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Ep 2 :: Megan's Testimony :: Part 1
101 Plays3 months ago
In this episode, Megan shares her early childhood through college experience. Topics range from familial bonds, trust, divorce, promiscuity, sexual assault and more. Trigger warning. This could be difficult for some to hear, and may not be appropriate for pre-teens and younger. It is always Megan's goal to point to the Lord's redemption in ALL things, including our past mistakes and hurts we've had along the way. In order to share the HOW God redeemed, it's important to establish the "what." Join us!
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Transcript
00:00:02
Speaker
Hi friends, welcome Diggin' In. I'm your host, Megan. This is a place where we discuss the things that really matter in life. We cut through the surface to dive deeper. So pull up a chair because here we're Diggin' In.
00:00:20
Speaker
Welcome back to Digging in I'm so glad you're here. i'm glad you chose to come back and I didn't scare you off after the intro. So welcome back. Let's get started. Today, I just wanted to hop into sharing a little bit about me, who I am some of my background, and just give some context and color to kind of where we're headed as far as discussion topics and all that good stuff. As I stated the intro, we'll be covering a multitude of things. I'm really excited about some of the guests that I have lined up coming on, just friends and acquaintances that I've met over the years and kind of gathered up and kept close. The Lord has just done so, so much, and I'm so thankful for the opportunity to be able to share their stories with you Um, and just some cool how to's and things like that. So, uh, again, as I said in the intro, if there's something that I like, I'm going to share it with you. So you're going to get a whole lot in here. It's going to be a little melting pot and I do talk with my hands a lot. So you might hear me moving around a bit because that's what makes me more comfortable. So, I just wanted to start by um saying that from a young age, I knew that the Lord was pursuing my heart. I could feel His presence even when I didn't know what that meant or what that looked like. um And I'll come back further down the road in episodes and dive deeper into some of the topics that I'm going to cover. ah But this is more or less to do kind of a flyover, a 30,000-foot view, if you will, of a little bit of my background. So back to the story. i remember as a little girl, my Nana and Papa, I spent a lot of time at their house when I was growing up. And probably around six years old, i can have I have these vivid memories of laying in their hammock. It was strung between these two huge oak trees in their backyard. And I remember, especially in the summertime, just laying there and looking up through the branches, through the leaves. And um I had horrible allergies as a kid. And I remember wanting to be out there in the springtime, but so often I would come back to my Nana and my eyes would be itching like crazy. And I would just rub and rub and rub. And she would get like cold washcloths and I'd lay on the couch and she'd lay them over my eyes. And then we would take the washcloth off after about 20 minutes or so. My eyes would be crusted shut.
00:02:46
Speaker
So maybe I had an an allergy to oak trees that I was unaware of. but Anyway, i yeah i remember doing that often and especially just, you know, we didn't have technology as a kid. um Like i said, I'm 40 now. And so times were different back then. I didn't have anything in my hands while I was just laying in this hammock and and not even a book. Sometimes I would have and I still have them in my pantry. It's like such a nostalgic and sweet memory for me. these rattan, you've probably seen them before, these rattan like paper supporters, paper plate supporters. um And the paper plates would, you know, back then there was just one type of print paper plate and it was like these roughly fluted edges and it would kind of click into this little rattan plate holder. And she would make me a delicious and extremely healthy Not healthy at all. Lunch of bugles, which I would put on my fingers and I would play with them and I would eat one off at a time. i would pretend that they were really long fingernails.
00:03:51
Speaker
I always wanted long nails. Um, Never could quite keep them. But anyway, so I would put those those on my fingers and I would eat them off. I had Vienna sausages and I would eat those with these little um like – not paper. They were wood. Like wooden – like – like spears that you would pierce into them. Oh my goodness. I just, I can see myself out there. And then she loved making, I call them angel dags now, but she loved making deviled eggs. And her and my granny had their own like versions, but I would have some angel dags on my plate, bugles and Vienna sausages. And then I would wash it down with like an apple juice. Yeah.
00:04:31
Speaker
Oh, my goodness. And two, oh, my goodness. I will have to post a picture of what I'm talking about. It's these fries that were in a microwave container. You would put them – there were these little boxes and they would come in a six-pack and they were in the frozen section. And they had – looked – honestly, it looked like a pack of cigarettes in the sense that they were all lined up.
00:04:53
Speaker
and you would like peel off the top of it and put it in the microwave, set the timer, and it would fry your French fries. And then you would dump them out onto the plate and then put heavens to know how much salt and douse it in all kinds of ketchup and everything. Anyway, i am going down a rabbit trail already. but I just have such sweet memories of being in that hammock and looking up to the sky through those trees. And i remember the Lord speaking to my heart. I didn't hear his audible voice at that time, but I just remember him speaking to that to my heart that I was his and that I had a purpose on this earth.
00:05:30
Speaker
And I didn't even know, you know, now as an adult, I can look back and I can put words to all of that. But at the time, i didn't i didn't know what any of that meant. But it would get flushed out later on in my life, you know, just realizing that, you know, probably in middle school, I knew that God created me to first be a wife and then a mother. And that was it.
00:05:53
Speaker
Those were the two things that I knew i was created to do. And so that kind of dictated my desires and my passions and kind of what I pursued down the road. um So i grew up, I learned a term a little while ago and I love using it and always cracks people up.
