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Sourdough & Raising Autistic Disciples
249 Plays10 days ago
What does sourdough have to do with an autism diagnosis?
More than you think.
In this episode of Raising Autistic Disciples, I sit down with Courtney Moody of Acts of Sourdough to talk about motherhood, marriage, discipline, safe foods, Domino’s pizza… and what happens when the sky “isn’t blue anymore” after receiving a diagnosis.
Courtney shares candidly about:
- The guilt that creeps in with every questionnaire
- The “tango” between “It’s my fault” and “It was always going to be this way”
- Navigating the controversial conversations around obedience and autism
- Loving your child without clipping their wings
- Protecting your marriage when the weight of parenting feels overwhelming
- And why a diagnosis is an open door — not the driver’s seat
We talk about tough love, safe foods, spiritual surrender, and the beauty of raising autistic children for God’s glory — even when it feels exhausting.
This conversation is honest, layered, and full of grace for the mom who just walked out of an evaluation appointment cross-eyed and overwhelmed.
If you are in the early days of diagnosis…
If you’re wrestling with guilt…
If you’re learning how to love your spouse while loving your child fiercely…
This one is for you.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Raising Autistic Disciples and Courtney Moody
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to the Raising Autistic Disciples podcast. My name is Lara Roberts. I'm so excited for today's conversation with my friend, Courtney Moody from Acts of Sourdough.
The Origin of Acts of Sourdough
00:00:11
Speaker
Hello, sister friend. oh Hello. So happy to be here.
00:00:15
Speaker
Hey, I'm so happy to have this conversation with you. hey I don't, you know, I just want to know anything and everything you got. First off, hold on a second. Wait, on. You know what? I want you to introduce yourself. go ahead and do that. um I need to find something really quick. Who are you, Courtney? What do you do? Tell me about things.
00:00:31
Speaker
Well, I'm Courtney. I yes founded and am the creator of Acts of Sourdough, which is a sourdough page. It is all about like cooking from scratch, doing something that you love in the kitchen, brings your family together. i'm really inspired by my own family and I created a page that hopefully inspires other families. I have a nine-year-old son, Tanner. He's on the spectrum and it has been the driving force behind my business is his eating habits,
00:01:00
Speaker
Really cultivating a healthy relationship for food for him and cultivating a healthy family relationship with him and to just make him so empowered in the kitchen and feeling safe at home. And he is really the driving force behind anything I do food related. um Even if he doesn't eat a single thing, it it's always um just so encouraging and humbling to be his mom. So that is who I am.
Lara's Sourdough Journey
00:01:25
Speaker
I'm married and I've got three kids um and it's the joy of my life.
00:01:29
Speaker
I love it. I love it. And so, okay, let's talk sourdough for a second. Is that okay? I can do that. Okay, let me give you a little bit of history here. All right, so about two years ago, ah this was probably right in the... I mean, we got Graham's diagnosis almost six years ago, so it was probably...
00:01:46
Speaker
three years after, I love doing things with my hands. Like, i love creating and things like that. And so a couple of friends, right, were on the sourdough journey and they're like, hey, Lara, you should really, you know, start making sourdough. Well, I knew in the back of my head, I have a lot of ah aspirations in life, i have a lot of like, I'm an idea person, I'm a dreamer kind of thing. um I knew in the back of my head, that sounds fun, but I know my, when somebody else, like friends told me, hey, you should garden, I knew how that
Humorous Sourdough Stories
00:02:12
Speaker
ended. that I cannot keep anything alive. um I knew that at this point we had just, um sad story, but just had to give back a a precious little puppy because what were we thinking?
00:02:25
Speaker
Right, right, right. No, I'm on that same boat with you. Tony, what were we thinking? And I looked at Colin, my husband, and I was like, We said yes to another heartbeat to take care of. what were we So, sad day, gave puppy back. He was also a beagle. I mean, I know enough about you know breeds and things I'd like to know why did we get a beagle? I have no, this hunting dog, we don't hunt. Anyway, and so he yelped all night long, but anyway, ah not not happening. So I go on this journey with friends of like, hey, you should start sourdough. And I i did okay for about. and have a heartbeat, so that's all right. That's true. ah But no heartbeat. Okay, so
Advice for Sourdough Beginners
00:03:03
Speaker
yeah, but it I could not. maybe it was i was Maybe I was putting too much stress on myself. I don't know. But okay, sister friend, here's the deal.
00:03:10
Speaker
I was rolling through your your ah your reels, and I think this is a recent one. Okay. But I laughed absolutely hysterically out loud. you You're going to have to explain one thing to me. Okay. okay I'm going to try to put this on. Okay.
00:03:25
Speaker
It says last year, repeat after me. It is not dead. Do not throw it away. I'll show you how to use it in my new episode of Table Ready Sourdough, where we're making sourdough discard tortillas. Like, green liquid on top is just huge. It's a sign of fermentation.
00:03:38
Speaker
Okay. is It's hooch, babe. That's what it is. ah Okay, sister. Okay. What is hooch and why should I be? Well, I should ask is the
Courtney's Faith Journey
00:03:51
Speaker
verbiage. You know what i think is funny too? I think the verbiage with sourdough, like it can be so intimidating. Like it's yeah you feed a starter and then there's a hooch, but it's not mold. And it's it like it, the whole thing is, I don't know. It kind of goes over my head as someone who like doesn't even have a college degree. I'm like, what am I doing so much science every day willingly? um but yeah it's just a side of presentation i actually posted that real two days ago oh no probably even yesterday i think um but yeah it's it's a starter that's been in your fridge for a long time it's not mold you dump it out i was actually did a sound effect in that video while i was doing the voiceover and it was like a gagging sound effect but i was like boom no better not so then i just called it hooch and i and i moved on from that but i was like who it
00:04:38
Speaker
were look because it's i that It freaks me out too. I'm actually eating like fermented garlic right now. My husband hates it. I smell like an Italian recipe for closure, but I have been doing so many fermentation things and projects that I don't know. You just got to get, it's called hooch. I don't know who made it up again. I you know never graduated college, so I'm not really sure. You just remove the hooch and you walk on, right?
