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New year, better us?
136 Plays1 year ago
This week, join us on our exploration through new cycles, resolutions and personal development. We discuss the darker realities of how the self-help industry capitalizes on women's feelings of inadequacy and why we think women make up 70% of the customer base. Is gratitude the antidote to the perpetual cycle of dissatisfaction?
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Transcript
Introduction of Hosts
00:00:06
Speaker
Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Audacity podcast. I am your co-host, Rachel, and I'm joined again here today with two of my best friends in the entire world, Heather and Hailey. Say hi, ladies.
00:00:22
Speaker
Hi, welcome back.
Life Changes and Astrology
00:00:24
Speaker
So this week, we've actually been talking a lot amongst ourselves about new phases in life, new chapters, new beginnings. And I think that this conversation has been fueled a lot by our personal lives, but also the new year, even though we're
00:00:43
Speaker
well into February now but the new year and this new astrological age which everyone seems to be talking about and that is that the planet Pluto has moved into the sign of Aquarius. So if you listen to this podcast you know we all dabble in a little astrology. We're definitely not professionals but this happened I guess on January 20th is the day that
00:01:11
Speaker
Pluto moved into Aquarius. During that time, we were all shutting the door on the previous 15 years and moving into something new. I guess Pluto is all about transformations. It's about going from one state of being into another, no matter what sign it's in, no matter where it is in the sky, it's always about transformation.
00:01:40
Speaker
And that planet moving from one side to the other means we're moving into transformation in a different part of all of our lives.
00:01:51
Speaker
So that being said, I will say personally, we've all been going through some things in our lives, but obviously we can tap into it throughout this episode, but we've just been really inspired by moving forward and moving on.
New Year's Goals and Self-Promises
00:02:08
Speaker
So that being said, this year was actually the first year where I really felt like
00:02:16
Speaker
I had set New Year's resolutions and goals. I actually saw this thing on social media. I believe it was on TikTok. And this girl made a bingo card that had just a list of goals and things that she wanted to achieve. And so that every time she achieved one of those goals, she could go and actually cross it off.
00:02:37
Speaker
So I did that for myself. Oh, nice. It is a collection of 24, because there's a free space, which I'll mark off on my birthday. Not that I'm tempting the universe. Okay, anyways, so it's 24 goals and manifestations. So some of them are things that I have full control over, such as reading 10 books, because I've all but stopped reading. Like last year, I think I read one book to completion.
00:03:06
Speaker
So it's stuff like reading more books, but then there's also stuff that is completely out of my hands. Like for instance, there's something on there that's like being gifted something specific, right?
00:03:18
Speaker
Just like test the universe and see what's going on, you know? Yeah. I've always wanted to put together a women's travel group. It's been on my heart for like almost a year and a half now that I really like now's the time to do it. So I have like putting together the first one of those is on there. I don't know. What do you guys?
00:03:38
Speaker
Yeah, I want to learn to play tennis is on there. Um, drinking all 50 of the Esquire martinis is on there. It's more just like promises to myself, you know, like promises things that I actually have been thinking about for a long time, not necessarily the martini things, but I wanted to do like, I've always wanted to learn to play tennis. Like what am I waiting for? Yeah. Right. Another one is like, I want to,
00:04:02
Speaker
volunteer with a charity, right? A lot of them have a six month commitment requirement. So it's like, okay, I actually want to make that commitment now. Like I'm ready to do all of these things, right? So that's on there. Moving into this new year, this new cycle, like what have you been thinking about implementing in your own lives? I personally didn't make any new year's resolutions at all. And I usually try to at least do one, whether it's like,
00:04:30
Speaker
drink more water or just try to hold myself accountable for something. This year, to me, the biggest thing, I'm just trying to protect my face and just setting boundaries and actually keeping the boundaries. That's been a big thing that I haven't been that good at. And this year, I just want to respect myself enough to keep those boundaries.
00:04:56
Speaker
I think that's great. What about you Heather? So I have a few things. I had every intention of sitting down with two friends and doing like a vision board for the year. But I just, I wrote a list. So spend more time playing golf. So I'm back on that and trying to play at least once a week. And maybe it's like a full round, but at least go into the range.
00:05:20
Speaker
So I've been I've been good on that so far um being like just spending time doing things that Fulfill me so there it's like being outside or you know again Going on a walk going to the gym just like making sure that I'm intentional about taking and carving out time for myself I just feel like I obviously with the kids and everything going on I
00:05:48
Speaker
Most people, I think most parents put themselves on the back burner in that way. And when you don't carve out time, maybe not every day, but at least once a week to really just do something by yourself and for yourself. I don't know, I'm just a better person when I do so.
00:06:09
Speaker
Yeah, I could see that. And then just like a bunch of work things, a bunch of just career goals.
Personal Growth and Reflection
00:06:17
Speaker
And I absolutely agree with you, Haley, about peace. Just, you know, whether it's limiting alcohol,
00:06:28
Speaker
Whatever doesn't bring peace, whether it's certain people, certain habits, I think, you know, everyone's different, but peace is going to be key this year. Yeah, I can definitely relate to letting other people and their opinions and their commentary affect me too much and their actions even.
00:06:49
Speaker
like letting other people sort of dictate my piece. And I think that moving forward, I do feel like we're not alone in this. I feel like many people are interested in reclaiming their piece and reclaiming what they allow to affect them.
00:07:08
Speaker
Right? Well, and I think it's, Hayley, you kind of, you spoke about like respect, having enough respect for yourself. I think you have to respect, like, you have to respect yourself, you know, you have to draw the line sometimes. You teach people how to treat you, you know, what you allow, and the way you allow people to talk to you with the things that they do, the things they don't do. And so I think that's a huge part of peace, you know, it's self respect.
00:07:35
Speaker
Yeah, I definitely agree with you. Okay, I have a question for you guys. Looking back, is there a year you felt you had the most personal growth for the better? If so, when was it and what was happening in your life? Last year, 100%. For me, I was in a very, very toxic relationship. Before that, I was in a toxic work environment. And I picked up my entire life, moved here, ended that relationship and had to like completely
00:08:04
Speaker
Refined who I was and like I can look back on certain moments and just I like feel so sorry for like where I was like I feel sorry for like that person because I can like pinpoint certain times where I'm like, I don't even know who that was like I feel so sad for like where I was Yeah Just like fighting through it. Like I knew like where like how like hard I was like trying to like just get through but
00:08:33
Speaker
I think being on the other side of it now and feeling myself again, I can't say enough about being so happy where I'm at now. Yeah. I feel like when you go through something that's traumatic and you finally come out the other end and have perspective, it's like, whoa. Yeah. I mean, it was legit.
