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Advocation is Stewardship
13 Plays4 years ago
In this week's episode, I discussed the importance of advocating for yourself.
Recommended Resource: The Most Powerful Woman in the Room Is You by Lydia Fenet https://amzn.to/2TRcj4m
Relational Intelligence: The People Skills You Need for the Life of Purpose You Want by Dr. Dharius Daniels https://amzn.to/2To814K
If you want to send me an email you can email me at [email protected] instagram.com/elianeanita
twitter.com/elianeanita
facebook.com/elianeanitashow
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Recorded, Produced and Edited by Éliane Anita
Track Produced by Devo Beats
This is a Relevant Media production and Podcast
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Transcript
Introduction and Host's Update
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to the Eliana Nita podcast, the podcast created to inform, challenge and empower you. Now let's get down to business.
00:00:25
Speaker
Hi guys, welcome to the alien I need a podcast. I'm your host, alien, and I am so excited to have you join me for this week's show. I like to set a disclaimer. If you guys hear that I am a little bit winded.
00:00:44
Speaker
I am going to do my best to edit this podcast as much as I can in a condensed format. I am currently overcoming COVID-19. I tested positive a couple weeks ago, maybe like a week and a half ago.
00:01:04
Speaker
I am still in quarantine and I had some energy and I've been at home bored, but I've also been at home resting and recuperating, but I wanted to take some time to record. I wanted to take some time and record a podcast.
00:01:21
Speaker
Just to give you guys something to listen to if you are still quarantined like myself or if you are on the move and you're at work or you're back at work, I just wanted to give you guys something. So I hope that you all are well. I am praying for everybody that listens to me and praying that you guys are safe and well and I pray that no one catches the
00:01:48
Speaker
virus because this virus is very very hard. It's harsh on your body. It's just it's really really hard and hard and bad and I've struggled with it. So I just wanted to just say guys I'm out here praying for you guys but if you if you hear me and I sound a little bit winded just know that my breathing is has been impacted by the virus and
00:02:14
Speaker
I am going to try my best not to lose my breath as I speak, but I'm also going to do more editing to this podcast because I don't want it to sound too bad. I want it to have some quality. So let's just get into the podcast.
Advocacy as Stewardship
00:02:29
Speaker
I don't think that this podcast is going to be a very long podcast. I'm going to give you guys five points that I learned from a book. And I'm going to talk to you about the subject of how advocate, avocation is stewardship.
00:02:44
Speaker
I did a podcast on The Expensive Anger and in that show, I recommended the book entitled, Relational Intelligence by Dr. Darius Daniels. When I read the book, I knew I wanted to talk about some of my takeaways in that book.
00:02:59
Speaker
The author homes in on a point that birthed the topic of this podcast, and it happens to be my favorite chapter of the book. The discussion and topic of today is avocation. I want to make a disclaimer. Today, I am going to make several points, all of which came from the book. I want to make sure that I am giving Dr. Daniels his credit and I am not infringing upon his copyrights.
00:03:25
Speaker
I am simply taking points from the book and talking about how they personally impacted my life.
Challenges in Self-Advocacy
00:03:32
Speaker
Advocating for myself is something that I struggled with. Knowing when and how to defend and protect myself has always been hard for me.
00:03:43
Speaker
I have a dominant personality and most people think I'm mean until they get to know me. So I struggled with standing up for myself because I didn't want people to think I was mean, harsh, rude, or even pushy. I felt like advocating for me or I felt like if I advocated for me,
00:04:02
Speaker
that I was being selfish and not looking out for others. But after reading Dr. Daniels book, it helped me come to the understanding that advocacy isn't selfishness, it's stewardship. Now I'm going to talk about five takeaways from this chapter and my journey of learning how to advocate for myself. I learned that the first step of advocating for myself is understanding that
00:04:26
Speaker
I am responsible for advocating for me. Dr. Henry Cloud has a brilliant quote that's crazy simple. It just says, I am ridiculously in charge of my life.
00:04:42
Speaker
That to me is such a very powerful quote because no one has control over my life but me and no one is going to advocate for me but me. It is not their responsibility, it's mine. I teach people how to treat me and if I don't set a standard for myself, no one will.
00:05:01
Speaker
And to be honest, no one can. The people in my life may not know what's required to be me. They don't always understand my purpose, nor do they know what works best for me. That's why I'm responsible for taking charge of my life. Not doing this has cost me so much, and I couldn't blame anyone but myself.
00:05:22
Speaker
Because it's my responsibility to advocate for myself, Dr. Daniels says this about self-advocacy. This is what's so liberating about self-advocacy. It frees us from the illusion that our welfare and well-being are connected to someone else's behavior.
00:05:43
Speaker
It liberates us from waiting for other people to have epiphany, light bulb moments and revelations about what is in our best interest. So learning to advocate, learning that I need to advocate for myself and that I'm responsible for advocating for me has set me free on so many levels.
