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Ep:10 Parenting Neurodivergent Kids in hard mode (Rachael & Jade's Parent Support Program)
241 Plays1 year ago
In this episode Jade and Rachael introduce their Parents of Neurodivergent Kids Support Program and share their personal experiences as parents of neurosparkly kids and professional insights as mental health professionals.
It’s like parenting in hard mode and if you’re not careful, burnout is inevitable.
They talk about how integral it is to have well practised self-care strategies along-side a big helping of self-compassion and a robust support network.
The support program (currently offered in person in Seaford, Victoria) is designed to Embrace, Educate, Encourage and Empower parents.
This conversation is honest, vulnerable and (if you’re finding the parenting journey a bit of a struggle) hopefully quite validating.
You’ll be reminded to find more joy, spend less time with the guilt and the power of connecting with others sharing similar experiences.
Host: Jade Bonney: Counsellor, Relationship Therapist and adult ADHD Coach https://awakenadhd.com.au/
Guest: Rachael Flack, Social Worker, Counsellor and Doula https://www.amamaisborn.com.au/
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Transcript
Podcast Introduction
00:00:06
Speaker
You are listening to Awaken ADHD, a podcast where people share their ADHD stories, life before and after diagnosis, support strategies, strengths and challenges. Hi, I'm Jade and I'll be your host. I'm a counselor, ADHD coach and fellow ADHD. So join me as we Awaken ADHD.
00:00:31
Speaker
This podcast was recorded on the land of the Bunurong people of the Kulin nation, and we wish to acknowledge them as traditional owners. We recognise First Peoples of Australia as the original storytellers and pay our respects to elders past, present and emerging.
Meet Rachel: Parenting Neurodivergent Kids
00:00:53
Speaker
Hello and welcome to another episode of AwakenedADHD. This one's a little bit different. I have today, again, Rachel, the lovely Rachel, who was from episode three, but this time Rachel's coming on, I guess, as a mum and also as a mental health professional. So we're going to talk a little bit about the challenges of
00:01:18
Speaker
parenting neurodivergent kids, we both have them, and share a little bit about an exciting project that we're working on together. We're running a program for parents of neurodivergent kids, and we're gonna talk a little bit more about what that looks like later on in the episode, but welcome Rachel, hey. Hello, lovely to be chatting with you again.
00:01:43
Speaker
And you too, as always. Alrighty, where do we want to start? Where are you at?
Challenges of Parenting Neurodivergent Kids
00:01:50
Speaker
Let's just do a check-in. Where are you at today? Oh, where am I at? I'm at the end of a very long week. This is my week where my two neurodivergent children have most of their therapies. So we've got five therapy sessions this week between the two of the kids. So, yeah.
00:02:08
Speaker
feeling ready to chill out this weekend and rest a little bit because it's a very busy week in this household. Running to all those appointments.
00:02:19
Speaker
Yes, exactly. And because they're school-age kids, their therapies are either the beginning of the day or the end of the day. So you're pulling kids out of school early or dropping them off late or dealing with all the in-betweens as well. A bit of school refusal this week. So yes, kind of standard stuff in this household, but it's always busy this particular week.
00:02:43
Speaker
Exhausting. Before we jumped on and started recording, I was kind of sharing with you where I'm at, which is in a full ADHD chaos vibe, where I don't seem to be able to figure out where I am, what I'm doing. And yeah, just a little bit chaotic. So let's see, this will be fun.
00:03:12
Speaker
Yes. Our brains are both chaotic, I think, today. Right. And I think that's one of the points that I was just sharing with you before we jumped on is the difference, because I'm a neurodivergent parent with neurodivergent kids, and you're neurotypical, if you want to put it that way, with neurodivergent kids. And it probably shows up, there's probably similarities in our challenges, and also probably some differences as well. Do you agree?
00:03:42
Speaker
Oh, absolutely. Definitely. Like I can't fully understand your experience. It's like you wouldn't totally understand mine, but there's so many things that we can discuss and compare and support each other with because it is overall different to parenting children that are not neurodivergent. There's other things that come up, great things, but also challenging things.