00:06:13
Speaker
but I can't claim it, that we are Christers. So we went to church on Christmas and Easter, and then we would go like a handful of times outside of that ah from time to time. But we would go Christmas and Easter. My mom's side of the family, my grandfather was a Baptist preacher, and um my dad's side of the family – they were Lutheran and their churches were somewhat close to one another. um They actually, my parents met, they lived on the same street. And so my granny, my mom's mom would get her hair done by my Nana, my dad's mom. And they, so she would go down the road and get her hair done. She did hair out of their basement. My grandfather was in the military. And so they had traveled around and settled in my hometown, which I think I forgot to say I'm from Southwest Virginia. So if you hear a little bit of a twang or an accent coming out, that's what that is. um So she would come down and get her hair done and they would just talk and they struck up a friendship. And then down the road, they kind of connected my mom and dad and and set them up. And um they ended up going to the same high school and all that good stuff. But anyway, this was at the same house with the hammock in the backyard. So,
00:07:33
Speaker
So as I was saying, we were Christers, and I loved being in church, even though there wasn't a lot for me in the main service. Back then, it was, you know, we all came in, and this was true for both ah the Baptist church and the Lutheran church that I grew up going to. we would all come in for time of worship and prayer, and then they typically would have a children's sermon at my ah Nana and Papa's church, the Lutheran church, we would always go down for children's children's sermon, I think is what they called it. And we would go and kind of gather at the steps of the altar and they would tell a Bible story. And there was sometimes interaction with the kids and the pastor. It was really sweet. The pastor would sit down on the steps with us and tell us a story. And then we would all pray together and then they would dismiss us for, you know, Sunday school is what they called it.
00:08:22
Speaker
our children's church nowadays, I guess. And so I'd go and be with kids my age, but there were often times where I just wanted to stay in the main sanctuary. There was just something about it that I just felt this pull. There was just this warmth in that place. And I wanted to be there, even though I didn't necessarily follow along or understand what was being said in the sermons. But I remember They used to hand out little bulletins, and it would say you know which hymns we were going to sing and what psalms we were going to read. There was always two psalms and a proverb, I want to say, on Sundays. And then it would say the scripture reading that we were going to study. And I just remember trying to figure out how to open the Bible and sift through.
00:09:06
Speaker
you know i knew that those numbers, like the the name and then the numbers, different. a way to find what you were looking for in the Bible, but I had no clue how to get there. And as I got older, I finally figured out, oh, I can go to the front of the book and it says all these names in one place and then I can try and find it from there. And often I didn't, but how silly is that? that I didn't even know how to use an index of a book, in particular the Bible, to go and find what I was looking for. But it was just sweet. And I remember, you know, we didn't really talk about church after church, coming home. We would always come home and have, you know, an afternoon lunch, and I'd go back in that hammock.
00:09:46
Speaker
But it was just sweet times that now looking back are so just, they laid the groundwork for what the Lord was doing in my heart. I love being outside. My grandfather, my papa, he had a garden in the backyard and he grew a ton of tomatoes. And I want to say he was like peppers, maybe some carrots and, you know, some other ah cabbage. I remember cabbage because my Nana would make cabbage and the whole house stunk to high heaven. I couldn't stand it and had an aversion to cabbage for a really long time because of that. um So he had this garden in the back and there was nothing fancy about it. It was just a rectangle and the the chain link fence ah backed up to the neighbor behind them. And he had a garden as well. And I remember vividly times when the two of them would be, they would meet up at the fence and they would just be talking. I have no idea what they would talk about, but it was just sweet. Cause again, now thinking like we're all in our cars running around here and there. And when I i talk to a friend, I'm, I'm texting with them and it's on the run and we're not sitting face to face or standing across the fence from one another. you know And we can barely talk to someone in line for a coffee. you know It's just such a different time. um But anyway, all that to say, my parents were – they got divorced when I was eight. And that was a pretty tumultuous time in my childhood. I remember –
00:11:10
Speaker
I remember being forced to go to counseling and i really loathed that. It was very frustrating to me at the time because, you know, again, now as an adult looking back, I know that the woman that I was counseling, it several different people, but one in particular, i know – I can remember sitting, lay laying. I would lay on the couch. I did love the fact that I got out of school.
00:11:34
Speaker
So that was nice. But I remember laying on the couch and like looking up this huge vaulted ceiling. She had a really nice office. It was up on a hill and it overlooked kind of the city that we lived in. So that was nice. And it was a respite from school because academics were never a strong suit for me. And i remember laying there and i was just so angry. And again, being able to put my finger on that now, i't I don't remember anything that she advised me on. i remember wanting to go outside one time and she was like, sure, let's go outside. And she had a so sliding glass door on her office. And so we went and we sat outside on these like chairs. I'm like, this is cool. Like I'm just able to be outside.
