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63. What I Wish I Understood as a Young Dancer (+ Special Announcement!)
189 Plays18 days ago
In this week’s solo episode, I’m reflecting on the most pivotal lessons I wish I had known as a young dancer. From perfectionism to career pivots, I’m sharing the emotional, mental, and practical challenges of transitioning from student to professional dancer + how to thrive through them.
PLUS I have a special announcement - and you’re hearing it here first!
Key “pointes” in this episode:
🩰Why chasing perfection might be doing more harm than good
🩰The surprising power of saying, “I don’t know.”
🩰A mindset shift that could change how you handle judgment and comparison
🩰What I learned after taking a leap from one dance path to another
🩰A new perspective on handling rejection in auditions and casting
🩰The one reminder every dancer needs on their toughest days
✨✨✨ APPLY TO THE CORE CORPS: thebrainyballerina.com/thecorecorps ✨✨✨
Let’s connect!
My WEBSITE: thebrainyballerina.com
INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/thebrainyballerina
1-1 Career Mentoring: book your complimentary career call
Questions/comments? Email me at caitlin@thebrainyballerina.com
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Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
But it is important to remember how privileged and lucky you are to get to do this. It is such a beautiful career. And as a dancer on the other side of my performing career, there are days I miss it so much that it physically hurts.
00:00:15
Speaker
It's a different kind of pain than wearing pointe shoes all day, but it's still and pain that I feel in my heart. And that's something that I wish I would have told myself more when I was dancing. Because again, there was days I just didn't want to do it. There was days i was so frustrated.
00:00:32
Speaker
i wish I had a job that I cared about less so I could just let it go easier. But I wouldn't trade my professional dance career. Like even with the hard things and the things that were unjust and even like some of the traumatic experiences I had, i wouldn't trade ah my dance career for anything.
Caitlin's Career Transition
00:00:55
Speaker
I'm Caitlin, a former professional ballerina turned dance educator and career mentor. And this is the Brand New Ballerina podcast. I am here for the aspiring professional ballerina who wants to learn what it really takes to build a smart and sustainable career in the dance industry.
00:01:11
Speaker
I'm peeling back the curtain of professional dance world with open and honest conversations about the realities of becoming a professional dancer. Come along to gain the knowledge and inspiration you need succeed in a dance career on your terms.
00:01:29
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the Brainy Ballerina Podcast. Caitlin here today with a solo episode and today want to talk about all the things that I wish I understood as a young dancer.
Challenges of Professional Dancing
00:01:41
Speaker
When you're starting out in your career, especially when you're a dancer who, like most of us, like myself, was training in a pre-professional setting, you really feel like you know what you're doing.
00:01:52
Speaker
You've grown up in this world, you've been around it, you have worked hard really, really hard to get where you are. So going into your first professional job, you have this idea of what it's going to be like because of all your experiences so far. And obviously, if you have been training in a pre-professional setting, you are really set up in a great place.
00:02:13
Speaker
However, there are so many things that are different and things you have to navigate in a professional job that come up that's are not the same as they were when you were a student. It's a whole different ballgame. Now you're getting paid to dance and expectations are honestly higher.
00:02:31
Speaker
And so today I want to talk to you about a lot of the things that I wish I understood when I was starting my career that would have helped make things a lot smoother for me and helped me just get through some really tough times.
00:02:43
Speaker
The first thing I would say to a lot of dancers is your obsession with perfection is holding you back. I really needed to hear that when I was a young dancer.
00:02:55
Speaker
I had this idea that if I was perfect, I would be protected, that nothing bad could happen. If I always nailed every single step, if I was always in line, always on the counts, perfect every single time, that I would be protected from disappointment and judgment, that I would keep climbing the ranks. I would get everything I wanted.
00:03:18
Speaker
It would all come to me. because i was perfect every single time. But all this mentality is really doing is keeping you trapped, reaching for an unattainable goal.