00:04:08
Speaker
Absolutely. And I think that is probably one of the key things that I want to always remember for myself and also with the families that I work with is that it is different. It is a different journey. It is not like, you know, some of your other friends or some of the other
00:04:30
Speaker
You know, people that you see on social media, it's a completely different journey with a whole heap of different challenges. And I think sometimes it's like doing parent in hard mode, survival mode. Yeah. And I think too, I was just reminding myself too that I just don't actually know what it's like.
00:04:52
Speaker
to parent children that are not neurodivergent. It's my eldest and my middle, so I never had that first experience, say, of sort of knowing what a typical development looks like. It's just always been this level of
00:05:10
Speaker
challenge and difficult. I can't compare it either. I think sometimes just when you're thinking about it and just reminding myself sometimes to be a bit extra gentle with myself because it is harder and different. I want to spend a little bit of time on that because I think that's really important.
00:05:31
Speaker
I don't know what it would look like to parent neurotypical kids, what that household would look like. How can that make it really hard for you? Just knowing that you don't have that experience. Are you harder on yourself? Do you get caught up?
00:05:52
Speaker
questioning your strategies or looking at other families and going, why is it seemingly easy for them and why am I struggling so much? What feeds into it for you? I think all of that. My eldest is nearly 10 now though, so I think there's been a lot more, I guess, time to sort of sit
00:06:13
Speaker
in that and be a bit more compassionate with myself. And we've obviously had interventions for a few years now as well. But I think there's that sometimes falling into that little bit of woe is me like, oh, you know, I would never not want the children that I have. But there is some days we think, why does it have to be this hard all the time or this challenging in our household with our kids? So I think sometimes you sort of fall
00:06:39
Speaker
into that headspace a
Daily Life and Balance in Neurodivergent Households
00:06:41
Speaker
little bit and then trying to pull yourself out of it. I've been really extra compassionate and gentle with yourself and knowing that you've got a call on those sort of self-care strategies a lot to sort of get through it, I think. Sometimes sit there wondering, gosh,
00:06:58
Speaker
you know, is it this noisy? Is it this messy? Is it this much fighting? Is there this much, you know, difficulty getting to school in other households like I sometimes like to sit there and just think, oh, imagine if they just got up and got ready and went to school and
00:07:13
Speaker
You didn't have to be the prompt all the time, even though you've got the signs on the wall and all those sorts of things that you're still standing there prompting and then you're trying to get medication into them early so they can perhaps have a bit of executive function kicking in the morning so you can get them out the door in time.
00:07:29
Speaker
imagine what that would be like, not having those things, you know, but that is our life. So that's some of that dreaming stuff, right? I think neurodivergence or anything, I think any parent with any sort of disability, you know, you imagine when you have a baby, you imagine this certain life, you can't help that, right? And then when that's different, your brain does sometimes go into that space of like, imagine if this wasn't the presenting sort of issue for our child and what that life would look like.
00:07:59
Speaker
Absolutely. Absolutely. Even though, you know, like you said, we, our kids are amazing, sparkly creatures and even myself with my own neurodivergence, you know, there are moments where I'm like, my brain's awesome. I can do awesome things. And then today I'm just walking around in circles in my house, not knowing what I'm doing. Mind you, I saw clients this morning and was completely kick-ass competent, I think, you know, just
00:08:30
Speaker
And then I came out of that and couldn't figure out how to do something really simple in a word program. And so there's this idea of, yeah, okay, these kids are awesome and brilliant and we love them and they've got these sparkly brains that work in unique ways.
00:08:51
Speaker
Geez, I just wish things would be easier. What would it be like if they just went to bed? They just could manage to go and brush their teeth or have a shower without the battle, without the meltdowns.
00:09:09
Speaker
Absolutely. And there's that level of like, oh, I know all kids have certain moments where they have difficulties with all of those sorts of things, too. But it's that that we get it all the time. Like this is the daily story for our family or the weekly story. You know, we don't have school refusal every day, but it's regular. And yet all kids have a day where they don't feel like going to school. But it's that difference between this being out just day in, day out, life versus just
00:09:36
Speaker
you know, the kids are tired or it's normal sort of development stuff. Like it's that sort of waving between that sort of difference as well and just being able to acknowledge like, yeah, this is a different path, I guess, to sort of average parenting journey.