00:05:05
Speaker
Tump the hooch and then you make the tortillas. that's so much okay well thank you for for teaching me that today that is i love it i love it okay so okay and i and i've i am going to i'm going to by the time this podcast airs i'm going to try um like that you will i try so if you and you have on your instagram but if what's the top advice for the beginner rookie about to try I love to specialize in rookies because because if I, I literally moved into our house and had two ovens. and I looked at my husband and I was like, what am I going to do with two ovens? And then I taught myself how to bake bread before I ever taught myself how to cook. So I literally couldn't even boil pasta. My college roommates, they were talking about how it's so funny because like somehow I would get cereal wrong. Like I wouldn't cook for the life of me. So if I could bake bread first, and anybody can do it. And I would say you start with a starter. We have a pretty foolproof starter. And then you just make really good loaves. And then it's like riding a bike because it is a little bit of a cycle. So you feed and you make bread and then you put in the fridge or you feed. So then it's like riding a bike. It comes like pretty natural after that. And then you can experiment. um I was also postpartum with my third when I started sourdough because i what we were dead broke and bag of flour and faw sandwich. And I really wanted to do something with my hands. I really wanted to be creative. I really wanted to feed my family. So all three of those things like made the perfect storm of a sourdough, which then by the grace philosophy.
Faith and Motherhood
00:06:39
Speaker
That's awesome. And it did. It did indeed. That's awesome. Cool. Thanks. Okay. So I may be DM you being like, okay, this thing looks like it's, you know, whatever, but it's supposed to look a little bit terrifying. It's supposed to look like it at first, i they call like some kind of phobia where it's like all the bubbles could like make you a little nauseous. And maybe I had a little, I dabbled in that for a second. um I dabbled in a little bit. That's too much. Even like if I pour it out, my brother's at our house, he's like, I can't look at you make sourdough. And I was like, it's um But it's that's alive, no heartbeat, alive, and and's so it's really good bread. That's it. That's awesome. Cool deal. ah Sister, tell me how you placed your faith in Christ.
00:07:20
Speaker
Well, I grew up in the church. My mom and dad um took us to church Sunday, Wednesday. We went to a this is nothing like, I don't even wanna dabble in the like tearing down of mega churches, but it was a large church, really hard to get like truly plugged in But I grew up in the church and grew up to it just being normal to go Sunday morning, Wednesday nights, and thank God. um But I didn't find like a community. And then I went to college and went,
00:07:49
Speaker
crazy. Like there's no other word. I just went crazy in college and even like at the end of high school when I started to like smell
The Tylenol Study and Advocacy
00:07:55
Speaker
freedom a little bit, I was like, that's for me. The world is for me. And I don't know what I was doing on Sundays and Wednesdays, but I'm going to go do so Fridays and Saturdays now. So I did my whole college experience, flunked real hard out of college and then came back and met my husband. um And he was not a believer. And we just loved each other so much. And um we would go to church. He didn't really understand it.
00:08:22
Speaker
um But I was like, well, it's what we do on Sundays. You know, like go to church on Sundays. Isn't that it's not what everyone does? And it was really hard for me to like... wrap my head around how people didn't go to church on Sunday. I thought everyone did. And especially because our church was so large in our area that was like, everyone goes here. And then thank God he gave his life to Christ and was baptized in the church. But still, we were pretty in the world and just checking those boxes. And I remember it was after I had Tanner and it we were we got married very young and had babies very young, especially in our friend group. So
00:08:54
Speaker
our friends were not getting married, let alone having babies, let alone having babies with special needs. So we knew pretty early on, Tanner was diagnosed when he was two and like two and a half. I knew at two I was like, ah, something's, I'm, I'm going to story time. Like other two-year-olds aren't scratching their moms, aren't hitting their moms, aren't like running around, no eye contact. It was all of the signs where i was like, this is not, what the other two year old are doing, let's get them evaluated. And I remember going through that and the Lord just really tugging my heart and telling me like, you cannot do this alone. and
00:09:27
Speaker
And as a little bit of a powerhouse I would like to believe myself to be sometimes, um i was like, I can literally do anything. What are you talking about? And I knew that when Tanner was diagnosed, It was strange because I went to the diagnosis appointment knowing and there's not it's just not like you walk in. I don't know how like the diagnosing
Perspectives in the Autism Community
00:09:46
Speaker
culture is now, but I knew not. i know nine years ago or I guess eight years ago that we did strenuous evaluations, that it was more than one appointment. It was a lot of questions.
00:09:58
Speaker
so many questionnaires, so many, is does he meet this this, this, this? And it would just tear me down every single time. And my identity was completely misplaced because I was like, every time I checked the box for Tanner that he wasn't meeting some kind of milestone, I took the brunt of it. It was like, he's not doing this because I'm the worst. He's not doing this because I did something wrong. And he's not, he's not meeting this milestone or he's not making eye contact because I didn't do enough in this area. So I took took the brunt of all of but ah the hundreds of questionnaires I filled out. yeah And then he was diagnosed with autism and whatever the scale is, I know it's i know now it's a spectrum, but at the time he was like level two nonverbal. And I'm like, okay, I left that appointment. The sky wasn't blue anymore. And this is not, I'm not joking. The sky wasn't blue. The grass wasn't green. Every single thing was gray. And I was like, how am I going to put the light back like in our life? What is our life going look like? yeah And I remember just hitting my knees when I got home.
