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Keeping the love alive with Bri Dietz
129 Plays1 year ago
Join us this week as we sit down with influencer, Bri Dietz, to discuss her experience getting married at the tender age of 22 and how she maintains a healthy relationship with her husband, Bobby, while raising four beautiful children. Bri has built an engaged online community that values her for her authentic outlook and relatable content; we touch on her beginnings in the industry and the realities of including her children in her Instagram campaigns. Plus -how long is too long to be in a relationship without the commitment of marriage? When is it right to start over and find someone more aligned with your goals?
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Transcript
Introduction and Guest Welcome
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey everyone, welcome back to the Audacity podcast. This is Rachel here to introduce a very special episode we recorded a couple weeks ago while we were in San Diego. Heather, Hailey, and I had the opportunity to sit down with our very first podcast guest, Bri Dietz.
00:00:15
Speaker
Bree is an old friend that's built an engaged online community around the topics of marriage, family, and motherhood. Among that community, she is admired for her authentic outlook and realistic, relatable content.
Technical Difficulties and Listener Patience
00:00:26
Speaker
We're so honored that she took the time to sit down with us for this episode where we discussed everything from her getting married at the tender age of 22 to her boundaries when it comes to featuring her children online. We're so thankful for her support of this new podcast and this adventure we're on.
00:00:41
Speaker
It's such a rarity to get to sit and spend time with someone who's so pure of character these days. So this was honestly very refreshing. I've linked her Instagram the show notes right at the top. So if you want to go check out her Instagram, give her a follow and see if her content speaks to you.
00:00:57
Speaker
As with a lot of things in life when you're trying to put your very best foot forward, technology was not on our side while we were recording this episode. Thank you so much to Bri who was such a good sport and so patient with us while we had to troubleshoot basically the entire time we were recording this episode. That thank you is extended to you as well, listener. Thank you for giving us grace with our sound issues in this episode while we're still learning and getting better at this.
Recording at La Vie Hotel
00:01:23
Speaker
Without further ado, here is episode seven of the Audacity podcast with special guest, Bree Dietz. I hope you enjoy it and thanks for listening. We're so excited, you guys. We are in San Diego.
00:01:33
Speaker
We are at the La Vie Hotel. We're so grateful to be here. It's beautiful. If you get a chance, you need to, you need to get here ASAP. I pulled up today and I was stunned, stunned. Yeah. The architecture, the details, like very vintage vibes, eclectic, but so beautiful. They left no stone unturned. Because they recently renovated it, right? Right. Yeah. Yeah. I think they were saying like last summer they finished.
00:02:00
Speaker
and open. It's beautiful. I mean, there's like hand painted tile on the ceiling and just everywhere you look, there's something to like take note of and like look a little closer. It's really beautiful. So we're so grateful to be here. And we have Bree. Yeah, this is, this is
00:02:14
Speaker
a great morning for me. So, okay.
Bri's Life Journey and Early Marriage
00:02:20
Speaker
Brie, let's like flashback really fast. Rachel and I went to school with Brie. We actually went to junior high together and then went to separate high schools, but have kind of just followed each other. Yeah. I know. I feel like I'm like, so much has changed, but I also feel like I saw you last month. I don't know. Just life is nuts that way. So she's local. You have four kids. Yes. I live.
00:02:41
Speaker
in Coronado with my four kids and my husband, been down here for 15 years and I love it a lot, really. So yeah, that's actually a great starting point. What made you guys come down and make the move? Okay, so my husband and I met the first month of college. We were together all of college and we got engaged at the tender age of 21. Oh, I didn't realize that. That's so young. Wow. So I mean, we could get into this.
00:03:09
Speaker
the way we were raised. We were not encouraged by either of our families to live together before we got married. So we were still very much under that influence. It worked out going into our senior year college and I was telling him, Hey, I want to move in together. I need to get engaged because that's how you do it. Yeah. He's like, okay. So we got engaged May of our junior year.
00:03:30
Speaker
That is so awesome. Wait, so you were engaged in college? That's so crazy. Yes, and we really were college sweethearts. I think also why we worked, we were very not jealous at all. We had the same friends, did a lot individually. We checked in. We never got like, who are you if he introduced me to my girlfriends that are still my best friends down here since also moved down here 20 years later. So we had a healthy relationship in college for sure. And so we got engaged
00:03:56
Speaker
And his dream was to move down to San Diego. I'm like, okay, well, I don't live in here one time. Well, I want to be with my mom. And you come for people who don't know. You come from a huge family. And I remember even in junior high, without all of social media, without any, everyone still knew that Bre
00:04:18
Speaker
had sisters and a lot of them, you know, yeah, it was just like very always been, that's always been kind of like a staple. It's like your, your large family and like how important your family is to you. So I think it was probably healthy actually that we moved away and I wasn't like in my mom's bed watching over at four o'clock. What happened is my parents briefly moved to Idaho at that exact same time. So it opened up a window. I think they were trying to save their marriage and it ended up not working out, but we came down here and it was a huge life change. You know, it was his dream and I'm like, okay, we came down here and
00:04:47
Speaker
The first two weeks I was like unpacking our Bed Bath Beyond registry and it was really fulfilling. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna be like cooking and this is so exciting. And then it was a huge adjustment because I had gone from being the oldest sibling of five living amongst my family and that I lived in a house in college with my family.
