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4. The Path to Self-Love: Healing Starts Within
15 Plays1 year ago
In this enlightening episode of Spiraling Together: A Mother-Daughter Healing Journey, we explore the transformative journey of self-love and its vital role in the healing process. Join us as we uncover the path to self-love, exploring practical steps to nurture your mind, body, and spirit from within.
We discuss:
Self-Awareness: Discover how to become more attuned to your inner self through mindfulness, reflection, and self-discovery.
Self-Acceptance: Learn the importance of embracing yourself fully, practicing self-compassion, and letting go of comparisons.
Self-Care: Explore actionable self-care practices that foster physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
Through real-life examples and personal stories, this episode provides you with the tools and inspiration to start cultivating self-love and embark on a profound healing journey. Whether you're beginning your self-love journey or looking to deepen your practice, this episode offers valuable insights and practical advice to help you heal from within.
Tune in now to start your journey towards self-love and healing!
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Disclaimer: The content of this podcast is based on our personal lived experiences and is for informational and inspirational purposes only. We are not medical professionals, and the advice and insights shared should not be taken as medical or psychological advice. Please consult with a qualified healthcare provider for any medical or psychological concerns you may have.
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Transcript
Introduction to Spiraling Together
00:00:04
Speaker
Aloha, friends. Welcome to Spiraling Together, a mother-daughter healing journey. I'm the daughter, Chloe, and I'm the mother, Valerie. Our mission is to create a safe, nurturing space where mothers and daughters can begin a journey of healing and empowerment together. Through heartfelt conversations, shared experiences, and our personal insights, we aim to foster deeper connections, strengthen bonds, and inspire growth. Before we dive into today's conversation, we want to take a moment to express our heartfelt thanks to all of you who are tuning in. Your willingness to expand and grow with us inspires us each day, and we are honored to have you as part of our community. If you haven't already, please check out our links below and follow us on your favorite platforms so you never miss an episode. Let's get ready to unravel the spiral. Together.
00:01:01
Speaker
All right, everybody. Welcome back to Spiraling Together, a mother-daughter healing journey podcast. We are back with episode four. This episode is going to be about the path to self-love, and healing starts within.
The Path to Self-Love
00:01:19
Speaker
Yeah. I love it. This is one of my favorite topics. It's going to be fun to talk about for sure. Yes. And well, first off, as you can see, we have these big fat covers on our microphones because we realized that in some of the audio, you could hear the birds in the background because we are kind of situated
00:01:45
Speaker
in an orchard. And so there's birds everywhere and the birds are beautiful. It is very beautiful. But we were trying to make the sound quality a little bit better. Right. As well as the lighting. We got bigger foam. Yeah. Yeah, we're we're constantly improving and seeing ways that we can improve and change up things so that overall we're bringing better. content and feel happy about what we're putting out and yeah it's pleasing to the eye and the ears yes and so yes if you are listening to this we do have a video component so on Spotify and on YouTube there's a video component as well so that you can see what we look like
00:02:32
Speaker
right and if you don't want to look at the entire video too we also have instagram um we put shorts out on youtube as well and we also have tiktoks coming out and then what else i think that might be it yeah it's good yeah it's enough for now we're putting out a lot of content yes doing our best we we truly appreciate all of your support and love for this process. And thank you for growing with us. So it really does a lot. And we want to be able to reach a lot of people and help as many people as we can with stuff like this. So people do not feel alone in what they're feeling. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Cute. So you were ah ready to dive in to self love. Let's do it. OK.
Societal Pressures and Self-Care
00:03:23
Speaker
So for me.
00:03:26
Speaker
Learning how to truly give myself love has been a process and it's still a daily process because I think in our society, especially as a woman, we're supposed to be selfless. Like, and when we take care of ourselves first, a lot of times I have felt like I'm being selfish.
00:03:53
Speaker
I think, um, not even just as a woman, but a lot of the time as a mother, you are expected to do a lot. Take care of the kids. You have this role of making all the food, doing all the chores. Dad goes to work. I know the roles are changing um as time goes, but I can see what, I mean, when I was a kid, that was your role. to do everything and I would definitely say every time I saw you doing anything, it was helping around the house or helping with homework or et cetera, et cetera. And I never really saw you like do what you wanted to do.