00:12:14
Speaker
Anyway, going back to the garden and the grandparents. um So he had this garden. I remember one time in particular, there was he he was down messing with something in the garden. i was probably in the hammock or in the yard. And he called me over. He was like, Megan, come here. And so I came down and there was this little carve out. There were like railroad ties to create the border of the garden. And there was like this little carve out against one of those railroad ties. And there were these little baby bunnies and it was so cute. And they were teeny. I mean, and my hands were small at the time, but now looking at my adult hands, they probably, you know, each one would fit in the palm of my hand. They were so, so teeny and fresh. And I don't know where the mama was, but we left it. She had covered them up with like some fur or whatever. um And so I just have really sweet memories of being with them. So back to my my parents when they were going through separation and then divorce, um we spent a lot of time with both sets of grandparents. um When they so my parents separated, we had visitation you know with my dad at certain times and then we were with my mom the majority of the time.
00:13:22
Speaker
But on the weekends, a lot of the time they both had other things going on. And so my Nana would take us shopping at Toys R Us, RIP Toys R Us. You were a great, great place. But I just read recently about Amazon and how they overtook them. Very sad story. Anyway, my childhood in Toys R Us was amazing. My Nana would say, okay, for myself and my sister, we each had a certain amount of money that she was going to allow us to spend. And so we could spend it however we wanted. and we were super excited about that. um
00:13:53
Speaker
But we spent a lot of time with them. And i remember helping in the garden and just I've always, always enjoyed being outside. And so we would go to church with them on Sunday mornings. So then that translates into summer. And we spent a ton of time because we were out of school at that point, but we went to daycare. We grew up going to daycare. And so there was one week in particular of the summer that we would go to VBS at my Nana and Papa's church. And it was like vacation. It was the best vacation. I remember going and just everyone there was so, ah i would say happy at the time, but they were joyful now looking back, you know, like just warm and smiles and, you know, everyone come along, you know, oh Megan, join in over here. Oh, you want to do this? cra You know, just bringing everyone together. And I think Probably looking back again with my parents going through divorce, I've always been a gatherer of people. i think that's one of the gifts that the Lord's given me. I just love bringing people together. And I think going through that time of feeling you know alienated at times and isolated and certainly with my friends, you know I look around and Everyone still had a nuclear family and I didn't. And ah i don't I wouldn't have consciously recognized that that was hard for me to process. But it truly was um something that i I know I desired and I was happy to be around it because it felt good. But it was sad for me at the same time because we didn't have that. And so i probably should pause for just a second and say here that I know my parents did the best that they could with what they had and what they knew at the time. We all learn and grow. And I love my parents dearly. And um I'm so thankful because I really did have a wonderful childhood growing up in many ways. But there's just some things that you can't provide when there's not a mother and a father under the same roof. And so
00:15:51
Speaker
All that to say, i really enjoyed being at church when I was little. So then as we got older, obviously we didn't have to spend as much time with um supervision. And so I came home from school a lot. I was a latchkey kid. So I would come home. um And I would let myself in and make like two bowls of ramen noodles as an after school snack. And I would turn on the TV and I pretty much feel like I was street smart raised on Sally Jessy Raphael. Ricky Lake, Jerry Springer, Oprah, you know, all the um very wise voices of the 80s.
00:16:35
Speaker
Not so wise, but it's just funny looking back. And i I do remember, again, I really did not enjoy school. It was not fun for me because I didn't excel at what was being um presented and taught. I didn't enjoy the things that were being presented and talked taught. I did love PE because we got to go outside most of the time and I got to move. I loved art, even though I wasn't necessarily good at the medium that we were using. I loved music because Mrs. Kelly in my elementary school was the sweetest and And we had the recorders, you know, or we just we would just have fun. And it was a time to socialize. I love lunchtime and i love recess.
00:17:17
Speaker
All of this coming out of my mouth right now, I'm recognizing that that is exactly my son. But as I got older and went into high school, middle school and high school. The extracurricular activities were what I really loved. You know, I remember doing HOMAC in middle school and we made pajama pants. we You know, we followed a pattern. We made pajama pants. And so for Christmas that year, I made all of my girlfriends. Well, I say all my girlfriends. There's a core group of four of us that have stayed close over the years. We went to elementary, middle, and high school all together. And my mom always called us the Fab Four uh, which is so funny. So I refer refer to us that as that now.
00:17:59
Speaker
Um, but I remember making pajama pants for all of them for Christmas that year and we had baking and I loved that. We got to, you know, pick which mold we wanted. And I remember making this haunted house thing, which I would never do now, but I made, you know, you made the icing from scratch. You, you, um,
00:18:19
Speaker
use the food coloring and made it different color. It was amazing. And so anytime that I had finished work in a class or, you know, we didn't have something super important to go, I was always begging to go down and work on my cakes because we would keep them in the fridge or in the freezer. I can't remember which and work on them throughout the because we didn't have it every day. We work on it throughout the, you know, the month.
00:18:39
Speaker
Anyway, I loved all of that. There was a woodworking class. There was a typing class even I loved because it was out of the ordinary. It was out of the realm of what we quote unquote need to learn nowadays. um This will definitely catapult into a whole other topic that we will cover at a whole other time, talking about just early early childhood education and movement and how God designed us to be outside and not under fluorescent lighting all day long um and just how to –
00:19:16
Speaker
allow children to learn in the way that they need to learn. And that looks different for every child, hence why the public school model is really difficult for a lot of kids. um And I know there are some amazing educators out there. When Adam and I got married, there was a teacher down the road, um Wade, a friend of ours. Shout out, Wade, if you're listening to this. And he was one of the best fathers I've ever seen. His wife, too. They're just wonderful, lovely people. But he was a elementary school teacher and he won tons of awards. He got to go meet President Obama when he was in office because he he was, you know, a national nationally recognized teacher that year.
