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Episode 1: The Moment Everything Changes
13 Plays1 month ago
Every journey has a point of no return, the moment when life stops letting you pretend. In this opening episode, Leslie and Alex share the experiences that cracked them open and set this entire podcast in motion. It is honest, raw, and grounding. You will hear how the heaviest moments often reveal the strengths you never knew you had.
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Transcript
Introduction: Transforming Burdens into Strengths
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome to Don't Trip On Your Cape, the podcast where Leslie, the founder of Reliant Living and Leadership, and her amazing co-host Alex from Much Love, dive into the very things that weigh us down, only to reveal those burdens are actually our greatest strengths.
00:00:14
Speaker
Together, they help listeners recognize that what feels heavy is often just your own unique superpower in disguise. So grab your cape, and let's explore how to wear with without stumbling.
00:00:27
Speaker
And welcome to our first episode of Don't Trip On Your Cape. I'm Leslie. And I'm Alex. And this today's episode is really just about letting you know who we are and what we're up to and what this podcast is all about.
00:00:40
Speaker
Alex and I have some really great conversations often, and we decided that it would be something that we would love to share with y'all and see if it's something that makes your life a little easier.
00:00:51
Speaker
Yeah, we're super excited to have you.
Pressure vs. Power: Misconceptions and Realities
00:00:53
Speaker
It's funny how easy it is to confuse pressure with power. We hustle, we serve, we hold space for others. And somewhere along the way, we start believing that ease means we're not doing enough.
00:01:05
Speaker
Yeah. I used to even think that rest was something that you earned and it was only something that you could do after everything was done, all your all your topics. But life doesn't stop being hard. And so somewhere along the line, you have to make rest a part of the work.
00:01:23
Speaker
And that's really what this space is for, to remember that you can be strong and soft, driven and grounded. You can wear your cape and still hang it up when you need time to breathe.
00:01:36
Speaker
Yeah, so that's what we're talking about today. What happens when you start tripping on
Personal Histories: Leslie and Alex's Backgrounds
00:01:41
Speaker
your cape? Because we're all superheroes. And sometimes the thing that gets in your way is actually one of your greatest strengths. So we want to talk about that and what happens when you do start to trip on your cape.
00:01:52
Speaker
And one of the best ways that we learn about ourselves and about each other is through stories. So I thought I'd share a little bit about my story. I grew up as a child of divorce. My daddy was an alcoholic and he cheated on my mom.
00:02:05
Speaker
And when he died suddenly at 21, I thought I'd already forgiven him. But grief has a way of showing up and letting you know what's still alive within you.
00:02:16
Speaker
For years, I tried to be everything he wasn't. I was the responsible one. i was the stable one. I was the good one. But under that was a daughter that was still wanting to be chosen.
00:02:29
Speaker
And that's where my cape came from. The belief that I had to hold everything together, but maybe I could hold it for myself too. Yeah. You're trying to save the version of you that you didn't have back then. You're protecting yourself.
00:02:44
Speaker
Exactly. It looked like strength, but really it was just survival. a lot of us do that a lot, for sure. um So yeah, my story's a little different.
00:02:55
Speaker
um I was born and raised in a cult. And from the very beginning, I was told that I was wicked and wrong and other, and that my cape really became this invisible thing that said, I'm going to prove that I'm good enough.
00:03:10
Speaker
And I worked too much, i gave too much, I gave myself away a lot over time. And i always thought that something outside of me would be the thing that would fix me, that would tell me I was worthy, that would tell me I was good enough. But it wasn't. And that was the hardest thing for me. And that was my my biggest thing that I tried to make up for and make into my cape was this lack of worthiness.
00:03:35
Speaker
think that's one of the favorite things about our friendship for me is that how we've both turned our pain into power. We have different stories, but it's that same survival instinct that kicked in that ultimately took us to the next level.
00:03:50
Speaker
Absolutely. had to unlearn a lot of the suffering, but it really made me realize we're not broken. I'm not broken. You're not broken. All of the things that we've been through have made us stronger. And if anything, are what brings us closer together is sharing those things and being able to have other people to share those things with.
Authenticity and Community in a Filtered World
00:04:12
Speaker
and think that's one of the things I hear most often in my business is when people start comparing their full story the edited version that they see on social media or that people share in real time. If we're not willing to share all the parts of our stories, we can feel like we're struggling to be real in community. But what's real about community is what we're willing to share.
00:04:38
Speaker
And that's what makes it lighter. Yeah. And that's really the part that we don't talk about enough. When your identity is built around saving others or showing up in a way that others expect you to, or that you think they expect you to, we forget to save ourselves.
