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Building Your Mom Community & Celebrating Girlhood💅
131 Plays7 months ago
Summer with kids means splash pads, popsicles, and… “I’m bored” five minutes later. And while your days might be full, motherhood can still feel surprisingly lonely. In this episode, we’re talking about what it really takes to build your mom community, how to go from small talk at storytime to real connection, how to host without overthinking it, and how to find your people in this season of life.
Plus, we’re keeping the magic of girlhood alive, with themed nights, hot mom walks, Target runs, and the little things that make life fun again.
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Transcript
Introduction to Park Moms Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi, welcome to the Park Moms podcast where your host Haley and Becca. This is a place where we laugh and chat about the chaotic bliss of raising young kids. Emphasis on the chaotic bliss. So whether you're about to take a hot mom walk or start a load of laundry, let's get to yapping. Let's get to it. We're drinking these drinks from Zupa's, not sponsored, but Zupa's if you ever want to sponsor us. They're pretty good. Yeah, they're good. They came out with like summer healthier drinks.
00:00:25
Speaker
And has ginger right? It has It has other good stuff in it. I don't know. It's good though. It's hitting the spot. We'll let you know if we're healthier after this. There is like something about
Summer Lifestyle and Challenges
00:00:35
Speaker
summer that does kind of drive your health and wellness vibes, right?
00:00:39
Speaker
yeah Well, I feel like it's easier to eat healthier in the summer. Yeah. Except i have been downing the popsicles. Not that popsicles aren't healthy. That was so toxic of me. But like when I'm eating 10 in one day, I feel like it's maybe not the healthiest.
00:00:52
Speaker
Popsicles, snow cones. I do think you have like the treats in that way, but maybe it's just not the comfort food. like You feel more like grilling or like salads. and It's easier to eat healthier. is. There's more fresh food. Yeah, completely agree.
00:01:04
Speaker
So how's how's your summer going, speaking of summer? It is. is still so crazy. Okay, do you feel... i saw an Instagram and all this and I completely agree. It's like after I went to the splash pad with my kids, took them to the pool, took them to a friend's house, took them out to lunch, then came home, had pop schools, and did a fun activity, and and then they'll tell me that they're bored or this was the worst day ever. Yeah.
00:01:26
Speaker
That is how I feel like with my kids. I feel like I am crushing it when it comes to just like getting out for the day, doing activities, getting them with friends, going to the park. Like... We have not eaten lunch at home, I don't think, for a month.
00:01:39
Speaker
Yeah. Because we'll, like, leave in the morning, pack a lunch, like, go get something. And so I'm like, we're doing things. And then 2 p.m. rolls around. They're like this is the worst day ever. I'm like, this?
00:01:50
Speaker
This is the worst day ever? I feel like, too, it's like the overstimulated – or they're overstimulated. And so it's like they want more, and more, and more, but then they're also, like, exhausted. And so then they get, like, tears and they're crying. Yes.
00:02:02
Speaker
I think summer is just nothing's better to explain summer than just like busy, high energy. It's a lot. It's a lot. And then my kids, I think like, oh, by the end of the day, they're going to crash. Right. Like we've been out in the sun all day. Like today, for example, we went to the park. We went to the pool.
00:02:17
Speaker
They hung out in the hot tub in the backyard. They played games in the backyard. I'm like, they'll for sure crash. No, they have been staying up so late. And I'm like, it's seriously like that sound bite. Like go to bed.
00:02:30
Speaker
It's 10am in your stomach. Go to bed. Like that is how it's been. And my two year old Graham, for some reason, actually, I, I know the reason I have been spoiling him for like the past six months and rocking him to sleep. Yeah.
00:02:43
Speaker
Not rocking him, but just like holding him to sleep because my rocker broke when I was, did ever tell you that? No. When I was postpartum with him, I had a glider that i used with like all my babies. Yeah. And I was like, rocking with him and it just snapped in half. And I was like, oh, well, this thing was well loved. But so I was just sitting with him in a chair and I do that to like let him fall asleep.
00:03:02
Speaker
Now, if I don't do it for at least 20 minutes, he screams his head off. Now it's a whole routine. Now it's a whole routine. And I'm just like, what's it? Like, I don't have the time for this. i don't have the time. i don't have the patience. And he's two now, which I guess that's life update. He turned two.
00:03:17
Speaker
Oh yeah. on happy Happy birthday, Graham. Happy birthday, Graham. If you're listening to the podcast. you're listening, listen in. Do you listen to the podcast with your kids in the car? Sometimes they will hear or hear like sound bites, sound bites off my TikTok.
00:03:27
Speaker
I'm like, Oh, there's Becca. There's Haley. And then Colson always says, I love the pod. my The girls yesterday were in the hot tub pretending to have a podcast. That's cute. was like listening to them and I was like, oh my gosh. Yeah, Coles really wants a YouTube channel. And I'm like, it's funny. We're just building mini content creators. Is that a good thing? Probably not.
00:03:45
Speaker
It's not a bad thing ah necessarily. i mean, we're doing it in a good way. I think we... Okay. Do you want also with the bedtime? My kids are always saying, it's the light outside. i think that's half the reason. I know. It's because the light outside. Your kids are in the basement. I mean, your basement isn't very dark. It's like a pretty light basement.
00:04:01
Speaker
But like you'd think that they would not notice the light as much. Because you have blackout curtains, don't you? can't go to bed. It's light outside. I'm like, ah! Like I could go to bed at any second of the day. It doesn't matter.
