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Say It Anyway
39 Plays12 days ago
This week, the sisters invite Big Fish René on for what was supposed to be a conversation about navigating life in the Sandwich Generation — that delicate space between caring for aging parents and still showing up for your kids — but like most family chats, it takes a turn.
What unfolds is a heartfelt, funny, and sometimes raw discussion about how to navigate tough conversations with the people you love most. From aging and independence to communication, boundaries, and grace, the Fishes and their mom open up about what it really takes to stay connected through life’s transitions.
Along the way, Lynne and Little Fish Sarah share their background acting debut on 9-1-1 Nashville (assuming they don’t end up on the cutting room floor — stream the series premiere and see for yourself!), there’s a brief but hilarious detour into Travis Kelce’s anatomy courtesy of Taylor Swift’s new song “Wood,” and the sisters raise a glass to Kathy’s birthday.
In What’s For Dinner, René brings back one of her classic favorites — Steak Diane — the perfect dish for a night of family stories, laughter, and saying what needs to be said.
Because sometimes the hardest part of loving your family… is finding the courage to say it anyway.
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Transcript
Family Communication in Emergencies
00:00:00
Speaker
So I always thought it was, if they just did it in the order of birth. Like I always thought you were the first call, but years ago, and we mentioned this talking to mom, like she had that medical emergency and she ended up in the hospital. I think dad ended up calling me and I was like, oh dad, do you want me to call anybody else? And he's like, no, everybody else knows.
00:00:21
Speaker
I was last. I was like, how am I last? And like, in this like chain, like everybody knew. i don't even remember how i found out, but I mean, I do think like a little phone tree makes sense.
Introduction to 'Three Little Fishes'
00:00:35
Speaker
Welcome to Three Little Fishes. We're three sisters who grew up in the Midwest together, but have since spread across the country.
00:00:43
Speaker
I live in Los Angeles. I'm in Nashville. And I live in Philadelphia. We are all married with children, have all had careers, but now we stay at home with our families. Join us as we share secrets and stories about being women, wives, and mothers. We welcome you to laugh along, learn something new, reach out, and join our conversation.
00:01:06
Speaker
So let's jump in.
00:01:09
Speaker
What's up,
Experience on 'Nashville 911'
00:01:10
Speaker
fishes? What's up, fishes? What's up? Happy to see you girls. Hello. right, so... This week, something is going to air that I was involved in. nash ah nine one one Nashville is airing on ABC, and my oldest child and I were extras in that.
00:01:30
Speaker
So there I have no idea if I've made the cut or not, but I'm on the street in the pedal pub incident. So there's a pedal pub like emergency, and I'm on the sidewalk, and I'm like...
00:01:46
Speaker
You know, I have no words. I just use actions. And I will tell you again that I am not an actress. So please don't make fun of me. But I might be on TV. So it's on ABC. It's on ABC. And I think Chris O'Donnell's in that. And I am am a big Chris O'Donnell fan. And Kimberly Williams.
00:02:04
Speaker
So she lives here in town, Kimberly Williams and Chad Lowe actually is the director. And as extras, we were on this bus going to set and Chad Lowe was there and sick my daughter, my oldest daughter sat next to him.
00:02:21
Speaker
and he's so sweet. He's like a tiny little human. I think I could break them in half, but the sweetest thing ever. And my daughter had no idea who it was. mean, I knew, but i I didn't say anything. And she asked him, like, how'd you get involved? And he said, well, my brother is in the business. And so I kind of like went on his coattails. And she asked, like, how do I get involved? And he's like, just tell people what you want to do and just keep asking and just let yourself get out there. And he was really, really sweet. So anyway, he's been staying in
00:02:54
Speaker
the area for a while filming all these yeah shows did you wear your own clothes yes did they wear your own clothes they tell you what to wear they tell you kind of how to dress and then you show up so but you didn't have any speaking parts right no no I was just in background as background yeah All right I'm here for it. I'm going to it out. I hope you're out.
00:03:18
Speaker
Nashville 911. Nashville 911. Kathy, what's up with you? It was my birthday, so I've had a lot of birthday celebrations, which have been fun. My friend took me out to lunch, which warmed my heart.
