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Book Club: The House of my Mother by Shari Franke, Part Four, Part Four
78 Plays3 months ago
We thought we'd get through the last two chapters of part four and start part five... but we talked for 45 minutes about two chapters. Will we ever learn? No. No we will not.
Check out our YouTube channel, Fixate Today: Grey Matters
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Transcript
Return to the Book Club
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi, everybody. Welcome back to the channel. We are back on our book club. been a while. We're really excited to be back and finish up Sherry Frankie's book.
00:00:11
Speaker
We actually have to finish up part four. ah We have the last two chapters of part four because there was a small medical emergency at your house. Our editor.
00:00:22
Speaker
Producer, what is she? she's She does everything. Without her, we're not here. Well, she got bit by something, so. Like, and it went when I say that, like a spider.
00:00:33
Speaker
But it went, it it like got big fast. The point where we're like, okay, we got to be done. So we're going to wrap up the last two chapters. Part four, move on to part five.
00:00:43
Speaker
Yeah. And we'll try to be faster, but it's just hard. There's so much to say. I know we've already talked off, off ah recording for like an hour. All right. So
Sherry's Text from Ruby
00:00:53
Speaker
let's hop right in. we know The end of part four is not super long, so we'll be able to kind of get through it, I think, and then get into part five.
00:01:02
Speaker
So we are on chapter 36, Fawn. After leaving the apartment, I drove straight to the Hammond's house, my sanctuary in the storm. So where we left off, Ruby just, I think it was a text.
00:01:17
Speaker
Yeah, it was a long text that Ruby... sent to Sherry, basically cutting her off and saying it was all Sherry's fault, but in like connection speak. And Sherry basically like grabbed a bag, yelled to her roommates, I'm going to be gone for a while and left and went for that went to the Hammonds house.
00:01:34
Speaker
so ae I just got Hulu back. The story's on there, right? that Is that where it is? I just watched the docuseries.
00:01:45
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. So I just watched that that that the docuseries
The Hammonds' Support
00:01:50
Speaker
that I hadn't seen before. i didn't realize that the Heymans were in the docuseries. Yeah.
00:01:56
Speaker
um And that was the first time I'd kind of ah been introduced to them or, i mean, or seen them. in person So yeah, that was interesting. Yeah, they just they look how she describes like very comforting and oh yeah, like the typical like super yeah welcoming like a little bit older just want to take care of everybody type of people.
00:02:18
Speaker
Yeah. And I also got from that, that they were um a little bit further involved with Jodi than I had thought they were. Like they had gone. Yeah, it wasn't i I before had kind of felt like it was just like once maybe they had heard her or saw, but it was just seemed like they were kind of involved in the program for A little while. It felt like to me they they were like, all of our friends are doing this. We'll give it a little bit more. We feel uncomfortable these first couple, but maybe we have to give it more of a try. Yeah. And then.
00:02:48
Speaker
kind of they didn't get I don't feel like they were in deep by any means, but they did at a they were like, this isn't for me. Yeah, yeah. no but But that did surprise me. So at the Hammonds house, they know something's wrong, but they were ah smart enough not to push and just kind of let her have her feelings.
00:03:09
Speaker
But at the same time, Derek was still reaching out to her, saying that she was burdening them, that she should come back to the apartment where he knows where she is and can reach him.
00:03:21
Speaker
And it made her feel like she was almost like a parasite to the Hamans, just taking from them, despite the saying we're offering it. They do such a great job of not pushing her too far, but being there for her.
00:03:35
Speaker
Yeah. i mean, it's just heartbreaking then that she still has this other push and pull that um Derek's instilling in her. Yeah. Yeah, it's I just this this part I was like, i can't imagine being this young and having both Derek and Ruby's voice in her head constantly.
00:03:54
Speaker
And then also like seeing the gift ah that the Heymans are giving, but then still having to talk yourself through it.
Struggles with Kindness and Negativity
00:04:02
Speaker
Kind of like these negative things are going on, but there's a really great thing in front of me. But I don't believe it because the negative things that like it just must be so confusing, especially how young she is.
00:04:14
Speaker
Yeah. and And he's intentionally planting those seeds. so So she offered to leave, straight leave. And when they didn't, they were like, no, you're not leaving.
00:04:24
Speaker
She offered to pay rent. And they sat her down and both told her that she's their family, that there's they will give her everything she needs.
