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Kitchen Table Talk | Career Limbo, Real Talk & the Woman Who Makes This Podcast Happen
59 Plays23 days ago
Ever feel like you're doing everything right and still getting nowhere? Job applications disappearing into the void, ghosted at every turn, and the quiet erosion of "not enough" slowly creeping in — yeah, that's what this episode is about. In this special Kitchen Table Talk episode of The Ripple Affect podcast, your hosts Cheech and Nibby finally do the thing they probably should have done a long time ago: pull their producer, Michelle Asaro, out of the shadows and sit her at the table where she belongs.
Michelle is a Los Angeles based project manager specializing in video production and social media, but as you’ll hear – she’s so much more. She’s an artist, dancer, teacher, producer, writer, podcast host, and overall brilliant mind.
This convo is honest and wide-ranging, but centers on professional transition – the broken job-search system, its uncanny parallels to the entertainment industry, and how sustained uncertainty chips away at identity and self-worth. Together, the trio explore authentic self-care vs. the wellness industry's version of it, nervous system regulation as the real measure of resilience, finding small wins that actually count, and the underrated power of returning to the things that make you feel like yourself again.
By the end of this one, you'll have real language for what that in-between season actually feels like — plus a few grounded tools for staying regulated when the world keeps ghosting you back.
Pull up a chair and join as at the table.
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Transcript
Introduction to Podcast and Hosts
00:00:04
Speaker
You're listening to The Ripple Affect with your hosts Cheech and Nippy, a podcast that explores how individual change has the capacity to affect the whole. From neuroscience to donuts, we're two sisters with a deep curiosity for ancient wisdom and modern knowledge. And we're obsessed with learning alongside you because we don't know.
00:00:24
Speaker
Let's dive in.
00:00:27
Speaker
Hey, welcome back to the Ripple Effect podcast. I'm your faithful host, co-host Cheech. And if you've been around for a while, you know our kitchen table talks are where Nibby and i my sister, and I sit down, catch up, and pull whatever's actually going on in our lives into the conversation in service of change, or at least in service of helping us cope better with the change.
Meet the Producer: Michelle Asaro
00:00:51
Speaker
ah Today we're doing something a little overdue and a little different with our kitchen table. We are pulling the third member of this whole operation out from behind the curtain and putting her at the table where she belongs.
00:01:04
Speaker
Our producer, Michelle Asaro. Mish, as we call her, has been the backbone of this podcast since before we even launched. We're talking strategy, structure, weekly calls, keeping our beautiful chaos from eating itself alive. That's her.
00:01:20
Speaker
She's been a real one from day one, and we're so appreciative of everything that she does, and we are so excited to actually share her on the mic with
Origin Story and Identity Exploration
00:01:29
Speaker
you. So this episode is part origin story, part real talk. Mish and Isa had a couple conversations leading up to this that screamed podcast. And so that's why we brought her on.
00:01:42
Speaker
They talk about professional transitions. I add my two cents, the grind of job searching and what happens to your sense of self and what actually helps when nothing seems to be landing. And I hope that you can hear their stories and again, my two cents and really feel that you're Not alone in it, if this is what you're going through as well. So by the end of this one, you'll have some real language for what that in-between season actually feels like, looks like, sounds like, and a few grounded tools for staying regulated when the system isn't working.
00:02:13
Speaker
And hopefully the reminder that redefining what a win looks like isn't giving up. It's how you survive the gap long enough to get to the other side.
Catching Up with Kitchen Table Talk
00:02:21
Speaker
Okay, let's get into it. Yeah. So normally the our Kitchen Table Talk episodes are just Kiata and I kind of catching up and diving into what's going on in our worlds and how that associates to change in the podcast and where we're at. um And today we decided to invite a very special guest to our show. kitchen table talk. Welcome Mish Michelle Osaro to the Ripple Effect podcast.
00:02:48
Speaker
Thank you for hanging in there with us. Welcome to your own podcast. You produce this podcast. Yeah. First time and first time in front. Yeah. And the reason that for that is that the last two times or maybe I guess it wasn't like the last two times, but a couple times while i was spending some quality time with Mish, our producer, who you hear on this podcast right now with us, I heard podcast twice.
00:03:16
Speaker
And as you know, if you listened to previous episodes or our trailer, that is something that is an intuitive, quote unquote, hit to start to record the podcast or to clock the subject matter to bring onto the podcast. And two times that
Navigating Job Market Challenges
00:03:32
Speaker
happened. One time i was talking to Mish about the realities of job searching and how it had affected my self-worth and my self-image and my anxiety and had really been extremely psychologically challenging for me.
00:03:50
Speaker
And she was relating to me about that. And then the second time was when we were having a really wonderful full conversation coffee and coffee date coffee tea date um about dance and life and coping. And I can't exactly put my finger on what that was, but I do remember clocking it to say like, oh, there's something here that I want to discuss. And when you brought that to me in terms of just to catch up in our household, I had said, well, that means that Mish needs to come on the podcast and it doesn't have to be about those topics. No, you said, well, did you start recording? I did. And I said, no, that was inappropriate. can't just record Mish without asking her. And it was like a nice conversation. I didn't want to like yeah cross that boundary. No, because you and I are used to that. And I'm like, don't think that's legal. Can I start recording you? No. Yeah, that's weird. And I said, well, let's bring her on the podcast because that just for me, and it just made so much sense, right, Mish, like that you...
00:04:51
Speaker
are dropped in tapped in and we all are in this partnership for this podcast together to build community and help each other literally us three helping each other through the shit so um oh yeah let's let's talk and thank you for being here wait i have i have a question thanks for having me yeah yeah absolutely me thank you are you just gonna bombard it and not let her talk no but i do have a question that i think is important for people to know that i don't know we brought this guest on but she's just gonna be at all just Just going to be me laughing in the background at periodic moments within the conversation. Don't worry about it. Taking notes. Yeah. just Just basically being our producer. We're trying to get a Jamie and now like, hey, can you just be our Jamie? but we're just going to invite you on like a guest. And then no just kidding.
00:05:35
Speaker
um the race after me Someone asked me how we found Miege to be our producer. Oh, that's a great question. and like how long she had been with us and how that came to be. And I literally was like,
00:05:47
Speaker
I don't know. You've always been there. was like, I don't remember. From the beginning. From the dark ages. I don't remember if Yada asked Mish to help us or if I don't remember that either. Do you, Mish? Do you remember, Mish, how you became a part of this project?
00:06:03
Speaker
Oh, yes. Okay. Sorry, that took a second. So initially, i think Kiara just brought me on as a like a phone call. You guys were, you hadn't launched yet. And you were thinking about your launch strategy. Like, what what do we need? how Like, how did you jump into this? Because, um spoiler, I've done my own podcast, Jack of No Trades, which is like a career-based-ish podcast for a little bit. And I brought Kiara on. Which I forgot that I did that recording.
00:06:32
Speaker
I forgot I did that. did I completely. She blocked it out. I didn't. No, no, it wasn't like that. I just like someone said, I listened to your episode and I looked at them and I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Our editor, Jess. And I was like, who are you? What are what are you? And then I just said, uh-huh. I nodded like, you know, when someone and you're introducing yourself and they know you, but you don't know them and you go, uh-huh.
00:06:56
Speaker
And then still didn't know till this moment right now where I'm like, oh, I did record. That's what she was talking about. God damn, sorry. Well, the good news is it's still live, Kiara. You can go on. I should go back and listen.
00:07:10
Speaker
God, just anxiety. Just blocking shit out. Okay. It was a good episode, I think. So Kiara knew that you had experience. Yeah, so initially I started like I tend to just talking to you guys. I got some ideas and I think a through I forget what it was. I threw something at you guys, like concepts or something or ah marketing something.
