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12. Beyond the Facade: Emotional Realities of Plastic Surgery and Body Perception
19 Plays1 year ago
In this episode of Spiraling Together, we dive deep into the emotional realities of plastic surgery and body perception. Sharing our personal stories, we explore the complex factors that make us perceive ourselves as less than perfect and discuss the pressures that drive many to change their bodies. From societal influences to internal struggles, we unpack the psychological weight behind body image issues and how they shape our self-worth. Join us as we reflect on our journeys toward self-acceptance and what it means to embrace our true selves beyond the facade.
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Transcript
Chloe's Personal Struggles and Podcast Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
i I could not handle the way I looked and I didn't feel supported in the marriage I was with the way my body had changed and I had also seen so many people around me having plastic surgery and it just seemed like the thing to do.
00:00:24
Speaker
Aloha, friends. Welcome to Spiraling Together, a mother-daughter healing journey. I'm the daughter, Chloe, and I'm the mother, Valerie. Our mission is to create a safe, nurturing space where mothers and daughters can begin a journey of healing and empowerment together. Through heartfelt conversations, shared experiences, and our personal insights, we aim to foster deeper connections, strengthen bonds, and inspire growth.
00:00:52
Speaker
Before we dive into today's conversation, we want to take a moment to express our heartfelt thanks to all of you who are tuning in. Your willingness to expand and grow with us inspires us each day, and we are honored to have you as part of our community. If you haven't already, please check out our links below and follow us on your favorite platforms so you never miss an episode. Let's get ready
Exploring Emotional Realities of Body Perception
00:01:17
Speaker
to unravel the spiral. Together.
00:01:21
Speaker
All right, everybody, welcome back to Spiraling Together. We are on episode 12. This is Beyond the Facade, Emotional Realities of Plastic Surgery and Body Perception. Yes.
00:01:38
Speaker
Yeah. So we're going to share about our experiences, what's been coming up for us lately. And yeah, just really diving into some of the things that we've learned and that we're still healing through and that we know a lot of you will probably also relate to, especially if you're a woman. Yeah. Yeah.
00:02:08
Speaker
Yeah, this is a ah topic I feel like that is struggled with throughout your whole life. It's constantly changing. I mean, our, our bodies are obviously always something we pay attention to and care about. It's also something that we're taught to care about a lot and that gets judged a lot.
00:02:38
Speaker
Yeah, and we are our own harshest critic. I mean I've noticed so the last couple of days we've spent together we just went to Kona and we stayed in our condo and planned some of these episodes out and I was aware of the way I was talking about my body and we In the struggles that I'm currently having, going through perimenopause right now, I've put on some weight that I've never had in my life and um just still recovering from a surgery. So I was having to catch myself when I was looking at myself in the mirror, say things.
00:03:30
Speaker
Because as a mom, your daughter listens to the things that you say about your body and then they start believing them about themselves. And then
Impact of Societal Judgments and Beauty Standards
00:03:39
Speaker
you have been struggling. Yeah. I, well, for me.
00:03:47
Speaker
I feel like I've had a weird journey with how I've looked at my body ah for a really long time because I was always really small growing up um and like super, super skinny and had a really, really difficult time putting on weight and I was
00:04:12
Speaker
Well, the way people judge my body, I always got comments like, oh, do you eat anything? Like, are you gonna eat a hamburger? Does she eat a hamburger? Like, blah, blah, blah, that kind of stuff. And it's like, all right, bro. Thanks, I guess. Can't do anything about it. um Which isn't like the worst, but it's still annoying, because it's like,
00:04:38
Speaker
it's Why do you even care? Like really? yeah um So it's annoying and then ah more recently I have noticed it's a little bit easier to put on waves. Which is very different because it's never been like that for me.
00:04:59
Speaker
and um You know, it's just, it's hard when you do recognize like, Oh, I, things are changing on my body and it doesn't look how it looked a few years ago and my body doesn't feel the same. It's not working the same. Um, so yeah, I've been having some trouble with that. I feel like I'm getting better, but it's also.
00:05:30
Speaker
I've been opening, you know, my mind to trying to take care of it more because I am noticing those things. Um, and what I also noticed is I i think the hardest part about healing and like realizing that you don't want to be, um,
00:05:58
Speaker
falling on old bad habits. Like for me, I vaped for a really long time. And nicotine is like an appetite suppressant. And it also gets your bowels moving like caffeine does.
