Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Episode 58: Launching Birdies & Poaching Eggs
0 Playsin 7 hours
Graduation is near, the dorm checklists are growing, and the Fishes are deep in their feels. This week, the sisters are joined by special guest Hanna Bankier, founder of Birdy Launcher, who shares wisdom and real-world tools for moms navigating the emotional rollercoaster of launching kids into college, adulthood, and beyond.
They unpack:
- Why “empty nest” doesn’t fit
- How to prepare your kids and yourself for the launch
- Letting go without losing the connection
- Managing the grief, guilt, and (yes) unexpected joy of this life shift
- And reimagining who you want to be in this next phase
Plus, they toast Mother’s Day with a mimosa recipe, discuss Eggs Benedict ambitions (and potential disasters), and share a sweet holiday jingle that might just make you cry in your car.
It’s a love letter to moms in the thick of change. Pour the coffee, grab a cinnamon roll, and jump in.
Head to http://www.threelilfishes.com/shownotes for this week's recipes and find more about Hanna at http://www.birdylauncher.com/freeoffer
We want to hear your comments and questions! Send an email to 3lfpod@gmail.com or leave a comment on our Instagram @3lfpod and be sure to follow us on our YouTube page www.youtube.com/@threelilfishes
Recommended
Transcript
Reframing 'Empty Nester' to 'Birdie Launcher'
00:00:00
Speaker
And empty nester doesn't sit well with me for three reasons. One is how's the nest empty d if I'm still in it? Yeah. oh Good point.
00:00:10
Speaker
Yeah. Right. That does work for me as ah as a mom, as a feminist, like I'm still here. Hello. Yeah. And then second is, I don't know what happens for you, but when I think about it, like empty nest.
00:00:26
Speaker
I picture some sort of shiveled up, dried out, maybe a leftover feather here and there in a place. And that's simply not how I want to picture my home. Right. I want my home to be a connected, loving, warm place, regardless of how many kids live in my house or not.
00:00:44
Speaker
Yeah. And then thirdly, empty nest really focus on when your last kid has left. And I'm saying the Birdie Launcher process and to become a successful Birdie Launcher, you start much, much sooner.
00:00:57
Speaker
Most parents don't do this. And this is where we can get into trouble. So this starts with you launching your first, your last or your only. And ideally we start already when they're in high school, maybe even junior year, because there's a lot that comes with this major life transition.
Meet the Hosts: Midwest Sisters with Diverse Stories
00:01:14
Speaker
Welcome to Three Little Fishes. We're three sisters who grew up in the Midwest together, but have since spread across the country. i live in Los Angeles. I'm in Nashville. And I live in Philadelphia. We are all married with children, have all had careers, but now we stay at home with our families.
00:01:32
Speaker
Join us as we share secrets and stories about being women, wives and mothers. We welcome you to laugh along, learn something new, reach out and join our conversation.
00:01:45
Speaker
So let's jump in. What's up, fishes? What's up, fishes? How are you guys? Doing great. All right. What's great? Well, i I don't know if anybody is watching this podcast, but I'm not in my house.
Metallica Concert Excitement and College Move-out
00:02:00
Speaker
I'm at our oldest place. I'm at her apartment. We're packing her up. It's the end of the year for her at Virginia Tech. So I'm at Blacksburg, Virginia for the next couple of days. We're actually doing something super fun, like packing's not super fun, but we're going to go see Metallica.
00:02:17
Speaker
on Oh, so they play Enter Sandman at Lane Stadium when the football team comes in. And so the first time ever Metallica is coming and they're playing at Lane Stadium. So Rich is flying in tomorrow. Sarah and Rich and I are going to go to Lane Stadium and listen to Metallica.
00:02:37
Speaker
I'm not like a huge Metallica fan, but I feel like this is like one of those things that you have to go to. So we're going to tailgate. It's going to be a whole thing. we actually saw a Metallica pop-up store in downtown Blacksburg this morning when we were running some errands. So it should be really fun. So today, Sarah and I are being very vigilant. We're getting her all packed up and organized for her next apartment. And then we're going to Metallica.
00:03:06
Speaker
I know. I do think that's funny. I think it'll be fun. But if I think of Metallica and you, no they do not go together. so I love this. I love this for you. and I'm sure it'll be great.
00:03:17
Speaker
ah like the tailgating will be good. i know. I'm looking forward to it. I mean, I think it's going to be fun. I do. They were in Nashville Saturday night. And I went to our hockey party, year-end hockey party on Sunday. And the coach went and he's like,
00:03:33
Speaker
It is an incredible show. He's like, my legs are tired from all the jumping up and down that I did. And I was like, oh He goes, so wear comfortable shoes.
