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BONUS for the Holidays | Re-gifted, Re-release, Ripple Resource
16 Plays3 hours ago
This episode is the Re-Release Holiday Bonus from season 1 of The Ripple Resource series. As the year winds down, hosts Cheech and Nibby gently explore how the holidays can be meaningful, connective, and joyful — and how they can also be emotionally heavy, overwhelming, and complicated. This episode is offered as a gift — to listeners and to ourselves — with the intention of building emotional resilience, self-awareness, and supportive boundaries during the holidays..
Through a candid, interview-style conversation that breaks from the show’s usual format, the sister duo reflect on their own holiday experiences and share honest insights around family dynamics, holiday stress, and staying grounded in who you are amid heightened expectations. Rather than offering rigid advice, this conversation invites greater awareness, autonomy, and compassion as you move through the season.
If the holidays feel hard this year, you’re not alone. This episode is a reminder that your mental health matters, your experience is valid, and you get to decide what the season looks like for you. Tune in for a thoughtful, supportive conversation designed to help you navigate the holidays with a little more ease, intention, and internal harmony.
Happy Holidays from all of us at The Ripple Affect.
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Transcript
Introduction: Hosts and Theme
00:00:04
Speaker
You're listening to The Ripple Affect with your hosts, Cheech and Nippy, a podcast that explores how individual change has the capacity to affect the whole. From neuroscience to donuts, we're two sisters with a deep curiosity for ancient wisdom and modern knowledge, and we're obsessed with learning alongside you because we don't know.
00:00:24
Speaker
Let's dive in.
00:00:28
Speaker
It's coming to you. Can you need not? Come on. I have to edit the shit. I know. Sorry.
Holiday Wishes and Well-being
00:00:38
Speaker
Okay,
00:00:40
Speaker
Welcome back to the Ripple Effect podcast and happy holidays, everyone. We are your hosts, Cheech and Nibby. Nibby, take it away. This holiday season, we want to give you the gift of honesty.
00:00:54
Speaker
Honestly, we did not create new content for you yet. But instead, we are prioritizing and have been prioritizing our well-being.
Parenting Challenges and Sanity
00:01:03
Speaker
i am busy he raising a child with lots of help from Issa and others. We are tending to our fur babies. Mushy. And we're doing our best to hold thread of sanity through it all.
00:01:14
Speaker
Amen. It is still important to us to stay connected to all of you, though. We still want to show up. So this year, we're just, you know... We're re-gifting. And it's not wrapped, but it still has value. It does. it does You are about to hear the re-release of our holiday bonus episode from season one.
Re-release Announcement and Reflections
00:01:37
Speaker
Our re-gift to you. Before you jump in, we just wanted to let y'all know if it's been hard for you lately. You are not alone.
00:01:49
Speaker
It's been hard for me too. Like, whoa. Our original copy right here said, we look forward to more growth and change in the new year. But I'm like questioning that. Do we? This shit is fucking hard. don't know if I can handle it. It is. And it feels that way. And we can.
00:02:05
Speaker
I know that it's in these moments in the challenging times that the growth comes. And so this is the
Personal Growth and World Impact
00:02:11
Speaker
exploration. Can this hard work that we do inside of ourselves have an effect on the wider world and make it better? And if it can, I'm doing my work, guys. I'm trying hard. Yeah. I mean, too. And it's not easy. And I think a lot of you are doing the same thing and it's not easy. And I just want to acknowledge you for what you're doing and say you're not alone and it's gonna work out.
00:02:33
Speaker
Yeah, i i I trust that it can. And so it is all for good. And we are sending you a lot of love through the airwaves and the ethers. So enjoy listening. Happy holidays, y'all.
00:02:47
Speaker
This is a holiday bonus episode.
Strategies for Holiday Gatherings
00:02:50
Speaker
With the holidays fast approaching, we acknowledge that family time, while it can be meaningful, has its challenges. This holiday bonus episode is equally for you listening and ourselves. A gift for all of us to build resilience so we can set some intentions and have greater awareness going into the the holidays.
00:03:08
Speaker
In this bonus, we share strategies, approaches, and mindsets to try on for the upcoming holiday season. You'll notice this episode doesn't follow any of our normal episode formats. Instead, we decided to ask each other questions, interview style, about all of our holiday experiences, and we got some good info from each other and some good things that we can go into the new year with. We trust it will be helpful for all of you.
00:03:34
Speaker
Happy Holidays!
00:03:42
Speaker
Holiday bonus. I'm stoked to be talking to you. This is going to be fun. Okay, this is Kiata's voice, just in case you still need Cheech This is Isa Nibby here, my voice.
00:03:54
Speaker
Okay, so we are doing something new for this bonus episode. And we have written questions to ask one another, but we don't know what they are yet. So you're going to get real off the cuff conversation here.
00:04:12
Speaker
Who wants to start? You start. No, I start. You start. Oh, rock, paper, scissors. No. Why not? Look, I'm ready. I don't want to do that. Why not? Because you're afraid you'll lose. Okay, whatever. Okay, ready? Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
00:04:29
Speaker
We've both got scissors. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. I got rock, her covered, my... You win. I win. You go first. What? No, you go first. Oh, I go first. Yeah. Okay, got it. I'm nervous to hear this first question. Okay. They're holiday related, right? because this is the topic. Yes, they're holiday related, but i'm actually really looking forward to how different these questions might be. Like we might be on two completely different like pages with this, but whatever. Okay, so my first question has to
Self-Care through Travel
00:04:57
Speaker
do with um you, Kiara, being an empath.
00:05:02
Speaker
Oh, God. And... As an empath, I'm curious how you prepare yourself for an event like the holidays. Okay, as an empath, which is such a weird like identification title, but it's true. I've learned over the years that I have to build it alone time.
00:05:20
Speaker
Like I have to have my own room, my own space when I go places. It's not useful for me to like share a room with someone. I need to have my own space because to be able to close the door and like make sure that I can like decompress essentially. And it can't be just like a bathroom.
