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Episode 3: The Power That Pulls You Forward
11 Plays1 month ago
This time, Alex turns the questions on Leslie. Together, they explore the defining moments that pushed her into purpose, leadership, and alignment. This episode reveals the internal shifts, the initiations, and the choices that shaped her work and her life. It is a deep look at what it means to outgrow old versions of yourself and step into the life calling you.
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Transcript
Recognizing Burdens as Strengths
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome to Don't Trip on Your Cape, the podcast where Leslie, the founder of Align Living and Leadership, and her amazing co-host Alex from Much Love, dive into the very things that weigh us down, only to reveal those burdens are actually our greatest strengths.
00:00:13
Speaker
Together, they help listeners recognize that what feels heavy is often just your own unique superpower in disguise. So grab your cape, and let's explore how to wear without stumbling.
00:00:26
Speaker
Hi, welcome to Don't Trip on Your Cape. I'm Alex. And I'm Leslie. And today i get to interview Leslie. So if you're ready, let's get right into it.
00:00:37
Speaker
So question number one, when you think back to your childhood, what belief about success or love shaped how you showed up in the world?
00:00:54
Speaker
have been blessed to experience love from as far back as I can remember. But the question about success has definitely been one that I have contemplated and revaluated reevaluated over the years. my um My own childhood was very supported.
00:01:16
Speaker
whoop I really never wanted for anything I didn't have or didn't get what I wanted for. but all three of my parents came from very meager backgrounds. My mom and my dad both were um country poor from Alabama.
00:01:36
Speaker
um My dad's parents never had indoor plumbing. We used an outhouse when we'd go see my dad's parents. um My mom's family, my grandfather was a very successful farmer. um And by successful, I mean, the crops grew. And at one point they did get indoor plumbing, but it was very, it was very basic. And I don't mean basic and in the judgmental term, just there was not, there was never anything extra. My mom has six brothers and sisters and, you know,
00:02:14
Speaker
that comes with a lot of things or a lot of needs. Everyone had their basic needs met. They had flute clothes, they had shoes. um You know, they could walk to the bus stop, that kind of thing. And my stepfather um grew up in Northern Virginia and his mother meant well and his father did the best he could with what he had. But my stepdad very early on became the breadwinner for the family. So he had a
00:02:44
Speaker
paper route at the age of 10 that was generated more income than either of his parents did. He was a hard worker and he was a self-made success.
00:02:55
Speaker
So when I think back on what was instilled in me um through the idea of success, it was, working hard, making enough money, not to just have your basic needs met, but to be able to indulge.
00:03:13
Speaker
um We took, and and my stepfather was a very successful real estate developer. So we we did, we lived in nice homes, they drove nice cars. I drove all of those things. i um In 1980, mid eighties, my stepdad had always wanted a Corvette.
00:03:32
Speaker
and he was finally in a position to buy himself a Corvette. And when I was 11, this Corvette came into the garage and I was like, when I turn 16, I'm gonna have this car. And i'm historically my stepdad, my mom tells the story that the minute the car was paid for, my stepdad wanted to get a new one because he always just felt like a car payment was part of your expenses. ah So at 11, nobody imagined this Corvette was still gonna be sitting in the garage, you know, five years later.
00:04:02
Speaker
and it And it happened to be. And in very characteristic, indulgent fashion, they gave it to me. And I remember, i can remember, you know, reflecting back on that much later in life and be like, what kind of crazy fool gives a 16-year-old a Corvette in Miami, Florida and expects good things to come out of it? um You know, obviously I survived that choice, but...
Support and Development from Family
00:04:28
Speaker
Full transparency. There were a lot of poor choices that circled around, my little black convertible for, you know, adolescence and, and all of those things. So I think for me now, certainly being able to generate, um,
00:04:47
Speaker
what you need in order to not just get your basic needs met, but also to be able to to travel and to splurge, you know not to excess for sure, because that doesn't serve you. But I think being able to have the freedom to do those things does serve you.
00:05:05
Speaker
It's expensive to travel, but the lessons that you can learn in a foreign country with a community that is not like you are immeasurable. So for me at this point, at halfway to 100, success really means being able to give yourself the experiences to grow, to get uncomfortable, to explore those growing edges so that you can expand into the next best version of yourself.
00:05:36
Speaker
I love that. also love that you had a Corvette at 16. Yeah. It sounds like- My children will not be getting Corvettes at 16, I assure you. Well, you know that makes sense too, knowing you.
00:05:50
Speaker
So you said before that life initiated you through shocking experiences. What was one of the first that cracked open your perspective?
00:06:01
Speaker
no and So the the one that came to mind when you asked the question was um my father's death when I was 21.
00:06:12
Speaker
And that was definitely the biggest one to crack me open. But I think as i as I thought on it a little bit more here just in the moment,
00:06:25
Speaker
when my mom married my stepfather, it was a choice point that that shifted my timeline in ways that would not ah otherwise have been shifted. He was a man of,
00:06:41
Speaker
truly unconditional love and support. It was not about what you did. it was about your heart and his heart. And having that foundation um really supported me through some of the other big T traumas that came with, you know, my lifetime. um and even in relationship to my dad. my My dad, I truly believe everybody's doing the best they can with what they got.
00:07:16
Speaker
And that does not negate the impact of your choices. My my dad grew up in a very challenged and toxic childhood with parents who also were doing the best they could, but really making some crap fucking choices.
00:07:34
Speaker
And my dad modeled that and ultimately made similar choices in his own partnership. So he was, he was an alcoholic. He was infidelity was very much a part of my parents partnership. And when my mom divorced him, it was, it was a good riddance kind of experience for her She was very ready to sever ties. And when she found out she was, she didn't think she could get pregnant. so when she found out she was pregnant with me, she was in the middle of her third attempt at ah divorcing him.