00:05:02
Speaker
five girlfriends and then I'm just down here and I'm like, uh, what am I doing? So it was an adjustment for sure. But, um, you know, very quickly I realized I love San Diego and this is where we're going to call this home and we're going to, you know, I see why he loved it too. And then honestly, slowly but surely all of our college friends just started coming down. So it really worked out.
00:05:19
Speaker
okay can i just ask you a question so you got married so young with one of your kids daughters or sons if they wanted to get married that young would you encourage it or it worked out for me even when i met bobby my
00:05:35
Speaker
when we were 18, I went home and told my young enough that you're like, I'm gonna marry him. I don't know why I even thought that he was like a hot mess. So was I, divine intervention or something, but I guess I'm like, why did I think that? She had a premonition. We were having fun, but like, no. I hope that I could trust them. I was so, no one was gonna tell me anything. I thought I was the most evolved adult at 22, but looking back,
00:06:04
Speaker
I would say when people are like, oh, you and Bobby look at you guys all these years later.
00:06:11
Speaker
Yes, we put the work in and we have definitely a strong compatibility, but there's some luck that goes into 20 years later that you happen to grow in the same direction with somebody. And you just cannot pick that when you're 21 years old. If you think back to being 21, I mean, social media and having like a healthier, my relationships at a younger age were so much healthier than my relationships now. Yeah, because of the lack of social media. I think it's a lack of options to meet for me. Like I met Bobby, we were in love.
00:06:41
Speaker
Why not like I do think that there is something about okay. Well, what about this? What about this? I didn't have any of that. I mean, yeah I wasn't we weren't even have access. I remember hearing about Facebook meeting my call. Yeah So I was when you're ahead of you so I had acts like I know really like I use my brothers to like stop my boyfriend
00:07:13
Speaker
But yeah, like I so to absolutely like it wasn't just let me pick up my phone and and see what my options are Yeah, if you've had Facebook back then you weren't connecting with other colleges. You know So and then also we all know that social media and the way that someone presents himself isn't always authentic or straightforward So I
00:07:37
Speaker
Back to the original question, I would hope I could trust my child and support them, but I would love if they didn't get married in 22. Maybe a little bit longer. Also though, I do think there is something with just growing with somebody and being young and not being set of your ways and figuring it out. Yeah. And I would say Bobby and I got married at like, I had $340 and he had
00:07:57
Speaker
So there was, in a way, it was simple. Yeah. That's really nice. I mean, when I got married, I was 31. So it's almost 10 years later. And it was, I wouldn't even call it a marriage. It was an attempt at marriage because it lasted like six months. But just to circle back to like what you were saying about knowing yourself and growing together.
00:08:19
Speaker
When I got married at 31, I realized now looking back that I didn't know myself at all or trust myself to make these kinds of decisions. I got proposed to a few weeks after my mom died and I was just like, yes, this is a good thing. And if something like that would have happened now, I would be like, oh my God, no, this is not the right time. I don't have perspective. And I think I knew all of that intrinsically within myself, but I didn't trust myself to make the right decisions.
00:08:49
Speaker
And I think that that's so important. And that's only something that comes with experience and age. And I think the other thing that is really important and imperative is people always talk about love. Like, do you love this person? Is love enough? And this might be an unpopular opinion, but I don't think that love is enough. And I think that love and lust are great. Obviously, we know lust is fleeting. Love is not just a feeling. Love requires work. Yeah.
00:09:19
Speaker
But beyond the love, there needs to be so much more. And relationships, we require work. And to your point, Brie, about, you know, you guys have just been a little bit of luck, right? Right, because we happen to grow in a similar direction. But you know what's interesting when I reflect back on us dating, I always wanted to date older and like kind of be starry eyed. Yeah. We used to migrate, which was like, you know, I wasn't like,
00:09:50
Speaker
infatuated. No, he was just my best friend. We had a lot of fun making out and then we would stay up till like 2 a.m. talking all the time and I just wanted to keep talking to him. Like it wasn't the most infatuated I've ever been with someone or you know dating stopped it.