00:04:41
Speaker
Exactly. And that comes in generationally as well. It's what I witnessed in my mother and in my grandmother. And and so in society also puts that role out that women are supposed to do all the things around the house. So, and like you said, things are changing and I'm i'm very happy to have a husband that helps in so many ways. But yeah, it it I will be real honest, even right now with you and your brother living out here on the farm, there's this thing that comes up inside of me that's like, oh my gosh, I have to make sure that everyone has food and I have to do all of these things. and And it's like this programming that comes from within. And then I have to catch myself and say, oh, wait a second. They're adult and they can feed themselves. And I'm,
00:05:39
Speaker
I'm tired. I need to take a nap instead and I can ask for help now. Yeah. I was going to say, um, I think something funny about that though, is once you kind of set that role, it also creates expectation. <unk> which I, it's not the same anymore, but as a kid, it's like you're always going to go to mom because mom always does everything for you. You're not gonna go to the other parent because, well, they're not there or they haven't shown you that they can do these things and do these things. So it's,
00:06:25
Speaker
I don't know. No, I get what
Setting Boundaries for Self-Love
00:06:28
Speaker
you're saying. And I feel like, So I'm just gonna tie this into what I had to start doing on my self-love journey. I did have to really truly realize that it was important for me to fill up my cup first. because when I didn't fill up my cup first part of me would start having resentments and it would be like oh my gosh nobody ever helps me nobody ever does this nobody ever does that and of course no one's gonna know that if you don't speak it and you continue to just do it and show up in that way when inside you're like oh my gosh like
00:07:10
Speaker
I really don't have the capacity to do another thing, but you push yourself to do it. And then that's the times where, you know, I would become angry and I might like snap at you or just not really fully be able to be or do what I need to do for myself.
00:07:33
Speaker
Yeah. So.
00:07:38
Speaker
For other mothers out there that feel the same way, how would you, I guess, guide them into doing this for themselves? What can they do? That's a great question. I believe the best thing to do is first of all, if you're feeling led to this journey of truly starting to honor yourself,
00:08:10
Speaker
You're going to have to vocalize that to your family and start setting up some boundaries and start saying, hey, I know that I normally do blank, blank and blank. But on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'm actually going to ask that you do blank and blank for me. Like you do, can you take a night to do the meals? Can you do the dishes? You know, you start setting up boundaries and you start asking for help with them. And then you do something for yourself. Like I remember
00:08:46
Speaker
in the beginning on Saturday nights it would be my Saturday night self-care self-love night and I would lock myself in the bathroom I would make sure that I got myself a really nice bath bomb a mask like I would get all of these things and just really ah allow myself to sit alone in the hot water, play music, do whatever it was and just really allow myself to take some space from everyone and all of the different energies. So starting, it can be very small steps. Yeah, I was going to say really quickly, um,
Practical Self-Care Tips
00:09:27
Speaker
I do think that a lot of the time when we see like self-care on social media or like people making those oh my self-care night blah blah blah and they do a mask and then the you know well it's like all of the things that you have to go out and buy these things don't think that you have to do that because another part of self-care is figuring out what you actually like doing for yourself with yourself and that doesn't always have to be an outside thing
00:10:03
Speaker
um Even if you start off with like journaling, you don't have to go out and buy a journal. You can use your notes app, which I've done millions of times, because we're all so used to being on our phones a lot. But yeah, it doesn't have to be, you don't have to make it like you're making a TikTok about it, is what I'm trying to say, you know? Yeah, I totally get that. And what I'll add in for me, Okay, so at the point where I was, I was not doing the little things for myself. I was doing it for everyone else. So for me to know that Saturday night was coming up, say that I went grocery shopping or say that I did something, I would pick up something special for me that I normally wouldn't do.
