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EP16: From Thrill Seeking to Self-Discovery (Tobias’s ADHD Story)
67 Plays2 months ago
In this episode of Awaken ADHD, Tobias honestly shares his journey living with undiagnosed ADHD and the impact it has had on his relationships, work, and understanding of self. We explore the challenges of hyperfocus, emotional masking, and the pressure many men feel to hide their feelings.
From skydiving to freediving, Tobias has spent his life chasing calm through chaos. What started as thrill-seeking evolved into an exploration of his ADHD traits, emotional regulation and self awareness. In this raw and insightful conversation, Tobias reflects on growing up hyper-focused on sports and high-risk activities, and suffering many injuries in the process.
We talk about how neurodivergence can hide beneath productivity, risk-taking, and people-pleasing, and what it looks like to find peace without losing drive. Tobias opens up about breaking down stigma and finding strength in connection and self-awareness.“It’s such a tradie or male thing to mask how you’re feeling, but all it does is push back your healing.” (Tobias)
We chat about the importance of recognising different ways of resting and healing that fit neurodivergent minds.“Rest doesn’t have to look like stillness. For ADHD minds, rest can be movement, curiosity, or simple creativity.” (Jade)
“I want people to see that reaching out for help can be as simple as just going for two sessions, you can always leave if it’s not for you.” (Tobias)
If you want to understand ADHD beyond stereotypes and hear a real story of growth and acceptance, this episode is for you.
If you would like to know more about Awaken Adhd Uncoaching with me or book in to be a guest on my show visit my website.
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Transcript
Introduction to the ADHD Stories Podcast
00:00:06
Speaker
You are listening to Awaken ADHD, a podcast where people share their ADHD stories, life before and after diagnosis, support strategies, strengths, and challenges.
00:00:17
Speaker
Hi, I'm Jade and I'll be your host.
Meet the Host: Jade
00:00:20
Speaker
I'm a counselor, ADHD coach, and fellow ADHD-er. So join me as we Awaken ADHD.
Acknowledgment of Traditional Land Owners
00:00:31
Speaker
This podcast was recorded on the land of the Boon Wurrung people of the Kulin Nation, and we wish to acknowledge them as traditional owners. We recognise First Peoples of Australia as the original storytellers, and pay our respects to Elders past, present and emerging.
Guest Introduction: Tobias the Plumber and Adventurer
00:00:52
Speaker
Hello and welcome to another episode of Awaken ADHD. Today i am joined by Tobias. Tobias is a 31-year-old plumber.
00:01:04
Speaker
He's a lover of adventure sports. I think there's a bit of a risk taker in there, skydiving and such, and um also loves to travel. We decided we'd keep the bio short and sweet and just dive on in.
00:01:18
Speaker
Thanks so much for having me on, Jay. It's a pleasure to be on a podcast after listening to them for so long. Oh, thank you. It's lovely to have you.
Understanding ADHD: Tobias's Journey Begins
00:01:26
Speaker
ah Alrighty, so you probably know the formula.
00:01:29
Speaker
When was the first time that you kind of awakened to ADHD? You went, okay, I think this is what's going on for me. Well, over the years, like I've always just found it hard to sit still and i' always just thought that was a personality of mine.
00:01:44
Speaker
Like I couldn't just be at the beach and just be like other people. I guess some people can definitely relate to me. And I've always had to have like a line of projects or sports in front of me.
00:01:55
Speaker
And it was pretty clear that I needed these outlets like throughout my life. And then unfortunately it took a breakup with someone I saw myself being with to realize I had to start learning about this part of myself.
00:02:08
Speaker
compared to in the past I've more learned about relationships and connection types. ah For example, I think when I was 23 or 24, I started skydiving as a way to controversially calm
Skydiving: Obsession or Relaxation?
00:02:22
Speaker
down for my week. And I used to say that's how I relaxed.
00:02:24
Speaker
And that was so true. That's your chill out time. Yeah. Jumping out of planes. Yeah. Not everybody's ideal chill out. As you make sense of it now, what did skydiving do for you? How was it relaxing for you?
00:02:41
Speaker
I started because i was so time poor and I was like, well, you can just go skydiving for 30 minutes and get so much out of it compared to other sports where you'd have to sit surfing for hours or something like that. So I thought the trade-off between time and ah result were pretty good. Yeah, right.