00:03:31
Speaker
And it actually started to paralyze me. And actually, before I started my professional career, I was a little bit more brave. I felt like I grew up in a school that really did encourage me to go for things. And I never felt like I was going to get in trouble if I messed up. I really felt comfortable in my school growing up, at college.
00:03:51
Speaker
It was a really good situation that I was in. And in my first professional job kind of just jarred me because I felt that the artistic director at the time did demand perfection.
00:04:06
Speaker
Anytime i was a count off or i had a slightly Ron Portabra or i fell, anything, i felt that I was in trouble immediately. i was very harshly criticized.
00:04:18
Speaker
And I started to get scared and I started to dance like a different person because I felt that it was better in this scenario to be perfect than to grow.
00:04:31
Speaker
So I had to just make sure that I never made a mistake, that i was so, so, so like tightly wound. And it actually led to me making more mistakes because I was so stressed out and scared that I just got in my head so much that I would like forget what I was doing because I was just thinking about don't make a mistake, don't make a mistake instead of thinking about – the steps that I was doing.
00:04:53
Speaker
And so that really wasn't helping me, but it was like a coping mechanism to try to figure out this new profession that I was in and this new environment.
Embracing Imperfection and Growth
00:05:04
Speaker
And not all professional companies are going to be like that. When I went to my next company that I stayed with for the rest of my career, had to unlearn a lot of things. And I remember my director really being on me, like just dance, just go for it. But i had had drilled into me for the last two years. You cannot make a mistake.
00:05:23
Speaker
And I was scared to move. I honestly was scared to move. And I had that in me still, like I had grown up that way and i had had that bravery in me, but I had to relearn it. And I had to remember that I was safe to make mistakes. Like I went to from a situation where if I fell, I truly felt that I was in trouble.
00:05:44
Speaker
into a situation where falling was like applauded. You know, if you were going for it so much that you wiped out, it was like, yes, that's what we want to see. So I had to remember that. And as soon as I let go of this need to be perfect, I started to understand what it meant to truly dance.
00:06:04
Speaker
And i came back to this version of myself that loved to dance. And I refound my passion and I found that I could just grow so, so, so much more. And I had a period of growth where I really, really felt that.
00:06:16
Speaker
And this is all to say that sometimes you will be in scenarios where you do feel like you're not safe to make a mistake and you do feel psychologically unsafe with going for it and not being perfect. If you are in that scenario, you have to either decide that you are going to develop the mental capacity and the strength to be able to work through that or to go somewhere else where that is celebrated, that you are allowed to be a human being who has an off day.
00:06:41
Speaker
So that's one of the first things that I really needed to understand when I was starting my career. Another really important lesson that I needed understand was that I did not have to have all the answers.
00:06:54
Speaker
And you do not have to have all the answers. It's okay to say, I don't know, but I'm going to figure it out. Once again, i really felt like I had to always know every single thing, that if I didn't know, i was going to be in trouble. And yes, of course, it is important to know your choreography and to know your counts and all those things, but sometimes you won't. And it's really ah the mark of a smart dancer to be able to say, i don't know, but I'm going to figure it out.
00:07:27
Speaker
If you pretend that you already know everything, then you're never going to get help, right? If you're too scared to admit that there are things that you do not know and that you need to learn that you need help with, no one's going to be able to help you.
00:07:42
Speaker
So in order to receive the support and the mentorship and the help that you need, you have to be able to say, hey, I don't know all the answers, but I know I can find a solution. i can ask someone for help. I can spend some extra time on this.
00:07:56
Speaker
I can watch a video. There are so many different ways I can figure out the answers to my problems, but it has to start with admitting that you don't know the answers and that you're never going to know all the answers.
00:08:08
Speaker
The next really important lesson that i wish that I knew as a young dancer is nobody is judging you as much as you are judging yourself. I constantly felt like everyone in the room was judging me. And again, it goes back to that perfection. If I fell out of a turn, if I forgot my counts, I felt like the whole room was judging me.