00:10:15
Speaker
He wasn't the most like oh my god, you know, yeah, I was kind of like I remember telling him like let's just be friends
00:10:21
Speaker
And he said to me, he's like, but I have enough friends. He was like, so I was his first girlfriend. He played zero games. He would just say exactly what he's thinking. And I would like try to play games and he wouldn't even, he wouldn't even be like, why are you saying that? Do you want me to come over tonight or not? And I'm like, what is that? What's his sign? He's a tourist. Me too. I was like, I knew it immediately. I was like, this is just like me. I'm like, Hey, what are you doing? Come over. Yes or no. Okay. So I have a question. Okay.
00:10:47
Speaker
How did you get started with your whole business and everything that you've
Becoming a Mom Influencer
00:10:51
Speaker
been doing? Okay. So I'm a mom influencer. If you want to say that our content creator, I used to like be so embarrassed about saying that and I'm like, it is what it is, you know, but definitely did not ever see that coming when I first downloaded the Instagram app. And I had, I think it's an outlier situation where I had my daughter in 2014.
00:11:10
Speaker
When she was born, I just naturally thought she was the cutest thing that had ever grazed her. And I'm like, okay, well, I have to take pictures for every single day. And at the time I was working as a personal trainer, which I loved, but I wanted a hobby on the side. So I got like my first big camera from Costco, my DSLR, and I took photography classes. And there would be like mom communities on Instagram back then.
00:11:32
Speaker
where you could put a hashtag and it would give you a prompt. So like mom have at the beach. So I would take fell to the beach and I would shoot her and I started organically just building a following that way. Like just, I would follow a mom. She would follow me back. It was felt very small and safe back then. And then I, you know, I feel like a lot of people would be like, I just fell into it. I don't know. I mean, there was, I definitely had a vision a few years into this. I see there's potential here.
00:11:58
Speaker
And I pushed for it. Like at some point I'm like, okay, I'm feeling like this. I just felt very like there could be something here and started sharing regularly, posting regularly. And I love photography and it just kind of felt really organic. Also, if you know my mom, I feel like Lisa, my mom would have been like the original influencer in 1994. I love that. I remember, this is so funny and so wild. People don't even understand the backstory, but I remember.
00:12:24
Speaker
you like sharing your family photos and like probably her mom would literally dress them all up in like jean and go to like the mall like on a tuesday and i remember seeing the yes and i remember seeing these photographs i don't even know how because it was like we're talking like junior high but i just
00:12:43
Speaker
You just, somehow we had brought them and shared them. I love that. It comes very naturally for me that way.
00:13:01
Speaker
But okay. So yeah, right. I know my mom would have been thriving in this, in this era, but so then as I was working as a personal trainer and I loved it, it fulfilled my heart and soul, but it was not very financially. It wasn't making a lot of financial sense at the time because you have a baby and you're paying for an hour by hour situation. It was kind of a wash and we were trying to figure that out because I, you know, I mean, that's what I loved and I wanted to work and contribute to the family.
00:13:29
Speaker
This is like right around 2016 when things were changing. At the time, my husband was working with my brother and they were doing great, their business. But out of nowhere at the age of 25, my brother was diagnosed with like gnarly lymphoma, where he was going to be in the hospital for eight months with chemo. And then he went on to do two and a half more years of chemo. He's good now. But at the time...
00:13:55
Speaker
Yeah, it is a miracle. And I just had a baby and like all this amazing stuff for him. And I'm so happy. But at the time, even my Bobby and my brother were working together. And there, Barney was half of that business and business fell apart. Like my husband tried to carry it, but it was just, it was so rough. Bobby said, like, he was like, Bri, you should
00:14:14
Speaker
We didn't know even the word influencer barely. You should do Instagram. You should do this. And so I was getting little things, you know, and I'm like, I definitely took taking a leap. Yeah. I remember he helped me like make a media kit back then when you're like, can you have a media kit? Like in 2018. And it was it really was like a wild wild west. No one knew what we were doing. Yeah. I will say there was so many wonderful like
00:14:35
Speaker
Mom friends I made that we like would email into like what you charge for this like no, no new, you know Like yeah, it's really cutting edge. You guys are at the forefront of a whole new industry You know when I graduated college the iPhone hadn't even come out. Yeah, it came out that summer So like who would have ever foreseen? Yeah, we were still living in like the Walgreens 24-hour tour totally
00:14:59
Speaker
I was the one in college who did have the first digital camera that was like huge and I'd be like out in Vegas with my girlfriends. I had around my neck, like in my little dress, like in heels, I was always like, and then when I would upload my Facebook albums with like 78 pictures and I was like, to the brim, all to the brim. Everything, like you just told everyone, the album, like here's all 50 photographs. I am blessing my friends with
00:15:23
Speaker
last night's yeah yeah yeah oh my god and then like the names of the album when I thought it was like so I'd be like I feel summer creeping I like went back and looked at it like I'm like I remember looking like a while back and what I was like f is for freak
00:15:47
Speaker
And then there's this study abroad in Florence. As is with Florence. What does that have to do with anything? I don't know. It was our system. It was right at the time. It busted. You would be like, oh, I'm a poet. Enjoy. And this was the Tumblr era. So we thought that everything that we did was art, worth the internet. We're like, oh, this is sick. Look at what I created.
