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137 - The Transporter Refueled (2015)
87 Plays2 years ago
"That was the old days. Now we hold grudges and get revenge."
When is a sequel not a sequel? When it's a reboot, bay-bee!
This week, in honor of the late, great Ray Stevenson, we're talking his performance as the James Bond-esque father figure in the misbegotten reboot of the popular Transporter franchise! How did we get here? Where are we going? Is this thing in any way memorable? Don't worry - Stephen and Tucker are on the case!
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Setup
00:00:20
Speaker
No sequel for you.
00:00:24
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the disenfranchised podcast for that podcast, all about those franchises of one, those films that fancy themselves, full fledged franchises before falling flat on their face. After the first film, I am your host, Stephen Foxworthy. And joining me as always, uh, the man who insists on no names. And that's why we call him Tucker. Hey, Tucker. Hi, Stephen. How are we doing, buddy?
00:00:49
Speaker
I'm good. I'm good. Despite my obvious vocal change, I assure you it is me. It is. All right. It is me. You just sound, you know, like a grown up now, which is weird. It's so unlike you. I know it's wild. I don't know how I feel about it, to be honest with you. Ask me what movie we're watching. Hold on. But before I do that, I do need I do need to note that that that Brett Wright
00:01:17
Speaker
opened the package. So he is he is not with us right now. We wish him that transported. Right. He just got transported right off the podcast this week. We hope for his speedy return in the weeks to come. But we we lost it. We lost a good one this past week, Tucker. We lost the high amaze that you have no context for the second week.
00:01:39
Speaker
I'm going to take your word for it, Steven, because I don't know who the fuck that dude was like R.I.P. for sure. But I have no idea who that guy was outside. I mean, he's he's also the best part of this movie. I will say that. But we will have many more opportunities to come. We could have parlayed this into just a Ray Stevenson month.
Remembering Ray Stevenson
00:01:55
Speaker
But we did lose the great Ray Stevenson this week. Oh, yeah. He's he's just a great that guy heavy like he just comes in. He plays the heavy. You probably most people probably know him best as full stag from the the Thor movies.
00:02:08
Speaker
Oh, you know, the fat warrior from the Warriors three hangs out with Josh Lucas Zachary Lee movies when they came out and I have not seen them since.
00:02:19
Speaker
But yeah, he's he's he's in he's in a few of those. He's but we have many opportunities to cover him. He was in the Anton Fuqua King Arthur movie. He was in the Paul W.S. Anderson Three Musketeers movie. He was in Punisher Warzone.
00:02:39
Speaker
Directed by Lexi Alexander, who has blocked me on Twitter for following a film critic. I didn't I've never engaged with her ever. Didn't even follow her, but I got blocked by her. So that's just how it goes sometimes. And then he was also in what was that other movie that he did that we could cover?
00:02:59
Speaker
Um, there was another one too, but, but we, we put everything in a randomizer and we hit spin. And, uh, what came up was the transporter refueled from 2015.
Transporter Series Reboot Discussion
00:03:12
Speaker
It's a, it's a stupid movie starring ugly people with bad teeth. I mean, it does take place in England. So do it. That's my complete, that's my complete review.
00:03:24
Speaker
Right there. It is the 2015 reboot of the Transporter series. We'll get into that. But it stars Ed's screen or scrying screen. I think it's screen. S K R E I N. Lowen Chabanal, Ray Stevenson, Len Crud. Joe is key. Sorry. A bunch of other people you've never heard of. I mean, it's it's it's a it's a
00:03:55
Speaker
The people in this movie are so forgettable that when they reintroduce the villains in the modern day, they have to show you who they were in the opening segment because they know you're going to forget them.
00:04:09
Speaker
that's what I was done with it because only one other movie has done that to me, which is treated me that fucking stupid is perfect stranger with
Critique of Transporter Refueled
00:04:18
Speaker
with Halle Berry and Bruce Willis and what's the kid's name?
00:04:27
Speaker
Oh gosh, Giovanni Rubisi? Giovanni Rubisi, yeah. Yes, they did that. I walked out of that movie because they did that. Because I've never happened. And then five minutes later, they reference it. And so they do a whole flashback to something that happened five minutes ago, Steven. And I just walked out. I was like, no, no, you're not going to treat me this way. Peace.
00:04:49
Speaker
And then this movie did that and I just got PTSD about it all over again. I've never walked out of a movie, but there is one movie that we will eventually cover on this podcast where I got really damn close, but I stuck it out and I can't say I'm glad I did.
00:05:04
Speaker
But yeah, so no, we are where. Yeah, it absolutely does that it it and the way that it shows you that they're older, it gives them it takes off their wigs, it gives them really bad wigs when they're younger and then it removes those or in the case of the female, the main female character gives her a more different, less awful wig.
00:05:24
Speaker
Oh, yeah, it's been it's been 20 years, but but we haven't aged at all. Our hair is just different. One of the characters ages and it is the girl that is clearly underaged in the first scene and she's now an adult. But she's the only character that is played by a different actress. Everyone else has played exactly the same at exactly the same age. We're doing nothing.
00:05:45
Speaker
other than giving us different hair to indicate that there is anything wrong. And the main girl, you can tell it's the main girl right away because she's actually lit in the scene. None of the other girls are lit at all. They may have some general lighting on them, but this girl has got star lighting on her. So you can tell as soon as she walks up, oh, she's lit differently. She must be the female lead of the movie. It truly is a film for idiots.
00:06:12
Speaker
It kind of is director thinks the director thinks you are stupid. This director. So this film, it was released in 2015. It's directed by Camille. Camille de la Marais, who is a French, I believe French editor.
00:06:32
Speaker
But he is he's best known as an editor. He's only directed a handful of movies. This is his third, second second feature movie after a film called Brick Mansions, which I know nothing about. But he is he's a Luke Besson guy.
00:06:48
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Brick Mansion starring Paul Walker and the RZA. So do with that what you will. But he's he's mostly known as a film editor prior to that. But he had been like he and mostly action movies, Transporter Three, Twenty Two Bullets, Columbiana, that movie that was supposed to have been what the sequel to the the professional was. Yeah. Taken to lock out like he's just
00:07:18
Speaker
He's predominantly an action film editor and then manages to parlay that into a middling directing career where he directs shitty action movies, directs garbage, including the second film or the fourth film in the transporter franchise. Tucker, do you have any familiarity whatsoever with the transporter franchise?
00:07:40
Speaker
Well, yeah, I've seen I know I've seen the first one a few times because that movie was a lot of fun. And when that movie came out, the people that I
00:07:52
Speaker
surrounded myself with not out of choice, but because they were the only people around. No offense to any of them. They were great people, just not normally the type of people I would have hung out at that time in my life. Sure. They were into that kind of thing. And so I saw it a few times and it was impressive. Jason Statham, I think, really has a knack for playing those kind of characters. And when it's written well enough and the action is done well enough,
00:08:18
Speaker
It can be a really good time. And that first transporter movie is a whole lot of fun. Mm hmm. I think I've seen one of the sequels, but it's been so long that I don't remember anything about it. I'm just pretty sure I've seen one of the sequels. Also, his character pops up in collateral. Allegedly. Oh, that's Steven. It's him. It's okay. Yeah, because Louis Lauterier says it's him.
00:08:45
Speaker
Believe me, Michael Mann is not creating a crossover. Michael Mann could give two shits about the transporter. I know Michael Mann is not creating a crossover, but he's he's winking to people who can enjoy both highbrow and lowbrow versions of the same type of entertainment because he respects us, Stephen, unlike the director of this movie, who does not respect us at all. At all.
00:09:15
Speaker
How I'm supposed to believe that this guy either used to be or at one time will become Jason Statham. How I'm supposed to believe that.
00:09:25
Speaker
You're not because it's it's it's the same character that is it's the same character played by it's it's a James Bond thing. We're rebooting it again. No, fuck that. That may work with James Bond because James Bond is stupid movies made for idiots to hot take. I don't. So having watched every movie in that franchise, I don't disagree. God, I hate all of those movies. I don't hate all of them. There are some of them I really enjoy, but I'm not going to I'm not going to sit here and pretend like they're highbrow entertainment.
00:09:54
Speaker
I feel like they could have made this same movie, even called it Transporter Refueled and made it like a spinoff or a spiritual sequel and not made it the same character. Probably. And I'll bet it probably would have done better because I don't know. I don't know about that. I. It's still going to have all the same problems, man. I'm just saying that more people, I think people would have been more willing to give it a chance.
