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hot mess mom club: passing notes, not judgement
189 Plays10 months ago
On this week’s Park Moms Pod, we’re catching up on all the summer things—shows, trips, and the chaos of mom life. We watched Secret Life of Mormon Wives and now we have questions.
We’re also chatting Survivor, The Last of Us, and a quick Nashville recap with some feelings (yes, there were tears).
Plus, in our park chat, we’re answering your real mom questions—from how to stay patient when your kid’s losing it to figuring out workouts that don’t suck.
Come sip your Swig and spiral with us. 💕
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Transcript
Introduction to Park Bombs Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi, welcome to the Park Bombs podcast where you host Haley and Becca. This is a place where we laugh and chat about the chaotic bliss of raising young kids. So whether you're about to take a hot mom walk or start a load of laundry, let's get to it. Let's get to it. Emphasis on the chaotic bliss.
Chaotic Summer Experiences for Moms
00:00:13
Speaker
I know. Truly chaotic. I know I said that summer is for the moms, but the moms need to calm down. Yeah. Do you feel like there's so much going on right now? I think like it's kind of a bittersweet, I guess like the positive and the negative of summer. It's like so fun, but it's also so crazy. Yeah. I was like telling Camden, I'm like, I'm not, I'm not saying that I'm like popular or have a lot of friends, but I do feel like the group techs are bumping. The group they're like, park here, splash pad here, we're going here. And I'm like, ah what's up Bus, club, another club, bus, no sleep, except splash pad, park, there.
00:00:52
Speaker
backyard hang, I don't even know. No sleep. Swim pool. Again. Like that, yeah, swimming pool. Yeah. Which is like, I'm so grateful for because it really is, like you said, the best part of summer, but I'm also like, my social battery is kind of drained. Yeah. I know. I'm feeling that. I'm like, okay, how am I to make it to every single thing? Like it's a little, it's a little chaotic, funny. is funny because we wanted this. Yes.
00:01:12
Speaker
Like if you go back to our summer or winter episodes, we're like, one day it will be summer and we'll go to the splash pad. And now I'm like, I'm sorry, but four times to the splash pad in one week is too many times. Too many times. like we I need to pace myself
Challenges of Feeding Kids on the Go
00:01:26
Speaker
a little bit. because We do Ease into it. Was this officially the first week of summer or was last week? I think this was officially the first week. Well, we had technically last week, but it was cold.
00:01:34
Speaker
Yes. So this like feels like the first week of summer and I'm just like... Yes. I feel the same way. Slapped in the face with summer. Slapped in the face. And I also think like with the kids being out of school, you realize like you have to kind of keep busy.
00:01:46
Speaker
No, you That's the thing. That's why you're going to Splash Pad so much is everyone's home. Yes. So you're like, okay, I can't stay home all day. No, i we have not had lunch at our house once this week. Where you gone? love.
00:01:56
Speaker
I'm not going out. I'm like throwing stuff in the insulated bag. Bringing your snacks. Bringing my snacks. Today I did go to Kneader's. Which like, Kniters is not the move for kids because you pay $7 for a grilled cheese that's like this big.
00:02:09
Speaker
And I'm like, okay, that's that's actually not worth it. now Speaking of Kniters. Oh no. Guess what i did today? Oh no. i had some gift cards. Shout out my realtor because he sent us some gift cards. So nice.
00:02:22
Speaker
And so I go to Kniters. I'm like, I'm going to go to Kniters and then I'm to to the pool. Like I've made lunch every single day. I deserve some Kniters. So I drive through, I order. I'm like, feeling a little stressed. What's your order? I'm like not a kneaders girl, but today I had this so random, like a ranch avocado chicken salad and it was pretty good.
00:02:39
Speaker
Nice. Okay. It's pretty good. Lots of protein. Yeah. Like if ah someone's like, do you want to go to kneaders? I'm like, I'm not like, Is that like what people ask? No, today, today when I was at kneaders, there was like multiple girls groups and by girls groups, I mean like 60 plus, but like at doing little like girls lunches and I'm like, is this our future?
00:02:58
Speaker
Yeah, I guess so. I mean like it's not bad. It's not bad. I'm not craving that at all. No, I'm never like, but where we live, it's like one of the closest places if you're going down the hill.
00:03:10
Speaker
Anyways, I go through neaters. I order. i was like already struggling to order. Nothing makes me more overstimulated than when I'm ordering food and the kids are yelling at me. Like, no, I want this.
00:03:20
Speaker
No, I want this. And I'm like, hi, I'm sorry. um Just a minute. And then I'm like, shut up. I'm trying to order. And you can tell, like they could still hear you. oh yeah so So I'm overstimulated.
00:03:31
Speaker
I order my food and then I drive past the pay window in the pickup window. And I just never paid.
Embracing Parental Chaos
00:03:38
Speaker
No, I left the drive through and I oughta already ordered my food, but I thought there was going to be another window.
00:03:45
Speaker
Like i thought I was like, Oh, this is just like the pay window. No one was opening two windows. Sometimes there's two windows. So then I had to do the walk of shame. I had to park my car had to go into the knitters and the knitters was bumping. Like I'm saying, like there was some girls groups at the knitters and I like didn't want to be rude and cut the line, but I was also like, I could see them with my food at the drive. Oh, you're going to the front of the line. please run to the front we line Hi, I'm the person who ordered and never paid for my food. Yeah.
00:04:13
Speaker
Oh, didn't pay it either. I didn't pay either. Like you pay and pick up by the same one. So that was in that moment, I realized that there is actually nothing more humbling than when you become a mom and Like something like that would have been actually really embarrassed me before. yeah But once you become a mom and you're in so many social situations where like your kids are screaming Your kids are yelling at you. Your kids are like taking their clothes off.
00:04:36
Speaker
You drive through the drive through. Like, don't think anything can embarrass me anymore. It's true. And like, you kind of just have to embrace the chaos of it all because it's just like, this is, this it the what the reason doesn't embarrass you is because it's your everyday life.
00:04:49
Speaker
No, true. kind of scenario is happening It's exposure therapy. Yeah. Like, don't you feel you used to get more embarrassed in public situations before becoming a mom? I feel like I was just more like didn't want to be an inconvenience. Yeah. Or I didn't want people looking at me in public or this. And then once you have three kids or even two kids and you're in public, like people are looking. Oh yeah.
00:05:05
Speaker
Like there's no avoiding it. It's not worth like, it's not worth like getting so mad. It's not worth like, It's just like let the kids be in the environment basically. And most other, just let them. And most other moms, I feel like, or even dads, anyone, they get it. They're just like, oh, okay. like I used to like really, and obviously I want my kids to act appropriately if we're like at a restaurant or something. But if I'm like in Target and my kids are being a little bit loud, I used to be so stressed. Like, oh someone's going to get upset. yeah Be quiet. We're in here. And like, I still tell them to be quiet, but if someone's going to get annoyed about like a kid yelling in the target aisle in the toy section, I'm like that kind of, at least this what I tell myself. I'm like, that says more about them than it does about me. Like, yeah obviously I want my kids to be respectful. If they're screaming, I'm going to tell them to stop.
00:05:48
Speaker
But if they're just being a little bit loud, I'm like, they're kids. They're kids. you know what's the worst? This has happened to me and I've seen it happen to many people as well. It's when you're in the checkout line and for whatever reason at Target, they have like one actual checkout line and the rest is self-checkout. Yeah. And so the freaking self-checkout line, there's like 40 people in it. yeah You're in there for like an hour and your kid's screaming.
00:06:08
Speaker
Yeah. And they don't stop and you're got you're not getting out of line because- we talked about this on the podcast. If there's a screaming kid behind you and you're not with a kid, let let the mom go. Let them. Let them.
00:06:19
Speaker
Oh gosh. Are we always going to say let them? No, I think that will over soon. It will phase out? yeah okay Okay. We'll stop letting We'll stop talking about it. actually didn't read the book, did you? um i read half of it, and I feel like I got the gist. What's the gist?
00:06:32
Speaker
The gist is just like... Let them. Yeah. What is it? Like give me a scenario where you let them. Um, okay. This was a really good one. And I feel like one that stood out to me is she talked about, and I feel like you'll resonate with this.
00:06:45
Speaker
She talked about how there was a group of women her age and that they were friends and they had all like raised kids together and done this stuff. And she saw that they were on a girl's trip and it really bothered her because she was like, wait, I like wasn't invited on that girl's trip. Have you heard of this scenario? No.
00:07:00
Speaker
And she was like, I was having this like internal battle like oh my gosh, I need to fix it. I need to text all of them. I need to do this and then she did some like internal retrospective Work and she was like actually I haven't been investing in these relationships like it's not their job to like make sure that like I'm taken care of like let them go on the trip let them have fun and then let me figure out like wait, why wasn't I invited like why just kind of more like Don't try to control other people.