00:16:12
Speaker
Yeah. And then now we create something that's actually cool and we're like, oh, we can't post that. Oh my gosh. Can't do that. I don't know. Delete. For a second, you send it to all your friends. You're like, what are people going to think of me if I do this? That's something actually a question. I've let go of that now. I post a pretty embarrassing thing.
00:16:31
Speaker
I think it's so funny. Everything that goes authentic to me for sure. But I think it's hysterical and it is not cool. It's not cool. I think it's great. I think that is why you have built the community that you have built and why people are drawn to you because for that reason, everyone is chasing authenticity. But I think that you truly are just like,
00:16:58
Speaker
this is what I'm doing, and this is what happened, and this is what Elle did today, and this is what Goldie did today, and guess what? I'm not cool, but by doing that, and by just showing all of the parts, and all of the things, it's so relatable, and it really is really, it's a breath of fresh air, and I think that that is why you found so much success. Thank you, and I think I probably wouldn't have stuck with it this long if it wasn't real. I have had to find balance with
00:17:27
Speaker
uh, sharing now for sure. Cause I am just like, well, and then I'm like, okay, I don't need to disclose everything. And I did it back a little bit and not myself, right? I'm always going to be who I am. I'm always getting who I am, but I, but I don't mean it's like, I just kind of, I'm trying to find balance there. And I've realized over the last year, like a lot of the creators I admire most are so real and they produce such beautiful art, but it's not, it doesn't always have to be like a shocking thing or something that's like,
00:17:54
Speaker
a clickbait, you know? It's mundane. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. This is me living. It's natural to watch. I follow up with a girl on TikTok who, for like an entire summer, all she posted was vlogs of her going on a walk with her mom. And it's so predictable. They go on the same walk every day. They go and get the same coffee. And then they walk back home. But it's like this beautiful scenery in Santa Barbara or in Montecito. And you're just like, you feel like you're on the walk with them. And you're like, oh, I just took a walk. And now I have peace.
00:18:23
Speaker
And it's even like the mundane things. There's an audience for everything, which I think is interesting. And then I'm also trying to navigate too as my kids have gone older for sure. Yeah. Because they do things sometimes and I'm like, okay, I would love to even like get input from, but I need to be able to have them first, you know?
Balancing Family Privacy and Content Authenticity
00:18:39
Speaker
Yeah. So like, especially, I mean, Elle loves it. Like she's so drawn to it. She's like,
00:18:44
Speaker
put this on mom. I want to, you know, but I will protect her first, you know, at this point. So it's kind of fine line. Like with a baby and toddler, I have no problem being like, she's not sleeping or like their stuff. But so that's been a navigation too, because in the beginning it felt so small and safe. And I have no one even thought like about any of this, you know, and digital footprint. And so that's kind of been something to navigate to.
00:19:06
Speaker
I will say as a family overall we do enjoy it. It's collectively not a burden. It's fun for everyone. It's been positive overall. Can I ask, how would you maybe reconsider if at any point it became not fun for anyone? For some reason I'm thinking of now the Kardashians and how Mason has decided
00:19:26
Speaker
now that he has his own agency to remove himself from the show. And so I just kind of wonder now as, you know, obviously you're at the forefront of it. And it's been such a short time since people have been putting their kids on the internet. And as they get older, if they asked you to 100%. Yeah. Yeah. So I definitely have shifted
00:19:48
Speaker
I think at the beginning it felt self-centered. Remember when it was like the selfie was like, yeah, I know it felt self, uh, for me self-centered to not to talk about myself more. I almost felt like showing my kids was like humble. Like it was, you know, this is not about me. Yes, totally. And it is about me more now. I'm talking about myself way more, but if they ever didn't want to do it, I a hundred percent, um,
00:20:11
Speaker
Oh, in one second. Yeah, I was telling how to go earlier. They asked him like, Mom, do we have any campaigns coming up because I pay them? They get to decide and they do it. Yeah. And then they get paid and compensated and then they get money put away for when they're older. So even Harrison, who isn't really like a personality that loves to be on camera, could be like, do we have any campaigns coming up? Because I want to go to Target.