00:04:55
Speaker
We confuse that self-sacrifice with love. And then we end up cheating ourselves out of that self-love. We start calling exhaustion our purpose. So yeah, speaking of stories, like that is how we came up with this podcast and community was I was going through some stuff in my own time. And you might know this already about me, but I have a mushroom company. And so a lot of what I do are mushrooms and journeys and helping myself and others remember a lot about themselves. But my personal story, I did a journey about a year ago. And I have a lot of experiences with journeys and and all this kind of stuff, but I had a new mushroom that I was testing, and i always test my new mushrooms alone, which is very fun for me. But in this case, this new mushroom was very different, and I was not prepared for what was going to happen. So I was um not very far in it and lo and behold I was like, I need help. And so that's where you entered the the situation. And in this journey, a lot of what came up for me was my story, the the foundation of where it had come from, the loneliness I felt, the really triggering feeling of being alone and that I did have a lot to give, but I just felt so lonely. And so when I was talking to you during that time, it started to come up and I was like telling you all of this stuff about how I felt alone, but also how I felt like I had superpowers and a lot to give. And that I said to you, like, I want to hang out with other superheroes. I want everyone to know that they're superheroes.
00:06:36
Speaker
And it was pretty awesome how you kind of guided me through that. But like you said. you can, we can. And that's kind of where the name came from eventually. And this idea of we're all superheroes and we all have a story and we all have these things. But for me, it was the loneliness and not finding my tribe and being able to have that.
00:06:57
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And it was so important to me in that specific journey, having you there and being able to say, well, I'm here and I see you and and having that community as well. But also we've furtherd furthered this analogy over time of we're all superheroes and we all have villains in our life. And sometimes we're the villain in other people's lives. And that's all an important story. But that's kind of how the name came about. And from your end, i've always thought it was really interesting.
00:07:27
Speaker
i wanted to know as far as like how you felt during that time as well and what was going on for you.
The Art of Storytelling in Coaching and Life
00:07:34
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For me, it's a gift. um I've always, you know, my business is coaching and consulting and I, that's why people pay me the big bucks, you know, to, to help them see what they maybe are missing.
00:07:48
Speaker
But on a more personal level, I've always been that person. I have been the one who gets the grocery store cashier to share their deepest, darkest secrets while they're putting my groceries in the bag. And so It did not occur to me certainly in my younger years, that this wasn't something that was happening for everyone. Obviously, it halfway to 100, have figured out that this is a special opportunity. It's an honor when someone is willing to ask for help, to show up messy, right? and and
00:08:22
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acknowledge that there's pain, there's struggles, there's challenges, not only because from a place of love, I want to help them realign, but also because it reminds me that my struggles, my challenges, my messy executions of life are a gift to other people. And I think that's really what excites me so much about ah starting this podcast project is i i really want to build our community of superheroes, to your point. And, and
00:08:57
Speaker
remind people that we all have these special gifts and these things that we have been programmed and conditioned to maybe think or ugly or wrong or need fixing are not parts of us that are broken, but they're the beautiful, unique parts of us that actually help us connect. And I think when we isolate because we're embarrassed or scared or don't like these parts of ourselves.
00:09:25
Speaker
We're not only cheating ourselves out of the opportunity to be in an aligned community, but we're cheating other people out of remembering that that actually is the uniqueness of of each of us, right? We're all human beings. We're all walking around with some similar biological makeup, but what makes us As one of my mentors likes to say, we're each a unique once in a lifetime cosmic event. And if you think about that from a celestial perspective, right, you want to step outside and see the meteor shower, you want to step outside and see the rainbow. and those, those things don't happen, in my opinion, they all happen by accident.
00:10:05
Speaker
But they can also we can also create the opportunity and the access on purpose. And so I hope that inspire as we continue to create these episodes and bring in some really amazing guests to interview, that they will share their stories with our audience and our audience will be able to share their stories with us because that's ultimately, i think what our shared goal in in this, you know, exercises is really being able to connect, and connect with each other, connect with our guests, but also connect with our audience. Yeah.
00:10:41
Speaker
And to your point, like, when where this all came from, i was in the middle of a rainstorm or a meteor, you know, that's a that's a a burn. It is not a beautiful process all the time, but there is beauty in it. You know, there has to be, to have a rainbow, you have to have rain to see that.
00:10:59
Speaker
meteor across the sky it is a burning
Vulnerability as Courage: Path to Growth
00:11:01
Speaker
but it it is a beauty in that and if i had not been vulnerable enough in that emotional storm to connect that was one of the things that really for us started even harder conversations and deeper bonds and different things and so being able to share that vulnerability and find the beauty in it is what our friendship and what we want to bring to the world so i'm very excited about that as well me too and i think so many people feel like vulnerability is a weakness or something that should be kept inside. And what I've learned through my life is that vulnerability is courage and it takes a a boldness to show up vulnerably, but it also takes a courage. And I think i I hope that as our listeners continue to learn more about our stories and the stories of our guests, that they will really begin to integrate that and see that
00:11:57
Speaker
we're all courageous. And even when it's not looking perfect or it's not showing up as as as was expected, but that that also is a gift and we can connect on those those ways. i am I was actually, i support a community inside the women's prison and um had a speaker come in last month and she was talking about how,
00:12:23
Speaker
We have a tendency to see with our eyes and then our brains notice what's different. But when we can see with our hearts, we magnetize what resonates. We we magnetize the this the things that I can relate and relate to with other people.