00:06:20
Speaker
um And I quit vaping, which is like so awesome because it's not good for you. um And I'm happy I did that, but I swear sometimes I'm like, I wonder if if I didn't quit vaping.
00:06:39
Speaker
this wouldn't have happened you know but it's like i'm not gonna pick it back up because i do not want to it's just like those unhealthy habits that you're like was that really what was keeping me skinny you know which sucks but i'm trying to find a path towards like
00:07:01
Speaker
Being healthy and being happy with the way I look when I am healthy. Because even saying that word skinny That sounds bad to say like, yeah, I want to be skinny, but that's what women are taught. Yeah. And like what is considered healthy? Yeah. You know, it' like if you're watching what social media is showing you right now or modeling or anything else, it is not healthy.
00:07:36
Speaker
It is exactly depriving yourself of nutrients and rest time that you need. I mean i think back to so something that you said to me over the last couple of days because we have been talking about So recently we've gotten a couple of negative comments on YouTube and they've been geared towards me and my actual body and saying that I you know don't look like I take care of myself and just some negative comments about my body and so
00:08:13
Speaker
I was already feeling that and I was already like working on you know being able to work out again after my surgery which we're going to touch on in this episode. I did have an explant and I was already working on it. I was already going to a holistic doctor.
00:08:29
Speaker
to help me with these parents perimenopause symptoms i'm having which weight gain is one of the things and so I was working on these things but I was already feeling some type of weight because my body has changed so much and yeah the thing that you said was you know you used to work out so much mom like i've never not seen you working out and in in this last couple of years I haven't really been able to work out as much as I had previously, but I also realized that the times when I was working out when I was younger, I don't think I was working out in a healthy way either.
00:09:10
Speaker
I was working out
Holistic Self-Care and Body Acceptance
00:09:12
Speaker
all the time and pushing my body. I was in pain all the time because I was working out so hard and I didn't understand the natural cycles of a woman and I was trying to look like what I thought society would accept me for and Obviously, you know in those comments that I received on YouTube that's still how men want to see women to be in a certain shape and We have to break through that in our healing journey that
00:09:50
Speaker
We have to find what works for our body and take care of ourselves physically. But what are we trying to make our bodies look like? Are we trying to make it look like a way for us to get accepted by others?
00:10:07
Speaker
You know? Yeah, and it is a really crazy thing because I i guess like another way To look at it is not everybody's definition of beauty is the same either. So it's a really weird
00:10:29
Speaker
like thing that we all think Like we all think we have to look a certain way. We all think that certain things make someone beautiful. But just because one like you might think a certain physical attribute is beautiful, I might think it's not.
00:10:49
Speaker
But we often look to society and, you know, like what's on the front page of a magazine or who's a model, et cetera. And whatever that is at the moment, we're like, oh, I need that right now.
00:11:05
Speaker
And especially as women, I mean, everything is cater catered to our physicality and the way we look. And even with aging or anything, there's like these anti-aging campaigns and It's just so heavily pushed out. But when we start healing and understanding that our bodies are literally vessels for our souls to have time on this planet, we start being able to see that
00:11:39
Speaker
It is important to take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, but our bodies are not the only thing that is important to take care of. yeah It's just peace of it and
00:11:59
Speaker
the way that we've been taught that we have to alter them to be accepted, to accept ourselves and be accepted by others is, it's a tragedy.
00:12:10
Speaker
h Yeah. I mean, we we have such an emphasis on your outside looks and what you look like on the outside. And we just stop caring so much about the inside and what we're feeling ourselves with, what we're putting inside our bodies, what we're not putting inside of our bodies. I mean,
00:12:39
Speaker
I have heard girls my age be like, Oh, I already ate, you know, breakfast. Like I, I can't have a snack until this time or something. And I'm like, all right. And you're hungry. Like girl, you know, and I mean, I've done that to myself too. Right. Like we all do it, but it's just like, it's so heartbreaking to hear. Like girls say that and it's just like, you know,
00:13:10
Speaker
I don't know. We all have our own struggles with the way that we see ourselves and and why we think that we have to do certain things like not eat food when we're hungry or put something else in our bodies so that it causes us to not be hungry like or work or work out to the point where we hurt ourselves or cut our bodies open and put implants in or cut pieces of our bodies off.
