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built in besties
130 Plays3 months ago
In this episode of Built-In Besties, we’re celebrating the joy (and chaos) of raising our favorite little humans — the ones who come built in. From Halloween costumes that haven’t come off all month to late-afternoon kitchen dance parties, we’re talking about the magic of doing life with your kids, not just for them. We dive into the real stuff too — pregnancy emotions, mom guilt, why it suddenly feels easier (and why that makes us want another baby), and learning to listen when our kids talk. Plus, a little Taylor Swift, Olivia Dean, comfort creators, and cozy house ideas — because moms deserve comfort too.
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Transcript
Introduction to Park Moms Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi, welcome to the Park Moms podcast where your host Haley and Becca. This is a place where we laugh and chat about the chaotic bliss of raising young kids. So whether you're about to take a hot mom walk or start a little laundry, let's get to yapping. Let's get to it.
Seasonal Changes and Candy Debates
00:00:12
Speaker
It feels like we haven't recorded forever. Well, we did skip a week, which was on me. Yes, we had a skip last feels like a long time. It does. Feels like a new season. I think a lot has changed this month as well. Like it's almost ah it's almost the end of October. It's getting darker earlier. Yep. Which makes it like when you said record at seven, I was like, it's still going to be the afternoon. But then it's already dark at seven.
00:00:36
Speaker
It's pitch dark right now. It's pitch dark. I did make a pit stop on the way here though. Where? Because you have to try something. Oh my gosh. Are you ready? Is this a surprise? is a surprise. already opened to them. What?
00:00:48
Speaker
What? Okay, so these are the specific candy corns that I like. And I just need you to give them a chance.
Friendship and Support Dynamics
00:00:57
Speaker
For context, a year ago, Hayley and debated around if candy corns are good or not. And I said they're not.
00:01:05
Speaker
but These are not the normal candy corn. They're the mellow cream pumpkin candies. Okay, what does mellow cream mean? I think that's, I think mellow cream is its own genre. Anyways, they're already open. I need you to try it.
00:01:18
Speaker
Do I just do one at time? literally went to the grocery store on the way here just to get that. What's funny is actually looked at your location and you were almost here and then you're like, I'm five minutes away, like five minutes after that. like, oh, maybe she had to stop some more.
00:01:30
Speaker
I also thought you were going to Swig. I love that we follow each other and find my friends because I never, it's actually really nice. I never check your location in like a creepy stock you way in stalker way. like Don't just say that to flatter me.
00:01:42
Speaker
I mean, I wouldn't eat... It's marshmallow. I probably wouldn't eat, like, multiple of these in a row, but it's not bad. mean, I don't hate it. They're, like, kind of addicting. They kind of melt in your mouth. Let's see if I go back for another one throughout the podcast. We'll see. Anyways... What were you saying about following each other's location?
00:01:57
Speaker
Um, like today, when you were being the angel that you were... I texted Becca SOS and I said, can you pick up and my five-year-old from school? oh And she did. And it just, so nice. Well, I was checking your location to see like, if you were going to your house or if you were going, anyways, just like actual logistical things. Yes. But I will say too, it's so nice having a friend that you can text no judgment.
00:02:22
Speaker
Like I knew that you wouldn't be bothered and I knew that you would say no if you couldn't do it. Yeah. That I was just like, hey, pulling an audible, like, can you help me out? I also feel like I know if you ask me, you need it.
00:02:33
Speaker
And so like, I'm 99% likely going to say yes because I'm like, okay, I know that I can help her in this way. I'm like, that is like the best friendship where you can really like, I think, where was I? I was out of time. Like Haley, like 10 minutes before pick up. Can you go pick up one
Child Safety and Technology
00:02:46
Speaker
of my kids? yeah and so i saw that It's so nice to have that. And um back to the find my friends.
00:02:52
Speaker
I don't check find my friends, but I know people that do like social media. And my dad is one of those people. see everyone is. Oh. Yeah. So like if I'm in the hospital, he'll be like, what's wrong? What are you doing? What's happening? Yeah, he'll know. Oh, my dad regularly. Did you have you ever heard the story of high school of find my friends?
00:03:08
Speaker
No, is that was high school? but Okay. sp like Find my friends was very, very new. And I was a senior in high school and my dad had downloaded it on my phone without telling me. Oh, and what he would do is he so like he would show up.
00:03:25
Speaker
at random parties, he would show up in random parking lots, he would show up on random beaches that don't even have like a walk down access, that like you have to literally like go down to the beach and then go way to the right and there's a bluff. you know like Random places he would just show up and he always told me that it was like his dad intuition ah or like the spirit was telling him where I was.
00:03:48
Speaker
was freaking fine, my friends. that And no one knew what it was. like It really was like such a new app at the time. Because think about it, this was 2012. When did you find out that he was actually using Find My Friends?
00:03:58
Speaker
He like had hit it in one of my apps on my phone or like in one of my folders. I don't remember when I found out, but I was like, I really thought truly he just had like superhero powers, but it was Find My Friends.
00:04:10
Speaker
That's funny. Yeah, my dad, whenever my husband will like land in a different state, he'll be like, have fun in San Francisco or have fun in California. That's cute though. It's cute. I'm like, it's, But he like begged my sister's boyfriend.
00:04:21
Speaker
Like he doesn't share friends with or find my friends with anyone, even her. And he like, please, it means so much to me if you'll do it. And then he ended doing it. Isn't that hilarious? Well, also, I'm never anywhere where I'm like shouldn't be.
00:04:32
Speaker
yeah Like I'm not concerned with, my parents still find me on follow me on Find My Friends. Yeah. I have my grandparents on there. i have my friends from college. I have you. oh this brings up an interesting question.
00:04:45
Speaker
um Are you going to air tag your kids? 100%. You are? Like when? like when um Probably when they're old enough to start going to like friend's house when like without me. Okay, because we just moved to a neighborhood where they're just like going to friends houses all the time.
00:04:58
Speaker
They're always in the neighborhood and they're always at the same like three houses, but they'll go from house to house. Yeah. So I'm like, we're always texting in the group text like, therere hey who's like, where's this one? and Where's this one? And so I think I'm gonna but is that like so millennial mom to air tag our kids?
00:05:13
Speaker
I see there no problem. Like you're not giving them a cell phone, right? You're just like, no, no, no. They have literally like bracelets and like necklaces that you can just like, or shoe things that you can put an air tag in. I think that's a great idea. Like just do it when they leave and then you can take it off when they get home. Yeah.
00:05:27
Speaker
Like today Blair got home from school, my four year old, and she just like wanted to go play with friends and she just was like at a friend's house. And luckily I trust these friends like a ton, so it's totally safe, but it is nice to know because they go from house to house and they're all like really close to each other.
Parenting Rules and Reflections
00:05:42
Speaker
Yeah. But.
00:05:43
Speaker
Or if you like need to leave somewhere and you need to get them immediately, you don't have time for people to respond back to your texts. It's like, you know exactly where they are. Okay. My friend Melody, um, She actually has an Instagram called Toy Testing Sisters. Oh, I've seen that. Yeah, she's the best. She is actually the one where my kids my girls were over at her house for like four hours today. Well, actually, Blair was there. And then I sent Elsie to go get her for dinner.
00:06:04
Speaker
And then Melody was like, i'm just I told Elsie to stay. I'm going to feed them dinner. And it's just like so but nice. It's so nice having neighbors like that. That's literally the reason we moved. But um she has these like necklaces for her daughters and she can buzz it or like ring it so that if they're like at a park somewhere, they know to come back.
00:06:22
Speaker
Like that it's time to leave. Interesting. Can she track with them too? Yeah. Yeah. It's just an air tag. See, that's amazing. yeah I'm like... no I think I'm going to be on the like the no cell phones train, but I think I'll do like an Apple Watch or something like that where they can, it's not social media, but if they need to text me or get a hold of me, I'm fine with that. Luckily, there's so many more options now for that kind of stuff, yeah which is really nice.
00:06:43
Speaker
But is that like so millennial parent of us to air tag our kids? I mean, i do love the idea of knowing where they are at all times. know. So yes, it Our parents would have done it to us too. Yeah, if they could, they did. They did.
00:06:55
Speaker
Your dad did. I didn't get air tagged, but I was full of... It's actually kind of sweet. And if you think about it... Now that I'm a parent, I'm like, yeah, no duh. Like I was 17, living San Diego... living in san diego They, like, I'm sounding like I was living on my own.
00:07:10
Speaker
But, like, I just feel like kids in California grow up a little little earlier. there's just a lot There was a lot of places to go. Exactly. wheres It is funny, though, and this is, I feel like, we'll be kind of coming through when we do the episode, is, like, what you think you would never do when you're a parent, then you all are, like, going to do it because you're actually we did a parent. You get it. We did a whole podcast on that, remember?
