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Part 1 : Being More, Doing Less - Balancing Life’s Dualities | A Kitchen Table Talk
53 Plays3 months ago
Join us for a deeply introspective edition of The Ripple Affect's Kitchen Table Talk series. In this episode, hosts Chiara "Cheech" and Isa "Nibby" engage in an unscripted conversation exploring the essence of "Beingness" versus the constant hustle of "Doing." The discussion explores how they each cultivate awareness and balance as they share their personal insights on the impact. of Eastern philosophies, practical mindfulness strategies, and the challenges of attachment and resistance. Cheech also opens up about her unique approach to accessing the Akashic Records to navigate her life effectively.Tune in for a genuine exploration of how to harmonize a goal-driven exterior with a spiritually enriched interior. This is part one of a two part episode release.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'The Ripple Effect' Podcast
00:00:04
Speaker
You're listening to The Ripple Effect with your hosts Cheech and Nippy, a podcast that explores how individual change has the capacity to affect the whole. From neuroscience to donuts, we're two sisters with a deep curiosity for ancient wisdom and modern knowledge. And we're obsessed with learning alongside you because we don't know. Let's dive in. Welcome back to the Ripple Effect podcast.
Meet the Hosts: Kiara and Isa
00:00:29
Speaker
I'm your co-host, Kiara. And you'll also hear me be called Cheech by my co-host and sister, Isa, who those close to her know her as Nibi. If you're new to the podcast, thank you for joining us. And if you've been here with us, welcome back.
Kitchen Table Talk Series Overview
00:00:44
Speaker
This week's episode falls under the category of our Kitchen Table Talk series, where Isa and I engage in meaningful conversations with each other
00:00:51
Speaker
about the change we find relevant in our own lives and how we navigate it. We don't script out these conversations, but sometimes they tend to naturally follow a theme or topic.
Exploration of Mindfulness and Being vs. Doing
00:01:02
Speaker
Today's conversation found a pocket in the area of beingness and how we both cultivate awareness in our lives. We explore being versus doing, the impact of Eastern philosophies, practical strategies for incorporating mindfulness, the challenges related to attachment and resistance, and
Balancing Identity and Spirituality
00:01:20
Speaker
more. And then ESA starts a philosophical interview type discussion by asking how I balance my external goal-oriented identity
00:01:29
Speaker
with a deeper spiritual inclined sense of being. This included a significant focus on self-help and personal agency as I touched on my personalized process of accessing the Akashic Records that has empowered me to navigate my own personal life and professional life ah more effectively. Unfortunately, in this episode, we ran out of time to cover Issa's take on these same things and so much more. So we're making this another two parter, but we promise we'll get our timing down for the better in the future. Please tune in into the next episode to hear Issa's side of the deep dive. Enjoy this one.
Creative Podcast Concepts and Humor
00:02:05
Speaker
Hi, Nivi. Hi, Teach. You're so excited to be talking to you. Genuinely, I am. Oh, that's sweet. We had a large and long kind of preparatory conversation with each other before this. Can we jump back into a home treat? What? A podcast home treat. Home treat? Oh, that's what I'm calling it. I didn't know what she was calling it. We've done retreats, podcast retreats, where we go somewhere and we just focus all on podcast stuff. But this time we did that, but at home. So I'm calling it a home treat. Okay. I like it. It needed some explanation. So it's not the best branding, but I like it.
Podcasting Tips and Beverages Choice
00:02:43
Speaker
So Kia was pretty upset because I vetoed our beverage opening.
00:02:48
Speaker
yeah are like classic or signature signature a little check i didn't want a sparkle water i didn't want a waste of sparkle water and it's not good for our vocal cords yeah who'd you hear that from amanda francis no but that is that's good advice she seems like she knows what's going on yeah And I've heard that before actually for singers, singers and like ah doing voiceover work. Yeah. to So I have a hot beverage instead. So made me a yummy tea. So here we go. Where shall we begin to today?
Beingness and Life Transitions
00:03:29
Speaker
I think the best place for us that we talked about was like where we both are in our lives is always going to be in some kind of transition and change. And we asked each other like, well, what's helpful or what's going on right now? And I think the overall thing that I identified was like trying to be in more being so that I can do. And we talked about that being covertly the entire theme of this first season of our podcast. and If you kind of now retroactively go back and look at all the episodes, they are centered around this idea of being. yeah And that came from a conversation where you wanted to just do things in order, and it seemed natural to talk about beingness before doing this. Yeah, because I think we mentioned this before because it's, in my experience, a lot fucking harder to try to do if I wasn't anchored in being. And since I've put some effort and energy into trying to be more,
00:04:33
Speaker
and what that means to share that because it it it on the back end it's like, oh yeah, that does actually help me. Yeah, I think there's more ease in it. When you say being, what is that beingness? Because that's kind of vague. What does that mean to you when you say I'm trying to do that more? So that's such a good question because I feel like that's a huge topic that I've been exploring. It's not like I've mastered it or figured it out, but it was like hinted at when I started just my own way and was learning about wisdom of the East. So Buddhism and wisdom out of India and sages out of India talking about that, talking about, hey,
00:05:15
Speaker
you're so focused on the fruits of your labor and that's not really what it's about, or the way to do is to be Lao Tzu, or this idea of going inward and having a focused grounded space that you begin with. then to go out with that. So those were all like pointers for me. So to sum it up, I don't know how to sum up beingness, but I know a lot of the world's religions or practices or spiritual movements tend to point to
00:05:48
Speaker
this is the way or there's something to this that has a lot of value. And then in the West, there is a more focus on productivity and doing an action and action and independence rather than interdependence. And I guess it colored the way that I grew up to want to achieve, but then the dangerous part of putting my own worth and value onto those achievements rather than on that I have value by just being. There's an intrinsic nature to being aware of being alive and that focus of attentiveness to being alive and what that just the intrinsic value of that
00:06:35
Speaker
for me tends to look like slowing down and taking care of myself before I go out to try to do anything. And that mindfulness, what that whole industry is kind of trying to point you to is how do you get off of the rat race, the obsession or neurotic kind of compulsive way of doing things and come into a more conscious or yeah, mindful way of approaching a process that does lead to actions. I don't, I'm not saying don't ever do anything, but just that, that approach has felt more healthy to me. So trying to change into that ah mode of operating feels like what I'm going through.