00:07:28
Speaker
oh Because if you spend your life trying to control other people, you're going to be miserable. Kind of thing. I get that. ah For some reason, in my mind, this scenario was like,
00:07:41
Speaker
don't know. There's lots of scenarios. picturing like kids at the park and like some kids are acting crazy and like some moms are and you're just like let them. No, she actually says like with little kids, the let them theory does not work the same way.
00:07:54
Speaker
Okay. Which actually like I do think sometimes I've been saying like let them. This summer, something that's been helping me is I've been trying to say yes when it doesn't completely inconvenience or, like, throw off the whole schedule of the If it's not that big of a deal, you just say yes.
00:08:08
Speaker
Yes, exactly. And I feel like I used to be a mom. I still very much It's something I'm working on where, like, I wanted to control every aspect. Like, if my daughter wanted to wear a princess dress to lunch, I was like, no, you can't. Or, like, if they wanted to wear shoes that didn't match with their outfit, was like, no, you can't. Or they wanted to eat something and I was like, they've already had a popsicle today. They don't, like, I'm trying to be more, like,
00:08:30
Speaker
That's okay. Yeah. Like today they wanted to put tattoos all over their arms, like temporary tattoos. And I was like, normally I would say no to that, but I'm like, yes. Like if it's going to make you happy. Yeah. There's so many times as a mom of littles that you have to say no or don't.
00:08:44
Speaker
Don't do that. Don't climb on that. Stop doing Half of it is like safety stuff. So you have to say no. Yes. And so I'm trying to say yes to the things that I can say yes to and not be like just so controlling. Cause who cares if they're wearing a princess dress to lunch? Yeah, it's not that big a deal. At the the not that big of a deal. It's not worth the fight. Choose your battles, honestly. So I feel like that's been my version of let them. For the kids?
00:09:04
Speaker
Yes. Okay, I'm going to some more research on the let them theory and circle back. um Okay, wait, should we talk about our trip? Yes.
Nashville Trip and Mom Freedom
00:09:11
Speaker
Okay, so we went on a girls' trip to Nashville. It very, very fun.
00:09:15
Speaker
First off, first question, what was your take on Nashville? Do you feel like it was the perfect like girls' – Yes, if you're planning a girls' trip, especially with like – what we wanted to do, i feel like it was the perfect place. Like we wanted to eat, shop, listen to music and just like be girls and I feel like, and like dress up yeah and like do fun things. I feel like it was the perfect place.
00:09:35
Speaker
My thing about Nashville is, and you'll probably agree with this, it's not as walkable or accessible as other cities. Like it's definitely more spread out, but it was so much fun. Like whenever I'm sad, I'm going to think about us line dancing at Luke Combs bar. Yeah, that was so fun. And just like That was just like such a fun moment.
00:09:54
Speaker
The whole thing was fun. It was so fun. And it was nice to let loose and like not have the kids be there and just to like enjoy the time. We were there for such a short trip. We left on a Thursday, didn't get into like 11 PM and then we left like a Sunday afternoon. So it was like really two days, yeah but we really packed it in. We packed it in. Stayed up to like three or 4 AM every night. What was that about? No, that was crazy. But do you know why that trip was so fun? It's like, we weren't moms. We were just girls.
00:10:17
Speaker
Yeah. On that trip, we were just girls. Like, we were just doing all the girly things, going to the girly places, staying up late, like yapping all night. Like, I truly felt like I was able to turn my mom brain off. Yes.
00:10:28
Speaker
For that trip, and it was just so good. Besides the fact, was telling everyone, we're moms. Oh, oh. Our favorite thing to ask the Uber driver. So, how many think how many kids do you think we have between the two between the four of us? There's four of us.
00:10:41
Speaker
And they'd be like i don't like, I don't know why. And then one Uber driver, she was like, well I'm pregnant with my eighth. And it's like, Okay, well, you almost have as many as the four of us have. Yeah, she beat us in that game. She she won that game. It was so fun, though. I do feel like it was, again, like, yes, we could just be girls, relax, have fun.
00:10:59
Speaker
The dancing, like, I haven't danced in a long time. Like, ah I don't go dancing, like... ever. I didn't know I still had it in me. i didn't know I still had it in me. The music was so good. they yeah The people were amazing. Like even just like people watching, but I was like a little out of our league as far as like people dressed to the nines and like went hard. Yeah. I was like, okay, like they say it's like the bachelor city but do you know what's funny? There was actually like a ton of older men, like 60 year old, like on guys trips. It was bachelorette parties of young girls and then old men being creepy.
00:11:29
Speaker
But like, I didn't feel ever like old men were creepy to us. Like we, well, we made a TikTok of like moves that we do at the club to keep the men away. But I feel like that's truly the vibe we were giving off was like, we don't want to talk to you.
00:11:43
Speaker
Yeah. Like we're moms. Like Luke Combs bar specifically. I loved cause it was like lit up. Yeah. People were there. just there to dance. Yes. Like Morgan Wallen's bar. You could tell people were like looking, they were like club vibe. It was more of a club vibe, but like Luke Combs bar, what was it called? Just Luke Combs bar. I think it's called um category 10.
00:12:01
Speaker
Oh yeah. I remember that from the match. But like, I just feel like people were there to have a good time. Yeah. There was people there from like grandma's. Yes. Tons of grandmas. Yes. Tons of grandmas. Like I felt like we were just all there having a good time and like dancing and it was so fun. was my highlight. I was very myself.
00:12:17
Speaker
Okay. My highlight was racing Savannah. my Gosh. Okay, guys. Can we post the video? We'll need to post video. The video is like, the lighting's not great, so you can't even tell how competitive I'm getting. Well, we were in hotel room hallway. so there's a TikTok trend where you like, make your friends run and like, at full speed.
00:12:34
Speaker
And like, a hidden talent of mine is actually, i'm very fast. Like, I'm proud of it. You are proud. Like, honestly, like, you could run from a bear. I'm not even just saying that. Like, do you feel confident that you could run from a bear? I don't know. I do think I could run for my life. Yeah. that't know you could run for your life. I, like, would love to race more people. Have you raced Sam, your husband?
00:12:53
Speaker
I haven't, but I want to. Like, I think... Can you please, let's do, like, a date night and, like, you'll run away from Sam, see if he can catch you, and I'll run away from Camden. Okay. That'll be our day day. I'll probably throw up at the end. I raced my sisters and I can beat them. So shout out to them. I can beat them. But Savannah and I want to rematch. So our other friend came with us and she raced me as well. We were like racing. We're competitive together. In hotel hallway at what time? 12 p.m.? was probably one at that point. i don't and I don't know what got into Maddie and I were like, you guys do that. Like we're good to spectate. Like spectate, right? where I was like, hmm.
00:13:26
Speaker
Yeah, I'm not fast. We took it so seriously. like I swore I ran into the freaking wall. Yes, I feel really fast. So I was filming it and i was like, hey guys, so you can film a really good video. I need you to like, I'm going film and you run past me. We're in this like skinny, skinny hallway. And so they're running full speed.
00:13:43
Speaker
And the end of the hallway is right behind me. So Becca... is giving it her all and she runs into the door so loud and we kind of thought she was like joking. Like I thought, cause you were behind me. So I just heard the bang. So I thought maybe you just like hit the wall and were like being dramatic and it was 1am. So we were like, we're going to get kicked out of this five-star hotel.
00:14:05
Speaker
Like we need to get out of here. So we all started running. Little do we know, Becca's like actually down bad. I was hurt. Wait, do you have bruises from that? No, luckily I think they're all gone now. No, she was like fully scraped up and hurt and like on the verge of tears. And we were like, she's like, guys, I'm like, you left me.
00:14:21
Speaker
sad. But honestly, to my own fault, to my own competitiveness, but it was fun to see my other friend get competitive too. And like, I told her I want to meet her out on the track. So I will show up and be the referee. Yeah.
00:14:33
Speaker
can't sprint like that. Like I was so impressed that after three kids that you could do that. lieutenant talent my one talent i have the line dancing i could not do but the sprinting i did all the line dancing was so fun so nashville we we did everything from sprinting in the hallways to line dancing it was like to buy a girl like none of us drink so i feel like that was also funny because it was like yeah we were definitely doing like very wholesome activity very wholesome activity like on the flight home this girl was chatting it up with us and she goes that is so great you guys did that on your trip I would love wholesome trip like that we thought we were like being so crazy and she's like you guys are so wholesome okay um okay one story I wanted to tell so when I was gone in Nashville first off like it's little it's hard to leave your kids right it's always like it's so rewarding when you get there but it's nerve-wracking you like hope they're gonna be safe you're gonna miss them like
Family and Empathy Moments
00:15:25
Speaker
Getting everything ready to go. You almost are like regretting right before you leave it. Maybe I should just stay.
00:15:30
Speaker
And I think, um, I was definitely feeling that when I was gone on my trip, uh, Colson, my oldest son, he's five said to Sam, he's like, Hey dad, um, do you know Sonny?