00:10:23
Speaker
If there had been a different character because you're like, oh, yeah, this is this is the same guy. We're rebooting it. But this is Jason Statham. But it's this skinny dude with teeth poking out from Game of Thrones from like one episode of Game of Thrones. Here he is. He quit Game of Thrones for this garbage, by the way. I believe it. Well, again, this was supposed to be relaunched the franchise. He was supposed to be his.
00:10:46
Speaker
his his big break like his big film debut and you know, you know, check my notes here and that didn't happen. You know what this is? This is a bunch of
00:10:59
Speaker
nerdy dudes trying to act tough and cool. Like every cool face that anybody makes is so put on. Like all the acting in this movie is acting. You know what you're supposed to do when you're acting, Steven? You're supposed to act like you're not acting. In this movie, they're just like, hey, you want to see some acting? Here it is. You'll know it because it looks like acting.
00:11:28
Speaker
Again, I think I think the person that comes off best here is Ray Stevenson, who plays. He's charming as hell. He is a different movie altogether. Like, I don't know where the fuck he is in this movie. He's he is James Bond in this movie. He is playing James Bond if ever an actor auditioned in another movie to play James Bond. It's Ray Stevenson in this because he is absolutely playing like a Roger Moore style James Bond character.
00:11:53
Speaker
Absolutely. Like they give him the shittiest dialogue and he manages to pull it off. And I don't know how the fuck he does it. See, that's the that's the key to a good James Bond. Steven is to be like offensively sexist, but we still like you. And that's who he was in this movie. Absolutely. There's there's a.
00:12:18
Speaker
The women in this movie are, this movie is, first of all, this movie is misogynistic as fuck. They really want those women to come off as empowered though, but it does not work. No. It's just even more sexist. Because you manage to, I mean, they're all hypersexual, all of them. Oh my God. Hypersexualized.
00:12:38
Speaker
But then you dress them all interchangeably. So for most of the movie, you can't tell any two of them apart from each other because they're all wearing the same dress, same wigs and dark glasses. So like you can't see any of their distinguishing features for most of the movie by design.
00:12:56
Speaker
That is the way this movie is constructed. And so and then when they do take off their their their costumes and you see that they are different women, they all behave very much the same way, which is horny as fuck. Yeah. Like Ray Stevenson's character, he's he's been kidnapped by these women and is so fucking charming that he has a three way with two of them.
00:13:21
Speaker
Yes. Yes. And these women are women who have been sold into sex slavery. So they have every reason to not want to sleep with a man. And yet that's how they're empowered is they sleep with Ray Stevenson because he's so damn charming.
00:13:36
Speaker
And then when they die, their deaths have no emotional impact because they all look exactly the fucking same. It's fucking terrible. And with the exception of the final girl, they all die. Like the main character, the main female character we discussed at the beginning, they all die.
00:13:56
Speaker
in a very like anonymous, just kind of their shot and dead kind of way. I think the the girl from the Pyrenees, like they really want us to know that she's from Basque country because they mentioned it like 10 times in this fucking movie. But like they really want you to know that's where she's from, from the Pyrenees, you see, she gets more of an emotional send off because that was the one that Ray Stevenson's character had connected with a little more. But
00:14:22
Speaker
It like doesn't work because that's literally all we know about her character is that he's enamored of her and she's from the Basque country. That's it. That's all we know. That's me for the whole movie. I don't really know what was going on half of this movie. Oh, maybe I guess like this. The plot in 60 is just going to be a huge fuck mess because I really I'm not sure what happened in this movie. Me neither. And it's one of those plots that's needlessly convoluted.
00:14:52
Speaker
like just blatantly needlessly convoluted because that means that we're smart. Like it really wants you to think that the movie really wants you to think that it's very, very smart. That's part of treating people like they're stupid, Steven, is acting like you're smart. Right. You're the smartest one. Part of it. Yeah. And this movie does not earn that reputation of being the smartest one in the room at all. They are aggressively dumb.
00:15:18
Speaker
Um, but yeah, that's, that's kind of where we're at with it. I mean, this movie is, it's not it's misogynistic as fuck. It doesn't like respect or trust its audience. Um, and the only actor that really comes off well at all does so because he's the only actor who really knows what he's doing. Um, he's the only actor who's an actual actor.
00:15:42
Speaker
Yeah. And like I said, he's not he's not in this movie. He's in a different movie. Yeah. Like everybody else is in this movie and he's fucking killing it in some other movie. But somehow his performance got transported into this movie somehow. We don't know how. Right. But it's not enough to save it. Not enough to save. In fact, his amazing performance makes this movie worse.
00:16:07
Speaker
Because it's so good. It's so he is so good. The rest of the movie cannot figure out how to get on his wavelength. Like he just comes in and he fucking knocks it like there's a scene where he's he's been kidnapped by these women and the other the other, you know, nameless, faceless women all come in looking exactly the same. And they've got these very obviously fake blonde wigs on like you could tell from a thousand yards away this these women are wearing fake blonde wigs and they start taking their wigs off. And he he his line is
00:16:37
Speaker
Oh, darn, I thought you were a natural blondes. And he manages to say it in a way that is like both genuine and sarcastic as hell at the exact same time. And it's I'm like, I don't know how you pull off that line with these costumes, but he did. And he does it so. And then again, that's that's where it clicked for me. Oh, he's Roger Moore. He's Roger Moore, James Bond in this very shit. And that's
00:17:06
Speaker
This movie gave me echoes of like other better movies where you've got like a father and son in the same profession pairing up like an Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade or a Austin Powers and Gold member kind of situation where you've got these like kind of I guess kind of elder statesman actors coming into this franchise later in the game and kind of like bringing up this character that was clearly inspired by them and
00:17:34
Speaker
this. I mean, you get Sean Connery, who was James Bond playing opposite Indiana Jones, who is basically George Lucas's pulp, James Bond, because Steven Spielberg was never going to get to direct the James Bond movie. And then you get like Michael Caine in who played, you know, a super spy in the Ipsin or Ipcrest files and things like that, like playing the you know, the elder statesman to
00:18:01
Speaker
Mike Myers, very obviously goofy James Bond parody. And you when you have Ray Stevenson show up in this, it's like taking all of those like 90s gangster roles that he played in England, like in shit like layer cake and whatnot. And like that's basically the role he's playing here, except he's he's putting just enough like smooth debonair James Bond shit on it that he sells it really, really well. Yeah.
00:18:28
Speaker
Um, it sounds that that performance was wasted on this movie.
00:18:32
Speaker
It kind of but but it's the only thing that I find redemptive about this movie. It's the only thing that redeems this movie like this movie is forgettable as hell. Like I I watched this movie last night. Was I under the influence of some substances? Yes, I was. Do I remember anything about this movie, though? I mean, it helped a lot. I don't remember a damn thing about this movie outside of what Ray Stevenson is doing and the horrible way that it treats the females in this movie. Yeah, it's.
00:19:03
Speaker
It's really and it's a testament to who Stevenson is as an actor. And he might not have always been in the best films, but he's at least doing good work in them, which is why I like him so much like he's in one of the later seasons of Dexter, like after Dexter kind of becomes shitty and goes off the rails. I think he's in like the second to last season of Dexter.
00:19:23
Speaker
And he's I don't remember his character in that. He's like the big bad in that season. Like in that second to last season of Dexter, he's like the big bad and he's really good, but he plays like a like a British gangster. Like that's kind of I don't remember much.
00:19:38
Speaker
I don't remember much after the Trinity Killer, though I did watch all of those, you know, because Mos Def was in one of those last couple of seasons. Yeah, he was in the one with Edward James Olmos. And then you've got there was another one with Julia Stiles. And then there's one. Oh, yeah. I forgot about her. And then you get there's Ray Stevenson and Yvonne from Chuck Yvonne Strykowski or whatever her name is. She was in that season as well. And then and then the last season, which I watched maybe two episodes of and I went, nope.
00:20:06
Speaker
I'm walking away because I made that bargain with myself after Lost ended. If I stop enjoying a show, I may give myself permission to walk away. And that's when I walked away from Dexter. I was like, I can't do this anymore. So I didn't catch that last season. But after hearing what that last season was about and what the reboot series was about,
00:20:26
Speaker
Kind of glad I didn't, honestly. I liked the reboot series I thought was good for the most part. There was some questionable things in it that were
00:20:40
Speaker
reminiscent of the bad writing of the final season of the original series. But overall, the reboot was I enjoyed. That's how I discovered Yellow Jackets. The only the only time that I subscribe to Showtime is when there's a new season of Dexter. So in between the last season of Dexter and New Blood, I had not subscribed to Showtime at all. You didn't subscribe to Showtime. You didn't subscribe for Twin Peaks The Return.