00:03:00
Speaker
The fast and furious. It's like, right, okay, I want to do something and get a big kick out of it but not waste time. ah Exactly. And that quickly took over my life as a priority, I guess. And I'd spend all weekend skydiving and not to understand it until now, but everyone that's in skydiving tunes in into like such little details and it's such hyper focus and how dedicated everyone can be really um expresses itself when you start to learn about this stuff. Yeah.
00:03:34
Speaker
you notice that everybody that was doing skydiving, there was a certain type of individual that really thrived on that real hyper focus, that thrill seeking sort of adventure.
00:03:47
Speaker
Yeah. Which I think is okay, but I'd meant I ignored so many other parts of my life that were really important. And I guess a lot of people probably did that as well.
00:03:58
Speaker
Became an obsession.
Freediving: A Meditative Escape
00:04:00
Speaker
Yeah, and after like a lot of self-work and learning about the nervous system, I realized skydiving was probably the last thing my body actually needed to calm down. ah But it felt like that's what you needed.
00:04:11
Speaker
Yeah. It felt like you needed that big dopamine hit. Exactly. And then I kind of um fell into freediving in the water, which was a sport that I could connect into nature, be in the water, obviously. And unlike skydiving, it needed me to be calm.
00:04:30
Speaker
And I saw it as a way to meditate and like connect with my body throughout another hard time of my life. That's interesting, the freediving, right? Because... You know well, regular diving, that's far too that's far too easy.
00:04:45
Speaker
Free diving, it's almost gamifying diving. How long can I hold my breath? How calm can I stay? How disciplined can I be? Yeah, exactly. and it was still pushing limits to, I guess, what's normal to a lot of people.
00:05:00
Speaker
Like being as deep underwater as possible without any air is not really meditation to most, but I can just really focus under that pressure. Focus under pressure.
00:05:11
Speaker
yeah You're saying key words here, aren't you? Focus under pressure. It's still taking a risk. Yeah. And that's something I didn't really identify until recently. Yeah.
00:05:25
Speaker
Has that kind of always been you? What were you like as a kid? As a kid, I was always into extreme sports and found myself in the hospital nearly every single year.
Injuries and Risk-Taking: Early Signs of ADHD?
00:05:36
Speaker
And I've had about, I think, 13 surgeries on my body now. So if that wasn't enough to tell me to slow down recently. bra I know. that is That's a lot of injuries Yeah, and my body is definitely um feeling the consequences of that now, even at 31.
00:05:57
Speaker
Something that I always had coming to me. It's almost like its own ADHD tax. Yeah, exactly. And I feel like ah exactly like that and I feel responsible for it. So that's but one of the things I've got to continue on with.
00:06:13
Speaker
When you say responsible for it, what do you mean by that? I feel like as a child, people would tell me to slow down, but I just couldn't. as Not even as a child, up until maybe 26, I was always pushing limits so hard. And then as a consequence, this would happen to the point where I thought I'm now calm. And then I had the worst injury of my life, which meant I could not work for nearly two years.
00:06:41
Speaker
Wow. that's That's pretty intense. Yeah. What I'm hearing though is this kid who is needing to go, go, go, go. go But everybody around you is saying, slow down, slow down, slow down.
00:06:57
Speaker
What happened for you as a kid when people would tell you to slow down? Do you do you remember how you felt or what you thought? Oh, absolutely. I'll just be, it's just not even an option to slow down. It's 110% all the time.
00:07:10
Speaker
Not an option. So you you'd kind of just look at them and laugh. Yeah. And then it took all of these injuries to be like, it's time to slow down. And then as I obviously developed a little bit into an adult, I um definitely became aware of it.
00:07:26
Speaker
Slow down can mean lots of things. And I don't know that we necessarily want to slow down because I don't know, I get an internal resistance to that. i'll just slow down.
00:07:38
Speaker
No, actually, I really enjoy and need this speed and this pace. Yeah. But how can I do it and not end up in hospital? ah Exactly.
00:07:48
Speaker
That's a bigger question. And I guess it was always just kind of a part of my personality in a sense through those
The Pros and Cons of Hyper-Focus
00:07:56
Speaker
years. Tell me about that. What do you mean? Part of your personality, it's something that people admired in you or it got you attention that you might have needed or wanted.
00:08:06
Speaker
What was it? Well, I think between my 20s and 30s, it definitely helped all of the activities I was doing. For example, the sports I did, it 100% helped. My work, it definitely helped me there.