00:15:41
Speaker
And it's our dog. He's like, where's his mom? He's never had his mom since he's lived with us. And he's like basically making the parallel of like, doesn't it make him sad his mom isn't here? And he's kind of saying like, my mom's not here. And so I'm really sad. And so Sam was kind of matching that parallel.
00:15:57
Speaker
He like didn't want to admit it, but he's like, when Sonny doesn't have his mom, he's probably sad. He's like, where is Sonny's mom? Do you think he wants to go home to his mom? Like and Sam was like, no, he like art we're his family now. And so he's like, yeah, but he probably just really wants his mom.
00:16:10
Speaker
Did you explain to him that like animals are kind of different? No, I don't think you got that deep. But so Sam told me that when i got home and then it actually was like perfectly like ironic. The next day i had already been home, you know, whatever. We greeted each other. So sweet.
00:16:24
Speaker
And we are walking around our house and there's a little baby duck literally in our um window window well. And baby ducks are the cutest. It was so cute. And anyways, Colson was like found it or whatever. And he's like, we need to find his mom. Like, i don't know where his mom is.
00:16:39
Speaker
And Sam was was like, hey, I actually think I might know like where this duck belongs because there's a tiny pond, like a half mile. It's kind of far. Yeah. And anyway, so they went, walked down there. Sam put on, like, gloves. He's like, I don't want them to get my scent because I guess you know how they can, Oh, yeah, knows.
00:16:53
Speaker
Yeah, because then the duck wouldn't go to his mom. Wait, hold on. You have to say what you named the duck first. Okay, Coulson named the duck Faster. Faster. What? Why? He was fast. He was very fast. So they go down. Faster than you. Sam, Coulson, and Faster go down to the...
00:17:08
Speaker
shoot i need to raise him um go down to the little pond and they put the duck in the pond there's no other like ducks in the pond and all of a sudden they start hearing and then like they were talking to each other and the mom came out and the little baby duck it was so cute just swam over to it and got in line and like colson was so happy wait why am i gonna cry we have to post the video because i saw the video but i'm knowing the story i'm seriously kidding it's so cute he's like can't how long was faster with you guys he was probably he was there like our nanny and colson found him originally so i'd like three or four hours like yeah it's pretty far and so the real like the re-niting it was just so cute and it's just like full circle moment and it's just like it's just so sweet to be a video you like see the duck and all the ducklings and then you see him like rejoin them they're all just like in a perfect line and was like is this a disney movie yes it was okay and then colson's reaction to us he was like He's so happy.
00:18:04
Speaker
He finally found his mom because he missed his mom. He's home now. And anyways, those little tender moments, I'm just like, it's just so sweet. Full circle moment from us leaving the Nashville. We have to post the video because it really is.
00:18:16
Speaker
Like, is there going to be a Disney movie made about this? Oh, for sure. Faster. Yeah, faster. Like, if Pixar wants to reach out to you, are you down? They should. I'll create a full storyline. LA needs to call you. Yeah, for real.
00:18:28
Speaker
Oh, my gosh. Okay. Okay. So we got to talk about what everyone's talking about because we are kind of at the
Cultural Phenomena and Misconceptions
00:18:35
Speaker
epicenter ah okay reality TV. Okay. feel like...
00:18:40
Speaker
Going to – and, like, right before summer, there's, like, the best TV. It's, like, everything is, like, coming out. So I have personally have been loving Survivor. I've been loving The Last of Us. And we would need to talk about, especially since we're Utah girls, Secret Life of Mormon Wives. Yes. We have to talk about it because I think we have to talk about it because we thought – and at least this was my kind of, like, take on it – was I was thinking that Secret Life of Mormon Wives was popular because everyone I knew was talking about it because we live where it's filmed.
00:19:09
Speaker
Yes. And like, we've met a few of them. You've met a few of them. I've met a few of them. Like we kind of, it's like everyone has a connection to at least someone on the show where we live because everyone, when they're around, is related to each other.
00:19:22
Speaker
But anyways, and so I thought it was just popular in like our circles. No, it is popular everywhere. It is blowing up. Like you said, you get questions about. i was going to say, I work for a Bay Area company and everyone, like we were at a company retreat and everyone's coming from all over the United States, like East Coast, West Coast, South, whatever.
00:19:40
Speaker
And everyone's like, okay, tell me about the secret life of Mormon wives. Yeah, no, it is huge. Do you want to hear their questions? Yeah, I want to know. And then you should tell me your responses. Okay. what would say? Question number one, is swig really good? Okay. That good, they actually say.
00:19:53
Speaker
um Well, you know me and Swig had some drama earlier this year. But you love Swig, I feel like. I love Swig, but we did have – Beef. Yeah, we had some beef. You could go on my TikTok if you want to see the video. It accidentally blew up because I was hating on Swig. And then it switched to $1, Swig, and you're you're dick. Yeah, was hating on Swig because they're – this is so off topic, but they're kids' drinks.
00:20:12
Speaker
I got three kids' drinks, and it was $16. And I was like, why is a drink this big $5? Anyways, it was ah it was a thing, okay? I vented on the internet. It blew up. Swig hates me. Just kidding. da They have no idea who I am.
00:20:26
Speaker
Yeah, they're so big now. I feel like half the reason they're so big is because of Secret Life's a more noise. Yes. So is Swig really good? Swig specifically, I don't think is better than the other soda shops. Does soda with additives make life better? 100%. Can you buy this stuff and do it at home?
00:20:42
Speaker
Yes. yeah Is it the same way that like sometimes getting a coffee at a coffee shop is better than making yours at home? Yes. I agree. I think it is that good. i I personally am not the biggest soda drinker, but I do love like a little like lime in a drink or something. Like that's amazing.
00:20:59
Speaker
I will say it is very sugary though. Like half the time I get the drinks from them, I feel like I'm drinking a Slurpee. Yes. So just get prepared for that. Okay. Here's our next question. I want to know specific order though. If I'm going to go, which I really don't go very much, I'll do a Dr. Pepper regular, not diet, with unless they have Dr. Pepper Zero, which I don't know if they do. I don't think they do. Is that even a thing?
00:21:19
Speaker
Dr. Pepper Zero? I've seen it at first. Is that different Diet Dr. Pepper? You don't know that? Oh, I'm a Diet Coke. That's right. Okay. I don't look like I'm a classic girl. You're classic. i'm I'm in the new age with a Dr. Pepper Zero.
00:21:31
Speaker
um So Gen Z of you. a little bit. I think Gen Z hates soda. I don't see them liking soda. like they like tea. Is it a milk? like matcha like matcha and like cute teas like honestly i feel like that's more their vibe i love tea but like i love i actually love but all drinks i actually don't describe it okay you're a drink connoisseur okay dr pepper coconut and a little bit of fresh lime coconut cream coconut syrup no cream i don't like it creamy that's weird to me Okay, I'll tell you my healthy order and my not healthy order.
00:22:03
Speaker
My not healthy order is Diet Coke Raspberry Puree Coconut Cream. And that was like my order in college. Isn't that Secret Life's one too? I feel like I've heard them say raspberry. mean, I've been taking, I've been drinking that since.
00:22:14
Speaker
So really, you're the original. No, like I've been, I drank that in college. Every day I would get one. So that was what, how many years ago? I don't even want to say. Has been around that long? Bro, yes. I guess I do remember going to college. delicious, Their little pink cookies, though, are.
00:22:27
Speaker
Yes, but my mother-in-law makes them, like kind of a dupe of them. So much better. Really? try to make them? No, have your mother-in-law make them for us. I want one. Okay, and then if I'm going for like a healthier order, I'll do diet Coke.
00:22:40
Speaker
sugar-free cranberry and fresh lime that sounds amazing actually that's really good like you would never think cranberry is it kind of christmasy do you want me to tell you a drink i tried yesterday kind not really i feel like cranberry actually gets gets misrepresented as being ah christmas flavor but like have you had a cranberry sprite I haven't, but that sounds good. Really good. Okay, I'll try it.
00:23:01
Speaker
um So is swig really that good? Swig specifically, no. Flavored sodas? Yes. And yes the the truth is that truly everyone does like get... like Okay, here here's like the myth.
00:23:15
Speaker
It's like people at other places get coffee. Truly the swig line in the morning at 7 a.m. is 50 cars. Perfect. Probably 15 minutes away from us. There is a Swig and a Starbucks next to each other. It will be 9 a.m. m and the Swig is around the parking lot and there's, you can just drive right through the Starbucks. Sometimes being a coffee drinker in Utah actually has its perks and because you don't have to wait as long. I agree. Okay, here's the other question they have.
00:23:37
Speaker
Does everyone really have extensions? Yes. Yes, they do. As dysfunction wearer myself. Okay, this is actually so embarrassing because I am like, I would say I'm like pretty low maintenance. like You are most low maintenance friend I have.