00:09:53
Speaker
Yeah, because like you said, it's very easy if you're connecting or sharing with other friends that might have, I guess, more neurotypical kids. They're going to say, oh, yeah, my kid does that. Oh, yeah, getting out the door is really hard. Oh, yeah, they never want to do this. But in actual fact,
00:10:13
Speaker
they might have it one out of 10 times that we have it. Whatever that experience is, whether it's a meltdown and also the degree in which our kids will become dysregulated, I think far outweighs what another kid of the same age would become dysregulated.
00:10:33
Speaker
Oh, I think so. And that's when you're saying that I was thinking that too. Yeah, like every kid will not want to get their shoes on and get out the door at one point or another, but it's then what towel spins from that occurrence. Like my son this morning, we're trying to get in there, I guess, that learning skill of making our bed. But he was just in that because he's very likely demand avoidant as well. So just trying to teach him how to make the bed with his two blankets and him just going straight into
00:11:03
Speaker
not being able to do that. And the meltdown that just occurred from this one little thing just spirals for the rest of the morning because they get really stuck in that space and can't sort of get themselves through it. And then what does that do to the rest of the family? It triggers the other children because the noise and everything else that's going on, it's just like this sort of spiral effect that happens throughout the whole
00:11:30
Speaker
household to over one tiny little thing. And that can be every single,
Sensory Overload and Emotional Regulation
00:11:35
Speaker
every single morning can be something like that. Every single morning is some sort of cascading effect. I feel like in my family, I'm walking this tightrope in the morning, you know, trying to manage my own experience of the sensory input and my emotional regulation. And, you know, I'm watching
00:11:59
Speaker
my daughter who's 13 and then my other nine-year-old and I'm kind of just balancing. It's like balancing on this knife edge and then just one thing tips one person. It could be the sound of a knife on the plate or it could be somebody's chewing. It could be an exhaust fan on or a light that's too bright.
00:12:23
Speaker
A request. Yeah. Could you please do that? Bang. It's just this cascading effect. And sometimes it's hard to come back from. Oh, absolutely. And as someone who identifies as a neurotypical person, like I'm finding myself sensory over loaded in my house, like with the noise and the movement and, you know, I'm already a bit depleted because it's been a long week. Like I can't imagine then what it's like.
00:12:48
Speaker
for my children at the end of a week or, you know, a parent like yourself who's got sensory perhaps issues like I can't, it's difficult for me. So imagine how difficult it is for them and how easy it is for them to get triggered when I'm getting triggered just because it's too noisy for me or it's been a long week or my cup's a bit empty. Like it's just, yeah, it's a lot. It is a lot. When I got in the car with my daughter this morning and it did get
00:13:17
Speaker
a bit crazy and out of control, even though I thought everything was going smoothly. And then, you know, just one thing, tipped it all over the edge and in the last five minutes, all of us were just, I don't know. It's hard to describe what it is, but we were all in that, oh my God, we're going to be late phase. Even though I thought everything was organized and smooth and got in the car and took a few breaths.
00:13:42
Speaker
And I sometimes balance between, am I being too hard on her? Am I expecting too much of her? And do I want her to lean in and acknowledge some of her challenges and struggles, but somewhat meet me in the middle? And this comes to, I think, a very big
00:14:05
Speaker
parenting question when you've got a kid, I mean all kids, but neurodivergent kids in particular, they've got challenges. How much are we allowing? How much are we kind of letting them off the hook, so to speak? Absolutely. I was thinking that just as you're talking about the bad incident this morning because
00:14:27
Speaker
you know, we know that typically, you know, I know with ADHD anyway, they sort of say, you know, their developments three to four years behind, say, the kids are there, so make sure there's that in the back of your mind, if you're someone that sort of has taken the time to sort of look into some of the science behind it. But then there's also that leaning into, as you were saying, like that discomfort that, well, they do still need to learn
00:14:50
Speaker
like tasks and have a bit of challenge in their life. But then it's like, how far do you push it? Is this the moment to push it? Is this the moment to lean back and just do it for them? Like, it's just this constant mental act and that mental load of holding all those decisions around how much do we challenge? How much do we do? How much do we support?