00:10:56
Speaker
And i'm like, I don't know what I've been doing. I know you're there. And I know that I accepted you in my life, but I know that I'm not channeling into the Holy Spirit like I need to be because this actually I can't do on my own. I've never had a world without color and I don't know what to do now. So ever since then, it really is. And I don't know if it's because motherhood makes you...
00:11:20
Speaker
more in tune with like our father loving us as children. But like Tanner was, is, was, i don't know, is my whole life, you know, like I i move about because of him here, you know, but like my driving force is Jesus. And yeah, I knew that I couldn't do without him. And I was like, I can't take this on my shoulders
Empowerment and Support for Tanner
00:11:43
Speaker
anymore. I can't fill in another questionnaire and then blame myself when I get home. I can't even like i let I felt myself doing it at an IEP meeting the other day and I was like, oh my gosh, this is all my fault.
00:11:52
Speaker
Even though he's like doing great, you know, like, he's like meeting a ton of milestones that a doctor once told me he never would. And then if it yeah wasn't enough for me. And I'm like, oh, heart check, you know, and every single heart check I've done since then, it's because the Lord has checked my heart. So it's been a process, but it really was Tanner. And like that, knowing, whoa, I don't know. I don't know what I was doing on Fridays and Saturdays, but I know that yeah Monday through Sunday, it's it's Tanner and it's it's not my responsibility. You know, the Lord made him, the Lord made me, and we're going to do this together. So. That's right. law Amen, sister. I love it. Amen.
00:12:30
Speaker
Amen. Okay, so that segues great. So, sister, i' mean, totally honest with you, haven't talked about this on the podcast. i haven't Honestly, haven't really talked about this on Instagram either, um but I did see where you're in the Tylenol study.
00:12:43
Speaker
um Right. Can we talk about it a little bit? Do you mind? Okay. Because here's the thing. and And listen, I've told followers and and friends that i'm I'm totally an open book. But if I'm honest with you, Courtney, um and I write about letters to Lindsay, like, I do believe um it's from birth. um But, you know, i'm um my hands are open to I don't know. Right. i We don't know. And so that's, a that i you know, i even preface that by saying it's fish and bones if you don't believe it's totally fine kind of thing. But if I am honest, um I was actually talking about this last night, our Autism Moms Bible Study online, and a sweet sister just said, um she was actually talking about advocating and saying, can we do both? Can we be ambitious and advocate? And um um i forgot how she worded it. And you know, still have a Christian, like she was trying to say can we still be bold? I was like, oh, absolutely. Like, and I said, but our perspective and our gospel lens
Marriage and Parenting Challenges
00:13:40
Speaker
is for his glory and our good. And, and we're Christian everywhere we go.
00:13:44
Speaker
But ah in this conversation, exactly what you're talking about, about the guilt of the check marks the list and things like that, there's still something in the back of my mind, um, going, you took, you took time off, you know, and, and, but the, But the comical part is our neurotypical middle school daughter right now, I had insomnia with her first pregnancy. And yes you know if anyone's supposed to be autistic, all right.
00:14:12
Speaker
And she's not. she and i Because I remember the day where, of course, we this is first pregnancy, we're new, and we'd only been married for four years, and I could not sleep.
00:14:23
Speaker
I am the poster child for you do not want to be around me if I can't sleep. Right, right, right. And so I remember the day because the doctor was, my doctor, doctor, his name was Dr. Tanner, actually, Dr. Tanner birthed me.
00:14:35
Speaker
So we're sitting in front of this guy who's about to retire and Colin, Colin, ah literally, you know, we' saying she just can't sleep. And, and he kind of shrugged his shoulders. He was like, no. Sorry.
00:14:47
Speaker
And Colin leans forward and was like, no, you don't understand you You do not give this woman meds. I'm not, I'm staying here until you tell her. would she Sorry, that is awful though. I know. He said insomnia. I was like, yeah, I know. And so he, and he looked at us and he said, Tylenol won't hurt the baby. Now that was, Right, right. Almost 14 years ago, you know, whatever. And so all i'm trying to say is I i like with Addy, I mean, I was not sleeping and I slept after that. um So but again, too I don't know if I've talked about this either. I had preeclampsiaogram and um so I was taking shots. So there's all these different things where you look back and you go.
00:15:25
Speaker
gosh, that was my fault. That was my fault. Now, now our lived experience is this. Anyway, I just kind of prefacing that. tell Tell us how that study, your involvement came to be. Tell us how you've walked with the Lord through maybe the revelations that it's brought. um
Parenting Roles and Love
00:15:43
Speaker
all All the things.
00:15:44
Speaker
It is a constant. And I mean, every single day, even like going through back and forth with like this conversation, it's me walking that fine line or doing that tango, I like to call it, of it's my fault and it's supposed to happen this way. it's It was always going to be this way and don't make yourself feel guilty about it because there's lots of things that it's funny that you say, because I've got three, Tanner's my oldest, but then I have a little girl, Charlie, she's six.
00:16:11
Speaker
And when I tell you, know first of all, postpartum depression off the charts, like my I was so upset when Tanner was just diagnosed. I just had Charlie. She was the most colicky baby i have ever seen. If her eyes were open, she was screaming. And so I didn't nurse her. I nursed Tanner until he was two years old. And they also said, like, if you nurse, there's less of a chance of autism. And I don't know why that was always in the back of my mind. But with the Tylenol thing, I don't know why the Lord, but I don't know why I was even prescribed Tylenol. So I would, it wasn't even a suggestion to take it. I was prescribed extra strength Tylenol. And that is the only reason that I could even enter in to this lawsuit is because I had proof that it was given to me by a doctor and that with a slew of other things, you know, like birth, the genetic, you know, genetic disposition and, know,
00:17:09
Speaker
other external factors and then tylenol could all have made this perfect storm to make my boy the boy that he is and but then with charlie i think i did the same thing i had preeclampsia with her i did not care about anything going into my body at that point because i was in total survival mode with tanner um he was also part of a genetic research study with mount sinai which also came out with all the time and all stuff and i also don't know why at the time I was feeling so I was like handpicked for that research study. It just kind of fell in our lap and I was like, I don't need research.
