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Go From Camera Shy To Camera Ready - Jessica Abo (Media Trainer)
276 Plays3 years ago
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Transcript
Introduction and Background
00:00:03
Speaker
Back again, Bigger Talks, IG Live.
00:00:06
Speaker
We got a new episode and this one is really, really good.
00:00:10
Speaker
And you guys really need to listen and pay attention this entire interview.
00:00:15
Speaker
And the guest I have on today is Jessica Alba.
00:00:18
Speaker
She is an award-winning journalist, a storyteller, and a media trainer.
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Speaker
She's been on Good Morning America, USA Today, CNN,
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Speaker
I mean, the list goes on and on.
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And she also has a book out.
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She's a best-selling author.
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Speaker
And the book is Unfiltered.
Personal Life and Background in Media
00:00:39
Speaker
Look, how to be happy as you look on social media.
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Speaker
I think, yeah, that's the title.
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Speaker
How to be as happy as you look on social media.
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Because a lot of us look happy, but we don't feel happy.
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Speaker
So Jessica, waiting for her to come in.
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Speaker
And we're going to have a good, good interview.
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Speaker
Jessica Alba.
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Speaker
Let's see, there she is.
00:01:02
Speaker
Okay.
00:01:12
Speaker
Hello.
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Speaker
Hey, how are you?
00:01:15
Speaker
I am great.
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Speaker
How are you?
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Speaker
It's so good to be with you.
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I know.
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Speaker
I'm phenomenal.
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Speaker
Thanks for being on.
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Speaker
I appreciate you so much.
00:01:22
Speaker
How's your day?
00:01:23
Speaker
It's good.
00:01:25
Speaker
I have family in town who I haven't seen in three years because they were abroad.
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Speaker
And then with COVID, it was hard to
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Speaker
coordinate and I'm running an art camp at my house for a group of four year olds and I'm a little over nine months pregnant.
00:01:38
Speaker
Congratulations.
00:01:39
Speaker
Thank you.
00:01:40
Speaker
So it's a little hectic here, but that's how we like to do it.
00:01:43
Speaker
I love it.
00:01:44
Speaker
Well, I just want to thank you for being here.
00:01:47
Speaker
Thank you for being available and taking the time and giving your energy insights because you've done so much.
00:01:54
Speaker
And I just want to say I appreciate you because people in your space make people like myself and others scale their life in their business.
Childhood Ambition and Media Impact
00:02:02
Speaker
um you're a media trainer a storyteller and an award-winning journalist so before we get into details about everything that you do and provide because i also know you do one-on-one coaching um you're in the pr space maybe marketing how did all this come about where did this start uh where are you from you're from pennsylvania i believe right
00:02:22
Speaker
Yeah, you're so good.
00:02:23
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So I grew up in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
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Speaker
People, when they hear that, they're like, oh, where Jesus is from.
00:02:28
Speaker
And I'm like, different Bethlehem, but really close.
00:02:32
Speaker
And I wanted to be a talk show host since the time I was nine years old.
00:02:36
Speaker
And I wanted to be Phil Donahue.
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Speaker
So a lot of people don't even know who Phil Donahue is.
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So that's totally showing my age.
00:02:43
Speaker
But I would line up my dolls as a kid and I would do these mock programs, you know, should Barbie and Ken get back together?
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Speaker
And like, you know, where should they send Skipper to school?
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Like all of these crazy ideas.
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But I was a storyteller since I was really young.
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Speaker
And when I was in high school, I helped the first Black family in this country to have sextuplets.
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get on their feet when everyone else was lavishing this white family who had set tuplets with gifts left and right and really wasn't doing much to, you know, be as kind and generous to this family as they were to this family.
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Speaker
And as a result, at 16 years old, I led this, like, really big initiative on behalf of my junior class.
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And we were able to get in touch with the legal firm representing this family in DC, get them everything that they needed at that time.
00:03:33
Speaker
And because we took the day off from school and brought all of the gifts that we bought this family that they needed to them in person, other media outlets started to cover this family.
00:03:42
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And by the time we were done, they got a house and a van and education taken care of for the
Storytelling and Media Training
00:03:49
Speaker
children.
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Speaker
And I got to see at that stage of the game
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Speaker
that I was really on the right track.
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So this goal of being a talk show host wasn't to be famous.
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Speaker
It was to help tell people's stories.
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And that's because Phil Donahue told these people's stories so well or helped people get the resources and advice they needed to get on their feet.
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And then when I had my own experience with the media and I saw how powerful storytelling can be and how it can help people for good, it made me want to be in this business.
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Speaker
I spent a lot of time covering bad people doing bad things.
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Speaker
Never.
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Speaker
That was never the highlight of the career by any means.
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Speaker
And Phil Donahue, to people who don't know the name, I don't know the person.
00:04:29
Speaker
Can you kind of give us a synopsis of who he is or who he was?
00:04:33
Speaker
Yeah.
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So he was just a talk show host who would have like Oprah and Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil would, you know, in today's day and age, he would have guests on, guest psychologists on, and people would sit on the set and bare their souls.
00:04:47
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And I felt like anyone at home who would have
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Speaker
some sort of connection to that person's story if they were listening to that person get advice, if that person felt better by the end of the episode, there was a really good chance that person at home felt better by the end also.
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Speaker
So it made me think, OK, well, how can I tell one person's story at a given moment and be helping millions of people at the same time?
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And the way that I was able to do that for 20 plus years was working in TV news.
00:05:14
Speaker
Wow, well, congratulations, because you have, you know, going on.
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Speaker
So that's storytelling.
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Speaker
From your perspective, what is the definition of a storyteller?
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Because I know for me, it's like, oh, you tell a great story.
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Because I read the book by Peter Gerber, I believe it's Tell Your Story to Win.
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Tell stories in life when they're speaking or they're talking to win people over.
00:05:38
Speaker
So what is storytelling from a journalist's perspective, your perspective, and what?
00:05:43
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So I think from a journalist's perspective, I would think a storyteller is someone who seeks the truth and reports it.
00:05:51
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From the perspective of a media trainer now, I would say a storyteller is someone who can connect with their audience in a way that's really meaningful, memorable, and relatable.
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And I think that's where a lot of people go wrong when they sit down to do media segments.
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They think, I have to memorize this paragraph that my publicist gave me or my corporate communications person gave me or I'll get in trouble.
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But then they lose a sense of themselves in that moment.
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So they don't come across relatable.
Public Perception and Media Strategy
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They don't come across as memorable.
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Speaker
They just come across as a talking head.
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And that doesn't usually make anybody feel good and lacks a lot of heart in the storytelling.
00:06:28
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Absolutely.
00:06:29
Speaker
And so with your intentions and your profession as a media trainer, what is the intention?
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Speaker
Is it similar to a publicist?
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Speaker
Are you like a manager agent for your clients?
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Like what is your intentions as a media trainer?
00:06:43
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Sure.
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Speaker
So someone like you comes to someone like me and they might have different goals.
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So you, I'm going to totally make up everything about your life right now, but except for the fact that, you know, you have this amazing business.
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Speaker
and podcast and Instagram account and book and all these other things.
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Speaker
So let's say someone like you comes to me.
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Speaker
They will say, I am at a point in my career where I want to do more media appearances because I am watching people just like me get all of these media hits and I'm more qualified than they are or I want to be in the game as much as they are.
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Speaker
And they have like this fire under their seat because they're watching all of these people around them succeed.
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So they want to be in the media game also.
00:07:26
Speaker
But they come to me because they have stage fright, because they ramble on and on and on and they don't know how to talk in sound bites.
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Speaker
They come to me because they might be in a crisis and they don't know how to pivot when they get an answer that they don't know the answer to, they don't want to answer, or legally they're not allowed to answer.
00:07:42
Speaker
They come to me because they see themselves on camera and they cringe.
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because of the way that they look, they sound, they're shot, whatever it might be.
00:07:49
Speaker
So for those folks, we spend a lot of time in the trenches, getting them what I call from camera shy to camera ready.
