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00:00:01
I'm So Proud of You and Me!
16 Plays4 years ago
In this week's episode I discussed the need to stop and pat yourself on the back.
Recommended Resource: It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn https://amzn.to/2uT8ZfS
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. https://amzn.to/32OzUGk
Surviving Mama: Overcoming Strained Mother-Daughter Relationships by Dr. Pamela Everrett Thompson https://amzn.to/2Tsdgk9
If you want to send me an email you can email me at [email protected] instagram.com/elianeanita
twitter.com/elianeanita
facebook.com/elianeanitashow
Snapchat: ElianeAnita
Recorded, Produced and Edited by Éliane Anita
Track Produced by Devo Beats
This is a Relevant Media production and Podcast
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Eliana Nita Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to the Eliana Nita podcast, the podcast created to inform, challenge and empower you. Now let's get down to business.
00:00:20
Speaker
Hi, guys. Welcome back to another podcast.
Celebrating Achievements After Hardships
00:00:23
Speaker
I'm your host, Aion, and I am so excited to have you join me today. Today, I wanted to just hold a conversation with you guys just about being proud of yourself. So many times we are told that when you pat yourself on the back or when you congratulate yourself or celebrate yourself in any kind of way,
00:00:46
Speaker
You're being prideful, you're being arrogant, and all these different kind of things. But the truth of the matter is, is that you're really not being any of those things, especially when you've endured hard times and hard seasons of your life. You're just taking some time to just celebrate yourself and celebrate how far you've come.
00:01:05
Speaker
And I realized that I had, me myself, I had been moving and going through so much and doing so many things that I just did not stop to take the time to measure my growth and look back to see how far I've come and be grateful for the things that I've overcome. I know that life can be demanding. It's hard and life changes so fast. I mean,
00:01:30
Speaker
You have so many things coming at you at such a fast rate that it's hard to kind of catch your breath at times. But I just wanted to say that you need to kind of slow down at times and just say, hey, I'm proud of you. Like you have come a very long way.
Impact of Childhood Trauma
00:01:52
Speaker
The other day I was listening to a podcast and
00:01:56
Speaker
It was talking about this podcast was talking about healing from trauma and overcoming traumatic issues and I've never really talked about my story and where I've come from and what I what I've experienced and overcome.
00:02:12
Speaker
But when I was younger, I was molested as a little girl and I lived with that trauma for the rest of my life. I'm 33 years old and this started happening to me when I was about 12.
00:02:28
Speaker
And it was like it lasted up until like I was 12 to 18. So I had went through very hard and traumatic times and I just, you know, I learned to live with a dysfunction, but I never really healed from it. I just moved on and I was very happy.
00:02:49
Speaker
with just being somebody that survived and just made it through. My mindset at the time was, it didn't kill me, I'm still alive, I'm still here, so as long as I keep going, I'm gonna be fine.
Surviving and Healing from Abuse
00:03:02
Speaker
And then life started to catch up with me. I found myself in an abusive relationship with a guy who was not only physically abusive, but he was verbally abusive, he was emotionally abusive,
00:03:16
Speaker
I realized that at some point I'm going to have to stop and figure out what's going on with me. Like the guy, my ex, was a full representation of every form of abuse that I've ever experienced in my life. He was like, all of the abuse that I had all rolled in one.
00:03:35
Speaker
And I knew after dating him that I needed to take some time to heal. And I needed to take some time from me and really go back and figure out why am I like this? Why did I accept this kind of behavior from a guy? Why did I feel like that's what I deserve and what I needed to do to heal from
Counseling and Faith in Healing Journey
00:03:58
Speaker
that? So I took time. I got me some counseling.
00:04:02
Speaker
I read a ton of books, I journaled, I cried, I prayed, I'm a Christian so I went to church. I did what I needed to do for me and I took the time to do the hard work and I was listening to this podcast and it really helped
00:04:21
Speaker
like bring things full circle and it talked about trauma and in that trauma podcast she said there comes a point in time where you have to thank yourself for overcoming all of the obstacles that you overcame. So you have to look back at your younger self and say thank you so much for being who you had to be at that time
00:04:48
Speaker
to overcome what you had to overcome and live through what you had to live through to get me here where I am today. And I want you to know that I'm better now than I was then and you can rest and I'm going to go forward. And I feel like for me doing that exercise, of course I cried like a baby.
00:05:11
Speaker
I mean it really hit me in a really deep place because having to look back over some of the things that I've experienced, it really made me say, you know what, I've carried this trauma for so long.