00:08:59
Speaker
I mean, even like my mom came from Ohio to visit me. I just remember like her reaction of like where I was and I knew I was like, I'm not doing well. Like my mom is worried and I'm not at a point in my life where like my mom should be worried.
00:09:16
Speaker
Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, that's a hard one. What about you Heather? Is there a specific year or time? I think 26, when I was 26, there was a lot of just like big life changes for me. And 2019 was like a really pivotal year for me. Just went through a lot, but like a lot of good things. There was a lot of shifts. And speaking about this like last
00:09:46
Speaker
15 year cycle and this new cycle. I feel like in 2019 was like a mini cycle, like the start of a mini cycle for me. And yeah, so I feel like this is going to be a good year because some
00:10:00
Speaker
close in that chapter. I mean, okay. So we're all 36 currently. So when this cycle that we're just closing out started, we were 21 years old. Yeah. So crazy. Whoa. And what a 15 years of fucking turmoil for me.
00:10:19
Speaker
internal, I feel like for that entire time, I was just battling who I am. I would see my potential and I'm like, how the fuck can I burn this down? How could I ruin this for me? Just doing everything that I possible. But it's true though. I think that that's part of aging and having perspective and looking back and being like, okay, well,
00:10:42
Speaker
I could have done so many things differently instead of just trying to burn down my entire life. Not to interrupt, but going back and not to also bring it back to astrology, but when I first had my meeting with Shannon, the first thing that she said to me, she goes, are you okay? And I was 32, I think. She goes, are you okay?
00:11:07
Speaker
I'm not sure. But she was like, your chart is so crazy. There's so much going on. And she's like, after about around the age of 35, that's when things will fall into place and start making sense for you. But she was like, you've gone through a lot the first 35 years of your life. She's like, wow. I was like, whoa. I couldn't even answer it. She's like, are you OK? I was like, I'm not sure.
00:11:36
Speaker
Okay, so when I was like putting together that question, I was thinking about my own life and the years where I think that I had the most personal development. And coincidentally, it's both of the times that I left LA are the times that I had the most personal growth for the better.
Self-Help Industry Insights
00:11:55
Speaker
And I don't know why like I lived in LA for over
00:11:58
Speaker
10 years collectively. And the entire time I was there, nothing good was happening. Nothing good was happening. And I don't know why I dragged it out for so long. That's not true. We came close.
00:12:14
Speaker
No, I know. I mean, many good things happened. But it's just like both of the times that I physically removed myself from that situation, my life only got better. My point here being that your physical locale absolutely plays a huge part in the life you're leading, probably more than we give it credit for. Yeah, absolutely. And I actually think that that's why LA is good for me because it's so
00:12:42
Speaker
survival for me. I just think in general I mean LA pushes me out of my comfort zone where I grew up in the middle of nowhere Ohio and being in a city where I have to like make something happen in order to survive I think that's been actually really good for me and made me more independent.
00:13:01
Speaker
You completely moved yourself out of your comfort zone, which is interesting. Okay. You guys, I did a little bit of research on the self help industry. Oh yeah. That is business booming. Oh, it is booming. Okay. So.
00:13:19
Speaker
The self-help industry market size in 2023 was $41.2 billion globally. So that includes all the self-help books, wellness, becoming more financially stable.
00:13:35
Speaker
the podcast, all of it. And so the self-help book sales in the US increased by 13%. Over 40 million books sold. They are a top selling category of books. It's estimated that Americans read three self-help books a year on average.
00:13:56
Speaker
the global self-improvement market was valued at $2.5 billion. It says 41% of smartphone users in the US have downloaded a productivity app. Yeah, I have a few. I can't say I use them often, but I definitely have. I'm like, Oh yeah, I need this. Do you think that the pandemic had
00:14:22
Speaker
something to do with that. Oh, for sure. There's definitely been growth in the industry since then. There's also, this is saying about 70% of self-help consumers are women. My question here is why? Why do you think that women are 70% of consumers of self-help? Like why are we so inclined to always feel like we need to be bettering ourselves? I mean, I feel like there's so much more pressure on like proving
00:14:52
Speaker
Yeah, I think that. I think we're the catch-all, right? Whether it's in the relationship, you know, how do I do more? How do I optimize my time? How do I make my student perfect case? How do I become more healthy? How do I achieve more? How do I earn more? How do I have more time of the day to do all of the things?
00:15:13
Speaker
Every woman I know is the catch-all in her family, even if it's just her and a boyfriend who live together. Well, even if you don't live with someone, you are the only one supporting everything, so you are the only catch-all for yourself. Yeah, but I mean, catch-all for everyone else, too. Yeah, and that includes the physical labor, the emotional labor, the planning. I totally understand that. I also think that there is an element of
00:15:38
Speaker
the inherent competition between females. Because think about when you get dressed and you go somewhere, you're not dressing for the guys, you're dressing for the girls. You want the other girls to be like, oh, you look sick. You look cool. Wow, you're beautiful. You want to be noticed. You want to be considered. You want to be perceived, and obviously in a good way. And I think that a lot of the industry is probably capitalizing on that.
00:16:05
Speaker
how we always feel inadequate, right? Our feelings of inadequacy and competition and comparison. But that like really, I mean, not to like go back to it, but that kind of is like the speech at the end of the Barbie movie where she's saying it's so hard to be a woman. Yeah. Constantly trying. If you're too thin, you're this. If you're too thick, you're that. There's no like perfect spot to ever be in.
00:16:34
Speaker
So you're constantly chasing something that seems like out of reach. Yeah. Okay. So I actually saw this TikTok that I think is completely touching on that topic and I would love to watch it with you guys and get your opinions.
00:16:53
Speaker
How to be that girl. Figure out if you're low or high visual weight. If you're fox pretty or deer pretty. And don't forget, clean girl is out, mob wife is in, ditch gold for silver, typos on everything, add bronze and drops to your moisturizer. Overline your lips. Do 75 hard, 12, 330, zero cheat days. Do all of that and in no time, you'll become that girl.