00:07:56
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And then there are other people who really want to hit the ground running with PR.
00:08:01
Speaker
Now, if someone wanted to do that, I teach them all of the tips and tricks that I can
00:08:06
Speaker
around PR, which is public relations, which is making really meaningful relationships with members of the media, and understanding the way we pitch in 2022.
00:08:16
Speaker
Is it still that really long press release, or is it just a few sentences if we get someone's email?
00:08:21
Speaker
Understanding the difference of what to send and when and where.
00:08:26
Speaker
And then for those who want to hire a publicist, sometimes I'll introduce them to publicists.
00:08:30
Speaker
Sometimes I'll help them come up with their goals.
00:08:33
Speaker
And we make sure that they find the right publicist.
00:08:35
Speaker
Because if you're someone who doesn't have time to be pitching the media to be out there, you're going to want to hire someone to help you.
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Speaker
But if you are in the fashion space, you're not going to want a publicist who specializes in health tech.
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Speaker
Just like if you are an app, you're not going to want someone who does beauty PR.
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Speaker
So we make sure that people find the right publicist.
00:08:57
Speaker
Well, so it sounds like you do it all within your business.
00:09:01
Speaker
Like you can find publicists, you have the relationships to maybe magazine or networks, you know.
00:09:08
Speaker
And I think I want to give you a story that was real to me in 2017.
00:09:12
Speaker
So when I was on the TV show The Bachelorette, right, I finished top three.
00:09:19
Speaker
No one knew, you know, because we were filming for like two months.
00:09:23
Speaker
But when I came home, I was lost.
00:09:25
Speaker
I didn't really know what to do.
00:09:27
Speaker
So thank God for a friend of mine, Michael Collins, who's now my manager and another friend, Aisha Cole, their idea was thinking, I think you should get a publicist.
00:09:37
Speaker
OK, I should get a publicist.
00:09:38
Speaker
Mind you, I don't know anything.
00:09:39
Speaker
I was on TV for 10 weeks.
00:09:41
Speaker
The EP is like the producers tell me my life is going to change.
00:09:45
Speaker
I don't know.
00:09:47
Speaker
And I do feel there's a lot of people in this space that do reality TV or any type of appearance.
00:09:52
Speaker
So anyway, I got a publicist, I did a photo shoot, and I did press before my show, well, I did press on when my show was airing.
00:10:01
Speaker
There are like 12 outlets.
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Speaker
They held the press and then post show I did another like 15 outlets.
00:10:08
Speaker
But I say all that to say, I believe if I didn't make that decision to go get a publicist, I signed up for two months, I wouldn't be in a position I'm in today.
00:10:17
Speaker
Because when I was off the show and you could release, you know, my publications, I had over 80 publications.
00:10:25
Speaker
So if you Google my name.
00:10:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:27
Speaker
That gave me momentum.
00:10:29
Speaker
And so when I see a lot of guys and gals that come from that show or that franchise, because you see people who get a lot of followers, but they don't know how to use their followers or their platform.
00:10:39
Speaker
And I was watching an interview and you spoke on social media is an education platform.
00:10:46
Speaker
And I also know that just because you have a following doesn't mean...
00:10:52
Speaker
people want to follow you, meaning people want to use you for their platform to scale their business.
00:10:57
Speaker
So can you just speak on
00:10:59
Speaker
the benefit of having a publicist versus an agent or manager, because I think people have those two, but they don't hire a media trainer like yourself, because I think people should seek you out in business and a publicist in general, because sometimes I'm confused.
00:11:15
Speaker
Is a publicist the same as someone who's good at marketing?
00:11:18
Speaker
Like, how does that work?
00:11:20
Speaker
Does it go hand in hand?
00:11:21
Speaker
What do you think?
00:11:22
Speaker
So from the TV perspective, what we were always taught was the agent is the person who could probably help you find your next job.
00:11:30
Speaker
And I say probably because we live in a day and age where so many deals are happening directly from person to person, and they don't need that middle man like they used to back in the day.
00:11:39
Speaker
Like, when I came out of journalism school, you could show up like I did over and over and over again at a news station.
00:11:45
Speaker
with a VHS cassette and just say, I happen to be in Omaha, Nebraska.
00:11:49
Speaker
I just happened to be driving through today.
00:11:51
Speaker
P.S.
00:11:51
Speaker
I'm from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
00:11:52
Speaker
But I happened to be in Omaha, Nebraska with my VHS cassette tape and was wondering if the news director would chat with me.
00:11:59
Speaker
There was that real-time relationship building, you can get a job on your own route.
00:12:04
Speaker
But many people at that time were trying to get agents who would be the one to pick up the phone, be the one to send a VHS cassette out on someone else's behalf and say, this is someone really worth looking at.
00:12:16
Speaker
So to my knowledge and to my understanding with everyone I talk to today, the agency world in some cases has changed a bit, but in other cases, it's still as old school as it's always been.
00:12:26
Speaker
which is this is the person working the phones for you.
00:12:28
Speaker
They're going to find out about the movie opportunity, about the casting call, about the audition, about the whatever it might be you're looking for.
00:12:36
Speaker
And they are going to be making those relationships on your behalf and be your spokesperson to a certain extent.
00:12:43
Speaker
Then there's the manager who might manage the day-to-day relationships that you have.
00:12:48
Speaker
That person might travel with you to every single appearance.
00:12:52
Speaker
That person might be trying to get brand deals and work with your agent.
00:12:56
Speaker
So there's a lot of overlap between managers and agents.
00:13:00
Speaker
It just depends on if you are in the film track, if you are looking for a literary agent versus a manager, because they'll look a little differently than a TV agent and a TV manager looks.
00:13:12
Speaker
So those are the people who are looking out for your career, helping you scale and find the next opportunity.
00:13:18
Speaker
A publicist is looking for your next placement.
00:13:22
Speaker
So every single time you score one of these opportunities, it's on your publicist to let the world know.
00:13:30
Speaker
So they might send out a press release.
00:13:32
Speaker
So something that I do with my clients very early on, and I do this whether it's one-on-one or in a master class setting, I teach people that I get pitched because you have to keep in mind while I spent 20 years working in traditional TV news and got pitched every single day from real life people and their publicists, now that I have a business series on entrepreneur.com, I get anywhere from 400 to 500 pitches a month for one of my segments.
00:13:58
Speaker
And these are full features.
00:14:00
Speaker
So they fall into buckets.
00:14:02
Speaker
It's either someone who's overcome some sort of adversity in their life, and now they have this story to share.
00:14:08
Speaker
It's someone who can be a part of a story that's trending.
00:14:11
Speaker
Like, for example, I just did a piece on a health executive who went to Ukraine and brought more than a million dollars worth of COVID tests to distribute to different hospitals to make sure people in hospitals can be tested for COVID.
00:14:23
Speaker
So that's more of like a breaking news type of story because it was pitched to me right after the war broke out.
00:14:29
Speaker
So that made sense at that time.
00:14:31
Speaker
There are a lot of different reasons why you might be pitched.
00:14:33
Speaker
And a publicist, a good publicist, will look at someone like you and say, Eric, you are so much more than just a contestant on The Bachelor.
00:14:41
Speaker
You are this, that, and the other.
00:14:43
Speaker
So we can pitch you for small business Saturday.
00:14:46
Speaker
And we can pitch you around Thanksgiving because of your giving back component to what you do.
00:14:52
Speaker
And we can pitch you in January when it's New Year, New You, or February around Valentine's Day, because now it's like five lessons from a seasoned bachelor or whatever it might be.
00:15:03
Speaker
So a publicist will help you think of these ideas that go outside of the scope of your day job.
00:15:09
Speaker
And thank you for that information.
00:15:11
Speaker
So what do you think, you know, what's the difference or how important is public perception versus publicity, right?
00:15:23
Speaker
Because sometimes publicity sells and also public perception, good or bad can be good.
00:15:29
Speaker
Like how much does perception, public perception plays in someone's career and livelihood for them scaling their brand?
00:15:37
Speaker
So this is a really personal question.