00:12:42
Speaker
And being able to do that does require some courage, but also what an awesome gift. oh Absolutely. And that's the the place you find all the things that are meant for you, like the vulnerability. And, you know, I've had other hard moments and the people in my life at that time were not the right people to be able but to support me. But I also wasn't in the vulnerable place to allow them in and to be as real possible.
00:13:09
Speaker
that safety, the right people for you will show up in the right ways. And it only can be when you're truly vulnerable. And that community is so important to us to build. And that's why we're doing this is for each other so we can show our stories, but also bring in other people and help other people find their people.
00:13:26
Speaker
Yeah, I think, you know, so, so much of our
Joy, Abundance, and the Right Community
00:13:31
Speaker
opportunity sits behind our challenges. And when we are not willing to share those or show up without the answers to the questions we have.
00:13:45
Speaker
We inadvertently keep ourselves from accessing, right? The act the the answers and the, you know, the the health, joy and abundance that really is or birthright as humans.
00:13:57
Speaker
my My husband likes to call me a spiritual Pollyanna, but I i really do believe that our our our intrinsic birthright as human beings being born into these magnetic meat suits on this floating rock, you know flying through space with 8 billion other people is is being able to connect right with the right people, the aligned community and the right people, the right place and the right time.
00:14:26
Speaker
you know you You mentioned that at different time you had struggles, but it wasn't the right people, even if it had been the right time or the right place. And I think that's a that's a really important thing that we have to to fully understand is, you know, you got to have all three of those things in place in order to really step into your power, in order to really grow and expand into the, you know, the next best version of yourself, whatever that looks like.
00:14:56
Speaker
And especially, you know, coming from the places that we all come from, this time that we live in right now, like, we we've talked a little bit about our stories, but being raised in a cult, being raised in a closed environment, I'm also trans, all of these types of things are not easy stories to tell about yourself, especially when you come from a place where they're not okay or not wrong, you know, you know you're you're made to be wrong. But finding those people and finding that community and those parts of yourself and saying them out loud, they do become your superpowers because all of those things about myself that I really did feel were wrong, especially like you said, at the wrong time with the wrong people or in the wrong places. Now, when everything is right and has clicked into place and it is the right time and I am the right person and I can find my right people,
00:15:46
Speaker
how does it feel different? How does it feel different? It feels like all of those things are Absolutely. My favorite things about myself. I don't want to hide them. i want to shout them from the rooftops and share all of the beauty of all of those things. But when you don't know and you don't love yourself and you don't have other people that can reflect back to you, that beauty, that is such a difficult place to be in. First for yourself, of course, but even others around you cannot really even see you because you you don't know you.
Self-Love and the Power of Personal Narratives
00:16:15
Speaker
So all of these things that we're going to talk about is
00:16:19
Speaker
For me, i cannot wait to see the beauty that comes out and the way that people love themselves even stronger and harder and that we can add more love to this world because, again, we are all superheroes. We all have capes and we all have different missions. And to your point, that first mission is your birthright, joy and happiness and love and abundance exactly as who you are.
00:16:41
Speaker
And loving that is not an easy journey, but man, it is it. It's the whole thing. It is the whole point is loving yourself and then getting all of the things that you have as a result of that. I mean, i am a testament to that for sure.
00:16:56
Speaker
i am something you just said reminded me. i I have a gratitude practice. So I have a little journal that sits by my bed and every night I work or most nights I work really hard to ah crack open that journal and write down a list pen, pen to paper,
00:17:11
Speaker
you know, and it and it's just one sheet, you know, and sometimes that sheet has five things on it. Sometimes I write smaller and that sheet has 10 things on it. Right. Earlier this week, I was, I was, I am my heart, ah Colorado is where my heart calls home. And I just, I fall in love with those mountains every single morning that I am getting in my car and I'm driving down the road and The other morning i was taking one of the kids to school and the sun was right. You know, it's the time of year where the sun's rising as I'm taking to school. And um i was I was driving you know west towards the mountains and the sun was just coming up over the horizon and it was casting these beautiful shadows across the mountains. And so i i got really present in that moment that I am.
00:17:58
Speaker
grateful for the sun. I'm grateful for the light in my life. I'm grateful to know that with certainty, it is going to rise every morning and it is going to set every night. But I'm also grateful for the shadows.
00:18:10
Speaker
right There's beauty in the shadows. And I think a lot of times people get stuck in the darkness, right? they Or they want to ignore it or they want to they want to just focus on the light. And I think the light is a beautiful source of input and inquiry and all of that. But there's also equal gifts that sit in those shadows, the dark spots. And we can't see what we can't see. So i think the value of you know friendships like ours and and an aligned community that's willing to reflect back to you what would serve you, right? They can do it from a place of love, but also call you into the shadows with support and with love and and give you the gift of exploring what's going on in those dark cobwebby corners of your you know psyche or your or your experience. and You know, I think are our stories are just so powerful. Our personal narrative is absolutely a product of our creation. The story we're telling ourselves is the story we're living.