00:07:26
Speaker
Yeah, I've been thinking that a lot lately that the way you do things or the way I do things is important. You know, the manner in which I do it, the amount of presence and focus that I can bring to any given task is important.
Significance of Presence and Awareness
00:07:40
Speaker
So I've been trying to catch myself and asking, how do I want to be doing this? How do I want to be? How do I want to be? And then trying to make that choice in in the moment and then act that way. Yeah. Yeah. I think that and in the past I've gotten so far into a stress mode or into an anxious mode or into like a compulsive mode of operating that it's almost like a breaking point. And I go, whoa, wait, I don't want to be doing it this way. And that that cause of pain is what makes me redirect.
00:08:15
Speaker
And it's when you've gone that far down one road to kind of reroute and come back in other ways is it's a longer distance and it takes more effort and energy to get taxation. You know, you got to pay the toll to kind of come back on. What do they call those roads that like are toll roads, right? Yeah. So you have to. be aware that there there can be that um if you're not trying to put some things in place that give you that awareness. What what do you think helped you cultivate that, what you just shared about when you're trying to do that now, but were there things that helped cultivate that awareness? I think I want to point to the fact that
00:08:50
Speaker
I think not feeling good has been historically and maybe still is the number one indicator for me that I'm not doing that so I don't think I'm different than you in that way like I definitely can get overly anxious or just feel internal suffering and be like I don't want to feel this way. But I think the cultivation of the awareness is just making time to put focus on that. I mean, I remember being in school and they tell you, you know, this class, you should be spending double the amount of hours in class out of class on the subject matter. Right. So if it's a three hour class, you should be spending six hours a week outside of class with the material. Essentially, that's the best way to learn is to spend time with material. to to read about it, to look over your notes, to find adjacent concepts, to create stories, to construct
00:09:46
Speaker
things that around your material that help you learn and everybody's different how they do that. But I think having a really strong want to be healthy, like a really strong intention to to be healthy on all levels and to
Focused Attention and the Mind-Body Connection
00:10:01
Speaker
not cause needless stress and suffering in my life on myself, not self sabotage, not getting my own way, not go into patterns of dysfunction. Really trying to be healthy, I acknowledge like I have to learn that. I i don't have all of that. It's not innate in my system. I even have some programmings that are working the opposite, the dysfunctional ones. And so trying to actively get the
00:10:30
Speaker
programming of okay this is a subject matter that's really important to me and that I want to know and I want to know how to do this so I apply myself I listen to things when I go on my walks I read my literature I listen to things in my car I really try to marinate myself because I want I want that mindfulness I want to be aware I want to be a calm functioning healthy version of me yeah
00:11:01
Speaker
Oh, Shana, I wanted to talk to you about, this is it's kind of random, but I learned this thing that blew my mind. I was so fascinated. I'm like, what? Is that for real? I want you to tell me, but after the break. Oh, okay. Okay, okay.
00:11:31
Speaker
Okay, so I was learning about attention and just the like learning cognition and perception class. Our chapter was on attention and I learned about this thing called attentional blink. Do you know what that is? No. Okay. So when you are giving something your attention and then you switch and give something else your attention, there is what they call an attentional blink. which is a 0.5 second timeframe that you cannot focus on either thing. Okay, that's like, okay, all right. The thing that got me is your internal dialogue is a stream of attention. So every time you're just having one thought and then you're jumping to another thought, you have an attentional blink.
00:12:26
Speaker
Think about how much time is wasted if you have a busy mind. Okay, yes. Holy shit. What I took away from you saying that was- Don't text and drive? Is that what you're gonna say? No, why would that be related? Because you're looking down at your phone, you're paying attention to your message, there's 0.5 seconds that you look up and has to take to refocus on what's going on. 0.5 seconds at freeway speeds is 50 fucking feet. Damn well shit when you put it that way. Yeah, don't text and drive kids 100% of people are texting and driving. That's not my joke. That's not my joke. That's uh, what's his face?