00:20:34
Speaker
And it takes them three seconds to, you know, I feel like it's almost maybe even like the equivalent of being a child actor, but it's like, you're not on set. You're just at home. Oh, and it's in a certain way. Yeah. Yeah. It's not like a huge deal, but it is something to think that it's a whole new world, right? It's like a whole new, I do think that there, I bet there was going to be laws put in place though that do bang kids more because, yeah, there really are. There, there's actually like court cases popping up all the time where kids, kids who are now adults, like once they turn 18,
00:21:02
Speaker
that like sue their parents before anything from like you posted this picture and I was young without a diaper, like I mean crazy things. We're all like the monetary gain. I will say we like attempted a family vlog for one second, like 2016, not to talk niggly. If that works for another family, that's fine. But I was like, Oh, no, no, no. There's no empty in the camera in my kid's face this many hours a day. Like you have to do what feels right for you. But I do think that there are some kids that like have been on so exposed, you know? Yeah.
00:21:32
Speaker
Well, and I think the goal is everyone's like, Ryan's world, and like, JoJo Siwa, and they see that, or like, and they're just like, oh my gosh, like, I could have my line in Target, and I can be, you know, generate $48 million a year, and so I'm just gonna like, put my kids out there. And that's really like, you know, obviously so rare that that's so rare. Yeah, I like, like my little corner of the internet, and the community I have is incredible. Obviously, sometimes things go, like,
00:21:57
Speaker
viral or outside of control. Yeah. Usually you never get negative kind of my child though. That's good. It's there. It's really, again, like the content isn't necessarily centered around them anymore. If I'm very, very protective of all that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I have a question just to like get back to what we're originally talking about. So you've been with your husband now for 20 years, 19 years, 19 years. So how do you guys keep the love alive? Like what do you guys do? There's definitely,
00:22:25
Speaker
ebbs and flows, you know, for sure. We just went to Mureval, if you've ever heard of Mureval. It's incredible. Oh, we should go if you ever could. It's like in Tucson. And of course, while you're there, oh my gosh, like we were just vacationing together all the time. Everything would be incredible. We're talking, we're intimate, we're connected, you know? So there's, when you come back from something like that, your tank is so full, but that's just not the reality of life and like, you know, the kids and our schedules, but we really try to have a date night, you know, pretty consistently.
00:22:55
Speaker
We enjoy being intimate together, so we make that a priority. Our kids sleep in our room all the time, but we still get them out of there, and we work it out for ourselves. We live in a small house with all these kids, you know what we mean? And make it work. We want to talk with him. We talk. We make time to talk to each other. Him and I, and connect, and laugh, and joke, and kid with each other. And that's a connective space for us. But I don't think I have an exact play-by-play of what we've done all these years
00:23:22
Speaker
stay connected.
Marriage Insights and Relationship Advice
00:23:23
Speaker
I do think you're in a spot with your spouse where you trust them and you, you can choose to see the best in your partner when they give you reason to, you know? Yeah. So if you're on a date, that carries us through because there are times when I'm like, I, I don't like conflict, but there are times when you need to bring up something. But for the most part, you know, I'm going to be like, this hurt me and this bug me. I didn't like that. But for the most part, I feel like what I would say, what has carried us through this 20 years is
00:23:51
Speaker
trusting each other, knowing each other, intentions for each other, it's so good that I can choose to see the best in him in times when it's iffy. Yeah. Whether it's like, okay, you left your freaking beard shavings in the... Probably you weren't thinking about it, you know? Or something bigger. So I think choosing to see the best in your partner carries it pretty far for us. Yeah. My ex-husband used to link the toilet seat up and I would go to use the bathroom in the middle
00:24:20
Speaker
I mean, it's freaking aggravating. Anybody with anybody and having friends with anybody is aggravating. You have to be in a space out where you are able to see the best in your partner. It's a choice. Every day you have to, again, love is not enough, you have to choose this person. You have to be intentional with that I'm choosing you.
00:24:45
Speaker
If you don't mind me asking, could you like pinpoint why you got divorced? Because they're like, could you give me like a one sentence take away on what? It's so weird because we were really, really happy or in our relationship. We were really, really happy until we weren't.
00:25:03
Speaker
Okay. And yeah, and I don't want to get like say too much. I mean, he talks about on the internet, but he's dealt with a lot of personal family issues. And around the time of like us getting married, he was starting to do a lot of really intense therapy. And as someone who was immature, I did not know how to handle it. I did not know how to be supportive for someone that was going through such
00:25:30
Speaker
crazy moments. Like I remember being on our honeymoon and like getting there. And like the first day there, he was just like, we're laying in bed and he was just like crying about something that happened in his childhood. And I was just like, holy fuck, what am I doing? Like I did not have the capacity to be with someone who was going through such devastating emotional trials in their life. I feel like that's amazing that you couldn't even have the self-realization. Oh yeah. I was like, I was not an equipped person. Like I will say I'm a very immature 36 year old.