00:19:15
Speaker
But we're also holding the pen. So if we're willing to rewrite the story, we get to be whatever it is that we want to be in our lives. And it's, you know, it's, I tell my clients a lot, you know, rewriting your story is not a magic time machine. It does not go back and erase all of the traumas, all of the bullshit, all of the things that you maybe wish had never happened. But speaking to, to what you shared earlier,
00:19:47
Speaker
there's an opportunity to reorient ourselves to those experiences. you know I've experienced some, certainly some little T traumas, but quite frankly, several big T traumas in my 50 years and learning how to rewrite my story about the experience, like you said, to take the gift and the beauty from the big stinking pile and the, you know, the hurt and the pain,
00:20:14
Speaker
and then move forward with that new edited version of myself that actually feels better. and we're we're We're in charge of how we feel. And I think so often, i know at least for me, i felt hostage to how I felt about the things that went down that I told myself I wish had been different.
00:20:36
Speaker
And I don't really do that so much anymore. Now I i use that as a cue and a clue to what needs editing, what needs rewriting, how do I need to realign to that. And I think that's, you know, when I stopped tripping on my cape and I put my cape on and i and I fluff it out and I, you know, I feel like the superhero that I think each of us are.
00:20:58
Speaker
it As I'm listening to you, I'm thinking about photography because I'm a photographer too. And the first two hours of, you know, after sunrise, last two so hours before sunset, that's golden hour. But it's also the most contrast there is in a lot of ways because of the angle of the sun. And I mean, there's a softness to it. And if you can capture it in a certain way, but there's always shadows. There's always contrast. And that's the same, you know, I hear a lot of people and are I had, a I would not say an argument, but He had a discussion this week. It was someone about saying, they really hope there's a hell. And I was like, but why? and I was like trying to explain from my perspective and the things that I've experienced, especially the bad things, because I have had a hard life, that that contrast is where the beauty is. like Even the hardest things, especially some of the things going on in our life right now,
00:21:49
Speaker
those are the those are the things that make us get to be the superhero. You know, there if there is no kryptonite, even Superman doesn't have a weakness. And for all of us, that contrast is the thing that helps us rise up if there is no one against trans rights. You know, it's not as much of a statement of my life to say i can love myself exactly as I am, and you can too. And that's an opportunity that I get to have, but that contrast is the beauty in so many ways.
00:22:17
Speaker
And even in that pain that we have here, one of the, you know, this bit of saying someone gave me recently that I've kind of been using as a mantra for everything is it's all skinned knees. Like as far as our soul is concerned, that all even big T traumas are are skinned knees to our soul. And they're going to learn from that contrast and beauty and make something amazing out of it. If we can keep that perspective here as far as we're all superheroes and those dark moments are when we get to put on the cape and show what we're made of, especially in a Aligned community and other superheroes around you. Because I say i say that often, we're Avengers assembling up in here. like I'm not doing it alone. But also, you know we will be in the darkness. And like you said, somebody else can bring you out. Someone else can take the kryptonite out of the room for you, whatever it happens to be. Because our you know our weaknesses are not the same either. And so that's what I kept thinking about when you were talking about the sunset and all of these contrasting experiences in our life. They're here for a reason and they're not to make us victims. They're to make us heroes.
00:23:23
Speaker
there' is There is this pursuit of shifting victim to victor, right? And a lot of us are in survival mode, but there's this, there's this next phase that goes from survive to thrive.
00:23:40
Speaker
And I think part of what i really am hoping for is that we, we can help ourselves. We can help each other. We can also help our audience understand that thriving is really where it's at. okay It's not something that we're likely to do alone. And for me, it's not something I want to do alone.
00:24:01
Speaker
No, i'm i'm I'm an only child and I'm really good at doing stuff by myself, right? I can entertain myself all day long. i don't i don't need someone to come entertain me, but it sure is more fun to do life with people who...
00:24:15
Speaker
lift you up and allow you to lift them up. Right. It's, it's kind of like gift giving. know, some people are really great at giving gifts. Some people are not so great at receiving gifts. And um I had a friend a couple of of weeks ago who was talking about that. And she was like, it's just, I feel weird. Right. Like you give me random gifts and I feel weird. And I was like, but I'm a really good gift give giver. Like, and if you can't receive it,
00:24:39
Speaker
then you cheated me out of the opportunity of, you know, flexing that skill I have. Right. And so being, being okay with the, the ebb and the flow, the dynamic, the end the young, like the, the giving and the receiving the, the take and the, and the, you know, the, there's so much that comes in the dynamic of relationship that you just can't do alone.
00:25:05
Speaker
Right. It's the nature of the relationship. And a lot of us do feel lonely in ways that we don't even understand. And maybe this is a great time to talk about the word grok a little bit, as far as he she you know how much it means to me. It's a word I discovered from a book. um It's not even a word in our language. It's supposed to be from a Martian language that isn't real. But the word too means to know something so well that it becomes a part of you and you become a part of it. And the way that I think about it first and foremost is self-love. Because as you know to our point, we cannot you cannot love only the light of yourself either. You have to love the darkness. But when you allow yourself to love yourself that way, then you can also allow allow others to love you that way. And like you said, receiving is a part of that. That loneliness only goes away when you don't just get to give, but you get to get back.
