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Boundaries Encore
11 Plays7 years ago
This episode is the second episode of the Elements of Success series. Each week I'm going to post a new element that I believe that will contribute to your success in your endeavors. The second element is boundaries.
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The book that I mentioned in the podcast is Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend
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Track Produced by: Devo Beats
Recorded, Produced and Edited by: Éliane Anita
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Transcript
Alianna's Health Update
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi guys, welcome to the Alion Anita podcast. I'm your host Alion and I'm so excited to have you join me for this week's show. This week I will not have a new show for you because I am currently battling a stomach bug and I have been very ill for the last few days.
00:00:18
Speaker
So in an effort to always make sure that I bring you excellence and quality, I realized that I could not give the best energy and I couldn't put out my best work while still fighting off this bug. So I decided to rerun one of my favorite podcasts from the Elements of Success series entitled Boundaries.
00:00:41
Speaker
This was actually one of the most popular elements that got the most response when I premiered it. So I wanted to rerun it because I feel like it's a good thing to kind of refresh ourselves to remember how important boundaries are if we intend to be successful.
00:01:00
Speaker
Next week, I will have a new podcast for you, even if I have to find a co-host to help me host this hosted podcast if I'm still not feeling well, but I believe I will be back in full strength. So I thank you for bearing through with me as I rest up and heal up from this strange bug that I got hit with.
00:01:22
Speaker
In the meantime, enjoy this rerun of Boundaries from the Elements of Success series. I love you guys and I will talk to you soon.
Introduction to Boundaries Series
00:01:50
Speaker
Hey guys, welcome to the Alianna Nita podcast. I'm your host Alianna and I'm so excited to have you join me for this week's podcast. If you have been following me, you know that I am in the middle of a series entitled elements of success, things I believe you need to be successful.
00:02:06
Speaker
And last week I touched on the topic of grit and this week I'm going to talk about boundaries. In this podcast, I am going to define what the boundary is, why you need boundaries, what does a boundary look like, and why it's okay to have boundaries.
Why Boundaries Matter
00:02:22
Speaker
So let's jump into the definition of what the boundary is.
00:02:25
Speaker
Boundaries are imaginary borders that we have in place to protect ourselves. Our energy, our time, our resources, and most of all, our God-given purpose. Your boundaries define who you are and what you stand for. There are a number of reasons why you need boundaries in your life and I'm only going to touch on a few topics.
00:02:45
Speaker
But the first reason why you need boundaries is for freedom purposes. Freedom begets freedom. If you want to remain free and you want to keep options in your life, you need boundaries because boundaries give you the freedom to choose what's for you and what's not. Another reason why you need boundaries is for protection.
00:03:07
Speaker
Think about the things that's inside of your home. You may have a TV, computer, clothes, and jewelry. You put locks on your windows and doors in order to protect your investments. The same is true for your life. You put boundaries around your life to protect your destiny.
Traits of Boundary-Lacking Individuals
00:03:22
Speaker
Another reason why you need boundaries is to allow the good to come in and the bad to come out. Think about it. When you eat food, your body absorbs all of the nutrients needed and then when it's done, it releases all of the waste and toxins out of your body. The same is true for your life. You need to make sure that you have boundaries in place to allow good stuff to come in your life and bad stuff to get out.
00:03:46
Speaker
Another reason why you need boundaries is because it allows you to take ownership of your life. Let's say someone gave you a brand new house. As the owner of the house, you get to decorate it the way you want. You get to have guests over anytime you want. You get to live in that house with whomever you want to live in that house with.
00:04:05
Speaker
Basically, because you're the owner, you have the options to do whatever you want to do. The same is true with boundaries in your life. You get to choose who gets to do life with you, how you want to dress, the kind of education you want. Boundaries put things in perspective so that you can be who you call to be and own your own life.
00:04:26
Speaker
And the final reason why I believe you need boundaries is because it creates peace and stability in your life. Boundaries create options. And with those options, you get to choose happiness, peace, joy, stability, wholeness, and a plethora of other things. But people that lack boundaries don't get to choose what come in their life. They only can accept what comes their way.
Conflicts in Setting Boundaries
00:04:50
Speaker
So if you find yourself lacking peace and joy in your life, you probably need to put a boundary in place.
00:04:56
Speaker
Now let's talk about the personality traits of a person that lacks boundaries. There are several personality traits and for the sake of this podcast, I'm only going to talk about five. The first one up is passive-aggressive behavior. A person that is passive-aggressive is angry on the inside while appearing to be happy on the outside.
00:05:18
Speaker
They make star-casted comments and they try to make people around them feel uncomfortable. They do this because they want to project how they feel about having a boundary cross that they never had the courage to implement. The second personality trait that a person without boundaries have is procrastination. Let me tell you a quick story. In the beginning of this year, I read an article about why you should check your bank account daily.
00:05:44
Speaker
And so I started to implement this in my daily habits. When I know that I've spent my money correctly and I stay within my budget, I quickly check my bank account. But when I know that I overspent in Target, I usually avoid it. I'm procrastinating because
Examples of Successful Boundary Setters
00:06:03
Speaker
I don't want to face the fact that I have lived my life outside of the boundary that I set in place. Most people that procrastinate usually are living their lives outside of a boundary and they don't want to deal with the consequences and repercussions of what they did. Believe it or not, people that are living their lives without boundaries are manipulators.