00:04:37
Speaker
She just needs to accept it, basically. Yeah. Which is perfect for her because, yeah, at that point, then she was analyzing every interaction, every everything they were saying to her and, you know, wondering if it was disingenuous.
00:04:50
Speaker
Yeah. And i understand that. Yeah. Just my – I'm so anxious that – don't know. ah My house growing up was the one that everyone came out and hung out in and I loved it and it made me so happy. But I was like, oh, I'm not allowed to do that other people's houses.
00:05:07
Speaker
yeah I'm the worst. I'm burdened. And yeah, i i even today, some of my friends' moms have said to me like, yeah, you're always at the house. It's my favorite thing. And I'm like oh, you're lying still.
00:05:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:22
Speaker
this twenty so your It you're still lying. It's funny. I had such a food issue whenever I was at other people's houses because I have a lot of food issues myself. And then i'm I totally project that when my kids would have somebody over, I would be so extra conscientious that i think I probably made them feel like... I think I do that too.
00:05:42
Speaker
I like always wanted to be the the safe mom for my kids' friends, but then I'm like, I'm really on top of them trying to be like, eat all of these things I made just for you. Or can make you something special that you want.
00:05:55
Speaker
Yeah, I'll go to the store, it's fine. ah So I actually thought this was really sweet that so Mrs. Heyman wants to make sure Sherry knows that she she's family, um but she knows it needs to come from both of them. So she calls out to Mr. Heyman.
00:06:13
Speaker
Listen, I need you to tell Sherry that she's not a burden and that she's welcome here for as long as she needs. I think she needs to hear it from both of us. Yeah. At that point, Mr. Heyman understood.
00:06:27
Speaker
and And together they said, you're part of this family now. Whether or not, whether you like it or not, you're stuck with us. You hear me? and We wouldn't have it any other way.
00:06:37
Speaker
Yeah. And she says, is this what it feels like? Is this what it's like to have people in your life who actually care about you? Yes. Which, interestingly, she's never really felt about – well, she did at first, but now she doesn't feel at all about – she doesn't feel like that with Derek at all. No.
00:06:54
Speaker
It's like he's just in her life. It's not – he doesn't care and this way that it's like there's no strings. They just love her. Right. And how – I mean, then you kind of wonder, but when you're growing up, you feel that way. i don't think she knew any better until you're not looking back.
00:07:12
Speaker
um You don't realize anything different. Right. So despite the kindness, Derek is still just putting little things in saying they're just polite or, you know, people start to resent house guests after a while.
00:07:28
Speaker
So deep down, I knew his comments probably stem from jealousy. He couldn't stand the idea that I had found comfort and support outside of him. yeah think he lack of he couldn't control her yeah as as much either.
00:07:40
Speaker
Yeah. She found the people that could break his control. Her parents couldn't do it, but these these parents that she chose can.
Understanding the Fawn Response
00:07:49
Speaker
So this part was fascinating to me because I and i would call myself a reformed fawner.
00:07:56
Speaker
It's about the fight, flight, or fawn response. flight Flight, fight, freeze, or fawn. And I know, I don't remember, i probably already said this in the in the last, in one of the previous um chapters, but I had never heard of this fawn response. This was something new yeah to me.
00:08:13
Speaker
So I'm going to have you. Yeah. So in therapy, um her therapist, Dana, asks Sherry, have you ever heard of the fawn response? And she says, ah we often talk about fight, flight, and freeze as trauma responses, but there's a fourth, fawn.
00:08:31
Speaker
It's when a person tries to please or appease their abuser to avoid conflict or further harm. So it's basically... Trying to prevent conflict by just kind of agreeing with the person who's causing the conflict, if that makes sense.
00:08:48
Speaker
And it could even be like, if i if I kind of squash this issue, we're in public, we're at a party, I'm ah i'm just going to agree, we're going to move on and we'll deal with it at home. And then getting home and being like, we're not going to deal with that.
00:09:02
Speaker
We just need to move on. Things are better. Yeah. yeah So I have a question because um i know your life and I know that you've played that role in your life. And I know you've done um a lot of therapy.
00:09:15
Speaker
Is that, were you familiar with that term? I wasn't until, mean, probably like even five years ago. i So I know that about myself, I am a freezer. Yeah.