00:07:33
Speaker
And thankfully you guys liked it. And then it just kind of became like, would you want to just, I don't know, join us for a weekly call just to start off? And then I was like, ah yeah, yeah. yes i would oh no i do remember this part i remember isa and i having closeted conversations week after week of being like do you think that she can just
Tools for Transitional Stability
00:07:53
Speaker
continue to help us do you think that we if we don't blow this she'll just keep and then we can call her a producer maybe she will produce this because at first it was like oh let's just do a little marketing for us oh maybe we can have little oh and But we were secretly like, how can we just lock this woman in? I just remember like everything that came from Mish. I was like, k if we do all this, like there's we're going to be OK. Like if we just do what Mish says, think like we which is the tell of a good like this is going to be amazing, you know?
00:08:27
Speaker
Well, i just came on initially, I think more like a project manager, just somebody to help you with like accountability, keep your own project, you know, keep things organized. And then um i think as time went on, I just got more comfortable to being like, so what about this idea?
00:08:46
Speaker
Do you want to do this for a subject? You should. I wish people could see you because you do this actually in real life, Mish. She like raises her hand like she's a three foot tall. Just right by her face. Right. Like not above her head. And and and like kind of like a weird elbow situation. Like. can i Can I lift my hand higher than right now? Would you be okay?
00:09:07
Speaker
So adorable. And then we're like, yes. everything Again, everything you say. So so you have you have experience in project managing and producing. Yeah. Yeah.
00:09:18
Speaker
i I think now looking back, the podcast in its... um kind of energetic knowledge knew that Mish was fit for it. And I do believe that the podcast is pulling in resources and people as as an energetic creative project. i I believe that that happens when you can stay in tune. And i I'm just grateful that this is the kind of um evidence of that. Yes, I've done marketing, I've done project management, and I've done producing. I've worked in entertainment basically almost from the beginning of my career in different capacities and also produced stuff on the side. That's how Kiara and I first met each other was on a separate project for a short film.
00:10:02
Speaker
Ah, okay, okay, okay. Yeah, it was it was a feature script that you and our friend Brittany, and then we as ah as a team and our friend Andrew came together and did me a short film as a proof of concept in a way for the director of that feature and still love that project. What was that called?
00:10:22
Speaker
The short film was called The Last and the feature film that's um not in development, the script is locked, but it is looking for funds is called Bodhi. Bodhi. Oh yeah, i remember. Didn't you film some of that in Humboldt? it was the The Last was a short film that we went up to Humboldt for.
00:10:39
Speaker
Similar, very similar theme. Yeah. Spent a weekend up in up in Humboldt. That was fun. And filmed on our family's property. Fun times. I mean... Yeah. yeah I mean, it can be. i mean, depends on what side of the coin. Both you are all, I mean, mean, sounds fun.
00:11:01
Speaker
That's exactly right. It sounds fun. Well, that was really fun when I was producing with you, Mish, and Andrew and Britt. That was, wow. I think those are the kind of experiences you want.
00:11:13
Speaker
Well, I can imagine too, kind of it kind of comes back to the employment thing, right? And the inconsistency and what working actors versus non-working actors, that's like huge discrepancy. Every time you have a job, once you're done producing or any kind of crew, once you're done, you're just gig work. You're just trying to find the next. And while you're in that one, you're trying to find the next. And it's a lot of hustle. And I think you've come and talked to me about anxiety moments, not just around employment or, but yes, employment. And I've kind of said this to you. I'm like, man, all I know is that from an actor's perspective, this is fucking normal. Yeah. Which is not good. You know what i mean? We're just so used to just getting rejection and not even rejection, just ghosted.
00:11:56
Speaker
You do all this work and then don't hear nothing. You don't know whether it was good, bad, you were close, you were far. Like she said, the abyss. It's true for when you're applying to any job, you know, all LinkedIn, Indeed, Glassdoor. Those are all systems that you're just sending out tailored resumes, cover letters, and you don't hear anything back.
00:12:18
Speaker
I mean, like not a thing. So many. i look on my computer and the amount of resumes and cover letters I have customized to different job applications is insane. Have you seen that thing that's circulating about a guy reading notes from a producer that talked about the reason why artists fails is not because of whether they have the talent or the goods or whatever, but whether they have a nervous system that can stay regulated with all of the stress of being ignored?
00:12:46
Speaker
Have you seen that talk? No, but um that resonates. And he goes on quoting this music producer who just literally like hits the core of any artist in commerce. Can you emotionally stay in it for long enough to then be a success? That's the measure of success isn't anything else. And it was really impactful. I was like, just don't give up.
00:13:12
Speaker
But also learn how to be healthy. I mean, you're hardwired, like as a species, right? You're hardwired to want to be liked. It's part of how we survived initially when we were all just in little clans, right? It's if you got together and you worked well together, you got to stay with the group and then your Chess's for Survival skyrocketed.
00:13:31
Speaker
So it's hardwired to want to be liked. And then you're putting something very vulnerable about yourself, like your art. Kyoto, you know, mainly was acting for me, and mainly it was dance auditions I would go to. And even if I felt like I'm confident in what I can do, but i can't control how I'm received, that part sucks. And that's, for me at least, has always been that. Because there's always a piece of me, even when I'm like, I know I can perform.
00:13:59
Speaker
But it could be something they don't like, they don't want brunettes. They don't like I'm short. They don't want somebody with, you know, small feet. I don't know, whatever it is, they don't like the way I moved. Yeah.
00:14:10
Speaker
Yeah. Same for me in modeling. You know, it's like, oh, it's just, you're just not the right look. You just don't have the right look. You're just not the right height. You're just not the right size. They're like, well, that's all out of my control. They can't visualize you because you didn't wear the right color. It's so happenstance.
00:14:25
Speaker
For a long time, I thought it was just me. Oh, yeah. Oh, Misha's having trouble finding work. You know, i i feel like, fuck, OK, it's not just me. And it started to really wear down my my self-esteem and my self-worth, which I already have challenges with. because I'm like, oh, I'm not educated enough. I'm not qualified enough. I'm not personable enough. I'm not all these things. But really, you know, there's all those things that you mentioned before that are completely out of my control that I have no idea who's on the receiving end and what they're thinking and what the criteria is and why I'm not getting the jobs. It's also exactly, though, the crossover to the entertainment industry where all of it is done in-house for the most part in corporations and companies, meaning they're putting these job applications out because they have to, but they're hiring from inside. It's exactly the same nepotism that's happening in the in the entertain entertainment industry and everybody knows it.
00:15:20
Speaker
Most of the time, the people who are putting out auditions you know know that they want this other actor. they just have They just get to do this to see what else is there or wait for the paid actor to come back with the offer and so and so and so so it's like it gives a lot of false hope at least in the entertainment industry and I think it's the same for yeah other industries too because the Stanford guys who created the uh what's the class we did life design life design say the same thing they're like oh no you don't you don't get a job by submitting applications you get a job by talking to the people and building relationships who then give it to you Which I'm terrible at. Whoa. Which is also just like, if you don't have access, gain access, yeah, go to Stanford. Okay, well.
00:16:04
Speaker
Gee, thanks. Yeah. Put that on my list of things to do. That's not.
00:16:12
Speaker
Exactly. Yeah. um Well, and it's it's even worse right now because so much of the entertainment industry is operating just like any other industry where it's all driven by metrics. It's not like they've taken a lot of the art out of it. In general, money ball like they'll even them post jobs that they know they're not going to hire to because it looks better to to the investors. A lot of these companies have gone public and it looks better to investors, to your board, if you have a certain amount of open openings, even if they're not actually going to hire for it oh that's cruel which is frustrating it's you know i forget what the ghost jobs or something like that i forget what they're called um oh that's cruel but yeah that's that's also a trend right now that's going on so sometimes i'm like is this even a real job i don't know Yeah. And that's an issue too. There's like predatory practice in people looking for jobs where you'll get scammed and they'll say, oh, we're hiring for this. And you'll, you know, respond back and they'll get, they'll even go into an interview process just to get your information for fraud. Yeah. Terrible. So that's like, you know, such a vulnerable, I mean, a not such a vulnerable community, but a vulnerable community who's actively trying to get themselves stable and in employment to go after that. It just seems, it's just cruel.