00:08:19
Speaker
Other projects that I've done, ah don't think like without that hyper focus, I could have gotten the things that I've done so far without that. Right. So there's there's kind of wind in there.
00:08:32
Speaker
Yeah, and people always acknowledge that and almost put it on a pedestal, but I never actually understood how my mind worked from neurodivergent side of things.
00:08:44
Speaker
So that fast brain that is operating at a really big speed and there's lots of energy and it's go, go, go go go that got you places. That was helpful in your work.
00:08:57
Speaker
It was helpful. um What else was it really helpful in? being focused on the tasks I was doing, it definitely helped. But then the things that I left behind were completely neglected.
00:09:08
Speaker
Right. So not only was there the physical risk of actually injury because you were go, go, go, go go without a break and you were taking big risks, big physical risks.
00:09:24
Speaker
But when you were hyper-focused on projects or whatever it was you were doing, then you would block out whatever other people.
00:09:36
Speaker
Yeah. That be a sacrifice. there's Yeah, a huge sacrifice is what I'm trying to get to. And especially in my relationships, like after freediving, felt like i was ready to calm down.
00:09:47
Speaker
but without actually understanding my mind. So I'd met someone and then she had now become the vision and my new focus. I guess I was engaged on growing that relationship and connection like in a very organic way and making sure we hadn't fallen into something.
00:10:05
Speaker
But I just had no idea of the way my mind works. So I don't even think it was possible. I thought like our connection was wrong, but I really just need to go over my thoughts and mindset with someone like you.
00:10:16
Speaker
It sounds like what you're you're describing is the relationship became another version of the project. Exactly. And you're hyper-focusing on it, maybe not holistically, maybe not looking at all of it, but you're like, okay, where how is this going to run?
00:10:34
Speaker
is yeah What's this relationship going to look like? How is it going to operate? And you're hyper-focused on it. Yeah, exactly. And then um there'd be times where I'd compartmentalise and it would just cause so many problems. And had I known anything about compartmentalising or what creates it, um I think things would be a
Compartmentalization vs. Emotional Regulation
00:10:54
Speaker
lot different. i just think it's super important for people to actually understand that.
00:10:57
Speaker
Do you want to share a little bit for our listeners what what that means to you and and how you understand it? After learning about neurodivergent and neurotypical minds, so much of my life became to make sense and I could find like peace in day-to-day and why I felt stressed in moments of calm and safety and why I would compartmentalise.
00:11:19
Speaker
So when you say compartmentalise, you're talking about sectioning off pieces of you? Yeah. Something I was always aware of, but didn't realize was a coping mechanism is how I would compartmentalize in my relationships.
00:11:33
Speaker
I'd shut down. I felt like I'd grown because I wouldn't, sorry, I wouldn't shut down to the point where I couldn't speak and I would still try and communicate, but my body was on an autopilot.
00:11:44
Speaker
Looking back, it was always in moments of like, of high emotion and communication. when it caused issues. I became hypersensitive and went into a state of autopilot and shut down when I was overwhelmed.
00:11:57
Speaker
If I tried to communicate, it was actually impossible for me to do well. Right. So it was like a ah tool you were using that felt like and seemed like at the time emotional regulation.
00:12:13
Speaker
Yeah, and absolutely was not. Yeah. you were kind of sidestepping and going into what what you say is this kind of autopilot. Exactly. yeah And that autopilot self, how do you describe that part of you? what What did that feel like? What did that sound like?
00:12:30
Speaker
What it felt like is just my body was there, but my, I just felt so overwhelmed, but I didn't want to leave the situation because in the past I knew that was such a bad thing to do and not understanding the way that my mind works. I just, I don't even know how there was a starting point without this.
00:12:51
Speaker
Yeah. Right. So you went, you're like, okay, I've learned, I'm not going to do the shutdown thing, but this thing that replaced it was, um,
00:13:03
Speaker
still overwhelm. Yeah, exactly. It was just another type of coping mechanism, whereas some people might yell or get violent. Mine was just to become plateaued, which doesn't seem like a bad thing because I'm still there and communicating and I am calm in a sense.
00:13:22
Speaker
Or it looks calm. Exactly. You're not connected calm is what you're saying, right? You're disconnected. And then connection really came into it as well, yeah. yeah You're not shut down, but you're robotically connected.
00:13:37
Speaker
That's something that that came to my mind as well. Is that something that you ever did as a kid is it something you were trying to lean into as an adult as a way of coping?