00:04:12
Speaker
When we did our this or that, a lot of people said they let their kids stay up late in the summer though. And I'm like, I do get it. Like it's kind of nice. Yeah. But also
Alex Cooper's Podcast Success
00:04:19
Speaker
just like you're going a hundred miles an hour all day. I'm exhausted. Yeah. You need to sleep. There's nothing left in me.
00:04:24
Speaker
Nothing left in you. Okay. Other life update. I'm watching a few like really great shows right now. Did you watch the call her daddy documentary by chance? Loved it. What are your thoughts? Well, you know, just like being in the podcast.
00:04:36
Speaker
Yeah, like us. Just, you know, she's just like us, Alex Cooper. No, I really like her. I like really resonated with the soccer part of it. Yeah. Just like, I thought that was really interesting and just like kind of crazy. But she really...
00:04:53
Speaker
created this career herself and this empire for herself. Like she wasn't a someone, she wasn't a nepo baby. She really didn't know anyone. Like she completely tried and she even failed a few times.
00:05:04
Speaker
Like when she was talking about how she like was struggling to pay rent and all that stuff. I was like, she is a true entrepreneur. Yeah. I was gonna say, I feel like she gave me very strong like business entrepreneur and it's like incredible to hear her like thought process behind everything and everything was a strategic decision. and Yeah, she was very calculated. Yeah, and like someone said, one of the people that was trying to invest in her was saying like when we met her, we thought she was gonna be like, what she seemed like on her podcast, but she wasn't, she was all business, she was so smart, she was super strategic. She said, I was playing a part because I knew that's what people wanted. yeah Not saying it wasn't her, and she like says that, like she's like, but i definitely played that part up. yes
00:05:38
Speaker
Because she knew that's what those was going to get the views. And then I also thought her, like, crux of the podcast was really cool to hear. Like, obviously, the whole beginning was, like, what is she – there's, like, three things. Sex.
00:05:48
Speaker
I can't remember all the things that she said she focuses focused on. But then she's, like, once I started, like, talking about, like, life and, like, being relatable and saying, like, the hard things she was going through, she, like, it opened up a whole new audience for me.
00:05:59
Speaker
And it just, like, is – I don't know, like when you're vulnerable and you're real, like, of course you're going to connecting Well, is, do you think that because, do you think if she would have started that way that she'd have the same fame? Because when you were talking about that, i was thinking my head, like, I almost feel like because she was kind of just like this crazy sex raunchy podcast. Yeah.
00:06:18
Speaker
People, like, that's what immediately, like, got her attention. and Yeah. And then she was able to go in the vulnerable part. vulnerable part I wonder if she just, like, started super vulnerable like that if she would have had the same success.
00:06:31
Speaker
Probably not. I think, I think she knew what she was doing and she was touching a subject that wasn't touched at that time. And the um she even said that it was like the Joe Rogan's. It was like the male dominated podcast at the time. And she was able to rise to the top with them just because she wasn't afraid. You know what I mean? She did something that was unheard of at the time. So I think that's how she got to what she did. But I think the way it's evolved is really cool. And it's almost
Love Island and Its Appeal
00:06:53
Speaker
as she's evolved too. Yeah.
00:06:54
Speaker
So, anyways. No, really... It was a good watch. Yeah. Camden watched it, too, and he thought it was interesting. Yeah. She's pretty amazing. So, that was a cool story. And it's also cool to see, like, her get her confidence. I mean, she always had her confidence.
00:07:05
Speaker
But, you know, she went through the... When she, like, bullied and stuff that. And she's, like, so hot. Yeah. Like, if Alex Cooper... was bullied for being like, not kale not cute, then like you can be anything. You can be anything. You can become And honestly think that was the storyline. Like she could, she knew what she wanted and she became it. Yeah, I love that she manifested it.
00:07:25
Speaker
Also watching Love Island. Yes, I just started it last night. So you're probably, are you caught up? i'm I've watched every night. So yes. How do you invest the time into watching every single night? Because what is it, an hour?
00:07:38
Speaker
It is an hour. um But you... Okay, I've watched Love Island for a while. You know I'm a big Love Island fan. This isn't my first season. Is it yours? No, it's not my first season. But it's like my first... Like, it's probably like the fourth season I've watched. It's my favorite to watch pregnant or postpartum too, because you have so much time that you want to just chill. take.
00:07:57
Speaker
Hot take. Does Sam watch it with you? yeah He like will usually be on his phone, but he, you know, have you seen those tickets where like the guy's watching the background a little bit? They're like playing poker in the background and then they're secret. Like, what did you say? No.
00:08:10
Speaker
But if he misses an episode, like, it's not like he needs to watch it with me. because And if you miss episodes, it's not that big of a deal because you're literally getting it live every night. Yeah. I'm like not prude. Like you wouldn't describe me as like someone who's like prude or like doesn't watch like raunchy things. Would you say it's raunchy?
00:08:26
Speaker
But when I turned on the first episode last night and like it was the girls like washing the cars and like their boobs all out and like just like dancing all seductively with like the little like what are they called over your boobs?
00:08:39
Speaker
A bikini? Not a bikini. It was like less than a bikini. It was like, whatever, pasties. It looked like they were just wearing pasties. yeah And like Camden walked in and I was like kind of embarrassed. I was like, ah! I'm just watching Love Island.
00:08:51
Speaker
Don't look. Like, don't look. Those aren't real. Like, I kind of forgot how like, I feel like the first episode, they like make it like so over-sexualized that I was like, wait, is it always like this? And then like when I watched a couple episodes and i was like, okay, it's really not that sexualized, but like they come out hot.