00:03:46
Speaker
So I brought my sneakers. I'm ready. We're going to do it. It's going to be great. yeah All right. Awesome. Kathy, what about you? what's What's happening there? So I feel like my senior is never home right now.
00:04:00
Speaker
i haven't even talked to him. Like we yeah we've got so much going on. And we just had senior day for lacrosse over the weekend, which just was, they did an incredible job. Pulled at my heartstrings. a tear-jerking experience, isn't it? You're just like, thanks ah. They do such a nice job. They had a really cool banner of him for lacrosse.
00:04:23
Speaker
And they gave us flowers, had this whole you know spread of food and everything for the kids. So it was fun. So we're like definitely gearing up for Party Town.
00:04:36
Speaker
yeah And then I started like getting stressed because the party is going to be at our house, the graduation party. So yeah, I decided I thought it was a good idea. We paint our patio furniture.
00:04:48
Speaker
It's turned out to be a lot of work. And I think my husband was right. I'm crazy that I decided that I could handle this.
00:04:59
Speaker
So Well, I'm looking forward to Trevor's party. We have Jack's big party on this Saturday. It's not at our house, but our garage is full of things like because we're in charge of drinks. So all the drinks are in my garage right now and the tables and all this stuff because it's just a couple houses down.
00:05:18
Speaker
It's a lot of work. But I'm excited about it. I think, you know, Jack's party will be fun. I can't wait to get to Pennsylvania and see Trevor graduate and celebrate with you ladies.
Introducing Hannah Banker and Birdie Launcher
00:05:30
Speaker
So yeah, I'm excited. It will be fun. And speaking of your kids getting ready to go to college, we have a special guest today joining us, Hannah Banker.
00:05:42
Speaker
And she is founder of Birdie Launcher. And she is a life coach. She gives seminars helping families and moms. get ready to launch their kids out into the world. So I feel like this is perfect for what you guys all have going on in your life. Oh yeah. So I'm excited.
00:06:00
Speaker
I'm excited to have her on today. Yeah, we're excited to hear what she has to say. So before we get into it, I just want to remind everybody to please like, subscribe and invite your favorite fishes to jump into our conversation.
00:06:12
Speaker
All right, y'all let's jump in.
00:06:16
Speaker
Today we have a very special guest, Hannah Banker. is the founder of Birdie Launcher. Welcome Hannah to Three Little Fishes. Thank you so much for having me.
00:06:28
Speaker
So Hannah is ah like a life coach, parent coach, speaker, seminar giver to all things launching your kids off into the world, whether that be a job or college or whatever that is. So she kind of just helps parents sort of transition and also the children. It's a family process, right?
00:06:54
Speaker
So Hannah, tell us a little bit about Birdie Launcher and sort of like what you do for
Understanding the Birdie Launcher Concept
00:07:00
Speaker
families. Yeah. Yeah, let me start off by explaining the term birdie launcher. It's a pretty new concept. and Most of us have heard of empty nester.
00:07:10
Speaker
And that term doesn't sit well with me for a few reasons. So I really believe that words shape our experience, how we name things, how we label things, it's just how we then experience them.
00:07:24
Speaker
And empty nester doesn't sit well with me for three reasons. so One is, how's the nest empty if I'm still in it. Yeah. um Good point.
00:07:35
Speaker
Yeah. Right. That does work for me as a, as a mom, as a feminist, like I'm still here. Hello. Yeah. and And then second is, I don't know what happens for you, but when I think about like emptiness, I picture some sort of shiveled up, dried out, maybe a leftover feather here and there and a place.
00:07:58
Speaker
And that's simply not how I want to picture my home. Right. Right. I want my home to be a connected, loving, warm place, regardless of how many kids live in my house or not. Yeah.
00:08:09
Speaker
And then thirdly, empty nest really focus on when your last kid has left. And I'm saying the Birdie Launcher process and to become a successful Birdie Launcher, you start much, much sooner.
00:08:22
Speaker
And most parents don't do this. And this is where we can get into trouble. So this starts with you launching your first, your last or your only. And ideally, we start already when they're in high school, maybe even junior year, because there's a lot that comes with this major life transition.
00:08:39
Speaker
Yeah. So with that, that is the the concept of Birdie Launcher, right? And in that, we are not only as mamas, we're launching our kids into this big, bright world.