00:07:30
Speaker
Once we said we would never do as parents. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think it's, like, even... Like maybe the safety things. I think more like when you have adult children, like not kids children, but like when you're in like high school, for example, you're like, I'm never going to not let my kids like stay out late or like hit a curfew or whatever. biggest one was I was not allowed to have sleepovers growing up.
00:07:51
Speaker
And it was my childhood trauma. Yeah. It was my childhood trauma because at the age that my parents implemented it was the same age that every single birthday party celebration was a sleepover. And I always had to get picked up early. And it sucked.
00:08:03
Speaker
Yeah. Being the kid getting picked up early. really Only done Only one. And now that I have kids, I'm like 100% they aren't having sleepovers. Yeah. It's true. It's like now you're in their shoes. You get it more. I get it. Like there's, why do you need have a sleepover?
00:08:16
Speaker
you know so You're not going to sleep well. And that this is exactly what my dad would say. And I would roll my eyes. You're becoming him. would have like full PowerPoints. Yeah. That was my thing when I was younger. If I wanted something from my parents is I would make a PowerPoint um and present it to them.
00:08:29
Speaker
really scientific about it. Well, here's a few examples of PowerPoints. First one was like letting me wear a bikini. Ooh. Did you get away with it? No. another The latest one, the last one I ever did was why I should be able to stay in the hotel after prom.
00:08:44
Speaker
Oh my. I did a PowerPoint. It didn't work. They're always, at the end too, they would give me hope. They'd be like, you made some really good points. Like you really, you really um like displayed everything really well.
00:08:59
Speaker
But no. That is hilarious. What was your like positive arguments for staying overnight at the hotel after prom? I couldn't tell you. I wish I had that PowerPoint, because I bet you it was pretty convincing.
00:09:11
Speaker
There should be a lot of good reasons for that. Everyone ended up getting kicked out of the hotel for smoking weed anyway, so like it was fine. But I did have to get picked up early. It is funny. i And it's funny when my dad, I had to my dad write some things that like he did he wrote, like, was writing, like, I was really strict, which you kind of hated me for, but I'm like glad I stood by that. And so it's interesting to think. And anyways, we'll get into those. Let's go into life updates real quick, because I feel like we have a lot since we skipped.
00:09:33
Speaker
Okay, mine are very random, but as I think of things that I'm like, people can relate to this, I just write them down. And one of the things that I feel like has been bringing me so much joy lately is returning things.
00:09:44
Speaker
Yes. Do you feel the same way? I feel the same joy ah returning things, but also deleting shopping apps off my phone. i just deleted Amazon today. Because we bought a lot of things when we were moving. yeah And I was just Amazon left and right. Like literally Amazon was coming to our house four times day. Well, you need random stuff. Yes. When you move, you need so much stuff. We were renovating.
00:10:05
Speaker
But I deleted the app today and I was like, everything that I have, I need. I don't need to buy anything. But when I did do my Amazon returns, it was just like money in the bank. It feels so good. Yeah. Although today I did do a Target return and I only got $48 back and then I spent $78. So I'm like, hmm. Shopping math, you still saved money.
00:10:23
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know. But it is funny. I'm like, wow, I don't know why that's like such a nice feeling. It really is. I'm like, I'm so productive. It's the same feeling get as like my only, I love making plans, do you know love even more? Canceling them. Yes, I know. Or another friend that's like, can we just like postpone that? I'm like, yeah, 100%.
00:10:42
Speaker
So true. Okay, I also wanted to give some like Swifty credit. Last episode, I'm like, whatever about the Taylor Swift album. It runs through my head every day now. I think I'm obsessed. That happens every album.
00:10:55
Speaker
That happens every album. I know me too. What's your favorite song now?
00:11:00
Speaker
I can't like think of it right now. I don't know. You put me on the spot, but probably I think I like wishlist the best probably still, but I honestly like all of them. There's like certain lines that stick in my head. I also been listening to Olivia Dean, which I feel like is a Taylor Swift prodigy. prodigy prode proigy Wasn't she like opening for her or something?
00:11:18
Speaker
And so I have all of her. You're combining words prodigy and protege. What's it? Protege. Yeah. Protege. Um, Wasn't she like opening for Taylor Swift or might have been. i don't know. they They feel like they're in the same category me. She puts me in the best mood, Olivia Dean. like I'm obsessed. Making dinner, which I hate, just like listening to Olivia Dean, just like makes me feel...
00:11:39
Speaker
like my shits together somehow. It does and her voice is so soothing. so what that, those are the lines that are going through my head right now. So I can't think Taylor Swift, but did you ever listen to the pop apologist episode where they went line by line, song by song and explained things? No. Cause that will make you love it even more because I feel like that was the turning point for me as they like explained the lore behind some of the lines in the songs. And I was like, no, I love it. Cause now when I hear it, I feel like I'm like in on this little secret with just like Taylor and I and the rest of the world. Yeah, everything's a story. And then I think that's how you become a Swifty, is like you really get engaged in her life. What's your favorite song?
00:12:11
Speaker
I like Eldest Daughter, just because like... What's like a line of Eldest Daughter? I don't know why I could not think of any the songs. First Lamb to the Slaughter. we We all dressed up but as witches. is as witches and we i just I like how she'll say something so plainly, but the way she sings it, like at first
Body Image and Celebrity Comparisons
00:12:31
Speaker
I'm like, that's cheesy. And then i I listen to it again, and I'm like, that's not cheesy, that's poetry. like That is...
00:12:37
Speaker
iconic. It's true. And I also think like there's dope me hits like in her songs. Like yeah I'm like, that's why they get stuck in your head. The way they're done is like addicting. No, it is addicting. So what you're saying is you love the album. them Yeah. I love it now. I've really come, come along. Okay. Do I have any more life updates? Let's see. Halloween party.
00:12:56
Speaker
Oh, yeah. I just took, ah I took Coulson this last weekend to his little, the school teacher did a performance. Did you hear about that from Elsie? Yes. Okay. So I went and it was so cute. All his little friends came and the moms came and it was honestly super fun.
00:13:11
Speaker
um But it was just so fun to see him and his element with his friends. Yeah. They have a really cute little group of boys too that like love each other and they're going to just grow up together and it's so fun.
00:13:24
Speaker
It is so sweet. And it was also just like fun to see him be like so proud, but also like who I would hope he would be in a way. Like he was like so polite and said, thank you. And then like there was a time during the show where he like came and sat by me instead of hanging with his friends, like was comfortable holding my hand. And I was just like, oh, like payoff moment. It was a major payoff moment. Did you just take him just you and him? Just me and him.
00:13:46
Speaker
That's so fun. Which it was so fun just to do like a date just us two too. And it was just cute. He was so proud of his teacher. He's like, my teacher's so cool, right, Mom? She's so cool. He's like, he's the lead.
00:13:56
Speaker
I'm like, nice. like How was the actual performance? It was fine. It was totally fine. It was like more entertaining than i expected. it yeah it was a symphony orchestra. i don't know that's You guys are brave for taking a bunch of five-year-old boys to a performance like that. Yeah, I thought they would like freak yeah out and be super bored, but they were honestly like super engaged. It was Halloween themed though. Okay, that's fun. So every song was a Halloween song. I keep pushing into my, well my ribs, this baby's, I think it's like kicking me right here. I remember that. Oh, it's so painful. I can't get comfortable, but I'm really trying. Lean back.
00:14:29
Speaker
Lean back. Stretch. Stretch break. You said I'm not getting big, but like it feels very big. It's also just because i'm getting fat too at the same time. Yeah.
00:14:40
Speaker
Yeah. I'm not saying yeah, like yes, you're getting fat, but just like, no yeah, I can relate. Yeah. Yeah, you are. I am. As I'm sitting here eating my candy corn. perfect time to like put on the extra LBs though.
00:14:53
Speaker
Is it? Yeah. I mean, everyone is. October, November, December, January. No, everyone's on Ozempic and looking really good. And you can do that too. I know. Okay. Did Ozempic make you feel sick, by the way?
00:15:04
Speaker
I was on a high-nup dose. I saw this TikTok randomly. It was of Whitney Lovett. And she's like, I have not taken Ozempic. And I'm like, hmm, don't know if that's true or not. But she's also also working out like seven hours a day.
00:15:15
Speaker
Yeah, she looks amazing. Okay, are you watching Dancing with the Stars, but by the way? only seen the first two. It's so good. The Wicked episode is to go what incredible. She's so good. Yeah, well, she was a dancer, which I know everyone's saying that.
00:15:28
Speaker
But like, she's like... better than a dancer good though really she's actually such a star actually her this is this is a hot take taylor swift and whitney levitt are similar in my mind do you want to why they're both show girls they are basically like i bet you they both did theater growing up yeah and they are just great at like becoming a character and putting on a show like that is a talent I can see both of them like being six years old putting on a show for their families.