00:09:28
Speaker
except with my kids, then I'm a fighter.
00:09:33
Speaker
but all the have I don't run. i
00:09:41
Speaker
um and so that never made sense to me about my childhood. i was like, but none of those are, i i was like, I guess freeze. But then I realized it was, you know, i was doing a lot of the fawn response that I was just trying to like, get along to get along.
00:09:56
Speaker
um And yeah yeah, I don't think I do that anymore. I'm just trying to think of conflict in my life. And most most of the conflict comes from my job with patrons being a little out of pocket.
00:10:08
Speaker
I'm like, oh, I do not fawn to them. Oh, yeah, yeah. But I can see how your childhood kind of – Yeah. And it does play into, I can see it even like in my marriage a little bit that I'll do that and I'll be like, and he'll call me on it too. He'll be like, no, we're having a conversation, like stop agreeing.
00:10:26
Speaker
So it's very, like I can see it seep in sometimes, but it's, thankfully i have a partner who's like, no, no, stop agreeing. You're bothered. Let's talk. suppose we can all do it to someone.
00:10:39
Speaker
So yeah, it's basically, basically she realizes that her entire life she has appeased an abuser to avoid conflict. I think also, and the conflict could not necessarily be her and Ruby or her and Derek. It could be preventing conflict from from other people.
00:10:57
Speaker
That if if she puts this pressure on herself to be so perfect to take the heat off of everyone else. It takes a lot of energy. Yeah. um Because whereas I don't think I do that with my family that much, I do i do it just with other people. Like, I'm very um uncomfortable with with people's other discomfort, I guess.
00:11:16
Speaker
Yeah. so yeah, I'm just going to read this one more passage, just again, because it's sort of just something new that I never really understood was a thing. um Fawning can look like always agreeing with others, even when you disagree inside.
00:11:29
Speaker
It's constantly trying to keep the peace, putting others' needs before your own, even when it hurts you. People who fawn often become hyper-attuned to others' moods, trying to anticipate and meet their needs before they're even expressed.
00:11:45
Speaker
That part I for sure do constantly. Yeah. And that's a big part of my therapy now is learning not to be hyper-vigilant. So I guess, yeah, I still do that part, but it's not...
00:11:59
Speaker
It's more of like a protection mechanism for myself, I think. That if I'm prepared for everything, like nothing can go wrong and everything will be perfect. The thing I'm dealing with is like, but if it's not perfect, it's not my fault.
00:12:11
Speaker
Yeah. So that part is still there, but it's not like I'm not trying to appease anybody. It's more like... I'm responsible for everybody and everything and I have to be perfect. Yeah. I get that.
00:12:22
Speaker
But this, like, I felt this whole part. I was like, oh my gosh. Yeah. Same Sherry. Yeah. Well, and then she goes on to, I mean, and this is where the light bulbs start going for her. um That must be why I never fight back with Derek. Yeah.
00:12:36
Speaker
And she slipped and she said his name and she put her hand to her mouth and she, her eyes filled with tears, realizing she had said his name in therapy. Up to this point. Derek had not been something she had spoken about to anyone.
00:12:49
Speaker
No. Which I think is so interesting because there is a bit of almost distance from her conflicts at her home, at her family's home, because she's not there every day.
00:13:04
Speaker
And so that's the easier thing to talk about in therapy. But that's, I would argue, is like the, you know that's what the book's not about Derek. It's about her mother. And so it's almost like it's, I don't know, I would do probably the opposite.
00:13:20
Speaker
I don't know. That doesn't make sense. But it's like what's happening right now, we're not going to deal with that. We're not going to deal with the trauma that's ongoing right now. We're going to deal with the childhood stuff.
00:13:31
Speaker
And what I find interesting is later in the end of the book, when she's talking about therapy, she actually addresses those things in the opposite direction. She addresses the Derek stuff yeah and then the family stuff.
00:13:44
Speaker
So, which at the time when I read it, i thought, well, that doesn't make sense. But then upon thinking through it, it does. i mean, I, yeah, I think it does make sense.
00:13:55
Speaker
Yeah. Because even at this point in therapy, she's not dealing with the now stuff with her mother. She's dealing with the childhood stuff, which when you're removed from it, it's easier yeah to look at.