00:26:00
Speaker
as far as just everything in life. Like I think I've been very preoccupied with self for a very long time for some good reasons, but also for some just like narcissistic reasons or whatever. But, um, yeah, I, I think that that played a big part in it, that he was going through something written might still be, I don't know, and has been made for his entire life going through something very, very dark.
00:26:25
Speaker
And I didn't know how to handle it. And I think that that is absolutely, probably one of the reasons why our relationship died is just like a disconnect there. On an emotional level of me being like, okay, I cannot handle this. An emotional disconnect is, again, if you're not so aligned that you can, I think that's like the first gear. Yeah, absolutely.
00:26:53
Speaker
So, I mean, it's not ideal, but I think that there is something good about letting someone go when you know it's not the right thing because you give each other the chance at happiness. And instead of holding each other prisoner in like a dark space,
00:27:10
Speaker
Like, sure, can we have worked it out? Absolutely. When we broke up in therapy, we were laughing and smiling. And our therapist was like, you guys, this is crazy. Like, you could work through this. And we're like, yeah, but we don't want to. Like, we literally don't want to. Like, why are we going to trap each other in this? Like, we, you know?
00:27:27
Speaker
I mean, it was evolved and then and then it got nasty because I got weird and like whatever. I don't know. It just got weird after that. And like, so we don't talk now. But I think that it's a good thing to let someone go when you know it's not the right thing. And when you both know it's not the right thing, it's like, OK, let's let's go. Yeah. And we didn't have any kids. We had nothing like that consequence. So it wasn't easy out, I would say.
00:27:51
Speaker
You break off and I hope that you both can be better in your next relationship. Yeah, exactly. And I just now feel like I'm in a place where I could be emotionally connected to another person. I had a lot of shit to work through, a lot of mistakes to make. I know that I've had men in the past few years that I didn't treat well.
00:28:16
Speaker
Well, like I think it was because I knew that I wasn't ready for something. So I was looking for someone who I knew it wasn't the one because I wasn't ready to be with the one again. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's where I was. I know Haley went through really... Yeah. My story is kind of weird because it's kind of like your story and your story. I met my ex-husband when I was 18. Okay. Kind of similar time frames you like beginning of college and we were together.
00:28:45
Speaker
for years. And so he was a pilot in the Navy. He went through multiple deployments and definitely dealt with some depression, but he was kind of similar. Like he wasn't good at expressing any kind of emotion. So getting anything out of him was like pulling teeth. Like it was so difficult to know what was wrong to the point where I started to, like the depression was like coming to me and I was getting depressed and like,
00:29:13
Speaker
I wouldn't want to come home. Like I would come home from work and like we wouldn't talk and like there would be no hide. Like it was like the weirdest, most uncomfortable thing. And I started to feel so taken for granted. Like even when we would go out with friends, we would walk into a place and just like, it was like a stranger, but it's like, we were so comfortable with each other that like it was just the normal. And like, I mean, I definitely know like going into ruts and coming out of them because we did do that, but
00:29:43
Speaker
it was just different. And I started having this moment of like, okay, like you're 31, you're 32. Like it took me years to make the move that I needed. Like I was like, every birthday I was like, you're not getting younger. Like what are you going to do? Like I had to like actually finally just be like, I'm crazy. I was like, I can't do this. And that's ultimately what we just had to
00:30:09
Speaker
separate and that's kind of how it started. Like 15 years? And we're still, don't be wrong, he's the best human ever. Honestly dating now, I look back and I'm like,
00:30:26
Speaker
I know he's still so active in your life too as like a person who is there when you need any kind of support. Yeah, like he's there. I would say what you guys went through is a lot and that was a lot but the way that you guys have come out of it and the way that he seems to on the peripheral support you and where you guys are at despite everything is
00:30:53
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, even just like as an example, we were laying in bed like a couple months ago and he messages her and he's like, Hey, I know I renewed my car registration this year, but I don't remember doing yours. Like, Hey, like have you registered your car in this year? He's on top of it.
00:31:13
Speaker
where we kind of disconnected a little bit and I like don't want to sound so like fufu about this but like the love language is like I'm so like perfection and he's not, he's all about this access. So that's him. So he didn't say that, like oh, yeah. But that's a fufu being like taking care. Taking care, like please do the registration and fill my car up with gas. I'm like, ooh, you know. He's like, thank me. That's just funny.
00:31:43
Speaker
Yeah, like touch is good. But no, because where do you put your time is like, what matters? I'm very much Yeah, access service. And I can't control it. I just love a little affection. Like a little background. Should we get into the advice portion of this podcast? I have an advice question about relationships today.
00:32:09
Speaker
Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years and he hasn't proposed. We've talked about it a lot and he always says in the future, but not now. I'm not getting any younger and want to move forward with my life, but I'm scared to start all over. What should I do?