00:15:38
Speaker
And I always ask people in the beginning of working with me, why do you want PR in this moment?
00:15:43
Speaker
Why do you want press today?
00:15:45
Speaker
Is it because you're launching something?
00:15:47
Speaker
Is it because a book is coming out?
00:15:49
Speaker
Is it because you are the number two at a company, but you really hope to be the number one?
00:15:54
Speaker
So you need some street cred to show how valuable you are to a company and use that to advance.
00:16:00
Speaker
Are you trying to sell your company?
00:16:02
Speaker
Are you in the middle of fundraising?
00:16:03
Speaker
And you need to show investors that you are worth their time and money.
00:16:07
Speaker
So you want to ask yourself, why do you want press?
00:16:10
Speaker
And then what do you want that exposure to do?
00:16:12
Speaker
And what's your metric of success?
00:16:14
Speaker
So if your metric of success is for the public to love you, then sure, the public persona is really going to matter to you.
00:16:20
Speaker
Maybe you're coming off of the heels of a crisis and you need to let the public know whatever happened in your company, you understand why it happened, and this is what you're doing to ensure it doesn't happen again.
00:16:31
Speaker
So your media tour is going to look a little different than someone who's looking for brand awareness.
00:16:36
Speaker
Because brand awareness, people would love if people went out and bought their product.
00:16:41
Speaker
But they're not so obsessed with the numbers of how much money that they're making or how many products they're selling.
00:16:47
Speaker
Because brand awareness is just important for them to understand people know that they exist in the first place.
00:16:53
Speaker
So I think people have to take a look and say, okay, why would I want press today?
00:16:57
Speaker
And what do I want that press to do?
00:16:59
Speaker
At the end of the day, do we all want to look good to the people around us?
00:17:03
Speaker
Usually, that's the case.
00:17:05
Speaker
You know, even when I did research for the book, our brains are wired to care about what people think about us.
00:17:10
Speaker
We're wired to care about what other people are doing.
00:17:13
Speaker
That's why if you feel connected
Media Training and Overcoming Self-Doubt
00:17:15
Speaker
to your phone, it is not your fault.
00:17:17
Speaker
Like we are
00:17:18
Speaker
social animals, there's the social comparison theory, which basically says it's in our DNA to care about the status of other animals.
00:17:25
Speaker
So if you feel like it's you, it's not you, it's just how we were made.
00:17:30
Speaker
And for someone else, the public perception might not be as important because they might have another goal.
00:17:36
Speaker
Yeah, and for me, you know, when I was on that show and I did several other shows, I would go around and ask people, like, how they saw me, right, or how they see me.
00:17:45
Speaker
And I started learning, like, oh, you see me as this guy.
00:17:50
Speaker
Interesting.
00:17:50
Speaker
And I learned maybe I can be wrong.
00:17:53
Speaker
your perception, the public's perception, the people's perception more than likely is how you get paid.
00:17:58
Speaker
People are paying for their perception of you, right?
00:18:01
Speaker
Because they know you, but they don't really know you know you.
00:18:04
Speaker
So let's talk about, let's go into, I want to kind of shift and pivot, damage control, because I'm a big fan of Will Smith.
00:18:11
Speaker
I love Will Smith.
00:18:12
Speaker
And I want to know,
00:18:14
Speaker
It's up to you if you want to answer that.
00:18:16
Speaker
How do you feel about what happened post the incident?
00:18:21
Speaker
And do you think what he did on apology?
00:18:23
Speaker
Because I kind of felt like, ah.
00:18:26
Speaker
it still was kind of dry and I didn't feel like it didn't feel as authentic that I know it could be and that's my opinion.
00:18:32
Speaker
What do you think was best for him in that case and how do you think about the overall instant and as a person in your space, what would have been your feedback or deliverables for him to kind of, I guess it depends on what he wants, right?
00:18:45
Speaker
But how did you see that whole situation?
00:18:48
Speaker
So I first thought through the lens of a parent, because I think oftentimes in parenting, the first thing to do is react.
00:18:56
Speaker
Your kid falls, oh my god, are you OK?
00:18:58
Speaker
Are you OK?
00:18:58
Speaker
Opposed to waiting for your child to show you what their reaction is.
00:19:02
Speaker
Because they often look to you, and if they think mom is freaked out, then they're going to start to cry and freak out.
00:19:08
Speaker
Versus if you're calm, and they realize, oh, that was just a little bump, then they stay calm, and everything just sort of like goes on its way.
00:19:16
Speaker
So when that happened, the night that I watched it unfold like the rest of the world, my first thought was, I wish that there would have been a beat, which is really hard to do in life, and I totally appreciate that.
00:19:29
Speaker
But I wish that there would have been a beat of just, you know what, I'm going to go up and I'm going to take that microphone and I'm going to say, I actually have to stop you.
00:19:35
Speaker
If he was going to get on the stage at all, let's just preface it with, if he was going to get on that stage, my first thought was, I wish he would have gotten on that stage, taken the microphone and said,
00:19:44
Speaker
I'm going to interrupt you because I want to explain something.
00:19:46
Speaker
And I want to tell the world right now how bold and brave and beautiful and strong and what a fighter my wife is.
00:19:52
Speaker
And I want to tell you about this.
00:19:53
Speaker
And then, Chris, enjoy your speech or whatever it was.
00:19:55
Speaker
Like, I wish because you could have made the whole world go quiet and just kind of shut up the whole scene if you really wanted to do that with your words in the most powerful way.
00:20:08
Speaker
And instead, that's not what happened.
00:20:10
Speaker
So to answer it from like the initial days, the initial days was, I wish that there was like that pause of a parent when like your child drops something and it breaks instead of going like, oh my gosh, and just saying, okay, that's an accident.
00:20:22
Speaker
Things happen, not serious.
00:20:23
Speaker
Are you okay?
00:20:24
Speaker
I'm okay.
00:20:24
Speaker
Everyone's fine.
00:20:25
Speaker
Okay, so we missed that learning opportunity on day one.
00:20:29
Speaker
The apology, you know, it's funny.
00:20:31
Speaker
I have mixed emotions about this.
00:20:32
Speaker
Part of me feels like, again, when it comes to parenting, I own my mistakes in front of my daughter all the time.
00:20:38
Speaker
I tell her when I messed up all the time.
00:20:39
Speaker
We were out somewhere not that long ago, and someone asked my daughter a question.
00:20:43
Speaker
She said, my mom's really
Cancel Culture and Online Negativity
00:20:44
Speaker
good at making mistakes.
00:20:45
Speaker
And I loved that, because now she's going to think when she makes a mistake in life, it's not the end of the world.
00:20:51
Speaker
And she'll own it, hopefully.
00:20:53
Speaker
So in this case, I'm glad that he owned it.
00:20:56
Speaker
I'm glad that he came forward with the apology.
00:20:58
Speaker
But again, would it have been better just to contact Chris and let it be and just keep it between you and at the right time, let the world know that the two of you come together?
00:21:10
Speaker
Because I don't know, something about the whole world knowing about it.
00:21:14
Speaker
I don't know, for me personally, it took a little away from the authenticity of the apology.
00:21:19
Speaker
But at the same time, because he's such a public figure, if him coming forward and being an example is going to resonate with someone and it's going to make them say, OK, you know what?
00:21:28
Speaker
In my own life, I have this situation going on.
00:21:31
Speaker
I'm actually going to reach out to this person because I'm inspired by his growth.
00:21:35
Speaker
I want to have that same growth in my life and I'm going to reach out to apologize.
00:21:39
Speaker
There might have been 300 more apologies that day that we don't know about that were all a result of him sharing his story.
00:21:46
Speaker
So I'm kind of on the fence.
00:21:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:48
Speaker
And that's how I felt because
00:21:51
Speaker
this is a stage that the world needs to see.
00:21:53
Speaker
Like if I did something to someone, I'm not going to be on a camera.
00:21:57
Speaker
I'm going to get in your presence when the time is right.
00:21:59
Speaker
And we have to talk this out.