00:05:38
Speaker
It needs to be like a bathroom. When you're sleeping in a bathroom. No, not sleeping. I just mean like going somewhere being able to have a hair own moment. But it's helpful if it's like, you know, a not literally not shared space because everybody uses a bathroom, right? So it's like a place where I can go. And it helps if it's an enclosed space, not like um being able to go outside is great for a walk.
00:05:59
Speaker
But like something about it being like a place where I can sit and no one can disturb me technically. That's nice. I guess this is like when I'm there, but I i try not to drink. alcohol or like inebriate myself in any way.
00:06:13
Speaker
Cause it's not even so much the moment of that's fine. It's actually like the dull, the, the recovery of it, like being a little bit more tired or more just out of it, hungover whatever that does not,
00:06:26
Speaker
help me take care of myself in the ways energetically that i that I need to and emotionally, truly, because like emotionally, that's, I think the biggest piece of being around any large group, whether it's I go home for family or I stay in and with friends or holiday parties.
00:06:42
Speaker
For some reason with the holidays, there's a lot of added energy. I think it's just the end of the year holidays specifically, right? Like Thanksgiving, it's coming to the end of the year.
00:06:53
Speaker
Christmas is coming to the end of the year. Hanukkah, like they're coming to the end of the year. And it feels like there's just like this pressurization that happens for people. And as an empath, when I'm around a lot of that,
00:07:04
Speaker
people might not know it but there's like a kind of like a low level sound that's going off and and it's like I can like pick up on all of that and if I don't sort through it for myself like oh that's theirs that's not mine but obviously I'm a person so I have it too that end of the year pressurization I can have it so it's like being able to just have that time apart from everyone gives me a little bit more um ability to just to tune into just me and not all the dynamics.
00:07:37
Speaker
Because that's the other part of an empath is like, I think I feel the um dual dynamics, the dynamics between me and somebody else, but then the dynamics of the entire party or the dynamics of like other people interacting. And i part of that, honestly, I don't even think is empath. I that's being part of like being a traumatized child and having to like be a hypervulsor. vigilant about everything.
00:08:00
Speaker
So like the more I work on myself ah around hypervigilance, the actually easier it is to be around groups. But it's yeah, it's a tough one. What else do I do? um I've learned to build in time after.
00:08:13
Speaker
So I usually drive, say, for instance, I'll drive home for the holidays on choice. So that I can have that like long drive to decompress,
Managing Family Dynamics
00:08:22
Speaker
to go in, like using the drive going in to like help myself set up mental boundaries and emotional processing. And then on the drive out, like a long drive out to be able to like also decompress from everything I just went through and just be with myself.
00:08:37
Speaker
So that's what I've had the privilege of being able to do. Not everybody does. People have to travel with their families or with their kids and stuff, but... You're asking me. So I'm saying it. Yeah, that's helpful. That's a very helpful. So, okay. Just to recap there, i heard to be able to take care of yourself as through the holidays. There are a few things that are you've found are your kind of non-negotiables or the things that are very helpful and one of them being a space for yourself.
00:09:03
Speaker
To be able to remove yourself if you need to. That is not a shared space. And I will say going to that space. And utilizing it. have to utilize it. So I have to take breaks. Like you'll see me just disappear sometimes from a family function. You know, whatever we're doing. Hopefully it's not an inappropriate time. But...
00:09:22
Speaker
And normally I just like take that time and just go lay down, literally lay down, get under the covers and lay down. Because that like reminds me somehow to like check in with myself, like laying flat and being in the covers and are you okay? And I'm actually, it sounds like I'm like going into a war zone, but it's not, it's just, it's just kind of the intensity of, of,
00:09:43
Speaker
being around a lot of energy. So like I need to be able to, I haven't quite yet learned myself how to function fully while I'm interacting and releasing all of it.
00:09:54
Speaker
Like all that energy, it kind of builds up. So I have to like go somewhere and do something that might, I hope that's not always the case for me, like truly, but yeah, utilizing that space. So yeah, going going into the room closing the door sitting um when i wake up like not just getting up and leaving the room but like utilizing some of that time in the room by myself before anybody before i interact with anyone in the morning oh when you wake up the morning yeah i thought you meant like you disappear from a party you go immediately into sleep and then you wake up and come back out no like wait you're sleeping in this no No, no. Like little meditations. I don't. Yeah. Yeah. like i go in But in the morning when wake up your space, not just getting up and leaving that room, but kind of being like, whoa, occupying, like setting my own like self awareness of my, myself before I go interact with people. And then the last thing I realized is like, while I'm interacting,
00:10:54
Speaker
I need, I will, I will be way more adamant about reminding myself like not to take people's shit on. Like I have to be really adamant about, um, that's them, not you. Yeah. That's them, not me. Like, yeah, it's like, I have to watch, you know, whoever's preparing the meal, you know, going through their whole whatever and be like, okay, that's, that's that person's stress or that's that person's process.
00:11:19
Speaker
not mine, you know, let and let them have it, you know, just like back off, like back the fuck up from everybody else's stuff. And especially if like dynamics happen from other parents to other kids, like watching that and like really being mindful of like, that is not my, it's not me. It's not my family. It's not my, you know, it's my family, but it's not my inner direct relationship. So I just kind of like separate a lot. Yeah. No one asked you. I love that saying, um, mind your own business and have business to mind.
00:11:48
Speaker
Oh, that's a good one. so it's like, okay, mind your own business, but then have business to mind. Like, what is my deal? What am I doing? What is, how what can I be doing in this situation? what what What do I want to be doing in this situation? That is, that actually, i didn't think about it because it wasn't a conscious coping or tool, but I definitely, if you see me parties, I will have something to do.
00:12:11
Speaker
Like I used to play video games in college. Like we would have parties, but I would just sit and like play video games because it was like something to do um But now as an adult, I'll like ah clean or I'll be eating.
00:12:24
Speaker
Like eating is a grounding thing that I will do. So you will normally catch me by like if they have food, like a food table. which isn't the healthiest coping, but like it does like help me because it's like something to do Or if there's an activity, if there's a game so being played, like I will engage in those things because it is, it's very helpful to be active, focused in on something.