00:17:28
Speaker
Well, i think I think it is vulnerable. I mean, most people can't, you know, float more than couple months before they're they're they're going to be in danger for, you know, their their finances. So, yeah, I would say that is a really vulnerable group because, know,
00:17:43
Speaker
In
Entertainment vs. General Job Searching
00:17:44
Speaker
this economy? Yeah, in healthcare. In healthcare? Yeah. Yeah, and this is one of the most, you know, relatively stable economies in the world, supposedly. But it is, and and and these are the things that are being faced. It feels, again, mirrored to the entertainment industry. It's like, if I can't even get a co-star, can't even get ah a, you know, like background works hard enough. How are people making a living in in this industry? The relative value of this topic, I think, is...
00:18:13
Speaker
naming transition. Yeah. Like being in the gray area of transition. That transition is the gray area, meaning I don't have a job. I'm looking for one. This uncertainty place that all you can do is try to take care of yourself inside it while taking action. And those two things, let's not move on too fast from those two things to take care of yourself in and of itself.
00:18:41
Speaker
is so fucking challenging if you come from any ah diversity or what's the word struggle or adversity is the word I was looking for. And then to be able to try to be in action for yourself to even know what actions to take. Like these are,
00:18:59
Speaker
major things that we need support in to do it healthy, to do it without trying to go become a fraud yourself or to, you know, break the law or to be in moral goodness and like to to be in integrity even.
00:19:15
Speaker
Come on. Fuck, man. This is like, no, it's not. i mean, I'm not okay. I don't know anybody who is okay, to be honest, completely.
00:19:26
Speaker
But it's it it is hard because, you know, my instinct is always to be uber, like overly honest, overly communicative with, um especially with people who if if they're trusting me to be in employment with them potentially, you know, I want to be somebody who undersells and over delivers. Yeah.
00:19:44
Speaker
But unfortunately, that's not exactly conducive to actually getting the job. Like the people that I know, especially not for a woman, especially not for a woman. And, you know, especially if you're saying I'm going to lead your project, you if anything, you have to oversell yourself. And it's it's such an uncomfortable position for somebody like at least with my temperament. to be in because i i don't like to I don't even like to present my projects that way when I am working with somebody. I'd be like, we can give you this. And on the back end, I'm thinking I'm going to try to give you that and that in three times you know three other things that you said you maybe potentially want underneath your budget. I'm going to figure it out.
00:20:23
Speaker
But I can't, you know, the big reveal is kind of not, I can't, I can't get there. Right. You can't, prove you can't even get to the stage to prove yourself. No. And I mean, it's, I mean, Isa, I've been there. I've, I've definitely, even recently, like maybe. the Last couple of weeks, had some low moments where it's just like, OK, what what can I do if not even to get a job? What can I do to just feel like me again? Because this the shell is not.
00:20:58
Speaker
She ain't cute and I don't like it. I don't like the way this fits. um It's not my happy place at all. And I'm not one to dwell, but it it can get, it's it's rough out there. And this is why I think, to because if anyone doesn't know either of you, right? I do personally, as you, Issa, were describing me, she's like talented and, you know, genius level and such a good person. Well, the other part that I want to highlight for listeners, for our community is like, you both are are very,
00:21:28
Speaker
regulated do work on yourself you know positive meaning like capable people you're you're not playing the victim you guys aren't depressed people like i've seen the wear and tear i've seen it um deteriorate parts of who you are how i see you And it and i I feel that struggle. And I know for myself, before having a kid and I was in that 10-year entertainment race of Hollywood, that was what it did to me.
00:22:03
Speaker
So I'm looking at it like, i see that. I recognize that mirror. You know, I recognize that person in the mirror. Yeah. And it's it's no joke to do those two things, like you said, to care for yourself and take care of yourself and do the things that make you feel like yourself and re-regulate yourself as well as take continuous action on a consistent basis to get yourself into the next position. And when you keep doing that and doing that and doing that and nothing hits, it's it's just, it feels like it gets really scary. What happened for me, it invoked a lot of fear in my system, which then went into more fear in different areas and just started kind of
00:22:49
Speaker
snowballing into different areas of my life and psyche. And that is really what I think is the core cause of all this anxiety. And then trying my best to figure out where is it stemming from and how do I take action to take care of myself, but then being not, I don't want to use the word trapped, but being held in the parameters of not having a job and not having the financial stability to take those actions to take care of myself, you know, fucking yoga classes. Yeah. $35. you know, coping, I'd love to talk to you, Misha, about what, you know, healthy coping mechanisms that you've developed through this time of unemployment, because
00:23:34
Speaker
that's you know where I came to you and look to you to be like, this is hard. I've never done this. I've never you know been where I am right now. I've never been in debt before in my life. I've never had a degree and I'm looking for this level of jobs. And I've never done this process of really doing the like quote unquote real world job search and upper educated world of work. I've, I've, you know, I come from like a very alternative background and it just, that's not how my life has unfolded thus far. I've, I've been really kind of, I don't know what the right word is. Lucky. No kidding, kidding, kidding. Blessed. Yeah.
00:24:21
Speaker
blessed it like whimsical i've been pretty whimsical about this whole thing like i just i've just been like oh i kind of want work and i've gotten work connected that's yeah i've had work i've had great connections that have like led to more and more work for myself in all these different areas i do feel i i'm multi-talented i have these different skills and then okay what direction do i want to go and throwing everything at the wall and getting nothing back is like well shit well and i want to point something out i do want to hear the coping from both of you guys coping tools is i think a fit for not only this podcast but just fucking let's talk about that because that's i need to hear it too but before that i want to address that you you know this connected thing i said i made the joke about being lucky but You are
Career Path Challenges and Growth
00:25:13
Speaker
connected. And then in any growth time, right, you're going to want to level up. You're going to want to reach for something that you haven't already done. Hopefully that's one definition of growth, right? Expanding in your horizons into more, right? Not everybody has to do it.
00:25:29
Speaker
Doesn't, you know, doesn't have contentment comes in lots of fashions, but. For you to then want to expand, you went and got your degree, you want now a different kind of job in a different industry or just a different life that is valuable meaning in and of itself that you want things for yourself.
00:25:45
Speaker
But then you enter the gray area. You you're not connected as much as you were in the previous life iterations that you were. Right. Your friends that you built a life with have a certain culture and, you know, biosphere, like they have their own. world, right? And you're looking to go into a new world. So the expectation, both in time and how fluid and how, how not just how quickly, but how it should feel to do so is, is where your self worth and everything gets challenged because it's like, well, of course you wouldn't be able to necessarily get the job based on what we said earlier about it. create You need connections. And Misha and I both know this and I've said this to you too, Issa. In the entertainment industry and you'll hear every search enough real quick and you'll find every single person who knows anything about the entertainment industry knows it takes 10 years.
00:26:40
Speaker
10 years of consistent work to build the network that is the breakthrough quote unquote roles. Any of those people have not those are not overnight successes. That's not a real thing.
00:26:53
Speaker
But I think it translates. So I just want to highlight that. Of course, you wouldn't have the connections. You're doing something new. And that's brave. And that's hard to, but it doesn't make it any easier. Yeah. And I don't have 10 fucking years to watch me.
00:27:12
Speaker
I mean.