00:08:05
Speaker
And again, they'd been, you know, they were high school sweethearts. um So i I think having that foundation of my stepfather's unconditional support, not just for me and my mother, but for everyone, um has really it's really the lens through which I look at life. he my dad got arrested for making some shit choices. And my mom was like, fuck it, let him rot in jail. he you know he He fucked up. This is his consequences. And my stepdad said, I'm not going to let Leslie grow up with her father in prison. like Paid for the attorney, helped him get out. supported my dad on on so many levels, so many times um throughout my life. And so i think that's really the part that when you ask that question, that's really what comes up. That's what bubbles up past all of the trauma and and the hardships is
00:09:01
Speaker
the value of unconditional support and the ability for you to rebuild your life and your choices when that's the foundation that you get to stand on is is like nothing else. And it's something that I hope that I get to model for the people that I'm in relationship with is I'm a great accountability partner. And as you very well know, i will call you on your bullshit from a place of love, but also like do better.
00:09:30
Speaker
But it doesn't, it doesn't take away, it doesn't impact my ability to support you. And I think that's, that's the lesson that I definitely, one of the biggest lessons I definitely learned from him and hope I get to emulate for the world. It's so cool, especially because, you know, remarriage can often be very hard for the kids and having it be such a blessing for you. It's so beautiful.
00:09:58
Speaker
So how did your early environment train you to be responsible? And when did you realize responsibility didn't have to mean self-sacrifice?
00:10:09
Speaker
um That's an interesting question because i would not really say that my lifestyle did train me to be responsible. um i was very indulged. um You know, my mom, I could can remember multiple times my mom saying, she's not spoiled, she's indulged because she deserves it, right? um Which is great, feels good in the moment, especially as a little person, but it didn't really help me develop those skills of responsibility.
00:10:44
Speaker
And it wasn't until much later in life where I had to take on those life skills because obviously adulthood requires a certain level of responsibility if you're not gonna be like that asshole in the world.
00:10:59
Speaker
But being able to Realize that I needed it and then look back on what what wasn't really practiced or encouraged in me to develop as a younger person.
00:11:15
Speaker
That gap has helped me develop those skills and learn those things. And i am grateful for the gaps at this point in life, because I think those are, you know, it's kind of it's kind of like the mistakes in life. I i i say often, you know, failure is my second favorite F word. There's so many gifts that come from the tripping on your cape, from the mistakes, from the from the poor choices, right? Sometimes it's not even a mistake. It's a it's a radically informed,
00:11:48
Speaker
poor choice and still there's learning that can come from that. And there's responsibility that can be gained from me being irresponsible or not not having those, that awareness in the moment. So i think that's really how I, how I would, how how I would answer that is and my childhood really didn't instill that in me, but, um,
00:12:14
Speaker
My and childhood gave me the launch point to develop those skills.
Emotional Expression and Impact of Loss
00:12:18
Speaker
it's It's dichotomy between your dad showing up, not showing up, and your mom really indulging you. There had to be a a very big difference between no responsibility in in kind of different ways. hu i think I think there's...
00:12:35
Speaker
hyper-responsibility, there's absence of responsibility, and then the sweet spot is the middle point, right, where you can take responsibility for yourself.
00:12:45
Speaker
So when did you feel first feel the calling to help people grow, even before you had language for it?
00:12:54
Speaker
I think it's always been a part of me, um even especially before I had language for it. You know, I am... I am the person, and you certainly know this about me, but I am the person
00:13:09
Speaker
who magnetizes other people's inclination to share share about their experiences. i i i say often, I'm and the person who the grocery store cashier wants to tell their deepest, darkest secrets to while they're putting my groceries in bags.
00:13:24
Speaker
Although they don't do that so much anymore, but you know what I mean? Like there's, it's, it's always been a natural dynamic for me to be the person who people feel called to share.
00:13:39
Speaker
and um and then we were just talking about this the other day and you were like, you every you make people cry. and i was like, I don't make people cry, but I create a space for people to feel the feelings that often they don't feel safe or encouraged to feel in other places. um So I think it's it's just always been a part of who I am and certainly learning more about my own energetic hardwiring in my human design, I'm like, oh, well, see, it's right there. Like that makes perfect sense. You know, my emotional center is connected to my throat. I i i share very authentically a lot about my experiences, the good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between.
00:14:19
Speaker
Because I think I just intrinsically have known that when we share our stories, that's how we can connect with other people. The details in the story might not seem familiar, but the dynamic is.
00:14:34
Speaker
And that's that's a really organic place for us to connect with each other.
00:14:41
Speaker
it started really young then. You've always been the one that helps people. Truly. mean, for as long as I can remember, I've been that friend or I've been that stranger, frankly.
00:14:52
Speaker
in that street I love that. Yeah, we don't get bags anymore at the grocery store in Colorado. So what was the first moment when life refused to let you keep doing things the old way?
00:15:10
Speaker
Oh, wow.
00:15:18
Speaker
um I think when my father died, I had a very clear feeling. reorientation. I was 21. It was a um I mean, losing parents never not traumatic probably, but that's a untraditional time to lose a parent.
00:15:40
Speaker
And um my father had non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. And he, when he was diagnosed, he was in significant denial that this was going to be his demise.
00:15:54
Speaker
So he did not tell anybody but my mother and swore her to secrecy. So he didn't tell his parents. He didn't tell anyone. And I got a call.
00:16:10
Speaker
He was, diagnos I think he was diagnosed and in the fall of... um the year before he died. I got a call in May, right before I was getting ready to graduate from college.
00:16:26
Speaker
um Got a call on a Thursday, took a plane on a Friday, saw my i saw my my father in hospital. i got a call, actually, i got a call from my mother telling me that my my dad had been sent home with hospice.
00:16:39
Speaker
And I had started volunteering with hospice when I was So I had, I had lots of experience with hospice care and what that meant, which typically means you have six months or less to live.
