind of went out the window, but I missed books. So a friend of mine turned me on to all the different ways you can get books from libraries on audio and all that. And I'm almost always listening to an audio book. So along with listening to the audio books, there's two things that I do.
00:04:06
Speaker
One, I learned how to crochet a few years ago and it's become... One of my favorite things to do, not blankets. I do blankets, but I hate them. They're so long. I don't have the patience for them. It takes me about two to three years to finish a blanket. um But I love making like little animals and things like that. It's called i'm a gourmet. And um often people be like, can you find this and make this for me? And that's my favorite part is going and finding a pattern for something specific that someone's looking for. And then the joy on their face after they see it like this is just what I wanted. So that's one of my favorite things to do. Second favorite thing that don't get to do a whole lot is color.
00:04:47
Speaker
Oh, and I have to share this story for Christmas. My husband got me an amazing set of markers. It comes in its own case and everything. i don't even know how many are in there. i think it's like 80 of them.
00:04:59
Speaker
And they come in a case, they're all numbered. And me and my lovely OCD is like, oh, I get to organize them all. And I went through Christmas Eve when I opened that one and organized all the numbers. And then the best thing of all, it came with a color code sheet where I color in each square to know exactly what the marker looks like. And I'm like, this is amazing.
00:05:23
Speaker
And my husband looks at me and he's just like, Are you okay? And I'm like, I'm so happy. goes, I'm happy you're happy. like he did not understand it. I was like, no, this thrills me so much.
00:05:37
Speaker
So yeah, coloring, organized coloring. love it. love it. our tu in most So like, you know, like, like the feeling of accomplishment, not only an accomplishment in the coloring, but like that, yeah like, it it gave you instructions, like piece by piece of what to do. And then you're like, I did it.
00:05:56
Speaker
that. I love that. I love the color by number. Okay. Yeah. color by number so there's no guesswork that's right and just tell me what to do like tell me what to do okay hey i want to go back to the crocheting thing because i'm kind of i i haven't i i mean it's when we're recording this is january 8th so you know we're almost to the point where you're like if you haven't set goals which i love goals i love a new year but that's another story this one's not really inked in on my goal list but Something like it I wanted to do for years is like, okay, let's get away from screens. Let's get away from like thinking like all the lists we have to do. And so I did two years ago because I was just reminded it's sitting on my dresser when I was getting ready this morning is the, the, the wobble wobbly. Well, Oh yeah. Um, I think it's called wobbles. and wobbles so Wobbles. The package. Okay. so Yes. Yes. Where ah you can crochet. Is that crocheting?
00:06:50
Speaker
Yes, it is. from what From what, I haven't bought one because I already learned how to do it before those came out. But that is crocheting. It should give you everything you need in the package to get started except one-on-one instruction of how to get started. Oh, man. That's going to be a bummer. um and But I think they have like YouTube videos where they it step-by-step. Yeah, that's how I learned. Somebody taught me basics and then everything else I learned from YouTube. Okay. That's what was going to ask you. Should I start there?
00:07:16
Speaker
Start, yeah, YouTube and start with basics. Yeah. Start with chaining, single crochet and learn your stitches. And then when you learn stitches and like I made washcloths just like like dishcloths for months before I moved into anything bigger. Yeah. Hey, not trying to jump into like serious off of this, but why why is it important for us to find something like audio books, crocheting?
00:07:45
Speaker
well Life can weigh you down so much that if you don't find an escape, and I don't mean an escape like I'm leaving life, but for a minute reprieve, if you don't have something to escape into reprieve, it will break you. And you'll get to a point where nothing matters. That's where depression spirals, anxiety spirals.
00:08:06
Speaker
working with your kiddo and the guilt of, I want to help, but I don't know how to help. Everything just spirals downward when you don't have a way to escape. And not all of us can get away from retreats. Not all of us can do, you know, couple of Our son won't stay with anybody. So if we're doing anything, we're one-on-one going out to find like an overnight retreat or whatever Or we might get a couple hours during the day at some point where we might be able to get a date. But because it's not regular, we have to find ways to be able to calm ourselves, escape it all for a minute, and find that thing you love. It might be gardening, just getting outside, throwing earbuds on, listening to music or an audio book or a podcast and getting out in the dark. It might just be sitting on a swing for 10 minutes. You know, if your kid has got a swing, take their swing for 10 minutes. They'll be fine. Mm-hmm. You enjoy it for 10 minutes where you just chill and you teach your children, this is mommy's time. And they will learn that's mommy's time. And now we're at the point where my son will come to me and when I'm frustrated and he knows I'm overwhelmed, he'll say, do you need to go to your room? Because he knows that.
00:09:18
Speaker
I need space. And I'll be like, you know what, Jackson, you're right. I do need to go to my room. Can mommy take 10 minutes? Yeah, that's fine. Cause in those 10 minutes he gets to do what he wants and he doesn't care that mommy's not there. He's like, yeah, mom's gone. So, you know, kiddos learn when we're frustrated and our frustration never helps them. In fact, they feed off of the frustration. so finding that escape Something that you love, whatever it is, just to take some time weekly if you can't do it daily is a huge game changer for your mindset.
00:09:51
Speaker
That's awesome. Yeah. And it's just something about doing something with your hands, too. And creating. we were, you know.