00:13:05
Speaker
Who did that joke? I don't know. It's so accurate. He got canceled. What's his name? Louis C.K.? Louis C.K. has that joke. A hundred percent of people are texting and driving, which is so true. um No, what I thought about was the the wisdom out of India, but I learned it from Stephen Walensky. He's a quantum psychologist and it was notice the space between thoughts, which is accurate. Which is like the awareness. Yes. Right? And that's why I've been doing more awareness practices. And that is really powerful because once you you ask yourself the question, am I aware? And then that immediately gets you into a state of opening attention to awareness. And then you
00:13:52
Speaker
put your attention onto that awareness. Really pay attention to the awareness factors and stay in that as long as you can. And then if you have negative emotions, you can do that practice. Really feel those emotions while maintaining awareness and then welcome them. You truly welcome them. Like ah there's someone coming into your home that you're happy that they're there. And while holding that open awareness, like making sure that you're aware, you give space to have everything actually be felt. in While in awareness because a lot of things just need attention right you know really welcoming those emotions I think that's can be challenging, but you know the more I'd work on awareness work the easier it is
00:14:34
Speaker
And it is, there is that space. Like I remember doing some breath work and having this thing come up in me that was like, oh, so and the only word I can use to describe it is just like gross, like dark and gross. And I i was doing this breath work, doing this breath work and I could feel it like, oh my God, this needs to come out of me to where I was going to go throw up. And I was, throwing throwing up like off the deck. But I had this very clear awareness that I'm experiencing this, but I'm okay. This isn't, um I don't know how to put it into words exactly. Like the awareness was so turned on that I was completely aware that there was this person experiencing this thing that is me
00:15:26
Speaker
but there was something very stable and secure and totally fine, almost like behind it, while that thing was happening. And that's what it has felt like when I've been able to be in awareness, know that I'm having this extreme emotional reaction that feels not good, but welcoming it to be in my home of my house. And then knowing that behind there, there's a stability that is okay. And I think that goes to the talk of beingness. And when Uncle Bruce talks about a deep well of being, like they talk about well-being and the way he describes it, you're it's the well of being. It's that deep thing inside of you that's the depth of who you are. What you are. Of what you are. Yeah, exactly. And I think there is a ah doing that's occurring that
00:16:16
Speaker
comes out of that being, that when you can catch hold of that awareness, like you said, of what is going on is, I think in Buddhism, they talk about that as detachment or of the aware. It is kind of a psychoactive feeling, not detachment meaning bypassing or disassociation or not disassociation. Thank you. I knew there was a word for it, not disassociation. Because that is very different. That is out of body. That is um not wanting to deal with the strong coping mechanism. Yeah. Not wanting to deal with the intensity of whatever it is. So there's a a complete detachment, but it's to not associate with what it is going on. You can still associate with the thing if you're detached. Yes. And that's what I was just going to say. My experience of what you were talking about, my experience of your experience though.
00:17:09
Speaker
What I heard you say. um But no, just that that there's a, you use that word welcoming. It's a great word because there's a wonderful acceptance of and safety that it is okay. What is happening? because not that I'm not the one going through it, but that this body, everything that makes up me is experiencing something and yet it is sensationally sensationally experienced.
00:17:42
Speaker
but also there's another level that's experiencing it too, and that level that's experiencing it, like you said, like behind it, feels safe and okay that it's happening. And acceptance, and really to me, it's not resisting. It's not having resistance. Not wanting it to be different. Throwing up is not a pleasant experience. now You know what I mean? Done so much. Oh, it's terrible. Yeah, you have puked a lot. I had a hard time stomaching things. Yeah. but You also have like motion sickness being very severe. Can I say it? We used to go on any car trip of any distance when we were little. Any so just i mean it It was just a standard operating procedure. We just knew sometimes we would get it out the door. Sometimes it just would go on the floorboards. It was just guaranteed. I think I've puked in every possible like vehicle. And I mean that as like like boats, planes, helicopters, train trains, cars, and automobiles. Okay, we can get off the subject. yes No, but what I i was saying that um puking is not a good experience. And so it's a good example of that mind-body connection and being this connection to where, yes, it's unpleasant and I'm okay.
00:19:06
Speaker
yeah yeah Yeah, and you're saying like the the release of resistance, which my definition of that is surrender, releasing resistance, you know? And the image comes to mind of floating in the ocean. I remember floating in the ocean and really feeling that pure surrender and trust and that that thing, that beingness, like you mentioned Zen, Zen Buddhist philosophy is that beingness isn't just you it's everything that you're tapping into it's all the interconnectedness of everything that oneness and that your consciousness and your experience and all of that is the illusion you know that yes you are a body you're separate you're separate but the fist analogy you know you make a fist with your hand and that's a fist like yeah
00:19:59
Speaker
You're a human being, yeah. But when you open your hand, you're part, you're still part of this whole big body. And where'd the fist go? It's not that it's not real, but it's, it's, it's not permanent. Transitory. Yeah. Yeah. The impermanence can. Freaky the fuck out. And that's like, they talk about change and what makes change so hard is attachment. Attachment is really what causes a lot of our suffering. And that's the philosophy of Zen Buddhist is embrace impermanence, detach with love, you know? And it makes so much sense.