00:16:54
Speaker
And so when my mom told me, by the way, your dad has cancer and he was sent home with a hospice nurse, I freaked the fuck out. Cause I was like, Oh my God, that means he's going to have six months or less to live.
00:17:07
Speaker
And that was on a Thursday. I took a red eye flight to Florida on a Friday um And maybe this is a longer story for another day, but my dad's wife um was afraid that he was going to tell me some things she didn't want him to tell me. So she had him taken off of oxygen before I got there. So by the time I got there, my dad was pretty much incapable of interacting in any way.
00:17:35
Speaker
I lost my fucking shit, as you might imagine what happened being a 21 year old, seeing those circumstances. My mom and my stepfather took me back to their home in in Washington, DC, and my dad died on a Monday.
00:17:48
Speaker
So it was a lot independent of the loss of a parent. the circumstances were pretty traumatic. They definitely had a big impact on me. And I was a daddy's girl. I'm an only child. And as messed up as my dad was to his mother, he i the sun rose and set in my little butt crack from the time I was born, as far as my dad was concerned. um So that was a really pivotal pivotal part of
00:18:21
Speaker
learning how to do life differently because it had really for all intents and purposes been nothing but rainbows and butterflies up until that point and then these ominous and thick dark clouds just descended on all of that and it took me um many years to even realize that the rainbows and butterflies were there again um and that's certainly a part of our lives and a part that I love to highlight and a part I love to experience, but having to integrate the gifts of the dark ominous clouds and the seemingly endless rainstorm and the absence of the light that's sitting behind those clouds. um it was It was a really challenging shift for me and my mother
00:19:17
Speaker
certainly was doing the best she could with what she had in the moment too, but she was also grieving the loss of her first love. And, and you know, as much as Bad Shint went down, there was more love than there was not love um between her and my father. And so we've talked about it at different times, but she feels like, and i probably wouldn't disagree that she she created a bit of a disservice and not being able to help her daughter grieve the loss of her father because she was very much grieving the loss of her father's, her child's father, if that makes sense. um
00:19:58
Speaker
And I, you know, my my path ultimately, i I went to graduate school and studied grief counseling for children. And obviously, not a big mystery why that was my focus point. um But for me, grief is, you know, as we've talked about in our last episode, it can it can bring so many gifts for us. but It took me a long time to figure that out on my own because it was definitely
Spiritual Journey and Personal Growth
00:20:22
Speaker
not taught. It was definitely not modeled. um My mom's grief strategy is more just,
00:20:28
Speaker
don't think about it because it makes me sad. And I'm a big believer that there's a lot of value and beautiful feedback that can come from those parts of the emotion wheel. Yeah. Did that answer your question?
00:20:42
Speaker
Yeah, it's funny. I promise I didn't plan this, but the next question is actually, how did grief and awakening start to mix for you? Because I i think grief really does, it's the moment when a lot of us have that awakening.
00:20:56
Speaker
this It is. Spirituality as well. it's ah It's a beautiful portal. um And I didn't really start to explore my own spirituality until I had figured out how to navigate that grief process. it is It's all one, right? It's really the same thing.
00:21:17
Speaker
The joy and the sadness, it's really the same thing. um the heartbreak and the love, it's really the same thing. It's just different expressions of that energy, right? And in human design, we talk about like energy is not good or bad. It's either high frequency expression or an unbalanced expression.
00:21:34
Speaker
I kind of feel that way about all of it. It's all the same thing. And we have to figure out how are we receiving that energy, right? How how is our our unique antenna picking it up?
00:21:48
Speaker
And then how are we broadcasting that energy and how we receive it is sort of not really inside our circle of control. It is what it is. How we broadcast it absolutely inside our circle of control and taking you know responsibility for that has been a part of my awakening journey is Knowing that there's so much that's infinitely outside of my circle of control. And then knowing that everything that is inside my circle of control, that is inside my power, is related to my choices.
00:22:26
Speaker
How I think about it, what I do with it, how it impacts other people. I can't be in charge of how someone else receives it, right? Because that's their their journey.
00:22:38
Speaker
But me being responsible for how i hope they receive it, right? The intention I put out there. And then also taking responsibility for how it actually gets received in case I need to course correct.
00:22:51
Speaker
um You know, that's, I don't, think personally have a relationship with Christianity duty per se, but I use the word God because I think it is, it it for me, it represents the source energy, or represents the thing from which everything else is created. and it's the same place where everything else ultimately returns. Yeah, I feel like ah grief and awakening and spirituality, like sometimes it takes something to wake you up. But once you do, like we've talked about, it's such a beautiful gift that it can give back to you.
00:23:27
Speaker
So next question, um you as a coach and just as Leslie, you help people align with their lives now. But what was one season that you completely felt out of alignment?
00:23:40
Speaker
like I can identify that very clearly. um In my late twenty s I was watching all of my friends partner up, you know get married, have children, step into their career paths post-college, and do all the things that you know so many people think they're supposed to do, right that kind of traditional journey.
00:24:07
Speaker
And I really wasn't doing any of that. um i i was I was living in a house that my mother bought for me, right? Like I didn't have a house payment. I was driving a car that was given to me. I didn't have a car payment.
00:24:23
Speaker
I had three dogs and two cats and a quarter acre with a wealth, right? Like I had all the things from the outside observer's perspective. I was a bartender, right? Bartending is my transferable skillset. And I felt...
00:24:40
Speaker
i felt so behind in the game of life. And I was engaging in that rarely if ever beneficial practice of comparison, comparing with my myself with the outside world, other people.
00:24:59
Speaker
And it just all fell upside down and ass backwards. there was There was, especially in reflection, there was nothing that felt right.
00:25:12
Speaker
um I had still, i was i was starting to really process my my grief for sure. But also, as I mentioned, my mom's compensation for the grief process was just give her what she's what we think she needs, um which was the stuff, the resources, without really asking me or inviting me to engage in that practice of, you know, the skill sets, like we talked about earlier, the self-sustainability.