00:15:56
Speaker
Yes. It's just like in their blood. It's in their blood. and they're They truly are a character, and they embrace that character, and so that's why they're so entertaining to watch. Okay. um What are your major life updates?
00:16:07
Speaker
I guess first... ah I know what I was gonna
Family Expansion Considerations
00:16:11
Speaker
say. Okay, this is my last life update. Why when your family life finally starts to get easier and you're like, okay, I can do this, I got this. As family life, do you mean like your life with your little kids? Yeah.
00:16:22
Speaker
Okay. And then all a sudden like, should I have another baby? Like it is the weirdest thing. It's like, no, it's finally starting to get a little more chill. And then you start to feel this pressure like, should I have another baby? I actually think the reason for that is, or at least how I felt this way is that I was scared I was gonna get so comfortable That I wouldn't have another baby. Yeah.
00:16:42
Speaker
But, and that's what happened. And now. Surprise, bitches. But I that's why. think it's like... Things calm down. You're sleeping through the night and you're like, this is so great. You're like, I can't enjoy it too much or I'm not i'm not going to put myself back in the like throes pregnancy and the newborn phase. don't feel like I'm in the mood at or like in the mode at all to get pregnant, but I also am kind like, wow, like I could see myself all a sudden having a fourth kid, which is like, I was not there a few months ago. No, you you weren't there like a month ago. Like that happened pretty fast.
00:17:13
Speaker
yeah When you see newborns, do you get excited? I don't know if i' excited, but I kind of get like FOMO of like, oh my gosh, I miss that. See, I have my sister-in-law just had a baby.
00:17:24
Speaker
so cute. And one of my best friends just had a baby. So I've been like holding, able to hold newborns and it actually is making me very excited. Is it making you excited or stressed? Both. Yeah. Both. Because like, I see how much work it is that they're doing it.
00:17:38
Speaker
And my sister-in-law, it's her first. And she's like, I just don't know how I'm outing her. She's like, I don't know how to like manage everything. And I'm like sitting there thinking, oh shit. Yeah. Like I forgot. There's so much to like wrap your head around. And then I'm like, I have three other little kids to take care of on top of that.
00:17:53
Speaker
In some ways, it makes it like easier in a way, though, too. Because you're just... like with your You're more confident. You're more confident. Okay, what is fourth child energy? Because there's like first child energy, second child, third Okay, this is why I'm so confused, is I feel like my third has fourth child energy. He is just so chill.
00:18:08
Speaker
like Tonight, were just eating dinner with just him because the girls were out of friends. Yeah. And he's just talking to us, like so polite, just like sitting there, like being so good. And I'm like... I feel like I got lucky with him.
00:18:20
Speaker
You don't get lucky two times in a row. That's what I'm worried about. Like he was always a good sleeper. yeah He's like the most polite, not to brag, but like I can take my two year old boy to HomeGoods.
00:18:32
Speaker
That is like not a very common thing. And I think it's cause he only has sisters. Easy going. He's just so easy going, so p polite. I buckled him in his seat today and he said, thank you mom for buckling me.
00:18:43
Speaker
ah Okay. And I who is this child and where did he come from? No terrible twos for him. So I'm scared. Like you don't get that lucky twice. Yeah. Like what if my fourth child is just like a terror?
00:18:55
Speaker
I don't feel like know and ah enough like people with four childs. I could even give you any data. But it feels like they would. don't have a lot of friends with four kids yet.
Mental Health Awareness in Pregnancy
00:19:03
Speaker
Either be like really easygoing or like a super wild card and like the craziest one you have.
00:19:09
Speaker
I'm like kind of thinking this one's going to be a wild card. I guess there's last child energy, which I feel like last child. There's last child, but I feel like I'm not thinking of little kids when I think of last child energy. I'm thinking of like teenagers.
00:19:19
Speaker
Teenagers and adults. yes, yes. Okay. um How are you feeling, by the way? I mean, obviously. I feel like I've honestly just gotten out of the weirdest depression fog that I've ever been in.
00:19:31
Speaker
Yeah. And it lasted for such a long time. And I've talked about this on podcast when I announced I was pregnant, is that I get prenatal depression. which I wrote down this stat, so scientific of me, but I wanted to shout this out because I didn't realize this. It made me feel a lot better. yeah But 11% or of pregnant women get depression, like prenatal depression.
00:19:53
Speaker
And then third only is it 13% get postpartum. So that and I feel like we focus so much on postpartum depression, which we should, we absolutely should. it needs to be talked about more, needs to be normalized.
00:20:05
Speaker
But I feel like I never hear about prenatal depression and I have so many friends that go through it. Yeah. So it made me feel a lot better, but I was just in this like weird fog where I couldn't get out of it. I feel like I couldn't even formulate a sentence or carry a conversation because i was like my friends would text me or call me and I couldn't even answer the phone.
00:20:23
Speaker
Yeah. Because I just felt like debilitating depression the past two weeks. And I kept trying to do things to reset. Yeah. like you know when you're depressed youre like, hey well, I'm going to clean the house. yes I'm going to go spend time with my spouse. I'm going to do this and then I'll get out of that depression or I'm going to feel better. Like...
00:20:41
Speaker
I won't be as nauseous because sometimes I'm like, oh, I'm nauseous. So I'm depressed because I feel terrible. But it was like two weeks of just feeling like so unmotivated and so depressed. And then I'm feeling weirdly I woke up today and felt better.
00:20:56
Speaker
And then today i looked it up. I looked up the Zofran, I started to Google it, the Zofran, because I've been upping my Zofran for the past like probably three weeks, because my nausea came back, now that I'm in the third trimester.
00:21:10
Speaker
And the first thing that popped up is, does Zofran cause depression? Really? And it does. So it's a common side effect that didn't know. Which like is so interesting because I am someone who struggles with anxiety and depression.
00:21:23
Speaker
So you'd think that like the doctor would be like, hey, just so you know, this is a side effect. Yeah. but I have been taking two Zofran a day. and basically it's like a serotonin blocker. Like need to look this up. Yeah, can see that. Something like that.
00:21:35
Speaker
Where, but I don't know, if you're pregnant right now and you're taking Zofran and you're just feeling a little bit off. Did you stop taking it like I didn't take it today. I just like kind of fought through the nausea a little bit.
00:21:46
Speaker
And you feel like you feel better? And I feel just like more clarity, which is weird. I don't think it can happen that fast. I think I'm just feeling hopeful that like maybe I have a reason. Because I was like, I made it through the first trimester, which is the hardest.
00:22:00
Speaker
When you had it before, did it come in waves? Like how it is now? did come waves, but like the past two weeks were bad. Really? I know, I haven't heard from you in two weeks. Maybe that's why. I shouldn't laugh about it. no No, no, We can laugh about it because it's funny because I'm like the most social friendly person. But when ah this happens, I just like did not feel like myself.
00:22:18
Speaker
I do think too, like.
Navigating Friendships During Motherhood
00:22:21
Speaker
for any moms out there, and this is good advice for you too, is like, you should give yourself grace in those time periods and be okay to say no to things and just like veg and like, um it's like almost worse to get into depressive state, but it's also like, that's maybe what your body needs is like totally shut down cycle. Well, I just kept saying no to things. Even the podcast we were supposed to record last week. Yeah.
00:22:41
Speaker
And I was just like, I'm not in the right like mindset or headspace to do this. And I am proud of myself for saying no to things. You should. There's multiple things. We even had something tonight to go to with the kids. And I'm like, you know what?
00:22:55
Speaker
I don't think that's going to be a good thing for me. So I'm just going to say no. You need to. And you need to protect yourself and your physical, mental health and all of that. And I think, like, also a reminder for people whose friends are pregnant or in any situation, really. But it's, like, have grace for people. Like, don't just assume that, like...
00:23:12
Speaker
Oh, like they don't want to hang out with me or don't take it personally. I will say that too. Like I, I do feel so much guilt when I cancel on a friend or cancel on something. I've had so many amazing friends that like, don't worry about it. Like you were even like, don't worry about it. We'll do an next week.
00:23:26
Speaker
And that has been so nice, just, like, taking the guilt out of it Yeah. Because, yeah, I was just, like, not okay. Something you told me a while ago, i i wasn't having prenatal depression, but I i think I was just, like kind of in a state where I needed to, like, not be social. Yeah. And you said your friends that are your true friends will always be there when you're ready to, like, do.
00:23:48
Speaker
start engaging again and they will never like judge you for not like wanting to hang out or text back or all those things. And was like, it really resonated with me because I never thought about it like that. And it is such a true statement is like protect your peace and you know, your true friends will still be there for you. And they'll understand. And I think as women, we put so much...
00:24:05
Speaker
As women, that sounds so cliche, but we put so much pressure on ourselves to like be good moms, be good friends. And we should, we should do this stuff. But yeah your true friends will understand that like there will be times where you're not as available, especially as a mom.
