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59. From Insecurity to Inspiration: Navigating the Comparison Game in Dance
164 Plays22 days ago
In this week’s solo episode, I’m tackling a topic that comes up often for dancers: comparison.
I dive deep into why comparison is a natural human instinct - rooted in evolutionary survival - and how it’s especially amplified in the world of ballet, where mirrors, corrections, and casting are constant. Rather than trying to eliminate comparison, this episode is full of empowering tools to reframe it into a source of motivation, self-awareness, and growth.
Key “pointes” in this episode:
🩰Why comparison is more than just a bad habit, and why it's especially common among dancers
🩰A simple mindset shift that can make comparison less painful and more productive
🩰My advice on handling social media in a way that supports your growth
🩰Using your unique strengths to stand out in a competitive environment
🩰Practical tools (and journal prompts) to turn comparison into clarity and confidence
Blog Post: thebrainyballerina.com/blog/from-insecurity-to-inspiration-navigating-the-comparison-game-in-dance
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Let’s connect!
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INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/thebrainyballerina
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Questions/comments? Email me at caitlin@thebrainyballerina.com
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Transcript
Introduction: Beauty in Differences
00:00:00
Speaker
I saw this quote the other day and it was something along the lines of, just because you are different than somebody else doesn't mean that you're both not amazing. Flowers are pretty, but so are Christmas lights and they look nothing alike.
00:00:15
Speaker
right There's so many beautiful things in this world that we look at and we think, wow, that's beautiful. That's pretty. I love that. And they look so different. But for some reason, we think there's only one way to be a great dancer or one way to be amazing at what we do.
00:00:29
Speaker
And it's so not true.
Host Introduction: Caitlin and the Podcast
00:00:33
Speaker
I'm Caitlin, a former professional ballerina turned dance educator and career mentor, and this is the Brand New Ballerina podcast. I am here for the aspiring professional ballerina who wants to learn what it really takes to build a smart and sustainable career in the dance industry.
00:00:49
Speaker
I'm peeling back the curtain of the professional dance world with open and honest conversations about the realities of becoming a professional dancer. Come along to gain the knowledge and inspiration you need succeed in a dance career on your terms.
00:01:07
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the Brainy Ballerina podcast.
Episode Theme: Struggles with Comparison
00:01:10
Speaker
Caitlin here today with a solo episode chatting all about comparison. With summer intensive starting up, I have heard from a lot of dancers recently who are really struggling with comparison.
00:01:21
Speaker
So I want to chat today about why this shows up for us as humans and as dancers, and share some strategies with you that have helped me in my career that can also maybe help you as you are trying to figure out how to deal with comparison.
Origin of Comparison: Human Instincts
00:01:38
Speaker
First of all, i want you to know that comparison is very normal. It is a normal human instinct. I hear a lot from dancers who say, how can I stop comparing myself to other dancers?
00:01:53
Speaker
But the truth is it's really part of our mechanism as humans to be ingrained to compare. Historically, comparison and was an evolutionary survival tool.
00:02:06
Speaker
We evolved in groups and comparing ourselves to others helped us actually survive. You may have heard saying, you don't have to run faster than a lion.
00:02:19
Speaker
You just have to run faster than the other person. That's comparison, right? You want to size yourself up to see if you're faster, stronger, smarter, so that you can outrun, outsmart the other person in this scenario so that you can survive in a world that really required those skills to stay alive. Right?
00:02:40
Speaker
We're also wired as humans to want to fit in with others. From early childhood and from our beginnings in the dance studio, we start comparing ourselves with others to understand what's normal, what gets praise from people in the front of the room, and what makes somebody accepted by the group or rejected from the group. So it's a tool that's helping us adapt to group norms, which is again was really historically critical Because being excluded from the group could put you in serious danger.
00:03:11
Speaker
What we need to realize now is that in the current day and age, we no longer are living in a time where it is literally life or death survival, but our brains are still wired to compare as a way of keeping us safe. So recognize that your brain is just doing what it thinks it needs to do to keep you safe.