00:15:11
Speaker
Do we sit there and know that there's a meltdown coming, but we still need to give them a bit of challenge? Or do we not do it at this time because we can't hold that right now for ourselves? It's just this constant mental battle, I think, as a parent when you've got
00:15:26
Speaker
kids, yeah, with these diagnoses. It's just really, and this is where you sort of feel like I just don't want an adult. I want someone to sweep in and say, tell me what to do here. Like, what do I do when they're doing this? Should I be doing this or doing that? Because you're given a lot of tools from your therapists and the books that you read, but then in that moment, you're kind of like,
00:15:48
Speaker
Do I do this now or do I sit back or, or you tried it and it didn't work or, um, yeah, I often say, I just don't, I just don't want to adult this anymore. Right. I want that, that wiser version of me, like we were saying before to kind of step in and help me. Cause often we do kind of know what, what we should do or what we could do, but there are too many variables.
00:16:16
Speaker
at play, right? Should I do it now or is that not going to work now? And it's a little bit scary, and I don't know if you experienced this, but it's scary in a sense of kind of walking on eggshells. Like I don't have the capacity for the hour-long meltdown, like you were saying. So do I just shut up and not say anything now and just let them off the walk?
00:16:42
Speaker
Or do I lean in and push? And that can be a big risk. Absolutely. And I think if you're a parent, that sort of aligns with a bit more of sort of the conscious emotion coaching type parent. You want to sit and hold the space for them and give them the time.
00:17:01
Speaker
But then there's only so much time you can give, right? And you've got to be able to have the capacity to hold that. And we just don't always have the time or the capacity, the energy to give them the space to sort of sit in their emotions and thrash it out or whatever it is they need to do. So then sometimes I feel like it goes, I'm going a little bit against, I don't know, my parenting values of wanting to be that person who can let them have all the feelings.
00:17:28
Speaker
to that more sort of domineering, like we just have to get out the door, let's get it done. And that conflict I find as well around my parenting values and not always being able to hold that with neurodivergent children in particular, I feel, because they can just get so stuck in whatever it is, the meltdown or the hyper-fixation on the tasks that they're doing. Or, yeah, I find that internal conflict with my parenting values really challenging.
00:17:57
Speaker
Yeah, that just really, really resonates with me. You know, sometimes I'm gentle and allowing and holding and
00:18:08
Speaker
and nurturing and other times I'm like, we just got to get up and get out the door. Like I just, just get in the car. And today when we did just get in the car, after we'd had a moment of kind of breathing, you know, she's almost 10 and she's pretty emotionally
Teaching Emotional Awareness to Kids
00:18:25
Speaker
intelligent, right? So, you know, when we're talking about being three or four years behind, we're not talking about
00:18:31
Speaker
you know, intelligence, we're not even talking about emotional intelligence, we're talking about the capacity to emotionally regulate and some of those executive functioning skills. So, you know, need to be clear there. And I said to her, in these moments when you get really emotionally dysregulated, because she, she talks in that language, I said, sometimes I am going to ask more of you than you might be able to do or give at that time.
00:19:00
Speaker
And I know that we have challenges. I know that we have ADHD. I know that there's going to be struggles there.
00:19:06
Speaker
And I know sometimes this is out of your control or out of my control, but I'm still going to ask and I'm still going to, and she was asking, you know, why, why is that important? And I said, well, because I work with a lot of adults. I work with a lot of couples with ADHD and their biggest challenge is they get so emotionally dysregulated that they just focus on their own emotions and they fit, you know, and they're, they're not aware.
00:19:32
Speaker
of others and they get lost in that. And then they feel bad about themselves later. And I see that happen for you. I feel it happened for me. And we actually have to work a little bit harder. It's not fair, but we actually have to work a little bit harder to practice these skills and to say, all right, I've got big emotions now, but I also have to care about other people at the same time.
00:20:01
Speaker
I have to know that I have an impact when my emotions get big and out of control and take the ability for them.
00:20:09
Speaker
and just starting to have that awareness, right? Like, because it can feel, I'm going through that with the nine-year-old as well. It actually feels really good for him to be angry and to yell at us and to maybe try to hit his brother or to throw a chair. He's like, well, but, you know, it's, yes, we need to get that sort of emotion process and move through the body, but in a way that's not harmful
00:20:34
Speaker
to others. So yes, that's a release for him. There's that level of like, I totally get it from what he's saying, but allowing them to be like, yes, feel that, but like, how can we do that in a constructive way? And like, that's the sort of, when you're hitting that age, right, of like, 9, 10, 12, like, that can kind of start processing and understanding
00:20:56
Speaker
That'll be more. The impact on others. Even if in the moment they're still going to struggle with being able to catch it before it happens or that we can hold them accountable to a point and try and help them.