Acceptance and Life Purpose
00:05:26
Speaker
I've went through the necessary things to heal from this trauma. I went through the necessary things to overcome this trauma and now I need to let it go and realize that I am no longer that little girl anymore. I am no longer that young teenage girl. I am not that young woman who experienced those things. I am now a healed woman, healed whole and complete.
00:05:53
Speaker
And for the first time in doing all of the work that I did to heal, I could really finally accept myself for me because I now understand that I had to be the way that I was. God had to make me genetically the way that I was. He had to make me mentally the way that I am. He had to make me the way that I am completely.
00:06:15
Speaker
so that I can overcome and sustain the wounds and the things that I had to go through to make it as a young girl and then a woman and now, you know, a middle-aged woman. Well, I don't know if I'm middle-aged. I'm 33. So, you know, I had to become and be all of those things to survive all of those things that I went through.
00:06:39
Speaker
It really helped me as a woman to know that, you know, you may have made mistakes, you may have did things differently or, you know, your friends may have had more than you or whatever, but you lived through that and now you're better for it, for it and for word.
Strength in Overcoming Challenges
00:07:02
Speaker
So I just had to take some time to just appreciate myself
00:07:07
Speaker
for being the kind of woman that I am, being what I needed to be at the time to make it and overcome. And I wanted to encourage you, it doesn't matter if you face trauma or if you didn't. Every day you live and breathe, you're gonna face some kind of issue, or it may not be every single day, but you're gonna face stuff. You're gonna go through things.
00:07:33
Speaker
But every time you get up, every time you take a breath, every time you keep going, even if you get knocked down, every time you get up, you should be proud of yourself because you had to be what you needed to be to continue to overcome. And your future self, your past self, and everybody that you touch will be grateful that you made it over the hump and did what you had to do to be what you are, what you're gonna be or who you are now
00:08:02
Speaker
And now you can spread your influence to help others overcome their situations too. So I had to learn to accept myself. I had to learn that I am not perfect and I never will be.
Authenticity and Future Impact
00:08:16
Speaker
And I had to take the social pressure off myself of perfection, the desire of wanting to be perfect or present a perfect package. I was broken in a lot of ways and I had to take some time to heal.
00:08:32
Speaker
That's why I took time away from podcasts and I would podcast for a minute and I would stop and then podcast for a minute and stop. It was because I needed to take a break and I just did not want to be another person with a microphone in my hand or a social media page that felt like I was an influencer and could just spread information around really quickly and not have any integrity behind what I was doing. I feel like everybody is
00:09:00
Speaker
It's claiming to be some form of an expert, you know, but really people haven't done the work and they're telling people how to do the work or you should do the work and they haven't did it themselves. So I wanted my information and my podcast to be something authentic and real and relatable that people could really relate to so.
00:09:20
Speaker
I needed to take time and heal and I did that and I had to learn to love myself and put myself first and put my needs first and think about me you know I don't have children, but I do a desire to be married and have children one day.
00:09:37
Speaker
But I don't want my kids to carry generational dysfunction that I've went through. I don't want my kids to feel the pressures that I felt. I want them to be able to start.
00:09:52
Speaker
their lives at, you know, with an even level playing field and not have to carry the weight of me and my generational past and all of that stuff. I want my kids to be free and I have desires to raise them in a manner of freedom. You know, I don't want them to have debt. You know, I don't want them to
00:10:16
Speaker
you know, see me and their father be dysfunctional, you know, I want to have a healthy marriage, you know, so I want them to see me have friends and authentic friends that mean something to me. I want them to see me pursue and overcome hard things, but I want them to see me pursue my goals no matter what they are.
00:10:39
Speaker
I know that that was like a real crazy ramble about my future and what I want for a family, but it's something that I do, I honestly, genuinely desire. And that's why I had to put the rubber to the roll and do the work, really do the work to understand my triggers, understand what makes me feel afraid.
00:11:02
Speaker
and really take an inventory of my life.
Support and Relationships in Healing
00:11:06
Speaker
Yesterday, I was able, I don't know when this podcast will actually be published, but today is February 24th, 2020, and yesterday I spent time with my family, my spiritual family rather, and they've become my family. We've served on the team together for years, and these people are my family.
00:11:30
Speaker
And I had never felt so safe and so loved in my life. Like this team, the people on this team are my sisters and my brother. And you know, I never felt safe. And I used to be very guarded around them. And after doing the work,
00:11:51
Speaker
When I took the inventory of my life, I could now appreciate the people that is in my life that really is for me, that God sent for me to really help me through. And I think about every change in my life since these people have been in my life, how they helped me, whether it's through a conversation or through prayers or whatever, they've always been there in my corner.