00:23:51
Speaker
But I can come across a little bit girly. Like I used to get my nails done, which I want to go back to. Yes, but like you don't wear makeup. Like you don't, you're not, you are not high maintenance. So you having extensions to me is like, The most shocking thing about It's a bit embarrassing. I'm not going to lie. No, it's not embarrassing. It just doesn't match your vibe.
00:24:07
Speaker
Yeah, it doesn't match who I am. Because i feel like in the past it's been like extensions, eyelash extensions, nail plastic surgery, nails, like designer purses. Spray tan. Spray tan, all this stuff.
00:24:17
Speaker
And you just aren't – you actually changed extensions for me. Okay, let me tell you what my hairstylist said and here's why I end up getting extensions I don't feel like I have like the Utah extensions, which is like super, super long.
00:24:28
Speaker
But I postpartum, I had like really thin hair, like really thin. So what I would do is every time i was postpartum, I just chopped my hair off because yeah it's just not worth it. And my hairstyle is like, what if you just got one row for thickness? Yes. Yes.
00:24:41
Speaker
I promise you won't even notice they're there. And I'm like, truly, I'm so low maintenance. I just don't think it's going to get fit. I don't even like blow drying my hair. And she's like, just, just try it. And i was like, okay, I'll try it. Now, like two and a half years later. You're obsessed. I'm obsessed. Like I could never have them. You almost convinced me to do it so many times because you guys can see.
00:24:59
Speaker
My hair is a sad situation and it's in its regrowth era, but like it will getting It's getting longer, but I chopped it and it will not regrow. So, so many times you've actually told me to wait until fall.
00:25:10
Speaker
Yeah, wait till it's a little bit longer. Until after summer, wait till it's a little longer. because But I want to get them. But does everyone in Utah have extensions? Maybe not like our specific circle of friends.
00:25:21
Speaker
don't A good handful do though. Yeah. And I will say, like, people in Utah are pretty good at extensions. Yeah. Pretty good at hair. There's, like, lots of hairstylists. Lots of blondes. Lots of nails. Like, I will say there is a Utah look.
00:25:34
Speaker
It's funny because I'm literally sending our, like, thing to ChatGPT and ChatGPT's – It's a Utah look. Extensions, eyeless extensions, Stanley Cup. But I'm here for it. And I'm like, honestly, true. No, there is a Utah look.
00:25:48
Speaker
For sure. Is there any other, like, secret life questions we need to cover? Okay, hold on. Oh, wait. I have a question for you. Okay. What do you think the show... Is there part of the show that you think like was so untrue or misleading about just like Utah or Mormons in general?
00:26:02
Speaker
And what did they get right that maybe people would be surprised about? So what did they get wrong and what did they get right? Do you know the answer to this? Maybe you start because I haven't thought through it. Okay, let me think. I think something...
00:26:14
Speaker
They got wrong. Oh, this is what they got wrong. The last scene, which spoiler alert, if you haven't finished the last episode. Oh gosh, what's her name? I'm so bad with names of people. Is it the main girl?
00:26:26
Speaker
No. Taylor Frankie Paul. No, no, no. Layla, which I have met her before and she was sweet. She sweet in the show. Like literally so sweet. Layla was meeting with Mauricio.
00:26:39
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Who had some sort of fling thing with either Demi or jess de me to me or Jesse. And so they met and he shoot he was holding a snowboard and had snowboard boots on.
00:26:53
Speaker
And she's like, hey, like, how was it? And he's like, good. And he was like, yeah, I was just at Deer Valley. Deer Valley is a skiing only resort. my gosh, I didn't even realize Yes, and they were not at Deer Valley. Like I have been skiing at Deer Valley since I was three years old.
00:27:07
Speaker
They were not at Deer Valley. There's no snowboards a allowed at Deer Valley. It's one of the only ski only resorts in the country. And he was like, yeah, it was at Deer Valley. And then he named like another resort that... It just like did not add up. Like there were so many holes in that story. And then he like was taking off his stuff. Like he just went skiing, but his hair was like perfect. It looked like he had like hair and makeup on So that to me was a miss. Let's just say reality TV ain't reality. Well, I'm like, if you're going to film the in the state with the best skiing in the world,
00:27:36
Speaker
At least, like, get the resorts right. And, like, put on skis. Don't snowboard. Yeah. Okay, I used to snowboard, though, so hard out to the snowboarders. Okay, the thing they got the most right. I actually have a wrong for that exact scene. Okay, the wrong, and then we'll do our rights.
00:27:48
Speaker
When he goes, i just ah assume that the secret life... cast were swingers yeah i do feel like that's actually wrong because like i feel like there's this assumption that like mormons swing or not swing um are polygamists that's not true no it is a common assumption though people ask me all the time oh growing up my biggest question was so how many wives does your dad have yeah no just be like 11 yeah I mean, we both grew up Mormon and the questions you get, especially I grew up in California and everyone, the weirdest one I got, I told you this the other day, was people would be like, du does every Mormon have a trampoline in their backyard? Yeah.
00:28:24
Speaker
Really? but so people would ask me. What? Why? That doesn't sense. I don't know every Mormon that they knew had trampoline. I mean, tramps are fun. Yeah, but like, ah I don't know, weird stuff like that. Okay, what's something that they got right?
00:28:37
Speaker
I think this is more of what I've seen on TikTok, but how beautiful Utah is. I think it is captured in the show, but, like, not to, like, encourage people to move here, but I think, like... Don't come, please. The beautiful scenes, like, it actually is a very beautiful place. Utah is a very beautiful place, and it is very family-friendly, and I feel like they did show that.
00:28:55
Speaker
And they didn't even... In the show, they didn't even show the most beautiful parts. No, but it... But it... Yeah. It did show. Don't move here, but... Yeah, it's actually... That wasn't Utah. Yeah. Have you seen the TikToks where this this is... I don't know why. This is just, like, my kind of humor. they'll It will be a video of the beach, like, Hawaii. And they'll be like, oh, like, Vineyard Utah is so cool. Yes! And it's like...
00:29:16
Speaker
People are like, yeah, I love Vineyard. Yes. Like trying, oh my gosh. I don't know why that like sarcastic kind of humor. So funny. Just like blatantly not true. Come move to Hurricane. Hurricane. Yeah, Hurricane. That's what it said. It was like, oh, I love Hurricane, Utah. It's literally like Maui. Yeah. Yeah.
00:29:30
Speaker
It's like, that's not what a hurricane looks like. Okay. I want to think of something else that the show got really well. I do feel like, okay, I'll say this. This might be a little controversial. So you don't to say anything if you don't want to.
00:29:41
Speaker
I feel like we obviously live in Utah. Mormonism is a big part of Utah, right? i do feel like the nuances and just like how like everyone is kind of in a different place when it comes to Mormonism in the church, whether they're raised in it, whether they're not Mormon anymore, whether they're their own type of Mormon, whether they're really devout Mormon.
00:30:01
Speaker
I feel like that is a very real thing is like religion is very um personal, personal, but also very much like involved in your everyday And it's very integrated, like church and state, there's like no separation.
00:30:13
Speaker
yeah It's kind of like everyone knows who's Mormon, everyone knows who's not, everyone knows. like It is kind of like a part of our daily conversations. And I feel like the show does show that like everyone's in a different spot when it comes to the church.
00:30:27
Speaker
yeah And I do think that's true. Yeah. I agree. So that's all I have to say about that. Okay. Secret Life. than one. Enough Mormonism for tonight. Yeah. I will say it's extremely entertaining. And if you don't like reality TV, it's probably not for you. But I love reality TV. Me too. Speaking of reality TV, Love Island is coming on soon as
TV Shows and Parenting Reflections
00:30:45
Speaker
well. And that's like one of my favorites. I thought it started yesterday.
00:30:47
Speaker
Did it start already? No, maybe it didn't start yet. Good. Because I have something to binge tonight. Okay. Should we do, i'm like weekly watch parties? Um, yes. For Live Island. But guess what? It comes out every day. So no.
00:31:00
Speaker
yeah That's why it's kind of the best though. It's like. You can watch it every single night. You can watch it day. Does watch it with you? He doesn't like watch it, but like he'll like be on his phone and like watch it And then he's kind like, ha ha. Yeah. No, I think it's good though. You have have your shows and then you have to have your shows with your spouse and you have to have both. But my biggest pet peeve is when I started showing him, like this is going to be my show.
00:31:19
Speaker
yes I need a show when I'm folding laundry or like he's doing something else. Then he starts to watch my show. And watches it without you? No. And then he's like, don't watch it without me. And I'm like, bro, I was on this journey by myself. Like you entered the journey. I'm not going to stop the journey.
00:31:34
Speaker
I'm usually that person actually. I'm the one that comes in on the journey. Okay. Wait. I do have to circle up on like two other shows that I love. Yeah. The Survivor, the season. You know, I've talked to you about it. I'm You love that Survivor. Yeah.