00:09:08
Speaker
They do. And I will say I've become numb to it probably because I've seen so many seasons yeah that I'm like, okay, wait, I just like expect this now. But I will say, if you aren't watching, catch up. It's amazing. It's great reality TV. It it is.
00:09:22
Speaker
It's just super fun to binge. You start to love the characters and they have quite a variety of like different personalities. And then like, if you, I want to just try out like one season last season. You asked was, um, yeah, they it really was. And they, it was the best season that's ever done. Like it it was the most successful season of love Island.
00:09:39
Speaker
I do feel like the cast on this season though, um kind of matches some of the people from last season. So I'm wondering if they're trying to like make it happen. Yeah, because it was so successful. Okay, I was thinking about this today because I feel like our age demographic of like married young kids like loves Love Island. Obviously young people do too.
00:09:55
Speaker
But I was like, are we so obsessed with this because we're out of this phase? Like none of our friends are really dating anymore. Like we're all married. We're all settled. No one's wondering who hooked up with who. Whereas like, I feel like we did experience that at one point. Yeah.
00:10:07
Speaker
And now we're out of it. And like our lives aren't like who's hooking up with who. It's like who's potty training who. Yeah. It's just like very different. Like is that why we think it's interesting because we're not in that phase of life anymore? Yeah. It's almost just like drama you don't have to be a part of, but you can just watch and enjoy. So it is the crux of summer. Love, Love Island.
00:10:25
Speaker
And it just feels right to be watching Love Island. And the nice thing is it's not so like you don't have to be so paying attention. You can like scroll on your phone. Yeah. Do something else. Fold laundry. In the background. Oh, I have so much laundry Once you...
00:10:35
Speaker
um Watch a little more. We should catch up on some of the cast members and see your faves. Do you watch Bachelor in Paradise? I've seen it before, but i don't I don't keep up with the Bachelor franchise anymore, sadly. Really? Love Island ruined me.
00:10:48
Speaker
but I know. It's so much better. the Yeah, the editing is better. It's just more interesting. People are, like, crazier. And, like... ah Good way. I mean, people in The Bachelor are crazy too, but there's only one person to love. I know. like, not everyone's going to be in love with this guy, but they act like they are. Well, I think Bachelor and Paradise is coming back this year because I think they didn't do it for a few years. Oh yeah. That's the one where there's multiple people. Yeah. So it's like kind of like a Love Island vibe, but they're in Mexico.
00:11:13
Speaker
Yeah, I also feel like it's somewhat more wholesome, which is like part of the reason why Love Island's great is it's like so crazy. No, like anything goes. Yeah. It's like literally crazy. I also love why I'm really talking Love Island. The UK version is the best. Like I swear, and even Australia, like I swear I'm getting educated on like their lingo. Like pull you for a chat.
00:11:32
Speaker
Can I pull for a chat? I don't know if that came from, don't know if came from the UK, probably. Probably. like say. We don't say that in the US. Can I pull you for a chat? Yeah. Did you see, a TikTok of a wife, like, ask for your husband. She's like, can I pull you for a chat? And he's like, what? She's like, can I pull you for a chat? And he's like, what? do you say What is wrong with you? Have you seen the one, Mommy?
00:11:51
Speaker
Mamacita? Yeah. Oh, I've definitely seen that. Yes. Oh my gosh. I haven't caught up to that episode yet. So I'm like, it's interesting knowing that soundbite without watching it Okay, I love that part of Nick and Hood. That has been the best part of the season.
00:12:05
Speaker
Anyways, if you have seen it, you know we're talking about. Wait, what episode is it in? We should actually make a TikTok with it and be like, Mamacita. She goes, okay, I actually know the audio. dollar I'm a mom.
00:12:17
Speaker
A mom? Yeah, I'm a mommy. Mamacita? No, i'm um I'm a mother. or so It's like, I have a daughter. Yeah, I have a daughter. Or I'm a mom. I'm mom. I'm a mother. And she goes, to a dog?
00:12:28
Speaker
No, I have a daughter. okay. I don't know. It's funny.
Building Mom Communities
00:12:33
Speaker
good one Maybe you had to be there. It's just like so quotable. It's so quotable. Okay. So going into our episode, one thing, I actually think I heard this recently on a podcast and they were saying like, it's really hard as a mom to build your community. And I was thinking, like, that is true, especially as like a new mom or you're moving to a new location. Like we need the village, we need the community, but like, how do you do And like how do you maintain those friendships and things like that? So we asked our audience, we had some good ride-ins and that's what we're gonna talk about yeah i want to I wanna validate that this is like not, if you are feeling like you're having a hard time building your mom community, making mom friends, like you are not alone in this. I feel like I know so many people who have a hard time like creating their village. And like you said, like we're pretty fortunate that we,
00:13:16
Speaker
we're kind of friends with our friend group prior to being mothers. Prior to being mothers. And I feel like it's like, you know, someone who then like you meet another person, but I just want to validate that this is so hard, especially if you're a working mom.
00:13:28
Speaker
Yeah. Because usually the people you're working with, I'll just say usually, aren't also moms or they're not in your same state. And so like... yeah But I will say this is so hard, but it's also the most important thing, I think, when being a mom is finding your mom friends. Yeah. And I know we'll talk about this more, but it is nerve wracking to put yourself out there. And I think even the most confident person feels that way. Yeah.