Listener's Relationship Question
00:32:26
Speaker
I feel like that's such a common thing that happens to a lot of women. And more so today than ever. I think a lot has to do with financial though too. Well, I think financial, but also I think we're seeing that way more now. And to get back to what we were talking about earlier, let me just pick up the phone and see what other options.
00:32:45
Speaker
Yeah. What else is out there? About 10 years. Well, that's a long time to be in a relationship. You're done. You have shit to get off the pot. This is what I do know. Yeah. From every male that I've spoken to about this, Rachel, we have a lot of mutual guy friends, like high school, whatever, some are married, some aren't. And most men will say that they know. Yeah. It's like when you see the guy or the girl
00:33:13
Speaker
More times not. Yeah, in relation for five or six years, the girl's like, you know, why can't you get married? I just not right. And then the next girl they meet, they're engaged anymore. Yeah. And it's like, sweetheart, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Tenures is too long. Tenures is a little too long. I feel like within ten years, you can go through so many different phases of life. Yeah. And then for it to not ultimately end in the place where you want it to be,
00:33:44
Speaker
You're not seeing like a time frame like I think it's well within our I don't want to say our rights But I think we should have a time frame and it's like hey in our relationship. This is the kind of commitment I'm looking for either you're gonna say yes, or you're gonna say no But like asking for a time frame. I don't think it's asking too much. I might be more ten years
00:34:08
Speaker
Yeah, you're not gonna do it. Also, I would like to hear you say like I don't do he's a love of my life No, I'm afraid I wouldn't say something because you're afraid right? Yeah, I think women's fertility plays a big role in it and I I have noticed something like if you're over 35 and you've had a kid and
00:34:32
Speaker
No one is going to think twice if you're trying for your second kid over 35. But if you're over 35 and you haven't proven to the world that you're capable of having children, people are like, oh, you're over 35? But if you're over 35 and you already have kids and you're like, oh, we're trying for another one, you're like, oh, yeah, get in there. Get into the bedroom.
00:34:54
Speaker
You have to prove to society by the age of 35 that you are capable of having children. Otherwise, it's like, ooh. Yikes. Are you OK? Are you physically OK? What's wrong with you? Something must be wrong with you.
00:35:09
Speaker
I don't know if it's like social media or, um, fertility companies wanting you to think that you are barren and you need to come pay them if it's not happening instantly over the age of 35. Like the messaging around it has completely changed. And because of that, I think that women are feeling a lot of stress pressure.
00:35:27
Speaker
a lot of pressure to get in there and like if they have a man and they've been together for X number of years and it's looking like this, it's like, okay, come in and primate me because that's what I want. That's what I need. And society is telling me that I do not do it today. Something's wrong with me. Well, and I think people are really, I mean, they're planning their whole lives, even when they have a life partner or spouse or they're planning on getting married, they're literally like,
00:35:51
Speaker
planning their lives around when they're gonna start trying to happen. And so I think that this person who wrote in is probably feeling that pressure and is holding onto to your point, holding onto the potential of this, like, okay, this is gonna be the one that you are sitting 10 years later, so your heart, the thoughts that you're holding onto and that that's your reasoning and you're like, this is gonna be it and this is gonna be my future.
00:36:22
Speaker
I hate to say it, but not likely. Yeah. Also, I just feel like if you're in your late twenties or early thirties, which I'm assuming if she's been with this guy for 10 years, it must be that age. There's nothing wrong with throwing the towel on something and trying something new. And at any age, because even if like, let's say you're single for six months, a year or whatever, however long it takes you or however long you feel compelled to stay single, you learn so much. You develop so much as like a person. You,
00:36:53
Speaker
recalibrate with who you, who you are, like who you are as a person. Like obviously I'm speaking for myself and like what I've gone through over like the past five years of being single. Like I'm completely recalibrated with who I am and what it means to be me in the world. And you know, if you're with someone and you don't see the future painting out the way you want it to, it is okay to take three steps back and
00:37:18
Speaker
figure out what you want and find someone who wants the same things as you. Absolutely. Your menopause is not knocking on the door unless for whatever reason.
Societal Pressures on Women
00:37:30
Speaker
And here's the thing, even if you're at a point in your life where menopause is knocking at the door, there are so many other options out there. Yeah. 100%. You're totally right. You are totally right. Like family planning. We are so lucky for modern medicine. There are so many options and um,
00:37:49
Speaker
Yeah, but to get back to her question, I really think that more times than not stay hard at some point in that 10 years, like there's a reason why you guys aren't. Well, and it's easy to lose your identity when you're in a relationship that long where you don't even know who you are anymore. So I think it's almost healthier to take a step back. Yeah. I think an ultimatum is healthy sometimes. It's like, Hey, like here are the things I want. If you're not aligned with that, then that's okay.