00:14:07
Speaker
And yeah. So I think like she has to deal with the Derek stuff to then figure out why the Derek stuff happened. Yeah. Mm hmm. So although don't I'm not sure she'll ever know fully. Right.
00:14:20
Speaker
Yeah. um But she does say, you know, after she kind of calms down after the session that she's got a sense of relief that she actually spoke his name. And but also let it be known that she's not really ready to get into it fully yet.
00:14:35
Speaker
Right. Right. But the doors opened a little bit. And she's not going to be pushed. So i I love this chapter for like, it's about the fawning response, but also the people that are in this chapter, nobody is pushing her.
00:14:47
Speaker
Yeah. It's all like safe people in this chapter. All right. Chapter 37. This is a big one. This is called Showdown. The chapter opens with a verse from the Bible, Psalm 69, verse 21 from the King James Bible.
00:15:05
Speaker
They gave me also gall for my meat and in my thirst gave me vinegar to drink. The chapter itself opens. so Ruby's vindictiveness was legendary and I knew she wouldn't hesitate to pull the trigger if she felt like she had a point to prove.
00:15:21
Speaker
yeah I mean, and then she goes on to say she'd already stopped signing her texts with mom, opting instead for the cold, impersonal Ruby.
00:15:33
Speaker
i knew what this meant. Yeah. Which... Which right now, like while I was waiting, like while we were i setting up and everything, and I was like, Sherry still calls her Ruby, but that's because of Ruby.
00:15:46
Speaker
Ruby introduced that. that That's quite, that's kind of hard for me to wrap my mind around. I know. I don't know in any, i can't see any situation in which I would not refer to myself as mom to my kids, no matter what the situation was.
00:16:02
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So to this, you know, to this day that Sherry still just doesn't call her mom anymore, calls her Ruby. Ruby started that. Yeah.
00:16:13
Speaker
And it's like there's no one to blame but herself at this point for, you know, her kid not calling her mom. That that was really a surprising. Yeah. I know. I can't. And even like when my kids use my real name, just like being silly. I'm like, that's weird. Don't do it.
00:16:28
Speaker
No, I will say in my family, my kids... Call me mother. My boys call me mother. it started kind of as a... My oldest does too. It seems like it's an impersonal, formal thing, but it it's more ah term of endearment, I believe. It kind of started as kind of a joke.
00:16:46
Speaker
ah And
Financial Independence Challenges
00:16:48
Speaker
now it's... Now it's really what they call me most of the time. That's funny. And then she remembers some logistics that Ruby had access to a bank account.
00:16:59
Speaker
Again, sad you even have to be thinking about these things this point in your life, but. I know. So she had to get her money. And I'm, it's one of those serendipitous things that like, thank God she got her money after what we find out later.
00:17:14
Speaker
um Cause that would have been gone. yeah I feel like she was absolutely right in that moment to be like, I have to get this right now. And she is the one in the family who, who needed that to survive quite honestly, because I don't think, i mean, I don't know now, but she's been, she spent at least many years supporting herself.
00:17:32
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, which also tells you how much she alone was making with her YouTube channel. yeah it Yeah. Like she put herself through college. She did all the – yeah.
00:17:44
Speaker
um I don't think she was like rolling in money. Like she says a couple of times like when she needed help gas and stuff like that. But she – it sounds like she paid for her own college. Yeah, it does.
00:17:54
Speaker
So she did it. She took the money out of the account. put it in a new bank account that is only in her name. And she said, as I hit the final confirm button, I flinched.
00:18:06
Speaker
Ruby was the master of retaliation. As soon as she realized what I'd done, she'd punish me. And she did. The next morning, there's an email that says Ruby had taken Sherry off the family's car insurance and she needed to find her own coverage. And please do not drive until you have done so. Again, hard to imagine.
00:18:27
Speaker
Yep. my ah My child who's married actually started their own account. And even she was like, mom, do i put you on it with us?
00:18:38
Speaker
No, no, you don't know. No, you don't have to. No, I don't know We live with, we you know, we live with my mom and like, we don't share bank accounts or anything, but money is so fluid between all of us that it just, it blows my mind.
00:18:52
Speaker
it just, like I can't imagine not being able to trust my mother. Yeah. With money. Yeah. They shouldn't trust me. I'm bad with money, but that's different.
00:19:04
Speaker
You got the husband to keep you in line. Exactly. We all need the good man to keep us in line. And joking.