00:24:19
Speaker
Yeah. And they'll always be there. Yeah. And if like... And I think it's also okay for like adult mom friendships to like ebb and flow. Yeah. Like sometimes you're really close and you're seeing someone all the time. And if you don't see them for a little bit, it's okay. You can just get back together and pick up where you left off. Like you don't need to stress about it. You don't need to take it personally.
00:24:35
Speaker
Yeah. We're just busy. Yeah. I completely agree. Busy and depressed. And depressed. But that's my biggest update is, I don't know, I just felt like a light bulb went off of like, okay,
00:24:47
Speaker
I'm going to stop taking my Zofran and see if that helps. Yeah. But also I just woke up this morning and felt different. And I think I just needed sometimes the only way through like ah hard time or depression, like obviously go get the help you need and talk to people. And I was like texting my mom yeah and obviously telling my husband like, hey, I'm like not doing great. Like I tried to make people aware.
00:25:08
Speaker
But sometimes you just have to get through it. Yeah. And like do your best. Especially when you know there's a chemical reason. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes time is the But it's hard when you're in it. That's another thing that's really resonating with me that you told me years ago. i don't even know if you know this.
00:25:24
Speaker
But like... When I was pregnant, it really sucked and I was super sick. And I would tell people that and they would just give me a bunch of advice. And it was like actually sort of annoying.
00:25:34
Speaker
And then I remember... Have you tried ginger chews? Have you tried this? and it's like, yes, Stacey, I've tried it all. I remember I would text you and you would just be like, oh my gosh, that sucks. And I think like... It does, it's really hard to go through challenging things, but sometimes you just need to like vent and have that validation and that yes, this is hard. It doesn't change anything, but like, at least you can like put it out there in the universe. You're, you've been that for me this pregnancy too. Like you're always like, yeah, it's too much. i'm like, yeah, you're right.
00:25:57
Speaker
It too much. I say that all the time. No, it's the best though. Sometimes I just need to hear like, yeah, it's too much. Yeah. It's too much and you can't do this forever. That's why pregnancy is temporary. It doesn't make it any less hard.
00:26:13
Speaker
No, it doesn't. Yeah. Okay. You asked me last week who, like a new comfort creator. Yes. And I didn't have an answer. I have one. Oh, okay. I'm excited.
00:26:24
Speaker
Her name is April N. Lynch. She's not a big one. But she has four little girls. Kind of like in the same stages of life as our kids. And she's just like...
00:26:35
Speaker
She's kind of similar to Chan with the boys where she kind of takes you through like this is my life looks like parenting for little kids. Yeah. And everything she
Managing Overstimulation and Screen Time
00:26:43
Speaker
does is like fairly helpful but also relatable. Yeah.
00:26:46
Speaker
And not in like a whoa look at me I'm doing such a good job but like here's actual useful things that I do like kind of like help me either a romanticize motherhood or enjoy motherhood or make things easier like run more smoothly.
00:27:00
Speaker
She's also like gotten into the best shape ever after her fourth kid. She like wakes up at 5 a.m. m and works out. And she's not in like an annoying way. Oh no, she just... Inspirational way. She's very inspirational.
00:27:11
Speaker
So right now, check her out if you haven't seen her um Okay, the other thing I did when it comes to social media, deleted TikTok. I saw that in the notes. I'm i'm shocked, actually, because you used it for work.
00:27:23
Speaker
So I used it for work, but we recently have someone who now takes the posts that I do for work and puts them on TikTok for me. Okay, amazing. So I had ah the realization, like, I don't need TikTok right now.
00:27:35
Speaker
What about... Park moms? Because it's logistical. No. Yeah, what about park moms? Why are you posting for us? No, I was going to say, what about like your own personal influencing page on TikTok?
00:27:47
Speaker
I feel like it was never to the point where it was like an influencing page. had like 4,000 followers. It wasn't doing anything for me. Okay, so you weren't like making money from that. No, no. On Instagram though, you do, right? yeah yeah so I haven't deleted Instagram, but I did listen to Alex Cooper's episode about doom scrolling. Yeah? No, haven't listened. It's been like kind of trending.
00:28:06
Speaker
And she basically just talks about how we are filling every free moment with overstimulation. like I could go into the weeds with this, but the biggest takeaway that I had from listening to her podcast is every time we go to do like a mundane task, she was talking about how she couldn't sleep at night because she would lay there and all the thoughts would just race through her head.
00:28:27
Speaker
Does this happen to you? A hundred percent. Yes. I thought that just being type No, but listen, her therapist told her like, well, the reason that happens is because are you taking a moment during the day where you're letting your thoughts just like come into your head and you're absorbing them and then you're like...
00:28:41
Speaker
thinking about them without other things going on, without being in a work meeting, without like, yeah and she was like, no, like if I'm doing a mundane task, like doing the dishes, i don't know if Alex Cooper does her dishes, but like doing a mundane task,
00:28:55
Speaker
folding her clothes, whatever. She's like, I have a podcast on, I have music on, I have a show on, I'm scrolling, I'm brushing my teeth, I'm scrolling on TikTok. And I'm like, that's so true. I do that. Because I think that that's how I think that I'm going to like- Relax. Relax. Basically, your therapist was like, no, you're just putting more stimulation into your brain.
00:29:18
Speaker
So that was my biggest thing. i was like, I'm deleting TikTok. I don't need a doom scroll on TikTok. It was not helping my depression. It was not helping my anxiety. I'm going to try that until the baby comes. That's good. Honestly, I'm proud of you. I think that's a really good thing. And I also feel like...
Building Parent-Child Relationships
00:29:32
Speaker
From an influencing perspective, it seems like a lot of influencers are going more on Instagram now. Yeah, and I think people are just, I used to tell myself, oh, I have to be on TikTok and Instagram because that's where I'm going like, I have to keep up with the trends. I have to have inspiration.
00:29:46
Speaker
But then looking at my posts that people have like made go viral, none of them were trends. They were just things where i was like, here's me styling a random hutch in my house or here's a random idea I had that wasn't based off a trend.
00:30:00
Speaker
And so i was like, I think I'm just telling myself that so I can scroll all the time. Like it was an excuse I was telling myself, but i know good i know I'll get it back. I hope it gives you some mental clarity. And I also think like it's the perfect time of year as well um to just like slow down things. And I like, I always love to like start reading in this time of year and like it gets dark earlier, taking baths. Like those are, was like, I'm kind of excited for this season.
00:30:22
Speaker
And I think if you take social media out of the equation, it's just like more time for you to have like chill, cozy, peaceful. Interesting too because her therapist was basically like, I'm going to give you one challenge and that's to do something without, like just do something in silence.
00:30:37
Speaker
Yeah. So today I did the dishes in silence instead of like putting on my podcast, putting on music and the kids were all doing something. So it was actually quiet. It's like kind of nice just to hear your own thoughts.
00:30:49
Speaker
I was actually literally thinking that at the gym today. i was like, I haven't been to the gym forever and I'm honestly losing like all my muscle and everything. I've kind of just like not been motivated. And I was there and I was just like, I wasn't there with a friend. I wasn't talking anyone. I was just kind of like there with my thoughts. And I'm like, this is kind of nice. I can just like think.
00:31:07
Speaker
Yes. And I was just thinking about random stuff and my brain would wander. And I was like, oh, like and it was very, like I didn't get like the best workout in the world, but I came home feeling like, okay, like I moved my body. I'm like, yeah, I've processed things a little Do guys, don't you have a brick?
00:31:22
Speaker
yeah Would you suggest it? I think it works if you stay consistent about utilizing it. It's almost like vitamins, right? Like, yes, they work, but you have to actually take them every day.
00:31:33
Speaker
I almost bought one last night. Like, are you glad you have one? have you stopped using it? We haven't been using it. We have two, actually. um i think it's... Brick sponsor us. We'll tell you, we'll tell the moms if it's worth it.
00:31:47
Speaker
I think it's worth it. If you use it, I think that's the biggest thing. You have to use it. Like it's just like anything. Like if you buy it and never take it, it's not going to help you. at the beginning you used it. Yeah. We used it at the beginning and i liked it.
00:31:58
Speaker
Okay. You might try it. I think what's nice about it is you have to like, it's like when you're downstairs and you really want a snack or a treat, but you don't want to wi walk upstairs to go get it. So you're just going to stay and keep watching the show.
00:32:09
Speaker
Yeah. And that's what the brick is. You have to literally go upstairs and turn it off. And so it's like not worth it. Yeah. Well, didn't you say too, like if you guys are watching a show, you'll brick your phones? Yes.
00:32:20
Speaker
So we would just do it at night. The little screen and the big screen. Yeah. Which is so smart. Cause even a show would continue over stimulating. Okay. That's a lot of life updates. We haven't seen each other in a while, you guys. So. We had to get into all the things.