00:27:14
Speaker
I don't know what to say about that. like i think but i do I do really like that point, Kiana. I like the way you put it because it's true. There is that gray area. And and for me, things feel really far away. right you know and it's And you've reminded me multiple times. And other people in my life have graciously reminded me that everything can change so fast. yes It can really change so fast. And it's not going to be forever. like My Uncle Kim was like, you know...
00:27:42
Speaker
You know that saying, like when one door closes and another one opens? And i'm like, yeah. And he's like, that's true. But sometimes you just get stuck in the hallway for a while. i like that. He's like, you're just in the hallway.
00:27:53
Speaker
And your timing will come. It's going to come. I'm like, okay, thank you. And sometimes you have to climb out a fucking window.
00:28:02
Speaker
Just open the window, break it, just get the fuck out of that hallway. I'm just kidding. Drop out of society. Sometimes you have take an axe and cut that freaking door out by yourself. That's right. That's right. meche That's right. You're right about that. What what are your axes? Like what what are your coping? Because because the way no, but i'm follow me here. The way to you do have to cut the door down sometimes. Kind of. Yeah.
Navigating Uncertainty and Self-Care
00:28:30
Speaker
You can't, especially as women, especially as minorities, sometimes there isn't this like, oh, the door will open. saying anything about Kim's analogy. I love that. I think that's a beautiful mind space to be in. But in real talk, how the fuck do you get that job? How the fuck do you take care of yourself?
00:28:47
Speaker
It is like arming yourself with the equipment to cut the fucking door down. i yeah. Like, right. It's an aggressive way of saying it, but what are your coping skills? How are you going to stay? Like producer was saying regulated in your system long enough to withstand the harshness of.
00:29:07
Speaker
Uncertainty. Uncertainty and being ignored. I like to think of it as seesawing between two different ways of being because some of it is i feel like when i when I get in these kind of kind of doldrums kind of periods. What was that word?
00:29:23
Speaker
doldrums like the purgatory when you're in purgatory you you you know you haven't gotten to that next level yet you're just kind of in like this nomad's land and it just feels like a grind just getting through the day sometimes of um because you know how many how many times can you really we work a resume before you're like i'm over it i don't i don't really care fuck this and go for a walk Yeah, like I'm done. Like, ah okay, you know, I've replied to this many things. I've tried to, you know, send out these many emails and no responses. And that's that's just the name of the game.
00:29:58
Speaker
So I think that there's usually something that I have to learn. or some some sort of, this is my period to to be selfish with something that only I really want to do. That's how Jack of No Trades came about. That's how any of my dance projects have come about.
00:30:18
Speaker
Those are my things to try to feel like self-care, but also... pushing myself to do something that's just a little bit uncomfortable for me. I am not one to usually step into the center of ah of a room and be like, hello world, this is me.
00:30:39
Speaker
um i am Michelle, I am here. I'm just not that kind of personality. I can be- You're making some very big flamboyant gestures. Yes. Just so you all know.
00:30:50
Speaker
I look pretty natural for how she's saying that it's not natural. That's what I was but i was like. She's a good performer. like That looks well looks right. but But that's different. Like performing, that's my caveat. Performing, yes, I can be that person.
00:31:05
Speaker
I've taught myself how to do that through years of of my experience in dance. But nine times out of ten, you know, when you're going to a mixer, that's not something you're going to do for a bunch of colleagues in the professional workspace. So...
00:31:20
Speaker
I take what I can dancing, which is my happy place in my, my counseling area along with meditation or a long walk or something, but like something that is really nourishing to me. And I try to take away, also push myself to be like, okay, you're going to network today or okay, you're going to take this dance thing that you like, that you are naturally feel like you are comfortable in. And now you're going to teach something.
00:31:47
Speaker
OK, that's uncomfy. Doesn't feel natural to me. I'm used to being in the class and like, OK, just tell me where to go and I'll go. I'm a good follower. I'm a good team player. i can do this versus OK, now i'm going to tell you what to do.
00:31:59
Speaker
And it's really it's not it's not my fun thing. But I think that that sometimes that is your your your cue in life to be like, go out and do something that scares you. Even if it's a little thing, even if it's talking to somebody that's an acquaintance and you're like, hi, you don't really know me, but do you want to learn this dance piece I did?
00:32:21
Speaker
And again, you can't control. That sounds like a big thing. I'm like, whoa. Well, I mean, keep in mind, I've been dancing for over 20 years um because I'm old. Right, okay. But... No.
00:32:33
Speaker
when In dance worlds, I'm old. But as a teacher, you can do that as long as you want. Right. Like, okay, we can do that. Or I can talk to almost anybody...
00:32:46
Speaker
um But it's it's different for me to do an interview, to come on and be like, okay, well, tell me about yourself. um I think I had an old boss, the worst boss and kind of the best boss in some ways. Worst boss in that they were, I would never work for this person ever again. They were not a good person.
00:33:06
Speaker
Best boss said that they taught me that I can get through almost anything because by the end of that term, she was begging me to stay on. And I was like, absolutely not. I found my raft and I'm getting off this island pronto.
00:33:21
Speaker
But she was like, you're not naturally curious. She said that to me early on when I was there and I was like, That's not true. So me doing the interview is me proving to myself as well as to people like that. I could just being agreeable doesn't mean that I'm not curious, but let me show you why or let me show you how.
00:33:42
Speaker
Those are my personal skill sets that I'm trying to build on at least currently in this current iteration it's been different in the past before it was you know interviewing tips or getting better at interviewing or getting a certification or trying to prove myself in other ways that seemed a little bit more academic right now i think this round is a little bit more about authenticity And just showing up just as me and seeing where the cards lie. But everyone's journey is different. And I don't know what, Issa, what you feel like you're being called to do or what that little voice might be telling you.
00:34:20
Speaker
Yeah, I resonate so much with so many things you said, Misha, especially like the meditation and the the dance and the like challenging yourself in this time of forced pause from employment to to challenge yourself to do things that are on your heart and that do call to you and not...
00:34:41
Speaker
That's been you know this podcast for me, for sure. It's been burlesque, hosting more workshops and dance classes. I think we definitely aligned on that, which actually opened up employment for me in such a roundabout way. Speaking of knowing people, you know like who you know and connections. I walked into a wellness center and asked them about renting their studio space and to host a a workshop. And they agreed and I rented their space and I invited the owner to come as my guest just to experience it. And then, you know, two days later, she texts me, hey are you looking for a job by chance? Like I said, lucky. kidding
00:35:21
Speaker
you know and pretty and lucky oh ah oh hot and lucky oh so tough just kidding but those those things You know, following those things for me and those whispers, ah it's it it was really challenging to do because I felt the pressure of what you spoke about earlier of like doing more education or, you know, getting stronger at interviews and conversations. really internalizing a lot of not enoughness and putting a lot of pressure on myself to change into a version of me that fit the box for whatever all these employers were looking for and having to try and reiterate the identity of that in different capacities and then then then try and make myself live up to that and see if I could fit that box but never feeling authentic or like I could do it
00:36:24
Speaker
You know, even even the ones that I did get where I was like, oh, my gosh, that would be a dream. That's the salary. And those are the benefits. And like, oh, that would change my fucking life. I never really felt enough to to fit those roles. You know, i would apply and, and then, you know, not hear anything and just be reinforced in that. And one of the things about burlesque and and teaching and dance is that's a place that I do feel so authentic and so myself and so capable and so able and so fulfilled and so much in service to others that it's like a no brainer for me to want to do that. And it gives so much back to me. So it absolutely was a form of self care in that I couldn't, i I never feel anxiety in the, in those rooms and in a dance studio, I walk into a dance studio and my whole nervous system is like, okay we're gonna play now like we're like the w rest of the world does not exist let's have fun fun like that's it just happens you know and same with this podcast we get we get into the back side of this podcast working on it whether it's copy or recording or the promo videos we did the other day and I just turned into a complete weirdo you're an insane
00:37:46
Speaker
She is our own special chaos demon. Gremlin? Demon? I don't know. Joan's better. Just for the record. the ah but That's authentically me. like just and And so those those things...