00:25:57
Speaker
And the word grok for me really is incorporating all of that love that you have for yourself, but also being able to know another well enough that you can love them and their shadows. And and in some cases, you know, make up for some of that because we all need that with each other as well.
00:26:15
Speaker
I think part of what you're saying right now kind of reminds me of my own healing journey around my dad's death. You know, I was, my dad was not a great husband. He was certainly not a great partner. He had his own story and you know, those, he was doing the best he could with what he got. I believe that of everyone, right? In every moment we are all doing the best we can with the resources we have available to us in that instant.
00:26:40
Speaker
And that still does not negate the impact of your choices. And for me, 21 is a weird time to lose a parent. you know We kind of expect that at some point in our lives, we're going to outlive our parents, but we don't typically expect that to happen at 21. And um my background's in grief counseling. i so i've supported communities of grieving children and their caregivers. And part of what I've learned in that journey is To really figure out what are the things that you can connect with, you know, when a person's alive and we don't like them, we cut them off, right? We, we we reevaluate the relationships, you know, all that stuff.
00:27:23
Speaker
But when a person dies, a lot of times we feel like the opportunity to realign and reevaluate the relationship dies with them in the physical.
00:27:34
Speaker
And for me, that is so far from true, right? There is an opportunity every day we wake up a day older, there's an opportunity for us to rewrite the story of every relationship we have. And you know looking at my father's choices independent of the story, there could be you know lots of opportunity for judgment and and criticism. Knowing more of his story, especially from childhood and what he what was modeled for him is the you know example of partnership.
00:28:15
Speaker
helped me better understand why his best efforts were still so hurtful. You know, I can, I can remember a very pivotal point. My parents died. I mean, my parents divorced when I was, before I was three and my dad was famous for showing up very late, like not a few minutes, but like,
00:28:37
Speaker
hours and hours late. And I can remember one time um being at the house with my mom, waiting for my dad to come. Cause again, I was a daddy's girl and I was super excited because my dad was like the fun dad. He wasn't the responsible dad. he didn't do all of the things that, you know,
00:28:52
Speaker
As a parent now, I'm like, yeah, that that was not great execution of parenting. But there was always fun things going on. So I i very much look forward to him picking me up and taking me wherever he was going take me and you know do whatever we were to And I can remember a being very young, maybe three or four, and literally sitting in the window, looking out at the driveway, like waiting for him to show up.
00:29:16
Speaker
And it was amazing. hours, which to a small person is like lifetimes, of course. And I i reflect on that experience regularly now, as a especially as a coach and thinking about what are the what are those pivotal moments that are happening, right? The research says the things that happen before the age of seven are where all of our core values show up.
00:29:44
Speaker
And how do we Realign to those core values. i am so passionate about showing up and being there for people. And it's taken me decades to understand how to reorient my core value of connection, right? And and showing up and being available to lift people up in a way that didn't feel re-traumatizing over and over again. You know, someone's late for me and all of a sudden I'm that three-year-old waiting in the window again, like WTF. Right.
00:30:20
Speaker
But I'm um also grown-ass adult, right? Like I'm 50 and I can make the choice to give the other person grace or be curious or give them the benefit of the doubt and assume best efforts and not let that really, quite frankly, traumatizing experience that could seem like nothing to someone, but for me, it was really, really impactful.
00:30:46
Speaker
How do i leverage that experience to show up as the best version of myself this time? And I think that's just another example of, you know, my my value of connection and showing up is important, but I can trip on that or i can launch from it. And the the Grok is what gave you your power back. Grok of your own stuff, Grok of him, the the full integration of both of your light and dark. And then you get to take that as a new superpower forward.
00:31:17
Speaker
And also probably notice it when other people are affected by those type of things as well. it's i I find that our own superpowers tend to help us figure out other people's superpowers or other people's sensitivities as well, because we've experienced those things. And like we're saying, that superpower you have about connection and community came from trauma. Mm-hmm.
00:31:39
Speaker
I'm tripping on the Cape and now you're here and you know you use that same thing to fly. That's why Grok is so valuable as an exercise and as a as just a way of being for me is once you understand you know to your point my my family growing up in a cult and everything my family my parents were very young I have a lot of trauma we'll talk about at different times but I have nothing but love and compassion for them because I know their story. And I probably have more grace for them than they do for themselves, being able to look at it with Grok, with the true understanding that I can love them no matter what. is a gift that I gave first to myself because I am not tripping over their capes either, their own stuff. And then that makes me put my cape on a little straighter and you know fly a little higher because they're not holding me back either. and that That story that we learn about, especially from someone that's hurt us, can offer so much of that healing and and new superpowers.
00:32:43
Speaker
Yeah, and and I think it's not permission to, you know, bypass the impact. Someone with a really great intention can still create a really hurtful impact, right? Intention does not negate impact.
00:33:01
Speaker
But on the receiving end, how do we reorient to that impact in a way that shifts it from pain to power? And I think that's really the gift of...