00:32:31
Speaker
Okay. So we talked a little bit about our, and on our Instagram, a couple of things. One of the, I guess the idea came behind, like, as I am starting to get older, i just, like, really look at my kids as, like, really close friends.
00:32:46
Speaker
And one of our friends, Maddie Potter, she, was talking to her one night. I'm like, oh, like, what's it like having, think she has an eight-year-old. I'm like, what's it like having an eight-year-old? like, it's so fun because, like, we can sit at the table at night and play Uno and play games. And I was kind of just like,
00:32:58
Speaker
Wow, it's kind of crazy. Your kids get into a phase where they're like, you're a friend. And and like, obviously when they're babies, you're like besties in a way to like, whether it's like wearing matchy outfits or things of that. But it is kind of cool, like how throughout your life, your kids become really close to you and like your best friends. And like, we also talked and asked our followers to give how their parents like made them be like,
00:33:19
Speaker
or not made them fostered that relationship maintain friendships with their kids and like continue to do that and so yeah we're going to share what some people shared we also asked our parents as well so we'll give those tidbits if you're listening hi mom hi dad Hi, guys.
00:33:33
Speaker
Don't say anything inappropriate now because now the parents are listening. Yes, they're listening. Okay. um Anyways, okay, so I just put, like, some of my things down that I do for, like... And for context, our oldest are five. Yeah.
00:33:47
Speaker
So we're, like, kind of just entering that built-in bestie phase of, like... I don't know. you They don't need you for every little thing. They're starting to have their own opinions and thoughts and their personalities are coming through even more. And I feel like this is the point where, like, they really... It's just fun to hang out with them. It's fun with them. Because you're not just, like, taking care of them. Like, you are. Obviously, you're protecting them.
00:34:09
Speaker
But, like, they're becoming more independent, which allows you to have like... just a little more room in the relationship for things like this. Yeah, and the conversations get flowing, they get chatty and it's fun. Okay, um one thing I said is like surprises and I don't mean like necessarily extravagant things, but just like the little things I feel like really help you stay close to your kids. Whether it's like a note in their lunchbox or a tree after ah something you do together or showing up somewhere they're not expecting you to show up, like you pick them up early from school. Those little things just like mean so much. yeah And I think just like making, like, it's like romanticizing your life as an adult, but like doing those fun things for your kids. Totally. um Okay. I wrote down simple one-on-one time things.
00:34:50
Speaker
Just the other day, Colson and I, or sorry, Walker and I were, on my three-year-old were just like cutting out ghosts. Like it was so simple, but he loved it so much. Like, it's just like when you take the time to like actually do something with them and focus on them, it's such a like bonding thing for both of you. And I actually feel like that's when the conversation starts to flow too. And they'll like open up to you and like say funny things. And it's like,
00:35:11
Speaker
People say like that magic 15 minutes of like alone time. I think like doing little, like my husband took the other two kids and me and my son just like did a little date night type thing. And I think that's like really good for fostering that relationship.
00:35:23
Speaker
I love that. um I put matching because I think it's really fun to match. It is fun to match. And then the last thing I wrote is just like listening when they talk to you. Like they, when they're opening up to you and chatting with you in the car, like it's so easy like overstimulate it and be like, okay, silence, don't be talking, you know?
00:35:39
Speaker
But I think like it's rare that they're like actually like wanting to like ask you questions and communicate to you. And it's such a short blip of like time where they yeah aren't putting their headphones in and be like, oh, you're annoying, you know?
00:35:51
Speaker
And we need to remember that because sometimes we get so annoyed. I get so annoyed in the car when they're why this Why that? What's that? what's I'm just like, can you stop? Then they're going to stop asking why yeah sooner than we think.
00:36:03
Speaker
And they're going to stop asking us what we think of the world. yeah And we have such a short time, so like let's try to listen. yeah i don't know. It's easier said than done sometimes, but I do think like if you can...
00:36:14
Speaker
listen to what they're saying and thinking about. It's just honestly really funny. And it's like how you they like bond with you too. Did you see that viral video of that mom? I should have sent it to you. That mom who's talking at her son's we wedding, reading his text to her.
00:36:28
Speaker
Uh-uh. So the texts are like... Are they bad? no, no. no they're No. It's like... The texts are literally like this. We'll have to repost it. But it's like, bruh, can you bring me... um Can you bring me some food? Bruh, I'm this. And so it's like... Oh, yeah. And then it goes into like, bruh, I just hung out with so-and-so. Like, how do you know if you love someone? Like, basically him texting his mom. Like, at first it starts so early of just like, hey, can you bring me food?
00:36:52
Speaker
And then it turns into like, I think I'm in love. And obviously it's a teenage son... telling his mom this. And like, that is so cool that like, he felt comfortable enough to do that. And I wanna have that relationship with my kids.
00:37:06
Speaker
Obviously, like to preface this whole episode, there's a fine line between parenting and being your kid's friend. yeah Cause like, i we all know the moms or the parents that are like too much yeah friends without any boundaries.
00:37:19
Speaker
yeah And I don't think that's healthy either. Actually, I asked chat, of course, like some tips for this. And that was one of the biggest things that our BFF chat said was that like kids actually thrive off of um structure because it builds trust.
00:37:35
Speaker
Yeah. So like, I do think there's a fine line between being bestie with your kid and also reinforce it reinforcing structure. I completely agree. And I think that's like, was a theme with a lot of the things people wrote in as well as like what our parents said.
00:37:50
Speaker
Okay, have you seen the quote that says, like, they don't want to be distracted, they want to be included? No, that's cute, though. Okay, that's... What's my first thought when you said this idea for this episode? Because I feel like I'm constantly wanting to distract my kids so I can get the chores done. Like, here, color this picture so I can do the dishes.
00:38:06
Speaker
Here, go watch the show so I can do the laundry. Okay. And even though it takes, and you've talked about this, you've told me this, even though it takes a million times longer, they're not going to do it right. And it's hard when you're type A like us and you want to control things.
00:38:19
Speaker
Like instead i'd be like, come wash the dishes with me. Yeah. Pull up a stool or um i'm making cookies, like come make them with me. So I keep trying to tell myself that when I want to distract my kids so I can do something on my own.
00:38:32
Speaker
They don't want to be distracted. They want to be included. I love that. That honestly really resonates. And it honestly makes me think of too of like, so many times when we're distracted when we should just like getting involved in what they're doing too it's like those little moments make a big difference and like they honestly can help like that's the thing is like it's good for them to like to learn to learn and like not always be like okay we're cleaning the house now go play it's like no they have to help and get involved and i i love that it's teaching foundational skills like that to me is not spoiling them that's like just ingraining them in the family no i don't think you can spoil a kid by including them No. Late afternoon dance parties in the kitchen. Cute. We actually do this before school.
00:39:09
Speaker
My oldest gets a little bit um just like nervous to go to school. It's full day kindergarten. You can just tell she's like prepping for the day ahead, feeling a lot of emotions. So my husband will always put on ice ice baby in the mornings. Cute. For some reason that just like sets her mood. So just like...
00:39:27
Speaker
I don't know, having fun songs. They don't have to be kid songs. Like they can, obviously, like you want them to be semi-appropriate. But like, I don't know, a song like Ice Ice Baby and we're all just like getting ready. Something like that. Love it. Just like a built-in bestie moment.
00:39:41
Speaker
One-on-one dates, which you talked about. And these don't have to big things. yeah Like um I saw someone say that their dad would just be like, hey, I'm going to the store. Want to come with me? Exactly. This is something my dad did growing up.
00:39:54
Speaker
And my dad traveled for work a lot, but when he was, i it didn't bother me. Like people would be like, was it hard having your dad travel for work all the time? I'm like, no, because when he was home, he was there. yeah And he would do little things to include us, like a little gas station run, and a little this. Exactly. Which is nice. That quality time.
00:40:13
Speaker
Um, movie theaters. I took Elsie for her birthday. Was it wasn't her birthday? Yes. Her birthday last year to see Wicked. Oh, fun. And she like might've been a little young to see Wicked, to honest. She was turning five. Like there's some scary parts in there. Yeah. Like,
00:40:29
Speaker
But it has been this thing that's like connected us that we're always... Now she's like, Mom, more are you excited for Wicked too? Like, it's just been fun. It's been something that like we were both... We both really love. Yeah.
00:40:40
Speaker
And we loved singing the songs together. And I got her like a Wicked book for Christmas. And like, I don't know. Something like that just like connected us. And it's something I genuinely enjoy too. That's exactly... i actually saw you wrote that in the notes. And I was like, oh, that resonates so much. It's like...