00:13:48
Speaker
I think it's definitely something I learned into as an adult because as a child, I'd know that I could just shut down and be safe. But then that got acknowledged later on in life and I had to work on that.
00:13:59
Speaker
But you know in the way of compartmentalizing and that it was just not the right way to deal with things. ah You haven't gone through the formal diagnosis process yet?
Formal Diagnosis vs. Self-Identification
00:14:10
Speaker
No, I haven't. I guess just after um understanding neurotypical and neurodivergent mindsets and then a lot of things just started clicking into place and I just thought, oh, that's very typical of me.
00:14:24
Speaker
I think it would be useful for listeners because never everybody will choose to get ah formal ADHD diagnosis. That's neither good nor bad. That's an individual choice.
00:14:35
Speaker
Yeah, and being tradie from such a young age, it's just the complete opposite thing. I'll speak as a male. It's just not something we do and it took such a high life event for me to actually be able to get to where I am now and I just really would love for someone to hear this and be able to acknowledge it and go through this prior to the trauma that they have to encounter.
00:15:00
Speaker
that actually digging in and understanding yourself better is is the value for you. 100%, yeah. Yeah, diagnosis or not, actually having greater self-awareness.
00:15:14
Speaker
Yeah, exactly that because the things that would just repeat in my head and then they would turn into something so much more. If I had someone like you to actually explain what ah Even from a neurotypical side, which I don't believe I am at all, just understanding the difference between them can help me acknowledge everything so much clearer and, I guess, deal with things.
00:15:39
Speaker
And so it sounds like you kind of have acknowledged the strength and the struggles that it's shown up. What are some of the other struggles from ADHD lens? Just the perfect...
00:15:52
Speaker
depiction for me is when people sit at the beach and they can just be calm all day and then I'm there and I feel like there's something wrong with me or I'm in the wrong place. It was really hard for me to acknowledge that and just moments of stillness are really hard for me.
00:16:12
Speaker
And that felt wrong. I should be able to sit still. I should be able to sit quietly and enjoy the beach. Exactly.
00:16:23
Speaker
um ah think mainly just being in a relationship, I would get worried about, ah would think about us in 20 years away. would think about like illness and just things that were so far out of my control.
00:16:40
Speaker
I would be so stressed about those things that my body would focus on that, which would take me away from actually focusing on the relationship. And then she would feel,
00:16:53
Speaker
that I'm stepping back from that. But if I had actually acknowledged these kind of things with you, those little details in life wouldn't be even an issue at all. One of the ways it showed up for you was really getting caught on a detail and then kind of projecting and storytelling into the future.
00:17:12
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. Like who thinks about something that's 20 years away? That's sort not ridiculous, but it's a big weight on your shoulders. It just doesn't need to be there, I think. Yeah.
00:17:23
Speaker
You know, you said even that you were doing skydiving because it would save time. Is time something you've you've worried about? Like, oh, I don't have enough time or I'm wasting time. Yeah, I definitely always feel a timeline and compare myself.
00:17:40
Speaker
to other people around me. And that is also a part of the reason that I wanted to do this is because recently I've seen so many relationships fail around me. And I feel like a lot of them are so related to my exact experience with my friends.
00:17:58
Speaker
So a lot of males just have so much trouble connecting with their partner on a emotional level because they're thinking about other things or they're When I work with couples, I see a lot a lot of shame being in the way.
00:18:11
Speaker
And shame can show up as as defense or or even going off into a different story to kind of try and avoid things that we don't like about ourselves or that we're uncomfortable with.
00:18:24
Speaker
Is that somewhat similar to what you're talking about? think that I put so much pressure on myself. Oh, my God, Jade, I'm getting so nervous. Right. The pressure you're putting on yourself right in this minute.
00:18:38
Speaker
It's got to be perfect. It's got to be right. and then And then does that build up and get kind of an overwhelm? Now I can't even think about where I was up to Exactly. Uh-huh.
00:18:51
Speaker
Yeah. See, live in action. Yeah, there you go. You saw first, yeah. Right, and I think a lot of people experience that, you know, need to take notes in order to have the information right in front of you because otherwise you might get distracted or might go off on track.
00:19:12
Speaker
Do you have lots of different thoughts up in your head at the same time? and but think definitely. And just and recently having you to help me has cleared up.
00:19:23
Speaker
Yeah. cleared up everything and I don't understand how I was even functioning for the last 30 years without having help from someone like you. That's a big statement. did i function for the last 30 years?