Ballet and Comparison: A Competitive Environment
00:03:33
Speaker
So the idea that we can just stop comparing is kind of tough because it may not really be that simple to just say, I'm just not going to compare anymore. We are so, so innately wired to do that as humans.
00:03:46
Speaker
Comparison is really... part of being human, but in ballet, it's amplified that much more. We're constantly in front of mirrors all day long, looking at ourselves, looking at other dancers, comparing ourselves. We're in the court of ballet and we're making sure we're doing the exact same thing, that our lines match, that we are on the same timing.
00:04:06
Speaker
So we are comparing ourselves as part of the job. We're also getting corrections constantly. We're hearing all the time all the things that we need to improve upon.
00:04:17
Speaker
In a different kind of workspace, like a corporate office, you not getting that much feedback on a daily basis. You may have check-ins with your boss, with leadership here and there, kind of like how we have personal meetings with our leadership, but you're not getting that much daily input about things that you need to fix constantly. You might hear 100 corrections.
00:04:42
Speaker
In the course of your day as a professional dancer. So of course, that's going to make your brain start to think, is this a good thing? Is this a bad thing? What do these corrections mean? How am I comparing to other people?
00:04:53
Speaker
It all starts to feel like a lot of feedback all the time. You're thinking about casting decisions. You're thinking about other dancers, how you measure up. You want to get the best part, right? And so it's natural to compare yourself and think, are there other dancers in this company who I am competing with for this part?
00:05:12
Speaker
It honestly feels like this constant competition is brewing in the studio all the time. And that can be really overwhelming. And it can start to make you second guess your own abilities. So again, comparison is an evolutionary tool and it's not necessarily possible to completely unlearn it. That is part of you. It's ingrained in you.
00:05:31
Speaker
But there are things we can do as dancers to turn this overwhelming survival mechanism into a helpful tool that we can use to improve in our art form. The first thing that
Managing Comparison: Recognition and Digital Spaces
00:05:41
Speaker
you need to really do is just be aware.
00:05:43
Speaker
Recognize when you are comparing yourself to other people the most. When do you catch this bubbling up in you? Is it when you're in class? Is it when you're in auditions?
00:05:55
Speaker
Is it on social media? And when it happens, when you notice that it's happening more, have that awareness. When you catch yourself doing it, literally say to yourself in your head, this is comparison.
00:06:08
Speaker
My brain is trying to protect me. that simple act of awareness will give you more power over the moment, so over your feelings, over your emotions and how you react to it.
00:06:20
Speaker
And it's really hard in this day and age because there is so many more opportunities to compare. I say this all the time on this podcast, but I personally am so glad that I did not have social media when I was a young dancer training. I didn't get social media until I went to college and even then it was Facebook with a college email address.
00:06:39
Speaker
It was very different than the social media landscape now. And I didn't find myself comparing myself to other dancers in the world because i didn't see them.
00:06:50
Speaker
I didn't have access to that. If I was watching a video of another dancer, it was typically a professional dancer who I was aspiring to. And I wasn't comparing myself because i was a student. They're a professional. So I'm finding this to be very aspirational. I'm not finding it to be a negative thing for myself.
00:07:08
Speaker
But now you can see videos of other dancers who are your age, who are training the way that you are, and you start to instantly go, oh my gosh, are they farther along than I am? Are they better than me? Am I going to make it as a dancer? I need to be doing more. All these things that start coming up. So definitely that's one thing that i really want to stress for dancers is to notice if you are seeing this happen when you're on social media,
00:07:31
Speaker
be really aware because this is one place that you can mindfully curate your experience. You can't curate your experience in class and auditions at a summer intensive, but you can on social media. You're in control of this.
00:07:47
Speaker
So if you are on social media and you are noticing yourself comparing yourself, unfollow or mute accounts that are making you feel less than, even if they're not necessarily a negative account. They might just be another beautiful dancer that you really admire.