00:33:13
Speaker
the exercise of empowerment, right? Empowerment is kind of a buzzword these days. But for me, it really means integrating the part of the experience that does tickle my power,
Integrating Experiences: Pain to Power
00:33:25
Speaker
right? And it does show me how be.
00:33:30
Speaker
b right and And it's not to say that I'm always showing up, you know, in my most empowered state and the best version of myself. But I can't not know what I what I already know, which OK, when this happens, how do I want to reorient to it when I do stumble and trip?
00:33:52
Speaker
It doesn't mean I have to stay down. Well, and even in my case, as far as, you know, specifically my parents, they're not in my life anymore. And that doesn't mean, you know, I don't love them. It just means I love myself in a way that I am creating an aligned community. And it could still be seen in a lot of ways, like, you know, why don't they love me? Or why don't they want me? Or any of those things. But to me, that is never about my story anymore. And I can rearrange, you know, being far as what it what I want to orient towards. But as you said, like being able to realign to those things and being able to figure out what their stuff is and what my stuff is, it's not always the perfect conclusion of what you might think it's going to be, but it ends up being a different way of orientation. And in a lot of ways, it's stronger and better. And I do not think I would have said that when I first left or, you know, especially i did feel very rejected by my family initially, but I don't now. i I only feel, like I said, love and compassion for them. But more importantly, I feel grateful. I feel so grateful for what I do have in my life and the space that not having them in my life has made for other things.
00:35:05
Speaker
And probably for them as well, they get to have their own different things. And so it doesn't always look like what we think either, which I think is a different orientation and another benefit to having a aligned community and other superheroes on your side. Because they will give you that that, fill those gaps and help you understand that the story that you write is yours. It may not look like you like what you think, but it's going to be beautiful.
00:35:30
Speaker
It is. And, you know, you and I talk about discernment a lot and being, being very mindful and purposeful on what you say yes to and what you say no to. And, you know, like you said, saying no to forcing a relationship that wasn't aligned and supportive created space to be in relationship with people who are aligned and are supportive. And I think that can be a really hard
00:36:00
Speaker
part of the story to rewrite sometime is we're very, sometimes we're we're really conditioned to be pleasing and be accommodating, or a lot of us are. and we inadvertently fill the space of our lives, right? The gift of every 24 hours we get to move through the earth. We inadvertently fill it with things that aren't, you know, filling our proverbial cup, so to speak. And it's out of obligation and it's truly out of conditioning. I think that's, you know, as i get to be older,
00:36:36
Speaker
I really understand the impact of those initial stories that we started telling about ourselves and how do we shift that in a way that doesn't feel heavy and burdensome. And it it does take courage and it does take vulnerability and it does take support, support from yourself, hopefully support from others.
00:37:00
Speaker
But if we can't be supported you know I think that's what what's the catalyst for tripping a lot in life. And supported by the universe. And that's like a big idea that I know we both really, you know, align on. But it's such a hard thing to initially understand that even when you're maybe physically alone, you're actually supported by the whole universe. And i was talking with one of our friends on One Day Mythica, and I was telling her about how I felt really alone, especially when I left the cult and I was homeless. and And I was like, man, I was just alone for so many years. And I was just kind of talking and explaining this. And she goes, hold on. And she's like, I'll tell them when i'll tell them when they stop talking. and And I look behind me. and she was like, I'm talking to your spirit guides. They want me to remind you that you've never been alone.
00:37:51
Speaker
And you never will be alone. And like even if we can't specifically feel like those spirit guides, there is always other people looking out for this. But more than that, like I have found that if you ask a question, the universe will rise up to meet you. in every possible way. But you also have to not settle and you have to align. And like you you say discernment, I always tease, I'm like, am I being picky? Am I being elitist? like And you're always like discerning, discerning, which I love. But it is a heart conditioning that I have as far as even being discerning. I sometimes feel like I owe people or other things, but the universe will rise up to give you what you need.
00:38:28
Speaker
But you have to be the one to say, not this, that, this is what actually feels right. And the universe, is such a big concept and it's a hard trust to know that you are the universe and it is you, but it will will meet you exactly where you are and give you one step at a time to the next best version of yourself when you believe and want to do that.
00:38:51
Speaker
i think it's also important to know that it's happening all the time, right? You ask the question and then you feel like you've missed the answer. ask again, right? again, and again.
00:39:03
Speaker
and again It's there for you, but if we feel like we've missed it, it's because we haven't created the space for the answer in our lives, in our minds, you know in our circumstances.
00:39:16
Speaker
But that doesn't mean it's missed forever. it means it wasn't, it wasn't you know I like to talk about the divine timing of all things, even the crap that happens, right? That's divine. i have a i have a client who's very active in the AA and you know he's he's been a He's been a sponsor. He's obviously, he participates. And we were talking one day in a coaching session and he was like, you know, I asked myself when these, he was really struggling with some significant challenges. And he was like, I ask myself often, what is the good?
00:39:47
Speaker
What is the gift? And what is the God in this thing? Right. And if God's not your word, insert universe, spirit, whatever, whatever word that you attach to the higher power that is,
00:39:59
Speaker
animating this meat suit, right? It's not all electricity and magnetism. There's something else going on. And when he said that to me, it it really struck me.