00:17:42
Speaker
I know he is ah he has autism and I know that which is also like a verbage and I'm
Prioritizing Marriage and Family Strength
00:17:47
Speaker
sure that we'll talk about. yeah It is really hard for me to like dance with Tanner's autistic and also he has autism, like the verbage of a girl also like, oh, oh, oh. Oh yeah.
00:17:57
Speaker
But and we were in this autism were in this research study and I was giving Charlie formula, the cheapest formula that I possibly could. And because again, survival mode, didn't nurse her, gave her all kinds of medicine, anything to help her colic. I would if i was dipping her pacifiers in vanilla vanilla just for her to take it. And she is perfectly fine, the picture of health. So yeah I don't know why or what.
00:18:24
Speaker
I know that it could be just like predisposition to autism.
Meaningful Relationships in Life
00:18:27
Speaker
Um, I'm sure, but I don't know. I don't feel guilty about anything I did for her because she doesn't show any external factors of anything being wrong, even though I did essentially things wrong or I would do things differently for her. I,
00:18:42
Speaker
have a whole walking checklist in my head always of what I would do differently if Tannen was a baby and I was pregnant and all over again. And I also think I wouldn't change a thing. So it's really, really hard for me two dance that dance every day because it's exhausting.
00:19:03
Speaker
Right. And people say with autism all the time, like I, um I believe like in your movement of empowering moms to raise their children up into knowing Christ, being bold in Christ and doing everything they can with the cognitive ability that they can do at it. That's right. That's right. i dance with that all the time. Like what can Tanner understand? Sometimes he says things and I'm like, Oh Lord, forgive him. You know, because I don't, i don't know where that came from. um So I love your movement that way, but i I struggle with the autism community in a way that it's like, it's this superpower and they're exactly how they should be and they wouldn't it change a thing. Okay,
Advice for Parents of Newly Diagnosed Autistic Children
00:19:44
Speaker
I can say that too. I think Tanner is perfectly and wonderfully and wonderfully made, but I would take every single thing he struggles with away and you can't say that you wouldn't do it for your kid. Sure, sure, absolutely. So so it's definitely this...
00:19:57
Speaker
Autism is a dance. It is. Gosh, so true. Because but because what I am, ah what I struggle with, um especially you and I share the whole Instagram, like craziness, ah knowing that we're supposed to be there, but also like, okay, I'm ready to give this up um kind of thing. It would be easier if we did. I mean, you know, and so, you know, I see the whole like,
00:20:24
Speaker
And I hate to say the word sides. I i don't mean it's perspective. It is is your lived perspective. So what I want to be cautious, what I caution parents on is to always see gospel point of view. But to understand that, listen, if it's a coping mechanism that you're saying superpower, that's between you and the Lord. What I would encourage you with is that they do not have an upper level.
00:20:50
Speaker
on approaching a spiritual realm. Does that make sense? So just be careful. You're saying like, you know, oh, they're closer to the Lord than any of us. ah Ah, you know, let's let's be careful there. um But on the other side of of, you know, those that are experiencing profound autism and and days are hard, I think days are hard for all of us, um just be careful where you're blame shifting. So it's's it's encouraging one another to Whatever our perspective has is, is let's see how we can encourage each other to see what the Lord is doing in that moment. Because what you're what you're saying, and I always have to remind myself is, listen, yes, I would take it away, but he's autistic today.
00:21:33
Speaker
He's likely going to be autistic tomorrow. If they find a cause or a remedy or whatever it is 10 years from now, I don't know what's gonna happen until then. Here's what I do know, which is also controversial.
00:21:45
Speaker
Courtney, what I'm about to say is I do believe that this word is 100% true, trustworthy and accurate before he will stand before God. I don't know the mystery. ah We both, we don't know the mind of God, but, and I know that God is kind, but I do know that It is only through Jesus that Graham will be saved. is not a second door. There is no second door. There is no free pass. And so what we have to understand as parents is we have been given an assignment, right, to to to raise an autistic disciple for God's glory and our good. so
00:22:19
Speaker
What I want to know from you, um how has your, you know, in the kitchen, you're making sourdough, you're you're feeding your family. How has that assignment paired with raising autistic disciple, paired with ah caring and nurturing and loving sweet Tanner, how has God showed you glimpses even through maybe the illustration of bread alone? Like how how has he met you in both spaces to kind of show you his faithfulness?
00:22:48
Speaker
Well, I was like gearing up for our conversation. I was like thinking about all of the profound moments that I really stopped. And I was like, whoa, that that will stick with me. And one of them is Tanner was in a therapy school for a little bit and his teacher was so tough. Like at first I was like back off my boy.