00:17:22
Speaker
Although I must say, I did like that other girl. The one who used to smile at her reflection in the mirror. Now she scans for wrinkles and for gray hairs. The one who used to talk with her hands.
00:17:36
Speaker
Now she keeps them crossed to hide her belly. The one who used to sing in the car with all the windows down. Now when everyone sings happy birthday, she hums along. The one who used to refuse to get a haircut because she wanted to grow her hair long like her mom. Now she just wants to look like Hilly Bieber.
00:17:57
Speaker
or one of the genders. Sometimes I worry that we've all become so preoccupied with becoming that girl, that we've forgotten all about that other girl. And if you ask me, I think I'm more interested in becoming that girl.
00:18:26
Speaker
I think that there is a lot there. I also feel like women are just badass. Like when I think about like, what did it make myself better and wanting to, I'm just like, because I can. Yeah, that's a really good point. You know, because I'm like, I know I have it in me. Like, I know that I can, you know, Rachel, we're crazy, but like even with Davies, we're like,
00:18:53
Speaker
Who says we can't do that? Who says I can't be pregnant and have a baby in March, the first month of the pandemic, and then open a store in a different state that I don't live in? I think that a lot of women have that in them.
00:19:12
Speaker
And maybe not all of them execute or try or feel like they have the courage to do different things and try to do all of the things. But I think that women are just amazing. And it's something innate in most women I know that are they're just like, I'm going to because I can because I believe in myself because I want to prove myself right. Yeah, I think it's that video made me sad though, because I do think like,
00:19:41
Speaker
Society is making us all lose our individuality and the things that make you who you are, where as a society telling us all that that's wrong or that's dorky or that's ugly. And I think that that partly kind of gave me chills because no one's perfect and I don't think that we should have to conform to this one look or idea of what is good.
00:20:10
Speaker
Yeah, I think that when it comes to being a woman, we're constantly being sold something. In order to be sold to all the time, there has to be a need, right? And I think that that's a big part of self-help and changing and resolutions and new skincare routines and, you know, trying a new hairstyle and bettering ourselves physically and mentally and like all those things they have a net positive.
00:20:38
Speaker
at the same time, there's a fucking really dark side to all of it, where somebody else is capitalizing on your feelings of inadequacy or your feelings of discontentment in the current moment, not feeling like what you have right now when you look around is enough. And that's something that I have been thinking about a lot and struggling with.
00:21:01
Speaker
It's like, I want all these things. I want to do these things. I want to have these experiences. I want new relationships and new friends and so many new things. I printed it on a printer paper and it's on my refrigerator. I have all these ones.
00:21:19
Speaker
But I'm like, is what I have right now so bad? Like it's not. It's really not. I don't know. I think the search for fulfillment is part of the human experience. And I also think though, like looking around and being grateful for what you do have is also a part of self-improvement, you know? It can be. Yeah. If you're constantly chasing something new and
00:21:46
Speaker
when you do start to lose the things that you have because you're constantly looking for what's next, then I think that's maybe the saddest end to any story that you start losing all the things that you should have been grateful for the whole time. Yeah. I have another question for you guys. Okay. Now that we have microphones and we're podcasting and you totally just
00:22:09
Speaker
have an understanding of what goes into it. How do you guys feel about self-help and personal development podcasts? I'm reading here that there are over 200,000 podcasts for self-help and development. Do you guys ever listen to any of those or what's your relationship with them? I have. I've definitely listened to some self-help ones and I also
00:22:36
Speaker
I listened to a lot about psychology. I was absolutely in a relationship with a narcissist and I didn't really, like that word's thrown around so much and I didn't really understand it. I didn't want to just like label someone as that. So I did listen to a lot of podcasts, tried to understand that. And a lot of them really did hit home for me and it made me feel, this sounds so corny, but like not feel alone or like,
00:23:04
Speaker
you know, I everything that they were saying, I was like, I just experienced that. And for me, those are the ones that it just helped me kind of get through it, I guess, is like, you can talk to your friends and like, beat the dead horse. And everyone can tell you, get over it. But those podcasts really did help me understand why I felt the way that I did. Yes.
00:23:30
Speaker
I think a lot of people listen to podcasts almost like therapy. This is purely for entertainment purposes only currently until we get some expert guests in the hot seat. I haven't listened to that many sort of personal development podcasts just because, okay, I feel like
00:23:56
Speaker
how did all these people learn the best way to do something so that they can disseminate the information upon everyone? They went out and lived their lives and experienced things, and that's how they decided, oh, this is the optimal way to do this, or this is what you should do in this situation. And it's like, if you are a human and you're only really living by what the self-help, self-development people are telling you to do,
00:24:24
Speaker
then you're not out there living your life and making your own sort of conclusions and decisions. And I'm like, what if I live my life and I actually find a better way to do it? Yeah, it depends on the source. I think, I mean, there's more reputable, you know, people on podcasts who have more education or, you know, they can for sure. No, I trust experts. And like, that's not what I what I'm getting at. But like,
00:24:53
Speaker
I do feel like only you know you and only you can decide how to open new chapters and open new doors and deal with the fear of new cycles even. I know a lot of people, even myself, there is hesitation and fear to do new things and try new things and change your way of life because there's just so much comfort. Yeah. It becomes routine.
00:25:22
Speaker
The fear of the unknown, fear of change, it can be debilitating.
Overcoming Fear and Setting Goals
00:25:28
Speaker
Fear is, I think, the big thing. A lot of people are just fearful of change. Yeah. Yeah. And the unknown in general, I think.
00:25:38
Speaker
Yeah, I think that that's the biggest hurdle because so many of us, we do know like, let's say your resolution or the thing you want to work on is your health, right? Everyone pretty much knows the recipe for getting healthy, unless you have like an underlying health condition, right? But if you're just an average person of average health, like the recipe for getting healthy is well known how diet exercise equals better health, right?
00:26:05
Speaker
weight loss, whatever your goals are. And I think that just so many people struggle with that and impulse control and willpower. But that's based on an underlying fear of what's on the other side of reaching my goals, right? Like what's on the other side of ending this cycle where I know how everything's going. I'm
00:26:29
Speaker
currently safe, I'm alive. Maybe not thriving, but you know where you are, has safety. Well, I think it's complacency, right? It's like, ooh, 5 AM. I don't know about that. I don't know if I can get up and go outside for a 30-minute jog. Not that any of us do that. No, no, no. Well, yeah, no, no, not me.