00:12:45
Speaker
And so thereby not, not to not focus on myself, but actually to like stay more present and engaged with myself and not like caught up in just the thoughts and energy that are all around. That's a great idea, like bringing your own activity. I never thought of that.
00:12:58
Speaker
Like, for example, if you bought a new board game and we have like younger people in our family where you could just bring that to the table or bring that to the event and be like, hey, you guys want to play this or bringing a puzzle or a alp album to look through that you made that year or people knit. art or you know something like bringing something to the table to contribute to the event that's a good idea I like that idea sometimes I'll put myself just silently in charge of taking pictures and video like and so you'll say its see me like taking a lot of pictures and video because it's an activity that I can enjoy and then it kind of keeps me active yeah I've got a focus I've brought my camera places before for that reason yeah yeah yeah it's a good call
00:13:38
Speaker
So those are some. I like it. Do you feel complete with that question? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I have mine for you. Okay. Okay. It's funny though, because it's the same. What do you do to prepare for the holidays and what boundaries do you set up for yourself, if any?
00:13:51
Speaker
Oh, okay. So... I think I've made a point at least in the past four or five years to take time for myself before I leave my house.
00:14:04
Speaker
I'll go and read some like recovery literature or I'll call my sponsor I'll sponsor for for Al-Anon, my Al-Anon sponsor, or I'll just take some time to like just sit by myself and breathe.
00:14:20
Speaker
to kind of recalibrate because a lot of times I've been cooking to bring something to the event or baking to bring something the event or getting ready for the event or getting things together, or wrapping things or, you know, there's like action, a lot of action involved. And I even talking about it can feel like that raising of energy in my system that it's like feels a little bit like low level anxiety raising up, you know, so just knowing I'm going into...
00:14:47
Speaker
an unknown
Self-Care Strategies
00:14:48
Speaker
situation. So I'll make sure to just have some time for myself and make sure I kind of recalibrate back to something stable for myself. And then boundaries that I set, usually I try and kind of have a game plan and I remind myself I can always go for a walk. I remind myself that I'm not the group and I'm not in charge of calibrating the vibe of the group.
00:15:14
Speaker
I can always go for a walk. That is something that I do. I enjoy naturally, like going for walks, I enjoy it. And it's something that my family now knows that that's something I enjoy.
00:15:27
Speaker
and so if things do get uncomfortable for me, I know that I can do that activity and it won't be judged as anything other than, oh, that's what Issa does because she enjoys doing that. But really, it's a self-care technique because nature soothes me because I get space away. Confinement can feel heavy for me. Like I use that, you know, it's, I feel better ah sometimes being outside with family members as opposed to inside.
00:15:55
Speaker
So that's something that I do. and And as far as boundaries, I don't know. I'm still learning about healthy boundaries and I'm still learning ways to allow people to just be and not have to try and adjust or change or let that affect me so deeply. Yeah.
00:16:11
Speaker
So I'm still exploring that for sure. Great. Come on. do You feel complete? Yeah. Nice. Okay. Next question.
00:16:25
Speaker
My next question is how do you make traveling to the holiday more enjoyable? Traveling too? Well, I know you a lot of people travel for the holidays. Oh, right. You know, like they either fly home, they drive home, they take a train ride. Like a lot of people travel for the holidays. It's a pretty normal thing yeah in our country. So um what are some ways that you make that travel more enjoyable for yourself?
00:16:52
Speaker
I know you're a good traveler and you really do enjoy the drives and whatnot. what do What do you do to make it more enjoyable? Because it can be stressful for a lot of people. Oh my, I've never thought about that. Cause yeah, it's, um, it's probably something I look, I look forward the most to build in to what the last answer was, was I have consciously used it as a tool to like care for myself. So the travel is like necessary. I see it as like a necessary coping situation. so I think that it it frames travel for me going to and coming back from holidays as like,
00:17:28
Speaker
part of the necessary care that I like require. So it's very much like built into like, oh, this is a good thing in my mind.
00:17:38
Speaker
i think that travel for me always indicates that something new has started. And so sometimes, especially like if I'm working really hard for myself inside my own home, because I work for myself inside my own home, Um, I, it can just like build up as like, oh, I gotta do all this stuff. I gotta do all this stuff. And then as soon as I like pack my car and get on the road, i'm like, this is something different.
00:18:04
Speaker
This is not what it was. It's an adventure, literally. Like it's like road tripping. whether it's in the air or not, but it's like, Oh, I'm doing something different. I use that time. Well, because I get in stuck in ruts when I'm just in my home, like with my own patterns. So I use the new environment to like jumpstart like different kind of work.
00:18:24
Speaker
It's like this intention to like, use the holiday as something that's for me, like different time. So if I'm in an airport, I'll bring a podcast or a book that I want and I haven't started. Like, oh, this is the time to start it. Or a journal, right? Like, oh, I don't usually get to journal. I have been a little journal. So I'm going to do this, you know, do that now. And it takes a discipline to not go into work, but do the journal. But it's kind of like a setup for myself.
00:18:49
Speaker
If I'm in a car, I will notoriously get like an audio book that I've been wanting to start. And it's a long drive for me. So I'm like, oh, I get to do this audio book. Those things just kind of feel like, I guess, new and different is how I frame it.
00:19:01
Speaker
and like that Yeah. I like how you said you, you start something that you don't just like go back into a book that you've been reading, but you start something new and mark it as something.
00:19:12
Speaker
yeah I like that approach. I've definitely used um trips to prep. i I will say like this, like if I'm avoiding work work, like I have to, I remember one time I had a show I was prepping for and I hadn't written the intro. Yeah. And I use the drive to write the intro, you know, or like ah sides that I was meant to prep for an acting thing that was coming up and I like hadn't been getting into it And then I'll use the drive to like, I'll have the sides on my, you know, traveler seat, my shotgun seat and I'll like,
00:19:42
Speaker
look at them like okay music and podcast for a little bit but now i need to turn that off and get into the sides so it's flexible work it's things that I can do but it yeah it's creative probably which is nice so yeah using it as a jump start is one way that I've traveled well I think I like that I like that a lot do you bring snacks Oh, yeah. Yeah. I've learned over the time. Actually, my husband is the one who got me into this. He one time was like, what are your favorite snacks? I just want to have them all the time around you. And I'm like, that's nice because it's like he wanted to avoid me getting hangry. Yeah.