00:20:34
Speaker
to me why I have wanted the security of identity, of attachment, because I just want to feel safe. I want to be able to say, I am an A student who graduated with ah two bachelor degrees and played sports, and I have my shit together. And look good doing it. Yeah, right. I want to have that image be real, because then there's a stability I can count on. But invariably, I've had it be challenged because it is an image, because a whole being is a lot of different things that look beautiful and messy and clean and dirty. There isn't a pristine-ness to life. Your car gets dirty when you drive it and you have to wash it. That's just the nature of it. And so for me, the difficulty of change, of resistance, of
00:21:28
Speaker
attachment is that want to feel security, to feel safety. That probably goes all the way back to like some psychology of when ah how I was raised, right? And
Challenges of Attachment and Embracing Impermanence
00:21:39
Speaker
feel safe, right? Maybe, and a lot of other factors. It's a basic need. Yes. Safety and security is one of our basic needs, too. So that that is universal. Yeah. So then to cultivate beingness, I think, is an intriguing pursuit because If that beingness can provide some of the security and safety that you're looking for externally, then you can navigate through things with an internal sense while you do hard things, while you do change.
00:22:12
Speaker
while you don't feel secure, you know, it's like it's that other thing that you can bounce off of. I have two questions for you. One of them is this this dichotomy of what we were talking about earlier of identity and values and goal setting and, you know, this very human the thing. And the back part of it of like, whoa, there's this whole other deep well of being in this different pace of everything and different, I know you're spiritually connected, so I know you have a sense of that essence. I think we both have a desire to to marry those two things. And
00:22:51
Speaker
One, how do you reconcile the differences? And then also I really am interested to know what what things, what modalities, what processes do you use to help you tap into that? beingness that we're acknowledging. And also, if someone's never experienced that, do you remember the first times you started to experience it? What were the gates for you to find that in yourself? And there's kind of a lot of different questions, so feel free to do it. Yeah, thanks, Lisa. Get back to me. What was the first one? Get back to you in four episodes for now. Can you write a dissertation and get back to me on that? That would be great. That would be a great one. What was the first one then?
00:23:35
Speaker
The two, the dichotomy of the two. And wanting to marry them. Man, that is my... The bane of your existence! I mean, I think that's my existence. Like, I think that has been what I've been toggling and looking and... Don't. Dude, it's not even that late. You can't go into... Every time I start talking, she just starts making weird comments, gestures, and or... How far in are we? I have done so well to not... to not punk around but please answer my question okay all right I promise I won't say toggle toggle okay thank you I think the god damn it I knew it was going so the first was how do I toggle
00:24:20
Speaker
Between, there it is. How I found it useful to be goal-oriented and kind of external, but then simultaneously have a place of wider or broader spiritual, you could call it, or just deeper sense of being and live life. Because i I've thought of this before, the comfort of being and beingness in that bliss of security of, hey, I'm all right. and everything's all right. I don't gotta go do anything too fast, too soon, too much, right? It's like that Thomas, when they talk about India, like that Thomas energy where it's inertia versus sattvic, which is, it's a sattvic state really is what I was just talking about, like that bliss. But I've often been like, how do you, okay, well, but- Balance. Where's the balance? Where's the motivation to do anything?
00:25:18
Speaker
I can only answer for myself. What I've found is that from struggling so intensely, not having a practice of beingness, not being in tune with taking care of myself, of of cultivating, meaning having attention to what really matters in me, that connection to the all you mentioned the last time, Without that, I suffered so much. And so for me, it kind of became evident that I was missing a huge component of satisfaction. I was accomplishing these goals. I was doing these things. I was i was really achieving and overachieving. And my mental state was one of suffering and pain. So I think the first part of it was, for me, was recognizing the gap.
00:26:09
Speaker
there was something missing. And that was enough for me to then go on and think, i I don't want to just keep pursuing emptiness. I want to do these things in my life, career relationships, whatever, but I want to have a fullness with them. How I am is more important than what I have. Because at that point, I had some things. I could objectively look and be like, okay, I have some success in these areas. Of course, there's more that I want to attain, but but it didn't feel that way. It felt like a lot less. And that's where I was like, something else is, there's another lack here that it's not going to get from pursuing that.
00:26:50
Speaker
I think you have like spiritual values as well that maybe like weren't being fulfilled but then at the at the same time I think like maybe everybody has that. Maybe if it's if it's something they value. Right. If it's something that they need. I said this once we were having a really cool conversation it was like what is an atheist. Oh yeah I was talking about how much prayer gives me that process of praying and turning things over and just my connection to to my higher power. I don't know what I would do without it. And I was saying, I don't know how I could do all this without having that. And you expressed, well, my friends who are atheists, they get the same solace and the same support from their belief systems that it is chaos. It all just is chaos and there's not a meaning. and Determinism isn't a thing, you know? Yeah, and that that's their place of understanding and it makes it makes it all right. You know, it's an, we're organizing systems, beings, species, we organize to have context and organization around meaning is so much of our so superiority, not really, but like our functioning.