00:26:57
Speaker
It's so easy to sit and scroll on your phone for 45 minutes, but not to take that 45 minutes to go and do something to better your health, to get that workout in.
00:27:10
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I think it's complacency. I don't think for this particular topic and health and what the recipe is, the rest, diet, less alcohol, whatever, I think it's just that it's a lack of willpower. People just don't want to
00:27:31
Speaker
I mean, I don't know. Maybe that was a bad example because everybody views obesity and poor health as, you know, oh, the recipe is there. And if you're not following it, that's just because you don't have what it takes.
00:27:47
Speaker
you don't have to be skinny, but like completely disregarding all other factors that go into the emotional connection to what you eat and the body you live in. And like, there's there's so much more to just more to it than just willpower. But like, let's use a different example, right? Because I think maybe that was a poor example. Like, let's say, for instance, me,
00:28:07
Speaker
Wanting to play tennis like why haven't I with all the resources I have I live in cities where it's beautiful year-round I have access why haven't I gone and done it? Yeah, can I ask you are you gonna do it today? I'm not gonna do it today because I'm not prepared. I don't even have a racket but like the thing is The thing is okay well
00:28:29
Speaker
The thing is, I probably never did it because I'm afraid of being bad at something and people seeing me fail. That's probably the root of it. I just put it off. I put it off even though I have an interest in exploring it. I have the money to do it. I have the resources. The weather is great. The reason why I'm not doing it is simply because I think it's going to be painful at first to suck. Everyone has a day one.
00:28:56
Speaker
You don't start out as an expert. No, and nothing like, and don't, we know it, you know, but I think that, I think that there's like an underlying blockade to self-development. That is fear. I actually had a.
00:29:19
Speaker
It ended up kind of being a sales pitch, but I had this call with this manifestation coach and she kind of got me for a minute. She was like, we were talking about careers. MLM of manifestation. Yeah. Oh no. Oh my God. I took the call. I was like, I have nothing to lose. She was like,
00:29:48
Speaker
So let's work in reverse. She's like, what's your end goal? Like what would actually make you the happiest in your career? And I was like, no one's ever asked me that. Like I've never worked in reverse and been like, what would be the happiest you would possibly be? I kind of was like stumped for a second. Like, you know, we obviously like I came up with what would be my happiest situation, but I mean,
00:30:18
Speaker
I think working in reverse is something that I had never heard before. And I think that that's a really important thing for self-development is if you are in a place where you're unhappy in your perfect world, what would be the happiest that you would be? And then you figure out how to get there. Yeah, for me it would be tennis racket in hand. Hamilton. Finally recognized for my tennis skill.
00:30:47
Speaker
No, but I totally think that you are right. And I think even this goal setting thing that I did last month, which is random goals and manifestations, but it's me being like, I don't know, what would I want to ask the universe for some of them? Like what's so outlandish?
00:31:03
Speaker
And I will tell you when they come true, I'll tell you what the manifestations ones are because I don't want to talk about it. But there is stuff that is in my control. Like for instance, one of them was like finally fixing my posture. Like I have really terrible posture.
00:31:20
Speaker
My shoulders are all messed up and it's connected to my hips and like I'm starting to have knee pain, right? And I know it has to do with my posture because when I fell down the stairs a couple of years ago, I messed up my shoulder really badly. I like learned how it all works. So last week I finally made the appointment at this place called Posture Works, I think, here in San Francisco. Went for my first appointment. Yeah. And so obviously like I,
00:31:47
Speaker
I won't say that there's like fear of the unknown of like finally fixing my posture, but stuff like that. It's just like taking the initiative. Yeah. You know, it's step one and getting there and like, yeah, maybe that's what I was getting at.
00:32:01
Speaker
maybe a little less than willpower. I think initially it's just taking the initiative. It's deciding I'm just gonna do it, right? And I think that goes back to procrastination too. Like people who know they have to do something and every day they think about that thing that they have to do and then they just don't. Yeah, I'm guilty of that though. Oh my gosh, I'm so guilty of it. Well, and I think also having people in your life who hold you accountable to things are also very important
00:32:31
Speaker
Like, even me is saying, well, why haven't you done it? Are you done today? Like that's what you immediately are like.
00:32:38
Speaker
Yeah, like that's a really good point. Why haven't I done it? It's because I prioritized other things like TikTok scrolling. Yeah. I don't know. I would say reading a book instead, but we know that's not true. I'm so far zero of 10 books. My goal this year. So, um, but also one of my goals is 5,000 podcast subscribers on it, one platform. So like, and subscribe.
00:33:08
Speaker
I got you. I know. Thank you guys. Okay. Well, I have a couple of advice questions. Listener, if you would like us to comment on something, you have a question, something in life that you would like our opinions on, cause you know, we are opinionated here. Um, you can go to our website, which is the audacity pod.com slash advice. And you can write us in there. It's completely anonymous, but you can use a pseudonym if you would like.
00:33:38
Speaker
Okay, hi ladies. After a rough Thanksgiving with family last year, I decided it was time to make a lot of changes in my life to finally become the person I want to be. Part of that journey includes getting a handle on my health, which included starting treatment with Ozimpic.
00:33:56
Speaker
I've been really honest about this journey with the people closest to me, but in return, I've gotten a lot of discouragement and hate. I know I'm doing the right thing for me, but the comments have made me feel alone and confused. I could really use some words of encouragement right now. Thank you. I know some people aren't as epic and it has really helped. I don't really know the medical side effects enough to speak on them, but I do know the behavioral changes that can teach you.
00:34:26
Speaker
And I think if you're doing it to get healthier and not abusing it, I don't see anything wrong with it. Yeah, I think that Ozimpic has kind of gotten a bad rap. And I do think that there are probably some doctors who are prescribing it in a way that is not ethical, maybe. But all that being said, I think that we are the controllers of our destiny.
00:34:50
Speaker
And if you have decided that Ozimpic is going to help you meet your health and wellness goal, then why let anyone stop you? If you have the insurance coverage or the cash also, like go girl or boy, I don't know, but go and get it. Like go be who you want to be and get snatched.