00:31:46
Speaker
Guys, Survivor is so good. it hits I need to watch it. wholesome in this season. Like, honestly, the best cast. Like, the final four, amazing. Like, loved all of them. Yeah. And almost all of the final four, I'm doing the math.
00:32:00
Speaker
Yeah, I'm pretty sure the whole group of the final four is going into, like the season 50, which is, like, the huge, big thing because they've had 50 seasons. Yeah, don't even know what that is. Yeah, if you're a Survivor fan, you know. Do I need to start? It seems like it's Survivor to me feels the same as like starting Grey's Anatomy. You are signing up for the long haul. You don't have to watch every season.
00:32:17
Speaker
I would watch this last season, though. like It is excellent. okay And it's kid-friendly. So like our kids love it. They even like to go outside and like pretend they're playing Survivor. Okay, that's actually a good idea because I cannot handle any more kid shows. like Even just having them on in the background. Okay, Survivor is actually a good kid show.
00:32:34
Speaker
Okay. Even if you think Graham would like it, he's almost two. Probably not. Like, it's not the most, like, get your eyes zoning in on the show. Like, addicting. not Miss Rachel.
00:32:44
Speaker
It's not Miss Rachel. It's not Coco Melon. Coco Melon. I hate it. But I will say, like, it is entertaining. The boys love, like, the challenges. Sometimes they're like, skip to the challenges. But, okay. So that's amazing. Definitely watch it and circle back. And then, are you did you watch or are you watching The Last of Us? No, I'm going to start it tonight.
00:33:01
Speaker
It is so good. I just want to talk about one episode because it really relates to parenting. um Okay. So to give you the context, I'm not the best storyteller, but I'll try to give you the context here. And it's not a spoiler. Okay. So one episode, it like shows the main guy flashing back to his childhood and his parents ah like parenting him. And like you could tell he was kind of an abusive dad. And it basically says like he grew up with an abusive dad too. And the dad like tells this line in the show. I'm going to read it because I don't want to mess it up.
00:33:29
Speaker
But you were prepared. Yeah. She's got receipts. like I got receipts. Okay. And then this is the line. he's He's sitting down with his son and he's like kind of apologizing or like he didn' he wasn't like abusive in this moment, but he's kind of saying like, I know I haven't been like the perfect dad, whatever.
00:33:44
Speaker
And then he says, when it's your turn, I hope you do a little better than me. Kind of like speaking. Why is this going to make me emotional? Because he was like speaking to like what his dad was. And then it turns like the next scene when he's a dad and he tells like his daughter in the show, when he's ah He goes, when it's your turn, I hope you do a little better than me. and like Honestly, don't why that really, like, touches parents.
00:34:03
Speaker
No, it's cute. And it's, like, we're not doing it all right. But like, when it's your – like, hopefully you can give your kids a great life. And then, like, when it's their turn, like, they'll do a little better than a little bit better. Isn't cute? Yeah, I love that. Watch the last of it. It's really not all cute moments. It's actually really scary and really crazy, but show. Do you think I would like it then? Like, is it, like – It's not, like – What's crazy and scary?
00:34:22
Speaker
Zombies. Oh, I can't do that. Really? Like, what – I, like, can't do creepy. Like, No. Violence? I would say violence. Yeah. But not like, I feel like you could handle it because can handle It's not creepy and it's not realistic. I think that for me, I can't do realistic. Yeah. Like realistic horror. Yeah.
00:34:40
Speaker
like I used to love horror movies. Like that was my favorite. Watch the first episode and see. It isnt is a bit intense. Okay, we'll see. I can't even watch, like, Dexter. I don't know what show is. It like, murder show.
00:34:51
Speaker
Game of Thrones was too intense for me. Okay, it's a similar vibe to Game of Thrones, but not as intense. Okay, are there lots of, like, sounds?
00:35:02
Speaker
You know when, like, violent shows, like, you hear, no, but, like, you know when there's a lot of violent shows and you hear the, like, ah it like, that kind of sound? Like, it's, like, you can hear the blood getting, like, squirting out of them.
00:35:14
Speaker
Yeah. would say, yeah. Honestly, it's good though. And the thing that's nice about it, if I'm really getting deep here, is they kind of switch off every other episode. so one episode is really intense and really violent. And then the next episode is more of a storyline. I think this one, gives you this one where it's like, I hope you do better it than me.
00:35:31
Speaker
It was a storyline episode. So like, it's kind of nice. You get a bit of both. I feel like you can handle it. Watch it and let me know. I'll report back. Okay, guys. This episode, getting into the actual thick of it. Once we're ah how many minutes in, and we can actually start that episode. It's just an advice column episode, but we had some actually really good write-ins. had to like think about these because I was like, wow, these are honestly kind of tough. and I just want to give the... like forewarning disclaimer that honestly like our lives aren't perfect and I'm not necessarily good all these things. I'm going to give you like the advice I'd want to give myself or that I've gotten from other people or seen on like social media or something.
00:36:10
Speaker
But um I'll just share my story from this week. I definitely had like a pretty bad parenting moment and I got pretty mad and I was definitely yelling. So, but later that night I saw like a story from like, have you seen like Dr. Becky?
00:36:25
Speaker
Good, good inside is her book. It sounds familiar. I'm sure you've seen her. She's all around the internet. And she put this thing and she says like, I don't follow the like propaganda, good parents don't yell. But what I follow is like good parents sometimes yell, but they also repair. And i was like, honestly, that made me feel good. Because like truly half the time, I'm really not doing that great of job.
00:36:44
Speaker
But I, like, hope that I can, like, repair things and make them better. So there's my disclaimer. i definitely have, like, failure moments. So if you're failing, you're definitely not alone.
00:36:55
Speaker
At least in this circle. No, for sure. I feel like it's funny because when you suggested we do an advice episode, I was like, um yeah, I think I need more advice than, like, I can give.
00:37:06
Speaker
But we do have such an, like, awesome group of mom friends and, yeah like, we have awesome moms ourselves that we can get advice from. So yes, and do our best. It would also be good to like, maybe we'll throw some of these on our like stories too and have people write in. Cause that also helped you.
00:37:22
Speaker
Okay. Here's the first question.
Postpartum and Parenting Challenges
00:37:24
Speaker
How do I get in shape post babies? I was actually talking about my sister-in-law with my sister-in-law today at the pool about this because she was like, I was doing – hopefully she's okay with me sharing this. She's like, I was trying to do the math of like how many months do I have to get back in shape? And I was like, as many as you need. There is no right answer. I – hate hate, hate, hate, hate the bounce back, like saying, like you're going to bounce back. And I totally get it. Like I, and I don't even think when people say bounce back, they just mean body wise. I think it's like bounce back just like mentally and like yeah bounce back all those things. But with every baby, I will say it's taken me longer.
00:38:01
Speaker
This last, my third baby, it took me two years to finally, like, feel like I was physically back and, like, not even how I was before kids. But in a state that felt good. Yes. Your body, and I'm not going to say never, but most likely don't put the pressure on your body to look the way it did before kids because it's kind of, i don't want to say impossible because some people definitely do it.
00:38:25
Speaker
But it's an uphill battle. It is. We're so hard on ourselves. And I think, yeah, we put that pressure on ourselves. And I think, like, my thought – my first thought was, like, don't compare yourself to other people either. Like, everyone's journey is different. And, like, you can't put – You can't compare yourself because it's going to look different for everybody. And I think the comparison, even comparing yourself to your old body is not good. It's not positive. Like it's better to think like I love my body. I also validate wanting to feel good and confident in your body because we were talking about even morere before we started recording, like,
00:38:58
Speaker
and maybe this is toxic of me, but like I do feel better when I'm healthier and stronger. feel like I just have more energy. I have more this. And a way that I do that is like when I start to lose the baby weight, like I do just feel a little bit more better. I feel a little bit more like myself and maybe that's like something I need to go to therapy for, but it does make me feel better when I feel but more like secure in my own body.
00:39:20
Speaker
Where was I going with this? I had something to say. Oh, So I will say some like tangible tips. Yeah. Something that's really helped me and I know we've both done this. Go get your hormones checked. I like have talked about this on the podcast before but postpartum wrecks you. And this isn't even so much to physically bounce back. I'm like talking about mentally. Mental.
00:39:38
Speaker
Because it is so much on your body physically to have a baby and be postpartum. Your nutrition is completely depleted. yeah Basically, you're giving everything from your body to sustain this life, to bring this baby to life, and then to sustain it.
00:39:53
Speaker
And your hormones are going to be out of whack. Your nutrition is going to be out of whack. Your iron is probably low. Your testosterone is probably low. yeah Find a doctor that you trust Specifically, i would say one that does like women's hormones.
00:40:07
Speaker
Go get a panel done and do take the supplements that you can take. Like I know you and i talked about this because you were like, well, I'm going wait till I'm done nursing. You went and met a hormone doctor while you were nursing and there was things you could do. Things you can do while you're still nursing. While you're still nursing. So if you do just want to like...