00:08:50
Speaker
but we're also getting opportunity launch us. So what are those next chapters of our lives going to look and feel like? That's like the excitement. And then in this process, we're in the soup of emotion, right? There's this pride and joy, like score. We did it you know, yeah yet our kids have survived and we did it. yeah And we clothe them and we fed them and we nurtured them and we poured our hearts into them.
00:09:15
Speaker
And then it's, I'm not going to be there. I'm not going to know what's going on. So there's this worry because moms, we worry. That's what we do. And then there's this tremendous sense of loss.
00:09:29
Speaker
Yeah. I'm not going to have my kid down the hall anymore. Yeah. I'm not going to get to hug them or see them or check in on their day the way that they, we can when they are under our same roof or in our same nest.
00:09:43
Speaker
So all of these transitions really is major and we don't really do that well in this culture. We kind of skip over it. So that is part of the concept. So I happy to dive into more how I support mamas and the kids in this process.
00:10:01
Speaker
Well, that's exciting. I like what you're saying. i have my oldest is a sophomore in college now. And I felt that like an immense loss when he went away and I wasn't expecting it, even though I was preparing myself and having self talks about he's getting ready to go. But when it actually happened, i just felt very sad.
00:10:28
Speaker
And i have a second one getting ready to graduate this year. And I hope I don't feel that same feeling again because it was not a good feeling. Wow.
00:10:40
Speaker
I'm sorry to say and to break it to you, but you're probably going feel it times 100. Oh. oh oh So grief, regardless of what it is, the loss that we're grieving, right? Grief and sense of loss is that because it matters, because this relationship matters to you, because it's important, because it is sort of love that doesn't have a place to go grief.
00:11:07
Speaker
So of course you're grieving that your oldest is living. It is a monumentous, like
Coping with Children Leaving Home and Community Support
00:11:14
Speaker
major life transition. And we're not preparing because we kind of think it's just how it is. And we should just, you know, pull ourselves with the bootstraps and jog on and, you know, do more things and like suppress the grief. We're not in a culture that does grief well, particularly.
00:11:32
Speaker
So one way to prepare is to be aware. And now you are with the second one. You know it's coming. And then when the grief is coming and it will pop up in all sorts of funny ways, right?
00:11:47
Speaker
Unexpected, whenever. Just let your feelings be there. Most of us, we suppress it and we're like putting on a brave face and we're not going to let our children know that we're going to miss them.
00:11:59
Speaker
Or it feels like somebody cut off a limb and now a part of my body doesn't live in my house anymore. And um that's at least how I felt when my oldest left. And i was like, ah so so how do we prepare? i think we prepare by being aware that it's coming.
00:12:15
Speaker
We prepare by having conversations with our kids. And that's a way to lessen our worries. We prepare by having the conversations if we're partnered, we you know, with our partners, with other family members that under our same roof. We prepare by showing up and not going at it alone, which is a mistake that most moms are making. It's just, again, we're just going to do it and we're going at it alone and we are herd animals. We're not supposed to do things alone. We need our tribes. We need our family. We need our village to show up.
00:12:50
Speaker
And then think about, you know, most of us are of the age that we have experienced a tremendous amount of grief and loss in other areas of our lives. So what did I need then to take care of me, to metabolize those feelings?
00:13:07
Speaker
And then the trick is obviously to not get stuck in the grief, right? We need to let it feel our feelings to the extent that they're there. Otherwise they are going to come out sideways and we might just, you know, get a little, ah nippy here and there or like, you know, so moving through it. So we get to this next phase of the burning larger, you know, my framework is really these three different pieces where we start with the grief.
00:13:34
Speaker
We go into the relief. Because there's also most likely a thing or two that you won't miss when they leave. Right. There might be, you know, socks on the floor, some shitty attitude, some slamming doors, you know, like I need you, I don't need you kind of. Yeah. Because the teenager's brain, so these emerging adults' brains are not fully formed yet and they are going through their transition.
00:14:01
Speaker
How do I dare to leave? I want to stay i ready to leave. What is going on? Right. we they They also fluctuate and you get to be the airbag for all of their emotions and their expressions.
00:14:12
Speaker
right So sitting with that and just like naming, what are the things I'm not actually going to miss? more No more lunchboxes, no more 6 a.m. getting up because there's a team meet somewhere in far away or I can't go fall asleep because I haven't come home yet because I haven't heard that key turn. So my circadian rhythm is now all out of whack and I'm not getting enough sleep because they're not going to bed when I'm going to bed. like All those things.
00:14:41
Speaker
And sitting with it and then watch out for this little guilt thing that sometimes pop up and say, you're not as a mom, you're not supposed to feel this way. You're not supposed to feel relief. You're not supposed to. So we have been very socialized in our culture to feel guilt when it's misdirected and misappropriate. yeah um And then we move into the joy.