00:35:13
Speaker
snatch is probably not the right word here, but I say do you, you know, anybody else like giving you hate that speaks more about who they are and who they need you to be in their life than it does about you. Those people want you to fulfill this role that you fulfill for them forever. And as soon as you start to deviate from that, that can be problematic. Fuck the haters. Those are my words of encouragement.
00:35:42
Speaker
Do you? And leave them in the dust, honestly. Bye. Okay, we have
Advice on Self-Worth and Happiness
00:35:51
Speaker
one more. It's kind of dark. I don't know who wrote this in. Sometimes I feel like I hate myself. How do I get on track to self-love? Do I need a spiritual revolution?
00:36:02
Speaker
Okay, this reminds me, did you guys see that Elmo post, how he's like, how is everyone doing? And everyone's like, all the responses. Like horrible. Yeah, yeah. Everyone's like, seriously? Yeah, there's one. Yeah, there's one that's like, I think complex reposted, like 10 of the best ones. And someone's like Elmo's PR team looking at all the responses.
00:36:30
Speaker
Yeah, I think a lot of people are just going through it, man. I think a lot of people are going through it.
00:36:38
Speaker
comparison is the thief of joy. It's like, why do you feel like you don't like yourself right now? I don't want to say hate yourself, but like, why is it? And is it because you're comparing yourself to others? Like, yes, it was probably like linked back to social media where you can see how good everyone's doing, how beautiful people are without realizing that it's a filter on their face. And it's everyone's highlight reel.
00:37:04
Speaker
Right? Yeah, I would say like, if you're having an issue with who you are, cut out all sources of media that are making you feel bad. Well, literally be in my bio comparison destroys personality. Yeah, because it is so true.
00:37:23
Speaker
I also think this person, I mean, anyone who's like, man, I really don't like who I am right now or who I've becoming. You got to sit and think, what about yourself don't you like? Is it the decisions that you're making daily? Have you wronged someone? Are you not living right by your spouse? Are you not living right by your friends?
00:37:49
Speaker
What is contributing to the self-hate outside of comparison? What are you doing in your day today that is... It kind of ties into work backwards, like what we were saying earlier. If you really look at the end result where you're so sad and depressed and down on yourself, so what? Yeah, exactly.
00:38:18
Speaker
start there and then find out what contributed to that. And then you start to fix those things and chip away one by one. I think it's step by step. I also think people get very overwhelmed when you're in like a dark spot where you, you know, everything could really just start eating away at you and you look at the big picture and it looks so bad. But if you just take one thing at a time to improve, you'll get there.
00:38:46
Speaker
I think when people are living with a lot of inner turmoil, being accountable to how you've gotten yourself in that position, right? How can you best rectify the different situations in your life that have gotten you here? What is still salvageable? Thinking about it and then making actionable items. Yeah.
00:39:09
Speaker
finding spirituality because they did ask, do I need a spiritual revolution? I wouldn't totally know because I don't think I've ever personally been on one of those, but I do think just finding a connection to yourself. I know something that I've struggled with in the past is even knowing what I want from life.
00:39:32
Speaker
And if you don't know where you're going, you end up anywhere. And that is really not going to be a good place. If you don't have a roadmap, if you don't have a general idea of what you want things to be like.
00:39:47
Speaker
then it's just chaos theory. Anything can happen and you're always going to feel like things are happening to you instead of you are making things happen. Absolutely. But do you also think it might be like they're more disappointed in themselves? They don't necessarily hate themselves. Yeah. Well, that's what I mean. What about your life? What about the things going on in your life are you disappointed about? Yeah.
00:40:11
Speaker
Right? Yeah. Starting there and then okay. What's controllable I think is the next question. Yeah. Right. And then what can you do today? What are the small things that you can do today to start changing the course of this overwhelming sense of hate and dissatisfaction with where you're at? I think something that we've been tiptoeing around and haven't actually said out loud is
00:40:35
Speaker
the process of reclaiming your power and reclaiming your life and reclaiming boundaries and self-respect and all these things that are such an important part of being a grown, evolved human that has to interact with other people on a daily basis.
00:40:55
Speaker
And finding yourself in a place where maybe you like let people walk all over you let situations happen that aren't serving you. Accumulated all of this whatever around you that isn't serving you.
00:41:11
Speaker
And I feel like that can make you feel so unworthy of pushing yourself in your own direction. I feel like a lot of people end up feeling like they don't deserve, they don't have the self worth to feel like they deserve to have something better. So they just keep letting the same cycle play out over and over again.
00:41:34
Speaker
Absolutely. Yeah. And I think that sometimes there's an element of, like you said, Rachel, not being worthy, but also like it almost feels selfish.
00:41:46
Speaker
What do you mean there? People are like, am I being selfish because I want more for myself? Got it. Yeah. Am I being selfish because I want different? It's kind of like how we touched on just stopping and looking around and being grateful. And I think people get those confused. You can still be content. You can be grateful. You can be like, wow, I have a lot to be happy about.
00:42:08
Speaker
doesn't also mean that in the same instance, it's bad to want more happiness. It's bad to want more authenticity and a deeper connection or a better paying job or more flexibility, more time with your family, whatever you're seeking. I also think though, when you do take the time to sit around and look at what you're grateful for, that's when you realize the things that you want to continue to find.
00:42:36
Speaker
looking around and being like, oh, these are the people who are good. This is how they treat me. This is what I should be. If I, there's nothing wrong with having more of it, but now you know the difference between right and wrong. And like who does help you and who does support you and serve you and is genuinely happy for you. Yeah. You know,
00:42:58
Speaker
Yeah, I think finding what is satisfying you currently or like what is bringing you a little bit of joy, and then seeking more of that amplifying that I think is like a great way to just start to direct your life in a really simple way.
00:43:14
Speaker
What's that one movie with Jim Carrey where it's like the yes man. You just start saying yes to everything. And he starts having all these crazy like life experiences that end up bringing him so much more joy than he ever could have known in his previous life when he was like the no guy. Anyways, I don't know why I just thought of that. But like, say yes, fill yourself up. And I hope listener that you start to feel a bit better about yourself.
00:43:40
Speaker
day by day. As we move forward, do you guys want to jump into our top eight?
00:43:46
Speaker
Let's do it. My top eight items today are literally like show and tell.