00:22:01
Speaker
I have to acknowledge my pain, my insecurities, my fear, my wounds, my trauma.
00:22:08
Speaker
And, you know, I always think about like, no one's perfect.
00:22:12
Speaker
What happened happened, we can't.
00:22:15
Speaker
But I do think what's important is the people you have around you, right?
00:22:18
Speaker
Your circle, your publicist, your agent, your family, your friends.
00:22:24
Speaker
Someone has to set the record straight and have a conversation because what I see is that
00:22:30
Speaker
when things happen like that, we make it okay in a social space because everybody gets to see it.
00:22:35
Speaker
We know what's wrong, we know what's right, but it's also how you respond after the incident because we can forgive and move on, but it's how you respond.
00:22:44
Speaker
And I think what I saw, I was like, it didn't feel like he was even, it didn't even feel like he wanted to be there.
00:22:51
Speaker
So it was tough to see, you know, everyone's, you know, can be forgiven, but it was just like, from your perspective, I was just curious,
00:22:59
Speaker
For your business, like you have, I'm looking at my notes here.
00:23:02
Speaker
So you have how to be happy as you social media.
00:23:06
Speaker
I want to talk about that.
00:23:07
Speaker
But before we get into that discussion, I want to, what is your ideal client?
00:23:12
Speaker
I want to be very intentional about your ideal client.
00:23:14
Speaker
Cause you know, it was like, Oh, she does media training.
00:23:17
Speaker
And like, do you want 18 to 24 years old, 35 to 40 for years?
00:23:21
Speaker
Do you want company when you fit?
00:23:23
Speaker
Cause I know people here that's going to be listening and watching.
00:23:26
Speaker
I just don't know.
00:23:28
Speaker
Who is Jessica Abbott?
00:23:30
Speaker
Who is your ideal client?
00:23:31
Speaker
Why?
00:23:33
Speaker
My ideal client is someone who wants to share their story with the world.
00:23:36
Speaker
And my why is because I sit with people all day, every day who are doing amazing things.
00:23:43
Speaker
And they are saying no to opportunities because they are afraid to put themselves out there.
00:23:47
Speaker
They are saying no to opportunities because they don't think they're worthy or deserving of those opportunities.
00:23:52
Speaker
They think the person next to them is
00:23:55
Speaker
more qualified so they don't raise their hand.
00:23:57
Speaker
And nothing gives me more joy than seeing people who have all of this experience and talent and so many gifts to share with the world actually be the person who is front and center and realize, oh my gosh, I have this in me all along.
00:24:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:13
Speaker
And that's the thing.
00:24:15
Speaker
I'm very good at just going up and speaking and talking and I realized like a lot of people are not as confident speaking what's in their mind because they're afraid of what the public or the person might say or people's perception of them, what they feel, what they think.
00:24:30
Speaker
From your research or your study, why do you think that's so common amongst human beings that we're so afraid to speak up, you know, that throat shock or like what we feel and what's inside of us?
00:24:41
Speaker
Why is it such a common thing for us?
00:24:45
Speaker
So this goes across the board, whether I'm working with teenagers, because I just finished training a teenager on American Ninja Warrior, and I also have had this problem applied to men who are in their 60s.
00:24:56
Speaker
So at some point, somewhere along the way, someone felt small.
00:25:02
Speaker
And that might have been a teacher that made you feel small.
00:25:04
Speaker
It might have been a significant other.
00:25:06
Speaker
It might have been a parent.
00:25:07
Speaker
It might have been a sibling.
00:25:08
Speaker
There are so many ways in which
00:25:11
Speaker
you might at some point in your life be able to identify the person who made you feel like you didn't have a voice or what you said didn't matter, or you had to say your point 10 times for someone to believe you or listen to you.
00:25:24
Speaker
So I'm sure there are a lot of people going like, yeah, yeah, like I totally have that person.
00:25:28
Speaker
But they haven't thought about that person in a really long time.
00:25:31
Speaker
So the first thing is, think back to a time where someone made you feel like
00:25:37
Speaker
you were less than, made you feel like you had to prove yourself, made you feel like what you had to say didn't matter.
00:25:44
Speaker
And then we had to kind of like unpack that for a minute and then come up with a mantra like, I have a gift to share and I have a voice to use and I am going to use it.
00:25:53
Speaker
Like, you know, or it's a power pose or whatever, that's what's worth for you.
00:25:57
Speaker
But the first thing is that I have found in my clients is there's usually a person or a pattern of people in your life who have made you feel this way.
00:26:05
Speaker
And as a result, you now are walking around as an adult thinking that what you have to say isn't as important or won't be as good as the next person.
00:26:14
Speaker
That's number one.
00:26:15
Speaker
Number two, when I'm working with clients, another thing we do very early on is I identify their gotcha questions.
00:26:22
Speaker
Because I have found that if people tell me early on, what are the questions that you hope no one ever asks you, and we prepare answers for that, they walk in with so much more confidence.
00:26:33
Speaker
Because now they're not walking into an interview.
00:26:35
Speaker
Eric, imagine you go to the Today Show.
00:26:37
Speaker
And you're like, I am hoping to God that no one asks me about how much revenue I made this year.
00:26:43
Speaker
And that's all you can think about.
00:26:45
Speaker
You're going to sit down, waiting, holding your breath, trying to answer every question, thinking, I hope they don't ask me that.
00:26:50
Speaker
I hope they don't ask me that.
00:26:51
Speaker
Versus coming up with an answer of how you want to answer it, and then sitting there and being able to take whatever comes at you because you know
00:26:59
Speaker
You are trained to control the narrative, go with the flow, come across really warm and relatable, but also not answer a question you don't want to answer.
00:27:07
Speaker
So I think going back to research, it's going back to that idea of,
00:27:12
Speaker
Our reputation really matters to us.
00:27:15
Speaker
Most people don't walk around thinking, it would be great if I could be trolled today, or it would be great if someone could write my business a really bad Yelp review.
Social Media and Personal Happiness
00:27:24
Speaker
Most people are people pleasers.
00:27:26
Speaker
We want to be liked.
00:27:28
Speaker
Our reputation is really important.
00:27:30
Speaker
And as a result, we will do anything to protect it.
00:27:32
Speaker
And the one thing that makes us really vulnerable is putting ourselves out there in the media when we don't know what's going to be thrown at us.
00:27:40
Speaker
It's the uncertainty.
00:27:41
Speaker
We don't know the outcome.
00:27:42
Speaker
We can't control the outcome.
00:27:44
Speaker
And I just want to speak on that because I was a people pleaser for 30 years of my life, feeling unworthy, right?
00:27:51
Speaker
Because I didn't get that support and love from the person that I was close to, mom or family members the way I needed emotionally.
00:27:58
Speaker
So I felt I always had to over give, always had to be there.
00:28:01
Speaker
And I didn't know how to say no.
00:28:03
Speaker
I didn't know how to create boundaries.
00:28:05
Speaker
But I think one thing that I can relate to that maybe some others is that some people, the reason they don't speak up or they don't say what's in them is because they feel lonely.
00:28:15
Speaker
They feel like they're the only one experiencing these things within their mind or in their body that they don't know how to speak up because they don't want to be judged.
00:28:26
Speaker
So you sound like a media therapist or media therapist.
00:28:30
Speaker
You're like, I don't know if that's the term, but you should be a therapist.
00:28:33
Speaker
I love that.
00:28:35
Speaker
You know what I'm saying?
00:28:36
Speaker
Because you're getting people to tap into their deep subconscious about what they really fear, right?
00:28:43
Speaker
And how they want things to play out.
00:28:45
Speaker
I remember a few years
Media Training Course and Practical Tips
00:28:47
Speaker
ago with the thing with Chris Harrison.
00:28:48
Speaker
I love Chris Harrison.
00:28:50
Speaker
And mind you, you know, I'm African-American, and of course,
00:28:53
Speaker
they reached out to me and I know how to handle myself.
00:28:56
Speaker
I know how to conduct myself in an interview.