00:37:58
Speaker
did have helped me a lot because the other end of that is a version of myself that's highly anxious, super neurotic, cannot cope, is really begging my therapist for more help.
00:38:13
Speaker
Truly sitting there crying, being like, no, i I'm not okay. Like I know myself really well. I'm very self-aware. i have, I'm resilient. I've been through a lot of shit.
00:38:27
Speaker
And I've been okay and I've coped and I've been able to get myself up. And right now is not one of those times. That's scary and that's real. And so the pendulum swinging from like doing these things that really make me happy and then coming back and trying to get into a job, it's brutal. i mean, I don't.
00:38:46
Speaker
I want to highlight something both of you said that I think is really, really special in that I want to make sure people heard it. Both of you said that you have gone into what feels like self-care, but like for me, she said, I i push myself to try something new.
00:39:08
Speaker
And even though you didn't say it, Issa, like you promoting your classes, it's the vulnerability of something new, of a challenge, both of you teaching dance and it being something that you love, being able to let your nervous system be in a place that it knows is safe and be doing new things builds resilience.
00:39:35
Speaker
hu That resilience place should should never be underestimated because the little, like you said, Mish, like you said, even if it's just a little thing that might not feel big to you, it's a tiny step, but, or it might not feel like too much of a stretch. it' something you can do, but it is something new.
00:39:55
Speaker
You know, it's just, it's within you. that That safety recognition of like, oh, look, I did that and I didn't die. But did you die? Did you die? did you die so and you didn't die and you thrived, hopefully, or learned something. Yeah.
00:40:14
Speaker
And then and that i think because I think self care. For me, I think I got it twisted for a long time because of the wellness industry's veil on it, which made it look like consuming. Yeah. Buying. Vegging.
00:40:31
Speaker
Vegging or blissing out somehow. Externalized. Or even disassociating. Exactly. That that doesn't doesn't look like action or small, very doable things. and And I'm relating to this from my therapist who's been working with me because...
00:40:50
Speaker
I'm just not okay. Cool. Cool. We're all in the same room. All three of us got it. Because we're not experts. Thank God. Thank God. Because they're not okay too. This is a plea for experts to come help us. So my therapist, I'm not okay. None us are okay.
00:41:16
Speaker
and none of us are okay okay like the fuck is Okay, I don't know. That's exactly right. but And she she's encouraging me to, she's a postpartum therapist. So after after birth and and in postpartum period, which is three years for anybody, three to five years for anybody who wants to know that.
00:41:35
Speaker
And, um, yeah, years. I'm like, what? Excuse me. What? So anyway, she where did I sign that? Yeah. Did not know that. walk and that fine print i did do I did not see that in the fine print.
00:41:50
Speaker
Can't take that item back. Okay, so don't want to. Okay, so. um but my
00:41:59
Speaker
so It's terrible. did not mean that. Locked into a life contract. So so my therapist is encouraging me to um do the things that feel like they don't move the needle. Okay.
00:42:12
Speaker
which reminded me of when I took the voice and presence class with Ryan O'Shea. ryan Ryan, she would say do less than you're capable of in these exercises that were trying to let your body release tension so that you could gain more access to the physical physicality of your breath. Do less than you're capable of. And then over here, my therapist years later is saying, do the things that won't feel like they're going to move the needle, like a progressive tension relaxation in your body, right? Where you squeeze each individual part of your body and then let go. That's not feeling like it's doing much in an individual time. But to the point of we're talking about employment and life, consistent small actions over time do add up.
00:43:03
Speaker
That's a habit-based thing. that's It's true.
Self-Care Routines and Mental Health
00:43:06
Speaker
And so I just wanted to acknowledge you both. Because when I was sitting here listening to it, I was like, neither of those things sound like small things. To your point, you're like, it's a happy place and it's 20 years in. To your point, it's like the most you feel, the the most authentic you feel.
00:43:21
Speaker
But from the outside looking in or yeah, from the outside looking it in on you guys, like, whoa, those are brave, big, vulnerable action steps. And they don't feel like it.
00:43:34
Speaker
So that i just I just wanted to highlight that. I do have to go um get my baby. Oh, what time is it? It's six. Oh, okay. I'm going to ask her if she can extend. Okay. She might not be able to. So you guys talk amongst yourselves if you want. Yeah, we will. Okay. And then I'll be back.
00:43:54
Speaker
Just kidding. i Okay, now we can talk shit. I'm just kidding. She just gassed us up a little bit. She's like, oh, we're so brave. Those are so big. I'm like, like they don't feel like it. I'm like, no, they do feel like it. It's fucking hard to market a class and to get all schlep all the stuff there and to get people in the door and to like have the landing page set up so that they can pay through a QR code and all this shit. think It is... work but it's so much more fulfilling than fucking filling out an application sending it into an abyss and not hearing anything back like at least I'm so have some control over that
00:44:32
Speaker
I mean, it is it is big. It does feel very vulnerable and out there. And it is scary. I mean, I literally had was stood there as I was like sending out a group text to a bunch of people that I know, but like some of them not that well. um Being like, okay, now it's time to do it.
00:44:49
Speaker
The hard part is doing that stuff. The admin of it, the marketing, like you said, the framing of it as a class, not just like... You know, me and one friend going over stuff and messing around together. That's something I've done plenty of times. And I'm very comfortable with certain people. But yeah it's it's the broadening it out is that that's the uncomfortable piece for me of with people who I don't necessarily have that social cachet with where if it does suck, they're going to be like, girl, we love you anyway. Don't about it. Versus. Yeah.
00:45:22
Speaker
Reception I got, which was overwhelmingly positive, even with people that I'm like, wow, you don't really know me because the honest truth of it is they don't care. It's an hour to dance.
00:45:33
Speaker
They're like, let's do this. I'm down. Yeah. Yeah. um I agree, but I know that difference of like, oh, we're just going get together and have fun versus like, oh, these people are paying yeah paying me for this class, you know, like and wanting to give them their money's worth and wanting to, you know, pre-plan the the coursework so that it all flows and the songs are hitting in the right timing.
00:45:54
Speaker
And like, it's all, you know, you can't snap. Yeah. I'm back. listen And snap. She's back. Plus it's feeling like you accomplish something. I used to get a lot of satisfaction from from my day job. I worked at a fitness company as ah as a PM on the production in the production department, product manager.
00:46:14
Speaker
I used to get a lot of satisfaction from when either like I got like five different projects going on and I'm able to give a solution um for some little problem or I'm wrapping up a project and it's like, yeah, we killed that. We did that. I miss those moments of satisfaction, human interaction that you don't really get if you're going to be jumping on your you know LinkedIn or whatever job site you you use and just applying where you're just you're a number, essentially. You're not even a face. You're a name and a number.
00:46:45
Speaker
That is such a good point, Mish, that you just made. What is it that you're that you're wanting to get out of your job? What like what satisfactions have you had from employment in the past?
00:46:59
Speaker
And how can you get those without like the employment? So for me, like during my coaching career, I loved having working one-on-one with people and having them have breakthroughs and understanding themselves deeper and relating to themselves in new ways. like Love that. And I do get that through the burlesque. Having someone come up to me after class and tell me, I think that's the sexiest I've ever felt in my whole life. That type of feedback is just so touching and so motivating. And so it it is that same vein of fulfillment and satisfaction that a a previous job had given me. or i think what also I heard you say, Mish, which is I think I'm so curious about how to do this for
00:47:43
Speaker
I heard you say when you're just submitting resumes or working on resumes, how that isn't anywhere in the ballpark of where your skill set allows you to feel satisfaction. Right. And i in acting, i remember hearing this quote from Samuel L. Jackson saying,
00:48:03
Speaker
Oh, no, acting isn't what you guys are calling it. Acting isn't the going and filming and shooting. That's that's not the job of an actor. That's that's not the job. What the job is is auditioning.