00:13:48
Speaker
Aloha listeners. We hope you're enjoying this episode of Spireling together. We're just taking a quick break to remind you about a few things. If you're loving what you hear, we ask you to please follow, like, and subscribe to our podcast. Your support helps us reach more people who might benefit from our conversations.
00:14:07
Speaker
and we're on all the major social media platforms. You can find us on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, and TikTok. Just search for spiraling together and you'll see all our latest updates and behind the scenes content. We absolutely love hearing from you. Your comments, likes, and shares mean the world to us. They not only motivate us to keep us going, but also helps us create better content for you.
00:14:35
Speaker
So, if you have any feedback, questions, or topics you'd like us to cover, please leave us a comment or send us a message. We read every single one and appreciate your thoughts. Thank you so much for supporting Spiraling together. Your engagement and feedback are what keep us inspired and passionate about bringing you more vulnerable conversations. Now, let's get back to the show.
00:15:01
Speaker
Yeah,
Plastic Surgery: Personal Journeys and Realizations
00:15:03
Speaker
that was something that, if it's okay if we segue into that a little bit. yeah So I had Logan, Chloe's brother, and Chloe when I was really young. I was 20, 22 years old and my pregnancies were, I gained a lot of weight and my body shifted so much that i I could not handle the way I looked. And I didn't feel supported in the marriage I was with the book way my body had changed. And I had also seen so many people around me having plastic surgery.
00:15:48
Speaker
And it just seemed like the thing to do. So I didn't think much of it. And I got breast implants and a tummy tuck. And I was 23 years old, kind of like this mommy makeover thing. And It did make me feel better about myself. I mean, it it did because I had a huge amount of skin hanging off my stomach and saggy tube sock looking breasts that were, you know, at 23 years old. It was just like, whoa, when you really believe that all you are is your body and you've never been taught that this is actually a normal natural thing that happens after childbirth and
00:16:33
Speaker
Yeah, i I did that, but I started having complications. Of course, I didn't know because no one wants to tell you that breast implants actually are not good for you and they're toxic actually. And then I had another set of breast implants when I was older and I just, I started having so many issues. i am like irritable bowel syndrome and fibromyalgia and just a myriad of so many different symptoms that came from these breast implants that were safe. You know, they're safe. But a few years ago,
00:17:13
Speaker
i I realized finally when I was going through my own healing journey that I actually wanted to feel what it was like to be fully myself and that these breast implants were causing harmful, harmful Symptoms within my body. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe I was lied to I didn't want to believe that The majority of people I know have implants and that we've all been fed this lie I didn't want to believe it but
00:17:47
Speaker
The doctor I talked to and told him about all the symptoms I was having and the amount of pain I was in, he was like, you have breast implant illness. And I was like, whoa, you're a doctor and you're actually like confirming that this is a thing.
00:18:07
Speaker
So I decided to explant and it's almost been two years now and it has been a huge process to accept my body again without the implants and to heal from the surgery and I'm still to this day having symptoms of like pain if I exercise too much or things that I'm going through and scars on my body. And it's a huge ordeal. is And I just, I don't want anyone else to have to go through that. I wish I would have known.
00:18:51
Speaker
I wish someone would have told me the truth that breast implants are made from toxic materials that leak into your body. You have to be cut open. You have to go under the knife. You have to go under anesthesia. They don't last forever. They only last for about 10 years. There are no safe breast implants.
00:19:16
Speaker
But such it makes so much money for everyone. And that's the whole thing. All of these things in our society that are pressuring us to go along this anti-aging journey and all of these beauty products, makeup, and I mean, I'm not against makeup. I'm not saying that.
00:19:43
Speaker
But ah a lot of the things are just because it's capitalism. We live in a capital capitalistic society. And then there's also the like women are more likely to go shopping and then the pink tax thing and then dadadada a there's a whole rabbit hole to go down on that one. Yeah. But yeah, capitalism fuels.
00:20:11
Speaker
a lot of what
Embracing Natural Beauty and Aging
00:20:12
Speaker
happens in like the beauty standards. And it's exhausting. It is. And um I think the plastic surgery saying Well, I was going to kind of share. i've I've talked to you about this before. um Like when I was growing up i and I didn't know that you had breast implants. um I remember being in middle school and I was a late bloomer.