00:21:09
Speaker
Oh, I guess I did because I did watch that one there. You would have you would have had to. Yeah. Yeah. And then I purchased that as well. So, OK. Yeah. I take that back the one time I subscribe to Showtime between the end of Dexter and the reboot was for Twin Peaks to return.
00:21:27
Speaker
But I signed up for Showtime for Dexter New Blood and there was Yellow Jackets and now that's the thing that's in my life. So now I have another reason to give Showtime money for like three months out of every year. There you go. I mean you could be having some good movies and they they brought their app broadcast in 4k. So that's nice. That is nice. Yeah. That's how I got to see Pearl in 4k.
00:21:52
Speaker
Pearl, there's not a 4K release of Pearl, which pisses me the fuck off. Which is stupid. The movies that are out of, God told me to is on 4K. Do we need a 4K, God told me to? No. Am I glad we have one? Yes. We don't need one when movies like Pearl don't have a 4K. What the fuck? Who's bringing out the dead? What the fuck?
00:22:15
Speaker
I feel the same way. I'm a living dead living dead need a 4K release. No, it doesn't need one. But am I glad we have it? Absolutely. It's so fucking it looks really, really good. So fucking good. It's beautiful. It's so fucking gorgeous. Yeah. So my history with the transporter franchise.
Transporter's Origins and Inspirations
00:22:31
Speaker
Yeah. I have one.
00:22:33
Speaker
I know this this the first movie came out in 2002, which is the year after BMW films started releasing a series of short films as commercials called The Higher, which I was talking to you briefly about before we started recording and you don't know The Higher. And I first I'm hearing of it. I think you would really dig The Higher. So it's a series of eight short films that basically function as
00:23:03
Speaker
commercials for BMW cars, and they don't really hide that that's what they are. But Clive Owen is the lead in all of these. Nice. He plays a character called the driver. And his thing is he he he he transports just like a transporter. Yeah. He drives. Yeah. Transporter transports the driver drives and it's it's almost the exact same conceit.
00:23:28
Speaker
as as this franchise. But each short is directed by like another tour. And the casts are incredible. So you've got John Frankenheimer, Ang Lee, Wong Kar-Wai, Guy Ritchie, Alejandro Gonzalez and Yuritu, John Woo.
00:23:55
Speaker
Joe Carnahan, which OK. And Tony Scott. Oh, nice. All all doing these movies. And then Neil Blomkamp does does a belated one in 2016. But like these great directors. And then for the cast, you've got people like Forest Whitaker and Mickey Rourke.
00:24:13
Speaker
Adriana Lima Madonna, Stellan Skarsgard, Lois Smith, Maury Chaikin, Maury fucking Chaikin, Don Cheadle, F. Murray Abraham, Ray Liotta, Clifton Powell, Dennis Haysbert, Robert Patrick, James Brown, Gary Oldman, Danny Trejo,
00:24:31
Speaker
Dakota Fanning, John Bernthal, Vera Farmiga, like absolutely top shelf talent and these for what are effectively BMW commercials. And they're great. There are a lot of you could probably find most of them on the Internet streaming somewhere, but they are they're really fun. And like, I can't help but think like,
00:24:59
Speaker
I because I had asked you before we started, like, what is the. Like, what is the connection between this series and this franchise and the. And the higher and you're like, I don't know what the higher is. So, OK, now we've got to like talk about that, but they're all on YouTube, by the way. OK, well, there you go. I would recommend that you watch all of them because they are so good.
00:25:27
Speaker
I will save this playlist. Yeah, definitely do. Yeah, it's there. So they're so fun. And like some of them are. And again, because different you've got a ton of different filmmakers, like they're different styles, different genres, different and everything changes with the exception of the main character. And he's driving a BMW, whereas this movie has Audi as kind of their sponsor. But it's the transporter is like the higher, but with
00:25:55
Speaker
with Audi cars and their feature length like that. That seems to be the difference. But they're like these little mini action movies that are basically fronting his car commercial or car commercials fronting his action movies. And they're great. I'm into that. I I see I had a feeling in on the higher. I do not have a problem with advertising. I grew up with commercials on TV. I mean, we grew up in the other man through commercials, unlike
00:26:25
Speaker
people these days that will bitch if there's one 30 second ad in their two hour movie, like we're used to it, man. We grew up with that shit. Yeah, I don't mind an ad and I actually like a good ad like a lot of them is really good. No.
00:26:41
Speaker
They're not. And I think the worst part about ads for me when it's something streaming is it's like when I watch Beavis and Butthead on Paramount Plus, as you all want to do, the package I have includes ads. Right. So about every 10 minutes or so I get a few ads and it's always the same Jimmy John's ad, the same one every time.
00:27:08
Speaker
It's like, how does that you can't get more than one person to put an ad on the show or your algorithm is broken or what? The thing about TV commercials back in the day is you get four or five of them and they would repeat maybe once an hour. You'd see the same one once every hour, maybe. I've seen the same commercial like back to back to back, like three times in a row.
00:27:33
Speaker
Like, and that just, and then, and then you go to a different ad break and you see that one twice and then another one. And you're just so happy to see a different ad that you don't even care what it's for. Like it just, I don't know if they're just not able to get enough to sell enough ad space or what the deal is, but like.
00:27:49
Speaker
I remember when I first started watching Tubi, I was seeing ads for my favorite local coffee shop that is owned by friends of mine. And they're like, oh, yeah, you can enjoy our coffee in our coffee mug. And I'm like, I know you. Why are you on Tubi? That's hilarious. And I even told him, I was like, hey, I saw your ad on Tubi. He's like, that's great. What's Tubi? And I was like, well, let me tell you about Tubi.
00:28:14
Speaker
Yeah, to be does does seem to have a pretty good handle on that stuff. It's nice. It's nice, especially when they can include local ads and stuff anytime that you're watching something streaming and there's an obviously local ad. I feel like that is a testament to how much they're putting into their ad selection and and how they present them to you, unlike Paramount Plus, who's just like, hey, do you know Jimmy Johns has a new brownie?
00:28:43
Speaker
Hey, do you remember how we said Jimmy John's had a new brownie, but also Jimmy John's has a new brownie? Hey, do you know Jimmy John's has a new brownie? Hey, heard about that new brownie at Jimmy John's? Have you heard the good news about Jimmy John's and the brownie? Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior, Jimmy John's brownie? Do you know if you stack three of them, it counts as a sandwich. Did you know that? Because we've told you that 30 times in the last 20 minutes.
00:29:09
Speaker
I mean, it's got all your basic food groups, right? So I don't- Chocolate, chocolate, and chocolate, yeah. Yeah, but I mean, you got eggs and flour and, you know, butter, you know. You got your food groups in there, man? Sure. Chocolate's a bean, so that's a vegetable. Like, I don't know, counts. Bitch, it's a legume. Get out of here. Vegetable, fuck off. I don't know, it's roughage. What do you want from me?
00:29:38
Speaker
Oh, no, man, I want to not have to talk about this movie ever again. That's what I want. I mean, look, the quicker we get through this, the better that I wanted to, you know, I wanted to stop and talk about the higher for a little bit. So we did that. And yeah, I'm glad I did. I really am because I do want to look at those now. I think it's time for you. It's time for you to do the plot in 60 seconds, Stephen. Well, why don't we turn to the Canadian quarter of indifference there and have it decide for us?
00:30:07
Speaker
Because I thought that was going to work. You were sober when you watched this movie, so you probably remember it better than I do than I do. So. Well, see, I was taking a cue from this film and I was treating you like an idiot and thinking I could just tell you to do it and you just do it. But boy, was I wrong. Not going to say that if I don't have to. Transporter refueled more like a movie that sucks.
00:30:31
Speaker
It's all I got. It's all I got. I thought you were going to do like I can't even transport a reboot or something, but no, you couldn't even do that. You couldn't even put that together. No, it's so bad I can't even come up with a good joke about it, Steven. That's how bad it is.
00:30:48
Speaker
Woof. OK, I'm going to flip this coin. All right. So while you do that. Oh, you got to tell him about it while you do that. The plot in 60 seconds is the part because we don't want to spend the entire podcast is going through beat for beat with this movie is we'll hit the moments that that stood out to us, but we'll recount the plot of the film in 60 seconds or less. And to decide, we turn to our friend, the Canadian quarter of indifference, which Tucker is going to flip. Well, I will I call it in the air.
00:31:16
Speaker
OK, here we go. One, two, three heads. Damn it, Stephen, it's heads. Oh, which means I'm putting 60 seconds on the clock and Tucker has to figure out what this movie was about, which means you won the toss, which means you get to choose who does it. And if you had any heart, Stephen, I don't get an ounce of empathy. I don't. You take it upon yourself to tell. OK, look, man, things are bad all over.