00:19:14
Speaker
Yeah, and it it takes away, she can't drive to class. She can't drive to a job. She can't, yeah, it's. And quite honestly, she probably has no idea how to start. Yeah.
00:19:25
Speaker
Get her own car insurance, auto insurance. She probably never had to deal with it. No, I for sure needed my parents to help me with that. I feel like that's the last tie in my kids feeling like they're on their own.
00:19:38
Speaker
And I will say none of them are there yet. And one's 26, but I feel like that's the final. Yeah. That's the final thing that, and we're not ready, you know, I don't know if I'm not ready. I'm ready to not pay for them, but we're still not there yet. But yes, that's, that's the slow, um the point when they will be yeah for me.
00:19:58
Speaker
Or us fully, I think. But then there's the issue of she doesn't have the title to her car. <unk> And that's just diabolical. Cut off access to the, like you cut them off from having car insurance. and But you have all the paperwork to help to facilitate getting their own. And she and you're not going to offer it. right She's going to come to you.
00:20:23
Speaker
And she foresaw this. Right. and she yeah She foresaw that it would be a problem. Yeah. Yeah. So she was smart enough after she got this email and realized about the title that she was text Ruby with the congregation president included in the text chain because Ruby can't drop the facade.
00:20:44
Speaker
with this high ranking person from their church. That was so smart. It was smart, but it was going to backfire. She had to know it was going to like, it was going to back, like Ruby would see what she was doing, it also, it's like, well, it's the lesser of two evils.
00:21:00
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I, I mean, just understanding what I do of Ruby, she had to be livid. Yeah. Sherry keeps finding ways to kind of wriggle out of her manipulation. yeah Ruby, like, when she responds, like, immediately goes to the thing that's going to hurt Sherry and be like, you're manipulative using, including this person on the text, and it's bad for your siblings. You're a bad example for your siblings.
00:21:24
Speaker
Yeah, and ah I think it's interesting because she she didn't respond immediately.
00:21:31
Speaker
Ruby did not. She took the time to find her words, which... Which makes sense, yeah. And then she goes on to say, Sherry, I am your mother. I'm only guilty of teaching you truth.
00:21:44
Speaker
Truth is the only thing that matters in life. And you have fought against it since you were left. And it breaks my heart. You are at war with God.
00:21:54
Speaker
yeah ah Again, saying that in front of the bishop, especially knowing how deep of a relationship she has, Sherry has with her faith and with God. Yeah. And I think she's manipulating the, was it President Jim Nelson in this also, because truth has a different meaning in religious terms than how Jodi and Ruby are using it. Right.
00:22:19
Speaker
And so it's probably a lot of him putting his head in the sand about it. But I can see an argument where he's like, she's talking about like the truth of what we believe. That's the truth that she thinks her daughter's turned away from. and it's a, sub it's subtle because yeah yeah, it looks like that to, to the Bishop, but ah Sherry knows that it's more sinister.
00:22:42
Speaker
Yeah. So Ruby agrees to give, Her second BFF, BFF number two, Pam, the title, and she can reach out to Pam to collect it from her.
00:22:52
Speaker
So Sherry goes on. It just feels like such a game. Sherry goes on and texts Pam, but she has to keep her words neutral and polite. How did one even begin a conversation like this? A negotiation with a gatekeeper.
Escalating Family Tensions
00:23:06
Speaker
So she does like a very like, Ruby said you'd have my title. Can we find a time to get it? So she responded quickly just to time and date when she should come. And that was that. But between the time of this text exchange and when she could pick up the title, stuff got worse at home again.
00:23:23
Speaker
So with Kevin gone now, Ruby is absent from the household more and more. Yep. Yeah. ah Sherry found out that the kids had been left alone for five days with no adults at all.
00:23:37
Speaker
And I mean, at this point, yet I mean, ah none of them knew where Ruby was going or what she was doing. Right. They were completely in the dark about that. They just knew she was ah she was gone. And I believe that was a the neighbor informed her.
00:23:55
Speaker
of this fact. Yep. Sherry made the call to the Division of Child and Family Services requesting a welfare check on the children. they The police went down to the house and they like looked in the windows and opened in the doors. Nobody answered, but they reported that the kids were there and everyone appeared fine.