00:20:49
Speaker
And, um, I remember my friends like, you know, started going up in cup sizes and whatever. And like some of them would wear pushup bras and stuff, which who cares? Um, you do what you want, but I was like, I had really small boobies.
00:21:11
Speaker
I was like, so you know, I started to get insecure because I was like, what the heck? You know, like why am I not growing? Whatever. um And I remember one of my friends was literally like, doesn't your mom have big boobs? I'm sure yours are gonna grow. And I was like,
00:21:32
Speaker
I think you're right. But you know, I was like, Oh yeah, my mom does have like bigger boobs. And then I was like, I guess you just have to wait. But it's like that whole, like even girls, like we're just so used to this idea of, you know, what's supposed to happen to your body or what's going to make you beautiful. And then like, if it doesn't happen or that it's like not necessarily naturally happening. It's just like, it's almost like, what's the word that I'm looking for or just upsetting, I guess. It's like, if you naturally can't get what everybody wants,
00:22:21
Speaker
It just sucks because then you feel unwanted. You feel like no one's going to think you're attractive. Like, you know, but I mean,
00:22:34
Speaker
Do big boobies really make you more beautiful? like i mean that that's the that up It kind of goes back to what you were saying earlier. Some people think certain attributes are beautiful and some people don't, but if like society like blows it up to be like, this is the standard of beauty, right then everyone starts believing that.
00:22:57
Speaker
And I think we touched on this um on our car ride to Kona, but it was the the thought that like when you're looking for outside validation, a lot of the time you're looking for it from the opposite gender. yeah And who's the one that's deciding What looks good on a woman? It's usually a man. What is he like to see? They're very visual creatures. And when you're looking for that outside validation, if you don't have those things that a man wants or a suitor or your partner or et cetera, you feel not good. You feel unwanted.
00:23:55
Speaker
And that's why we looked at plastic surgery sometimes. Yeah. It's, it's a hard thing to, I mean, like you said, it was your body changed so much and you just didn't know who you were anymore. Cause I mean, pregnancy is a drastic change on your body. Yeah. And that scares me. Yeah.
00:24:21
Speaker
I don't, again, it's like we just aren't really taught um that it's okay for our bodies to change. That that's yeah actually okay. And that when we choose a partner and we go through pregnancy, you know, be realistic about your wife or or whoever that just gave birth to your child. Yeah, their body is not going to stay the same because they brought a child into the world and they might get stretch marks and they might their boobs not might not be as firm as they were and all this but you know
00:25:01
Speaker
I'm sure your body changes too. like that it's just This is an a natural, normal part of life. and we praise Our society praises the young female body so much. like It is just the most
00:25:25
Speaker
I'm what I'm trying to say. I don't know what I'm trying to say. you saying Yeah, it's like like the the pinnacle of right. it It's like the Virgin. Whatever. It's weird. But let's be realistic. Like we grow up and our bodies do change and we're not you know, this kind of makes me go into the
00:25:50
Speaker
We're not sexual beings our whole life, you know? Like, if we were... If we were meant to be always like sexual and sexually attractive bodies, we would come into this world immediately having sex and going out, but things change, you know? Um, so...
00:26:16
Speaker
It's really being able to get the connection within yourself and know that you are more than just your body, that you are a beautiful soul within side and your body is the vehicle. um But it does take a lot of.
00:26:36
Speaker
I mean, like we have affirmations up in our showers and on our mirrors to help remind us because this is so programmed and ingrained in us. yeah Even if we truly know these things, it doesn't mean that when we go to the mirror, I mean,
00:26:55
Speaker
I shaved my head hair off like, I don't know when that was like four months ago or so, I don't know. And um as it's growing back, it's been a struggle for me, I'm not gonna lie, like it's been a struggle. i I mean, you can see Chloe's hair, this long, curly, beautiful hair. I also have long, curly, beautiful hair, but I shaved it off. I'm going through my own journey of accepting myself more and more. But as it's been growing out, it's been like,
00:27:24
Speaker
Oh my gosh, it's been difficult, you know? Yeah. Which I even think that's another thing that we could touch on is like or our curly hair. For me, when I was a kid, I hated my curly hair so much.
00:27:48
Speaker
Why? I don't know. I just I guess like my friends all had straight hair and stuff and it's like it's that saying you always want what you don't have and I was constantly straightening my hair. And were you watching me straighten my hair? Yeah. Because you did that a lot too. I did it because I didn't like my curly hair because I was told by someone that they didn't like it.