00:40:22
Speaker
feel better physically this's changed the game for me because Yeah. i got my hormones checked found out i had hypothyroidism i was pre-diabetic found out all these things and so like i wasn't losing weight and i wasn't feeling better i was feeling so crappy even though i was doing all the right things i was hitting my protein i was working out nothing was moving and nothing was changing because my body was depleted yeah I completely agree. I think that's a huge, easy, like tactic, not easy, but something you can actually like, yeah, go, go see if like what you can fix.
00:40:50
Speaker
Um, a few more like tactical tips as well as like, I would say like value, like consistency over like seeing like a huge change. It's more just like, can you walk five minutes every day? Like something I like to do is I'll put my workout clothes on in the morning.
00:41:03
Speaker
Cause it's more likely I'll work out like at some point in the day if my workout clothes are on, it's just something I don't have to do. yeah And like, that's the first step. Just put your workout clothes on, even you don't do anything with it. um and then them out the night before that's something I like to do is because then I'm more likely to work out in the morning if my clothes are set out and I just like put them on right away I'll go to the earlier workout class if I'm ready yep and like find like cute either workout or regular clothes that fit you like don't feel like you need to like fit right back into like the stuff you already had and then I would say with working out like do something that's fun like whether it's to your gym that's fun with like your girlfriends where you're just chatting or like you like hiking or yeah doing something with your kids like
00:41:38
Speaker
Try to do something fun that's not like a chore. love the workout we specifically do. We go to a gym where it's like a lot of our friends go. Our kids go to child care, which they love because they're with all their friends.
00:41:49
Speaker
And it's fun. And it's like 45 minutes. It's short. It's not too long. And truly, there's so many, like, there's a lot of days I don't want to work out, but I want to go see my friends. Yep. And so like group workouts, going on walks, like doing stuff like that. Like for me, I got a Peloton and I was like, I'm going to get in the best shape of my life. I'm going to Peloton. Yeah.
00:42:06
Speaker
All the time. I hated that Peloton. It felt like a punishment. Every time I had to go do a class, I hated it so much. And so I didn't want to do it. Whereas so really just like try a bunch of things.
00:42:17
Speaker
Yep. And I really think moms like deserve 45 minutes to an hour to like do something for them. Yeah. And so if there's a gym with childcare where you can do that, it's such game changer. It's really helped me mentally. Yeah.
00:42:31
Speaker
And like, again, the pressure's off. Like, yeah, the pressure there's no rush. And like, maybe you don't, end up getting back into shape like that's fine like it's just there's so much pressure to fit be a certain way and look a certain way and just take that pressure off yourself yeah and really like don't don't put a time limit I think that was my biggest yeah advice is like don't put a time limit like oh I want to be back to shape in a year or this like take the little steps like you said be consistent and be patient yeah love it okay tips for staying patient when your baby is crying or whining
00:43:04
Speaker
Noise cancelling headphones. I'm just kidding. But like kind of not kidding. but the airport Have you ever had to do that? On a drive, yeah. We were like, we couldn't stop. Like we had to go. Like it was like, I know my baby is safe. So I have to just like keep going. We have to make it home.
00:43:18
Speaker
My mom gives really good advice to new moms because she's a labor and delivery nurse. She'll say, and now I might butcher how she says this, but she's like, there will be moments when you are so overstimulated, so overwhelmed, your baby's crying. You can't get the baby to stop.
00:43:34
Speaker
And like, you can feel the rage yeah and like the overwhelm overcome you to a point where like, Not that it's scary, but, like, it can get scary. Yeah. She's like, when you feel that, put the baby in a room, in a safe environment, in their crib, let them cry for a minute, go put on headphones, and breathe.
00:43:51
Speaker
Yeah. Just for five minutes. Yeah. Like, this might be controversial, but that baby crying for five minutes, for you to just, like, take a minute... I can, like, feel myself, like, remembering those moments. Getting back that headspace. Yes. Like, it is...
00:44:06
Speaker
so hard. There's literally a hormone. Do you know this? When a baby cries, the mom releases a hormone, that a stress hormone. out Like yourre their baby crying. Yes. And men get it too, but not to the scale that women get it.
00:44:19
Speaker
And that is, it's literally a survival thing. It's so that like moms will take care of their babies and like help them. But no, the the cortisol spike that happens when your baby's crying, like Take deep breaths. Yeah. Literally take deep breaths and like try to ground yourself.
00:44:37
Speaker
That is something I have a really hard time with. It's really hard. The whining too. As they get older and as toddlers, like it is so frustrated.
00:44:47
Speaker
i wish I had like a better tip because I, I think it's just like you are overstimulated and like you have to be gentle with yourself in those moments. Like, And it will pass. Like, that's the thing is it will pass. I don't know to help kids stop whining. I think it's just like part of... Whining to me is actually the hardest part about being a mom. It's it's hard. Because it's like...
00:45:08
Speaker
I don't even know how to explain it. The whining to me is just like nails on a chalkboard. Like, oh, stop whining. I think sometimes they're whining about like things that like they should be grateful. Like, why didn't I, you get them like a treat. Why didn't I get a bigger size? Or like, yeah, it's just like, come on.
00:45:24
Speaker
I just got you this. And I think like, I don't know the psychology behind why kids do that or whining. But I do think like, it's just, again, taking a breath, be patient. And have them take a breath. Yeah. We'll always tell our kids like start again.
00:45:36
Speaker
Like, take a deep breath. Let's, I can't understand you when you're whining. Or like, let's take a deep breath. Can you try asking in a different way? Exactly. Because like, you know how it feels to be kid and really want something and be frustrated. Like, you kind of automatically whine. Yeah. Whereas like, you can take a deep breath. I mean, I feel like I do it as an adult.
00:45:52
Speaker
Like, even just getting angry. Like, taking a deep breath, having them take a second. Yep. Both taking a break and trying to like slow down the moment, which isn't always easy, but that's what... works for I feel calm right now with what you're doing. Like, I'm like, I'm like, and breathe in and breathe out. We're good moms. It's okay to yell sometimes.
00:46:10
Speaker
It's, it's hard. I'll say the whining really gets to me too. And like, what I sometimes try to do is just reframe like, okay, they've had a hard day. They've been in the sun. the day that I yelled at the kids, like they had been in the sun from like 9am to four going from place to place, which I'm like, you had such a fun day, but I'm like, they're also exhausted. yeah They've used their social battery. They've wanted to do things. They've tried to show off to their friends. You know what i mean? And so I think like,
00:46:34
Speaker
Just like going back to like why and like maybe they just need like extra support in that time versus like you getting upset. But I do get But also I'm overstimulated girly and when there's like whining and crying going on, I really have to like sometimes remove yourself. It's okay. And like if your partner is home, I think it's so valid to be like hey, I need a second. I'm going to go upstairs and close the door for 10 minutes. Yep.
00:46:58
Speaker
And like they should be able to do the same thing. And don't feel shame or guilt in that. I feel like I used to be like, I have to tough through this. Yeah, true. have to keep going. And now I'm like, I've gotten really good, like not trying to brag, but I've gotten really good at being like Camden.
00:47:11
Speaker
I'm really overstimulated. I need to go like take a second and just like breathe for a minute. Can you handle the kids? I'm going to go upstairs. a good idea. And he's good at just being like, yeah, of course, take what you do. And like set a timer.
00:47:23
Speaker
And like don't just go up and scroll on your phone. because I will do that. But, like, just, like, go and, like, breathe for a second. Put on a five-minute meditation on your headphones. And, like, then you come back and you feel like a brand-new mom.
00:47:36
Speaker
Yeah. I also was just thinking, like... something I could work on is just like not making the day so busy. Like it's kind of on me because I'll be like, Oh, I can commit to all these things. Yeah. and let your kids be bored. Did you see what I posted on our Instagram? Yes. Let them be bored. And also like you can say no to things. Like I think it's so hard, like, but your yeses to things should be like something that's going to like refuel you, yeah but it's hard. Like you want to just say yes to everything, but especially if you have FOMO like us, yeah I feel like we're very social and so we want to be at all the things, but yeah, you do have to be kind of like,
00:48:09
Speaker
Pick and choose what you can actually handle. Exactly. Okay. Venting about how moms always have to find the childcare. Can't have my husband texting 14-year-old girls. Ha ha. This is so true. i feel like you'll have good advice on this.