00:31:45
Speaker
Let me know when it's ready. I'm ready to begin. When you are, I'll give you the 30 and the 10 second warnings as always. Okay. So there's this ugly guy with bad teeth and he drives cars for a living, but he doesn't ask questions and he takes jobs and he has a dad who I guess did the same thing. That's implied like he's like the second generation of transport tour guys.
00:32:09
Speaker
And so he meets this lady and she's like, do a job and he's like, okay, because you know, he doesn't ask questions. He just says, okay. And then when he gets the job, he's surprised that it's all wild and wacky. Like surprise, surprise. You didn't ask questions, idiot. Now look where you are. 30 seconds. And then for some reason, he's just they're all just sitting there and the cops decide to harass them, I guess. I don't know.
00:32:30
Speaker
And so they leave. And it turns out these ladies were prostitutes and like their boss did something bad or something. I mean, he's a pimp. So just in general, I guess he's bad. And so they rob him or something. 10 seconds. I don't know. I guess they rob him. And I at least one of them gets away with it because everybody else dies and.
00:32:53
Speaker
They right. They robbed him. Right. And that's time. I guess. I guess that was the whole point was they were going to rob him. Right. I think I don't I don't really know what the game was. I don't. Let me. I don't look at the actual like plot of this movie. Some goofy broads in this movie and his whole team. Rob Arcades friends and friends. So they're not robbing him. They're robbing all the people around him and framing him.
00:33:23
Speaker
so that they will come after so that all the people that were on his side and all the people that like killed all those people in cold blood at the beginning of the movie will turn on their leader and kill him. Like the translucent guy on the plane. That guy is so white and his hair is so blonde. I feel like I can see right through that dude. It's ridiculous. The weird thing is you can. You absolutely can. That was that was
00:33:50
Speaker
I love the way they age all these people up in this movie. And, you know, I use love fairly, you know, loosely there. Yeah, because they just put them in long wigs in the flashback and then put them in like they have like the the mid 2000 short haircut, like the short nondescript fuckboy haircut for the rest of the movie. And it it. Oh, my God, it's terrible. So that that actor, that character has played Yuri.
00:34:17
Speaker
or is named Yuri, and it's played by an actor named Yuri. So, you know, really, they put a lot of thought into this stuff. Oh, yeah. I mean, this. Yeah, this movie. Look, it's not good. It's garbage. It's and I mean, I'm sure some of these actors have done some good stuff in other films, maybe, but not in this one.
00:34:42
Speaker
No, not in this one. Again, Ray Stevenson is really the only one doing any kind of decent work in this movie.
00:34:51
Speaker
I feel like Ray Stevenson saw the script and he was like, yeah, I'll get paid for this. And you know what? I'm going to have a little bit of fun while I'm doing it, too. That does definitely turn in the best performance of the entire film. That does see. I don't think it was an accident on his part. I think he was trying to. But like and you can kind of tell that Luke Besson had a hand in writing this script because it's misogynistic as fuck.
00:35:16
Speaker
And pretty gross and really fucking creepy and no, thank you. Yeah, but like, yeah, he is. I don't know. Ray Ray Stevenson is doing some like really fucking good work in this and he's the only one that has good teeth, too. Like he's the only one who's been to a dentist, I believe, in this movie.
00:35:40
Speaker
And yeah, so he's like playing like a former special ops person who's like math. His his cover is that he's a salesman for Evian and that he's like he's just retired and he's just gotten his pension. And he must I mean, the implication is that he was the best of the best, but he gets kidnapped twice in this movie. Twice very easily to buy a trio of idiots.
00:36:07
Speaker
Well, the first time it's literally a woman with her trunk open and she's like, hi, can you help me? And he's like, Oh, sure. And then he leaves over to help her about this. And she just tases him and like, he just falls into the trunk and she's like, Oh, you bought a 900 euro bottle of wine. Expensive tastes close you in here, kidnap you.
00:36:30
Speaker
Most dangerous man in Europe felled by a taser. And then you like make him believe that you've you make him believe that you've poisoned him when spoiler alert you haven't really like oh that was a bluff at which you'd think if these guys were any good at what they do they'd be able to tell these these women were lying like there's just no it's it's bad it's just very bad
00:36:53
Speaker
Really, really bad. You have to suspend a lot of disbelief or the movie wants you to think it's smarter than it is. But these people are. Really not good at what any of them, not even the people that you are supposed to be like, well, these are the good ones that even they're not that good at what they do. Like it's just it really, really unfortunate and.
00:37:16
Speaker
is really unfortunate that this is the movie that the randomizer landed on to talk about Ray Stevenson. Although he's he's easily the best part of this movie, though. That's clear. Something that struck me is very odd about this film. And I was just thinking about and I have a few theories is the police sirens were American police sirens. Yeah. These sirens do not sound like that in Europe. No. At least they didn't 20 years ago when I lived there. They probably still do.
00:37:44
Speaker
They they do a wee woo wee woo wee woo. Instead of a woo woo woo. And now because this movie thinks I'm so stupid. No, this movie does not have any respect for you at all. I will just bet that for the American release, they changed the sirens to American sirens. So idiot Americans wouldn't get confused and like short circuit and die because they didn't understand what this crazy siren sound was.
00:38:14
Speaker
Yeah, honestly, not surprising to me. I would not be surprised if that were exactly what happened.
00:38:20
Speaker
I mean it's the same reason why when you film like a movie or like a scene where like you're supposed to see that like the air conditioner is kicking on in a room they'll show you a picture of the they'll show you a shot of the vent and there are little ribbons tied to the vent so you can see that there's air coming out of it because you can't trust the audience to understand that there's air coming out of there unless they can see that the air is moving like it's really fucking insulting.
00:38:46
Speaker
Yeah, you got it. I mean, there are dummies out there, but you got to got to give your audience a little credit, man. And if there's a dummy out there that doesn't get it, I'm sure they're sitting next to somebody who could probably explain it to him. Right. No offense to dummies. I'm a dummy most of the time myself. Right. But like I don't think anyone's this dumb, as dumb as this movie wants them to be. Not anybody that should be watching movies. No.
00:39:11
Speaker
Like this. So this movie was originally written as just a part of the transporter franchise. It was supposed to be a Jason Statham movie transporter for.
00:39:24
Speaker
just another chapter of the transporter franchise. And Statham had only signed on for three films originally, so they had to get him to re-up his contract.
Jason Statham's Legacy and Home Media Success
00:39:35
Speaker
And by that point, let's see where Statham is around this time, because Statham's the reason. Well, he wanted to get paid what he was worth.
00:39:42
Speaker
Exactly like and they were not willing to do that. So I've been a fan of Statham's since lock stock like me to. Absolutely like that is. And of course, before that, he is in like he's a swimmer.
00:39:57
Speaker
Like before that, he is a swimmer like he's he's a professional swimmer. His first film is Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. He follows that up with Snatch, which I would argue is the best Guy Ritchie movie. He's in future episodes, podcasts, John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars.
00:40:12
Speaker
Because Snatch is just like lock stock that's had the script tweaked to perfection and enough experience to make it exactly the way it needed to be made. Exactly. And you've also you can afford bigger named out. You can afford, you know, some talent from other places like fucking Dennis Farina. God damn Brad Pitt for crying in the mud.
00:40:35
Speaker
Yeah, like you can you can afford some better some better performers. He's in the Jet Li film The One. 2002 is the transporter, which is his first like lead role in a film. The next year, he's in F. Gary Gray's The Italian Job, which we've covered on this podcast before. The year after that, he's in the aforementioned Michael Mann's Collateral, which is a fucking great movie. Absolutely. A movie that we mentioned on our upcoming. What are we watching episode on Patreon cellular? He's in that.
00:41:06
Speaker
In 2005, he does transporter to that's Larry Cohen's cellular. Yes. But you got I mean, he's a legend. You got to mention him when you mentioned cellular. I mean, I'm sorry. I thought you were going to pop in and do that. But I was going to. And then I forgot. And then I did. So here we are. We figured it out. He's in the terrible guy, Richie, follow up to snatch revolver. Revolver sucks. I didn't see that because it looked like it sucked.
00:41:32
Speaker
It does, in fact, suck. Turns out a good judge of that kind of stuff. Apparently he's in crank. He's in oovables in the name. He's in war. So he's he's slowly transporter three. He's is in 2008. He does the.