00:28:02
Speaker
And so, yeah, however it works for you. And going back to the question, how how do I toggle? How do I, no, I can't even say the word without hearing you go, toggle, toggle, see what you do. but Maybe choose a different word. Okay. I'm going to have to now. But the back and forth ah between those two, I think it took, it was scary for me at first because it required a lot of trust. And for me, trust was built. I didn't just have it. It was being afraid to to try a different way. My functioning to be specific, like I know how to be neurotic and overdue.
00:28:40
Speaker
I know how to burn myself out. I know how to work really hard on a bunch of different things and get external accolades to some extent. I knew how to do that. That was a program I could run fairly easily. I knew how to be in fear and fear be the motivator to go do something, not to want to be judged, not to want to fail, right? who But what I didn't know at all was how to, like what you said earlier, surrender. I didn't know how to feel okay that maybe it was going to work out if I didn't do it all by myself. And that took courage. I do acknowledge that for myself.
00:29:22
Speaker
to try to go into an unknown like that, even though I had a sense that I i think the thing was, was the sense of, well, this isn't fucking working. What I'm doing right now isn't is it me living a fulfilled life. Isn't me living in all my values, in my own integrity. I just knew that something had to change and that's the risk, you know? Like, okay, I'm willing to risk. And not overnight, little by little years for me, because I had to construct trust. I had to understand what that felt like. I had to understand that when I feel fear and I do it anyway, that I don't die, that actually a different outcome comes. But did you die? It's not from.
00:30:04
Speaker
let me over
00:30:08
Speaker
You quote movies in the most odd way. That's not a common quote from the hangover. There are so many other more common quotes from the hangover and you pulled that one out. So I'm like, oh, I don't think that's right. um So that's a very long winded way of saying I realize that it's a continual journey of toggling. I'm going to use that word again because it's like, of going back into the, ah, I gotta do, because I gotta just feel better. I just know how to do this. And then stopping that and going, I gotta practice this other way of being, other attempt at being and see what the outcome is so that I can build that trust so that I can try to move forward and change. And it's just, it's it's so fluid, it continues to be scary, to be honest. It's not a stability,
00:31:03
Speaker
It's like your sea legs. Can you feel stable knowing that there's motion? You know, can you deal with your seasickness? Can you just find that it's okay that it's all in in movement? and And then you can kind of look up and enjoy and be like, Oh, look, I'm on the ocean. This is nice. So to get an analogy, that's kind of where I'm at with that first question.
00:31:32
Speaker
you It makes me think of how you do a body scan in your first part of your meditation usually, or I do. I don't know if I remember that. I think it's common practice. Maybe explain it just in case. When I first sit to meditate, I'll just scan my body starting at the top of my head, you know, with my eyes closed and just kind of feel my way down the front and back body and to sensations from the top of my head all the way down to my toes. And I usually do my scans quick. So I'll do them two or three times and then go into listening to my surroundings and then go into my
00:32:10
Speaker
meditation but I think about doing like a being scan instead of like a body scan of really taking the time to check in and say okay where am I at? Am I in doing or am I in being and how am I doing if I am in doing? Getting that self-awareness back on track was something that is important to me that I'd like to try and do more. Well, and i I've found, and I think this might've been one of your questions, the things that have helped me to awarenesses that have helped me to point me to the direction I'd like to go, I track my symptoms. So one of them is if i find if I can hear or catch myself breathing very shallow, that's an indicator that I'm in that other patterning big time. Or if I catch myself making noises or breathing like my mom, i
00:33:02
Speaker
I'm like, oh, I'm not. This isn't me. listen I'm modeling something. um What else? yeah is this if i If I'm moving too fast, this is one that's taken me a lot of years because it means a lot of different things. But in one of the more basic principles, it's literally the motion of my body. If I am moving too fast, if I'm walking too fast, if I'm trying to grab too many things, if I'm writing down and then moving to the next, you know, if if there's not that awareness of the space between, right, like we talked about, it is just that signifier of like, oh, okay, if I start to slow down, that can almost, it is, it's like trigger this other patterning.
00:33:46
Speaker
Because this one patterning is used to doing it this way. And it it is a domino thing. It leads to all these other ways. It leads to my my thoughts going faster. It leads to my breath going faster. It leads to my um emotions. Actually, it leads to me not checking it with my emotions. Just railroading myself. Just, nope, doesn't matter. Keep going. And so the pace of slowing down my body allows for more space, more time to have awareness. Some of them are after the fact, like if I feel very fatigued. I've learned over time that there's tired from being up all day or looking at screens or um even having an emotional intense conversation. There's natural physical tired. We have to sleep and rest. That's just, you know, physiology.
00:34:34
Speaker
But I've tuned in enough to recognize then there's a different kind of tired, where I just call it um so my soul is tired. And that has a compounding and a cumulative effect. And I try to catch it early, but in the beginning I didn't. I would notice all of a sudden I didn't have a way of emotionally regulating. Little things would set me off or I would feel really intense overwhelm of feeling like out of control or just everything is overwhelming. And it wasn't for a while therapy and different things that I started to recognize. This is a symptom of an ongoing activity that's happening.