00:15:05
Speaker
What are all these things that are now available to you when you're not bogged down with a mental load and the hands-on parenting? And how do you want to live and show up for your next few decades of life?
00:15:18
Speaker
But to your point, Kathy, this grief, it's real. Yeah. And what we know about grief is that whenever we grieve again, You know, if you lose one parent and then you lose your second parent, the grief from the first parent comes back and makes the grief the second time around even more. yeah So, yes.
00:15:41
Speaker
What I was sort of surprised by was um my oldest two were very, very ready to go to school But once they got there, they really needed some emotional support that I was sort of like surprised by for some reason. Like they're so independent and they were so happy. And I was very surprised by the emotional toll it kind of took on me because they called a lot and needed like lifting up.
00:16:12
Speaker
in a way that I didn't anticipate. Talk to me a little bit about what you say for at Birdie Launcher about preparing the child for those unexpected feelings that they may have when they get away from the family unit.
00:16:28
Speaker
course. This is so interesting. I was talking to somebody the other day, a dad, and he was like, well, once they move, you know my parenting is kind of done. And I'm like, um no. yeah College does not parent.
00:16:42
Speaker
yeah So this idea that we are done, we're not done. It's going to have a different flavor. It's going to have a different, you know texture to it. and But the parenting part, especially when they go out and they're for the first time, most likely in a very new environment. And there's a lot of things for them to get accustomed to and to figure out.
00:17:05
Speaker
They're no longer living at home. Food is going to be different. They probably have a roommate, two or three. And so there's a lot of that interpersonal ah relationship building that needs to happen. They're on their own figuring out classes and getting to where they need to be on time.
00:17:21
Speaker
It is lot.
00:17:24
Speaker
And some of these things, of course, we can help them prep while they're still in your house, you know? I stopped making dental appointments for my kids. So i was like, no, we're to have to transfer some of these adulting for you to do while you're still in the home. So it's not everything at once.
00:17:41
Speaker
Yeah. You know, do you know how to cook? How's what about your laundry? When my oldest went away, he's I'm in California. He's in Massachusetts and six weeks in his freshman year, we are on the phone chatting away. And it's like, mom, there's this kid on my floor.
00:17:59
Speaker
And he hasn't done laundry yet. Yeah. in yeah And he's an athlete. oh do So you can just imagine what his dorm room was like. and so my kid was like, yay, I'm not rooming with him because my yeah room might actually smell a little bit better.
00:18:22
Speaker
um And then i was like, all right, what um you might, you see it. And now what? Yeah. Yeah. He's like, yeah, think I have to teach him how to do laundry.
00:18:35
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. And that's what he did. Right. So he took this other kid who hadn't, you know, nobody taught him how to do laundry. So there's no expectation. Like he hasn't failed. He hasn't done anything wrong. He just doesn't know how. Mm hmm.
00:18:50
Speaker
And you can imagine six weeks in being an athlete in a dorm room. And i was like, wow, does he even have that many socks and underwear? Like I started getting all practical. Not my problems at all, but what these things are, what are the things that we can do to prepare while they're still under our same roof? I remember reading that you have three phases of the birdie launcher. So what is this part of a phase in your birdie launcher process?
Birdie Launcher Process Phases
00:19:18
Speaker
Yes. So what I prefer to do is to start working with parents and especially mamas when the kids are still under the same roof to really be able to deportion these things out.
00:19:29
Speaker
So you don't have these conversations about, hey, this is what I'm worried about. like Are you going to be out partying all night? Or maybe you won't make any friends. Or are you going to eat? And what are you going to eat? And what about those freshman 15 pounds? like How are you going to exercise? like Whatever those things are that you're worried about,
00:19:47
Speaker
You don't want to wait to have those conversations with your kid until the night before you're moving in and you're standing there with the boxes. Right. right And then we have these adulting things again, you know, the laundry. Can you cook at least a few things? How do you budget? How do you do these things? All of that we want to do while they're still in the same place.
00:20:09
Speaker
nest idea. yeah And for the mamas and the dads out there that haven't gotten in there yet, and they're like, oh, we're heading up to graduation, not fret. There's ways to get it in and do it.
00:20:21
Speaker
But that's part of those phases of really starting much, much earlier. And what is so interesting to me when I work with clients to talk to parents about this is most people plan more for a trip to Europe than they do this major life transition.