Recommendations and Personal Interests
00:43:52
Speaker
First up, I found this girl somewhere on social media. Her name is Julia Martens. She's an artist in Canada and she does like these really cool drawings. I ordered a print from her. This one says, let me rest. And it's like a girl tucked into
00:44:11
Speaker
the trunk of a tree. Anyways, I still need to get it framed, but I think she's really cool and I love supporting small independent artists. I will link all this in the show notes, but I will put a link to her website because I think what she's doing is really cool and her prints are really well priced if you're into this sort of thing. I think there's like a lot of cute stuff for maybe like a girl's bedroom too. Like, isn't that so cute? So Julia Martens is number one on my topic today.
00:44:40
Speaker
So number two, um, it's actually a documentary on Netflix called American nightmare. I don't know if you guys have watched it, but you just reminded me. I still need to watch episode three. I cannot believe you do that. Actually our friend went to high school with the girl and Natalie. Yeah. And not to put her on blast. Hi Natalie. Um, but the way that they did that documentary was so
00:45:09
Speaker
cool, how they show the different perspectives, and then the way they end it. I mean, the fact that... Don't ruin it. I won't ruin it, but the way it ends, the person who ends up figuring it out is just like, yes, thank you. You need to finish it. And it's a roller coaster. Yes. It sheds a lot of light on law enforcement.
00:45:37
Speaker
Okay. All right. There's a lot there. It's really good. You should watch it. Yes. Finish it. Okay. So mine, I am not 100% sure how to pronounce this brand, but I'm pretty sure it's Nor Hemoir. They're like a leather
00:46:01
Speaker
They started making leather jackets, but oh my goodness. So it's spelled N-O-U-R-H-A-M-M-O-U-R. Oh, I feel like I've seen them before. Yeah. Oh, it's two women. Yeah. And they just released their resort, I guess, even though they're leather jackets. Oh my goodness, you guys. The entire collection is amazing. There's this one leather trench wrap.
00:46:26
Speaker
Oh, it's so good. It's so good. I'll link it. I think they might be from Poland, but don't quote me on that though. I think they're like Eastern European, right? They're from Paris. There are so many cool brands out of Warsaw that are finally starting to get some global recognition. I couldn't remember if they were one of them, but... Yeah, no. And it's two women and, oh, so good. And they have a bunch of, well, with this new release, there's a bunch of fur coats, because everyone's in there.
00:46:57
Speaker
Okay, and really fast on that, like, yeah, some of the things that people are like mob life era mob life aesthetic. I'm like, see, I thought it was a fuzzy jacket. Yeah, no, that's plastic. And like, that is not an end like listen for all for it ethical. I just hope that this is like, not where trends are going. Like, it's gonna be like, she's mob lighting when it's a jacket. That's like, classic.
00:47:27
Speaker
No, I think that it's just like still people have this obsession with early 2000s culture and I think it's more just Carmela soprano kind of like the French twist hair and like the sunglasses like still kind of like white UK but like a little more evolved.
00:47:44
Speaker
like the shirts, the tops, the accessories. I think it's like a little bit more than the fur coat, but some of the stuff where it's like people just wear all black and a fur coat over it. People abuse it. You missed the mark. That's not it. Okay. My next item is actually a book. So at the beginning of the pandemic, I joined one of those things that's like, do you want to get
00:48:08
Speaker
X number of books. Send one book to the person at this address and then forward your address through and you're going to get all these books. Well, I did that and I did get a bunch of books. Turns out. Turns out. One of the books is called An Attempt at Exhausting a Place in Paris.
00:48:27
Speaker
And it came with a note from the girl that sent it to me. So I'm going to read it to you guys because I think it's really cool. She said, and the date on this is August 12th, 2020. So it's like right at the height of the pandemic. She says, Hi, Rachel, I hope this package finds you well. As part of the book exchange, I send you this book all the way from Zondom, the Netherlands.
00:48:51
Speaker
So hopefully it will arrive just before Christmas, but I have no idea how fast the postal service will be. I chose this book for you because it changed my creative practice as a photographer a lot. This book by the French writer Georges Perch. I don't know if I'm saying that right, Perch.
00:49:07
Speaker
Are his observations in the streets of Paris? It's all about noticing the small things. It made me realize that I don't need to travel far or find obscure subjects for my work. All I need is already in front of me the whole time. It made me find inspiration in the street I live in, spoiler alert, it's not special or charming, and appreciation for small, quote, normal things.
00:49:34
Speaker
It gave me a new way to look at all the little pieces of everyday-ness. It's the book I go back to sometimes to only read a few pages and look outside the window to see what is happening just in front of me. I hope you appreciate it as much as I do. Thank you for participating in the book exchange. All the best.
00:49:53
Speaker
So this book is a writer who sat in a cafe for three days and he just looked out the window and wrote down everything that was happening. And he puts it, he says, it's what happens when nothing happens.
00:50:10
Speaker
And I think that that's just so cool. The book again is called An Attempt at Exhausting a Place in Paris. And it really is just a book that makes you realize like, even if I'm not focusing on something, there's so much going on around me.
00:50:28
Speaker
And just to tie it back into gratitude and finding happiness, you can find fulfillment in everything that you already have. You don't always necessarily need to be seeking to find what you think you're looking for. I swear, those are my favorite people in life are the people who
00:50:47
Speaker
make something out of nothing. I love people like that. It's definitely like a practice and observation. Very much so. And being present in the moment, like the very moment that we're in right now, not planning for the future, not looking to the future, but just being right here right now. And what does that mean to you? Yeah. Anyways, I thought it was a good little addition to our top eight this week. Okay. That's a great one. Thank you. So I'll do number five, and I'm going to sound like a douchebag after that.
00:51:17
Speaker
Okay. So I never try celebrity skincare or anything like that. But I did last week order Hailey Bieber's The Road with skincare like the glazing set or whatever it is. And I have to say I really like it. Like I have used really top of the line skincare and it just
00:51:46
Speaker
The texture is really nice. It feels nice. I love the packaging. I'm kind of a fan. Yeah. Can I ask you, what was your one favorite product that you, because I know you had a few, what was your favorite one that you've used? So I really like the toner, like the essence. It's like the glazing essence or whatever. I love that. I love the, in the lip gloss that those are my two favorite of the whole kit, but I'm telling you, it feels.