Family Life and Parenting an Autistic Child
00:09:58
Speaker
built and and i mean i know some of us have different personalities but i i for one like love creating from the ground up things like seeing things so yeah working with a hand so cool thanks for sharing that friend uh hey so tell us about all things life family and and and the long family uh long family so my husband um and i have been married for i believe it will be 17 years yes 17 us too Yep, 17 this year, 2009. And so Jackson came along few years later, 2012. So he just turned 13. So yay for all things teenager coming about. That's fun.
00:10:37
Speaker
um ah But um I have been stay-at-home mom since the beginning with him. I had wanted to do that before we knew about the autism. And then once we knew about the autism, it was a definite um that I was going to stay home with him. Currently now, though, I am working part-time pediatric therapy of all things.
00:11:00
Speaker
But I am the back end of a local small business doing their insurance and billing and that kind of thing. But I just started that August, I think. um So five months that I've been into it. But it just gives me...
00:11:15
Speaker
I know I have a sense of purpose with my child, but it gives me something that's mine as well. Like another thing where I feel like I'm accomplishing things. I'm giving back to, you know, the community that has helped us for this whole time. Cause Jackson's always been in therapy and I just, I really enjoy the using my brain cells to figure out what's this mean? What's that mean? How do I work through this? And cause it's a new thing for the, for the clinic.
00:11:39
Speaker
So we're all kind of learning at the same time. And, I get so excited when one thing finally works out that I'm like, oh, we did it, you know, on to the next thing. And that's bringing a lot of joy back to my life. That's right. that I've got something outside of Jackson to focus on. That's right. And that can be very hard for everyone. and Right. Kids take up so much of our space that it can be so hard to find who we are. Yeah.
00:12:07
Speaker
And I'll talk a little bit about this during our podcast, but I lost myself for so long that I had lost the joy of my life. Like I had no joy, like yes, joy in my family, joy in God, joy for my kiddo. But I didn't really feel a true sense of I'm just at peace overall with where life is. I always felt like something was missing. Um,
00:12:29
Speaker
But I also knew my duty was to my child and that was okay. And, but I've learned now 13 years into this, there can be a balance to both. So I don't work a lot, you know, eight to 10 hours a week at most that's on the higher end so that I'm still spending a lot of time with my kiddo. um Like i said, he's 13 hormones hormones not wanting to school. School's a struggle because we have him on homebound because traumatized in school. So my kid is with me 24 seven. So that's why when he told me last week, he needed a break from me and was going to work with daddy I was like, I get it. that's right i get it
00:13:08
Speaker
So, uh, yeah, so, um, yeah, so it's just the three of us. We have some family in the area. There's some family that, has not jumped on board with everything. So that makes it challenging. But God's always provided the right people at the right time. Even if those people have later on left our lives, he's always given us somebody as we walked through life. um So that's a little synopsis of me, I guess.
Friendship and Social Connections
00:13:34
Speaker
Absolutely. Well, ah I'm just so grateful for you, friend, just coming on the podcast. Let let me tell everybody, Tiffany and I met just, um what is it, Tiffany? Just, I mean, Instagram.
00:13:46
Speaker
I mean, praise the Lord for- saw a memory today or yesterday, I think yesterday on Facebook that it A year ago, i was sharing something that I i got from you and Kim Botto. I've known about you for about a year. Nice. Well, happy anniversary. Right? I love it. I love it. Praise the Lord. You know, again, like I said at the beginning, I believe God's redeeming the internet for lots of reasons. One is friendship. I just texted somebody this morning and was like, I think ah God answers prayers, some prayers through bringing new friends in our life.
00:14:24
Speaker
Yeah. um And so praise God. I mean, you have been that for me. You're all all also what we're going to talk about is you're a few steps ahead. um And so I need and I know the Lord does that. I know he orchestrates that. And so, yeah, just Tiffany and I met through Instagram, through Bible study now, all autism moms, Bible study and some other online things. So grateful for her and her friendship in that. And so, hey, tell us when was Jackson diagnosed?
Journey to Diagnosis and Acceptance
00:14:49
Speaker
Jackson was diagnosed January 15th of 2016. He was three years old. So that 10 year anniversary is coming up in next week, seven days.
00:15:08
Speaker
Gotcha. what What made y'all pursue that? He had some of the very characteristic ah whatever you call them, things of autism. He lined everything up.
00:15:24
Speaker
He was not talking. um He had words, but he was mainly um nonverbal. And honestly, I thought he was fine.
00:15:35
Speaker
I thought it was just speech. It'll be fine. And we did get him into therapy for the speech side of things. And then my sister was over one day and God love her. I know it was hard for her to say it, but I'm like, no, things are fine. And she goes, no, he's not okay. Tiffany, you need, you need to get him checked out. And I was like, no, he's fine. You cannot be saying that to me.
00:16:00
Speaker
And then she left. And then I thought about it more and I went, oh my goodness. And so I talked to the speech therapist, um, And I said, this is what I'm hearing. What do you think? And she said, I think you need to get him tested. i can't give you that information, but you need to get him tested. right so we went where she recommended. um it was actually an autism institute in Atlanta, which is about two and half hours from me. And they, man, God worked it out because it should have been a year long wait. And we were in with a diagnosis in two months time.