00:21:15
Speaker
She said, thank you, mum. I can see that you're looking out for me. I can see that you want me to have healthy relationships. And I do want to care for other people. And she is very caring. She's a very caring person. And I think that's a big part of it. We have all these great intentions and then this out of control part that feels very disempowering.
00:21:40
Speaker
And I guess that's where we step in as parents is to like, I haven't always got it all together and there'll be times where like I sort of flip my lid, but it's that repair afterwards, isn't it? So demonstrating to them and going to them afterwards and making that repair so they can see like if that's your practice that you do every time.
00:21:59
Speaker
Hopefully, I guess the hope is that they will see that demonstrated by us and that's something that they start doing themselves. Like my nine year old was angry this morning about something, but then came to me like 10 minutes later and he's like, I'm sorry, mom, and gave me a cuddle. And we're all going to have blow ups, adults, kids, teenagers, but that we can see that and reflect on that and go and repair with whoever we've blown up with.
00:22:24
Speaker
Absolutely. And I think that repair is also, I think a repair with themselves. Does that make sense? Like I, you know, if we're going to do a, you know, we're doing this program with parents of neurodivergent kids as a parent, I can feel pretty damn guilty a lot of the time.
00:22:45
Speaker
Have I done this right? Was I too harsh? Oh, I lost the plot. Oh, am I doing enough? Am I researching enough? Am I supporting them enough? So sometimes we need to repair with ourselves. And we want our children to learn that, right? Exactly. Because how quickly I've got my middle in particular spirals very quickly into self-sabotage and self-hate and that sort of thing.
00:23:13
Speaker
don't want them spiraling like that so quickly. You want them to have that sort of self-compassion with themselves. But we also need to demonstrate that with ourselves as well, right? Because if they hear us sort of putting ourselves down or being unkind to ourselves, well, then they're going to see that and think, well, I've stuffed up, so I'm going to feel bad about myself. So so much of it is
00:23:37
Speaker
you know, us leading and demonstrating, even though we're not doing it perfectly, that we're trying our best and we're trying to do it with as much sort of love and self-compassion for ourselves as we do it. Absolutely. And I think that's, you know, leads in beautifully to the program that we're offering, because as we've been, you know, creating it and working on it, it is about
00:24:03
Speaker
embracing, educating, encouraging and empowering parents to be on this journey in a way that is not constantly leading to burnout.
New Program Introduction for Parents
00:24:13
Speaker
Oh, absolutely. Because care of burnout in this sort of setting is really high. We know that it is. So it's about how can we come together, share our personal parenting journeys with these amazing kids and actually have some sort of concrete strategies, not just from us as the
00:24:35
Speaker
facilitators of the group. But so much of the learning is often done by hearing what other parents are doing with their families as well. Normalizing it. Exactly. What works for me may not work for another parent, may not work for this one, but just getting those little nuggets of gold from different parents as well, I think, is the beauty of a program like this.
00:24:58
Speaker
Yeah, and that capacity to cultivate really, really strong self-compassion and emotional regulation. If we don't have ourselves as a priority, and if we adjust in carer mode or parent mode, we are going to burn out. And that goes for any parent.
00:25:18
Speaker
We have to take care of ourselves and this program is not just about how to support the kids, but really how to support ourselves through the journey as well. It's got to be both.
00:25:33
Speaker
As parents ourselves who are living this journey, this type of parenting, there's a lot of weight in hearing the stories and being present with each other who are all parenting in this really, I guess, extra.
00:25:49
Speaker
in this extra way. It's extra. It's just extra. I think it's nice to come together with, yes, we're sort of facilitating, but we're also living this as well. And our kids have between the two of us as five children, they're all presenting with all these different sparkly things. And it's great to be able to come together and just be like, well, this is, you know, this is what we're finding and what we're doing. And this is the resource that we're
00:26:16
Speaker
we've found helpful or you know there's just so much that we can share between our two brains but also our kids and what they've taught us.
00:26:24
Speaker
One of the questions that came up in a session recently with a client was the balance between protecting and advocating for child and that kind of that edge of, is it disempowering?