00:13:52
Speaker
And just know that everyone is like when you go the gym and you're being self-conscious about how you look or the x exercise you're doing, trust me, everyone's so focused on themselves. No one's looking at you. And that's the same situation. Like people are just trying to feel comfortable. with They're worried about their own kids. And so as nerve wracking it is to put yourself out there, like everyone feels similarly, even though they may seem like they are so confident. It's like everyone's a little nervous put themselves out there. agree. but Okay. We had some really good write-ins. Thank you for so much for writing in because you guys wrote some really good stuff.
00:14:21
Speaker
So should we start with tips from the community? Like from our, that we got, or should we start with our own tips? Yeah, let's start with our tips from the community. Okay. The question was, what's one tip you would give a new mom trying to make some new mom friends? Yeah, i love this.
00:14:36
Speaker
Okay. Be confident and secure in your friendships. Be the initiator, plan things. This is so important. I feel like It's so easy to be like, well, no one invites me to anything like throw the party throw the girls night DM that girl That you like know lives in your neighborhood or like go drop off something at your neighbor's house I will say too There's been so many situations in my life where I've either like lived next to someone or like lived close to someone and I just was like, oh, there's like no one in the neighborhood that's my age or there's no one that like I jive with. And then I find out a year later, I'm like, wait, we're actually so compatible. Like didn't I just put myself out there? Yes.
00:15:16
Speaker
Like I almost said, like, oh no, there's just no one. Or I'll like tell myself and I'm like, wait, then I'll be at the park in my neighborhood. I'm like, you live here? Yeah. What? I like told myself that no one lives here. So I completely agree.
00:15:26
Speaker
And it can be super simple, like meet at the park. And like the nice thing is like your kids are like a good barrier. And it is actually kind of nicer because they're getting to the age where like they're going to school, they're making friends. And so they're kind of a connection for us with other moms.
00:15:37
Speaker
But like they're a good barrier. You can talk about them. They can play. You can go kind of around and chase them if you like need a little break of chatting. But make it really simple, like meet at a park, go on a walk, little things like that. Yeah.
00:15:48
Speaker
Yeah. This was a good one. It's actually kind of almost the opposite of what just was said, but don't get butthurt if you're not invited to everything. Yeah, I think this is so true, and it's hard. It's hard. It's hard, for sure. Like, it's hard to be like, wait, like, those are my friends, but...
00:16:03
Speaker
Also, I promise, like, there's been so many situations even in our own friend groups where it's like, we'll do things without one of us or do things without someone. And it's like, sometimes you'll just be someone, you'll be at the gym and you'll be like, hey, we're going to the park.
00:16:15
Speaker
It's not like you're to get invited. week did something without which I was working, so it's not like needed to invite me. But I had FOMO. And of course you're going to get FOMO. Yes. But think, like... I just think you have to always have the mindset. They're not intentionally not inviting you. It's just like. Totally. hack or Circumstance, I guess. Yeah. And like, don't be afraid to like invite yourself to like. Totally be like, Hey, but I saw you guys do that. I want to come next time. Yes. I'd love to come.
00:16:37
Speaker
I saw you guys that were at that splash pad. I love that splash pad. Can I come next time? Yeah. Like I've done that before. Yeah. Actually to Carly, was like, I saw that you've been going hiking. That's so fun. I'd love to come. and it's like, put yourself out there. It's fine. Totally. Yeah. No, it really. And like, if someone doesn't want to be your friend after you put yourself out there, that's on them. That's not on you. Yeah. And like most people and most moms, especially this goes back to like, don't be sad if you weren't invited somewhere.
00:17:02
Speaker
Think about it as mom. You are literally thinking of so many different things when you're trying to like get out the door, to get to that park play date or do something like you're not intentionally thinking like, oh, I don't want to hang out with this person. yeah You're like thinking of your own kid. So when someone doesn't invite you, maybe just like realize too, like they have so much going on. Yeah. And that doesn't mean they don't like you. That doesn't mean that they don't want to hang out with you. It's just like different circumstantial things. And just be that person that invites.
00:17:28
Speaker
Yeah. Someone else, was going say someone else wrote in too, um, i extend the invite. And I thought that was like really great advice too. Like when you are the person like throwing it out there, like be inclusive. Totally. One of our friends, Savannah Gallagher, she put together like a little mom group chat and she just like does something every week and everyone's like, welcome to come. She just posts on Instagram and said, DM me if you want to be a part of it. Cute. Did you DM her?
00:17:50
Speaker
I don't think so. I never saw this. I'm like, I'm like talking, talking about not being um left out. I'm like, Oh, I don't think you're in the but probably cause you didn't DM cause like you had to DM her on Instagram and it's just like, I'm about DM her right now. How long ago was this?
00:18:05
Speaker
It was like a month. I think there's been like three weeks where they've done something but she'll randomly just say like meet at like Drag Creek Park or something. There's like tons moms in like 30 or 40. I'm like, it's so great. Like, and then you all get to like meet each other and it's like, I will send the invite. Once you meet one mom friend, it like kind of is like a compound effect yeah to like meeting so many mom friends. So if you're moving to a new place,
00:18:27
Speaker
Maybe there's someone on your street where you're not going to be best friends with them, but maybe they're going to introduce you to your best friend. So like, don't be closed off to maybe, I think it's really easy to be like Oh, we don't have the same interests or we don't parent the same. Or like, we're just like, not, I don't know.
00:18:40
Speaker
Like we kind of do that. We kind of feel out like, yeah, if you're to be friends with someone, And I feel like the biggest thing I've learned is like not to judge a friendship before you give it a chance. Yeah. Be open minded. Everyone's not going to be your best friend. Some people are just going to be friends and that's fine. yeah But maybe they'll introduce you to your best friend.