00:19:37
Speaker
This was a struggle. Yeah, because I guess you're just with every thought in your head and they can just go off on the biggest tangents and there's not no one to ever catch them except for your help except for yourself.
00:19:50
Speaker
And then it comes out in a sense of trauma or ah clash with someone you're probably close to or just in some other way that it probably shouldn't come out.
00:20:01
Speaker
That experience you've kind of been sitting with for a long time. Do you remember that as a kid, just having lots of big thoughts and and they're all kind of colliding with one another?
00:20:14
Speaker
i think as a kid, once again, I was just so hyper-focused on the sports I was doing. It was acceptable then because i was I was younger, but nothing actually got acknowledged and I was just this kid that was obsessed with the sports that I was doing.
00:20:29
Speaker
What about school? How did you go in school? Definitely looking back, I did love school, but I couldn't focus when I did um exams and I was always felt like I couldn't understand things.
00:20:41
Speaker
Not that I was ever unsure about myself, like I was always confident, but just having it was just never acknowledged that I might learn differently to other people. And I really struggled with taking in information as reading or as some other kids would.
00:20:59
Speaker
You loved school. It sounds like it wasn't necessarily the sitting in the class, listening and learning part that you loved. No? know You loved the people and sports and stuff?
00:21:10
Speaker
Exactly, yeah. But when it came to sitting quietly and taking in lots of information, that was hard? Yeah, almost impossible. But nobody did anything or saw anything or...?
Career Choices Influenced by ADHD Traits
00:21:23
Speaker
no it was never acknowledged. And that's another thing, like you and I have spoken about before, like it's just mind-blowing that this isn't in... schools and I guess therapy or this kind of thing is just not really acknowledged until you go through some really hard bit of trauma or something where you have to push yourself into this. It's not a accessible part of life. I feel like.
00:21:45
Speaker
Even though there was a part of you that didn't think you weren't capable, it sounds like you still thought you were smart enough. Yeah. Yeah. I've always been comfortable with my abilities.
00:21:58
Speaker
Right, so you you're comfortable with your abilities even though you're not necessarily doing that well at school. Is that what you mean? you weren't I think I would just excel in other parts of my life, for example, sports, and that would give me enough confidence to not do well in the other parts.
00:22:17
Speaker
I wish I had a had that because I was rubbish at sports and That would be so difficult for a child and I'm just lucky that I never had something compressing my um confidence.
00:22:31
Speaker
So I left school when I was almost 16 to become a plumber. I think that was probably the best thing I could have done because it really pushed me into being focused on my career, if you call it, for so long.
00:22:43
Speaker
But it definitely came with its own problems. For example, being a young, impressionable 16 year old around a work site with men that are probably not very emotionally intelligent, probably the absolute opposite, really put me in a difficult place for my early 20s.
00:23:04
Speaker
You know, even though I don't want to take away your career as a plumber and you've been very successful and, and you know, you love the work that you do, if you had have been supported and you had have been able to learn the way that you learn and it had been recognized that you were, you know, struggling to learn by sitting still, which is not not how a little ADHD kid learns, there would have been different opportunities.
00:23:33
Speaker
I think that it's not even a question that my life would look, don't get me wrong. I'm happy with my life and I've got a really good support crew around me and I get to do amazing things.
00:23:44
Speaker
But ever since I was younger, I wanted to have a family and it's always been so important to me. And I think being in that kind of environment really gives you the opposite to a start in that direction. It was less about the career pathway or what education or degree you might have done and more about the type of environment that you were in. Yeah, absolutely.
00:24:11
Speaker
I won't repeat some of the things that i got told as advice when I was very young, but some things which are yeah pretty horrible. Absolutely. I mean, I've worked with a significant number of tradies that are still in the most awful toxic culture.
00:24:32
Speaker
It doesn't feel like much has changed now that you kind of lead a team and you have younger people working with you, are you able to impact the culture is it not possible?
00:24:45
Speaker
actually, yeah, do feel like I can have that positive impact on people, especially in that kind of environment. Do you feel like you can mentor some of the younger guys or even hold them to account if there's, you know, really emotionally dysregulated behaviour?