00:08:34
Speaker
And sure, maybe some people were judging me. That's true. But the reality is that most people around you are too worried about what they're doing to even notice what you're doing.
00:08:46
Speaker
Okay, you think everyone's judging you, but they're so wrapped up in their own stuff, they don't even notice what you're doing. And the ones that are judging you are probably just projecting their own insecurities on you.
00:08:59
Speaker
And there will be senior dancers who will take you under their wing and notice if you're having a hard time. and help you When I joined my very first company, there was definitely dancers who I did feel were judging me and didn't feel like I belonged there.
00:09:11
Speaker
And then there were senior dancers who took me under their wing, who kind of kept me honest, would sort of validate me when something was happening in the company that was really not okay.
00:09:22
Speaker
Or keep me in check and say, actually, like in this situation, you need to get it together. But it was nurturing. So I knew but I had people who had my back who were kind of guiding me and would help me figure things out, whether it was technically, whether it was just how to operate in this professional company, kind of giving me hints on like what things the director was going to be looking for so I could really focus on those things. I remember one time,
00:09:47
Speaker
My very first season, there was three trainees. And at this time, trainee programs were way different than they are now. So we were with the company all day, every day. And we danced in the company productions.
00:09:59
Speaker
The only difference that we had as trainees is we took class with the school two nights a week. But other than that, our schedule was with the company. And so the very first show, us three trainees got cast in this like very short pas de trois,
00:10:13
Speaker
I think we were doing Esmeralda and we were three dancers from very different backgrounds and we had a hard time dancing together because we'd all come from our schools and, you know, we were big fish there and we were like the ones who did the solos and that kind of thing. And now we're being asked to dance together and we could not get it together so dance is exactly the same.
00:10:38
Speaker
And I remember one of the dancers saying to us, like we'd be like almost arguing like, wait, I think the port de bras is this. I think it's this. And I remember one of the senior dancers saying, the director doesn't care what that port de bras She just wants you to be the same.
00:10:51
Speaker
So just choose something and do it the same and she will get off your back. And it was true, right? Like obviously we weren't going to make a drastic change, but like something like the pathway, is it up and over? Is it down and up to fifth position?
00:11:04
Speaker
As long as we were doing the same thing, there was no issue. And so it was stuff like that that I had older dancers helping me figure out, you know, where we needed to get it together again. So coming back to that, if there are people – that are judging you, just let them. It doesn't really affect you, honestly.
00:11:23
Speaker
There are going to be people who notice that you're struggling and help you, but it all comes back to the fact that you are judging yourself more than anyone else. You are the only one who is as focused on you as you are. You're noticing all the little mistakes you make. You're noticing every single thing because you're living in your body, but no one else is paying that close of attention so every single thing you do.
00:11:42
Speaker
Try not to get so wrapped up in this fear that people Don't think you're good or don't think you belong and just do what you know is right to do and you will get so much farther.
Career Path Flexibility
00:11:53
Speaker
The next lesson that I needed to learn in my career was it's okay to change your mind. I grew up in a very serious pre-professional ballet school. Many of the dancers from my school went on to dance with major companies.
00:12:08
Speaker
And that was the path that I felt was for me. And that's what I knew. Coming out of college, I actually had two contract options. One was with a classical ballet company and one was with a modern company.
00:12:20
Speaker
And the modern company contract was actually a better option financially, living situation, a lot of things. But I felt so strongly that I needed to do this classical ballet career That I went with that. And I don't regret that at all because I do feel like at the time that was still what I wanted to do and I needed to do it to know that it wasn't right for me.
00:12:43
Speaker
If I had never done it, I wouldn't have really known for sure. So I have no regrets about taking that path. But After doing two years in the classical company, I realized that it wasn't right for me. I was, again, feeling really stifled.