00:18:57
Speaker
Exactly. Okay. This was a couple of suggestions of things to do, like plan a cookbook club. Um, what's cookbook club if people don't know. Well, we used to do it, and then we got too busy.
00:19:08
Speaker
But it is actually really cute idea. It's such a cute idea. Should we bring it back? We just all got too busy. Maybe one day. You're like, not right now. Cookbook club is you basically like follow a cookbook, right?
00:19:20
Speaker
choose cookbook. You choose a cookbook for that month, and then everyone makes something from the cookbook. You get together and have a dinner. Yep. And it's so fun. It's like pretty low-key, and then you take turns rotating. Actually, I loved cookbook club, but it was also my worst nightmare.
00:19:33
Speaker
You don't like cooking? Because hate cooking. I always would choose to bake. Yeah. There was one time where I was postpartum with Blair, my second, and like we were trying to do cookbook club and I was struggling. I like wasn't living at home. I was living with my parents while we were remodeling a house. And so like I had to drive really far and I was like trying to make my food. I didn't I was not making it right.
00:19:52
Speaker
And our friend Maddie, this is a few years ago. I remember I wonder if she remembers this. She like jumped in and just like made my food for me basically. And I was so grateful. I actually kind of remember that. Yeah, that's so sweet. And I think like that's actually, it's good advice. Like when you're with a group and you're meeting new people, like jump in and help, like be helpful, like insert, like not insert yourself in a negative connotation more, just like, you know, like see what you can do. Like hold other people that bring a baby, that bring a newborn, like all those things make big You know what it's like to feel that way. So like, okay, host a girl's night.
00:20:21
Speaker
yeahp Yes. Yes. I feel like there's like, I'll see someone do a fun girls night and I'm like, that's such a cute idea. I wish I was invited. What's like, ah say if someone's doing a wreath making girls night and you're like, oh, that's really fun. I want to make a wreath.
00:20:33
Speaker
Hosting it. Yeah. Like I know it's more work maybe, but then it's like so fun. Cause like, I think one of the coolest thing is watching your best friends become friends yeah when they didn't know each other before. It's so fun. It's so fun.
00:20:46
Speaker
Bunko is another good one. I hate Bunko. Oh, Oh, I actually love Hot take. I hate Bunko. I want to be invited. Hold on. Disclaimer. I want to be invited to Bunko because I think it's such a fun way to like have a girls' night. Meet the neighbors. actual playing of Bunko.
00:21:01
Speaker
i The numbers. The rolling the dice. Also, have you ever been to a Bunko night where every single mom has the cutest nails, cutest little designs? They're like clacking the the little dice. Last time I went to Bunko.
00:21:13
Speaker
Last time went to Bunko, there was the most fun girls, really cute girls, but they all had... The nails. Yes. know what i'm talking about. Yes. Like, the cute nails where every nail is, like, intricately designed. I show up there with my grubby, unpainted hands, and I'm, like, embarrassed to grab the dice because I'm, like, literally trying to claw it.
00:21:31
Speaker
But, no, don't you think – how do you talk and play bunco? Well – People would be like, so, like, where are from? And I'm like, hold on, four – I'm counting. you but There's also, like, kind of little breaks when people are counting their numbers, and that's where and kind of chat. Or, like, we always kicked it off with a little appetizers, bunco. Okay.
00:21:47
Speaker
It's just like an easy, like and everyone come up with something else that like we can get together, but like not be counting numbers. But you know, uncle I don't like numbers. yeah Okay. Don't play Bunko unless you're me No people. and This is definitely a hot take. Like people love Bunko.
00:22:03
Speaker
I feel like it's, it's great for all ages. Like I feel like when I was in it previously, I had like, it was in my neighborhood and we had like a variety of people. yeah And i think I think it's an easy way to like group people and switch groups and get to meet everybody but and count.
00:22:18
Speaker
Yeah, that's true. But like I also, the first time I got invited to Bunko, was like, oh my gosh, are we, are we there? Are we there yet? Like I thought like only 60 year old women played Bunko. But no, in Utah Bunko is, it's a thing. Okay. So I'm really stuck on this Bunko.
00:22:35
Speaker
No more bunco. Okay. So other piece of advice, send the invite you'd want to receive, which we already said. um Keep trying. Not every mom is your person, and that's totally normal. Yeah. And you're not going to know that until you try. Yeah. Just put yourself out there. what's the worst going to happen? You're going to go to a park, and maybe, like, you're not going to get along, or you're not going to be besties right away. Like, that's okay.
00:22:53
Speaker
You got out. You got some vitamin D. Your kids went to the park. Like... No big deal. Okay. Other tips. Say yes. Show up. Go beyond how old is your baby. Like, try to get a little bit deep and not like in an intrusive way, but just like, how's like motherhood been for you? How is this going? Like,
00:23:12
Speaker
i think How are you adjusting? or Ask people about themselves. Yes. It's an easy way to keep the conversations going. That's biggest tip when I'm nervous, when I'm meeting someone new for the first time, i try to ask someone a question that I would want to be asked. Yeah.
00:23:27
Speaker
Because then it kind of like takes the... People love to be like thought of. Yeah. And that's the thing, too. If you're making a new friend... and you like hung out with them once and you remember something that they liked or something that they said, like, it's so nice to do like a little follow-up of like, oh, hey, I heard you had a doctor's appointment or you, I knew you had a doctor's appointment coming up or I knew that you had this trip coming up. Like, how was it?