00:25:03
Speaker
I think in the past few years things have changed a lot. Like prior to five years ago there was not many women on the work sites and now it's maybe one in 15 or one in 20 is a woman so the environment's picked up a lot and a lot of people are ah very well aware of that now having women in the environment is changing it yes because we're amazing um but different powers right but not all the women that are going to be in trade are emotionally regulated either
00:25:37
Speaker
Yeah, I work with female tradies that are also, you know struggling. So if you if you feel like you're building those skills, do you have the opportunity to, you know, mentor or call out behaviour?
00:25:54
Speaker
Yeah, we definitely have the opportunity to call out behaviour. But in a general, i think most of the males now are definitely picking up their game compared to the information that we got.
00:26:07
Speaker
and the experiences that we had 10 years ago.
Recognizing ADHD in Others: A Call for Early Intervention
00:26:10
Speaker
do you notice now that you've kind of got ADHD on your radar, that there are fellow tradies around you that are also neurodivergent?
00:26:21
Speaker
Yeah, you see it absolutely everywhere and not just in the workplace but with my friends as well and I just wish that a lot of them could realise what was going on before that they have to face hard times.
00:26:36
Speaker
You can see some of ah their struggles with attention and focus and emotional regulation and risk-taking and that sort of stuff. Exactly. And then, for example, some of my friends which are very high up on the scale have tried to deal with breakups in probably the most detrimental way that they could and it's just taken them so long ah heal, if you could even say that they are.
00:27:02
Speaker
Yeah, it's hard to watch people around us that are struggling, isn't it? Yeah, it's it's really hard. and Now, after everything I've been to, I just want to be there in any way ah can for...
00:27:17
Speaker
well, mainly the people that are close to me. I'd love to be able to help someone that I don't know, but it's just such a hard thing to to connect with someone in that way. What would you say to somebody that was feeling like they were different, feeling like they were alone, feeling like they were struggling with everyday sort of life, you know, through that ADHD lens?
00:27:43
Speaker
Mm-hmm. I'd say and such it was such a hard task for me to connect with you and it took so much trauma and I just want someone to be able to see someone else's trauma and say just for the sake of even just going for two sessions, you can always leave it if it's not for you.
00:28:01
Speaker
But it's just been every – I've lived for having these sessions for the last five or six months. So reaching out, not feeling alone.
00:28:15
Speaker
Exactly. And right now i have a friend which is just completely shut down into a ball and it just, it kills me because I really feel like he needs help, but it's impossible to connect with him.
00:28:27
Speaker
That's so hard because it takes in each individual to to find that ah courage or that will within themselves, right? Yeah, exactly, and especially when it's someone you care for and when you feel like you've done everything and they're still not open to it, it's really difficult.
00:28:46
Speaker
Really, really hard. And I know a lot of the ADHD community have spent a long time or a large amount of their life feeling different, feeling wrong, feeling like they're having to hide and mask so that people won't see their flaws and their struggles.
00:29:11
Speaker
Exactly that. And it's such a tradie or male thing to mask how you're feeling. And all it does is push back your healing as long as you're going to let it push it back.
00:29:24
Speaker
So I guess that's why I have gone i'm so passionately working with you and be the most healing in any every single way. what are the kind of biggest everyday struggles you or challenges or ways of being that show up for you right now?
Creative Outlets: Therapy for the Mind
00:29:42
Speaker
I recently went through ah breakup and I was every single second just thinking about our future and her and how much I loved her. And then it was just,
00:29:54
Speaker
to be pointed in the direction of that's actually how my mind works. And it's always, whether it's skydiving, free diving, kite surfing, or this, I'm going to be hyper-focused on something and understanding that my brain works in that way has allowed me to actually heal properly. And I don't, that's why I'm so, ah that's why I reiterate reiterate so often how important this has been because it's actually impossible for me to heal without understanding that side of hyper-focus.
00:30:25
Speaker
hyperfocus can be valuable, we can use it to our strength, we can um grow from it. We can build and create and do wonderful things, but we can also drain ourselves, exhaust other people, frustrate ourselves. Yeah, exactly. And that's what I've always seen in my life, that it just projected me to where I want to go.
00:30:51
Speaker
but for the first time, when it's back the other way, it's really hard and a really horrible experience to deal with. when it's not helping, when it's actually getting in the way.
00:31:06
Speaker
Yeah, and it's just all consuming. And then it's just so hard to turn your focus away onto to something else without um the help of someone, for sure. Turning and focusing on something else is great, as long as we're not running away, as long as we're leaning into it in a in a healthy way and we're not, you know, punishing ourselves or putting our blinkers on.