00:40:54
Speaker
do things that you love and include them in it too. like yeah Whether it's like going mountain biking with them, that's something I like to do with my son, or even going to a coffee shop and give them a cake pop. like yes Make your experiences that you think are special with them special. When we talk about Chan with the boys all the time, because we love her, but she always says like kids deserve to exist in the world too. Like don't laugh don't just go to the kids museums. Like something I love to do is go thrifting with my kids.
00:41:19
Speaker
because I'm not worried they're gonna break anything, because it's usually like $2. And it's something I genuinely like looking for clothes. They like looking, and it's fun, because now Elsie, my five-year-old, will be like, mom, is this a good find? Like, is this cute?
00:41:31
Speaker
So like, include them in your hobbies. That's so cute. Yeah, I love that. And just like, and show them that you value their opinion. yep i think that's the biggest thing that my parents did.
00:41:43
Speaker
that made me feel like we're still best friends now is they didn't always, they treated me like a kid, but they always respected my opinion and they still do. yeah Like, it's cute. My mom will be like, what do you think about like these curtains for my room? Or what do you think about these jeans? Like just like valuing my opinion and making me feel like she cares what i think.
00:42:04
Speaker
Like always fostered. Yeah. Just like she thinks I'm important. She thinks she values my opinion. Yeah. I love that. um Anyways, I'm jumping around. Farmer's markets. Cute.
00:42:15
Speaker
Fun. Having a yes day. Have you ever done that? I haven't done that yet. Have you? Kind of, because one year, Colson was like, how come you guys have Father and Mother's Day and there's no Kids Day? We need to make a Kids Day. Like, every damn day is about you. We looked it up. It was like June 16th or something. It was Kids Day. So we did it.
00:42:35
Speaker
No way. it basically yes day. yesterday Yeah. That's the cutest thing ever. It's actually really cute. The funny thing too is like you think they're going to come up these like super extreme things where they're like, I want to go to Disneyland or whatever. They're like, I want to go to Chick-fil-A.
00:42:47
Speaker
It was the simplest thing they wanted to do. And they were probably so happy. So happy. We kind of do yes days on their birthdays. Cute. Like we'll be like, hey, what do you want to go do? Where do you want to go to breakfast? Where do you want to do this? What do you want to do now? Like just letting them choose everything. Yeah. Or if it's like a big day for them, letting them choose things. Yeah. They love that.
00:43:05
Speaker
um Okay, so those are a few of the things that we like to do with our little built-in besties. And as our kids get older, older we'll probably have more ideas. But we also wanted to talk about what we can do now to make sure that we stay close to our kids and our kids want to be around us yeah as they get older.
00:43:22
Speaker
Which our parents have built in a really good job about this. Like, I feel like I'm so close to my parents. You're close to your parents. yeah And it's so nice. And I will validate, like, I have some friends that, like, parents just, they're not great.
00:43:32
Speaker
yeah And sometimes... you can find those relationships in other people. And I really do think like friends can become your family in a way. But for us, we obviously want our kids to stay close to us. And yeah so we gathered some ideas and this is an Instagram post of someone named Sailor Media.
00:43:54
Speaker
But we just screenshotted a few. Do you want to read some of them? Sure. I'll read. It's always hard to read when you're pregnant. You are so winded. Like, it is the weirdest thing. Burpee, winded.
00:44:06
Speaker
There's, like, another thing. I'm trying remember what it is. But I'm like, wait, this is just so weird for me. I'm sure she's out of breath right now, and we're just sitting talking. Yeah. um Okay. My dad made my childhood magical. He planned trips, built snow forts, cooked our favorite meals, and always let us know how much he loved us.
00:44:23
Speaker
My mom went to everything, literally everything. She showed up early. She always had the best seat. She'd always congratulate me. i knew I had my team behind me. It's funny when you're a kid because you don't feel like you care about that. You're kind of like, whatever, my parents here. But but deep down, you care. Oh, yeah, you care. You're looking for them in the bleachers. you They need to show up.
00:44:39
Speaker
We had Sunday family nights, no distraction. We would talk about the week, play games, and on Tuesdays, My dad rotated which kid he'd take to breakfast. So each us had one on one time. That's cute. really cute.
00:44:50
Speaker
I, I actually feel like I've seen a lot of TikTok stacks stats. Who knows if it's like accurate about like having family dinners though. And like how good that is for like bonding and just like talking.
00:45:02
Speaker
Was it you that sent me the DM or I don't remember who sent me this, but said like when you give your chance a kid, when you give your kids a chance to like speak out loud how they feel, like doing highs and lows or just like talking about them in their day, like that's the thing that can like bring you closest to them. Really? Mm-hmm.
00:45:16
Speaker
That's good to know. No, I don't think that was Okay. Okay. Um, my dad would invite me along for the little things. I'm going to the store. Do you want to come? We talked about that. Even um when we fought, my mom would say, I may not love all your choices, but I'll always love you.
00:45:31
Speaker
My dad would help me get ready for school. He brushed my hair. He would train with me in the yard and even sit with me till I fell asleep. you See, my biggest takeaway from this is they're all little things. They're not like, oh, my parents took me to Disneyland every year like my parents bought me the nicest clothes or like they're just time and like attention.
00:45:50
Speaker
Yeah. And I think support, like I think what makes a parent really close to their kids is they're their cheerleader. They think highly of them. They are proud of them and they like are rooting for them and they're there to support them. Like I remember growing up, I was um really wanting to play basketball and honestly, I was terrible. Like I played one season, I didn't score a single goal. Wait, no, wait, that's not right. No, not a goal.
00:46:11
Speaker
I didn't get a single basket. Basket. Poop. I don't know. Sports.
00:46:19
Speaker
Anyways, but I remember my dad would wake up with me at 5 a.m. and go to the church gym and practice with me. Cute. It was cute. Honestly, it meant a lot. And like looking back, I always like admire that. My grandpa, this is something that he's always done. i don't think he listens to the podcast. Yeah. Hi, Grandpa. He probably would. He comments on every single Instagram post I make, every single one. And he sends me memes all day.
00:46:40
Speaker
Was it your grandpa or your dad who was like shouting out the podcast, though, to all of his friends? My dad. like We'll tell random people, like, yeah, my daughter has a podcast. I'm like, I don't know them. It's cute. But my grandpa, since I was little, he called me the perfect granddaughter, which I feel like sometimes...
00:46:57
Speaker
parents and grandparents like think, oh, I don't want to like give that kid an ego. But he's done it my whole life. Even on my birthday, he texts me, he's like, you are the most creative, influential, smart, funny. like He has just always built me up so much. Literally he called me the other day and he's like, I just have to tell you, like I'm just so impressed with you. I'm so impressed with how creative you are. I'm so impressed with this, this and this. And he's done that since I was very, very little.
00:47:27
Speaker
And I needed to hear that. There was years where like when you're a teenager and you're feeling like, oh, I'm ugly. I'm this. No one likes me. And my grandpa just continually telling me almost like overkill. Like I am the best thing in his eyes.
00:47:42
Speaker
But like even as I'm when he was telling me that the other day, I was in the Target parking lot and he called me and I was just like getting emotional because i'm like, I needed to hear that. Like, I don't know. i completely agree. And I think, like, there's a lot of um content out there around, like, positive parenting and focusing on the good. And I, like, align with that so well. I think my... One of the reasons why I feel like me and my siblings are all, like, very, very confident is because our parents always saw the good in us. And, like, they would never be like, you're really good at this, but... dot dot da I think I noticed myself even, and a lot of parents say, like, but you could do this to me even better. yeah
00:48:17
Speaker
And, like, that just, like, ruins the compliment. I don't think we can... really like make our kids, I think by focusing on our kids, um, strengths, I don't really think we can make them, what's the word? Like have an ego or and have an ego. Yeah. I actually think pointing out their strengths can be a really good thing yeah because you're going to be correcting as a parent. You're going to be like, Hey, like, yeah, that's just natural. You're gonna be like, Hey, mood let's not do that. Or like, yeah, something that I do is my girls will do like they'll act like cats or make annoying voices or like talk like babies and I'll be like that's annoying people don't like that yeah like i I noticed myself saying that a lot because is annoying and I don't want them to be the kids that are like meowing all the time
00:49:00
Speaker
I know it's not that big of a deal, but it does get annoying. You know, if you're a mom and they're like meowing in the backseat, it's like, don't do that, that's annoying. But I also have been trying to do a better job of being like, you're so good at that, or like, yeah that's really cool that this is something you did.
00:49:14
Speaker
Just as much as I'm telling them. That's annoying. Because like we want to create kids that people want to be around. Yeah. But we also want, don't want to do it at the risk of making them like stifling their personalities or making them feel less than. Yeah.