00:03:31
Speaker
It was my first like little celebration. and Ever since then, i just have been having some good days, so it's been fun. and I got a surprise last night because my oldest came home.
00:03:44
Speaker
so for fall break. So he's here. That's nice. ah Well, you love surprises. So he knows how to get to you.
Taylor Swift's 'Life of a Showgirl' Album
00:03:53
Speaker
yeah Well, I'll tell you what happened has happened here. you know, Taylor Swift's new album, Life of a Showgirl dropped. And she had over the weekend, a movie that talked about her 12 new songs.
00:04:06
Speaker
And then the behind the scenes of making her music video, Fate of Ophelia. And I surprised Johanna after school and took her to the movie. And she was so happy, you guys. She cuddled up next to me. And they put the words to the new songs on the screen really big. So it was kind of like a sing-along.
00:04:26
Speaker
And she was singing along. And she was just smiling and so happy. are My two favorite songs from the album are Eldest Daughter and Life of a Showgirl. I thought those were really pretty songs.
00:04:38
Speaker
She also has a song called Wood that's getting a lot of controversial. You know, in the movie, she says that it's about superstitions. But if you really listen to the words, it's really not about superstition. thought was about Travis Kelsey's penis.
00:04:55
Speaker
Yes. I think that that's what it's about. Like, ah she's trying to be cheeky. Yeah. So if you're at all interested in Taylor Swift, check out Life of a Showgirl. my
The Sandwich Generation's Challenges
00:05:07
Speaker
All right, you guys, today on the show, we're going to be talking about the sandwich generation. we have our mom on to talk to us a little bit about what the sandwich generation means to her.
00:05:18
Speaker
um But before we get into it, I just want to please have everybody please rate review. ah Give us a message and invite your favorite fishes to jump in and join the conversation.
00:05:31
Speaker
Okay, let's jump in. So we had our mom on to talk about the sandwich generation, but what it turned into is having tough conversations with people that we care about.
00:05:44
Speaker
Take a listen. Hi guys, it's nice to be here. Today we're talking about the sandwich generation. People that are still caring for children, either at home or in college or younger generation. And then we also have older generation that were if not taken care of kind of watching age and go through that that whole process.
00:06:07
Speaker
Right. um So, Mom, it's interesting because when we were growing up, you were part of the sandwich generation, like full throttle. Like you had four kids, your parents and dad's parents lived, you know, ah a long time and you kind of like did it.
00:06:27
Speaker
did what we're doing now right what did did you realize that like you were in part of that different sort of like circumstance well i i think it's just you know it's just a natural progression of things and i don't think to be honest you had enough time to sit down and think about it that it was right and what the ramifications were or would I do anything differently or any of that. It was just head down, make the runs, you know school, hospitals, back to home dinner, et cetera.
00:07:05
Speaker
Because you were young still. Was it hard to kind of was what navigate that? was what, 35 when my dad died. Mom, I didn't realize that you were that young. thirty five 35.
00:07:15
Speaker
yeah Wow. He had his first heart attack when I was pregnant with David, which was hard. bet. They were pretty private, but we were felt we were able to communicate with him how he was doing, what he was going to do next.
00:07:32
Speaker
But we were pretty lucky. ah and My dad's cardiologist was a personal friend of ours, so we got a lot of advice or information. HIPAA didn't exist. I was just going to say, not like that.
00:07:44
Speaker
I'm not sure if that would fly today. yeah You just said something very interesting, mom, is that you said that they were very private. And I think that you and dad, you're also very private. And I like have like PTSD from a few years ago when you got really sick and you almost died. And we didn't realize how sick you were until like the bottom fell out. And you guys are like, oh, yeah, mom's getting he admitted to the hospital.
00:08:09
Speaker
She's septic. And you know, we're just gonna have to wait. She's septic. well ok And you know, we have to wait, we have to wait to see if she shoots the corner.
00:08:20
Speaker
But like, you're very stoic, you're very private, you didn't let anybody know. So like, I think about that sometimes and I'm like, oh, and then because I live across the country, i don't get to see you that much. And I just
Communicating Health Issues with Parents
00:08:33
Speaker
have to go by what you say.