00:23:49
Speaker
That is such a great way to make a friendship. It's like remembering those things. I also put in the thing after date texts. Oh, yeah. That was so fun. I'm bad at that. I do think it goes a long way though. Like it was so great to meet you and like sharing a compliment. Like your kids are so darling. Like yeah we've talked about this about the podcast before, but like love their kids too. Like as a mom and you're very self-conscious about yourself, but you're also self-conscious about your kids and their kids behavior and like showing that you like love the person and then the person's kids too. It
Modeling Social Skills for Kids
00:24:19
Speaker
just goes i really long way.
00:24:21
Speaker
Um, look for the mom sitting alone. i love this. Why does that make me want to cry? It's true, though. Like, it's so easy just to go what you're comfortable with. And yeah, it's better to be. I just thought of this, too. I think when you're I'm thinking of a situation like you're at the park with your kids. I think when they see you talk to a mom that you don't know or make a new friend, it's actually such a good example. And our kids are getting to the ages where they notice that.
00:24:44
Speaker
And I've noticed that, like, you know me, I'm pretty chatty. Like I will literally tell someone at the park my entire life story. And so like, it's not, I don't want to like be conceited in this way, but it's not super hard for me to open up or like make friends. Cause yeah feel like I, that's like one of the things that I'm good at is just like connecting with people.
00:25:03
Speaker
And I'm noticing my oldest, Elsie, like kind of the same way. yeah And I'm like, she could inherently be that way, but she wasn't really like that before. Like she would get really nervous or like get really shy.
00:25:15
Speaker
But lately she'll just like go up and be like, hey, I love your shirt. What's your name? Oh, that is so cute. Not saying that it's all from me, but I'm like, I wonder if she let me do it and be confident doing it, if that did help her feel the confidence to do it. Yes. So it's such a good example when you just like, I don't know, make a mom friend because then they feel the confidence to make their own friends. Yeah. I completely i hope that didn't sound conceited. Like I'm so good at making friends. I just like, I love people.
00:25:39
Speaker
No, you are. You are so good at making friends and like you do love connecting with people and getting to know them. And that's not in a conceited way. It's more to secure interested in people and in their lives. Yeah. And I love me cute that your daughter is like following the same thing. And like, She's like a social butterfly too in that way. Have you ever the situation though when your kid makes a friend at the park and then they're like, can they come over?
00:25:56
Speaker
And you're like, I don't know where this kid came from. i don't know where the parents are. i don't know where she lives. Like, i I don't know anything about her. Side note, my oldest just made a friend and they're kitty cornered to the backyard. Do what's funny is we've lived here almost eight years. They've lived here 15 years. We've never really interacted with this family.
00:26:15
Speaker
And now of a sudden, every day, Colston's climbing the tree, Henry, Henry, yelling at him. And like, he's like, can he come over? He did end up coming over.
00:26:26
Speaker
I'm like, He just puts himself He's like, mom, I need see my best friend today. I'm like, cute honestly, no one's a better example than kids of just like putting themselves out there. Wait, hold on. I do have to tell a quick story. Side note. Speaking of just like kids have like, they just make friends with anyone. Yes. But when we were in Nashville, when we were in Nashville on our girls trip, my husband texted me and he was like, there's this random girl at our house. I don't know where she came from.
00:26:48
Speaker
And i was like, what? Like, what are you talking about? He's like, yeah I came downstairs. And to preface this, our neighborhood, I know some people have neighborhoods that, like, kids are just running in and out houses. Like, our neighborhood, my specific, like, street is not that way at all. Yeah.
00:27:03
Speaker
At all. Like, we've never, there's no block parties. No one's out hanging in the front yard with their kids. Like, it's kind of a more, like, it's an older neighborhood. And so there's not a ton of kids. Yeah. So this is very random.
00:27:14
Speaker
So he's like, I came downstairs and she was just like at our house. Yes. And i was like, what do you mean? Like she was at our house and he could not figure out where she came from. Where did you come from? He was like, where do you live? Like, what's your name? And he was like, I don't want to be creepy, but I was also, and I was like, she's also at your house.
00:27:31
Speaker
I've never seen, he was like, I've never seen her before. So finally he like takes all the kids outside and he's like trying to figure out where this little girl came from come to find out she lives like two streets over but he was like we need to go home like ah your parents need you to know where you are and she's like no and he's like no like we like we need to go like we need to go find out where you live and then she found this he found this little boy outside was like are you looking for your sister and he was like no and he was like well is this your sister and she's he's like yeah he's like take her with you yeah he's like um like can you take her and he was like no
00:28:03
Speaker
And they were like, it was such an awkward... How old was she? Come to find out. She's four? Okay, so she's young. Yeah, very young. But she lives on our street around the corner. her or her grandparents do. And her grandparents are from Thailand.
00:28:17
Speaker
and Don't speak any English. So she came back over when I was home and like said, can I play with your girls? And I said, yeah, definitely. We're going to go play in the backyard. Can you take me to your house so I can ask your parents or grandparents and yeah introduce myself? Because was like...
00:28:31
Speaker
This girl, I don't know. want to make sure that they're okay with it. Yes. And then I was like, I had the thought, i was like is this how like it used to be before we came? Oh, for sure. Like kids just like ran around everywhere. A hundred percent. You had no idea. I yeah met the grandma. We're doing the Google translate thing. I'm trying to be like, can she play in the splash pad in her backyard? And she's like, where do you live? I'm like trying to draw her a map. I'm like, here's my phone number, like trying to give it to her. But there's definitely a language barrier.