00:28:14
Speaker
yeah And because they didn't like it, I didn't feel like I would be loved and accepted by that person. And so I strained it. So you watched me, not like my hair, which taught you probably not to like your hair too. So I'm sorry about that. But I even remember like going to get my hair cut and stuff and like it being curly and it being curly. and yeah Oh my gosh, your hair is so gorgeous. And I was like, no, it's not like I wouldn't even believe them.
00:28:44
Speaker
I was just like, okay. I don't care what you have to say. It took me a long time to finally be like, you know what? Actually, my hair is really pretty. I'm really grateful. I have curly hair. It's fun. Yeah. And yeah, it's hard to take care of sometimes, but like, it's worth it. And it's become like one of my favorite things that I have, you know?
00:29:05
Speaker
Yeah, I'm so glad. That's how I feel too. i I'm super excited about my hair growing out again and getting curly again. i'm I embraced my curly hair sometime in my 30s finally. And when I did, I was like really happy about it. And I actually got more compliments from people when my hair was curly than when it wasn't. So it's like, be who you are and let your hair be what it is. I mean,
00:29:32
Speaker
Yeah, it's and I as far as hair goes um I've also stopped dyeing it or highlighting it because I was highlighting it for so long um And I just made a choice that that's not something I want to do anymore. Yeah, I don't want to do it Because I just want to embrace the natural color Not go ahead this is another crazy thing that I just like because of capitalism and I feel like the wild thing with women's haircuts sometimes girls tell me how much they spend when they go get their haircut and I am like like 400 like what it's expensive
00:30:20
Speaker
And then you hear a guy be like, oh, I just got my hair cut. How much? 30 bucks. like Like I understand. Yeah. It's definitely different. Like yeah how much hair is being cut, et cetera, et cetera. But I am like, dude.
00:30:34
Speaker
It's gnarly. Do you remember when we were at Target in the line? And one of the aunties was like, oh, I like your hair. And then we got in that whole conversation with a whole bunch of women that were saying that, yeah, we don't dye our hair anymore. And we like it better. And they did yeah this was like so many women just started chiming in four ladies about how It was just, well, it was annoying to sit in the salon chair for three hours and then how much it cost and then, you know, chemicals, chemicals going into the environment and all of these other, or even breathing them in or whatever. Yeah.
00:31:18
Speaker
yeah I have another thing you remember when I dyed my hair black yeah so that happened the only time I ever dyed my hair mistake anyways then when i I got it all stripped out because I was like this is insane and I was like the upkeep that this would take the amount of money and time it would take insane and I had to sit under those the things where it put the like heat, the dryer, call it the dryer. Sure. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Um, and the chemicals smelt so insane that I threw up. I literally had to go to the bathroom and I threw up. Wow.
00:32:07
Speaker
Yeah, I don't dye my hair anymore. but yeah yeah and i was like I was just like, dude, what? like Why does it smell this insane? And I had to vomit and then I was like, yeah, I can't sit there anymore.
00:32:20
Speaker
yeah and i i mean obviously I did highlights for so, so, so long. and so like We're not shaming anyone if you do your hair. yeah yeah we're never Anything that we're talking about isn't like you do you. It's just that sometimes you decide you want to make a change. and ah one of the biggest reasons for me, I mean, I'll be honest, where I live now, it's like really hard to find a good hairdresser. And I'm living in the country, like on a farm. And so I was having a real hard time getting my hair done here. And so I just decided to allow it to go natural. Aloha, beautiful souls.
00:33:04
Speaker
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Speaker
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00:33:53
Speaker
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00:34:48
Speaker
honestly better when their natural color is coming through. They don't look old. yeah Like I don't think that just because someone has silvers coming in or gray that you're old. And also we got to stop that thought that aging is bad. It's a gift to age. It's a gift. I agree.
00:35:15
Speaker
You know, we are we only have this lifetime to live and the longer we're here, the more we get to spend with our loved ones and our animals and all of the things that we're you know gifted in this life. yeah And so aging is actually beautiful.
00:35:41
Speaker
And it's something if we could learn to embrace and to realize with age comes wisdom and it experience and that we as women have so much to teach the younger generations.