Childcare and Communication Strategies
00:48:23
Speaker
i I agree. and like, I literally said to my nannies, like, you don't have to text my husband. Like it I'll just, you can just text me or put us in a group text if you feel more comfortable. Cause do remember as a kid hating yeah chatting with the dads. Yeah. Um, but like Sam did encourage me the other day. He's like, you have a lot on your plate. Like what can I take off your plate? And maybe it's childcare, maybe it's something else, but like it's natural to take on so much of the load and the mental load But I think like your partner does want to help. And so like, just think of what you can offload that like maybe isn't texting the nanny, but like what else could they do? Or could they a gru task for the nanny or could they make a list for the nanny or the schedule yeah write the schedule? I do think that there's a lot they can do. That's not the actual outreach. Um,
00:49:07
Speaker
But I do think a group text is also once they're comfortable. Group text is like comfortable right away, I feel like. Yeah, but like once when we first have a nanny, I feel like I'll do more of like, hey, this is kind of like our boundaries and our rules and like this kind of stuff. And then we'll be in a group text and it's just nice to be all on the same page.
00:49:23
Speaker
But to Camden, I'm always like, I feel like neither of our husbands are like creepy, but i'm always like, don't be weird. Yeah. Okay. Don't. And he's always like, oh, really trying not to be creepy. he You don't want to overdo it. You don't want to overdo it. You don't want to be too friendly, but you also don't want to be husband. That's unapproachable.
00:49:40
Speaker
So it is a weird balance. It is a weird balance, but like, I will say they don't need to be chatting it up. I will say if it's their parents that they're asking for childcare, they can ask them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if it's someone in the neighborhood and you're texting the parents. No, no. I'm saying like if Camden, if we are going to ask his mom to watch the kids for something, oh that is a time that he obviously it's not creepy for him to text his mom.
00:50:02
Speaker
He can coordinate that and then I can coordinate it with like the younger girls in the neighborhood. Yeah, that's true. That's actually, that's a good way they could step in is like if it's a family member or cousin or something because they already know the relationship.
00:50:12
Speaker
Okay. I love that. Okay. How to handle when another child is mean to yours at the park. I wish I had a copy and paste whole thing, but there was a lot of details. Like, I think it was like pretty aggressive, pushing, like very unsafe. i think that this is really hard. I think you can like nicely be like, hey, can like, hey, ah let's keep our hands to ourselves.
00:50:33
Speaker
To the other kid. To the other kid. Because obviously you don't want to be like mean to the kid. who's, especially if they're older and then they're pushing on your younger, you don't want to be doing what they're doing to your kid to them.
00:50:44
Speaker
Does that make sense? Yeah, exactly. So I think they're like, hey, let's keep our hands to ourself and saying let's not like you keep your hands to yourself, making it a more just like broad statement. Yeah. Feels less directed at that kid, but maybe can snap them out of it. If they aren't listening to you, I think that you just have to like, unfortunately, remove your child from the situation. Yeah. Yeah.
00:51:02
Speaker
Which is just kind of like, it's not the best, but I think that's all you can do. Because what else are you going to do? Yeah, it's tricky. Because I've been on like both sides where like I feel like like when my oldest was younger, like around two, so like not really so much anymore. He was like...
00:51:17
Speaker
constantly pushing people and I hate... like I felt like I couldn't take him places because I was like stressed. It was a stressful time for you. him He would hurt people or like... But but he was so... It wasn't malicious. Yeah. He's such a loving kid.
00:51:28
Speaker
He was just like more physical. And like that's like... Yeah. And at two, they're still trying to figure out how to communicate. so like I feel like it's very normal at age two. But it is kind of on the parent to like...
00:51:40
Speaker
It is on the parent to have the boundaries. I also think it's different when a two-year-old is doing it. Like if a two-year-old was pushing, say my one-year-old, I feel like I'd be comfortable being hey, like let's keep our hands to ourselves. Like, yeah, let's not do this. Or like removing my child from the situation. If there's like a 10-year-old messing with like my five-year-old, I'm definitely going to be like, hey, you need to go over there. Like this is where the little kids are playing. Like I would be more stern just because they should know more boundaries.
00:52:06
Speaker
But that's hard because I never want to parent other people's kids. Yeah, it's tricky. But I think, like, you have to prioritize your kid's safety, number one. And so yeah it might mean you get uncomfortable and have to say something. Yeah, what would Or, like, talk to other parent.
00:52:18
Speaker
Would you go up to the other parent and just be like, hey, they're being physical? Probably not. Honestly, I probably wouldn't say anything. I probably would just remove from the situation. I always, like, am hesitant. I never want my friends to feel like I'm parenting their kids or, like, was telling my sister-in-law, like, I never want you to feel like I'm ever, like, parenting you're my niece.
00:52:36
Speaker
But I do think when it comes to safety, it's okay. to Like, we're at the pool today. And I was like, hey, Nora, like, don't get near that. like And I'm like, i was almost hesitant to be like, oh, shoot, like, she probably doesn't want me telling her what to do.
00:52:47
Speaker
then I'm like, no, her safe being safe around the pool is more important than, like, Like, I was wanting her to be safe. To parent. Yeah. I completely agree. like But if you could remove your child from the situation and just, like, go to a different part of the park, obviously if there's a kid, like...
00:53:04
Speaker
seeking out your child and following them. Yeah. You also could talk to the parents. Like, I mean, there's a lot of different options, but I don't think it's like best to just like let it happen. Okay. So yeah, I think in that situation, you just do your best to like let them know kindly in like a general way, like, Hey, let's not push or yeah. And then if that doesn't work, you remove your child because at the end of the day, you can really only just control your child. It's not really your place. Yeah.
00:53:27
Speaker
and you can remove your child. But I want to know what you would do in this situation because I feel like this happens to me quite a bit. And it happened while we were at the Splash Pad yesterday, I think maybe before you got there while you were there. But there was an older girl who was like hanging out.
00:53:39
Speaker
Like we were kind of sitting by like a tree. There was an older girl hanging out and I like brought enough snacks for my kids. And I like, I want to share snacks, but she kept like going in my bag and like trying to take the snacks and I, like, kindly was, like, hey, like, I'm sorry. I only brought enough for my kids. And, like, if I give this to you, then, like, my three-year-old won't have one. And, like, she was just, like, well, you can go buy more.
00:54:02
Speaker
Oh, my gosh. And I was, like, I know, but, like, this is what I have for right now. And just, like, I'm sorry if I had extra I would share. But also, I don't know if your mom's comfortable with that. I had no idea. And this girl was probably, like, eight.
00:54:12
Speaker
Yeah, she was a little older. And so she was – and I just, like – I don't want to be mean, but I was also kind of, like – ah Okay, like, I'm like, did your mom bring snacks? Like, this happens to me a lot. I feel like almost every time i go to the park maybe good And don't know what their parents are comfortable with. Totally. It's like a safety thing, too.
00:54:27
Speaker
And then she started, like, digging in the mud where all of our babies were playing and, like, pouring water in the dirt and then making, like, a mud right where we are sitting. So then I was like... Hey, like, do you mind going and making mud somewhere else? Like we have little babies crawling around here and like, I don't want them to play in the mud and like get all muddy. And she's like, they won't.
00:54:45
Speaker
Oh my God. was like, in this situation, i like didn't know what to do because I feel like I was like really kindly trying to be like, Hey, can you please not do that? What would you do? Oh, that's so hard because I also feel like I know that like kids that I age are pretty stubborn.
00:54:58
Speaker
Yeah. So it's like tricky. I don't want to be mean. You don't want to be mean, but like, you're also like, Hey, I'm also like, Hey, I only brought enough Nutella for my kids. You know, probably, don't know. I probably would just take the snacks and move them.
00:55:12
Speaker
Like move them to a different place. Yeah. No, I had to tell her like three times. I'm like, please don't put your hand in like, keep, she kept putting and grabbing. It's of strange though. Like, why is she getting into your stuff? Yeah. I don't know. And like, obviously i don't care. Like if your kids wanted the Nutella thing whatever. They were getting into your No, I would have been like, yeah, no, it's totally fine. But I know you.
00:55:29
Speaker
Yeah. And like, don't It was just a weird situation. And I was like, I i don't know. it's In the mud. I was just getting over simulated by the mud. That's that's a weird one. i also feel like it was like definitely the scenario at the park yesterday where like you're trying to talk to the moms and it's just not happening. Oh yeah. We were like, yeah. And the,
00:55:47
Speaker
Wait, don't do that. was just a lot. The kids were running around. like There was tons of kids there. You just never know.
Managing Household and Personal Expectations
00:55:53
Speaker
Can we talk about the fact that like your kids will be so crazy for the first hour that you're there.
00:55:58
Speaker
You can't get anyone to like go play or calm down. Everyone needs something. And then right when you're trying to start packing up, they find their groove. Yeah. And they're like playing and leaving you alone and you can finally talk.
00:56:10
Speaker
But then you're like, we have to go. Why do they do that? I don't know. Maybe it's just like the excitement of showing up. I think this is like the the more kids that are there, the harder it is. It's like, okay. It's like when it's not busy, they just enjoy life so much better.
00:56:24
Speaker
I know. Last one. Okay. Advice on balancing life as a mom, kids, cleaning, cooking, workout, friends, family, any systems to help do it all. Honestly, my first note here is no one's doing it all. This question is going to make me Someone.