00:16:39
Speaker
And so we were in in two months and then a month later we have the final appointments that that they they diagnosed it with autism. um So we pursued it because other people pointed it out. Cause you know, we don't want to think anything's going on with our kiddo. We don't want to, we see it, but we don't want to see it. But I remember the day I came home and I saw every single car and truck that he had lined up across our living room from largest to smallest in a perfect arc. And I went, oh, we're in trouble.
00:17:11
Speaker
Like I just knew. And I went in the kitchen and I said, looked at my husband. I said, please tell me you did this. And he goes, did what? And I said, have you not seen it? He said, no. I pulled him to the living room and showed him. He goes, oh, that's cool. And I'm thinking, it's cool, but that's not a good cool of the moment. So That's why we pursued it was because people were saying things like family, you know, in a loving way saying things and I started noticing things. So we said, OK, let's figure this out. in January of 2016, we got the diagnosis.
00:17:47
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Well, looking back that those moments where you said, you know, ah it just from from what you were how you were describing, were you scared?
00:17:59
Speaker
Yeah. because I knew enough about autism to know that it made your kid different. and that And that's that mama instinct of like, i it's not it's not even though, you know, ah going down the path you don't know much about yet. It's not technically when you're faced with a diagnosis like that, because we we can see our kid. He's not, oh, how do I say this in the right words? ah it's it's not It's not life or death.
00:18:28
Speaker
um but it But it's more like what what the what you do knowledge of it, it is like, oh, it he's not going to be the same. And so it's that it's that mama care of of wanting to protect from that. So I totally get that. Yeah.
00:18:43
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It just made it where you knew there was going to be a whole lot of challenges. for him and for you. You knew everything that you thought about life was going to change, but you didn't know what those changes would be because you absolutely don't know. that is so scary because we all like order and plans and things to go in our plans. But as you know, our friend Sandra Peoples says all the time, our plan B is still God's plan A. That's right. That's right. And um took me a long time to see that, though. and And I think it's very easy to get lost in all the things you need to do or feel you need to do in the beginning.
00:19:23
Speaker
And if I was to say one thing to a person with a new diagnosis, is as much as you can stop the noise and remember your child is still your child. That all these things they're saying you have to hurry up and get your child into, you don't need to hurry up and get your child into. Remember who your child is first, thank God for your child and ask God for direction. What's one step that I can take instead of 10? Because I had my very first panic attack three days after his diagnosis because they said, you have to do all these things and those resources are not in my area. And there was no way for me to do them. And I thought my child was never going to become a functional, healthy adult because I didn't have all these services for him and I couldn't get him in fast enough.
00:20:08
Speaker
And I had my first panic attack and I met somebody online and found out she was in the same area and we met the following week and she said, breathe. um Breathe, because you can't do all the things. And thank God she was a Christian too. And she said, God's got you. God's got your kiddo.
00:20:28
Speaker
Breathe and just do one thing at a time and do what you can for your child. And I remember that to this day. And that's what I would tell anybody who first diagnosis, newly diagnosed.
00:20:41
Speaker
It's going to bring stress. I'm not going to tell you not stress because going to bring it. Give it to God as much as you are able, as much as you are able to release that control because more release comes over time. It's very hard to surrender it because it's your kid and you know you're supposed to take care of your kid. That's why God gave you this kid.
00:21:01
Speaker
So surrender what you can in the moment and leave it and go, God, as other things come, please help me surrender them. But in this moment, I'm going to remember who my child is, love my child, meet my child where they're at and move one step at a time as you lead. Because you have to take time to grieve.
00:21:20
Speaker
if you don't take time to grieve, it will hit you like a freight train later on. How do I know? Because that's what happened to me. It will hit you later on.
00:21:31
Speaker
Make sure your family is processing it, your husband, or if you're a husband, your wife, like make sure your spouse is processing it. My husband took so much longer to process it. And I had no idea because we never talked about it. And I'm ready to move forward. And he's like, I'm not there yet.
00:21:51
Speaker
I can't do this. And I'm like, oh, okay, we got to take a step back because the two of us are not on the same page here. focus on what you can focus immediately around you and leave the rest in God's hands. God will provide what is needed for your kiddo. He's never left my son out in the cold to not have what he needed. um But we have to just stop and breathe first and go straight to God to say, hey, you've you've got to hold this because I can't. That's right. Oh, that's such great advice and kind and loving and just breathe. Just breathe. Yeah. And so, I mean, that's what I do write about. i can't remember if it was this the volume one of Letters to Lindsay. I'm working on volume two, so it may be volume two. But why why margin is so necessary. And it's exactly what you're just saying. Like if you don't create margin, both in your schedule and in your space and in what in your mind, um especially at the at the right after receiving the piece of paper. Like, yeah, I say the same thing and totally agree. It's it's create margin so that you can so that you can breathe.
00:22:58
Speaker
If you immediately jump in into adding this and adding that, that you don't, first off, you got to learn what autism is. Like you got to understand that so that you can know your kid better. Because again, as I was listening to you, like that's all we're after. And the first few days, first few you know months, years is I just want to know my kid.
00:23:14
Speaker
I want to know, I know my, my neurotypical daughter, you know, I, I was able to know this and know that and she was able to communicate. So that's what we're after as parents, which is what we're, how we're designed is is, we want to know. Right. And so if we don't have margin to do that, well you don't have margin to think.