Identity, Change, and Self-Judgment
00:35:11
Speaker
It was that I wasn't
00:35:14
Speaker
paying attention to my needs, really. I wasn't having enough fun. I wasn't going, what do you want to do today? I wasn't caring for my inner child. I wasn't having any type of mindfulness of not having thoughts of to-do, but just being with wherever I was because the to-do list was just constantly running, you know, and if it does it enough, it's like, oh, there is no room to be. There's no room. There's just no room in your in the mind. You know, there's no room and not checking in with how I really feel. How do I actually feel? Those combinations and other things would just lead to a certain type of exhaustion that was not remedied by sleep, not remedied by
00:35:55
Speaker
one or two fun things. I experience that as as depression that kind of is what that can kind of feel like but also just exhaustion. So um so when you found yourself in those places and you knew you wanted to start cultivating a sense of being ah more ease in the way you do things and time for yourself that wasn't in the to-do list loop. What were you first introduced to? How did you first try and start to get in touch with that part of yourself? I'll be really honest and what I can recall. Don't be honest. Don't be honest. Make something up. Make it Do Don't do that. No. I'll be honest and say kicking and screaming.
00:36:47
Speaker
it This is not like, oh, I love surrendering overnight. I woke up and I just knew the secrets of the universe or just even just like, oh, it felt so good to let go. Like, dude, no, like that was not. That was not my experience. Again, because you know my entire and my identity and my survival was wrapped up in doing things a certain way. so Then I think the first thing I had to understand was that the pain I was feeling wasn't danger. The pain I was feeling was transition and to understand that fear because I felt fear and pain and failure you know to admit if something was wrong with me.
00:37:33
Speaker
I must be the problem. So wait, if, if I'm not the problem, if there's really nothing to fix here and I can just be okay, then what am I doing? Like, what have I been doing that kind of feeling like I didn't have it all figured out. And that's a scary fucking thought. That's a scary place to be when you, when you're pride yourself on being competent and capable and got my shit together. Again, that image of me. So. I think having um pursuing the career I chose or a path of ah exploring acting and being in acting classes and having to face different parts of my limitations inside the craft, but also as a human because the art of acting is exploring your humanness.
00:38:27
Speaker
through trying to be other humans. I think it made me face limitations and that process did start to help me unravel some of what my neuroses were or what my patterns were. and Then from there, I think exploring with psychedelics and exploring modalities of healing and modes of accessing the invisible, you know what we call it, the unseen, like the work in the Akashic Records, the work of different types of meditations. I think what is accessing different forms of consciousness, trying to move my consciousness out into different places that I hadn't been before is what started to make me look at like, oh, this identity that you formed isn't isn't as stable as you think. And so thereby it is okay to let it go. There's something else that
00:39:24
Speaker
that is there if you wanna try to explore it. This isn't all there is. The who you think you are isn't all there is.
Accessing Akashic Records and Personal Growth
00:39:30
Speaker
And so you wanna be brave enough to find what else is there. And that's, I think, what helped a little bit. And what what helps you now at this point in your journey? What what do you think has been most helpful to to get you into beingness? I guess the word beingness feels a little bit whimsical. Yeah. And I know we did a good job on, you know, previously kind of defining what that was for us. But I think maybe. Or maybe not. Maybe we didn't. Maybe we tried. We tried. But maybe just awareness, you know, I think maybe is more accessible word that can maybe bridge that gap or even be maybe it is the thing in between the doing and the being is awareness. I don't know how you feel about that, but
00:40:17
Speaker
How do you at this point in time in your journey, bring yourself back to yourself and make that choice to feel that deep, calm, safe, secure version of you to then get back into that driver's seat and let that part be the active one and then go from there. Uh, I do less. I, I stopped putting so many things on my schedule because the short answer is time putting time toward the things that I have found make me feel that essence. So accessing my Akashic records or really this pathway to a, um, like an augmented consciousness.
00:41:05
Speaker
is essentially like being able to access through whatever your practice is, whatever that pathway is that lets you get into that state of awareness, that observer awareness, but also accessing the greater part of your own consciousness, your own intelligence. And I think through what Edgar Cayce talked about, the collective conscious, you know, information that's beyond just what you would know. And using that for insights for myself is what I mean when I talk about the Akashic Records. Because what it does is it allows me to step aside the me that's got like all the worries, all the fears, all the judgments, all the programming.
00:41:50
Speaker
to step off that for a moment and be in a full loving view of myself and in a full supportive mindset of myself and relax. And that relaxation state combined with the way I've learned to access really does give me insights and valuable self-coaching and just clarity. A lot of things just fall away when I'm in those states. So why I said time is because like, but I have to be able to make the time to do that, to sit down for that two and a half, three minutes that I need to do to walk myself through the process. And and what is that process?