00:12:58
Speaker
There was moments in the corps de ballet that I really loved, and I felt that camaraderie, and I felt that power of us all dancing together, and they were really beautiful. But I felt like I was craving more. I wanted to move. I wanted to like really dance.
00:13:13
Speaker
And so I found that a smaller contemporary ballet company where I was basically thrown in immediately – you're featured right away. Like there's only nine or 10 dancers. You're out there and you're dancing and you're working with really, really dynamic choreographers.
00:13:30
Speaker
And I found that that was such a good fit for me. It's so important to know that if something is wrong for you, you should make a change. You don't have to stick it out just because you spent a lot of time and energy making that decision and getting there.
00:13:45
Speaker
The work that you put in and the experiences, that was still worth it. even if you change your minds. Because I couldn't have made it into a contemporary ballet company if I didn't have this strong ballet background. like We still did very technical things. We were still on pointe shoes.
00:14:02
Speaker
Every single dancer in that company was so incredible. And I couldn't have made that decision to go into a company like that if I didn't have my ballet background and my training and my experience.
00:14:14
Speaker
It was still worth it. It was still so beautiful. And I learned so much from it. But eventually, I had to find what made me fulfilled. And I'm so glad that I gave myself permission to change my mind in that moment.
00:14:27
Speaker
Another lesson that I think is so important for dancers to understand in the beginning stages of your career, but honestly the whole time, is that you can be the quote unquote best dancer in the room and still not get the job.
Rejection and Resilience
00:14:41
Speaker
You might look around an audition and be like, yeah, I think that I am one of the better dancers in here. You kind of know when you go in like where you stand technically. And you might look around and say, yeah I think that I really have a shot.
00:14:54
Speaker
And then you might not get the job. And there might be someone else who gets the job that you maybe didn't expect. But you have to understand, and this is something that I think dancers need to remember about a lot of scenarios, is it's not always about you.
00:15:06
Speaker
Once again, going back to like the judgment conversation where you are really wrapped up in yourself, we are so wrapped up in our own stuff that we don't realize how much is going on behind the scenes. That's not about us.
00:15:19
Speaker
You could be the best dancer in the entire world and still not be right for a job. They might be looking for a very specific person to fill a role, to fill a contract, and you don't usually know what that is.
00:15:33
Speaker
You don't know what they're looking for. Rejection is often more about the needs of a specific company and less about you. Does that mean you should stop working hard and stop trying to improve and stop going forward if you get rejected once? so Definitely not.
00:15:49
Speaker
It's actually proof that you could come back and maybe next time their needs will be different and you will be the right person. So if you have a company that you really want to dance with or you have a job that you really hope that you get, one, rejection does not mean that you're never going to get that job.
00:16:04
Speaker
It just means that right now you're not the right fit, but maybe come back later and see. Learning that really helped take the sting out of rejection for me as a dancer. It still hurts. It always hurts to be told no, but realizing that there's just a lot out of my control in these situations, and if I know that I did my best, then I can feel good about that.
00:16:27
Speaker
One of the last lessons that I want to talk about, and I could honestly go on and on for hours, but I want to keep this episode a little bit shorter today, but what I would tell myself as a young dancer is you're going to miss this.
00:16:40
Speaker
Some days are so incredibly challenging. You find yourself wishing it would end. You would do anything to take those point shoes off, to go sit at a desk for the day and just do something totally different. And that's normal.
00:16:54
Speaker
I totally get that. But please know how lucky you are to be able to dance. Not many people get to experience this life and get to have a job they are so, so passionate about.
00:17:07
Speaker
And yeah, having a job that you are passionate about can be a double-edged sword because it can become your whole life. And we do talk a lot about identity on this podcast and having other things in your life that are important so that you don't get so wrapped up in your dancing that that is all you feel that you have.
00:17:23
Speaker
But it is important to remember how privileged and lucky you are to get to do this. It is such a beautiful career and As a dancer on the other side of my performing career, there are days I miss it so much that it physically hurts.