00:20:19
Speaker
coming this other person so then I took the cue and i was like I should probably do that for myself so actually i I travel like I always have trail mix chocolate water I have an absorbent amount of water anytime I travel um or a bottle to like fill somehow and some fruit some kind of fruit that I will always bring I think snacks make travel better for me for sure Yeah. You're a good traveler too. Can I just ask you that question?
00:20:46
Speaker
Yeah. I usually don't have as far to travel for the holidays. So like is that I said, I usually do my like prep stuff before i leave the house and then the drive is just a normal drive. But going further, like doing travel, I i definitely made a point to like set my intention to let it be fun instead of brutal. So prepping like a guilty pleasure podcast or um a magazine that I don't normally like.
00:21:12
Speaker
buy for myself and like thinking the thoughts of, Oh, like maybe I'll meet an interesting person or like a really nice, nice person. Or maybe I even said this the other night, maybe I'll see somebody I know because that's happened to me and it's really fun. Like I've, I ran into like someone I knew in high school in Italy once. And then like I ran into some like Sohum locals in Mexico once and And I'm like, wow, you're here? Like, that's crazy. And that's like a fun thing. So I was the kind of prepping myself like, what if I saw somebody new in the airport? Like, that'd be fun. so just kind of like prepping myself to make it be a fun experience. That's a good, that's a good primer. Yeah. For your brain. I realize um maybe not everybody feels this way, but I really enjoy that the novelty of travel in that like, even if I've been to an airport before or been on a drive before, like it's the same drive, the weather is different. The sun is different. The like, there's construction somewhere, maybe different. Like the airport's like, oh what's this airport going to be like? Like I i will take pictures in airports because I just think it's,
00:22:19
Speaker
interesting. And then the people you getting to be around people again from COVID and getting to people watch. And just, I often will watch people go by in airports and be like, well, what's their story? What's, what's their life? What are they, where they coming from? Where are they going or watching people line up to like ah a country or a city I've never been to and like, whoa, wonder if they live there or they're coming from there or like watching people's dynamics. What's that? Sonder. What's that? love when that happens.
00:22:47
Speaker
It's, I don't know the exact, exact definition, but it's like when you have a moment where you, it all hits you at once that every single person has their entire own lives. Yeah.
00:22:59
Speaker
I love that. And their own interconnectedness and their own stories. And that they're just like, whoa, all these people have what I have, like, Yeah. their own I don't know why. Also, I know this isn't the case for everybody, but for some reason, airports put me at ease.
00:23:13
Speaker
That's really probably not the case for people. I realized that I've never had to travel for business. I've always had to, got to travel for pleasure. So I don't have a need to get anywhere at a certain time. And I do notice the difference between people who...
00:23:28
Speaker
are clearly traveling because they need to get somewhere on time and the level of anxiety kind of or the stress that I see on others versus me where I'm like if it if the flight's delayed I don't care like it does not bother me or I cannot do anything about it it's a place in my life where I'm very uncharacteristically surrendered to like can't do anything about it like a grocery store line being long I'm like what are you going to do You know, those kind of things, but it just feels that way in the airports. And I don't, I, maybe it's because I've traveled since I was five.
00:23:59
Speaker
Like I have traveled since I was tiny and it just feels like really like I want, I want to be doing this. So I don't know how I'd have zero advice for someone who just doesn't feel that way. Like I wish I did.
00:24:10
Speaker
i don't know. Everybody's different. Everybody's so different. Yeah. It's really true. Is it my turn? No, I'm going ask you. Okay. Cause I kind of dug you in the travel one. Yeah, that's right. Okay. But, um, you're traveling back East.
00:24:22
Speaker
You are on a different kind of trip. One that I think many people may have be able to relate to. You are meeting your partner's parents for the first time.
00:24:34
Speaker
This parent. This parent. You met one parent and now you're meeting the other parent for the first time and you're traveling to their space. Yes. To meet. I had all kinds of feelings when this happened for me. So I'm very curious about though, what um what do you have in terms of expectations and what are you feeling about that going into that scenario? Because I think that might be for certain people, holidays do mean the first time that they are...
00:25:02
Speaker
you know, meeting the other person's families or even friends, like going to maybe going to other people's homes or that kind of event, that kind of thing that it brings people together for the holidays, like isn't always your family.
00:25:15
Speaker
It's another's family. And that can be interesting. So I wanted to hear what your thoughts
Meeting Partner's Family
00:25:19
Speaker
are. Yeah, i hadn't put too much thought in it. i Let me dump it on you. Yeah, I i feel at ease because i got to read a text from his dad to him that said, well, if she loves you, then I already love her.
00:25:35
Speaker
And so that made me feel very much at ease, knowing that there was that level of connection between them and that they included me in that. Just immediately made me feel just at ease and excited to to meet them and get to see them together and get to see...
00:25:54
Speaker
the home that I've heard a lot about. I'm just looking forward to that part of it. Yeah. Cause you've met other parents, previous partners too. So maybe just like pulling that whole experience. Cause if you have anything that like how you deal with that situation in general.
00:26:09
Speaker
You know, i think I've always looked at how much I care about my partner and how grateful I am that they exist.
00:26:21
Speaker
And then i know that I'm going to meet the people responsible for that. And that always helps like frame the way I approach them being one of gratitude.
00:26:34
Speaker
or that individual and we all we're humans we're all humans and so i I acknowledge this because one person is somebody's parent you know doesn't mean they don't have all the hang-ups of being human you know and so i try not to place them on a different level than myself just being a human and and I have felt uncomfortable and out of place before and I think reminding myself and really like take take that time and space to to talk to myself to self-dialogue and be like well this is the situation you're in you're not less than you're not you know just because it doesn't feel comfortable doesn't mean it's wrong and
00:27:20
Speaker
really kind of have some self-dialoguing with myself to be able to get to a place of comfort in my own skin. Because I haven't always felt comfortable in my own skin. I've have had insecurities and been in situations that exacerbated those insecurities. And so having to really work, do do the work during the situations is... is challenging, but taking the time to do them has been helpful to me. Oh, that's so good.