00:48:17
Speaker
yeah Applying for jobs is the job. you got to that's That's what you're going to love. that's Or not even love, but just know that that's the job. And the other thing is a bonus. And I've heard it said by other actors, too, who've who've had careers. And what I'm curious about is like, how do you do that though? Acting different because you're getting sides, meaning scripts and you're working your creative muscles and and your creativity to put together an audition, which is essentially a little mini filmed version of what you think that character would look like when it goes to production. And so there is creativity involved, not in everything. Cause depending on the scripts you get there,
00:49:01
Speaker
crap or not I don't know you know like you gotta make it your own you gotta to do what what it you can the quicker picker upper or you're not fit yeah you're not a fit for like there's so many things that like i i i put my creativity in it but I'm not a fit like it just isn't my role you already can know you let you know it you're like that this isn isn't even self-worth thing this is just like not not aligned not it's just not gonna happen but but with resumes that or just the the the an admin work in general that it takes to run a business how do you how do you fill yourself up with that when when that's the dominant thing you have to do as the consistent actions to take i don't know but i think that this system is broken
00:49:43
Speaker
I don't think that putting yourself on paper and then putting all your qualifications and then submitting it through some online thing and having some HR person go through those. Oh, no, I'm sorry. A computer go through it. AI first. Yeah, a computer go through it. And like, you know, the some lady who doesn't fucking care about any of it.
00:50:01
Speaker
call you for an interview, ask you the same dry fucking 10 questions, make no, and then send you, schlep you on to the next person.
Critique of Job Application Processes
00:50:09
Speaker
Like there is no life in that process. There is, there's, you can't, there, it's not fun. I mean, not that like work has to be fun, but yeah. you don't get, it's just so two dimensional. You put all who you are onto a piece of paper. Everybody puts the same shit. Now with AI and chat, this can't be, this can't, to your point, Kiada, like the joy and the authenticity and the,
00:50:35
Speaker
fulfillment and the feedback that we get from actually doing the job. There is none of that in the process of getting the job. Which has been that way. So without changing the system to the point of this podcast, how can you change yourself to change the system? Like,
00:50:50
Speaker
What do you do then? I'm just going to start putting random ass shit on my resume. No, no, no. I've told you that. I've trapped raccoons. Be real with me for second. I'm really good at Wait. you i've I've done that. You're not going to put your trapping history. might put it on there. What are you fucking... What are we in the 1700s?
00:51:09
Speaker
Well, it could be a fun side note as my hobbies include. The other day I was walking in Hope Ranch with Moosh and there was this guy there and he had one of the traps out and I couldn't help myself. I was like, hey, what are trapping? Yeah. there's a skunk around here it's messing with these guys dog and i was like oh was like i almost caught a skunk was we had this whole conversation about trapping and i thought i walked through i thought to myself so you turned into like a 50 year old white male is what you're telling me that's all i heard from that yes yes from the
00:51:42
Speaker
And I was like, so what do you do? You just let them spray out or what? You know, like, how do you, do how do you handle that? Like, I was so grateful it didn't happen to me, but I don't know, you know, like, he's like, well, you want to keep it covered, you know, so they're less like freaked out. I'm like, oh, yeah, I always do that for sure. like Yeah.
00:51:56
Speaker
Did you go back into your covered wagon and go get the oxen to go pull you to your next destination? did you die on the Oregon Trail? You got dysentery, didn't you? Maybe in my past life. Yeah. I feel like we're on to something. Okay. Can I bring this back for a second? Come on. If you were reading that as a resume, at least like after the monotony of all the resumes, you might be like,
00:52:22
Speaker
what the fuck is Or you could think you're insane. And that's this is the double. This is the double. She's unstable. Don't I told these I told these you might know this. I don't know. but like in commercial acting work, they the first two auditions are so weird. They just line you up and they ask you a personal question about yourself.
00:52:45
Speaker
That's all. And then you don't even do, usually you don't even do the copy until like the second or third audition. And here's why. yeah Because they're just weeding out crazy. Just weeding out the crazy. And you think, how crazy can people be? Crazy. Crazy. like not mentally stable right so and it's funny you think yeah ask a question that's like how do you sleep at night you know if the if the if the overall commercial is you know something about medications i had a woman next to me to next to me be like well i have narcolepsy so and i'm like i feel for this woman but also i feel like i would get weeded out i would get weeded out i think you also have dreads because don't say that
00:53:34
Speaker
but But like nothing against mental health, right? i You know, meaning like take care of it. But also like it's not. Don't put it on your resume. Yeah, don't put it on your resume. So that was my no. i It is a fine line. You know, you got to be creative and stand out. But you can't be crazy, which is which is parameters that is maybe, you know, like unfair in an industry that is not standardized. But you can't like you can't know that so i'm saying like you can't know that from a resume.
00:54:04
Speaker
True. So i wanted to say, what I wanted to come back to, though, was you act like... Don't put that you have narcolepsy on it. Yes. well that's Or that you're a trapper, apparently. I mean, you can. Highly skilled trapper. Are we highly skilled? Are you sure? I mean, I've had some getaway, but I think it's luck. I think comes back to luck. One time I got two baby raccoons twins.
00:54:30
Speaker
Twins, ba twins. Twins. And the mom was pacing, pacing, pacing. Scariest thing I've ever done. I had to be like, go out there and let them out without being attacked by the mom.
00:54:42
Speaker
That was the greatest moment of my life. That was the greatest moment of my life. Raccoons are gnarly. Wild animals are gnarly. don't Yeah. Did
Humor and Coping Mechanisms
00:54:50
Speaker
you get rabid rabies from that? She was across the yard and I was like, you stay there.
00:54:55
Speaker
I'm going to let your babies out. She became Cinderella, y'all. You stay there. And then I went out and I opened the trap and I shook the babies out and then they started crawling up my arms and they were so cute. And i was like, no, no, get away, get away. Don't touch me. Don't imprint on me. And then I ran back inside and then the mom came over and grabbed the babies. Do they help you clean now? Do they come through the window and help you clean sometimes? has it me and Every year when I go back, they come and visit me. Okay. I'd like to circle back if I can to the reality of, okay, but you are submitting and you've been submitting and you did get gain employment and you have been taking care of yourself but through that. But not gain employment through that process.
00:55:34
Speaker
Let's talk about that. yeah And let's talk about also... How you are taking care of yourself, though, because you're I don't think yet you've said on this and I want people to know, like, you say you do a lot to take care of yourself.
00:55:51
Speaker
And I think that that gets to be highlighted and you have a lot of wisdom from the experiential place that you're in And I hope you're willing to share because it is it is it is the real shit. Yeah.
00:56:04
Speaker
So you're saying like, you know, you don't, you know, it's just drive, you know, grinding you down, but you, but you, you did, you get up and you kept doing it. How, how are you able to keep submitting resumes? And, you know what i mean? And, and eventually, however it came about, gain employment.
00:56:23
Speaker
I don't know. Fair? fair. I mean, I don't want to put you on the spot. i the I've seen it. So I think if you reflect, take a moment to reflect, you'll you'll share things that I think have value. Yeah, I think therapy definitely helped me see what I wasn't doing and how...
00:56:43
Speaker
I had to take action towards the thing that I needed to do to take care of myself and having someone reflect like this is the process and it's a numbers game and there's no other way to do it. Like you just have to show up and some days you'll do five resumes, some days you'll do two, some days you'll do three, but you have to just keep showing up. Like that's how you do this is.