00:24:12
Speaker
And that was that. That was a bold jump. Yeah. And I'll probably probably get pushed back for saying that. But I'm not sure I would have made that jump quite that soon. with ah but i mean, because of the older kids. Now, if it was just the younger kids, that's a different thing.
00:24:28
Speaker
don't know. I just thought it was a bold jump. I think my thought process would be, historically, have my mom and dad left any of us home alone for a length of time?
00:24:40
Speaker
and no so this is weird and not that would be my thought but yeah and especially with the lack of communication would be like i I wouldn't know what else to do so I can I can understand the jump but she also had to know that was throwing some major fuel on the fire yeah and it's not really addressed but um I mean assuming her two older sisters have cell phones for she I mean I know she wasn't allowed to reach out to them, but did she?
00:25:11
Speaker
i mean, you'd think she must have. Yeah. Yeah. I'm assuming that everybody had her blocked. I always forget about that. Somehow or that would, that's my, you can do that. Yeah. Yeah.
00:25:25
Speaker
That's my guess. And that they were brainwashed enough to be terrified. Like, I really, and this is probably terribly wrong of me to want to hear the story from the middle sisters.
00:25:39
Speaker
I know I shouldn't want to, but I'm so curious about their, like, what they went through and yeah what they believed and what they didn't believe. Yeah. they were old enough to understand a lot more. Yeah.
00:25:54
Speaker
yeah what's And when they got picked up from Pam's house after after the arrest, like, they were they were fighting back. They didn't want to go. They were, you know, so I think that, yeah, I don't know. but But remember, at this point, even Chad's still pretty defensive parents. Absolutely. it's And there's so much less power when you're minor.
00:26:15
Speaker
Like, what are they? yeah They look fine. And the middle two are probably old enough to be left home alone with them. So they're good. yeah Don't worry. But. Of course, Ruby found out and Ruby found out it was her.
00:26:27
Speaker
And now she was on the war path. Yeah. Which could, yeah, no doubt that would have happened. Exactly. Yeah. So she tried to text Pam and say, hey, can we do this a little sooner?
00:26:41
Speaker
And Pam said, no, we will stick with the time we laid out. Absolutely not, Sherry. These are valuable legal documents and I won't risk them being stolen or lost. You will need to come to the house and collect them in person. See you at the appointed time and date.
00:26:55
Speaker
Pam. Very strange. mean, you, I know you've got a lot of questions about Pam and how she did this. That's like the weird, like Pam and the two middle girls. Like I want to know what was happening.
00:27:09
Speaker
Pam must have. Because Pam was married. Her husband was there too. Yeah. And they were both acting very defensive. Mm-hmm. But I think she was smart enough to keep herself on the perimeter of it.
00:27:23
Speaker
Yeah. And I want to know that what confuses me also is why didn't Ruby and Jodi throw her under the bus too? Did they have anything to gain?
00:27:35
Speaker
I know. That's the, I don't know. i I think turning on one another was. i have no doubt that Pam very quickly flipped on anything to get herself yeah out of it.
00:27:47
Speaker
That would say anything she needed to. I mean, although they ended up taking a plea agreement, I have no doubt she very quickly. but Yeah. Yeah. yeah If there was a trial, I think she would have.
00:27:58
Speaker
However, if there the pen papers are still a thing that were not destroyed, I think she has them. Or she destroyed them. And of course, Reddit exploded.
00:28:09
Speaker
Word had gotten out that huh Kevin and Chad were no longer at home. What a strange thing to deal with. I just can't imagine. Yeah. Yeah. i've I've watched a couple of like true crimey stories, specifically about YouTube vlogger families that a lot of content creators are like, if you as somebody who is hundreds of miles away from this and are only seeing what you see on a screen, feel so inclined to call call child services or anything like that, the people around them already have.
00:28:41
Speaker
So don't do it. Like, stop it. You're not helping. You're making it worse by inundating child services. And then they're going to get annoyed and not follow up. And truth be told, you don't know whats you don't know the whole picture.
00:28:53
Speaker
and Right. Right. It may be worse. It may be. You just don't know. Right. So because of all of this and the rumors and all of these things, ah Sherry felt compelled to state her position on Instagram.
00:29:06
Speaker
So I'm actually going to read her whole post that she put in the book. I know that there are many rumors circulating online about my family. While it is true, I am not in contact with my immediate family and don't support the extreme beliefs of connections.