00:28:57
Speaker
But there's also times in the media where they want to kind of stray you to kind of pick a side or be a certain way to benefit the article or the click bait.
00:29:07
Speaker
And I was like, I can't speak on what they said because that wasn't my experience.
00:29:12
Speaker
My experience was incredible.
00:29:14
Speaker
I think he's a wonderful man.
00:29:15
Speaker
I said, did he make a mistake?
00:29:17
Speaker
Yes, no one's perfect.
00:29:18
Speaker
Because this whole cancel culture
00:29:21
Speaker
I know.
00:29:22
Speaker
Because everybody, you know, wakes up and go outside like they never go to the bathroom at night and do a number two, right?
00:29:29
Speaker
Like we're not perfect.
00:29:30
Speaker
We all have lies.
00:29:31
Speaker
We all have feelings.
00:29:32
Speaker
And so what is your feedback on, or what is your perception or interpretation on cancel culture?
00:29:39
Speaker
And how does this start?
00:29:40
Speaker
And why is this such a prevalent thing in the world that we give so much power to?
00:29:46
Speaker
So I actually think social media is really to blame when it comes to this conversation.
00:29:51
Speaker
Because back in the day, if someone didn't like a story that I did, they would email the station, or they would call the station, and they would say, like, I can't believe blah, blah, blah.
00:30:00
Speaker
And they would be shocked when I would say, well, you're actually talking to Jessica.
00:30:04
Speaker
And they'd be like,
00:30:05
Speaker
And they would hang up the phone because they would be so embarrassed that they actually took those horrible feelings that they had from their day and put it on a stranger for really no good reason.
00:30:16
Speaker
Now, if someone had an issue with the story I did, I always was open to the feedback.
00:30:19
Speaker
But I had viewers call and say, gosh, I'm really sorry.
00:30:22
Speaker
I just broke up with someone today, and I just totally took it out on you and, like, hang up the phone.
00:30:26
Speaker
But there's no real interaction now.
00:30:29
Speaker
Now you're just a name on an account.
00:30:33
Speaker
You have a handle.
00:30:34
Speaker
No one knows who you are.
00:30:35
Speaker
You can make up a fake address.
00:30:37
Speaker
No one really will know who you are then.
00:30:39
Speaker
And you can just sort of go off on someone.
00:30:41
Speaker
And there's no accountability that you are
00:30:44
Speaker
really like dealing with another person.
00:30:47
Speaker
So I just think like there's this mob mentality that when someone messes up, everybody can go after them.
00:30:53
Speaker
But I always wonder like, but if you saw that person sitting in a restaurant, would all of those people walk up to that person and say those terrible things?
00:31:03
Speaker
So I think part of cancel culture is just it's everyone wants to be in on the water cooler conversation.
00:31:11
Speaker
It feels good to like, you know, jump in on the bandwagon and like be against someone.
00:31:16
Speaker
You know, I remember working in a newsroom.
00:31:19
Speaker
that was extremely toxic.
00:31:21
Speaker
And there were a group of women who didn't see me working on a story behind the computer.
00:31:25
Speaker
And they were trashing me as a human.
00:31:29
Speaker
And I walked up and I said, well, it's good to know how you really feel about me.
00:31:32
Speaker
And I packed up my stuff and I left.
00:31:35
Speaker
Oh my god, I got emails.
00:31:37
Speaker
We weren't really saying that, blah, blah, blah.
00:31:39
Speaker
And I didn't say anything.
00:31:39
Speaker
I came to work the next few days and I did my job as always.
00:31:43
Speaker
And then one of them pulled me to the side and she said, you know, I was talking to my husband last night and I just said to him,
00:31:48
Speaker
Jessica's never done anything to me.
00:31:50
Speaker
But someone else has an issue with her for whatever reason, and I still don't know the reason to this day.
00:31:56
Speaker
But it was just easier.
00:31:57
Speaker
Gave us something to bond over, to just not like her.
00:32:00
Speaker
And I got caught up in it.
00:32:02
Speaker
But I have nothing to not like.
00:32:03
Speaker
Like, she's always been nice.
00:32:05
Speaker
But people just do that.
00:32:07
Speaker
It's easier sometimes to, like,
00:32:09
Speaker
bond at a low vibration than it is to like be your best self.
00:32:13
Speaker
Because being your best self goes back to the parenting example.
00:32:17
Speaker
You know, like people will say to my husband
Empowerment and Authenticity
00:32:19
Speaker
and to me, God, you guys are the most patient parents.
00:32:22
Speaker
It's not that we're the most patient parents, but we really work at saying, OK, I'm going to take a minute.
00:32:28
Speaker
My daughter's having a tantrum.
00:32:29
Speaker
Instead of saying, you're fine, be quiet, let's go.
00:32:32
Speaker
It's, I see you're having a really hard time.
00:32:34
Speaker
I understand where you're coming from.
00:32:36
Speaker
But let me tell you, at the end of the day, we're exhausted because all of that takes so much more work than just snapping.
00:32:42
Speaker
And I think same thing with cancel culture.
00:32:44
Speaker
It's so easy to just be like, where, where, where, opposed to, wait a minute, tell me more.
00:32:50
Speaker
I want to know your side.
00:32:51
Speaker
I don't understand your perspective.
00:32:53
Speaker
Can we have a conversation?
00:32:55
Speaker
maybe there's more to this story.
00:32:57
Speaker
Like maybe this person, what they said got taken out of context.
00:33:00
Speaker
And now I hate them for no reason.
00:33:02
Speaker
And I'm like talking about them for no reason.
00:33:04
Speaker
But when I find out the whole story, I realized, wait a minute, that's not what they said at all.
00:33:09
Speaker
And, you know, I kind of joined this mom mentality just for the sake of doing it.
00:33:13
Speaker
And that's not healthy.
00:33:16
Speaker
Yeah, and you know, a lot of projections of people's reflection of what they see and what they think of you.
00:33:20
Speaker
They don't even know you.
00:33:23
Speaker
Like five years ago, when I was in my DM for probably like 30 minutes, giving someone my energy, they don't even know who I am.
00:33:30
Speaker
And it's tough because you feel like you got to prove yourself or explain yourself.
00:33:33
Speaker
So as I've gotten older and grown, I realized, like, I don't give no one my energy.
00:33:39
Speaker
I don't even feed into that because I understand they don't even know what they're talking about.
00:33:43
Speaker
They're just projecting from what they're reflecting, what they see or what they can't see.
00:33:47
Speaker
But I want to ask you a question because I have –
00:33:51
Speaker
Some people in my life that I know, they've been growing their following pretty fast and pretty rapid, right?
00:33:56
Speaker
One is a woman, she's a news anchor.
00:33:59
Speaker
Her Instagram following has grown.
00:34:01
Speaker
And she told me, she was like, it's so much hate, so much negativity, and it's so frustrating and it's harmful.
00:34:07
Speaker
And I was like, listen, I get it.
00:34:09
Speaker
It happens.
00:34:10
Speaker
But don't let that dim your light.
00:34:13
Speaker
keep pushing, keep going, keep growing.
00:34:15
Speaker
And I have another friend, she's like in a neuroscience space and her following is just blowing up.
00:34:21
Speaker
And she's like, she gets so much hate and hate emails and things of that nature.
00:34:25
Speaker
So people that's in that space of growing their account and they're opening up and they're being vulnerable and they're showing up and
00:34:32
Speaker
letting people see who they are in their space of working or life.
00:34:36
Speaker
What is your feedback for them to deal with that negativity or that hate?
00:34:41
Speaker
Like what is your suggestion that they could do?
00:34:45
Speaker
I mean, bottom line, it just doesn't feel good.
00:34:47
Speaker
It does not feel good to have people say bad things to you, say hurtful things to you, or take all of the time and energy you've put into something and tear it apart.
00:34:57
Speaker
It feels really awful.
00:35:00
Speaker
So I think the first thing is, and I have to take this advice myself, is,
00:35:04
Speaker
Ask yourself, is this someone that I would ever take advice from?