00:17:38
Speaker
It's a different kind of pain than wearing pointe shoes all day, but it's still and pain that I feel in my heart. And that's something that I wish I would have told myself more when I was dancing. Because again, there was days I just didn't want to do it. There was days i was so frustrated.
00:17:55
Speaker
i wish I had a job that I cared about less so I could just let it go easier. But I wouldn't trade my professional dance career. Like even with the hard things and the things that were unjust and even like some of the traumatic experiences I had, I wouldn't trade ah my dance career for anything.
00:18:16
Speaker
I don't want you to think that I'm minimizing those things. Those things are hard and they really stink. And it's okay to have bad days and to have days where you're just over it and you just need to like take a break.
00:18:28
Speaker
But just remind yourself how lucky you are to get to wake up in the morning and go do plies for your job. You are going to miss this, even the hard days. I promise you, you will. We are truly so lucky to have this as our job and to get to experience this life.
00:18:43
Speaker
Those are just six of the lessons that I wish I understood. More as a young dancer, that would have been really transformative for me to be able to understand at that stage of my life. So I hope this will make a difference for
Mentorship and Community Building
00:18:55
Speaker
you.
00:18:55
Speaker
and if you are a dancer who is in the beginning of your career and you are trying to figure out this crazy, crazy world, i am so excited to introduce to you a new program that I am starting this fall. And as a listener to the podcast, you are the very first.
00:19:13
Speaker
to hear about this program. I will be launching in September the Core Core, C-O-R-E-C-O-R-P-S. It is a group mentorship program that provides support, community, and honest conversations that go beyond the bar.
00:19:30
Speaker
This program is for dancers in their first one to three years in a professional dance company setting. I know those first years are can be really intense, navigating casting, company politics, the physical demands, the pressure to prove yourself, often without a lot of guidance.
00:19:48
Speaker
I mentioned how pivotal it was for me to have those older dancers in the company who took me under their wing and really mentored me and helped me in those tough moments. Having a program like this would have been really, really pivotal for me as well because joining a company is a really big leap. And for many dancers, it's more than just a new job. It's a new city, a new apartment, and a new support system to rebuild.
00:20:10
Speaker
And it also can be tricky because within your company setting, you don't always know who you can talk to about things. Sometimes you need somebody outside of that setting who understands what you're going through without being there.
00:20:24
Speaker
Because it's a lot. And all these new experiences can leave you really feeling like you have to figure out on your own. And you really don't. The dance world is an incredible ecosystem. It is full of people like you who are learning, growing, and trying to build a sustainable life and career.
00:20:40
Speaker
So basically, I'm bringing together dancers from across all different professional companies together into one group to be able to share experiences, to help each other out, and to be mentored by somebody who's been there before too.
00:20:52
Speaker
So what's included in this program? The Bulk of it is monthly group calls. We'll have two monthly group calls. One of them will be kind of just like an open office hours situation.
00:21:03
Speaker
Okay, it's driven by you. You bring your issues to the table, whatever's going on in your company. If you're like, this happened, is that strange or is that normal? How should I approach this situation? What do I do here?
00:21:15
Speaker
Whatever is going on that you're not quite sure how to manage, bring your issues to the table and we'll work through them together so that you can feel validated, you can learn, you can just you can have a little bit of perspective on what's going on in your professional career.
00:21:30
Speaker
That will be one of our monthly group calls. The other group call is going to be guest sessions with really approachable professionals in the industry, whether that is a seasoned dancer who has been dancing professionally for a long time, a health professional, any kind of other industry expert, people who I personally know and I believe to be open, honest, and here to share real insight with the dancers.
00:21:58
Speaker
And in those sessions, we'll include real-life tools because, as you know, thriving in a company takes more than just talent. So We'll have topics including cross-training guidance, what actually is going to help you become stronger as a dancer versus what's just noise, nutrition support, how to manage your energy, daily fueling, making sure that you are really supported in that area, financial guidance, how to live and save on a dancer's salary. i know this is something I really needed a lot of support with and also audition support.