00:19:58
Speaker
And he was so great at teaching other teachers, but in his classroom, helping the class be flexible is the way I'll say it. um So that you can have a child sitting on a a bouncy ball while doing their work or, you know, whatever, just allowing them to move and to to explore the space, if you will.
00:20:22
Speaker
I've already gone down rabbit holes that I never intended to go super deep into, but I do want to fast forward just a little bit for the spiritual journey aspect of it because that's really what is most important to me and that's why I am doing this podcast. i um I know that there are so many points in my life I would not have survived if I did not have the Lord. And so it's just vital for me to communicate to you that now as an adult, I look back and I can see the hand of God in my life in so many ways. And again, I wouldn't have had the words to put to that back then, but I do now. And I'm so thankful for that.
00:21:03
Speaker
So in high school, I always hung out with a more mature crowd. um You know, I was a freshman and most of my friends were seniors. And that definitely led to some poor choices on my behalf. On my behalf. Um, you know, I was definitely a partier. i liked going out. I was definitely a part of the popular crowd. um but I always had a heart for everyone. i i I, I mean, looking back, maybe some people would say differently, but I truly tried to not have any enemies. Again, going back to that whole gathering gatherer, you know, gifting, I always wanted everyone to be together. I just had fun, you know, like we all, We had fun. um And so I started going to Young Life when I was in ninth grade because that's when you can go. And I would ride with my friend. He and I were like brother and sister. His name was Quillo and he was Filipino and he was so fun. He was just a total hoot. And I would love to track him down just to like know how he's doing. I hope he is well. But we were brother and sister and we would pal around all the time. He, you know, I can say this now because I can't get in trouble for it, but he would pick me up on a Monday night. He would come to my house. I would get in the car.
00:22:26
Speaker
We'd go down to like, you know, head towards, it was called club on Monday nights. And he would get to the end of the either the end of the my street or the end of the road, the neighborhood, whatever. And he would put the car in park. He would get into the the passenger seat and I would drive.
00:22:42
Speaker
that was was a freshman. I think I was 14. I did. I definitely did not have a permit yet. Anyway, so we would go to Young Life and then we would go get a ah McFlurry after and then I'd go home. But I remember being in Young Life at club and just hearing the Lord's message was like cutting through everything to me. So you go, you have fun. And then at the end, they always gave a message. And that was just everything to me. I waited for that part of it. I had fun the entire time, but I waited for that part of it because I knew that whatever the person up front was sharing, something in that was for me specifically from the Lord.
00:23:24
Speaker
So in addition to going to clubs on Monday night, they would have a fall retreat and then a summer camp each year. And so my freshman year, i wasn't able to go to summer camp, which I was super bummed about, but I did go to that fall retreat and it was incredible. It was just, I had, first of all, I had never been to a camp before. And so I didn't know what to expect. And truthfully, was really nervous because I thought we were gonna be in these like I did hear that there were cabins. So i knew we weren't tent camping. So that was exciting because it was fall and it was, I think it was October. It was cold. Excuse me. And so we went and I'm thinking, are we going to be sleeping on the floor? Like we were supposed to bring a pillow, a sleeping bag, clothes, toiletries, towel, you know, that kind of thing. And I didn't know what what I was going to walk into. and We got there and it was the most incredible place. And it has so many – it's such a part of my story in many different ways. And I'll come back to that later. But um it was just such an amazing place to walk onto this campus. First, you drive up and it is in the middle of the hills. This place, it's called Rockbridge, the one that we went to. It's out in Southwest Virginia, you know, really close to West Virginia in the mountains. It's just flanked by beautiful mountains. You're in this little valley area. There's a lake. There's a zip line. Now, obviously, we're doing the zip line in the fall, but they had mountain biking. They had... you know rock climbing wall and this big giant swing and a ropes course. And there was just so much to do. And the cabins were awesome. There were like bu bunk beds with these mattresses. And so you were you had you know like you were sleeping normal. if To me, it felt like the lap of luxury, especially because I was expecting – Not a lot, but it was clean. And then the food was incredible. I mean, it was just all around and an an amazing experience. And I remember in that time in my life, I definitely was pursuing myself and what I wanted. You know, i was a cheerleader. Like I said, I was a part of the popular crowd and um we kind of made our way and did what we wanted and i didn't have a lot of rules. And so I just kind of, like i said, i I did what I wanted. And so I really wasn't cued in per se on focusing on like why I was there. But I think that's part of the beauty of young life is that you can come from any perspective. You can come having known the Lord for years You can come never having heard Jesus's name and there's a place for you. And it's totally relatable and you can connect. And my leader was incredible. And it was just an overall all around amazing experience. So I knew that that was a taste and a glimpse of what summer camp was going to be like. And there are different worship sessions and you have you know all three meals each day. And it just, it was amazing. So all that to say, when the time came for me to go to summer camp, it was a big trip that year because like I said, it was in Southwest Virginia and we went to Crooked Creek Ranch in ah Colorado. And so we got to go on a plane. And then from the airport, it was another drive like or another hour drive from there. So it was like this huge voyage to get out there, not to mention it was really expensive. So so we did some fundraising. So it was just such a huge privilege to be able to go.