00:35:56
Speaker
when we fully embrace who we are and what we have come to learn and how we can help them love and accept themselves and not ever have them think that getting older is like this horrible thing. It's going to happen no matter what. And I used to be so scared of it. I used to be so scared to get older. Yeah.
00:36:22
Speaker
Because society likes to just kick out older people, you know. But when you look back in history, you look back at indigenous cultures and other people, they went to their elders. Like in Hawaii, the kapuna, I mean, there's so much wisdom that our elders hold for us.
00:36:49
Speaker
And especially if they're connected into their soul and into their heart and not caught up in the lies of our society, yeah that we're only a body. And once the body goes, we're just not good anymore. Yeah, exactly.
00:37:11
Speaker
Sometimes you just drop stuff and I'm like, I don't even know what to say after it you know things start coming through. You
Influence of Society and Media on Body Image
00:37:19
Speaker
know, it just, it's a message that needs to come through me. yeah And yeah, that's something I did when I talk about that.
00:37:30
Speaker
kind of going back to the plastic surgery thing. I also want to bring in social media. Um, cause I had talked to you about this before and like growing up, um, another thing that I guess kind of like messed with my confidence. Um,
00:37:53
Speaker
It's, well, yeah, and we're already talking about, um like the chest size thing. um I had told you that like a few influencers or people that I would follow on social media or like YouTubers and stuff like that, um you know, they didn't have huge breasts or anything. um But then as they got more popular and they got, you know, more money and stuff, they ended up getting plastic surgery to, you know, have bigger boobs. And I think as a kid, that kind of, <unk> not a kid, but like a teenager, that really messed with me because I was like,
00:38:40
Speaker
you know, yeah like you're somebody I look up to and you know, we have like a similar build. And then when you do change something about yourself like that, that is something that like as a woman, like you pay attention to cause it's one of those things you think makes you attractive. And you're just like, Oh, like does everybody do this? You know, like,
00:39:07
Speaker
you're somebody that, you know, I felt confidence because of, because we look similar and you're like able to, you know, still gain a following and still be super successful. And, and then you change your body afterwards. And I was just like, huh, you know, what did that make you feel like that?
00:39:33
Speaker
it It's kind of like, oh, so if I don't do this, I'm not gonna be beautiful. you know And that's not to say like, those people are horrible and that's the message they're trying to give off, because I don't think that that's true. It's just like, it also, I feel like furthermore proves that even if you,
00:40:02
Speaker
are successful or you are moving up in your business or whatever people are still going to care about that people are still going to care about your outside looks and you're you know like if yeah So when you explained it to me, you were literally like, it helped me be confident in my natural body. that yeah And you were you were saying that it was very disappointing because then you were like, okay, I really looked up to this person because they were so beautiful and they were embracing their natural look. And then all of a sudden, did they not have confidence in their body? yeah
00:40:47
Speaker
even with the following that they had you know it's just yeah it's like confusing yeah and and you're someone who Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, it's not, you I'm not saying you're someone we as women and young women are easily influenced by the people that we look up to. Yeah. And that's the same thing in a mother and a daughter relationship. You know, if you want, you didn't know that I got breast implants cause I got them when you were a baby and it's not something that you just start having a conversation about, you know, you don't just say, I have brought, you know, but.
00:41:28
Speaker
you so You saw the way that I straightened my hair, the way that I worked out all the time, the ways that I did things, and then you did also you know mimic those things as well. So it's really important also, I wanted to bring this into this conversation about mothers, the way you talk about your daughter's body.
00:41:54
Speaker
we have got to compliment them not on their body and not judge their bodies, but to actually compliment them on the things that you know you attribute to to life and the things that you're doing. And not everything is about your body. Yeah.
00:42:13
Speaker
And even if they are eating more snacks, it's don't say, oh, are you eating that too? You're going to get fat. like It's just all these comments that do not need to be said at all. There never needs to be a time that you talk about your child's body in a judgmental way. Yeah.
00:42:37
Speaker
This was done to me growing up as it was a nonstop thing, judgments of my body. And it was also family members, men that were family members talking about parts of my body. All of these things greatly impact a child and the way that they grow up thinking about their own bodies. We as adults need to step up and stop judging bodies of our children, we have got to stop that. We just have to. yeah Like if we want to heal and grow and become conscious, loving beings, then we've got to take the focus off of someone's body.