00:23:32
Speaker
And so, um, yeah, great, great sister. Um, So kind of pivoting a little bit, because I want to learn from you both as you're a few steps ahead of me, because, you know, we're two years, one year, two years away from middle school,
Balancing Personal Aspirations with Parenting
00:23:47
Speaker
age 13. Oh, don't, I kind of don't even want to think about it. But there is also, there is also an aspect of like, if you are parenting a kid with a disability, autism, you got to be thinking two years out.
00:24:01
Speaker
Mm hmm. Yeah. and So I do want to learn from you in that that aspect. And there's many DMs that I get about middle school boys age and and just fill in the blank on all the things. And we have to navigate when it comes to that. So that's probably a whole nother podcast. But it's. As far as, uh, as far as teach us something sister on what the Lord has taught you just like in this last season. Now there's tons of questions I have for you on like, okay. And now that we know a little bit about diagnosis and things, but what, but in this season for the parent that's listening, that does have a teenage child, um, autistic teenage child, what what is the Lord teaching you now?
00:24:41
Speaker
As a person, let let me be let let let me take a look yeah let let me let me preface here for a second. there's there's There's a lot of conversations that I have, and we we're gonna this is the Raising Autistic Disciples podcast, and we want to we want to talk about autism. we don't talk about There's a certain time where I go, okay, time out something time out for a minute. Lara is a person too. Just like you were talking about career, Lara has aspirations too.
00:25:06
Speaker
career-wise that have nothing like, do we, do we, are we mindful what God's given us in the assignment of being a shepherd and a parent to our children? Yes. But sometimes i kind of just want to talk about not, and this is not selfish. This is just like, I do have a life outside of all things autism. Does that make sense?
00:25:24
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. So tell me, tell me what, as Tiffany, what is the Lord? what What's he doing? What's was' he teaching you?
Spiritual Growth Outside Traditional Church
00:25:33
Speaker
So I guess, This, I mean, 13 is a huge change, right? And we knew it was coming. Along with him turning 13 last year, I turned 40 last year. Oh, so boy. we kind of hit both. Two big milestones at one shot. Yeah, it's like great stuff.
00:25:49
Speaker
So... um So, you know, 40 is, you know, the year of change. You know, God shows you so many things. um And he began on working on some things with me before I actually turned 40. I turned 40 in the middle of the year. So there's pre 40 of 2025 and there's after 40. Oh, that's to be me this year. That's going to be me.
00:26:11
Speaker
yeah Yeah, you're going to have two parts. Yeah, i'm i'm in I'm in pre right now, so give me everything you got. yeah So listen in pre because then post is better. Okay, okay. now um But pre 40 was, um we went through a challenging time at the beginning of the year, had to process some church hurt, some some friends walking away um over what I would probably say was,
00:26:40
Speaker
um a lack of communication despite sides trying to communicate, not being able to um articulate well or whatever. No, there is some things that happen that you could place fault at, but I'm not looking back as who was at fault. I'm looking back at this situation was one of the worst situations I have ever been through.
00:27:01
Speaker
And I am a former pastor's daughter. Okay. So when I say this is one of the worst situations, this includes situations that I went through as a pastor's daughter that, that laymen of the church won't go through because of how situations work out and where things are placed on the leadership of the church and their families.
00:27:22
Speaker
So I've gone through a lot of stuff in my life. Um, being the pastor's daughter, you know, and um we, we at the time, were very legalistic upbringing. And so that formulates a lot of preconceived ideas about how life and everything should be, including with your autistic child. And I took all of that and that's how I was living life.
00:27:52
Speaker
Here and there, I'd be like, oh, that I think that's too rigid. I don't think that's right for our family and pray about it. You know, God would give me direction, little things here and there. But overall, I still kind of had that mindset of, I have to go to church and do all these things because I'm supposed to.
00:28:12
Speaker
And after all this happened, it was January, February of last year, after all this happened, We then were not connected with the church for a while. There is another church in town that we are connected with that I started doing Bible study with. We'd previously attended, but there's no special needs ministry. There's only a couple in the church that even have a disability. um But the one difference is they love church.
00:28:39
Speaker
They love unconditionally and always have. So I was doing the women's Bible study, which was what I needed in that season because with other issues with Jackson and and auditory things and trauma and stress, he couldn't even attend church anymore. He was at that point where he couldn't even be in the building.
00:29:00
Speaker
And it frustrated me so much because I'm like, but church is such a big part of my life. Church was where I found my identity You can probably see where I'm going to be going with this. The church was my identity because I was in it from birth till really last year. There had been times where we had to step away for Jackson's sake, but we always came back after a couple of months. This was an entirely different situation. And I was like, I don't know how to live life without church there. Church is supposed to be my support group. Church is supposed to be who I go to when there's a struggle. Church is supposed to be all these things for me.
00:29:39
Speaker
And what God began to show me was i was going to church for the wrong reasons. yeah I wasn't going to church to worship him. i was going to be seen by everybody else.
00:29:53
Speaker
I used to, you know, was former pastor's daughter. People always saw me. I was always front and center. um I sing. That's a little unknown fact about me, but I sing. And um in just about in every church we've been in, I've either been part of their choir or praise team and and done specials and things like that.
00:30:14
Speaker
people would see me. um Something happens with Jackson. I have to. I'm using air quotes here, but I feel I have to share with people so they know what's going on so that they know what's happening my life and can step in when I'm like, hey, I need help, which doesn't happen often. But if I did, they have to know. I always felt that I had to be seen because I felt like I wasn't being seen when working with my kiddo.