00:41:51
Speaker
Paul W. Sanderson remake of Death Race the year before the sequel to Crank and then in 2010 he's in The Expendables and that kind of puts him in this pantheon of
00:42:04
Speaker
action stars up there with Lungren and Stallone and Jet Li and the other guys in that movie. It puts him in this upper echelon, so when they go to make this movie in 2011, when they're trying to start to nail him down, after that, he follows that up with Expendables 2 in 2012. Fast and Furious 6.
00:42:29
Speaker
And he's in the tail end of that in 2013. So like he's he's on the way up like and he knows it. So when they're trying to court him for a fourth transporter film, he's like, well, I need 11 million because that's what he's making a pic. That's what he's a leading man. That's what he's pulling down a picture now.
00:42:49
Speaker
And Europa Corp, the corporation that funds these movies, said, let's not do that. So instead of paying Statham what he's worth, they go back to the drawing board. They redraft the script. And rather than creating a prequel, starring a younger version, they're like, let's just reboot it. Let's just start it over again, like seven years after the last one, which is some Spider-Man 3, Amazing Spider-Man level shit.
00:43:15
Speaker
like in terms of just like really quick reboot turnaround on a thing and this is not I would say a franchise that is I'm gonna check the numbers on this but I don't think this is a franchise that people are like breaking down their doors to like
00:43:30
Speaker
go see, like, I think it's a possible action franchise, but it's not like doing fast and furious numbers, is it? It was a big deal. I feel like at least the first couple were. I know that first one did really well in the theaters and then when it hit video, it just fucking exploded. Everybody I knew had the transporter on DVD. I probably had it at one point. Hmm. I'm trying to deal. It's a big, big franchise.
00:43:57
Speaker
Okay, I mean, I guess on some level, I'm gonna have to take your word on that. But like, I just I well, okay, here's so I got the numbers here.
00:44:07
Speaker
Um, so I mean, the third movie in that franchise made 112 million worldwide, but domestic, these films are not huge earners. They're earning a lot of their money overseas. The first one only made about 40, 44 million worldwide. The second one doubles that 89 million. So these movies do get progressively better in their worldwide box office, but most of their money, like they're making
00:44:32
Speaker
half of what they're making worldwide in the United States. So I think these are bigger earners in Europe than they are in the States.
00:44:40
Speaker
And like I was saying, these movies did very well on home media. I would, I think that the, the need or the urge to make sequels to these movies up until refueled came out was based pretty much on the home media sales. Like they were making decent money in the theaters, enough to put them in the theaters. Right. But then once they hit video, they were just breaking it in, man. Everybody had these, everybody has these movies.
00:45:09
Speaker
I mean, I never did, but I guess that makes sense. Yeah, I'm looking at the the opening weekend for this and these numbers. Not great, not great for this movie, but yeah, it's not great for the franchise either.
00:45:25
Speaker
No. I mean the franchise itself earns domestically about $116 million just in domestic box office, which is not great. And that's like the entire โ I mean but that's the entire franchise. That's four movies.
00:45:45
Speaker
Yeah. So, I mean, theatrically is not where these these things are really earning. They're earning, like you said, more on on the on the home video markets. So. Yeah, as a result of that, you're not really seeing. The I don't know, you're not you're not really seeing these these pick up quite as well.
00:46:07
Speaker
in theaters and this one I think is just kind of a disappointment seen as a disappointment kind of across the board. And I think a lot of that is just the nonsensical storytelling the really convoluted plot.
00:46:20
Speaker
Um, the rampant misogyny, which I think by 2015 is hopefully going out of style, at least a little bit. Um, like this, this feels like all the worst things that an action movie can kind of put together. And in terms of like nonsensical plot, I told you this before we started, it really reminded me of the November man, because like the November man, I have no recollection of what this movie was even really about. Um, and I watched the November and I recorded a whole fucking podcast on the November man. I could not tell you what that movie was about.
00:46:49
Speaker
and I feel the same way about this one. No, you know why they call him November Man, Tucker? You know why they call him the November Man? Because there was nothing left. That's a line in the movie and it made no fucking sense to me at the time and it makes no fucking sense to me now.
00:47:08
Speaker
Okay, I guess I'll just have to accept that, I guess. Yep. All right. We talk about it extensively on that episode, an episode that I always encourage people to go back and listen to, and no one ever does. Because I was really proud of that episode at the time. Obviously, we've recorded so many better episodes. But at the time, I felt more strongly about that episode than any of the episodes that preceded it. And I think that is our least downloaded episode of all time is on Pierce Brosnan's The November Man.
00:47:38
Speaker
That's fun. Yeah, it is. And I should probably watch that or listen to that one. I mean, it both poor Canola's dose. But you were kind of ranting in the in the text thread about how much you dislike this movie. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to be fine because I sat through food fight and I cannot imagine this is going to be worse than food fight. You know what? It's it's it's definitely better than food fighting.
00:48:03
Speaker
Well, it's definitely better than Food Fight. We're going to have to make you watch Food Fight one of these days. We are. I want to. It's going to. I'm actively seeking out a time and a place to make it happen because I need that context. I mean, you're you're going to be hard pressed to get Brett to sit down and watch that movie again. I feel like I feel like we should we should set up a live commentary and watch you watch that movie.
00:48:31
Speaker
And that should just and we should maybe just edit like edit it together to like listen to you slowly go insane as you watch that movie. No, you know what I would do just to spite you is I would find that really enjoyed it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can twenty three skidoo some shit I like about something even if I don't actually like it. I believe that. Try me, Steven. Try me. OK, what would you like about the transporter refuel?
00:48:58
Speaker
Oh, I can't. Not on that. Yeah. OK, so much for your 23 skidoo, huh? Not on not on this. Not not today. Not like this. Not like this, Steven. Not like this.
00:49:11
Speaker
That was not a setup for you to ask me to do that right now. Well, look, man, it you read that wrong. I look man, it felt like the right thing to do. And you know what is really good about this film, though, is the practical effects. They're really good. It's just a goddamn shame that the director did not know how to shoot them because all those scenes look like garbage, which is weird because this guy's an editor. So you'd think he would know how to shoot coverage and shoot.
00:49:39
Speaker
for something to be edited together. It makes no sense. It's like a cinematographer making a movie that looks like dog shit. You can't. You can't. You're a cinematographer. You should be able to do this. You have one job. Part of the problem is that this guy's editing shitty action movies.
00:50:01
Speaker
Like he's he seems like a lupus on Europa Corp like company player and, you know, stooge, if you will, if you will. And it feels like that's kind of the way that he got to where he is. Which I mean, he's directed. Three movies. Brick mansions, the transporter refueled and something called Assassin Club, which came out earlier this year. Yeehaw.
00:50:32
Speaker
Like, look, man, I don't get it. Whatever. But no, it's bad. I mean, Assassin's Club does have Sam Neill in it. No new repay from the the Swedish. The the Swedish Girl with the Dragon Tattoo movies. Daniela Melchior from the Suicide Squad. Henry Golding, like it's got a decent, decent top line cast, but. I don't want to see it. I don't I don't want to watch it.
00:51:01
Speaker
It has a twenty seven on Metacritic, which is lower than this movie has. The poster looks like something I would find at a red box, like a movie that would just come to a red box. That poster design started with the movie Inside Job, and they've been ripping it off since then. Every other action movie, every other direct to video action movie has that exact same font layout and everything. That's all posters are now is somebody comes up inside man.
00:51:31
Speaker
Oh, hold on. If you're talking about the Spike Lee movie with Clive Owen and Denzel Washington, that is Inside Man and it fucking rips. Well, I'm not. Oh, oh, no. What am I thinking of then? I have no idea. The poster I'm thinking of. Shit. Who's in the movie? I don't know, man, I should remember the poster. You don't remember who's on it?
00:51:59
Speaker
No, because there have been so many retreads of it since then. I'm just all jumbled together as one poster.
00:52:08
Speaker
Doesn't matter. I do. I do appreciate the first three transporter posters where it's it's Jason Statham jumping through the air pointing to guns. Jason Statham jumping through the air pointing to guns. And then there's a girl there, too. And then Jason Statham jumping through the air and pointing to guns. And there's a little car. And I think another woman. Yeah. They keep it consistent.
00:52:34
Speaker
Whereas this movie features a screen standing with his back to the camera and some cars exploding on his suit jacket. This is not a movie poster. This is a video game. This is video game box art right here. I don't know what they're doing, trying to pass this off as a movie poster. That's that's that's a need for speed box right there. Need for speed future episode of this podcast where they made a movie of that and we're going to cover it.