00:43:22
Speaker
Yeah. It doesn't have to just be your children. Anybody. Well, anybody. But I know that I like as yeah as a parent, it's important. The way we raise our children is how they're going to go out into the world. And then are they going to start judging other people's bodies? Cause they learned that from their parent. That's, you know, I also wanted to talk on sexualizing a woman's body. Yeah. Because
00:43:50
Speaker
dude it's so insane like living in hawaii when you're at the beach all the time and bikinis are on all the time thongs are being worn 24 seven nobody cares literally nobody cares it is not weird no you're at the beach Yeah, you're um meant to cover up your whole body when you're going in and out of the water and I I've just seen so many like videos on social media to that like
00:44:28
Speaker
maybe they didn't even go viral but like a girl is wearing a bikini and then in the comments it is just it's either like oh you need to cover up like I would never let my kid outside wearing that or something or I don't know I mean there's so many things that are said about women's bodies in bathing suits or whatever but you know it's it's really like you don't really have the right to be talking about somebody else's body and trying to make them feel bad about themselves or trying to push on your morals or ideas of what's right and wrong at the end of the day it's their choice because it is their body exactly and bodies are bodies and we're not meant to
00:45:21
Speaker
There's so much shaming involved and I see shaming of women to women so much or women to younger girls. Yeah, and Dude I've even seen like I saw a video of this girl who like stuck her tongue out because she was and she was just like laughing about something and then she stuck her tongue out like not even not in like a weird way it was just like I pose with my tongue out and a lot of pictures just because that's just what I do and you see comments that are like that's disgusting young lady you should not put your tongue out and it's like huh what is that implying to you
00:46:06
Speaker
Nothing. Like, why do you think that's bad? I don't understand, you know? It's just these harsh judgments. Yeah, and it's like, dude, get off your phone if you're gonna act like you have to comment stuff like that.
Cultural Beauty Standards and Personal Choices
00:46:23
Speaker
What's proper and improper and, you know, we don't... It just bothers me so much.
00:46:32
Speaker
Yeah, like and I mean, I'm I'm really glad that you did grow up the majority of your life here in me Hawaii because Well, let's just say not as many people have plastic surgery, yeah not as many. Most women truly do embrace their natural bodies and go to the beach in thung bikinis yeah and don't do a lot of things. It's a lot more natural look here, you know? um But now you live in California and that's a bit different. Oh, there there is a big difference. and
00:47:16
Speaker
The adjustment is going to take some time for sure. I mean even before I moved and I just kind of like was there and you just notice the difference and I mean it almost seems like like here I could go into a store and wear sweatshorts and like a little tank or a t-shirt and no makeup. My hair is up. I don't care. And there's a bunch of other ladies that are doing the same thing and it's normal. Then I feel like I go to California and everywhere I go, everyone is just like looking their best. And I'm like, dang, dude.
00:48:05
Speaker
uh like i don't want to freaking be putting on makeup all the time and dressing up all the time to go do stuff like of course it's not everybody but it does seem like way more prevalent that It's just cared about more there. And I do understand a part of it is like, I feel like a lot of people that go to California are like trying to get into show business or, you know, influencing and stuff like that. um But like, another big thing I noticed was like tattoos.
00:48:41
Speaker
are like, not a lot of people have tattoos. And then I'm like, oh, modeling, like a lot of people who want to model don't get tattoos. But I'm like, there's so many things that are just different that I have learned is like, okay here, and it doesn't matter. But then I go there. And sometimes I've I just noticed myself get kind of insecure sometimes.
00:49:08
Speaker
And not sometimes, it's a lot of the time, honestly, because it's just so different. yeah um But I have noticed that already and I've kind of been like, okay, it's not the end of the world, everything's fine.
00:49:24
Speaker
you know um so that was a shock but i'm kind of adjusting and you know i decided i'm not i'm not gonna let the insecurity take over like yeah it's not gonna go away
00:49:41
Speaker
without working on it. But um yeah that's kind of an unnecessary pressure too with women is like wearing makeup all the time and getting yourself completely like looking a certain way before you go out. yeah I mean I definitely when I was younger I was very insecure and i could not I couldn't go to the store. I couldn't go into public without putting myself together. I wasn't able to. I just i was like, well, what if I see so-and-so and I look like this? or what if i say you know i would be I would have that like insecurity and that worry that like I had to have my face look as good as it could possibly look and all of these things. you know um And that's a lot of pressure. It's unfair.