00:08:35
Speaker
and sometimes I'm like, are you being honest with me? Well, in all fairness. Oh, mom. Nah, bad mom. In all fairness, out of there are three of you sitting there, two of you are extremely private as well.
00:08:52
Speaker
Who? Who are the two? Well, it's not you. So i don't think it's it's meant as a way to keep you out of our lives or out of my situation.
00:09:04
Speaker
That situation, to be honest, I didn't feel that bad until I felt bad. All a sudden, I quit. Yeah, right. I just fell off the cliff. So for listeners, several years ago, you got very sick and you thought that you had food poisoning.
00:09:19
Speaker
And i had a... really holding You were really holding on to that for many, many, many days. And finally, when you went to the doctor and they did some imaging, they found out you had your appendix burst.
00:09:32
Speaker
and So it's so you know yeah were you were really sick. And you're actually really lucky that you're sitting here with us. I mean, thank God you are. And it turned the right way. But that could have just as easily really, you really couldn't have made it. You're right. And it was a lesson for me to be a little more of an advocate when I and don't feel good.
00:09:53
Speaker
But lesson learned. You know, I do. get, I mean, I do understand this. You know, it is like you don't want your conversations to always be centered around what's going on, what's wrong. You know what I mean? Like, it's like you want your life to be more complete than that. I noticed with some people, they don't call or engage when stuff isn't going exactly right, because they don't want to talk about it all the time.
00:10:22
Speaker
Like it just gets to be like a drag. And that's a tell. right If I don't hear from certain people for a period of time, It's a flag that need reach out. Something's going sideways. Something's not happening. But, you know, honestly, i feel this way as a parent and a daughter.
00:10:40
Speaker
Like, it's a slippery slope. Like, I have young adults who are... raising themselves up and trying to do the things independently and live their life completely, you know, and they will ask for help sometimes, but I have to be careful because I can't ask too many questions because they get annoyed with me.
00:11:02
Speaker
But then if I don't ask questions, they get annoyed with me. Like, well, it's fair. Why are you not calling me? Why are you not asking? So I just always feel like it's this tightrope of communication with my young adults.
00:11:16
Speaker
And quite frankly, I do feel this way about my parents and my in-laws, because I don't want to always ask, like, how are you feeling? but I do genuinely want to know, but I don't want that to be like the epicenter of our dialogues.
00:11:32
Speaker
So it is this like tricky thing that you're, it's very hard to navigate that you're always walking with everybody. I feel like I can't, I can't win trying.
00:11:43
Speaker
Parenting is never easy. And you parents, your children, and then You're parenting your parents. It's a challenge because it is a full circle. You start out with diapers at one end and then not good stuff at the other end.
00:11:56
Speaker
And it's just the way life is, unfortunately. Were unfortunate dad's parents any easier? No, they weren't any easier. They didn't want anybody to know anything until it hit the fan.
00:12:08
Speaker
So no, it wasn't easier. In those instances, I'm sure you do the same thing. Dealing with my parents, I sort of took the lead. Dealing with his parents, he took the lead. oh I'm the in-law. I'm not the parent. I'm not the child. right And he had a better way of reaching out or getting them to open up about what they needed. So you want me to beat deal with you instead of Peter?
00:12:30
Speaker
Is that what you're saying? I don't think Peter wants to deal with me. I mean, no offense. It's a familiarity. it's a We've been together a lifetime. Yeah. Yeah.
00:12:41
Speaker
So we know each other's quirks and things. Yeah. You have a good, positive relationship with your girls for sure. i do. And we talk all the time. to Dad, we always know what's going on Or I feel like, I hope I know what's going on some of the time. I'm not going to say all the time because I think you're secretive.
00:12:59
Speaker
But this this summer. i ah Wow. So, I mean, I eventually find out, but I do feel like sometimes a I do better. i run with a little anxiety and I do better if I know the situation.
00:13:14
Speaker
Like, I don't want to be surprised. I wish you people trusted me to be like, you know what, this is going on or
Family Dynamics in Elder Care
00:13:21
Speaker
this going on. I don't want to talk about it. There's nothing, there's nothing to fix right now, but just so you know, this is happening.