00:25:43
Speaker
um and I, that was a really just dark time. The light felt really absent, really far away, really inaccessible.
00:25:56
Speaker
um Didn't even occur to me to figure out how to access it. I just, it became, its absence became the reality for me. Um, and then right around the age of 30, 31, looked around and I felt like I had taken the lead because I had all of these friends who were like newly divorced with toddlers. And i was like, that looks like that fucking sucks. Like, thank God I'm not there having to do that. Um,
00:26:26
Speaker
um And i I think very organically, the universe invited me to step into that inquiry with courage, with vulnerability. And um took a spiritual journey to Peru, although i thought I was just taking a trip to Peru. I didn't actually know I had signed up for a spiritual journey and um'm had some experiences there that I think again, laid the foundation in the background for my expansion, for my growth, for me to truly step into my power.
00:27:02
Speaker
and um, you know, by my, by my early thirties, was doing all the things, but I was doing all the things and on on my timeline. I was like, well, shit, I wasn't, it was never about what anyone else was doing. It was always about the divine timing of my journey. And, um,
00:27:22
Speaker
I sometimes joke, i have my I had my last kid when I was 39, so like not a spring chicken by any means. so i i i tell people like my kids traded the youthful, exuberant version of me for the wise and experienced version of me. And, you know, that's that's got to be divine because it's exactly how it happened.
00:27:40
Speaker
Yeah, I love that. I think that's definitely a cool experience to wise parents, for sure. You're a good mom. I've seen that firsthand. So looking back, what did you once label as failure that now feels like initiation? Well, I would definitely say that part of my time, i was feeling like a failure. And then, like I said, I looked at other people and i was like, oh, they're failing.
00:28:10
Speaker
And now i really feel like it's all initiation, right? Every time we are not successful, we are being given an opportunity, a portal into success, whatever, whatever that is. Like, if you know, I, I, I sometimes him say, you're going to fuck it up, fuck it up big, right? Like if you're going to learn, learn all the things.
00:28:37
Speaker
And if you're only, If you only get to show up, and I was actually having this conversation with my teenager a few months ago, because my eldest child is like, from the outside observers perspective, like the perfect kid, there's no challenges, there's no drama, there's they're eight plus four pointo A AP classes, like all the things.
00:28:58
Speaker
And they struggled. with that outward perception, other people's perception of that version of themselves, because that's, that's still an incomplete expression of self. And so I was saying to them, like, if you only get to show up as the A plus version of yourself, that is only stroking your ego. That's just validating what you already know, which is awesome. Like pluses feel good, right? Like, yeah.
00:29:28
Speaker
But if you're not willing to show up as a B, C, D, or even f version of yourself, how are you learning? right You have to be willing and courageous enough to fail in order to learn, in order to grow, in order to be a better version of yourself. And to me, that is the initiation. That's where those invitations from the universe our biggest, you know, our loudest.
00:29:59
Speaker
And for a lot of people, they reject that because of the conditioning, because of the programming, because of the expectations, right? We're, we are told to celebrate the A's and we're told to punish the F's.
00:30:13
Speaker
I don't really agree with that. And I am very passionate about not just showing up in all the versions of myself so that other people can give themselves hopefully permission to do the same, but also for holding space for people when they're in the messy middle or when they're in the fucked up end, right? Like, or beginning or, you know, wherever, whatever part of the process process it is, right? Like I, and and back to your question earlier, think that's just always kind of been who who I am. That's that's my hardwiring. it's my It's my unique blueprint in the world is to
00:30:51
Speaker
not let it be a bad thing when we're bad at something. um You know, i was it was a pretty good student, um but I was not an A-plus student. And I can, my mother's typical middle child, again, came from nothing, grew to something, takes a lot of pride in like the performance part of it. And She would come home from those parent teacher conferences often with the same report, which was if Leslie would just live up to her potential, she could be an A plus student. And I i can remember being like 15 or 16 and my mom saying that shit. I mean, being like, but why?
00:31:27
Speaker
Like to to to what point? I am perfectly happy to show up at 90% and still have the time and energy and inclination to go fuck around with my kids and my friends and, you know, do new things and not kill myself.
00:31:45
Speaker
But sometimes very literally to show up with that extra at the hundred percent level. And I think, you know, obviously at 15 or 16, didn't do it with awareness, but I think in reflection, because I knew Cool things happen in that other part of the performance spectrum.
Life Lessons on Accountability and Leadership
00:32:04
Speaker
And if we're not willing to step into it, we're cheating ourselves out of so much. Part of your hardwiring too is that, you know, six line, which is, way is it the three?
00:32:19
Speaker
Three, five, the three. Because the three line, which is the fuck around and find out. Like, you know, so you you intrinsically understand that messing up is where you learn the hard stuff and that you can't be good at something until you fail first often. Mm-hmm.
00:32:34
Speaker
it it's a It's very much a part about you that you make space for. Yeah, I love that. Makes sense that it's always been been there. So um awareness, accountability, and aligned action are at the heart of your work.
00:32:49
Speaker
Which of them come first for you and why? um i think they're integral pillars, but it is a linear process because if you're not aware of what to even look at,
00:33:02
Speaker
And for me, accountability is about ownership. So if you're not aware and you don't take ownership of the impact of those, that awareness, then it sort of makes aligned action really unachievable or certainly hard to access. So there is a and it's less linear. Like once you're, once you've taken aligned action, it's over and it's more cyclical.
00:33:26
Speaker
um You know, that, that idea of disruptions lead to liminality, lead to expansion, leads to another disruption. I think it's the same kind of thing. Awareness leads to the opportunity for accountability, which invites you to take aligned action, which hopefully brings you back to a new awareness.
00:33:48
Speaker
So I think there's there's value in all three three pillars of personal improvement, but I think it's got to start with awareness. Which can be really hard, right? Because it requires us to look at that karmic mirror and the reflection of self in this moment, not the image, not the mirage, not the mask, not other people's interpretations, but like the real true reflection of self.