00:27:50
Speaker
Yeah, that's, I love that. I love that. ah That's great. And let's break to feed your dog. Okay. Sounds good.
00:28:12
Speaker
Welcome back. Moosh is fed. And Nugget is chewing on a bone, my dog. So if you hear her in the background, that is what it is. But it's better than Nugget barking. Always. You're welcome.
00:28:24
Speaker
Whose turn is it? My turn. Okay. Your turn to ask me? Mm-hmm. All right, let's go. Okay. Yada. I wish everyone could see the look you have on your face right now. It's so intense.
00:28:36
Speaker
Four. what Was it? and One million? Some dog million. what we You couldn't remember one million dollars? That's the whole movie. Well, like I thought it was, but then I was like, really? Was it a million? I know it doesn't seem like very much money now. was long time ago that movie came out. That show was intriguing when it first came out, right? It wasn't a show. It was a movie.
00:28:53
Speaker
Oh, it was a show. Oh, you mean the, like, but it wasn't called Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Oh, it was. Yeah. You just told that. My bad. Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Okay. Okay.
00:29:07
Speaker
My question to you is, what is one thing you want to bring with you into this holiday season? Honestly? Kindness to animals and freedom? Yeah. That's a joke only our family will get.
00:29:21
Speaker
That's good. um Honestly, this is going sound weird, but not caring. i really just want to bring in to this holiday season, not making it a big deal.
00:29:34
Speaker
Not because it doesn't deserve anything, but just kind of enjoying the time I have with the people I have and not making it like any, any bigger thing than just whatever it is it is.
00:29:46
Speaker
i think that's kind of reflective in my plans. I don't have any plans. Yeah. I don't really, I'm not like, it doesn't feel pressure to like, oh, I need to go see family or, oh, I need to do this or I need to make sure it's something. and I'm just kind of like, it's the holidays, but it's kind of like, well, it's just a season and I'm more looking forward to like the season, like changing than any particular event that season.
00:30:11
Speaker
i think that's right for me. Yeah, that feels good for you. I like that. Thanks for asking. Mm-hmm. My question to you, Issa. What does family time bring to you? Like, how does it give to you?
00:30:27
Speaker
And what, if anything, does it take away? I think family time allows me to... helps me to shed the idea of being all the way put together because I know my family accepts me regardless of if I have things figured out or not.
00:30:48
Speaker
And so it helps me when I'm around them. i just I feel accepted in my process and it helps me remember that like that it that it's okay to not have it all figured out. And that I still am doing stuff that is influential to the younger people in in my life, in my family.
00:31:08
Speaker
You know, that it's, I'm not doing nothing, you know? It also allows me to just be silly and be myself. And it brings me joy in that there's a bond that I have with my family members. It's really...
00:31:29
Speaker
unique. And it feels good to be able to be around people that really have known me for so long. In one way, I think that can be challenging because they think, oh, she's just that certain way. And then they expect you to show up as that old version of you.
00:31:46
Speaker
But I'll say I feel like I have a lot of freedom in my family to reinvent myself and um hold my own of what's new for me or what I'm wanting for myself. Did you always feel that way about family time?
00:31:59
Speaker
No. o No, I don't think so. Definitely not. But I think with like my own personal maturity that has come, like I think that my relationship and what I get out of my family is framed by what I've chosen to focus on and get out of my family.
00:32:16
Speaker
Like I haven't, I don't leave it up to to chance of what I get from those experiences. think I've trained myself to frame my relationship with my family in a way that I can take what I need and leave the rest.
00:32:37
Speaker
I have absolutely observed that in you as ah as a change, as a shift from it's an observable shift of something that you have, don't to say gained, but,
00:32:52
Speaker
Definitely optically. I can see that being different from previous times being home with you and seeing that. Yeah. It's actually a nice model to watch.
00:33:05
Speaker
Like, like watching sitting next to you being like, Oh, Oh, you can just do it like that. You can just, just do that. you know ah It's, like it's, it's wonderful. It's a good reminder. And what does it take away?
00:33:18
Speaker
If anything, what does family time take away? I think it takes away some of my autonomy a little bit. I think in in certain ways, I feel when I feel a part of my family, i kind of lose my individuality a little bit in that I feel that old pull to be a part of the unit and fall in line. And that's not always a healthy line to fall into. And so sometimes it feels really good to be a part of the whole mix. And I want that so badly to feel accepted and a part of something that I'll drop into it and I'll kind of lose my individuality and what's really important for my own well-being and health and mental health.
00:34:05
Speaker
so So sometimes that that's that's a ah line that I toe and something that being a part of the family unit can can sometimes take away from me.
00:34:15
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Mm-hmm. We're sharing. My question? Yeah, your turn. Okay. What do you want for the holidays? You know, this echoes the previous answer, but i i kind of want them to...
00:34:34
Speaker
There's so much crazy shit happening in the world that for my own personal life right now, i think I just want it to feel like nothing, like just an ease into whatever the normalcy means, but just like no big deal.
00:34:53
Speaker
Just like any other day. And I don't mean that like I'm going celebrate, it's going to be wonderful, but I just, with nothing that needs to feel too ramped up or too emphasized or make it, make too big a deal about these, these days because they're not,
00:35:11
Speaker
I think they are what we make them. And so it's what, what are we really celebrating here? You know, and for me, Thanksgiving has, is is my favorite holiday, not because of where it comes from its origin. Cause let's be honest, it's fucked.
00:35:28
Speaker
Yeah. Plain and simple. Glad they're trying to call it something else right now, but it's always going to be this, you know, whether you call it Indigenous Day or Thanksgiving, it's kind of ah the origin spot.
00:35:40
Speaker
But for me personally, the way that I celebrate that is it's nice because it's it's a gratitude day. It's a time to come around and I love food. I love company.