00:13:27
Speaker
Don't worry. It's not a matter of trust. It's just a matter of getting up every day, dealing with your stuff. You know, as we're all getting older and the challenge of being getting older is learning to deal with the daily,
00:13:45
Speaker
inconveniences that happen. I wake up this morning, oh, I slept wrong, my neck hurts, or oh right yeah i got up, my back hurts, or whatever it is, you have to get up and deal with it. sure I used to play cards with this group of ah women.
00:14:02
Speaker
The old lady saw that I'm an old lady. I mean, he used to say they were i mean they were probably years older than I, so they qualifield The rule was when you got together for these events, no one could talk about medical issues.
00:14:18
Speaker
Right. No one could speak. Now you could talk about your grandkids. yeah and you It was just this was supposed to be a free zone where you're not focusing on the negative things in your life.
00:14:31
Speaker
And that's part of it. You know, your hip hurts. People don't really want to hear that. I mean, right sure. is Their hip hurts too, probably. Yeah. Well, their hip hurts too, or they've, you know, sprayed their ankle or, or whatever. And it's so, yeah that's kind of why people don't talk about it. Mom, I appreciate that for sure. So what I, so this summer we got to spend time with you, which I loved. And we were up, we were up, up,
00:15:01
Speaker
north in Canada at your cabin. And you know, it's rocky, it's unstable, you have to get in and out of boats, you know, it's, you know, you're literally in the woods, you're vacating your regular city life, and you're in the woods, and getting around. So I'm just throwing your business out there. But you have a really bad hip.
00:15:20
Speaker
And you have a knee that's not great all the time. Dad has two bad knees that he's dealing with. um But I noticed like you were could use some things to help you get in and out of the boat things to steady you um handles things to make it easier so you don't fall.
00:15:42
Speaker
And I found it to be really, even though we have such a good relationship, I felt really weird or it was harder for me to be like, you know what? I'm worried that you guys, you could fall because your hip isn't working like it's supposed to.
00:15:56
Speaker
Like, I think you need a handrail or something to help assist. And I felt really weird talking to you and dad about it. Like, please put some things in place so you don't fall.
00:16:08
Speaker
Well, you should never feel worse. weird talking to us about stuff. I mean, it doesn't matter. i don't want to get yelled at. Nancy, I am not old. Stay your lane. Nancy, I don't need that.
00:16:19
Speaker
I was a very good athlete. Yes, you were very good athlete. And I think amazing you things. You can talk to me. You can tell me anything. I may not have, I may get little c Cranky, but I'll think about it and if it's valid, or yeah we'll do it we'll talk about it. I think when we first brought up that I was worried you were a fall risk because you have a bad hip and you have to get a new hip.
00:16:44
Speaker
And I think that that will be scheduled soon. But It's not because I feel like you're like a thousand years old. You literally, your joints won't work. And it you are a fall risk in my opinion.
00:16:55
Speaker
But trying to talk to you about it, I was like, um please don't get mad. Please don't get mad. um Hear what I'm saying. Like, you know, don't get upset. Are we okay? I'm never going to get mad at you for expressing a concern.
00:17:09
Speaker
i mean, that's just... We do that. You would do that with your children. I'm worried about this for you. you would say that to your kids. I'm worried that this isn't going well for you.
00:17:20
Speaker
How can I impact that? I mean, if it was school or whatever it was about, or they're in a bad, have a bad breakup, I'm worried about you. and so That's perfect.
00:17:32
Speaker
Hopefully we can manage our lives pretty well and until we can't. So if you were reflecting back to how you communicated with your parents and your in-laws, is there something you would have done differently or advice you would give us? know that I could have done anything differently.
00:17:50
Speaker
Dad and I decided many, many, many years ago that we were going to have different dynamics than our parents had. And part of that was we wanted to communicate more openly with our children than they did with us. It was kind of like...
00:18:11
Speaker
always kind of do what you're told, kind of, you don't belong in my business, you know, that kind of thing. And so there was nothing I could do differently because that was just not an option. I tried to available. And that's the way they stayed throughout life. Yeah, I just can't. I had to, you do what you do what you can and you're there if you're needed.