00:30:42
Speaker
Because who sees that? nobody except my kid. And my kids like, I don't want to do the work with you. So I feel like I needed to be seen and church was my way to be seen. And God said, it's not about you being seen.
00:30:57
Speaker
It's about letting me orchestrate what's needed in your life. And church is about worshiping me. So I need you to just worship me.
00:31:10
Speaker
I had to take church out of the equation because all summer long, no Bible study. So where am I finding my connection? That would be with my daily time with Jesus. That's where I'm going to find my connection.
00:31:25
Speaker
And he just began to work in my heart to where I was like, what's missing that I'm not enjoying seeking this connection with jesus and that's where i began to learn at the basis of everything like i told you this this church that i was doing bible with they love at the basis of everything is love jesus love most importantly and i thought am i focused on that love
00:32:03
Speaker
Or am I focused on all the other things I think people are thinking about me or perceiving about me that I wanna make sure is actually right? Because the situation that happened at the beginning the year was there were wrong perceptions of me and my family despite me doing everything to make sure that didn't happen. And God said, look what happened. All in your effort, look what still happened. The very thing you were trying not to happen did happen.
00:32:29
Speaker
m And I had to sit back and go, you know, There's literally, you'd you'd think at, you know, by 40, I would know this. There's literally not much in my control.
00:32:40
Speaker
It's not. And I just thought, okay, I needed that to happen in order to take me out of the thing I felt secure in that actually wasn't what was secure. Mm-hmm.
00:32:57
Speaker
So post 40 now, know, six months, even revelations, just this past week, being able to look back at all of that. I, I began to dig deep into just sitting with Jesus and, um,
00:33:17
Speaker
And I get stuck on like streaks like, ooh, I've been in the Bible app for 160 days. I've got to keep this streak going. Well, it's not the streak that's important. It's what I'm getting out of being in the word that's important. And that keeps me like...
00:33:37
Speaker
why am I so concerned about this streak? Because there was a day where it was just rough. i It was just a couple weeks ago. And I just remember it was rough and I couldn't wrap my head around sitting and reading anything. I just put on worship music. That was my way to connect for the day.
00:33:53
Speaker
And what happened? It broke my streak. And I went, you know what? Who cares about the streak? I did what my soul needed and what I felt God was leading me to in that moment. That now it's,
00:34:07
Speaker
Okay, let me take this moment to center myself. So, you know, I told you breathe in the beginning. You got breathe now too. You've got to take time to breathe. But 10 years in it's easier for me to create that margin and create a little bit more margin. um One resource that I will give because I use it all the time is called the pause app by John Elmich.
00:34:29
Speaker
And he is he has really helped me um focus on it his new book, Experiencing Jesus, really, is amazing because it's how do I experience Jesus? Not all the things that have a little bit of Jesus in them.
00:34:47
Speaker
How do I experience Jesus? Mm hmm. And the pause app gives you different pauses from one minute to 10 minutes. You can choose um different different voices. You can choose different things, but you can take anywhere from one minute to 10 minutes to to breathe. And so january every January, think it's every January 1st, they do a challenge of can you do two pauses a day?
00:35:14
Speaker
Can you take time to stop twice a day? to breathe, center yourself back with Jesus. And it almost seems redundant because it might be the same prayer over and over, but I've stopped looking at it as redundant and looking at as a habit that I am creating to make sure I am stopping to make sure my mind is focused on Jesus. And for me, i do that morning. As soon as I wake up, my phone is by my bed. Yes, people, my phone's not outside of the room at night. It is by my bed.
00:35:48
Speaker
But I open the first thing I open is the pause app. And i I typically my morning is a 10 minute pause and it focuses my mind for the day on Jesus. What's what's something there's healing guidance and worship. And those are usually one of the 10 minute ones. And I'll pick either healing if there's something that I was dealing with the day before that I need to process.
00:36:17
Speaker
Or I'll pick guidance. And that's typically what I pick is, okay, God, what do I need to let go of that's out of my control for today? um And how do I live my day for you knowing this stuff is coming up and, you know, I'm, I'm gonna let you give me the answer on that. But what's the one thing I can focus on for today?
00:36:37
Speaker
um And I'll tell you, it's amazing how fast God can work because even just this There was one thing, there was a chat I needed to have with my husband and I didn't know how to have it or how to say it without him getting upset. And so that morning it was, okay, God, this is bothering me Help me to love him well while you figure out the time and the way that we're supposed to talk. Because I know you'll do it when the time is right. Guess what happened last night after we went to bed?
00:37:05
Speaker
i was like, okay. This morning, I was like, thank you, Jesus. You entered that one. Moving on to the next. That's right. And it was just a great conversation and better than i could have hoped for it to go because I let God be in control when it happened rather than texting him being like, hey, we need to chat when you get home from work or in the door from work. Hey, we need to talk about something because immediately his back's going be up defensive. The conversation is not going to go well.
00:37:31
Speaker
So, so I always do that in the morning and then at night, the night one changes depending on how bedtime routine has gone. It might be five minutes. It might be 10, but I always try and take the time. i I am making sure I take the time to pause and bring myself back. Okay. God, I'm going to let go of what happened today. Whatever conversations I have, I'm not going ruminate them on, on them all night long. I'm not going to think about how do I fix this situation? Okay. That work thing needs to be left in the work.