00:12:16
Speaker
My suggestion to you is to, you know, after you do the work and obviously while you're doing the work, take inventory of the people that's in your life so that you can have and experience beauty and relationships with people in a very genuine and pure way. And that was something that I had never experienced. I had, I obviously come from a, um,
00:12:40
Speaker
dysfunctional family background and you know my parents are great people I love my parents I never want to dishonor them but you know we had issues and coming from that it could really shape shape you in a way that makes you feel like you can't trust anybody
00:12:59
Speaker
But now having these people in my life has really helped me grow as a woman and really honestly helped me heal. And now with my relationship, even with God is such a beautiful thing and I have such a wonderful relationship with him.
00:13:16
Speaker
where I can cry out to him and just tell him what's on my heart, where I used to be afraid to do that because I used to wait for the other shoe to fall. I was literally in such a state of shock that I was waiting for God to abandon me. I was waiting for the shoe to drop and look around and God will be gone and then I'll be really on my own. I had to learn that he will never forsake me and he will never leave me because that was his promise.
00:13:43
Speaker
And I had to learn to be comfortable with that. And so in all of these things of just learning and growing and understanding myself and understanding my body and understanding my reactions to things, I
00:13:59
Speaker
Had to start to begin to become grateful to God for for making me the way that he did So that I can be what I needed to be and it has been the most rewarding thing I've ever Experienced like I don't think that I have anything That I can say is more rewarding than this season that I'm in of just intense intentional Healing it has been so
Gratitude and Podcasting Journey
00:14:25
Speaker
good for me. So I
00:14:27
Speaker
I just wanted to encourage you guys and share a little bit about me. I want to do more open podcasts. I think I'm going to do more intimate podcasts as the topics come up that's important, but I just wanted to encourage you guys to just take some time and thank yourself. Thank yourself for overcoming that last hard thing you overcame.
00:14:49
Speaker
Thank yourself for saving the money that you needed to save. Thank yourself for paying off that credit card. Thank yourself for going to the gym. Thank yourself for getting out of bed and going at it. Thank yourself for going to a job that's hard, something that you may not really have a passion for, but you're doing it just to keep yourself afloat until you can get to your passion.
00:15:15
Speaker
Thank yourself for that. All of these things that you go through and everything that you overcome is a sign of your tenacity. It's a sign of your drive. It's a sign of you being strong willed and strong minds to be able to make it through.
00:15:30
Speaker
And if you never hear from anybody else, I'm proud of you. Keep up the good work. You're making it, you're doing it, and I could not be more happy for you. So I hope you guys enjoyed this podcast. I didn't even have notes, guys. I kind of just rambled through this podcast, but I just wanted to have
00:15:50
Speaker
an intimate open conversation with you guys, share a little bit about me that you may not have known. I just want to thank you so much for your support. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for waiting on me as I post and still stand faithful to me as I sporadically record podcast and sometimes I will be on track and sometimes I wouldn't, but I thank you for being here always.
00:16:19
Speaker
And if you enjoyed this podcast, please share with your friends and family. Don't be selfish. We are not a selfish crew here on the Alienity podcast. We share, we share, we share. So please do that. Also to leave me a review, let me know how you enjoy the podcast. Please rate it, review it.
00:16:39
Speaker
Say some good words to me. And if you want to follow me on social media, I am Alion Anita on all of the things. If you want to email me, you can email me at alionanitashow at gmail.com.
Recommended Books for Healing
00:16:58
Speaker
Also, I did not want to leave without giving you guys a recommended resource. I actually have like three of them. And it's going to really, I think that these resources are going to really be good for you. If you are healing from any kind of trauma, these books are about healing from trauma and things like that. And so if this is for if you feel like this is for you, you can definitely read it.
00:17:24
Speaker
The first recommended resource is It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolin. It is a phenomenal book. It is well-pinned and really is wrote in great detail. Another book that I want to recommend to you is the book called The Body Keeps the Score. Brain, Mind, and Body.
00:17:49
Speaker
and the healing of trauma. And this is wrote by Bessel Van. Oh, I cannot pronounce his name, but I will link it. Well, his or her name, but I certainly will link it in the show descriptions. And the final book I want to recommend is surviving mama overcoming strained mother-daughter relationships.
00:18:13
Speaker
an adult daughter's guide. And this is written by Pamela Everett Thompson. So I will, I will surely link this in the descriptions down below. And this is, oh my gosh, these books are really, really good guys. I highly suggest them. So as always guys, I love you so much and always be blessed and stay relevant.