00:10:55
Speaker
And I mean, literally it was like just putting on oils on my body or ah a different lotion, like it's bringing in a full experience that I needed to do. And so, yeah, you definitely don't have to do anything. Maybe it's just locking yourself in the bathroom for the 15 or 20 minutes away from everything else, turning on some music and breathing alone in a room, yeah, so that you don't have to purchase anything. And my favorite thing to do is pretty much that. Lock myself in my room, turn on some music, and dance. Yes. Dancing alone is so much fun. It really is. That moves so much energy out of your body and really shows your body that you love it. Yeah, that's I love that.
00:11:48
Speaker
Any practice that you can do that makes you feel joy afterwards is self-love. Yes, definitely. Yeah. And I think it also helps you get into the self-acceptance area of self-love in the way that If no one's looking at you dancing, it doesn't matter. And don't judge yourself. If you have a mirror in your room,
00:12:21
Speaker
Don't even look at yourself in the mirror unless you're feeling it. you know I feel like it's this that idea of like dancing alone or like you know dancing. A lot of people are like shy about that. like I definitely used to be, but it's like I'm also not gonna dance in front of people the way I dance in front of myself. because you When you feel comfortable enough in your body to do that, you really are proving to yourself that i I love myself. I can do what I want and I feel good doing this and I don't have to show anybody else either. Yes. Can we talk about the mirror a
Reversing Negative Self-Talk
00:13:03
Speaker
little bit? Yeah. Because I really think that I still struggle with this, but there was a time in my life I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror at all.
00:13:20
Speaker
I even like say you went to Target or whatever and you went to use the public bathroom. I would not look at myself in the mirror when I washed my hands. That's how much lack of self-love I had for myself. Now, every time I go past a mirror, if I look at myself and I think anything other than I love you, I stop and reverse it. Cause I still do it. I'll, I'll walk by and I'll be like, Oh gosh, look at that cellulite on my arm. And and then I'll make whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:13:56
Speaker
You have a body and bodies do things and it's okay. And then I send love to that part of myself. I think as women, we have been so programmed to not love ourselves because of the way we look on the outside when the love is really on the inside, so. Yeah, that's what you were saying about looking at yourself in the mirror, like you wouldn't do it for the longest time. I realized honestly kind of recently that I never like categorize myself as not a confident person, but not confident. I was always in this kind of in between, like in high school.
00:14:46
Speaker
But I also had, you know, a decent amount of acne in high school and that would get to me. But the way I wouldn't let it get to me is I would not look at myself in the mirror because I didn't want to believe that I had it. Then and that there's that stereotype that, you know, acne makes you ugly or it's just something that's not pretty, it's not beautiful to have. And you hear people say all the time, like, oh, everybody gets it, blah, blah, blah. And then you're like, OK. And? But when when you're the one that has it, because I also had very bad acne when I was a teenager and into my young adult, when you see that in the mirror, it's like all you can focus on. Right. When really we have this whole entire body.
00:15:41
Speaker
But yes, it, we are programmed very much to believe that our outside is what matters the most. And really when you look at life and like all that's going on, I mean, we're sitting on this, this spinning ball that's rotating around in this universe and there's so much more, right? But yeah, we're, our faces are the first thing that we show. true And so, sending ourselves love each time we look at ourselves in the mirror and and trying to reprogram that message that we're giving to ourselves, that I love you and I accept you, no matter what you look like. Even if you have to put notes like that on your mirror as reminders, that really does help.
00:16:34
Speaker
because I have six affirmations on my mirror right now, but there are some days I know they're there and I don't look at them.
00:16:46
Speaker
I understand that. I i do. the It's a self-love is a daily practice. It's a daily practice. and You have to commit to it. And I believe one of the things that is so important about self-love is it's not just changing a belief necessarily in your mind, but it's connecting into your body. and into your heart so that you can truly feel and know that you are more than just a body. you are Yeah. That's important to know. It is. an and And it's something that you actually have to be able to feel and know that we're not just human, but we're also divine. We're also sacred.
00:17:47
Speaker
So being able to truly feel that is what is going to help us know that we're worthy of love no matter how we look on the outside.
Committing to Daily Self-Love
00:18:00
Speaker
But isn't it hard to actually fully embrace and love ourselves? Oh, it is. Yeah. It's a fluctuating thing. It is. especially physically as you fluctuate through her life as well. Your body constantly going through changes. Oh my gosh. Yeah, right now I'm hit in the throes of perimenopause. And I'm like, oh my gosh, this is really difficult.