00:53:01
Speaker
Oh, yeah, I always wanted to see the good or ill. I always was interested in seeing how they interpreted that. We'll probably cover that one when the next Fast and Furious movie comes out. And then if they've not made a sequel by the time the last one comes out to Hobbs and Shaw, we'll cover Hobbs and Shaw. Then how's that sound? I do not want to watch that movie, but, you know, for the pod for the pod. Look, we've watched a ton of shit I've not wanted to watch, but. Look, man, duty calls.
00:53:29
Speaker
duty Exactly exactly like Pope like a lady like this movie like this movie. Yes, this movie's kind of a pile of shit
00:53:40
Speaker
It's not good. Look, it's not good. It's it's currently on Max or HBO Max. If you're one of those people that were like people who called the RCA Dome the Hoosier Dome until the day it was torn down. Steven, Steven, we still call it Deer Creek. It's HBO Max. Come on. Oh, what is it supposed to what is it? Actually, now it's like clips or something. I don't know. Last time I was there, it was Verizon Wireless Music Center. So that tells you how long ago it was that it's changed hands a couple of times since then.
00:54:10
Speaker
I think the time I went there was like a warp tour like a 2003 or something. It's and it's like Conseco Fieldhouse isn't Conseco anyway. It changed a banker's life and it's not even that anymore. It's like Fidelity Mutual or some shit like Fieldhouse. Now it's a coin dot com Fieldhouse or some shit. Some wish dot com Fieldhouse. Rancid, cursed ass bullshit. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God, I hate it. Let's let's talk about how this movie did in the box office, because I feel like we should probably wrap this up.
00:54:39
Speaker
Yeah, why not? This like we're just going to say how much I hate it over and over again, like. Look, and we've we've talked about we've we've talked about Ray Stevenson, who is the best part of this movie, who's the reason we're covering this movie. Like he's he's doing the Lord's work in this movie and he's still not able to salvage this this turd. It's not even as good as the November man, like.
00:55:05
Speaker
One of the reviews said if you liked Hitman Agent 47, but wished it was like decidedly more PG. Boy, have I got a movie for or PG-13. Boy, have I got a movie for you. Which we've not seen Hitman Agent 47. That one's forthcoming. We're covering that one at some other point, but I'm excited when the next job comes out. I know it's going to suck, but I probably wanted to see it. Well, yeah, now you're playing the Hitman video game series, so.
00:55:34
Speaker
I am I am I'm stuck on the last level of the first game where I am in a secluded hospital for rich people like off the grid hospital and I have to kill this dude that has who's the main bad guy the game and I have to kill his lawyer and I just
00:56:02
Speaker
I can't it's it's a really, really hard level because you don't get anything at the beginning. You're just a person in a hospital. And like obtaining weapons and figuring out how to get where you need to go and what disguises you need to get into which part it's it's maddening. It's fun. Sure. It's the whole point of the game is you play the level over and over until you kind of figure out
00:56:29
Speaker
your options. You do have to be creative. There's never just one way to do anything. There's always several ways to do it. Right. But you familiarize yourself kind of with what's around. Who's going to be here at this time? And something that I think we mentioned on that episode, something the movie doesn't ever really do a good job of. No, it's a damn shame.
00:56:48
Speaker
Damn shame, because I mean, and with Agent 47, I've heard that that's really bad, too. And I just keep wondering how how do you keep fucking it up? It's right there. It's right there. The cut scenes in the game are better than that movie. Like I believe it's better than that movie. And I think I mentioned on that, Timmy, the elephant, the wrong choice to lead that movie. Like, unfortunately, we we love us some Timothy Alpha. We do. Yes. Respect. Respect on it. But.
00:57:19
Speaker
Not hit man. They really tried to make him an action guy and I don't think that's the mode he's been. Like honestly, I love him as I think justified what I've seen of the show justified. He's really good in.
00:57:31
Speaker
He can be a badass. He can certainly be a badass. Really love him in Santa Clarita Diet where he's playing like the goofy husband. I think I mentioned that on that episode, but like just I love that kind of goofy, silly energy from him. That may be one of my favorite roles that he's taken because it's so against what I normally think about with him and he's doing it really well. He was on an episode of Rick and Morty I watched the other day.
00:57:53
Speaker
As soon as we realized he was in it, we picked his voice out immediately and we had a blast just watching him be goofy in that show. Like it's really fun. So I don't know, man, but.
00:58:06
Speaker
So, yeah, this movie Transporter Refueled, we really don't want to talk about this movie in any context.
Transporter Refueled: Box Office and Reception
00:58:11
Speaker
This movie comes out on September 4th, 2015. It opens at number four in the box office, opening to seven point four million dollars domestically. It earns a total of about 16 million domestic, another 54 million worldwide for about a 70 million worldwide box office, which is
00:58:36
Speaker
Let me check my notes here, bad if you are trying to reboot a franchise, particularly a franchise where the last entry made over a hundred million worldwide. I mean, these aren't huge moneymakers, but if you make them at a small enough budget, you're going to get a decent return on your investment. And for a European action film that's so very extremely Europe-centric,
00:58:58
Speaker
for it to do so well in America, especially among the demographic that it did. That's a big deal. It is a big, big deal. That's the reason Jason Statham is a household name. Exactly. Is the first transporter movie for sure. It really is. And like he parlays that into continued successes like and kind of makes that brand of and he is maybe the last action star.
00:59:22
Speaker
where action movies are now like everything's done on green screens. I would, you know, like he and probably Keanu are our last two great action stars. Well, I don't know if you know this. Still doing it the same way. I don't know if you know this, Steven, but in the first transporter movie, your boy Jason Statham does about 90% of the driving himself. Nice. So like that's what I like about an action star is somebody who's not afraid to go in there and get their hands dirty.
00:59:50
Speaker
Well, and that's why he's like adamantly on record as refusing to even meet with Marvel is because I don't, you know, they don't do anything themselves. Like there's, there's no real performance there. Like you just kind of come in and just say the lines, like what you don't get a guy like me to do that. Like you need, I want to be doing the action. I want to be challenging myself. Otherwise, what's the point? And you know what? Mad respect.
01:00:15
Speaker
Yeah, and you know, I do agree with you, but you would be surprised how much
01:00:22
Speaker
of Marvel movies actually are practical, like watching the behind the scenes stuff on Disney Plus. It's it's amazing how much of it actually is practical, especially stuff like a multiverse of madness. Like that just looks like a huge like CGI fuck fest. But no, it depends on 75 percent practical. It depends on the filmmaker. Like Sam Raimi is a very tactile filmmaker who loves practical effects, whereas
01:00:48
Speaker
I don't know that I could say the same for someone like a Peyton Reed or a Joe and Anthony Russo, you know. Well, and I think I think depends on the movie, too, because something like Quantum Mania, you couldn't you couldn't do that practical like that has to be like all green screen. I was going to say I saw that one last week. I didn't mention that one on our water. What are we watching episode? But I did see Quantum Mania this past week. And yeah, that movie is like CGI, colon, the film.
01:01:16
Speaker
Yeah, and it has to be because of where they are and what they're doing. I did appreciate that there were a lot of what did remind me a lot of Star Wars about it was a lot of the practical creature designs I quite enjoyed. And I don't think what I think was great about Quantum Mania, the fact that it was like 100 percent CGI is that the practical stuff blended perfectly. So it didn't stick out. So big ups to the CG artists, big ups to the practical effects guys.
01:01:46
Speaker
Everybody worked really well together and I think made a really good looking movie for my money, which is a Disney plus subscription that I don't even pay for. There you go. So nice work. Nice work if you can get it. So this movie comes out. It opens at number four. Number one this week is it's one of those movies that I absolutely despise. One of those faithful films called War Room. What if there was a war room where like
01:02:13
Speaker
We we pray and so God fights our battles for us or something. I don't know. One of those enemies not praying because then God has to choose. Who is it going to be? Which sports team is he going to back this week, Stephen? That's that's it. That's it. In second place, the F Gary Gray film straight at a Compton.
01:02:36
Speaker
Hey, I like that movie. Good movie, which is in its four weeks of release has earned almost one hundred and fifty million at the box office. So that movie is doing very well for itself. I was at the theater that week because I saw that opening weekend. So we're talking about. Well, this is this is this is four weeks in, but I had seen it four weeks ago. There you go at this point. In third place, you've got a little movie called A Walk in the Woods. What if what if there was a walk in the woods?
01:03:05
Speaker
What if that happened? Watch the movie and find out. I guess. Fourth place, as we said, transporter refueled. In fifth place, a vastly superior action movie, Mission Impossible, Rogue Nation, which in its six weeks at the box offices earned over $180 million. So again, doing very well. In sixth place, the Weinstein company film No Escape.