00:35:07
Speaker
Does this person pay my bills?
00:35:10
Speaker
Is this someone who I have hurt in some way, so I really should take their feedback about me as a person to heart.
00:35:18
Speaker
Is it feedback, if I don't know this person, that can make my business or me better as a person?
00:35:23
Speaker
Because maybe I said something and I shouldn't have said it that way and they're teaching me something.
00:35:27
Speaker
But if it's hate just for the sake of hate and it's maybe a bot that you don't even know it's a real human, you have to
Conclusion and Gratitude
00:35:36
Speaker
remind yourself that you are a human being, you are doing your best, and you are the person in the ring.
00:35:42
Speaker
And as a result of being in the ring, all eyes are on you.
00:35:45
Speaker
It's very easy to be in the stands.
00:35:47
Speaker
And to have a lot of opinions of the person in the ring.
00:35:50
Speaker
But to be the person who is going in every day, getting the bruises, and putting up the fight, and falling down, and getting back up, it's really hard to be that person.
00:36:00
Speaker
So I want to say if you are that person who was willing to put yourself out there to begin with, and you do it day in and day out, kudos to you.
00:36:10
Speaker
We are all in this club.
00:36:11
Speaker
And you have the people like us who are with you, cheering you on.
00:36:15
Speaker
saying try your best to let the other stuff go.
00:36:18
Speaker
Knowing that that's hard, surround yourself with the people who matter to you.
00:36:22
Speaker
Have those outlets that are really healthy, whether it's music or meditation or going for a walk or playing with your dog, whatever it might be, to ground you and bring you back to reality.
00:36:31
Speaker
Chances are in five years, you won't even remember this person's name.
00:36:35
Speaker
Not that long ago, I was trying to think of a name of a bully.
00:36:38
Speaker
And I'm like, I can't even remember their name.
00:36:40
Speaker
And this is someone who made me miserable.
00:36:43
Speaker
When you're a nice person and you want to see people succeed, people don't like that sometimes.
00:36:48
Speaker
Why is that?
00:36:49
Speaker
I don't understand that.
00:36:57
Speaker
I don't know.
00:36:57
Speaker
They start in seventh grade, although I've been hearing lately that starts in fourth grade, which is just like terrifying.
00:37:03
Speaker
But you know.
00:37:04
Speaker
Maybe it's like behavior or something.
00:37:05
Speaker
I don't know.
00:37:07
Speaker
I don't know.
00:37:08
Speaker
But I always think that like we all should be high-fiving each other, especially moms, because we all have like brought a human into the world.
00:37:17
Speaker
However you brought that human into the world, whatever it took to get pregnant, whatever it took to stay pregnant, whatever it took to get through labor and delivery, you brought a human being into the world.
00:37:26
Speaker
Your mom went through this also.
00:37:28
Speaker
Every single person who is listening today, their mother at some point brought them into the world.
00:37:33
Speaker
So women should, I think, like default, like walk around high-fiving each other.
00:37:37
Speaker
You did it.
00:37:39
Speaker
You survived.
00:37:40
Speaker
You did it.
00:37:40
Speaker
You survived.
00:37:41
Speaker
You know?
00:37:42
Speaker
And instead, we're horrible to each other.
00:37:44
Speaker
Instead, we're like, I can't believe she does it this way.
00:37:46
Speaker
And I can't believe she talks to her child that way.
00:37:48
Speaker
And we're so mean.
00:37:49
Speaker
And I just, I don't understand.
00:37:51
Speaker
I just don't understand.
00:37:53
Speaker
Yeah, well, we're going to try to understand, but we can't understand things that don't make sense for us.
00:37:58
Speaker
And that's why judging people is never good.
00:38:00
Speaker
But I just think everybody's dealing with something we know nothing about.
00:38:04
Speaker
And it's so easy to point the finger, so easy to play victim.
00:38:09
Speaker
And it's so easy not to take responsibility for what we do and what we don't do as an individual.
00:38:15
Speaker
But I want to learn how do we be happy as we look on social media?
00:38:19
Speaker
Like, what is that about?
00:38:20
Speaker
That's a great title because I've been in places where I'm like, hey, I'm happy.
00:38:26
Speaker
But deep down inside, I might not be feeling good because something went on or I just experienced something right before I got on a call that I can't talk about.
00:38:34
Speaker
But I'm still showing up.
00:38:36
Speaker
And that's why I understood the Will Smith thing, I believe.
00:38:41
Speaker
And it might sound odd, but I feel like Will Smith might be tired of being liked so much.
00:38:47
Speaker
He's like, just like me for just being me, an authentic human being.
00:38:50
Speaker
I don't want to be pizzazz and happy in this.
00:38:54
Speaker
I'm angry right now.
00:38:55
Speaker
I'm upset.
00:38:55
Speaker
I'm frustrated.
00:38:57
Speaker
So how do we, there was a lot.
00:38:59
Speaker
How do we be happy as we look on social media?
00:39:02
Speaker
What is the intentions behind that book?
00:39:05
Speaker
Best-selling book at that.
00:39:06
Speaker
Give us the scope.
00:39:07
Speaker
That's a great title.
00:39:08
Speaker
Again.
00:39:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:10
Speaker
So I was giving a lot of speeches at the time, and people would want to talk after a speech, and they would all say the same thing.
00:39:16
Speaker
Every time I go online, I feel really horrible about my life and blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:39:21
Speaker
And the book was supposed to be called Chief Empowerment Officer, How to Be the CEO of Your Life.
00:39:27
Speaker
So Chief Empowerment Officer, yeah, How to Be the CEO of Your Life.
00:39:30
Speaker
And I called them and I said, listen, like, I hate the title.
00:39:34
Speaker
It's too rah-rah.
00:39:35
Speaker
No one feels that way right now.
00:39:37
Speaker
And I want to change it to Unfiltered, How to Be as Happy as You Look on Social Media.
00:39:40
Speaker
And they were like, fine.
00:39:42
Speaker
So I ended up rewriting the whole book in like six weeks as a result, because I felt very motivated to tap into the psychology relationship to our technology.
00:39:54
Speaker
So what was the link between the two?
00:39:56
Speaker
And the way I set up the book was I interviewed psychologists in the beginning, and then I separated the rest of the book into career relationships and activism.
00:40:05
Speaker
Because I found people, when they go online, they are triggered by one of those three buckets.
00:40:11
Speaker
Bucket one being career, they either have a job they don't like, or they thought they'd get promoted, and they didn't.
00:40:18
Speaker
And they're seeing their high school nemesis own a company and do all these things, and they feel really bad about where they are in life when it comes to their job.
00:40:26
Speaker
Then there is the relationship category, whether you are the only group, you're the only person in your group of friends who is single, you're the only person in your group of friends who's living at home and everyone else has their own apartment, or it's your group of friends from high school is still a group of friends, but somehow somewhere along the way, like you got,
00:40:46
Speaker
put outside the circle.
00:40:47
Speaker
There are all these different relationships we have with friends, then with significant others and other relationships in our lives.
00:40:54
Speaker
And then the third is a lot of people feel triggered by when someone's doing a 5K for some sort of charity, and they feel, I don't know what I'm passionate about.
00:41:03
Speaker
And here's this person who's willing to like
00:41:06
Speaker
put on sneakers and go for a run and raise money for a cause.
00:41:09
Speaker
And here I am, like, woe is me.
00:41:11
Speaker
Like, how am I making the world a better place?
00:41:14
Speaker
I'm not making the world a better place.
00:41:15
Speaker
And, you know, they get in this downward spiral of, you know, I don't even know what's meaningful to me.
00:41:23
Speaker
Or how do I turn my pain into purpose?
00:41:24
Speaker
Because I am someone who has been through something.
00:41:28
Speaker
What do I do with this information?
00:41:29
Speaker
How do I give back and find strength in this time?
00:41:32
Speaker
So there's a lot around, like, activism at the end.