00:08:01
Speaker
But if watching that dancer makes you question yourself, makes you feel less than, then maybe you need to mute them or unfollow them for your own emotional, mental health.
00:08:13
Speaker
That's okay. Find creators or dancers that make you feel empowered as a dancer and not diminish in your abilities. And again, they may not be doing this on purpose. They may just be sharing their dance journey.
00:08:26
Speaker
But for some people, that might just... Activate something in you that doesn't feel good, that's not helping you. So take ownership of that. Creators that I like to follow the most and something that I really try to do on my social media is to share authentically and include the struggles that I'm going through.
00:08:43
Speaker
Because social media is such a highlight reel and the things that we see a lot of the times are the big wins, the big moments, getting the contract, winning the competition, nailing the six pirouettes. But we're not seeing The 20 takes they took before they got those pirouettes. We're not seeing the hours of rehearsal being put in.
00:09:02
Speaker
We're not seeing all the auditions that they went to and were cut from before they got that contract. You can be a positive voice in this space if you want to be on social media by sharing authentically your journey, following people who share authentically.
00:09:16
Speaker
One creator that I love to follow is Biscuit Ballerina, who you may follow, but she posts videos that are just really satirical and kind of poke fun at like how hard this career really is.
00:09:29
Speaker
i love her Falling Friday videos where she'll share just a compilation of different people falling on stage because it just reminds you that we are all human beings. We all make mistakes. And it kind of brings you back to the reality of life as a dancer. It makes you feel like, okay, everyone's been there.
00:09:45
Speaker
Social media is definitely a place where we can curate our experience more. So I would really encourage you to do that and just start to notice how you feel when you're on the app.
00:09:56
Speaker
So that may mean unfollowing people who are not making you feel good. And it also may mean just getting off social media, putting a limit on yourself of how much you're going to go on in a day, maybe whatever.
00:10:08
Speaker
deleting it from your phone, just noticing what it's doing to you and if it is a helpful tool that you're using or if it is hurting you. Of course, there are situations where you cannot curate the experience. You cannot decide
Learning from Others: Positive Comparison
00:10:21
Speaker
who is in your class, who is in your company, who shows up to an audition, a summer intensive. That's a totally different experience. So for here, what we can control is within us.
00:10:31
Speaker
So noticing when you catch yourself comparing, the next thing i want you to do is to kind of notice where your inner dialogue goes. Do you immediately go into beating yourself up for not being as good as another dancer? Oh, I can't believe that I don't have those turns yet. Her extension is so much better than mine. I wish I had that.
00:10:53
Speaker
If you immediately go into that place of negative thought, negative self-talk, Maybe could you flip that and when you notice yourself comparing your own abilities to somebody else, could you instead learn from them instead of seeing their strengths and the things that they do really well as threats?
00:11:13
Speaker
Let's reframe that into motivation or inspiration. So let's say you see a dancer and you just love their musicality. You love the way they're approaching a combination, the way they are doing it on the music where they're holding something longer, where they're doing something more quickly.
00:11:30
Speaker
you just really admire that. Take that and learn from them. What can you learn from this person and how they are dancing that can help you in your own dancing? And almost think about like, what about their dancing do you want to steal?
00:11:44
Speaker
i feel like my own dancing is a compilation of all the different people that I have learned from throughout my career, but also dancers that I've danced with and that I've seen and been like, wow, I'm so inspired by the way they do that step or the way that they use the space.
00:12:00
Speaker
Whatever they do really well, I'm going to watch them and try to steal that from my own dancing and try to emulate it in myself. And that's how you can continue to grow in a really positive way when you're surrounded by people who are better than you. Because the truth is everyone's good at different things and there's going to be somebody who's better at something than you are. So if you're constantly seeing that as a threat,
00:12:25
Speaker
You're just going to shut down. But if you can see it as an opportunity for you to grow as a dancer, that's huge. That's going to catapult you so much further forward. Even further than that, can you ask them for help? If you see a dancer that you really admire and they're doing something that you want to learn, can you ask them to teach you, to help you with that?