00:18:33
Speaker
and I'm gonna love myself through this stage and I'm gonna know that it's gonna pass one day and I'm doing the things that I need to show my myself self-love like resting when I need to and taking other holistic measures but all of that involves me slowing down enough and not taking care of everyone else but taking care of myself. Yes. So that comes into the self-care. Oh, definitely. Like how much, how important that is to do on a daily basis. Yeah. Which I know we touched on that a little bit in the beginning, but literally like sometimes self-care is literally just not doing anything. Which I am still learning.
00:19:31
Speaker
Me too. Yeah. Because once again, the world we live in is go, go, go. You constantly need to be doing stuff. Whatever. I have especially had a hard time doing that because I've I always strive to be
00:19:52
Speaker
Perfect this concept of perfect always strive to be constantly doing something You know never resting unless it's sleeping at night. I Still have problems taking naps and I love taking naps But I don't allow myself to do it Because I shame myself for not doing anything I Get that I've 100% been there and And I know that we talk about it all the time and I try to be an example of but I also know that we all have our own journeys and I think one of the biggest things that you're right. It's like we live in this society that is really based on
00:20:46
Speaker
masculine dynamics and when I talk about that it's we all have energies within us no matter if we're a man a woman non-binary we have a masculine energy and a feminine energy or a yin and a yang energy And that masculine energy has been the dominating force to go, go, go, do, do, do. um Whereas the feminine is more of like the creative and the flowing and slowing down.
Balancing Energies and Rest
00:21:20
Speaker
And it is harder to tap into that energy. And especially if when you look at it from a ah trauma-based, if we have a lot of
00:21:33
Speaker
Wounding in the masculine we as women step up and we we feel like we have to protect ourselves and keep ourselves safe. So of course it is going to be harder to rest because we're the ones that are trying to control all the outcomes and make everything like you said perfect when in actuality that's that's really what's hurting us. I also wanted to mention on the topic of the masculine and the feminine and resting
00:22:08
Speaker
females, our hormones fluctuate so much and we actually physically need more rest during the day and we do not work on a nine to five schedule like a man does. And when we go to the workforce and we have to do what the guys are doing because The world was built around males. It strips us away of what we need. And we don't grow up knowing that we're not exactly meant to live this nine to five workforce life.
00:22:56
Speaker
because our bodies do not thrive on that. So true. Men have testosterone, so they are like the sun. They rise in the morning and they sit in the evening and we follow more like a moon cycle or the cycles. like the summer and the spring and the winter and the fall. We follow the cycles of nature, but we've things have changed for our capitalistic society and everything, so that's a beautiful point that you say.
00:23:29
Speaker
So it's starting to realize that and know that we will not always have the same amount of energy every day. And it's starting to tap into our bodies. And and if you wake up one day and you just feel more sluggish, I mean, I know that if you have a job that you have to go to, okay. but if like let's say it's the weekend and you just really don't have the energy don't try to force yourself and drink caffeine it's like can you just try one day or half a day if it's hard or a quarter of a day because I know what that's like to be like okay I'm gonna rest and you you lay there and then you're like I'm being lazy and then maybe your spouse will be like what are you doing why are you resting I need to
00:24:19
Speaker
I need to tap back into that part of me where I can listen to my body again. Because that's where our intuition lies and that's where our inner knowing, our wisdom comes from that. But we're so used to just going and drinking more caffeine and just keeping up when our lives can be so much more fulfilling When we pause, stop, let ourselves like listen again. Right. That just made me think of like the first time I found something that I knew was for myself was like
00:25:06
Speaker
in the beginning of high school when I started seeing like meditations. And my first like meditation was it probably in like freshman year of high school. And I listened to it before I went to bed.
00:25:28
Speaker
And it was really eye opening, even though I feel like when you do first start those guided meditations and you your mind is so used to that go, go, go, it's really hard to like slow it down and get into the meditation. But as you do it more, you get a lot better at.