00:18:37
Speaker
that was kind of what we sort of had to resolve or resort to was just that just be there and case they need it because they would never ask.
00:18:48
Speaker
You haven't really ever asked for help. We've just kind of come like when you got sick or in the hospital, like we had a plan that Linda could get to you first and Linda went and she was with you guys to have give dad support.
00:19:02
Speaker
be the ears for the rest of us and eyes for the rest of us. I love that. Do you like that we kind of are we're doing it without being asked? Like, do you know in the back of your head that we've got you?
00:19:16
Speaker
I love that. I think it touches my heart that you are so invested and making sure that all we're safe and healthy. It really touches me. And so i really appreciate that. And I know dad does too.
00:19:29
Speaker
I mean, it's a slippery slope, right? Because I think I've heard a couple of times, like, I don't want to be bossed. Like, ah maybe I can be bossy, but I'm not trying to be bossy. Like, you know, because you're cognitively, you're great and you're still our parents, right? Well, yeah, but you have to understand when people are ill and struggling, they're sometimes not as thoughtful or as kind as they would be when they were feeling better.
00:19:53
Speaker
They will... um be a little short. Like my dad got really short with my mom and I would think, you know, she's a better person than I am that she would allow him to talk to her that way.
00:20:08
Speaker
Just harsh. But she knew he didn't mean it, that it was, ah it was because he felt sick. He was sick. He wasn't feeling good. And he, because he was never that way.
00:20:20
Speaker
You know, he was always kind and he was always thoughtful. So it was a ah disease symptom. So if that happens, you can't internalize that as, oh, all of a sudden they're mean.
00:20:32
Speaker
They're not, they're just not feeling good. Give them a little time, space, food, medication, yeah something to them. It seems like to me, I think a lot of people think older people can be cranky. Nobody likes getting old.
00:20:46
Speaker
I mean, you're... Your life changes dramatically. You can't do half the things you used to do. You don't feel good. you're You look in the mirror and you think, what the hell happened to the person that's living inside of me? It's not that person. you know And so that happens.
00:21:05
Speaker
So they get a little cranky about it. Like I said, part of growing old gracefully is understanding That you're going to grow old. Learning
Aging and Youth: Reflections and Advice
00:21:14
Speaker
to accept your limitations is the hardest part because it is hard yeah I'm sure you're all old enough now to know that when you inside, you're not your chronological age.
00:21:28
Speaker
You still think of yourself and react to things that ah as somebody who's younger. Well, the same thing is true. oh Sophie Kinsella wrote a book and um she's a ah beach read hardly. yeah I like her. yeah winningtting novelist, but an easy read, they're always interesting.
00:21:45
Speaker
She wrote a book called 20s Girl. And it talks about this, it talks about how you look at yourself. And it was very insightful, it touched me because this girl's life was a mess and she's supposed to, has to go take visit her 90 year old maiden aunt who's in a yeah facility.
00:22:11
Speaker
And as she gets to know this maiden aunt, she discovers that inside this shriveled up 90-year-old woman is this vibrant, intelligent, story full of stories woman. And she never appreciated that.
00:22:27
Speaker
And it made me think that I didn't do what I should have been doing as a younger person and spending that much time with my grandparents, my grandmothers.
00:22:39
Speaker
My grandfathers were gone, but my grandmothers and Agnes of finding out more about their stories and, and how they live. Cause they live really fascinating lives as I get bits and pieces of it as I get older. Well, it's going to be interesting as we like dip our toes into this, like new, new part of our lives, like, right. I'm trying to communicate and, you know, figure it out and give everybody support and,
00:23:10
Speaker
and what they need. So we all have like a young adults. Nancy's a little ways away with one of hers. Do you have any like advice how to parent like the young adult that's trying to make their own decisions and do their own thing? And is there any like tips and tricks that you have for parenting the young adult?
00:23:33
Speaker
Well, do you remember what you used to say to me? Mom, mom. Is this another life lesson?
00:23:43
Speaker
Mom, more life lessons? Huh? I mean, I think that's it. It's a life lesson. You say you're struggling right now. If it was me or if I had an opportunity, this is what I and they're going to look at you and go, Mom, I don't need a life lesson.