00:20:37
Speaker
Yeah. Right. You're going to go to Europe. You're going to book your flights. You're going to figure out your hotels. You're going to figure out what you want to eat. You're going to book this guided tour. You're going to check out the hikes or the museums or whatever it is.
00:20:49
Speaker
And somehow for this, we don't make that same. We don't put the same time and attention towards it. that this transition really, really deserves because you want it to be exciting and not just like, oh my God, or let's just focus on the right shower caddy.
00:21:07
Speaker
Yes, they will probably need a shower caddy, but they will need a whole lot more from you. Well, what I'm hearing from you though, I think is very optimistic. And that is parents and students or young people as they're leaving home, there are a lot of skills and information that they can use to help navigate all these big feelings. Because whether you are totally ready or not ready, there is, you know, there is a lot of tools at their disposal. And if they use them and read them and really practice, it's going to be okay. Like everything is going to be okay. And you are all going to be fine. They're going to be successful adults.
00:21:53
Speaker
And you are going to be okay in your house without them. ah You are going to be okay. Yes. Thank you lyn for that. That is such an important point. And I think we lose that sometimes, right? We're in this complete overwhelm and we're in the overwhelm of the practical between prom and graduation and last this and last that. And it's so easy to focus on all the lasts and it's true. They're there.
00:22:19
Speaker
Right. Your kid will never have a high school graduation again. Your kid will never have a high school prom again. Your kid will never. And it is true. And it also means that there's lots of firsts.
00:22:31
Speaker
This is the first time they get to make their bed in the dorm room. This is the first time they get to walk across. If they're going to college, obviously you can leave for lots of different reasons. So however they're leaving, all of those things are first.
00:22:44
Speaker
So we want to not again, get stuck in the worry or in the grief. We want to take it to all of those other things. And yes, absolutely. Most kids will be fine. And I want to say with, when I say fine,
00:22:58
Speaker
It doesn't mean it's going to be super smooth and easy because we all know that's not life. Right. Yeah. Right. Life. speed lifeing no And the biggest, best gifts that we can give them is to figure out how to trust themselves, to be resilient, to reach out for help.
00:23:16
Speaker
when they need it, much like we still need to learn to do. Because great moms don't prioritize themselves, right? We find ourselves at the bottom of the laundry basket. We're doing everything for everybody else. And then we're like, I need some support. I don't know how to do this.
00:23:32
Speaker
I've never done this before. Or even like with Kathy, like, oh, I launched one. Yes, but you haven't launched this one. right right but Each kid is a completely different bottle of wax.
00:23:45
Speaker
Some are really ready to go and they might be ready on some level. And then they're like, whoa, i am, you know, do I bring my stuffed animal? Do I like, how do I do these things? And how am I in community with others?
00:23:59
Speaker
am not ready. i haven't sharpened those tools yet or flexed those muscles yet. So we all need the help. We need the support. We need to do it together. yeah I love that idea. The Birdie Launcher concept of having that like team of people in your corner to really cheer you on and help you and lift you up. and you know I find every mom or dad or a friend or whatever has their own toolbox, toolkit for things and
00:24:30
Speaker
It's so great when you can talk to different people and kind of take some of their things that really do work and apply them to your own life. It just really eases the anxiety. I mean, I am a worrier by nature. So I just am like an anxious bird all the time. I feel like I'm constantly worrying.
00:24:49
Speaker
And when i people give me little tips and tricks that I apply to my own life, it really does help a lot. So I love that you do that naturally in your with your process.
00:25:01
Speaker
yeah So I hope people really can look into some of the tools that you have and seminars and you work one-on-one with families too. Is that correct? Yes, exactly. I work usually one-on-one with the mamas because what we want is to strengthen the mamas to be able to do, have some of these conversations with their kid. And and sometimes the kid is brought in and we just do it together. If there's, you know, depending on the relationship between parent and kid,
00:25:29
Speaker
It might be that the facilitated conversation is the right way to go. And usually it's about like, here, mama, here are the tools. You and I can role play. We can flex it. We can sit with your grief and you can bring all the Kleenexes that you want.
00:25:44
Speaker
And I am welcoming all the emotions and let's talk about the guilt phase and then really decide and set out for yourself. Like what kind of parent do I want to be in this next phase parenting. Yeah.
00:26:00
Speaker
And I think that is crucial because there is this loss of control, to be frank, you know, sitting here being recovering type A myself, I won't have close dibs on all the things that's going on. Right? I won't be able to check grades. I don't know exactly where they are. I'm not doing any of these things. So how am I going to manage my anxieties around that?