01:03:31
Speaker
I don't even know what that is. I don't either. What if there was no escape? What if you couldn't escape? What if that? I'm trying to to open the film now. Oh, God, this poster is telling me nothing. Is it floating heads? Stephen, is it floating heads? It's it's it's a couple of it looks like there's a war scene or something across the bottom and there's two guys, one of whom might be carrying something and the other guy is definitely holding a gun. It looks like it's Owen Wilson, Lake Bell, Pierce Brosnan.
01:04:03
Speaker
directed by someone named John Eric Dowdle, who I've never heard of, who is also the screenwriter along with someone named Drew Dowdle. So yeah, I don't know what this is, and I will probably never find out.
01:04:16
Speaker
Whatever. Shrug in seven in seventh place down from number six in four weeks is the speaking of, you know, movies involving terrible people, the army hammer film, A Man from Uncle, which we will we can absolutely cover one of these days on the main feed if we decide that's real good, though. I mean, it's Guy Ritchie moving with those are good army hammering and Henry Cavill like your mileage may vary. Sometimes they're great. Sometimes they're not. It's a late.
01:04:43
Speaker
entry one so I don't know maybe not we'll see. Is it just be it's that his parents thought that was funny that it sounds like Armand Hammer like the baking soda right? No. That's what they were doing right? No so his so I just I like if you listen to our forthcoming Patreon episode on what are we watching you'll see that I watched a documentary series called House of Hammer. He's named after his great grandfather Armand Hammer
01:05:10
Speaker
who himself is named because his father, Julius Hammer, was the founder of the American Communist Party. A word. So Armand Hammer, who becomes the founder of the 11th largest oil company in America, Occidental Oil, is named after a communist symbol of the arm and hammer.
01:05:38
Speaker
Which he has absolutely nothing to do with the baking soda. But that's their symbol, too, is an arm and hammer. Correct. You put it in your fridge for like a month. Mm hmm. I've got one in my fridge right now. No. But yeah, no, different. No, has has nothing to do with the actual baking soda. Just a very weird coincidence. He knows how silly that sounds, though, right? Like he could change. Oh, yeah.
01:06:04
Speaker
He could, but again, it's like you're โ you've got a dynastic name from a dynasty up there with like the fucking Vanderbilt and Rockefellers. You're not going to change that. Otherwise, you piss off the sources of power that are going to give you all their money when they die. You want to show off that oil mogul Russian โ or not Russian โ communist dictatorship background. You want to really fly that flag high.
01:06:32
Speaker
Yeah, well, I mean, when you're when your great grandfather flies in the face of that and becomes one of the one of the most influential and powerful capitalists in the country. Shrug, I guess. Yay, capitalism. Yay. And then, you know, but he wears that name like a badge of honor, which is how he insisted his victims wear the symbols of his abuse. So. Armie Hammer is a fucking gross guy, just like a man, a horrible human being.
01:07:00
Speaker
In eighth place, we've got Sinister Sinister 2, which is the sequel to the Scott Derrickson film Sinister. In ninth place, a Spanish film called, or yeah, un gallo con muchos huevos, which is a chicken, or it looks like a children's film, the chicken with a lot of eggs. I think I literally, I know nothing about this movie.
01:07:29
Speaker
I've never heard of it. I have no fucking clue what this is. That is wild. That is in ninth place. It has earned about three point four million in three hundred ninety five theaters from not even in wide release. And in 10th place, a movie that was in much wider release inside out, which has earned over three almost three hundred and fifty million at the box office.
01:07:49
Speaker
No hanging on by it. It's probably still in theaters. Some some notable entries in the in the the lower portion. You've got Ant-Man in number 12. We were just talking about Quantum Mania in 12th place.
01:08:04
Speaker
or having earned 173 million, Jurassic World, down from nine the week before at 13, which has earned almost 650 million worldwide in 13 weeks. And then in 15th place, down from seven the week before, only having been out for three weeks, Hitman, Agent 47, a movie that we referenced not that long ago, too.
01:08:26
Speaker
Nice. Yeah, just it all comes together. The Tomatometer score on this one is a 15 percent. Transporter. Transporter refueled has little to offer beyond a handful of decent action scenes, leaving this reboots title feeling more like wishful thinking than a statement of than a restatement of purpose.
01:08:46
Speaker
I would say replace action scenes with Ray Stevenson and you're pretty much right. But yeah, yeah. The action scenes, like I said, had a lot of really cool practical effects because they were crashed all those cars and stuff. And that was cool. But they looked it looked like ass. It didn't. They couldn't even do that. The airplane one. That should have been a simple one to do and make it look awesome. Yeah. But no, it looked like garbage. It did. It looked and that one's clearly like a
01:09:13
Speaker
That was clearly like a fast and furious homage kind of thing. Oh, yeah. I'm pretty sure that the fast and furious fast five, I think, or fast six. The joke is like that runway goes on forever. That's kind of what we get in this like that runway goes on forever. The meta score is 32 based on generally unfavorable reviews from 24 critics. And the letterbox score is a two point one. Tucker out of five stars. How are you scoring twenty fifteen's? The transporter refueled.
01:09:43
Speaker
I guess a one star. I'll give it a one and a half is not good, but, you know, I'm glad we watch it. So now we don't have to like dread watching it in the future. Now, are we going to watch three more Ray Stevenson movies this month? No, we actually had. Oh.
01:10:06
Speaker
We're going to watch toy commercials instead, damn it. Yeah. So we have we had a theme month planned. We had another entry, but we did kind of push one entry off of our theme month list because we did want to eulogize Ray Stevenson, an actor that Brett and I really enjoy and Tucker has never heard of. Well, now I'm I'm a fan of him now. I really liked his performance in this film. If he does work like this in other movies and in other shitty movies, I'm into it.
01:10:32
Speaker
I remember there's a story that Griffin Newman from the Blank Check podcast likes to tell a lot about him on the movie Thor, where Kenneth Branagh, who directed that movie, is trying to get him to go a little bigger. He's like, this is a Shakespearean. You can go a little bigger with this. And he goes, ah, so I guess you're wanting me to go ahead and take a dip in the River of Ham.
01:10:54
Speaker
Um, to which Kenneth brought a laugh and said, Oh yes, a river. I have enjoyed myself a number of times. And that is kind of where that performance is in that movie. And I think a place where Ray Stevenson is very comfortable and obviously very good at kind of luxuriating.
01:11:11
Speaker
in that river of ham. And so that's the reason we're covering this. For a man who has stated earlier on this podcast that he has no problem with advertisements, you seem really angry about having to do the rest of this month being feature length toy commercials.
Upcoming Podcast Themes and Technical Humor
01:11:27
Speaker
Because it's the lowest form of entertainment. Look, I was hypnotized when I was a kid.
01:11:38
Speaker
I know you'd be nice when that's done. Well, it's very interesting and fun to watch. But how often is it done? Well, not often, but. I think 80s cartoons after it was deregulated, how you could advertise to children. Thanks, Ronald Reagan. Yeah, we're going to get into all of this next week. It's all garbage. It's all even the ones I liked as a kid.
01:12:05
Speaker
fucking garbage. The lowest form of entertainment. So little effort went into, except for the animation, so little effort went into every part of it. It was the toy companies, they drove the narrative with different toys. Like if you're ever watching like Ninja Turtles and for some reason they go do something that they have no business doing and they have to put on different costumes or drive a different vehicle, guess what?
01:12:33
Speaker
Playmates wants to sell new toy bitches. Mm hmm. And it's it's the lowest form of entertainment, and it is. It's like this movie in a way to where it just thinks you're fucking brain dead. So buckle up, guys, for the rest of that, we've got four more weeks of that and really, literally, we had to put like a carrot at the end of this month to get Tucker through it because
01:12:59
Speaker
He's very high maintenance. That light at the end of the tunnel. We've got to make so many concessions for him that Brett and I never had to make for ourselves. Buckle up. That's what you can expect for the rest of this month. We're closing out the month with some of our favorite guests, so it's going to be a good time.
01:13:21
Speaker
We've got guests who we got. We, I will tell you off mic, you know, who we've got because I've mentioned it several times. Yeah. But I only listen to about 30% of what anyone says that tracks. Yeah.
01:13:33
Speaker
So it's just it's just how my brain works. I'm not it's not a malicious thing. I'm not like you suck. So I'm not listening to you. It's just my brain filters out whatever it decides it wants to. Well, I think there's also a part of you that's like because I do this, too. You're like you stop paying attention because you're trying to think like you're trying to keep in mind the next thing you want to say. So you're like, oh, oh, I got it. I got a thing I want to.