00:35:51
Speaker
I love gathering. There's not presents exchanged for Thanksgiving, right? It's just this kind of like, let's all get together and have a good time and share a meal and be grateful. And for me, like that's an attitude and ah like a celebration time that is very core to who I am. So I want that to like resonate all the time. And that feels like a good thing to celebrate.
00:36:13
Speaker
um and to make time and space for. i get excited for Thanksgiving because that's kind of like a favorite, but I just mean like toward the end of the year and and any kind of celebrations toward the end of the year, I just feel like they can get, again, pressurized or ramped up in such a way.
00:36:32
Speaker
All that energy of the year having to feel like it has to go somewhere. ah kind of hope that it can just feel more like less of a buildup and more of like already releasing naturally gradually then just be able to go swiftly into the demarcation of a new year. And while in the past, New Year's has been a really helpful thing for me in terms of like, ah okay, that's done something new to begin with momentum, energy towards something new.
00:37:01
Speaker
I kind of have really appreciated everything I've gained this year. So I don't want it to start anew. I don't want to tie things up, wrap things up. I want it to feel like a continuation.
00:37:12
Speaker
That's what I want the holidays to be is something that can just feel like, okay, this is now the season and That's what's nice. It's like winter starts, but it continues. The new year doesn't have a ah ah a moment in the season of of the actual movement of the globe.
00:37:31
Speaker
You know, like December 31st means nothing to the planets spinning around the sun. Zero solar connection. it you know, so, and the seasons are the same, you know? So I think it's like my celebrations that are more like obvious to me are like the solstices.
00:37:51
Speaker
And yeah, we have one toward the end of the year, the shortest day of the year, but that just is the continuation. it's like, okay, it goes to being the shortest day when we're, you know, the closest to the sun. And then, and then we, we continue on. So, and I'm hoping that we'll feel like that.
00:38:08
Speaker
Yeah, i like that. All my question to you, Issa, is if you could change one thing about the holidays, what would it be?
Critique of Holiday Commercialization
00:38:16
Speaker
Consumerism. Can you say more?
00:38:19
Speaker
That's the first thing that comes to mind. But I guess it's not all holidays. But I think the can commercialization of holidays and the the fact that It's like things get lost in all of that.
00:38:36
Speaker
I think of it similar. I've seen it in weddings where the matrimony, the connection, the vow, the thing that's happening, those two people coming together and making that commitment to one another gets lost in the event-ness and the hoopla of it all. Spectacle. Yeah. and you know, recently, like learning about our constitution and what, you know, what our country was started in, it seems like a lot of it is like a similar vein of like, oh, there's something really special happening here.
00:39:14
Speaker
But then it gets lost in all this hoopla of. modern day politics, you know, and I think holidays of the gathering of people together, the gathering of loved ones, the, um, essence of having enough food to eat and being together and creating ritual and something that's meaningful that you can come back to every year that is habitual for the children and the next generations and having that thing that you create as a family, whatever that is, whatever you're celebrating, i feel like sometimes it gets lost in the commercialization of consumerism.
00:39:58
Speaker
Can I ask my next question? Cause it's kind of a perfect dovetail. What are some traditions that you'd like to create within yourself or externally around the holidays? Yeah. That's good question. What are, so can you say it again? What are some traditions that you'd like to create within yourself or externally in the holidays?
00:40:19
Speaker
Within myself, the tradition of making a really conscious effort to at least at one point or more, i think I can work to get to a place of more than one, but starting with one really conscious effort to be really present and really take in all the people that are around me, that the environment that I'm in and kind of like snapshot it for my mind and my heart.
00:40:52
Speaker
think that would be a tradition for myself in in holiday situations that I'd like to internally do. And then externally, think something fun or silly. I'll have to think on that, but I think it would be fun to to start something fun or silly that really kind of stands out in all our minds that, that I don't know, revolves around like laughter or something different.
00:41:16
Speaker
kind of outrageous or like a polar bear plunge or so something, you know, of that nature that kind of gets us all out of our, maybe out of the house or out of the norm, something that random or different. I'll have to give more thought to the external version, but I think that would be, that'd be fun.
00:41:35
Speaker
Awesome. Those are all my questions. I took the last two to you, so you might have one more or two. I don't know. Okay. So, going into the holidays, knowing that our listeners are listening to this, going into the holidays, and hopefully we gave them some valuable insights.
00:41:55
Speaker
Do you have any direct advice for anyone who's going into the holiday and wants some like actionable, concrete things to do to make sure they maintain themselves and their own self-awareness?
Planning a Stress-Free Holiday
00:42:13
Speaker
Hmm. I don't know. I'm not so big on advice because like, I don't know. Okay, then let's go the other way around with it.
00:42:25
Speaker
So do you have any ideas for yourself of what could work for you going into the holidays to make sure you maintain your self-awareness and your mental health and your intentions that you set for yourself of letting it be just like a continuation and ease the notions that you mentioned earlier? Yeah, and I think I can offer...
00:42:50
Speaker
Oh, if I'll share for myself. And then i I think I can offer not advice, but maybe just like, learnings I've come across. So see yeah, one in the same. um I think, for me right now, what comes is like being able to so look at my schedule, actually. Cause I think I get caught a little bit in no man's land of just putting my head down and grinding away the thing in front of me. And I don't look up until shit it's Thanksgiving or, Oh, it's Hanukkah or, Oh man, it's Christmas. Like the new year's here. So I think being able to, this is a great conversation with myself because I can look and go like, okay, let me put a calendar and make it fun and use my whiteboard calendar and
00:43:30
Speaker
you know, kind of plot out, okay, if I, if I plan, if I want to do this, if I want to feel this way, or if I want to bring something nice to this dinner, like how far out in advance for me on my schedule do I need to start?
00:43:45
Speaker
When do I need to go shopping? When do I need to go to the grocery store? Like when do I need to look at that recipe or whatever so that I don't back myself into that corner and feel the pressure of like, shit, it's tomorrow. And I don't,
00:43:57
Speaker
You know, like didn't, didn't look at that. I'd like to be a person who is more intentional with my time because as my friend Coral pointed out, I'm really confident with time and I'm terrible with it.