00:26:24
Speaker
hmm. And I usually say parenting, regardless of age, is about 80% managing your own anxiety. Yeah. yeah Hannah, I wanted to ask Linda and I, we had a podcast last week talking about our oldest kids.
00:26:44
Speaker
letting go because they're adulting now and they're making decisions and that you may not, that you may not agree with. Right. Like, well, like, right. Like my son decided to go on spontaneous road trip, but he did not tell us about it.
00:27:03
Speaker
And so I ended up worrying because he turned off his location. couldn't see where he was that's always checking his location, but it was just weird behavior. And then I found out he went to go see our parents, which was totally fine.
00:27:17
Speaker
But I just thought it was interesting that he felt like we would be upset about it and not being you know forthcoming like what he was doing.
00:27:28
Speaker
And so yeah i know it's like those kind of adulting decisions, you know did i do we handle it wrong, right? And Linda, her daughter,
00:27:42
Speaker
Ended up getting a tattoo. Yes. So that is so interesting, right? So we know that in an ideal world to become a successful birdie launcher, you're going to have to shift your parenting.
00:27:55
Speaker
Like if you're trying to parent your kids the way that you parented them when they were 10 or 13, they're going to buck and revolt and they will have none of it. And what is interesting is when they leave your house, wherever they're going in the world,
00:28:09
Speaker
This is the first time that they actually have agency over their contribution to your relationship because they're not coming home for dinner. They're not coming home to sleep. They're not coming home.
00:28:23
Speaker
They can choose to turn off locations, not reply to your texts, not pick up the phone. Right. And it's their call and you have nothing. Right. You have to pick up the phone. Yeah, sure, mom, whatever. I'm 3000 miles away. Like, you know, ah yeah. What are you going come spank me?
00:28:41
Speaker
Like, no. Yeah. So you don't have that level of influence or control. So this is, again, is a good conversation to have. And I, you know, easier than when you're still in the same nest is what kind of relationship do we want to co-create together?
00:29:02
Speaker
when you are leaving. And as a mom, like, right, how do I keep you close when you're far away? Like, I want to know, and I might have to let go to your point, Kathy, like on a lot of things, just because I want it doesn't mean I'm going to get it.
00:29:19
Speaker
And so in that shift, right? So with my oldest, we have this conversation where I started having these conversations with him fall of senior year in high school.
00:29:30
Speaker
And I said, hey, kiddo, you know, I will always be your mama. So it's not like we're going to become peers. There will always be a hierarchy shift a difference in that that always be your mom.
00:29:43
Speaker
And as an emerging adult, as you're gonna live far away, you're gonna make your decisions and you know be live your life, which again is the point, right? The point of this parenting thing is that they are, we have raised future adults to the extent that they actually can leave. So like, just remember that that is the goal. We don't want them necessarily six year old boys, you know, in the end where the train tracks, right? So we we want them to leave.
00:30:12
Speaker
And so then how do we like in that shift of parenting? So when we started having the conversation, my kiddo and I was like, it's going to shift. It's going to change.
00:30:23
Speaker
And what is so cool is that we can co-create this, you and I together. and he just looks at me. He's like, what are you talking about? yeah Basically, I mean, he didn't verbalize this, but basically for 18 years, you called all the shots more or less in our yeah our relationship. And now all of a sudden I have agency. what a why like So we a conversation, not once, not twice, but a few different times.
00:30:47
Speaker
And as we got closer, I said, well, let's give me a new title and a new job description. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We're going from hands on mom. I pretty much know not everything, but a whole lot. I can check your grades. I know you have practice. I know where you at, you know all of that to what?
00:31:09
Speaker
So we co-created. So my title now is mama mentor. Okay. That's good. I like it. And with i get my mentor, what are those shifts?
00:31:19
Speaker
Where do I have influence? Where am I being? where When does he come to me to ask for my input or my advice? And what are those places? And then, of course, again, recovering type a very used to running the house.
00:31:36
Speaker
I overstep at times. And I do things and I behave like I'm parenting, you know, a 15 year old or something. And then he looks at me and he's like, I don't think that's part of your job description.
00:31:51
Speaker
Right. And you accept that. Like it's a, that is the easiest. Right. Right. There's no ego. There's no defensiveness. Thank you for the reminder. Yes.
00:32:03
Speaker
Let me try again. Yeah. I like that. Stay in your lane. hey
00:32:11
Speaker
I like that. So as far as evolving your parenting and shifting it, you know, I was working with one client and when we sat and really dug into like, you know, what kind of parent do you want to be? What is that, the flavor and the texture that you want to have with your kids?