00:28:54
Speaker
That's exactly what happened when Coulson's friend came over and then the dad, like he wanted to come in and like see the house. I'm like, I get it. yeah you want to make sure they're going somewhere safe and comfortable, but it is just kind of awkward. Well, and was like, do I have my guard? The grandma was like, yeah, she's fine.
00:29:09
Speaker
I was like, I'm safe. What if I wasn't safe? Oh my gosh. I don't know. It just like caught me what it say it just like caught me so off guard because I've only ever had playdates with like parents, kids with parents I know. Yeah.
Finding and Maintaining Friendships
00:29:22
Speaker
And I was like, okay, like where she was at my house for five hours. I do feel like we're entering that phase though of like our kids are old enough that they're just going to make friends with random people and beg for them to come over. So like, it's going to be like, we're going to be meeting those random parents. We're going be the ones walking people's house be is this safe? Yeah. Like, okay, so do you have a gun safe? Do you have, yeah like, what are your precautions when it comes to, i know. Which like, i I will say, I think it's better to like err on the side of caution, but I also don't want to be the parent that's like,
00:29:49
Speaker
Crazy. Yeah, I agree. I think we'll get better. We'll get more tips as we get better this. If anyone has tips on that. Okay, I did think of a question while you were chat talking. If you were like trying to meet a new mom, from it doesn't have to be like with her kids, like what would be the places you would go to like try to meet someone?
00:30:03
Speaker
So not with kids? Yeah. Or with kids. So I think the park's a great option. the park's a great option because it's like your kids will start playing and you can be like, oh, how old is she? Yes. So easy. It's a sporting event. Like if your kid's on a sports team. Sports team, great way.
00:30:19
Speaker
Especially if you move to new place, sign up for the sports team because you have similar interests because you have kids the same age. Yeah. Church, community. um We do like community barbecues in our neighborhood. Oh, cute.
00:30:30
Speaker
It's kind of nerve-wracking to go with those. It is nerve-wracking, but then, like, and you what? Sometimes you go, and you're didn't meet anyone. Yeah. And sometimes you go, and you're like, wait, love that person. Yeah. um The gym, honestly, the gym we I was just going to say. I've met so many people. Literally was texting Carly Day. I'm like, I'm sad you don't hear, like, car I feel like Carly. I see her the most at the gym, it's, like, the best, because I'm like, yeah um we we kind of live far from each other. Our kids aren't the exact same. me Especially if it's a gym like ours, where it's, like,
00:30:53
Speaker
Women, mostly. Yeah. And mostly moms. It's so easy. And you can just sit and chat and, like, become friends. And then our kids are in the childcare together, so they become friends, too. Yeah. So, like, yeah, join a gym. Sign up for sports.
00:31:05
Speaker
Go to the community things. Yeah. Facebook pages. Yeah. You may to a new place. I know there's a lot of good Facebook pages of people that are connecting. Like, you never know. may seem, like, cheesy. um Mel Robbins talks about this in her book, but, like, she basically calls it the great divide.
00:31:20
Speaker
She says, like, from... elementary school, it's just so interesting from like elementary school to college, you guys are all doing the same thing. yeah So you automatically have friends who are in the same phase of your life because you're in school with them, you're in college with them, you're on sports teams with them. And then you graduate college and there's kind of this great divide, this great scattering, I think is what she calls it.
00:31:38
Speaker
And it's so true. yeah Like I feel like there's a lot of young adults and even moms who just feel like where did my community go? Where did my friends go? And like it's, and Mel talks about this in her book.
00:31:51
Speaker
that you have to put in the effort. Like you can't just, you you're not going to have easy friends like you used to growing up. Yeah. You really have to put in more effort and that's uncomfortable and it seems like so much work when you're a mom and you're so stressed. Yeah.
00:32:06
Speaker
But also like even social media, I feel like I've like met friends that who like live near me that like maybe we haven't like, okay, for example, there's this girl that we follow each other on TikTok. And then one time we saw each other at a coffee shop and I was like, oh my gosh, this is so fun. Like we both recognized each other and we're like, we needed to hang out. This is so fun. Like, so social media can definitely be a tool as well. Yeah. And I think like sometimes if you aren't like ready to like make the first like texting, like just follow each other on Instagram. And then if you see each other, it's an easy way to like, oh, hi.
00:32:34
Speaker
Yeah. And don't be, I don't think it's weird to like, hey, I follow you on Instagram. Like, I love your stuff. You've have done that to me before. And I'm like, okay cool like fun and it is a little nerve-wracking to put yourself out there I do think there is that like divide yeah but it's also like once you start to build that community you also feel you just start to have like that confidence again and like it's easy to feel alone in motherhood and also like if you put yourself out there if you send that dm if you send that text if you extend that invite like what's the worst that's going to happen if someone's like oh she's so weird she invited me to the park that's weird of them. Yeah. That's on them. Like they have something else going on in their life that they're just like, can't do a new friendship and that's okay.
00:33:11
Speaker
Yep. Exactly. Okay. Um, so the next question, well, this is actually someone asked us, they're like, I'm going to like an event, like a community event or a mom meetup alone. Like how do I start like conversation starters? Yeah. Like just advice or for that.
00:33:25
Speaker
If we actually kind of already talked about some of these, but Start with vulnerability instead of small talk. Say something like, oh, my toddler did this this morning. Does your kid ever say random stuff like that? Like try to...
00:33:36
Speaker
If you're vulnerable, people feel more comfortable with you. i do this a little too much. Like I'm a little self-deprecating, but I've noticed when I am a little self-deprecating, yeah moms feel like, okay, like she's a safe place. i know she's not going to judge yeah me. Like she's just a mom, just like me doing her best.