00:31:33
Speaker
Exactly. And trying to numb situations by doing other tasks is never going to help you in the long run. It's just pushing you further and further back from being to where you actually want to be.
00:31:44
Speaker
An episode ah I just um released called Uncoaching, you know, speaks about that idea of We're sprint runners, not marathon runners. So you do that sprint, but you need to rest.
00:31:57
Speaker
Exactly. And we can do so much in that little sprint. But you need you need to rest. I think you you've been doing sprint after sprint after sprint, right?
00:32:08
Speaker
And it's so hard to relax. Like with this kind of mindset, I know I've had such big days. I'm like, i cannot wait to relax. And then you get home and you sit down and you're like, okay, I've got to move. And to try and deal with that for,
00:32:22
Speaker
from being 15 to 30 without anyone external help. It's just in your head and you just try and fill time with tasks that aren't necessarily acknowledging anything, but especially if you're not aware of how you operate.
00:32:37
Speaker
Right. And, you know, I said in the podcast that I'm referring to, the uncoaching episode, that um my daughter even judges me for, you know, she says that I don't rest.
00:32:49
Speaker
But sometimes rest for me might be playing around in the garden, pulling some weeds, playing with my rocks, you know, just pottering around because that is actually that just slow movement or just kind of pottering around.
00:33:05
Speaker
I'm not trying to be productive. i don't have a real agenda. I'm just following my curiosity and I'm um not overthinking. And that can actually be part of the rest for the ADHD.
00:33:16
Speaker
That is our version of slow. And I couldn't relate anymore. Just being outside in the garden is so ah therapeutic to us, isn't it? oh Absolutely. And having creative outlets of not necessarily creating something that needs to be anything, but just exercising your mind like that helps a lot.
00:33:37
Speaker
Giving yourself permission to do rest and recovery your way And maybe finding ways that aren't just ticking jobs, you know, doing the to-do list, but actually ah just moving gently or sometimes to watch a movie. If I'm going to watch a full movie, I might need to swing with a swinging chair the room.
00:34:03
Speaker
in the playroom where we have the projector screen and I love that I need one of them at my house I swing and I spin and and that's okay and it's also okay to say I don't want to watch a whole movie I'm bored now i being um in this kind of mindset and now relating to myself and a lot of my friends around me now that we're maybe not with partners. I think it is elevated a lot how difficult being still is.
00:34:36
Speaker
And it just shows how important it is to connect with other people and be open to communicating. Yeah, not shamed for it. Yeah, exactly. Because it's just so so difficult to work um by yourself.
Encouragement for Seeking Understanding and Help
00:34:51
Speaker
I just wanted to say thanks for having me on your podcast because after years and years of listening to podcasts, it's such a pleasure And it's been such an exciting thing to work towards to have this opportunity.
00:35:03
Speaker
And I genuinely hope that somebody in a similar situation to mine hears about this and gets therapy before any damage is done to their relationship or at least that they can start to understand how their neurodivergent mind works and what is actually normal, even though some things don't feel normal to them.
00:35:24
Speaker
Yeah, so beautifully said. Absolutely wonderful to have you on the podcast. And, you know, if you if you want to come on again, you can always reach out. You might have something else that new that you've learned or something else that you want to share because, honestly, these these podcasts are how people see their own struggles reflected back.
00:35:49
Speaker
They don't feel as alone. Yeah, I couldn't agree anymore. And listening to them, it's, yeah, especially if you compare yourself to someone that's neurotypical, it's so hard to understand how they can live so peacefully.
00:36:03
Speaker
I know, they just have like a thought, and then they complete that thought, and then they have another one. It seems like that. Yeah, it's mind blowing. Yeah. These strange creatures ah have single thoughts. Yeah.
00:36:15
Speaker
and can sit at the beach for eight hours of the day. know, strange. Alrighty, so thank you so much for coming on. ah If you'd like to share your Awaken ADHD story or you're a friend of the neurodivergent community or you...
00:36:31
Speaker
just care about somebody that has ADHD. I'd love to hear from you. Perhaps you're a professional working with someone with ADHD. Just jump on awakenadhd.com.au. can find me on Instagram sporadically.
00:36:46
Speaker
ae yeah So I'd love to hear from you. you.
00:36:58
Speaker
This podcast is not a licensed mental health provider. It represents the personal opinions and experiences of individuals. No content should be taken as professional advice or recommendation.