00:23:09
Speaker
you know, and she was, she was grilling him. And I think that he enjoyed it. Like he was never complaining about going to school. And he was maybe four five at the time. And I was like, first of all, don't talk to Tanner like that. yeah He doesn't like that. And he was like, thanks, Ms. I'm going to Sarah. Well, should I say Ms. Sarah? going to call her Sarah. but yeah Thanks, Ms. Sarah. And I'm like, first she was mean to you. And in my head,
00:23:36
Speaker
she told me she was like, you are clipping Tanner's wings. And she was talking me and I'm like, well, don't know what you're talking about. I love Tanner and I never gave him the chance that everyone else did. I was always like, no, no, no, he has autism. No, no, no, no, he has autism. Like you don't understand. He has autism. I never let Tanner meet his full potential. And so now in the kitchen, i feel that way with food. So my son hurts my feelings every day in the most loving way by eating zero things I make. And it's not without me trying my hardest and actually my devotional three days ago, i was on my face. I posted on Instagram that my dining room turned into holy ground. When I tell you I was pacing, was on my face praying for this boy. And I believe I will every single day until the day that I die. until the day that i die it is for his eating and me not ever stopping and ever clipping his wings and ever believing that he won't try a new food. that he is incapable of eating something that I make, or if he's incapable of eating a steak, if he's incapable of eating a little bit of bread. And every time I make bread, I have him taste a little bit. He's like, hmm, sourdough. And I'm like, I know, ain't it good? And he's like, no. And I'm like, okay, i do it you hurt you hurt my feelings. But always making him not only comfortable with food, like we always want a healthy relationship with food, but for him to feel empowered to try something new in all areas. But my domain is the kitchen. so so if he's cutting he loves the layers of an onion right now and even though it burns our eyes it burns our eyes real bad and he has to wear goggles and it is super cute um he is curious and i never want to be like no no no just eat domino's pizza for the rest of your life because that is your safe food it's ours too yeah if domino's doesn't come to our house every other day i swear they'll do wellness check i'm telling you
00:25:27
Speaker
yeah they'll be They'll be in the driveway. Actually, in the driveway, they were like, that's a new car. And I'm like, don't ever say that again. Okay. Please and but take out stock. um Somebody, we were bringing a little girl home like the other night from Addie's, ah from from youth group. And she was like, I love by the Domino's. Do y'all know what that's at? We we all three go, oh, do we know where? I know who works there. oh That's you right. They know me. They know where we're at. So don't ask if we know where Domino's is at. That's right.
00:25:55
Speaker
Where we're at. Right. So every time, and I make pizza and he'll have, he just doesn't enjoy it as much, you know, and I want him to enjoy, obviously, what he's eating. but it's for him to literally feel like a safe food is safe. And I guess I should, do like i'm I'm for tough love. I'm in a season of tough love right now because I'm constantly reminded about me not wanting to clip Tanner's wings. And I guess that goes in all areas of his life or whether it be therapy or school or church or, cause sometimes he's like, i don't want to go to church. i'm like, too bad. We're going, you know, and I feel like tough love also, it all always, always,
00:26:31
Speaker
pushing Tanner a little bit past his comfort zone, even as far as autism goes, is good for him. And it's building. I see it every day with new things that he's trying. So I love to get him involved in the kitchen because I know that he is so, he has so much more potential than Mm. Isn't that true?
00:26:50
Speaker
It's so true. And can I just say, I'm so glad we share that. Because also you were talking about the whole dancing autism thing and and and then we talked about guilt. You know, again, perspective. It's all perspective. But we're both millennials.
00:27:06
Speaker
Yep. And ah hey, this is not this is not popular. ah There are times in the autism world that I'm like, no, You know, we're going to... Obedience is a definitely a thing, right right? And it's like, that's not always popular. And I'm like, well, I don't want him to run out the road. So, you know, anyways I'm just so glad to hear that. I feel like that's super controversial in the autism world, which is why I don't always...
00:27:39
Speaker
I don't know where like autism exactly mom as like this huge badge of honor, because I feel like then it can be, there's a lot of times where Tanner was younger and I feel like I have, I've mourned that season of a little boy with autism is cute, but then a nine-year-old who's flapping and out in public, like, I'm just also so proud of my husband. I don't know.
00:28:00
Speaker
what it's like to be a dad's only son who has special needs. And you, you, you grieve this idea of what your son was going to be. And I know that my husband went through a grieving period of our son, but we were at the store the other day and my son is flapping and he's excited and he's just dancing around. He's like doing the zoomies and my husband didn't even flinch. And there was a season where like, calm down, you know, like, and yes, obedience is what I'm like. ah Yes.
00:28:24
Speaker
But also he's flopping around us. He's on a loping. You many times I was eloped? You see him, he has an air tag on him. Okay. Because there was a season where he was lost and he was, he was with, he was at the zoo one time and he was with those sea lions and I knew he was with the sea lions, but we were on the other side of the zoo. And I was like, if he's with those sea lions,
00:28:43
Speaker
we will all meet Jesus soon because I'm not running all the way over there. And if he's not over there, oh it was awful. So yeah, he's an eloper. And there is ah there's a sense of obedience. And i know that like hopped around that, but there is such a love that a parent has for their kid. yes And I love him enough to discipline him. And I love him enough to not accept certain behaviors for him sure And I believe that he's better for it because my sure husband and i were very tough love and we believe in discipline because we love our kids so much. my Even my daughter messed up as bad as a six year old who does nothing wrong could possibly do it. And I said, and i love you so much.
00:29:24
Speaker
so much more than I will ever accept to this behavior. yeah And that is how we parent. And I but don't believe that's the norm for the autism community. And I see a lot of videos of moms posting a video and it's there. And I went through a season of my son hitting me like it was the hardest season of my whole life. a He would scratch my face and he couldn't communicate. but I wasn't gonna let him hit me. And this mom posted a video of her son just hitting, hitting, hitting, and I'm all, right I grieved for her. i was like, I know that season. And the comments were just like, this is just disobedience. And while I can understand that,
00:30:00
Speaker
If you haven't lived it and you don't write you don't you don't know what to do until you're in that moment. And exactly thank God my son has come out of that and he's not a hitter anymore. um But there's so many different ways to discipline with autism.
00:30:13
Speaker
But I believe discipline is so important. Sure. Absolutely. Absolutely. um So, hey, can we can we talk about fatherhood and marriage? Can we? Okay, because i I know because I think maybe this episode will land around Valentine's Day, maybe not. yeah But you do a poster, a sweet reel with you and and and tell me, tell me, husband's name, Brian?