00:34:18
Speaker
Absolutely. Speaking of looking in the mirror and, you know, about awareness, what does accountability then look like when it's rooted in ownership instead of blame? It looks like power.
00:34:33
Speaker
And it's not always pretty. And it's not always edited. But for me, that shift um is a game changer.
00:34:47
Speaker
Because it's not about, you know so often, um I speak on accountability a lot in many different audiences
00:34:58
Speaker
for personal growth and for professional growth. And so much so many times accountability is thought as punishment and consequences, right? If if you don't do this thing, I'm gonna hold you accountable.
00:35:11
Speaker
which actually just means I'm gonna punish you or I'm gonna instill a consequence on you, right? Especially in the professional world from like supervisor, manager position, people in positions of authority.
00:35:26
Speaker
And how I've come to understand it and share it is holding me accountable pulls forth from me a sense of ownership. You can totally hold me accountable and there will absolutely, every choice has a consequence, desired or undesired, positive or negative. That's just the nature of the energy of choice. Every choice has a consequence.
00:35:48
Speaker
But if I don't give a shit about the consequence or I don't care about the impact of that consequence, that's not gonna initiate me to make a different choice. So for me, it's really about the foundational dynamic of the relationship.
00:36:05
Speaker
And if you want me to hold myself accountable to the impact of my choices, there is some responsibility for the other person to behave in a way that draws that from me.
00:36:20
Speaker
And no breakdown between any two people is any one person's fault. which my kids hear me say often. And sometimes they argue with that truth, but I fully believe it because it does not matter to your point in in your interview. It does not matter what another person does to me.
00:36:40
Speaker
If I don't have this, if I haven't created the space for it to impact me in a negative way. which is also to say that if I've created this, have this big gaping wound that's just looking for validation for the pain, even if a person does something that they don't intend to be hurtful, I might receive it that way.
00:37:02
Speaker
And I have to take ownership for that. And part of my healing journey has been
00:37:09
Speaker
being vulnerably courageous enough to look at what are my unhealed wounds that I've just been not focusing on or not doing the work to heal that I've then inadvertently created the space for other people to continue to poke, whether they meant to or not um So I think there's there's real power in shifting your understanding of accountability from consequence management to true owner ownership of the impact of your choices.
00:37:50
Speaker
Absolutely. So what about spirituality along with all of your coaching and leadership? How does how do you bring leadership spirituality into leadership and coaching?
00:38:02
Speaker
Oh, that's a really good question. um I think it's all spiritual is the short answer, right? You can't not. yeah um For me, it's about, and i'm I am a spiritual warrior, but I'm also a science geek. So I fall back to the physics of it all.
00:38:22
Speaker
from ah From a scientific perspective, a high frequency, absolutely, in trains a lower one. Something that is high frequency will eventually magnetize a lower frequency to that higher expression.
00:38:37
Speaker
From a human perspective, holding the high frequency expression of myself can be fucking exhausting because if you're in the community with people who are low frequency, that shit could take a really long time.
00:38:49
Speaker
And I'm a manifesting generator, so like I get impatient. I'm an only child, so like I want when I want when I want it. Like there's all of these parts of my my lived experience that can make it challenging to hold that high frequency expression of myself long enough to entrain those around me, which is why i think understanding the impact of your community is so integral, whether it's professional team dynamics in a large company or whether it's family dynamics or whether it's in partnership, whether it be romantic or otherwise.
00:39:27
Speaker
understanding that if someone is down here and you're up here, that shit might take a really long time and it might be really exhausting and it might bring frustration and lots of pain, whether it's anger, frustration, bitterness, or disappointment.
00:39:40
Speaker
If you choose your company where the gap to bridge is not that significant or when they can hold the high frequency, when you're showing up with a little bit of a lower frequency, then it's so much easier to show up not only in resonance, but successfully.
00:40:00
Speaker
So I think, you know, when I first started consulting in the professional world, I was like, I'm, I'm, I tell people I'm bringing the woo-woo to the workplace, right? Like I talk about the energetics, but I talk about it in very concrete, real ways because it's, it's as real as this desk that's in front of me Truly, you can't see it necessarily, but you can measure it, you can feel it, and it has an impact on you. So it's every bit as real as anything in this 3D experience of ours.
00:40:30
Speaker
And being able to figure out how to orient the messaging, communicate in a way that people can hear what you're saying, is the difference between success and failure to me. And I think that's true in the workplace. I think that's true in our personal lives. I think it's true everywhere, right? The spirituality, the... the overarching energetic field in which we are all bumping around in these magnetic meat suits with 8 billion other magnetic meat suits, right? Like it's real, it's very real.
00:41:02
Speaker
And understanding how to create that intersection between the ethereal and the concrete for people to actually like go do something different and better with their lives.
00:41:13
Speaker
Again, it's kind of a personal passion of mine. I i do what I do. from a selfish place of, i I want to live in a world filled with aligned people, making aligned choices more often than not.
Timing and Alignment in Life Choices
00:41:28
Speaker
And if I can participate in any kind of conversation or initiate people into a personal inquiry where they can pick up what I'm putting down or they can pick up what the universe is putting down, like I've done my job. isn It feels so good. It's like the best feeling.
00:41:45
Speaker
Definitely. i love that. It's a really good answer because it really is all spiritual and spirituality. I'm not sure how you would define it. Maybe that's a good question, and how you would define spirituality. but part of it for me is just about the oneness and knowing we're all connected and worthy and deserving.
00:42:04
Speaker
i think for me, spirituality, similarly, spirituality is an awareness that the thing that animates this body I'm in is not just the electrical currents in my brain.
00:42:17
Speaker
It's not just the magnetic field emanating from my heart that now in 2025, we can measure, right? That's not just some woo woo crazy bullshit from the seventies. It's some real shit. When you add electricity to a magnet, it goes from being a kitchen magnet that hangs on your kitchen door to the kind of magnet that can lift a car in a junkyard and move it across space and time.