00:38:01
Speaker
room And I'll deal with that tomorrow when I open my computer back up. Like having to separate of this is my time to focus on Jesus and my relationship with him. And what I'm learning and kind of like the big takeaway from all this is. we talked early a little bit about seasons and I would say every season is going to be different. When Jackson was younger and we were in the throes of five days a week of therapy, there was not a lot of margin for some of this stuff that I have now to be able to do that pause and then still take time for a Bible study. Um,
00:38:38
Speaker
kind of thing So in your season, number one, focus on Jesus and let him direct you on, is that the pause app and I do a one minute pause or is it, I need to read this one Bible verse or listen to this one chapter while I'm doing this thing for my kiddo or washing the dishes or this and that. What's one thing that I can focus on?
00:39:03
Speaker
That is bringing me directly to you to cancel out all the other noise so that when I step out of it, I can go in with a better understanding or a better attitude or a sense of peace, knowing this one thing is what I'm supposed to be working on because I've already connected with Jesus first.
00:39:23
Speaker
And it has just become where literally told my husband last night, I am finding joy again. hmm. In my life and it's not because of the job it's not because of where my child is at in his life. It's not it's not because of my coloring and my markers.
00:39:42
Speaker
It is because I'm able to look at Jesus now and go, you know what, there's nothing I can do about that situation. God, I'm going to give it to you. What's one step I can take for that situation right now.
00:39:56
Speaker
As an example, we found out my husband didn't fill out his W-4 correctly. So taxes weren't taken out the way we would have liked them to be taken out. and and And he calls me angry, frustrated, all the things. And while I'm on the phone with him, I'm just, I'm crying because our tax return is kind of how we do things for the rest of the year. And I'm just crying going, okay, God, like, how can this money all be gone? This and that, like, Again, didn't have big picture, had small picture, right?
00:40:29
Speaker
And I'm just, I'm crying. And like, I don't know what to do. We need to find a tax accountant because we don't usually typically have one. What do we do? Get off the phone with him. And i i posted one thing on Facebook and I said, we need a tax accountant ASAP. Like, we I need to find someone who can walk me through this to know what happened and what we need to change for this year. And I told him, I said, there's nothing we can do about last year.
00:40:53
Speaker
we need to change whatever we can for this year, but we obviously have time. We're in January. So I knew my first step was, can I get in touch with someone and maybe have a free consultation just to find out what we can do.
00:41:08
Speaker
Somebody commented and said, I think you need to find a tax attorney. And I said, you know, I'm going to start with this one step that I know I can start with, and I'm going to leave it at that.
00:41:19
Speaker
And typically, I react to things like, oh no, this is a mess. Okay, now I'm going to have to work 20 plus hours a week to try and make enough money to cover what we might need, this and that, trying to figure all the things Your mind just goes, like, it begins to go from, from like, it goes to 90 to nothing real quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so that's typically, typically what I do. yeah But this time around, I just sat and instead of reacting, i responded of okay, okay.
00:41:51
Speaker
How are we going to handle this? Okay, God's going to figure it out because finding out how much my husband actually made was a whole lot less than I thought we were making. But yet we never left lacked for anything. My child never went without anything. We didn't go without anything. We have our home. We have a car. Like we're we're okay. God's always provided. And so I just stopped and said, okay, God, you've taken care of it before.
00:42:14
Speaker
You're going to it again. so We may not be able to do all the things we planned, but you've got a different plan. That's right. So I just left it in his hands. And I could have started calling the tax places and all that and trying to figure things out. They were supposed to call me back saying that I didn't hear from them for a whole day. And I was like, you know what? I'm not going to call them because that's me forcing it.
00:42:35
Speaker
rather than letting God work. And during that day, 24 hours, Lara, 24 hours is all it was between that phone call where God's like, let me show you some things. I haven't shared the situation with with many people, but one person that is, she's like my Nathan in the Bible, Nathan David, she's my Nathan. And And she tells me what I need to hear. And so I was kind of sharing it with her, not really complaining, but just sharing like it's frustrating and we've got ah you know, you know, how, you know, what going do? And she goes, well, think about it this way.
00:43:09
Speaker
Those taxes that weren't taken out helped you meet your needs through that time because that's what you needed more so that you, you, you, you weren't short at the end of each paycheck. And i was like, oh, huh. Cause I was looking at it like,
00:43:27
Speaker
oh my goodness, now our twitter check is going to be shorter because it's going be taken out. But yet at the same time, we actually lived off of that and we needed that to live off of. And God showed me something else. My husband actually worked two jobs last year. He changed in the middle of the year.
00:43:41
Speaker
The previous job, did take out taxes. And i was like, oh, that might be our saving grace right there. That might be what God's like, you were okay to have texas taxes taken out with this job, but you needed that money in this job so that you made it every week.
00:43:58
Speaker
And just that shift in perspective that by the time the tax lady called me back, I was like, okay, so how do we change our W-4 so that it's better going forward? And she gave me that information. I didn't have to make a trip into any office, find any paperwork, nothing. It was, this is why that happened so that now I understand. And it wasn't actually something that was wrong. It was just the way we filled out our W-4. And I'm like, okay, so this is what we changed for this year. This is the answer God gave me for this year. We'll figure out what happens later with a tax time, whatever happens, God will figure out the money side of it to get us through whatever we're going to need.