00:38:19
Speaker
But you know, I'm going to have to do that as an ultimate. I'm really, I just see it as like what I need for myself. And if we both love each other and we both care about each other enough to still be in this relationship 10 years later, you're going to respect that. Like, this is what I want for myself. I want to grow with you. I want to continue this life with you. However, if that's not where you're at, I'm okay.
00:38:47
Speaker
let's be okay, not being okay with each other. Let's do what works for us. I don't, to your point, again, you make such a great point when she says fear. We so often operate from a place of fear, from a place of the unknown, unfamiliar. I'm scared to do this. I'm scared to make this shift. And it can be really debilitating.
00:39:11
Speaker
Yeah, I know it could be so much better to you if you don't know you're living it. Exactly. Your potential. Should we get into our topic? Let's do it. Okay. The first on the topic today is the Maison Louis Marie number four perfume. I'm obsessed with it. And also it's all over his house. The first time I like walked into a new place, I was like, Oh, I brew this all the time. She's like everywhere. It's such a good smell. Yeah, it's really good. I love that. Okay. Mine.
00:39:41
Speaker
Well, on the sontal tray, and I guess I'll just stay there. The less unfiltered self-tanner. It's like, it doesn't smell like self-tanner. It has a sontal undertone. So when you change it. Wow. That's so key. It's on Subscribe on Amazon. That's how I like it. Do you see it right away? Or does it develop? It's not like a tanner. It's like a lotion that like, remember the Jurgens? Yes. It's like the improved, nice Jurgens. Wow. OK. That's going to be really taking it back.
00:40:13
Speaker
Mine is the Forget the Filler, the Wallace lip gloss is just, it's like my number one recommendation. And if I get the most wipe ups on this, but it's not so good. It clumps, it clumps, it's natural, it's beautiful, and it's a great one. What color do you wear? This is velvet, but I like the basic pink. I like the album. They're kind of like, almost a tint. So it's not really mad or intense. It's just really great, really great.
00:40:41
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, that's cool. OK, so I actually have my physical product. Because we just love to hear ourselves talk, which right now is my product of that. I found these little mints. They're called flint mints. And I understand that on, I think, on social media, they are kind of marketed as like a
00:41:10
Speaker
How do I say that sex? Like a sexual thing. But they really are. They look at their website and what people are putting out there is really just for driving out. And I will pop one in. I literally got that for the podcast because we'll stay here for an hour and a half to talk. And they have leather great. They're terrible. Yes. My next is actually vintage porno pants.
00:41:40
Speaker
So, me and Hughie were looking at a vintage pin house last night and... Here? Yeah, well we have wine with us as a prop for later. We always have a pin house in our bag.
00:41:59
Speaker
No, but like the ladies are just like full throttle natural back then like in the 80s and 90s and it's like you have to look through it. Like God bless because now I feel like the insecurity that has come with like oh I have everything like perfectly like lined up at all points and like no one can see me unless I'm perfect and they're just out there like full on like there's a lot of like nature happening in the
00:42:28
Speaker
A lot of major happening. That's so good. I wish you could go back to that. I would suggest if you want to. It's almost like graphical logic, you know? Like, look at it. It's a history lesson. Yeah, truly. Anyways. Okay, so mine is going to be the hotel, the Lafayette Hotel, and all the people who work here, because they have been so cool, so sweet. Accommodating. Like, the guy downstairs this morning with the coffee, it was just so fun.
00:43:03
Speaker
I don't know how I have an experience. It's an experience. It makes me so happy. In the light, I agree. In the morning or night. My next one is going to go off of you who inspired me with you. It's complicated. With Meryl Streep. It's like a hot honey. It's so funny.
00:43:26
Speaker
Yeah Yeah, oh
00:43:44
Speaker
She's iconic. And also, she always has a really beautiful scene of a home. OK, because Marilyn is amazing. The kitchen is amazing. The kitchen is amazing. The food. It's so good. So my last one is this company. It's called Ink Wand. And you can send it to a photograph. And they will make a tattoo literally in 48 hours. I had it at a courtroom.
00:44:13
Speaker
You can send pictures and they'll make a tattoo of whatever picture you send. We can send in the three of us. We can have tattoos of ourselves. So you can do for a restaurant party.
00:44:36
Speaker
based on it, and everyone has some great tattoos. It was so cool. It was such a good experience.
Closing Remarks and Sign-off
00:44:40
Speaker
Their customer service was great. All, it just like, inked on. Yeah. Yeah. And you took it on that. Those are good. Yeah. Well, Bri, thank you so much for joining us. Joining us. It was so fun. And a great morning for me.
00:44:58
Speaker
I know, this was so fun. Well, listeners, thank you so much for joining us again. And have a good day. I don't know. We need to figure out our sign off. I do this every week. We'll see you next week. We'll see you next week. Okay, here we go. Bye. And we'll see you next week. Bye. Bye.