00:30:36
Speaker
Brian? Ryan. Ryan, Ryan, that's right. Okay. And yeah um and so, but okay, let's let's fatherhood for a second, because you just said, you know, the grocery store and the flapping and then the and then just what, have you, I'm interested know if you've seen the same thing, um because we have, you know, our older daughter, Addie, so I got to watch Colin parent her and, you know, the fatherly thing. um and And also just knowing his personality and and knowing, like I told you, like, what you know, we grew up a certain way because we were, you know, millennials and now You just think this is how we parent. But I've witnessed the Lord do a work in my husband's heart and personality and way he disciplines that is only the Holy Spirit. Now, not perfect. Like, we're both not perfect, right? But just going on the lines of what you talked about, about, you know, for a man to navigate that.
00:31:26
Speaker
and And you talk about, you know, respect, you know. and think But it's a when you're when you're raising an autistic kid, it's a different... You have to go through something. I mean, the grant process and all that. But have you seen the Lord work in your husband's life when it comes to, gosh this has got to look and got to be a lot different when it it comes to approaching our our kiddos?
00:31:47
Speaker
Right. Lord knows that Ryan has come such a long way. And, you know, only, only by the grace of God. Because when we had Tanner, we were young and my husband is a huge sports guy. So our baby, our gender reveal, we had, the you know, millennial. So we had this big gender reveal for our first baby 22 years old. And he, it was footballs and basketball. And um I know that you you don't have to have a son on the spectrum for them not to be interested in sports, but like you always, we are a sports family and you have this idea of coaching tee ball and, being, you know, like at practice every single night and then something happens like a diagnosis like that. And you realize that those interests aren't going to be for him. Actually, they're going to be a lot more complicated. yeah And just the social aspect of what your son can do now is totally different than even being on a team in general, you know? yeah.
00:32:43
Speaker
uh to my husband's credit he is a so he is a force like he is a rock solid foundation that does not sway easy um and i know just by his silence that he went through a grieving period it was never a loud grieving period it was never one that you know we were affected by but i could just tell he was and we were at the pool one day and someone who worked there didn't really my son is a fish also because we were in florida we love water too yeah' very important for me to get him swim lessons so he is a fish he loves the water and but he also flaps and he gets super excited when he's in the water so this worker the lifeguard i think at the pool didn't understand that tanner flapping isn't him drowning and she was getting super frustrated she didn't know what to do with him and i'm like leave him alone he's in a shallow end first of all and he's massive he's not you know like we have him and he she kind of got abrasive with us and then my husband got abrasive and i'm like yeah But then I was like, god' to a room im like yeah but then i was like I'm so proud of you. You never like, he never is like Tanner, stop Tanner. Don't like, don't do this. Like, don't, um, be less because the world doesn't understand how my husband's perspective is always. And although yes, he grieved that it was never going to be the T-ball coach. um He also likes to meet Tanner exactly where he is. And sometimes I didn't even understand it. I'm like, no, like we need to push Tanner to do this. And he was like, I'm going I'm going to partake in Tanner's interest. And I want him to do like, I want him to do things he loves and I want to do them with him. And I was like, oh my Lord, I love you so much. when god I just, I'm just super impressed by his ability and really a husband's ability to
00:34:28
Speaker
just meet a child with autism exactly where they are because I know it's hard if your expectation was never that. That's right. You don't expect your child to come out and have a diagnosis like autism and have social...
00:34:44
Speaker
inabilities, not inability, I hate that word, social hurdles. yeah um But, and you just push them and you meet them where they are and you don't grieve in front of them and you don't make them seem like a burden. And my husband has never done that. And I've way followed his lead now when at first I didn't understand.
00:35:04
Speaker
m So good. You're so right. Yeah. Colin the same. And that, you know, we have three. Yeah, we have three. So middle school daughter and then Graham and then Levi's our youngest.
00:35:20
Speaker
So it's a it's a again, let's use word dance ah with having Levi as our third very into football, you know, very all boy type of thing. And then then seeing Graham not be able to participate. But Graham.
00:35:34
Speaker
just goes with the flow. know And loves watching his brother, loves the all the canteen snacks that he gets at his football games that he gets to sit in the bleachers and eat. And so that that is, you know, that that's been a a a a dance of of watching. And and You know, ah just being able to see our family dynamic change over seasons and how the Lord has been with us totally in each of us, going, just lean in
00:36:05
Speaker
Just like if you spend your whole entire day, Larry, days thinking, I wish it would, I wish i wish Graham could do this, I wish he could do that, I wish he could play football, just lean in. he loves what he loves and...
00:36:18
Speaker
And he's talking with strangers, which is probably not all a great thing, but we're, you know, we're right by, but you he's meeting people and, and you know, he's babbling. yeah simon So like God, again, in his sovereignty is going, I got Graham right where I want him.
00:36:33
Speaker
I want him in the bleachers so that his, hit the bubble that he does not have, that you do have Lyra, will, will then be able to meet people and then gospel conversations can happen. So it's kind of like one of those, like, just sit back and let the autistic kid lead the way. Literally just just stop putting stop putting an expectation on him that he that doesn't have for himself. Right. He is at where he's supposed to be. Okay, so let's talk about marriage just for a second. um How has it, like, diagnosis happens the days after?
00:37:08
Speaker
How? Because we will celebrate. Man, I used to could, like, name how many years now. I think we're coming up on 18, 19. I can't remember. Yeah. I mean, you know. Anyway, so what's been the biggest marriage like, let me just ask you this.
00:37:25
Speaker
How do you make time? Yeah. How how do you, i just I don't even know how the question, just, just how do you, you know, I am sir, I certainly outpunted my coverage with Ryan because he is where I am.
00:37:39
Speaker
Like I said before, even we started recording was i am, my baseline is frazzled. Like I know that I appear sometimes cool, calm and collected, but if the, I call Ryan, like you're like, i don't need no man. i don't, I could never.