00:26:41
Speaker
And those speaker that that you know camp, he was wonderful. I don't remember his name. I'm sure. i know I have it written down in a journal somewhere. But that week, I just felt that tug that had been you know on the back of my mind. And I knew... you know Up until that point, I had seen you know church from the childhood years as being it' something my parents did on occasion. It's something that my grandparents did on the regular. It's something that you know i participated in when I was taken there, but it wasn't you know I just didn't think a whole lot about it and When I got a little bit older, i kind of you know didn't really want to be involved in the church because more I you know i enjoyed my freedom. I was into drinking alcohol and Unfortunately, you know doing some drugs in high school. And so it seemed like a big list of no-nos to me. Like, don't do this. Don't do that. Don't, don't, don't. Instead of life-giving, which I now know you know a like a life and a relationship with Christ is. But Anyway, I was able to go to Colorado. We got out there all week. was just It's all packed with so much fun, games and just different events that you're doing. Every night there was a different theme. There was a hoedown. We did like a square dancing thing. And it's just fun, fun, fun, go, go, go all the time. And you always in the evening with a worship service and then you know ah and like a club talk is what they would call them.
00:28:07
Speaker
And then you would have time to reflect and then go back and you would have cabin time with your leader. And i just remember each cabin time, i just kept getting deeper and deeper in my spirit that I knew that I had to respond, but I didn't know what that meant or what that looked like. And so on, i want to say it was the second to last day, we had gone on a hike the day before, huge hike up to the the mountaintop.
00:28:30
Speaker
There were horses that we did horseback riding on. I mean, it was just absolutely incredible. So we hiked up to this mountaintop and i remember standing there and we're taking all of our, our pictures and stuff with our disposable cameras. Hello, flashback. um So we're taking all of our pictures and everything. And then there was like some time to sit and reflect and be quiet and still up there. And then i think there was a little bit of time of prayer, but it really wasn't, you know, it was just really for you to, to have time to be with the Lord. And so I remember in that moment just being like, okay, God, I know you're real and I know you're out there, but I don't, I don't really know what else to do with that. And so the next day they offered this, you know, if you've felt the, this pull on your heart and you want to learn a little bit more what a life with Jesus looks like, you can come and do this kind of like progressive walk around camp, um, in the afternoon during free time. And so I went to that. And at that point,
00:29:28
Speaker
i hadn't like prayed the sinner's prayer, but I did that walk around camp and he was taking us around. The speaker was taking us around and he was showing us like I remember in particular, there's a vivid image in my mind going to this church.
00:29:43
Speaker
building. And it was actually the last part of the walk. we went to this building and you could see the foundation. He was talking about the foundation and how Christ is our cornerstone and how, you know, he talked about the, um, when Jesus shared that the, you build a house on sand and it's going to sink and you need solid ground. And he was telling us about this foundation and everything. And it just clicked with me. Okay. Like, that is what I've been missing. I haven't had the foundation of Christ. I haven't had any kind of foundation really. It was just living for myself. And boy, was that a rocky road. um And so after that, they were they led us back up to the club room. And when we walked in, you could like hear as we're coming up the hill, you can like hear music in the background and it was building and building. i'm like, what is going on? And where is everybody? Because at this point, everyone had disappeared from around camp. Mind you, it's like 600 people. It's a lot of people. And so we're walking in. I'm like, can hear this music? And we get up to the club doors. The club doors are open. All of the like summer staff and all the people who are working there are in two lines forming like this tunnel coming into the club room. And they're like clapping and everyone's cheering and the worship music is playing in the background. And I just started bawling. was like, what is happening right now? And so they usher us in and lead us in. And then at that point, you know, everyone's like cheering for us. And I was like, what's going on? And we get in there and was like, know, the speaker goes up and says,
00:31:17
Speaker
you know We've gone on this walk around campus, and I want to invite anyone else who's just been feeling that tug on their heart during camp. If you would like to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, I want to lead you in a prayer. And so I dropped to my knees, and I prayed that prayer. And it was just like this whole, i mean, the veil literally but before my eyes was torn, that from that day pivoting, it was um between my sophomore and junior years of high school, that day changed everything. And I remember leaving camp, my leader had given me this book. It was A Case for Christ by Lee Strobel. And i read it cover to cover on the way back. We had that hour drive back to the airport. I was reading, reading, reading. And mind you, again, in high school, I was not ah an avid reader. i I actually despised books at the time. But I could not get enough. And I didn't even know where to start in my Bible. i remember my leader saying, you know, the the book of John is a good book, but really any of the gospels. and was like, what does that mean? It's like the four four first four books of the Bible, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, that forms the gospels.
00:32:22
Speaker
Those are great places to start because it's Jesus's words. It's his walk while he was here on this earth. And so i just I just read and read and read and read. And I remember getting back so late from you know the flight and everything and feeling so groggy. But I went to my room and I just kept reading. And I remember being like, okay, i now I'm to go and make disciples. like That just clicked in my mind. And I'm like, okay.