00:41:36
Speaker
And in terms of how to be happy, the book wasn't really so much about making people happy by the time they're done reading it, as much as it was designed to give people a blueprint for whatever situation might trigger them to help them go from where they are to where they want to be with tips and tricks from people who identify with being triggered by that very category.
00:41:59
Speaker
So let's say with the relationship chapter, I brought in a small business owner who was able to talk about what it's like to date your career to build a multimillion dollar business.
00:42:09
Speaker
You know, so it's not just stories from me.
00:42:13
Speaker
It's a lot of stories that are curated with expert advice, with, you know, that psychology,
00:42:20
Speaker
touch so that people understand, wait, what is happening to my brain when I'm feeling FOMO?
00:42:26
Speaker
Like, why does my brain even do that to begin with?
00:42:30
Speaker
Yeah, and it's so important.
00:42:32
Speaker
I mean, the information was so vital because I had an aha moment because I remember going to an event years ago and people were talking about what they're passionate about, what they think their purpose is, and they got around to maybe like one or two different people, two women in the stands, and they started crying.
00:42:51
Speaker
And I'm just like, I don't know.
00:42:52
Speaker
I'm not passionate.
00:42:53
Speaker
And so what I realized what comes up, like, again, like I said, people feel lonely, alone, or there's competition, and then there's comparison, right?
00:43:03
Speaker
Also, I know from a fitness standpoint, when I do group boot camps or fitness exercises with people, people are more motivated, right?
00:43:11
Speaker
Because the other person, I say 10 burpees, if they think that person, they're better than that person, they're going to do 10 burpees.
00:43:19
Speaker
But then again, you'll go on social media and you'll compare yourself if a person got 10,000 more followers.
00:43:26
Speaker
Right.
00:43:26
Speaker
Right.
00:43:27
Speaker
And I'm here to tell people, listen and watch.
00:43:31
Speaker
you are not your followers.
00:43:32
Speaker
Your followers don't make you, but most people take on that paradigm that the followers make them, you make your followers.
00:43:39
Speaker
And sometimes that's hard to connect because it's a number and a number is very, you can see it, it's like 3D, but in your mind and your soul, if you know who you are and you understand, if you take the followers away,
00:43:51
Speaker
Who are you?
00:43:52
Speaker
Right?
00:43:52
Speaker
We got to show up in that space, most authentic self.
00:43:55
Speaker
But I think that comparison key, like the 5K, I was like, wow, like, that's interesting that that's a thing that people will compare.
00:44:07
Speaker
They don't have a purpose and,
00:44:09
Speaker
It's just important, like I said, human psychology connecting to one another.
00:44:13
Speaker
And I wanted to ask you, do you have a media academy?
00:44:17
Speaker
Do you do group coaching?
00:44:18
Speaker
Because you have so much information.
00:44:20
Speaker
You have so much just insights and wisdom.
00:44:24
Speaker
And I think people, especially in today's world, they need this information.
00:44:28
Speaker
Especially if you want to get on social media.
00:44:31
Speaker
We've gone into Web3, virtual reality, the digital space more.
00:44:37
Speaker
people will have to like step up into the social space and learn how to use it for their benefit.
00:44:43
Speaker
So what is some key advice that you can give people now that you think that comes to mind for social media?
00:44:50
Speaker
Like what should people think about to present themselves to the public or their audience?
00:44:58
Speaker
So, so many thoughts on all of these things.
00:44:59
Speaker
So to answer your first question, yes, in addition to one-on-one coaching and a course that's more DIY.
00:45:06
Speaker
So for someone who doesn't have the time to work with me privately or doesn't fit their budget, there is a course called Go From Camera Shy to Camera Ready that you can get on my website.
00:45:14
Speaker
There's a masterclass that, while not listed on my website, will be happening again in the fall.
00:45:19
Speaker
And I take a group of students through a five week program and everything is live and they get a lot of one on one attention with me.
00:45:25
Speaker
So that answers that.
00:45:28
Speaker
In terms of what to say to people who are on social media, the first thing I want to say is I don't think social media is the enemy here.
00:45:35
Speaker
I think loneliness is.
00:45:37
Speaker
And I think when we go on social media because we're standing in line at the grocery store because we're waiting
00:45:43
Speaker
you know, for a date to show up at a restaurant, our first, like, inclination is to just pick up our phone and to get sucked into this world so we feel less alone.
00:45:53
Speaker
Because now we're engaging with someone.
00:45:55
Speaker
We're going to see if someone liked our selfie earlier, from earlier that day.
00:45:59
Speaker
So we automatically feel like we belong when maybe in real life we feel a little bit awkward or we don't feel like we fit in.
00:46:06
Speaker
So keep in mind, why are you going on your phone to begin with?
00:46:10
Speaker
And when are you going on your phone?
00:46:11
Speaker
Would it behoove you to maybe just wait in line for five minutes and talk to the person in front of you or the person behind you and like have like a moment of real interaction with someone that day?
00:46:21
Speaker
A lot of us work in spaces where we're either working at home and we're remote or we work in office jobs where we're busy talking to people all day long, but we don't have any interaction with other people because of the work that we do.
00:46:33
Speaker
So maybe that five minute conversation might be something that makes you laugh or smile.
00:46:37
Speaker
But had you been on your phone and looking at your ex from high school, you know, by this mansion and like you just missed your rent wouldn't like
00:46:46
Speaker
happen because you were actually like living your life.
00:46:49
Speaker
So be cognizant of when you're signing on and why.
00:46:53
Speaker
And then the tips from psychologists are
00:46:56
Speaker
Turn off your alerts.
00:46:58
Speaker
So you don't get those like dinging and buzzing noises all day long, which like increase our anxiety of am I missing out?
00:47:06
Speaker
Maybe someone did post and I didn't see it.
00:47:08
Speaker
So I'm going to check and like refresh, refresh, refresh.
00:47:11
Speaker
Have limits on where you use your phone.
00:47:13
Speaker
Like say, okay, I'm not going to take my phone to the bathroom for just one day.
00:47:17
Speaker
I'm not taking my phone to the bathroom for one full day or to the bedroom.
00:47:21
Speaker
I'm going to charge my phone outside of the bedroom for just one night.
00:47:24
Speaker
Or I am going to turn my phone on airplane mode during dinner.
00:47:28
Speaker
So I don't even see any of these alerts pop up and get distracted from my family.
00:47:33
Speaker
So there are a bunch of things that we can do to monitor the way we use our phones.
00:47:37
Speaker
But something that I have done since moving to LA, because I was a little sad after I met my husband and I realized I would be the one to move,
00:47:46
Speaker
from New York to California and not the other way around, I had to make peace with the fact that in my newsroom, there were all of these opportunities happening for my entire team.
00:47:56
Speaker
And I had one leg out the door after being there for 10 years and was going to miss out on all of it.
00:48:01
Speaker
And I had to make a decision.
00:48:02
Speaker
Am I going to watch everyone's life unfold and be sad?
00:48:06
Speaker
Or am I going to live my life in LA and embrace all that was to come?
00:48:12
Speaker
And I turned social media for me
00:48:15
Speaker
into that educational platform and tool.
00:48:18
Speaker
Because my business has expanded and evolved and pivoted.
00:48:21
Speaker
And so many of the amazing things that I know about business, about scaling, about growth, about IP, about even parenting, all comes down to the fact that I follow experts who are trained in these respective fields.
00:48:36
Speaker
You know, a lot of the quotes that I know, and don't worry, I am a recovering people pleaser myself.
00:48:42
Speaker
The reason why I know is my
00:48:47
Speaker
as much about people pleasing as I do is because I follow some of these amazing therapists and I'm like,
00:48:54
Speaker
oh my god, that was me.
00:48:57
Speaker
That was totally me.
00:48:59
Speaker
Those are words that have come out of my mouth.
00:49:01
Speaker
And then they tell you things to say instead.
00:49:04
Speaker
And you're like, I am now, I am like a walking genius.
00:49:08
Speaker
I know so much.
00:49:09
Speaker
But it's because I'm being fed all of this wonderful information from people who spent the past 20, 30 years in this field that I am not about to go to school to study anytime soon.