00:37:51
Speaker
I literally could never, if the remote's gone, I call Ryan. If something's like, everyone's like, oh, my husband can't find anything. i was like, I'm your husband because I can't find, I can't, if something's on the fridge, I call Ryan. If some, if like, I don't, if this is going to sound this is going really expose me. But like, if like certain things in the laundry are like misplaced, I'm like, where is this? Where's my sock? Where's this? I'd call him all the time. And he's in, oh yeah he's in, he was in a big meeting when I was like, my computer won't turn on. And he was like, yeah okay, Courtney. so he is like always very unfazed and if he has even in our hardest moments where we were lost and in the world and confused and young and had a baby who wasn't talking he loved me the most and he he always has it's he has been really good at like the the time it takes to put in a relationship because especially if you have someone with you're taking care of a child and loving a child with special needs because loving a child with special needs can almost take it out of you because you don't know who else will love them. You don't, at least this is what i went through is no one, and I i guess it to be true, no one will love Taylor the way that I do. No one will love Taylor the way that Ryan does. So we must give all of our love to him so we can fill the spaces that other people won't be able to give him. Like people can love Charlie and people can love Remy And people will love them. I don't know if other people will love Tanner that way. So we must give it all to him. And that's, that was my perspective at the very beginning. And so there, I didn't have any more love for Ryan. So when he sat me down one night where I was a tornado in the house and I was Mount St. Helen all over the place. And I was, was,
00:39:32
Speaker
angry and overstimulated and confused. He literally went into the room, locked the door and said, talk to me. And I was spewing all of this, like how wrong everything is, how much he does wrong, how much he doesn't do when he literally does everything, he how much he doesn't do. And he was like, i'm going to stop you right there. You know that I love you more than I love the kids. And I was like, m I was like literally impossible. And he was like, no, I love you or I love Jesus. And he was always, i love Jesus and I love you and I love the kids. And that is how it's always going to be. And I was like, first of all, you didn't even go to church. How long? As long as I did. So.
00:40:12
Speaker
don't church blame me, buddy. And it it's like this thing where I didn't understand it. And now, because I've seen him execute it in such a way that it makes me love him first too. And therefore I love our kids better now. So it's when you have this,
00:40:29
Speaker
respect for your spouse and you love them and you know that that relationship is so important we actually just started a bible study last night at our church the five love languages and i've had that book on my bookshelf for 10 years i got it when we got married never opened it um and now we get to do that bible study together and it was thank you for doing this for your family is what the leader of the bible study said and i was like gosh we're not we walk in there thinking that we're doing it for us That pouring in to our love tanks is for us, but really it is for our family because Ryan loves me the way that he does. I love our kids better. And because we make such a sacred time for each other, like I started breaking my phone and I don't know if you break your phone.
00:41:11
Speaker
Oh, I'm a thrower. So yes. no No, not like a real brick, but it locks my brother's phone.
00:41:22
Speaker
You are? I spilled the tea on that one. Yep. Yep. I mean, actually I frizzed me that sucker right off the That's right. us So yeah, praise God. Me too. But no, i lock everything off of my phone because I know that whatever is happening on my phone, whatever is happening in the outside world will just exhaust me and I will have nothing left to give. So it's creating boundaries where Ryan is my priority and therefore our family is like reaping the fruits of that labor. ah And I only knew that from Ryan because I told i tell you, I'm probably goingnna leave here and be like, hey, what's going on? He's like, I don't know, I'm in a big business meeting. i was like, well, why I talked to my friend for an hour.
00:41:58
Speaker
so I love it. da that's right. that's right oh man, i love it. yeah just, you know what um one of the I call the collaterals, being everything that the diagnose touches kind of thing. And so ah marriage of those siblings, extended family, finances, health, ah career, um all all the collaterals. And so As I'm writing letters to Lindsay, this part, collaterals, like I'm weeping writing the marriage part just because of, gosh, has God just totally kept us um through. i mean, he is the best person on the face of the planet. um And so um and I am totally not. As far as like, I mean, like you said, I love you a lot, but I'm married up totally. not I'm yeah so proud of that. Absolutely. Your husband does everything like for sure. That's right. That's right He does. Like I, I have to travel a lot throughout the year and i have noticed i I, take much longer getting to my gate because usually when I'm with Colin, I just zone out.
00:43:06
Speaker
Right. yes Let me just follow you. You make all the, and, and. Praise God for being like that. I mean, you know. Yeah. And so, um anyway, um so I'm writing that letter to her and just writing the line um when when things are hitting the fan, man. Like when hurt is has happened through other people's comments, like you're talking about it at the pool and things. The the bad days where you the anxiety, the the weight on my chest, I have to go curl up in a fetal position and he has to take over and all all that kind of stuff. At the end of the day, i just am so thankful to the Lord for the gift of marriage.
00:43:51
Speaker
um because like you said close the door and he he's there because the lord gave us this covenant uh to be able to when i'm when i'm down you know um he is my constant encouragement so just grateful to the lord for knowing that we would have a kid ah with on the autism spectrum but also knowing um marriage and i and i do want to stop just let me encourage if you're a a single mom listening. Man, does God have have absolute grace and and ah it sees you, knows you. And so i want to encourage you that it's not um you're not any lesser or anything like that just because marriage is a a thing, um but ah he is He is keeping you also. And so, but anyway, um sister, what is, as we kind of wrap up, like what, what's something the Lord is, is showing you this season right now in anything really doesn't have to be often, because to be honest with you, if we want to end not on autism, because what I'm also seeing online through different appearances, we're, we're still people.
00:44:56
Speaker
like you and i like we still have businesses we still have careers we still have friends we still have we still have our interests that that we love and so uh you know we we and i almost had this thought yesterday i was like oh i wonder if i should start another instagram because though i love making disciples i i that is my where i'm called to i do got other stuff going on that i i love talking non-profit i love talking um whatever so what is something just as as courtney the the ah follower of christ like what is what What the Lord teaching you in this season?