00:42:29
Speaker
I call it the pathway to peace. It's something I developed through a coursework through Helen Bonnerheide to learn how to access my unique source consciousness and other, that sounds really out there, but dimensions, like other dimensions and beings that kind of help me. That sounds really out there. I don't want to say that, but it is. I think it's one of those things too. It's like experientially, once you've experienced that, yeah then it doesn't sound out there because, but there aren't words that you can put towards it that don't sound out there but the experience of it doesn't feel out there no it's so fucking helpful like last night i took the time to access through the pathway to peace it's just some words i say a relaxation and a visualization that i use
00:43:15
Speaker
um to put my body, brain, and awareness in sync. My intention for doing that was to try to organize my schedule, my calendar, how I want to go about being in a rhythm of a day so that I can be productive but be aligned while being in production of something that needs to get done. I got to get make some money. I got to take care of household stuff. I got to take care of body stuff. like things I really want and do, but I've been struggling. So I took 15 minutes and I put myself into that state and received tailored information that's coming through me, for me, with me, by me, you know, to
00:43:58
Speaker
organize what what that rhythm could look like and definitions of what categories certain activities would fall in so the context made sense to me so that I when I go to do work for the nonprofit that I'm going to go do that it doesn't feel they don't have resistance to it because I'm like oh That's my creativity work. And what creativity means is me being in flow of giving and then someone gives me back something like money, you know, and that feels appropriate. And would you say that that interaction and that time you took with yourself, that information and the organization that you gained in those processes of how to go about your day and how to organize it mentally,
00:44:39
Speaker
Would you say that came from your higher self or where where is that coming from, essentially, do you feel? At this point, because I've been doing this a long time, it feels like it's coming from me. Why I say that is what I define as me is myself and the collective energies that I have access to that are beyond just my singular brain and body. But that is me. Because consciousness to me is singular when focused. Like I have a singular consciousness that I call me. I have this house, I have that husband, I have this way of the this sister, this way of of thinking and believing and this orientation to the world, these set of beliefs. And and that's consciousness. And I use that consciousness, I use that
00:45:26
Speaker
to open up and that that same consciousness, that same singular is connected to a broader, wider, older sense of me. And do you think that's true for everybody? My perception is that it is possible for everybody, but I don't think that that meet like that's the one truth because if someone doesn't believe that why would they even bother accessing that why would they even be that no if it's an atheist it's like no that's not the truth so i have a lot of respect for it well i don't know about that though because i mean
00:45:58
Speaker
an atheist doesn't believe in God. And if you're saying this is just you're just accessing more consciousness, that's just more awareness. Part of me does feel there's a split between spirituality and cognition and brain function. Part of me believes, no, I am absolutely accessing the Akashic records, the collective energy field, my ancestors, my relations, Palladian light beings, that is what I've come to understand. But there's also a very equal part of me that is like, no, I think that I put my brainwaves into theta. And that has an effect on me being able to access more information in my brain that is picking up on all of these details of life that my singular awareness
00:46:47
Speaker
that's just in regular alpha beta waves cannot, you know, it's like when you go into like your subconscious in when you get into is it sleeping waves is delta I can't remember. I think it is delta. So delta you go into sleeping and you have access to subconscious through imagery and things and that's your dreams right and you can like use that some people use that to make a lot of sense out of things, but Either way, there's a process happening in your brain that is making you see shit that isn't there, see your experience, rather things that are in there. And for me, I think there's a big component of that feels and knows I am simultaneously act putting my brainwaves and brain into and body into a position that has a greater access. I simultaneously believe that that access has to do with unseen realms that are there to support you spiritually.
00:47:35
Speaker
But to get back on point, what you were asking before is like, what practice how do I move into being this? I had to stop doing so much so I could raise the possibility and probability that I could have a chance to make more space for being this. that's been very hard and I have to say it's like a privilege to be able to do it because a head support system where I didn't go broke if I stopped doing all the things and that's a privilege. I honor that and use it the best I can at this time the resource of that to be able to do that so um it was so needed because
00:48:20
Speaker
I couldn't keep going the other way. It wasn't going to actually create the life or ah have me be the person I want in the life that I have. Thanks for sharing, Cheech. Yeah. ah what Last question, though, that process that you've developed for yourself, are you going to share that process? Is that something you're able to teach others how to do? Like, I know I had asked you to help me create an invocation for myself or when I'm doing like tarot work and just access and connection.
Teaching Personal Insight Processes
00:48:54
Speaker
I do have intentions of teaching actually probably this month, like a beta group, because I went through a teacher training course.