00:23:59
Speaker
But yeah it's there. You said it If you don't say it, you can't ever know that you got, you know, that you got through. And we've said some hard things to you guys because we loved you and we want to let you know that this is what we're concerned about. So I think that's what you do.
00:24:21
Speaker
You just say, you know, like you seem to be a little lost. Let's have you thought about making lists or factoring things in or taking another approach, something just to help them or you can't decide what to do or why?
00:24:39
Speaker
what is going on or in a bad relationship, if that's not working you for you, change it. You know, we're not, it's like you went to school, a certain school.
00:24:50
Speaker
If you hate it, go somewhere else. If it's not working, change it, that kind of thing. So that's what I would recommend. Right. Give them permission to. You have permission to do what you need, but we'll be here as backup.
00:25:05
Speaker
Always. We'll have your back. Yeah. yeah Always. That's a good. As much as we can always have your back. Yeah. Just, uh, I will say, I will say that I have always felt that from you and dad.
00:25:16
Speaker
i I have always felt that a hundred percent is amazing. And I know not everybody has that. And I hope that we're doing that for our kids. I think we are. enjoy I, you know, I feel that I totally give a hundred percent and I don't think my kids appreciate it sometimes.
00:25:31
Speaker
Yeah. It's those life lessons, Kathy. They have the life lessons. He told me to get out of his room. was like, what? Well, you want me to lay here and talk to you endlessly?
00:25:45
Speaker
pay for this room. pay for this room. you get out. You get out of the room. yeah Mom, you told like, so this has been, a I feel like a ah positive conversation and you've been really open about trying to talk about some of this stuff, but you were telling me a story when Linda was trying to help you.
00:26:03
Speaker
And will you tell our listeners and remind, like, I don't know if Linda remembers the story about when you said that she was assisting you? i don't know. It was a long time ago. i mean, it wasn't even, i don't know. I think it was when we were in Florida. It's been a while ago. and It's been like few years ago. wherere yeah We were somewhere and we were walking along the street and we came to the corner and were standing on the curb waiting for the walk light to change.
00:26:27
Speaker
And as the walk light changes and I step off the curb, Linda grabs my arm and like carries me across the street. And I got over to this and thought, what the...
00:26:39
Speaker
did I suddenly become this crotchety woman who came across the street? It was like, what's wrong with you? i mean, yeah. I do not remember this, but I can only feel, and it's happened, I will, it's happened again. It's happened repeatedly, and but it's because of her concern.
00:27:03
Speaker
You know, it's like- Well, I can only think it's because you were being extra pokey and I wanted to rush you along or thought you were gonna fall. It was from love. I knew that and I don't think I said anything to you. I'm sorry, I thought to myself like, what the hell?
00:27:19
Speaker
Well, I mean, you are you are having knee trouble and hip trouble that you've had for a while. So um maybe this is one of those times where you didn't realize that you were as bad as you were. So Linda was really you were saving your life like a frogger, like hopping across the road. Well, Linda walks ah like 100 miles an hour. I mean, yeah i have long legs.
00:27:40
Speaker
So I do not have long legs. Well, consequently, they don't go as fast. Oh, sorry, mom. I have to ask one more question from mom because, you know, we talked in our podcast the other week about like being half empty or half full and I'm a half full and I'm like, I want to know what is good about getting older and being where you are.
00:28:07
Speaker
The joy in watching my children lead these successful lives, raising great families, succeeding, succeeding, watching my grandchildren grow and spending time with them and listening to them and talking to them and seeing how, how really extraordinary they all are in their own unique ways.
00:28:28
Speaker
i mean, we've got eight of them and they are all so completely different and it's exciting. And of course you wouldn't ever want to lose that.
00:28:39
Speaker
People who don't spend time with their grandchildren, and their adult children are really missing out. It's because it's the best part. Thanks, Mom. Family's important. Trying to stay healthy just so we can hang on.
00:28:53
Speaker
get your hip fixed. um
00:28:58
Speaker
On the schedule. Exactly. The whole sandwich thing, the you the kids, our young adults are one bread. You guys are another piece of bread. We're kind of in the middle.