00:57:10
Speaker
That's the action. Yeah. And then what's behind the curtain that, that was going on that allowed you to do the action? I just, yeah, i just kept going out of just, I mean, honestly, it was challenging because a lot of it was fear motivation, just being like, oh my God, I have to do, like, there's no other option. I have no other Yeah. Well, here, let me, I'll do, I'll do I'll do the reflection for you because I live with you. You kept going on walks with Moosh. Oh, the self-care. Yeah, I definitely, I meditated every day.
00:57:45
Speaker
I got, I got into the head habit and I i guess she couldn't meditated every day for seven months straight. Like I didn't, I really habituated that part of my self-care.
00:57:56
Speaker
um I, I kept going to nature. I made sure to walk my dog. I made sure I got exercise in. Went to your meetings. I went to my 12 step program meetings consistently i called I started coming out of isolation around my fear and my tendency to not want to be a burden or bother to anybody.
Setting Boundaries and Energy Preservation
00:58:21
Speaker
And so I started sharing more about what I was experiencing, how hard it was, you know, hence the conversation with Mish and other friends who know who you are, friends and family, really just being vulnerable and honest about where I was and how hard it was to be able to get the support from people and the wisdom from people.
00:58:41
Speaker
I leaned hard on my like elder community, knowing that like, you know, indigenously, like forever, that's what's been done. You know, we we would reach out to our elders when we had problems, not the internet. And so I did that. I called the people in my life that are in their 60s, 70s, and 80s, and just talk to them about this phase of life that I'm in and the transition that I'm in. You boundaries with set boundaries my so your sisters? Yeah, my family so that I could, I realized that I was, you know, overexerting myself in care for others that I didn't have to give at the time. And so I had to set boundaries around
00:59:20
Speaker
And parameters around how much I could support the people in my life that I love that I want to support but wasn't able to and had to be honest about that within myself and with others.
00:59:32
Speaker
I tried to eat well but the eating thing was tough. That one got me good. That was a big challenge that I realized I've never had in my life. I've never had um like I've never been an emotional eater. I'm pretty like consistent and healthy. And I really saw myself either under eating where I just wouldn't eat at all or. Which is happening right now. I'm so hungry.
00:59:57
Speaker
Or overeating and eating sorry like should being like craving sugar and food that I don't normally eat. And um having that be, that's still happening to where i i clocked it with my therapist of like, hey, this is related to the anxiety. And if if if it keeps going, I need to address it because like I can't go, i can't just not, I can't not eat like...
01:00:22
Speaker
Or be eating way too much for myself. Like this is, I have never had that type of relationship with food. And it definitely somehow kicked into that part of my brain of safety, security, like emotional regulation that I wasn't being able to do in other ways. And I was using food to to do it for me.
01:00:41
Speaker
So that's, you know, there's a lot of things I feel like I'm doing to take care of myself. And then at the same time, there's a lot of things that are coming up that I'm like, oh, never navigated this one before, you know, like anxiety. You also, I just want to pinpoint one more. If you're comfortable talking about it, we can cut it. If not, you also went to your doctor.
01:01:05
Speaker
And you you checked out yourself for for having more tangible support in the form of medication? Yep. Yeah. I've done that twice. The first time was like after a panic attack where i didn't I went to the doctor for something else and then while I was in the office was like,
01:01:22
Speaker
started to talk about the experience and just fully broke down. And he was like, whoa, okay, this is, yeah, this sounds like you had a panic attack. This sounds like it's an acute episode based on your living and working situation. And let's, you know, discuss medication to help you during this time. And so we did that and just, I got some pharmacological support that way. And then again,
01:01:50
Speaker
with my therapist now which is months later similar position like I am not I can't handle this on my own like I need I need to be referred to psychiatry which I've been referred to psychiatry and am waiting on Kaiser Psychiatry Department to get back to me for weeks now so I've been self-medicating microdosing Moosh's Valium honest and I'm lucky and you have Moosh to do that thank guys holy mo yeah and before that I was microdosing psilocybin to help me yeah so I definitely have you know self-medicated and i go I take myself to the movies by myself and just like let myself be alone and quiet and in a theater hold for that siren just kidding
01:02:39
Speaker
but
01:02:43
Speaker
i'll see you all stopped I love it. good. That was good. But yeah, I mean, that's in a nutshell what's going on here. That's not a nutshell. trying. Hey, that's a lot of things. I'm trying. That's a lot.
01:02:57
Speaker
Oh, I said P.S. going to the movies by yourself is top tier clutch. I started doing that too. It's amazing. I miss it so much. I used to do it all the time. when i lived in hawai so jealous of y'all When I lived in Hawaii, I would do it often. And the guy who worked at the theater in Lihue would like, i think he felt bad for me. And he would just let me in for free.
01:03:17
Speaker
I want that. I was like, are you sure? And he's like, yeah, it's okay. It's okay. Go ahead. I want to work at a movie theater. I'm doing this by choice. It's not that I can't get a date. I'm just like, don't. I don't know. I'd be like, can you throw in some popcorn too? Just, you know. milk the pity. Just milk it. Just come in crying.
01:03:45
Speaker
yes smudge your mascara so it looks like you've been crying all day dude I can a little i can't do that because I have waterproof mascara so i can't make that smushy thing happen you guys know what I'm talking about the waterproof mascara my waterproof mascara smears all the time you guys need maybelline maybelline I'm just saying maybe it's maybelline Pause for ad. so You are not getting paid. Yeah. ah um Anyway. all right. Well, any last thoughts or musings on well yeah what do you think when you hear her sharing all of that mission? And I know you shared a little bit on the top of your coping, but.
01:04:29
Speaker
but i'm sure that why i asked her is the same thing i would probably turn and ask you is like i know there's more i know it because i know you too and i know you are incredibly dedicated to yourself and that's a beautiful fucking thing because you have at least that enough enough self-worth to to want to know that you deserve better or want to be better or need need it, you know, and you're not just drowning yourself in the bottle or with drugs or with, you know, other negative habits, you're trying your best to to stay healthy. And I think that that just in and of itself, like, and nothing against people who are doing those things, because it's like, fuck man it's hard you know and everyone deserves a hand up but but you're but you're capable enough to to try things for your on your own and I'm curious of what those are because I think people could benefit from just the creativity of a group think mind we're like maybe you haven't thought of it yet
01:05:28
Speaker
I mean, i I think full disclosure, first off, I have initially i was drinking a little too much and and indulging in cannabis just a little bit too much. it's It's relatively recently in my unemployment journey because I've been unemployed for over a year now. where I've been like, I just, I can't, I can't do this.
01:05:48
Speaker
um It's not helpful. It doesn't help me feel better in the morning. It doesn't help me feel like I want to be productive. I just want to sit in bed all day. And that's not, it's not good for me. It's not where I'm, what my story wants to be. um And like Isa mentioned earlier, like there's something i think,
01:06:08
Speaker
in you that I think both of us, all of us have um a bit of grit. I think all of us have a bit of like, that's just not the way that my my story is going to be, which is hard to battle it along with the, you know, we live in a capitalist society, which says your worth is literally your dollar amount.
01:06:26
Speaker
Which, you know, we all know on a humanistic level, that's not true, but it is hard to to rectify against what, you know, what you see and like how much everything costs money these days. So it it can be difficult. I mean, I've...
01:06:43
Speaker
I'm extremely lucky that I have friends who will, I'm not going to say who, just because I don't think this is supposed to be, but allow me to use their, you know, fitness, their Peloton account so that I can get a workout in, even though I'm not paying for it with like my home weights. Dude, that's genius. I'm going to find someone to get a, that's, I'm taking that hack.