00:52:17
Speaker
I really like it. I love it. Number six, it is Peter Thomas Roth water drench and it's hyaluronic acid or hyaluronic cloud cream hydrating moisturizer, but there's obviously
00:52:33
Speaker
hyaluronic acid in it, and it literally feels like water on your skin, and the way it just absorbs into it, and it's like perfect under makeup. You could do it at night, in the morning. I'm in Arizona, and I feel like my skin is just always dry out here. It doesn't matter how much water. It doesn't matter what I do. All the scalp treatments, moisturizers, but so good.
00:53:00
Speaker
I'll have to check that out. I moved into a new apartment relatively recently and I have this massive blank wall behind me that I'm collecting items to eventually put up there with some shelves and stuff. That's why I have new art and stuff, but I don't want to just put one random thing up there. It's going to bother me, so I'm collecting everything. Yeah, intentional.
00:53:24
Speaker
So one of the things I got was this really cool like flower stand. You can like put like dry flowers in there. So the places it's from is called, I think it's Hugo Home. Obviously I'll link it in the show notes so you can go take a look.
00:53:40
Speaker
listener if you want to go check out the website. I'm pretty sure it's just like a drop shipping company. I'm pretty sure because it took like six weeks to come direct from China, but I was actually really happy with the quality. I got this cool flower stand, I guess I'm calling it, because it's not really a pot. I also got a little table lamp that you can just
00:54:03
Speaker
tap and it turns on. So for like my hallway area where it's so dark, I just turn that on. Um, but yeah, I was like really happy with the quality. The price was really good. And yeah, you should check it out if you're into random like home decor items. Cute. Okay. So number eight is going to be, um, well, well, it's a hair supplement. They have it also for guys. Um, I have tried multiple supplements. You all know how
00:54:33
Speaker
crazy I am about for growing my hair. But it's the only one that's actually made a huge difference. That and Zenigan, but like those two together have been like the biggest change I've seen. And I recently just found out that that's actually, it's this doctor who used to use Propecia. So it's called Propecia. Propecia, I think is what it's called.
00:55:02
Speaker
And he knew the long term effects that it was really bad for him. So he went out of his way to make it super healthy. There's not all the different additives. So it really is one of the best that you can take. Yeah. I've been taking it as well. I have felt like my hair grows faster and my nails definitely grow faster. Yeah.
00:55:26
Speaker
I don't know if it's helping fill in my bald spots though, guys. I know, but I actually decided that I'm going to start those PRP treatments. Yeah. Actually, I've been meaning to schedule a consultation. I think I'm going to TikTok about it and the whole experience and whether or not it makes a difference.
00:55:49
Speaker
Yeah, I had a scary moment like two days ago where I realized that like, it's not just like my power alleys and like the top of my head, but it's also the side of my hair here is getting like really thin and stringy. And I'm like, okay, I'm doing all these things. Like I feel like the zen again.
00:56:08
Speaker
is protecting the hairs that are still there from like falling out and the hair of vitamins probably making it grow faster. But I'm like, I feel like I need to start doing something to like maybe hopefully regenerate a couple of new hairs. Do you think it's the blonde, the bleach? I don't know. Cause it's like, you can see my scalp though. I think that definitely isn't helping. No, I definitely don't think it's helping, but I don't know. We'll see for a little while.
00:56:35
Speaker
I've been thinking about it. I kind of want to get my color palette red, because I don't know what shade of brunette looks good on me.
Sports Insights and Athlete Admiration
00:56:44
Speaker
I don't think my natural one
00:56:46
Speaker
My natural one is like really warm, like red and very like chest nutty. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't think that that's flattering on me. Like I already have a lot of red undertones in my skin. So to have red hair plus red undertones, like, yeah. So I would consider absolutely dyeing my hair darker. I just don't know like what shade might help.
00:57:11
Speaker
Yeah, at least for a little while. Yeah, I should look into it actually. Who do you guys have for the Super Bowl? Who do you think is going to win? 49ers. Yeah. I mean, I'm in San Francisco now, so I have to be 49ers, girl. Oh my goodness. I grew up in a Raiders household, so that causes a lot of drama with the local people here. I get it. Yeah, we're a house divided. We're a family divided.
00:57:36
Speaker
Are you? Well, I know your mom is hardcore Niners. My whole family is like, so yeah, my mom, my dad, like everyone, my aunt, hardcore Niners. My uncle's a hardcore like Raiders fan. Obviously I worked for the Raiders. And I grew up as a Niner fan, but there was going to be a team that I danced for in the Bay area.
00:57:55
Speaker
Football wise, it was definitely gonna be the Raider at so that's why I chose them even though I was a Niner fan But yeah, I definitely think the Niners then they have to they need they didn't they need to ask game I mean, oh, yeah, I know down 17 or whatever. I was crazy
00:58:12
Speaker
Yeah, that come back was amazing. I know. Well, I really watched that game by myself and was here screaming in my living room like, get it together, Purdy. I'm like, no, I'm like, run. Like what he, he'll literally anything he'll like lob the ball anywhere. He'll do anything to not have to run. And it's like, what are you doing? If there's no one to throw it to run, you scrawny little asshole.
00:58:37
Speaker
Like what is he doing? And then even like the announcers were like, Oh wow, who would have had on their bingo card? 50 yards rushing for Joe. It's like, yeah, because once he plants his feet, he cannot move. He's either getting sacked or throwing the ball. Like, and that's to me, because he can't like, he can't run. He can't rush. He'll never be worthy in my, like I'll never be worthy of it.
00:59:00
Speaker
Rachel over here, the sports analyst. Yeah, no, he's definitely more of a pocket passer. He's not a- Is that the technical term? It is, it is. He's not like- Yeah, he's not a Lamar Jackson, right? Or Patrick Mahomes, where their game is two-dimensional.
00:59:23
Speaker
So I'm sorry. But like, okay, do you guys think that Taylor Swift is gonna have any God juju like is she bringing the spice to it like she can have an effect. So I actually was looking at like some of the betting lines and you can bet on how many times
00:59:39
Speaker
the NFL is going to show her during the Super Bowl. I think the last time I checked, it was like, I don't know, five times? Like the Obrunner's five? Five? I think that's... They can't show her too much because then it's like... Well, so this is what I think. I think that if the Niners win, it'll be less than five times. I think if Kansas City wins, then... Because we know we're going to get at least... If Travis Kelsey scores, they're going to show her. Yeah. They're going to show her in the first half and they're definitely going to show her in the second half.