00:40:09
Speaker
What a beautiful reframe to look at the challenge and and find like on purpose with intention, look for what is the good in this thing? What can I actually take away from this unpleasant circumstance, right? to To find the good in.
00:40:30
Speaker
What is the gift? What is the thing that I'm actually going to wrap up and be excited to open? future self, right? And what is the divine lesson that can come from this? What what part of this experience that feels so shitty is actually serving my highest good?
00:40:48
Speaker
And maybe it is something that's actually happened, or maybe it's the invitation to be in the inquiry. For me, that's often where the divine sits is the invitation to be in the inquiry, right? To take responsibility,
00:41:03
Speaker
for whatever part I played in this breakdown, i say regularly, i've got I've got three kids and we live in three-gen household with my mother. So I say regularly, no breakdown between any two people is any one person's fault.
00:41:18
Speaker
And that's not to absolve them of whatever they've done, right? To themselves, to the to to you, to the relationship dynamic. But it is an invitation to really look at, well, how did I create the space for this experience and not from a place of fault or blame, but simply from a place of power, taking responsibility for that.
00:41:39
Speaker
Absolutely. And the universe is gonna meet you. all my one of my favorite quotes from conversations with God is, is I'm not gonna it's a long quote, but essentially it's, ask me anything and I will use everything available to me and everything is available to me to answer it. And so when you have those inquiries, It says it will answer you in all ways. It can be a whisper in the wind and the next song you hear, the next relationship, the next
The Universe's Response and Personal Alignment
00:42:05
Speaker
conversation. All of these ways are to be able to have the inquiry of yourself, your relationship with the universe and the divine and that timing. And it's all grok. It's all beautiful. It's all love and meant for our highest good.
00:42:21
Speaker
So, yeah, I love that. I think that's one of our real superpowers, all of us, not just you and me, but all of us, not really necessarily needing to fly above the pain, but to walk through it with grace.
00:42:36
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:42:39
Speaker
I think the hardest part of healing is really realizing that the story doesn't end when you forgive someone. Yeah. and And letting it know that that part of the story, that chapter of the story is about finally forgiving yourself for how long you carried it.
00:42:59
Speaker
oof Yeah, that's a big one because we do often, you know, why did I stay? Why did I let myself? Why did I, why, why? But in the end, it's that inquiry back into there was a lesson you needed to learn and in all of the ways. And it,
00:43:15
Speaker
it It often is very confronting. You know, when you look at that lesson, you're like, oh, it was me. I think I called you a couple weeks ago and I was like, there's a relationship I have going on. And I'm like, I'm the problem. It was just that there's a misalignment and it was just taking responsibility that I feel off in this thing. And that is my responsibility to take responsibility of. But it is very confronting in the moment to go,
00:43:39
Speaker
whoa, this feels weird, there's a thing going on in my life, whatever happens to me, and that wasn't a big thing, but, you know, there can be a situation where you're the one that has to reorient, and that is, in the end, a gift, inevitably, but when it's a thorn in your side and you gotta pull it out, that's not always a good feeling in the moment. It's like my my shots I give myself, not fun, results are good.
00:44:03
Speaker
And it can be hard and it can be painful and it can still be an invitation, right? A doorway to walk through. and maybe we need to walk through it with someone. Maybe we need to walk through it ugly crying. Maybe we need to walk through it rage screaming. Like what, however we need to show up is perfect also, but absolutely to your point, it doesn't always feel good.
00:44:28
Speaker
And i think sometimes we We use that it doesn't feel good as a cue to not do it versus an invitation get to the other side of it. you know they so They say that what is it that that will that which we resist persists. And you know to to our conversation earlier, the universe is giving you repeated opportunities to learn these lessons. And then I think one of the you know burdensome privileges of of this human condition is we still have free will. We still have choice. And if we choose not to learn the lesson this time, please bet on the fact that you will be given another opportunity to learn the lesson. It'll bigger next time too. i ah I've shared a little bit of my you know daddy issues, my my parent wounds.
00:45:18
Speaker
Younger me dated dated lots of fellas who represented you know the same qualities that I saw in my dad. And I, for for a very long time, especially as a teenager, i was like, why does this keep happening? With no clarity about what space I was creating for that invitation to learn the lesson or not.
00:45:44
Speaker
And then your superpowers kicked in and you're like, I got this now. And to your point earlier about, you know, you had to cry through some of that stuff. You know, you had to raid. The Incredible Hulk, his whole power is Hulk smash. Like, that's not always fun. Like, you gotta be angry sometimes. Like, he has to get angry to turn into the Hulk. And it was a, you know, a whole journey for his, between regular him and Hulk smash him. And that is also a superpower is knowing when to rage and knowing when to
00:46:14
Speaker
one of my favorite saying is, anger is the part of you that loves you and knows you deserve better. And often when I find anger coming up in myself, that is what it is. Or if it's someone else deserves better sometimes as well. But it serves you and you need to just, all of your emotions tell you something for you. And so, yeah, as you said, your superpowers are going to be there, but sometimes you're going to use them while you're smashing things. Yeah, anger is is sadness is bodyguard. And i I had such a crush on David Banner. I used to like rush home to be able to watch the Hulk after school. And I think, you know, as you bring it up, I'm thinking, but he was always coming from a place of love.