00:32:27
Speaker
And she said, i want to be their lighthouse. Oh, Oh, I love that. I love them to know that I'm always here. the light is always on. They can always find me and I'm steady.
00:32:41
Speaker
And, you know, they will be out there on the seas. They will go places and yeah it might be a rough season. It might be smooth sailing and I will just be here yeah ask their lighthouse. I love that.
Exploring Parental Identities Post-Children
00:32:52
Speaker
I'm going to steal that. i Everybody can have a lighthouse.
00:33:00
Speaker
We talk about the kids and the exciting for them getting ready to go. But what can be exciting about the moms, this new phase in their life of them having their birdies away? Like what?
00:33:13
Speaker
What is in it for what's in it for them? Yes, I love it. That's where we're heading, right? we have right if We have the relief and then we go to this joy. yeah So I don't know about you, but I became a mom in my 30s and I'm launching my second one now. And so that's been about 20 years of hands-on parenting.
00:33:31
Speaker
And then at least my people, we're from hardy Swedish stock. You know, they live forever. So I'm looking easily at another four decades of life. Which then puts the mommy years in perspective, right? that's That's 20 versus 30 plus 40.
00:33:49
Speaker
yeah What is now my identity? What do i want to be? How do I want to show up? How do I want to contribute when I no longer have that full mental load hands-on parenting that is both amazing and draining and exhausting and yeah growth opportunities abound.
00:34:09
Speaker
And now i get to like lift my gaze and look out. Okay. Do I want to shift careers? Do I want to take on a different role? Do I want to contribute in my community? Do I want to try something different in my hobbies?
00:34:26
Speaker
I used to dance in my twenties. I used to love to dance. Is that still what I want to do today? Maybe. Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. But I get to co-create with myself and with my peers. And if I'm partnered, a new version of my identity to really sit and say, this is my book of life, right? We're writing writing these chapters together for ourselves.
00:34:52
Speaker
So let's make those really yummy and juicy and full of life and riches. So your life is not empty. right Right. Because you can sit and shivel in that empty little nest if you want, or you can re-feather you and become and take over and do your life the way you want to do it.
00:35:13
Speaker
And it's super, super exciting. And it's interesting when you work with moms, like for some of them, they've been so removed from some of those parts of themselves that That they don't even know how to start or what do you mean? What do I want to do? Like, I don't know, sleep because I'm having a proper in 20 years.
00:35:32
Speaker
I don't even know who am I anymore? What's my identity when we remove hands on parenting? Like, I don't know. So some of these things we sit and just peel back layers and layers. And it's a process that takes quite a while, usually.
00:35:46
Speaker
And then you get to go out and try things. Because this is what we also as moms, we get to model this behavior for our kids, right? We tell them there's a big world out there for them.
00:35:56
Speaker
Well, guess what, mama? Let's try it out there for you too. yeah Yeah. I like that. Love it. Re-feather you. I love it. I hope our listeners can hear that you have such a depth of experience and knowledge and process.
Connecting with Hannah Banker and Birdie Launcher Services
00:36:14
Speaker
Tell our listeners how they can find you. Michael. website is birdie launcher.com so birdie with a why and then i also have a free guide about exactly this thing that we've been talking about how do you evolve your parenting so the free guide can be found at birdie launcher.com forward slash free offer okay and then of course you can find me on facebook on instagram i'll birdie launcher with a y And that's how you find And I would love to help and guide more mamas because we do need the support and we don't have to make the mistakes that is so common because we don't tend to this phase.
00:36:54
Speaker
with the same sincerity and attention that it really deserves. Amazing. Well, we will put all of that information in our show notes so people can find you. it has been incredible to hear all of the tips and tricks that you have shared with all of our fishes. and we so appreciate you, Hannah. Thank you Yes.
00:37:14
Speaker
Well, whether you're little fishes or birds about to launch, and all animals and all humans come together. And that's what it's about. Thank you so much for having me.
00:37:26
Speaker
One of the things that I really appreciated, and I wonder, Kathy, if you did too, especially um since you told her that you're feeling sad about your kid leaving for college, is to live in those feelings, that that's totally fine.
00:37:40
Speaker
And the trick is to just not get stuck, right? So I thought she had some really good, i thought she had some really good thoughts and ideas on that. Yeah. And that we all need our village, yeah which is what we talk about, that we need our village.
00:37:53
Speaker
And we need our friends. yeah we're Yeah, we need our people. We're here for all of you. All right. So speaking of moms, it's Mom's Day this weekend. That's right.