Empowering and Supporting Parents
00:26:40
Speaker
When do I step back from some of this advocating? When am I kind of going, oh, my child really needs this because without this, they're not okay.
00:26:49
Speaker
That's where I'm getting to because I have a teen now. That's really important too. How do we empower ourselves? How do we empower the child? Where do we check in with that? Sometimes that is sharing and connecting with other people, experiencing the same thing.
00:27:07
Speaker
because it can be quite lonely. Oh, so, so isolating, especially, I think, in some ways a bit better now, but, you know, as they were younger as well, like not being able, if you had a very just like our most dysregulated years in a sense was like that sort of preschool time, like to be able to take your kids out and they're not coping in the social
00:27:28
Speaker
situation that they're in really leaves parents at home with kids in four walls, unsupported, not being able to go out and be social and also can't really share their journey because it's a different journey to say they're either their mum's group or their kinder group or primary school group. So it's very isolating from parents if they're not connected with other parents that are going through these sorts of
00:27:53
Speaker
You know, just all the challenges like navigating systems and NDIS and therapies and but then just the actual behavior stuff at home, like other parents don't have that on their shoulders to navigate, do they?
00:28:06
Speaker
If you're sitting around chatting or venting or sharing with your fellow moms or parents that have more neurotypical kids or more regulated kids, it can be quite disheartening as well. You're getting these kind of
00:28:23
Speaker
simple, logical, neurotypical solutions to a really neurosparkly challenge. They can't understand it. Often, I've even had family say, I don't understand. When I see your child, they're fine. They're fine for me.
00:28:42
Speaker
I wouldn't even imagine my children are very, very good maskers, exceptionally good maskers. So the behaviors are not seen by others, which leaves it in a more isolating space. Do you think that is wrong? Oh, absolutely. Or sometimes perhaps if extended family sees that at a family event, I feel like often parents are judged or it's your parenting.
00:29:09
Speaker
technique or you're too lenient on them or, you know, don't let them do that. So there's a lot of judgment from others as well as the isolation. You've created this little monster or these bad behaviors. Exactly. You've got kids that are going to kindle school and they're masking pretty well. They're social. There's nothing major that can be seen from the teacher's sort of eyes.
00:29:34
Speaker
but it's the come down at home that really is just in your four walls most of the time. So most other people don't get to bear witness to that. Again, it just feeds into that isolation and then that guilt and can see yourself spiraling about why can they keep themselves together at school, but at home, it's so, so challenging. And then, you know, then that feeds into difficulty getting support as well, because if they're OK in other places, but not at home, it's hard to then prove the need
00:30:03
Speaker
The more we connect with like-minded individuals, with individuals experiencing the same thing in a neuroaffirming way, but the more that we connect with other parents, other families, do the reading, listen to the podcast, like this podcast.
00:30:19
Speaker
Listen to this one. Oh, you already are because you're listening to it right now. That's how I feel connected. You know, I do talk to my friends, my neuro sparkly friends or my friends with neuro sparkly kids. That feels absolutely so affirming. We need to share story. That's why we come. We come together. We share story. And I think that just helps us know that we're seen and heard if we can we can share what's going on for us.
00:30:47
Speaker
So this program, we will share stories, but we will also have some really great strategies that are going to be universal as well as sharing ones that are not universal, like you said before, the ones that are working for me, but not working for you and so on and so forth. But also the skill around that emotional regulation.
00:31:10
Speaker
self-compassion. What else? A bit of what I was saying before, so some of those things around navigating relationships with family and friends and sort of how do we equip ourselves with sort of managing that because that can be a big part of it for parents. I think like managing those external, whether it's teachers or grandparents or therapists, like managing all those relationships and judgments potentially. And yeah, we sort of go into a bit of that as well.
00:31:39
Speaker
And I think the relationship with the other carer, the other parent, if there is another parent present, whoever else is sharing some care of these children. Which, as you know, can be different between parents, right? You might have one parent is
00:31:58
Speaker
Neurotypical, perhaps you suspect the other one is not, but then you also come to it from different lenses. Like one parent might be fully on board and embracing that child and what's presenting another one may not be. Yeah, even intricacies with the parenting between two parents, isn't there? And the way in which the child is held in those or the children are held in those relationships as well. And everybody trying to get onto the same page, that can take a lot of work.