00:06:02
Speaker
The second thing I learned is when I expect others to advocate for me, I unknowingly expect them to discern what is best for me. And by doing that, it has caused me to mismanage what God has given me to steward over.
00:06:18
Speaker
I expected them to know when I was tired and when I needed a break. I expected people to understand that I was on the budget and not ask for money. I expected people to understand my feelings and my thoughts and my opinions, but that's not the case. How would people know what I felt or my capacity or where I stood on an issue if I never communicated it? I read a phenomenal book entitled The Most Powerful Woman in the Room is You by Linda Fayette.
00:06:46
Speaker
And in the book, she talked about the importance of being an advocate for herself when she found out she was being paid significantly less than her colleagues. When I followed the exercise in the book, I found that I was making $60,000 less than someone with my educational skill and experience level should be making. Like Linda, I was afraid to speak up for myself because I didn't want to seem bossy, demanding, or ungrateful.
00:07:15
Speaker
and I was afraid of rejection. I figured if I worked hard people would see me and reward me and that simply wasn't the case. Learning to advocate for myself forced me to take myself seriously and learn to negotiate like a professional.
00:07:31
Speaker
The third thing I learned is self-advocacy is a form of self-control.
Empowerment through Advocacy
00:07:37
Speaker
When we advocate for ourselves, we take control of our lives. We call the shots. I love this quote from Dr. Daniels. It says, giving other people control over our lives is like re-gifting.
00:07:50
Speaker
God has given us the gift of self-control, and we give it to someone else, and then we gift it to someone else. Then we hope that that person manages the gift in the best way that is in our best interest. The interesting thing about that is that most people are selfish, so they never look out for you. They're always going to use you for their best interest. That's not always the case with everybody,
00:08:17
Speaker
you're going to find that most people are only going to only want to benefit off of what you can give them. So let's not re-give our power. Let's keep our self-control by advocating for ourselves. The fourth thing that I learned is advocating for myself is not an infringement upon others' rights or life. Saying no or that doesn't work for me or I don't like that is not offensive. I learned that if standing up for myself offends you,
00:08:46
Speaker
then that's not my problem, it's yours. In this case, I am not responsible for the way someone feels, and if that person does not respect my boundaries, then it's my responsibility to reposition that person in my life. As I learned to stop carrying the burdens of other people's feelings, I was able to feel and become acquainted with my own feelings, which was something I never gave myself space or room to do before I learned how to advocate for myself.
00:09:15
Speaker
And the final thing, but the most important thing that I learned about self-advocation and avocation in the whole is, I am not God, and I am not anyone else's God. Establishing boundaries and saying no is a part of being a healthy individual. If I am to become all that I am called to be, then I have to establish boundaries.
00:09:37
Speaker
Boundaries keeps the good in and protected while keeping the bad out. Establishing boundaries also helps us to see when and what we should and should not sacrifice. Here's a quote from the book.
00:09:52
Speaker
I am responsible for what I am responsible for and for utilizing those resources at my disposal in a way that advances what I believe to be God's agenda for my life. What we sacrifice should not be something that jeopardizes our well-being or our life's purpose. That's not a sacrifice God called us to make.
00:10:15
Speaker
After reading this book, I walked away with so many gems and a mantra that will stick with me for life.
Conclusion and Call to Action
00:10:22
Speaker
And that is, I am responsible for me and advocating for me is not selfishness, it's stewardship. I hope you guys enjoyed this podcast and I hope you guys learned how important it is to advocate for yourself, particularly in these days where we need to be safe and we need to protect our bodies.
00:10:44
Speaker
Learning to say no, learning to stay away, learning to ask people to give you your personal space is so vitally important, especially as so many of us are fighting for our lives and fighting through this virus.
00:11:01
Speaker
And throughout this book, how important it is to advocate for myself, to just understand what I need and not be afraid to voice that and vocalize that and also not be afraid if people walk away and say that that's too much.
00:11:17
Speaker
We're so afraid to lose people that we're just afraid to advocate for ourselves. So I just want to encourage you guys to advocate for yourself, learn yourself, take the time to build yourself up and advocate for yourself and know that you're worth the advocacy.
00:11:34
Speaker
I hope you guys are safe. I hope you guys are well. If you guys want to follow me on any social media, I am Alion Anita on all of the things. Also too, if you have any questions, you can email me at alionanitashow at gmail.com. I have been responding to emails, so if you guys need anything or have any questions, please email me there. I will link Dr. Daniels book in the show descriptions.
00:12:04
Speaker
I also will link all of my links where you can find me on in the show descriptions as well. And I pray you guys are all well and blessed. I love you guys so, so much. Stay well and talk to you soon. And as always, stay blessed.