00:46:53
Speaker
He won like it was. his It was his broken heart that hulked out. But the source of the anger and the rage and all of that was well-intentioned, right? it was It was love showing up in that, you know, rage moment. Sometimes, sometimes I, you know, we're all love all the time, and but we don't always feel love all the time. And we don't always feel like we're loving or being loved all the time, but it's still true. And, and being able to remind yourself, right. Reorient, get back on track, realign.
00:47:29
Speaker
It's just the nature of the journey as being a human being. We're, I don't think it's meant to be rainbows and butterflies and, and all flat terrain. That shit sounds terribly boring and really. That's not the hero's journey. Right? No, there's, there's the arc and we, you know, we, I, I, I love a good hero's journey, whether it's our, our superhero's journey or you know, the tarot cards and the journey of the fool or you know, whatever lens of, of storytelling works for you certainly do more of it, but yeah,
00:48:01
Speaker
Embrace that dynamic part and and know that when you trip is is an invitation to straighten the cape, you know, to launch off and go move forward in that empowered version of yourself.
00:48:15
Speaker
Absolutely. We all have been put on this planet for our own arc, our own journey, our own hero. And
Personal Arcs: Heroes and Villains
00:48:24
Speaker
sometimes, like I said, we are also going to be the villain in our and other people's stories. And that is part of it too. And there's a different saying that's like, you got haters, good. That means you stood up for something in your life at some point. And that's the truth of it as well. Somebody is going to be against you if you stand for absolutely anything. And so that's a part of what we're all here for is our journey.
00:48:47
Speaker
Good, bad, contrast, dark light, all of it. And it's in the end all going to be beautiful. it just doesn't feel like it sometimes. Absolutely. But your friends can remind you. I mean, you remind me all the time.
00:49:02
Speaker
So here's a question for everyone who's listening. What cape are you tripping on? What story keeps telling you that you have to earn what's already yours? And Alex and I would absolutely love to hear from you. So reach out to us on you know all the platforms, whichever one you're listening on. you know Our contact information is always available to you, but we want to hear your story too. We're going to be bringing other people too. Yeah. And what would it look like
00:49:35
Speaker
if you set it down for even just a breath to see who you are without it, right? We we walk around sometimes hiding. And I think the coolest part of being in relationship with a community is seeing and being seen.
00:49:55
Speaker
Clark Kent and Superman. You want to be known as, that's the true Grec is the people closest to you know all of you. But sometimes we only show up as one or the other. that Yeah.
00:50:08
Speaker
Healing isn't really about being someone new, right? You are divinely perfect right now in this moment. And it's remembering who you were, Alex, what is it that you say? Remember? Remember who you were before the world told you who to be.
00:50:21
Speaker
Yeah. I think that's one of my favorite things you say. we it's the thing that we get told the most is who we're supposed to be and and what we're supposed to do. And we just forget. And so i always say, remember you forgot. Speaking of which, you want to talk about a couple of questions we might ask people as we come along and little teaser and then kind of wrap it up? Sure. I think... um maybe rather than the actual questions, knowing that part of what we want to do is be in deep inquiry with each other, with our guests, with our audience. And so know that, you know, this, this introduction episode is just a little peek into who we are and what we're here and what we're all about. But what we want to do, one of the things that, you know, one of my favorite things about our friendship is
00:51:11
Speaker
We go deep and we go deep fast. And I think the value of that depth of inquiry is that that's where the real opportunities to connect in our own depths is, is when we go deep with others.
00:51:26
Speaker
Absolutely. And a lot of where our superpowers lie is in our depths, because you can't just find them always at the surface. It's, you know, going through those difficult times and cultivating them. And that depth is where you find the best parts of you often. And your trauma didn't happen alone.
00:51:48
Speaker
so your healing doesn't have to either. Absolutely. We're here for it. So if something in this episode landed for you, we'd love to hear from you and tell us what cape you're ready to stop tripping on.
00:52:01
Speaker
And if today brought up emotions, brought up feelings, brought up memories, give yourself grace, right? Healing happens in layers, not leaps.
00:52:13
Speaker
Next week, we're going to do a deep dive into story. And Alex is going to share even more of of their amazing story and part of part of the journey. Until then, keep breathing, keep being, and remember, you don't have to wear the cape to be powerful because you already are.
00:52:31
Speaker
We love you.
00:52:36
Speaker
Thanks for joining Alex and Leslie on Don't Trip On Your Cape. I really appreciate you being here and walking this path with If today's episode sparks something in you, if it helps you rock something new about yourself or your journey, show your support by subscribing to the channel, liking episode, and leaving a comment share your thoughts or takeaways.
00:52:51
Speaker
Your voice helps to grow this community of brave, curious humans learning to wither kitchen confidence. Until next time, fly high, stay curious, and don't you point your cape. Step into your superpower.