00:38:06
Speaker
How is everybody going to celebrate Mother's Day? I don't know, Linda. Like whenever think we talk about Mother's Day, I remember you being like last year and I was surprised to hear this, that you really love Mother's Day.
00:38:17
Speaker
I feel like it's a little bit of stress and everybody always asks me like, what do you want to do? What do you want to do? And it's like one more decision I have to make. This year in particular, however, I did say to my husband who has been asking me what I want to do. I'm like, I want to do very little because we have Jack's big, huge, gri like we've got like over 200 people coming to this party.
00:38:39
Speaker
the night before. So I feel like I'm going to be tired. i just, I, you know, Rich said he would try to make eggs Benny. My oldest is going to be home from tech.
00:38:51
Speaker
So, uh, we're going to try, I think they're going to try and make eggs Benny, which is something I love. And then I just as a backup, I would like a cinnamon roll from like the puffy muffin, which is like this little bakery by our house.
00:39:04
Speaker
Yeah. and black coffee and I just want to lay around like if the weather's great I'll be at the pool if not I'm just gonna sit and read a book or whatever I just I want to do very little on Mother's Day and we're not hosting anything so that's dreamy what guys doing Johanna my youngest really still loves and cares about Mother's Day which I so appreciate and so she loves to make breakfast for me So I did hear that she and Tim and Riley are going prince to Princess Toast.
00:39:37
Speaker
She has a pretty good palate, and she knows that I also like Eggs Benedict. So I think that she's roping Tim in to trying to make Eggs Benedict. And luckily for me, Tim can actually cook. Yeah, he's a good cook.
00:39:48
Speaker
Yeah. It's all going to be fine. But Linda, I feel like you, i feel like life has been busy and stressful and I just don't really want to have a plan. I just kind of want to just relax and just kind of enjoy the day and feel like for once we don't have to run all over the place and just take a minute. Yeah.
00:40:07
Speaker
Kathy, what about you? I actually asked Peter about the eggs Benedict as well because I think we got a recipe from um Martha Stewart. That's easy, Eggs Benny. It is easy. I've done this recipe. We'll post that in the show notes, but he's never made it before.
00:40:24
Speaker
But he said that he would do it. So I said, all right. I almost feel like I want video evidence of Rich and Peter making this eggs Benedict because I've never, ever seen them in the kitchen.
00:40:35
Speaker
so I think this would be super fun to see them make this for you all. i You know, Sarah will help Rich. I mean, I will say my husband makes a mean scrambled egg, but the poached egg...
00:40:48
Speaker
ah so Yeah, I mean, the poach that could be tricky, but, yeah you know, I think it's great they're willing. So it's going to start my day that way. And I don't care if it doesn't turn out, really.
00:40:58
Speaker
don't either. It's fine. I think that that's so sweet. But, you know, what else people were going to do is um i we love a good cocktail with our brunch. And so we found raspberry sunrise mimosa.
00:41:11
Speaker
which looks delicious. And we'll post that in the show notes too. So if your eggs Benedict doesn't turn out, at least you can have a yummy drink. It doesn't matter. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to be amazing. Yeah.
00:41:23
Speaker
I don't have to make it and bonus. I don't have to clean it up. So whatever happens, it's a win. that's what i did That's what I said. I don't want to be in charge of cooking. ah Amazing. yeah um So I don't know if our listeners remember, but we love a good jingle for any holiday.
00:41:40
Speaker
and so for Mother's Day, we've come up with a jingle that we thought we would share with all the moms out there. and Kathy is going to read it to you. Happy Mother's Day. To the moms with babies and those with teens, the nest is quiet or bursting at the seams, playing and listening, laughing all day. We're singing your love in a big bouquet.
00:42:02
Speaker
Bonus moms, brunch queens, cooks with flair, making life brighter with all that you care. whenever Wherever you are in joy or strife, we celebrate you, the heart of our life.
00:42:15
Speaker
So happy Mother's Day to everyone. Cheers. Cheers. Let's do little cheers to our mom. Renee, the best mom out there. She taught us everything we know. We love and appreciate you, Renee. Yes, mom. Love you lots. Happy Mother's day Happy Mother's Day.
Closing Remarks and Listener Engagement
00:42:35
Speaker
We want to thank you for listening to our podcast and letting us sisters jump into your day. Please make sure to follow, rate, and review us. A special thank you to Hannah Baker for being our guest today.
00:42:46
Speaker
Her email will be in our show notes as well as she has a free guide with some good information about the Birdie Launcher. So have a wonderful Mother's Day weekend.
00:42:59
Speaker
Sisters out.