00:56:39
Speaker
Something. I mean, everyone's dropping someone. Everyone's dropping something. and This question is triggering. It feels like, it does feel like everyone's doing it all. Trust me, yeah they're not. There are systems.
00:56:51
Speaker
We're big systems people. And I do think it does help you do more. But like first off, take the pressure off of doing it all. Like give yourself grace and like find like easy hacks or workarounds for things like meals, for example.
00:57:05
Speaker
The hack of we talked about last week of like chat GPT, putting a bunch of chat GPT, helping it like a bunch of like sandwiches in the freezer and then you have it for the week. You know, it's fine if your kids eat the same thing for meals. And like, there's a lot of pressure. And I think you just have to take your pressure, that pressure off. Okay. Do you have any more like tactical?
00:57:22
Speaker
I have so many tactical things. I feel like we need to do a whole episode on this. yeah You wrote a few things like shared Google calendar, I think is such a good idea and a physical calendar.
00:57:32
Speaker
I have that one from Kindred Conversations that I love and we write all of the meals, what we have that week, but then we also put it in a calendar. Camden i referenced that as well. Yes. Like tonight for dinner, i was like, can you please make dinner? He went and saw what was written for dinner and he made it.
00:57:46
Speaker
like I just feel like it's so nice to have it in two different places too. Yeah. I'm more of a visual person. He's more of like a calendar person. um When it comes to food, actually, something that's really helped us is in we have a shared note and it says like need to buy and it's categorized into Target, Costco, grocery store,
00:58:07
Speaker
Whatever. Walmart. Like, yeah whatever. And right when we figure out, like, oh, we need diapers, we'll put it on the Costco list right away. and it's a shared note. So if one of us is going to the grocery store to get something, we'll both reference the shared note.
00:58:19
Speaker
Nice. And it's just, like, then you're not taking multiple trips. and I also think it's just like you're doing a lot of things like kind of divide up like where you're both helping. yeah Sunday planning. Love this. Yeah. We do this. Like what does your week look like?
00:58:30
Speaker
What are some of your goals? Like something that you want to focus on? What are like your biggest stressors this week? And how can I like help relieve that stress? Yeah. Kind of thing. That's so smart. And like, honest, back to the beginning, like, I don't think anyone's doing it all. And like, I'm not perfect of doing this every week, but when I can get into a good routine of planning, I do feel like it's a lot better.
00:58:50
Speaker
And this is just like something that I like to do being a working mom is like, when I think of something, I do it like, if I can, if it's less than five minutes, I do it immediately. Yes. I that. If I can, obviously. like oh There's scenarios where I can't. But otherwise, like the list starts to build up of like sign them up for baseball. like Do this. like And so if I can do it in the moment, text a friend, a specific thing.
00:59:12
Speaker
You're really at this. Something love to do is like when I'm driving, use Siri. Text Maddie. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Or voice message. Voice messaging. like Because I know I want to do it, but sometimes I like multi have to multitask what I'm doing. so I think, too, like instead of spending time dreading the task, spend the time that you would spend dreading it just doing it.
00:59:29
Speaker
I yeah know that sounds like so simple, but for me, this is laundry. All day, I'll be like, have to do laundry tonight once the kids are asleep. I have to do laundry. Lately... If I have a minute, I'm trying to do laundry during the day and just get it over with because then I'm not spending the rest of the day dreading it. And it's like one batch And that's always possible.
00:59:47
Speaker
But like, yeah, it's just kind of crazy. I also love the hack of a timer and like stick to it. Like if you have... Every night, like 15 minutes of cleaning. Like, don't spend an hour cleaning and take your whole night.
01:00:00
Speaker
But do the 15 minutes. You'll get way more done than you think. Like, laundry... Yeah. For some reason, laundry feels like a five or six hour task. It really... The folding itself is actually quite fast. you No, it is quite fast. But it's like... Yeah, I dread it for so long that I... It feels like... It takes up so much mental space.
01:00:16
Speaker
Yep. So, I think setting the timer of like, okay, I'm going to do 15 minutes of laundry. If I don't get it all done, whatever. But at least... I used to pride myself. We're very much like this. Like we're very task oriented and when we're very like, go go, go, go, go. Do as much as you can. Don't complain.
01:00:29
Speaker
Don't get help. Like this is something that we've both. turned into like burnout. We do this all the time to ourselves and it's yeah kind of our personalities. So for me, this has been a house cleaner yeah for years.
01:00:41
Speaker
I have been like, i need a house cleaner. i am drowning. Like, and then I would look into a house cleaner and I would be like, okay, it's going to cost this much. I could get it done. And so then I would stress all week or like, okay, on Friday, I have to like scrub all the bathrooms and i have to do all this. And so I'm going to pay a nanny to like watch the kids so I can get this done or my husband's going to take them. And it just was like,
01:01:02
Speaker
I felt so much like pride in being like, no, I can do this and save money. Yeah. I got a house cleaner for the first time this week per Becca's recommendation. Game changer.
01:01:12
Speaker
I literally am so mad that it took me, it is the best money I've ever spent. Yeah. And you know me, I'm a penny pincher. Like I don't like to just like spend money on anything, especially if it's something I can do. Yeah. The mental space of knowing that in two weeks again, my toilets will get scrubbed so I don't have to stress about them, that I've been able to kind of just like turn that part of my brain off.
01:01:31
Speaker
Yeah. And she didn't even like do everything. Just like I still do clean a ton, but like the deep clean that can happen. Like try to outsource where you can. Yeah. And don't just like not outsource because of pride like me.
01:01:45
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. And I think especially like if you're also working, like you have to outsource. have to. And like some things will just go by the wayside at the end of the day. Like maybe your toilets aren't clean and that's fine. Yeah.
01:01:55
Speaker
You can't do it all. You can't do it all. You can't drink enough water. Be a good friend. Be a good spouse. Be a good worker. Make sure your house is clean. so Have some sort of side hustle. Make sure you're getting your protein in. Look hot.
01:02:07
Speaker
Look hot. Like... be a good neighbor. Be like, it is too much. It's too much. Take your child to every activity. It's just some days you're going to kill it. You probably feel this way. Some days I'm like, today was my bitch. I killed it. I got all the stuff done.
01:02:20
Speaker
I did this, this, this, and this. I killed it. My kids were happy. And then some days I'm like, what just happened? Yeah. Like what just happened? And you kind of just have to like, If you have the days, which I have a lot that are bad days, because my friends, you probably get this a lot. They're like, how do you do it all?
01:02:36
Speaker
Yeah. I'm like, some days I do it all, and some days I do none of it. Exactly. It's like you sometimes feel like, okay, I got this. i am I'm like the super mom, yeah and then other days, like, literally. And if you're having a bad day, say, let's start again tomorrow. We're going reset, and we're start again tomorrow. did with my kids. Literally, I that with last night. I'm like, okay, we're going to bed tonight.
01:02:53
Speaker
you know tomorrow is? It's a new day. It's a new day. both start over. All of your sins are washed away. Good parents repair. Oh, wait. have one more story to yeah, yeah. The podcast. We'll end on this note.
01:03:04
Speaker
So we saw Lilo and Stitch last night. Oh, yeah. They redid it. Was it good? It was really good. It pretty much was the same storyline, but... It's been a minute, so don't even know what the storyline is. It was like real life. Okay. Cute. And so, you know the scene when she's upset and she puts a, like...
01:03:18
Speaker
drawing of her on the window or on the door and it's like don't come in it's her with a sad face yeah so we saw this last night today my oldest did something that was very out of character for her that she did to her little sister which she shouldn't have done I'm just gonna tell you she bit her she's never bit in her life literally never bitten anyone in her life she's five years old she decided to bite her so obviously i was very upset because I'm like you're five years old yeah like you know better and she was crying she's like I'm a bad sister I'm a bad sister like she knew what she did So she had some repercussions. She had to go to her room.
01:03:49
Speaker
So she's in her room for about 30 minutes. And then I go upstairs because she's being really quiet. She wasn't like, she felt bad. Yeah. But I think it's good that she felt bad because she did a bad thing. I go upstairs.
01:03:59
Speaker
I'll have to post a picture. On the door of her bedroom is a picture that she drew of herself with a frowny face taped to the door. then I go, I open the door. I'm like holding my two month old niece. I opened the door.
01:04:14
Speaker
Elsie is laying under the bed, just like feeling bad for herself. And it was because of Lilo and Stitch. Cause she got that from the show. She got that from the show. And i just like could not stop laughing because it's just like such an iconic, like she's like, I'm sad and I'm in here and I'm pulling out all the dramatics.
01:04:31
Speaker
I love it. Okay. Anyways, we're doing our best. Doing our best. It's getting dark over here. It's hot. It's the end of the night. Let's go to bed. Friday night. Bye, girls. Bye.