00:49:01
Speaker
that I both learned how to develop the process for myself that was individual and tailored for what I would need and what I would be accessing. But it was a teacher training course, so I learned how to teach others. And I feel like the reason why I got drawn to that work was because it's so fundamentally fucking important, I think, for agency and and for people just to have their own ability to access. Like cut out the fucking middleman. Yeah, you don't need to go to somebody and pay them to do it. like you just Which is kind of funny because you're probably charging. It is ironic, but for me it was more of a sustainable model because it's like teach a person how to fish and right they'll feed themselves for the rest of their life. To me that's what the gift of that Helen Bondrehead, the teacher I went to and did who set up this teacher training was giving me was like, oh no, I don't need to rely A on
00:49:53
Speaker
A different training model that I had paid money to learn how to do, which was a prayer from Linda Howe, and she runs the Center of Akashic Studies out of Chicago, was one of my first programs and teachers. I learned how to do the basics of the Akashic records and alone, just the Akashic records. And I felt that it was useful, but that's someone else's thing that I am learning to do. And I felt instinctually that there was something that innately would be more easy. more just readily available for me to do that was my own and so when she offered that I was like oh I'm gonna take that because then it's how could it not be more potent and by being tailored and created developed by me um and how can I I would trust it more and and and I do and I did yeah
00:50:40
Speaker
Yeah, that's how I felt with the invocations that I've used. Cause I'm like, this is great, but this is somebody else's invocation that they use to access. Like this isn't my invocation that I, you know, I have my own process, but I've never put it down and it's flu fluid. So it'd be nice to have something to to go to and know that is a clear. opening a clear gate almost. And we talked about in a previous episode about the power of ancient rituals and about ceremony and structure and all of that. And for me, watching other people in the class with me, the other teacher trainers, it was amazing because it really did look so specifically different
00:51:21
Speaker
Some people don't have words. Some people, it was a song. Some people, it was just a process of but just internally closing their eyes and letting their body relax. Or some people... Wow, that's so cool. Yeah, it doesn't have to be words. it doesn't have to it can be It's going to be... It's a process. It's going to be a process that allows you the access to whatever you are not meant to in that way of like, there's some divine... She's doing bunny ears. some divine intervention oh destined to know but I mean meant to as in like what is your most potent access point and source and we're also different what is your sources what are your resources from the unseen that are going to be most useful to you
00:52:01
Speaker
And I tell you what, not everybody's is the Akashic Records. Everybody's was different, to be honest, and it was discovered by them. There's just a variety there. And I think that the scaling down like they do in business, like these huge models of business are now not working. You scale down and being able to be more sustainable in smaller ways. I think applies to individual practices of beingness and usefulness in the New Age spirituality. And I think that's why it was important for interdependence, but not dependence on some other reader. And it's expensive, bro. Yeah, I've paid a lot.
00:52:39
Speaker
it's We both have paid a lot. It's expensive to go to a reader. I'm like on the cheaper end when I do Akashic record sessions and clarity coaching. I i charge $180 an hour or $120 for one hour of clarity coaching. And that's a lot of money still, you know, and i and it's relative to everyone. I just mean out of respect to people's hard earned dollars, that can be a lot. My point is, is that if you can give this to yourself and that way the the money isn't the barrier,
00:53:10
Speaker
that's why i that's Because I found the value of of me being able just to access for myself or exchange with another person so that I could get external viewpoints on it, but that that like that I had the ability to exchange and I didn't have to pay for it. and that for for If that's your spiritual jam or the practical jam that you need you know for support and resources, I do think it's helpful to have it just be in your own sense of your own house and your own body. That's awesome that you did that for yourself. Obviously, the Akasha has clearly helped you to get back into center. But to have that process that's even more tailored, it seems like you're able to really help yourself on ah on it on a new level, yeah which is important. Talk about like self-help. You know, it's such a big commodified industry.
00:54:00
Speaker
But that the essence of it, you know, to be able to sit down and have tools and be like, I can help myself through this. and I can guide myself, you know, and and and it does, it helps, it helps to cut down the chances of being Manipulated of being misled of being taken bit taking advantage of of someone saying they and know the only way and then you believing that and then getting lost off your Your true authentic values, you know, it definitely can cut down on that I definitely stand with that you have the answers to everything
00:54:35
Speaker
like each individual person can yeah have their own. they It's all within us. Yeah. Let's break. But I do want to come back and talk to you about this thing you just mentioned of the industry of self-help. And I'd love to touch on balance. That's something that I'm really working on yeah and and community and yeah, just more change. Yeah. Let's regroup and come back. Okay. Sounds great. Okay.
Closing Thoughts and Listener Engagement
00:55:01
Speaker
I think we did it. Listen, I don't know what we did, but we did it. Look, unattainable ideals are overrated. We're way more connected and deserving than society's false sense of separation dictates us to be. You're not just one person, you're enough. Your effort is enough and change is possible. Question the standard that says otherwise because what if almost is good enough? Just by tuning in, you're a part of our clan.
00:55:34
Speaker
Not in a call-to-way though. We don't know how far this ripple can go, but we're going to keep showing up. And we'll never get to perfection, but we're all going to be okay if we let the process be the solution and we see the value in the attempt. Thanks for listening to another episode of the ripple affect. We're looking forward to exploring a different facet of change with you next Tuesday. Same time, same place next week. For show notes and additional resources, check out our website at rippleeffectpod.com. That's affect with an A. Kia ora has worked diligently to make our website interactive. Please visit it so it wasn't all for nothing. In all seriousness though, there's a ton of resources there. DM us directly at rippleeffectpod on Instagram and let us know what you liked about our show or any of your own ideas.
00:56:25
Speaker
We're really excited to hear from you. We value your feedback because it helps us make the pod better and it's our way of including you in our process. Okay, so ratings aren't the point of why we do this. We really want to make a change in the world. But in the matrix, there are algorithms. So yeah, every single review we get helps the ripple go farther. To help us out, please take two seconds, find the ratings and review section on whatever platform you're listening from, click five stars, wink, wink, and leave a review.
00:56:58
Speaker
We know you're busy, so just saying hello or literally hi as the review helps us hack the matrix. We sincerely appreciate it. If you want to become officially initiated into our clan, again, not in a cult-y way, hit the subscribe button wherever you get your podcasts. And as always, we're in it with you. Keep questioning. Stay curious. You got this, clan.
00:57:25
Speaker
A special thank you, love and credit to the magnificent Mia Casasanta for this beautiful music you're listening to right now.