00:44:11
Speaker
It's a very weird thing that I didn't even recognize. Like I'm so confident with time. I think I can do everything in an hour. whether it's like make a turkey or like, like finish an Excel sheet, like, Oh, this will take an hour. And then like, or drive somewhere. Like I know that takes an hour and a half and I'll be like, that's an hour. Why? That's so weird. and and I'm so confident. And then the, and the very confidence leads me to be bad with time. I'm late. Like I run late. That is not someone who's good with time. You know what mean? Like,
00:44:46
Speaker
how the fuck can I be so confident with something? And what's weird about that is then the other side of it is that I'm like not confident other things that I'm actually really good at and really on it. Like why why is this time thing, the thing I'm confident that I should not be confident with time. Wait, didn't we do a coaching session around that for you? And it was so useful. Did we record it or wonder you could go back to that. I should, because I remember I got better after that coaching because it was like, well, what's my time? Like what's my relationship to time? And it was all tied up in some weird shit. So that hey I recall that vaguely we went into what your, your relationship with time, my relationship with time. And it really, it helped her little bit. Like we were, you and I were talking earlier about how some tools can really work sometimes. Oh yeah. walk We were talking about walking downstairs. I did this Sunday live,
00:45:31
Speaker
um exercise where I had people in order to get out of their heads you walk down stairs or climb down a ladder into your body that was a tool I used and went to often and then it kind of faded I forgot about it until you until you were talking about it earlier and i was like oh yeah that tool was really dope for me too it was really helpful I gotta remember that one it my back pocket and use it yeah and the relationship to time was like pressurized and from all these different like beliefs I had and so I should look back at that recording but anyway so going into the holidays I think it would be nice if I was um aware of my relationship to time and what I need to enjoy the gatherings that I'm going to go to
00:46:13
Speaker
And then looking at a little bit of um planning, again, not to plan to like have some big new year or like breakthrough, like once January 1st starts, I'm a new person, but more kind of maybe some long term planning of like, well, what does March look like?
00:46:30
Speaker
What would February look like? What is, you know, what, write some things down. We talked about that earlier too, of like the power of when you actually physically write something on a piece of paper, the likelihood of being able to do that thing or it goes up ah a vast. Significantly. Significant percentage. I don't know the percentage, but I remember reading it and being like jaw drop. Wait, what? Yeah.
00:46:51
Speaker
Is that for real? And it's like in a peer reviewed journal articles. I'm like, no, that is for real. Yeah, 100. So i'm I'm looking forward to now that this conversation has happened to be able to to kind of maybe look at like, okay, are there some things and again, like plotting out because that's clarity coaching that I rarely do for myself and love to do for others. But just taking the time to break something down backwards to forwards going like, okay, if that thing's in March and I want to have that done, what's, what gets done right before that?
00:47:21
Speaker
And then what's right before that? And then if I need to do that, what would happen right before that? And then backing it up and being like, oh yeah, I needed to start three months ago. But instead of that being like, no, I'm going to start now. And it's actually not going to get done in March. It's going to get done in May.
00:47:33
Speaker
And I can feel the relaxation in my system be better because they go, oh, okay, that's That's more of my realistic timeline. Yeah. And being able to chunk down those big. Oh, yeah.
00:47:44
Speaker
Ideas, the goals you have for yourself, the just being able to like implement them slowly and consistently is so much more useful than and sustainable.
00:47:54
Speaker
Chip away and feel good about those little chips. And, and that, that's, I think the same for pretty short amount of time, because it is only like six weeks, you know, or like last to the end of the year. Um, and, and that's just for our culture of what we celebrate, right? Like there's many other holidays in between and, and, and after, but the, the predominant ones like that, that feels nice to me to be able to kind of look at these six weeks or whatever it is and just kind of be like, okay, well, Well, what do I want? And and for me, I already kind of recognized it, but didn't realize it till this conversation was that I don't really want to go anywhere. And I don't really want to do much in terms of travel or, um you know, gathering too much.
00:48:43
Speaker
i I feel already called to more of an incubation time and giving myself permission to do that. And I think part of it is because I just got done traveling. So that's a, yeah, I already got that done for myself this year.
00:48:58
Speaker
Well, thank you for sharing. Can I ask you that? Cause I'd love to hear your perspective. Do you have any advice for anyone going into the holidays? Yes. Okay. So here's a really helpful, let's, I really want to share this because it's been so helpful to me. And I know that holidays you know, there can be differing opinions and different politics and different um ways of being and different um just discipline techniques with, ah you know, your sister's kids and all all kinds of stuff. You know, it can be very polarized and just...
00:49:39
Speaker
Conflicts can arise. that is That is a reality in a lot of families and a lot of homes. And this has helped me in so many situations. Just using the phrase, you might be right.
00:49:53
Speaker
When you really disagree with somebody and you think like, they're wrong. And you want to fight for your opinion and you want you want to change their mind or whatever it is you're in It's very...
00:50:08
Speaker
it's, it's D it D pressurizes situations. The escalates, the escalates situations when you just say you might be right because they feel like they're heard and you don't have to let go the fact that you, you also might be right and they could be wrong. That's great. So your own mind, you're not giving over saying like you're right, but you are saying like, and acknowledging you might be right.
00:50:33
Speaker
I think that's a good phrase and and I think it can serve people in gatherings and in in in the holiday season. And then the other one that's been really helpful for me in in just in relationships and in in general, when I can remember to use the framework is super, super.
00:50:50
Speaker
i It helps me to stay quiet. And that is the acronym THINK. So before you say anything, remember to think.
00:51:01
Speaker
Is it thoughtful? Is it honest? Is it intelligent? Is it necessary? And is it kind? And if it's not all of those things, don't say it.
00:51:13
Speaker
Those are a lot of things to ponder. Can you say those again? you got to stop and think. Is it thoughtful? Is it honest? Is it intelligent? Is it necessary?
00:51:25
Speaker
And is it kind? yeah And it gives you time to be in yourself. So you're not just talking over people. You're being intentional with your words. and if you follow that guideline, your relationships and what comes out of you is and is ran through a really clear filter system.