00:12:45
Speaker
Some scenarios, it's easier than others, but just consider that. We all love to hear that somebody admires something that we're doing and we can all lift each other up by helping each other with different things.
00:12:57
Speaker
Because you may be looking at a dancer and really admiring... their extensions, but they might be looking at you and really admiring your petite allegro. So get together and exchange some tips and tricks of things that have helped you to get really good at that skill with someone else and you can both improve.
00:13:13
Speaker
One thing that I do for myself that really has been helpful is I keep a love folder on my phone. so It's literally just a folder in my photos app.
00:13:24
Speaker
And whenever somebody says something kind to me or sends me a nice email or gives me good feedback, I screenshot it and I put it in that folder. And so then when I'm having a day where I'm really having a lot of comparison, maybe some imposter syndrome is coming up, I can go back to that folder And be reminded of all the positive feedback that I have gotten. And of course, we want to cultivate this from within.
00:13:51
Speaker
it doesn't hurt to hear from other people that what you have done has made an impact on them. Reminding yourself that you and your gifts have helped somebody, your dancing, your skills, whatever you do has affected somebody in a positive way, helps you to come back to realizing that you have your own particular strengths.
00:14:13
Speaker
Which leads me to the next point is that you need to be really sure of what you are good at as a dancer. Be so confident in your abilities That somebody else being good at something else isn't going to take away from what you do well. It's just another dancer who has different skills than you.
00:14:31
Speaker
I saw this quote the other day and it was something along the lines of, just because you are different than somebody else doesn't mean that you're both not amazing. Flowers are pretty, but so are Christmas lights and they look nothing alike.
00:14:46
Speaker
right There's so many beautiful things in this world that we look at and we think, wow, that's beautiful. That's pretty. I love that. And they look so different. But for some reason, we think there's only one way to be a great dancer or one way to be amazing at what we do.
00:15:00
Speaker
And it's so not true. There's so many different kinds of dancers and different kinds of styles and skills people have that make them amazing. So knowing what you're good at. I always felt like as a dancer, I knew that I had really Good musicality.
00:15:16
Speaker
When we would have choreographers come in to set works on us, often they'd be there for a week and then leave and we'd have to keep rehearsing the piece in-house. So they'd maybe like appoint somebody from the company and say, okay, this person's the person to watch.
00:15:30
Speaker
If you have any questions about the movement or anything that's going on in the piece, ask them. They are doing it correctly. Very often the choreographer would say, watch Caitlin for the musicality.
00:15:42
Speaker
If you don't know what the count is or there's a question on that, defer to Caitlin because she knows. That was something that just came really naturally to me. And so I could use that to my advantage. I also was a really strong jumper. I was really strong at Petite Allegro.
00:15:56
Speaker
I really stood out in that area. So I knew that I could use that. But I also could use those qualities of Petite Allegro and that attack And the way I use my feet in other areas too. So there are things that I knew that I was really good at. And I remember going into auditions and seeing dancers who would be doing that almost like intimidation stretching where they're just doing crazy stretches and almost staring you down to intimidate you. And remember the first few auditions I went to that really did freak me out. And even at the bar, I'd be a little bit intimidated because I would see dancers with this amazing extension, which I did not possess.
00:16:31
Speaker
But then we'd get into center and I found that my movement quality and the way that I could use space was often stronger than other dancers. So I just knew that we had different skills and different abilities.
00:16:41
Speaker
And that's not to say that my skills were better than their skills. They're just different. So once again, everyone's got different stuff going on and know what you're good at and really own that and be like, yeah, I can do hops on point really, really well. And that's something that a lot of people struggle with. Be that person who's going to Just stand out in those moments when there's a variation that's got lot hops on point and you're like, this is my moment. you know Get out there and obviously keep working on the other stuff, but know what you're good at and really own that.