00:49:31
Speaker
I can't remember where I saw this because this was years ago where I feel like people got really deep on like, don't over compliment your kids. But I think they said something around the lines of like, be specific instead of like just saying, you're the best, like saying like, okay, like,
00:49:43
Speaker
I love how you did this or this was really ah the way you drew, like, well, was really creative and like kind of yeah complimenting on certain things. And so anyways, um, something that I was always, as like a girl mom, I, I mean, I have two girls in a sudden, but I feel like I was always told, like, don't tell them they're pretty. Don't tell them they're beautiful.
00:50:01
Speaker
The other day I was like, Why? Like, obviously the reason is you don't want them to just focus on like their only strengths or their looks or like, you're just a pretty girl, you're just this.
00:50:12
Speaker
But I found myself never telling my girls like, you look beautiful or you're so beautiful or you look so pretty. And i was like, I think if I pair that with obviously like, you're so smart, you're such a good friend, you're so kind, yeah you're so creative.
00:50:25
Speaker
Like if that's the only thing you focus on, but I was to the point where i was so worried about like, i don't want them to just think their only strength is being pretty. yeah is And they are. They're so beautiful. yeah But lately I've been like, you are so beautiful. Look at your long, beautiful hair. Or like, yeah look at how um like cute you look in this dress. yeah Because I actually think girls need to hear that. Because they're going to be put down their whole lives. Exactly. And they're going to be hard on themselves at the end of the day. Yeah. and do you think I think it's a good, I think it's a balance. Like that's everything in moderation.
00:50:57
Speaker
Okay, this is a good one. My mom never had too much pride to say I'm sorry. She admitted when she was wrong and it taught me humility and real love. love that. I think our generation does a much better job at taking ownership, honestly. Yeah, yes.
00:51:09
Speaker
My dad was always really good at this. He'd be like, hey, sorry, that wasn't cool of me. Yeah, that's good. My mom was affectionate. She told me she loved me every day. She'd rearrange her work schedule to be present. We didn't have much, we were rich in love.
00:51:21
Speaker
Exactly your point. My dad always spoke highly of me, even when others didn't care. He bragged about me like I was the best thing on earth. He carried me through the years of bullying. I do think that's really important to hear... to be careful careful and mindful how you talk about your kids to other people because they do, it does get back to them or they do feel that.
00:51:39
Speaker
Yes. Or a listen. Yeah. I'm like, what have we said on the podcast that we should have said? We're learning, you guys. i do I do agree, though. I think, like, it's almost the same with, like, your spouse. Like, you want to speak and your friends. Like, I think that's just...
00:51:53
Speaker
I'm going to go on a little tangent here, but i something else I love that my parents are growing up is they would never let us gossip. I don't know if I've told you this before. to this day, like I don't know if you feel this way about me, but I'll have random people say to me, like I don't like telling you stuff because sometimes I won't like necessarily... like You're not a huge gossiper.
00:52:12
Speaker
always play the devil's advocate for the person they're gossiping about, typically. And my parents did a good job at, like, when they would say, when we would say stuff, like, about the neighbors or our friends, they would shut it down immediately. Really? and We weren't allowed to, like, really talk crap on people.
00:52:25
Speaker
And I do, I will say, like, I do think that's a positive thing. Like, I think, like, Yeah. Not, obviously can vent and things like and obviously like, well, gossip is fun. Yeah, gossip can be actually really fun. But it can be, you're constantly the person who's only gossiping about people, it's not healthy.
00:52:43
Speaker
And I hope that like my kids, my husband and my friends know, I wouldn't talk about them though. Yeah, yeah. you know, like my closest friends, like. Totally. They would know, i like I would call them on the crap 100%. Yeah. But I also like would speak highly of them as well. Yes, 100%.
00:52:56
Speaker
Okay, so I asked my dad, and I always think he was an incredible parent. I look up to him a lot of things. I try to emulate some of the does. Okay, it has to do with consistency and treating you with respect. Even though my role as a parent required me to be strict and then force her, I treated you kids respectfully with age-appropriate consequences. i treated you as my little besties, but never forgot never but never forget forget I always saw the best in you guys.
00:53:22
Speaker
I'm not surprised that you all turned into the people you are. I always i expected it. Oh, that's sweet. When i was told that my job was to be a parent, not a friend, I empathetically disagreed.
00:53:32
Speaker
You kids always knew what their line was, but like anyone does, you would test a boundary and I would be consistent with the consequence. And you guys responded responded really well to that. I treated you as you're my friends because you all honestly always were.
00:53:44
Speaker
You may remember that you told me I was the strictest parent ever. You may also remember that as an adult, you thanked me for that. Being your parent was easy because not only did I have parent to love for you as my children, but I love watching as people. I love watching your personalities develop. I i was learning how to parent just like you were learning to take responsibility of your own life. Gosh, going to cry. know.
00:54:03
Speaker
This is so sweet. That's true one though. And we kind of talked about that. It's like you allow them to be their own people. Like you're not, they're not just your kids. Yeah. And it is a hard fine line of like, like I said, having those boundaries because, but I think that does build trust.
00:54:17
Speaker
Yeah. Like your kids want to know, like, I know, I know what I can and can't do. And when you have trust, I think that makes you closer with your kids. It's that combo like trust and unconditional love. They can be your built-in bestie without you being the cool mom that lets them do whatever they want. Yes, 100%. But I'll be the cool mom sometimes. No, just kidding.
00:54:36
Speaker
I'm probably going to be very strict. I feel like I'm going to be a strict parent as I get older. Okay, I love my work schedule because it gave me quality time with you guys. I was able to go to your school. I came to your resets. I always came to every activity and interacted with you guys. You really were my friends.
00:54:50
Speaker
I love being around you. I love helping you through your concerns and difficult situations. I think that friendship with you kids has helped me, has helped you guys as siblings be best friends. The fact is, you actually just are my best friends. oh In a religious note, I bet we were friends before we even came to earth.
00:55:07
Speaker
i My bet is that Briggs girls, Christian's girls, these my brothers, were all friends too. So all of your guys' as cousins were friends too. I feel the same about your kids. I love them more than my blood. And more than that, i genuinely like them.
00:55:21
Speaker
I'm excited for the time I can fully retire and just keep hanging out with your kids. They remind me so much of you when you're little. I love you. You really are one of my
Parental Love and Support Dynamics
00:55:29
Speaker
best friends. I think about you all the time. I pray for you by name.
00:55:32
Speaker
Call me if you need more. Okay, so he texted me all that. That last part resonates, though, with, like, your kids, them loving your kids. That makes you so much closer to your parents. Oh, 100%.
00:55:45
Speaker
If you can, like, call them and be like, I love Elsie. She's the best. And they're like, yes, she is. That's, like... Yes. Them loving your kids is like the most unconditional love. Oh, my dad FaceTimes me every single day and he's just like, he doesn't even want to see me. He's just like, show me the kids. where they I'm like, they're not here. He's like, okay, bye.
00:56:02
Speaker
Not that he doesn't love me. He loves kids more. But like he just like, if something exciting happens, he like wants. And my mom too. She just like, she would just stay on FaceTime with the kids all day if she could. And that does make you feel so loved. does. it's like, makes you feel appreciated. Okay, your mom, I think, texted you. My mom texted me. She said, try to lots of one-on-one time. Didn't try to be your friend growing up so I could be your friend now.
00:56:23
Speaker
Oh. So that's interesting. Yeah. I do remember my mom, if we were ever disrespectful, she would be like, I am not your equal. Like, I am your mom. But in like a way of like... And we've kind of been struggling with this with our own kids lately, Camden and I, of like,
00:56:37
Speaker
They do kind of, when they see you as their equal, they push back too much. yeah So they need to have healthy respect. But at the same point, you need to respect them in an age appropriate way. Absolutely.
00:56:49
Speaker
um But I think that's interesting. I want her to expand on that. Like, didn't try to be your friend growing up so I could be your friend now. Ask her later and then we'll circle back. I'll ask her later. But what I think she means by that is she was parent first.
00:57:02
Speaker
She was parent first and then a friend. And i she did a really good job of that. like She obviously had, I would say my parents were pretty strict growing up. And they had a lot of boundaries, but now I'm so close with them.
00:57:15
Speaker
But they always told me, I'm going to cry. They always said, there's nothing you can do that would make me not love you. um Like ever. yeah Like, don't do this. Don't do this. Like, this isn't a good thing you want to do.
00:57:26
Speaker
But even if you did these things, I love you no matter what. like And I think that was the biggest thing. Did you ever have this with your parents? My dad was like, if you're at a party or in a situation where you feel Like, uncomfortable, you have, what did he call it?
00:57:42
Speaker
He's like, you have a pass and I'll come pick you up, no questions asked. Yeah, you're not going to get consequence for it. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't call him, but But knowing, knowing the option was there was nice yeah to know. I was never in like a dangerous situation. Yeah. You did call your dad once? Yeah.