00:44:41
Speaker
Yeah. And typically i would have been panicking like crazy and anxiety attacks But that little shift, and that I call a little, but it's really not a little shift. It's reframing. It's reframing.
00:44:56
Speaker
Reframing your mind. It's an entire 180 of. Rather than reacting, I'm going to respond by, okay, Jesus, you first. That's right. That's right. Coming to you first.
00:45:07
Speaker
And just, I hate that it took me until 40. Yeah. To really learn this. Yeah. Because I look back on some things and be like, you know, that probably could have been a whole lot easier if I had learned this back then. That's right. Yeah. but There was something else in that moment that I needed to learn. This is what I need to learn now. That's right. And.
00:45:28
Speaker
So for me, it's becoming not stressing about all the things with Jackson. It's okay. What's most pressing right now with Jackson? One thing we're working on some auditory processing issues. So what's one step.
00:45:42
Speaker
Okay. Get the referral from the doctor. Okay. Where's the one place we know we can take him that takes insurance, his insurance. Okay. Send it there. Wait on them to call me. I'm not calling them. I'm going to wait on them to call with the appointment. the right timing will happen when it's supposed to happen. And I'm not, I'm literally not stressing about it. And it sounds like I'm kind of bragging about it, but I'm not stressing because I know God's going to make it happen in the right time. That's right. That's right. And I know that if the whole situation last year had not happened,
00:46:14
Speaker
I would not be sitting here today being able to share this with you today because I still would have been so wrapped up in, I've got to make sure everything looks good for this church or these people or showing who I'm supposed to be or who I think I am rather than coming back to focus on.
00:46:32
Speaker
what Jesus thinks of me, what he wants for me. And going back to that, i mentioned in the beginning, Jesus love, because when I can focus on his love, yes, I'm still healing from that hurt, but I can look back at all that and I can pray for them and go Jesus, you work in the situation. You've taken me out of it.
00:46:52
Speaker
So it's up to you to work in it. So that family's behind me have a different experience that's right or, um you know praying for individuals, for churches, but then broadening that to, okay, who are you wanting me to influence right now? And there's a friend of mine, she's not a Christian, um and she often says the universe of things and rather than God. And I will always say God. And she knows I do. And she puts it in there. she sent me a text the other day and put universe slash God.
00:47:24
Speaker
that what okay okay guys yeah like this is my mission field right now it's just loving her the way jesus would want me yeah to love her No judgment. No, well, you should be saying that. No, just accepting what she's dealing with right now and serving her the way God tells me to right now, you know, serving my family the way that he's telling me to even this job that I have now, how am I serving them? Well, um and it all comes back to, you okay, God, what's the one thing that you want me to do in this situation?
00:48:00
Speaker
And when you're that focused and you've got only one thing to to deal with, it takes a lot of the pressure off because it's no longer...
00:48:10
Speaker
It's no longer all the things. That's right. Yeah. It's just one. Yeah. Yeah. Gosh, thank you for sharing that. Let me insert something. Not really insert because you you covered so much and so so well. ah Because the Lord's actually teaching me some of the same thing is that we're conditioned to move ahead of him.
Patience and Trust in Divine Timing
00:48:32
Speaker
Like we're, we're so wanting instant gratification answers right now, nervous energy when it doesn't happen. All that, but that we run, I often say, or not just say like, it's literally a prayer on my, it's every day. Lord, don't let me, don't let my speech outpace my sanctification. And that's just because I have a problem yeah, I have a problem with my tongue and and i have a problem with my thumb and texting. And so Lord, don't let me run ahead of what you're trying to teach me through my speech, but it it can be applied in all areas. Because here's the thing, Tiffany, what I'm learning based on like in this this season of my life, but also it applies so well to what you just taught us is that, ah okay, well, let me let me do that let me do it this way.
00:49:11
Speaker
Let me ask you questions and I'll i'll kind of come back to what what that, do you believe, because every situation, i'm I'm kind of going in circles, but let me frame it this way. Every situation i am learning to go, what do I, what does what does this situation reveal about God?
00:49:31
Speaker
Yeah. What does this moment teach me about his character and what he's doing? Okay. yeah Keyword doing. Okay. So question number one, do you believe God stops being God?
00:49:43
Speaker
No. Okay. So if God doesn't stop being God, then he's, do you believe he's always active? Yes. Okay. Because scripture tells us he is always active. So therefore God is never not working.
00:49:56
Speaker
Right. Yeah. Yeah. So if God is never not working, but yet we are conditioned because of flesh and because, you know, we're, we're yeah even as believers in Jesus, like we're we're becoming daily like him. That's what sanctification means. So if God is always working, but yet we're trying to run ahead of him, what what we're just counteracting what he's like. we're never We're never going to get in the way of him working.
00:50:21
Speaker
But what if we spent our day going, God, I want to watch you work? Yeah. And that's what you were doing by saying, you know what? It may take 24 hours. It may take 24 days. it may take two years. But you know what?
00:50:35
Speaker
I'm going to sit back. I'm going to spend seasons i mean in desperate prayer, but also just a prayerful attitude every single day, getting in God's word. How can I know him better than I knew him the day before? And God...