01:00:11
Speaker
And we might even get a Taylor Swift appearance when we really just want to be watching Usher. That happened. Wait. So. He'll see not a quarterback? No, he's the tight end. Oh, okay. Good to know. Yeah, Patrick Mahomes is their quarterback. Now I'll know where to look. I'm more concerned about Kittle. I think he is so cute. I know. More concerned. Yeah, he's, I mean. He's like Sunshine from Friday Night Lights.
01:00:38
Speaker
Oh yeah, the movie you mean? Yeah, it's a television show. Yeah. Um, yeah, I definitely think the Niners. I think the Niners, I think it's be 31 to 20 Niners. Okay, let's pretty trots his little ass down. I failed a couple of times because they were losing until he started.
01:01:01
Speaker
taking the jog. Well, and you know what else too? I think that Shanahan and the coaches went in at halftime. They obviously watched the film for the first half. They broke down what the Lions were doing. And that's like part of what gets you paid as a coach. You got to like, okay, this is what we're not doing or this is what they're doing and this is how we're going to go about it.
01:01:24
Speaker
Yeah. These guys know that you're not going to move once you plant your feet and they're coming after you. And they're going to leave wide open pockets if you just happen to decide to maybe pick up a little speed today. And that's what happened. And that's why they won. Yeah. I think that, yeah, it's going to be a really good game though. I want the Niners to win.
01:01:45
Speaker
Anyways, I watch like three football games a year and I'm talking about this. I know. I remember she's like, get your little skitty out. I'm like, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Talk about sports. So much easier said than done, my goodness. No, I know. I get it. Don't I get it? I can't even do a tennis racket. I know. I know he's from here.
01:02:05
Speaker
He went to Berkeley too. He's from Nevada. Who? Joe Purdy, right? Oh, it's not Joe Purdy. It's Brock Purdy. Brock Purdy. Brock Purdy's from Arizona. Oh. Yeah. Who's from?
01:02:22
Speaker
I'm going to stop talking now. I'm going to know when it's no longer time for me to be talking and that's now. That's why I'm quiet right now. He's actually from, like he went to Perry High School, which is like right down the street from where I live. So there he's like a huge following out here in Arizona. And then maybe, maybe you're thinking, you know what, I was, I just like a story. He was the last one to pick Mr. relevant in the draft.
01:02:48
Speaker
went, only had one offer in college, I think went to I think, Iowa, like a smaller, smaller program. See, that's why I don't think he deserves it. What? Another going to the Super Bowl. This is like why you watch sports. It's like the underdog story. It's like the storyline, you know, like everyone overlooks you, you step, he like to quarterbacks.
01:03:12
Speaker
went out, went down basically, and he got the job and he never really looked back. I think that's kind of, for me, when people are like, how do you like Spard? That's so boring. I think about, I like the athlete's story, you know? Like what the culmination of like the hard work and what it takes to just be a successful professional athlete. And so, yeah. Is that what attracted you to your husband?
01:03:40
Speaker
You know, okay. Yeah, actually. You had to throw that one in there. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. I also used to work for the Raiders, by the way. When you're like, we're Raiders, how's the vibe? You're like, yeah, when I used to work for them, I was like, your husband did too. Yeah, he did.
01:03:59
Speaker
Yeah, but he doesn't root for all the teams that he played for. Does he root for the Raiders? Yeah, absolutely. And he has a special, the Raiders are special to him because they drafted him. And that was where he spent the first four years of his career. So I think he just, they took a chance on him. And again, storyline. There's absolutely, I don't know, people...
01:04:22
Speaker
women who like Athman, who doesn't like someone who's going to take care of their body, is driven, has willpower, a good work ethic, is determined. Some athletes are so fucking needy and annoying. Who isn't needy and annoying? What? Bad problems, knee problems. No.
01:04:44
Speaker
You're missing out, Haley. No, you've got it all wrong, sister. I don't know. I think it's super admirable, whatever you do. But if you have spent your whole life doing something and you can reach the pinnacle of success in that field, in that industry, what isn't attractive about that? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I think that's super inspiring. Yeah.
Podcasting Boldness and Personal Growth
01:05:08
Speaker
I do have the audacity of the week. Ooh, good or bad?
01:05:14
Speaker
It's us, you guys. We have the audacity for freaking putting together a podcast. I have had a week of really realizing that when you film yourself and put it on the internet, people can watch.
01:05:30
Speaker
Like I just, you know, I thought that this is just like a little cutesy thing where our friends were watching us and only people with good intentions were watching. And I realized, a, that strangers, hey guys, are in fact watching this.
01:05:45
Speaker
and have reached out. And also that people who actually don't have our best intentions are also listening. So hi, everyone. Thanks for listening. Yeah. And I just, I really had a moment of, oh, wow. Okay. So, you know, this is a, this is a test to see like how thick our skin is, how we can handle it. And
01:06:09
Speaker
Yeah, we really put it all out there, didn't we guys? We did. You know what's funny is we literally just were saying that we're like, we actually are having so much fun doing it that I don't really care. Say what you want. It kind of rolls right off my back, actually. Yeah. I mean, it was a little jarring to see. So I was forwarded messages from a friend of another friend who is not being kind.
01:06:37
Speaker
But, you know, that was a little jarring, like, wow, like, yikes. But then I sat and thought about, A, what is that person doing in their free time? Sitting around talking about something that I'm doing in my free time. So, okay. You know, like, yeah, I ultimately, it's like, go try something different. Like, do something fun with your friends, with people who you care about. I don't know, pick up a new skill. Go spend time with your kids.
01:07:08
Speaker
sitting around talking crap about us talking crap. And ultimately, this has been a bonding experience. It has been. I've learned so much. We are. Well, Rachel is. She's like the production. Yeah. It's, I mean. There's one thing about my personality is I'm really going to drive people to push the limit.
01:07:33
Speaker
Yeah, but I do think we have the audacity. And if you're listening to this out there and you're thinking something ill about us or you're saying mean things about us, I just want to say maybe you should start your own podcast if you have so much to say. And signing off. Thanks for listening, everyone. We'll see you next week. Bye-bye.