00:29:19
Speaker
Please remember that this is my real family. Despite good intentions, speculating, rumors, and gossip doesn't help us. I'd like to ask for privacy for me and my family as we work through this very difficult situation.
00:29:32
Speaker
Please know that many are working on this situation, and I hope one day we can be whole again. Please respect my privacy as I work on my own healing as well. She said, I know that by posting the statement, I was effectively burning whatever flimsy bridge might have remained between me and Ruby.
00:29:48
Speaker
But something inside me has shifted. Yeah, and honestly, I was kind surprised she said that. I mean, I didn't think the message... That she posted was that incendiary? I didn't.
00:29:59
Speaker
Yeah. I was surprised that that was something that she thought was would be the final blow to the relationship. Yeah, I agree. So now she has to go pick up the title and she's nervous, understandably. Yeah.
00:30:12
Speaker
Yeah. So she turns to her chosen mom, Mrs. Heyman, and asks her to go with her. I have to go pick up some documents from Pam today. Would you maybe come with me?
00:30:23
Speaker
i don't think I can do it alone. And I'm not supposed to drive anywhere
Confrontation and Support
00:30:27
Speaker
without insurance. Yeah. She's even following the rules. i know. She's such a rule follower. know. And of course, Mrs. Heyman.
00:30:36
Speaker
Yeah. No problem. Of course I'll come with you. Yep, so they make their way to Pam's house, and she knocks on the door. Her hands are trembling, and it says, When the door swung open, my worst fears were confirmed. There stood Pam, her face pinched with disapproval.
00:30:53
Speaker
But it was the figure behind her that made my blood run cold. Ruby, my mother, stood tall and regal, my documents clutched in her hand like a hostage. Just, just, like...
00:31:05
Speaker
She's playing dirty. Don't ambush people. It surprises me, though. Why? Why was she there? I mean, why wouldn't... If that was the case, why wouldn't she have just told Sherry to come pick him up at Ruby's house? At her own house? I think she would have said no.
00:31:21
Speaker
think she would have been like... I think it was like an, am like if she had Pam backing her up, Sherry would come in and talk to her. Like, yeah, I think it was trying to manipulate. Because she says she like, and we should go inside and sit down. And Sherry was like, and I'm not going in that house. Okay.
00:31:40
Speaker
Yeah. That just kind of, that kind of fused me a bit. Yeah. And again, mean, can you imagine? I don't know how much Ruby knew about, how close Sherry had become with the Haywards?
00:31:53
Speaker
Haymonds. Haymonds. Yeah. I don't know that, yeah, that Ruby knew how close she was to the Haymonds, but I'm sure this was again, another blow to their relationship.
00:32:04
Speaker
And quite honestly, it was her teacher, right? Like there's, wasn't any reason she necessarily would, i mean may I guess they were slightly in the same social circle, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Mr. Heyman had been her teacher and the first person she kind of spoke to about the abuse.
00:32:18
Speaker
um my My thought also as to why Ruby wanted her to come into Pam's house is because she is furious and she can't scream at her outside of the house.
00:32:29
Speaker
She has to be inside to because even still, Ruby's face contorted with anger and hurt. And her voice was rising as she's talking about, like, I can't believe called the police. And and Pam's just hovering there, right?
00:32:42
Speaker
and Yep. But Mrs. Heyman is too. But is calm and unflappable. Right. She's a steady presence. And she just let Sherry say what she needed to say. She didn't step in, which I would have been like, don't you talk to her like that.
00:33:01
Speaker
ah She was a silent pillar of support, which probably even more effective. Yeah. So, you know, Ruby's going on calling her selfish and, and she said, I'm not being selfish. I was worried about my siblings. You left them alone for so long.
00:33:17
Speaker
And Ruby snapped. They're fine. They're old enough to take care of themselves. This is about you, Sherry, your jealousy and your need for attention. and she finally kind of steadies herself and is like, this is insane.
00:33:29
Speaker
It's like the first time that she's like, this is outrageous. And she's like, this isn't about me. It's like, it's about doing the right thing. And then Ruby says, what's right? You have no idea what's right. You're just a child playing it, being an adult.
00:33:43
Speaker
Your siblings are terrified of you for now for calling the police on them. Which i I mean, I do believe the part about about the siblings being terrified. Yeah, because Ruby told them to be terrified and twisted things.