Meditation and Self-Awareness
00:25:49
Speaker
Actually just listening to what is being said thinking about what you know, they usually tell you to think about certain things and They're all different and so it does take a second to find some that you really do like the people You know, they there's a wide array all over YouTube But I think that's a it's a good first step um
00:26:18
Speaker
because it it teaches you a lot. It teaches you to slow down a little bit more and it's not that crazy. You can find like five minute meditations, 10 minute meditations. If you can't fall asleep at night, instead of scrolling on social media, just look something up on YouTube, close your eyes, do the meditation and then see how you feel afterwards. I agree. I just wanted to say that I remember coming in and you showing me a meditation app. I had no clue. I was like, you're meditating? What even is that? Like I was so in that go, go, go. I was in the state of survival. I was deep into the career I was in and I just had no clue. And I just thought that was so cool that you were doing that.
00:27:15
Speaker
but I didn't do it until much later. And speaking of meditation, I think there's a lot of beliefs that you're supposed to completely quiet your mind, like there's not supposed to be anything, but that's not really true, because your mind doesn't stop. It's just you might get to the point where it slows down a little bit. And if, for me, if I want to go into a meditation, I actually do some breathing first, That's what helps me go into a meditation. I'll do like a breath work session. And then that gives me the ability to like actually sit still and listen and know that it's okay to sit still. And also the, I will say this on every episode, like the yen yoga for me,
00:28:09
Speaker
There's like some programs that you can do like 20 to 30 minutes at night before instead of scrolling. I sleep so much better and I don't get into bed with my mind racing at all. Which is self-care and self-love. Yes. Yes. Because all of these things that we're doing are for self-love.
00:28:36
Speaker
I did kind of want to backtrack a little bit, I guess, and talk about the self-awareness part.
Understanding Self-Awareness
00:28:45
Speaker
um I think that is like the first step to self-love is finding out how to love yourself. Because it is it's never going to be the same for two people. It took me a really long time to figure out things that I thoroughly enjoyed, not other people enjoyed, and I was joining them. A lot of the time when you're growing up, I feel like you're hanging out with friend groups and, you know, people do whatever.
00:29:28
Speaker
And you're kind of just a part of it. Unless you're choosing to do stuff on your own. I think when you're growing up though, you're you don't really have that sense of self yet. I think it took me especially long to figure out my sense of self because I was constantly around people or I always had like a best friend that I was doing stuff with. And it wasn't always, oh, hey, do you want to go do blank with me? It was just like, oh, let's just sit around and whatever random stuff.
00:30:13
Speaker
But as I've gotten older, I've realized you have to go on dates by yourself to figure out what you like. Especially when you consume so much stuff. A lot of people have a lot of hobbies and they like to post about it, looks super fun and cool. I've also noticed with myself, what I've done is like if I do see stuff that looks interesting, sometimes I'll go out, I'll buy all this stuff to do this hobby, and I'll do it once or twice and then I'm like But you have to do that. you You kind of do to actually figure out what you want, what you like doing, what's filling up your cup. Bringing in that feminine creativity. Yeah, it's super important. I ah used to have a very hard time being by myself.
00:31:15
Speaker
And now I love it. I'm like, please, can I be by myself? I'm like, I want to be by my myself because then I can flow around freely and not have to worry about anything else or anyone else. And I can just, you know, skip around in the orchard or if I want to go pet the animals, make my little flower arrangements, do whatever I want. And, and, and I think that that is It is very important to be able to have the space to breathe and find what it is that brings you joy. And then when you find it, not worry when someone else comes into the picture and then you're like, look at this new thing that I'm doing. I love it. Exactly. Yeah. And one other thing with that finding sense of self, what I was saying is let go of FOMO.
00:32:11
Speaker
Yeah. Most of the time when you go to stuff with a big group of people, e you can have more fun by yourself. I agree. it's It's good to be social and hang out with your friends and do whatever, but if you're tired, if if someone's going that You don't know that well and you're not really ready to start talking to new people. Listen to yourself. Yes. You're sorry. No, that that moment is probably not what you're making it in your head. You know, that experience might not be as cool as you think it's going to be just because other people are there.