00:50:48
Speaker
this This is important to me. This, name it. ah what whatever you know This is important to me, but i and I know it's important to you, church attendance, um getting to know my kid, um you name it. We've got all the thing all the lists, right?
00:51:03
Speaker
So i'm I'm not going to run ahead of you. I am going to sit back and I'm going to watch you work because I believe you never are not working. You're always orchestrating everything for what, Tiffany?
00:51:15
Speaker
Yeah. for For your glory and my good. It's almost like we try to put up roadblocks. Oh, totally. ah This is the path that I want. So i'm going to throw this roadblock up on what you're doing over there. but And so that you, you know, might come over to my path that I'm working on.
00:51:33
Speaker
And he's like, okay, I can, you know, squash this little roadblock. I'm going to throw you a roadblock because you need to be jumping back on my path that's right and following behind what I'm doing. rather than trying to create your own. And it's like we're on the hamster wheel, exhausting ourselves because we keep running into this roadblock that God's put in front of us. And all we have to do is go back to his path because he's already got for us what's best for us, even though we may not like it, even though we may not understand it.
00:52:04
Speaker
He's still making that path for us. It's just a matter of us going, okay, God, I surrender. i surrender it to you. I get off of my throne and I give it to you because it's already yours.
00:52:19
Speaker
I accepted you as Christ into my heart. my My heart is already yours. My life is already yours. I need to get off the throne because i already gave it to you. And as soon as you do that and you see him sitting in that throne and see what he's already done for you, it makes it makes you want to sit back and go, i don't want to be in charge. That's right.
00:52:41
Speaker
Now it it it tends to still come up where it'll, you know, be a thought of, oh, I need to do X, Y, z But when you take that time to pause, that's when the, oh, I don't need to rush ahead. Because I'm going to take this time to look back. and God already had this here. So I know he's going to have this there.
00:52:56
Speaker
That's right. And just let him, gosh, if we just let him do his thing. Man, life is just so much. It's so freeing. It's so freeing that like why, like being in control is not all it's cracked up to be, you know, and but when we when we, you know, um when we truly understand and meditate on what scripture talks about, about walking in step with the spirit.
00:53:21
Speaker
it it is a far better lane to be in that lane than to be in the one Lara Roberts thinks is the right way to go. Amen. Right? And so, oh, sister, man, I feel like we could talk for days, but that right there, I'm going to need to marinate a little bit. um So thank you, you know, for just, you're a few steps ahead and I'm grateful for you and your friendship and your encouragement. What's one last thing that you would just say, hey, autism, mom or dad, i mean, anybody really,
00:53:51
Speaker
What's one last thing you want to leave with them?
00:53:55
Speaker
If you're going take anything away from today, take away the importance of... bringing it all back to God. It's not going to take all your stressors away immediately. you know Things aren't going to be just hunky dory. you know If your child's nonverbal, they're not going to suddenly be talking. you know It's not all the situations are fixed. It's posture of your heart.
00:54:19
Speaker
And if you come back to, okay, God, I'm going to take this time to make sure you're first and focus on one thing that you want me to focus on.
00:54:30
Speaker
and not overwhelming yourself by trying to do all the things. First focus on God. Number one thing always come back to focusing on God. He will direct you on what's something you need to focus on outside of that.
00:54:44
Speaker
My prayer is always what's the one thing for Jackson? What's one thing for me? I love my husband, but currently he's on his own. It's kind of like, hey, you you do your thing with him because I've got my hands full with what's happening here, what's happening there.
00:54:58
Speaker
Now my marriage is you know different from that, but that might be the one thing for me of I need to be doing this with the marriage. um But what's one thing I need to focus on was one thing for my son and the rest is the rest.
00:55:12
Speaker
The rest is untouched until God says, okay, pick this up. Now, yes, I have a job and yes, that I do have to work hours, but he has put me in an amazing position with an amazing boss that I can say, I'm not able to work today. I'll get to something tomorrow. Okay, that's fine. Like it's not a have to clock in kind job. And I'm thankful for that. So in some situations, it might be what's one work thing. You might have to add that to it. um But always come back to God first, one step that I can take today, one thing to focus on. And if it's something I need to wait on,
00:55:46
Speaker
wait on it. There's nothing I can do about getting Jackson into this doctor's appointment. I just need to wait. So right now there's not really a focus for Jackson. It's a focus for me. And that just, that frees you up to go, okay, God, I'm going to watch you work.
00:56:01
Speaker
That's right. And that's, that's what you want to focus on is watching him work, not you. That's right. That's right. Oh, end on that one right there. Yes. Yes, absolutely. Well, friend, thanks so much for just your wisdom and encouragement and pouring into us today. Appreciate you being on the podcast.
00:56:17
Speaker
Thank you for inviting me. i will say that this is probably the one passion that I'm not able to get into right now is being able to support families. And I try to encourage wherever I can, no matter the platform. And i am grateful that you had me on to be able to share with other moms and hopefully give them some encouragement along the way.
00:56:39
Speaker
That's You have, sister, you have. Well, for those of you listening, thank you so much for joining us for this conversation on the Raising Autistic Disciples podcast. Hey, more to come, but grateful for Tiffany and just her lived experience and her journey with the Lord of just encouraging us today. Thank you so much for listening to Raising Autistic Disciples podcast. Have a great day.