00:50:31
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, now I'll go into town ah literally with, yeah, sweatpants on and a whatever, my muck boots. and but I think yeah what feels good for me now is like, I feel like I usually would decide to get ready and get dolled up for other people.
00:51:02
Speaker
Now I don't do that. I get ready and I get dolled up for myself. And like if I'm going out and like I want to put on a dress and want to put on makeup and want to do my hair different, then I'll do it. And it makes me feel good for myself.
00:51:23
Speaker
Instead of you know trying to get that validation from others, of course that feels good. But when you do it for yourself, it means a lot more. And you're more confident, and it doesn't matter if somebody compliments you or not. You feel good about yourself, then that's what matters. Right. That does take growth and awareness.
00:51:48
Speaker
yeah for yourself and the understanding again that we're not just our bodies. And I i will also say, I i mean, my one of my friends has told me this before that she, you know, she is not the most comfortable leaving the house without makeup on, but then that made me realize like, I was lucky to have you who did not start telling me to wear makeup and start you know like pushing stuff at me to cover stuff up or whatever because I never like felt like I wanted it because you told me to do it. I only started doing it because I was like, I ah you know like i didn't really learn that much and then
00:52:44
Speaker
I mean, it's really expensive too, but also like, I was just like, well, you know, I might want to put it on every once in a while. And yeah, but I just, I like it when I like it and I kind of don't like wearing it when I'm not doing much except going to the grocery store, you know, like I still don't feel the need to put it on. I just do it when I feel like I want to.
00:53:16
Speaker
Yeah, same. Yeah, it's just like, every once in a while, I'll throw on a little mascara, a little bit of lip gloss, a little bit of this, that. yeah Nothing too much. And then I'm like, oh, this is fun. yeah But it's not necessary for me to accept or love myself. yeah And it's not necessary for anyone else that I'm with to love me either. yeah You know. So.
Parental Influence and Societal Impact on Body Image
00:53:43
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I feel like just to as a woman in general, it's ah starting to really connect back and starting to see through the things that we have been told or taught and find out, is it really true for you? Are you really only loved if you look a certain way?
00:54:11
Speaker
Are you really only worthy of love? If you look a certain way, is it really the end of the world that you're going to age, yeah you know, and then as a mother on a healing journey or just as a mother, if you have younger children, younger daughter,
00:54:35
Speaker
they're going to listen to the way you talk about your body and they're going to replicate the way that you do things and if you're hating on your body, they're going to learn to hate on their body.
00:54:49
Speaker
And if you subject yourself to surgeries and they know about it, then they're probably going to do the same. And if you judge them and their body, that's going to be crushing yeah to them. It is true.
00:55:10
Speaker
So this this healing journey is healing the relationship we have with ourself, which is really truly trying our best to love our bodies in all stages of life. And no matter what they're looking like, and we ultimately have the ability the more that we love o ourselves physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, the more our body will reflect that on the outside. Yeah. And I just want to put out like a disclaimer, I guess, just for anybody who pat has plastic surgery or has done anything
00:55:57
Speaker
We're in no way in judgment of that. And we not you know we condone you making yourself happy. You're doing what you want to do for yourself at the end of the day. It's your choice no matter what. And if you feel beautiful doing stuff that not everybody agrees with, who cares? Yeah, exactly. It is yeah your choice. And I kind of touched on that earlier. We are never ever shaming you or your experience. We're only sharing what we've gone through and the um my exantt and the breast implant surgeries I had.
00:56:36
Speaker
It was horrible for me. Like I have experienced so much pain and financial I mean, extreme financial, du and I'm not gonna say duress, but it was a lot of money that I poured into something that ended up hurting me, yeah ultimately. So that's why we're sharing this. um We just wanna share so that you can possibly make the choice whether or not you wanna subject yourself to that, but also know knowing further that you really are a being of love and light and not just a body.
00:57:15
Speaker
And if you need support, we can help. Yeah. So we're going to wrap up this episode and again, thank you all for your support. If you have the ability to rate us, give us positive comments, please positive comments and follow us. We're on all the social media platforms and
00:57:42
Speaker
Yeah. Yes. Thank you for spiraling with us. All right. Like we close every episode. Don't judge her. Just love her.