00:33:06
Speaker
there will usually always be other opportunities to do stuff. Yeah. And it's important to choose who you're around as well. You know, sometimes when you go to certain events, you don't have a choice if it's a large event, but your friend group really does matter a lot. It matters who you're around, what kind of energy you're in. I know for me, I have a really hard time
Respecting Personal Boundaries
00:33:39
Speaker
being around just energies that that don't don't work for me. Because I don't want to have certain conversations. you know I don't and don't want to be in gossipy conversations with other people. or you know I want to talk about deep things. And I want to get to know you for real. And I want ah want to have this, like we talk about self-love, I want to know that there can be love between me and another person in a way and support. And you don't always get that when you're around certain people. And I don't know if we said this yet, but self-respect is kind of what we're talking about right now. Making those boundaries, not being around people that have you know more negative energies or gossipy energies,
00:34:39
Speaker
because realistically, yourre you are the person that, what am I trying to say right now? You're the average of the five people yes that we, like the Jim Rohn quote. Yeah, that's, yeah. Say it again. You're the average of the five people you hang around with, and something to that effect. Yeah, yes, yeah. So it's important. Yeah. And that respecting yourself is being able to use your voice with your family, with your friends, with anyone else and know that taking care of yourself is absolutely not selfish. Loving yourself is not selfish. For you to truly allow yourself to love yourself means you can love others too and not hold resentments because you weren't able to take care of yourself. Hmm.
00:35:33
Speaker
So I think another thing that you've probably already experienced is when you're not happy in a current moment or like you're upset about something, it is your responsibility to go figure that out before you're around people and be mean to them because you will. or you ignore them, or et cetera, you have to calm yourself down, or you're not gonna be a very nice person. It's true, and it really, like, as women, we do fluctuate with our emotions, too. A lot.
Emotional Acceptance and Communication
00:36:18
Speaker
Yes. And that's so normal. Like, I remember going, holy crap, I went from being super happy and excited to crying hysterically and scream, like, what in the... what is wrong with me but actually there's nothing wrong with you woman we are we go down into the depths and we come back up we are connected again to the moon cycles like you know we have that water when we are in a water sign i'm usually crying like and if the people like my husband for example i'll literally just be like hey
00:36:50
Speaker
I am going through through some things today and it really has nothing to do with you and that's just part of the using the voice and loving yourself and so and and accepting that you are not always gonna be happy and you are gonna fluctuate and and that's loving those parts of yourself. And don't call yourself crazy. Yeah. I've done that a lot. Oh yeah. Stop doing that. Yes. You're not crazy. You're a woman. and you're normal You're normal. And you have fluctuating emotions and they're not even always yours.
00:37:27
Speaker
but you can tell the people that you're around that I'm just, I'm feeling things today. ah I'm feeling and I'm feeling and I'm accepting that I'm feeling. The more we can accept ourselves for the truth of who we are and not try to put on any falsities or that toxic positivity, I'm always good. that That's part of loving yourself too, is just the true, true acceptance. of your entirety, your humanness and your divineness, because you're both. Slay.
00:38:05
Speaker
So as we ah wrap this episode up again, we want to thank you all for all of your support. Please subscribe. Please make a comment, like, follow us on ah all of our social media platforms. Yes, we did make a link tree as well, which makes it so much easier because you can get to whatever platform you like just from one link. Yes. And we also on Spotify, we have a poll up and a comment section. And so please feel free to participate in those. Rate the show. Yes. Rate
Engagement and Future Topics
00:38:45
Speaker
the show. Five stars. yes You can also rate the show on Apple podcasts if that's where you're listening. um And then.
00:38:55
Speaker
Y'all know what to do, probably. Yes. And if there's anything that you want us to explore or talk about, please let us know because we are very open to that. And what are what is our next episode? It's going to be on social media, right? We're going to be talking about yeah social media. Silent sabotage. Social media's hidden effects on your healing journey. Okay, that'll be a good one for sure. so yes So again, I always want to thank you for being vulnerable with these conversations. You're precious. I absolutely love her. Love you.
00:39:36
Speaker
crazy I love her. ah yeah love you so I love you I love you. I love her. You're funny. I am funny. Okay. Don't judge her. Just love her. Even if she says the wrong words, it's okay. Okay, bye. Cute.