00:32:45
Speaker
I'm going to eva evangelize to these people now. I can go to these parties and I don't have to drink. I can tell everyone about Jesus. And so it was summertime. I started hanging out with my old friends again um and going to these parties with the upperclassmen and everything. And the first couple of times I was like, oh, I don't need a drink. I can just be cool and everything's fine. And then the next time it was like, well, you know, I can have one beer. It'll be fine. No big deal.
00:33:08
Speaker
And, um, That, so you know, started the slow slide off the back backside of the mountain. And it was just, I had one foot. I like to sum up my high school and early college years by saying it was like, I had one foot in the world and one foot in the church. And I was feeling the tug of both sides. And I knew in my heart of hearts, I desperately wanted to go and be in in the church, meaning I wanted to go and spend time with Jesus. I wanted to be with the Lord. And just devour his word and grow and in that. But at the same time, I felt the tug of the world on me as well. You know, do these things to look cool, wear these clothes, um, smoke cigarettes, drink beer, you know, do all of these things. And it just, it was such a struggle for me. and
00:33:58
Speaker
But I went back. Like I said, we got back from camp and they had Camp Painters, which was a midweek Bible study. And I started going to that and just was really trying to take it all in and soak it all in. And um I grew a ton that was i just did the math right before I hopped on here, and that was 24 years ago this June. it was June 20th of 2002, which is crazy to think about. And just the spiritual milk that I sipped on for so long instead of really starting to bite down on some steak and eat of God's word. It makes me a little bit sad to look back and see on how much time I've missed out on. But at the same time, I know God is sovereign and his timing is perfect. And so I rest in that. And I i feel confident that all of it...
00:34:49
Speaker
as it says in Romans and also in Genesis that he uses all of it. It all works for the betterment. It works out for his good, sorry, our good, his will. And um he just, he uses it all. So I don't ever, I've told many people, I really have tried to eliminate the word regret from my vocabulary because I know it's the tool of the enemy who wants you to look back on decisions that you've made and choices that you've made that have caused either harm to others or especially harm to ourselves um and have regret. But I know that the enemy wants us to stay there and he wants to think about what we could have, should have, would have done. And that's just not a place to be. There is a difference between regret and remorse. And what I have is remorse. I'm i'm remorseful and sad of the decisions that I made at times, but I know at the same time that the Lord has and will continue to use all of that
00:35:45
Speaker
for my good um and his glory. So that's why I'm sharing, which is probably a great place to pause and just say, you know, in starting this podcast, I'm The Lord, when He laid it on my heart four years ago to start it, the whole theme that He gave me, the whole impetus behind it was to testify to His goodness. And that word testify, testimony, um it can mean so much to so many people. And so i dug into some scripture and just saw throughout
00:36:17
Speaker
the Bible where we are called or we have a testimony. Everyone has a testimony, which is basically just your story. And we're called to testify, which is to speak and to bear witness. So we're called to bear witness to what the Lord has done in our lives. And so in looking into that deeper, what does that mean? It means to give an account of or to make a solemn deccor declaration And so, you know, you think about making a solemn declaration declaration, but even deeper and even further, it says to give evidence of. So a testimony is to give evidence of the hand of God on my life, on your life, on all of our lives. And so I just wanted to take a moment and and say that here now. so
00:36:57
Speaker
Back to the story. so that was my summer between sophomore and junior year of high school. And the high school career for me was a lot of fun. i had a lot of friends. We did a lot of things. um And there's there's so many bittersweet memories. you know I have so many great memories of deep conversations and things of that nature. But I also have like the bitterness of so much of it was covered in a fog and a cloud because like I said, I started to to backslide and I wasn't following so fervently after the Lord. And that led to you know decisions that I made. um I was actually engaged in high school. i was dating upperclassman and really thought that we were just totally in love and that we would be together forever. And so I said yes when he proposed and he was going away to college and I was so thankful that he wanted to be committed to me. And so that part of my story we'll dive into another time. But all of this to say through high school and into early college, I was just following what I wanted. i was following Megan's will And everything that made me happy and especially in the moment, like instant gratification. I did things that made me feel good. i definitely – I've always had a heart for people. So it wasn't like you know this is for me at the cost of whatever, ah ah you know ah the cost of other people. but it was definitely just following my desires. And so when I went away to college, i actually in high school got voted most likely to never return because I was going to go and pursue an acting and modeling career in New York City. And so really school was just the excuse to get me up there. And i went to Marymount Manhattan College for a little bit. I was there for about a year and a half and I did start pursuing that acting and modeling career. But while I was there and doing that, The last audition that I went on, I remember walking in First of all, getting there is a whole other journey in and of itself. But I remember walking in and this woman barely lifted her head up to see that I was there. i told her my name, thanked her for her time. And she asked me, oh she she was looking at my resume and flipping through. who know Actually, I don't even know she looked at my resume. She was flipping with papers, you know shuffling papers around the desk. It was just me and her in this room. in this random building in Brooklyn. It was super sketchy. And she didn't even lift her head. She was shuffling the papers around. And she said, well, if you'd be willing to take take your top off right now, then you're going to be okay for this position or this role. And I said, i had a pit in my stomach and I almost got sick right there. And I just knew it was like...