00:49:24
Speaker
That's beautiful.
00:49:25
Speaker
Yeah, so Jessica, you know, I don't want to take too much of your time, but before we get off here, can you, if you had a vision of the world for what you would want to see, what would it be and why?
00:49:40
Speaker
And what's one thing you wish for women in business would change?
00:49:47
Speaker
Oh, my God.
00:49:48
Speaker
I need a whole other hour with you, Eric.
00:49:50
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:50
Speaker
So I wish to live in a world where
00:49:54
Speaker
where we can go to movie theaters and schools and places of worship and baseball games and parks and anywhere we wanna go and feel safe and not be threatened by any kind of violence.
00:50:06
Speaker
That's number one.
00:50:07
Speaker
Number two, I wish to live in a world where everyone has all of the rights available to them to live the life they love that will make them happy, healthy people.
00:50:16
Speaker
Number three, for women in business, I wish that we would learn at an earlier age how to negotiate and charge what we're worth and not over-apologize and over-analyze and undercharge.
00:50:30
Speaker
And I think that was everything.
00:50:33
Speaker
Did I miss anything?
00:50:34
Speaker
Yeah, you're good.
00:50:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:38
Speaker
Because I'm in a space where I'm seeing so many powerful women.
00:50:43
Speaker
And my intention is to empower all women.
00:50:46
Speaker
But also, I want to help men step up in their vulnerability and in their emotions and in their mind.
00:50:53
Speaker
Like, open up a little bit more.
00:50:55
Speaker
Express yourself.
00:50:56
Speaker
Like, you know, the Will Smith situation like this, I feel like that's a situation where he probably didn't know how to express himself in the moment because maybe he was triggered and he didn't know.
00:51:05
Speaker
And
00:51:05
Speaker
He reacted instead of responding.
00:51:07
Speaker
Like, you know, be more delicate and have more compassion for yourself.
00:51:11
Speaker
But I think in overall, I just want to say thank you again for your information because your information, I'm pretty sure it changed a lot of people's situations that they have thought about or they're going through in a moment.
00:51:21
Speaker
And we need more people like you in the world.
00:51:23
Speaker
I don't know anyone like you.
00:51:24
Speaker
I mean, there's no one like you.
00:51:27
Speaker
But in your space, I feel like you're a media therapist.
00:51:31
Speaker
That is so nice.
00:51:33
Speaker
And I'm so happy that we connected because I feel like we are going to be friends forever and ever.
00:51:38
Speaker
You're in LA, right?
00:51:39
Speaker
I am.
00:51:40
Speaker
I am.
00:51:40
Speaker
I am.
00:51:40
Speaker
What part of LA are you in?
00:51:41
Speaker
Are you in the Valley?
00:51:43
Speaker
Are you on a West?
00:51:44
Speaker
I'm not too far from the Grove.
00:51:46
Speaker
So I'm like,
00:51:49
Speaker
right centrally located to meet you, you know, for coffee at like a bazillion different coffee shops.
00:51:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:55
Speaker
Out of work, out of Soho work.
00:51:56
Speaker
That's where I'm at now.
00:51:58
Speaker
So I would love to go there at Soho House.
00:52:01
Speaker
But yeah, I mean, we got to talk more.
00:52:03
Speaker
I had so many ideas and so many things I want to say, but
00:52:06
Speaker
just at this time but i just want to say thank you um is there anything you want people to know people go get the book how to be happy as you look on social media unfiltered by her um everything is in your uh your website right or your link tree yeah everything's on website linkedin um i have a guide called get press with jess it's a free guide it's like my starter kit if you want to take on your own pr or you want to educate yourself on what
00:52:30
Speaker
a publicist should be thinking about.
00:52:32
Speaker
You can just download that by going to my website.
00:52:34
Speaker
The course right now is $100 off.
00:52:35
Speaker
It's usually $479.
00:52:37
Speaker
Right now it's $379.
00:52:38
Speaker
The last thing I'll say, just to go back to the advice for women, is if you are a woman who is single and you are told that you are too ambitious or intimidating or all of these other things,
00:52:50
Speaker
Just hold out for the person who will be your business partner and life partner all rolled into one.
00:52:56
Speaker
I married my champion of all champions.
00:52:59
Speaker
He's a unicorn, but I don't have to be any less of me on any given day because he loves me for exactly who I am.
00:53:06
Speaker
And that is what I wish for everyone out there, male, female, whoever you're going to partner with.
00:53:10
Speaker
Just find the people who will support you and be your cheerleaders and
00:53:15
Speaker
be in the mess with you because being an entrepreneur is extremely messy.
00:53:19
Speaker
And do not apologize for loving what you do.
00:53:22
Speaker
Don't apologize for loving what you do, for being yourself.
00:53:25
Speaker
And listen, we need more ambitious women because they get things done.
00:53:28
Speaker
They get done.
00:53:30
Speaker
They know how to execute.
00:53:31
Speaker
Hey, anybody that's on my team that's a woman, they get it done, especially my publicist, the Anderson PR from years ago to some of my close associates and people in my world.
00:53:42
Speaker
I love them because they get things done.
00:53:44
Speaker
They're intentional and efficient.
00:53:46
Speaker
So ladies, stay ambitious, be strong, create your boundaries.
00:53:51
Speaker
Know you can say no to the people pleaser because I had a problem saying that for years.
00:53:56
Speaker
But now I can say no without feeling any type of guilt or shame.
00:54:01
Speaker
It's like people pleasers unite.
00:54:03
Speaker
Yes.
00:54:03
Speaker
I tell you, man, there's a lot I hope I teach my daughter, but how to not be a people pleaser is definitely on my list.
00:54:11
Speaker
Yeah, and feeling worthy and know you're worthy and know you're deserving of everything you work for and then some.
00:54:16
Speaker
But this was great, Jessica.
00:54:18
Speaker
You have a phenomenal evening.
00:54:20
Speaker
Thank you.
00:54:22
Speaker
You know, you're about to have a newborn.
00:54:23
Speaker
Congratulations to your family and your friends.
00:54:26
Speaker
And let's connect soon.
00:54:30
Speaker
And we'll talk then.
00:54:31
Speaker
But thanks again.
00:54:31
Speaker
This was beautiful.
00:54:32
Speaker
Thank you.
00:54:33
Speaker
Thank you so much.
00:54:34
Speaker
I'm going to send you a DM so we can do this in real life, okay?
00:54:37
Speaker
Yes.
00:54:37
Speaker
Bye-bye.
00:54:38
Speaker
Take care, everybody.
00:54:40
Speaker
Thanks for joining.
00:54:47
Speaker
So listen, you hear it, you heard it, Jessica Abo, media trainer, storyteller, award winning journalist,
00:54:57
Speaker
and everything above for the media.
00:54:59
Speaker
So she's a media therapist, follow her, get her information.
00:55:04
Speaker
If you're looking to do any type of press, any type of public appearances, any just information and just post it on social media because you don't feel confident, you feel lonely and you want to kind of feel more in tune with yourself to be okay.
00:55:19
Speaker
And take those advice, turn those alerts off, right?
00:55:22
Speaker
Like let them go.
00:55:25
Speaker
That's all.
00:55:26
Speaker
That's it, people.
00:55:27
Speaker
Thank you for listening.
00:55:27
Speaker
Thank you for watching.
00:55:29
Speaker
Bigger Talks podcast.
00:55:31
Speaker
IG Live, baby.
00:55:33
Speaker
It was good.
00:55:34
Speaker
Jessica Alba.
00:55:36
Speaker
You guys have a phenomenal evening.
00:55:38
Speaker
Be safe.
00:55:38
Speaker
Protect your energy.
00:55:39
Speaker
Know how to say no.
00:55:40
Speaker
Don't be a people pleaser.
00:55:42
Speaker
Doesn't get you too far.
00:55:44
Speaker
But, yes, that's all.
00:55:45
Speaker
That's it.
00:55:46
Speaker
I'm out.
00:55:46
Speaker
Thank you.