00:45:29
Speaker
Definitely my word for this year was relationship, which is why I was excited for our conversation. And I'm so excited for like what the year has to be, but like real relationships, really putting your phone down, having dinner, and having a conversation, really having a conversation with your husband about something outside of the kids. you know's right like That's right. Really honing in on those conversations and those relationships and knowing how important it is and how,
00:45:58
Speaker
you need, like ah we were talking earlier, a protection and ah around your circle and your friends. And we last year took a massive leap of faith only by my husband's leadership of switching churches. And we did it because of Tanner, because we had really, gosh, we had friends at church and those relationships were, I never thought would fizzle out. And then we switched churches and it has made me because we needed a ah different place for Tanner.
00:46:31
Speaker
It has made me so grateful for certain relationships that the Lord had pruned for us that we now get to see other relationships blossom that have really filled us and inspired us and to just lean into those relationships because the Lord is in the hand of even Even the simplest things, like every single thing I'm always tuning into, like that's the Lord's doing and that and that's his um that's his work right there. It is undeniable. And that is all in my relationships and how he has put people in my path, just like you and and social media and really using it for his glory because it is so for my good too. so the relationships that are cultivating in this season are so important to me.
00:47:18
Speaker
And to really, um I don't know, to really listen to every conversation and to leave conversations if they're not glorifying. So that truth that is definitely my my whole thing is I want ah fruit. That's right. Friendships. I want fruit friendships. That's that's right.
00:47:36
Speaker
Absolutely. I say all the time, and I'm not trying to be like a snob when I say this. I'm trying to help help like people understand my personality also, but my my best conversations begin and end talking about what he's doing and who he is. And and that doesn't mean that we don't swap a sourdough recipe in between there or we don't talk about, you know, what TV show we're watching or the funny reel that we came across. that and I mean, I'm not trying to be legalistic here, but like, like buddy but reminding each other to keep running the race.
00:48:08
Speaker
Because life is tough. So hard. And it is really important now, especially since we had switched, like storms are coming. You know, yeah you don't you're not linking arms with someone who is who is got your back and you have, you know, it takes a village. You have to to have a village. You have to be a village also. like really pour into. your neighbors and to really just show like the light of Jesus and everything that you do because then fruit will come for that from that. That's right. It's just really exciting. That's, that's what I believe this year is, um, for. So things are getting pruned because the Lord told me that we should prune them and that makes me a little nervous. Then that's okay. But it hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. But I feel like I'm in such a position where I have, I literally have,
00:48:55
Speaker
no qualms with these certain things if it's the lord you know like i tried it my way you know that's right that was crazy that's right bring it on bring it on if it's more of you jesus i want it that's right um cool deal well lastly sister um if there is or there will be what i call lindsey which is a persona of a mom who just received or or dad too there's that too but um who just received ah their child's autism diagnosis. If you were to speak to that, Lindsay, listening right on the days, months after, even a year after, what is something you want to tell her in the in that season after receiving a piece of paper that has a bunch of jargon on it that we don't understand? what What would you say to her?
00:49:39
Speaker
any It always goes to autism as a spectrum. You know, like when I first got a diagnosis, it was if you have seen one autistic kid, you have seen them all. And that could not be the furthest from the truth. So just yeah know your child, just yeah love him and just know that a piece of paper will only bring the what you allow sure will be like if the paper was just an open door to whatever I said could walk through it. Yeah. And autism is a spectrum. So when my son was first diagnosed, they were like, you need to do this, this and this. And I was like, yes, yes, yes. But that autism box tear was a square peg trying to fit into a circle and it just wasn't working. So if you just love your child first, outside of a diagnosis that you have received,
00:50:27
Speaker
everything else will fall into place. That is what I always say is, and I my made many of mistakes at a playground introducing Tanner as, he has autism or he's autism or, you know, instead of letting Tanner just be Tanner. That's right. If I just let him be Tanner and not just Tanner with autism, then those first those first couple of years would have been a lot smoother. Just love your child outside of a diagnosis. And then wherever he falls, just freeze it.
00:50:58
Speaker
That's right. Tell me one more time. You just said about the piece of paper that you, the piece of paper is only what you ah allowed. Yeah. It was an open door and anything that I allow come through it is what will come through it because they were like, Oh, OT speech. And I was like, exist right. Beach baby. He ain't talking, you know, like, yeah so we're going to focus on OT. I wish I would have done that, you know, and then, and then that,
00:51:23
Speaker
I feel like empowered him and then he felt more comfortable. But they're to just, they're going to throw a lot at you in a diagnosis and it's a lot of information. And I laughed like cross-eyed and I was like, well, what do I do now? They tell me what to do now, but then I don't know what to do now. So it really is just an open door and whatever walks through it is because you allowed it.
00:51:44
Speaker
And it is only for your child's benefit first. So everything I did was because i told me to do. But then i learned then I learned that Tanner is not A, B, C, and B. Like they say, Tanner is Tanner first. so Right. I love that. Thank you for that.
00:52:00
Speaker
That's gold. That's gold. Where can where can people find you, friend? acts of sourdough i if i'm out and they're like are you acts of sourdough i was like sure sure it's courtney my name is courtney i do bake bread but yes it's acts of sourdough courtney moody it's on instagram facebook um email love it love it friend thanks so much for today this was ru It was. Praise the Lord just for how he's doing, damning the internet for good. To be able to connect us. That's right. To connect us to everything. Go find Courtney on Instagram um and share this podcast with somebody that can be encouraging. But Courtney, thank you so much for being on the Raising Autistic Disciples podcast.
00:52:42
Speaker
Thank you.