01:07:05
Speaker
Sorry. Continue. Yeah. Could not recommend more. Love the workouts. Loving it. And like you can do small ones too, like 10 minutes, 12 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes. Like you can do different things and they offer the awful meditation too. Although I tend to do that self-guided, um but I also meditate.
01:07:24
Speaker
I try to do at least 10 minutes a day. I'm not the best meditator, but it it does help to kind of like calm the nervous system a little bit and be like, okay, regardless of what my bank account says, what my credit card statement says, ah do have value outside of that.
01:07:44
Speaker
And I knew that. Thankfully, I already have that built into me. I think like Isa
Finding Wins in Adversity
01:07:50
Speaker
said, relying on people and being okay with the fact that right now you have to rely on other people. It's humbling for me.
01:07:58
Speaker
It's very hard. I don't know anybody that it is easy for. Yeah, I agree. I think that you just nailed such a huge thing, Nisha, of like being humbled. That's where I got like, that's truly what happened through this process. I, i got so humbled.
01:08:16
Speaker
And just really was able to get real with myself on where I was and where I wanted to go and the steps I needed to take for us to get there. And knowing that there was no leapfrogging that like, I got to just get employment. Like, you know, I started working at a restaurant because I was like,
01:08:39
Speaker
Oh, i I have to just be able to get solvent and stay solvent. Like first goal, first step, little writing things, you know. And yeah, it sucks to get a paycheck that's like...
01:08:51
Speaker
like a teenager's wage, you know, but, but at the same time, it's, it's in the right direction. And it's opening that door to feel what it feels like to receive again, to have money in the wallet, to like, actually be, you know, showing up and serving and having that process jumpstart again is was really healthy for me. I feel like finding your wins where you can find them, I mean, that's going to be kind of different to everybody, but the the basics are there.
01:09:22
Speaker
um I try to cook more because i i I enjoy cooking, even if it's just for me. Trying new recipes, even if it's like, I'll come over, you can cook for me. Sorry.
01:09:34
Speaker
Sorry. That's something I don't mind. have That's something easy. I don't mind asking for support. That's one area where I'm like, oh, yeah, make me food. ions i i do and i do i do he says like and I do. I feed my sister. I have no shame around that area of support. Actually, that's interesting to look at.
01:09:55
Speaker
Sorry, i interrupted you. But. Some people, you know, that's different. But that's a way that I can one show show up for other people because I can't offer much right now, but I can offer you a hot plate. I can offer you some food that I think, you know, at least I think is is is good enough to eat. It's good.
01:10:12
Speaker
no that's that's that's old. Talk about ancient wisdom. That's value right there. Yes. Yeah, and quality time, Mish, like making quality time. Like you made quality time to come up and go out to coffee with me the other day, you know?
01:10:28
Speaker
That's one thing, being unemployed, sometimes it's almost um detrimental the amount of time you have on your hands to because it's like, I should be doing more. I should be applying to more jobs. I should be going out. I should be doing networking things. and i should be But i'm like I'm exhausted from not getting traction. Yeah. So, you know, you offered you offered me that of quality time spent with people do fill you up. Yeah.
01:10:56
Speaker
That's huge. And offering people food, like what can you give? Because I think in a time of trying to gain employment, it's there is this really this internal shift in me of like,
01:11:09
Speaker
seeking and trying to grasp security yeah and that energy is not the same as being in service and giving yeah in order for me to feel whole and well like that has to be part of my life Well, and you're making just like a a an interesting point, bringing it back to like the comparisons of the entertainment industry. One of the things that makes actors so fucking weird is that the job in and of itself makes you have to think about yourself way more than is healthy.
01:11:46
Speaker
Yeah. And when you're thinking about yourself and how you look and what you think and how you and and how you sound and and what do people think about you like, dude, that is it that is a recipe for just, you know, narcissistic, not like just it's just too narcissistic for any one system to handle. So I think the the part of that to to become healthy in as ah as a working actor, I had learned like It's it's about being in certain. It's about helping others in so many ways and having to kind of do that over and above and beyond so that you counterbalance the necessary
01:12:26
Speaker
um kind of narcissistic. going into that you have to to do the work of the actor go ahead I also you remember you ping something for me I also do try to find ways to volunteer to remind myself that as much as it might feel like my life is at a low point and I'm on the rock so to say so to speak other people have it worse than me and I like yeah I know that I'm very blessed I know that But it's another thing to see it as you're like working in a food kitchen and you're feeding people. And it's like, okay, I'm very thankful. It reminds me of like, okay, what are we thankful for, Michelle? Like, I am thankful for the bed I get to sleep in and the roof over my head and the dog that like loves me, you know, no matter what. And, you know, the husband that I get to come home to. I'm very thankful for these things. For the car that I get to drive that works, thankfully. That things like that, that you, in everyday life, it's very easy to kind of get wrapped up in everything and be like, that doesn't count. It's like, no, it does. It does. I'm thankful for the friendships that I get to seek out and the
01:13:32
Speaker
the family that I have that I can just call on a whim. and they They're over overall very popular popular, positive people. But those things help me. I think i try to i tried to clean.
01:13:45
Speaker
try to keep a very clean house because um it's very easy for me to get into a depressive mindset and to feel like, what does it matter? No one, you know, no one's going to see it, but I'm going see it. I'm here.
01:13:59
Speaker
um Even if if Alex is on traveling, I'm here. I deserve to have clean home so I can do that. I think finding small ways that you can find your your wins, quoteus quote unquote.
01:14:14
Speaker
is very important. um And having a routine, no matter what that is to you, helps. um I started being like, yeah, those are your wins.
01:14:25
Speaker
Those are your wins. those are No one can take that when you have the expectation of what you call a win. But I will say, like I do remember the the smallest actions of taking the agency back Yeah.
01:14:39
Speaker
When I was in depression, when I was unemployed, like being able to say, okay what is a win for me? How do I classify that? Writing those down and like making them actually count like a shower. Yeah.
01:14:52
Speaker
You know, that counts. I fed myself. That does. You know, i went to show up. It counts. and And that internal measurement, not external measurement, I think is really key. Yeah.
01:15:03
Speaker
Gratitude and perspective definitely are great tools and sometimes they're not available, but when they are and you can like use them. Yeah. And I mean, you know, they do they do build. they And bank them because when you can feel the, the, the feelings of that and clock like the somatic experience of gratitude. What does this feel like in my body? And try and make the memory of it so that you consciously hold it for a second. in your body and then when you're having that hard time to try to come back to it is is resilience yeah and that's from the book named resilience i'll put the in the show notes and make sure the authors are there because that book is amazing but yeah thank you so much me having for coming on the podcast with us and for all your work behind the scenes i'm so happy to share you with our community i know they're gonna love you as much as we do yeah it's really nice to have you here with us in this format i and love you guys too thank you so much for having me
01:16:04
Speaker
Okay. i i think we did it. Listen, I don't know what we did, but we did it. Thanks for listening to another episode of The Ripple Affect. We're looking forward to exploring a different facet of change with you next time.
01:16:19
Speaker
If you found value in this episode, please take a second to leave us a review and share with a friend. Every little bit helps The Ripple go farther. Thanks for being a part of this experiment with us.
01:16:30
Speaker
And remember, we're way more connected and deserving than society's false sense of separation dictates us to be. You're not just one person. Your singular efforts do make the collective change possible. We're going to keep showing up and we'll never get to perfection. But if we allow the process to be the solution, we can trust that small ripples will make big waves.
01:16:51
Speaker
Changing yourself changes the ripple. And what if a collective almost is good enough?
01:16:58
Speaker
This episode was produced by Kiatta Maya, Issa Griffin, and Michelle Asaro. Audio editing by Jessica Ansari. And music by the talented Mia Casasanta.
01:17:09
Speaker
Thank you all. This podcast is not possible without the contribution of your skills, talent, support, and generosity.