00:06:27
Speaker
Most of the time they want you to feel bad for them and feel bad about the position that they put themselves into. So let's say you have a sibling that always comes and acts for money and they always cry this woe is me story.
00:06:43
Speaker
Well, what they're trying to say is that I live my life without a boundary and I need you to help me. So they manipulate you into believing that the reason why they're in the trouble that they're in is because it's not their fault and that they're worse off than what they are so that they can get out of you what they want.
00:07:00
Speaker
People that lack boundaries are usually envious and jealous people. This one kind of blew me out of the water because they don't have the courage to set boundaries up. They envy those that do and they usually long for the life of a person that has boundaries, but they don't have the courage to do it themselves. And finally, the last personality trait of a person that lacks boundaries
00:07:24
Speaker
is they always blame others for their issue. They never ever take responsibility for what they did or didn't do. So they always try to blame it on another person for their situation being what it is. It is absolutely okay to have boundaries. Many times we don't put boundaries in our lives because we are afraid of what the response will be when we do.
00:07:47
Speaker
We fear that we're going to be rejected or we won't be accepted by our friends and family or love the way that we once were. So we try to come off and be the nice guy that says yes to everything. But doing that only sets you back and hinders you from being successful. You may even feel guilty because you believe that, you know, it's better to give than it is to receive. And that's very true. But if giving sets you back or hinders you from growing or becoming who you are,
00:08:14
Speaker
That's not a boundary, that's bondage. And you shouldn't feel guilty about having to do for others what they should be doing for themselves. You may even feel like, you know what, I know what it's like to be in this person's shoes, so let me help them. But if helping them pay their light bill,
00:08:31
Speaker
is going to make yours get cut off, then maybe you're not the person to help them and maybe you can give them a resource or refer them to a place or someone that could. If you find yourself in repeated cycles or dysfunctional habits, it's more than likely because you don't have a boundary. When you fail to set boundaries, you allow your purpose and your God-given gifts to die because when you lack boundaries, you lack focus.
00:08:59
Speaker
I have read numerous articles about successful people and what their habits look like. And every last one of those articles always point back to having boundaries. Elon Musk is a billionaire and he's the founder of Tesla Motors. Elon is known for being a high capacity leader. And the reason why he's able to do what he does in one day is because he has boundaries.
Biblical Insights on Boundaries
00:09:25
Speaker
He doesn't answer phone calls and emails during a certain hour.
00:09:29
Speaker
He makes sure that he has time for his friends and his family and he works from this hour to this hour. It's all because he has boundaries. He can get so much work done because of boundaries. People that lack boundaries lack success. When God brought the children of Israel out of Egypt into the wilderness, he never intended for them to stay there 40 years. He only intended it to be 40 days.
00:09:55
Speaker
What he was teaching them in the wilderness was how to set proper boundaries in place because he knew what he was getting ready to bring them into. He knew what enemies they were going to face. He knew the hills and the valleys of the land. He knew everything about what was set in front of them.
00:10:11
Speaker
So he told them, rest on this day, build this kind of altar, use this kind of material, only marry within your tribe, and so forth and so on. The reason that he did that was not to hinder them or keep them closed in. He did that for protection reasons.
00:10:29
Speaker
So if you expect to be successful, you have to protect the investment that God has placed inside of you. And by setting boundaries up, it helps you to protect what God has placed. And if you want to go further in your life, you need to put proper boundaries in place.
00:10:46
Speaker
I read this really cool quote written by the Build Your Confidence Foundation and it says, life without boundaries is chaos. So create your boundaries, set them in place to let the world know how you expect and deserve to be treated. This will send out a clear message as to what behavior is acceptable to you, not to them
00:11:09
Speaker
but to you. Their boundaries are their concern. You have to set the parameters in your life of how you want to live. Here's one of my favorite quotes from the book, Boundaries. When you do not set boundaries, you are a prisoner to wishes. And I'm going to end this podcast by saying, don't let your assignment die due to lack of boundaries.
00:11:32
Speaker
If you want to read more about boundaries, I have an excellent resource for you. It is a book entitled Boundaries When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. This is an absolutely
Further Resources and Engagement
00:11:48
Speaker
amazing book and it really helped change and shape my life as it pertains to boundaries and I highly recommend it for you.
00:11:55
Speaker
I am going to link it in the show descriptions below. So if you're interested, be sure to check it out. Also too, if you want to discuss boundaries more with me, you are so more than welcome to by joining my virtual book club entitled Alion Anita's book club on goodreads.com. If you go over there, I have the book in my book selection so we can start a conversation to talk about boundaries.
00:12:22
Speaker
If you are interested in following me on any social media, I am Alianna Nita everywhere. So if you want to follow me on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook, I am Alianna Nita. And if you have any questions for me, you can go to my XFM page. I'm Alianna Nita there. So if you want to ask me a question, you can.
00:12:41
Speaker
And if you want to send me an email, I am a Leon Anita show at gmail.com. So I want to thank you so much for joining me for this week's podcast. If you like it, please share with a friend. And if you're not already, make sure you subscribe before you leave. And as always be blessed and stay relevant.