01:13:57
Speaker
finish talking so I can talk that's true and but I still do try to I don't I understand that you know waiting for your turn to talk is not always the best way to have a conversation but I always try to stay into what the other person is saying right while maintaining the thought that I'm having
01:14:18
Speaker
The same because I very often I thought we'll get derailed. Yeah, but no, I get it again and again. I do. I do the same thing. I try not to do it on this podcast because that's just a bad way to to live a life. But, you know, in kind of everyday conversation, I find myself doing it a lot more. But yeah, there you go. So that is our episode on the transporter refueled. And Tucker, we have some
01:14:49
Speaker
Mail. Oh, we got mail. We've got mail mail. We got some mail a few days ago. And I think this is because we had mentioned on a previous episode, the new Transformers movie coming out. Beast Wars.
01:15:11
Speaker
AKA we ran out of Transformers ideas. Right. But this is from a friend of the podcast, future guest patron and college friend of mine, Andy
Nostalgia and McDonald's Toys
01:15:23
Speaker
Greetings. An all around good guy. He is actually. He's a he's a he's a he's a good fellow. Andy Greetings. And he does say I love me some Beast Wars, so I'm actually looking forward to the next movie. And then
01:15:36
Speaker
He mentions you specifically. Tucker doesn't get robots turning into dinosaurs, but he likes McDonald's products turning into robots. How about McDonald's products turning into dinosaurs? And he sends us a link to McDonald's toys called the McDino changeables. Tucker, did you get a chance to look at this link? No, my mouse stopped working. I am going to send this link in the chat. If your mouse starts working, I would love to get your reaction to some of these live on the pod.
01:16:06
Speaker
I have to do a quick battery change. Oh, no. In the link. Oh, man. If only I had this on. I have it. I have our chat window on my monitor proper, not on my touch screen. So that's. Luckily, I have two mouses here since I run. Oh, isn't the plural of nice. Ah, not when it not when it comes to
01:16:35
Speaker
computer mouses computer mice no computer mouses dammit i don't want this to take so long that i'm gonna have to edit hold on i was gonna say i think you're gonna have to edit no no keep talking steven we're so close i'm almost there titling my sex tape oh there it is don't stop steven don't stop oh it's happening how dare you expect me to continue on these conditions
01:17:03
Speaker
Also titled my sex tape, right? Yeah, that's a problem. We're back. But yeah, we're back. OK, McDonald's changeable. There's currently no text on this page. Search for. Oh, is it loading something or is this a joke? No, this is a wiki to the kids meal wiki, which is on the fandom wiki page, which is kind of a build your own wiki site. Oh, yeah, everybody gets a wiki, the site.
01:17:32
Speaker
Yeah, in June 1991, McDonald's offered a set of eight transforming toys, McDino changeables. The set had two under three toys that didn't transform. The toys were cleverly constructed puzzles, models of popular McDonald's food items that opened into dinosaur like creatures. The toys were packed with instructions to transform the toy. The toys are marked copyright 1990 McDonald's Corp China part number.
01:17:57
Speaker
The toys included the McDino Cone, the Tri-Shakatops, Big Macasaurus Rex, Hot Cakes Adactyl, Quarter Pounder with Cheese-A-Saur, McNuggets-A-Saurus, Happy Meal-A-Don, Fry Seratops,
01:18:14
Speaker
small fry seratops for the under three crowd and the bronto cheeseburger also for the under three crowd. And then there are some pictures of these of these toys here at the bottom. Yeah, I remember these. These are basically just a retooling of the the ones that turned into robots. They just replaced them. These are literally pretty much the same, except they're dinosaurs now instead of robots. So what was the question? What am I supposed to react to?
01:18:40
Speaker
So the notion is you don't like or I think what he says is Tucker doesn't like robots turning into dinosaurs, but he likes McDonald's products turning into robots. How about McDonald's products turning into robots or into dinosaurs? Well, you hit the nail on the head right there, McDonald's products. I don't put a lot of thought into Happy Meal toys. Okay.
01:19:03
Speaker
That's the thing. Like if you're presenting something to me as an intellectual property, here's Transformers and now they turn into monkeys and shit. That's dumb. But if I go to McDonald's, get a happy meal and there's a French fry that turns into a dinosaur, that's cool. You're not trying to sell me lower or like a whole continuity. No, you're not trying to make it make sense. I so wish Brett were here right now. Like you had no idea how much I wish Brett were here right now, because I know he'd have shit to say about all this. Oh, yeah.
01:19:34
Speaker
I don't I don't even know if he goes back and listens to these episodes that he's not on either. So I don't know if he's ever going to have a comment on this, but if you do. Hi, Brett. Hi, Brett. We love you, buddy. We wish you were here. You sure do. We always do. We're always sad to be without you, sir. Yep.
Engagement and Social Media Outreach
01:19:53
Speaker
But yeah, so that is the mail that we got this week. Thank you, Andy. If you would like to send us some mail as well, you can shoot us an email over at disenfranchpod at gmail.com. Let us know how we're doing. Let us know if there's a movie that you want to see us cover on the podcast.
01:20:12
Speaker
You can also a great way to support us would be to head over to Patreon, patreon.com slash disenfranch pod, where we have all sorts of stuff going on. We are actually getting rid of the three dollar tier on Patreon, and we're just sticking with the five dollar tier. So now for five bucks, you can see everything, every possible thing that we do. You can see it all on there for the low, low price of five bucks a month.
01:20:39
Speaker
Uh, and we, we've got like a weekly show that we're doing over there now. So we, we do a show once a week called, what are we watching? Where we talk about what we've been watching media that we've been engaging with, what we think about it, our recommendations, et cetera. Uh, so you can absolutely check that out over there. And we've also got our regular shows, our monthly shows, our other shows, like we've got other stuff over there, dis and five chides. I think the most recent dis and five chides is our top five David Fincher movies. Tucker and I sit down and talk about David Fincher for a little bit.
01:21:08
Speaker
I'll edit that eventually sometime at the end of the month. I'll get that out. I was going to say you got a couple of days, man. As of this recording, I will figure it out. And this episode drops on June 1st, so hopefully before this episode drops.
01:21:22
Speaker
You've got that sorted and it's up over there. And actually, just because we're kind of changing stuff up for a little bit, we are now starting today. As of the date, this is dropping. If you head over to Patreon dot com slash disenfranch pod, you will actually see that we're offering a seven day free trial of our Patreon. So if you want to, like, give it a listen, see what's going on back there, see if it's something you want to want to continue to be a part of, slide on over there, click that free trial button and give us a listen. And we would love to.
01:21:53
Speaker
Love to have you guys over there. I love to give you guys a peek behind the curtain. And so you know what you're missing. And there's hours of content back there. So you will absolutely get the most out of your seven-day free trial for sure.
01:22:06
Speaker
Indeed. It's good stuff. Lots of stuff happening on the Patreon, man. Absolutely. There's always good stuff happening on the Patreon. You can follow us on social media. We are disenfranch pod on Twitter, Instagram, Letterboxd, YouTube and Facebook at disenfranch pod in all of those places. So check us out and give us a like, a follow, all that good stuff.
01:22:27
Speaker
And while you're out, you can follow us individually on social media. I am your host, Stephen Foxworthy. You can find me on Twitter, Instagram and letterboxed at Chewy Walrus. Tucker, where can we find you? I'm still on YouTube. I know nine. I see E and I in the the number zero and the number nine. And I still got my Instagram for my mugs going.
01:22:53
Speaker
Well, you do. You've got it going. I've got to go and tuck underscore mugs is where you can find that. We got four more followers last week. So I think we're going to we're going to have Brett come on and put one of his mugs up here. Probably probably tomorrow, which that's Monday of this recording. Right on. I'll probably we'll probably have him put that mug on. And I'll probably I think I'm going to be able to see it if you head over there now so.
01:23:22
Speaker
Yeah, follow. I mean, it's pretty low key, like not stressful content. It's just mugs and the stories behind them and what's in them. It's a mug and a story. It's pretty much what it is. And yeah, what's not to like? It's pretty all right. How do we get to that? That is tuck underscore mugs on Instagram. Sweet. Yeah, go check that out.
01:23:49
Speaker
And then you can follow our absent co-host Brett Wright on Twitter and or not Twitter, Instagram and Letterboxd at sus underscore warlock. And that is where you can find us. So that is all we have to say about this movie, much to Tucker's great joy.
Conclusion and Reflections
01:24:04
Speaker
We are wrapping it up. And so this has been our episode on the transporter refueled. I'm your host, Stephen Foxworthy for Tucker and the absent Brett Wright. Until next time, I have nothing to say here.
01:24:20
Speaker
Shit, me neither. It's over, man. That's good enough. Bye. This long national nightmare is over.