00:51:47
Speaker
Hmm.
00:51:49
Speaker
And it can be challenging. Like I said, it makes me, it helps me to be a lot quieter of a person. Because when I run what I think I want to say through that framework, a lot of times it's not necessary.
00:52:02
Speaker
Necessary. You know, a lot of times it's not intelligent. So I don't know, or or any of the other ones, thoughtful. um But those two things, you might be right. And using that filter system of think, I think is really both of those have been really helpful for me in my interactions with other people, especially people that I love a lot. And i i believe deserve the best version of me.
00:52:31
Speaker
I can see that it would make you like pause and reflect rather than just say things. that's That's useful. Yeah. It gives you space.
00:52:42
Speaker
gives you space to act how you want to act instead of just reacting. m So that's my advice. That's good advice. Thank you. yeah Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. I don't, I'm glad that you're giving the advice at this moment. I don't feel like I have like, yeah, well those, I mean, those things are not, um, I think they're just good tools. Yeah. i know, they're good tools. So I'm not advising a specific thing, but if, you know, if those,
00:53:12
Speaker
seem like they would be useful for you, like pick them up and try them on. You know, I think that's, that's the advice is like, try it if it sounds like it could be helpful to you. And if not, it Yeah. And I think I will, I will say thinking of people listening, the ones I love, like listening, like that delicate reminder inside yourself. that you deserve to take up space, that you do matter inside of any kind of dynamic, like you do count, like, and you do contribute and it can be in whatever way that, that you want that to be.
00:53:51
Speaker
So if it's yeah not going to the holidays, maybe that's you contributing because you're contributing to yourself or it is showing up and, needing to take breaks or, um, not doing so much for the group or doing,
00:54:06
Speaker
or doing more, like whatever it is that is you deciding for you, i think is, is a good thing for autonomy and a good thing for your own agency and a reminder that like, regardless again, so it's the holidays. like So what?
00:54:22
Speaker
Like, it's still, it's still your life and it's still your time. And it's still like you navigating your life and your time and you matter. I want, I want that for my people, in my community and my almost clan. Yeah. We got this guys. Yeah. and And people who don't have families to go to or, you know, don't have their parents this year don't have, you know, their kids that it's just knowing that even if you don't have the idea of a full holiday of what it once was or could have been or will be in the future, like maybe you don't have the love around you that you you know, want, know that we love you.
00:55:05
Speaker
Yeah. You matter. Yeah. shadow Like it doesn't have to look any way, but this time, again, like the season coming into a summer, a winter solstice is a time that like looks different than it, than the rest of the year.
00:55:23
Speaker
like, how can it look different for you and how can you make that your own? Yeah. And feel, feel empowered to like, It gets to be whatever you want it to be. That's what's really important too. I think we're so hammered in this idea of what the holidays should quote unquote should look like and how everything should go down and what a loving family does. Yeah, the Instagram like world that we live in. There's always that alternate reality that is shown to us now.
00:55:55
Speaker
in a curated way that never existed before. i think that's the antithesis or the antidote rather to commercialism and that kind of thing you were talking about earlier might be to like make your own. Cause I think about that for weddings. I've been to an ab absorbent amount of weddings. I've been to like 40 something weddings and I'm like like, yeah, that reality of watching that many times, the same kind of thing.
00:56:23
Speaker
um is the ones that I feel like gave permission to make it their own, to not just individualize the ritual, like, oh, this is how we do this same thing, but to be free enough to like, no, this is how we're going to do this. Or I could just even speak for myself, like,
00:56:43
Speaker
My wedding was a no wedding. It was just me and my husband and literally the person who married us. And that was it. And it was on the fly. And I didn't know. I didn't know that's what I wanted until I was in it because no one ever showed that picture because that doesn't make money.
00:56:59
Speaker
You know, like that, we didn't have a venue. we were on the beach. Like none of that makes money. But when I was in it, I was like, oh, this is what I wanted. And I wouldn't have known that because it wasn't sold it.
00:57:10
Speaker
So being able to create whatever it is that you need outside of that consumer circle, like can be valuable and inside it too. I watch families build beautiful things because they have the privilege to give that to their kids and put all the decorations up and And it's wonderful. And I think there's just the the spirit of why, you know, like, why are you doing that? Why is it important to you That's really what it matters. And if it's not important to you and it's causing you stress, like maybe that shouldn't, maybe it doesn't need to be as important, you know? Yeah. What's more important? Like you tell the dogs, leave it, leave it, leave it. That's you, not us. That's them, not us. Yeah.
00:57:52
Speaker
All right. I think that that's all I got. Yeah, I think so too. Thank you for listening. Hope that you all have a good holiday season.
00:58:02
Speaker
Yeah. We're here. We're always here. Yeah. Hit us up. And we're truly thankful for this project and what it's bringing us and the people that it's bringing us closer to.
00:58:17
Speaker
Well said.
00:58:23
Speaker
Okay. i I think we did it. Listen. I don't know what we did, but we did it. she Look, unattainable ideals are overrated.
00:58:36
Speaker
We're way more connected and deserving than society's false sense of separation dictates us to be. You're not just one person. You're enough. Your effort is enough and change is possible.
00:58:48
Speaker
Question the standard that says otherwise, because what if almost is good enough? Just by tuning in you're a part of our clan. Not in a culty way though.
00:58:59
Speaker
yeah We don't know how far this ripple can go, but we're going to keep showing up and we'll never get to perfection, but we're all going to be okay if we let the process be the solution and we see the value in the attempt.
00:59:12
Speaker
Thanks for listening to another episode of The Ripple Affect. We're looking forward to exploring a different facet of change with you next week. DM us directly at rippleeffectpod on Instagram and let us know what you liked about our show or any of your own ideas. We're really excited to hear from you. We value your feedback because it helps us make the pod better and it's our way of including you in our process.
00:59:36
Speaker
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00:59:58
Speaker
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01:00:09
Speaker
Keep questioning. Stay curious. You got this, k clan.
01:00:17
Speaker
A special thank you, love, and credit to the magnificent Mia Casasanta for this beautiful music you're listening to right now.