00:39:45
Speaker
I felt like the – like, you know, you never have an ant or a spider or something gets in the house and you put a a cup upside down on top of it to trap it and then you slide the piece of paper under it and you remove it from the situation. It literally felt like the Lord took this cup and put it over me and slid me out the door. i said, I'm so sorry that I've wasted your time, but this is not the role for me. And I walked out and I didn't look back. I knew immediately it was time for me to come home I had since at that point broken off the engagement, but I had pursued relationships constantly. i was always in pursuit of a male companion because now looking back again, i i really needed the love of my father. Ultimately, it was the heavenly father, but I just didn't have – I desperately wanted a deep relationship with my dad and that it it didn't look the way that I wanted it to. And so i sought um safety, you know, is what I really, I was talking to my husband about it recently. You know, I think that I know was really ultimately seeking safety in the arms of these different um men. And so
00:40:59
Speaker
And knew immediately that it was time to leave and to come home to my hometown, which was really difficult in so many ways. Pridefully, I came home with my tail between my legs is what it felt like. I didn't really. i knew it was the right thing to do. And I came home also to be with my grandparents. They had moved into our home at that point, my mom's parents, my granny and grandpa,
00:41:21
Speaker
And they were nearing the end of their life. My grandmother was on dialysis and my grandfather had died. He was a diabetic. And so he had been on medication for years and years. And so he, my granny was starting to go mentally, you know, just losing,
00:41:39
Speaker
her memory. It was, you know, dementia and, um, they're wonderful. All of my grandparents. I know that part of where I am today was due to the prayers that they prayed, prayed when I was little all the way through.
00:41:54
Speaker
They were living in our home, and my grandfather, the one who was a Baptist baptist preacher, he just decided, you know, he was 80, I think he was 86. He would have been who knows how old at this point. His birthday is in January. he um he just decided, you know, I've lived a good life, and i think I'm ready to go be with Jesus because they just had the same routine living in our home. They didn't get out really, and Um, they loved one another dearly. They were married over 50 years, close to 60 at that point. And so he said, I think I'm just ready to go meet my maker. And so he just stopped taking all of his medications and he lost his will to live. And it was the most peaceful,
00:42:36
Speaker
experience Both of my grandparents passed away in our home and before Christ and before this moment, I would have thought that that was the most creepy thing ever. And I never would have wanted to go back into those spaces and things of that nature, but it was the most beautiful experience. um Truthfully, one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever experienced on this side of heaven. You know, I, besides the the birth of my son and, you know, a couple other things in my life,
00:43:06
Speaker
Seeing someone, being there with someone as they transition, knowing where they're going from death to eternal life, it it's just so peaceful. and And if it's in the way that that they went, um you know my granny was laying in bed next to him. Well, they had two separate beds at the time. So she was laying in her bed in the same room next to him, if you will. And she was singing. She just she kind of she knew what happened or what was happening. She knew that he had gone off his medication and And she was just laying in there. We were all in there and she was singing and we morphine drips for him for his mouth. And um i was crying. My mom was crying. And we were like, come and go, because it was a little bit of a slow process. But I remember holding his hand and praying over him. And um it was just, it was so beautiful. And I remember her at at one point, the the crying from my mother and I got louder. And my granny said,
00:44:00
Speaker
Izzy – what did she say? it wasn't Izzy gone. But she was like, he's not there anymore, Izzy. And we said no. And she was like, oh.
00:44:12
Speaker
And it just was so sweet. Like she knew where he was, but she was really sad to lose him on this side of of eternity, you know. Um, and it was just such a sweet time and and to see him go peacefully. And then she was on dialysis and decided, you know, I, once it finally clicked and, um, we had to retell her every morning, it was really sad for quite a few weeks that, um,
00:44:36
Speaker
you know, grandpa's not here anymore. He's with Jesus. And she's like, oh, that's right. I knew that. Because she went to the funeral and everything. so um But anyway, then she decided, you know, I think I want to go and be with my babe.
00:44:48
Speaker
And so she stopped taking doing dialysis and her body slowed down and it stopped. And she went in the same way that he did. And it was just... So beautiful. And I'm so thankful for that experience. And I'll never forget it. And i when it's my time to go, if I'm not raptured, pray that it's as beautiful with people just surrounded by loved ones.
00:45:12
Speaker
So their lives um were such a testimony to me. And i now looking back, i do There's one story that I'll tell briefly. I remember after my grandpa had passed away, my granny was...
00:45:27
Speaker
still with us. My mom had a full-time job. She ran her own company. And so she worked late quite often. And I remember it was a Friday night and I wanted to go out with my friends because I had come back from new York city and I was still in college and a local college at home and had made friends, wanted to go out and party. And my mom called and was like, can you please feed granny? And I was so annoyed and so upset that she was inconveniencing me and asking me to do this thing. And so I remember making a can of soup for her and putting it in a bowl and calling her over to the table. And I set it down and I had her spoon and I said, okay, you're all set. Do you need anything else? And i was like, oh, I had water, you know, whatever.
00:46:10
Speaker
And she said, no, I think I'm okay. And I was like, okay, love you. Bye. And I left and I will never forget that image of her sitting at the table alone.
00:46:20
Speaker
is burned into my memory forever and I just now looking back there are times where I know in the moment I'm making a choice for the flesh and I loathe it and oftentimes the Lord will bring that image to mind so that I can recognize it in the moment I'm so thankful for that and that I can change course in the moment and be present um And he's been teaching me a lot about that recently in the past year to really just be still and to know that he is God, like it says in Psalm 4610, and to be present and to love the person in front of me at the time.