Focusing on Personal Goals and Growth
00:17:11
Speaker
The last big piece of advice I have is really just to run your own race. I feel like we're, again, always comparing ourselves to others in the thought process of am I behind? I get that question of answers a lot. I'm this many years old.
00:17:23
Speaker
I'm studying this many days a week. I'm going here. am I behind? And I always think that question is so interesting because of course not. How can you be behind in your own life? It's your life.
00:17:34
Speaker
It doesn't matter what anyone else is doing. You just need to do what you're doing. So you have to come back to your own path and ask yourself, what am working toward? What are my goals? Where do I want to be? And then figure out what work you need to put in to get there.
00:17:50
Speaker
It doesn't matter what anyone else is doing. There is room for all of us in the dance industry. Someone else getting a job that you want doesn't mean that they took your job. It's just proof that this is attainable. This is an achievable goal, right? Like people are getting these jobs. People are going into these companies.
00:18:06
Speaker
They are doing it. Why not you? What can you learn from this person? Not that you want to become this other person. You have your own specific qualities. But what do you want to learn from this person that can help you get to that point that you want to also be at?
00:18:22
Speaker
Dance is so subjective. It's not cut and dry. Like if you're running track, right, there's a clear winner or loser. Somebody is going faster. and somebody else and they're going to get first place.
00:18:33
Speaker
That's not how dance is. Every single year, companies need something different. Companies are looking for somebody different. They're looking for someone that can fit into certain roles, who's going to fill a gap that they have.
00:18:46
Speaker
They might be looking for you and you may be looking around at these auditions and going, oh, they are so much better than me. Oh, they can do this. They're definitely going to choose them. You don't know that. You have no idea what they're looking for. You could be the person that they're looking for.
00:19:00
Speaker
But when you get into your head and start thinking like that, then you start to diminish your light and everything that you have to offer. So when you're in these scenarios, when you're going up for casting, when you're in an audition, when you're in a summer intensive even, you have to just know that you are there for a reason and you could be the person that they are looking for. You have no idea.
00:19:20
Speaker
Ask yourself if this is something that you want. This is a personal goal that you're striving for. Don't project other people's goals or aspirations on yourself. I've shared my story many times, but there was a point in my career where I realized that maybe classical ballet wasn't for me. I grew up training it for so long.
00:19:40
Speaker
Really thought I wanted that because everyone around me was doing that. And I love classical ballet. I think it's beautiful and gorgeous. And I am so happy that I trained in it. And then I got to do the classics and I got to be a part of a classical company for a few years.
00:19:54
Speaker
But ultimately, what made me happy in my career was joining a contemporary ballet company. That was so fulfilling to me. I relished all the different works I got to do, choreographers I got to work with. I got to truly dance and leave it all on the floor, and that's what I wanted.
00:20:10
Speaker
If I'm comparing myself to another dancer who's had success in a classical ballet company, that doesn't make any sense because that's not my goal. That wasn't the goalpost that I was looking for. So you have to really be clear on your goals and you have to know what you want and make sure that you are running your own race.
00:20:27
Speaker
I want to end this episode with some journal prompts for you to help you reframe comparison. If there's a certain point in your day or ah certain moment in your training that you really notice yourself sinking into comparison here are some journal prompts you can use to help reframe that for yourself just noticing again the feelings the emotions so the first one is when I notice myself comparing I tend to feel what are you feeling simple as that okay and then really name it the comparison I'm feeling most lately is be really specific
00:21:01
Speaker
She's further along in her career than I am. She's a better turner than I am. She always gets cast in the roles that I want. Whatever that is, name that specific comparison that you are feeling the most.
00:21:14
Speaker
And then start to try to uncover what need or desire is really underneath that comparison. What are you really craving? Are you craving recognition? Are you feeling jealous people are getting these roles that you want because you want to be recognized for your hard work?