00:33:57
Speaker
But one day you'll come crawling back to me, begging for my forgiveness. And it'll be hard for me to give it to you, but I'll be gracious. And I can't believe she said these things.
00:34:10
Speaker
Especially in front of Mrs. Heyman. ah huh um and And I don't I mean, not that I think Mrs. Heyman was not believing Sherry before this.
00:34:22
Speaker
But wow, this had to solidify. Yeah. this but then you see that you're confronted with it. Solidify exactly how bad this relationship. And how toxic it had to become.
00:34:33
Speaker
Yeah. So they keep they keep going back and forth. Ruby goes so far to say Sherry always hated her. She says, how dare you contact Chad and Kevin behind my back?
00:34:44
Speaker
and And Sherry's standing up for herself. She's getting angry. They're my family too. Yeah. You don't get to dictate who I can and can't talk to. And Ruby let out a harsh, mirthless laugh.
00:34:59
Speaker
And calls her a traitor and a Judas. She always hated her ever since she was five years old. I could see it in your eyes. And ah Sherry says the truth. I never hated you. I was scared of you.
00:35:11
Speaker
And Ruby's just unhinged. She's like, there's there's nothing Sherry can say. At one point, I love this because this would also be me. I heard Mrs. Heyman mutter something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like, oh for goodness sake.
00:35:28
Speaker
ah and so to utter such um innocent yet meaningful words words yeah just exactly the right choice at that moment yep so you know it keeps going on and then finally Mrs. Heyman stepped forward and is just like it's you're going to give Sherry the documents we're going to go at and that's the end of it Sherry thought for a minute Ruby may argue says but something in Mrs. Heyman's eyes in this the set of her jaw must have given Ruby pause so she just gives her the documents she backs down a bit But, and I think this is wild too.
00:36:01
Speaker
Then Ruby says, one last thing. I saw your Instagram story. Can you promise not to talk about this anymore in social media? It's like, you just tore this poor kid a new one. And then you're like, and don't talk about this online. And Sherry's like, no, I'm going to talk about it online.
00:36:18
Speaker
That was the last interaction she ever had with her mother. Gosh. That's always just so hard to. Yeah. Yeah. So Mrs. Heyman brings her back to the car, supporting her walk to the car.
00:36:35
Speaker
And it feels like Sherry is trying so hard to get to the car, like not like I have to get to the car and then I can collapse. And she does. She says, I was excommunicated, disowned. It was a pain beyond words. A loss so profound that I felt like a physical amputation, like a part of my soul had been ripped away.
00:36:52
Speaker
Mrs. Heyman's hand found mine across the center console, warm and reassuring. She didn't try to fill the silence with platitudes or empty reassurances. Didn't try to minimize the enormity of what had just happened. She just held my hand, a silent promise that she would be there. Her fingers wound tight around mine.
00:37:10
Speaker
I appreciate how good she is at at showing the care and empathy. I feel like I don't have that ability and I would be very awkward and not knowing what to say and not knowing what to do. And I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm always impressed with Mrs. Heyman and her ability to do the right thing.
00:37:28
Speaker
Yeah. I'm very much like a, an acts of service person. So it's really hard to recognize when somebody just needs a, like a presence.
00:37:39
Speaker
and not like, I'll bring you food. And it's like, I don't need food. I need you to like just sit here. And then I'm like, I don't know what to do with myself. Yeah. is I think it's really hard. you know People on the spectrum, they often say they don't have empathy.
00:37:54
Speaker
And I 100% think that's untrue. We have empathy. Just don't know how to express it. It's just really awkward to try to to yeah to to show it. But it's there.
00:38:05
Speaker
Yeah. And then I have the thing of I am a sponge for emotions. So I take on the emotions of whoever's around me, which is really hard. And I've heard that is also an ADHD thing.
00:38:17
Speaker
that is part of like how we've learned to mask then eventually it morphs into just like oh i just take on whatever is around me all right we did well okay guys we finished chapter or part four ah two chapters took us 45 minutes so we're gonna cut it here because we just talked too much again think you could read the book faster than we can talk through it probably right so next time ah Join us. We will hopefully wrap up part five. I'm sure it'll be at least two parts.
00:38:49
Speaker
But yeah, I'm so glad we're back into it. And can't wait to talk ah more. Get into part five with you guys. Take care. Bye.