00:42:40
Speaker
Electromagnetically, we are beings, but there's something else. And that something else is what I identify as my spirituality.
00:42:52
Speaker
And that same something else that is mine is yours. And it's true for every other person listening or not. So being able to and navigate that intersection of The unique once in a lifetime cosmic experience that I am that is ultimately animated by this universal sameness that animates everyone else is how I understand spirituality.
00:43:21
Speaker
and And it's all meant to evolve. Fingers crossed. Bigger and better. So what have you learned about timing that stillness and waiting can be just as powerful as action?
00:43:38
Speaker
i know That's a good question for you and me. ah Yeah. um That's definitely been a journey for me. um At halfway to 100, I'm certainly closer than I was in my younger years.
00:43:55
Speaker
um but Timing is key. It's part of the magic trifecta. Alignment shows up with right people, right place, right time. And two out of three won't cut it.
00:44:08
Speaker
And for me, especially in my younger years, i was like, fuck the timing. I want it now. Do it now. Don't do it now. i don't want it now. Like whatever aspect, whatever side of the timeline I was on.
00:44:24
Speaker
um And that did not always work very well to be fully transparent, right? um i especially in my young adulthood, had cultivated a community where I had, I was allowed to think that, right? I didn't have a lot of people who pushed back.
00:44:42
Speaker
um Younger me was, I've always been hardwired to to speak the truth. And I did not fully understand until well into my 40s that truth without tact is just cruelty. And so I would say, well, it's just the truth. and If you have a problem with it, that's a you problem, not a me problem, but la la la la, la right? And and then move on my merry way and never even think about like the trail of heartbreak and hurt and bitterness and all the other things that I was leaving behind me. Cause I was like, well, that's for them to deal with.
00:45:15
Speaker
um At this point in my life, I am so keenly aware the timing is as just as important as the truth and the person you're transmitting it to.
00:45:28
Speaker
and I am still not fully skilled, at always. navigating that timing piece, but I'm at least aware. And I take accountability when my execution doesn't land in a beneficial way. And hopefully that helps me take aligned action the next time, right? Because I don't have a magic time machine and I can't go back and change the thing I have now learned from.
00:45:53
Speaker
But I am future me's time machine. And being able to to to learn from those things miscues or poorly executed choices is part of the magic.
00:46:08
Speaker
Hopefully. We say divine timing. That's it's a good question for you. Love that. So when life gets loud, how do you find stillness again?
00:46:24
Speaker
have some practices in place that I have learned create stillness or help me get still. Um, I'm an avid practitioner of yoga. And even when I started that journey, I did not fully embrace the access point for the stillness. Um, I was, uh, I started yoga as a hot Yogi, you know, 104 degree room, like sweating my ass off, constantly moving, doing the thing.
00:46:54
Speaker
And then I, um,
00:46:57
Speaker
I took a training to become a yoga teacher. and then I continued my training to become a yoga teacher teacher. And only at that point in the journey, i was like, oh, asana, the the movement, the postures, that's like one of eight limbs. That's one of eight parts of yoga and the stillness, like it's it's all leading us to this ability to practice stillness.
00:47:22
Speaker
And then sometimes even when we look still, right, we sit in lotus position with our eyes closed and our hands in some kind of mudra position, our mind is still very, very active, which ultimately kind of doesn't serve us any more than just not stopping the physical movement. And so, you know, as I'm broaching the halfway mark to a century on this planet, it has been very active practice to watch those little thoughts like pretty little clouds in the sky and know that they are just as temporary as the sky unless I continue to refocus and refocus and refocus. right i
00:48:02
Speaker
don't historically struggle with rumination. i can shift my focus um fairly effectively at this point in my life.
00:48:13
Speaker
And breath work, I would say is the other practice that has been truly transformative for me because even when the thoughts feel loud or persistent or chaotic, when I can shift my focus to the sound of my breath, the movement of my breath, the pace of my breath,
00:48:40
Speaker
Our brains, as much as we like to think in 2025, right? Like we're hardwired to multitask and do a lot of things. That's not actually how the physiology of our brains work. Our brain can do one thing well at one time and it can shift really rapidly. So we think we're doing a bunch of shit really well at one time, but we're not.
00:48:57
Speaker
We're doing a bunch of things consecutively and rapidly in motion with each other and probably not as effectively as if we just put our focus in one place. And breath work is something that absolutely brings me back to that truth and something that i as ah as a breathing human being, want more people to understand. the breath is this is the one single solitary thing that is with you your entire life.
00:49:28
Speaker
From the moment you were born until the moment you were died. nothing else stays with you as your breath does. So that must mean it's one of our greatest tools.
00:49:40
Speaker
And if we can learn to be in control of it instead of just let it happen automatically. I'm a lot of times when I'm facilitating breath work, i I remind folks, we can live on accident. We can live on purpose, just like we can breathe automatically or we can breathe on purpose.
00:49:58
Speaker
I love that. Especially cause I'm, One of the most unique experiences and journeys is people forget that their body knows how to breathe and ah try and do it themselves. And it becomes this and very mindful practice within it where you do become very focused on how it is with you always, and it can become, make you so still and so wonderful. And then you can give it back to the universe again when you want to stop focusing on it, but it's such a beautiful thing to focus on, and it does make you very still.
Purposeful Relationships and Parenting
00:50:33
Speaker
So you're both a coach and a creator. So how do you protect your energy when you're constantly pouring into other people?
00:50:44
Speaker
Oh, let's see if that's the answer there is probably twofold. The first would be I'm very discerning about the people to with whom I choose to pour into.
00:50:57
Speaker
um I can help anybody. i don't choose to help everybody. I can benefit any relationship I'm in. I don't choose to be in any relationship because they all don't feel reciprocally beneficial.