00:21:30
Speaker
Are you craving stability? You wish you got this job because you want to know that you are in a stable place. Are you wishing you had the creative freedom of another dancer? are you really jealous of their freelance career and how they built it because you want something like that? What is that underneath need or desire that is coming up for you when you are feeling these comparisons?
00:21:47
Speaker
And then from there, you can get curious and you can say, how can I turn this comparison into inspiration? What can I learn from this person's journey that's going to support mine? So instead of saying, I'm never going to make it where they are, they're so much better than me,
00:22:01
Speaker
You could say, wow, I really would love to have a flourishing freelance career. What has this person done that's allowed them to get there? Could I talk to them and get some advice?
00:22:13
Speaker
How could they help me? How could their journey support me? Anything that you are feeling, Try to reframe that into inspiration to help you become better and also achieve those goals.
00:22:25
Speaker
And of course, I always would encourage you to journal and reflect on what makes your path unique. What makes your dancing meaningful to you How is your journey aligned to your values?
00:22:39
Speaker
Get really clear on if what you're feeling jealous of is an external thing that is being put on you or something that you really feel deep down that you should be comparing because I've definitely been there where I've been comparing myself to someone else and then realized, but if I got what they had, I wouldn't even want it.
00:22:59
Speaker
That's not even in alignment with my goals and my life that I want to build. So I can look at them and be like, wow, that's really cool if they did that. I'm so inspired by them. That's amazing, but it's not for me and that's okay. And doesn't mean that I'm less than, doesn't mean that I'm behind.
00:23:13
Speaker
It just means that I'm on my own path that no one else can replicate. This is my own race I am doing what is right for my life. So here's what I want you to remember, especially if comparison has been really creeping in lately.
00:23:26
Speaker
Like I said before, your brain is wired to compare. There's nothing wrong with you. It's just trying to help you belong, trying to help you improve, trying to help you be stronger, faster, smarter than somebody else because it's a survival mechanism.
00:23:44
Speaker
And you're in a career path as a dancer where we are literally trained to measure, to mirror, to evaluate ourselves constantly. And that instinct can start to get really, really loud.
00:23:56
Speaker
Remember that you are allowed to notice someone else's strengths without turning it into proof of what you lack as a dancer. You are growing at your own pace.
00:24:07
Speaker
And you can build a career that's rooted in your values, not someone else's highlight reel. Okay, the world around you can be really harsh and it can make you feel like you're behind all the time.
00:24:20
Speaker
Because once again, that's what we are rooted to do as humans. And so many people are running this race without ever stopping to think about whether they even want to be in that race. So by listening to this podcast episode, by thinking about how comparison shows up for you, you are already so far ahead and figuring out what kind of career, what kind of life you want to build and making sure that the things you're pursuing are because they are meaningful and important to you, not because the world tells you that you should be doing that.
00:24:49
Speaker
So the next time you catch yourself in this comparison spiral, pause, name what's happening, name the emotion, and ask yourself, what do I really want for me?
00:25:02
Speaker
Truly, deeply, what do I want for me? Not what you think you should want, but what do you really want? What can you learn from this situation? Be gentle with yourself. Realize that this is part of the human condition, but your path is yours, and nobody can do what you do quite like you.
Conclusion and Call to Action
00:25:22
Speaker
Thank you for tuning into the Brainy Ballerina podcast. If you found this episode insightful, entertaining, or maybe a bit of both, I would so appreciate you taking a moment to leave a rating and hit subscribe.
00:25:35
Speaker
By subscribing, you'll never miss an episode. And you'll join our community of dancers passionate about building a smart and sustainable career in the dance industry. Plus your reigns help others discover the show too.
00:25:48
Speaker
I'll be back with a new episode next week. In the meantime, be sure to follow along on Instagram at The Brainy Ballerina for your daily dose of dance career guidance.