00:22:29
Speaker
So you can be prepared for any opportunities that come your way. And again, this is driven by the community. So when you join this community, I'm going to ask you, what else do you want to learn about? What other topics do you need to hear about?
00:22:40
Speaker
And I'll find someone in my community that can come and speak to that topic. Because I'm not the one who's going to be out there giving nutrition support or cross-training guidance. That's not my area of expertise. But I know so many amazing people in this field who are experts.
00:22:54
Speaker
The other portion of this program that will be really helpful for dancers is a private Facebook group. so that you can stay connected with your peers between sessions for daily support, questions, and just solidarity. If anything's going on or if you have a question of like, hey, I know you dance for this company. You can tell me more about them.
00:23:11
Speaker
Are they hiring? What's the vibe? Like you have this insider look at things with people that are in the same stage of life as you. So if you're in your first one to three years dancing with a professional company, if you want to support navigating the emotional and physical demands of company life,
00:23:28
Speaker
if you are craving community, clarity, and confidence, and if you just want to thrive on your dance career, both on stage and off, this coaching program is going to be pivotal.
00:23:38
Speaker
I am putting the link to learn more in the show notes. There is an application process which sounds scary, but it's really not. It's just so that I can make sure that everyone who's in the program is a good fit.
00:23:50
Speaker
I understand that your time and your money are finite resources, and I never want you to invest those resources into something that's not right for you. So the application process is really just a screening to make sure but this is what you need right now. And if you don't need this right now, I'll make sure you know and I'll give you other options of resources that could be helpful for you, whether it's something that I offer or something that one of my colleagues offers. Because again, I'm just here to support you and whatever you need, whether it's with me or not. I want you to get the help that you need to thrive in your career.
00:24:24
Speaker
Applications close on August 22nd and As a listener to the podcast, you are the very first people who are hearing about this. So you have first dibs at a spot. Spots are limited and I will go by first come, first serve of whoever is a good fit.
00:24:39
Speaker
So if this is something you're interested in go ahead and click in the show notes, the core core and apply for the program. And I will let you know if you are a good fit for this program. But just talking about this has got me so fired up because I know how much this would have meant to me as a young dancer to have this sort of community of support of other dancers in the same stage of life as me, as well as professionals who have been through it to keep me sane, to keep me motivated, to keep me just in check and on the right track in my career.
00:25:08
Speaker
So I can't wait to see you in the core core. Please check the show notes to apply. And coming back around to the beginning of this podcast and just the lessons that I wish I knew, i would just finish with, it's always smart to ask
Seeking Help in Dance
00:25:21
Speaker
for help.
00:25:21
Speaker
Asking for help does not make you weak. It does not make you uneducated. does not mean that you are not qualified for this career. It means that you have a growth mindset about yourself and you are going to go so much farther as soon as you admit that you don't know everything and that you could use a little help.
00:25:37
Speaker
That is a lifelong lesson that I still have to remember and remind myself that no matter how far I get in my business, in my life, I'm still always going to need help. You never have to do this alone.
00:25:49
Speaker
The dance community is truly a beautiful place filled with really supportive people if you know where to look. And I cannot wait for you to join me this fall in the CORE CORE.
00:26:02
Speaker
Thank you for tuning into the Brainy Ballerina podcast. If you found this episode insightful, entertaining, or maybe a bit of both, I would so appreciate you taking a moment to leave a rating and hit subscribe.
00:26:14
Speaker
By subscribing, you'll never miss an episode. And you'll join our community of dancers passionate about building a smart and sustainable career in the dance industry. Plus, your reigns help others discover the show too. I'll be back with a new episode next week.
00:26:30
Speaker
In the meantime, be sure to follow along on Instagram at The Brainy Ballerina for your daily dose of dance career guidance.