00:33:53
Speaker
Exactly. And like the non-judgment zone is like where people feel like they can really be themselves. I feel like that's when you really connect as moms. Yeah. Um, offer a compliment. We talked about that. yeah Follow each other on Instagram. Oh yeah. We talked about this. sit Send the after date text. Love chatting today. It is kind of funny. It's not actually obviously a date, but it's like kind of is. Yeah. You're just like gar dating. Yeah. You're just meeting each other and seeing if you connect and your, um, your kids connect. And I think like, uh, it goes a long way just to like, let them talk about themselves, compliment them, like love their kids and like, and like,
00:34:25
Speaker
Be cool. Or ask advice. oh yeah, that's That's just something i thought of, too. Like, if I see a mom at the park who, like, is handling something really well or, like, has a cool, I don't know, like, sippy cup that I haven't seen, I'd be like, that's so cool. Like, that was, or, like, a toy that the kids are loving. I'm like, that's really cool. Can you tell me more about that? Or, like.
00:34:43
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know. Even if you see ah mom handling like her kids really well, you can even be like, you just seem like such an awesome mom. Like what? Like ask for advice. Yeah. Like what keeps you calm?
00:34:55
Speaker
Someone wrote in and said to like something that moms do for me is they tell me that I'm appreciated and I, and like that and show me that I'm like seen. Yeah. And like, again, I compliment, like you're such a good mom. I can tell her like they're amazing because of X, Y, and Z. Like we all need those little confidence. because if We're all so hard on ourselves. And we're thinking it too.
00:35:13
Speaker
Like, if you're thinking a compliment, say it. Yeah. Just say it. Exactly. Because you know that could completely make that mom's day. Being a mom is such a thankless job, so I think we have to tell each other all the time, like, you're doing a really good job.
00:35:24
Speaker
Exactly. You're doing a really good job. Thank you. It's hard. You mean me? Little old me? um Wait minute. That just made me think of that song, Taylor Swift. Which one? Who's a friend?
00:35:37
Speaker
Well, you should be.
00:35:40
Speaker
Definitely keeping that in. already told you. She said we can't sing on the podcast. She said we're bad singers. Keep this clip in. Her mom said we can't sing on the podcast. We're bad singers. We are bad singers. My mom's our biggest fan, though. She listens to every single podcast. I'm just teasing, but I will continue to sing. no It's just like part of my life. yeah Yeah.
00:35:58
Speaker
Never stop singing. Never stop singing. Okay, the last
Celebrating Community and Girlhood
00:36:01
Speaker
question. We've actually kind of covered this a little bit, but what brought this up is um actually a couple weeks ago now, you guys did a really cute girls' night for my birthday, and it was so fun. we like, sat outside and ate. The food was amazing.
00:36:15
Speaker
um They did this darling, like, 4th of July craft, and then... This is my favorite tradition to do for other people. So it's really sweet. And they did it for me. They like went around and said, everyone's like said their favorite memory or thing about me. And I love doing that for other people it's too. Did you feel so awkward?
00:36:30
Speaker
No, I honestly love it. Okay, good. And I love complimenting people too. Like that's something I really, really enjoy is like finding something that I just really enjoy about the person I try to be. I panicked when it was my turn. Did you notice?
00:36:42
Speaker
Yeah. What was hilarious is Nicolette doing a whole saga for me? Oh, who loves Becca the most? In my head, I was like, well, I love her the most. I don't even need to say it. But it came to me, and I'm like, everyone knows we're like podcast hosts together stuff, but I was like, I have to say something so good, and my mind went blank. Blank?
00:36:59
Speaker
I was literally like, uh, uh, like, I have so much. And it's like the classic, like, I have so much to say. just, I don't Can't say it all. Then I was like, she makes me feel young, which that is something you do. Do you remember that?
00:37:13
Speaker
That is something you do. like You make me feel young. Oh, thank you. just because you like keep things really fun and spirited, and obviously it's deeper than that, but mine was like so like, she makes me feel young. Yeah. was like... It's okay. Honestly, I felt the love, and I honestly feel like we I get the love from you every day, but it is...
00:37:29
Speaker
I think we talked about complimenting each other and I think like giving someone a true, genuine compliment showing that they're seen is just so flattering. Yeah, goes long But my point with that is I started just thinking about like girlhood and how special it is to be women and to be mothers, whether you're mother or not, like together and like...
00:37:45
Speaker
Do the cute craft night. Yeah. Celebrate like how amazing... Do the cringy things. Do the cringy things. The cringy things are fun. Party in your PJs. the the Some of the ideas were theme nights, thrifting for the fun of it, hot mom walks, no pressure crafts, girls night that felt like middle school in the best way. Like, moms are just Prankles.
00:38:05
Speaker
Moms are just girls. We are just girls at the end of the day, and we want... to make necklaces and we want to listen to music and eat sweet treats and laugh and talk about boys and talk about sex and talk about all those things. Like moms are girls.
00:38:18
Speaker
Okay. And I think when you act like a girl, again, it's like kind of connecting to like, yeah I'm getting deep, but like your inner child. And I think as moms, like, we're taking care of everyone around us. But when we do like the girly, crafty, fun things, you just feel like a girl again. And I think that's so important.
00:38:35
Speaker
And I think it makes you a better mom. Yep. And that's really the moral of the story of this episode. Like celebrate girlhood, get your community and be forever a park mom. Be forever park mom. Okay. Bye guys. Bye.