00:46:58
Speaker
and so that was that was hard, but she passed away. it was probably, i think it was a month. He passed away on Palm Sunday and she passed away on July 4th. So it was...
00:47:12
Speaker
It was sweet. They were together again in eternity. And so that really was an impetus for me to start pursuing my faith that just there were several other things going on, you know, a relationship that didn't work out that I was really upset about and things of that nature. And I just went wholeheartedly like, okay, God, it's me and it's you and we're going figure this thing out. We're going duke it out and we're going to wrestle like Jacob and we're going figure it out.
00:47:38
Speaker
And so we we did. and I remember just pouring into the scriptures again, like I did, you know, going back to my first love, like it says in um the New Testament. i I will pull scripture all out all day long, but I'm i'm not the best at knowing the address. um But it's in there somewhere, I always say. So I had forsaken my first love and I was going back to my first love, um which is the Lord. And my my faith just took fire at that point. And I really started pursuing Him wholeheartedly. And I was back at Rockbridge on the weekends. running camp there for weekend groups that came through and facilitating on the ropes course. And it was just such a sweet time of being with the Lord. And i would drive all the time. you know i would get up super, super early earlier on the times that I was just going to facilitate and not hosting for the weekend. when i was hosting, I would go up there and stay, which was so fun. Um, but I would get up at like five o'clock in the morning, get on the road by seven to get there so that we could open up the course and get everything set up and, and all that good stuff. And then I would drive back at night and I just had some of the most wonderful times with the Lord in the car to and from.
00:48:54
Speaker
And so my college career continued and much like high school, I did not enjoy what I was studying. But at the time, it was kind of expected that you would go to college and get a degree because that was just the expectation. And if you wanted to get a respectable job that paid worth anything, you needed a degree. And so I slugged that out. I finished college in three years instead of four. And I always caveat that by saying, not because I'm smart, because I'm really actually ignorant, but in so many ways when it comes to academics, but I knew that I had to get it done and finish it or I never would. And so I did, I finished and I, my, it was March of my senior year and I was in the capstone class. It was business or, you know, your business degree, it was the capstone class and it was a huge project and you had to work with a group and There were so many dynamics going on there at the time. i was leading Young Life. was spending hours and hours on campus working on this project with this group that didn't really so much care for me at the time. They were really frustrated at me because I was putting Jesus in the way of our project because I was always gone to like Young Life and stuff, and they wanted to schedule meetings. and So there was a lot going on in my life at the time, and I finally was like, you know what?
00:50:11
Speaker
I had a panic attack, ended up in the hospital because of some stuff that happened with school. And I was like, that's it. I am not dating anyone. am not doing anything to pursue anything that I want. Right now, i want to pursue you, Lord. And if I'm going to be single the rest of my life, then so be it. I don't think that's the case because I remember you promising me I was going to be a wife and then a mother.
00:50:32
Speaker
But whatever happens, I'm all yours. Do what you will. And then Two days later, it was St. Patty's Day of 2007, and I went to a party and met a friend there who had had too much to drink and wanted to go downtown to meet her boyfriend at a different party. So I had nothing to drink that night.
00:50:56
Speaker
took her downtown. And as I walked into the bar to make sure that she got where she needed to go because she was not doing so hot, I see this handsome man at the top of the stairs. And I just kind of was like, it took my breath away for a second. And I'm like, oh, he's really handsome. Okay, no, Lord, I'm not looking at him. I won't... I immediately – because I was so locked in with the Lord at that point. i was like, I can't allow a distraction to come. And so i delivered my friend over to her boyfriend and chatted with them for just a couple minutes. And then he said, oh there's someone I want you to meet.
00:51:36
Speaker
And with that, we will pause and come back next time. So I would love to share the rest of that story and kind of our marriage journey in the next episode. So I hope that you will come back and you will join us. ah It's been a joy and a pleasure to recount some of these stories and, um you know It's so funny getting ready for this. I'll just say briefly, i did so much.
00:52:00
Speaker
One of the reasons that I didn't start for so long was because I wanted it to be done well. And i want all that I do to be done with excellence because it is a reflection of the Lord in my life. And so i wanted it to all look good and be done right and all the things and the gadgets and the microphone, which Adam bought me four years ago when I said the Lord told me to do this. And it's been and not in use for a long time.
00:52:24
Speaker
um But i I want everything to be done well, but I've just been so convicted in that and that you're never going to be ready. And so i will let you know now there will be hiccups along the way. I'm probably going to change some things. So bear with me while we figure this thing out. I'm just so glad that you're here. And like I said before, if there's anything that is good from it that is helpful, that's from the Lord. And if there's rubbish, then throw it out with the garbage because anything of me is just not going to be very fruitful for you, my friend.
00:52:54
Speaker
But I hope you'll come back if there's anything in this story thus far that resonates with you or that you think would be helpful or encouraging to someone. Please feel free to share the episode, share the show, like, subscribe, comment, interact with the thing. It helps to push the show along and allow the Lord to use it in whatever way he wants. So thank you once again for joining, and I hope you'll come back next time.