00:51:13
Speaker
So I would say discernment first. And then also it's part of my life purpose to initiate people into change.
00:51:24
Speaker
And so being able to pour into others is actually an expression of my purpose and how I'm here to to evolve the collective.
00:51:36
Speaker
So being clear that This isn't really a selfless act I do, even though it does help a lot of people and it can sometimes to the outside observer, maybe feel or look that way. For me, it's a very active part of my aligned expression and how I'm here to make the world a better place.
00:51:58
Speaker
And also not I'm not for everybody and everybody's not for me and that shit's not personal. So like, don't take it that way. Yeah. Discernment is something that you always talk to me about. I always say, I'm being picky. You're all discerning. I'm like, I'm being elitist. You're all discerning. And I love that we have a joke about it because it's such an important practice. I'm just going to keep up making more words so that you can say discerning back to me. Great opportunities for me to remind you of both, right? Exactly. I think that's also something I've learned in you know in in therapy and coaching and consulting.
00:52:35
Speaker
We teach what we need to learn. And so even though I may have learned these lessons already, every time I get to teach it again, i get to hear it a different way. I get to either amplify and validate what I already know to be true, or I get to orient to it in ah and a slightly different perspective and be like, oh there's still more to that, right? I have a little bit of a love affair with the spiral.
00:52:58
Speaker
And from a 2D perspective, it feels expansive or it feels contracting. From a three-dimensional perspective, it's a vortex, right? It's it's it's expanding and growing or contracting in all the directions. And I think a lot of times in my trainings, even though I go in informed and and clear on what i'm the lesson I'm there to teach,
00:53:22
Speaker
I very rarely leave those teaching opportunities where I haven't also learned or or integrated something in a new way. Right. I love that. Speaking of teaching and learning, what are your biggest lessons you've learned from being a parent?
00:53:41
Speaker
Oh, my. You're a good mom. So I feel like it's something we should definitely touch on. They are my greatest teachers in so many ways. um As I mentioned, I'm an only child and my husband and I have made three people and I really did not understand how the same two people could make such vastly different expressions of humanity. They all...
00:54:10
Speaker
they all look identical. Sometimes we have to look at like the date of the baby pictures or know which kid we're looking at, especially when they were younger and they are showing up in magnificently unique ways as they continue to grow into the world. And I think that is just a wonderful and sometimes provocative reminder what the gift of being a human being is, you know, we are all, we all get to walk our own unique path and you cannot make another person do another thing, period, which I have been sharing with my kids from, for as long as they can understand it is I can't make you do anything. I can explain to you the consequences. I can share with you my lived experience.
00:54:57
Speaker
I can even and be vulnerable and explain to you the impact of your choices on me. But at the end of the day, the choice is still theirs, which sometimes means they're going to fuck it all up. Sometimes they, it means they're going I'm going to be disappointed in their choices. And I was, um,
00:55:17
Speaker
very much raised by a well-intentioned mother who thought that the way that I behaved was a reflection on how she parented. And I just, I don't believe that. I think there is certainly some foundational structure that parents provide for children that hopefully they get to stand on with strength and courage.
00:55:34
Speaker
But at the end of the day, if I'm solid that I've done the best that I can in teaching those lessons and holding space for their choices, my love is unconditional and whether you piss me off or whether you make me proud, that's not actually negotiable. Like that's not, that's not up for, for, for shifting. Um, but, but learning that at like in real time, especially at almost 50, like it is really exhausting to have the same fucking conversation about flushing the fucking toilet when you piss in it. Like I,
00:56:13
Speaker
But also if you it's just kind of a interesting subset of, oh, well, there's lots of times in life where, you know, I'll have a coaching client and, and they will come to me and they will say, I want to do this thing. And I'll say, okay, well, in order to do this thing, a plan involves a B, and C. And for 12 consecutive weeks, they will not fucking do a B, and C. And I'm like, but, but,
00:56:38
Speaker
we've had the conversation. You've said, you've agreed. i've explained to you the value of the process and still they don't do it Right. So like, I think parenting is just a a beautiful microcosm of spirituality really to your question earlier. yeah And how do we show up as the highest version of ourselves? How do we show up in unconditional love and acceptance? And then how do we hold boundaries and communicate clearly so that the toilet gets flushed.
00:57:07
Speaker
love that answer. So um how do you measure success now, not in revenue, but in resonance? Ooh, in resonance. I like that. I just um just had my my business write a letter to me for 2026 because I have some big revenue goals.
00:57:28
Speaker
But your question really reflects that idea of resonance. Yeah. Our revenue reflects our resonance, not the other way around. And for me, it's about clarity of purpose.
00:57:42
Speaker
I feel successful when I feel like I have expressed my purpose with clarity and it's connected, right? my ah My five core values are connection, empowerment, growth, gratitude, and purpose.
00:58:00
Speaker
When those intersect, I feel like I'm embodying success for me. I love that. Those are really, definitely you embody those when you're around you and you make other people do it too. So I love that.
00:58:18
Speaker
What do you hope your clients remember most about working with you?
00:58:28
Speaker
I hope that they most remember
00:58:33
Speaker
that I hold space and invite them to step into the next best version of themselves. I really, it doesn't really matter. 12 week coaching container is really about goal achievement.
00:58:47
Speaker
And it's, we talk about the energetics upfront. we We talk about the limiting beliefs, we reprogram them. And then it's very like this week, do this, this, and this, this week, do this, this, and this.
00:58:58
Speaker
And sometimes they don't do this, this, and this. And even at the end of that 12 week container, have yet to have a client who says, even though I didn't achieve my goal, or even though it didn't show up the way I i thought it would, this was such exactly what I needed.
00:59:15
Speaker
And to me, that is also a reflection of success is sometimes the best, what is it it they say? The the most well-laid plan doesn't always give you where you give you what you need or get you where you need to go.
00:59:32
Speaker
So i think I think that's what I would hope that everyone that I get to work with takes from the experience with me is that they've got what they needed, even if it didn't look like what they thought.