00:32:27
Speaker
Oh yeah, definitely. There's a lot of emotional holding. That's the real essence of this, isn't it? To not have to hold it all together all the time and prevent that burnout and that fatigue. I don't know, how else would you describe it? It's just all encompassing, isn't it? It's just one of those things where
00:32:48
Speaker
You're kind of living life still, and you're still perhaps doing the things even, but there's not much perhaps joy in it. Finding the joy. Yeah, and that's a lot of the work I do, particularly with mothers, is sort of rediscovering for them. We can't take away the busyness of your life, right? We can't change that.
00:33:10
Speaker
But it's like, how do we discover ourselves within that and come back to who we are? What brings us joy and happiness? What are our values? We kind of often forget about that stuff because we're just so busy doing the things for these kids. I feel quite moved by that because that's very close to the work I do, but also something I need to daily remind myself of.
00:33:36
Speaker
Yeah, we need to stop. And you know, my head is very busy and I can get very chaotic in my head and struggle with what to prioritise. And whenever I stop and just prioritise joy in the moment, just even just the tiniest little bit of joy in the moment, it's like a weight has been lifted.
00:34:00
Speaker
And I think it's just, we forget those skills sometimes, I think, once we become parents. I think we often did it much better as teenagers. Like, we were all about joy-seeking as teenagers, right? And we kind of forget that as we begin to adult, and then especially as we parents. So it's kind of nearly going back to that child, like, so it's like, what did I really love doing?
00:34:20
Speaker
that I could perhaps be doing now. What's something new that I could be doing? It doesn't have to be some massive expensive thing or massive expensive self-care thing. It can be really just simple like, you know, getting to the beach more often or sitting and mindfully having a cup of tea or something. Like it can just be really simple stuff. But even as busy parents, we just set it aside and we just don't, we just don't do it enough.
00:34:46
Speaker
And I think, you know, as a neurodivergent individual, I'm constantly mining for that dopamine, right? Looking at the next dopamine hit, right? But as a parent, it's, oh, what can I tick off that list? I can go and paint that fence. I can do another load of washing. I'm like, really? Can I find some better? Stop bringing me joy.
00:35:07
Speaker
some better dopamine hits than that. I engage with this story every single day. I'm fortunate to be in the role and in the job that I'm in because I have to, because I'm working with clients and doing it. But if I didn't have that daily reminder,
00:35:24
Speaker
because I'm doing the work, I would probably forget. Absolutely, but it's right there in front of us every day with our kids, right? Why are my kids noisy and crazy in the moment? Because they're wrestling and they're being silly with each other. They're seeking the fun. There's some dopamine seeking happening there too, but they're seeking the fun and the joy and the mucking around. We'd lose that as adults. So it's nearly reminding us to witness, what are they doing? Their focus is fun as kids, right? And we can learn from that.
00:35:53
Speaker
We've been talking about doing this group for really a while now and I think it's just a really important space for parents to be able to have this invitation to come together each week just to touch base and be seen and heard and just to get some strategies.
Preventing Parent Burnout and Program Details
00:36:10
Speaker
It's hard to find because often the focus is around all the kids therapy and what are they getting and receiving but
00:36:18
Speaker
Who looks after the kids and keeps them alive? It's the parents, right? So we need to prioritise our care and our support as high as the kids' therapies and support that they're getting so we can thrive so we can then support them to thrive as well.
00:36:35
Speaker
Absolutely. It's fantastic. And, you know, watch this space because it will grow and it will transform and there'll be many variations of it. So at the moment, it is going to be an in-person four-week program. But who knows what that will look like in the future. So you can find me at Awakened.com.au and Rach. I'm at Amamorisborn.com.au.
00:37:03
Speaker
And I'll put the links in the show notes. We'd love to hear from you. We'd love to have a chat. Obviously, I'm always open to have more parents or neurosparkling individuals. Please reach out. So thanks so much for listening. And Rachel, it was lovely to talk to you again.
00:37:22
Speaker
always love chatting with you always all right maybe we'll make this like a regular as well we'll get on every so often and um and just really just rant chat live chat live chat live all righty stay sparkly
00:37:41
Speaker
This podcast is not a licensed mental health provider. It represents the personal opinions and experiences of individuals. No content should be taken as professional advice or recommendation.