00:57:59
Speaker
To come pick you up? I watched a rated R movie and I felt so guilty about it. And I'm like, this isn isn't a good situation. I wonder you and I would be friends growing up. Because I would be the kid at the party that's like, guys, let's watch this rated R movie.
00:58:12
Speaker
Were you not a rule follower? I was such a rule follower. and was not. Now I am. Now I am such a rule follower. But growing up, I was like, F that. Yeah. You know this about me. I got sent to the principal's office all the time.
00:58:24
Speaker
I didn't know you got sent to the principal's office. Yes. We had escorts from the like vice principal. What were doing? That they would have to come. Literally, i was just like the class clown. Like one time, the escort had to come take us out of class because my friend and I found out that they were changing the seating arrangements. we duct taped ourselves together at recess. So when we came in, um the teacher was like, you guys have to, we're like, we can't, we're duct taped.
00:58:46
Speaker
Oh my gosh. Okay. yeah I would do that kind of stuff. Like I always had N's. Like I had straight A's, but I always do an N's are like citizenship. Okay. Maybe that's a Utah thing. Oh, it's like based off your behavior. Yeah. I would get N's and cause you talk too much. I talked too much. And then one time my friend and I, we switched places.
00:59:01
Speaker
In sixth grade. We thought we looked enough. Like, people would always say we look like twins. And so we tried switching places once. It didn't work. We only made it to, a couple classes. ah A couple classes? That's pretty each other's tests and everything.
00:59:12
Speaker
And so we got in big trouble for that one. But it was pretty funny. Honestly, the teachers thought it was funny, too. One time I got in trouble because I brought a betta fish to school. Like, there's just, like dumb things. Yeah. And kids need to do that. And, like, if it's harmless, fun. Yeah. Yeah.
00:59:24
Speaker
Like we we got in trouble for talking, but now we have a podcast. Exactly. Joke's on you guys. The girls that got in trouble talking in class now have a podcast. Full circle moment. An unsuccessful podcast. Okay. She also said activities together, trips, vacations. We did go on a lot of trips growing up, which I do think like your friends aren't there. You have to hang out with your siblings. My parents always said, I know we talked about like we're talking more about staying friends with your yeah parents, but that is something like, I'm still friends with my siblings. And I think because we had to be like, we were on vacation and it was like, well, these are your, these are the people to hang out with. Yeah.
01:00:02
Speaker
That quality time. Um, tried to have a personal relationship with all of you that we did stuff that was just us shopping with you. Puzzles was spent shopping with me. That's what my mom did. We still do that. We did that on Saturday for my birthday.
01:00:15
Speaker
Um, puzzles with Spencer, physical activities with Jake, and crafts with Sammy. So, like, tailoring the activities to the kids. And she still does all that stuff with us. Kielm. so She does puzzles with my brother, even though he's 28.
01:00:26
Speaker
Does he love puzzles? Yes, you love puzzles yeah he cute. She goes skiing with Jake. says She bakes and does crafts with Sammy. And we went shopping on Saturday. You're like, they don't need to spend money, but I love shopping. No, we literally went to like seven stores and I didn't buy a single thing.
01:00:41
Speaker
Good job. My thing is like I go shopping and convince myself out of buying things. And it's so annoying. I'm not fun to shop with. But you at least still enjoy the ride. Yeah, my mom's always like, why are you convincing yourself out of buying everything? I'm like, it's just a fun little game I do. I love to convince people to buy stuff. I'm not going to lie. No, I know you do.
01:00:58
Speaker
I've been shopping with you before. You're like, except when I'm with you because you always make me buy it all. But sometimes I need that little push. But it's nice when I shop with you because sometimes you help me more. You're like, okay, I'll get you like six vases at Hobby Lobby. Here's what's cute. Like you support me in my shop. we're So we're good. um We meet in the middle. Yes.
01:01:16
Speaker
Okay. I didn't text my dad because he's not a great texter. which he would say that I'm not a great answering the phone, which I probably got from him. But I would say that my dad, or what I think he was good at, was making us feel, he was a bit of a helicopter dad, but I knew how, I never questioned how much he loved me, even though he was like maybe too involved in my life.
01:01:40
Speaker
he really showed up and like, he likes to make sure his kids are taken care of. Yeah. And that they're on the right path. And I just like always felt really loved. And so now when something exciting happens in my life, like I get a job promotion or I like, like he's so funny with this like influencer journey. He's always like, do you have more followers? I'm like, no dad. Like yeah I just, he was always celebrated our accomplishments. Yeah. Which I really appreciated.
01:02:05
Speaker
and I feel like it makes me want to still, he still gets excited about them now. And so it still makes me want to share that with him. That's sweet. And like, honestly, like that's a sweet, like feeling when you want to like tell your parents yeah like things that are happening. that feel Like I got a raise. yeah He's like, cool. You're 31.
01:02:21
Speaker
He's like, cool. I haven't been paying for you for this long. Like you really don't care. But he, but he does. He's like, that's awesome for you. That's a great, like when we just bought this house, yeah he was so just like, this is such a great decision for you guys. Like just like supportive yeah in the big things. Yep.
01:02:36
Speaker
I love that. Okay. We'll end it with what my mom said. This is easy because I felt like you were all my best friends the moment when you were born. Seriously though, my kids are my closest friends. I think it started when they're little. Some things I would try to do is get to know them, like the incredible children they were.
01:02:49
Speaker
I would do things like ride bikes them, play Barbies. i would do setups. I'd get art. I'd have fun Fridays. Whatever I could do to get to know you better. So much of what we did was going places, bedtime in school, so I always tried to make that special time and build those relationships early.
01:03:04
Speaker
and would lay out. This is cute. I remember this. I would lay on the floor with you. I'd cuddle in bed. I went on nacho runs and let them drive when they were almost over. Nacho runs? Yeah, we'd to the gas station and get nacho runs. Ew.
01:03:16
Speaker
Like, late at night, too. had to be, like, half past 10 p.m. Yeah. The simple things is where the magic lies. They said the best time to find out details of your children's life is late at night, and I always found that true. It's not the birthday parties or the special holidays you get to know your kids. all the small times in between.
01:03:31
Speaker
i was always interested in your friends, and I made the extra ah effort to help. them learn how to be a good friend. I'd always plan things at the house and our but our house was a place where everyone was welcome. We had places at the house where you could hang out like basketball, tramp and fire pit and everyone could come here and eat cereal and everyone knew they could have a big bowl.
01:03:49
Speaker
i think that's a good one because one's really said that yet but being friends with your kids friends is like huge. Totally. Especially as they get older. Now that they're grown they have children of their own. I'm so amazed by them. They astound me with their talents and parenting skills. I recognize that and I'm their greatest cheerleader.
01:04:04
Speaker
It's tough out there, and I see how hard they're working. I try to encourage them to be a shoulder to cry on. and Wow, this is choking me up. I love their kids so much. It's great to see how they parent them and also how much their kids are like what they were like when they were little. That's one of the best parts, getting to love my grandkids.
01:04:25
Speaker
I love them as kids. Love you, Mom. This was fun. It's so cute. I love that she said, not sure bring you stuff. pull this out ors something I love what she says. oh's so cute. Your parents are both like novelists.
01:04:45
Speaker
I know. I actually don't know if you know this, but they were authors. that was amazing Yeah, they were authors growing up. And I do think that something I love about them, I really look up to them about is they spend a lot of time trying to be good parents. They were yeah very, very intentional. well Were they perfect parents?
01:05:00
Speaker
Oh no. understand
Recognizing Parents as Imperfect Humans
01:05:01
Speaker
the whole point is like, you can probably look back on things that can look back on my parents. They were almost perfect, but there were things where i was like, that was all messed up. And from your perspective as a kid, of course. And I actually think that's something you can do for your kids too.
01:05:14
Speaker
I remember one time my dad did something that made me sad and I called and had bug moved for years. And I called him one time and I said, Hey, like this happened. explained the situation and he,
01:05:25
Speaker
said, I'm so sorry, i was wrong. And I think like that ability to say sorry, because perspective is reality, even if I was going wrong in that, and like acknowledge that is like the sweetest thing.
01:05:36
Speaker
When I always say too, this is not pertaining to my parents, but I think one of the hardest things about becoming an adult is realizing all the people you worshipped growing up are just like human yeah they make mistakes too. Absolutely. And like this is just like a good mindset when you grow up and you realize like, oh, so-and-so in our neighborhood who thought was so amazing actually was like doing this terrible thing or I don't know. But with that being said, I feel like, oh my gosh, I'm losing my dream of I know what you're saying, but there's no perfect pairing.
01:06:04
Speaker
Yeah, there's no perfect pairing. We're not going to be perfect. We're probably screwed our kids You have to try. Honestly, have to try and you have to love them. Yeah. And don't let the fear of failing should be from playing the game. Oh my gosh.
01:06:15
Speaker
Alright guys, this game's lame. Bye out there. See ya.