Self-Reflection and Legacy
00:59:44
Speaker
Sometimes that's the best lesson you can learn is making space for what you actually need. And maybe it's a feeling you are after and not actually a result. So yeah, I love that.
00:59:56
Speaker
If you could speak to the version of you who is just starting this path, what would you tell her about what's ahead?
01:00:06
Speaker
Oh,
01:00:10
Speaker
I think I would just want her to know
01:00:15
Speaker
that accepting what is with a bit more grace might give her bit more, might help her give herself a but bit more grace, right? The circumstances sometimes feel like a reflection of ourselves.
01:00:32
Speaker
And on the one hand, I believe that's true because of the filter through which we're looking at the circumstance. But, um, you know, kind of like you and I were were speaking earlier. i don't know that I would tell her too much about it because I wouldn't want her to get, I wouldn't want her to really step in any part of the path differently, but maybe just to do it with a bit more confidence that even the pain and the the bullshit and the frustration and all of that is truly divine.
01:01:04
Speaker
um Not to avoid it, but to be able to integrate it with a bit less resistance. like that, yeah.
01:01:16
Speaker
Can't change the timeline. We like where we are now. ah What do you believe about leadership now that you didn't 10 years ago?
01:01:30
Speaker
um Well, to to quote Brene Brown, right? It's about vulnerability and about being brave. I think younger me thought leadership was about being the boss. And it's less about being in charge of others and more about being in charge of yourself in a way that inspires others to support, lift up, and train to that resonance.
01:01:58
Speaker
So it's really... You know, that accountability piece and leadership, it's a game changer when you own your shit and you're in charge and you're in the front of the room and, you you know, all of that.
01:02:15
Speaker
So I would say it's it's less about rising to the top and more about being the best version of yourself. That's been the issue. Yeah, like you said, vulnerably. love that Brene Brown has made vulnerability and the understanding of it so important because you know vulnerability, it you're you're going to be in that place where amazing things happen, but also the hard things can happen. And so, like you said, if you're in front of the room and having that accountability, being vulnerable means making space for whatever and then growing from it. So that's pretty awesome.
01:02:50
Speaker
All right, last question. When people hear your name years from now, what do you hope they associate it with, not as a brand, but and like as a legacy of being?
01:03:01
Speaker
i have given a lot of thought to this legacy thing recently. and i would rather be remembered for being provocative that ultimately initiates people into alignment and growth, um then I care about being popular because I think that's ultimately how my ripples will reach the entire world is when other people can see the value of, ah one of my teachers calls them sacred provocations, right? There's real gift
01:03:44
Speaker
there's a real gift and being provoked if the outcome is growth and expansion.
01:03:55
Speaker
Before we wrap, we like to end every episode with a nod to one of the great James Lipton from Inside the Actors Studio. His final 10 questions revealed more about a person than an entire interview sometimes could, so we decided to carry on that tradition. And these are the questions. So first we're going to start out with, what's your favorite word?
01:04:17
Speaker
yes It's harder than you think. Well, ah the one that always comes to mind is absolutely ridiculous, but it is the it is my favorite word. Bombillo. It's light bulb in Spanish, and I like to say it.
01:04:32
Speaker
like that. Thank you.
01:04:36
Speaker
What's your least favorite word? Bombillo.
01:04:48
Speaker
The one that keeps running through my head here is hate because I think there's just, we we're pinching ourselves off from so much learning when we decide we hate something.
01:05:00
Speaker
That's a good answer. Yeah. What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally? um Courageous vulnerability, being willing to be messy until you can be beautiful.
01:05:14
Speaker
Yeah. Good answer. What turns you off?
01:05:19
Speaker
Be mean. People people who are mean. bueno. Yeah, no reason for it. What's your favorite curse word? Fuck, of course. i I had a teacher on high school who hand gave us a handout of all the different grammatical ways that you can use the word fuck. She's still one of my favorite teachers. That's why you remembered it too, right?
01:05:45
Speaker
What sound or noise do you love?
01:05:50
Speaker
I love the sound of laughter. People just unfiltered expressing their joy. And every laugh is different. huh but sounder and sorry What sound or noise do you hate?
01:06:05
Speaker
um Anything repetitive. It is so distracting for me. It just creates aesthetic in my brain, even if it's the most benign sound. that Yeah, my daddy said tap, tap, tap his leg all the time. makes me think of that. It's annoying. We have a lot of ADHD in this house and I love them dearly, but I cannot stand the tapping, the the shaking, the all the things. to competitive What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
01:06:42
Speaker
thought about this earlier. And the first thing that came to mind was being a trapeze artist. And the second thing that came to mind was being a skydiver. So like, there's something about flying and being free in in space.
01:06:54
Speaker
You're gonna put it on the bucket list. Yep. You have to do it. That sounds definitely thrilling. What profession would you not like to do?
01:07:07
Speaker
um I actually just had this conversation with my kid yesterday. I would hate to be a dentist. It would be all up in people's mouths. Yeah, that
01:07:18
Speaker
was fun. That was it. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates? Great job. Nice. Yeah.
01:07:31
Speaker
Well, thank you for being with us today. Thank you for opening up to us. It was really great and learning more about you. And we can't wait to see you next time, everybody. Leave us questions, comments, all the things, and we'll see you then.
01:07:45
Speaker
All right. Take care. Bye.
01:07:52
Speaker
Thanks for joining Alex and Leslie on Don't Trip On Your Cake. I really appreciate you being here and walking this path with them. If today's episode sparked something in you, if it helps you rock something new about yourself or your journey, show your support by subscribing to the channel, liking episode, and leaving a comment to share your thoughts or takeaways.
01:08:07
Speaker
Your voice helps to grow this community of brave, curious humans learning wither kitchen confidence. and Until next time, fly high, stay curious, and don't trip on your cake. Step into your superpower.