00:29:09
Speaker
And just figuring out how to effectively communicate and support both ends. Right. We've got everybody. In a possible way. Yeah. You know, we have very big arms. Very, very hearts. We can do this. You're not, you're not alone. Every generation before you has done the same thing.
00:29:28
Speaker
Yeah. You're just having identified who you are. Yeah. You can give yourself a
Planning Care for Distant Parents
00:29:33
Speaker
name. mean, you did it a long time ago. I mean, not a long time ago, but like a long time ago just communicate, keep talking.
00:29:42
Speaker
I think, I think too, for us, as we're talking, like, You've earned that from us to like let you take you know to let us kind of take some of the load from you. like you don't You don't have to do it it all by yourself anymore. You've earned that right to like have that support.
00:30:00
Speaker
Well, I appreciate if you let us. If you let us. We do our best. If you talk to us and you tell us the truth. You know, there's been no line, Nancy. Let's not get that. I mean, i'm going to say I'm not totally sure about that, of finding stuff out after the facts here and here. Same thing. i don't like it.
00:30:21
Speaker
I get that. I get that. All right, mom. Be good. We appreciate you coming on and talking to us about your perspective. You know, you're.
00:30:33
Speaker
experience as a sandwich generation, like in the younger years, and then your experience now and your expectations for how you want to be treated and communicated with. So yeah I hope our listeners listeners found it you know, interesting and we appreciate you coming on and being so forthright with us.
00:30:52
Speaker
Well, thanks for having me. It's always fun to spend time with you girls. This is great. As we're coming out of this, listening to our mom, we're so happy that she was able to come sit with us. But what I found really interesting was, is that my mom said that we weren't in reinventing the wheel.
00:31:09
Speaker
of the younger generation taking care of the older generation. Right. Did you hear her say that? Like we're not really seeing the wheel. Yeah. But what I find striking is, is that none of us live next to them.
00:31:21
Speaker
So our parents were able to be in a 10 minute drive of their parents or people who needed them. But Linda, you live in Tennessee, Kathy, you live in Philadelphia. i live in California.
00:31:36
Speaker
We have to plan it. We're not just like a car ride down and the hospital 10 minutes away. And so that's what makes me anxious is is that I don't have that luxury that she did.
00:31:49
Speaker
Right. i mean, I think you're absolutely right. Like, I think, you know, what i really feel is this anxiety about... trying to plan for the things you can plan for, and then having something in place for the stuff that you can't plan for. Because like, if you're getting, you're having some sort of surgery or whatever, and you're not down the street, you can't do your life every day. You kind of need to like plan for it. You got to buy a plane ticket or
00:32:20
Speaker
take care of the house or take your animals and like get yourself set up for success. So I think, you know, there is a difference for us and maybe some of our listeners too, when you have something that happens unexpectedly, it just is what it is. But if you can plan for it a little bit, I think that's like, we're going to have to plan for when she has surgery in the spring.
00:32:44
Speaker
We're going to have to rally around that. Right. And so part of that planning for me is like, I i was kind of thinking about this, like in my phone, I have my whole family, my immediate family, my children and my husband listed as ICE in case of emergency. It's in caps.
00:33:02
Speaker
So if something happens and they somebody needs to get a hold of my people, they can do that easily.
Emergency Communication Planning
00:33:11
Speaker
And I don't have that for my in-laws or mom and dad or you guys. Like I do kind of feel like that's a very easy, actionable thing.
00:33:21
Speaker
And then also I was thinking like, if something goes sideways, who would mom and dad call first? Who would my in-laws call first? Who's our emergency chain? Who is the, what's the phone tree look like?
00:33:34
Speaker
So I always thought it was that they just did it in the order of birth. Like I always thought you were the first call, but years ago, and we mentioned this talking to mom, like she had that medical emergency and she ended up in the hospital.
00:33:47
Speaker
I think dad ended up calling me and I was like, Oh dad, do you want me to call anybody else? And he's like, no, everybody else knows I was last. I was like, how am I last?
00:33:58
Speaker
And like, And this like chain, like everybody knew. I don't even remember how I found out. But I mean, I do think like a little phone tree makes sense. Like, you know, who do you call and what are their phone numbers? Because like, I don't know mom and dad's phone.
00:34:16
Speaker
I don't know their friends' phone numbers. I know their names. I guess I could look them up in the yellow pages if that still exists. I mean, I don't know. The yellow pages.
00:34:27
Speaker
I I think you could figure out something other than yellow pages, but yeah. Yeah. But it does bring up, like Kathy, you did mention, like you talk about communication with mom and dad. So like, yeah, I mean, what are your communications difficult with anybody?
00:34:42
Speaker
I mean, even our day to day, like my husband and I are just our day to day is difficult. So when you're talking about a serious concern, especially a health concern. i mean, most people are very private and, you know, they'll maybe only share with you what they want you to see. And so i think that we have struggled with that because everybody has these concerns.
00:35:05
Speaker
And I think our big takeaway from this was like, it's okay to voice your opinion and, you you know, let your parents or whoever you're taking care of you know, know like you have a concern and then they'll react to your concern and either they'll heed your advice or they they won't.
00:35:28
Speaker
But at least communicated. mean, mom did tell us, like, yeah talk to me. She's like, I may be mad at you, but then I'll get come around. Right. And I do think, you know, even as adults, you know, you do kind of don't want to upset your parents. You don't want to be in trouble. i mean, you have to respectful. don't want to like, do all those things.
00:35:46
Speaker
But it's so essential to yeah try to get over your own stuff. Right. And I think that she definitely listened to us and our concerns and they reacted and in a, and I feel like in a great way, they put in place some ah safety things that we were concerned about with the fall. So I'm happy that they listened. You know, you guys, I, I watched this interview.
00:36:12
Speaker
um Chris Martin from Coldplay and Dick Van Dyke were on the some late night show and Chris Martin did this like behind the scenes for Dick Van Dyke's like hundredth birthday or something.
00:36:29
Speaker
And he was so charmed by Dick Van Dyke and his 70 year old son who came up to Dick Van Dyke and was like, dad, is it okay if I get in the pool?
00:36:41
Speaker
And she was like, yeah, you can get in the pool. And Chris Martin was like, I couldn't believe your 70-year-old son was asking if it was his dad's permission to get into the pool. But I think that is just such a natural way of the world that you respect your elders. You don't want to step on your toes.
00:37:01
Speaker
But yet, you know, the way I would maybe do things and the way my parents or my in-laws would do something might be different. And you know, you do kind of have like anxiety over being like, if I were you, I would do this like right now because I wouldn't want to wait, but you get to do life the way you want. and Yeah. I think just being respectful of everyone's feelings, I think is a good place to start. And then if you're just speaking from my heart, I can't imagine that would be, you know,
00:37:40
Speaker
thought in a bad manner. So have those hard conversations. Yes. What's for dinner y'all.
Family Traditions and Celebrations
00:37:48
Speaker
So in honor of Renee, she shared with us her favorite ah recipe is steak Diane.
00:37:55
Speaker
And she used to get as a special treat for special occasions. um A lot of times it was served table side. It's basically like a pan fried beef steak.
00:38:08
Speaker
um It is cooked, I think, like with the flame. It's pretty fancy. um But we will share that and put it in the show notes.
00:38:20
Speaker
So try it out. Sounds good. So it is Kathy's birthday, as we've been talking about. It's her birthday month, but she just had it. And Linda and I have a little surprise. We just want to give her a little toast. So we wrote you a toast, Kathy, and we brought a little sip of bubbly um to get to give you a toast.
00:38:40
Speaker
Yes. Wishing you a fantastic day filled with love, laughter, and all the things that bring you joy. You're such an amazing mom to your three wonderful boys. And we hope this year brings you health, happiness, and plenty of rounds of golf.
00:38:58
Speaker
So Kathy, cheers to celebrating you today and always. Happy birthday. thank you. birthday. Cheers. ah We want to
Podcast Closing and Listener Engagement
00:39:09
Speaker
thank you for listening to our podcast and letting us sisters jump into your day. Please make sure to follow, rate, and review us.
00:39:16
Speaker
We want to also remind you to move it fishes. So make sure we're doing our 20 minutes a day workout and let us know how it's going. Enjoy your fall weekend.
00:39:27
Speaker
Sisters out.